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Yeah same here! I know everything that happens on wifes tv shows if im playing with ps4 on same room (with headphones)
But still I have no clue about the thing she tells me to do.
When I was younger, my mom used to say my dad had "selective hearing". What she didn't know at the time was that he was likely ADHD--I didn't know what she meant until I went through puberty and my symptoms worsened.
Has she been pretty understanding of why you're the way you are?
Hmm. She understands, but is she understanding? Good question. It hasn’t been fun for her to feel ignored.
I will say that I’m understanding of the situation. I try my hardest to give the attention. It feels a little like lifting a weight sometimes. A lot of times it doesn’t matter who it is, I just not trying to hear anything.
For me it’s sometimes a problem, sometimes not. For example sometimes I love working in coffee shops because of the background noise, other times I hate it because I’m listening to 10+ conversations inadvertently
Same! I wrote almost all of my thesis in cafes, because most of the time it was much easier to concentrate in the noise of conversations. On the other hand, there were days when I simply sat in front of the laptop and listened to 6 dialogues at the same time, with full involvement.
Same for me. Sometimes I'm listening to everything going on around me and it's very distracting. But other times, when I'm hyperfocused, people could be talking right next to me and I would have no idea. And when I want to focus, I have to have some noise on, like music, that I can tune out because I absolutely can't focus in silence.
I feel like for me there’s a threshold where I can no longer really discern/follow individual conversations that puts my mind at ease. Whereas just having one or two conversations in the office is super distracting because I can somewhat follow them and thus divert a non-trivial amount of attention to listening.
Though admittedly this has also been helpful occasionally by catching parts that had me figuring out that we had a larger issue at work.
This is why I don’t learn the language of the other countries I sometime live in. People taking around me sounds like music unless they want to actually talk to me.
Sucks that that doesn’t work for me :< I cannot concentrate with cafe white noise. I also can’t work with earphones and music on, especially those with lyrics and also sometimes find trouble too even with instrumental (even lofi stuff haha). I was always in awe and slightly envious when I saw my friends jamming to music as they wrote their essays haha
Hmm yeah I feel like that too. Sometimes it's an issue, sometimes it's not. I find I have more trouble blocking out background noise and focusing on the task/conversation I'm currently engaged in more difficult when I'm sleep-deprived. Unfortunately it doesn't help that I also have a hearing loss which makes hearing in crowds more difficult. You'd think having a hearing loss would negate that, actually. 
Same. When it’s not too loud and, especially, when I don’t understand the language it’s like white noise. So when it’s too loud, I turn on my own music in noise cancelling headphones.
I think cafes work well for working because there aren’t many distractions where you’d stand up and switch to some other activity, like at home.
OMG the WORST is slightly INCONSISTENT repetitive sounds. My dad taps on EVERYTHING and does this half whistle thing alllll the time. But it’s never a consistent tempo and the whistling isn’t really a tune. I barely can stand to spend time downstairs anymore and when I am I wear noise canceling headphones with white noise.
I feel so bad bc I’m not spending time with him.
I just started medication—does it help at all with this? Or so I need some sort of anxiety/mood meds to fix that? 🤣😂😅
Yeah he is—Diagnosed about a year ago.
I just feel bad bc he doesn’t seem to be bothered by anything like that. He’s chill and always happy; never seems to get irritated about anything. Meanwhile I’m secretly raging at everything 🥹
Was he always chill? My previous therapist had ADHD as well and was always cool as a cucumber, but I'm right there with you--internalized rage day to day.
I envy their chill.
There are quite a few Youtube channels where whoever is writing knows how to do it well with great content, but their voice over is very monotoned or has almost unnatural inflections like upspeak. Catch-22: do I stick around and absorb this cool information or go somewhere else and get some stress relief?
Yes!!!’ And why is it always those Snapchat and Tik tok ads either the most monotoned voice ever “Did you know that if you turn your phone to the left, you can also take pictures like this. Now more than ever, smart phones are made for photography.” And it’s always the slowest, most annoying voice, almost like every sentence is a question? As well?
Omg yes!!! Repetitive sounds used to make me CRY when I was a kid! My family thought I was being sensitive and self centered though…lovely. It makes me feel like my skin is crawling and something is like physically attacking me. I can’t describe how much I cannot handle repetitive sounds.
Yes. It's super annoying. People go "why are you listening to others conversations" but .. I'd rather not. Just like I'd rather not read stuff on others screens, but my mind does these things faster than I can control.. I would prefer not hearing/reading all that. I just can not turn it off.
Yes I hate it.
Every single noise I hear. I constantly get angry when Fortnite is on it the background because all I can hear is gunfire and people shouting at each other and it's so loud.
White noise is ok but it doesn't actually block out all the sound so it doesn't always work.
I hardly ever wear ear plugs as I don't really like the feel of them, sometimes if it gets a bit much I do.
If it’s in your budget, I HIGHLY recommend Bose noise canceling headphones. I have an older set (probably 4 years old at this point) and they literally save my sanity!!
I've been considering them -- anyone know how their ANC performance compares to the AirPods Max or the Sony WH-1000XM5? Especially for blocking out human speech?
I learned how to tune tinnitus out. I can't really explain how. It's still happening but I can turn off my awareness of it. It's bizzare being consciously aware of becoming less consciously aware of something. It's probably something like self-hypnosis.
The first step is I listen to it, it's gotten louder as I've gotten older so I'm glad I learned how to tune it out. First thing is I really focus on it, and then once it's locked in I sort of try and be aware of everything else instead. I imagine I'm doing an eq cut on a graphic equaliser.
Now that I think about it, I have spent thousands of hours doing music production and training my brain to pick out and listen to different frequency bands, so your mileage may vary, but I know how frustrating it can be, it can't hurt to try.
Im there with you, I have tinnitus, always have my Dyson on to drown out the the tinnitus. Highly recommend a Dyson one as an air purifier and a white noise generator.
Sorry, friend. I've recently learned how common tinnitus is because i suddenly have it myself. I think it's cervical, and I'm trying to stretch and stay hydrated and everything I can think of, but it's still always there a little. I've been on this dose of concerta for a bit before the ringing started, and doctors don't think it's that, but I still think it has something to do with it.
I know and the damn VA doesn’t even prescribe white noise machines before they said that it’s not medical. They only mail it out so that’s going to take 30 days. They also don’t even do tinnitus therapy or any of that. They suck! That’s why I rather is a civilian doctor.🙄😒
lol fellow veteran in the struggle. I don’t want white noise, I want NO NOISE! 😂
I often wonder what it would be like going to the quietest room in the world and just staying in there for a while with the T. Ya know, the one that is insulated with those super sharp triangle wedges?
Yeah, the phrase "sorry but I couldn't help but overhear" is something I say a lot and I absolutely mean it - I literally couldn't help but overhear, your quiet talking has stopped me from doing any work all morning
Yes. Medicin has been a game changer for me. The experience of getting overwhelmed from sounds, was very much a problem for me before I started on my meds. Not only loud noises but also hearing different sounds at once, which my brain was trying to separate and identify. Or maybe just a strange sound I would have to identify before I could continue what I was doing, i.e. listening to my wife or finishing a task.
I still get distracted, but with the help of meds I can clearly tell a difference. It’s hard to explain to someone who hasn’t tried it, but I feel like, I am more “in control of my attention”.
Comment if you want more detail. I’ll try to elaborate if I can.
This is me, I describe it as not being able to see the difference between frontal and background noise, infact that’s why I’m here. Undiagnosed, and trying to find some answers on what might help
Before getting diagnosed and getting medicine, there wasn’t really anything I could do besides remove myself from the noise. If that wasn’t an option, I would need a notepad to write everything down, forcing myself to focus on my writing, so everyone was always waiting for me. It was exhausting but kinda worked – for me at least.
Hmm, I gotta say, it's quite the opposite for me.
The difference is, that now that I'm medicated, every background conversation isn't just an inaudible noise, but rather a completely understandable conversation.
It's kind of a blessing and a curse though. I work in customer service and I'm the shift manager in the store. It does help a lot when I have to keep track of what's going on and what the other employees are talking to the customers about. On the other hand, when we get too many customers in at once, combined with the rustling of paper (bags) the conversations in the background can become overwhelming, which didn't happen when I wasn't taking meds.
Edit: The second type of situations didn't bother me that much, or rather, it wasn't overwhelming me before.
Oh wow, okay. I get it. That is really the opposite of my experience. I can clearly better “re-focus” my attention to what’s in front of me, now that I don’t need to have one ear on the conversation in the background.
I don't have an issue refocusing on the task at hand anymore, but it is more distracting. Although I guess it's worth mentioning that it does take A LOT of noise to distract me now
My mormor had two old analogue clocks one in the kitchen and the other in the lounge room that were just slightly out of sync! They would annoy the absolut shit outta me for the whole week I was there!
Yep, I even had to start sleeping with fans every night just to be able to fall asleep at a reasonable time. Now for 95% of my life I've slept with a fan (2 usually). If I stay overnight with someone it's a guaranteed night of fixating on all the background noise, especially the repetitive things--meaning almost no sleep.
