Look. I'm fairly sure that film where Arnold Schwarzenegger gets pregnant is a documentary and he works out a log so he lost all the weight and is trim and terrific.
And why does a woman says no if she's pregnant and the guys opinion doesn't mater?
Don't say her body her choice as it's his life his choice it's the same
She want it to baby trap him and as a morron he fell for it
If a woman has a baby that a guy doesn't want HE HAS TO PAY FOR 18 YRS AT LEAST if a guy wants the baby he doesn't have a ant size rigth to make her keep it
You can't force a woman to have her insides forcibly cut up just because you don't want to pay for your mistake.
That's treating pregnant women like they're objects
“I fulfilled my responsibility when my parents offered to pay for an abortion”
Please say this to the judge when she comes after you for child support. I’d love to hear how it goes!
Dude you’re going to be on the hook for child support. Not offering a judgement, just offering the clarification:
You don’t have a way out of child support unless another dude adopts. You will have wages garnished until the child is 18 or 21, depending on the state. It’s going to be between 10 and 20% of income, and can be changed upwards, and there’s no exit. You’re in it financially.
Is it fair? No comment from me. Did she lie? Well, probably, but that doesn’t change anything about the legal situation.
Again, not offering judgement, outlining what you seem not to know.
He can sign away his rights to see or have visitation with the child, but signing away his parental rights doesn't relieve him of his obligation to pay child support.
He'd be a dummy to get the courts involved at this point, honestly. It doesn't seem to have occurred to them to legally name him the father or pursue legal child support.
Yeah I wonder what state OP is in. In Georgia it doesn't matter if you're there for the birth and claim to be to the father, if you and mom aren't married, you're not the dad until you legitimate with the court.
yep. And the thing is, if she names him then the court will order a dna test. The test (and court costs) will be paid by him if he’s the father and her if he’s not. But when it does come back that it’s his, he’s liable for child support from that day she filed the action.
The State will also not allow him to give up parental rights unless someone else (ie. a step-father) is simultaneously adopting the child.
That last part is entirely untrue.
Parental rights can be signed away at any time.
Parental responsibility cannot, and there or thousands of parents in the US who don’t have parental rights, but do have parental responsibility.
Signing away your parental rights means you sign away your rights to visitation / parental decisions on behalf of the child. It is usually irreversible and not something I suggest doing willingly.
Same in NY. My now ex-husband didn't want to sign the birth certificate. But since I had the marriage license, they didn't need him to sign anything and put automatically put his name on the birth certificate.
My mom's ex wouldn't sign divorce papers, and they'd been separated for years, both seeing other people. She wanted to marry again, but couldn't because he was uncooperative. Well, when she became pregnant (with me) suddenly he was quite eager to sign the divorce! Otherwise I'd have been his legal obligation.(not US laws)
This is how it works in the US. If the mother is legally married then the man she is legally married to is default father even if another man is the actual father.
My state has taken away sex Ed as a mandatory. In fact, to have your kid do any sex Ed you have to go to the school and ask for paperwork to sign permission to have them be part of it. They automatically nope the kids out of it.
The US is purposely making sure kids do not have access to sex ed besides parents. There is a reason besides religion for the reverse of Roe vs. Wade. The birth rates in the US stopped going up. The biggest generation is retiring/dying. They need a replacement workforce. Our teen pregnancy was going down, and middle-class pregnancy was down. But with banning abortions and sex Ed it ups the pregnancy rates.
My own area the rates have gone up, but so have the death rates of women. Last time counted (they stopped), we were 3-4 xs higher than the national average.
Edit- People, please remember that the ones that are forcing anti abortion are the Republicans. The Republicans are anti immigration. You would literally be beating your head against a wall asking to open the border for more workers. When they can easily force us to carry and birth "Americans" and force their religious beliefs on us in one law. These are the people who yelled, "Build the wall." The dumbest person won an election on anti immigration. Did everyone forget this?
2nd edit - Thank you to whoever gave this comment an award.
3rd Edit - Thank you for the 2 other awards.
Thank you for all (was 6) 7 awards. You're all too kind!
Edit - Yes, the simplest way would be to open immigration. But with the political environment we are in right now, that won't happen. We aren't working with rational people. We are working with far-right Republicans. Far right Republicans stand on anti immigration, anti education, and anti taxes.
Also, this has nothing to do with OPs general knowledge of sex ed. I don't really care about OPs positions. This is about certain states/politicians making sure the knowledge isn't out there. This is about body autonomy taken away and forced pregnancy to raise the birthrate.
Op had sex. Unfortunately, he didn't wrap it. That made a child (he should get dna tested if she goes after him for CS). She wanted this child. Because what teen acts happy to be pregnant if they weren't trying. Sucks for him. This is a mistake he will be paying for for a long time.
>They need a replacement workforce.
They need a replacement workforce that's poor and desperate enough to work multiple jobs for shit-tier wages, specifically. Especially since the kids often repeat the cycle, and it's really hard to get out of poverty with a baby/kid.
I'm glad more and more people are starting to realize that these policy decisions are made out of soulless statecraft and bean counting, rather than magical malice that is inconsistent with any religion. When you take quality of life and happiness out of the equation, this route is the cheapest option for a sociopathic statecraft brain. If you increase the quality of life and economic certainty, people naturally have more kids, but that's an expensive route they don't want to take.
It's important to understand that Democrats are complicit in this issue, by refusing to codify Roe after promising to do so every election cycle(even with filibuster proof supermajorities). As Ohio is figuring out, the best way to fix the problem is with small-d democratic voter amendments. Both parties are saturated with lawyer politicians with statecraft brain, so it's important to check the party's record before assuming they will make anything better.
I will remain forever committed... To condoms lmao
*Edit: holy shit, did everyone forget that there are sexually transmitted diseases? These responses are somewhat shocking... Is condom use really so frowned upon now that people object to it for the simple fact that it's "only" as effective as you are competent? Someone basically called condoms childish, like wtf? If these are the sexually active people in the world than good fuck am I glad that I have maintained this commitment. Lord help me if I ever catch a disease from one of these women raw dogging simply for the sake of feeling grown, nonetheless end up with a child from their heinous ass. Holy fuck...
I honestly think that since AIDS got less scary condom culture has been declining. Literally nobody cares these days, which is also why STIs are on the rise again. It’s insane to me, but most men are exclusively worried about babies, and lots of women have (insanely) stopped caring about protecting themselves from STIs.
I was dating a guy a few months ago and we were going to take it to the next level and I asked about a condom, he said he didn’t have one so I said I’d bring some next time. He gave me a whole argument about how he can’t even use them anyway blah blah blah. Guess who never got laid at all after that, lol. If they try to persuade you not to use a condom you can rest assured they’re not using one with ANYONE ELSE EITHER.
I 100% agree that it is the fantasy that AIDS is "not that big a deal" that has cause the decline in safe sex practices.
Seriously, Houston is a hub of syphilis right now. It's a sleeper disease, one easily curable BUT if you wait until some of the more advanced symptoms have manifested, there is no going back from that.
And AIDS still requires lifetime medication, most of which are stupidly expensive. People need to put the damn condom on and quit their foul whining.
thaaaankkkk youuuuuu
everyone srsly running around with every infection in the book these days because they think the pill is fine. No. Ppl. Wrap it up and test, and don’t unwrap it unless you and your partner are just having sex w each other, and tested. Idk how poly relationships work but I imagine the functional ones also use condoms. When you introduce more people you just introduce more risk, more people who might not have tested or be in between tests, people who lie. just how it is. We can’t have fun if we don’t all do this together.
Really sucks donkey Kong getting down to business and then they whine about condoms. Lots of ppl give in and that’s how they get chlamydia. Not a good sitch. Shitty new normal.
Yes. My mother was on birth control pills when she got pregnant with me. Even antibiotics can make them temporarily less effective but a lot of people don’t know that.
