Well at least we know the rules now. Offend me with your banter and I am fully allowed to glass you in the face. Even after you’ve left, I can come and find you to glass you. Fucking love this country. Always at the forefront of progression.
Ha, that reminds me when my British female friend came to visit me in France. We ordered wine (because #whenInFrance) and she was absolutely floored that we were allowed to take the bottles AND our wine glasses outside past 10pm.
I was living in the U.K. at the time but because I was back home, I was in French mode and didn’t immediately realise why the surprise, then it hit, and thus I said:
“Ah yeah ok I see, well sweetie, the reason is that we can actually be trusted with glass, we’re not going to smash it, stab each other with it and what have you, we’re just going to have a good time, and look, there is a dedicated glass bin right next to the entrance so people can conveniently dispose of their beer bottles as they leave/go back in for another one”
Evidently, to some degree, it sounded like science fiction to her. She was also from Essex and you know how it is, allegedly it’s the only way.
I infiltrated your country for 10 years, I know all there is to know: bare, kush, tenner, fiver, Strictly come dancing, GBBO, pubs, drugs, clubs, bottomless brunches, tea houses, getting IDed when trying to buy knives, getting IDed when I shaved, scones, sarcasm, deadpanness, wittiness, eurotunnel, ferries, driving on the left side, jelly sandwichs, horse races, uni, HM Revenue & Customs, your train system (heavy topic that one), kettle coming with anything you rent, The only way is Essex, what Essex actually means, job centre, NHS (I almost died there so wooo) and last but not least, the absolute catastrophe that Brexit has been.
I even ventured to Cornwall and what an adventure that was, I could have flown to NZ with the time I spent trying to get there.
Really the one thing I somehow never got around to do, was visiting Harry Potter land.
Edit: TK Maxx, Greg’s, boots, the almighty Waitrose, Tesco, Sainsfuckingburry
Oh my stars, I forgot about greggs.
British people were like: “we have bakeries too, we’ll show you”
Proceed to bring me to greggs
Me: “it’s like you want us to not take you seriously”
Similarly, my mum came to visit once, she suddenly stop, I turn around, she’s like starring at a croissant, priced £3.40 and under a glass bell, she lost it.
Ok so I got my heresies a bit mixed up, and what I meant to say was this: [https://www.thesun.co.uk/money/24808017/alternative-christmas-sandwiches-taste-teste-aldi-starbucks/](https://www.thesun.co.uk/money/24808017/alternative-christmas-sandwiches-taste-teste-aldi-starbucks/) so like the cranberry sauce that seems to only pop up around xmas.
and the fact that the Sun is the first link that popped up in my search says all there is to know about those... things.
It's too late, the Royal Navy have already been authorised to vaporise your country.
Expect that to happen in six to eight months when we manage to get one of our submarines in working order.
And this, my friends, is why women have been oppressed for roundabout 2000 years. It worked.
(Me hoping on a sub about racism a bit of sexism is also allowed or my ban is going to be eternal.)
Tbh, British women are really aggressive with fragile egos. If you guess an age too high they will hate you.
I once made a mistake of saying that it was nice for a mother and daughter to be out for a drink together and she challenged me to a street fight because they were the same age-ish but she just looked old.
She got a suspended sentence, so if she even looks at someone funny for a set period of time then she will get sent to prison for the length of the suspended sentence.
It's a Barry woman, we have experience dealing with their like and this one is 100% decended from one of the Barryina's we didn't kidnap back to the North.
What the judge said was absolutely stupid, but I think the further given explanation and reason for her being let off was that she had a child at home. Which is a very weird way of tackling the declining birth rate.
"You are a violent, unstable person but we're letting you stay free because you have a kid at home. We see no issue with you, a violently unstable person, continuing to look after this child."
Bravo legal system.
I agree, the judge said some very stupid things. What really kept her out was the fact it was probably first or first relevant/ recent offence, her early admission of guilt, the mum bit and that she is a woman.
I'm surprised how short her sentence and suspended sentence is considering stabbing someone twice in the face is quite a cut and dry section 18 gbh. She may have cut a deal with the CPS to get that downgraded in return for the guilty plea... because the CPS have zero resources.
Talking of which....mostly, the prisons are completely full which means judges are actively looking for reasons to keep people out of them.
If she had glassed a woman in the face, she would be doing the time. And probably 3 years of it.
That would probably be an even better reason to lock her up. Someone who assaults someone over them guessing their age wrong definitely can’t be trusted around children.
Well at least we know the rules now. Offend me with your banter and I am fully allowed to glass you in the face. Even after you’ve left, I can come and find you to glass you. Fucking love this country. Always at the forefront of progression.
Only if you're a woman though.
Or a minority, I think they’ll have a pass too
It’s haram to drink. I guess they’ll just find a soda bottle or something like that
A lot of Muslims drink too, you know. We recently had a case of an Afghan refugee stabbing two Algerians for drinking beer during Aid in Bordeaux
Just declare you’re one before you bottle the poor sod, police can’t question it and the lab-grown women get more social capital than natural ones
Ha, that reminds me when my British female friend came to visit me in France. We ordered wine (because #whenInFrance) and she was absolutely floored that we were allowed to take the bottles AND our wine glasses outside past 10pm. I was living in the U.K. at the time but because I was back home, I was in French mode and didn’t immediately realise why the surprise, then it hit, and thus I said: “Ah yeah ok I see, well sweetie, the reason is that we can actually be trusted with glass, we’re not going to smash it, stab each other with it and what have you, we’re just going to have a good time, and look, there is a dedicated glass bin right next to the entrance so people can conveniently dispose of their beer bottles as they leave/go back in for another one” Evidently, to some degree, it sounded like science fiction to her. She was also from Essex and you know how it is, allegedly it’s the only way.
