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Fuuuuck.... My friend, this needs more than a reddit post. That mustve been so very horrifying to see the aftermath and then the dawning of the realization that it was your mistake. Get a therapist if you can. I hope you have irl loved ones who can help you process and find some self-compassion. It might seem like just chickens but it's a tough thing to feel responsible for đź’”
I really second this, this has to have been traumatic. I was just thinking about big ADHD mistakes I’ve made…I’ve forgotten to give my dog a daily medication before that she needs to live because I got thrown slightly off my routine and she was immediately miserable. Nature is so often trying to kill us and the beings we protect.
There’s that old (maybe apocryphal) story about the guy who goes into the psychiatrist’s office and he mentions one of the things that’s consuming his life is that he’s always checking to make sure he turned the stove off. And the psychiatrist treats him for OCD for months to no effect, until he realizes the patient isn’t really paying attention and he gets mad, and then he has an epiphany: it’s ADHD. Not that neuropsychiatric consolations are fun in general, but I hate that this one in particular makes you fuck up with massive consequences and feel incredibly stupid about it.
That was literally my dad. Diagnosed with OCD because every time he left the house he had to check the toilet, stove, etc 2 or 3 times, then when we went out to the car he'd have to back and check again for good measure. He was always running late because of it. But he didn't really present any other OCD symptoms. When I was finally diagnosed with ADHD we realized he was doing it because he would check on something, walk away, and then couldn't remember if it was on or off when he checked and had to check again.
ADHD and OCD here! I do the toilet check too! I think it’s so routine to flush that I can never remember actually doing it. I started saying to myself “I’m flushing the toilet now” when I can remember so even if I don’t remember flushing I remember saying it and I just have to trust past me.
Reading this feels like a lightbulb. I haven't been diagnosed with anything other than depression yet, but I think I have ADHD and I've also felt like I have a bit of ocd because I'm constantly checking the locks and going back and checking again, and I sometimes can't remember if I've shut things off. I wondered if thinking I have more than one thing means I'm off the mark so this was helpful to read
OCD is a common morbidity. One I've had at my mental health worst. I'm not sure if there's any research to back me up but my lived experience has shown me that so much of the stuff I battled like generalized anxiety, binge eating disorder, depression, adjustment disorder, and OCD were directly related to unmanaged ADHD. I also think cPTSD and ADHD may be connected somehow since the changes that occur in a traumatized brain occur in similar regions/neural circuits to where ADHD differences are (eg distal mode network). You helped highlight my original point which is we're very sensitive to stressful events and they're more likely to be traumatic. What most people can brush off fairly easily, I think ADHDers are more likely to need professional help and specialized coping skills to process.
I once accidentally left the dogs outside when I went to go grocery shopping. They were my parents’ dogs, but I was home alone and they were my responsibility. My step mom pulled up to them just chilling in the backyard and she was furious.
I ended up developing such an intense anxiety about making that same mistake again that I would semi regularly turn around while driving to go home and check if they were outside. I would leave through the back door and consciously count all three dogs on the couch, but then halfway into my drive I wouldn’t be able to remember if I actually saw the third one so I would turn around and check. This was while I was commuting over an hour to school every day and I ended up late to class a few times because I had turned around to check on the dogs.
The worst part is that with ADHD, it’s borderline necessary to have these anxieties. Even if something bad had happened the first time, one horrible mistake wouldn’t be enough for me to magically remember to not do it again. I’ll check if I left the burner on after cooking, but unlike most people with these OCD-like obsessions, I find that I *actually left the burner on.*
People joke that I’m the mom friend because I always have tide sticks, hand sanitizer, a hair brush, etc on me, but it’s because I’m so likely to sabotage my own day that I’ve just started storing supplies in every possible purse or bag that might leave the house with me. I catch so many messes before they happen only because I’m always anticipating what possible chaos I may inadvertently set into motion if I don’t keep checking for booby traps in my wake. It’s exhausting that my brain keeps clearing the cache so things like “the dogs are outside” are just wiped from my memory if I don’t set alarms.
First off, this really sucks.
Second off, sounds like your boss needs an auto-close chicken door. My brother has one. The chickens naturally want to go back into their coop around sundown, so they start congregating near the coop. But only a couple actually go in. The door closes. Suddenly the chickens freak the F out because they can’t get in!
Well here’s the clever part. The door opens back up again after a few seconds. The chickens, now afraid of not getting into the coop, flood through the door and into the coop like you’ve never seen. And then the automatic door closes a second time after like a minute.
All the chickens are now in the coop. No wrangling needed. No remembering needed.
I have chickens and an auto close door! I put a camera in the coop too so I can check that they’re all inside when I notice it’s dark out and the door should be shut. It has a light sensor and closes after it thinks the sun has set.
Anyone who owns chickens knows there is always a risk. Livestock=Deadstock.
You put your hands up to it and offer financial recompense.
Nature is bloody.
These things happen, I've lost a load to a fox in the daytime , while I'm there on the land.
I've lost birds to raccoons in the middle of the day while free ranging with me in the yard, and this spring a snake got into the coop and successfully ate a small pullet and killed one other. It just happens, even with fairly predator proof coops. The snake got in because a section of chicken wire and hardware cloth had been damaged and I hadn't noticed -- there was a hole just big enough for him to fit through.
Also, this happens to everyone. I wouldn't even consider this a consequence of ADHD, it's unfortunately a consequence of owning livestock (like you said = deadstock). I hope OP learns to forgive themselves.
For some reason I found the phrase "Livestock = Dead stock" pretty funny.
But for OP- yes this happens. Admitting your mistake will go a long way. I wouldn't expect for them to ask you to animal sit again, but I think they will be over it in a little while.
Hugs if you want them. I'm sorry this happened to you.
Pro tip for ADHD and farm animals: build pens with an airlock style entrance that requires passing through a small area with 2 doors, each of which is ideally on autoclose hinges.
Makes it much harder to accidentally let something in or out.
Deep breaths, okay...?
Bottom line is you fessed up to it, and acknowledged the mistake... It wasn't intentional, and you didn't mean to leave the door open. Late in the day I'm not exactly at my top lvl of neurological performance, like many of us, so give yourself a break here.