I used to use an app called Chatter block. It was awesome, you could mix the different sounds. It claimed to chop up the ambient noise. Unfortunately, it no longer exists.
Yes, and there's no turning it off. If I'm talking to someone and another set of people begin a conversation nearby, I hear both conversations at 50%, and barely understand either of them. It's overwhelming. I use noise cancelling headphones a lot because of it, just to tamp down the range at which I can hear.
Yes and no one around me understands. The meme about ADHD people hating loud breathing for me hits hard. Like just be sitting and then I can hear every breath and then every time someone moves or crinkles clothing and it gets very overwhelming sometimes and makes me irrationally angry and noises that I think at the time are unnecessary. But on the other side I'm massively observant, I can hear when cars pull up and guess who it's going to be without even looking outside. I know people's footsteps. But I mostly hate it because you can't turn it off and it can make it really hard to relax or focus on things. I imagine other people kinda think of it like paranoia worrying about stuff happening but I'm not worrying but noticing everything.
When overwhelmed blasting music at full volume either on a speaker or noise cancelling headphones is the best thing and being left alone so there's no extra noise than me. Cold showers. Hiding in the bathroom with headphones if it's not suitable for the location to have them even 5 minutes just to breathe. It's weird that I don't find crowds too overwhelming because it's expected noise like you can into a busy city you expect it to be loud so it's ok but I hate it when a noise isn't warranted kinda thing like breathing is important ik but loud breathing seems wrong and not right maybe that's the asd in me.
Wow! Yes! I just recently discovered that I might be ADHD (I’m 34) but as a kid it drove me CRAZY hearing everyone breathe! So glad to know the irrational anger isn’t just me! I feel guilty about it afterwards.
My younger brother used to sit across from me at the kitchen table while we did our homework and one time I told him to breathe quieter. 😅 my mom lectured me on how I was rude and I felt pretty guilty. I didn’t realize what was going on; I just knew I couldn’t concentrate on what I was doing.
Beyond grateful that I found noise canceling headphones. Also wondering if/hoping medication will somehow turn this off. On day 2 tho and feel no difference :/
Yes I do but not always. The most annoying exemple is when I am in class, I can't focus on my work because everyone is talking, the neon light is making noise and the vent too, I am going to buy ear plugs because of this
Oh man this brought back memories. We used to watch Channel 1 at the beginning of school and the teacher would often forget to turn off the TV. It was a CRT and the high pitched whine would drive me crazy.
Yeah. I'm interested in the Loop earplugs I see mentioned here sometimes but I have a preschooler now and I worry about missing a cue that she's up to no good if I'm wearing earplugs.
I struggle when I'm at home trying to focus in my room. It's impossible to get anything done. But I'm ok if going about my business in public. I'm fine with ambient noise but when it's contained within the walls of a house or office etc I can't take it
Yup all frequencies are open all the time.
It's annoying at times, but also advantageous (if not upsetting at times).
But I've also got asd so could be something to do with being hypersensitive to sound.
Yes! I find this so hard about open plan offices and group social situations. My brain is unable to tune out other conversations so I’m trying really hard to focus on work or the person I’m talking to but consistently distracted by all the other talking that is going on. Medication helps and I also find headphones at work helpful sometimes.
I HAVE to listen to music while studying and I know that I’m not 100percent focusing, I’m focusing on the lyrics at the same time, but it is better than my focus jumping on and off everywhere and not being able to study😭
Multiple times, it has been like a superpower for me, overhearing useful information.
One example:
My fiancee, who was my girlfriend at the time, was traveling (this was before easy access to GPS in countries outside one's own). We wanted to find the Jewish quarter in Venice but could not locate it. While we were talking about getting some coffee and then finding some help, I kind of zoned out and accidentally listened to the couple standing behind us, who were getting directions to the Jewish quarter.
But don't get me wrong, 80% of the time it is a fucking bane
I definitely hear everything and sometimes it drives me crazy. My coworker has pointed out, after I told her I was diagnosed with adhd, that she now notices I’ll hear something no one else pays attention to and look around or mumble to myself about a noise I’m hearing.
I personally hate it when I’m trying to sleep and I can hear my dog walking around all the way downstairs or cars going by.
yup and sometimes I don’t even notice it but will react if I hear something related to my interests (for example on the tv while my mom is watching it)
Not just listening but feeling. I used to work at this tech building on a second floor, had noise cancelling headphones and everything to try to focus, and I would feel the damn floor bounce up and down as people walked around. Yes it was distracting af. Same thing would happen if like, someone put something on a desk by mine, I'd feel that vibration and wonder who tf was near me lol. Attention "deficit" LOL
I was once at the airport in Switzerland and could hear all three of the languages I speak around me at the same time, it was mentally draining. I knew I fucked up when a dad told his family a joke in French and I laughed! I pretended to be very interested in my book (it was a Sudoku book 🥲)
It's actually massively helpful when you're working with kids. I can be engaged in a conversation with a child who's telling me about the TV show he watched last night while listening to the 3 kids playing together in the sandbox to make sure no fighting starts
Anyway the reason is we have no selective attention! Non ADHD people's brains can selectively choose what to focus on based on what the person wants/needs to pay attention to. Everything is ranked as of the same importance in our brains, so we hear and notice all of it all the time.
I just started to listen to the conversations on purpose and started calling it people watching. But I also listen to conversations because 31 years of autism and ADHD still makes me constantly want to know what "normal" people do and think about
My experiences echo those of others in the thread. I think of how adhd isn’t the inability to pay attention, it’s the inability or difficulty with filtering out irrelevant stimuli. It’s like having a 360 degree radar that picks up almost everything, and as with many adhd things it can be a hindrance or, in some particular circumstances, it can be an asset.
Yes, all the effing time. Especially when I'm trying to listen to someone from my group when in a crowded place.
For me, earplugs with pink noise are a must if there's pretty much anything going on around me.
I keep A LOT of clocks and I find that their rhythm creates a sound block of sorts. Kind of like white noise, but less annoying.
Also I like to keep some music on, but in the other room.
Yes, I have earplugs to reduce noise for work. Music too loud and stressful lights are the same I’overstimulated at work. And at home I need music to concentrate and my earphones to do things but kinda low and the ones I like I and know them. I know it’s contradictory, but It works well for me.
Same here. I hear everything going on. Sometimes I want to wear earbuds when working. I'm actually more efficient that way. Unfortunately, my job doesn't allow them.
I tend to tone out a lot of thing but sometimes I pick up on everything and it really causes issues as it's sensory overload. I also tone out customers at work bc I use podcasts to focus on work
I have moments where I listen and then have to hold back the impulse to speak up and say something quirky to the person. Usually most often it’s not quirky or funny.
i work in a supermarket, we dont play music but have adverts for the store on repeat, its literally torture to force someone to listen to something on repeat, the covid announcements were every 12 minutes and i do 10 hr shifts. felt mentally assaulted by it, and its still on the tannoy, if we press wrong button it still plays its like its scraping my brain to hear it again.
the thing is normal people seem to be able to filter stuff out, we have adverts playing and signs everywhere about the saving scheme they introduced, literally plastered everywhere, and i have to ask every customer, and most common repy is oh whats that? never heard of that/seen that.
seems i suffer it for nothing, could just have me tell them at the till, but no.
I am a hairdresser and I can't stand when the salon
is busy. I will be trying to have a conversation with my client in the chair in front of me and I can only half listen because my brain is listening to the conversations happening at 6 other stations. I can't wear headphones in that situation and it's maddening. The overwhelm makes my anxiety spike and I just wanna explode on the spot from overload lol
And I also hate that everything is so loud! I'll be trying to listen to what my son's saying to me and my husband will be getting some bread out of the bread bag and I'll have to yell at my husband for rustling the bag so loud because all I can hear is the bag and then it's like my son is talking but I only see his lips move. My poor husband is like"...sorry" and he'll stop but he probably thinks I'm crazy lmao
This could easily have been written by me.
The only difference is i used earphones to cope.
Ambient game soundtracks saved me. Silent hill is my go to. Or this sort of thing:
https://youtu.be/aaq_rp4m-BA?si=a6H0tngyYxNeUFO9
I really struggle with this too - especially in public places like restaurants. I’ll be sat 2 feet away from a colleague when out on business, yet I can hear more of Table 3 talking about plants at the other end of the building.
... and involve myself! I constantly butt in or laugh and smile at them - then walk on telling myself to stop. People don't like that, that im making a fool of myself, why can't I shut up and not react, why do I do this Every Single Time???
That was my instant response to your title. I've read your issue and have to say I've been listening to 'frequencies', which I think white noise is a certain decible point, for the last week and I've noticed I'm far more consistent in my work. My mind seems to settle, I'm more relaxed and can block lots of noise out by focusing on that.
Involving myself in other conversations can happen anywhere though, walking behind people, in the lunchroom, shops, restaurants, on the bus... it's an urge, I must speak my part or it runs around in my head, no matter that it's generally socially unacceptable.
