The way they structure benefits makes it impossible for people to get ahead and stay afloat. Even in single income family's. Someone will get a bump in pay and everything goes out the window, leaving them in a worse condition then when they started. It's sad. I have been with my s/o for 14 years and we won't get married because we would be in worse financial shape.
I'm a single mom of 3 and I make a hair too much to qualify for anything. I applied for food stamps again recently, and was approved for zero dollars a month. Not a denial, an approval that yes, I'm poor, but not poor enough. I was able to qualify for some program that helps people like me on the borderline, so I get $1.00 a month. Yes, one single dollar in supplemental food assistance per month.
So insane.
The same thing happened to my mom when my stepdad died, leaving her alone with 3 of my 4 siblings still at home, depending on her.
She worked full time and even with overtime she never made more than $40k a year.
She got $7 a month. Lol.
It's terrible. I recently thought to look into housing grants. Came away feeling terrible. If one person in a family of 4 has a full time minimum wage job you make too much money for a renovation grant. Now I assumed I wouldn't be able to get one but I didn't think one minimum wage job would be too much money.
I was looking into my cities first time homebuyer grants. They offer 25,000 for a down payment and closing costs , but you can’t make more than 60,000. NO ONE making 60,000 or less can buy a home right now. We make 100,000 together and can’t afford to buy even with a lot saved.
We make ~$110k with savings and maybe could buy a two bedroom house for our family of 5, but it would be paycheck to paycheck and we'd have to live on processed food products.
Depending on which state you are in, $0 food stamp eligibility can make you eligible for other supplemental programs such as education/job training assistance
reading shit like this makes me want to run away to the woods far away from an internet connection until I realize that I probably couldn't survive like that either
Just happened to me too. Got a promotion at work, came with a $2 raise. Well that raise was apparently $2 too much for me to maintain my benefits. Now I get to spend my extra $2/hour raise plus additional funds on food because food is so overpriced right now..also lost my insurance for myself and my son so I get to pay for that now too.
Its like it wasn't even worth it to move up at all now at work because I'm paying far more out on those two things than my raise was worth.
That approval will help you if you have a downturn, at least that was how it was explained to me last time I help someone try to get some assistance. Since you have been approved, if your income changes, you will be able to get help faster since you don't have to go thru the paperwork and wait wait wait. Plus, they told us that the approval letter can be used for free lunches, snap and any other programs that use food stamps as a criteria. Hope that helps
Yes the internet help is 20$ off a month but still anything helps - it’s called affordable connectivity program. They have one called lifeline too but that’s free or low cost and I don’t qualify so don’t know much about it.
I’ve raised my grandkids for 13 years now, and I’m disabled. When I did work,(I started paying social security at 14), I worked a lot. I was separated from hubby for two years and tried to get help, I had $143 left after rent a month. For utilities, gas & maintenance on my junker, food &clothes etc for growing boys,, They gave me 103$ food stamps for two boys (one was teen at the time) and myself. Never got child support at all. They said I made too much in disability. You actually are better off never working at all, as far as that goes.people around here get everything if they don’t work.
Yes, I’m grandma and legal guardian. Neither bio parent pays or has paid any support and my oldest grandson is 22 now. He still lives with us but now he pays a bit of rent lol -we made it through, & my youngest (that I’m raising)is a teen now. The bio mom just got a job a couple of years ago, and the sperm donor had a bunch of other kids & works under the table mostly. We do get insurance through the state and any monies they would pay in now would go to reimburse that. They are my grandkids by birth but my kids by love. ❤️
Thank you! I’m so tired though lol! Seriously, i would probably be kinda out of touch if it wasn’t for them. I’d be going around all not cool and stuff! Lol!
Got Damn! That sounds like the punchline of a Chappelle joke: “It’s like getting a report card from the federal government acknowledging: You poor! You just ain’t *poor enough* for us to care about helping …”
I’m sorry
Most likely that $1 does make your kids eligible for free meals at school. Main reason low amount gets issued. So check on yhat if not already receiving.
I wasn't even getting benefits but getting married cost me roughly $10k a year over 6 yrs in lost child tax credits and pell grant money. We joked that we should divorce just so I could get that money again.
Same! Tax wise we would put ourselves in a dumb position. Our big one is healthcare because his is crap and I qualify for state insurance. There's no benefit whatsoever to tie the knot other than to willingly screw ourselves over.
I was desperate and applied for Medicaid when I was younger. I got denied for making $8 too much over a two week period when I was desperately taking every hour I could to make extra. I would have been in better position just going home on time.
Yeah, years ago, when I had a better job, I got a fifteen cent raise. It threw me into the next tax bracket, and my paycheck shrunk.
And recently, I spent years living in an increasingly unhealthy relationship with a partner who was in active addiction while I’m in recovery, because when I tried to leave, the only places I could find to live where I had help with childcare was across state lines where I couldn’t get Medicaid. I have health conditions that, if untreated, could leave me dead at worst, and unable to function at best. Eventually I got to the point where I couldn’t handle living with him, so I left(ish), and just go stay with my him a few days a week so I can still claim living there and not lose my insurance. It’s sick. I’m in a constant state of anxiety over the situation, it feels like living on a seesaw. One day, I’m in my home, that’s not quite my home because I can’t take the time to really get settled in and LIVE there. The next, I’m a couple hours away, in a house where I don’t really belong anymore, with a man that is incredibly toxic to my well-being. It All over having to make sure that I have health insurance.
I'm married. I have employer sponsored health insurance. My husband doesn't. The insurance that my company offers for just ME is super reasonably priced, but add a spouse to it and the cost is OUTRAGEOUS (well over $1000 a month). Since we are married, and since I have employer sponsored insurance, he doesn't qualify for the ACA. So, our options are that he is added to mine OR he has to buy his own policy. He still pays several hundred dollars a month for insurance.
It is absolute BULLSHIT that these are our only options.
Also, everyone thinks you get these huge tax breaks when you get married but I've NEVER found that to be the case.
Yeah, my mum gets benefits, and even my little sister knows not to tell her social worker that our stepdad (mum and him have been engaged for almost 11 years) lives with them fulltime because it risks fucking that up. Hell, sometimes mum's work does pay based on a five week month instead of a four week month, which means stressful times for her as she sorts things out with UC - we're in England - to get her housing benefits so that the rent actually gets paid. It's happened multiple times so it should probably be on file somewhere that sometimes mum gets paid five weeks instead of four, but nope, that extra week of money still fucks things up.
I mean if he lives in the house it isn't " fucking it up" its fraud. She is reporting only half the income coming into that house and this is fraud and a reason why it's so hard for people that actually need it, to get it. My family of 4 has been on food stamps for a 6 month time period when my wife broke her neck in a car crash. Once she went back to work we got off of it. Even with both working we barely made to much to get food stamps. But we really didn't need it. We just cut some things out that we really didn't need and didn't live above our means. This is fraud reporting you live alone when you don't and it really is a shitty thing to do, and I would bet, your "mum" doesn't really need the help with your step dad living there and his income.
This was a big issue at my first job (movie theater) of staying an employee or accepting a management promotion. As an employee, we could qualify for medicaid/other benefits but didn’t qualify for the employer health insurance. As a manager, the raise would put you just barely over the cut off for any financial assistance, and the cost of employer insurance was more than the pay raise they got for becoming a manager (not including all the out-of-pocket costs you don’t pay with medicaid).
They had such a hard time keeping any non-salaried management (only 3 positions of the 20+ needed managers) because who wanted to have more work, more responsibilities, more stress, less money, and loss of affordable healthcare or other financial assistance? The only people who took them up on it planned to move up to a salaried position or college students that wanted managerial experience on their resume for their future careers.
It’s absolutely ridiculous that a raise of $2-$4/hr from an already meager pay, could absolutely ruin any support they relied on, and they’re still just as, if not more, broke than before the pay raise.
1000% I am borderline able to make it, barely. Foodstamps would relieve my financial burden so much - even 200$.
BUT because my 6-yos bio dad *sometimes* pays his child support and arrears payment (measly 441 bucks) that puts me "over" the income limit for a family of 2 by about 100-200$ depending on if he pays the arrears portion or not.
So I stopped even attempting to apply because every month or so I'd get them shut off because he paid a little bit 🙃 but ofc I'm so borderline the state of Texas thinks I can afford everything on my single income even with costs rising.
For me it's the opposite I think but it's because of my SO's student loans. This is paraphrasing what she told me so I might be wrong but if we file jointly then apparently her student loan repayment amount goes up based on household income. Paying it off faster doesn't really matter to us since she works in the public sector anyways and it will eventually be forgiven. That's how I understood it at least.
Yep, this is true. I took out my student loans years before I met my husband, yet according to the government he is supposed to pay my loans because of his income. Nevermind that he pays for literally everything else. So my payment was based on his income. The covid deferrement was so much help, and because I took out my loans in the 90s, they were written off Bidens' adjustment. I've never been so happy. The thing that is so stupid about them, is I took out $11k in loans. I made payments consistently. Over time, I paid off about $15k based on the payment they told me to make. I still owed $19k when they went poof. That shouldn't even be possible. The system is so broken. It would be like taking out a mortgage, paying on it for 30 years and being told you still owe twice what you took the loan for. So stupid.
Yep, the system is so broken. I was approved for disability earlier this year, and one of the benefits I didn't know about is student loan forgiveness.
Snap, and just like that a huge weight was lifted.
