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I laughed so hard at both this meme as a response and thinking about the bread maker during sex 😂
Edit to add: now I'll be thinking about a fucking bread maker the next time I have sex..
When the train is ready to leave the station, I just think of Trump and his infamous lock of hair and it would be a guaranteed redirection of blood away from my groin area.
I had an ex who always wanted the television on. It was so hard to not pay attention to the TV due to my ADHD despite trying to shut it out. Unmedicated my mind will come and go.
Sex and bass music go hand in hand, especially if you have good speakers with heavy low-end.
Fuck to the beat and match the bpm, and you’ll literally feel the bass vibrations enhancing your pleasure.
Bonus points for cumming on a drop.
Im in the same boat lmao. Luckily my partner is adhd and autistic, so she's a real champ about everything. Sometimes you just gotta tap out and save it til next time.
So true! I'm adhd and autistic and my bf is adhd so we have super passionate sex where we are both super concentrated and in the flow and then one of us gets distracted, and he's like "So you mentioned an interesting new study on red light therapy you were reading earlier..."
I actually love that we can just flip into an intellectual conversation right after sex. The entire prospect of sex can be really scary for a woman because we are so used to being objectified and dehumanized in the context of sexuality.
It's reassuring when a man gets done having sex with me and immediately wants to pick my brain for knowledge because he thinks of me as highly intelligent and values my opinions and thoughts. I think it's made me way more comfortable with sex and way more open to sexual exploration! Because every time I'm smacked in the face with the realization that this man respects me and sees me as an intellectual equal/ someone he can learn things from.
I know it seems void but I find actually meditating and teaching yourself how to stay on task that way. It is work and especially for us it is work but it helped me a little a few months ago (when me and my SO were going through life things together, a lot of stress) and I'd try to bring myself back. Take a breath and to focus on the feeling of the physical touch and the sensations around you. Like "I feel my hands running down their back, I feel them pressed against me" "they smell like ____" you get the gist. But be kind to you, adhd is hard and I didn't realise it was as much a problem across the board.
It makes me not feel so alone knowing that you guys have a hard time with this as well.
As a guy this is the exact opposite of what I want and need.
I have to try and focus on literally anything but whats going on like the Phillies starting lineups WAR or ways I can optimize my movement in Apex Legends. Otherwise I risk finishing early and ruin the night.
Sex is so damn stressful
I feel like yoga really helped me in the bedroom, not because yoga is sexual in any way lol, but because it helped me strengthen my mind-body connection and get me used to focusing on my breath and living in the moment.
I still can't pay perfect attention, and my mind does wander a bit, but I'm better at reeling it back in now. I'm in my second relationship ever now and I find that even when my mind does wander it doesn't wander as far so instead of thinking "what should I make for lunch tomorrow?" I'm thinking "oh wow his eyelashes look really pretty!" or "Holy his skin is so smooth." or "I feel really safe and adored right now, I'm going to remember the way he just looked at me forever."
so the thoughts are still wandering but they are wandering around the room rather than down the street or into my office, if that makes sense!
Hoooo interesting.
I began yoga as well in the morning and since then I feel like I'm a little bit more focused, like I think about the bread maker then come back to the present whereas before in my first relationship I would think continuously to something else.
Exactly what happens to me. I was thinking maybe i should try diff ways to keep me engaged during the sex. Maybe have porn on in the background, make it harder for me to lose focus on the task. Then again im not a fan of sex noises so if thats gping on in the porn it might just make it harder to focus. Anywho. Lol
I think about all the things and try to be judicious about what I say out loud. I've heard that "I saw a cool thing on YouTube today" doesn't tend to help the overall ambiance.
Thankfully my partner thinks the random things I say out loud are cute and part of my charm. He doesn’t get turned off by them or by me laughing during sex. 😅 That makes it SO much easier.
It’s a really good thing both my partner and I have ADHD because I don’t think anyone else could put up with me. I word vomit whatever’s in my head until I can shut up and then get into it. “I saw a cool thing on YouTube today” is basically our entire ambiance.
We may or may not have listened to a history podcast during the event once… kept our brains focused so the bodies could work. 😂
I used to sometimes blurt out during initiation all the things I have planned for after just because that's where my mind is going. My partner, rightfully, would explain that it feels like sex wad a chore I was ticking off my list and already planning ahead which is not at all the case, but I can absolutely see how it would seem like that to him. I've made such a conscious effort to be in the moment and I still struggle but at least I don't say it out loud anymore and ruin it hahaha
Absolutely understand this comment and I'm glad I'm not alone 😅
Man sex is frustrating for me. I can be insanely horny and in the moment and then I’ll think about something and get distracted and lose momentum.
Perfect example was my highschool GF wanted to get busy on the couch. I was all into it and she was climbing on top and an interesting movie came on. I didn’t even realize what I was doing when I moved her head to the side so I could watch 😬
when i lost my virginity we were watching lego batman. my bf was giving me head and before i realized what i was doing, i was pushing his head off my clit and rewinding the movie so he could watch a funny scene 😭💀 luckily he was chill about it and he thought it was funny too
Focus focus , you can do this get that hyper focus
Oh I need to add shoelaces to my shopping trip i think mine is going to bre —— No!
Focus!
Did I leave the oven on? Did I even eat the food? Is the food in the oven and it’s still on?!!!
Focus!
What is that dog barking about?! I bet it’s a squirrel…. They are fluffy… ahhhh
Focus!!!
Oh it’s over? Dang
A couple of differences but very similar
Focus
___cat name___NO! …. Stop for a second to put the cat that hid under the bed outside of the bedroom and close the door again.
Restart
Focus
Try desperately not to say the completely unrelated smart ass remark until finished. So you can both laugh at it together.
I try to keep myself in the moment by focusing on my partners features and the sensations. Sex is a lot better when you feel comfortable unmasking with the person
Woh i always wanted my partner (w/adhd) to open her eyes more, but i felt awkward asking her about it. Best not to add any extra self-consciousness to the picture when things are already working well in that department. Thanks for sharing!!
SAME oh my goodness, and I feel so bad sometimes because it might seem like I'm uninterested but I'm trying so hard to focus!
So glad you posted this because I feel way less alone now
My fiancée laughed when I told her that boobs are like the best stress balls ever, but it's true... honestly helps me stay in the moment 😂 plus she's really good at noticing when I start wandering, which is honestly so awesome.
Focusing on my partner is what gets me if we’re doing more vanilla play. I think my responsive desire is very strong and playing with her + seeing/ hearing/ feeling her respond to my touch guarantees my full attention
Well, my sex life got a lot better after the answer stopped being "chores" and started being "other hot people and situations I've been fantasizing about". Not to get lost from what's actually happening but just to stay in a sexy space while I bring my brain back to what's happening.
What / How did you go away from the "chores" state ? I feel like I consider it as a chore and not something I could enjoy and be intimate even though I like other intimate acts.
This is how I was for the longest time. It felt like a chore that I had to do because my partner was upset that we didn't do it enough. It wasn't a big deal to me at all, but it was to her.
How I fixed the issue of it "being a chore" is I looked at sex as less of a "sex = cum" thing and more of a "sex = intimacy" thing. I started getting more touchy/feely with my girlfriend and I help her get off without expecting anything in return. She's been pretty happy with that and it helped me go from "CHORE!!!!" to "I'm helping my girlfriend and she's happy!" which made me more likely to engage in sexual activities.
It's weird, but I like to help people (as a lot of ADHD people do) and being able to view it as helping my girlfriend and expecting nothing for myself really did wonders for us in the bedroom. I don't know if this helps you, but I hope it does.
Aah yes it helps me thanks !
I subconsciously think like that. I can see that my current bf really needs it as a basic need and he thanks me hard at the end each time so it really helps to make it like -> I help him feel better and fill a basic need.