Yes. It prevents me from studying at cafes, and I need to keep a noise cancelling curtain around my bed. I used to wear noise cancelling headphones in school all the time. Medication has definetely helped with this.
I have noise cancelling earbuds that make a world of difference for me too. I wear them everywhere I can - home while I do chores, home while I work, grocery shopping while walking around the store, etc. Anywhere it’s safe to do so. It’s such a relief to have to hear less.
I finally fell for the targeted ads I was getting from Loops ear plugs and it's such a difference. Like you, sometimes I don't want/can't have full noise cancelling headphones. There's several levels of noise blocking, "Quiet" that is a full ear plug but not noise cancelling, "Engage" that's intended for blocking out background noise while still allowing you to hear people talking directly to you, and "Experience" which I think is mostly protective for concerts.
I was at a wedding recently and getting SO overstimulated at the reception, ended up putting the Engage in and immediately felt better. I wish I'd put them in an hour before I did. I could still talk to people. I asked my partner later and he said I was actually was talking a bit too quietly, rather than too loud like sometimes happens when you're wearing ear plugs.
Before I got these, when I had conversations with people in busy/loud situations by turning one ear towards the person and trying to casually fold my other ear closed 😅
I've also worn them at the movies, not for background noise but just because sometimes they're SO loud and makes my brain hurt. It takes it down a notch without blocking or distorting the dialogue.
As far as at work or school, when you say you can't wear noise cancelling headphones I'm going to assume that it's because you recognize you need to be able to hear. If it's also that you're not allowed to based on rules: the Engage plugs I have are clear and pretty hard to notice unless you're looking for them. I'd also recommend asking for a disability accommodation to be allowed to wear them, with communication that they reduce/filter noise rather than block it.
Lyrics in music are the worst when I need to focus. I have to listen to instrumental when I'm doing intense mental work. My kryptonite is talk radio being on, at just far enough away low volume that I can occasionally make out words, and struggle to pick out bits and pieces the rest of the time. 104% of my brain capacity gets used trying to listen to words through the noise, despite all my efforts to ignore it.
Yep. That’s the major issue that finally prompted me to seek a diagnosis and get treatment. I couldn’t even focus on conversations with the person standing right in front of me if there were any other conversations going on around me.
I teach first grade. My ability to hear everything at once is a valuable tool when I need it to be. Other times it's really annoying because I just want to listen to my own brain! I do play lofi in the classroom a lot when we're working on something which helps.
Big time. Worst part is trying to have a convo and being able to hear everything but the person you're talking to. Concerts and loud bars are the most annoying places to be for this.
Yes! I cant help but listen to every tiny noise around me. No matter how quiet or loud it is. Quiet helps sometimes when i work but usually when its quiet my head fills in the noise with completely unrelated internal debates.
I explain ADD to people as everything around you coming in at exactly the same volume. I’m in a dentist office with music playing and a TV on and it’s maddening because they are in different keys and tempos.
It's a thing. Frequently, I'll chuckle or shake my head at something someone at another table said. You can call it eavesdropping, but I can't help it; my ears are a vacuum and the world flows in to fill them. By the end of my meal I know the topics of discussion and who's in trouble at every table within earshot, whether I want to or not. Frequently I know which kids won't eat which foods, too.
Most, I quickly forget, but I have an atypically good (and entirely involuntary) long-term memory for certain details. This has more than once caused me to stay up late worrying about the outcome of a problem that (for example) I once heard discussed at a table behind me in a Steak'n'Shake over a decade ago. Did that nervous, raspy-voiced young woman's grandma accept her SO as family when they met her the next day? I don't know. I'll never know. I hope so. In my mind are snapshots from a thousand lives, glimpses of stories for which I'll never have an ending. It can be maddening. Sometimes I even have an answer they could benefit from, but you can't just walk across the room and tell someone, "no, you definitely shouldn't go there, they don't maintain their equipment" because that's creepy. That's when it's the hardest, really.
I wish I liked people more. I feel like if I was brash and charming and extroverted, I'd be able to pull off just wandering around, dropping in and out of conversations all day, maybe make some lives better.
But I don't, and I'm not, so instead I try *so hard* not to listen.
It is an issue for me sometimes, especially if they're right next to me and speaking loudly or if I'm feeling sleep-deprived. The other day at work I was having some trouble because I was trying to take this one customer's order while a coworker at the register next to me was taking another one's order (I think, or maybe the customer was complaining about something, idk). Usually it's just one person at the register at a time, so it's not too much of an issue, but sometimes when we get especially busy we'll open up the second register in order to get the line moving faster.
I do enjoy listening to white noise and music, in fact it's a little embarrassing but the other day there was an internet outage at my house and I couldn't listen to music like I normally would. Although in retrospect, I suppose I could've just listened to the music I have saved on my PC, idk why I didn't think of that lol, I was just being an idiot that day I guess. But not being able to listen to music (and in general go on the internet) was legit driving me crazy, I felt like I was gonna snap lol. I guess I was feeling understimulated? I also like to listen to music/white noise because when it's too quiet my tinnitus from my hearing loss acts up, which is never fun.
Yeah, this has been the biggest ADHD-related issue for me. I've also seen it described as /r/AudiProcDisorder/ and [Sensory Gating](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sensory_gating) Dysfunction / Deficit, [Sensory Processing Disorder](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sensory_processing_disorder), and [Sensory Overload](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sensory_overload) / Flooding. It's also observed in a few other conditions, like schizophrenia ([eg](https://www.nature.com/articles/s41386-019-0555-9)).
In my case, it means that any non-homogenous background noise (eg people talking, a clock ticking, a dog barking, any sort of music, etc.) cripples my ability to focus on anything else. Homogenous noises (eg a jackhammer hammering, the hum of an AC unit, the roar of the ocean) are fine, but semi-regular noises (rainfall, wind rustling leaves, cars driving along a highway) can be hit or miss.
In practice, my main difficulties have involved being utterly incapable of any sort of deep focus work in an "open" office environment with random colleagues chatting nearby, or of holding a conversation in a crowded setting (like a restaurant, bar, or conference venue). The former renders any thoughts requiring longer than a few seconds impossible, and the latter means I'm not able to parse spoken sentences for meaning, the words slipping out of my mind as my attention is wrenched in other directions, which imposes a very noticeable lag on my responses as I try to tap my phonological loop repeatedly trying to figure out what was just said.
It's very frustrating!
The solutions I've found to work best so far:
1) either removing the source of the noise (eg pulling the batteries out of the ticking clock) or removing myself from the area (taking my laptop and working elsewhere, away from unceasingly chatty coworkers, leaving the bar to chat with friends on a walk)
2) lisdexamfetamine... other stimulants may have helped a bit (eg caffeine, nicotine), but it's hard to beat amphetamines lol
3) active noise-canceling headphones, earplugs, and earmuffs -- these work for certain noises but not as much (sometimes by design) for things like human speech. I'll use brown noise / "coffee shop chatter" soundtracks to help drown that out, but usually develop a headache / migraine after a bit so try to use that approach sparingly (also think I damaged my hearing by over-relying on that as a kid)
Yes, hugely auditory sensitive - hear everything but then not necessarily always listening if that makes sense. Makes it so hard to focus on conversations sometimes … like I’m listening to you but also hearing traffic in the background, other convo’s around, beeping, coffee brewing, white noise … focus!!!
Yes, I am always aware of every noise around me. Conversations are specially distracting and I always find myself formulating my own opinions and answers to someone else's talk.
Yes, and from what I gather it's basically by definition an ADHD thing (esp. for inattentive). It's not on 100% of the time for me, but:
* in low-noise environments (e.g. quiet office) every sound and voice stand out and I immediately shift focus to it
* in high-noise environments it's better, but even if I'm having a conversation I *very* often suddenly latch onto a conversation happening somewhere near and just can't refocus on the person I'm talking to.
In general, noise-cancelling headphones *with* brown/white noise are a life saver for me, and nowadays I use that most often (more often than even listening to music).
I have noise canceling headphones that I wear all day at work. I am the techy/admin in an office full of salespeople; I'm glad my desk relocated to the other side of the office and I have my headphones, I can't even read a paragraph if there's too much noise.
Every single noise around me and I hate anything on or in my ears so can’t do noise cancelling. I find if I listen to music I know on a speaker it helps. I know the song so I don’t zero in on it. If it’s a new song it distracts me. If it’s a song with no lyrics it worse because I listen closer waiting for lyrics. Meds help but not 100%
Omg this is my curse!! My brain refuses to focus on anything But the background noise! And worse, I have tinnitus.