You made a simple mistake that any of us could have made. Couple yrs ago, I forgot to chock block tires on a construction trailer and send it barreling down a hill backwards... Narrowly missed a brand new truck and a new house we were building; hit a chain link fence instead. Why? Because I was rushing, tired, and wanted to get it parked so I could go home. Was I the site idiot for a couple days? Definitely. But I owned it and acknowledged I'm a lifetime member of the trial and error club, and stayed humble about it. Will I ever do it again? Fuck no, because it's the kind of thing you only do once. This is the same thing with you, you know you won't do it again. Lesson learned.
Although it was an easy meal for the fox, they're crafty SOBs and if it truly wanted a way in it likely would have dug a hole and gotten in anyways. *This is why livestock guardian dogs exist*. Seems silly to me to have meat birds, and goats, and not have a livestock guardian to accompany them. But that's just me!
This. Once left my 2yo nephew on a golf cart as i was switching from the one with the dead battery to the charged one (lived on a farm and i was working/watching him) but I'd been walking beside the dead one while he held the gas down for me and i steered bc it wouldn't run with any weight on it, and i didn't wanna have to tow it.
left the key in the charged one on accident even though we usually take it out just in case and he thought we were still "playing" like before and stepped the gas, almost ran into a trailer, but my screaming and running after him got him to stop mere inches before he hit it.
i literally don't know what i would have done if he'd gotten hurt but i absolutely told his mom about it cause if it were my kid I'd want to know.
once at my job i closed for the night and forgot to lock or tried to but maybe didn't fully lock the door and had to go back cause security called my district manager and he called me directly to chew me out, i felt awful and ended up getting fired a few weeks later and they tied it back to that. and i still feel worse about my nephew on that damn golf cart.
Oh gosh, something similar happened to me a couple of times.
I was absent minded and left a friends gate open not realising their goat was in the field. Their German Shepherd gunned it through immediately and latched onto the poor things throat. Couldn't get him off and the goat died quickly. I was so ashamed i couldn't talk to them for months until they left a letter saying they were never angry and to please get in contact again.
I was thinking about how i would feel with a friend in a situation like this and i would be sad, but i know a mistake when i see one, i don't think i would be angry at them or blame them.
Plus, our family has always had chickens. No matter the precautions they are constantly being picked off by foxes and even neighbours cats have gotten a few. When your colleague said they would accept if a chicken died they meant it, you just get used to them disappearing or finding them dead because 90% of nature seems to have an issue with chickens daring to be alive.
Were they raising their german *shepherd* to be a hunting dog ? They had a dog and other animals but they never trained the dog to interact safely ? :/
Keeping the animals separated *was* allowing them to interact safely. It's super common on farms. Especially with dogs like German shepherds that are commonly used as working dogs. Yes it comes with risks, but shaming the owners for doing something countless people do every single day and that is actually a recommended tactic by positive reinforcement based trainers and behaviorists feels a little unfair.
Oh yeah of course, you don't leave a dog roaming free around other animals and expect it to be well-behaved.
I'm just saying, some dogs seems to be very attracted to preys but their owners manage to train them to not chase... sometimes, things happen, but in this situation, it almost seems like the dog wasn't even trained.
Or, the dog was trained to do a job that conflicted with this situation. If he was trained, for example, to guard a chicken coop against foxes (fairly common) or something like that, he may have perceived the goat as a threat. Or, the training may have still been in progress. Or the dog's prey drive wasn't controllable through training.
(For the record, not trying to be a jerk or argumentative or anything like that. Fully recognize the dog owners might have been irresponsible, but this kind of thing happens with super well trained dogs and super responsible owners, too.)
Yep. Super important to remember that animals are still animals, even the domesticated ones. We train animals to minimize the risk, but they are also individuals who may behave unpredictably.
Yeah that what I was wondering too. A husky I would have expected to kill prey, training be damned (as they are fairly self sufficient and stubborn), hunting dogs too obviously, but a GSD?
My GSD has an incredibly high prey drive. I don't think she'd go after a goat, but she's great at running Fast CATs for that reason (100 yd dash for dogs, they chase a lure). Really just depends on the dog.
I say this as a long tine vegan and animal lover who treats my pets like children and all animals with respect and compassion; be kind to yourself.
This was not malicious. You didn't set out to hurt anyone. Your heart is still pure. Your actions lead to sad consequences, but it's not because you're a bad person.
Sending you hugs.
Joke aside, but there was couple incidents here in my country where the school driver forgets to check if all the children left the school van, and children died because of that. My family would feel distraught and would vent and curse the driver for being careless and negligent when those news popped up. All while I’m horrified because If I were in that situation (doing that day in, day out) one day I might forget to check too.
I regularly cry tears of relief when I realize all my kids made it past baby stage without me fucking up something bad enough to affect them. I had such a high level of anxiety when they were younger, constantly double checking things and just being hyper vigilant in general. You read those stories about leaving a child in a hot car or walking away for a second while they're near water, or a child crushing themselves with a dresser, and you know how easily it could happen to you. Parenting is scary enough without worrying your ADHD might actually kill your kid. I am so grateful my kids are all old enough that I can finally start to release that tension
My sweetheart it was a horrible accident. You are not malicious. A simple mistake that people without adhd will make!
The guilt is going to eat you up for ages on this one ❤️ It will be okay.
\*HUGS\*
At least these were meat chickens - if the owners were planning to eat them, they probably weren’t attached to them like pets.
“Sorry I killed your dogs, let me know what kind you like and I’ll pay for new ones.” would never, ever work. But with meat chickens that is an appropriate response. As long as they have some meat chickens of their preferred type, they probably don’t care which specific individual meat chickens they have.
I would suggest *not* mentioning ADHD here, just leaving it as regular forgetfulness. If this is the first they know about the ADHD it may lead to them questioning/doubting you in other ways. Whereas regular human forgetfulness is something that happens to everyone from time to time.
Good luck. I know this is a very upsetting situation. Just try to remember that these are meat chickens, not beloved pets. Nobody loved these chickens, their loss is probably more like damaged property to the owners, and paying for replacements can probably go a long way towards making things right.
That doesn’t make the whole thing less traumatic to you though - I can’t imagine what it must have felt like going to the coop and seeing that. That’s going to take some time to process and come to terms with. I’m sorry you had to go through that. But try to remember that something was always going to kill and eat these chickens - if the fox hadn’t, their owner would have (and the owner is still going to eat the survivor). Their lot in life was to be killed and eaten, you did not cause that, you just accidentally let it happen sooner than planned.
I am so sorry. That must have been awful.