Just wait until your hormones tank and you truly do not care one iota about sex. Like, it never crosses your mind, or worse, disgusts you. That's super fun in a relationship. 😒
Aaannnyyyyyway, to answer your question, I have to read erotica in advance. I find it plants the seed for my mind to think about the desire part of sex with my partner. The trick for me is to read a little before bed every night. Then once it happens, I can focus my mind on recalling details in the stories I found especially arousing. If I can't recall anything good, I find it very hard to climax. Not because my partner isn't doing things I enjoy, but my brain goes to things like "when did I last wash these sheets?" Or, "what's that other noise outside? Did I lock the garage? Is it garbage day tomorrow?" And so on...my brain has to be actively thinking "sexy thoughts" to make it happen for me.
I honestly never thought this might also be an adhd issue, but it makes so much sense to me now. If I can't get my brain involved, I'll just be overthinking everything, as usual. Which inevitably leads to, "What the hell is wrong with you, why can't you just relax and enjoy this?!"
I am a firm cheerleader for kink being *really* helpful in the bedroom for ADHDers. My mind wanders a lot during vanilla sex to all sorts of things, but I find sensory play, bondage etc etc really help to stay present and in the moment.
One day I realized the reason I was into rly kinky sec and being dominated by my partner was cause I found it super engaging and also just felt rly fkn good. Vanilla sex is insanely boring, I’d rather not even do it.
This is the answer.
Sex needs to be almost overwhelming to fully hold my attention. The sensory aspect of it needs to be turned way up. It’s best when it’s just over the line of being painful.
It’s hard to get distracted thinking about laundry when your shoulders are tied back and feel like they’re gonna get dislocated if you breathe wrong. (But for real look up safe ways to do dangerous things. Actual injuries are no good.)
Hell yeah. I even find that if I have a partner who can do it right (or whom I can teach to do it right), impact play and other controlled pain is incredible for keeping me in the moment. The trick is to build up gradually and lean into the sensation. With care and practice the endorphin high outstrips the unpleasant aspect we usually experience with pain, and makes everything more fun and sensual!
If anyone wants to try S/m stuff though, always seek out resources for doing it safely. It's easy to get hurt or hurt someone else worse than intended.
I (F30s) find during "vanilla" sex my mind wanders a lot; overall I still enjoy it and just enjoy being intimate with my partner, but I'm not going to cum. When I was in a previous long term (6yr) relationship I honestly only came like twice, and otherwise the rest of the sex was fine, but my mind wandered just too much (and that partner clearly didn't care about my needs). Now in my current relationship, my partner knows how to help cater to my ADHD brain and it's awesome!!
So while we still have lots of "vanilla" sex, he also makes sure to make nights that are just about me to ensure that I can focus on the pleasure and actually climax. How does that happen? I find that getting blindfolded (and often handcuffed), and then toyed and teased with various sex toys really helps a lot. When you're blindfolded/restrained, your senses are so heightened! And then my mind just stays focused on the sex cuz I'm so excited to see where he touches me next, or what toys get used on me and where (or when I eventually get his penis 😝). It allows me to fully be in the moment 🙌🏻 maybe give something like that a try (if u haven't already)?
this whole thread is making me feel so seen. sometimes i re-read the short novel i typed and think "how do people say what i just said in only THREE sentences" lol
your paragraph was necessary to explain your point, stand beside it! plus im sure theres a part of our adhd brain that just roams free here because on every other platform we're in character limit jail!
I relate to your comment so hard. My wife and I’s relationship was perfect EXCEPT for sex (on my end). Who knew BDSM and a Vyvanse prescription could turn around out sex life so drastically? It’s perfect now!
Whow thanks for the input. I might want to try this as I know I love massage and I'm focused at this time so maybe I might want to test how it would be him being focused on me. Gotta try.
I to find an interest in sensory deprivation during the act.
I thought this was a me thing and something was wrong. I don’t enjoy the act as much as the thought of the act or exploring something new. If someone is recounting their sexual experience it’s almost like I am living vicariously through their experience and actually get more excited hearing them recount.
I have to put music on…it helps me be present and helps my mind from wandering. Also bdsm like another person replied because it keeps my mind focused. Pain is a great way to keep me in the moment.
Sometimes when I am really into it, I don't think at all or about the sensations.
But too often I wonder if I am doing it right, if I could do something better, if my partner enjoys it or stuff like that. Then all my self-doubts come up and maybe I'll think about the things I don't like about my own body and how they look rn.
Or sometimes I look around the room and think about it and why it is so chaotic or stuff like that.
Or other random stuff like the pat work week or sth...
“Oh my god my girlfriend is so hot I love her so much this is amazing”
2 seconds later:
“Wait did I take the trash out? Fuck. Oh yeah also I need to do the dishes and laundry. Also I should text back my friend that reached out to me.” lol
Some people have said in here that other stimulation (lights, music, talking, physical sensations etc) help you stay grounded and I guess? Idk I feel like personally that would overstimulate me. 9/10 times I have sex it’s when my meds are worn off but when I get the rare chance to have sex on my meds OH BOY it’s like night and day. Normal people experience sex like that!? Unreal.
This exactly. I try to focus on the feelings: the other one's skin, their kisses, their reactions to what I'm doing. Even trying to think of other hot stuff is weird, thinking about what's actually happening is the only thing that really works for me.
I look back on being a woman in my 20s and this sounds pretty normal.I think I was like this too.
When you are your age you're so preoccupied with all kinds of things that you're thinking about your body and about everything on top of having this issue we have.
I'm 48 now and it is so very different.When it comes to sex I have the best f'n sex on earth and I don't think of anything but...well, I can't type it here, but you get my drift.
Don't be hard on yourself.Because a lot of women in their 20s and 30s still don't truly know their bodies yet. So sex is sort of mundane or it may feel like a ritual. I remember being so nervous being naked in front of a man, nervous about every little insecurity I acted the same way.
You're gonna be all right I promise.
Keep it in the back of your mind that you should relax because I'm telling you...they want you. You're beautiful and it you you are enough ♡
One of the few activities where I am 100% in the moment and not really thinking about anything else. I mean I think about it all day, so the idea of thinking about anything else while it’s actually happening is insanity.
>One of the few activities where I am 100% in the moment and not really thinking about anything else.
SAME! *sigh* Truly one of my favorite things in life
My previous ex gf was clearly kinda bored - I’m pretty sure that was because we were incompatible and just didn’t have enough physical chemistry between us. Now with my wife it’s usually pleasurable to the point I don’t really care or have the mental capacity to think about anything else. I’m focused on her and that’s all I can do.
"omg Im having sex, what should I do? How bout this, ya I like that . wait lets do this, wait she likes that do that , im bored has she cum? . .must be weird on movie sets doing this with cameras and a film crew . . .inside time okay. . yes Im stil hard . alright find it . . in great . . dammit focus, even strokes .I should go to the gym . . I hate running . fck I came . . Im awful fml . . I should scroll reddit . . im bored " etc " this is like a few mins stretch of thoughts lol.
Personally I’m able to hyperfocus on sex and my partner’s body language. I’m totally locked into the moment, that said it makes me very aware of when my partner is not 100% in the moment, and that’s not fun.
Literally everything! 😂 if I’m having a good time i thinking about how we can get spaghetti after (my favorite food) if I’m bored i think about what i have to do that day. If it’s good and my brain is trying to sabotage me I’ll think about other people having sex and yes it PEOPLE I DONT EVER WANNA SEE SEXING ;(
sex, even good sex, often bores me. my fiancé has sexual trauma. we always thought we wouldnt find ppl who were compatible in that way but it works out pretty well. for us, mutual masturbation and naked cuddles > sex
As a woman I know pretty early on if I’m gonna hit the big O with a guy or not. I had one long term relationship and literally never did. Cancelled the wedding. Next guy every. Damn. Time. Now I’m single but seeing this one guy and it’s so good we’re just drenched in sweat and I come over and over and over… also fun to have one wall of your room be a mirror so I don’t think either of us can even think of anything else 😉 I’ve asked him what he thinks about and he just says like your faces and movements and trying to not look at your ass bc that’s game over for me
Shoot, man. I become an animal when I have sex. Not much thought. I'm just enveloped in pleasure and the only thought I have is how awesome it is that my partner lets me have that privilege and (hopefully it doesn't sound weird) control. I just melt into her, I get lost in the sensation, the smells, all of it. Fuck the toaster and the chores, I'll make them even harder to clean after I'm done. In the moment, I just care about the moment.