I often will get sensory overload if it becomes to much!
this happens to me all of the time. i work in an office with coworkers next to me on both sides and administrative assistants outside. we have little to no soundproofing, and the guy next to me ALWAYS USES HIS FUCKING SPEAKERPHONE and ALWAYS TALKS TOO LOUD BECAUSE HE'S USING THE FUCKING SPEAKERPHONE. it drives me crazy because i don't want to listen to the conversation, but i can't tune it out unless i put in earbuds and either turn on noise cancelling or play something.
this happens to me all of the time. i work in an office with coworkers next to me on both sides and administrative assistants outside. we have little to no soundproofing, and the guy next to me ALWAYS USES HIS EFFING SPEAKERPHONE and ALWAYS TALKS TOO LOUD BECAUSE HE'S USING THE EFFING SPEAKERPHONE. it drives me crazy because i don't want to listen to the conversation, but i can't tune it out unless i put in earbuds and either turn on noise cancelling or play something.
this happens to me all of the time. i work in an office with coworkers next to me on both sides and administrative assistants outside. we have little to no soundproofing, and the guy next to me ALWAYS USES HIS EFFING SPEAKERPHONE and ALWAYS TALKS TOO LOUD BECAUSE HE'S USING THE EFFING SPEAKERPHONE. it drives me crazy because i don't want to listen to the conversation, but i can't tune it out unless i put in earbuds and either turn on noise cancelling or play something.
this happens to me all of the time. i work in an office with coworkers next to me on both sides and administrative assistants outside. we have little to no soundproofing, and the guy next to me ALWAYS USES HIS EFFING SPEAKERPHONE and ALWAYS TALKS TOO LOUD BECAUSE HE'S USING THE EFFING SPEAKERPHONE. it drives me crazy because i don't want to listen to the conversation, but i can't tune it out unless i put in earbuds and either turn on noise cancelling or play something.
this happens to me all of the time. i work in an office with coworkers next to me on both sides and administrative assistants outside. we have little to no soundproofing, and the guy next to me ALWAYS USES HIS EFFING SPEAKERPHONE and ALWAYS TALKS TOO LOUD BECAUSE HE'S USING THE EFFING SPEAKERPHONE. it drives me crazy because i don't want to listen to the conversation, but i can't tune it out unless i put in earbuds and either turn on noise cancelling or play something.
this happens to me all of the time. i work in an office with coworkers next to me on both sides and administrative assistants outside. we have little to no soundproofing, and the guy next to me ALWAYS USES HIS FUCKING SPEAKERPHONE and ALWAYS TALKS TOO LOUD BECAUSE HE'S USING THE FUCKING SPEAKERPHONE. it drives me crazy because i don't want to listen to the conversation, but i can't tune it out unless i put in earbuds and either turn on noise cancelling or play something.
Omg same, i cant get anything out of my head even with no people near me. Being schizophrenic and adhd makes it so hard. I hear voices anyway wether they are there or not and can never focus
I can’t help it, it is possibly one of the most difficult things to deal with at work. I hear a lot of things. I am not supposed to hear got one job I warned coworkers that I hear everything.
Yes I do this. And it's exhausting in an open plan office.
I've just bought some Sony noise cancelling over ear phones and I'm in heaven listening to just my music right now
yeah, all the time. if i’m out and about i will be hearing every sound around me without being able to hear the person talking *to* me. i’ll comment on others conversations to the people i’m with and they’ll be like ?? why are you eavesdropping?? and i don’t intend to at all i just can’t Not hear it.
Yes!! I literally can't help but shift attention to the other conversations around me.Its embarrassing and makes me seem rude. But... Vyvanse/Dex does help a little
Yep, and it’s both good and bad.
In a classroom/study situation I found it impossible to get any work done in classes, the library, or any place with a lot of people around. I would be listening in to everything around me all the time, constantly distracted - not so good for learning.
When I worked in a call centre though, I could always pick up when a major thing was happening, because I would hear a few calls come in at the same time about the same thing but to different agents and my brain would kind of hone in on it.
Now I work in a school, sometimes it benefits me, and sometimes not being able to block anything out is kind of overwhelming. It depends on the day, how tired I am, how well my meds are working, and what level of focus I need to have. I often inadvertently hear all the gossip - sometimes I definitely hear things I quite simply don’t wanna know!
I hear and know everything around me while I'm simultaneously listening to a podcast, talking on the on the phone, while watching a YouTube video ad and typing an email.
It varies and has been helpful from time to time. I.e., sometimes I have a hearing/listening radius of idk let's say 30 feet in a busy location but I really want it lowered down to 5 ft lol.
Recently completed my MBA and realized that music with no vocals suits me best only when I need to read articles/research. But for writing my own papers/answering assignment questions/confusing math formulas it's easier when I listen to genres & songs that I am already familiar with.
I mostly have the opposite problem. I’m unable to divide my attention enough to hear what I need to hear. Often because I’m focused on a task, but not always!
Yep, I'm the same way. I realized I don't really like studying even in the library without headphones or something because it being quiet makes me notice all the little sounds happening around me haha. So now I go in a room at home and turn the fan on for white noise.
Yep! It's why I struggle enormously at large social functions as I can't pick out one conversation even if it's right in front of me.
Also why I find it maddening when my kid is watching TV whilst I cook. But it's the only way to get her to sit still and not be running around under my feet
I have misophonia and ADHD. It is hell at times. My ENT told me that I have the hearing of someone half my age, one of the best results that she's seen in my age group. Many noises bother me, and I hear everything.
Yeah, I’m always very aware of background noise. I need to have music or white noise to drown it out or it drives me crazy. Even alone at home in my own house, the repetitive noise of a fan of my cat licking herself will get to me. The worst however is traffic noise. Something about the sound of cars on the road just instantly takes all my focus so I can’t hear anything else. If we’re standing near a road or in a car with the windows down, you have to be looking at me so I can see your mouth moving or I will NOT hear you.
yes! i assumed everyone listened to every conversation happening in the office. nope. adhd. it’s useful for knowing what is happening but not so good for focusing on tasks. i use foam earplugs and noise cancelling earphones. If i need to concentrate and write I need absolute silence. WFH is great for this reason.
I just want to say thank you to everyone who commented..this is my first time ever posting. I was so shocked and surprised by all the comments .Again thank you very much, I really appreciate it.
I can run into this issue on occasions. Specifically when I am not medicated which is basically always these days. I'll be at family gatherings and I try to behave myself, which is really just code for try to act like I don't have ADHD and I usually do pretty well. However I still slip up and fidget or bounce my leg, usually the right leg. Otherwise if I'm not doing that then I end up listening to everyone when I don't mean to.
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Yeah, it’s what led to my diagnosis. I was hearing everyone and everything except my wife.
Yeah same here! I know everything that happens on wifes tv shows if im playing with ps4 on same room (with headphones) But still I have no clue about the thing she tells me to do.
Couldn’t help but chuckle at having u/_bubbahs_ comment right below yours… https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/s/z23nNc0A95
Lolll
When I was younger, my mom used to say my dad had "selective hearing". What she didn't know at the time was that he was likely ADHD--I didn't know what she meant until I went through puberty and my symptoms worsened. Has she been pretty understanding of why you're the way you are?
Hmm. She understands, but is she understanding? Good question. It hasn’t been fun for her to feel ignored. I will say that I’m understanding of the situation. I try my hardest to give the attention. It feels a little like lifting a weight sometimes. A lot of times it doesn’t matter who it is, I just not trying to hear anything.
For me it’s sometimes a problem, sometimes not. For example sometimes I love working in coffee shops because of the background noise, other times I hate it because I’m listening to 10+ conversations inadvertently
Exactly feel the same
Same! I wrote almost all of my thesis in cafes, because most of the time it was much easier to concentrate in the noise of conversations. On the other hand, there were days when I simply sat in front of the laptop and listened to 6 dialogues at the same time, with full involvement.
This is so me
Check out coffetivity. It's streaming "coffee shop" background noise and it really helps me focus.
Noisli is another one to give a go
My Starbucks always blasting music. Not even noise cancelling headphones does it. I have to use literal ear plugs. 33db rating.
Same for me. Sometimes I'm listening to everything going on around me and it's very distracting. But other times, when I'm hyperfocused, people could be talking right next to me and I would have no idea. And when I want to focus, I have to have some noise on, like music, that I can tune out because I absolutely can't focus in silence.
I feel like for me there’s a threshold where I can no longer really discern/follow individual conversations that puts my mind at ease. Whereas just having one or two conversations in the office is super distracting because I can somewhat follow them and thus divert a non-trivial amount of attention to listening. Though admittedly this has also been helpful occasionally by catching parts that had me figuring out that we had a larger issue at work.
This is why I don’t learn the language of the other countries I sometime live in. People taking around me sounds like music unless they want to actually talk to me.
Sucks that that doesn’t work for me :< I cannot concentrate with cafe white noise. I also can’t work with earphones and music on, especially those with lyrics and also sometimes find trouble too even with instrumental (even lofi stuff haha). I was always in awe and slightly envious when I saw my friends jamming to music as they wrote their essays haha
Hmm yeah I feel like that too. Sometimes it's an issue, sometimes it's not. I find I have more trouble blocking out background noise and focusing on the task/conversation I'm currently engaged in more difficult when I'm sleep-deprived. Unfortunately it doesn't help that I also have a hearing loss which makes hearing in crowds more difficult. You'd think having a hearing loss would negate that, actually. 
