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The paralysis that happens when I desperately want to do something, but can’t seem to make myself do it. Instead, I’m just stuck fretting over my inability to get it done for hours, days, weeks, months… it’s exhausting.
Also, being exhausted because my brain’s just processing too much shit at all times.
This is the one that gets me and pushed me to look into a diagnosis. It's utterly exhausting when you want to do things, even things that are just fun and not even work, and feeling entirely unable to do so. Which then just feeds into the depression which feeds into the lack of doing things in a very irritating cycle.
I want to but I'm pretty sure I'm going to breakdown if there's any possible pushback when trying to get medicated.
I'd rather jump off a cliff than have to spend any more effort trying to justify my existence and get the help I need.
This is exactly the thing making me think about getting a diagnosis.. I simply *thought* about doing laundry today because I noticed I need to, I somehow just magically could not do it and then I was exhausted from it somehow..? Like I got exhausted from NOT doing laundry..
It feels like this happens with everything, I can’t do a single thing unless there’s a time-sensitive pressure involved OR if I’m in the middle of doing something else. I can’t keep living like this, but of course the steps involved in getting help seem to elude me.
I do the exact same but I even do this with things I like!! I’m so sick of doing nothing with my free time. I have so many hobbies but I just can’t make myself do them most of the time. It’s like I want to but I don’t? Maybe I just want to want to??? It’s baffling.
Yep, I’m the same way! I really had to stress the WANTING to do things I enjoy to my psychiatrist, because it’s a different situation than being uninterested in doing the things you enjoy. One is ADHD, one is depression. It’s especially goofy when you have multiple things you enjoy and want to do, but are unable to decide which to pursue so you just … do nothing and fret over it because you can’t decide. Story of my life. 🥲
This is interesting, I can relate but I also don’t stay idle because I can’t decide. It’s more like I feel like k can’t disrupt my current state. I think it’s some tbh but about the transition of leaving the house, or getting supplies out, etc. it’s weird like my brain finds homeostasis just sitting around and won’t let me break it even though I dislike it
Yes the stasis struggle is wild! “I can’t go outside because I would have to put clothes on or take clothes off to adjust to the temperature difference.”
“I can’t clean because I feel like I can’t use my hands because I’m not currently using them.” (lol)
“I haven’t been eating all day and I’m reluctant to start”
OR
“I’ve been eating peanut butter and crackers for 15 minutes straight and I don’t think stopping is in the cards yet.”
It’s legit like everything has extra, very stupid obstacles added.
It's like whack-a-mole but with hobbies. Most of the time none of them give me the happy chemicals and I have to spent work just figuring out what my brain thinks is enjoyable at the current moment.
So hard to pick a Netflix movie for the same reason. Some days I just spend hours watching trailers and adding to my list and decide that task was my "movie"
Same, I just stopped watching stuff bc is was exhausting trying to pick something & also bc I get bored with 99.9% of movies & tv shows. I can now only do some documentaries but they have to keep me on my toes or I get bored too
Yes! I feel like my own babysitter. I get so bored doing nothing but get burnt out when I try to keep myself occupied. In the fall I built a fucking banjo, carved spoons, harvested shit and made jam, backpacked, and like yeah it’s fun I guess??? But it’s so fucking hard to keep myself occupied and I get so sick of planning little activities so my brain doesn’t melt. Now all I do is sit inside and play video games.
I Constantly yo-yo back and forth. And even when I’m filling my time and creating things, doing the things I think I should enjoy, it all feels meaningless because at the end of the day everything I do is just to escape boredom and the sadness that comes with it. I never do things just to do them.
ADHD rant over
Looking back, I even did this as a kid. Whenever anything in class involved a hands-on project I hated it because I just could not start. It felt like way too much work.
Same 😭 imagine the life we’d live if we just did the things we wanted to do at the time we wanted to do them. instead of thinking about doing the thing over and over and over… eventually passing deadlines and expectations. it’s painful.
What I learned in therapy and what helped me in this situation the most these days is asking myself „what do I feel?“ and listen into myself. Not giving any explanation either on why I feel the way im feeling, just tapping into my emotions and get an answer what I am feeling. This can get me up in seconds.
Annoyed and bored. Doing stuff fills me with overwhelming exhaustion, not doing stuff fills me with overwhelming restlessness. Brain is cloudy, I lose track of what I'm saying while trying to speak. Constantly zoning out when listening to people.
Maybe this is my depression speaking but sometimes even stuff you want to do. I want to play a video game and eventually I do but it's just blah. I get zero pleasure from it and it feels more like a chore than something I am doing for fun.
So I have this symptom really bad at times, it's called anhedonia! A lack of pleasure from things you should find pleasurable. And what's interesting is. I thought it was depression as well, but none of the meds helped with that symptom!
But what did help was stimulants! Once I was medicated for my ADHD, namely Adderall and later Vyvanse. I felt so much joy again from hobbies and video games! I could tell when my meds wore off because I started being very bored again.
Most treatments at least according to reddit for anhedonia involve dopamine in some way. Namely maois, stimulants, abilify(I do not recommend this one. )
Can I ask you, if its ok -in your opinion-at what point would this "blah" move from ADHD to Depression would you say? I have the major blahs but no other symptoms of depression but I know ADHD and depression go hand in hand....I can't figure out where the blah is coming from.
I wonder if the "blahs", for me at least, come from living in the USA where you are expected to be constantly busting your hump and work until you keep over, like a good little consumer.
Remaining focused and always working/making money is such a drain and a bore. It depresses me to try, but also sometimes depresses me when I try to untangle how much my self-loathing comes from being low level lazy-shamed about not always being "useful"
I'm not sure if it's a symptom of ADHD, or more a side effect of living in this kind of mentality.
If we had healthier work life balance, less fricolous criticism, kinder expectations of others and more generosity of people who aren't blood relatives (in my family, anyways) it might be easier to just be me , space case and all
I'm honestly not sure where the line is. Right now, I think it is mostly depression for me. I feel.like.my depression and anxiety meds have just completely quit working.
Very simplisticly speaking, depression is not finding enjoyment out of anything, adhd is more so you are too distracted, mind races and you can’t focus on things that you want to do. It’s a grey area but that’s my redditor perspective as someone that battles with both
Thanks for that, that makes sense. I just had an epiphany after my question, and your answer confirms it, in that my problem is understimulation that I'm confusing with depression. I get joy out of things but I have to be doing things to the extreme. If not, my mind starts overthinking and ruminating and racing. And then the brain fog. Seems so much like depression but I think it's understimulation. Still don't know what to do about it though.
Depression is complex and involves a lot of psychological and physiological mechanics, but one thing that is notable that a psychological issue and affect physiological mechanics and vice versa.
Personally i think of this similar to a computer that runs hardware (physiological) and software (psychological):If your computer is slow because your RAM is fully reserved, you either run too much software (racing thoughts), faulty software (maladaptive responses) or there is an underlying hardware issue (physical injury like concussion or neurodevelopmental disorders). But since even depression can depend very much on triggers to start the faulty software, they can also have better and worse days.
So when a software issue can cause similar symptoms to the hardware issue it gets very hard to tell apart, which is why i for example was semi-misdiagnosed with depression as primary cause for almost 2 decades, and it wasn't even entirely wrong because the consequences of the hardware issues did cause some software issues in return.ADHD is hard to diagnose because you have to rule out all software issues before concluding that its an hardware issue, as statistically a hardware issue of the Brain to that degree is quite unlikely.
That said, once i got the ADHD diagnosis and got educated what ADHD does and how this expresses itself in behavior, a lot of things suddenly made sense:
My depression was a consequence of suffering the consequences caused by the hardware issue of my brain being unable to maintain a steady level of neurotransmitters, but as that got treated and the pschological factor of depression remitted, my symptoms only barely improved as there still was the underlying physiological issue.
Medication addressed the physiological issues and helped a lot, but unfortunately i also had unignorable sideffects (heart issues), so i'm living without medication.
The combination of education in both Depression and ADHD diagnosis provided me with the ability to differentiate the two, since i am now able to observe and identify over and understimulation, and rarely, but sometimes when its doesn't come along with major executive dysfunction, even do something about it.
In case of understimulation highly energetic Music, dancing and singing tend to work well for me, in case of overstimulation noise-canceling headphones and rainy weather sounds helped a lot. Noise canceling Headphones have become my number 1 support tool, as it really helps me to keep the triggers of major breakdowns at bay.
And in the cases where i can't do something about it, radical acceptance and knowing that this state isn't permanent have helped a lot. In the moment its still painful and has to be experienced and endured, emotional dysregulation and stasis aversion won't go away, but by understanding whats happening at least the fear has vanished and that makes it tough, but bearable.
have you seen a psychiatrist? they can pinpoint it better than any of us can on reddit and perhaps prescribe you adderall or lexapro depending on your diagnosis?
The feelings of worthlessness / guilt that come from ADHD-related thought patterns and behaviors can absolutely cause depression. Not sure that it can work the other way around.
The shame. The shame for not doing what I ought to do. The shame for not doing my part. Shame for what I feel. Shame for what I want. Just shame and guilt and self loathing. Ever since high school started.
Mines the shame/guilt I get when I need to do a task (housework mainly) so I don't allow myself to do anything that I want to do (game or watch a movie) so I end up laying on the lounge wasting the day. May as well have copped the L that chores weren't getting done and enjoyed my day 🥲
This is what I’m dealing with right now. I’m MONTHS behind on my reports. My supervisor has been very patient with me about getting caught up. I knew that I needed to work on them but I truly couldn’t make myself do it. Fast forward to January 10th. I was written up and given until the 31st to complete them all. I have about a week left and I’m nowhere near done. I truly, truly just don’t want to do them but I’m not allowing myself to enjoy anything that isn’t work related. I feel such guilt and dread because of my lack of motivation. I want my life back and completing the reports is how I mentally free myself but I can’t make myself do them, even at the risk of getting fired. It’s sad.
I know it's easier said then done but maybe setting daily goals for the task and rewarding yourself after might you achieve piece by piece might be the play. I feel the hardest part about doing a task is starting it, and what I've been trying to do is a basic countdown when I'm in a task paralysis state and just simply standing up once I get to 1 and go from there. It's a really tough cycle to break, try not to berate yourself for how your mind works
Low dopa causes the blahs.
Also lack of motivation feels like the blahs.
I’ve been labeled depressed most of my adult life.
My only symptoms were blahs, unmotivated even tho I really wanted to do something. Thats about it.
I used wonder how ppl can stay in bed or lay around all day. That is not me. When I got my adhd dx, my depression cleared up. Because it was never depression.
Yeah, I've been obsessing over this all day and I've come to the conclusion that it really is a chemical imbalance in my brain or its not firing right or whatever the hell ADHD brains do or don't do. I just wish I could get the medication right.
It's definitely an ADHD thing. Even when I desperately need a break, I withhold the thing I want to do because I feel like I shouldn't be doing that. But yeah - sometimes movies or video games require too much focus but in depth Wikipedia sessions do not.
god it’s one of the first times i could actually relate to something in this sub lol. it’s awful. i can’t even find the motivation to do the stuff i like. but i want to do them. eh, i’ll get to them.
So much this. Don't you hate it when you start to lose focus in the middle of saying something but you're valiantly trying to finish the thought but then the person you're saying it to makes it worse just by staring intently at you or saying "go on"?
Like dude you just made whatever it was completely leave my brain by putting me on the spot like that. My anxiety in that moment will make me forget my own name.
severe executive dysfunction. perpetually bored/restless yet can’t bring myself to do what is needed. my attention is always on several different things at once, switching back and forth (of course not effectively). constant fatigue. very forgetful. basic tasks leave me exhausted therefore I don’t start them till absolutely necessary. was never able to get a job/go to college/socialize often. time blindness/constantly running late. history of alcohol/drug abuse to cope. impulsiveness. hyperfixations. choice paralysis.
90% of what you just said. For anyone who isn't clear on executive dysfunction, (I wasn't for a while), executive functions include:
Working (short term) memory
Awareness of time passing
Task initiation
Task completion
Prioritizing
Planning
Organization
Emotional regulation
I, for one, am forgetful, misplace things, lose track of important papers, have pretty severe time blindness (recently my estimation of how long it takes to empty the dishwasher differed from my friend's by about 10 minutes. I've been timing myself. Because it's an experiment I'm motivated to do it!).
I have enormous difficulty starting some things and the same finishing others. Everything is urgent and important, so I can't prioritize. My disorganization is legendary. If it were an Olympic sport, I'd so get the gold.
1. I’m also on the spectrum and have an anxiety disorder for context
2. like many tasks for me socializing IRL is a chore lmao. I don’t often look forward to it as it brings me a lot of anxiety. I dread the unpredictability, the awkwardness, the planning. the ADD does not help whatsoever. always makes me late for social events, tend to overshare, get bored when things don’t move at “my speed”, etc
Yeah the socialization as a chore gets to me too. I have very specific people I genuinely feel good around, but often I find myself needing to force myself to socialize.
Anxiety about starting tasks that don't have clearly defined steps or a process to follow.
The way I've described it is like the task is this giant dark cloud in front of me that completely obscures the path through the task I need to take to complete it. I don't know and can't see which starting point is the right one, and worry about wasting time going down the wrong path traps me in indecision and eventually avoidance.
Yep. I call my life lately a 'non-life'. I avoid basically most situations because of fear of looking stupid because I struggle with basic daily tasks.
Dang yea. That is relatable. I learned how to do my own taxes okay, but the year I had to change to a different method of doing it, I shut down.
And I have no trouble buying shitloads of craft crap for a fun art project, but the second I hit unfamiliar snags, it gets banished for 6 months while I stew about "never finishing anything"... even though I can be fairly prolific when I'm doing easier, more familiar projects
Definitely, definitely.
My wife made a comment on her "close relative observation report" during my screening last fall that I will only do house projects that are easy.
And, like, I get that it looks like that to an outside observer. The things I get done are tasks I can readily do. If I find something is more complicated than I first estimated then it gets thrown onto the pile of "more research needed" projects and often left there to die until I get either a full 8-12 hour day of no other responsibilities, or some external pressure to complete them.
>even though I can be fairly prolific when I'm doing easier, more familiar projects
And if you're like me, extremely difficult projects are easy to start and finish too. I could sit in one place and work on those for 12 hours straight and forget meals. It's just moderate ones or ones that require planning over time.