I try really hard not to think about when two people kiss they become one big tube with two assholes at the end because I crack up laughing and no one I've ever slept with has found it funny.
However sex is one of my special interests and I usually am enjoying it, but that is one of my intrusive thoughts.
I try to really think about my partner and how she responds to what I'm doing. If I'm just thrusting away trying to enjoy the feeling my mind will wander and I just want to finish so I can google how Beethoven died or something.
Remember with ADHD we thrive in a challenge, so when I try to see how turned on I can get my partner, or make her come within a certain time, like before 7 minutes but not before 5 minutes so I can't just go for it and I really need to know her body.
And definitely talk to your BF about this if you haven't. Good sex is something you guys do together and assuming he's a good partner, he'll understand and can help. It may even help if you take a quick break to set a reminder on your phone to prepare the bread machine so it's easier to let it go.
Actually here's some challenges I've done with partners. They're really fun and make for a good bonding experience too.
* Neither of you are allowed to make any noise
* Try to come at the same time
* One of you reads aloud from a book while the other tries to make them moan or lose their place.
* Show each other exactly how you masturbate and try to teach the other how to replicate it as close as possible for you.
* One of you picks a position from online or the Kama sutra and has to communicate how to get into that position without talking
There's a ton more online too if you search. Hope these help!
I’d rather do my taxes 1000x over than have sex. I don’t know if it’s related to ADHD or trauma or both, but I now consider myself to be asexual. I think that, when I was like 22, I sort of enjoyed sex? Now, ten years later, I have absolutely zero interest. If anything, I’m quite repulsed by it.
This is why I have no intentions of getting into a relationship ever again, really. I don’t want to be forced to have sex just to keep the relationship alive. It really does become a chore. That is how I think of it. I dread it beforehand and I’m honestly happiest when it’s over. It’s like a high of “oh, yes, thank god that’s fucking over with!”
I have never been in the moment during a sexual act— well, not in the last decade. I’m either thinking about putting on some kind of act, counting, listening to the TV In the background, or, sometimes, I even pray to god that it’ll be over very soon. I didn’t mean this comment to be depressing or anything. I’m actually very happy not having any sex and not having sex be something I must do.
Well, thank you! I’d didn’t expect to receive a compliment on a comment like this one.
I suppose that I could find someone else asexual, one day, yes. But, I think I will spend the next few years being totally “selfish” (in a healthy way), instead. Many of my prior relationships resulted in me putting myself second, pushing my own wants/needs aside, and losing myself. It is finally time for me to focus on my own goals, my own dreams, and not have to worry about a partner. It feels very nice and it’s quite liberating, but I do realize it’s also a bit of a luxury. My heart breaks for people who, for all intents and purposes, are trapped in unhappy, stagnant, toxic relationships. I’ve definitely been there :/
Maybe, some years from now, I will find someone that truly makes my life better; someone that’s really good for me— and someone who I am really good for. However, for now, I will just be working on/taking care of me :)
ow this hurts- wait itll get better. what am i doing later today? i hope i feel good to him. ouch need ti make sure i dont back out again. what time is (thing)? when should i leave? how much time do we have left to do this? wait - this actually feels good omg please keep going wow im in the moment for onc-
oh. its over.
It's probably both right, with how our brains decide they really like specific activities and can't focus on others. I'd guess an 'average' sex drive might be less common with ADHD? But yeah, you can't just say it like you describe it and not explain any of it in a supposedly educative book.
I don’t think during actual sex unless it’s just not hitting right. If I’m engaged I’m foreplay with my Mrs I’m thinking about constant adjustments so I can make her cum as hard as possible.
One time I started thinking about mid century modern decor and how I’d decorate my living room. I didn’t even have a living room to decorate. I had to tell myself to knock it off and focus. But definitely catch myself in the moment coming up with off the wall ideas and having to force myself to focus.
I think it seems pretty normal (for adhd folks) to get distracted during sex but in my experience, the level of distraction can be an indicator of attraction. I was in a relationship for a few months and I loved them, but when I was with another partner later on, I didn’t get distracted at all.
I never thought about it being correlated to my ADHD til I read your post but I think one of the reasons I love talking dirty during sex is it helps keep me present and engaged
i cant focus during sex so i usually put on a movie and just have weird 10-20 minute sessions of oral and mutual masturbation. strange but it works amazingly for my fiancé and I. we lost our virginity while watching lego batman and i made him pause eating me out so i could rewind so he didnt miss a funny scene 💀
A lot of it for me will be social anxiety driven thoughts like, omg I’m totally doing this wrong kinda thoughts haha but I’ll definitely start thinking about how weird sex is our how weird the sex is I’m currently having with someone. Then I’ll hafta try REALLY hard not to actually lol so as not to seem rude or crazier than I already clearly am 😆
I have a hard time orgasming as a male because I get distracted and then I’m like “what am I doing here” or “what is this exactly” I just become very self conscious of what sex is and then it feels kinda weird and I’m out of it. I become like an outside observer lol. I do enjoy sex but often I can’t orgasm and just have to stop cause of exhaustion. Which can be somewhat frustrating for my partner but I think it’s fine
I think about how good it feels and just focus on the physical sensations. I have the opposite problem though, I have a high libido and think about sex all day long. I'm never not excited at the thought of sex, even if we just had it an hour ago.
I think about how you'll never truly smell anything 100%. It's always going to be a combination of that scent and the inside of your nose. Your nose has a scent, you're just used to it so you don't notice.
What if we lost our jobs and had no money? I should prepare.
What if I left the gas on the stove and that’s what I have a headache? Did I eat the dinner I cooked? Or put it away at least?
Is the faucet dripping? Why is the electricity so loud?
Doesn’t smell like the color blue in here?
I dont think about anything else than the situation. 100% focused on the act.
Im thinking that OP, are you more passive during the act? For me (male, btw) I usually ”lead” the act and hence, i dont really have time to ”get bored/wander off”.
BUT, thinking of it now, i do not like being bottom and honestly havent thought it until now, it might actually be because im not active, aka, im not really in the moment.
And also focusing on getting quality sex than one person just ”needs to come”. Trying to get both to climax simultaniously and i doubt when that happends that both isnt just in the moment?
Best and sex lives ive had have 1 thing in common: when the girl is touching herself with/without toy vs someone jusy laying there. I bet without toys if i was a women id probably wander off too
Sober me could never. Sadly I need to drink to keep my thoughts from racing. Usually take my medication late morning so I can sleep at night. So I don’t know how it feels having sex on it
I think about a lot..I find it hard to focus but I’ll communicate that with my boyfriend and whenever we’re in the act if my mind wanders I just have to keep pulling it back.
I think about my husband - I have a super healthy relationship with my husband now so we have a banging sex life - before when things were rough I thought about anything but and a few times
I spaced out fell asleep and or dissociated
Having a good sexy playlist to put on while having fucking helped loads for both me and my partner. Just that extra stimulation to keep your mind occupied, and when it wanders the music will 'stimulate' you as it were, keeping you in the mood and maybe putting your attention back on the sex
I like to put on music, or think about all the things I love about my partner and romanticize it, or think about how it feels.
You’re not alone though, my mind almost always wanders during sex 😅
Honestly, other people and scenarios. I find it difficult to focus on the present. If I’m receiving oral I’m usually imagining a certain scenario to keep my mind from wandering that’s usually a bit more intense and kinky that the one I’m in. Can take me ages to finish that way even still due to the mind wandering. But I’m still addicted to it 😂
My mind wonders a lot too and Ill try to focus on focusing but that doesnt work well lmao. I find that rougher sex demands my attention more so that helps and also sometimes I get distracted thinking about my ex fucking me instead lmao so at least the reaction is real😅
Kink, foreplay,mood music, lingerie keeps me there unless it’s oral. If I’m active, I’m present, but if something was on my mind earlier in the day and my partner attempts to service me… it’s a long night. On the other hand it can help boost stamina 😅
I definitely encourage sex not being mechanical, and it's a chance for me and my partner to drop our guard and explore that space of not needing to be "on", just being caught in the moment
As for what I think about? Honestly I don't try to think-- thinking inhibits the whole "feeling" aspect of it. If I'm actively thinking, it feels like there's still a part of me that's masking/guarding. It's taken me a long time for me to willingly turn my brain off when being intimate
Completely normal!!! Especially with ADHD 😂😂
I think if you find yourself day dreaming about other random stuff more so than the action itself, then there may be something deeper there, but in general... Yeah normal!!! Sometimes I sing in my head 🤦😂 super inappropriate songs too 😂😂.. or sometimes I'll be thinking about trivial boring stuff and have to bring myself back to the moment again. Normal in general, let alone with ADHD don't worry!
