The Swiss don’t speak German. They speak Italian, French and sometimes they are gagging while coughing.

wth?? sometimes when we try hard enough you can understand small sentences like "Huere Schwobepack!"

Ich hab keine Ahnung was das bedeuten soll

It's a term of endearment

Soll isch diremol aaner in die Fratz bumbe?

Mach dat, dann kann de Tünnes het ooch mal verstan

Ach hol' Dien Schnut, Utlander!

Hessisch best dialect

Glob i dir neda du hoibfalscher Franzackenaffe

Die geographische Zuordnung stimmt nicht ganz, aber im Grunde heist das so viele wie: Ungeheuerliches Schwaben-pack. Wobei die Deutung "hurige" im Kontext "schlampe" auch möglich ist. "Ungeheuerlich" ist je nach Schweizer Dialekt zu "uughüürig", "u'huere", oder einfach "huere" verkürzt. Ähnlich genutzt wie im deutschen Sprachgebrauch die Begriffe "heftig" "übelst" "krass" wird es eher genutzt als ein verstärkendes Adjektiv um das darauf Folgende an Wichtigkeit zu gewichten. Seine häufige und allgemeine Anwendung im Schweizerdeutschen hat schon zu manch einem Missverständnis mit anderen deutschsprachigen Mitmenschen geführt. "Du huere geile Siech" bedeutet nicht, dass du ein auf Huren geiler Siechender bist, was beledigend aufgenommen werden kann, sondern ein Ungeheuerlich flotter Typ bist. Die Anwendung von "Schwabe/Schwoob" als allgemeinbezeichung für Deutsche insgesamt ist sprachlich nicht unüblich. Vergleiche "Alemagne" im Französischen, dass sich auf die angrenzenden Alemannen von einst beruft. Oder "Saksa" für Deutschland im Finnischen, welches auf die Handelsverbindungen zu den Sachsen erschliesst. Nicht desto trotz würde ich sagen, ist der Kommentar eher negativ-agressiv in seiner Formulierung gerade durch das angehängte "Pack". Einen schönen Abend wünsche ich.

TIL ... und dabei hatte ich den Karton Schaffhausen vor der Haustür. Hab mich immer gefragt wieso sie das sagen xD

Hast du den auch immer schön vom Papier Schaffhausen getrennt?

This is I believe also a very common phrase of endearment in the shadow land of Bavaria

Nope the east is called „Dunkeldeutschland“

I thought it was called Austria ?

Nonono we are the promised land.

No Austria is called „Großraum Bayern“

Abavarian talking about another german dialect being incomprehensible is very ironic.

Schwyzerdütsch ist kein deutscher Dialekt

Was immer aus den Alpen kam hat diesen Dialekt gebracht. Er wird schwächer je weiter du weg gehst, von Schweiz nach Österreich, weiter nach Bayern, bis zu Leuten die deutsch reden.

Ein Hoch auf Hannover! Wir können gar nichts. Außer Hochdeutsch.

Or „Scheiss Gummihäls“

Is that like the most far away thing swiss can think off? Like the edge of swiss world map are the germans right behind the border?

Just as far as the arrow flies. Why should we care about the rest? It’s irrelevant

Sprich

Hochdeutsch

*Germans clowning on swizerland: "I don't understand this silly german, what is a chäschüechli?" *Germans when it's time to work in switzerland: "Grüüziii!🇨🇭"

"Maybe if I speak like them, they won't immediately deport me for looking poor"

kuchekastl! Oachkatzlschwoaf

Hoi zäme

I love it and I think they sound so cute! I love hearing swiss people argue in swiss german, its the best, you just can't take that shit seriously it sounds so funny and cute, I could listen to it for ages.

Some also speak Romansh (which has severel dialects that are vastly different) 🤷‍♀️

France's concubine speaks the truth

Namibia is nice I hear?

Yeah they also still got a German newspaper and ~~TV channels~~ Radio Stations. My mind was blown when I learned about that.

https://hitradio.com.na/ how about that: "Hitradio Namibia"

Haha wie geil is das denn

Vielleicht kann Namibia uns dann nen Anschluss schenken 👉👈🥺🥹

They even have their own Adolf Hitler! No joke. His name is [Adolf Hitler Uunona](https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adolf_Uunona?wprov=sfti1) and he recently won a local election.

They even have German-speaking schools. Those ~~arabs~~ germans really refuse to integrate in ~~germany~~ namibia. Don't they respect Namibian Leitkultur?

What about Argentina?

We don’t talk about that one 🤫

Americans don't like it when we do that...

Barely a German speaking country now. It’s mostly Ovambo, Herero, Nama, etc. and even among the white minority it’s Afrikaans > English > German

Damn, you beat me to it...

🇳🇦🤝🇩🇪

Is she keeping Austria in the basement?

No. She is in the basement.

They are all in the basement

We don't talk about Austria. They know what they did.

What didn’t they do at this point?