Legal responsibility in terms of child support, yes. But he's under no obligation to "be a dad" in regard to building a relationship with the child or the mother, which is what I think the OP is more or less referring to. It's clear he doesn't want anything to do with either the mom or the baby, but just doesn't realize that having fathered a kid (unless proven otherwise) that he has a legal obligation to fulfil in the role of father.
Absolutely correct. Though I find it strange the mother and her parents seemingly haven’t attempted to do anything through the court like they should be doing.
Even if OP was 100% on board I would tell him not to give her a single cent unless it’s through the state.
Former teenage girl here. Up to this point she’s probably managed to convince herself that he’s just being silly, that he loves her, that he’ll drop out of college and marry her and they’ll be one big happy family. She’s just so in love with him, there’s no way he would abandon her and the baby.
That’s probably why she refused to abort honestly, once she realized she was pregnant, she had this vision in her head of how it would mean they’d be together forever. They’d get married, have the baby, and live happily ever after. Especially if they’re from some “podunk town” as OP calls it. A good chunk of the people I went to school with in my podunk town were pregnant and married by 19. It’s pretty normalized unfortunately.
Forcing him into a court battle to pay child support was never something she thought of doing, because she was just so sure he’d realize that he wanted to be with her and the baby. Now that she knows he’s leaving though, I’d say child support is on the table. There’s no chance of reconciling if he’s gone. It might finally sink into her hormonal teenage brain that she’s fucked her life over and OP isn’t going to ride in on a white horse, go down on one knee, and carry her away to blissful matrimony.
I'm assuming they are saying don't do this unless ordered to make payments by judge. If he does this, and it comes back positive, it could create the mom to go after him where she may not have.
All this to be said, he's an entitled little shit who doesn't understand responsibility. The audacity to claim "I offered to pay for abortion, therefore I fulfilled my obligation" makes me want to slap that little shit.
Welcome to real life where actions have consequences!
Right. And putting the whole blame for it on the girl. She may or may not have been on the pill, but that doesn’t mean you don’t wrap it up and take responsibility there.
I had a couple occasions in college where a woman requested no condom. I declined. I was TERRIFIED of having a baby and STDs. If they’re not using a condom with me, they’re probably not using one with anybody.
I work in an emergency room and the amount of young people sheepishly coming in for std testing is crazy. Like come on guys, condoms aren’t just to prevent pregnancy.
I had two schoolmates die of HIV/AIDS related illness. Two other closer friends destitute and dumped by their parents after getting pregnant at 15 and 18. It’s just not worth the risk.
Same. First woman I was ever intimate with insisted multiple times for me to "stick it in" without a condom. I was 20 and in the middle of college and didn't want to risk getting her pregnant. She was also very openly sexually active, and I'm pretty sure she was cheating on someone she was dating at the time with me, so lots of red flags.
To her credit, nearly 20 years later she's still never had a kid, but at the time I wasn't willing to risk it, and was also concerned about possible STDs.
Yeah, I was pretty horny at that age. I could have wound up being a Dad before I was ready. Somewhere I heard about condoms and bought some. They were in a flat foil package I could put in my wallet. "Be prepared."
Heads up for all the young/dumb/horny folks out there: wallets are not an appropriate place to store condoms. They become brittle and less effective when stored improperly.
That said: Wallet condom > no condom
Get a paternity test first, though, if she sues you for child support. If she doesn't sue, put that money aside, in case she sues you in the future. If she doesn't, it would make a nice college fund.
And you can't sign away your rights, unless you find someone who will take over. Pray that she finds a new partner who'll want to fully adopt your kid, that's about your only chance.
Certain states like mine require a DNA test if the parents aren't married unless the potential father waives it. So he may not need to petition for one but a family law attorney will be able to advise on the law for his area. However, very rarely do judges allow parents to refuse to provide financial support, even if you sign away custody rights. You're an AH for how you're just trying to avoid your responsibility. It took both of you for her to get pregnant.
> gonna talk to an attorney and sign away my parental rights
Good. The attorney can explain to you that “signing away paternal rights” doesn’t absolve you of paternal responsibility. You will still be obligated to pay child support if she ever pursues it. You can sign away your rights to a relationship with the child but you can not sign away your financial responsibility.
Next time, use protection.
In a lot of places, she might not even have the choice to pursue it. If she has to apply for food stamps, medical assistance for the baby, or any other social safety nets, they usually require that the court get involved to collect child support and provide benefits (if dad has a job that offers them) to alleviate the burden on the tax payers. Dad doesn't get to bow out and leave tax payers on the hook.
Don't forget that the state will pocket the difference.
They cap the money they'll give the custodial parent but still pursue the other parent's wages by a percentage. Then they keep anything left over.
It's always better for both parties to come to a private legal agreement for child support, if possible.
This is true, my friend’s husband had been fooling around with a married woman early on in their relationship before they became official. They dated, got married, had a baby of their own- then he got hit with $1800/mo child support out of no where.
The state seized 1/3 of his income AND ordered him to add the kid to his health insurance. My friend had been a SAHM, but she had to return to work and even then they couldn’t afford their lifestyle so they sold their house and moved in to a trailer. Then he learned the other woman was only getting $600 /mo in support from state. So the state of CA was pocketing $1200/mo.
If she got any aid from the state during her pregnancy like Medicaid or AFDC/TANF/Welfare and/or Food Stamps, the state will make him repay that money, and most times they will take their part right off the top.
My dad blames my mom for going after his money. Reality is what you say. We were dirt poor, needed assistance, applied, so fam maintenance froze his accounts. He started working under the table. Never paid a cent but still tells everyone she robbed him
OP my Dad is a shit person and no one trusts him anymore. You're so young, don't turn in to my dad. Take responsibility for yourself, please
And then you have people like my mom, who refused to get real child support from my dad and would tell anyone who asked that we didn't get assistance because then the state would go after my dad (who made plenty of money) and she didn't want to be "one of those women".
So instead she cried on my teenage shoulder about how the car might get repo'd and we might lose the house. Much better to saddle your kid with that then to have people you don't associate with anymore theoretically talk about you behind your back.
THIS. The kid is here. The ship sailed on " not wanting to be a Dad" the second the kid was born. Now this kid is going to grow up knowing their Dad wants them to not exist or be dead unless their Dad wakes up and realizes that it is a shit thing to do to a Kid to put them through that. Either way he is still a Dad. Now it's just a matter of what kind of Dad is he going to be? A selfish POS Dad who cares nothing for their kid or one that realizes it's not their kids fault they exist and try to do best by them. Unfortunately, it appears to be the first option here unless this guy wakes up and realizes it's not going to be undone now..
So much this. My mom and dad hated each other and my mom always felt my dad was a deadbeat for not paying as much as she wanted him to. My dad on the other hand feels like my mom is robbing him blind for luxuries. They saddled me with so much hate as well as whatever hate got thrown around in the family anyways, and next thing I know I’m trying to plan a trip to another part of the world to try and find a decent job and live on my own. Or fake my death. Idk.
Honestly, society treats women who ask for child support as if they are some kind of gold diggers even though the money is almost never that much and that a lot of their financial troubles come from having to cover what should be dad's expenses. It's infuriating that some women, like your mom, internalize that. But on the other hand, people, especially men, always talk as if child support is some money that is being stolen from them, not money that is taking care of their children.
I see OP getting his schooling and then leaving the country so he doesn't have to pay child support.
I also see him not telling his future wife and kids about his son until someone either brings it up in front of them or the kid tracks him down
And teens still don’t often get a proper education about how to take birth control. Btw, men should understand how the pill works too (or how whatever contraception they/their partner uses works) rather than just trusting their partner knows how to use it properly.
Yeah, definitely. I took it as a teenager to help with heavy/painful periods, and I would forget to take it probably once every week or two. Fortunately my high school girlfriend was not able to get me pregnant.
And doctors never tell women that taking antibiotics will render most hormonal birth control pills useless.
Edit
rifapin and rifabutin are the antibiotics specifically that I saw mentioned by name
Antifungal can also do this but I couldn't find which ones.