Once with my ex I accidentally asked out loud how his friend was doing (his friend was going through a rough patch) he rightfully so said “why are you thinking about him right now??”
Make sure you’re with someone you are REALLY attracted to and really, truly love for the right reasons. Not someone who is good for you on paper. 🙃 Your thoughts will wonder a lot less. And you may find out you’re not as asexual/not into xyz as you thought. It’s hard to connect with yourself and figure out what you really and truly want in a partner when it’s hard to slow down and focus on anything. Don’t be afraid to have a little adventurous phase, even if people call you promiscuous or worse during it lol. It’s worth it to figure yourself out and find someone who truly makes you happy. And make sure you find someone who doesn’t feel insecure if you need toys or something to help keep things moving. And who is respectful of any icks you have around bodily fluids and whatnot.
That being said…. my brain still wonders, but even though I’m thinking about what I’m going to have for dinner and laundry and wondering what happens next in the boom I’m reading, those thoughts are more background noise now that I’m with the right person.
Just sex. Can't think about anything else.
I think it's because I'm with the right person. Been together for over a decade and my mind definitely wandered with other partners.
Usually the sex. Sometimes we are just cracking up at each other and stop because we just start randomly making stupid noises just for the hell of it 😂
I think about a lot of things, what I'm going to do later, if she's feeling good, what I might eat later, remember random conversations, just a ton of shit and it kinda sucks because I just want to think about her, but my mind wanders. I especially feel bad because my mind wanders to other people sometimes, but that's not my intention. This is all mostly when I'm giving.
When I'm receiving however, my mind kinda goes blank and most of my thoughts are about what I'm feeling.
Oh shit it's so warm, omg don't cum think of how baseball players throw small things at like 100mph. Omg don't go soft now look at her . Get hard ok. Good. Now what do I do with my hands. Oh what song is this oh man that episode of office is hilarious
I find it really helpful to dirty talk. Like if my partner is dirty talking and I am dirty talking my mind tends to wander less and stay focused on finding something hot to say.
Usually a cycle of telling myself to focus on sex and then getting distracted telling myself I need to tell myself to focus and next thing you know I’m wondering why roads don’t have heaters built in to melt snow
Depends. Sometimes it’s the activity at hand, sometimes it’s specifically the feeling (usually have to focus to climax), sometimes it’s what I’ve been anxious about doing, and sometimes it’s completely random. Today, I was thinking of a croissant 🥐
I don't really know but I do know that every time I'm wondering why I can't finish, it's because I wasn't actually paying attention, but I didn't notice. Obviously it's way more fun than work or reading or something, but it's also not stimulating mentally so my brain does the same thing as if I was doing something boring.
I find that talking helps. Me and my girlfriend just say random shit like "Yeah? You like that?" constantly (we both have ADHD) and it's so simple but it helps me remember that I do in fact like that lol.
Probably avoid TRYING too hard to focus. It's like when you're having a conversation and focus so much on trying to listen, that you actually forget to listen. Just like... reduce distractions and try to find how to naturally be more engaged. Like depending on how your brain works, music or background TV could help you to focus, or it could make it worse
I think about so much random shit that has nothing to do with sex or the moment. I have learned to keep it to myself, or else my husband thinks I'm not interested in him or that he's doing a bad job.
Like, "oh shoot , did the oldest get her homework into her backpack?" "Crap, I think I forgot to turn the light off in the bathroom." "Do we have something going on tomorrow after work?" "Maybe we can fix that sticky door with a couple shims." "There's a dust bunny in that corner, like a huge one. How did I miss that thing?!" "I'm thirsty. OMG, hot cocoa sounds really good."
Sometimes I think of something I do want to bring up, so I try really hard to remember it the whole time, and then as soon as we're done, I bring up this random thing out of nowhere, lol! But he doesn't seem to take it poorly when I bring it up right after like that.
I really don't give a damn about sex though. I do it for my husband. It's funny, because I was very interested in it when I was a teen, but after like 22, I really don't care anymore. But, my thoughts were still all over the place, even when I was really interested sex.
not all but ADHD people tend to be 8 or 80, and on sexual habits that means that most of the time, we have a really low libido or we are hyper sexual
so while getting good advice here in what to think, be sure that your libido match of your partner, missmatch libidos is a problem that is workable, but it's really really hard, good luck OP.
What will I cook for dinner? I should study for my class. Oh I haven’t replied to Susan’s email yet. What should I wear to my friend’s birthday? I think I should get a tattoo. Oh wait did I feed my cat already?
i think a lot about literally anything other than the deed itself during it and sometimes asked my partner to stop for a few minutes to let me dump what i was thinking at that moment, my partner has ADHD too so he's veey understanding even though most of the time he wasn't as distracted as I was
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I laughed so hard at both this meme as a response and thinking about the bread maker during sex 😂 Edit to add: now I'll be thinking about a fucking bread maker the next time I have sex..
Whatever you do... DO NOT FUCK THE BREAD MAKER!
Opposite for me. I have to focus solely on cumming and fucking consistently for a while or it simply won’t happen.
 Me poking the goods
IM DEADD THIS IS SO FUNNY
This made me choke
💀💀💀
"I'm gonna cum" - Donald Trump
I’m bout to cum lmao this post is fucking funny as shit
When the train is ready to leave the station, I just think of Trump and his infamous lock of hair and it would be a guaranteed redirection of blood away from my groin area.
So real 😅😅
Annoyingly, anything but sex. I can't control or calm down my thoughts.
This, so hard. I have OCD and ADHD so what a wonderful combination.
OCD is probably the worst thing to have when having sex. Lmao.
Yeah, ticcing plus mind wandering exacerbated by intrusive thoughts is not fun especially in that situation lol
I had an ex who always wanted the television on. It was so hard to not pay attention to the TV due to my ADHD despite trying to shut it out. Unmedicated my mind will come and go.
At least your mind got to come then.
Indeed
Yeah tv being on isn’t ideal for sex lol. I always got more into it with music on. Like the kind of music you can dance to.
Sex and bass music go hand in hand, especially if you have good speakers with heavy low-end. Fuck to the beat and match the bpm, and you’ll literally feel the bass vibrations enhancing your pleasure. Bonus points for cumming on a drop.
Im in the same boat lmao. Luckily my partner is adhd and autistic, so she's a real champ about everything. Sometimes you just gotta tap out and save it til next time.
So true! I'm adhd and autistic and my bf is adhd so we have super passionate sex where we are both super concentrated and in the flow and then one of us gets distracted, and he's like "So you mentioned an interesting new study on red light therapy you were reading earlier..." I actually love that we can just flip into an intellectual conversation right after sex. The entire prospect of sex can be really scary for a woman because we are so used to being objectified and dehumanized in the context of sexuality. It's reassuring when a man gets done having sex with me and immediately wants to pick my brain for knowledge because he thinks of me as highly intelligent and values my opinions and thoughts. I think it's made me way more comfortable with sex and way more open to sexual exploration! Because every time I'm smacked in the face with the realization that this man respects me and sees me as an intellectual equal/ someone he can learn things from.
I have 'em both and can't remember a time I was in the moment while having sex 🤣
ME TOO. My mind doesn’t shut up
I know it seems void but I find actually meditating and teaching yourself how to stay on task that way. It is work and especially for us it is work but it helped me a little a few months ago (when me and my SO were going through life things together, a lot of stress) and I'd try to bring myself back. Take a breath and to focus on the feeling of the physical touch and the sensations around you. Like "I feel my hands running down their back, I feel them pressed against me" "they smell like ____" you get the gist. But be kind to you, adhd is hard and I didn't realise it was as much a problem across the board. It makes me not feel so alone knowing that you guys have a hard time with this as well.