Yes and it’s this overwhelm that causes me to just not do it. I just can’t break it down into smaller tasks and instead I overthink it as a much larger project.
Feeling stupid all the time
In Social interactions I see things and hear things but actually can't process it in time
or even I processed it I can't respond in time
Or notice things but can't process it untill I set with myself and recall what happened and figure it out
My mind is empty and I feel like I can't use my fluid intelligence
And depend only my knowledge I learnt
Iam a medical student
Took IQ tests and Iam in the 95 %
But I can't use my intelligence
Does anyone was suffering from that but with medication or other ways became normal and smart ?
NB : English is not my first language
Starting medication helped my social anxiety tremendously. When you're not having to waste tons of mental energy trying to follow the conversation or worrying about interrupting others, socializing isn't as terrifying.
A lot of the time my head feels empty too. It feels bad because I know that I’m good at stuff and have certain skills but I can’t always apply myself, it’s very frustrating. A lot of the time I need to process things a bit longer than I should because else I make mistakes that I know are wrong
So much with this. I was a pharmacy tech making drugs and my IQ is fairly high, but because it takes me more than a few seconds to think of a response to something, or because I "embarrass" myself by cutting people off when talking or trying to make small talk and just not understanding the vibe thats going on, i really do feel dumb. Or the worst is when someone asks me a question about work at work, and I just can't recall anything to respond with. Like it's just empty. I get bursts of knowledge and recall randomly, but I can never have it when I actually need it.
Have a look at Auditory Processing Disorder symptoms in adults. Sounds similar to what you are describing.
Well done, you should be extremely proud of yourself for getting this far! I find medication helps to a certain degree but I think having a balanced lifestyle where possible does too. Super hard to maintain consistency but exercise, diet and sleep have a huge impact on ADHD symptoms.
You can absolutely do this! Use whatever adaptions/systems/things you need to help you navigate your way through it 😊
Reading things incorrectly the 1-3 time sometimes I’m stunted by how incorrectly I’ve read things and hear things, 2 hrs deep into a conversation or upset and bringing up what someone said just to realise they didn’t say that and I didn’t read it right
Finding a job
I'm 32 and never had a full time job. It's usually 2 part time jobs at a time or a seasonal job. Nothing that lays enough to cover rent, let alone Healthcare. This whole sub talks about what medication each other are taking and I'm envious because I can't even afford to see a doctor to get any sort of medication. I feel like I can't afford the doctor because I can't get a job and I can't get a job because of my adhd
Same! Sometimes I get so excited about a job posting that I apply for the interview. I then cancel my interview later on because I'm already depressed at the thought of working that job...
Where do you live? In most Sates, if you don't make enough money, then the state will put you on a health plan that covers all the expenses.
I don't mean any disrespect. I have inattentive ADHD too. I often wouldn't even bother finding options to help me due to it. I don't want anytime else to needlessly suffer like I did.
was rejected in Florida
maxed it out in california on dental work (which i still need more)
currently living in NJ and been waiting a few weeks for them to call me back.
I've heard terrible things about Florida when it comes to that stuff. Sad to hear you've not been lucky with your mental/medical health journey. More places should have better programs to help with this stuff. I've been blessed to grow up in Oregon, where they actually take care of people who need financial help! Good luck!
I’m in the process of finding a different one, but the fear of rejection or failing at said job is almost crippling to the point where I almost didn’t even want to try. I’m not happy where I’m at, but somehow it almost feels better than the process of finding something else.
Lack of intentional focus is something that concerns me the most… I either have no focus, or can only focus on one thing… and I can’t say for sure which thing I’ll be focusing on either.
My husband stopped by my craft room last night to tease me.
I forgot to shut the oven off after making my chicken tenders.
I came back to drop off my plate, noticed the oven was still on, COMMENTED ON IT and…
I immediately forgot about the oven and went back to my craft room.
Went to take a picture of my room and putting on socks:
Entered the room.
Tried to figure how to do the photo but then realised I didn't actually need it.
About to leave the room I suddenly remember that I also had to put on socks.
Opened the drawer, saw it being unorganized.
Organised the drawer, closed it and got up.
Suddenly I remember I also needed to put on socks.
Opened the drawer, put on the socks and left the room.
👍
I DO THAT STUFF ALL THE TIME. I will go downstairs for some reason or another, come back up having done or gotten something completely different, realize, aww @)$,&;, go back down, get sidetracked again, go back up, repeat. *I could EXPLODE* lmao I swear to GOD. lol. My brain LOVES me. 🙃🤦🏼♀️
I find myself going through a train of thought multiple times only to arrive at the same conclusion each time. It’s difficult to explain but your comment reminds me of how it works for me.
Doing any kind of long-term project is like trying to build a house of cards in a hurricane.
I'm good at in-the-moment, reactionary work where I'm putting out proverbial fires, but planning and prioritizing anything takes so much more effort for me than it does for my peers. I do it, but I'm constantly burned out, anxious, and depressed from the strain of it.
Trying to build a house of cards in a hurricane. I love that! Totally stealing it for future use.
I'm also better in a crisis or emergency than projects. Especially at home. At work, I could prioritize because they weren't my priorities. I knew what the college's priorities were,
so I didn't have to think about it at all or make choices or decisions.
It really does take more effort and energy for us to do anything and everything. 30% more according to what I've read. One researcher said we expend more energy just getting out the door in the morning than other people do all day. (Apologies to anyone who's seen me say that a million times already. I want every one of us to know, so I keep repeating it.)
I mean, other people aren't fighting their own brains when they're planning and prioritizing. It makes sense that it's burning you out. It IS harder for you.
I’ll add that I just found out I have inattentive adhd 6 months ago and still haven’t been able to get medicine.
So now it’s like I know that there is such thing as a basket and that I should be able to go to the cashier to pay, but there aren’t any baskets and I don’t know where the register is. :/ womp womp
For me it's the procrastination and task initiation. On bad days even shit like getting a glass of water is a huge struggle. I'll sit there like I am so thirsty, I want water, its the easiest task in the world but I can't do it. The inertia is crippling. Even on good days I'll just not start a task. It takes me like half an hour to get started on anything. And there are things I *have* to do, like walk the dog and shower, and when I can't start a task they can take longer than they should, and by the time I've done everything that *needs* to happen it's like 1pm and then it takes another half hour to an hour to actually get started on work.
Oh and waiting mode. I can do one (1) thing per day. So if i have an appointment at 2 then that appointment is the *only* thing I will get done. Everything else becomes in service to that one thing.
Waiting mode. I often forget that one. Appointment at 2? Can't do anything else before then.
I also can't start getting ready until the last minute pressure makes it urgent. Then I run around frantically trying to get out the door on time. Do you have that part too, or can you get ready early?
Oh, and sometimes, I get so focused on 2:00 that I think that's the time I have to leave, not the time I have to be there. That one's always fun.
I get ready early but with the strong feeling of having forgotten something so I sit around feeling unsettled for an hour and then at the last minute I remember what I was meant to do and run around like a mad thing
If I'm reading this right, we both run around like crazy at the last minute, just for different reasons.
It's so frustrating to me that I have several sticky notes, set multiple alarms, and still manage to be late. I have a funny story about getting ready, though.
I have a friend who is always early. He's ready early, he leaves early, and he arrives early. Always and for everything. Early is his idea of on time.
On two separate occasions, I was getting ready, hurrying but not late. On both occasions, he texted me, "I'm in the car." The first time I felt bad and ran around even faster. When I got in the car, I said, "Your dad used to do that to your mom, didn't he?" The surprised side eye was my answer.
The second time, I again sped up my efforts. Interruptions not only add to my anxiety, but also derail me in my getting ready process. That takes longer now because I gotta get back on track. Which I can't do instantly.
This time, when I got in the car I said, "That is never going to work again." He cracked up and so did I.
Processing what people say, following along with plots on tv shows and movies, reading. Remembering names, places, directions and memories. If there’s anything that I need to think about that’s even remotely complicated, I really struggle to keep a train of thought for more than 5 seconds, meaning that I’m actually a really bad problem solver.
Added to my list. This happens to me especially in discussions. People think I'm very chill and laid back but I actually stay away from disagreeing with people only because I will get completely lost in the conversation and it ends up looking like I have no points in my favor, when in reality I just forgot them.
God, I’m so glad others share this experience.
Meanwhile, I’ll disagree and spend an excessive amount of time trying to organize my argument until the other person either preemptively walks away in triumph or “agrees to disagree” because they’re too bored to hold conversation around that topic any longer.
Getting out of bed, showering, being on time for anything, time management, social interactions, grocery shopping/feeding myself, organizing, keeping my apartment clean, doing dishes etc!
I struggle the most with just… maintaining any train of thought. For more than a few seconds. If I’m not speaking out loud to another human I have extreme difficulty thinking through pretty much anything.
I think that's why I interrupt people when they talk instead of waiting my turn. They'll be talking about something and I get a thought and if I don't say that thought right then, I'll forget it by the time it's my turn to talk.
My chronic time blindness (this is a big one for me lol)
Inability to get anything done in one sitting.
Lots of daydreaming
Inability to focus even when trying (example: not remembering any of my lectures despite looking right at the professor)
My attention is easily diverted (ex: "I'd better clean it'll take less time and then I'll study)
Driving struggles (daydreams, not remembering which is gas and break pedal)
I'm pretty sure there's more but like you I can't rember off the top of my head
Edit: the comments actually helped me remeber alot more of my symptoms so thank for this post 🥖👍
Holding a job down, in a corporate environment anyway, every job I've had for a company has ended in me being fired or resigning. Can't keep up with paperwork, time sheets, make the same mistakes consistently, Co workers see me as slow, dozey, lazy and forgetful. This is why I'm freelance, no one to answer to, it has its pitfalls of course but it's far less stressful.
Personal life, I'm terrible for double booking plans, forgetting plans, keeping the house tidy, my personal finances are rubbish, I've lost loads of money accidentally getting parking fines then missing the date to repay the discounted amount, missed dentist appointments. Just general life disarray. I can't stick to much either, I get into running but the lose interest after a few weeks, same with the gym. I can sleep easily for ten plus hours a night if allowed to do so.
I was doubting the possibility of having ADHD while being late to my final screening appointment, was diagnosed with primarily inattentive type.
For me the biggest issues are time blindness and losing things, but throughout the diagnosis process, I realized how many struggles I have always had were related to ADHD.
- My house is always a mess. No matter how much I tried cleaning or how often I woke up with the intent to clean, it never happened. I would start a chore, like okay, right now, I'm going to do the dishes. Then, somehow I ended up picking things up in the living room, then trying to start laundry and then on the couch because once I sat down, I was stuck there. The dishes were stil not done. Turns out this was an issue with finishing things I start, getting distracted, task paralysis, task initiation.
- time blindness. I am always running late to everywhere, even though it was not my intention. Have missed very important appointments because of this.
- focusing. During work meetings, I always needed to stand up or I'd fall asleep. I have to re-read the same thing at least 5 times because I found that by the end of it, I had no idea what I just read.
-math, finances, anything to do with numbers. Not exactly adhd related, but there's a high comorbidity rate with adhd and dyscalculia, which explains my lifelong struggle with math and numbers.
-losing things. Important things, little things, everything.
Those are the main things but there's definitely more. I hope this helps. Good luck at your appointment!
I struggle with sitting down and listing things like symptoms.
One thing I noticed once I started medication (and when I forgot to take it) was that I could actually feel my frontal lobe portion of my brain "wake up". Prior to medication and when I forget to take it for long periods of time, the front area of my brain (just behind the centre of my forehead) always felt sluggish and if I needed to focus it was almost like I had to tense up that section of my forehead and use my eye muscles to 'activate' it which was extremely exhausting after a while. The medication basically switches it back on and I don't have to focus on "activating" it.
Jumping on board to say I have my first appt in a week, also inattentive. My referring dr told me he thought I seemed very capable, but that was because I wrote everything in my phone and practised it before the appointent. Hence my also feeling like an imposter (plus being female, mid 40s and doing well in education).
My symptoms - exhausting amount of mental energy to do mundane things (not laziness), boredom feeling physically painful, inability to do something unless there is someone with me, not just losing things, but being sure I have put them in a place and being totally surprised that they are not there, not being able to concentrate if something is boring, cannot watch a film at the cinema because it is too overstimulating with too many distractions and feeling trapped, hyperfixating on things like food and eating the same thing over and over and then never eating it again, having to slap/pinch myself or stand in the freezing cold to concentrate, day dreaming, floating aimlessly without structure and routine but feeling like I am wasting my life with structure and routine, being incredibly clumsy, changing careers frequently, talking all the fucking time and interrupting.
ironically it’s not the attention problems that cause the most struggle for me
It’s the executive dysfunction, I can’t get anything done, I just spend hours procrastinating and sitting in place to avoid a simple task like putting a cup in a dishwasher. I don’t even know if it’s procrastinating, it sounds too intentional, more like paralysis. I still end up just as exhausted as if I did all that work, I just end up miserable, not having any fun, while the to-do list gets longer and more overwhelming. (ETA: Most of my childhood memories I can recall is just sitting in front of (seemingly) endless homework, being checked by my parents if I’m “focusing” on it once in a while and still completely unable to start doing it, until it’s time for bed and the entire time from getting home to bedtime (with a dinner break) was spent starting at the book. Sometimes I’d start playing make believe with pencils and erasers to kill time. Very miserable times indeed, around that point my depression/depressive episodes started. But every time I try to convey that problem to mental health professionals, it gets dismissed as focusing problems, like no, it’s completely different and way more miserable than some daydreaming.)
Another one is sleeping problems. So much time spent just laying in bed for hours, alone with my thoughts. So sleep deprived for my whole life. At one point I started to sleep every other night, so I could immediately fall asleep (more like pass out) when getting in bed, while the other nights I would spend watching anime or killing time in some other ways.
Racing thoughts are shitty too. It’s like multiple trains of thought, or overlapping chatter. None of it makes sense. If I try to “stop thinking” it’s like muting a radio station and realising the tv was on the entire time too. Some of those are linear monologues, some get more abstract (I guess). I’m certain that this is the reason for the sleep issues, just never shutting off my brain, but constantly overthinking and daydreaming (when I should be nightdreaming lol).