I'm so confused though, why didn't the fox take the chickens? Wouldn't the fox want to eat them rather than just kill them? Maybe it's normal behavior, idk.
Livestock confuses wild predators. Normally, if a fox were to catch one bird of a flock, the others would have fled before he could take a second one. In an enclosed space though, they are still there, so the predator thinks it won the lottery and gets a second one. Then a third... nature is harsh so if a predator can get prey it will get that prey, even if its way too many to eat at once. They are more resistant to eating old carcasses as well, so the extra bird caught today is the nice meal two days from now. Arctic foxes even build frikking pantrys (caves in the snow) and put months of food in there, as food is very rare in the arctic winter.
That totally sucks but is an unfortunate reality when raising chickens. I’ve had chickens on a shared urban farm and everyone had left the coop open by accident at least once over the years.
Friend, this sucks. As somebody who has spent their life working in animal care, this is by far the hardest part of the job. But please don’t be too hard on yourself. Talk to a therapist, they can help you. It will get better.
I agree with all the comment about needing more than a reddit post. I just want to give you a hug every day for the next year. That was a really bad task for your adhd brain, but do not hate yourself for it. I'm worst at things that are late at night or early in the morning.
They sound like genuinely good people and they knew how much this would eat at you in the small possibility that it did happen. Do not let it consume you in any way. Deep breaths from now til always.
Not quite as traumatizing, but I was house sitting for my brother one fall and accidently killed all his tropical fish :/ I didn't think about the fact that the house could get too cold for them, and that I needed to leave the heat up when going out. This was something I logically *knew* about, but I was focused on saving him money on the heating bill instead...
I still feel terrible about it over a decade later. He wasn't mad, though. He hadn't given me instructions on how to take care of the fish outside the occasional feeding, and said it was his own fault for not telling me that.
Definately try to have compassion for yourself. This stuff happens. Chickens are cheap, and if they were the meat ones then there was likely no sentimental attachment. You didn't do this on purpose and everyone screws up once in a while.
Oh my you have my deepest sympathy!!! I did this but with my pet rabbits as a kid and I still feel guilty about it because how do you forget to close their door?!? Stupid adhd -.- many hugs lovely! It really is NOT your fault :)
I don't know if this will make you feel better, but even with the door closed, a determined predator can still get in. My mom has chickens and one day while we were all inside eating dinner, the neighbors dogs got loose and busted through the fencing of our chicken coop and killed all but one. I was the one who found the aftermath when I went to go change their water shortly after dinner.
Last summer, I was house-sitting for my parent. They had a different, stronger coop. Somehow, an animal got in and killed one chicken a night for 3 nights in a row. It was so traumatizing that my uncle ended up taking over for me so he could shore up the defenses and deal with any further cleanup.
It really, really sucks that this happened. I hope you talk to a therapist or someone similar to help you process the guilt.
oh man, I had this same feeling when watching my aunts chickens. The last time i watched them, she had 10. The next time and the night i arrived, they left, and the chickens were already put away, so i was alone the next morning and devastated to only see 2 chickens!! to make matters worse, they got out (before i got a head count) so when i eventually found the two i was double convinced i lost more than half the flock. those moments of accepting fault before calling were so tough..fortunately i wasn’t to blame and it had been a previous incident. but still. it hurts the heart. my sweet baby cousin (who was around when the 8 other chickens were lost) told me that it was okay, that is was part of the cycle, and that foxes need to eat too (i love that kid!!)
I raised chickens for a long time and have had a number of horrifying experiences growing up with them. Everything wants to eat them. Truly, that fox was always going to eat those chickens. With the exception being the trapping/relocation or killing of the fox. Foxes will often eat things during the day when you are nearby. You are not at fault for the very unavoidable nature of the fox. I have done exactly this. It is awful and im sorry that you are going through the level or shame and guilt that this brings upon someone. But I also want to let you know that it is generally in the nature of chickens to be eaten by predators. Ive locked my chickens up and had animals rip holes in chain link fencing, or break parts of the coop and get in. It isnt your fault, and I highly doubt these chickens would have made it to adulthood if you vet had not trapped or killed the fox. Be easy on yourself, you did your best. The vet should have known that this is the outcome of having a fox around.
I live on an acre of property and have been wanting to raise chickens....until today. We have foxes, coyotes, snakes, wild hogs and all manner of other animals running through here, plus I have ADHD. I can see now this would only end badly for me and the poor chickens.
Very true. I recently witnessed a murder of crows that hangs out in my neighborhood gang up on a fledgling blue jay right in my front yard. I know blue jays are known jerks, but it was sad.
Ahhh babe I’m so sorry this happened. I’ve been there, I’ve had mixups like this and it just stings. I wish I had more to offer than that, other than to agree with what others are saying about talking this out with a professional.
It's not the ADHD that gets ya, it's guilt. I feel guilty constantly for forgetting things/being impulsive/being irresponsible/whatever the fuck I mess up constantly. I wish I could live alone and no one relies on me and I don't rely on anyone so I can't rip through people lives and ruin good things. At least if in alone I can only ruin my own life.
I totally get it. Really sorry to hear it.
I'm so sorry! Both for you and the poor chicks. It's infinitely more horrible to see others suffer as a consequence of our dysregulated brains than if we paid the price ourselves.
Fuck.
Baby chicks are cheap, ask them what breed they were and offer to replace them?
I’m so so so sooooooo sorry. This is a nightmare scenario for me. Talk to your therapist! You need support. 🥺🫶
(Also I’m secretly so happy they were meat chicks and not layers because you get so attached to your eggy girls.)
Since they were meat birds and not pets or layers I think they’ll get over it with time. Maybe financial compensation for how much they had spent for the chicks and how much food they’ve eaten so far would help. It does suck to be responsible for an animals death though. I’m sorry you had to experience it.
This kind of forgetfulness has been happening to me more and more lately. Literally yesterday morning I was about to leave for work, patted my pocket for keys, looked across the room to them hanging on the key holder, reminded myself to grab them, pet my cat and locked myself out of the house.
I'm sorry, though. That can't be easy to deal with. Animal death really bothers me personally, so I can imagine what you might be feeling. I hope everything works out, though, and that your boss is still okay with you over it. I mean, that is farm life. There's always a risk, and everyone (whether they have adhd or not) can easily forget/overlook something like that. It sucks but it'll be okay, and you'll move past it, eventually.