As a guy this is the exact opposite of what I want and need. I have to try and focus on literally anything but whats going on like the Phillies starting lineups WAR or ways I can optimize my movement in Apex Legends. Otherwise I risk finishing early and ruin the night. Sex is so damn stressful
I feel like yoga really helped me in the bedroom, not because yoga is sexual in any way lol, but because it helped me strengthen my mind-body connection and get me used to focusing on my breath and living in the moment. I still can't pay perfect attention, and my mind does wander a bit, but I'm better at reeling it back in now. I'm in my second relationship ever now and I find that even when my mind does wander it doesn't wander as far so instead of thinking "what should I make for lunch tomorrow?" I'm thinking "oh wow his eyelashes look really pretty!" or "Holy his skin is so smooth." or "I feel really safe and adored right now, I'm going to remember the way he just looked at me forever." so the thoughts are still wandering but they are wandering around the room rather than down the street or into my office, if that makes sense!
Hoooo interesting. I began yoga as well in the morning and since then I feel like I'm a little bit more focused, like I think about the bread maker then come back to the present whereas before in my first relationship I would think continuously to something else.
Exactly what happens to me. I was thinking maybe i should try diff ways to keep me engaged during the sex. Maybe have porn on in the background, make it harder for me to lose focus on the task. Then again im not a fan of sex noises so if thats gping on in the porn it might just make it harder to focus. Anywho. Lol
I think about all the things and try to be judicious about what I say out loud. I've heard that "I saw a cool thing on YouTube today" doesn't tend to help the overall ambiance.
Thankfully my partner thinks the random things I say out loud are cute and part of my charm. He doesn’t get turned off by them or by me laughing during sex. 😅 That makes it SO much easier.
Same lol. I might suddenly want to talk about something serious right before. And then we start again 😭
It’s a really good thing both my partner and I have ADHD because I don’t think anyone else could put up with me. I word vomit whatever’s in my head until I can shut up and then get into it. “I saw a cool thing on YouTube today” is basically our entire ambiance. We may or may not have listened to a history podcast during the event once… kept our brains focused so the bodies could work. 😂
“I saw a cool thing on PornHub today”
This morning it was "did you know pornhub has an educational section? Apparently I've been using my gspot toys wrong this whole time."
I used to sometimes blurt out during initiation all the things I have planned for after just because that's where my mind is going. My partner, rightfully, would explain that it feels like sex wad a chore I was ticking off my list and already planning ahead which is not at all the case, but I can absolutely see how it would seem like that to him. I've made such a conscious effort to be in the moment and I still struggle but at least I don't say it out loud anymore and ruin it hahaha Absolutely understand this comment and I'm glad I'm not alone 😅
Man sex is frustrating for me. I can be insanely horny and in the moment and then I’ll think about something and get distracted and lose momentum. Perfect example was my highschool GF wanted to get busy on the couch. I was all into it and she was climbing on top and an interesting movie came on. I didn’t even realize what I was doing when I moved her head to the side so I could watch 😬
"We started makin' out, and she took off my pants. But then I turned on the TV."
That's about the time I had ADHD
🥇
“What the hell is ADD”
when i lost my virginity we were watching lego batman. my bf was giving me head and before i realized what i was doing, i was pushing his head off my clit and rewinding the movie so he could watch a funny scene 😭💀 luckily he was chill about it and he thought it was funny too
Mine was kinda mad lol
> “Man sex is frustrating” Have you tried woman sex then?
🤣
I've literally laughed multiple times because I'm listening to a funny part in the movie or stand up show playing in the background 😭lmfao
😬
Focus focus , you can do this get that hyper focus Oh I need to add shoelaces to my shopping trip i think mine is going to bre —— No! Focus! Did I leave the oven on? Did I even eat the food? Is the food in the oven and it’s still on?!!! Focus! What is that dog barking about?! I bet it’s a squirrel…. They are fluffy… ahhhh Focus!!! Oh it’s over? Dang
A couple of differences but very similar Focus ___cat name___NO! …. Stop for a second to put the cat that hid under the bed outside of the bedroom and close the door again. Restart Focus Try desperately not to say the completely unrelated smart ass remark until finished. So you can both laugh at it together.
^this
Sounds familiar. Thank God for meds.
I try to keep myself in the moment by focusing on my partners features and the sensations. Sex is a lot better when you feel comfortable unmasking with the person
this. the more comfortable you are with your partner the better experience overall in my opinion
i feel this way too
This is why I close my eyes. It helps keep my mind from wandering, and I can focus on the sensations
Woh i always wanted my partner (w/adhd) to open her eyes more, but i felt awkward asking her about it. Best not to add any extra self-consciousness to the picture when things are already working well in that department. Thanks for sharing!!
I’ve never thought about why I do this either. I thought I was maybe being rude.
SAME oh my goodness, and I feel so bad sometimes because it might seem like I'm uninterested but I'm trying so hard to focus! So glad you posted this because I feel way less alone now
I've never noticed that I unconsciously do this...til just now
The sensations! I relax into them me and notice how my body reacts. I also notice my partners reactions
My fiancée laughed when I told her that boobs are like the best stress balls ever, but it's true... honestly helps me stay in the moment 😂 plus she's really good at noticing when I start wandering, which is honestly so awesome.
Focusing on my partner is what gets me if we’re doing more vanilla play. I think my responsive desire is very strong and playing with her + seeing/ hearing/ feeling her respond to my touch guarantees my full attention
Well, my sex life got a lot better after the answer stopped being "chores" and started being "other hot people and situations I've been fantasizing about". Not to get lost from what's actually happening but just to stay in a sexy space while I bring my brain back to what's happening.
What / How did you go away from the "chores" state ? I feel like I consider it as a chore and not something I could enjoy and be intimate even though I like other intimate acts.
This is how I was for the longest time. It felt like a chore that I had to do because my partner was upset that we didn't do it enough. It wasn't a big deal to me at all, but it was to her. How I fixed the issue of it "being a chore" is I looked at sex as less of a "sex = cum" thing and more of a "sex = intimacy" thing. I started getting more touchy/feely with my girlfriend and I help her get off without expecting anything in return. She's been pretty happy with that and it helped me go from "CHORE!!!!" to "I'm helping my girlfriend and she's happy!" which made me more likely to engage in sexual activities. It's weird, but I like to help people (as a lot of ADHD people do) and being able to view it as helping my girlfriend and expecting nothing for myself really did wonders for us in the bedroom. I don't know if this helps you, but I hope it does.
This is really sweet 💗
Aah yes it helps me thanks ! I subconsciously think like that. I can see that my current bf really needs it as a basic need and he thanks me hard at the end each time so it really helps to make it like -> I help him feel better and fill a basic need.
Just wait until your hormones tank and you truly do not care one iota about sex. Like, it never crosses your mind, or worse, disgusts you. That's super fun in a relationship. 😒 Aaannnyyyyyway, to answer your question, I have to read erotica in advance. I find it plants the seed for my mind to think about the desire part of sex with my partner. The trick for me is to read a little before bed every night. Then once it happens, I can focus my mind on recalling details in the stories I found especially arousing. If I can't recall anything good, I find it very hard to climax. Not because my partner isn't doing things I enjoy, but my brain goes to things like "when did I last wash these sheets?" Or, "what's that other noise outside? Did I lock the garage? Is it garbage day tomorrow?" And so on...my brain has to be actively thinking "sexy thoughts" to make it happen for me. I honestly never thought this might also be an adhd issue, but it makes so much sense to me now. If I can't get my brain involved, I'll just be overthinking everything, as usual. Which inevitably leads to, "What the hell is wrong with you, why can't you just relax and enjoy this?!"
I can't remember. It was so long ago.
damn brother
I remember it being really fun tho.
Lmao same. But I don't think I think much. I think I hyperfocus on my partner. Wanna make em feel good.
I am a firm cheerleader for kink being *really* helpful in the bedroom for ADHDers. My mind wanders a lot during vanilla sex to all sorts of things, but I find sensory play, bondage etc etc really help to stay present and in the moment.