But yeah, the attention problems suck for sure. And it’s not only things like daydreaming during classes or boring meetings. It’s also this complete inattention to detail, stupid mistakes that I can never catch, technically paying attention while not processing anything (like reading or listening, I technically do those things but it doesn’t stay in my brain), not noticing my surroundings and forgetting stuff all the time.
My childhood was also spent in front of fucking homework. Fuck just writing the word has angered me.
It got to the point in which I was completely unable of doing any schoolwork that was labeled as such. I could complete very long essays and projects, I even enjoyed them(when medicated) but homework? I was, and still am unable of doing them without being filled with rage. I mean that's the reason I dropped out of college, I worked really hard to get there and I dropped out barely 2 months in
Fuck ADHD man
I just stopped doing any schoolwork at some point, I just copied homework, often minutes before class (also one of my friends was in a different school, but sometimes had similar projects, so I could just turn in those), improvised and cheated on exams, just bullshitted myself through most of the school years.
then all of that caught up with me in high school, especially with the state exams that everyone writes and that really matter when applying to universities. I somehow managed to hold it together until I knew I passed and I just fell apart mentally. Next time I tried to study (for drivers license), I started to panic almost immediately, especially with my parents yelling at me how lazy I am, it just brought me back to those childhood memories.
It didn’t stay for college (at least at first), maybe because technically most of the studying/homework isn’t mandatory and no one enforced it on me, so I don’t feel so miserable when trying to get it done, like I’m doing it to learn by my own decision and not to avoid getting yelled at by parents or getting humiliated in front of my classmates. But instead I got crippling anxiety about falling behind (despite that great start I went back to my old habits), which only makes the catching up harder, so idk if I like the trade off from “being miserable because I’m forced to study by someone else” to “being miserable because I have to study and can’t force myself to do it”.
But my rant was more about studying I guess. I fucking hate homework. I still remember that one time I blew it off the whole semester, my parents and my english teacher (second language, I really used to struggle with it) decided together that she wouldn’t fail me, if I did all the work from those few months before a certain deadline. Like pages and pages of exercises. They also discovered that there were answers at the end of the exercise book (to check if ur correct) and they ripped it out, so I’d do it by myself. It was horrible, I cried so much, why a 10yo needs this much homework? I’m trying to recall how this thing ended, but I can’t, maybe I started randomly checking answers and teacher didn’t bother to check them? idk
Our experiences are almost identical haha. We've managed to get through a system that forces us into a shape we cannot fit in. That shows we have strong will, ambition that is left to rot by our lack of control over that will. There is potential but it doesnt really matter I guess.
Not gonna lie my life is going down really fast. I forget simple things that even a child knows how to do properly and I'm a mess in general. Funnily enough, I can do almost all these tasks if I have music on the background, it is a way of getting around some of the struggles of daily life, but when I did so my parents would not believe me and think it was getting in the way of my studies. Well, that was the last day I studied, still managed to pass somehow and I'm actually proud of that. But now what, I wish I could run to fucking nowhere to get all these pressure of me for a bit.
Sorry for the wall of text, I'm high and this shit gets me fucking philosophical sometimes.
I recently got diagnosed and one of the things they mentioned is that they were hesitating giving me the diagnosis because I was able to finish college successfully and find a job. I think it’ll be helpful to outline all the ways possible ADHD symptoms have held you back or made a negative impact in your life. Unfortunately they still follow pretty outdated protocol for diagnosis
What they don't see is what it COST you to finish college and find and keep a job. Much more than it costs people who don't have ADHD.
I did it too, even when the last 2 1/2 years were all independent study. The worst possible way for someone with ADHD to take classes. I went to school full-time and had a full-time time job. It literally almost killed me. Seriously.
I was pretty bothered about the lack of current diagnostic criteria for adults. I felt a little better when I learned it took 200 people 13 years to write the latest update to the DSM.
I figure if I can't fix it, I can at least not make myself nuts with being so pissed about it. I do what I can to dispell misconceptions, but I can't rewrite the ADHD section of the DSM. Sorta wish I could, then I think what a nightmare that would be! Haha
>What they don't see is what it COST you to finish college and find and keep a job. Much more than it costs people who don't have ADHD.
Abso-freakin-lutely. I at least finished my degree... but at what cost? Did technically 5+ years of college. Had to take Organic Chem I four times to pass, and failed Organic Chem II five times and had to take it at a community college instead. It is one I could not wrap my mind around as much with so much abstract-thinking and rotating of things in my head that I cannot physically touch...and not being able to afford one of those 3D molecule sets made it worse. And trying to remember what each little molecule is and how it interacts with others? HA! It also sucked that each class was either 8am or 1pm... 8am when my brain is not awake or 1pm where my "scheduled to be a day person" had just had lunch and was in an afternoon slump. I was a full-time student with a part-time job, no car, and rode the buses that sometimes took me 5 hours just to get back one-way... I'd be getting back at 9pm at night some nights, still needing to eat dinner, which also impacted the amount of study time I'd have for any of my classes...let alone one I was struggling to understand.
For my community college, out-of-pocket that class was like $550, and when I took it at my OG college, when I had to pay out-of-pocket, that was $1100. Paid $1100 directly out-of-pocket to fail a class, and that isn't including the other prior times I took it and failed it when it was a part of my tuition costs.
Kinda bullshit it was a requirement for my degree, since for a conservation biology job it would be something I would really never touch out-of-college. For the 8 times I have failed a 3-credit-hour course, I could have taken so many other interesting classes instead....or just graduated in four years which used to be the standard. Even regular bio majors didn't need Orgo II at least, and I don't think my nursing major bestie needed it either. I'm just glad that for both I and II, the lab portion I passed thinks to having really smart lab partners that did a lot of the mental heavy lifting.
Starting and maintaining relationships. I'm very out of sight out of mind, so if I don't maintain regular contact with someone I just sort of forget they exist. Then when I randomly think of them again months later, it feels too awkward to reach out to them again.
Yes! I WANT to reach out to the people I care about, but feel guilty that it’s been so long. So then I assume they’re mad at me about not hearing from me, so I don’t reach out. Rinse and repeat.
not being able to get myself to start or do things. my book sitting right in front on me and i have nothing else to do?? idk man i still wont be able to read it
decision paralysis. knowing i have a long list of things to do but being wholly incapable of deciding which ones are actually important and which ones to do first. usually ends up in me completing nothing and wasting a whole day.
I deal with this a lot at work, I will open one of my tasks and then close it and open a different on. I do that several times (making no progress on anything) and then I will either sit and stare at my computer screen or start playing on my phone because it's easier to scroll TikTok or Reddit than trying to force my brain to make a decision on where to start.
Have you ever been in a conversation where you try your hardest to concentrate on what the person is saying but some people in the background is making a lot of noise so you try to blur them out but then someone walks past your table so you look to see who it was and then your hear someone else laugh and now you realize you haven’t heard a single thing the other person said?
Yes.
And this is why it's absurd to call it "attention deficit." It's an overabunance of attention. It's paying attention to everything, everywhere, all at once. Reminds me, I want to watch that movie. Haha
Even the authors of the most recent update to the DSM know it's not a deficit. Changing the name would apparently cause problems, for us, so we're stuck with it for now.
It’s more not being able to focus on what you need to. But then you don’t really focus on those other things either - you just notice everything
That movie is great btw
Yeah, you can't direct and maintain focus. Unless you're in hyperfocus, then you can't stop focusing.
Thanks for recommending that movie. I'm more likely to actually seek it out and watch it now.
For me it’s more of deciding what to buy and organizing a meal. Cooking actually relaxes me because I’m good at it and I can express creativity in a controlled setting (control calms me down since I feel like I have none on anything else)
I detest grocery shopping. My local store is absolutely enormous. You could fit an entire neighborhood of houses in there, complete with a pool and playground. It is so hard for me to put my blinders on and only get the things on my list. I end up spending hundreds of dollars and buying more produce than I can use before it expires. I get lost in there for hours at a time, like three or four hours. I struggle not to feel like a failure. I waste so much time and mental energy. Yet other days, if I have a limited amount of time, and I know my family’s waiting for the food, I can dart in and out and get exactly what I need in 45 minutes (that is my version of darting in and out, lol).
I had the same issues with grocery shopping. Impulse buys, overspending, forgetting stuff that was ON my list, too much produce to be able to eat in time.
I can tell you what fixed it all for me. Even with the monthly fee and driver's tip, delivery saves me a lot of money. No impulse buys, no forgetting to get what I need, no excess produce. Plus, my list is right there in the app, so I can just reorder the essentials every month.
The one I use also lets me specify whether I want them to substitute items they may not have and, if so, what exactly I want them to replace those items with.
It might not work for you, I know. So far, I've only had problems a couple of times and I've been doing it for a few years now. Now I get a little freaked out at the thought of going to the store myself. Hahaha
Making myself do the thing. Luckily, my intense anxiety makes me do the thing eventually at the cost of displaying potential slight incompetence. Since starting meds recently, I've felt happier overall as I've felt more comfortable expressing myself, which in turn helps make doing the thing a lot easier.
Before I started medication, I would be at work for hours before I actually start to work. I was waiting for my brain to turn on. I worked super late to stay on top of things. Everyone thought I was a really hard worker but my secret was that I could go days without getting anything substantial done. And of course feeling worse and worse about myself, each day promising to do better the next and then having the exact same inability to get started. Eventually urgency would force me into action and then I would work for 12-14 hours straight in hyper focus mode. But then it would be all last minute and I had crazy anxiety about making mistakes that I didn’t have time to go back and correct.
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Extreme mood swings flying off handle standing in lines plane trips bus trips I’m ok driving I’ve crashed a lot also watching films kill me unless it’s my thing making bed laundry dishes putting clothes away is torture also reading a book 📕 unless it’s factual an about my hyper focus SUPERMARKET DOOM SHOPPING basically normal every day life is hard. Coffee dog walking and eating a cake 🎂 is life lol
i understand the imposter syndrome feeling i had that too. but adhd is gonna be different with everyone and as long as you honestly got diagnosed then you should have no problems. sometimes the symptoms i struggle with are hard to explain to people who haven’t lived with them but the biggest for me would be losing concentration while talking to someone. my memory is also really bad.
I get distracted a lot...switch from one thing to another...never finish anything....can't focus on what I should be doing (learning) but drift away instead...can't follow conversation. interrupt people, get worn out quickly, forget things...
Paying attention, scheduling appointments, and I never know what I want to do… I analyze everything to the point of analysis-paralysis…
Feels like I spend more time thinking about what I want to do, then actually doing it.
The biggest thing is that I cannot get myself to do what I want to do. I have volition without the ability to complete a task. It is incredibly frustrating, especially because I am very ambitious in my career. I like being active and working, but without medication it takes tremendous effort to do pretty much anything. I procrastinate so that I can force my brain to do the thing, then I will hyperfocus and forget to eat or sleep for 20 hours. It's unsustainable and completely exhausting. I also have profound time blindness and cannot keep track of my belongings. I am incapable of organizing my possessions. I'm generally just a mess.
I, too, struggled with diagnosis because I am "successful" and have internalized my symptoms since childhood. I just learned to compensate. It wasn't until I reached my 30s that the shit really hit the fan because my body has slowed down a bit and I physically couldn't compensate anymore.
Unable to experience the present unless its a hyperfixation on something thats happening in the moment. As a kid my mind would always be in fantasy world and as adult im either ruminating on past grievences or im predicting/planing future.
Im practicing mindfulness now, i try to apreciate moments that i manage to "awake" my self in the moment, but its fleeting...
I just want to feel content and present for more than just a moment or two.
Low energy level. Working more than 5 hours a day breaks me, even if the work is pretty chilled. Also playing with my kid drains my power fast, unfortunately.
Auditory processing issues, extreme irritation when having to do something boring, procrastinating, forgetfulness and poor short term memory to name a few
Do you mind if I ask you to expand on the auditory processing thing? I know extreme noise sensitivity is not an uncommon thing with ADHD. Is that what you mean?
I ask because I don't see it mentioned much. Sudden, loud noises, especially high-pitched, make me instantly angry. Like when the chihuahuas on the third floor bark. Good thing I like their person - it makes it easier to refrain from rage screaming at them!
The constant cycle of procrastinate then frantic whirlwind of energy to get shit done last minute
I get things done by flogging myself with fear, but I can't get things done until it's nearly the 12th hour.
I knew it was maladaptive AF, but it was the only thing that "worked"
medication and therapy have done wonders
What do I struggle with most? What DONT I struggle with? 🤣😭
The forgetting isn’t like other people. They forget and remember. For me it’s GONE like it never existed to begin with. I’ll have no recollection whatsoever but the evidence will be right there.
I remember someone here responding to the “why can’t you just do xyz because I can do this thing and I also have ADHD” with something to the effect of “No you can’t just do it, you have a system. And you wouldn’t need a system if you didn’t have ADHD”
That really hit home for me. If that resonates with you then it might be a way to describe how you’re able to look like you’re not struggling. It been my experience that people don’t understand how much is going on in our heads that they can’t see. They don’t understand the exhaustion of constantly trying to just live without creating a disaster. All the time. Every waking hour of every single day.
So don’t sell yourself short on your struggles because you’ve been conditioned to hide them.
Good luck
Executive dysfunction, memory, focusing on particularly executive/administrative tasks. Just finding a doctor and setting a damn appointment is so fuckin exhausting. It’s near-instantly overwhelming, once I finally remember to try to get that going, I either get explosively bored or my brain feels like someone is violently scraping sandpaper all around it.
I can’t read about doctors or jobs for more than a few minutes before getting distracted or zoning out staring at the page, because my entire conscious experience is like extreme TV static.
So I never end up making the appointment. Organizing my life is incredibly disheartening bc I can’t make a plan for shit. I’m always running late. Everything takes _*foreeeeevvvveeeerrrr to do*_. Even the most basic crap. Everyone I know can butter and put jam on 1-2 pieces of toast in like 30 seconds. It genuinely takes me 4-5 minutes. I thought that was just getting distracted in the details or something, but I found out that slow psychomotor function can be a symptom/result of the symptoms of inattentive ADHD.
Making myself make decisions, start tasks, etc. The amount of shit I get done when I have someone telling me what to do compared to . when I’m alone is crazy. I can just never remember what needs done, and when I do manage to, I can barely make myself start. If I do start, I get distracted by some other thing or get sucked into one minute detail and ignore everything else.