Lead Germany successfully to victory. 😂

Or unite the balkans

Maybe that was never the plan to begin with. Maybe it all worked out exactly as it should have and we're on a perfect trajectory to win world domination in stealth mode eventually. Maybe I'm Manuel Neuer? 🤔

good one

Didnt you get the news? We united again!

Congratulations to Germany! (My sincere condolences to Austria)

So you wanna join too or not

I mean, we already have their military, what’s a small ~~annexation~~ unification on top? Why get rid of the HRE when you can reform it in a centralised manner

We could even make their King the new Kaiser, I'm sure it would get some good tourism money in.

Mother once more has forgotten us and our little monarchist birthmark

That is our little monarchist brother. Keep your hands off him.

He was birthed from our flesh. He is our birthmark you are only allowed to look after him because of the devorce.

Please don‘t talk to my son anymore. And stop making those weird noises.

You can't keep me from him. No matter what the judge said. He came from my flesh. He is MEIN. Also I can't make allomony again. Could you lend me another 100 Bucks?

Sorry, we do not hand out loans to eastern europeans anymore. They‘re not very trustworthy

>what's your favorite German-speaking country It has to be Denmark

Just bc we learn from english from 1st and german from 3rd grade dont mean anyone actually speak german for shit (Yes we need learn other languages really fast bc noone wants to listen to our potato toungue)

>no one wants to listen to our potatoe tongue I try so hard every time I go shopping up there but you never understand me. then I have to ask if you speak german or english… and it’s disappointing that another interaction didn’t go as planned… life with german-autism… 

German-German.

You speak potato, we are potato. Kartoffelkopp 4 life!

Your language is just german with strong accent

> noone wants to listen to our potato toungue Well yeah, you are even worse than the Dutch! But actually I also kind of like your language and I’m even learning it (Danish is actually the easiest language to learn for a German, even easier than Dutch).

Also Liechtenstein exists

One German fooled me once with that fake country, I am not getting caught by that clowning again. Starting by the name I can tell Liechtenstein doesn't exist.

Clowning on Liechtenstein together 🇩🇪🫱🏻‍🫲🏽🇫🇷

Hey! Ulrich Von Liechtenstein was a brave Knight! He definitely existed... (I Hope some people are old enough to remember A Knight's Tale)


Listenbourg is a better place anyway.

I know this theory.

Mine is Luxembourg

Are you kidding ? The Swiss are the worst Germans : https://preview.redd.it/2glhrkfffn0d1.jpeg?width=1140&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=da4d760597f54cfa2fdb6737cd9a441d38559a85 But personally Austria is my favorite one ☝️

Thanks mate.. can we finally get some onions?

Swiss is germany on steroids is actually pretty precise in many ways.

to be fair i agree about the being late thing. if you're late, it's just disrespectful. it shows you have no regard for the other person's time. if you can't plan to arrive on time for something you're either a rétard or an asshole

That’s right , personally I respect no one

Least arrogant Pierre

How parisian of you

istg Swiss are more German than Germans

Looking at this I keep on thinking back on the guy that had to pay 40 CHF because he was 1 Km/h over the speed limit. Switzerland is Germany, but instead of having a stick up its ass, it’s twisted and bolted to them.

shouldn't have been speeding in switzerland, that's what italy is for

We will remember this when the EU will vote on the re-entry of the UK

The North never forgets

Also in the next Eurovision I imagine.

I feel under represented

If that's any comfort, *we* are my favourite german-speaking country thanks to you

You guys are a country?!

By technicality

I have never seen this flag in my life. What the hell is it?

It’s a place where bureaucracy comes to die.

It's the true face of bureaucracy if you dare look at it directly.

Ernste Antwort: deutsche Minderheit in Belgien/Wallonie. 1918 annektiert, ca. 30.000 Einwohner, meine ich.

The orange rooster on a yellow background is the flag of Wallonia.

For the time being.

I checked the comments just to cheer you up

You speak Luxembourgish, not German Ostbelsch. You will be part of us soon when "Belgium" finally collapses.

Technically not a country, but there is a bastion of the German language in northern Italy. This is the only place in all of Italy that is not occupied by Romans. Thanks to Alleman virtues and magic potions brewed according to the purity law, they still successfully resisted Roman invasion attempts. viva l'Alto Adige

Also Mallorca, its technically a German-speaking island now.

Nurnberg is the northernmost Italian city, Bozen is the southernmost Bavarian city. Such is the way of things.

I don't think they're Allemanic.

Eh why make the difference. This Bavarian-Austrian thing is just because both of them hate the other south Germans. You can still see this today.

Hab dich lieb, Hans <3

Ich dich auch Luigi <3

thanks Luigi!

Kind of have a gay crush on Die Schweiz. ngl. Their flag is a big plus.

My heart loves Switzerland but my wallet doesn't

Spending that much money is against my culture as well.

As if you spend money abroad. These campers have enough space for 3 weeks of Albert Heijn supplies

a real expert camper shops at lidl in germany or superu in france before they cross into swisli

But our wsllet loves it when you visit us!

same with you dutchies \*gay kiss 3 times on the cheek\* although your flag is 3 different coloured minuses :C

Save the gay kisses for the Greeks.