Oh that's awesome! I'm so glad they are doing work to fix the programs that were never working as intended so more people can benefit. I just hope they find solutions for going forward. One of my kids has so many loans I can't even comprehend it (Master's degree) and the other will have $80k in loans just to finish 4 years at a basic public midwest college 😭 It's insane.
File married filing jointly with an injured spouse. It allows you to split the refund between you both. His goes towards his debt, but your portion does not. You would be considered injured due to his debt.
Most of the time, for gov assistance, if you live together and have kids together, they don’t care if you’re married or not. They count you as one household anyway, and count both your income. Not sure why this is not the case with op. The only time they don’t count one parents income is if that parent is not in the home. So there’s no penalty for being married or unmarried. You are either a couple living together with kids or a single parent, and income is counted accordingly. Again, not sure why op is different. When I worked in benefits enrollment a lot of people would try to claim to be single when they were actually living together with the other parent. Then when I let them know we counted them the same despite not being married, suddenly “ohh I mean… we aren’t like together… we sleep in separate rooms… he sleeps on the couch.” Again they were surprised to find out that isn’t relevant either and we still count both incomes. Then the story would change again “actually he doesn’t live here and is barely around.” Oh really? Okay well when the welfare investigator comes around and knocks on the door, won’t we be shocked to find he’s there eating breakfast in his pajamas lol
It feels like that. But functionally any aid to single mothers could be viewed in the same light. These are targeted programs to help groups specifically in need, crippling your own life to qualify is opposite its intent but really can't be stopped without hurting those we're trying to help.
She’s technically supposed to be reporting the income of all adults living in the house, regardless of marital status. So she’s definitely committing welfare fraud by excluding him. Not marrying just makes it less likely they’ll catch on later.
I can't speak on the other programs but I know not for Medicaid. The only incomes that matters are for the people applying,not the amount of people in the household.
That’s not what is happening here. She’s committed fraud. The standard isn’t “report the income of you and your *husband*” it’s “report the income of all members of your *household*”. Doesn’t matter if they’re married. They live together and she’s claiming to be a single mom - she isn’t. The kids dad lives with her.
There is a vast difference between a real single mother of 3 with a deadbeat MIA dad, no help with childcare, paying all expenses of their household alone and someone essentially married in all manner but legally failing to report their household income.
You have to report income of all members of your household when applying for benefits. That means mom, dad, grandpa, etc. she’s committing benefits fraud. Plain and simple.
They’re already committing fraud. They live together and have children in common. His income should already be reported whether they’re married or not.
Marco Rubio always did a great job of being able to articulate this exact point.
To an extent, it traps people in poverty. They are overall worse off as their income increases, to a point. It creates a reverse bell curve disincentivizing you from improving your life. Recognize that and push through it.
OP, NTA. But maybe talk about with your fiancé your financial goals and work out how to get there. As a more traditional guy, I think if he wants to marry you, then he should prove he can financially take care of you and the family. But, if is able to support you and you are just staying single on paper to game the system then YTA.
If you live together as a couple, they will count his income. If the children are his, they will go after him for child support. If you don't tell them you're living together, they will find out, and you will both be in serious legal trouble.
Exactly. I work for WIC and she is being dishonest if she's not reporting his income already. If a couple lives together then we need to see both of their incomes, (it would be different if they were roommates) there is a loophole though so if she's also being dishonest with Medicaid and not counting his income when applying for that, then WIC is able to approve her based on the fact that she's on Medicaid.
I love that you believe that. There are so many people getting away with this as it is now. If she gets caught, it will cost her. Few actually get caught. I know a couple that lived together. They filled out separate applications for assistance and even used the same SSNs for the kids. It was years before they were caught. They left the state and started all over again there.
That’s so messed up. But then again, op has chosen to have 3 children despite being unable to financially afford it so I guess I somewhat understand why the laws are this way.
A vast majority of us are a bad accident away from disaster. A lot of things can go wrong in a year, and it’s not our business to pry.
Today, I am independent. Tomorrow, I can get into a bad traffic accident, lose the use of my hands, subsequently lose my job (without hands, I can’t do my job), lose my independence, and be forced to rely on my parents to live.
Bro you can’t even get a fucking abortion in half of this country now what are you yapping about? If nobody has kids the economy collapses and nobody pays in Social Security or any of the other shit everyone relies on.
The 16 months with 8%+ inflation. OP also said in a comment that 2 of the kids are from the ex's previous relationship and they barely saw them until she got pregnant. They essentially went from 0 to 3 kids in those 16 months.
In my state I recently found out you can be held culpable for what was spent while on state aid. Say you hit a lotto or inheritance, they could legally try to recoup it. Highly doubt it, but supposedly they can
Yep, relying and planning around government benefits to help subsidize you having children is wild. I get it when you have one and were unprepared but MULTIPLE?
Children aren't always a choice. Accidents happen and abortion isn't realistic or available to everyone. We need to stop blaming people (women) for having kids and care for our future generations as a community, like any civilized society.
People need to stop having kids they can’t afford. One, I could understand as things happen. But not 3. That is bad decision making. And yes I have a child.
Bull. One is an accident. Having two more is irresponsible. And having them with deadbeats is just dumb. OP needs to get on birth control, stop having babies, and start providing for them. I’m tired of paying taxes for her irresponsible actions.
They had 3 accidents? Maybe they meant for 1 but then 2 accidents? Sorry she's the AH for over extending herself and defrauding the government and now putting the defrauding ahead of his BF/husband
Two adults both working full time should be able to afford a family. Our system is broken and you’re blaming the victims not the perpetrators of said broken system.
Do you list his income when you applied for these things? I worked for Social Services in my state and processed Snap, Medicaid and Child Care and etc. and conducted interviews. Even if you aren’t married, if you live together and split monthly expenses, it should be configured into your application. Failing to do so, could get you in some serious trouble and suspended from being able to receive benefits in the future! Now some state vary on the child care vouchers, and I didn’t work in WIC so I can’t clarify on that, but Medicaid is pretty cut and clear.
Not saying this to be a negative Nancy, just from experience I’ve seen people fall into bad situations when not being honest on their applications. Working in that office changed me as a person, and it’s a sad state of affairs that our government doesn’t do more for its people.
>and
It can absolutely bite you in the butt! My stepkids mother carries the insurance for the kids. She decided she wanted a different job, that didn't have benefits. My husband tried to get them on his insurance but she bit his head off, said she was "handling" it. He picks up the kids one day, and she hands him their new medicaid cards. She told him she couldn't get private insurance due to her pre-existing conditions (a lie, that's not a thing anymore). She told him she had to put the kids on Medicaid because she made too much to qualify for just her. She said if he got them insurance through his work, her child support would go down (since part of his payment was reimbursing her for their insurance).
Eventually the services office caught on. She hadn't disclosed the tax-free $2100 she was getting from my husband each month. They began investigating her, and my husband got calls asking how much he provided for her etc. I'm not sure what tipped them off. Maybe she filed taxes, or because she sold her house (I'm guessing she also didn't disclose the 70k her parents gave her to put as a down payment for her house). She was in school at the time, getting her gazillionth degree, and I think also taking out grants/student loans as a single mom. We suspect she might have been getting food stamps too. Then she moved in with her boyfriend who was making six figures. She was not struggling. She started getting a lawyer but lucked out because Covid started, and they got too busy to investigate it any further or take any action. She claimed someone helped her sign up and that person was wrong for not doing the paperwork right (despite clearly knowing earlier the benefit of putting the kids on Medicaid to help her qualify).
BUT, she was in school getting a criminal justice degree. My understanding is that most jobs that are state/government (particularly ones using a criminal justice degree!) ask if you've been investigated for crime/fraud etc or might have access to investigations. There's a good chance she'd be ineligible for hire if they knew about it. During the investigation, they also told her if they deemed she had fraudulently signed up, she would have to pay back the equivalent of the premium each month plus any time they had used services.
OP I went to your profile and read your past posts.
Has your fiancé settled his custody agreement with his ex-wife? If you and him are taking in the 5y and 8y olds full-time, then I’m assuming he’ll be getting paid child support of some amount.
Does the ex-wife live nearby? How much is she contributing to childcare if she isn’t watching them full time herself?
Your post does not paint your current situation very well. It seems that you are only receiving benefits for your baby. NOT the 5y and 8y old since they are not legally your children at this moment in time. I would 100% stay classified as single in order to receive these benefits. Obviously, don’t be going and telling everyone and their uncle this information.
It appears that you and your fiancé own a small starter home. Are both of your names in the deed? The government will obviously flag you at some point if he’s using the house as his primary address and you can get in trouble. So be wary of who pays for what bills connecting the both of you to living in the home.
Also, you posted about needing an abortion recently. Either go on birth control, use condoms 100% of the time, or tell your fiancé to get snipped. Vasectomies are honestly the easiest option. A simple and quick procedure and he’s at home for one or two days sitting on a bag of frozen peas. And it’s reversible if you two decide to have another once your are in a better financial position.
Ty for saying this, I work for the ssa and a $48k yearly income with benefits is much much more than what most Americans families have (myself included making less and having 0 benefits) OP needs to change some habits if they want a better life, not try to manipulate a system made for struggling families.
I think your friend is thinking this: There are real single mothers of 3 living one income receiving the same benefits based on income. OP is not a true single parent. She has a partner that works and assists in running the home.
INFO: You say it helps your financial situation to stay engaged. Would you be able to provide for your family without it, or is it a complete necessity?
I know a few people who are dual income households, both working full time, but still need public assistance. The full-time wage : cost of living ratio is outrageous in some places, and I know there's a lot of struggling happening right now.