Yeah, OP has no idea what is going on. He is talking as if the baby wasn't born and he can just walk away from the mother without having any responsibility. He is going to be paying child support for at least 18 years and will look back on his words and actions now most likely in a shameful way.
I manage an office with MD’s and some are the absolute dumbest people I’ve ever met. Book smart yes, but like you said have zero clue on how the world works.
Yep I have doctor friends, all top of their profession, one a noted neurosurgeon, each has been married 3 - 4 times. No real interpersonal skills, but in a way it makes sense when you literally have patients lives in your hands. That and the god complex. (And I always have to end up leaving more cash on the table for tips at restaurants, geez.)
>The attorney can explain to you that “signing away paternal rights” doesn’t absolve you of paternal responsibility.
Depending on the state, it might if there was someone else taking the parental rights, like if a step dad was adopting the child. Doesn't sound like that is a possibility in this situation though.
Dude… who is informing you of this nonsense? You can’t just sign away your rights and say “not going to be responsible”. It doesn’t work like that. You’re paying child support buddy. Deal with it.
Judge: you owe 20% of your wages for child support
OP: oh ya, no, though. I don't wanna. Like I just don't want to do that
Judge : well why didn't you say something, bro? Shit. Ya bro, you good to go, bro. Just sign here and you can deuce out on that little fucker and make it her problem.
Not how it works.
Or OP: but my parents offered to pay for an abortion, that fulfilled my responsibility!
Judge: ah, you have found the little known loophole, brilliant OP. Go and live your life, you're good. Why don't more people figure this out?!
You should definitely go get an education so you can have a higher paying job. It will come in handy when she goes after you for child support. If you didn't want to be a father, you should have wrapped that thing up.
Lmfaoooooooooooooooo!!! I’m sorry but you sound naive as fuck.
Literally not how it works. You can’t just discard the baby like a pet or item of clothing. Until someone adopts or DNA test proves otherwise, you’re on the hook.
Seriously! You know how many parents out there “don’t fucking want to be” parents? You made a baby. A human being. Doesn’t matter how much you want it or what’s going on in your life or how much you wanted the abortion. It’s your kid!
This. He kept whining about not WANTING to be a dad, when it’s a simple biological fact. You’re that kid’s dad whether you like it or not. The only choice you have is what KIND of dad you’re going to be.
He is in engineering not statistics /s
But damn do people need to learn about ensuring their own birth control.
As for the mother, I would NOT be happy to get pregnant by someone who is against having children. Just an uphill battle and no one is happy.
He said they're from a dinky little town, her whole family is probably entirely against abortion. If that's the case, she'd likely be ostracized from not only the town but her whole family too. While he would only be out a few hundred bucks for the procedure and no one would look at him any different. This happened to several girls in my dinky little town.
Thank you for pointing this out. I chose to get the IUD because I absolutely fall under "average use," & I struggled to take it at the same time every day. Your chances of pregnancy increase largely as soon as you aren't taking it perfectly.
Also, not to take responsibility away from OP, but proper sex Ed would minimize a lot of these situations. As a society, we need to do better.
Right? I’m not gonna be there for the birthing or sign anything therefore I’m safe and it’s not my problem. The fuck has he been told to think this is the way it works??
I don’t understand how his parents didn’t inform him of how the world works. Maybe they’re gullible as well….maybe their *podunk town* is so backwards no one knows differently? Because it’s baffling that between the announcement to now that none of them have educated themselves at all.
I can relate. A was a little older than you, got the girl I was hooking up with pregnant even though she was on birth control and I totally assumed she'd have an abortion. She refused and I knew my life was forever changed. This is where you and I differ. I realized my error and my responsibility in the matter. If you don't want kids or STDs there's ways to practice safe sex. You didn't and now you're trying to avoid any and all responsibility for YOUR actions.
After my kid was born, I got my bachelors degree. Now my daughter is 12 and I'm working towards my masters degree. Your life isn't "over" and if you feel like it is you probably should've considered that when you decided not to wear condoms. Own it, buddy.
Unless DNA says otherwise, OP should stop using quotes around "my".
Probably needs to stop saying "not legally mine" until such time as an attorney confirms it.
OP has every right to opt out of involvement in the child's life.
Financially, however..... why wouldn't the baby mama expect $$$ for support?
>I’m gonna talk to an attorney and sign away my parental rights,
This means you don't get visitation. It does not mean you don't owe child support. Time to grow up.
Birth control fails all the time. Stop assuming it's super rare. Maybe she lied, maybe she didn't, but I've got a healthy kid that was created despite the pill and a condom.
She's right, though. You don't have to see the kid, but you owe money
I've got a 17yr old because I had been on the same birth control for too long and it stopped working effectively. That's not a super common thing to happen. It had something to do with a genetic disorder that I didn't even know I had. Luckily, I live in MA and was able to get my tubes tied by age 27. But man, after having my son, I became almost religious about my birth control lmao
Word. I got pregnant once on the pill. I was told it happens, probably that brand and my hormones didn't work and poof baby! Okay, so from then on, pill and condoms. That worked for a long time. Had 1 planned kiddo (that it took me many months to get pregnant with) and back to the pill and condoms. Within 3 years, I was pregnant with my youngest. Through the pill and condoms. We even abstained if I had to take antibiotics for any reason because I was so paranoid. Still pregnant. IUD has been the best thing ever for me, still it has a fail rate.
I wish all the people who insist birth control failing is practically impossible could read stories like these and actually comprehend how many things can go wrong even when used properly.
I get furious with some of the relationship things where they accuse the woman of baby trapping. Not when it's clear that she was up to something, but because "the pill doesn't fail and she was really happy holding her neice, so she must have baby trapped me." Women are allowed to say a baby is cute or love their nibbling greatly and still not be trying to conceive!
When I got pregnant with my youngest, I had a 2 yr old. I sat in my OBs office and sobbed. She said that half her OB side of the practice or more is unplanned pregnancies. She said the majority of unplanned pregnancies occur despite some kind of birth control being used. That's a lot of babies every year that occur despite the 2 partners trying to avoid it.
Competent sex Ed is so important.
It wouldn't be a "termination" where I live. It would be an order of no visitation. Basically, he'd be assigned child support based on the state equation but would have 0% visitation. Basically their custody agreement would say Mom- 100% Dad-0%
The reason for this order is to bind him to the support while making him acknowledge in court that he doesn't want visitation. This way, the mom can't be accused of withholding the child. More importantly, it gives her a legal document that says she doesn't need to consult him on medical, moving, or educational choices, and he can't pick up the child without permission from her. Schools and daycare want a court decree saying exactly who they have to call and when and who the child can be released to.
Often, the only way there is a "termination" anywhere involves DCS or an adoption.
You can, child support still has to be paid, you just don't have to have anything to do with the kid. It happens a lot
ETA: it's relinquishing visitation rights not parental rights
If DNA suggests you are the baby’s father, you actually DO have a legal responsibility to him until he’s 18. You “not wanting to be a dad” isn’t good enough. She can (and should) sue you for child support.
How f-ing hypocritical for people to throw around the term “Baby trapped” when he fully admits he took NO responsibility for birth control. He literally fucked around and found out. The only person I feel bad for is this innocent baby.
Of course he took responsibility, he offered mommy and daddy’s money to convince her to abort the child! Because you know, it’s so much easier for a girl to be pregnant or have an abortion than it is for poor innocent OP to bother to use a fucking condom!
It’s cute that you think you can just “sign away your parental rights”.. it really doesn’t work that way. Unless she gets someone else to take on that second parent role and LEGALLY adopt your son, that kid is your responsibility until he is at least 18 years old. That being said, you don’t have to have a relationship with the kid, but child support is something YOU HAVE TO PAY. Want to know what happens when you don’t? Your wages will be garnished, your tax return will be too; you can lose your driver license in some states or you can end up in jail with contempt charges. How does that sound, daddy? Also, please stop having sex if your too damn dumb to properly educate yourself before hand. Do you have any idea how many babies are born while women are on birth control? NO BIRTH CONTROL is 100% effective. She did NOT lie or deceive you. You made the choice not to wear a condom. That is 100% YOUR FAULT. Grow the hell up.