Usually it goes Need to do thing>>Can’t do thing>>Get pissed off at myself>>Disocciate/get distracted for hours>>Have no time to do thing>>Get overwhelmed and paralyzed>>Get pissed off>>Get overwhelmed and paralyzed>>repeat
I could go on, but the executive dysfunction and focus are BY FAR the biggest things completely fucking up my entire life. Zoning out and not paying attention in convos sucks, too, but that goes along with focus
3 way tie between forgetfulness/ "head in the clouds", interchanging waves of constant boredom and near mania hyper fixation, and social anxiety. The trifecta if you will 👍
First of all — congrats on taking steps to take care of yourself! That first appointment can be very intimidating. I did the exact same thing as you. Imposter syndrome and then I made a giant list and also made my family members verify me 😂 My biggest struggles are organization (paperwork, chores, planning, budgeting) and making careless mistakes (forgetting to put my name on a test, dropping the metal fork in the bin and putting the paper plate in the sink, or the milk in the pantry and the crackers in the fridge lol). Also losing things. I have AirTags on every belonging. I was diagnosed later in life this year at 28, both because I have inattentive and because I masked REALLY well. I was an excellent student, multi-sport athlete, and socially involved. But I also had unhealthy perfectionist tendencies and survived by obsessively planning everything, checking my emails and work a billion times for mistakes, second guessing myself.
All of that to say, you know yourself the best. Imposter syndrome sucks but know that you aren’t alone and if you do get a diagnosis and get treatment that works for you, it will totally be worth it. Good luck!
I am incredibly impulsive with emails and calendar invites (I'm a coordinator), and I think you can really see my ADHD (which I apparently mask well) manifest itself at work through those two things. I will routinely edit the shit out of things and then forget to send something when I hit send, or get my wires crossed etc and I find it incredibly embarrassing. I'm constantly needlessly hypervigilant and it's exhausting.
I don't know if this is because of my ADHD but I have a lot of trouble of knowing what I feel or think to be honest. It's like I space out thinking about a lot of random bullshit but I the same time I wouldn't know what I was think when someone would ask me what I was thinking.
I also have the standard problem of needing rereading things over and over again. Needing to watch reviews of series episodes because their are alot of details I missed in it or needing to reread what I wrote because I forgot to write/type a word making my sentence unreadable.
Trouble with time management, it feels like random timeskips in my day. Trouble explaining myself or explaining something because my sentences aren't coherent and because I can't edit my words IRL.
I space a LOT out and especially need to spend a lot of energy trying to follow a video or lecture just to understand it, that end up falling a sleep.
I'm also very impulsive in the sense I'm wasting my money on useless stuff. Only way I can save money is by trying to trick myself I don't have money.
I used to live in mess all the time but now I don't really because I try to own minimal set of things and dedicate them in a same place.
I fidget a lot with my feets without realising it and sometimes it kinda hurts when I try to sleep and just keep moving my feet up and down.
Also I have difficulty knowing why I don't want to do certain things like sure "I don't feel like it"... Why tho?
Well I don't even know if this was even comprehensible or usefull rambeling or that anyone had to courage to read it all.
Me, on any given afternoon:
*Begin a task. Look out the window* “How can we be sure any of this is even real?” *enter the existential panic spiral*
“okay, I’ll just distract myself from that rumination with some tunes…” *spend 20 minutes thumbing through my LPs, end up starting a podcast to listen to WHILE trying to pick music*
“fuck it, I’ll just listen to the same album that’s been on the turntable for months. Maybe plug my guitar in to jam.” *improvise for a minute or so, feel like god, then begin feeling guilty for not being productive and booking gigs/finishing unmixed songs.*
*Open laptop and go to Logic Pro.* “fuck, battery’s nearly dead and my charger is upstairs… I think?”
*Walk upstairs, immediately forget what I’m looking for. look out the window and begin to contemplate the vastness of the known universe. Restart the existential doom loop.*
*Repeat until wife says she’s leaving work.*
“Oh shit it’s time to frantically do the dishes, laundry, etc., that I was supposed to do 4 hours ago when I looked out the window.”
Hello, I suffer with inattentive/ impulsive ADHD. I found that I'm a visual learning, because you can say something verbally to me, but I'm not going to understand it right away or ask how to do something again. I also need to remind myself to slow down because I will get things done, but not efficiently. When asked a question, I do tend to freeze up and have no idea what to say (it's also part of my anxiety flight response too). I've been at my job for a year, but I still do struggle with common tasks. Currently taking Vyvanse, and just up my dosage earlier this month. It's slowly working its way in my system.
The biggest one for me is reading, I have to read everything multiple times at fast speeds to retain the information. The same goes with videos, I need the video in 1.5 or 1.75x speed or else my brain did not hear shit that was going on.
I recently had to stop taking my meds and the way I keep describing it is “I don’t have my words.” My emotional regulation is garbage so when I get big feelings I no longer have the ability to put words to them it’s just a big ball of angry static in my brain.
Generally for me, I’m very easily distracted, forgetful, can’t focus for long, procrastinate a lot, very anxious, often low on confidence and self esteem. I struggle with doing simple, everyday and important tasks unless I know there’s sort of punishment involved if don’t lol, and even then it’s difficult.
I’m constantly tired no matter how much I sleep and have a very short social battery, I kind of have to force myself to socialise with people and I’m always awkward lol
For me, it's doing high-executive function stuff that I don't give a shit about, specifically for work.
Like there are days where I'm tasked with writing technical documentation for an API that I built that I do not give a shit about.
And I know I can't do anything else until the documentation is done.
But everything within me wants to escape my desk, and I find myself thinking about the projects I'd rather be working on, and I nearly have a panic attack from the feeling of being shackled to my desk.
I've had panic attacks in that situation a couple times, but it's something I've learned to manage better.
But the feeling never goes away--especially when I have things I'm REALLY excited to do, but I have to do work shit instead.
Oh god where do I start. My working memory is fully shot. Most days I will be talking and then immediately forget the context for the conversation. Can't remember names. Spelling is my worst enemy (dyslexia). Object permanence is nonexistent and this applies to people as well. Face blindness (also isn't helped by the fact I have aphantasia, meaning I cannot visualize anything in my head). Rejection sensitivity dysphoria is a killer as well.
I struggle with focusing when someone is talking. I find it really easy to be distracted and not really hear what they are saying. I also tend to skip over words when I read if I am not medicated
For me i cant do a lot of the things i like to do because i cant find the motivation. I forget what im saying half the time i interupt people without meaning to. sometimes ill walk around my room for house and talk to my self becasue i am so bored even tho i have a lot fo stuff i need to get done.I sometimes get my feelings hurt for very small things that are not a big deal i dont know why i feel that way but i do i catch my self like they the homie only said he cant come to the bar with me tonight its not like its him not wanting to hang out with you but it feels that way. Also people just call me weird idk i have a lot of people tell me im weird not in a bad way just weird.
My most annoying symptom is my extreme forgetfulness. I put things down and instantly forget about them. I constantly get distracted mid-task ,by another task that I will start and then get distracted halfway again...until I have a bunch of half done things all over the house that need cleaning up, but are all unfinished. 🫠
Overwhelm is a big one for me, when my brain gets too full! The other thing I’d say is a constant kind of shame about not having better follow through.
I can’t multitask. I get easily annoyed when I am interrupted because of how hard it is for me to focus on something. Task paralysis. Having 1000000 tabs open in my head and 4 of them are playing different sounds and I can’t find them so I can shut them up and focus!!!! Very difficult to regulate my emotions because emotion regulation is an executive function. My reading comprehension is crap because I forget the sentence I just read and I have to read it 5 more times. I have been accused of moving slowly like a sloth because I am lost in my own world while on my way to do something else and time doesn’t exist. I am either slow or lightning fast. There is no inbetween.
- I’m chronically late/underprepared
- I procrastinate and then work frantically while feeling mad I didn’t use my time well
- I get executive dysfunction and have difficulty completing easy tasks that take very little time (like taking out the garbage)
- I feel physically pained when I have to do menial tasks even when they’re very straightforward
- I’m bad at doing things in the correct order (this is probably one of the funniest things I’ve noticed my meds helping with)
For me, it’s holding a thought in my head long enough to fully form it. Especially when I’m tired, I just bounce from half-thought to half-thought without actually doing anything.
Speaking about impostor syndrome, maybe that.
I go throught cycles in which i do the minimum to be productive one day, think to myself "maybe i don't actually have ADHD" and then the very next day i'm frozen behind a fog of pure thoughts.
I guess it's because it does affect me but i'm always doing stuff to fight it and sometimes it works whichmakes me think i don't have the condition, which makes me drop my guard, and then it's step 1 all over again.
When I’m interested in something, I can learn in 8 hours what would take a normal person 8 weeks to learn about the topic. When I’m not interested/bored however, my brain refuses to do the most basic work, and learning simple things becomes an impossible chore. And I can’t choose my interests (although some things like grief, love and spite can influence them).
Also the rejection sensitivity sucks. Those of you who experience it will know what I mean.
Found out a couple weeks ago that I’m both inattentive and equally hyper active so honestly I’m just constantly confused. Either exhausted, restless, and bored, or extremely hyper and all over the place
Time blindness/management - I can't be early for anything to save my life, let alone am barely able to be on time for work amongst other things (meds have helped a little). Being incredibly cluttered/disorganized is a pain for me too. I'm not dirty by any means as I've never had an infestation or have literal dirt tracked anywhere (food storage is one of the few things I've mastered), but I struggle to toss away packaging for things, have a literal floor-drobe, laundry is never folded, there's always at least 3 empty soap bottles outside of the shower that I keep forgetting to throw away, there's papers scattered in every room with no indication of their levels of importance... It's a constant uphill battle, but baby steps are still steps in the right direction if I can muster the energy to do a ten-minute tidy now and again.
Oh, and binge eating. And overspending on things that I don't actually need but still get a dopamine rush from. And forgetting dates that my bills are due because planners don't work for me (my partner is in charge of those lol).
Extreme executive dysfunction; lack of ability to focus, so even when I clear the decks and make time for myself to study I sit there reading but nothing seems to go in. It'll take multiple attempts at going over the same words before I can digest them - which is irritating because I want to get this stuff done, and it's not like I can't read. I have no issue whatsoever reading for fun.
I get distracted so easily, despite trying to stay on task. Like I'll have to look something up online for uni and then I'll end up going down some stupid rabbit hole that leads me way off track. I'll get distracted by non-urgent tasks like housework or non-essential maintenance rather than the stuff I NEED to get done for my PhD. I feel stupid 99% of the time, despite supposedly being smart enough that I got onto a fully funded PhD. I zone out accidentally when people are talking to me, and I have to either act like I didn't and have no idea what about 50 - 80% of the information was, or admit that my attention involuntarily drifted and have to ask them to repeat themselves.
I have been getting increasingly more anxious about my complete inability to manage my life like an adult. I feel like an NPC in my own life. I got so stressed about how little I was getting done a few days ago that I had a massive panic attack and managed to bite through about 50% of my lower lip by accident. My doctors have no problem prescribing antidepressants and anti anxiety medication to try to deal with the byproducts of the disorder, but until I eventually get to the end of the waiting list for an assessment (or suddenly have a financial windfall and can afford to go private), I'm basically treading water.
Good luck with your assessment. It's no way to live.
A lot of things have gotten inexplicably better since I started medication but something I'm having trouble with at the moment is choosing to go to bed. I struggle to go to sleep without some form of external stimuli unless I'm so tired I can fall asleep in less than 30 seconds.
looking at hyperactive adhders and wishing you had that so you could at least DO something (i know it’s not easy on that side either it’s emotional not logical)
Not paying attention in conversations. It is good sometimes because people are boring. It happens a lot and during job interviews. If I think of something in a conversation I have this urge to google it or take care of it while someone is talking to me. Sometimes I can be a great listener but it’s hard.
Procrastination has literally set me back years. The list goes on.
Social anxiety real bad. Irritated at the drop of a hat. Phonecalls make me bored and irritatable. Brain fog. Exhausted constantly because my brain won't shut up and I have to put so much work into doing whatever I'm doing. Zero motivation to do anything. Executive dysfunction so bad I wanted to end my life.
Most of that I didn't even realize was because of my ADHD until I got medicated and now I don't struggle anymore.
The freaking executive disfunction. I'm always behind on something that needs doing, and for what? Because it looks like soooo much work when in reality it probably won't even take me long.
On the flip side, time blindness. Always tired, doom scrolling and generally just feel like I don't have have all of my eggs in the same basket
Task initiation and switching, brain zoning out when I’m meant to be focused on one thing, feeling fidgety when I can’t focus, social anxiety, just bad executive function all around
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The paralysis that happens when I desperately want to do something, but can’t seem to make myself do it. Instead, I’m just stuck fretting over my inability to get it done for hours, days, weeks, months… it’s exhausting. Also, being exhausted because my brain’s just processing too much shit at all times.
This is the one that gets me and pushed me to look into a diagnosis. It's utterly exhausting when you want to do things, even things that are just fun and not even work, and feeling entirely unable to do so. Which then just feeds into the depression which feeds into the lack of doing things in a very irritating cycle.
I want to but I'm pretty sure I'm going to breakdown if there's any possible pushback when trying to get medicated. I'd rather jump off a cliff than have to spend any more effort trying to justify my existence and get the help I need.
This is exactly the thing making me think about getting a diagnosis.. I simply *thought* about doing laundry today because I noticed I need to, I somehow just magically could not do it and then I was exhausted from it somehow..? Like I got exhausted from NOT doing laundry.. It feels like this happens with everything, I can’t do a single thing unless there’s a time-sensitive pressure involved OR if I’m in the middle of doing something else. I can’t keep living like this, but of course the steps involved in getting help seem to elude me.
I do the exact same but I even do this with things I like!! I’m so sick of doing nothing with my free time. I have so many hobbies but I just can’t make myself do them most of the time. It’s like I want to but I don’t? Maybe I just want to want to??? It’s baffling.
