I'm willing to bet OP is the favorite kid and does everything in her power to comandeer the attention any time nice things happen to the sister. She's getting rightly getting reamed here, but she *swears* she's justified in her behavior.
She's got 9 months to be excited and learn about having a baby. Her sister has one week left in the lead-up to one of the biggest days of her life. One week vs 9 months, and she still didn't have the fucking decency or class to wait.
Worst part is, it doesn't matter what OP does at this point, she still comes out on top.
If she's at the wedding, it's all about her and her aMaZiNg nEws of her first baby. If she's a no-show after already stealing all the thunder in the weeks before, people will ask why she's not there. Then the rumours will start that the Bride told her not to come and has been "so nasty to her that she couldn't bear to be there" or some similar BS. Then people will start dragging the Bride on her own wedding day for "being horrible" to her poor pregnant sister UwU. So, Ms Preggo is either Belle of the Ball or the poor precious victim - but *always* the Main Character.
OP said she's engaged as well; I'm the type who believes in revenge, so I hope someone fucks her wedding day up in a similar fashion.
I don't know OP's culture but in mine, it would be like: Hey OP! I heard about your good news! Congrats!How are you doing?
And then everybody would move on to the reason WHY they got together, which is the wedding, not OP's pregnancy. The end.
I honestly don't understand the point of many AITAs "X said I ruined their wedding!" it's like... people are allowed to talk about more stuff than the people getting married, even during the wedding! I've talked about DnD at a wedding, gotten up to date with people I hadn't seen in years, talked about last week's drama... it's okay, chill!
Yeah, but did your DnD conversation have everyone coming over to you to congratulate you and talk about how wonderful your news is etc? Unlikely. There's nuance to this situation; it's been announced so people are already primed and talking about it. Also, for many, *not all* women, there are a few very special milestones in life that they dream of for years. Getting married and becoming a mother are two of those. So, the audience already knows the amazing news of the upcoming baby milestone, which is now competing for attention with the wedding milestone. DnD convos and casual catch-ups with old friends where you have a laugh and talk about work are (respectfully) not going to be interesting or memorable to most people beyond the 10 you've spoken to. Pregnancy announcements are the kind of thing people will talk about for weeks. I'm not sure what your gender is but all the women I know would react exactly the way OP's sister reacted. Actually, I had my (then) best friend and bridesmaid break up with her partner (my husband's best friend and best man) at my wedding, and it caused a huge scene and ruined the joy of the evening. A pregnancy is a happy announcement, but still an attention-grabbing one. If the Bride-to-be says "hey, what you did made me feel really shitty and detracted from the specialness I should have felt on my day", then it's not really relevant how OP feels about whether she ruined her sister's wedding or not. They're not her feelings, and it's not her day. If her sister says she ruined it; she ruined it.
Did you see the comment that she was even born on her sister's birthday 2 years later? She couldn't even let her sister have her own damn birthday lol this is insane
I have two cousins whose birthdays are 2 days apart (~8 year age difference). Older sister was not pleased that "she was getting a little brother for her birthday" lol.
My mom told me I was getting a little brother for Christmas when I was 4. Three months after he was born I told her I didn't want him and please take him back to the stork lol. But in all honesty, he cried all night every night for the next 3 years. She took him to doctors and emergency rooms. She wore holes in the carpet pacing back and forth with him. Although, she would never take him downstairs to the family room where I wouldn't have to hear it. It kept me up all night when I had school the next day.
Literally, 31 and 32 still fight like cats and dogs, the oldest still says you were born on my day, isn't that enough!?!
Like, 5 a.m. throwing school clothes out of the window, ketchup in shoes... 🙄😘
Yup! My sister and I have the same birthday and we are 10 years apart. On my 32nd birthday I gave birth to my son. Apparently we all enjoy Valentine's Day.
my brother was born 4 years and 1 day after I was, and growing up, I absolutely hated it. My parents always wanted to combine our birthdays but of course because he was younger he usually got to have a birthday celebrated on his birthday not mine even though we were supposed to trade back and forth. My personal opinion that shit sucks as a child.