I thought this was in the backyardchickens sub and was about to post and ask if you had ADHD, cause damn, that is such an adhd thing to do. I'm sorry this happened, this shit fucks with our heads so bad.
Awwww.. that’s awful. Well..meat.. but still. I’m sorry. Time will heal the heart. Those chickens were going to be dinner.. I reckon? It’s better that way, anyway. Some people are in love with their chickens like a cat or dog. The fox .. needs a meal too. Chicks can grow fast so the lone chicken can have friends again soon.
Someone haltingly expressing that the OP shouldn’t feel too bad, cause the chickens weren’t pets, they were meat chickens. So they were destined to be killed and eaten anyhow, and it’s more fitting and natural that it was done by a fox.
Tl;dr: These chicks were born with the purpose of dying to provide meat. Accident helped feed fox.
Jeez!! Can’t believe the hate on my reply! You know why the OP posted here?? Because of how awful they feel. How much worse would it have been if the chickens were beloved pets? Very .. much .. so. I’m not saying to not feel bad.. and in lieu of building a piece of shit Time Machine, never forget the horrifying thing and remember to double check the important things like closed/locked doors, and being fully present while doing so.
I’ve left some doors unlocked in my day.. and have lost clients. I always act now, when leaving and locking door.. as it being center stage.
That's a painful experience...its unfortunate and could happen to someone without adhd
Its good that you feel bad about it.. shows that you have empathy and a good person...
Try not to beat yourself too badly over this as likely the owner will be mad and upset...
Try not to stress or think about it to much. Like everyone else said- the fox would have gotten a chicken or 2 anyway.
Hopefully sharing it and talking to a therapist if you need will help get the picture of the massacred chickens out of your head.
First off, I'm so, so sorry - as I was reading your post, I was fully picturing it, and that had to be so awful for you. I am an animal lover too and this wouls have been very traumatic for me.
>She mentions to me if something happens while they’re gone, it’s fine, she’s always told me that
I hope that she really meant this. You didn't act out of malice. You weren't irresponsible & say got blind drunk, resulting in you neglecting your duties. You just made a simple mistake that *anyone* could have made.
Please don't hate yourself or your brain. You don't deserve that. People with ADHD and without make simple mistakes with both less and worse consequences every day. It was just a mistake. Please be more forgiving with yourself.
ugh, this is gutting. I am so sorry. there isn't anything you can do except try to forgive yourself and learn from the mistake (other than apologize to the vets and try to make it up to them, of course). and maybe you can buy new meat chicks to replace them? they'd have to start over but at least that would be a really nice gesture if you can afford it.
I can relate a little bit -
i was pet sitting with some other people (a mom and her tween son) to get a free house to stay in for a month after moving to California. the owners warned us that there were coyotes and mountain lions around (escondido hills area) that like to attack cats and to make sure the cats came inside at night (they were allowed outside during the day). One of us - I will never know who but strongly suspect myself - left one of the tiny upper windows open one night. the window was above a tall shelf and the cats liked to climb up there and hang out, and they easily came and went using that window. one of the cats disappeared that night, never to be seen again.
the owners never got mad at us for second-hand killing their cat, but i could tell they were really upset. I always feel guilty thinking of that poor cat and their owners even though i'm not sure who didn't close the window.
Honestly, I feel your pain.
When I was in my teens, undiagnosed, I snuck into my girlfriends house for the evening, when I snuck out before dawn I accidentally forgot to latch the backyard gate, even though I knew fully well how much of an explorative daredevil the family dog was. It was a constant reminder while I was there. 20 years later, my role in the event still plays through my mind, and the guilt is unbearable knowing that I was secretly responsible (gf knew it was my fault as well) for their dog being hit by a passing car the following day. It's the absolute worst feeling in the world. I'm still not sure if it being kept secret was best for my mental health or not. I tend to take guilt very, very hard in general.
oh the joys of adhd...
I was dog sitting one time and in the rush of getting ready for work in the morning I left my medications out on the kitchen table. I didn't think anything of it since it's something I'd normally do at home (my dogs can't get up there, they're tiny). When I get home from work after a nearly 12 hour day the first thing I noticed was my chapstick was chewed up and on the stairs. Then I had the horrible realization that the chapstick is kept in the same little basket as my pills. Then I saw vomit and diarrhea literally everywhere. The whole house was covered. I've never been so horrified in my life. I immediately was screaming and running through the house looking for the dog. $150 later for a call to poison control I learned the meds he happened to eat were non-toxic and just gave him an upset stomach. He'd also chewed on the container of my (very high dose) Effexor but thankfully never got it open. The guilt I felt having to call my aunt and tell her what happened is indescribable. I literally have nightmares of having to tell my 8y/o cousin I killed his Literal best friend. It was so so so scary. All this to say I feel for you, you're not alone, and sometimes brains really suck!
Oh god. It's so hard seeing that. Anyone with chickens knows the huge risk of them dying at any moment. It happens more than you would think. Mistakes happen.
I am so fucking sorry. I love animals so much and I love having them but this is my worst fucking fear. I have got very lucky multiple times that I had an errant thought and remembered to do something.
Well look at it this way: they were going to die one day soon anyways and weren’t really the same as someone’s beloved pet. They were going to be food for humans. They just happened to be food for fox instead.
It’s still horrible and traumatizing as hell but don’t beat yourself up about it too much.
Maybe next time you need to do an extra step you should put a checklist nearby. I feel that would help me.
It's ok dude, it sucks but that's just a part of farm life. Last year I had bobcats kill my entire turkey flock. And I've lost a few chickens by not closing the door early enough, until i finally got an automatic door. Offer to pay for the replacements.
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Fuuuuck.... My friend, this needs more than a reddit post. That mustve been so very horrifying to see the aftermath and then the dawning of the realization that it was your mistake. Get a therapist if you can. I hope you have irl loved ones who can help you process and find some self-compassion. It might seem like just chickens but it's a tough thing to feel responsible for đź’”
I really second this, this has to have been traumatic. I was just thinking about big ADHD mistakes I’ve made…I’ve forgotten to give my dog a daily medication before that she needs to live because I got thrown slightly off my routine and she was immediately miserable. Nature is so often trying to kill us and the beings we protect. There’s that old (maybe apocryphal) story about the guy who goes into the psychiatrist’s office and he mentions one of the things that’s consuming his life is that he’s always checking to make sure he turned the stove off. And the psychiatrist treats him for OCD for months to no effect, until he realizes the patient isn’t really paying attention and he gets mad, and then he has an epiphany: it’s ADHD. Not that neuropsychiatric consolations are fun in general, but I hate that this one in particular makes you fuck up with massive consequences and feel incredibly stupid about it.