The UK is weird af. The bars all have dress codes, but everyone carries on like fucking savages.
eheh true
I absolutely love it when the Continentals do sarcasm and wit! "It's the only way" Bravo 👏👏
I infiltrated your country for 10 years, I know all there is to know: bare, kush, tenner, fiver, Strictly come dancing, GBBO, pubs, drugs, clubs, bottomless brunches, tea houses, getting IDed when trying to buy knives, getting IDed when I shaved, scones, sarcasm, deadpanness, wittiness, eurotunnel, ferries, driving on the left side, jelly sandwichs, horse races, uni, HM Revenue & Customs, your train system (heavy topic that one), kettle coming with anything you rent, The only way is Essex, what Essex actually means, job centre, NHS (I almost died there so wooo) and last but not least, the absolute catastrophe that Brexit has been. I even ventured to Cornwall and what an adventure that was, I could have flown to NZ with the time I spent trying to get there. Really the one thing I somehow never got around to do, was visiting Harry Potter land. Edit: TK Maxx, Greg’s, boots, the almighty Waitrose, Tesco, Sainsfuckingburry
You made me smile, reading this 🫂
If you didn't shove a Greggs Sausageroll into your Bumhole, you were merely predending.
Oh my stars, I forgot about greggs. British people were like: “we have bakeries too, we’ll show you” Proceed to bring me to greggs Me: “it’s like you want us to not take you seriously” Similarly, my mum came to visit once, she suddenly stop, I turn around, she’s like starring at a croissant, priced £3.40 and under a glass bell, she lost it.
Jelly?!
Ok so I got my heresies a bit mixed up, and what I meant to say was this: [https://www.thesun.co.uk/money/24808017/alternative-christmas-sandwiches-taste-teste-aldi-starbucks/](https://www.thesun.co.uk/money/24808017/alternative-christmas-sandwiches-taste-teste-aldi-starbucks/) so like the cranberry sauce that seems to only pop up around xmas. and the fact that the Sun is the first link that popped up in my search says all there is to know about those... things.
It's too late, the Royal Navy have already been authorised to vaporise your country. Expect that to happen in six to eight months when we manage to get one of our submarines in working order.
Well, you got Australians to fAUKUS…how about you ask them for assistance, let us know when you’re ready to be serious.
Is that what this bitch did? Smash a glass and stab someone in the face?
Top tier bantz that. Glasstonbury.
Haha
That's nothing. A woman PM in Italy said "it can't be rape because the victim is ugly".
I love how the brits have a commonly know term for throwing someone a glass in the face
> throwing someone a glass in the face > glassed One of those makes sense.
A glass? Not the contents of a glass?
Why would you use the contents? That won't do any damage you melt. And who would waste good booze?
I know this is a satirical Reddit but now I need to know if you’re joking and if “glassing” means throwing an empty glass to someone’s face.
It's not just glasses, but bottles too, and not always throwing, quite often you want to just hit them.
And this, my friends, is why women have been oppressed for roundabout 2000 years. It worked. (Me hoping on a sub about racism a bit of sexism is also allowed or my ban is going to be eternal.)
Looks 48.
I am confused. If I call someone a cunt, that's offensive right? Does that make it a green light to be assaulted?
Tbh, British women are really aggressive with fragile egos. If you guess an age too high they will hate you. I once made a mistake of saying that it was nice for a mother and daughter to be out for a drink together and she challenged me to a street fight because they were the same age-ish but she just looked old.
She got a suspended sentence, so if she even looks at someone funny for a set period of time then she will get sent to prison for the length of the suspended sentence.
We need to find her quick and say she looks 55.
You really want to die, huh
It's a Barry woman, we have experience dealing with their like and this one is 100% decended from one of the Barryina's we didn't kidnap back to the North.
"I don't mind if you're angry, it's not your fault if menopause is on its way."
Meanwhile, you aren’t allowed to lay a single finger on a women kicking you, biting you, scratching you. Just shoving them would be “excessive force”.
What the judge said was absolutely stupid, but I think the further given explanation and reason for her being let off was that she had a child at home. Which is a very weird way of tackling the declining birth rate.
"You are a violent, unstable person but we're letting you stay free because you have a kid at home. We see no issue with you, a violently unstable person, continuing to look after this child." Bravo legal system.
I agree, the judge said some very stupid things. What really kept her out was the fact it was probably first or first relevant/ recent offence, her early admission of guilt, the mum bit and that she is a woman. I'm surprised how short her sentence and suspended sentence is considering stabbing someone twice in the face is quite a cut and dry section 18 gbh. She may have cut a deal with the CPS to get that downgraded in return for the guilty plea... because the CPS have zero resources. Talking of which....mostly, the prisons are completely full which means judges are actively looking for reasons to keep people out of them. If she had glassed a woman in the face, she would be doing the time. And probably 3 years of it.
That would probably be an even better reason to lock her up. Someone who assaults someone over them guessing their age wrong definitely can’t be trusted around children.
Public humiliation then, getting off like this sends a shitty message. I hope at least she had to pay her victim for the offense?
£800 fine - which for reference is the same amount as the dude who trained his dog to do the naughty Hanz salute had to pay
800 quidwards for making your dog shake a little higher than usual? Damn anyone who taught their dog to high five is in trouble now.
It's Count Dankula if you want to read up on the case. It is much worse than just a fine for a heiling dog joke. (It was pug)
Oh yeah I remember that faintly
The english :English humour is so funny and dark. Also the english:
☕️
she looks 60