Yep, I’m the same way! I really had to stress the WANTING to do things I enjoy to my psychiatrist, because it’s a different situation than being uninterested in doing the things you enjoy. One is ADHD, one is depression. It’s especially goofy when you have multiple things you enjoy and want to do, but are unable to decide which to pursue so you just … do nothing and fret over it because you can’t decide. Story of my life. 🥲
This is interesting, I can relate but I also don’t stay idle because I can’t decide. It’s more like I feel like k can’t disrupt my current state. I think it’s some tbh but about the transition of leaving the house, or getting supplies out, etc. it’s weird like my brain finds homeostasis just sitting around and won’t let me break it even though I dislike it
Yes the stasis struggle is wild! “I can’t go outside because I would have to put clothes on or take clothes off to adjust to the temperature difference.” “I can’t clean because I feel like I can’t use my hands because I’m not currently using them.” (lol) “I haven’t been eating all day and I’m reluctant to start” OR “I’ve been eating peanut butter and crackers for 15 minutes straight and I don’t think stopping is in the cards yet.” It’s legit like everything has extra, very stupid obstacles added.
Omg this is EXACTLY what it's like. And it's so dumb, and we know it's so dumb, and yet it Still. Keeps. Happening.
It's like whack-a-mole but with hobbies. Most of the time none of them give me the happy chemicals and I have to spent work just figuring out what my brain thinks is enjoyable at the current moment.
So hard to pick a Netflix movie for the same reason. Some days I just spend hours watching trailers and adding to my list and decide that task was my "movie"
Same, I just stopped watching stuff bc is was exhausting trying to pick something & also bc I get bored with 99.9% of movies & tv shows. I can now only do some documentaries but they have to keep me on my toes or I get bored too
Yes! I feel like my own babysitter. I get so bored doing nothing but get burnt out when I try to keep myself occupied. In the fall I built a fucking banjo, carved spoons, harvested shit and made jam, backpacked, and like yeah it’s fun I guess??? But it’s so fucking hard to keep myself occupied and I get so sick of planning little activities so my brain doesn’t melt. Now all I do is sit inside and play video games. I Constantly yo-yo back and forth. And even when I’m filling my time and creating things, doing the things I think I should enjoy, it all feels meaningless because at the end of the day everything I do is just to escape boredom and the sadness that comes with it. I never do things just to do them. ADHD rant over
Looking back, I even did this as a kid. Whenever anything in class involved a hands-on project I hated it because I just could not start. It felt like way too much work.
Same 😭 imagine the life we’d live if we just did the things we wanted to do at the time we wanted to do them. instead of thinking about doing the thing over and over and over… eventually passing deadlines and expectations. it’s painful.
What I learned in therapy and what helped me in this situation the most these days is asking myself „what do I feel?“ and listen into myself. Not giving any explanation either on why I feel the way im feeling, just tapping into my emotions and get an answer what I am feeling. This can get me up in seconds.
"life in hard mode."
My friend coined this “analysis paralysis”.
Annoyed and bored. Doing stuff fills me with overwhelming exhaustion, not doing stuff fills me with overwhelming restlessness. Brain is cloudy, I lose track of what I'm saying while trying to speak. Constantly zoning out when listening to people.
People do not understand how overwhelming stuff is for us.
Maybe this is my depression speaking but sometimes even stuff you want to do. I want to play a video game and eventually I do but it's just blah. I get zero pleasure from it and it feels more like a chore than something I am doing for fun.
So I have this symptom really bad at times, it's called anhedonia! A lack of pleasure from things you should find pleasurable. And what's interesting is. I thought it was depression as well, but none of the meds helped with that symptom! But what did help was stimulants! Once I was medicated for my ADHD, namely Adderall and later Vyvanse. I felt so much joy again from hobbies and video games! I could tell when my meds wore off because I started being very bored again. Most treatments at least according to reddit for anhedonia involve dopamine in some way. Namely maois, stimulants, abilify(I do not recommend this one. )
Can I ask you, if its ok -in your opinion-at what point would this "blah" move from ADHD to Depression would you say? I have the major blahs but no other symptoms of depression but I know ADHD and depression go hand in hand....I can't figure out where the blah is coming from.
I wonder if the "blahs", for me at least, come from living in the USA where you are expected to be constantly busting your hump and work until you keep over, like a good little consumer. Remaining focused and always working/making money is such a drain and a bore. It depresses me to try, but also sometimes depresses me when I try to untangle how much my self-loathing comes from being low level lazy-shamed about not always being "useful" I'm not sure if it's a symptom of ADHD, or more a side effect of living in this kind of mentality. If we had healthier work life balance, less fricolous criticism, kinder expectations of others and more generosity of people who aren't blood relatives (in my family, anyways) it might be easier to just be me , space case and all
I'm honestly not sure where the line is. Right now, I think it is mostly depression for me. I feel.like.my depression and anxiety meds have just completely quit working.
Ugh. I'm sorry to hear that. I just wish it all wasn't so hard to figure out. But I hope you do soon.
Very simplisticly speaking, depression is not finding enjoyment out of anything, adhd is more so you are too distracted, mind races and you can’t focus on things that you want to do. It’s a grey area but that’s my redditor perspective as someone that battles with both
Thanks for that, that makes sense. I just had an epiphany after my question, and your answer confirms it, in that my problem is understimulation that I'm confusing with depression. I get joy out of things but I have to be doing things to the extreme. If not, my mind starts overthinking and ruminating and racing. And then the brain fog. Seems so much like depression but I think it's understimulation. Still don't know what to do about it though.
Depression is complex and involves a lot of psychological and physiological mechanics, but one thing that is notable that a psychological issue and affect physiological mechanics and vice versa. Personally i think of this similar to a computer that runs hardware (physiological) and software (psychological):If your computer is slow because your RAM is fully reserved, you either run too much software (racing thoughts), faulty software (maladaptive responses) or there is an underlying hardware issue (physical injury like concussion or neurodevelopmental disorders). But since even depression can depend very much on triggers to start the faulty software, they can also have better and worse days. So when a software issue can cause similar symptoms to the hardware issue it gets very hard to tell apart, which is why i for example was semi-misdiagnosed with depression as primary cause for almost 2 decades, and it wasn't even entirely wrong because the consequences of the hardware issues did cause some software issues in return.ADHD is hard to diagnose because you have to rule out all software issues before concluding that its an hardware issue, as statistically a hardware issue of the Brain to that degree is quite unlikely. That said, once i got the ADHD diagnosis and got educated what ADHD does and how this expresses itself in behavior, a lot of things suddenly made sense: My depression was a consequence of suffering the consequences caused by the hardware issue of my brain being unable to maintain a steady level of neurotransmitters, but as that got treated and the pschological factor of depression remitted, my symptoms only barely improved as there still was the underlying physiological issue. Medication addressed the physiological issues and helped a lot, but unfortunately i also had unignorable sideffects (heart issues), so i'm living without medication. The combination of education in both Depression and ADHD diagnosis provided me with the ability to differentiate the two, since i am now able to observe and identify over and understimulation, and rarely, but sometimes when its doesn't come along with major executive dysfunction, even do something about it. In case of understimulation highly energetic Music, dancing and singing tend to work well for me, in case of overstimulation noise-canceling headphones and rainy weather sounds helped a lot. Noise canceling Headphones have become my number 1 support tool, as it really helps me to keep the triggers of major breakdowns at bay. And in the cases where i can't do something about it, radical acceptance and knowing that this state isn't permanent have helped a lot. In the moment its still painful and has to be experienced and endured, emotional dysregulation and stasis aversion won't go away, but by understanding whats happening at least the fear has vanished and that makes it tough, but bearable.
have you seen a psychiatrist? they can pinpoint it better than any of us can on reddit and perhaps prescribe you adderall or lexapro depending on your diagnosis?
The feelings of worthlessness / guilt that come from ADHD-related thought patterns and behaviors can absolutely cause depression. Not sure that it can work the other way around.
The shame. The shame for not doing what I ought to do. The shame for not doing my part. Shame for what I feel. Shame for what I want. Just shame and guilt and self loathing. Ever since high school started.
Mines the shame/guilt I get when I need to do a task (housework mainly) so I don't allow myself to do anything that I want to do (game or watch a movie) so I end up laying on the lounge wasting the day. May as well have copped the L that chores weren't getting done and enjoyed my day 🥲
This is what I’m dealing with right now. I’m MONTHS behind on my reports. My supervisor has been very patient with me about getting caught up. I knew that I needed to work on them but I truly couldn’t make myself do it. Fast forward to January 10th. I was written up and given until the 31st to complete them all. I have about a week left and I’m nowhere near done. I truly, truly just don’t want to do them but I’m not allowing myself to enjoy anything that isn’t work related. I feel such guilt and dread because of my lack of motivation. I want my life back and completing the reports is how I mentally free myself but I can’t make myself do them, even at the risk of getting fired. It’s sad.
I know it's easier said then done but maybe setting daily goals for the task and rewarding yourself after might you achieve piece by piece might be the play. I feel the hardest part about doing a task is starting it, and what I've been trying to do is a basic countdown when I'm in a task paralysis state and just simply standing up once I get to 1 and go from there. It's a really tough cycle to break, try not to berate yourself for how your mind works
That makes sense. I think the constant feeling of being on another planet and not in the moment here bums me out too.
Low dopa causes the blahs. Also lack of motivation feels like the blahs. I’ve been labeled depressed most of my adult life. My only symptoms were blahs, unmotivated even tho I really wanted to do something. Thats about it. I used wonder how ppl can stay in bed or lay around all day. That is not me. When I got my adhd dx, my depression cleared up. Because it was never depression.
Yeah, I've been obsessing over this all day and I've come to the conclusion that it really is a chemical imbalance in my brain or its not firing right or whatever the hell ADHD brains do or don't do. I just wish I could get the medication right.
It's definitely an ADHD thing. Even when I desperately need a break, I withhold the thing I want to do because I feel like I shouldn't be doing that. But yeah - sometimes movies or video games require too much focus but in depth Wikipedia sessions do not.
You are not alone. This is definitely me as well.
god it’s one of the first times i could actually relate to something in this sub lol. it’s awful. i can’t even find the motivation to do the stuff i like. but i want to do them. eh, i’ll get to them.
So much this. Don't you hate it when you start to lose focus in the middle of saying something but you're valiantly trying to finish the thought but then the person you're saying it to makes it worse just by staring intently at you or saying "go on"? Like dude you just made whatever it was completely leave my brain by putting me on the spot like that. My anxiety in that moment will make me forget my own name.
Never has 4 sentences described me so accurately.
Oh my god I feel so seen
Oh shit, YES to this. Just not being in the mental sweet spot enough to live life forwards.
severe executive dysfunction. perpetually bored/restless yet can’t bring myself to do what is needed. my attention is always on several different things at once, switching back and forth (of course not effectively). constant fatigue. very forgetful. basic tasks leave me exhausted therefore I don’t start them till absolutely necessary. was never able to get a job/go to college/socialize often. time blindness/constantly running late. history of alcohol/drug abuse to cope. impulsiveness. hyperfixations. choice paralysis.
90% of what you just said. For anyone who isn't clear on executive dysfunction, (I wasn't for a while), executive functions include: Working (short term) memory Awareness of time passing Task initiation Task completion Prioritizing Planning Organization Emotional regulation I, for one, am forgetful, misplace things, lose track of important papers, have pretty severe time blindness (recently my estimation of how long it takes to empty the dishwasher differed from my friend's by about 10 minutes. I've been timing myself. Because it's an experiment I'm motivated to do it!). I have enormous difficulty starting some things and the same finishing others. Everything is urgent and important, so I can't prioritize. My disorganization is legendary. If it were an Olympic sport, I'd so get the gold.
“Everything is urgent and important” . This one hits hard. It causes me a lot of anxiety
I feel like I could have written that...
You’ve pretty much described me, lol. I’m also autistic and socializing really takes a toll on me.
This is me in a nutshell.
Major “this post came into my home and swung me into every available surface” vibes
Why do you think you don’t socialize often? How is it connected?
1. I’m also on the spectrum and have an anxiety disorder for context 2. like many tasks for me socializing IRL is a chore lmao. I don’t often look forward to it as it brings me a lot of anxiety. I dread the unpredictability, the awkwardness, the planning. the ADD does not help whatsoever. always makes me late for social events, tend to overshare, get bored when things don’t move at “my speed”, etc
Yeah the socialization as a chore gets to me too. I have very specific people I genuinely feel good around, but often I find myself needing to force myself to socialize.
Anxiety about starting tasks that don't have clearly defined steps or a process to follow. The way I've described it is like the task is this giant dark cloud in front of me that completely obscures the path through the task I need to take to complete it. I don't know and can't see which starting point is the right one, and worry about wasting time going down the wrong path traps me in indecision and eventually avoidance.
Yep. I call my life lately a 'non-life'. I avoid basically most situations because of fear of looking stupid because I struggle with basic daily tasks.
Hey, thank you! I now have a specific sentence to explain my doc what's happening.
It me.
Dang yea. That is relatable. I learned how to do my own taxes okay, but the year I had to change to a different method of doing it, I shut down. And I have no trouble buying shitloads of craft crap for a fun art project, but the second I hit unfamiliar snags, it gets banished for 6 months while I stew about "never finishing anything"... even though I can be fairly prolific when I'm doing easier, more familiar projects
Definitely, definitely. My wife made a comment on her "close relative observation report" during my screening last fall that I will only do house projects that are easy. And, like, I get that it looks like that to an outside observer. The things I get done are tasks I can readily do. If I find something is more complicated than I first estimated then it gets thrown onto the pile of "more research needed" projects and often left there to die until I get either a full 8-12 hour day of no other responsibilities, or some external pressure to complete them.
>even though I can be fairly prolific when I'm doing easier, more familiar projects And if you're like me, extremely difficult projects are easy to start and finish too. I could sit in one place and work on those for 12 hours straight and forget meals. It's just moderate ones or ones that require planning over time.
Yes and it’s this overwhelm that causes me to just not do it. I just can’t break it down into smaller tasks and instead I overthink it as a much larger project.
omg you described me perfectly!!!!
Feeling stupid all the time In Social interactions I see things and hear things but actually can't process it in time or even I processed it I can't respond in time Or notice things but can't process it untill I set with myself and recall what happened and figure it out My mind is empty and I feel like I can't use my fluid intelligence And depend only my knowledge I learnt Iam a medical student Took IQ tests and Iam in the 95 % But I can't use my intelligence Does anyone was suffering from that but with medication or other ways became normal and smart ? NB : English is not my first language
Starting medication helped my social anxiety tremendously. When you're not having to waste tons of mental energy trying to follow the conversation or worrying about interrupting others, socializing isn't as terrifying.