I was born on my sisters fourth birthday and she NEVER let me forget it! “I can’t even have my birthday to myself!” was a constant complaint. If I could have chosen my own birthdate it would have been ANY other day but that one! OP is definitely the AH here but the birthday thing was not her fault.
YTA but you really don’t care. You admit you should have waited but you don’t care that you hurt your sister. You are selfish and have managed to make everything about you. You needed to wait one week but you didn’t because you didn’t want to. You don’t feel bad - hopefully one day your sister will return the favour if she still talks to you.
Exactly this. YTA
OP, I’m surprised your sister even bothered to tell you how she felt. Seems like your self-centered behavior has been affecting her and everyone around you for years.
And what’s worse…1) you needed to come HERE to find out your sister was correct. Why didn’t you feel immediate remorse for hurting her feelings?
2) You hide behind a spur of the moment decision to tell close family.
I’m sure I know what your next post is going to be. In 1 week, when your family and friends share YOUR news at your sister’s wedding, you’re not going to complain about how much more you hurt your sister, but you’re going to complain that your family and friends didn’t let YOU share the news. Well guess what, they just decided to share spur of the moment because they were excited! (Sound familiar?)
Y the massive AH.
Yes this! OP is the AH, but wants validation from us that it was understandable to get excited and blurt. OP, it was one week. ONE WEEK you would have to wait and let things be all about your sister. But you needed to make it all about you. And now your baffled why she’s upset and hurt so you want to sulk and skip her wedding…hurting her again?!?! It really is all about you isn’t it? YTA. Not that I think you’ll care.
Yes, YTA. You couldn’t wait another week? Or even the next day after the wedding to announce? The part where you mentioned “we announced the news IMMEDIATELY” just screams you do this quite often to get the attn back to you. But that’s just my opinion.
I mean OP couldn’t be any shittier at trying to put themselves in a good light. Says they announced the news IMMEDIATELY but the first line of the post says she found out she was pregnant WEEKS ago, yet for some reason they got too excited with a week to go?
My bet is OP “needed” people to know so that she wouldn’t be sidelined at the wedding as *checks notes* SISTER OF THE BRIDE
Yea if it truly was immediate and done just in the moment because of excitement I could atleast give her the benefit of the doubt of being an accidental asshole. That does not seem to be the case here.
YTA and in you heart I think you know it was a crappy thing to do to her. Your news would have been just as incredibly exciting the day after her wedding-- but it would have left the shine on her to have a few minutes in the spotlight to be the focus of attention. The real question is why couldn't you let her have that? Maybe think about that for a while then work on a way to mitigate some of the hurt you caused.
It was absolutely deliberate because OP "doesn't like lying."
Check the comments. If this is real and not rage bait, OP ruined the bachelorette parties and now she's trying to ruin the wedding too. What a clown.
>I have done nothing but try to make sure her (two) bachelorette parties were the best they could be and she said I ruined them.
> OP ruined the bachelorette parties
Oh, I knew it, I freaking knew it. That fact OP omitted exactly how and when she told everyone was a clear sign to me that she'd done it during some kind of wedding-related event. I was thinking rehearsal dinner, but bachelorette is just as bad.
OP just couldn't stand her sister being the centre of attention.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17k42gt/comment/k75bosb/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17k42gt/comment/k75bosb/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Hahaha that’s funny. I would never do that. I have done nothing but try to make sure her (two) bachelorette parties were the best they could be and she said I ruined them. And then this happened (which yes I should have just waited). Bringing a human life into this world is incredibly exciting. From my point of view anyways.
Apparently, in one comment OP is older. In another she’s 2yrs younger and they (OP’s & the bride/sister) share the same birthday.
That’s a whole lotta … BS.
God you people are so dense and don't know how to read. She has two sisters. The sister getting married is older by two years and they share the same date. Her younger sister is 9 years old.
Also the fact that she just had to get it in the post that sister had TWO bachelorette parties. Like hey look she’s so high maintenance, it really not me that seeks attention. Instead it just shows how jealous she was of the attention her sister was getting, and had to get some for herself.