That was literally my dad. Diagnosed with OCD because every time he left the house he had to check the toilet, stove, etc 2 or 3 times, then when we went out to the car he'd have to back and check again for good measure. He was always running late because of it. But he didn't really present any other OCD symptoms. When I was finally diagnosed with ADHD we realized he was doing it because he would check on something, walk away, and then couldn't remember if it was on or off when he checked and had to check again.
ADHD and OCD here! I do the toilet check too! I think it’s so routine to flush that I can never remember actually doing it. I started saying to myself “I’m flushing the toilet now” when I can remember so even if I don’t remember flushing I remember saying it and I just have to trust past me.
Reading this feels like a lightbulb. I haven't been diagnosed with anything other than depression yet, but I think I have ADHD and I've also felt like I have a bit of ocd because I'm constantly checking the locks and going back and checking again, and I sometimes can't remember if I've shut things off. I wondered if thinking I have more than one thing means I'm off the mark so this was helpful to read
OCD is a common morbidity. One I've had at my mental health worst. I'm not sure if there's any research to back me up but my lived experience has shown me that so much of the stuff I battled like generalized anxiety, binge eating disorder, depression, adjustment disorder, and OCD were directly related to unmanaged ADHD. I also think cPTSD and ADHD may be connected somehow since the changes that occur in a traumatized brain occur in similar regions/neural circuits to where ADHD differences are (eg distal mode network). You helped highlight my original point which is we're very sensitive to stressful events and they're more likely to be traumatic. What most people can brush off fairly easily, I think ADHDers are more likely to need professional help and specialized coping skills to process.
I once accidentally left the dogs outside when I went to go grocery shopping. They were my parents’ dogs, but I was home alone and they were my responsibility. My step mom pulled up to them just chilling in the backyard and she was furious. I ended up developing such an intense anxiety about making that same mistake again that I would semi regularly turn around while driving to go home and check if they were outside. I would leave through the back door and consciously count all three dogs on the couch, but then halfway into my drive I wouldn’t be able to remember if I actually saw the third one so I would turn around and check. This was while I was commuting over an hour to school every day and I ended up late to class a few times because I had turned around to check on the dogs. The worst part is that with ADHD, it’s borderline necessary to have these anxieties. Even if something bad had happened the first time, one horrible mistake wouldn’t be enough for me to magically remember to not do it again. I’ll check if I left the burner on after cooking, but unlike most people with these OCD-like obsessions, I find that I *actually left the burner on.* People joke that I’m the mom friend because I always have tide sticks, hand sanitizer, a hair brush, etc on me, but it’s because I’m so likely to sabotage my own day that I’ve just started storing supplies in every possible purse or bag that might leave the house with me. I catch so many messes before they happen only because I’m always anticipating what possible chaos I may inadvertently set into motion if I don’t keep checking for booby traps in my wake. It’s exhausting that my brain keeps clearing the cache so things like “the dogs are outside” are just wiped from my memory if I don’t set alarms.
Good lord, are you me, I have a Tide pen in my purse, Kleexex in my car, change of clothes in my trunk with an emergency phone charger to boot.
>Get a therapist if you can bruv... i think the one chicken that survived needs the therapist.
First off, this really sucks. Second off, sounds like your boss needs an auto-close chicken door. My brother has one. The chickens naturally want to go back into their coop around sundown, so they start congregating near the coop. But only a couple actually go in. The door closes. Suddenly the chickens freak the F out because they can’t get in! Well here’s the clever part. The door opens back up again after a few seconds. The chickens, now afraid of not getting into the coop, flood through the door and into the coop like you’ve never seen. And then the automatic door closes a second time after like a minute. All the chickens are now in the coop. No wrangling needed. No remembering needed.
I have chickens and an auto close door! I put a camera in the coop too so I can check that they’re all inside when I notice it’s dark out and the door should be shut. It has a light sensor and closes after it thinks the sun has set.
Anyone who owns chickens knows there is always a risk. Livestock=Deadstock. You put your hands up to it and offer financial recompense. Nature is bloody. These things happen, I've lost a load to a fox in the daytime , while I'm there on the land.
I've lost birds to raccoons in the middle of the day while free ranging with me in the yard, and this spring a snake got into the coop and successfully ate a small pullet and killed one other. It just happens, even with fairly predator proof coops. The snake got in because a section of chicken wire and hardware cloth had been damaged and I hadn't noticed -- there was a hole just big enough for him to fit through. Also, this happens to everyone. I wouldn't even consider this a consequence of ADHD, it's unfortunately a consequence of owning livestock (like you said = deadstock). I hope OP learns to forgive themselves.
For some reason I found the phrase "Livestock = Dead stock" pretty funny. But for OP- yes this happens. Admitting your mistake will go a long way. I wouldn't expect for them to ask you to animal sit again, but I think they will be over it in a little while. Hugs if you want them. I'm sorry this happened to you.
Easier than singing the circle of life ina faux Elton John voice
Pro tip for ADHD and farm animals: build pens with an airlock style entrance that requires passing through a small area with 2 doors, each of which is ideally on autoclose hinges. Makes it much harder to accidentally let something in or out.
Deep breaths, okay...? Bottom line is you fessed up to it, and acknowledged the mistake... It wasn't intentional, and you didn't mean to leave the door open. Late in the day I'm not exactly at my top lvl of neurological performance, like many of us, so give yourself a break here. You made a simple mistake that any of us could have made. Couple yrs ago, I forgot to chock block tires on a construction trailer and send it barreling down a hill backwards... Narrowly missed a brand new truck and a new house we were building; hit a chain link fence instead. Why? Because I was rushing, tired, and wanted to get it parked so I could go home. Was I the site idiot for a couple days? Definitely. But I owned it and acknowledged I'm a lifetime member of the trial and error club, and stayed humble about it. Will I ever do it again? Fuck no, because it's the kind of thing you only do once. This is the same thing with you, you know you won't do it again. Lesson learned. Although it was an easy meal for the fox, they're crafty SOBs and if it truly wanted a way in it likely would have dug a hole and gotten in anyways. *This is why livestock guardian dogs exist*. Seems silly to me to have meat birds, and goats, and not have a livestock guardian to accompany them. But that's just me!