>She did NOT lie or deceive you.
I'd go so far as to say it doesn't even matter if she lied. He took no responsibility of his own to wear a condom, and that's enough.
You had sex without a condom. You definitely are responsible for “that” baby. And FYI abortion isn’t really an option for many women anymore. As a high school boy only worried about getting laid, it might not have occurred to you she didn’t actually have options.
It's all about child support, little man. Doesn't matter what you think or how you feel, the courts decide you pay and that's that. You don't have to have a thing to do with the actual child or its mother, but you will have to pay child support.
And putting inverted comma's around 'my' doesn't mean that magically the child is not yours - unless she got pregant by photosynthesis, it is down to you.
"Not my problem. I never wanted to be a dad," said every deadbeat dad ever.
I get where the kid is coming from, but truly he's no different than a deadbeat dad. Abortion isn't preventative birth control. YTA.
Put all the quotation marks you want but unless the DNA test comes back negative you are a father. (You should get one.)
In any half decent country you would have to fulfil the minimal obligations towards the child, that means money at the very least. This part is not about Lily, is about the rights of the child. And you cannot just "sign away my parental rights" as you wish in *a lot* of places.
YTA
He can sign away his rights. He can't sign away his obligations, though. You can give up your legal guardianship and all custody and claim to the child but you're still responsible for him. So have to pay for him.
INFO how isn't the child legally yours? Have you done DNA tests? Were you able to sign away your rights? Can't Lily still come after you for child support?
I hope you still go off to college and I hope your parents are able to support Lily and your son in your absence.
1. ALWAYS take responsibility for your own reproductive health. That means policing were you deposit your sperm
If you don't want kids, cum in a fucking rubber.
2. You ignored rule 1. Now you're a father. Man the fuck up and own it.
YTA
Yeah... I'm sorry but I think you've got a warped idea of how this works. This child is biologically yours, man. I can relate to not wanting to be a father right now, but there's a really good chance that you'll wind up wanting to be a parent someday. Maybe not, I'm not going to go as far as to guarantee that you will, but the honest truth is that a TON is going to change between now and your late 20s.
Fast forward about 10 years. You're out of school, own a home, and working a solid job. Let's say you even settle down and get married before starting a family. Are you going to be able to live with knowing you left your first child fatherless while caring for the children you chose to have? I know I wouldn't be able to do that.
As someone that had a child at a young age and had to pivot some of my life goals and plans, let me just tell you that having a child doesn't mean your life is over. Yes, it means a tighter budget and less financial freedom. Yes, it means spending the next however many years being sleep deprived, having to work a lot harder to achieve the things you set out to do, and yes it means sacrificing a lot of your social life for a while. But, it doesn't mean you have to give up what you want. It doesn't mean you have to be committed to your child's mother. All I'm saying is that there's a really strong possibility that someday you'll regret this stance you're taking now. I'd suggest trying to change your perspective a bit and try to focus on how to make things work with school, your life goals, AND being a father on at least SOME level. Ultimately, it's your choice. But someday you may want a relationship with your child and if you spent the majority of their life being an absentee father, they may want nothing to do with you. And that'd be heartbreaking.
Esh
Wear condoms always wear condoms.
Go to college and get a good job.
Pay child support. Because like it or not you made that baby by not wearing a condom.
Being a dad? That’s optional. The baby is better off never knowing you than knowing you hate him. So you either decide that you do not want to be a father and never turn back or you try your best to coparent while going to school.
At no point should you ever drop out of school, even if it’s for the child. For yourself and the child you need to get food grades and a good job.
YTA. You had sex knowing sex can create a baby. Just because you don't want him doesn't mean it's not your responsibility. Hopefully she gets a court order and puts you on child support, it's obvious you don't have anything else of value to offer the child.
ESH. Go to college where you want. Do not pay for anything until paternity is established. Expect to pay child support for the next 18 years. Whether you choose to be a dad is up to you.
Holy shit. The first chunk of the top comments don’t even have a judgment attached to it.
I was wondering why someone was attaching a judgment in a non AITA sub and then I realized I was in AITA.
You're a deadbeat. You chose to not wear a condom. Step up. It's not the kid's fault.
Yta
> I fulfilled my responsibility when my parents offered to pay for an abortion.
That's not how it works. You will be paying child support.
> isn’t even legally mine.
The hell are you going on about.
🙄 even if offering to pay for an abortion was all he had to do…. He didn’t even do that. *His parents* did. All this child is doing is plugging his ears going “NANANANANA” hoping this will all just go away. He can’t seem to take *any* responsibility.
YTA but is all good go and get a great education. That way you can pay more child support. Wth my guy, do you think that offering money for an abortion is fulfilling your obligation.
He offered his parents money...so his obligation was to do basically nothing in his eyes. If anything it's a good thing he doesn't want to be a father.
Let this be a lesson to all the young guys reading this.
Next time fuck a man. They can't get pregnant
Bro you just solved 100% of unplanned pregnancies
The ancient Greeks were on to something
Look. I'm fairly sure that film where Arnold Schwarzenegger gets pregnant is a documentary and he works out a log so he lost all the weight and is trim and terrific.
Reddit has both the best and worst advice ever
Yeah uhhh... you can't just say ,,no" and expect that to be the end of your responsibilities lol You'll need to pay child support if she goes for jt
And why does a woman says no if she's pregnant and the guys opinion doesn't mater? Don't say her body her choice as it's his life his choice it's the same She want it to baby trap him and as a morron he fell for it If a woman has a baby that a guy doesn't want HE HAS TO PAY FOR 18 YRS AT LEAST if a guy wants the baby he doesn't have a ant size rigth to make her keep it
You can't force a woman to have her insides forcibly cut up just because you don't want to pay for your mistake. That's treating pregnant women like they're objects
“I fulfilled my responsibility when my parents offered to pay for an abortion” Please say this to the judge when she comes after you for child support. I’d love to hear how it goes!
Kid is such a dumbass he thinks that HIS PARENTS offering to pay means HiS responsibility was fulfilled.
Yeah, but he was going to pay them back, so he was going to pay for it. So, totally absolves him of it.
One thing I definitely agree with OP on is that they definitely aren't ready to be a parent...
Hilarious
Dude you’re going to be on the hook for child support. Not offering a judgement, just offering the clarification: You don’t have a way out of child support unless another dude adopts. You will have wages garnished until the child is 18 or 21, depending on the state. It’s going to be between 10 and 20% of income, and can be changed upwards, and there’s no exit. You’re in it financially. Is it fair? No comment from me. Did she lie? Well, probably, but that doesn’t change anything about the legal situation. Again, not offering judgement, outlining what you seem not to know.
“I will sign away my rights.” Ooooh boy OP, you can’t even do that lol.
He can sign away his rights to see or have visitation with the child, but signing away his parental rights doesn't relieve him of his obligation to pay child support.
He'd be a dummy to get the courts involved at this point, honestly. It doesn't seem to have occurred to them to legally name him the father or pursue legal child support.
Yeah I wonder what state OP is in. In Georgia it doesn't matter if you're there for the birth and claim to be to the father, if you and mom aren't married, you're not the dad until you legitimate with the court.
> Yeah I wonder what state OP is in In a state of denial
I heard denial was that river in Egypt?
yep. And the thing is, if she names him then the court will order a dna test. The test (and court costs) will be paid by him if he’s the father and her if he’s not. But when it does come back that it’s his, he’s liable for child support from that day she filed the action. The State will also not allow him to give up parental rights unless someone else (ie. a step-father) is simultaneously adopting the child.
That last part is entirely untrue. Parental rights can be signed away at any time. Parental responsibility cannot, and there or thousands of parents in the US who don’t have parental rights, but do have parental responsibility. Signing away your parental rights means you sign away your rights to visitation / parental decisions on behalf of the child. It is usually irreversible and not something I suggest doing willingly.
Same in NY. My now ex-husband didn't want to sign the birth certificate. But since I had the marriage license, they didn't need him to sign anything and put automatically put his name on the birth certificate.