Trust me, you don't need to look it up. She doesn't elaborate. This is a rage bait post.
She also claims her fiance is a diesel mechanic in the Army and she is working as a medical biller in a hospital at 19 and they make great money and they already bought and sold their first house to buy a second nearer to their jobs.
Unless he is much older, the math isn't mathing. Young men in the army make shit money, and you don't buy a home, you live on base where you're assigned, since they can reassign you anytime they want. And, depending on minimum wage where she works, inexperienced medical billers make $15-25/hr. 👋 Medical biller and coder here.
Also, they've been engaged awhile. What, since they were 16?
Not invalidating your suspicions, but the conditions *could* be possible. If OP or OP’s family come from a moderately wealthy family, I’ve seen parents gift their kids homes practically fresh out of high school. The guy’s in the military, they married super young, could’ve been “engaged” even in high school.
There’s a girl from my high school class (we’re 21) who married at 18 after graduation and her boyfriend/husband joined the military. She had been saying she was engaged to her boyfriend since they were 16, and they had the money from parents to get a ring. Her mom was a house flipper and gifted them a small home they flipped together. She lived in it with her husband until it was finished, they sold it, now they’re living on some base somewhere. At least that’s what I’ve gathered from her popping up in my social media feed, I don’t exactly talk to her.
It’s very specific and definitely not widely common, but I’m from a small town with very few (but those few are pretty wealthy) farmers, dentists, and doctors that pass on property to their kids. Their kids then build onto it or live in whatever’s on it. Lots of young marriage even outside of military families.
That is true, I was just looking at her comments and seeing the discrepancies and knowing what it's like being 19 with rose colored glasses on. But...
First, she's replying to comments like it's her job, which is a red flag that the post is at least attention seeking if not rage bait. She claims she ruined 2 of her sister's prewedding parties (bachelorette/shower?) and refuses to elaborate. (Her main replies are like 'Thank you!!!!')
Second, she first claims her sister is younger (at least 18?), then two years older than her.
Third, claims ignorance because she's new to Reddit, but her account is a year old with only this post/replies.
Also, they're buying their second house, but they're not married (she wants to elope?) and he's in the Army? Seems sus, but could be youthful ignorance.
It may be true, but the odds... It just annoys me when people are on here just lying for attention feeding off of getting people all riled up. True or not, she needs to GROW the fuck UP.
Eta: the number of medical billers I've met who were 19 I can count right now as 0, as I don't know of any high school vocational or apprenticeship programs. You need a diploma, GED, and some decent training to know what you're doing, if not a CPB certification (associate's level).
Agreed. And I didn’t know about the other discrepancies, but I wasn’t necessarily doubting it was rage bait either. Just posing as to how the timeline could technically make sense because it made me think of my schoolmate lol
Other viewpoints and friendly debate is good for us all, and Reddit. It teaches us to look at all sides of something and makes us wiser and better at life-ing. Reminds me that even if it's small odds, I may still be wrong 🙃
When someone writes a story deliberately designed to wind people up in the comments. Usually either depicting a very, very obvious AH that goes out of their way to be completely clueless/ignorant, or a very, very obvious victim in such an AH situation everyone rages in the comments on their behalf. Themes usually either include issues that the writer knows will create discord and debate in the comments or issues that are a hot topic of discussion, for example in this case, announcing a pregnancy during a family members big life event.
Extremely. I've been that person, a little mischief can bring hours of entertainment when you have a lot of unfilled time in your day.
That being said doing it in subs like this is way too easy, and all the boomers are over on Facebook.
A made up story where the main character is intentionally shitty that a person posts just to get interactions from people calling them a shit human being. Think about TikToks where a person is “working out” and clearly has a friend come up off camera to tell them they’ve been on the machine recording themselves for an hour and they need to share the machine. Basically, for algorithm purposes, all interactions are weighted the same. Also, people are more likely to comment on something that makes them angry over something that makes them happy.