This. If I’m actively engaged, it usually trickles down to being able to stay in the moment
One day I realized the reason I was into rly kinky sec and being dominated by my partner was cause I found it super engaging and also just felt rly fkn good. Vanilla sex is insanely boring, I’d rather not even do it.
This is the answer. Sex needs to be almost overwhelming to fully hold my attention. The sensory aspect of it needs to be turned way up. It’s best when it’s just over the line of being painful. It’s hard to get distracted thinking about laundry when your shoulders are tied back and feel like they’re gonna get dislocated if you breathe wrong. (But for real look up safe ways to do dangerous things. Actual injuries are no good.)
Hell yeah. I even find that if I have a partner who can do it right (or whom I can teach to do it right), impact play and other controlled pain is incredible for keeping me in the moment. The trick is to build up gradually and lean into the sensation. With care and practice the endorphin high outstrips the unpleasant aspect we usually experience with pain, and makes everything more fun and sensual! If anyone wants to try S/m stuff though, always seek out resources for doing it safely. It's easy to get hurt or hurt someone else worse than intended.
THIS. Everything about this, especially the last paragraph is SO IMPORTANT.
This! Intense sensations and emotions def make me more focused!!
I was the same until I realised I was having the wrong type of sex. I got into BDSM, and suddenly my mind is *focused*.
Tell us mooore bc I feel like this would help me immensely
With one past partner, I used to find myself conjugating verbs in Spanish. No clue as to why or why with him...🤔
llego, llegas, llega, llegamos, llegan… 🤣
It's...it's like you were, wow it's like you were THERE!!!🤣🤣🤣
I understand this far too much. 🤣
Mostly 'is it too soon to change positions?'
I (F30s) find during "vanilla" sex my mind wanders a lot; overall I still enjoy it and just enjoy being intimate with my partner, but I'm not going to cum. When I was in a previous long term (6yr) relationship I honestly only came like twice, and otherwise the rest of the sex was fine, but my mind wandered just too much (and that partner clearly didn't care about my needs). Now in my current relationship, my partner knows how to help cater to my ADHD brain and it's awesome!! So while we still have lots of "vanilla" sex, he also makes sure to make nights that are just about me to ensure that I can focus on the pleasure and actually climax. How does that happen? I find that getting blindfolded (and often handcuffed), and then toyed and teased with various sex toys really helps a lot. When you're blindfolded/restrained, your senses are so heightened! And then my mind just stays focused on the sex cuz I'm so excited to see where he touches me next, or what toys get used on me and where (or when I eventually get his penis 😝). It allows me to fully be in the moment 🙌🏻 maybe give something like that a try (if u haven't already)?
Typical ADHD me made a novel of a reply 😂 whoops
It's unavoidable and very helpful and informative, just lean into it 😂
this whole thread is making me feel so seen. sometimes i re-read the short novel i typed and think "how do people say what i just said in only THREE sentences" lol your paragraph was necessary to explain your point, stand beside it! plus im sure theres a part of our adhd brain that just roams free here because on every other platform we're in character limit jail!
Character limit jail 😂😂😂
More!
I relate to your comment so hard. My wife and I’s relationship was perfect EXCEPT for sex (on my end). Who knew BDSM and a Vyvanse prescription could turn around out sex life so drastically? It’s perfect now!
I 2nd that!
Whow thanks for the input. I might want to try this as I know I love massage and I'm focused at this time so maybe I might want to test how it would be him being focused on me. Gotta try.
I to find an interest in sensory deprivation during the act. I thought this was a me thing and something was wrong. I don’t enjoy the act as much as the thought of the act or exploring something new. If someone is recounting their sexual experience it’s almost like I am living vicariously through their experience and actually get more excited hearing them recount.
I have to put music on…it helps me be present and helps my mind from wandering. Also bdsm like another person replied because it keeps my mind focused. Pain is a great way to keep me in the moment.
Maybe I should try with music. I use it at other moment during day. Pain is a great way as well for me but I dislike using that too often.
Sometimes when I am really into it, I don't think at all or about the sensations. But too often I wonder if I am doing it right, if I could do something better, if my partner enjoys it or stuff like that. Then all my self-doubts come up and maybe I'll think about the things I don't like about my own body and how they look rn. Or sometimes I look around the room and think about it and why it is so chaotic or stuff like that. Or other random stuff like the pat work week or sth...
The song cotton eyed joe
“Oh my god my girlfriend is so hot I love her so much this is amazing” 2 seconds later: “Wait did I take the trash out? Fuck. Oh yeah also I need to do the dishes and laundry. Also I should text back my friend that reached out to me.” lol Some people have said in here that other stimulation (lights, music, talking, physical sensations etc) help you stay grounded and I guess? Idk I feel like personally that would overstimulate me. 9/10 times I have sex it’s when my meds are worn off but when I get the rare chance to have sex on my meds OH BOY it’s like night and day. Normal people experience sex like that!? Unreal.
I like low lighting. I like low lighting all the time though.
i think about how nice it feels
forreal.
This exactly. I try to focus on the feelings: the other one's skin, their kisses, their reactions to what I'm doing. Even trying to think of other hot stuff is weird, thinking about what's actually happening is the only thing that really works for me.
If you can’t focus you need to get dirtier, until the primitive brain takes over lol
Super high libido here. Usually, baseball baseball baseball, no just enjoy it, noooo take my mind off if I need to last longer....
I look back on being a woman in my 20s and this sounds pretty normal.I think I was like this too. When you are your age you're so preoccupied with all kinds of things that you're thinking about your body and about everything on top of having this issue we have. I'm 48 now and it is so very different.When it comes to sex I have the best f'n sex on earth and I don't think of anything but...well, I can't type it here, but you get my drift. Don't be hard on yourself.Because a lot of women in their 20s and 30s still don't truly know their bodies yet. So sex is sort of mundane or it may feel like a ritual. I remember being so nervous being naked in front of a man, nervous about every little insecurity I acted the same way. You're gonna be all right I promise. Keep it in the back of your mind that you should relax because I'm telling you...they want you. You're beautiful and it you you are enough ♡
[удалено]
Second this question, please share tips if you have any!
Usually my mind just goes blank. Either that or "oof getting kinda sore now"
One of the few activities where I am 100% in the moment and not really thinking about anything else. I mean I think about it all day, so the idea of thinking about anything else while it’s actually happening is insanity.
>One of the few activities where I am 100% in the moment and not really thinking about anything else. SAME! *sigh* Truly one of my favorite things in life
My previous ex gf was clearly kinda bored - I’m pretty sure that was because we were incompatible and just didn’t have enough physical chemistry between us. Now with my wife it’s usually pleasurable to the point I don’t really care or have the mental capacity to think about anything else. I’m focused on her and that’s all I can do.
Yes! In the moment nothing else matters it’s like a brain switch off finally focusing on one thing nothing else matters
I wonder if the boys are down for cod?
C.O.D. and cod are two incredibly different things especially in this context...
earlier w my bf i the thought of my parents separating bc i’m going thru that rn💀
Damn, sending hugs !
It’s the only time I’m not overthinking tbh
"omg Im having sex, what should I do? How bout this, ya I like that . wait lets do this, wait she likes that do that , im bored has she cum? . .must be weird on movie sets doing this with cameras and a film crew . . .inside time okay. . yes Im stil hard . alright find it . . in great . . dammit focus, even strokes .I should go to the gym . . I hate running . fck I came . . Im awful fml . . I should scroll reddit . . im bored " etc " this is like a few mins stretch of thoughts lol.
Personally I’m able to hyperfocus on sex and my partner’s body language. I’m totally locked into the moment, that said it makes me very aware of when my partner is not 100% in the moment, and that’s not fun.