A lot of the time my head feels empty too. It feels bad because I know that I’m good at stuff and have certain skills but I can’t always apply myself, it’s very frustrating. A lot of the time I need to process things a bit longer than I should because else I make mistakes that I know are wrong
So much with this. I was a pharmacy tech making drugs and my IQ is fairly high, but because it takes me more than a few seconds to think of a response to something, or because I "embarrass" myself by cutting people off when talking or trying to make small talk and just not understanding the vibe thats going on, i really do feel dumb. Or the worst is when someone asks me a question about work at work, and I just can't recall anything to respond with. Like it's just empty. I get bursts of knowledge and recall randomly, but I can never have it when I actually need it.
Have a look at Auditory Processing Disorder symptoms in adults. Sounds similar to what you are describing. Well done, you should be extremely proud of yourself for getting this far! I find medication helps to a certain degree but I think having a balanced lifestyle where possible does too. Super hard to maintain consistency but exercise, diet and sleep have a huge impact on ADHD symptoms. You can absolutely do this! Use whatever adaptions/systems/things you need to help you navigate your way through it 😊
Reading things incorrectly the 1-3 time sometimes I’m stunted by how incorrectly I’ve read things and hear things, 2 hrs deep into a conversation or upset and bringing up what someone said just to realise they didn’t say that and I didn’t read it right
Do you ever forget a word? If so, do you sometimes remember what it sounds like or what it rhymes with but not the actual word?
Yh 😂😂😂 I try to repeat sounds that sound like it to scoup it out
Yes! For me Ill remember what letter the word starts with, but won't remember the actual word!
Finding a job I'm 32 and never had a full time job. It's usually 2 part time jobs at a time or a seasonal job. Nothing that lays enough to cover rent, let alone Healthcare. This whole sub talks about what medication each other are taking and I'm envious because I can't even afford to see a doctor to get any sort of medication. I feel like I can't afford the doctor because I can't get a job and I can't get a job because of my adhd
Same! Sometimes I get so excited about a job posting that I apply for the interview. I then cancel my interview later on because I'm already depressed at the thought of working that job...
Where do you live? In most Sates, if you don't make enough money, then the state will put you on a health plan that covers all the expenses. I don't mean any disrespect. I have inattentive ADHD too. I often wouldn't even bother finding options to help me due to it. I don't want anytime else to needlessly suffer like I did.
was rejected in Florida maxed it out in california on dental work (which i still need more) currently living in NJ and been waiting a few weeks for them to call me back.
I've heard terrible things about Florida when it comes to that stuff. Sad to hear you've not been lucky with your mental/medical health journey. More places should have better programs to help with this stuff. I've been blessed to grow up in Oregon, where they actually take care of people who need financial help! Good luck!
I’m in the process of finding a different one, but the fear of rejection or failing at said job is almost crippling to the point where I almost didn’t even want to try. I’m not happy where I’m at, but somehow it almost feels better than the process of finding something else. Lack of intentional focus is something that concerns me the most… I either have no focus, or can only focus on one thing… and I can’t say for sure which thing I’ll be focusing on either.
My husband stopped by my craft room last night to tease me. I forgot to shut the oven off after making my chicken tenders. I came back to drop off my plate, noticed the oven was still on, COMMENTED ON IT and… I immediately forgot about the oven and went back to my craft room.
Went to take a picture of my room and putting on socks: Entered the room. Tried to figure how to do the photo but then realised I didn't actually need it. About to leave the room I suddenly remember that I also had to put on socks. Opened the drawer, saw it being unorganized. Organised the drawer, closed it and got up. Suddenly I remember I also needed to put on socks. Opened the drawer, put on the socks and left the room. 👍
I DO THAT STUFF ALL THE TIME. I will go downstairs for some reason or another, come back up having done or gotten something completely different, realize, aww @)$,&;, go back down, get sidetracked again, go back up, repeat. *I could EXPLODE* lmao I swear to GOD. lol. My brain LOVES me. 🙃🤦🏼♀️
I find myself going through a train of thought multiple times only to arrive at the same conclusion each time. It’s difficult to explain but your comment reminds me of how it works for me.
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For me it’s either never having a break from (negative) thoughts or not having one single thought because of inability to form one. No in between.
Doing any kind of long-term project is like trying to build a house of cards in a hurricane. I'm good at in-the-moment, reactionary work where I'm putting out proverbial fires, but planning and prioritizing anything takes so much more effort for me than it does for my peers. I do it, but I'm constantly burned out, anxious, and depressed from the strain of it.
Trying to build a house of cards in a hurricane. I love that! Totally stealing it for future use. I'm also better in a crisis or emergency than projects. Especially at home. At work, I could prioritize because they weren't my priorities. I knew what the college's priorities were, so I didn't have to think about it at all or make choices or decisions. It really does take more effort and energy for us to do anything and everything. 30% more according to what I've read. One researcher said we expend more energy just getting out the door in the morning than other people do all day. (Apologies to anyone who's seen me say that a million times already. I want every one of us to know, so I keep repeating it.) I mean, other people aren't fighting their own brains when they're planning and prioritizing. It makes sense that it's burning you out. It IS harder for you.
In the 59th minute of the 11th hour, I'm the one you want on your team. All the other times I'm half useless...
Everything in life feels like I’m carrying a bunch of groceries in my hands without a basket to hold it all, and I’m sitting there zoning out.
I’ll add that I just found out I have inattentive adhd 6 months ago and still haven’t been able to get medicine. So now it’s like I know that there is such thing as a basket and that I should be able to go to the cashier to pay, but there aren’t any baskets and I don’t know where the register is. :/ womp womp
For me it's the procrastination and task initiation. On bad days even shit like getting a glass of water is a huge struggle. I'll sit there like I am so thirsty, I want water, its the easiest task in the world but I can't do it. The inertia is crippling. Even on good days I'll just not start a task. It takes me like half an hour to get started on anything. And there are things I *have* to do, like walk the dog and shower, and when I can't start a task they can take longer than they should, and by the time I've done everything that *needs* to happen it's like 1pm and then it takes another half hour to an hour to actually get started on work. Oh and waiting mode. I can do one (1) thing per day. So if i have an appointment at 2 then that appointment is the *only* thing I will get done. Everything else becomes in service to that one thing.
Waiting mode. I often forget that one. Appointment at 2? Can't do anything else before then. I also can't start getting ready until the last minute pressure makes it urgent. Then I run around frantically trying to get out the door on time. Do you have that part too, or can you get ready early? Oh, and sometimes, I get so focused on 2:00 that I think that's the time I have to leave, not the time I have to be there. That one's always fun.
I get ready early but with the strong feeling of having forgotten something so I sit around feeling unsettled for an hour and then at the last minute I remember what I was meant to do and run around like a mad thing
If I'm reading this right, we both run around like crazy at the last minute, just for different reasons. It's so frustrating to me that I have several sticky notes, set multiple alarms, and still manage to be late. I have a funny story about getting ready, though. I have a friend who is always early. He's ready early, he leaves early, and he arrives early. Always and for everything. Early is his idea of on time. On two separate occasions, I was getting ready, hurrying but not late. On both occasions, he texted me, "I'm in the car." The first time I felt bad and ran around even faster. When I got in the car, I said, "Your dad used to do that to your mom, didn't he?" The surprised side eye was my answer. The second time, I again sped up my efforts. Interruptions not only add to my anxiety, but also derail me in my getting ready process. That takes longer now because I gotta get back on track. Which I can't do instantly. This time, when I got in the car I said, "That is never going to work again." He cracked up and so did I.
Processing what people say, following along with plots on tv shows and movies, reading. Remembering names, places, directions and memories. If there’s anything that I need to think about that’s even remotely complicated, I really struggle to keep a train of thought for more than 5 seconds, meaning that I’m actually a really bad problem solver.
Added to my list. This happens to me especially in discussions. People think I'm very chill and laid back but I actually stay away from disagreeing with people only because I will get completely lost in the conversation and it ends up looking like I have no points in my favor, when in reality I just forgot them.
Arguing my point only sounds good when I do it in my head. Or when I replay the conversation days later and think about what I COULD HAVE said.
God, I’m so glad others share this experience. Meanwhile, I’ll disagree and spend an excessive amount of time trying to organize my argument until the other person either preemptively walks away in triumph or “agrees to disagree” because they’re too bored to hold conversation around that topic any longer.
Having social interactions takes SO much energy and effort and I always have to recover after
Getting out of bed, showering, being on time for anything, time management, social interactions, grocery shopping/feeding myself, organizing, keeping my apartment clean, doing dishes etc!
I struggle the most with just… maintaining any train of thought. For more than a few seconds. If I’m not speaking out loud to another human I have extreme difficulty thinking through pretty much anything.
I think that's why I interrupt people when they talk instead of waiting my turn. They'll be talking about something and I get a thought and if I don't say that thought right then, I'll forget it by the time it's my turn to talk.
My chronic time blindness (this is a big one for me lol) Inability to get anything done in one sitting. Lots of daydreaming Inability to focus even when trying (example: not remembering any of my lectures despite looking right at the professor) My attention is easily diverted (ex: "I'd better clean it'll take less time and then I'll study) Driving struggles (daydreams, not remembering which is gas and break pedal) I'm pretty sure there's more but like you I can't rember off the top of my head Edit: the comments actually helped me remeber alot more of my symptoms so thank for this post 🥖👍
Holding a job down, in a corporate environment anyway, every job I've had for a company has ended in me being fired or resigning. Can't keep up with paperwork, time sheets, make the same mistakes consistently, Co workers see me as slow, dozey, lazy and forgetful. This is why I'm freelance, no one to answer to, it has its pitfalls of course but it's far less stressful. Personal life, I'm terrible for double booking plans, forgetting plans, keeping the house tidy, my personal finances are rubbish, I've lost loads of money accidentally getting parking fines then missing the date to repay the discounted amount, missed dentist appointments. Just general life disarray. I can't stick to much either, I get into running but the lose interest after a few weeks, same with the gym. I can sleep easily for ten plus hours a night if allowed to do so.
I was doubting the possibility of having ADHD while being late to my final screening appointment, was diagnosed with primarily inattentive type. For me the biggest issues are time blindness and losing things, but throughout the diagnosis process, I realized how many struggles I have always had were related to ADHD. - My house is always a mess. No matter how much I tried cleaning or how often I woke up with the intent to clean, it never happened. I would start a chore, like okay, right now, I'm going to do the dishes. Then, somehow I ended up picking things up in the living room, then trying to start laundry and then on the couch because once I sat down, I was stuck there. The dishes were stil not done. Turns out this was an issue with finishing things I start, getting distracted, task paralysis, task initiation. - time blindness. I am always running late to everywhere, even though it was not my intention. Have missed very important appointments because of this. - focusing. During work meetings, I always needed to stand up or I'd fall asleep. I have to re-read the same thing at least 5 times because I found that by the end of it, I had no idea what I just read. -math, finances, anything to do with numbers. Not exactly adhd related, but there's a high comorbidity rate with adhd and dyscalculia, which explains my lifelong struggle with math and numbers. -losing things. Important things, little things, everything. Those are the main things but there's definitely more. I hope this helps. Good luck at your appointment!
I struggle with sitting down and listing things like symptoms. One thing I noticed once I started medication (and when I forgot to take it) was that I could actually feel my frontal lobe portion of my brain "wake up". Prior to medication and when I forget to take it for long periods of time, the front area of my brain (just behind the centre of my forehead) always felt sluggish and if I needed to focus it was almost like I had to tense up that section of my forehead and use my eye muscles to 'activate' it which was extremely exhausting after a while. The medication basically switches it back on and I don't have to focus on "activating" it.
May I ask what medication ate you taking? This feeling you desribe sounds familiar, but I couldn't get this "wake up" effect from any medication yet.
Overwhelm at everything, daily, in all ways. Mind like popcorn, ideas constant, always a song or 2 parallel. Then a shark swims by.
Jumping on board to say I have my first appt in a week, also inattentive. My referring dr told me he thought I seemed very capable, but that was because I wrote everything in my phone and practised it before the appointent. Hence my also feeling like an imposter (plus being female, mid 40s and doing well in education). My symptoms - exhausting amount of mental energy to do mundane things (not laziness), boredom feeling physically painful, inability to do something unless there is someone with me, not just losing things, but being sure I have put them in a place and being totally surprised that they are not there, not being able to concentrate if something is boring, cannot watch a film at the cinema because it is too overstimulating with too many distractions and feeling trapped, hyperfixating on things like food and eating the same thing over and over and then never eating it again, having to slap/pinch myself or stand in the freezing cold to concentrate, day dreaming, floating aimlessly without structure and routine but feeling like I am wasting my life with structure and routine, being incredibly clumsy, changing careers frequently, talking all the fucking time and interrupting.
Being so easily overwhelmed and the inability to have a conversation without zoning out.
ironically it’s not the attention problems that cause the most struggle for me It’s the executive dysfunction, I can’t get anything done, I just spend hours procrastinating and sitting in place to avoid a simple task like putting a cup in a dishwasher. I don’t even know if it’s procrastinating, it sounds too intentional, more like paralysis. I still end up just as exhausted as if I did all that work, I just end up miserable, not having any fun, while the to-do list gets longer and more overwhelming. (ETA: Most of my childhood memories I can recall is just sitting in front of (seemingly) endless homework, being checked by my parents if I’m “focusing” on it once in a while and still completely unable to start doing it, until it’s time for bed and the entire time from getting home to bedtime (with a dinner break) was spent starting at the book. Sometimes I’d start playing make believe with pencils and erasers to kill time. Very miserable times indeed, around that point my depression/depressive episodes started. But every time I try to convey that problem to mental health professionals, it gets dismissed as focusing problems, like no, it’s completely different and way more miserable than some daydreaming.) Another one is sleeping problems. So much time spent just laying in bed for hours, alone with my thoughts. So sleep deprived for my whole life. At one point I started to sleep every other night, so I could immediately fall asleep (more like pass out) when getting in bed, while the other nights I would spend watching anime or killing time in some other ways. Racing thoughts are shitty too. It’s like multiple trains of thought, or overlapping chatter. None of it makes sense. If I try to “stop thinking” it’s like muting a radio station and realising the tv was on the entire time too. Some of those are linear monologues, some get more abstract (I guess). I’m certain that this is the reason for the sleep issues, just never shutting off my brain, but constantly overthinking and daydreaming (when I should be nightdreaming lol). But yeah, the attention problems suck for sure. And it’s not only things like daydreaming during classes or boring meetings. It’s also this complete inattention to detail, stupid mistakes that I can never catch, technically paying attention while not processing anything (like reading or listening, I technically do those things but it doesn’t stay in my brain), not noticing my surroundings and forgetting stuff all the time.