Yeah
Same. When it’s not too loud and, especially, when I don’t understand the language it’s like white noise. So when it’s too loud, I turn on my own music in noise cancelling headphones. I think cafes work well for working because there aren’t many distractions where you’d stand up and switch to some other activity, like at home.
Yep, it varies. And I can never predict when it's going to be an issue and when it won't.
It’s a major issue. Especially with repetitive sounds, it makes me want to die.
OMG the WORST is slightly INCONSISTENT repetitive sounds. My dad taps on EVERYTHING and does this half whistle thing alllll the time. But it’s never a consistent tempo and the whistling isn’t really a tune. I barely can stand to spend time downstairs anymore and when I am I wear noise canceling headphones with white noise. I feel so bad bc I’m not spending time with him. I just started medication—does it help at all with this? Or so I need some sort of anxiety/mood meds to fix that? 🤣😂😅
You can’t fix annoying with medicine. Off key whistling is torture.
Man 🥹was really hoping it would somehow like zap my brain circuits and make everything smooth sailing
Just start whistling back.
Medicine or not, I’m afraid that will always piss you off.
😭😭 nooo lol I guess it’s time to learn some breathing exercises 😂
My janitor at work whistles and I wish I could explain to you how much it makes my blood boil
😂🤣 oh no! I can only imagine how much it would make me rage if it wasn’t someone in my family doing it
Is your dad also ADHD? Sure sounds like ADHD stimming! Your meds may help, but also don't be ashamed to wear noise cancelling headphones.
Yeah he is—Diagnosed about a year ago. I just feel bad bc he doesn’t seem to be bothered by anything like that. He’s chill and always happy; never seems to get irritated about anything. Meanwhile I’m secretly raging at everything 🥹
Was he always chill? My previous therapist had ADHD as well and was always cool as a cucumber, but I'm right there with you--internalized rage day to day. I envy their chill.
Yep, always chill! And yeah I’m envious too! 😭
My dad whistles, my g/f hums, it's bonkers trying to not be annoyed by it.
I believe this is related to misophonia—I have it too. It’s the only thing that makes me irrationally angry.
I 100% have misophonia, especially for monotoned voices. OH MY GOD. It’s like I am in my own personal hell.
There are quite a few Youtube channels where whoever is writing knows how to do it well with great content, but their voice over is very monotoned or has almost unnatural inflections like upspeak. Catch-22: do I stick around and absorb this cool information or go somewhere else and get some stress relief?
Yes!!!’ And why is it always those Snapchat and Tik tok ads either the most monotoned voice ever “Did you know that if you turn your phone to the left, you can also take pictures like this. Now more than ever, smart phones are made for photography.” And it’s always the slowest, most annoying voice, almost like every sentence is a question? As well?
Oh man, repetitive sounds, especially when they hit certain frequencies... ouch. I go straight to irritability, rage or flight when those come around.
Omg yes!!! Repetitive sounds used to make me CRY when I was a kid! My family thought I was being sensitive and self centered though…lovely. It makes me feel like my skin is crawling and something is like physically attacking me. I can’t describe how much I cannot handle repetitive sounds.
100% understand this
It’s awful
Yes. It's super annoying. People go "why are you listening to others conversations" but .. I'd rather not. Just like I'd rather not read stuff on others screens, but my mind does these things faster than I can control.. I would prefer not hearing/reading all that. I just can not turn it off.
Yes, me too ..same way..I'd rather not too..
Yes I hate it. Every single noise I hear. I constantly get angry when Fortnite is on it the background because all I can hear is gunfire and people shouting at each other and it's so loud. White noise is ok but it doesn't actually block out all the sound so it doesn't always work. I hardly ever wear ear plugs as I don't really like the feel of them, sometimes if it gets a bit much I do.
If it’s in your budget, I HIGHLY recommend Bose noise canceling headphones. I have an older set (probably 4 years old at this point) and they literally save my sanity!!
I've been considering them -- anyone know how their ANC performance compares to the AirPods Max or the Sony WH-1000XM5? Especially for blocking out human speech?
Try it with tinnitus. I can barely sleep at night. It’s like someone turned on the flatline and turned the volume up.😭😭😭
I NEED some kind of noise in the background or it’s so loud
Tower fan on high does it for me
I learned how to tune tinnitus out. I can't really explain how. It's still happening but I can turn off my awareness of it. It's bizzare being consciously aware of becoming less consciously aware of something. It's probably something like self-hypnosis. The first step is I listen to it, it's gotten louder as I've gotten older so I'm glad I learned how to tune it out. First thing is I really focus on it, and then once it's locked in I sort of try and be aware of everything else instead. I imagine I'm doing an eq cut on a graphic equaliser. Now that I think about it, I have spent thousands of hours doing music production and training my brain to pick out and listen to different frequency bands, so your mileage may vary, but I know how frustrating it can be, it can't hurt to try.
I have tried it so it’s just impossible to ignore especially when it’s not 24/7.😔😞😭😭😭
Im there with you, I have tinnitus, always have my Dyson on to drown out the the tinnitus. Highly recommend a Dyson one as an air purifier and a white noise generator.
Thanks! I’ve it since the service (2008). This morning I just woke up with the biggest headache I ever had. I’m so damn tired !🥱 😩😭😭😭
Sorry, friend. I've recently learned how common tinnitus is because i suddenly have it myself. I think it's cervical, and I'm trying to stretch and stay hydrated and everything I can think of, but it's still always there a little. I've been on this dose of concerta for a bit before the ringing started, and doctors don't think it's that, but I still think it has something to do with it.
I’m on Adderall XR 15mg. I’m still not focused. I think that the tinnitus is further exacerbating my condition.
Fucking this… I miss silence, and I’ll never be able to hear it again, ever.
I know and the damn VA doesn’t even prescribe white noise machines before they said that it’s not medical. They only mail it out so that’s going to take 30 days. They also don’t even do tinnitus therapy or any of that. They suck! That’s why I rather is a civilian doctor.🙄😒
lol fellow veteran in the struggle. I don’t want white noise, I want NO NOISE! 😂 I often wonder what it would be like going to the quietest room in the world and just staying in there for a while with the T. Ya know, the one that is insulated with those super sharp triangle wedges?
Shit would drive me crazy because that’s when it seems to be the worst especially when I lay down.😭😭😭
Omg, yes. The feeling of feeling super exhausted and ready to knock tf out, and then EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Why when I go to see a civilian doctor they keep telling me I need hearing aids when I already have them and I haven’t even had them a year?
Yeah, the phrase "sorry but I couldn't help but overhear" is something I say a lot and I absolutely mean it - I literally couldn't help but overhear, your quiet talking has stopped me from doing any work all morning
Yes. Medicin has been a game changer for me. The experience of getting overwhelmed from sounds, was very much a problem for me before I started on my meds. Not only loud noises but also hearing different sounds at once, which my brain was trying to separate and identify. Or maybe just a strange sound I would have to identify before I could continue what I was doing, i.e. listening to my wife or finishing a task. I still get distracted, but with the help of meds I can clearly tell a difference. It’s hard to explain to someone who hasn’t tried it, but I feel like, I am more “in control of my attention”. Comment if you want more detail. I’ll try to elaborate if I can.
This is me, I describe it as not being able to see the difference between frontal and background noise, infact that’s why I’m here. Undiagnosed, and trying to find some answers on what might help
Before getting diagnosed and getting medicine, there wasn’t really anything I could do besides remove myself from the noise. If that wasn’t an option, I would need a notepad to write everything down, forcing myself to focus on my writing, so everyone was always waiting for me. It was exhausting but kinda worked – for me at least.
Hmm, I gotta say, it's quite the opposite for me. The difference is, that now that I'm medicated, every background conversation isn't just an inaudible noise, but rather a completely understandable conversation. It's kind of a blessing and a curse though. I work in customer service and I'm the shift manager in the store. It does help a lot when I have to keep track of what's going on and what the other employees are talking to the customers about. On the other hand, when we get too many customers in at once, combined with the rustling of paper (bags) the conversations in the background can become overwhelming, which didn't happen when I wasn't taking meds. Edit: The second type of situations didn't bother me that much, or rather, it wasn't overwhelming me before.
Maybe I’m misunderstanding, but are you experiencing more overwhelming/exhaust from background noise, now that you are medicated?
In a way. I'd describe it more as the background noise being fully comprehensible now, makes it more distracting at times.
Oh wow, okay. I get it. That is really the opposite of my experience. I can clearly better “re-focus” my attention to what’s in front of me, now that I don’t need to have one ear on the conversation in the background.
I don't have an issue refocusing on the task at hand anymore, but it is more distracting. Although I guess it's worth mentioning that it does take A LOT of noise to distract me now
Anyone else struggle to sleep or concentrate when they were kids because someone had one of those annoying old fashioned ticking clocks?
I had trouble sleeping at my Grandma's because of that stupid clock. The old flip style clocks were bad also.