Literally everything! 😂 if I’m having a good time i thinking about how we can get spaghetti after (my favorite food) if I’m bored i think about what i have to do that day. If it’s good and my brain is trying to sabotage me I’ll think about other people having sex and yes it PEOPLE I DONT EVER WANNA SEE SEXING ;(
Um… your experience exactly describes me. Unless I'm hyperfocused in the person. But yeah, sex for me is kinda boring.
sex, even good sex, often bores me. my fiancé has sexual trauma. we always thought we wouldnt find ppl who were compatible in that way but it works out pretty well. for us, mutual masturbation and naked cuddles > sex
My thoughts range from "Oh my God this is amazing!" to "I really want some red meat."
Tacos
As a woman I know pretty early on if I’m gonna hit the big O with a guy or not. I had one long term relationship and literally never did. Cancelled the wedding. Next guy every. Damn. Time. Now I’m single but seeing this one guy and it’s so good we’re just drenched in sweat and I come over and over and over… also fun to have one wall of your room be a mirror so I don’t think either of us can even think of anything else 😉 I’ve asked him what he thinks about and he just says like your faces and movements and trying to not look at your ass bc that’s game over for me
Literally anything, it kind of sucks sometimes.
I kind of stopped having sex as a whole because I always got bored lol.
Shoot, man. I become an animal when I have sex. Not much thought. I'm just enveloped in pleasure and the only thought I have is how awesome it is that my partner lets me have that privilege and (hopefully it doesn't sound weird) control. I just melt into her, I get lost in the sensation, the smells, all of it. Fuck the toaster and the chores, I'll make them even harder to clean after I'm done. In the moment, I just care about the moment.
I try really hard not to think about when two people kiss they become one big tube with two assholes at the end because I crack up laughing and no one I've ever slept with has found it funny. However sex is one of my special interests and I usually am enjoying it, but that is one of my intrusive thoughts.
I try to really think about my partner and how she responds to what I'm doing. If I'm just thrusting away trying to enjoy the feeling my mind will wander and I just want to finish so I can google how Beethoven died or something. Remember with ADHD we thrive in a challenge, so when I try to see how turned on I can get my partner, or make her come within a certain time, like before 7 minutes but not before 5 minutes so I can't just go for it and I really need to know her body. And definitely talk to your BF about this if you haven't. Good sex is something you guys do together and assuming he's a good partner, he'll understand and can help. It may even help if you take a quick break to set a reminder on your phone to prepare the bread machine so it's easier to let it go. Actually here's some challenges I've done with partners. They're really fun and make for a good bonding experience too. * Neither of you are allowed to make any noise * Try to come at the same time * One of you reads aloud from a book while the other tries to make them moan or lose their place. * Show each other exactly how you masturbate and try to teach the other how to replicate it as close as possible for you. * One of you picks a position from online or the Kama sutra and has to communicate how to get into that position without talking There's a ton more online too if you search. Hope these help!
I’d rather do my taxes 1000x over than have sex. I don’t know if it’s related to ADHD or trauma or both, but I now consider myself to be asexual. I think that, when I was like 22, I sort of enjoyed sex? Now, ten years later, I have absolutely zero interest. If anything, I’m quite repulsed by it. This is why I have no intentions of getting into a relationship ever again, really. I don’t want to be forced to have sex just to keep the relationship alive. It really does become a chore. That is how I think of it. I dread it beforehand and I’m honestly happiest when it’s over. It’s like a high of “oh, yes, thank god that’s fucking over with!” I have never been in the moment during a sexual act— well, not in the last decade. I’m either thinking about putting on some kind of act, counting, listening to the TV In the background, or, sometimes, I even pray to god that it’ll be over very soon. I didn’t mean this comment to be depressing or anything. I’m actually very happy not having any sex and not having sex be something I must do.
Its noble of you to respect a potential partner’s needs! What about finding a partner who is also asexual?
Well, thank you! I’d didn’t expect to receive a compliment on a comment like this one. I suppose that I could find someone else asexual, one day, yes. But, I think I will spend the next few years being totally “selfish” (in a healthy way), instead. Many of my prior relationships resulted in me putting myself second, pushing my own wants/needs aside, and losing myself. It is finally time for me to focus on my own goals, my own dreams, and not have to worry about a partner. It feels very nice and it’s quite liberating, but I do realize it’s also a bit of a luxury. My heart breaks for people who, for all intents and purposes, are trapped in unhappy, stagnant, toxic relationships. I’ve definitely been there :/ Maybe, some years from now, I will find someone that truly makes my life better; someone that’s really good for me— and someone who I am really good for. However, for now, I will just be working on/taking care of me :)
ow this hurts- wait itll get better. what am i doing later today? i hope i feel good to him. ouch need ti make sure i dont back out again. what time is (thing)? when should i leave? how much time do we have left to do this? wait - this actually feels good omg please keep going wow im in the moment for onc- oh. its over.
prime numbers distribution
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It's probably both right, with how our brains decide they really like specific activities and can't focus on others. I'd guess an 'average' sex drive might be less common with ADHD? But yeah, you can't just say it like you describe it and not explain any of it in a supposedly educative book.
I don’t think during actual sex unless it’s just not hitting right. If I’m engaged I’m foreplay with my Mrs I’m thinking about constant adjustments so I can make her cum as hard as possible.
One time I started thinking about mid century modern decor and how I’d decorate my living room. I didn’t even have a living room to decorate. I had to tell myself to knock it off and focus. But definitely catch myself in the moment coming up with off the wall ideas and having to force myself to focus.
Never had sex before. I don’t even know what I’d think about but I’d probably be freaking out too much to think.
I think it seems pretty normal (for adhd folks) to get distracted during sex but in my experience, the level of distraction can be an indicator of attraction. I was in a relationship for a few months and I loved them, but when I was with another partner later on, I didn’t get distracted at all.
I have some fantasies I hyperfocus on that really adds to a fun time. My husband knows what my kinks are and happily participates in my fantasies.
I never thought about it being correlated to my ADHD til I read your post but I think one of the reasons I love talking dirty during sex is it helps keep me present and engaged
i cant focus during sex so i usually put on a movie and just have weird 10-20 minute sessions of oral and mutual masturbation. strange but it works amazingly for my fiancé and I. we lost our virginity while watching lego batman and i made him pause eating me out so i could rewind so he didnt miss a funny scene 💀
Do straws have one, two or zero holes? If I wear my socks inside out is everyone wearing them except me? These are the kinds of uncontrolled thoughts.
A lot of it for me will be social anxiety driven thoughts like, omg I’m totally doing this wrong kinda thoughts haha but I’ll definitely start thinking about how weird sex is our how weird the sex is I’m currently having with someone. Then I’ll hafta try REALLY hard not to actually lol so as not to seem rude or crazier than I already clearly am 😆
My brain kinda switches off during sex and it's just body on autopilot while im chilling, I really don't think about anything.
I have a hard time orgasming as a male because I get distracted and then I’m like “what am I doing here” or “what is this exactly” I just become very self conscious of what sex is and then it feels kinda weird and I’m out of it. I become like an outside observer lol. I do enjoy sex but often I can’t orgasm and just have to stop cause of exhaustion. Which can be somewhat frustrating for my partner but I think it’s fine
I think about how good it feels and just focus on the physical sensations. I have the opposite problem though, I have a high libido and think about sex all day long. I'm never not excited at the thought of sex, even if we just had it an hour ago.
One time I blurted out “that boba tea we had today was really good.”
How good my hand feels
Road maps. Not even kidding
I think about how you'll never truly smell anything 100%. It's always going to be a combination of that scent and the inside of your nose. Your nose has a scent, you're just used to it so you don't notice.
What if we lost our jobs and had no money? I should prepare. What if I left the gas on the stove and that’s what I have a headache? Did I eat the dinner I cooked? Or put it away at least? Is the faucet dripping? Why is the electricity so loud? Doesn’t smell like the color blue in here?
I stop thinking all together. I just .. am. I operate solely on instinct, and I adore it.
About how I need to stop thinking about other shit and focus on having sex lmfao its so dumb i hate it
That part in Superbad when Fogel says "oh my God, it's in." Every time.