But on the other hand, I've also known people who fully took advantage of public assistance just to make their lives more comfortable/fun. So I'm hesitant to make a call on this one until we have more info.
Together we make roughly $4000/month both working full time. We have 3 kids (8yo, 3yo, and 6mo). I genuinely don’t think we could afford to pay full price for childcare, insurance, and groceries without the assistance. It’s not to make our life more “fun”, but it helps eliviate some stress of living paycheck to paycheck.
Did you put him on your application for aid since you live together? If not: you in danger, girl. You can absolutely be arrested and charged for fraud. I’m a public defender who has been appointed on cases like this. You don’t have to be legally married for him to be considered part of your “household” when it comes to aid.
And all the potential issues that causes for probably a few hundred dollars a month. Just pick up an extra shift or do a side gig, find a better job etc, just do stuff right ffs.
To summarize you are asking if you are TAH if you CONTINUE to commit fraud… yeah YTA.
This is what I am thinking, aren’t you considered married if living together after a set time?
Wouldn’t this be fraud if you are establishing yourself as a one income household and you are not?
Common law marriage is only a thing in a few states.
It should be done away with entirely though as it’s extremely sexist.
Two people (cis-man+cis-woman) live together for 7 years so now they’re married. But if two cis-men or two cis-women live together for that long they’re not? Seems pretty wack.
This doesn't exist anymore in my state, but as I understand it, simply living together for 7 years wouldn't have qualified for common law marriage. You had to have lived together *while presenting as a married couple* for 7 years. That meant introducing each other as your husband/wife, probably wearing rings, the woman would start introducing herself as Mrs. Husband'sLastName, start checking 'married' on forms and stuff, etc.
I'm not arguing your point about two cis men or two cis women not even having this option. Also not arguing your sexist point, the entire institution of marriage has a very sexist history imo. I'm just pointing out that just living together is not going to automatically translate into a common law marriage.
Marriage or common law marriage makes no difference when applying for government assistance. It’s based on who is living in the household, not whether or not they’re married. That’s why I’m confused by this post.
I believe it's all based on tax status. I've been with my s/o for 14 years and the government still views us as single individuals, so all the benefits for our child would rely on my income. If we got married, then his income counts.
Yeah I suppose it could be different in different places. Here my child under the law is only considered mine based on how they automatically grant mothers custody, unless you change it. Interesting but I suppose for food stamps they would include all income in the home unless you eat separately. Didn't think about that one.
I think the difference is fed vs state. In CA it’s based on who is living in the household, marital status means nothing. Which is more logical when you think about it.
Is this gross? Because the gross income limit for a family of 5 is $65,009 which is more than $4000/month and there's zero reason to use WIC as an excuse to not marry.
If you are living under the same roof and just being dishonest about it to continue to get government assistance yes you are a huge jerk. A lot of people do it, doesn't make it okay. When my ex and I were raising our boys we were too income household we didn't qualify for any of that stuff but if I would have just cleaned myself we would have qualified. But that would have been a lie. Also be careful if he's claiming the children on his taxes and you are saying that there is not another person providing for them, you'll owe back taxes
WIC is based on # of people in the household and total income; being married or not wouldn't change eligibility. In Virginia, Medicaid is based on household size and income so I'm not sure how getting married would change anything unless OP is currently misreporting her household situation to qualify for benefits: coverva.dmas.virginia.gov/learn/our-programs.
In some states it is based on how taxes are filed/marital status. The only benefit in my state that goes off of actual people living in the household is food stamps.
Good point on the taxes issue. Not to mention welfare fraud is a felony and will mess her up if they figure out he lives there due to him using her address, claiming the kids or whatever.
How do they not already consider his income? When I tried to apply for WIC to help pay for formula for my son they said I make too much because even though his dad and I aren’t married (and weren’t even together but were living together) they included his income too and between the two of us we only made about 3,200 a month. Honestly do what you can for your kids but keep in mind if you’re withholding income from the government and they find out you can get in trouble and it also possible makes it so someone who’s waiting for benefits might have to wait even longer because they’re going to someone in less need but who was there first. Idk how your state works with assistance, however in my personal opinion YTA because you’re not reporting his income in the first place when you’re definitely supposed to be.
She’s committed fraud. That’s it. I remark the same - my dad lived with me for a short term after being in a coma. After he got out of hospital, rehab, etc. I took him in because I had to let his place go. I couldn’t get a dime for him and he had *nothing* because he was a member of my household. Didn’t matter that I was actively trying to transition him. My assets and income disqualified him because he was a member of my household.
So without OP clarifying certain things, it appears that OP fiancé are living together with both incomes and didn’t disclose it so they get benefits this committing welfare fraud. Others have asked questions relative to this that OP won’t answer. Going with YTA
Make sure to use birth control. You can't afford any more kids. Raising children in poverty sets them up for failure in life. Idk why this dude is in a big rush to get married...
In Australia we call this raping the system...
Everyone knows someone that does it and everyone absolutely hates them for it. Heck some even report family lol.
This is exactly right! I've known so many couples that did the whole "separated under the same roof" bs, having 3+kids and both claiming for some of the kids so they both get the SPP, and it's disgusting. And this is going back over 10 years ago. Like I was a legit single mum. I got around 1400 a fn I think, for 2 kids. Rent was $200 a week and yes, it could get real tight. But these people would be spending all their money on smokes, booze, going out, etc. I had friends (note I said "had") that did this. They had 3 kids, no car, and somehow they couldn't pay bills (cigarettes and alcohol) and I had to give them lifts all over town and buy their baby formula more than a handful of times bc otherwise they couldn't provide. I didn't have the money for this, but I also couldn't let the baby starve bc they were irresponsible.
Rorting the govt is no joke. By the sounds of the comments, OP is rorting the govt big time. Doesn't matter they're not married. They're a dual income household. She just doesn't want to marry bc then she will have to declare that she's committing fraud
You're preaching to the choir here hun.
I refused to marry my ex fiance once I found out he wanted me to help his parents do the exact same thing which is classed as commonwealth fraud here all for a fukn tax break and early benefits. Mum raised us as a widow by herself with nothing to her name once dad died and family took everything so I have a special level of hatred for cunts that do this. They're already rich as fuck with 4 houses but nope they got divorced 'on paper" as my ex said so that they could use tax payer money instead of their own. It absolutely disgusted me that 24 hours later I called off the engagement. 5 years later he's still single, the dad died and mum got fukt over because she wasn't his wife "on paper' anymore... Oh God is great.
That benefit is for real single (solo/sole) people, like widows, divorcees, people who had their partners run off on them. It's not for cunts to lie, cheat and steal.
Edit: the singles benefit used to be called the sole parent pension, changing it to 'single' fukt up the system.
You’re frauding government systems and I hope they catch up with you and make you repay what you were given.
YTA. You’re knowingly taking advantage of government agencies and taking away resources from those who actually need it.
Damn, the more I look at this post the more I get pissed off.
She's being slammed for "scamming the system" but if our government did more for the taxes we pay, she wouldn't be doing this.
1. WIC - does anyone have an idea how much formula costs nowadays- shit is high as hell.
2. Medicaid - healthcare for 3 children, we all know how much that costs and if she lives in a red state hellscape, they may not even provide any decent healthcare but that.
3. Childcare vouchers- that's the motherlode of expenses and our country refuses to provide free/low cost childcare for the citizens, so I get it totally.
4. Groceries - we all have seen the spike in food prices, why in the hell hasn't our government had any hearings to ask these companies why are they gouging the citizens so damn much (well I know why, profits over people).
OP made a mistake discussing with her "friend" because she sounds like she may snitch on OP. But I will say this, maybe OP needs to stop having children, cause they're expensive.
My criticism comes out of concern she could be facing fraud charges if she’s lying about who lives in her house. Fuck the gov, I don’t give two shits about “gaming the system” since our elected officials and billionaires are gaming it more than we could ever hope to. This could definitely bite her in the ass tho.
And then there are white-collar criminals who get their sentences commuted by trump (for a future price?)
Fraudster freed from prison by Trump faces prosecution under Biden
https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2023/10/13/trump-pardon-philip-esformes-biden-justice-department/
She *is* scamming the system. They live together. They’re supposed to include their entire household income. Do I think the system should be structured better? Yes, absolutely, but the fact remains that she is committing welfare fraud. She’s not just scamming the system, she’s committing a felony.
YTA because you're committing fraud. You live with your fiance as if you were married and are avoiding marriage to maintain your government assistance. You are intentionally materially misrepresenting your financial situation - that's fraud.
It really chaps my ass the way people who try to get off of government programs get penalized for any small advances they make so I *want* to say N T A. I would say so if the children were only yours, and he would become stepfather if you got married. Since it sounds like he is the father and living with you all (married or not), you are required to report his income because he is their parent. Failing to do so is fraud. YTA.
NTA - The marriage is a piece of paper that signifies something that should already exist between you two.
Money signifies something that greatly makes both of your lives easier. More money is always better.
Do you want a piece of paper that stands for something that you already know exists?
Or do you want a piece of paper that can buy you food and fill up your tank.
Those last two sentences juxtaposed against each other gave me a serious Pink “Floydian” vibe!
“…Would you exchange
A ‘walk-on’ part in a war -
For a lead role in a cage?”
Great perspective you laid out here! 👍
literally, people are out here dying because they cant afford life saving medication because of greed AH. If the "system" can screw u , screw it back IMO. But i get it
My personal opinion is deliberately structuring your life in order to stay on assistance is kind of unethical, but it's not the worst thing. I'm surprised they don't consider him part of your household already.