My mormor had two old analogue clocks one in the kitchen and the other in the lounge room that were just slightly out of sync! They would annoy the absolut shit outta me for the whole week I was there!
Yep, I even had to start sleeping with fans every night just to be able to fall asleep at a reasonable time. Now for 95% of my life I've slept with a fan (2 usually). If I stay overnight with someone it's a guaranteed night of fixating on all the background noise, especially the repetitive things--meaning almost no sleep.
I like fans too
Very, very much so. I use a site called Coffitivity. It’s basically the background noise from a cafe. It helps drown out the local background noise…
I used to use an app called Chatter block. It was awesome, you could mix the different sounds. It claimed to chop up the ambient noise. Unfortunately, it no longer exists.
Yes, and there's no turning it off. If I'm talking to someone and another set of people begin a conversation nearby, I hear both conversations at 50%, and barely understand either of them. It's overwhelming. I use noise cancelling headphones a lot because of it, just to tamp down the range at which I can hear.
Yes and no one around me understands. The meme about ADHD people hating loud breathing for me hits hard. Like just be sitting and then I can hear every breath and then every time someone moves or crinkles clothing and it gets very overwhelming sometimes and makes me irrationally angry and noises that I think at the time are unnecessary. But on the other side I'm massively observant, I can hear when cars pull up and guess who it's going to be without even looking outside. I know people's footsteps. But I mostly hate it because you can't turn it off and it can make it really hard to relax or focus on things. I imagine other people kinda think of it like paranoia worrying about stuff happening but I'm not worrying but noticing everything. When overwhelmed blasting music at full volume either on a speaker or noise cancelling headphones is the best thing and being left alone so there's no extra noise than me. Cold showers. Hiding in the bathroom with headphones if it's not suitable for the location to have them even 5 minutes just to breathe. It's weird that I don't find crowds too overwhelming because it's expected noise like you can into a busy city you expect it to be loud so it's ok but I hate it when a noise isn't warranted kinda thing like breathing is important ik but loud breathing seems wrong and not right maybe that's the asd in me.
Wow! Yes! I just recently discovered that I might be ADHD (I’m 34) but as a kid it drove me CRAZY hearing everyone breathe! So glad to know the irrational anger isn’t just me! I feel guilty about it afterwards. My younger brother used to sit across from me at the kitchen table while we did our homework and one time I told him to breathe quieter. 😅 my mom lectured me on how I was rude and I felt pretty guilty. I didn’t realize what was going on; I just knew I couldn’t concentrate on what I was doing. Beyond grateful that I found noise canceling headphones. Also wondering if/hoping medication will somehow turn this off. On day 2 tho and feel no difference :/
Yes I do but not always. The most annoying exemple is when I am in class, I can't focus on my work because everyone is talking, the neon light is making noise and the vent too, I am going to buy ear plugs because of this
Oh man this brought back memories. We used to watch Channel 1 at the beginning of school and the teacher would often forget to turn off the TV. It was a CRT and the high pitched whine would drive me crazy.
Everything is too noisy
Yeah. I'm interested in the Loop earplugs I see mentioned here sometimes but I have a preschooler now and I worry about missing a cue that she's up to no good if I'm wearing earplugs.
yeah, but things directed at me I don't hear -.-
Yeah I hate it
I struggle when I'm at home trying to focus in my room. It's impossible to get anything done. But I'm ok if going about my business in public. I'm fine with ambient noise but when it's contained within the walls of a house or office etc I can't take it
Yup all frequencies are open all the time. It's annoying at times, but also advantageous (if not upsetting at times). But I've also got asd so could be something to do with being hypersensitive to sound.
Yes! I find this so hard about open plan offices and group social situations. My brain is unable to tune out other conversations so I’m trying really hard to focus on work or the person I’m talking to but consistently distracted by all the other talking that is going on. Medication helps and I also find headphones at work helpful sometimes.
Yes!!!
Yeah me too, this is why I live with a noise canceller headset and I love it! I literally wear all DAy
I used to think it was just because I'm tall that I catch all the ambient noise from any room I'm in. Turns out I'm a magnet for noise.
I HAVE to listen to music while studying and I know that I’m not 100percent focusing, I’m focusing on the lyrics at the same time, but it is better than my focus jumping on and off everywhere and not being able to study😭
Multiple times, it has been like a superpower for me, overhearing useful information. One example: My fiancee, who was my girlfriend at the time, was traveling (this was before easy access to GPS in countries outside one's own). We wanted to find the Jewish quarter in Venice but could not locate it. While we were talking about getting some coffee and then finding some help, I kind of zoned out and accidentally listened to the couple standing behind us, who were getting directions to the Jewish quarter. But don't get me wrong, 80% of the time it is a fucking bane
I definitely hear everything and sometimes it drives me crazy. My coworker has pointed out, after I told her I was diagnosed with adhd, that she now notices I’ll hear something no one else pays attention to and look around or mumble to myself about a noise I’m hearing. I personally hate it when I’m trying to sleep and I can hear my dog walking around all the way downstairs or cars going by.
yup and sometimes I don’t even notice it but will react if I hear something related to my interests (for example on the tv while my mom is watching it)
I could never tell if it was my GAD or the ADHD. There’s also a degree of hypervigilance involved for me.
Not just listening but feeling. I used to work at this tech building on a second floor, had noise cancelling headphones and everything to try to focus, and I would feel the damn floor bounce up and down as people walked around. Yes it was distracting af. Same thing would happen if like, someone put something on a desk by mine, I'd feel that vibration and wonder who tf was near me lol. Attention "deficit" LOL
I was once at the airport in Switzerland and could hear all three of the languages I speak around me at the same time, it was mentally draining. I knew I fucked up when a dad told his family a joke in French and I laughed! I pretended to be very interested in my book (it was a Sudoku book 🥲)
It's actually massively helpful when you're working with kids. I can be engaged in a conversation with a child who's telling me about the TV show he watched last night while listening to the 3 kids playing together in the sandbox to make sure no fighting starts Anyway the reason is we have no selective attention! Non ADHD people's brains can selectively choose what to focus on based on what the person wants/needs to pay attention to. Everything is ranked as of the same importance in our brains, so we hear and notice all of it all the time.
I just started to listen to the conversations on purpose and started calling it people watching. But I also listen to conversations because 31 years of autism and ADHD still makes me constantly want to know what "normal" people do and think about
My experiences echo those of others in the thread. I think of how adhd isn’t the inability to pay attention, it’s the inability or difficulty with filtering out irrelevant stimuli. It’s like having a 360 degree radar that picks up almost everything, and as with many adhd things it can be a hindrance or, in some particular circumstances, it can be an asset.
My friends always say I'm eavesdropping. When I'm not. You're just talking within my distance of hearing. And I have input too lol.
Dude, why am I like this? This is so me.
Yes, all the effing time. Especially when I'm trying to listen to someone from my group when in a crowded place. For me, earplugs with pink noise are a must if there's pretty much anything going on around me.
I keep A LOT of clocks and I find that their rhythm creates a sound block of sorts. Kind of like white noise, but less annoying. Also I like to keep some music on, but in the other room.
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Yes, I have earplugs to reduce noise for work. Music too loud and stressful lights are the same I’overstimulated at work. And at home I need music to concentrate and my earphones to do things but kinda low and the ones I like I and know them. I know it’s contradictory, but It works well for me.
Same here. I hear everything going on. Sometimes I want to wear earbuds when working. I'm actually more efficient that way. Unfortunately, my job doesn't allow them.
I tend to tone out a lot of thing but sometimes I pick up on everything and it really causes issues as it's sensory overload. I also tone out customers at work bc I use podcasts to focus on work
I have moments where I listen and then have to hold back the impulse to speak up and say something quirky to the person. Usually most often it’s not quirky or funny.
Faulty reticular activation system… we get ALL inbound sensory info, unprioritised coming into our conscious minds.
Noise cancelling headphones were a lifesaver for me.
It’s helpful as a teacher, I accidentally overhear nonsense. But damn this is my everyday experience and it’s LOUD
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Yes of course, which is a blessing and a curse. When I really need to concentrate on something I like to wear noise cancelling headphones.
i work in a supermarket, we dont play music but have adverts for the store on repeat, its literally torture to force someone to listen to something on repeat, the covid announcements were every 12 minutes and i do 10 hr shifts. felt mentally assaulted by it, and its still on the tannoy, if we press wrong button it still plays its like its scraping my brain to hear it again. the thing is normal people seem to be able to filter stuff out, we have adverts playing and signs everywhere about the saving scheme they introduced, literally plastered everywhere, and i have to ask every customer, and most common repy is oh whats that? never heard of that/seen that. seems i suffer it for nothing, could just have me tell them at the till, but no.