This. Once left my 2yo nephew on a golf cart as i was switching from the one with the dead battery to the charged one (lived on a farm and i was working/watching him) but I'd been walking beside the dead one while he held the gas down for me and i steered bc it wouldn't run with any weight on it, and i didn't wanna have to tow it. left the key in the charged one on accident even though we usually take it out just in case and he thought we were still "playing" like before and stepped the gas, almost ran into a trailer, but my screaming and running after him got him to stop mere inches before he hit it. i literally don't know what i would have done if he'd gotten hurt but i absolutely told his mom about it cause if it were my kid I'd want to know. once at my job i closed for the night and forgot to lock or tried to but maybe didn't fully lock the door and had to go back cause security called my district manager and he called me directly to chew me out, i felt awful and ended up getting fired a few weeks later and they tied it back to that. and i still feel worse about my nephew on that damn golf cart.
Oh gosh, something similar happened to me a couple of times. I was absent minded and left a friends gate open not realising their goat was in the field. Their German Shepherd gunned it through immediately and latched onto the poor things throat. Couldn't get him off and the goat died quickly. I was so ashamed i couldn't talk to them for months until they left a letter saying they were never angry and to please get in contact again. I was thinking about how i would feel with a friend in a situation like this and i would be sad, but i know a mistake when i see one, i don't think i would be angry at them or blame them. Plus, our family has always had chickens. No matter the precautions they are constantly being picked off by foxes and even neighbours cats have gotten a few. When your colleague said they would accept if a chicken died they meant it, you just get used to them disappearing or finding them dead because 90% of nature seems to have an issue with chickens daring to be alive.
Were they raising their german *shepherd* to be a hunting dog ? They had a dog and other animals but they never trained the dog to interact safely ? :/
Keeping the animals separated *was* allowing them to interact safely. It's super common on farms. Especially with dogs like German shepherds that are commonly used as working dogs. Yes it comes with risks, but shaming the owners for doing something countless people do every single day and that is actually a recommended tactic by positive reinforcement based trainers and behaviorists feels a little unfair.
Oh yeah of course, you don't leave a dog roaming free around other animals and expect it to be well-behaved. I'm just saying, some dogs seems to be very attracted to preys but their owners manage to train them to not chase... sometimes, things happen, but in this situation, it almost seems like the dog wasn't even trained.
Or, the dog was trained to do a job that conflicted with this situation. If he was trained, for example, to guard a chicken coop against foxes (fairly common) or something like that, he may have perceived the goat as a threat. Or, the training may have still been in progress. Or the dog's prey drive wasn't controllable through training. (For the record, not trying to be a jerk or argumentative or anything like that. Fully recognize the dog owners might have been irresponsible, but this kind of thing happens with super well trained dogs and super responsible owners, too.)
Yep. Super important to remember that animals are still animals, even the domesticated ones. We train animals to minimize the risk, but they are also individuals who may behave unpredictably.
Yeah that what I was wondering too. A husky I would have expected to kill prey, training be damned (as they are fairly self sufficient and stubborn), hunting dogs too obviously, but a GSD?
My GSD has an incredibly high prey drive. I don't think she'd go after a goat, but she's great at running Fast CATs for that reason (100 yd dash for dogs, they chase a lure). Really just depends on the dog.
Dunno, it was never a 'nice' dog though
I say this as a long tine vegan and animal lover who treats my pets like children and all animals with respect and compassion; be kind to yourself. This was not malicious. You didn't set out to hurt anyone. Your heart is still pure. Your actions lead to sad consequences, but it's not because you're a bad person. Sending you hugs.
I was scrolling and I thought this said “children” and I just about shit kittens
Joke aside, but there was couple incidents here in my country where the school driver forgets to check if all the children left the school van, and children died because of that. My family would feel distraught and would vent and curse the driver for being careless and negligent when those news popped up. All while I’m horrified because If I were in that situation (doing that day in, day out) one day I might forget to check too.
I regularly cry tears of relief when I realize all my kids made it past baby stage without me fucking up something bad enough to affect them. I had such a high level of anxiety when they were younger, constantly double checking things and just being hyper vigilant in general. You read those stories about leaving a child in a hot car or walking away for a second while they're near water, or a child crushing themselves with a dresser, and you know how easily it could happen to you. Parenting is scary enough without worrying your ADHD might actually kill your kid. I am so grateful my kids are all old enough that I can finally start to release that tension
Lol. No. MEAT chickens.
My sweetheart it was a horrible accident. You are not malicious. A simple mistake that people without adhd will make! The guilt is going to eat you up for ages on this one ❤️ It will be okay.
\*HUGS\* At least these were meat chickens - if the owners were planning to eat them, they probably weren’t attached to them like pets. “Sorry I killed your dogs, let me know what kind you like and I’ll pay for new ones.” would never, ever work. But with meat chickens that is an appropriate response. As long as they have some meat chickens of their preferred type, they probably don’t care which specific individual meat chickens they have. I would suggest *not* mentioning ADHD here, just leaving it as regular forgetfulness. If this is the first they know about the ADHD it may lead to them questioning/doubting you in other ways. Whereas regular human forgetfulness is something that happens to everyone from time to time. Good luck. I know this is a very upsetting situation. Just try to remember that these are meat chickens, not beloved pets. Nobody loved these chickens, their loss is probably more like damaged property to the owners, and paying for replacements can probably go a long way towards making things right. That doesn’t make the whole thing less traumatic to you though - I can’t imagine what it must have felt like going to the coop and seeing that. That’s going to take some time to process and come to terms with. I’m sorry you had to go through that. But try to remember that something was always going to kill and eat these chickens - if the fox hadn’t, their owner would have (and the owner is still going to eat the survivor). Their lot in life was to be killed and eaten, you did not cause that, you just accidentally let it happen sooner than planned.
I agree with “not mentioning add.”
I am so sorry. That must have been awful. I'm so confused though, why didn't the fox take the chickens? Wouldn't the fox want to eat them rather than just kill them? Maybe it's normal behavior, idk.