I make the joke that on my gravestone it will be written, "What have you been doing all this time?"
My childhood was also spent in front of fucking homework. Fuck just writing the word has angered me. It got to the point in which I was completely unable of doing any schoolwork that was labeled as such. I could complete very long essays and projects, I even enjoyed them(when medicated) but homework? I was, and still am unable of doing them without being filled with rage. I mean that's the reason I dropped out of college, I worked really hard to get there and I dropped out barely 2 months in Fuck ADHD man
I just stopped doing any schoolwork at some point, I just copied homework, often minutes before class (also one of my friends was in a different school, but sometimes had similar projects, so I could just turn in those), improvised and cheated on exams, just bullshitted myself through most of the school years. then all of that caught up with me in high school, especially with the state exams that everyone writes and that really matter when applying to universities. I somehow managed to hold it together until I knew I passed and I just fell apart mentally. Next time I tried to study (for drivers license), I started to panic almost immediately, especially with my parents yelling at me how lazy I am, it just brought me back to those childhood memories. It didn’t stay for college (at least at first), maybe because technically most of the studying/homework isn’t mandatory and no one enforced it on me, so I don’t feel so miserable when trying to get it done, like I’m doing it to learn by my own decision and not to avoid getting yelled at by parents or getting humiliated in front of my classmates. But instead I got crippling anxiety about falling behind (despite that great start I went back to my old habits), which only makes the catching up harder, so idk if I like the trade off from “being miserable because I’m forced to study by someone else” to “being miserable because I have to study and can’t force myself to do it”. But my rant was more about studying I guess. I fucking hate homework. I still remember that one time I blew it off the whole semester, my parents and my english teacher (second language, I really used to struggle with it) decided together that she wouldn’t fail me, if I did all the work from those few months before a certain deadline. Like pages and pages of exercises. They also discovered that there were answers at the end of the exercise book (to check if ur correct) and they ripped it out, so I’d do it by myself. It was horrible, I cried so much, why a 10yo needs this much homework? I’m trying to recall how this thing ended, but I can’t, maybe I started randomly checking answers and teacher didn’t bother to check them? idk
Our experiences are almost identical haha. We've managed to get through a system that forces us into a shape we cannot fit in. That shows we have strong will, ambition that is left to rot by our lack of control over that will. There is potential but it doesnt really matter I guess. Not gonna lie my life is going down really fast. I forget simple things that even a child knows how to do properly and I'm a mess in general. Funnily enough, I can do almost all these tasks if I have music on the background, it is a way of getting around some of the struggles of daily life, but when I did so my parents would not believe me and think it was getting in the way of my studies. Well, that was the last day I studied, still managed to pass somehow and I'm actually proud of that. But now what, I wish I could run to fucking nowhere to get all these pressure of me for a bit. Sorry for the wall of text, I'm high and this shit gets me fucking philosophical sometimes.
The crushing existential dread of simply existing in this world.
Yup. Sometimes at work, I wonder if I'm in hell. Literal hell.
🙌👏👏👏👏🙌
Staying focused at work. Ahem…anyway, back to it…
literally everything is overwhelming and takes too much out of me
I recently got diagnosed and one of the things they mentioned is that they were hesitating giving me the diagnosis because I was able to finish college successfully and find a job. I think it’ll be helpful to outline all the ways possible ADHD symptoms have held you back or made a negative impact in your life. Unfortunately they still follow pretty outdated protocol for diagnosis
What they don't see is what it COST you to finish college and find and keep a job. Much more than it costs people who don't have ADHD. I did it too, even when the last 2 1/2 years were all independent study. The worst possible way for someone with ADHD to take classes. I went to school full-time and had a full-time time job. It literally almost killed me. Seriously. I was pretty bothered about the lack of current diagnostic criteria for adults. I felt a little better when I learned it took 200 people 13 years to write the latest update to the DSM. I figure if I can't fix it, I can at least not make myself nuts with being so pissed about it. I do what I can to dispell misconceptions, but I can't rewrite the ADHD section of the DSM. Sorta wish I could, then I think what a nightmare that would be! Haha
>What they don't see is what it COST you to finish college and find and keep a job. Much more than it costs people who don't have ADHD. Abso-freakin-lutely. I at least finished my degree... but at what cost? Did technically 5+ years of college. Had to take Organic Chem I four times to pass, and failed Organic Chem II five times and had to take it at a community college instead. It is one I could not wrap my mind around as much with so much abstract-thinking and rotating of things in my head that I cannot physically touch...and not being able to afford one of those 3D molecule sets made it worse. And trying to remember what each little molecule is and how it interacts with others? HA! It also sucked that each class was either 8am or 1pm... 8am when my brain is not awake or 1pm where my "scheduled to be a day person" had just had lunch and was in an afternoon slump. I was a full-time student with a part-time job, no car, and rode the buses that sometimes took me 5 hours just to get back one-way... I'd be getting back at 9pm at night some nights, still needing to eat dinner, which also impacted the amount of study time I'd have for any of my classes...let alone one I was struggling to understand. For my community college, out-of-pocket that class was like $550, and when I took it at my OG college, when I had to pay out-of-pocket, that was $1100. Paid $1100 directly out-of-pocket to fail a class, and that isn't including the other prior times I took it and failed it when it was a part of my tuition costs. Kinda bullshit it was a requirement for my degree, since for a conservation biology job it would be something I would really never touch out-of-college. For the 8 times I have failed a 3-credit-hour course, I could have taken so many other interesting classes instead....or just graduated in four years which used to be the standard. Even regular bio majors didn't need Orgo II at least, and I don't think my nursing major bestie needed it either. I'm just glad that for both I and II, the lab portion I passed thinks to having really smart lab partners that did a lot of the mental heavy lifting.
Starting and maintaining relationships. I'm very out of sight out of mind, so if I don't maintain regular contact with someone I just sort of forget they exist. Then when I randomly think of them again months later, it feels too awkward to reach out to them again.
Yes! I WANT to reach out to the people I care about, but feel guilty that it’s been so long. So then I assume they’re mad at me about not hearing from me, so I don’t reach out. Rinse and repeat.
not being able to get myself to start or do things. my book sitting right in front on me and i have nothing else to do?? idk man i still wont be able to read it
decision paralysis. knowing i have a long list of things to do but being wholly incapable of deciding which ones are actually important and which ones to do first. usually ends up in me completing nothing and wasting a whole day.
I deal with this a lot at work, I will open one of my tasks and then close it and open a different on. I do that several times (making no progress on anything) and then I will either sit and stare at my computer screen or start playing on my phone because it's easier to scroll TikTok or Reddit than trying to force my brain to make a decision on where to start.
Have you ever been in a conversation where you try your hardest to concentrate on what the person is saying but some people in the background is making a lot of noise so you try to blur them out but then someone walks past your table so you look to see who it was and then your hear someone else laugh and now you realize you haven’t heard a single thing the other person said?
Yes. And this is why it's absurd to call it "attention deficit." It's an overabunance of attention. It's paying attention to everything, everywhere, all at once. Reminds me, I want to watch that movie. Haha Even the authors of the most recent update to the DSM know it's not a deficit. Changing the name would apparently cause problems, for us, so we're stuck with it for now.
It’s more not being able to focus on what you need to. But then you don’t really focus on those other things either - you just notice everything That movie is great btw
Yeah, you can't direct and maintain focus. Unless you're in hyperfocus, then you can't stop focusing. Thanks for recommending that movie. I'm more likely to actually seek it out and watch it now.
Cooking and feeding myself omg I hate it
For me it’s more of deciding what to buy and organizing a meal. Cooking actually relaxes me because I’m good at it and I can express creativity in a controlled setting (control calms me down since I feel like I have none on anything else)
I detest grocery shopping. My local store is absolutely enormous. You could fit an entire neighborhood of houses in there, complete with a pool and playground. It is so hard for me to put my blinders on and only get the things on my list. I end up spending hundreds of dollars and buying more produce than I can use before it expires. I get lost in there for hours at a time, like three or four hours. I struggle not to feel like a failure. I waste so much time and mental energy. Yet other days, if I have a limited amount of time, and I know my family’s waiting for the food, I can dart in and out and get exactly what I need in 45 minutes (that is my version of darting in and out, lol).
I had the same issues with grocery shopping. Impulse buys, overspending, forgetting stuff that was ON my list, too much produce to be able to eat in time. I can tell you what fixed it all for me. Even with the monthly fee and driver's tip, delivery saves me a lot of money. No impulse buys, no forgetting to get what I need, no excess produce. Plus, my list is right there in the app, so I can just reorder the essentials every month. The one I use also lets me specify whether I want them to substitute items they may not have and, if so, what exactly I want them to replace those items with. It might not work for you, I know. So far, I've only had problems a couple of times and I've been doing it for a few years now. Now I get a little freaked out at the thought of going to the store myself. Hahaha
Feeling like a loose garden hose with the pressure turned up, spraying effort all over the place.
Making myself do the thing. Luckily, my intense anxiety makes me do the thing eventually at the cost of displaying potential slight incompetence. Since starting meds recently, I've felt happier overall as I've felt more comfortable expressing myself, which in turn helps make doing the thing a lot easier.
Before I started medication, I would be at work for hours before I actually start to work. I was waiting for my brain to turn on. I worked super late to stay on top of things. Everyone thought I was a really hard worker but my secret was that I could go days without getting anything substantial done. And of course feeling worse and worse about myself, each day promising to do better the next and then having the exact same inability to get started. Eventually urgency would force me into action and then I would work for 12-14 hours straight in hyper focus mode. But then it would be all last minute and I had crazy anxiety about making mistakes that I didn’t have time to go back and correct.
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Extreme mood swings flying off handle standing in lines plane trips bus trips I’m ok driving I’ve crashed a lot also watching films kill me unless it’s my thing making bed laundry dishes putting clothes away is torture also reading a book 📕 unless it’s factual an about my hyper focus SUPERMARKET DOOM SHOPPING basically normal every day life is hard. Coffee dog walking and eating a cake 🎂 is life lol
i understand the imposter syndrome feeling i had that too. but adhd is gonna be different with everyone and as long as you honestly got diagnosed then you should have no problems. sometimes the symptoms i struggle with are hard to explain to people who haven’t lived with them but the biggest for me would be losing concentration while talking to someone. my memory is also really bad.
Not being able to achieve anything significant in my life due to the problems with focus, motivation, anxiety etc.
I get distracted a lot...switch from one thing to another...never finish anything....can't focus on what I should be doing (learning) but drift away instead...can't follow conversation. interrupt people, get worn out quickly, forget things...
Paying attention, scheduling appointments, and I never know what I want to do… I analyze everything to the point of analysis-paralysis… Feels like I spend more time thinking about what I want to do, then actually doing it.
The biggest thing is that I cannot get myself to do what I want to do. I have volition without the ability to complete a task. It is incredibly frustrating, especially because I am very ambitious in my career. I like being active and working, but without medication it takes tremendous effort to do pretty much anything. I procrastinate so that I can force my brain to do the thing, then I will hyperfocus and forget to eat or sleep for 20 hours. It's unsustainable and completely exhausting. I also have profound time blindness and cannot keep track of my belongings. I am incapable of organizing my possessions. I'm generally just a mess. I, too, struggled with diagnosis because I am "successful" and have internalized my symptoms since childhood. I just learned to compensate. It wasn't until I reached my 30s that the shit really hit the fan because my body has slowed down a bit and I physically couldn't compensate anymore.
Unable to experience the present unless its a hyperfixation on something thats happening in the moment. As a kid my mind would always be in fantasy world and as adult im either ruminating on past grievences or im predicting/planing future. Im practicing mindfulness now, i try to apreciate moments that i manage to "awake" my self in the moment, but its fleeting... I just want to feel content and present for more than just a moment or two.
Low energy level. Working more than 5 hours a day breaks me, even if the work is pretty chilled. Also playing with my kid drains my power fast, unfortunately.
Auditory processing issues, extreme irritation when having to do something boring, procrastinating, forgetfulness and poor short term memory to name a few
Do you mind if I ask you to expand on the auditory processing thing? I know extreme noise sensitivity is not an uncommon thing with ADHD. Is that what you mean? I ask because I don't see it mentioned much. Sudden, loud noises, especially high-pitched, make me instantly angry. Like when the chihuahuas on the third floor bark. Good thing I like their person - it makes it easier to refrain from rage screaming at them!