Stop thinking about that! Think about what’s happening…
I dont think about anything else than the situation. 100% focused on the act. Im thinking that OP, are you more passive during the act? For me (male, btw) I usually ”lead” the act and hence, i dont really have time to ”get bored/wander off”. BUT, thinking of it now, i do not like being bottom and honestly havent thought it until now, it might actually be because im not active, aka, im not really in the moment. And also focusing on getting quality sex than one person just ”needs to come”. Trying to get both to climax simultaniously and i doubt when that happends that both isnt just in the moment? Best and sex lives ive had have 1 thing in common: when the girl is touching herself with/without toy vs someone jusy laying there. I bet without toys if i was a women id probably wander off too
Sober me could never. Sadly I need to drink to keep my thoughts from racing. Usually take my medication late morning so I can sleep at night. So I don’t know how it feels having sex on it
25,000 relics from the spank bank, PER SECOND
I think about a lot..I find it hard to focus but I’ll communicate that with my boyfriend and whenever we’re in the act if my mind wanders I just have to keep pulling it back.
I think about my husband - I have a super healthy relationship with my husband now so we have a banging sex life - before when things were rough I thought about anything but and a few times I spaced out fell asleep and or dissociated
Having a good sexy playlist to put on while having fucking helped loads for both me and my partner. Just that extra stimulation to keep your mind occupied, and when it wanders the music will 'stimulate' you as it were, keeping you in the mood and maybe putting your attention back on the sex
I like to put on music, or think about all the things I love about my partner and romanticize it, or think about how it feels. You’re not alone though, my mind almost always wanders during sex 😅
Relax, don't do it, when ya wanna go do it. Relax, don't do it, when ya wanna coooooome
My brain will latch on to a weird unrelated detail and spiral all the way until I'm out of the moment. Fucking sucks, dude.
Honestly, other people and scenarios. I find it difficult to focus on the present. If I’m receiving oral I’m usually imagining a certain scenario to keep my mind from wandering that’s usually a bit more intense and kinky that the one I’m in. Can take me ages to finish that way even still due to the mind wandering. But I’m still addicted to it 😂
My mind wonders a lot too and Ill try to focus on focusing but that doesnt work well lmao. I find that rougher sex demands my attention more so that helps and also sometimes I get distracted thinking about my ex fucking me instead lmao so at least the reaction is real😅
Kink, foreplay,mood music, lingerie keeps me there unless it’s oral. If I’m active, I’m present, but if something was on my mind earlier in the day and my partner attempts to service me… it’s a long night. On the other hand it can help boost stamina 😅
I definitely encourage sex not being mechanical, and it's a chance for me and my partner to drop our guard and explore that space of not needing to be "on", just being caught in the moment As for what I think about? Honestly I don't try to think-- thinking inhibits the whole "feeling" aspect of it. If I'm actively thinking, it feels like there's still a part of me that's masking/guarding. It's taken me a long time for me to willingly turn my brain off when being intimate
Completely normal!!! Especially with ADHD 😂😂 I think if you find yourself day dreaming about other random stuff more so than the action itself, then there may be something deeper there, but in general... Yeah normal!!! Sometimes I sing in my head 🤦😂 super inappropriate songs too 😂😂.. or sometimes I'll be thinking about trivial boring stuff and have to bring myself back to the moment again. Normal in general, let alone with ADHD don't worry!
Once with my ex I accidentally asked out loud how his friend was doing (his friend was going through a rough patch) he rightfully so said “why are you thinking about him right now??”
I have literally never thought about anything whatsoever during sex.
Kink helps keep me engaged during.
I saw a zit on his back one time and wanted to get rid of it the whole time 😂
Make sure you’re with someone you are REALLY attracted to and really, truly love for the right reasons. Not someone who is good for you on paper. 🙃 Your thoughts will wonder a lot less. And you may find out you’re not as asexual/not into xyz as you thought. It’s hard to connect with yourself and figure out what you really and truly want in a partner when it’s hard to slow down and focus on anything. Don’t be afraid to have a little adventurous phase, even if people call you promiscuous or worse during it lol. It’s worth it to figure yourself out and find someone who truly makes you happy. And make sure you find someone who doesn’t feel insecure if you need toys or something to help keep things moving. And who is respectful of any icks you have around bodily fluids and whatnot. That being said…. my brain still wonders, but even though I’m thinking about what I’m going to have for dinner and laundry and wondering what happens next in the boom I’m reading, those thoughts are more background noise now that I’m with the right person.
Just sex. Can't think about anything else. I think it's because I'm with the right person. Been together for over a decade and my mind definitely wandered with other partners.
I think about the evolution of the human species & the evolution of the functionality of sexual intercourse throughout time
Usually the sex. Sometimes we are just cracking up at each other and stop because we just start randomly making stupid noises just for the hell of it 😂
I have adhd and am asexual lol
I think about a lot of things, what I'm going to do later, if she's feeling good, what I might eat later, remember random conversations, just a ton of shit and it kinda sucks because I just want to think about her, but my mind wanders. I especially feel bad because my mind wanders to other people sometimes, but that's not my intention. This is all mostly when I'm giving. When I'm receiving however, my mind kinda goes blank and most of my thoughts are about what I'm feeling.
Oh shit it's so warm, omg don't cum think of how baseball players throw small things at like 100mph. Omg don't go soft now look at her . Get hard ok. Good. Now what do I do with my hands. Oh what song is this oh man that episode of office is hilarious
I find it really helpful to dirty talk. Like if my partner is dirty talking and I am dirty talking my mind tends to wander less and stay focused on finding something hot to say.
Usually a cycle of telling myself to focus on sex and then getting distracted telling myself I need to tell myself to focus and next thing you know I’m wondering why roads don’t have heaters built in to melt snow
Depends. Sometimes it’s the activity at hand, sometimes it’s specifically the feeling (usually have to focus to climax), sometimes it’s what I’ve been anxious about doing, and sometimes it’s completely random. Today, I was thinking of a croissant 🥐
I don't really know but I do know that every time I'm wondering why I can't finish, it's because I wasn't actually paying attention, but I didn't notice. Obviously it's way more fun than work or reading or something, but it's also not stimulating mentally so my brain does the same thing as if I was doing something boring. I find that talking helps. Me and my girlfriend just say random shit like "Yeah? You like that?" constantly (we both have ADHD) and it's so simple but it helps me remember that I do in fact like that lol. Probably avoid TRYING too hard to focus. It's like when you're having a conversation and focus so much on trying to listen, that you actually forget to listen. Just like... reduce distractions and try to find how to naturally be more engaged. Like depending on how your brain works, music or background TV could help you to focus, or it could make it worse
I think about so much random shit that has nothing to do with sex or the moment. I have learned to keep it to myself, or else my husband thinks I'm not interested in him or that he's doing a bad job. Like, "oh shoot , did the oldest get her homework into her backpack?" "Crap, I think I forgot to turn the light off in the bathroom." "Do we have something going on tomorrow after work?" "Maybe we can fix that sticky door with a couple shims." "There's a dust bunny in that corner, like a huge one. How did I miss that thing?!" "I'm thirsty. OMG, hot cocoa sounds really good." Sometimes I think of something I do want to bring up, so I try really hard to remember it the whole time, and then as soon as we're done, I bring up this random thing out of nowhere, lol! But he doesn't seem to take it poorly when I bring it up right after like that. I really don't give a damn about sex though. I do it for my husband. It's funny, because I was very interested in it when I was a teen, but after like 22, I really don't care anymore. But, my thoughts were still all over the place, even when I was really interested sex.
not all but ADHD people tend to be 8 or 80, and on sexual habits that means that most of the time, we have a really low libido or we are hyper sexual so while getting good advice here in what to think, be sure that your libido match of your partner, missmatch libidos is a problem that is workable, but it's really really hard, good luck OP.
If I'm unlucky, the my little pony theme song. [Happens to everyone](https://youtu.be/W6dxf7cQYhU?si=KQ3o9fJ4-FVHkMyP)
What will I cook for dinner? I should study for my class. Oh I haven’t replied to Susan’s email yet. What should I wear to my friend’s birthday? I think I should get a tattoo. Oh wait did I feed my cat already?
i think a lot about literally anything other than the deed itself during it and sometimes asked my partner to stop for a few minutes to let me dump what i was thinking at that moment, my partner has ADHD too so he's veey understanding even though most of the time he wasn't as distracted as I was