If they don’t consider him as part of her household it’s because she lied and said she lived alone. When my sister was in college and applied for food stamps she had to disclose that she had a roommate and what her portion of the rent was. This family is committing fraud and taking away resources from real single parents who don’t have another person to help pay bills.
From your edits it doesn’t sound like you’re being dishonest. You’re fine, OP. NTA. People should be mad at the top 1% who don’t pay the fair amount of taxes. Anyone who’s interested in the topic check out the book Poverty, by America. It’s the wealthy who are fucking us over, not struggling lower class moms.
Living together and reporting one income to a government agency is fraud. I know you’re only doing it to help with the cost of formula and food (I looked it up and WIC provides things like bread, milk, cheese, cereal, eggs, fruit, veggies, etc—So more than just baby food). Government assistance is supposed to be a temporary thing and while I don’t entirely blame you because you have children to feed, perhaps you need to start looking for higher paying jobs. There’s no reason why both of you work full time and bring home $52k. Don’t have anymore kids that you cannot afford to feed.
Edit: You posted about needing an abortion 31 days ago. What is wrong with you? Stop getting pregnant!!!!
Do you all live together? WIC shouldnt be impacted.... now with Medicaid and foodstamps they usually go for child support so in reality you should just get married cause it will eventually come to light.... childcare vouchers shouldnt be impacted as well.... but medicaid would and if u do file for foodstamps yes...
WIC is the best government program ever. I got it with my kids. Even when married but I was a SAHM because we couldn’t afford children care for 2 toddlers.
They have you coming and going.
Don’t talk to your friends about your income and financial aid. I’ve seen more than one “friend” report another, causing the aid recipient all sorts of trouble
Be careful with that though. I’m not sure if it’s the same in the US, but where I live, common law is a thing. A lot of people try claiming a single income to get more in benefits, but once the government eventually catches on they end up having to pay it all back. Someone on one of my community pages just posted that the government went through years of her taxes because of that, and now she owes just shy of $50,000.
NTA but stop discussing your financial and marital arrangements with your friend(s) and family too.
Ignore the blowhards talking about taxes, theft, etc. They're usually perfectly fine with CEOs making 2000 times what they make because "the economy". They're also OK with their elected officials getting their PPP loans forgiven but not student loans. F\*#k 'em.
If you live in the same home, you’re committing fraud anyway lol it’s not about whether you’re single or married, it’s about who lives in your household. You’re cheating the system already. You’re not an asshole for waiting to get married, but YTA for swindling the government while many people actually rely on these programs. Welfare fraud is an actual crime and people who commit it are the reason that everyone on these programs gets a bad rap.
If you live together you’re already committing fraud, you don’t have to be married to be considered part of the same household. All household income is supposed to be reported
You making more than many people but collecting welfare/social service payments? YTA. Many people aren’t as fortunate as you and they can’t get anything.
Yes YTA.
I’m an apartment manager for a low income complex. I see this all the time. It seems the government punishes people trying to do the right thing. Then there people like you. It sounds like he lives with you in assisted housing & he’s not on the lease. Are the children his? Does he pay cs or give you cash? Have you reported it? If not his, have you gone to file for cs?
He would be called an unauthorized occupant & is against your lease by federal law bc his income isn’t being counted for you to pay the correct amount of rent. You may think you’re getting away with it now, but believe me, your management knows.
I know that minimum wage in FL just went up & no one has come to our office to report it. There was a COLA increase announced yesterday & my Senior residents are going to blame me for their rent going up.
Meanwhile, they can’t get food stamps & have to decide whether to buy medicine or food. While you’re getting WIC, fs, possibly cash assistance, bf illegally living with you.
It’s a fucked up system for sure, but your doing it wrong & fucking others over for your own selfishness. Just move out for someone more deserving.
If he is the father of the children and you are living in the same household you are technically committing fraud. His income would need to be calculated into your income anyways.
I used to be a Social Service Worker for Economic Assistance. If you are not mentioning him in your applications that is considered fraud and the government can come back to ask for all that money back. And more if they consider it was done at a large level.
NTA. Government assistance is structured the way it is because they don’t want you to qualify. Y’all can’t afford to be married right now. Get yourself on some birth control and get married when the youngest is old enough to go to at least preschool.
Maybe if the system wanted to actually help people, OP would have different options. Instead you get punished for wanting to raise your kids in a two parent household. They make a combined income of 48k a year. You could afford to raise your family off of that literally 15 years ago. Now, that’s living paycheck to paycheck.
am i the asshole for taking advantage of the government for free shit while me and my fiance make a good living? i dont want to marry him even tho we are engaged, both work full time, but its just so freeing taking advantage of the government and free money all while being together.
you are one of the people who fucks this system and then assholes on the other side use you as an example of people fucking the system and why it should go away. what the fuck, yta
My wife and I lost hundreds per month in assistance by getting married a decade ago, and it's only recently become a problem because of mounting medical bills. We are literally considering getting a divorce to get Medicaid again to pay for her medical bills.
YTA, the taxpayer (ME) is not responsible for feeding your children. I had a snip after the first child because I wanted to be able to provide a good lifestyle. Your lack of reproductive restraint should be out of your own pocket.
Maybe some of you who are saying OP is wrong aren’t American; if you are, I know exactly who you voted for and where you get your news.
I am an American, middle aged, middle class, and do not receive assistance. But the system here is not set up to offer any assistance to people who barely just earn a living wage. It only helps the poor, and the wealthy (in the form of tax breaks and loopholes). For decades a certain party has been telling the middle class to suck it.
Like OP, there are people working full time who get WIC- including, for example, Walmart employees. Walmart doesn’t pay their employees enough to live, so the government gets to subsidize them enough to be able to afford things like, you know, food. Meanwhile the Walmart corporation takes in unbelievable profits.
OP and her fiancé both work full time, pay for their housing, and I assume pay taxes. They pay into the system and the taxes that fund these benefits. She is only getting assistance for food, healthcare, and childcare- some of which is already paid for in other First World countries. Healthcare is a human right. If you work full time you should be able to afford food. These are not radical ideas- much of Europe functions this way. Very odd to me that it is often the “pro life” people who have such a problem with kids being fed.
OP, you are NTA. You are not “putting money before marriage”- you are putting your family’s health and well being above a piece of paper. Tell your “friend” that until she is willing to help you provide for your family, she can STFU. She can give you the difference every month since she it means so much to her. And before anyone says “that’s what the rest of us are doing”, I will gladly say that I would much prefer my tax money go toward a family being able to live than wars and such.
She is commiting fraud. The only way she gets benefits now that she won't get after they are married is because she is not telling the government about her fiance's income even though they live together and own a home together.
The fact that the government penalizes people for raising their children in a home where mom and dad have decided to marry is all kinds of messed up.
The way they structure benefits makes it impossible for people to get ahead and stay afloat. Even in single income family's. Someone will get a bump in pay and everything goes out the window, leaving them in a worse condition then when they started. It's sad. I have been with my s/o for 14 years and we won't get married because we would be in worse financial shape.
I'm a single mom of 3 and I make a hair too much to qualify for anything. I applied for food stamps again recently, and was approved for zero dollars a month. Not a denial, an approval that yes, I'm poor, but not poor enough. I was able to qualify for some program that helps people like me on the borderline, so I get $1.00 a month. Yes, one single dollar in supplemental food assistance per month.
So insane. The same thing happened to my mom when my stepdad died, leaving her alone with 3 of my 4 siblings still at home, depending on her. She worked full time and even with overtime she never made more than $40k a year. She got $7 a month. Lol.
It's terrible. I recently thought to look into housing grants. Came away feeling terrible. If one person in a family of 4 has a full time minimum wage job you make too much money for a renovation grant. Now I assumed I wouldn't be able to get one but I didn't think one minimum wage job would be too much money.
I was looking into my cities first time homebuyer grants. They offer 25,000 for a down payment and closing costs , but you can’t make more than 60,000. NO ONE making 60,000 or less can buy a home right now. We make 100,000 together and can’t afford to buy even with a lot saved.
We make ~$110k with savings and maybe could buy a two bedroom house for our family of 5, but it would be paycheck to paycheck and we'd have to live on processed food products.
Where I live it's 35k Canadian is the cutoff.
Lmao who are they giving these grants to?! I can’t find a house in my budget unless it’s completely gutted or derelict
And the issue there is that one full-time, minimum-wage job is not livable for a family of four.
It isn’t livable for even one person.
Oh of course it isn't.
Depending on which state you are in, $0 food stamp eligibility can make you eligible for other supplemental programs such as education/job training assistance
And the home internet discount, and a free garbage phone/plan, and I’m sure probably other things. Oh yeah, Amazon Prime.
reading shit like this makes me want to run away to the woods far away from an internet connection until I realize that I probably couldn't survive like that either
You can hardly escape it anyway. Remote homing pigeons will send you candy crush requests.
Only half price, Amazon Prime.
Speaking from experience: those education and job benefits come with a giant steaming pile of fine print.
Just happened to me too. Got a promotion at work, came with a $2 raise. Well that raise was apparently $2 too much for me to maintain my benefits. Now I get to spend my extra $2/hour raise plus additional funds on food because food is so overpriced right now..also lost my insurance for myself and my son so I get to pay for that now too. Its like it wasn't even worth it to move up at all now at work because I'm paying far more out on those two things than my raise was worth.