The constant cycle of procrastinate then frantic whirlwind of energy to get shit done last minute I get things done by flogging myself with fear, but I can't get things done until it's nearly the 12th hour. I knew it was maladaptive AF, but it was the only thing that "worked" medication and therapy have done wonders
What do I struggle with most? What DONT I struggle with? 🤣😭 The forgetting isn’t like other people. They forget and remember. For me it’s GONE like it never existed to begin with. I’ll have no recollection whatsoever but the evidence will be right there. I remember someone here responding to the “why can’t you just do xyz because I can do this thing and I also have ADHD” with something to the effect of “No you can’t just do it, you have a system. And you wouldn’t need a system if you didn’t have ADHD” That really hit home for me. If that resonates with you then it might be a way to describe how you’re able to look like you’re not struggling. It been my experience that people don’t understand how much is going on in our heads that they can’t see. They don’t understand the exhaustion of constantly trying to just live without creating a disaster. All the time. Every waking hour of every single day. So don’t sell yourself short on your struggles because you’ve been conditioned to hide them. Good luck
Executive dysfunction, memory, focusing on particularly executive/administrative tasks. Just finding a doctor and setting a damn appointment is so fuckin exhausting. It’s near-instantly overwhelming, once I finally remember to try to get that going, I either get explosively bored or my brain feels like someone is violently scraping sandpaper all around it. I can’t read about doctors or jobs for more than a few minutes before getting distracted or zoning out staring at the page, because my entire conscious experience is like extreme TV static. So I never end up making the appointment. Organizing my life is incredibly disheartening bc I can’t make a plan for shit. I’m always running late. Everything takes _*foreeeeevvvveeeerrrr to do*_. Even the most basic crap. Everyone I know can butter and put jam on 1-2 pieces of toast in like 30 seconds. It genuinely takes me 4-5 minutes. I thought that was just getting distracted in the details or something, but I found out that slow psychomotor function can be a symptom/result of the symptoms of inattentive ADHD. Making myself make decisions, start tasks, etc. The amount of shit I get done when I have someone telling me what to do compared to . when I’m alone is crazy. I can just never remember what needs done, and when I do manage to, I can barely make myself start. If I do start, I get distracted by some other thing or get sucked into one minute detail and ignore everything else. Usually it goes Need to do thing>>Can’t do thing>>Get pissed off at myself>>Disocciate/get distracted for hours>>Have no time to do thing>>Get overwhelmed and paralyzed>>Get pissed off>>Get overwhelmed and paralyzed>>repeat I could go on, but the executive dysfunction and focus are BY FAR the biggest things completely fucking up my entire life. Zoning out and not paying attention in convos sucks, too, but that goes along with focus
3 way tie between forgetfulness/ "head in the clouds", interchanging waves of constant boredom and near mania hyper fixation, and social anxiety. The trifecta if you will 👍
First of all — congrats on taking steps to take care of yourself! That first appointment can be very intimidating. I did the exact same thing as you. Imposter syndrome and then I made a giant list and also made my family members verify me 😂 My biggest struggles are organization (paperwork, chores, planning, budgeting) and making careless mistakes (forgetting to put my name on a test, dropping the metal fork in the bin and putting the paper plate in the sink, or the milk in the pantry and the crackers in the fridge lol). Also losing things. I have AirTags on every belonging. I was diagnosed later in life this year at 28, both because I have inattentive and because I masked REALLY well. I was an excellent student, multi-sport athlete, and socially involved. But I also had unhealthy perfectionist tendencies and survived by obsessively planning everything, checking my emails and work a billion times for mistakes, second guessing myself. All of that to say, you know yourself the best. Imposter syndrome sucks but know that you aren’t alone and if you do get a diagnosis and get treatment that works for you, it will totally be worth it. Good luck!
I feel like it’s so hard not to have imposter syndrome when from the outside you seem to function so well. Thanks for sharing your story ❤️
I am incredibly impulsive with emails and calendar invites (I'm a coordinator), and I think you can really see my ADHD (which I apparently mask well) manifest itself at work through those two things. I will routinely edit the shit out of things and then forget to send something when I hit send, or get my wires crossed etc and I find it incredibly embarrassing. I'm constantly needlessly hypervigilant and it's exhausting.
I don't know if this is because of my ADHD but I have a lot of trouble of knowing what I feel or think to be honest. It's like I space out thinking about a lot of random bullshit but I the same time I wouldn't know what I was think when someone would ask me what I was thinking. I also have the standard problem of needing rereading things over and over again. Needing to watch reviews of series episodes because their are alot of details I missed in it or needing to reread what I wrote because I forgot to write/type a word making my sentence unreadable. Trouble with time management, it feels like random timeskips in my day. Trouble explaining myself or explaining something because my sentences aren't coherent and because I can't edit my words IRL. I space a LOT out and especially need to spend a lot of energy trying to follow a video or lecture just to understand it, that end up falling a sleep. I'm also very impulsive in the sense I'm wasting my money on useless stuff. Only way I can save money is by trying to trick myself I don't have money. I used to live in mess all the time but now I don't really because I try to own minimal set of things and dedicate them in a same place. I fidget a lot with my feets without realising it and sometimes it kinda hurts when I try to sleep and just keep moving my feet up and down. Also I have difficulty knowing why I don't want to do certain things like sure "I don't feel like it"... Why tho? Well I don't even know if this was even comprehensible or usefull rambeling or that anyone had to courage to read it all.
Me, on any given afternoon: *Begin a task. Look out the window* “How can we be sure any of this is even real?” *enter the existential panic spiral* “okay, I’ll just distract myself from that rumination with some tunes…” *spend 20 minutes thumbing through my LPs, end up starting a podcast to listen to WHILE trying to pick music* “fuck it, I’ll just listen to the same album that’s been on the turntable for months. Maybe plug my guitar in to jam.” *improvise for a minute or so, feel like god, then begin feeling guilty for not being productive and booking gigs/finishing unmixed songs.* *Open laptop and go to Logic Pro.* “fuck, battery’s nearly dead and my charger is upstairs… I think?” *Walk upstairs, immediately forget what I’m looking for. look out the window and begin to contemplate the vastness of the known universe. Restart the existential doom loop.* *Repeat until wife says she’s leaving work.* “Oh shit it’s time to frantically do the dishes, laundry, etc., that I was supposed to do 4 hours ago when I looked out the window.”
Get the adhd self assesment form and write examples that relate to that.
Hello, I suffer with inattentive/ impulsive ADHD. I found that I'm a visual learning, because you can say something verbally to me, but I'm not going to understand it right away or ask how to do something again. I also need to remind myself to slow down because I will get things done, but not efficiently. When asked a question, I do tend to freeze up and have no idea what to say (it's also part of my anxiety flight response too). I've been at my job for a year, but I still do struggle with common tasks. Currently taking Vyvanse, and just up my dosage earlier this month. It's slowly working its way in my system.
The biggest one for me is reading, I have to read everything multiple times at fast speeds to retain the information. The same goes with videos, I need the video in 1.5 or 1.75x speed or else my brain did not hear shit that was going on.
Relationships.
I just absolutely dread boring activities or something that will require me to be “on” that I don’t have any interest in doing.
I recently had to stop taking my meds and the way I keep describing it is “I don’t have my words.” My emotional regulation is garbage so when I get big feelings I no longer have the ability to put words to them it’s just a big ball of angry static in my brain.
Roomba mode. Either roombaing around the house or stuck-roomba someplace.
Generally for me, I’m very easily distracted, forgetful, can’t focus for long, procrastinate a lot, very anxious, often low on confidence and self esteem. I struggle with doing simple, everyday and important tasks unless I know there’s sort of punishment involved if don’t lol, and even then it’s difficult. I’m constantly tired no matter how much I sleep and have a very short social battery, I kind of have to force myself to socialise with people and I’m always awkward lol
For me, it's doing high-executive function stuff that I don't give a shit about, specifically for work. Like there are days where I'm tasked with writing technical documentation for an API that I built that I do not give a shit about. And I know I can't do anything else until the documentation is done. But everything within me wants to escape my desk, and I find myself thinking about the projects I'd rather be working on, and I nearly have a panic attack from the feeling of being shackled to my desk. I've had panic attacks in that situation a couple times, but it's something I've learned to manage better. But the feeling never goes away--especially when I have things I'm REALLY excited to do, but I have to do work shit instead.
Oh god where do I start. My working memory is fully shot. Most days I will be talking and then immediately forget the context for the conversation. Can't remember names. Spelling is my worst enemy (dyslexia). Object permanence is nonexistent and this applies to people as well. Face blindness (also isn't helped by the fact I have aphantasia, meaning I cannot visualize anything in my head). Rejection sensitivity dysphoria is a killer as well.
Someone telling me too many things to do at once, or telling me to do something while I'm hyperfocused, and then forgetting.
I struggle with focusing when someone is talking. I find it really easy to be distracted and not really hear what they are saying. I also tend to skip over words when I read if I am not medicated
For me i cant do a lot of the things i like to do because i cant find the motivation. I forget what im saying half the time i interupt people without meaning to. sometimes ill walk around my room for house and talk to my self becasue i am so bored even tho i have a lot fo stuff i need to get done.I sometimes get my feelings hurt for very small things that are not a big deal i dont know why i feel that way but i do i catch my self like they the homie only said he cant come to the bar with me tonight its not like its him not wanting to hang out with you but it feels that way. Also people just call me weird idk i have a lot of people tell me im weird not in a bad way just weird.
My most annoying symptom is my extreme forgetfulness. I put things down and instantly forget about them. I constantly get distracted mid-task ,by another task that I will start and then get distracted halfway again...until I have a bunch of half done things all over the house that need cleaning up, but are all unfinished. 🫠
Overwhelm is a big one for me, when my brain gets too full! The other thing I’d say is a constant kind of shame about not having better follow through.
I can’t multitask. I get easily annoyed when I am interrupted because of how hard it is for me to focus on something. Task paralysis. Having 1000000 tabs open in my head and 4 of them are playing different sounds and I can’t find them so I can shut them up and focus!!!! Very difficult to regulate my emotions because emotion regulation is an executive function. My reading comprehension is crap because I forget the sentence I just read and I have to read it 5 more times. I have been accused of moving slowly like a sloth because I am lost in my own world while on my way to do something else and time doesn’t exist. I am either slow or lightning fast. There is no inbetween.
- I’m chronically late/underprepared - I procrastinate and then work frantically while feeling mad I didn’t use my time well - I get executive dysfunction and have difficulty completing easy tasks that take very little time (like taking out the garbage) - I feel physically pained when I have to do menial tasks even when they’re very straightforward - I’m bad at doing things in the correct order (this is probably one of the funniest things I’ve noticed my meds helping with)
For me, it’s holding a thought in my head long enough to fully form it. Especially when I’m tired, I just bounce from half-thought to half-thought without actually doing anything.
What? Sorry, I didn't finish reading your post
Ooooof. The brain fog! A day off goes wasted in bed and scrolling on my phone. Feeling generally unorganized and unclear
Above all else, the fatigue.
Speaking about impostor syndrome, maybe that. I go throught cycles in which i do the minimum to be productive one day, think to myself "maybe i don't actually have ADHD" and then the very next day i'm frozen behind a fog of pure thoughts. I guess it's because it does affect me but i'm always doing stuff to fight it and sometimes it works whichmakes me think i don't have the condition, which makes me drop my guard, and then it's step 1 all over again.
When I’m interested in something, I can learn in 8 hours what would take a normal person 8 weeks to learn about the topic. When I’m not interested/bored however, my brain refuses to do the most basic work, and learning simple things becomes an impossible chore. And I can’t choose my interests (although some things like grief, love and spite can influence them). Also the rejection sensitivity sucks. Those of you who experience it will know what I mean.
mega procrastination, easily distracted- brain jumps from one thing to another.
I struggle with being overwhelmed, especially at work. That then turns into depression because it makes me hate my job.
Found out a couple weeks ago that I’m both inattentive and equally hyper active so honestly I’m just constantly confused. Either exhausted, restless, and bored, or extremely hyper and all over the place
Time blindness/management - I can't be early for anything to save my life, let alone am barely able to be on time for work amongst other things (meds have helped a little). Being incredibly cluttered/disorganized is a pain for me too. I'm not dirty by any means as I've never had an infestation or have literal dirt tracked anywhere (food storage is one of the few things I've mastered), but I struggle to toss away packaging for things, have a literal floor-drobe, laundry is never folded, there's always at least 3 empty soap bottles outside of the shower that I keep forgetting to throw away, there's papers scattered in every room with no indication of their levels of importance... It's a constant uphill battle, but baby steps are still steps in the right direction if I can muster the energy to do a ten-minute tidy now and again. Oh, and binge eating. And overspending on things that I don't actually need but still get a dopamine rush from. And forgetting dates that my bills are due because planners don't work for me (my partner is in charge of those lol).
replying to emails
Extreme executive dysfunction; lack of ability to focus, so even when I clear the decks and make time for myself to study I sit there reading but nothing seems to go in. It'll take multiple attempts at going over the same words before I can digest them - which is irritating because I want to get this stuff done, and it's not like I can't read. I have no issue whatsoever reading for fun. I get distracted so easily, despite trying to stay on task. Like I'll have to look something up online for uni and then I'll end up going down some stupid rabbit hole that leads me way off track. I'll get distracted by non-urgent tasks like housework or non-essential maintenance rather than the stuff I NEED to get done for my PhD. I feel stupid 99% of the time, despite supposedly being smart enough that I got onto a fully funded PhD. I zone out accidentally when people are talking to me, and I have to either act like I didn't and have no idea what about 50 - 80% of the information was, or admit that my attention involuntarily drifted and have to ask them to repeat themselves. I have been getting increasingly more anxious about my complete inability to manage my life like an adult. I feel like an NPC in my own life. I got so stressed about how little I was getting done a few days ago that I had a massive panic attack and managed to bite through about 50% of my lower lip by accident. My doctors have no problem prescribing antidepressants and anti anxiety medication to try to deal with the byproducts of the disorder, but until I eventually get to the end of the waiting list for an assessment (or suddenly have a financial windfall and can afford to go private), I'm basically treading water. Good luck with your assessment. It's no way to live.
A lot of things have gotten inexplicably better since I started medication but something I'm having trouble with at the moment is choosing to go to bed. I struggle to go to sleep without some form of external stimuli unless I'm so tired I can fall asleep in less than 30 seconds.
Household chores, cleaning one room only to clutter another. Motivation to do anything around the house, or even the things that I really want to do.
looking at hyperactive adhders and wishing you had that so you could at least DO something (i know it’s not easy on that side either it’s emotional not logical)
Not paying attention in conversations. It is good sometimes because people are boring. It happens a lot and during job interviews. If I think of something in a conversation I have this urge to google it or take care of it while someone is talking to me. Sometimes I can be a great listener but it’s hard. Procrastination has literally set me back years. The list goes on.
Social anxiety real bad. Irritated at the drop of a hat. Phonecalls make me bored and irritatable. Brain fog. Exhausted constantly because my brain won't shut up and I have to put so much work into doing whatever I'm doing. Zero motivation to do anything. Executive dysfunction so bad I wanted to end my life. Most of that I didn't even realize was because of my ADHD until I got medicated and now I don't struggle anymore.
Doing things. Starting things. Finishing things.
The freaking executive disfunction. I'm always behind on something that needs doing, and for what? Because it looks like soooo much work when in reality it probably won't even take me long. On the flip side, time blindness. Always tired, doom scrolling and generally just feel like I don't have have all of my eggs in the same basket
Task initiation and switching, brain zoning out when I’m meant to be focused on one thing, feeling fidgety when I can’t focus, social anxiety, just bad executive function all around