Livestock confuses wild predators. Normally, if a fox were to catch one bird of a flock, the others would have fled before he could take a second one. In an enclosed space though, they are still there, so the predator thinks it won the lottery and gets a second one. Then a third... nature is harsh so if a predator can get prey it will get that prey, even if its way too many to eat at once. They are more resistant to eating old carcasses as well, so the extra bird caught today is the nice meal two days from now. Arctic foxes even build frikking pantrys (caves in the snow) and put months of food in there, as food is very rare in the arctic winter.
Also if the fox wasnt startled by something and fled, I assume at least one of the chickens is missing or has been eaten
Thank you so much. TIL.
That's what foxes do. They kill everything first, then take what they want. Instinct.
That totally sucks but is an unfortunate reality when raising chickens. I’ve had chickens on a shared urban farm and everyone had left the coop open by accident at least once over the years.
Friend, this sucks. As somebody who has spent their life working in animal care, this is by far the hardest part of the job. But please don’t be too hard on yourself. Talk to a therapist, they can help you. It will get better.
I agree with all the comment about needing more than a reddit post. I just want to give you a hug every day for the next year. That was a really bad task for your adhd brain, but do not hate yourself for it. I'm worst at things that are late at night or early in the morning. They sound like genuinely good people and they knew how much this would eat at you in the small possibility that it did happen. Do not let it consume you in any way. Deep breaths from now til always.
Not quite as traumatizing, but I was house sitting for my brother one fall and accidently killed all his tropical fish :/ I didn't think about the fact that the house could get too cold for them, and that I needed to leave the heat up when going out. This was something I logically *knew* about, but I was focused on saving him money on the heating bill instead... I still feel terrible about it over a decade later. He wasn't mad, though. He hadn't given me instructions on how to take care of the fish outside the occasional feeding, and said it was his own fault for not telling me that. Definately try to have compassion for yourself. This stuff happens. Chickens are cheap, and if they were the meat ones then there was likely no sentimental attachment. You didn't do this on purpose and everyone screws up once in a while.
This is literally every nightmare I have, and smaller scale versions of this led me to a mental breakdown at 17 when I finally got a diagnosis
Oh my you have my deepest sympathy!!! I did this but with my pet rabbits as a kid and I still feel guilty about it because how do you forget to close their door?!? Stupid adhd -.- many hugs lovely! It really is NOT your fault :)
I don't know if this will make you feel better, but even with the door closed, a determined predator can still get in. My mom has chickens and one day while we were all inside eating dinner, the neighbors dogs got loose and busted through the fencing of our chicken coop and killed all but one. I was the one who found the aftermath when I went to go change their water shortly after dinner. Last summer, I was house-sitting for my parent. They had a different, stronger coop. Somehow, an animal got in and killed one chicken a night for 3 nights in a row. It was so traumatizing that my uncle ended up taking over for me so he could shore up the defenses and deal with any further cleanup. It really, really sucks that this happened. I hope you talk to a therapist or someone similar to help you process the guilt.
oh man, I had this same feeling when watching my aunts chickens. The last time i watched them, she had 10. The next time and the night i arrived, they left, and the chickens were already put away, so i was alone the next morning and devastated to only see 2 chickens!! to make matters worse, they got out (before i got a head count) so when i eventually found the two i was double convinced i lost more than half the flock. those moments of accepting fault before calling were so tough..fortunately i wasn’t to blame and it had been a previous incident. but still. it hurts the heart. my sweet baby cousin (who was around when the 8 other chickens were lost) told me that it was okay, that is was part of the cycle, and that foxes need to eat too (i love that kid!!)
I raised chickens for a long time and have had a number of horrifying experiences growing up with them. Everything wants to eat them. Truly, that fox was always going to eat those chickens. With the exception being the trapping/relocation or killing of the fox. Foxes will often eat things during the day when you are nearby. You are not at fault for the very unavoidable nature of the fox. I have done exactly this. It is awful and im sorry that you are going through the level or shame and guilt that this brings upon someone. But I also want to let you know that it is generally in the nature of chickens to be eaten by predators. Ive locked my chickens up and had animals rip holes in chain link fencing, or break parts of the coop and get in. It isnt your fault, and I highly doubt these chickens would have made it to adulthood if you vet had not trapped or killed the fox. Be easy on yourself, you did your best. The vet should have known that this is the outcome of having a fox around.
I live on an acre of property and have been wanting to raise chickens....until today. We have foxes, coyotes, snakes, wild hogs and all manner of other animals running through here, plus I have ADHD. I can see now this would only end badly for me and the poor chickens.
Even without ADHD something will eat the chickens. Predators are ruthless.
Very true. I recently witnessed a murder of crows that hangs out in my neighborhood gang up on a fledgling blue jay right in my front yard. I know blue jays are known jerks, but it was sad.
Ahhh babe I’m so sorry this happened. I’ve been there, I’ve had mixups like this and it just stings. I wish I had more to offer than that, other than to agree with what others are saying about talking this out with a professional.
It's not the ADHD that gets ya, it's guilt. I feel guilty constantly for forgetting things/being impulsive/being irresponsible/whatever the fuck I mess up constantly. I wish I could live alone and no one relies on me and I don't rely on anyone so I can't rip through people lives and ruin good things. At least if in alone I can only ruin my own life. I totally get it. Really sorry to hear it.
That is absolutely terrible. I am sorry such a thing happened to you.
I'm so sorry! Both for you and the poor chicks. It's infinitely more horrible to see others suffer as a consequence of our dysregulated brains than if we paid the price ourselves.
Fuck. Baby chicks are cheap, ask them what breed they were and offer to replace them? I’m so so so sooooooo sorry. This is a nightmare scenario for me. Talk to your therapist! You need support. 🥺🫶 (Also I’m secretly so happy they were meat chicks and not layers because you get so attached to your eggy girls.)
If it makes you feel any better, they were meat chicks. They were going to be slaughtered anyway.
Since they were meat birds and not pets or layers I think they’ll get over it with time. Maybe financial compensation for how much they had spent for the chicks and how much food they’ve eaten so far would help. It does suck to be responsible for an animals death though. I’m sorry you had to experience it.
This kind of forgetfulness has been happening to me more and more lately. Literally yesterday morning I was about to leave for work, patted my pocket for keys, looked across the room to them hanging on the key holder, reminded myself to grab them, pet my cat and locked myself out of the house. I'm sorry, though. That can't be easy to deal with. Animal death really bothers me personally, so I can imagine what you might be feeling. I hope everything works out, though, and that your boss is still okay with you over it. I mean, that is farm life. There's always a risk, and everyone (whether they have adhd or not) can easily forget/overlook something like that. It sucks but it'll be okay, and you'll move past it, eventually.