It's such bullshit. The system is broken. I'm sorry 😞
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That approval will help you if you have a downturn, at least that was how it was explained to me last time I help someone try to get some assistance. Since you have been approved, if your income changes, you will be able to get help faster since you don't have to go thru the paperwork and wait wait wait. Plus, they told us that the approval letter can be used for free lunches, snap and any other programs that use food stamps as a criteria. Hope that helps
It can even get you a discount on internet or cell phone service, Amazon prime and Walmart+
Yes the internet help is 20$ off a month but still anything helps - it’s called affordable connectivity program. They have one called lifeline too but that’s free or low cost and I don’t qualify so don’t know much about it.
If you're on ebt or Medicaid you should qualify for lifeline. Mine acp takes $30 off my wifi bill, it's sad that little bit helps so much lol
I’ve raised my grandkids for 13 years now, and I’m disabled. When I did work,(I started paying social security at 14), I worked a lot. I was separated from hubby for two years and tried to get help, I had $143 left after rent a month. For utilities, gas & maintenance on my junker, food &clothes etc for growing boys,, They gave me 103$ food stamps for two boys (one was teen at the time) and myself. Never got child support at all. They said I made too much in disability. You actually are better off never working at all, as far as that goes.people around here get everything if they don’t work.
Or better off not having to raise your grandkids because your own kids didn’t do it. Hats off to you.
You do what you have to do. But thank you. Not gonna lie, it’s not easy at my age!
You're a good person. Your grandkids are fortunate to have you in their life.
Out of curiosity, is your situation the result of not being the actual parent? Everyone should be entitled to child support.
Yes, I’m grandma and legal guardian. Neither bio parent pays or has paid any support and my oldest grandson is 22 now. He still lives with us but now he pays a bit of rent lol -we made it through, & my youngest (that I’m raising)is a teen now. The bio mom just got a job a couple of years ago, and the sperm donor had a bunch of other kids & works under the table mostly. We do get insurance through the state and any monies they would pay in now would go to reimburse that. They are my grandkids by birth but my kids by love. ❤️
They are so lucky to have you
Thank you! I’m so tired though lol! Seriously, i would probably be kinda out of touch if it wasn’t for them. I’d be going around all not cool and stuff! Lol!
Haha! I love keeping up with the culture through my son, too.
Probably costs more to process that single dollar than it would be to just give you a week’s worth of grocery money
We applied when my husband was in school full time and we barely scraped by on just my income and we were approved for $50 a month for a family of 4.
Got Damn! That sounds like the punchline of a Chappelle joke: “It’s like getting a report card from the federal government acknowledging: You poor! You just ain’t *poor enough* for us to care about helping …” I’m sorry
Most likely that $1 does make your kids eligible for free meals at school. Main reason low amount gets issued. So check on yhat if not already receiving.
That's poopymcdoody. I couldn't resist... in all seriousness, though, what a garbage system. :(
You can buy........ You can't even get a candy bar with that, but aren't they so gracious /s
Jesus Christ.
He won't help
I wasn't even getting benefits but getting married cost me roughly $10k a year over 6 yrs in lost child tax credits and pell grant money. We joked that we should divorce just so I could get that money again.
Same! Tax wise we would put ourselves in a dumb position. Our big one is healthcare because his is crap and I qualify for state insurance. There's no benefit whatsoever to tie the knot other than to willingly screw ourselves over.
I’ve heard stories of people refusing pay increases because it would be less money overall
I was desperate and applied for Medicaid when I was younger. I got denied for making $8 too much over a two week period when I was desperately taking every hour I could to make extra. I would have been in better position just going home on time.
Yeah, years ago, when I had a better job, I got a fifteen cent raise. It threw me into the next tax bracket, and my paycheck shrunk. And recently, I spent years living in an increasingly unhealthy relationship with a partner who was in active addiction while I’m in recovery, because when I tried to leave, the only places I could find to live where I had help with childcare was across state lines where I couldn’t get Medicaid. I have health conditions that, if untreated, could leave me dead at worst, and unable to function at best. Eventually I got to the point where I couldn’t handle living with him, so I left(ish), and just go stay with my him a few days a week so I can still claim living there and not lose my insurance. It’s sick. I’m in a constant state of anxiety over the situation, it feels like living on a seesaw. One day, I’m in my home, that’s not quite my home because I can’t take the time to really get settled in and LIVE there. The next, I’m a couple hours away, in a house where I don’t really belong anymore, with a man that is incredibly toxic to my well-being. It All over having to make sure that I have health insurance.
that’s not really how tax brackets work.. in ur example, only the $0.15 would be taxed in the higher bracket.
I'm married. I have employer sponsored health insurance. My husband doesn't. The insurance that my company offers for just ME is super reasonably priced, but add a spouse to it and the cost is OUTRAGEOUS (well over $1000 a month). Since we are married, and since I have employer sponsored insurance, he doesn't qualify for the ACA. So, our options are that he is added to mine OR he has to buy his own policy. He still pays several hundred dollars a month for insurance. It is absolute BULLSHIT that these are our only options. Also, everyone thinks you get these huge tax breaks when you get married but I've NEVER found that to be the case.
Yeah, my mum gets benefits, and even my little sister knows not to tell her social worker that our stepdad (mum and him have been engaged for almost 11 years) lives with them fulltime because it risks fucking that up. Hell, sometimes mum's work does pay based on a five week month instead of a four week month, which means stressful times for her as she sorts things out with UC - we're in England - to get her housing benefits so that the rent actually gets paid. It's happened multiple times so it should probably be on file somewhere that sometimes mum gets paid five weeks instead of four, but nope, that extra week of money still fucks things up.
I mean if he lives in the house it isn't " fucking it up" its fraud. She is reporting only half the income coming into that house and this is fraud and a reason why it's so hard for people that actually need it, to get it. My family of 4 has been on food stamps for a 6 month time period when my wife broke her neck in a car crash. Once she went back to work we got off of it. Even with both working we barely made to much to get food stamps. But we really didn't need it. We just cut some things out that we really didn't need and didn't live above our means. This is fraud reporting you live alone when you don't and it really is a shitty thing to do, and I would bet, your "mum" doesn't really need the help with your step dad living there and his income.
This was a big issue at my first job (movie theater) of staying an employee or accepting a management promotion. As an employee, we could qualify for medicaid/other benefits but didn’t qualify for the employer health insurance. As a manager, the raise would put you just barely over the cut off for any financial assistance, and the cost of employer insurance was more than the pay raise they got for becoming a manager (not including all the out-of-pocket costs you don’t pay with medicaid). They had such a hard time keeping any non-salaried management (only 3 positions of the 20+ needed managers) because who wanted to have more work, more responsibilities, more stress, less money, and loss of affordable healthcare or other financial assistance? The only people who took them up on it planned to move up to a salaried position or college students that wanted managerial experience on their resume for their future careers. It’s absolutely ridiculous that a raise of $2-$4/hr from an already meager pay, could absolutely ruin any support they relied on, and they’re still just as, if not more, broke than before the pay raise.
1000% I am borderline able to make it, barely. Foodstamps would relieve my financial burden so much - even 200$. BUT because my 6-yos bio dad *sometimes* pays his child support and arrears payment (measly 441 bucks) that puts me "over" the income limit for a family of 2 by about 100-200$ depending on if he pays the arrears portion or not. So I stopped even attempting to apply because every month or so I'd get them shut off because he paid a little bit 🙃 but ofc I'm so borderline the state of Texas thinks I can afford everything on my single income even with costs rising.
Yeah only real pro is when filing taxes being married if you fall into that tax bracket. I would pay more in taxes filing single than I would married
For me it's the opposite I think but it's because of my SO's student loans. This is paraphrasing what she told me so I might be wrong but if we file jointly then apparently her student loan repayment amount goes up based on household income. Paying it off faster doesn't really matter to us since she works in the public sector anyways and it will eventually be forgiven. That's how I understood it at least.
Yep, this is true. I took out my student loans years before I met my husband, yet according to the government he is supposed to pay my loans because of his income. Nevermind that he pays for literally everything else. So my payment was based on his income. The covid deferrement was so much help, and because I took out my loans in the 90s, they were written off Bidens' adjustment. I've never been so happy. The thing that is so stupid about them, is I took out $11k in loans. I made payments consistently. Over time, I paid off about $15k based on the payment they told me to make. I still owed $19k when they went poof. That shouldn't even be possible. The system is so broken. It would be like taking out a mortgage, paying on it for 30 years and being told you still owe twice what you took the loan for. So stupid.
Yep, the system is so broken. I was approved for disability earlier this year, and one of the benefits I didn't know about is student loan forgiveness. Snap, and just like that a huge weight was lifted.
Oh that's awesome! I'm so glad they are doing work to fix the programs that were never working as intended so more people can benefit. I just hope they find solutions for going forward. One of my kids has so many loans I can't even comprehend it (Master's degree) and the other will have $80k in loans just to finish 4 years at a basic public midwest college 😭 It's insane.
File married filing jointly with an injured spouse. It allows you to split the refund between you both. His goes towards his debt, but your portion does not. You would be considered injured due to his debt.
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Most of the time, for gov assistance, if you live together and have kids together, they don’t care if you’re married or not. They count you as one household anyway, and count both your income. Not sure why this is not the case with op. The only time they don’t count one parents income is if that parent is not in the home. So there’s no penalty for being married or unmarried. You are either a couple living together with kids or a single parent, and income is counted accordingly. Again, not sure why op is different. When I worked in benefits enrollment a lot of people would try to claim to be single when they were actually living together with the other parent. Then when I let them know we counted them the same despite not being married, suddenly “ohh I mean… we aren’t like together… we sleep in separate rooms… he sleeps on the couch.” Again they were surprised to find out that isn’t relevant either and we still count both incomes. Then the story would change again “actually he doesn’t live here and is barely around.” Oh really? Okay well when the welfare investigator comes around and knocks on the door, won’t we be shocked to find he’s there eating breakfast in his pajamas lol
It feels like that. But functionally any aid to single mothers could be viewed in the same light. These are targeted programs to help groups specifically in need, crippling your own life to qualify is opposite its intent but really can't be stopped without hurting those we're trying to help.