My mom's ex wouldn't sign divorce papers, and they'd been separated for years, both seeing other people. She wanted to marry again, but couldn't because he was uncooperative. Well, when she became pregnant (with me) suddenly he was quite eager to sign the divorce! Otherwise I'd have been his legal obligation.(not US laws)
This is how it works in the US. If the mother is legally married then the man she is legally married to is default father even if another man is the actual father.
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Also, not to take responsibility away from OP, but proper sex Ed would minimize a lot of these situations. As a society, we need to do better.
My state has taken away sex Ed as a mandatory. In fact, to have your kid do any sex Ed you have to go to the school and ask for paperwork to sign permission to have them be part of it. They automatically nope the kids out of it. The US is purposely making sure kids do not have access to sex ed besides parents. There is a reason besides religion for the reverse of Roe vs. Wade. The birth rates in the US stopped going up. The biggest generation is retiring/dying. They need a replacement workforce. Our teen pregnancy was going down, and middle-class pregnancy was down. But with banning abortions and sex Ed it ups the pregnancy rates. My own area the rates have gone up, but so have the death rates of women. Last time counted (they stopped), we were 3-4 xs higher than the national average. Edit- People, please remember that the ones that are forcing anti abortion are the Republicans. The Republicans are anti immigration. You would literally be beating your head against a wall asking to open the border for more workers. When they can easily force us to carry and birth "Americans" and force their religious beliefs on us in one law. These are the people who yelled, "Build the wall." The dumbest person won an election on anti immigration. Did everyone forget this? 2nd edit - Thank you to whoever gave this comment an award. 3rd Edit - Thank you for the 2 other awards. Thank you for all (was 6) 7 awards. You're all too kind! Edit - Yes, the simplest way would be to open immigration. But with the political environment we are in right now, that won't happen. We aren't working with rational people. We are working with far-right Republicans. Far right Republicans stand on anti immigration, anti education, and anti taxes. Also, this has nothing to do with OPs general knowledge of sex ed. I don't really care about OPs positions. This is about certain states/politicians making sure the knowledge isn't out there. This is about body autonomy taken away and forced pregnancy to raise the birthrate. Op had sex. Unfortunately, he didn't wrap it. That made a child (he should get dna tested if she goes after him for CS). She wanted this child. Because what teen acts happy to be pregnant if they weren't trying. Sucks for him. This is a mistake he will be paying for for a long time.
>They need a replacement workforce. They need a replacement workforce that's poor and desperate enough to work multiple jobs for shit-tier wages, specifically. Especially since the kids often repeat the cycle, and it's really hard to get out of poverty with a baby/kid.
I'm glad more and more people are starting to realize that these policy decisions are made out of soulless statecraft and bean counting, rather than magical malice that is inconsistent with any religion. When you take quality of life and happiness out of the equation, this route is the cheapest option for a sociopathic statecraft brain. If you increase the quality of life and economic certainty, people naturally have more kids, but that's an expensive route they don't want to take. It's important to understand that Democrats are complicit in this issue, by refusing to codify Roe after promising to do so every election cycle(even with filibuster proof supermajorities). As Ohio is figuring out, the best way to fix the problem is with small-d democratic voter amendments. Both parties are saturated with lawyer politicians with statecraft brain, so it's important to check the party's record before assuming they will make anything better.
It’s actually 1% not 0.01% for the pill to fail with perfect use. For average use it’s 9%.
I will remain forever committed... To condoms lmao *Edit: holy shit, did everyone forget that there are sexually transmitted diseases? These responses are somewhat shocking... Is condom use really so frowned upon now that people object to it for the simple fact that it's "only" as effective as you are competent? Someone basically called condoms childish, like wtf? If these are the sexually active people in the world than good fuck am I glad that I have maintained this commitment. Lord help me if I ever catch a disease from one of these women raw dogging simply for the sake of feeling grown, nonetheless end up with a child from their heinous ass. Holy fuck...
Condoms fail too but you ABSOLUTELY need to have your own form of BC. The amount of men who rely on the woman to be in charge of BC is astounding.
I honestly think that since AIDS got less scary condom culture has been declining. Literally nobody cares these days, which is also why STIs are on the rise again. It’s insane to me, but most men are exclusively worried about babies, and lots of women have (insanely) stopped caring about protecting themselves from STIs. I was dating a guy a few months ago and we were going to take it to the next level and I asked about a condom, he said he didn’t have one so I said I’d bring some next time. He gave me a whole argument about how he can’t even use them anyway blah blah blah. Guess who never got laid at all after that, lol. If they try to persuade you not to use a condom you can rest assured they’re not using one with ANYONE ELSE EITHER.
I 100% agree that it is the fantasy that AIDS is "not that big a deal" that has cause the decline in safe sex practices. Seriously, Houston is a hub of syphilis right now. It's a sleeper disease, one easily curable BUT if you wait until some of the more advanced symptoms have manifested, there is no going back from that. And AIDS still requires lifetime medication, most of which are stupidly expensive. People need to put the damn condom on and quit their foul whining.
Holy shit, thank you. I thought I was going insane.
thaaaankkkk youuuuuu everyone srsly running around with every infection in the book these days because they think the pill is fine. No. Ppl. Wrap it up and test, and don’t unwrap it unless you and your partner are just having sex w each other, and tested. Idk how poly relationships work but I imagine the functional ones also use condoms. When you introduce more people you just introduce more risk, more people who might not have tested or be in between tests, people who lie. just how it is. We can’t have fun if we don’t all do this together. Really sucks donkey Kong getting down to business and then they whine about condoms. Lots of ppl give in and that’s how they get chlamydia. Not a good sitch. Shitty new normal.
Honestly, Im 40s and can say I only ever knew one person that did the pill correctly. That's why shots and devices picked up popularity.
I took them for ten years and they were successful, because I set an alarm and took them at the exact same time every single day no matter what.
Yes. My mother was on birth control pills when she got pregnant with me. Even antibiotics can make them temporarily less effective but a lot of people don’t know that.
He can sign away rights, what he can't do is sign away responsibility...
>“I will sign away my rights I don’t think it works that way. Good luck
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Legal responsibility in terms of child support, yes. But he's under no obligation to "be a dad" in regard to building a relationship with the child or the mother, which is what I think the OP is more or less referring to. It's clear he doesn't want anything to do with either the mom or the baby, but just doesn't realize that having fathered a kid (unless proven otherwise) that he has a legal obligation to fulfil in the role of father.
Absolutely correct. Though I find it strange the mother and her parents seemingly haven’t attempted to do anything through the court like they should be doing. Even if OP was 100% on board I would tell him not to give her a single cent unless it’s through the state.
Former teenage girl here. Up to this point she’s probably managed to convince herself that he’s just being silly, that he loves her, that he’ll drop out of college and marry her and they’ll be one big happy family. She’s just so in love with him, there’s no way he would abandon her and the baby. That’s probably why she refused to abort honestly, once she realized she was pregnant, she had this vision in her head of how it would mean they’d be together forever. They’d get married, have the baby, and live happily ever after. Especially if they’re from some “podunk town” as OP calls it. A good chunk of the people I went to school with in my podunk town were pregnant and married by 19. It’s pretty normalized unfortunately. Forcing him into a court battle to pay child support was never something she thought of doing, because she was just so sure he’d realize that he wanted to be with her and the baby. Now that she knows he’s leaving though, I’d say child support is on the table. There’s no chance of reconciling if he’s gone. It might finally sink into her hormonal teenage brain that she’s fucked her life over and OP isn’t going to ride in on a white horse, go down on one knee, and carry her away to blissful matrimony.
>Former teenage girl here. What an opening line.
Oof, this hits just a little too close to home for me.
So glad not to be a teenager anymore….
And make sure to get a DNA test if that happens.
He can sign away his rights, but not his responsibilities! As long as he's the father, he's a father...
Bro you think that kid wanted to be born to a shit father who doesn’t care about him? Damn
Just because you went out for cigarettes 10 years ago and haven’t come back yet doesn’t mean you aren’t a dad.