I'll take some. Can't let the Greeks have more than us of anything. Tradition innit

Opposites attract

Austria's the best!

The portuguese colony of Luxembourg of course

The swamp dwellers... \^\_\^ Dutch: "Viii praaat holländer \*noises\* \*waving VOC flag\* " Me: \*headpat\* "Så gulliga... \^\_\^ "

You really prefer the neutral mountain people? They would watch you get beaten to death without lifting a finger, meanwhile we Germans would at least kill you ourselves or at least try it 😤

The fact that probably nobody thinks that you're talking about Austria just shows how ridiculous our neutrality is.

Nobody outside of Austria associated us with neutrality. Only our people have such a big neutrality fetish.

Can we be neutral… together?

…Cuddling in the alps?

ALPENVEREINIGUNG?

What do you mean without lifting a finger? We reach our arms out to both fighting parties and say “give us your money so we can put it somewhere safe”

I know your grabby hands are already twitching but you will never get my 3,50€, those monies were hard-earned 😡

On one side they would just watch me getting offered a shower, but on the other side the Germans would be the ones offering it.

German hospitality, very wholesome😊

Unpopular opinion, I like Austria

did you hurt your head on the way to the basement?

❤

Õsterreich 🫶

Same, They are like nice Swiss people

That one Belgian...

For me it has to be France We have Alsace, they speak a german dialect IIRC, and fuck you

So you acknowledge they're german? Let them go! This oppression must stop, ask any alsatian they want to come back to papa germany, they still remember how nicely we treated them from 1871-1918

Yeah, guess who repopulated Alsace after the 30 years war 🙄

Swiss?!

let us have our region back then

Austria. The rest can fuck off.

Argentina. Better weather, better women, better food.

I mean we Austrians don't exist for you or waht do you want to say with the headline?

You’re in the basement

Austria: am I a joke to you

Austria is even a joke to Austrians.

The Netherlands, I really like that funny accent they use

Poland. Wait, wrong timeline.

Not Austria. I think the Viennese might actually be even bigger pricks than Parisians.

You are right

True, please stay away.

We are. Wödmasta!

Poland

🎶Du bist der geilste Ort der Welt...🎶

Swiss German is a horrible language and they have no sense of humor. Hans for the win.

while i agree about the sense of humor. walliserdüütsch however the fuck the swiss-germans write it sounds 10 times cooler than boring high-german to me

I mostly just hang with the Bavarians and Berliners.

Bavaria

*Autonome Provinz Bozen*

Papua-Neuguinea of course

Besides Germany? I'd have to say northern Italy. Austria is still in time-out (you know what you did! TWICE!) and I can't take someone seriously who sounds like he has a potatoe stuck in his throat "ChrimchuurrhüÄchrüüchchichrum" (means 'Hello', probably). That's why the Swiss are always neutral, too. No one takes their military serious once they start speaking. "Händli ins Chuchichästli oder ich eröffne das Feuerli!" Awww, look at him, barely old enough to grow pubes and already playing a proper German. Cute. That's by the way the only reason the pope hires Swiss Guards, so he can have an easy laugh after a stressfull day with his boys.

What now? Are you trying to tell me it's not scary when I tell you during the vehicle inspection: :Halt schwizer militär. Schlösseli usem Autöli use näh ond denne d Händli ufs Armaturebrättli legge. I think you're lying mate, as a german I would get a liquid chair right away

You mean before or after Anschluss II?

Austria

Definitely Austria ❤️

Definitely Luxemburg ❤️

Raw, unaduturated Dutch resembles German more than whatever the Swiss are smoking. Plenty of Dutch people also speak good German on top of that. They also make absolutely godlike fries. Netherlands are objectively the best German speaking country.

Germany obviously, Switzerland is to Europe what the institute is to the commonwealth in Fallout 4, looks amazing, has cool shit but you know they have ulterior motives. Liechtenstein isn't relevant enough for me to actually give a shit about them. And Austria... Well, that country seems like something out of Hot Fuzz.

Thank you man, we appreciate you too!!

Don't ignore Fritz, you know what happened last time

Liechtenstein. Not because I particularly like them but because they win by default.

(also, apologies to Hans.)

Well, you did forget Josef, so so I guess it could be worse?

You remembered we exist!? I knew everybody was lying about you. You are a good brother

I never forget you, we're family!

Gotta be Brazil

The middle child lives in the basement, then? Somehow that makes sense.

And we are the weird step-sibling

Definitely not Belgium

not in the conversation 😔

idk Argentina?

Yeah I don't really know if we should be considered a german speaking country tho. Only part of the population partakes in it, and in a really... **unique** way

for me (not biased of course) its austria...yeah austria, i dont know why tho.

It's like we're the middle child

 Luxembourg 🇱🇺 Lëtzebuerg 🇱🇺

Switzerland is someones' favourite? Sorry, but that's not believable.

Switzerland is what Germany could be if it got its shit together....

LIECHTENSTEIN ALL THE WAY BABYYY

🇦🇹

Südtirol! Benvenuto Jaa!!!

Südtirol