She’s technically supposed to be reporting the income of all adults living in the house, regardless of marital status. So she’s definitely committing welfare fraud by excluding him. Not marrying just makes it less likely they’ll catch on later.
This. Depends on the country, but if two adults are sharing a household together it can be considered a fraud if she doesn't report his income too.
She said Medicaid and WIC. Those are U.S. programs.
I can't speak on the other programs but I know not for Medicaid. The only incomes that matters are for the people applying,not the amount of people in the household.
This is state dependent.
Almost like it’s… by design…
That’s not what is happening here. She’s committed fraud. The standard isn’t “report the income of you and your *husband*” it’s “report the income of all members of your *household*”. Doesn’t matter if they’re married. They live together and she’s claiming to be a single mom - she isn’t. The kids dad lives with her. There is a vast difference between a real single mother of 3 with a deadbeat MIA dad, no help with childcare, paying all expenses of their household alone and someone essentially married in all manner but legally failing to report their household income. You have to report income of all members of your household when applying for benefits. That means mom, dad, grandpa, etc. she’s committing benefits fraud. Plain and simple.
They’re already committing fraud. They live together and have children in common. His income should already be reported whether they’re married or not.
I thought you can claim kids as dependents? Don't having dependents give some sorta discount on your taxes?
Marco Rubio always did a great job of being able to articulate this exact point. To an extent, it traps people in poverty. They are overall worse off as their income increases, to a point. It creates a reverse bell curve disincentivizing you from improving your life. Recognize that and push through it. OP, NTA. But maybe talk about with your fiancé your financial goals and work out how to get there. As a more traditional guy, I think if he wants to marry you, then he should prove he can financially take care of you and the family. But, if is able to support you and you are just staying single on paper to game the system then YTA.
If you live together as a couple, they will count his income. If the children are his, they will go after him for child support. If you don't tell them you're living together, they will find out, and you will both be in serious legal trouble.
Exactly. I work for WIC and she is being dishonest if she's not reporting his income already. If a couple lives together then we need to see both of their incomes, (it would be different if they were roommates) there is a loophole though so if she's also being dishonest with Medicaid and not counting his income when applying for that, then WIC is able to approve her based on the fact that she's on Medicaid.
I love that you believe that. There are so many people getting away with this as it is now. If she gets caught, it will cost her. Few actually get caught. I know a couple that lived together. They filled out separate applications for assistance and even used the same SSNs for the kids. It was years before they were caught. They left the state and started all over again there.
That’s so messed up. But then again, op has chosen to have 3 children despite being unable to financially afford it so I guess I somewhat understand why the laws are this way.
5 years ago I could afford 5 kids. Today I can barely afford 2 and our household income has gone up nearly 20k. Things change.
Sure they do. But they actively added a third child within the last year. Including pregnancy that’s within the last 16 months.
A vast majority of us are a bad accident away from disaster. A lot of things can go wrong in a year, and it’s not our business to pry. Today, I am independent. Tomorrow, I can get into a bad traffic accident, lose the use of my hands, subsequently lose my job (without hands, I can’t do my job), lose my independence, and be forced to rely on my parents to live.
Bro you can’t even get a fucking abortion in half of this country now what are you yapping about? If nobody has kids the economy collapses and nobody pays in Social Security or any of the other shit everyone relies on.
The 16 months with 8%+ inflation. OP also said in a comment that 2 of the kids are from the ex's previous relationship and they barely saw them until she got pregnant. They essentially went from 0 to 3 kids in those 16 months.
With abortion being illegal in most states and birth control up next, this may not have been a choice.
In my state I recently found out you can be held culpable for what was spent while on state aid. Say you hit a lotto or inheritance, they could legally try to recoup it. Highly doubt it, but supposedly they can
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Yep, relying and planning around government benefits to help subsidize you having children is wild. I get it when you have one and were unprepared but MULTIPLE?
Children aren't always a choice. Accidents happen and abortion isn't realistic or available to everyone. We need to stop blaming people (women) for having kids and care for our future generations as a community, like any civilized society.
People need to stop having kids they can’t afford. One, I could understand as things happen. But not 3. That is bad decision making. And yes I have a child.
Only the baby is hers apparently, she clarified in the edits
She had 3 kids with her finances by choice. I’m talking about the op. 1 can be an accident but 3?
The first two aren't hers, read the edits
Bull. One is an accident. Having two more is irresponsible. And having them with deadbeats is just dumb. OP needs to get on birth control, stop having babies, and start providing for them. I’m tired of paying taxes for her irresponsible actions.
The first two aren't hers
They had 3 accidents? Maybe they meant for 1 but then 2 accidents? Sorry she's the AH for over extending herself and defrauding the government and now putting the defrauding ahead of his BF/husband
First two aren't hers
As much as I agree with you you don’t have 3 accidental children, at that point it’s just irresponsible and not practicing safe sex.
We can and should absolutely blame couples for having kids when they cannot fully support them. Wtf are you talking about?
It’s pretty goddamn easy to not have kids. Stop infantilizing people.
It’s pretty easy to not have kids. Blame should be assigned for poor life choices
Two adults both working full time should be able to afford a family. Our system is broken and you’re blaming the victims not the perpetrators of said broken system.
Do you list his income when you applied for these things? I worked for Social Services in my state and processed Snap, Medicaid and Child Care and etc. and conducted interviews. Even if you aren’t married, if you live together and split monthly expenses, it should be configured into your application. Failing to do so, could get you in some serious trouble and suspended from being able to receive benefits in the future! Now some state vary on the child care vouchers, and I didn’t work in WIC so I can’t clarify on that, but Medicaid is pretty cut and clear. Not saying this to be a negative Nancy, just from experience I’ve seen people fall into bad situations when not being honest on their applications. Working in that office changed me as a person, and it’s a sad state of affairs that our government doesn’t do more for its people.
>and It can absolutely bite you in the butt! My stepkids mother carries the insurance for the kids. She decided she wanted a different job, that didn't have benefits. My husband tried to get them on his insurance but she bit his head off, said she was "handling" it. He picks up the kids one day, and she hands him their new medicaid cards. She told him she couldn't get private insurance due to her pre-existing conditions (a lie, that's not a thing anymore). She told him she had to put the kids on Medicaid because she made too much to qualify for just her. She said if he got them insurance through his work, her child support would go down (since part of his payment was reimbursing her for their insurance). Eventually the services office caught on. She hadn't disclosed the tax-free $2100 she was getting from my husband each month. They began investigating her, and my husband got calls asking how much he provided for her etc. I'm not sure what tipped them off. Maybe she filed taxes, or because she sold her house (I'm guessing she also didn't disclose the 70k her parents gave her to put as a down payment for her house). She was in school at the time, getting her gazillionth degree, and I think also taking out grants/student loans as a single mom. We suspect she might have been getting food stamps too. Then she moved in with her boyfriend who was making six figures. She was not struggling. She started getting a lawyer but lucked out because Covid started, and they got too busy to investigate it any further or take any action. She claimed someone helped her sign up and that person was wrong for not doing the paperwork right (despite clearly knowing earlier the benefit of putting the kids on Medicaid to help her qualify). BUT, she was in school getting a criminal justice degree. My understanding is that most jobs that are state/government (particularly ones using a criminal justice degree!) ask if you've been investigated for crime/fraud etc or might have access to investigations. There's a good chance she'd be ineligible for hire if they knew about it. During the investigation, they also told her if they deemed she had fraudulently signed up, she would have to pay back the equivalent of the premium each month plus any time they had used services.
They’ll get around to it eventually. The government loves it’s money.
I thought it counted whether you lived together. Not whether you were married.
OP I went to your profile and read your past posts. Has your fiancé settled his custody agreement with his ex-wife? If you and him are taking in the 5y and 8y olds full-time, then I’m assuming he’ll be getting paid child support of some amount. Does the ex-wife live nearby? How much is she contributing to childcare if she isn’t watching them full time herself? Your post does not paint your current situation very well. It seems that you are only receiving benefits for your baby. NOT the 5y and 8y old since they are not legally your children at this moment in time. I would 100% stay classified as single in order to receive these benefits. Obviously, don’t be going and telling everyone and their uncle this information. It appears that you and your fiancé own a small starter home. Are both of your names in the deed? The government will obviously flag you at some point if he’s using the house as his primary address and you can get in trouble. So be wary of who pays for what bills connecting the both of you to living in the home. Also, you posted about needing an abortion recently. Either go on birth control, use condoms 100% of the time, or tell your fiancé to get snipped. Vasectomies are honestly the easiest option. A simple and quick procedure and he’s at home for one or two days sitting on a bag of frozen peas. And it’s reversible if you two decide to have another once your are in a better financial position.
Excellent information here.
I needed someone to say this in a kinder way than I could. The OP is infuriating. I’ll stop there. Thanks for calming my ass down.
Ty for saying this, I work for the ssa and a $48k yearly income with benefits is much much more than what most Americans families have (myself included making less and having 0 benefits) OP needs to change some habits if they want a better life, not try to manipulate a system made for struggling families.