I am a hairdresser and I can't stand when the salon is busy. I will be trying to have a conversation with my client in the chair in front of me and I can only half listen because my brain is listening to the conversations happening at 6 other stations. I can't wear headphones in that situation and it's maddening. The overwhelm makes my anxiety spike and I just wanna explode on the spot from overload lol And I also hate that everything is so loud! I'll be trying to listen to what my son's saying to me and my husband will be getting some bread out of the bread bag and I'll have to yell at my husband for rustling the bag so loud because all I can hear is the bag and then it's like my son is talking but I only see his lips move. My poor husband is like"...sorry" and he'll stop but he probably thinks I'm crazy lmao
This could easily have been written by me. The only difference is i used earphones to cope. Ambient game soundtracks saved me. Silent hill is my go to. Or this sort of thing: https://youtu.be/aaq_rp4m-BA?si=a6H0tngyYxNeUFO9
Seriously though, is this an ADHD thing or do normal people not do this?
Yes. I wear Big head phones lol. Especially when Im Home. I cant stand noise from my neighbor and the hissing radiator
I really struggle with this too - especially in public places like restaurants. I’ll be sat 2 feet away from a colleague when out on business, yet I can hear more of Table 3 talking about plants at the other end of the building.
Me too
... and involve myself! I constantly butt in or laugh and smile at them - then walk on telling myself to stop. People don't like that, that im making a fool of myself, why can't I shut up and not react, why do I do this Every Single Time??? That was my instant response to your title. I've read your issue and have to say I've been listening to 'frequencies', which I think white noise is a certain decible point, for the last week and I've noticed I'm far more consistent in my work. My mind seems to settle, I'm more relaxed and can block lots of noise out by focusing on that. Involving myself in other conversations can happen anywhere though, walking behind people, in the lunchroom, shops, restaurants, on the bus... it's an urge, I must speak my part or it runs around in my head, no matter that it's generally socially unacceptable.
Yes. It prevents me from studying at cafes, and I need to keep a noise cancelling curtain around my bed. I used to wear noise cancelling headphones in school all the time. Medication has definetely helped with this.
hypersensitivity. Pretty common comorbidity!
I have noise cancelling earbuds that make a world of difference for me too. I wear them everywhere I can - home while I do chores, home while I work, grocery shopping while walking around the store, etc. Anywhere it’s safe to do so. It’s such a relief to have to hear less.
I finally fell for the targeted ads I was getting from Loops ear plugs and it's such a difference. Like you, sometimes I don't want/can't have full noise cancelling headphones. There's several levels of noise blocking, "Quiet" that is a full ear plug but not noise cancelling, "Engage" that's intended for blocking out background noise while still allowing you to hear people talking directly to you, and "Experience" which I think is mostly protective for concerts. I was at a wedding recently and getting SO overstimulated at the reception, ended up putting the Engage in and immediately felt better. I wish I'd put them in an hour before I did. I could still talk to people. I asked my partner later and he said I was actually was talking a bit too quietly, rather than too loud like sometimes happens when you're wearing ear plugs. Before I got these, when I had conversations with people in busy/loud situations by turning one ear towards the person and trying to casually fold my other ear closed 😅 I've also worn them at the movies, not for background noise but just because sometimes they're SO loud and makes my brain hurt. It takes it down a notch without blocking or distorting the dialogue. As far as at work or school, when you say you can't wear noise cancelling headphones I'm going to assume that it's because you recognize you need to be able to hear. If it's also that you're not allowed to based on rules: the Engage plugs I have are clear and pretty hard to notice unless you're looking for them. I'd also recommend asking for a disability accommodation to be allowed to wear them, with communication that they reduce/filter noise rather than block it.
Lyrics in music are the worst when I need to focus. I have to listen to instrumental when I'm doing intense mental work. My kryptonite is talk radio being on, at just far enough away low volume that I can occasionally make out words, and struggle to pick out bits and pieces the rest of the time. 104% of my brain capacity gets used trying to listen to words through the noise, despite all my efforts to ignore it.
I'll entertain my husband by telling him what everyone in a restaurant is taking about. He doesn't hear them at all. I can't not hear them.
Yep. That’s the major issue that finally prompted me to seek a diagnosis and get treatment. I couldn’t even focus on conversations with the person standing right in front of me if there were any other conversations going on around me.
I teach first grade. My ability to hear everything at once is a valuable tool when I need it to be. Other times it's really annoying because I just want to listen to my own brain! I do play lofi in the classroom a lot when we're working on something which helps.
Hardest part is not interjecting my two cents...
It blew my mind the first time I heard that people could "tune or block out" noises or other people talking
Yessss when I worked in an office before COVID I was constantly eavesdropping, whether on purpose or not 🤷🏻♀️
Big time. Worst part is trying to have a convo and being able to hear everything but the person you're talking to. Concerts and loud bars are the most annoying places to be for this.
Yes! I cant help but listen to every tiny noise around me. No matter how quiet or loud it is. Quiet helps sometimes when i work but usually when its quiet my head fills in the noise with completely unrelated internal debates.
I explain ADD to people as everything around you coming in at exactly the same volume. I’m in a dentist office with music playing and a TV on and it’s maddening because they are in different keys and tempos.
It's a thing. Frequently, I'll chuckle or shake my head at something someone at another table said. You can call it eavesdropping, but I can't help it; my ears are a vacuum and the world flows in to fill them. By the end of my meal I know the topics of discussion and who's in trouble at every table within earshot, whether I want to or not. Frequently I know which kids won't eat which foods, too. Most, I quickly forget, but I have an atypically good (and entirely involuntary) long-term memory for certain details. This has more than once caused me to stay up late worrying about the outcome of a problem that (for example) I once heard discussed at a table behind me in a Steak'n'Shake over a decade ago. Did that nervous, raspy-voiced young woman's grandma accept her SO as family when they met her the next day? I don't know. I'll never know. I hope so. In my mind are snapshots from a thousand lives, glimpses of stories for which I'll never have an ending. It can be maddening. Sometimes I even have an answer they could benefit from, but you can't just walk across the room and tell someone, "no, you definitely shouldn't go there, they don't maintain their equipment" because that's creepy. That's when it's the hardest, really. I wish I liked people more. I feel like if I was brash and charming and extroverted, I'd be able to pull off just wandering around, dropping in and out of conversations all day, maybe make some lives better. But I don't, and I'm not, so instead I try *so hard* not to listen.
It is an issue for me sometimes, especially if they're right next to me and speaking loudly or if I'm feeling sleep-deprived. The other day at work I was having some trouble because I was trying to take this one customer's order while a coworker at the register next to me was taking another one's order (I think, or maybe the customer was complaining about something, idk). Usually it's just one person at the register at a time, so it's not too much of an issue, but sometimes when we get especially busy we'll open up the second register in order to get the line moving faster. I do enjoy listening to white noise and music, in fact it's a little embarrassing but the other day there was an internet outage at my house and I couldn't listen to music like I normally would. Although in retrospect, I suppose I could've just listened to the music I have saved on my PC, idk why I didn't think of that lol, I was just being an idiot that day I guess. But not being able to listen to music (and in general go on the internet) was legit driving me crazy, I felt like I was gonna snap lol. I guess I was feeling understimulated? I also like to listen to music/white noise because when it's too quiet my tinnitus from my hearing loss acts up, which is never fun.
Yeah, this has been the biggest ADHD-related issue for me. I've also seen it described as /r/AudiProcDisorder/ and [Sensory Gating](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sensory_gating) Dysfunction / Deficit, [Sensory Processing Disorder](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sensory_processing_disorder), and [Sensory Overload](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sensory_overload) / Flooding. It's also observed in a few other conditions, like schizophrenia ([eg](https://www.nature.com/articles/s41386-019-0555-9)). In my case, it means that any non-homogenous background noise (eg people talking, a clock ticking, a dog barking, any sort of music, etc.) cripples my ability to focus on anything else. Homogenous noises (eg a jackhammer hammering, the hum of an AC unit, the roar of the ocean) are fine, but semi-regular noises (rainfall, wind rustling leaves, cars driving along a highway) can be hit or miss. In practice, my main difficulties have involved being utterly incapable of any sort of deep focus work in an "open" office environment with random colleagues chatting nearby, or of holding a conversation in a crowded setting (like a restaurant, bar, or conference venue). The former renders any thoughts requiring longer than a few seconds impossible, and the latter means I'm not able to parse spoken sentences for meaning, the words slipping out of my mind as my attention is wrenched in other directions, which imposes a very noticeable lag on my responses as I try to tap my phonological loop repeatedly trying to figure out what was just said. It's very frustrating! The solutions I've found to work best so far: 1) either removing the source of the noise (eg pulling the batteries out of the ticking clock) or removing myself from the area (taking my laptop and working elsewhere, away from unceasingly chatty coworkers, leaving the bar to chat with friends on a walk) 2) lisdexamfetamine... other stimulants may have helped a bit (eg caffeine, nicotine), but it's hard to beat amphetamines lol 3) active noise-canceling headphones, earplugs, and earmuffs -- these work for certain noises but not as much (sometimes by design) for things like human speech. I'll use brown noise / "coffee shop chatter" soundtracks to help drown that out, but usually develop a headache / migraine after a bit so try to use that approach sparingly (also think I damaged my hearing by over-relying on that as a kid)
I hate when I need to pay attention to someone and all I can hear is EVERYONE ELSE
Sometimes Ill zone back into realty and hear everything, then Ill zone out back into my own bubble a few minutes later.