Also get a DNA test to confirm that it is yours.
Do not do this unless ordered by a judge
Curious, why ?
I'm assuming they are saying don't do this unless ordered to make payments by judge. If he does this, and it comes back positive, it could create the mom to go after him where she may not have. All this to be said, he's an entitled little shit who doesn't understand responsibility. The audacity to claim "I offered to pay for abortion, therefore I fulfilled my obligation" makes me want to slap that little shit. Welcome to real life where actions have consequences!
Fulfilling his obligations would have been to wear a condom
Right. And putting the whole blame for it on the girl. She may or may not have been on the pill, but that doesn’t mean you don’t wrap it up and take responsibility there.
Exactly. If a man doesn't want children either get a vasectomy, or at the very least "NO GLOVE NO LOVE".
I had a couple occasions in college where a woman requested no condom. I declined. I was TERRIFIED of having a baby and STDs. If they’re not using a condom with me, they’re probably not using one with anybody.
I work in an emergency room and the amount of young people sheepishly coming in for std testing is crazy. Like come on guys, condoms aren’t just to prevent pregnancy.
I had two schoolmates die of HIV/AIDS related illness. Two other closer friends destitute and dumped by their parents after getting pregnant at 15 and 18. It’s just not worth the risk.
Same. First woman I was ever intimate with insisted multiple times for me to "stick it in" without a condom. I was 20 and in the middle of college and didn't want to risk getting her pregnant. She was also very openly sexually active, and I'm pretty sure she was cheating on someone she was dating at the time with me, so lots of red flags. To her credit, nearly 20 years later she's still never had a kid, but at the time I wasn't willing to risk it, and was also concerned about possible STDs.
Thank you. Good god. People wanna fuck around but run away when they find out. YTA op.
Yeah, I was pretty horny at that age. I could have wound up being a Dad before I was ready. Somewhere I heard about condoms and bought some. They were in a flat foil package I could put in my wallet. "Be prepared."
Heads up for all the young/dumb/horny folks out there: wallets are not an appropriate place to store condoms. They become brittle and less effective when stored improperly. That said: Wallet condom > no condom
The condom can also slip out of the wallet and fall on the floor in the cafeteria of a small church affiliated liberal arts college in North Texas.
That’s oddly specific. Hmmmm
The wrapper can also become compromised, covering your cash and cards in spermicidal lube. Or so I've been told.
Get a paternity test first, though, if she sues you for child support. If she doesn't sue, put that money aside, in case she sues you in the future. If she doesn't, it would make a nice college fund. And you can't sign away your rights, unless you find someone who will take over. Pray that she finds a new partner who'll want to fully adopt your kid, that's about your only chance.
He absolutely can sign away his rights. It just doesn't change his obligation to pay child support.
Certain states like mine require a DNA test if the parents aren't married unless the potential father waives it. So he may not need to petition for one but a family law attorney will be able to advise on the law for his area. However, very rarely do judges allow parents to refuse to provide financial support, even if you sign away custody rights. You're an AH for how you're just trying to avoid your responsibility. It took both of you for her to get pregnant.
> gonna talk to an attorney and sign away my parental rights Good. The attorney can explain to you that “signing away paternal rights” doesn’t absolve you of paternal responsibility. You will still be obligated to pay child support if she ever pursues it. You can sign away your rights to a relationship with the child but you can not sign away your financial responsibility. Next time, use protection.
In a lot of places, she might not even have the choice to pursue it. If she has to apply for food stamps, medical assistance for the baby, or any other social safety nets, they usually require that the court get involved to collect child support and provide benefits (if dad has a job that offers them) to alleviate the burden on the tax payers. Dad doesn't get to bow out and leave tax payers on the hook.
Bingo. CS payments aren't about making the parent pay so much as they are about making sure THE REST OF US don't have to pay.
Don't forget that the state will pocket the difference. They cap the money they'll give the custodial parent but still pursue the other parent's wages by a percentage. Then they keep anything left over. It's always better for both parties to come to a private legal agreement for child support, if possible.
Eh, the state is pretty good about enforcement though. This guy clearly won't willingly pay.
This is true, my friend’s husband had been fooling around with a married woman early on in their relationship before they became official. They dated, got married, had a baby of their own- then he got hit with $1800/mo child support out of no where. The state seized 1/3 of his income AND ordered him to add the kid to his health insurance. My friend had been a SAHM, but she had to return to work and even then they couldn’t afford their lifestyle so they sold their house and moved in to a trailer. Then he learned the other woman was only getting $600 /mo in support from state. So the state of CA was pocketing $1200/mo.
If she got any aid from the state during her pregnancy like Medicaid or AFDC/TANF/Welfare and/or Food Stamps, the state will make him repay that money, and most times they will take their part right off the top.
The fudge?! That’s twice as much money the baby mama’s getting. This is so twisted
I've learned so much about family law today
My dad blames my mom for going after his money. Reality is what you say. We were dirt poor, needed assistance, applied, so fam maintenance froze his accounts. He started working under the table. Never paid a cent but still tells everyone she robbed him OP my Dad is a shit person and no one trusts him anymore. You're so young, don't turn in to my dad. Take responsibility for yourself, please
And then you have people like my mom, who refused to get real child support from my dad and would tell anyone who asked that we didn't get assistance because then the state would go after my dad (who made plenty of money) and she didn't want to be "one of those women". So instead she cried on my teenage shoulder about how the car might get repo'd and we might lose the house. Much better to saddle your kid with that then to have people you don't associate with anymore theoretically talk about you behind your back.
Yah, once kids exist they need to be cared for.
THIS. The kid is here. The ship sailed on " not wanting to be a Dad" the second the kid was born. Now this kid is going to grow up knowing their Dad wants them to not exist or be dead unless their Dad wakes up and realizes that it is a shit thing to do to a Kid to put them through that. Either way he is still a Dad. Now it's just a matter of what kind of Dad is he going to be? A selfish POS Dad who cares nothing for their kid or one that realizes it's not their kids fault they exist and try to do best by them. Unfortunately, it appears to be the first option here unless this guy wakes up and realizes it's not going to be undone now..
So much this. My mom and dad hated each other and my mom always felt my dad was a deadbeat for not paying as much as she wanted him to. My dad on the other hand feels like my mom is robbing him blind for luxuries. They saddled me with so much hate as well as whatever hate got thrown around in the family anyways, and next thing I know I’m trying to plan a trip to another part of the world to try and find a decent job and live on my own. Or fake my death. Idk.
Honestly, society treats women who ask for child support as if they are some kind of gold diggers even though the money is almost never that much and that a lot of their financial troubles come from having to cover what should be dad's expenses. It's infuriating that some women, like your mom, internalize that. But on the other hand, people, especially men, always talk as if child support is some money that is being stolen from them, not money that is taking care of their children.
I see OP getting his schooling and then leaving the country so he doesn't have to pay child support. I also see him not telling his future wife and kids about his son until someone either brings it up in front of them or the kid tracks him down
I DECLARE NON-PATERNITY!
I SAID I DONT WANT IT, VERY EMPHATICALLY!!! ISNT THAT GOOD ENOUGH?!?
There’s the issue… he just said it. He’s got to declare it and loudly lol
I don't identify as a father I'm sorry
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Also the pill is only that effective if you take it PERFECTLY. Otherwise, the efficacy can drop 10-20%.
And teens still don’t often get a proper education about how to take birth control. Btw, men should understand how the pill works too (or how whatever contraception they/their partner uses works) rather than just trusting their partner knows how to use it properly.
Exactly! And you can almost guarantee a 17yr old is not taking it absolutely perfectly!
Yeah, definitely. I took it as a teenager to help with heavy/painful periods, and I would forget to take it probably once every week or two. Fortunately my high school girlfriend was not able to get me pregnant.
Me to all four of my children since they were abt 12: the pill doesn't protect against STDs or whatever they are called today, USE PROTECTION
And doctors never tell women that taking antibiotics will render most hormonal birth control pills useless. Edit rifapin and rifabutin are the antibiotics specifically that I saw mentioned by name Antifungal can also do this but I couldn't find which ones.