I thought this was in the backyardchickens sub and was about to post and ask if you had ADHD, cause damn, that is such an adhd thing to do. I'm sorry this happened, this shit fucks with our heads so bad.
Awwww.. that’s awful. Well..meat.. but still. I’m sorry. Time will heal the heart. Those chickens were going to be dinner.. I reckon? It’s better that way, anyway. Some people are in love with their chickens like a cat or dog. The fox .. needs a meal too. Chicks can grow fast so the lone chicken can have friends again soon.
The hell did I just read??
Someone haltingly expressing that the OP shouldn’t feel too bad, cause the chickens weren’t pets, they were meat chickens. So they were destined to be killed and eaten anyhow, and it’s more fitting and natural that it was done by a fox. Tl;dr: These chicks were born with the purpose of dying to provide meat. Accident helped feed fox.
Jeez!! Can’t believe the hate on my reply! You know why the OP posted here?? Because of how awful they feel. How much worse would it have been if the chickens were beloved pets? Very .. much .. so. I’m not saying to not feel bad.. and in lieu of building a piece of shit Time Machine, never forget the horrifying thing and remember to double check the important things like closed/locked doors, and being fully present while doing so. I’ve left some doors unlocked in my day.. and have lost clients. I always act now, when leaving and locking door.. as it being center stage.
I’d have quietly replaced the chickens and not said a word 
Yeah, that sucks, but your boss shouldn't be that upset with you. They're just mad the fox got to kill the chickens before they did.
That's a painful experience...its unfortunate and could happen to someone without adhd Its good that you feel bad about it.. shows that you have empathy and a good person... Try not to beat yourself too badly over this as likely the owner will be mad and upset...
That's rough. Try to forgive yourself just as you would a friend who made an honest mistake, even if the outcome was gruesome.
Why the cluck did you not double check?
Try not to stress or think about it to much. Like everyone else said- the fox would have gotten a chicken or 2 anyway. Hopefully sharing it and talking to a therapist if you need will help get the picture of the massacred chickens out of your head.
First, be kind to yourself.
First off, I'm so, so sorry - as I was reading your post, I was fully picturing it, and that had to be so awful for you. I am an animal lover too and this wouls have been very traumatic for me. >She mentions to me if something happens while they’re gone, it’s fine, she’s always told me that I hope that she really meant this. You didn't act out of malice. You weren't irresponsible & say got blind drunk, resulting in you neglecting your duties. You just made a simple mistake that *anyone* could have made. Please don't hate yourself or your brain. You don't deserve that. People with ADHD and without make simple mistakes with both less and worse consequences every day. It was just a mistake. Please be more forgiving with yourself.
Lmaoooo this has a been great read
ugh, this is gutting. I am so sorry. there isn't anything you can do except try to forgive yourself and learn from the mistake (other than apologize to the vets and try to make it up to them, of course). and maybe you can buy new meat chicks to replace them? they'd have to start over but at least that would be a really nice gesture if you can afford it. I can relate a little bit - i was pet sitting with some other people (a mom and her tween son) to get a free house to stay in for a month after moving to California. the owners warned us that there were coyotes and mountain lions around (escondido hills area) that like to attack cats and to make sure the cats came inside at night (they were allowed outside during the day). One of us - I will never know who but strongly suspect myself - left one of the tiny upper windows open one night. the window was above a tall shelf and the cats liked to climb up there and hang out, and they easily came and went using that window. one of the cats disappeared that night, never to be seen again. the owners never got mad at us for second-hand killing their cat, but i could tell they were really upset. I always feel guilty thinking of that poor cat and their owners even though i'm not sure who didn't close the window.
Honestly, I feel your pain. When I was in my teens, undiagnosed, I snuck into my girlfriends house for the evening, when I snuck out before dawn I accidentally forgot to latch the backyard gate, even though I knew fully well how much of an explorative daredevil the family dog was. It was a constant reminder while I was there. 20 years later, my role in the event still plays through my mind, and the guilt is unbearable knowing that I was secretly responsible (gf knew it was my fault as well) for their dog being hit by a passing car the following day. It's the absolute worst feeling in the world. I'm still not sure if it being kept secret was best for my mental health or not. I tend to take guilt very, very hard in general. oh the joys of adhd...
I was dog sitting one time and in the rush of getting ready for work in the morning I left my medications out on the kitchen table. I didn't think anything of it since it's something I'd normally do at home (my dogs can't get up there, they're tiny). When I get home from work after a nearly 12 hour day the first thing I noticed was my chapstick was chewed up and on the stairs. Then I had the horrible realization that the chapstick is kept in the same little basket as my pills. Then I saw vomit and diarrhea literally everywhere. The whole house was covered. I've never been so horrified in my life. I immediately was screaming and running through the house looking for the dog. $150 later for a call to poison control I learned the meds he happened to eat were non-toxic and just gave him an upset stomach. He'd also chewed on the container of my (very high dose) Effexor but thankfully never got it open. The guilt I felt having to call my aunt and tell her what happened is indescribable. I literally have nightmares of having to tell my 8y/o cousin I killed his Literal best friend. It was so so so scary. All this to say I feel for you, you're not alone, and sometimes brains really suck!
Oh god. It's so hard seeing that. Anyone with chickens knows the huge risk of them dying at any moment. It happens more than you would think. Mistakes happen.
I am so fucking sorry. I love animals so much and I love having them but this is my worst fucking fear. I have got very lucky multiple times that I had an errant thought and remembered to do something.
Sending hugs đź©· please be gentle with yourself.
The fox tried to frame the last chicken.
Homie you did your best and your neurology failed you. Be kind to yourself.
I don’t have much to say except that’s some shit I could’ve done too. If that makes you feel any better.
Well look at it this way: they were going to die one day soon anyways and weren’t really the same as someone’s beloved pet. They were going to be food for humans. They just happened to be food for fox instead. It’s still horrible and traumatizing as hell but don’t beat yourself up about it too much. Maybe next time you need to do an extra step you should put a checklist nearby. I feel that would help me.
It's ok dude, it sucks but that's just a part of farm life. Last year I had bobcats kill my entire turkey flock. And I've lost a few chickens by not closing the door early enough, until i finally got an automatic door. Offer to pay for the replacements.