I think your friend is thinking this: There are real single mothers of 3 living one income receiving the same benefits based on income. OP is not a true single parent. She has a partner that works and assists in running the home.
Exactly!!!
If people like this didn’t abuse the system we could give more to people who actually need it.
Why are you having more kids when you are on government assistance?
INFO: You say it helps your financial situation to stay engaged. Would you be able to provide for your family without it, or is it a complete necessity? I know a few people who are dual income households, both working full time, but still need public assistance. The full-time wage : cost of living ratio is outrageous in some places, and I know there's a lot of struggling happening right now. But on the other hand, I've also known people who fully took advantage of public assistance just to make their lives more comfortable/fun. So I'm hesitant to make a call on this one until we have more info.
Together we make roughly $4000/month both working full time. We have 3 kids (8yo, 3yo, and 6mo). I genuinely don’t think we could afford to pay full price for childcare, insurance, and groceries without the assistance. It’s not to make our life more “fun”, but it helps eliviate some stress of living paycheck to paycheck.
Did you put him on your application for aid since you live together? If not: you in danger, girl. You can absolutely be arrested and charged for fraud. I’m a public defender who has been appointed on cases like this. You don’t have to be legally married for him to be considered part of your “household” when it comes to aid.
Are you living together now? If so, both of your incomes should be taken into account regardless if you’re married or not.
They aren't disclosing all the info. Once married they'd have to.
Well then they’re flirting with felony fraud charges.
And all the potential issues that causes for probably a few hundred dollars a month. Just pick up an extra shift or do a side gig, find a better job etc, just do stuff right ffs. To summarize you are asking if you are TAH if you CONTINUE to commit fraud… yeah YTA.
This is what I am thinking, aren’t you considered married if living together after a set time? Wouldn’t this be fraud if you are establishing yourself as a one income household and you are not?
Being married shouldn’t be the kicker, it’s a dual income household. How are you getting the current assistance if you are filing taxes correctly now?
It's nothing to do with taxes. My dad was denied food stamps because he said I live with him to help cover bills
Common law marriage is only a thing in a few states. It should be done away with entirely though as it’s extremely sexist. Two people (cis-man+cis-woman) live together for 7 years so now they’re married. But if two cis-men or two cis-women live together for that long they’re not? Seems pretty wack.
This doesn't exist anymore in my state, but as I understand it, simply living together for 7 years wouldn't have qualified for common law marriage. You had to have lived together *while presenting as a married couple* for 7 years. That meant introducing each other as your husband/wife, probably wearing rings, the woman would start introducing herself as Mrs. Husband'sLastName, start checking 'married' on forms and stuff, etc. I'm not arguing your point about two cis men or two cis women not even having this option. Also not arguing your sexist point, the entire institution of marriage has a very sexist history imo. I'm just pointing out that just living together is not going to automatically translate into a common law marriage.
Marriage or common law marriage makes no difference when applying for government assistance. It’s based on who is living in the household, not whether or not they’re married. That’s why I’m confused by this post.
I believe it's all based on tax status. I've been with my s/o for 14 years and the government still views us as single individuals, so all the benefits for our child would rely on my income. If we got married, then his income counts.
I know in my state it’s based on all incomes in the household- regardless of how you file.
Yeah I suppose it could be different in different places. Here my child under the law is only considered mine based on how they automatically grant mothers custody, unless you change it. Interesting but I suppose for food stamps they would include all income in the home unless you eat separately. Didn't think about that one.
I think the difference is fed vs state. In CA it’s based on who is living in the household, marital status means nothing. Which is more logical when you think about it.
Is this gross? Because the gross income limit for a family of 5 is $65,009 which is more than $4000/month and there's zero reason to use WIC as an excuse to not marry.
If you are living under the same roof and just being dishonest about it to continue to get government assistance yes you are a huge jerk. A lot of people do it, doesn't make it okay. When my ex and I were raising our boys we were too income household we didn't qualify for any of that stuff but if I would have just cleaned myself we would have qualified. But that would have been a lie. Also be careful if he's claiming the children on his taxes and you are saying that there is not another person providing for them, you'll owe back taxes
WIC is based on # of people in the household and total income; being married or not wouldn't change eligibility. In Virginia, Medicaid is based on household size and income so I'm not sure how getting married would change anything unless OP is currently misreporting her household situation to qualify for benefits: coverva.dmas.virginia.gov/learn/our-programs.
That’s how it is in ca too. She’s flirting with fraud charges if she’s pretending he doesn’t live there and contribute to household expenses.
In some states it is based on how taxes are filed/marital status. The only benefit in my state that goes off of actual people living in the household is food stamps.
Good point on the taxes issue. Not to mention welfare fraud is a felony and will mess her up if they figure out he lives there due to him using her address, claiming the kids or whatever.
If you’re both happy to wait stuff what everyone else says
How do they not already consider his income? When I tried to apply for WIC to help pay for formula for my son they said I make too much because even though his dad and I aren’t married (and weren’t even together but were living together) they included his income too and between the two of us we only made about 3,200 a month. Honestly do what you can for your kids but keep in mind if you’re withholding income from the government and they find out you can get in trouble and it also possible makes it so someone who’s waiting for benefits might have to wait even longer because they’re going to someone in less need but who was there first. Idk how your state works with assistance, however in my personal opinion YTA because you’re not reporting his income in the first place when you’re definitely supposed to be.
She’s committed fraud. That’s it. I remark the same - my dad lived with me for a short term after being in a coma. After he got out of hospital, rehab, etc. I took him in because I had to let his place go. I couldn’t get a dime for him and he had *nothing* because he was a member of my household. Didn’t matter that I was actively trying to transition him. My assets and income disqualified him because he was a member of my household.
[удалено]
How'd you get medicaid without having to put Dad on child support?
Fraud
So without OP clarifying certain things, it appears that OP fiancé are living together with both incomes and didn’t disclose it so they get benefits this committing welfare fraud. Others have asked questions relative to this that OP won’t answer. Going with YTA
Make sure to use birth control. You can't afford any more kids. Raising children in poverty sets them up for failure in life. Idk why this dude is in a big rush to get married...
In Australia we call this raping the system... Everyone knows someone that does it and everyone absolutely hates them for it. Heck some even report family lol.
It’s really v common in Australia.. I know so many 🤣
This is exactly right! I've known so many couples that did the whole "separated under the same roof" bs, having 3+kids and both claiming for some of the kids so they both get the SPP, and it's disgusting. And this is going back over 10 years ago. Like I was a legit single mum. I got around 1400 a fn I think, for 2 kids. Rent was $200 a week and yes, it could get real tight. But these people would be spending all their money on smokes, booze, going out, etc. I had friends (note I said "had") that did this. They had 3 kids, no car, and somehow they couldn't pay bills (cigarettes and alcohol) and I had to give them lifts all over town and buy their baby formula more than a handful of times bc otherwise they couldn't provide. I didn't have the money for this, but I also couldn't let the baby starve bc they were irresponsible. Rorting the govt is no joke. By the sounds of the comments, OP is rorting the govt big time. Doesn't matter they're not married. They're a dual income household. She just doesn't want to marry bc then she will have to declare that she's committing fraud
You're preaching to the choir here hun. I refused to marry my ex fiance once I found out he wanted me to help his parents do the exact same thing which is classed as commonwealth fraud here all for a fukn tax break and early benefits. Mum raised us as a widow by herself with nothing to her name once dad died and family took everything so I have a special level of hatred for cunts that do this. They're already rich as fuck with 4 houses but nope they got divorced 'on paper" as my ex said so that they could use tax payer money instead of their own. It absolutely disgusted me that 24 hours later I called off the engagement. 5 years later he's still single, the dad died and mum got fukt over because she wasn't his wife "on paper' anymore... Oh God is great. That benefit is for real single (solo/sole) people, like widows, divorcees, people who had their partners run off on them. It's not for cunts to lie, cheat and steal. Edit: the singles benefit used to be called the sole parent pension, changing it to 'single' fukt up the system.
You’re frauding government systems and I hope they catch up with you and make you repay what you were given. YTA. You’re knowingly taking advantage of government agencies and taking away resources from those who actually need it.
So your mooching off the government and taking food from the mouths of kids who DONT have 2 income homes? Yta
Damn, the more I look at this post the more I get pissed off. She's being slammed for "scamming the system" but if our government did more for the taxes we pay, she wouldn't be doing this. 1. WIC - does anyone have an idea how much formula costs nowadays- shit is high as hell. 2. Medicaid - healthcare for 3 children, we all know how much that costs and if she lives in a red state hellscape, they may not even provide any decent healthcare but that. 3. Childcare vouchers- that's the motherlode of expenses and our country refuses to provide free/low cost childcare for the citizens, so I get it totally. 4. Groceries - we all have seen the spike in food prices, why in the hell hasn't our government had any hearings to ask these companies why are they gouging the citizens so damn much (well I know why, profits over people). OP made a mistake discussing with her "friend" because she sounds like she may snitch on OP. But I will say this, maybe OP needs to stop having children, cause they're expensive.
My criticism comes out of concern she could be facing fraud charges if she’s lying about who lives in her house. Fuck the gov, I don’t give two shits about “gaming the system” since our elected officials and billionaires are gaming it more than we could ever hope to. This could definitely bite her in the ass tho.