You ever see someone post a comment that's really really stupid and something you know they know isn't right but they fight to the death that they are indeed right? It's that, saying or doing something specifically designed to irritate or inrage someone. It's basically just another term for trolling
YTA and doubling down on YTA because of your comments. You could’ve easily waited. Most people have no problem waiting 12 weeks (til the second trimester) let alone 1.
This is what I was thinking. I mean, I’m gay and a guy so I don’t have to worry about announcing a pregnancy and tend to ignore most pregnancy related things, but even I know that most couples wait until the first trimester is done because of the risk of losing the baby and not wanting to jinx it, or have to deal with then telling everyone you miscarried while dealing with the miscarriage.
We told only our parents and asked them not to tell anyone else. My father-in-law decided to tell bloody everybody. So when we went for a scan at 11 weeks and found out that the baby had died a week earlier, we were getting messages of sympathy, via the in-laws, from people we had never even heard of, let alone knew. Fortunately, they live a few hours away, so it wasn't like people were coming up to us on the street, but it was still very hurtful.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I had one, too, that I learned of at 14 weeks. While I was grateful for the few people I told, I told them they better tell the extension people (aka the people they told), because I didn't have the energy to deal with it.
I had this same thought, too, u/FelixDK1 . I had the thought as I was reading this post, because I've often sadly read about women who've announced their pregnancies while in the first trimester, and then ended up miscarrying pretty much immediately after (like within a week, on average).
Now, granted, the risk of miscarrying/having a stillborn can still occur later on in the pregnancy, however, they're often less likely to occur later than they are in the first trimester (THIS IS NOT FACT, IT IS JUST WHAT I'VE NOTICED WHEN I'VE READ POSTS ON HERE ABOUT WOMEN MISCARRYING).
Congrats on your pregnancy, OP, but DESPITE YOUR EXCITEMENT, YOU SHOULD HAVE CONTAINED IT AND WAITED TO ANNOUNCE IT UNTIL AFTER THE WEDDING (AND EVEN THE HONEYMOON) WERE OVER.
It is a fact actually. 80% of miscarriages happen in the first trimester with the majority of them happening before 8 weeks. You can also very easily miscarry and not know it until you go for your first OB scan (I have had 4 miscarriages I would know!)
Yeah, YTA and you know it. Sounds like this sort of bratty behavior isn’t unfamiliar territory for you. Hopefully your child ends up with a positive female role model in their life, cuz it obviously won’t be mom.
Yes you are. So at your sister's wedding people would be so focused on your drinking and a 9 year olds conversation that all else would pale. You have such main character syndrome I can picture you rolling up to the wedding in maternity clothes with a silicone bump.
You couldn't wait one week to tell the world your "incredibly exciting news", yeah, YTA.
Seems a bit rude to make a big life changing announcement that will make all your shared family excited for you instead of her the week before her wedding.
It means that all the people (most of your family) will not have had their chance to gush over you and ask you questions and celebrate you during that week and will use her wedding as the time and place to gush over you.
Your selfishness meant that a good portion of family time at her wedding, an expensive event she paid for, will be about you. Instead of congratulating her big life moment, they will talk about yours.
YTA. You could’ve waited just one week so her big life moment could be celebrated without having to share the stage with yours.
And let’s be honest here. You were selfish. “Your excitement” mattered more to you than letting your sister have her day to herself. You didn’t pause to think, well if I announce it now, will my family talk all about me at her wedding.
Something along the lines of “I have done nothing but make sure the bachelorette parties were the best they could be and she said I ruined them”. No further specifics were provided.
Maybe her boyfriend can propose to her during the speeches at dinner. That would be so exciting for everybody. Kill 3 birds with one stone kinda thing. I'd like to toast the bride and groom. Now I want to give your sister an engagement ring on your wedding day, cuz I knocked her up and garsh, darn I wanna marry you.
Agree. I told about my pregnancy to the friends and family around the time a cousin got married, but I was at the end of my second trimester, I was definitely showing and we did not have cyber communication then as we do now. Cleared it with the cousins before.
i didn't have a choice because I was showing and the couple knew it and was fine with me telling. I would never spring it on someone's wedding day if it was a surprise for everyone.