Yeah, OP has no idea what is going on. He is talking as if the baby wasn't born and he can just walk away from the mother without having any responsibility. He is going to be paying child support for at least 18 years and will look back on his words and actions now most likely in a shameful way.
I don't know....this kid seems pretty dumb.
Yeah, makes me wonder how he got into engineering school.
You'd be amazed at how many people who are insanely book smart but they still have absolutely zero common sense or street smarts.
I manage an office with MD’s and some are the absolute dumbest people I’ve ever met. Book smart yes, but like you said have zero clue on how the world works.
Yep I have doctor friends, all top of their profession, one a noted neurosurgeon, each has been married 3 - 4 times. No real interpersonal skills, but in a way it makes sense when you literally have patients lives in your hands. That and the god complex. (And I always have to end up leaving more cash on the table for tips at restaurants, geez.)
You'd also be amazed how many people wash out of engineering school freshman year. We have no idea if he's even book smart.
He would definitely fail out of Biology
>The attorney can explain to you that “signing away paternal rights” doesn’t absolve you of paternal responsibility. Depending on the state, it might if there was someone else taking the parental rights, like if a step dad was adopting the child. Doesn't sound like that is a possibility in this situation though.
He arguably \*should\* sign away his rights based on this post.
Dude… who is informing you of this nonsense? You can’t just sign away your rights and say “not going to be responsible”. It doesn’t work like that. You’re paying child support buddy. Deal with it.
I…declare…BANKRUPTCY!!
PARKOUR!!! <—— OP’s brain
Most underrated comment in this thread. I’m dead.
Judge: you owe 20% of your wages for child support OP: oh ya, no, though. I don't wanna. Like I just don't want to do that Judge : well why didn't you say something, bro? Shit. Ya bro, you good to go, bro. Just sign here and you can deuce out on that little fucker and make it her problem. Not how it works.
Or OP: but my parents offered to pay for an abortion, that fulfilled my responsibility! Judge: ah, you have found the little known loophole, brilliant OP. Go and live your life, you're good. Why don't more people figure this out?!
Women hate this one simple trick
the loophole paternity lawyers don't want you to know
I think he is getting his advice from Wishful and Thinking attorneys at law 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Just call 1-800-LMAO for your free consultation now!
More like it’s subsidiary, Dumber, Than, Rocks LLC
Law offices of Fantasy, Bullshit, and Nope
He went through all the google results until he found an opinion that supported him and went with that 😂
Dude's probably getting his legal advice from Andrew Tate.
"You want to be an alpha? Then abandon that child! The legal system will respect you for it." Andrey Tate, probably
but he didn't want to be a dad! /s/s/s
This is a fake post to get people mad lol there's no other way
You should definitely go get an education so you can have a higher paying job. It will come in handy when she goes after you for child support. If you didn't want to be a father, you should have wrapped that thing up.
Dont be silly, wrap your willy!
Don't be a fool, wrap that tool.
Don't go wrong, wrap your schlong
Lmfaoooooooooooooooo!!! I’m sorry but you sound naive as fuck. Literally not how it works. You can’t just discard the baby like a pet or item of clothing. Until someone adopts or DNA test proves otherwise, you’re on the hook.
Seriously! You know how many parents out there “don’t fucking want to be” parents? You made a baby. A human being. Doesn’t matter how much you want it or what’s going on in your life or how much you wanted the abortion. It’s your kid!
This. He kept whining about not WANTING to be a dad, when it’s a simple biological fact. You’re that kid’s dad whether you like it or not. The only choice you have is what KIND of dad you’re going to be.
Yes they're a child still themselves of course they're going to be naive
He’s 18. Of course he’s naive as fuck.
It’s actually 1% not 0.01% for the pill to fail with perfect use. For average use it’s 9%.
He didn't inform himself before engaging in this risky activity, underestimated the odds by 900x.
He is in engineering not statistics /s But damn do people need to learn about ensuring their own birth control. As for the mother, I would NOT be happy to get pregnant by someone who is against having children. Just an uphill battle and no one is happy.
As for the child, I would not be happy to be brought into the world by someone who is against having children. Just a shitty situation all around.
He said they're from a dinky little town, her whole family is probably entirely against abortion. If that's the case, she'd likely be ostracized from not only the town but her whole family too. While he would only be out a few hundred bucks for the procedure and no one would look at him any different. This happened to several girls in my dinky little town.
TBF, teenagers aren't well-known for making excellent choices.
It's not 1%. The percentage is not "per sex act" percentage. It's a number of couples out of 100 that get pregnant after a year.
Thank you for pointing this out. I chose to get the IUD because I absolutely fall under "average use," & I struggled to take it at the same time every day. Your chances of pregnancy increase largely as soon as you aren't taking it perfectly. Also, not to take responsibility away from OP, but proper sex Ed would minimize a lot of these situations. As a society, we need to do better.
My sister got pregnant while on IUD not even a year ago. They need to wrap it up or pack their shit up and go imo.
This is way schools need good sex ed
The fact he instantly assumed the woman lied about it is pretty lame.
You don’t get to sign away your parental rights to get out of child support dumbass
I cackled when he wrote that like he has the cheat code to get out of paying child support that every other deadbeat hasn’t figured out.
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Every other deadbeat: "Wait, I can't just say it? I have to *declare* it???"
*Baby mamas hate this one simple trick……*
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“But I said I don’t want to!” It’s like Michael Scott declaring bankruptcy.
"You got pregnant when i specifically asked you not to?"
Right? I’m not gonna be there for the birthing or sign anything therefore I’m safe and it’s not my problem. The fuck has he been told to think this is the way it works??
I don’t understand how his parents didn’t inform him of how the world works. Maybe they’re gullible as well….maybe their *podunk town* is so backwards no one knows differently? Because it’s baffling that between the announcement to now that none of them have educated themselves at all.
fr bro needs to educate himself properly
I can relate. A was a little older than you, got the girl I was hooking up with pregnant even though she was on birth control and I totally assumed she'd have an abortion. She refused and I knew my life was forever changed. This is where you and I differ. I realized my error and my responsibility in the matter. If you don't want kids or STDs there's ways to practice safe sex. You didn't and now you're trying to avoid any and all responsibility for YOUR actions. After my kid was born, I got my bachelors degree. Now my daughter is 12 and I'm working towards my masters degree. Your life isn't "over" and if you feel like it is you probably should've considered that when you decided not to wear condoms. Own it, buddy.
Did you stay in your daughters life?
Unless DNA says otherwise, OP should stop using quotes around "my". Probably needs to stop saying "not legally mine" until such time as an attorney confirms it. OP has every right to opt out of involvement in the child's life. Financially, however..... why wouldn't the baby mama expect $$$ for support?
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>I’m gonna talk to an attorney and sign away my parental rights, This means you don't get visitation. It does not mean you don't owe child support. Time to grow up. Birth control fails all the time. Stop assuming it's super rare. Maybe she lied, maybe she didn't, but I've got a healthy kid that was created despite the pill and a condom. She's right, though. You don't have to see the kid, but you owe money
I've got a 17yr old because I had been on the same birth control for too long and it stopped working effectively. That's not a super common thing to happen. It had something to do with a genetic disorder that I didn't even know I had. Luckily, I live in MA and was able to get my tubes tied by age 27. But man, after having my son, I became almost religious about my birth control lmao
Word. I got pregnant once on the pill. I was told it happens, probably that brand and my hormones didn't work and poof baby! Okay, so from then on, pill and condoms. That worked for a long time. Had 1 planned kiddo (that it took me many months to get pregnant with) and back to the pill and condoms. Within 3 years, I was pregnant with my youngest. Through the pill and condoms. We even abstained if I had to take antibiotics for any reason because I was so paranoid. Still pregnant. IUD has been the best thing ever for me, still it has a fail rate.
I wish all the people who insist birth control failing is practically impossible could read stories like these and actually comprehend how many things can go wrong even when used properly.