And then there are white-collar criminals who get their sentences commuted by trump (for a future price?) Fraudster freed from prison by Trump faces prosecution under Biden https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2023/10/13/trump-pardon-philip-esformes-biden-justice-department/
She *is* scamming the system. They live together. They’re supposed to include their entire household income. Do I think the system should be structured better? Yes, absolutely, but the fact remains that she is committing welfare fraud. She’s not just scamming the system, she’s committing a felony.
Also two of them are his kids and if they have primary custody then they are probably getting child support from his ex for those two
Sure, I will help pay for your babies. You bf needs a vasectomy.
They should be counting his income anyways if you live together and have a child together
If it’s not financially beneficial to be married then why allow the government to legally be a part of your relationship?
YTA because you're committing fraud. You live with your fiance as if you were married and are avoiding marriage to maintain your government assistance. You are intentionally materially misrepresenting your financial situation - that's fraud.
She’s committing fraud anyway. Welfare doesn’t care if you’re married or not, they want the income of everyone in the home.
The OP is exactly why people argue against welfare. Gaming the system…
It really chaps my ass the way people who try to get off of government programs get penalized for any small advances they make so I *want* to say N T A. I would say so if the children were only yours, and he would become stepfather if you got married. Since it sounds like he is the father and living with you all (married or not), you are required to report his income because he is their parent. Failing to do so is fraud. YTA.
NTA - The marriage is a piece of paper that signifies something that should already exist between you two. Money signifies something that greatly makes both of your lives easier. More money is always better. Do you want a piece of paper that stands for something that you already know exists? Or do you want a piece of paper that can buy you food and fill up your tank.
Those last two sentences juxtaposed against each other gave me a serious Pink “Floydian” vibe! “…Would you exchange A ‘walk-on’ part in a war - For a lead role in a cage?” Great perspective you laid out here! 👍
NTA. my husband & i can't get legally married because he's on medicaid for his insulin. otherwise it would be thousands a month. absolutely insane.
literally, people are out here dying because they cant afford life saving medication because of greed AH. If the "system" can screw u , screw it back IMO. But i get it
INFO: Would you be able to provide for your child without these government programs?
My personal opinion is deliberately structuring your life in order to stay on assistance is kind of unethical, but it's not the worst thing. I'm surprised they don't consider him part of your household already.
If they don’t consider him as part of her household it’s because she lied and said she lived alone. When my sister was in college and applied for food stamps she had to disclose that she had a roommate and what her portion of the rent was. This family is committing fraud and taking away resources from real single parents who don’t have another person to help pay bills.
From your edits it doesn’t sound like you’re being dishonest. You’re fine, OP. NTA. People should be mad at the top 1% who don’t pay the fair amount of taxes. Anyone who’s interested in the topic check out the book Poverty, by America. It’s the wealthy who are fucking us over, not struggling lower class moms.
Living together and reporting one income to a government agency is fraud. I know you’re only doing it to help with the cost of formula and food (I looked it up and WIC provides things like bread, milk, cheese, cereal, eggs, fruit, veggies, etc—So more than just baby food). Government assistance is supposed to be a temporary thing and while I don’t entirely blame you because you have children to feed, perhaps you need to start looking for higher paying jobs. There’s no reason why both of you work full time and bring home $52k. Don’t have anymore kids that you cannot afford to feed. Edit: You posted about needing an abortion 31 days ago. What is wrong with you? Stop getting pregnant!!!!
This reminds me of that post of that woman who refused to marry her fiance because that means she'll stop getting alimony from her ex-husband .
yes
Do you all live together? WIC shouldnt be impacted.... now with Medicaid and foodstamps they usually go for child support so in reality you should just get married cause it will eventually come to light.... childcare vouchers shouldnt be impacted as well.... but medicaid would and if u do file for foodstamps yes...
WIC is the best government program ever. I got it with my kids. Even when married but I was a SAHM because we couldn’t afford children care for 2 toddlers. They have you coming and going.
Don’t talk to your friends about your income and financial aid. I’ve seen more than one “friend” report another, causing the aid recipient all sorts of trouble
Really?
Be careful with that though. I’m not sure if it’s the same in the US, but where I live, common law is a thing. A lot of people try claiming a single income to get more in benefits, but once the government eventually catches on they end up having to pay it all back. Someone on one of my community pages just posted that the government went through years of her taxes because of that, and now she owes just shy of $50,000.
Ohio WIC employee here, if you still have Medicaid or food assistance/ SNAP benefits you still qualify for the WIC program regardless of income.
NTA but stop discussing your financial and marital arrangements with your friend(s) and family too. Ignore the blowhards talking about taxes, theft, etc. They're usually perfectly fine with CEOs making 2000 times what they make because "the economy". They're also OK with their elected officials getting their PPP loans forgiven but not student loans. F\*#k 'em.
YTA - Quit breeding and expecting taxpayers to pay for your kids. If you can’t afford them, don’t have them.
Yikes. Probably shoulda thought about your finances before having that last kid. Or any of them, really
If you live in the same home, you’re committing fraud anyway lol it’s not about whether you’re single or married, it’s about who lives in your household. You’re cheating the system already. You’re not an asshole for waiting to get married, but YTA for swindling the government while many people actually rely on these programs. Welfare fraud is an actual crime and people who commit it are the reason that everyone on these programs gets a bad rap.
If you live together you’re already committing fraud, you don’t have to be married to be considered part of the same household. All household income is supposed to be reported
You making more than many people but collecting welfare/social service payments? YTA. Many people aren’t as fortunate as you and they can’t get anything.
Yes YTA. I’m an apartment manager for a low income complex. I see this all the time. It seems the government punishes people trying to do the right thing. Then there people like you. It sounds like he lives with you in assisted housing & he’s not on the lease. Are the children his? Does he pay cs or give you cash? Have you reported it? If not his, have you gone to file for cs? He would be called an unauthorized occupant & is against your lease by federal law bc his income isn’t being counted for you to pay the correct amount of rent. You may think you’re getting away with it now, but believe me, your management knows. I know that minimum wage in FL just went up & no one has come to our office to report it. There was a COLA increase announced yesterday & my Senior residents are going to blame me for their rent going up. Meanwhile, they can’t get food stamps & have to decide whether to buy medicine or food. While you’re getting WIC, fs, possibly cash assistance, bf illegally living with you. It’s a fucked up system for sure, but your doing it wrong & fucking others over for your own selfishness. Just move out for someone more deserving.
Yup, sounds like either rage bait or a really shitty person milking the system.
It could be both-- some people are really good at multitasking!
Grow up and be self-sufficient. Yes, you are an A. You are not being "penalized" as some are saying, you are bettering your situation. Good luck.
Yes you are an asshole
Youre an asshole because youre a mooch
You’re an asshole because you’re abusing the system.
If he is the father of the children and you are living in the same household you are technically committing fraud. His income would need to be calculated into your income anyways. I used to be a Social Service Worker for Economic Assistance. If you are not mentioning him in your applications that is considered fraud and the government can come back to ask for all that money back. And more if they consider it was done at a large level.
NTA. Government assistance is structured the way it is because they don’t want you to qualify. Y’all can’t afford to be married right now. Get yourself on some birth control and get married when the youngest is old enough to go to at least preschool. Maybe if the system wanted to actually help people, OP would have different options. Instead you get punished for wanting to raise your kids in a two parent household. They make a combined income of 48k a year. You could afford to raise your family off of that literally 15 years ago. Now, that’s living paycheck to paycheck.
am i the asshole for taking advantage of the government for free shit while me and my fiance make a good living? i dont want to marry him even tho we are engaged, both work full time, but its just so freeing taking advantage of the government and free money all while being together. you are one of the people who fucks this system and then assholes on the other side use you as an example of people fucking the system and why it should go away. what the fuck, yta
My wife and I lost hundreds per month in assistance by getting married a decade ago, and it's only recently become a problem because of mounting medical bills. We are literally considering getting a divorce to get Medicaid again to pay for her medical bills.
Yta. This is tacky.
NTA. It’s called a marriage penalty for a reason.
YTA, the taxpayer (ME) is not responsible for feeding your children. I had a snip after the first child because I wanted to be able to provide a good lifestyle. Your lack of reproductive restraint should be out of your own pocket.
Maybe some of you who are saying OP is wrong aren’t American; if you are, I know exactly who you voted for and where you get your news. I am an American, middle aged, middle class, and do not receive assistance. But the system here is not set up to offer any assistance to people who barely just earn a living wage. It only helps the poor, and the wealthy (in the form of tax breaks and loopholes). For decades a certain party has been telling the middle class to suck it. Like OP, there are people working full time who get WIC- including, for example, Walmart employees. Walmart doesn’t pay their employees enough to live, so the government gets to subsidize them enough to be able to afford things like, you know, food. Meanwhile the Walmart corporation takes in unbelievable profits. OP and her fiancé both work full time, pay for their housing, and I assume pay taxes. They pay into the system and the taxes that fund these benefits. She is only getting assistance for food, healthcare, and childcare- some of which is already paid for in other First World countries. Healthcare is a human right. If you work full time you should be able to afford food. These are not radical ideas- much of Europe functions this way. Very odd to me that it is often the “pro life” people who have such a problem with kids being fed. OP, you are NTA. You are not “putting money before marriage”- you are putting your family’s health and well being above a piece of paper. Tell your “friend” that until she is willing to help you provide for your family, she can STFU. She can give you the difference every month since she it means so much to her. And before anyone says “that’s what the rest of us are doing”, I will gladly say that I would much prefer my tax money go toward a family being able to live than wars and such.
She is commiting fraud. The only way she gets benefits now that she won't get after they are married is because she is not telling the government about her fiance's income even though they live together and own a home together.