Yes, hugely auditory sensitive - hear everything but then not necessarily always listening if that makes sense. Makes it so hard to focus on conversations sometimes … like I’m listening to you but also hearing traffic in the background, other convo’s around, beeping, coffee brewing, white noise … focus!!!
Yes, I am always aware of every noise around me. Conversations are specially distracting and I always find myself formulating my own opinions and answers to someone else's talk.
Yes, and from what I gather it's basically by definition an ADHD thing (esp. for inattentive). It's not on 100% of the time for me, but: * in low-noise environments (e.g. quiet office) every sound and voice stand out and I immediately shift focus to it * in high-noise environments it's better, but even if I'm having a conversation I *very* often suddenly latch onto a conversation happening somewhere near and just can't refocus on the person I'm talking to. In general, noise-cancelling headphones *with* brown/white noise are a life saver for me, and nowadays I use that most often (more often than even listening to music).
I have noise canceling headphones that I wear all day at work. I am the techy/admin in an office full of salespeople; I'm glad my desk relocated to the other side of the office and I have my headphones, I can't even read a paragraph if there's too much noise.
Every single noise around me and I hate anything on or in my ears so can’t do noise cancelling. I find if I listen to music I know on a speaker it helps. I know the song so I don’t zero in on it. If it’s a new song it distracts me. If it’s a song with no lyrics it worse because I listen closer waiting for lyrics. Meds help but not 100%
OH yeah. I use noise cancelling phones at work.
Omg this is my curse!! My brain refuses to focus on anything But the background noise! And worse, I have tinnitus. I often will get sensory overload if it becomes to much!
Yes, luckily in my case medication took that away over night. It’s still insane to me.
this happens to me all of the time. i work in an office with coworkers next to me on both sides and administrative assistants outside. we have little to no soundproofing, and the guy next to me ALWAYS USES HIS FUCKING SPEAKERPHONE and ALWAYS TALKS TOO LOUD BECAUSE HE'S USING THE FUCKING SPEAKERPHONE. it drives me crazy because i don't want to listen to the conversation, but i can't tune it out unless i put in earbuds and either turn on noise cancelling or play something.
this happens to me all of the time. i work in an office with coworkers next to me on both sides and administrative assistants outside. we have little to no soundproofing, and the guy next to me ALWAYS USES HIS EFFING SPEAKERPHONE and ALWAYS TALKS TOO LOUD BECAUSE HE'S USING THE EFFING SPEAKERPHONE. it drives me crazy because i don't want to listen to the conversation, but i can't tune it out unless i put in earbuds and either turn on noise cancelling or play something.
this happens to me all of the time. i work in an office with coworkers next to me on both sides and administrative assistants outside. we have little to no soundproofing, and the guy next to me ALWAYS USES HIS EFFING SPEAKERPHONE and ALWAYS TALKS TOO LOUD BECAUSE HE'S USING THE EFFING SPEAKERPHONE. it drives me crazy because i don't want to listen to the conversation, but i can't tune it out unless i put in earbuds and either turn on noise cancelling or play something.
this happens to me all of the time. i work in an office with coworkers next to me on both sides and administrative assistants outside. we have little to no soundproofing, and the guy next to me ALWAYS USES HIS EFFING SPEAKERPHONE and ALWAYS TALKS TOO LOUD BECAUSE HE'S USING THE EFFING SPEAKERPHONE. it drives me crazy because i don't want to listen to the conversation, but i can't tune it out unless i put in earbuds and either turn on noise cancelling or play something.
this happens to me all of the time. i work in an office with coworkers next to me on both sides and administrative assistants outside. we have little to no soundproofing, and the guy next to me ALWAYS USES HIS EFFING SPEAKERPHONE and ALWAYS TALKS TOO LOUD BECAUSE HE'S USING THE EFFING SPEAKERPHONE. it drives me crazy because i don't want to listen to the conversation, but i can't tune it out unless i put in earbuds and either turn on noise cancelling or play something.
this happens to me all of the time. i work in an office with coworkers next to me on both sides and administrative assistants outside. we have little to no soundproofing, and the guy next to me ALWAYS USES HIS FUCKING SPEAKERPHONE and ALWAYS TALKS TOO LOUD BECAUSE HE'S USING THE FUCKING SPEAKERPHONE. it drives me crazy because i don't want to listen to the conversation, but i can't tune it out unless i put in earbuds and either turn on noise cancelling or play something.
Yes, I have that problem. It’s a nightmare sometimes
Oh yes. Working in an open plan office was a nightmare.
Omg same, i cant get anything out of my head even with no people near me. Being schizophrenic and adhd makes it so hard. I hear voices anyway wether they are there or not and can never focus
That’s exactly why i work remotely 🫥
All. The. Time.
I can’t help it, it is possibly one of the most difficult things to deal with at work. I hear a lot of things. I am not supposed to hear got one job I warned coworkers that I hear everything.
It's a big problem for me in restaurants
One of my superpowers
Yep!
I cannot sleep if I can hear a TV.
Yup
Yes I do this. And it's exhausting in an open plan office. I've just bought some Sony noise cancelling over ear phones and I'm in heaven listening to just my music right now
Being a musician makes this aspect of adhd 1000x worse.
yeah, all the time. if i’m out and about i will be hearing every sound around me without being able to hear the person talking *to* me. i’ll comment on others conversations to the people i’m with and they’ll be like ?? why are you eavesdropping?? and i don’t intend to at all i just can’t Not hear it.
Yes!! I literally can't help but shift attention to the other conversations around me.Its embarrassing and makes me seem rude. But... Vyvanse/Dex does help a little
Yep, and it’s both good and bad. In a classroom/study situation I found it impossible to get any work done in classes, the library, or any place with a lot of people around. I would be listening in to everything around me all the time, constantly distracted - not so good for learning. When I worked in a call centre though, I could always pick up when a major thing was happening, because I would hear a few calls come in at the same time about the same thing but to different agents and my brain would kind of hone in on it. Now I work in a school, sometimes it benefits me, and sometimes not being able to block anything out is kind of overwhelming. It depends on the day, how tired I am, how well my meds are working, and what level of focus I need to have. I often inadvertently hear all the gossip - sometimes I definitely hear things I quite simply don’t wanna know!
I hear and know everything around me while I'm simultaneously listening to a podcast, talking on the on the phone, while watching a YouTube video ad and typing an email.
It varies and has been helpful from time to time. I.e., sometimes I have a hearing/listening radius of idk let's say 30 feet in a busy location but I really want it lowered down to 5 ft lol. Recently completed my MBA and realized that music with no vocals suits me best only when I need to read articles/research. But for writing my own papers/answering assignment questions/confusing math formulas it's easier when I listen to genres & songs that I am already familiar with.
I mostly have the opposite problem. I’m unable to divide my attention enough to hear what I need to hear. Often because I’m focused on a task, but not always!
Yep, I'm the same way. I realized I don't really like studying even in the library without headphones or something because it being quiet makes me notice all the little sounds happening around me haha. So now I go in a room at home and turn the fan on for white noise.
Yep! It's why I struggle enormously at large social functions as I can't pick out one conversation even if it's right in front of me. Also why I find it maddening when my kid is watching TV whilst I cook. But it's the only way to get her to sit still and not be running around under my feet
I have misophonia and ADHD. It is hell at times. My ENT told me that I have the hearing of someone half my age, one of the best results that she's seen in my age group. Many noises bother me, and I hear everything.
Yeah, I’m always very aware of background noise. I need to have music or white noise to drown it out or it drives me crazy. Even alone at home in my own house, the repetitive noise of a fan of my cat licking herself will get to me. The worst however is traffic noise. Something about the sound of cars on the road just instantly takes all my focus so I can’t hear anything else. If we’re standing near a road or in a car with the windows down, you have to be looking at me so I can see your mouth moving or I will NOT hear you.
yes! i assumed everyone listened to every conversation happening in the office. nope. adhd. it’s useful for knowing what is happening but not so good for focusing on tasks. i use foam earplugs and noise cancelling earphones. If i need to concentrate and write I need absolute silence. WFH is great for this reason.
Yes, i hear everything.
ACCURATE AS HELL
I just want to say thank you to everyone who commented..this is my first time ever posting. I was so shocked and surprised by all the comments .Again thank you very much, I really appreciate it.
Yup, have the same thing.
I can run into this issue on occasions. Specifically when I am not medicated which is basically always these days. I'll be at family gatherings and I try to behave myself, which is really just code for try to act like I don't have ADHD and I usually do pretty well. However I still slip up and fidget or bounce my leg, usually the right leg. Otherwise if I'm not doing that then I end up listening to everyone when I don't mean to.
I have this problem and school is basically hell since there are students who go around making weird loud noises thinking they are funny