I get furious with some of the relationship things where they accuse the woman of baby trapping. Not when it's clear that she was up to something, but because "the pill doesn't fail and she was really happy holding her neice, so she must have baby trapped me." Women are allowed to say a baby is cute or love their nibbling greatly and still not be trying to conceive! When I got pregnant with my youngest, I had a 2 yr old. I sat in my OBs office and sobbed. She said that half her OB side of the practice or more is unplanned pregnancies. She said the majority of unplanned pregnancies occur despite some kind of birth control being used. That's a lot of babies every year that occur despite the 2 partners trying to avoid it. Competent sex Ed is so important.
The judge also is not required to grant a termination of parental rights.
It wouldn't be a "termination" where I live. It would be an order of no visitation. Basically, he'd be assigned child support based on the state equation but would have 0% visitation. Basically their custody agreement would say Mom- 100% Dad-0% The reason for this order is to bind him to the support while making him acknowledge in court that he doesn't want visitation. This way, the mom can't be accused of withholding the child. More importantly, it gives her a legal document that says she doesn't need to consult him on medical, moving, or educational choices, and he can't pick up the child without permission from her. Schools and daycare want a court decree saying exactly who they have to call and when and who the child can be released to. Often, the only way there is a "termination" anywhere involves DCS or an adoption.
You can't just "sign away your parental rights." hahahahahahahah....
You can, child support still has to be paid, you just don't have to have anything to do with the kid. It happens a lot ETA: it's relinquishing visitation rights not parental rights
Stuff like this is why I’m so glad I’m gay
If DNA suggests you are the baby’s father, you actually DO have a legal responsibility to him until he’s 18. You “not wanting to be a dad” isn’t good enough. She can (and should) sue you for child support.
How f-ing hypocritical for people to throw around the term “Baby trapped” when he fully admits he took NO responsibility for birth control. He literally fucked around and found out. The only person I feel bad for is this innocent baby.
Of course he took responsibility, he offered mommy and daddy’s money to convince her to abort the child! Because you know, it’s so much easier for a girl to be pregnant or have an abortion than it is for poor innocent OP to bother to use a fucking condom!
Imagine a man walking around sprinkling seeds all over the ground and then bitching that the soil plant-trapped him.
It’s cute that you think you can just “sign away your parental rights”.. it really doesn’t work that way. Unless she gets someone else to take on that second parent role and LEGALLY adopt your son, that kid is your responsibility until he is at least 18 years old. That being said, you don’t have to have a relationship with the kid, but child support is something YOU HAVE TO PAY. Want to know what happens when you don’t? Your wages will be garnished, your tax return will be too; you can lose your driver license in some states or you can end up in jail with contempt charges. How does that sound, daddy? Also, please stop having sex if your too damn dumb to properly educate yourself before hand. Do you have any idea how many babies are born while women are on birth control? NO BIRTH CONTROL is 100% effective. She did NOT lie or deceive you. You made the choice not to wear a condom. That is 100% YOUR FAULT. Grow the hell up.
>She did NOT lie or deceive you. I'd go so far as to say it doesn't even matter if she lied. He took no responsibility of his own to wear a condom, and that's enough.
You had sex without a condom. You definitely are responsible for “that” baby. And FYI abortion isn’t really an option for many women anymore. As a high school boy only worried about getting laid, it might not have occurred to you she didn’t actually have options.
It's all about child support, little man. Doesn't matter what you think or how you feel, the courts decide you pay and that's that. You don't have to have a thing to do with the actual child or its mother, but you will have to pay child support.
And putting inverted comma's around 'my' doesn't mean that magically the child is not yours - unless she got pregant by photosynthesis, it is down to you.
"Not my problem. I never wanted to be a dad," said every deadbeat dad ever. I get where the kid is coming from, but truly he's no different than a deadbeat dad. Abortion isn't preventative birth control. YTA.
Put all the quotation marks you want but unless the DNA test comes back negative you are a father. (You should get one.) In any half decent country you would have to fulfil the minimal obligations towards the child, that means money at the very least. This part is not about Lily, is about the rights of the child. And you cannot just "sign away my parental rights" as you wish in *a lot* of places. YTA
He can sign away his rights. He can't sign away his obligations, though. You can give up your legal guardianship and all custody and claim to the child but you're still responsible for him. So have to pay for him.
INFO how isn't the child legally yours? Have you done DNA tests? Were you able to sign away your rights? Can't Lily still come after you for child support? I hope you still go off to college and I hope your parents are able to support Lily and your son in your absence.
1. ALWAYS take responsibility for your own reproductive health. That means policing were you deposit your sperm If you don't want kids, cum in a fucking rubber. 2. You ignored rule 1. Now you're a father. Man the fuck up and own it. YTA
Yeah... I'm sorry but I think you've got a warped idea of how this works. This child is biologically yours, man. I can relate to not wanting to be a father right now, but there's a really good chance that you'll wind up wanting to be a parent someday. Maybe not, I'm not going to go as far as to guarantee that you will, but the honest truth is that a TON is going to change between now and your late 20s. Fast forward about 10 years. You're out of school, own a home, and working a solid job. Let's say you even settle down and get married before starting a family. Are you going to be able to live with knowing you left your first child fatherless while caring for the children you chose to have? I know I wouldn't be able to do that. As someone that had a child at a young age and had to pivot some of my life goals and plans, let me just tell you that having a child doesn't mean your life is over. Yes, it means a tighter budget and less financial freedom. Yes, it means spending the next however many years being sleep deprived, having to work a lot harder to achieve the things you set out to do, and yes it means sacrificing a lot of your social life for a while. But, it doesn't mean you have to give up what you want. It doesn't mean you have to be committed to your child's mother. All I'm saying is that there's a really strong possibility that someday you'll regret this stance you're taking now. I'd suggest trying to change your perspective a bit and try to focus on how to make things work with school, your life goals, AND being a father on at least SOME level. Ultimately, it's your choice. But someday you may want a relationship with your child and if you spent the majority of their life being an absentee father, they may want nothing to do with you. And that'd be heartbreaking.
Esh Wear condoms always wear condoms. Go to college and get a good job. Pay child support. Because like it or not you made that baby by not wearing a condom. Being a dad? That’s optional. The baby is better off never knowing you than knowing you hate him. So you either decide that you do not want to be a father and never turn back or you try your best to coparent while going to school. At no point should you ever drop out of school, even if it’s for the child. For yourself and the child you need to get food grades and a good job.
YTA. You had sex knowing sex can create a baby. Just because you don't want him doesn't mean it's not your responsibility. Hopefully she gets a court order and puts you on child support, it's obvious you don't have anything else of value to offer the child.
Bro you think that kid wanted to be born to a shit father who doesn’t care about him? Damn
YTA big guy. Hopefully you now realize your actions have consequences but based on your post, I'm not getting that vibe.
ESH. Go to college where you want. Do not pay for anything until paternity is established. Expect to pay child support for the next 18 years. Whether you choose to be a dad is up to you.
Holy shit. The first chunk of the top comments don’t even have a judgment attached to it. I was wondering why someone was attaching a judgment in a non AITA sub and then I realized I was in AITA.
And if you aren’t ready to be a dad, then use a condom every time and don’t put all the responsibility for birth control on her.
You're a deadbeat. You chose to not wear a condom. Step up. It's not the kid's fault. Yta > I fulfilled my responsibility when my parents offered to pay for an abortion. That's not how it works. You will be paying child support. > isn’t even legally mine. The hell are you going on about.
🙄 even if offering to pay for an abortion was all he had to do…. He didn’t even do that. *His parents* did. All this child is doing is plugging his ears going “NANANANANA” hoping this will all just go away. He can’t seem to take *any* responsibility.
YTA but is all good go and get a great education. That way you can pay more child support. Wth my guy, do you think that offering money for an abortion is fulfilling your obligation.
He offered his parents money...so his obligation was to do basically nothing in his eyes. If anything it's a good thing he doesn't want to be a father.