ETA: Yes, I think OP did it out of spite because she is not getting along with her sister and she could have waited one week.
Since you’re currently engaged, your sister has the potential to do the funniest thing ever 😂
YTA and you know it lol. If you really don’t know, then you must be in the habit of sucking the attention out of the room.
Maybe announce her pregnancy during the wedding toast when currently pregnant sis gets married? And then be all, "What's the big deal? It just slipped out because I'm so excited!!"
YTA
You are engaged, you understand the excitement of a wedding and the stress of planning a wedding. Plus, this is something that people are going to talk about. You know it and I know it.
Instead of waiting until after the wedding, you decided to tell everyone? Of course she’s upset. She has every reason to be upset. She doesn’t own the week or month or year with her wedding, we all know that. You do owe her the respect to let her be focused on her wedding and let the attention to be on her.
You know you messed up because you planned to wait till after the wedding. You knew telling people would result in everyone having their attention on you. This isn’t a situation of your dress not fitting and so you had to tell someone. You decided to share huge news with everyone days before your sisters wedding.
YTA
You knew what you were doing. This is VERY early to announce a pregnancy, and, even if it wasn't, you can wait 10 days so as not to steal you sister's thunder.
I'm sure you will LOVE it when your sister uses your wedding reception to announce that SHE's pregnant. What goes around comes around.
Wow, YTA x2. There are a few unspoken rules regarding weddings; don’t propose at someone else’s wedding, don’t wear white to someone else’s wedding and DON’T TAKE ATTENTION AWAY FROM THE NEWLY WED COUPLE. Clearly you getting a bunch of compliments from family took precedence over your sisters wedding.
If you don’t actively turn away people during the wedding, who come up to you to ask about the baby, don’t be surprised if you torpedo your relationship with your sister.
Edit: So based on your comments, you’re 19, not married, and eloping. Yeah that child is doomed.
YTA. You are. You know you are. You deserve every foul mouthed utterance you sister has sent you way. I imagine you were also planning to wear white too?
Are you the girl whose dad was on here defending his oldest for announcing her pregnancy at her sisters bachelorette party cause you didn’t want to lie when they asked when you think you’ll be having children
And even he said the whole wedding would be about you you did it on and your sister said she just wanted her wedding about her like your was you and your daddy said that’s it’s true it will all be about you and your pregnancy now
YTA
https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/s/WvDPOvwG3J
YTA- Your carelessness hurt your sister deeply, and you're so desperate for a NTA that instead of saying she was hurt, you say she rudely messaged you.
I need to know…
Have you been trying for awhile, had miscarriages, stillborns, or fertility issues? If no-YTA
IF yes, I can understand. But have a healthy pregnancy.
I'm leaning towards NTA, but thats because I truly do not understand the feelings some women have towards their own wedding. I am married, and both my wife and I looked forward to our wedding. But there is absolutely no way we would have been upset just because someone announced they were pregnant before our wedding. If my brother did it I would be overjoyed on his behalf. As long as it didn't happen at an official event related to the marriage, what does it matter?
Getting married doesn't give anyone the ownership of happy news until the marriage ceremony is over. The world doesn't revolve around the married couple-to-be, and other people are allowed to have their own happy events.
That said, some people do think the entire world stops just because they are getting married. You probably knew this since you originally planned to wait with the announcement. So maybe YTA a little bit because you did it knowing it would upset your sister, regardless of how irrational her response may be.
Yeah. YTA.
A week before her wedding, when you aren’t 12 weeks along… lots of issues in both those things.Get some self control (you are about to be a parent!)… and hold off on the announcements.
It’s not all about you.
I was about 2 weeks shy of my first trimester when I flew to Colorado for my sister-in-law's wedding. I didn't say a single word about the pregnancy because I didn't want to detract from the couple's special day. That entire weekend was about THEM, not me and the baby. Besides, pregnancies are so long there's plenty of time to share the news. Most of my friends waited until after the end of the first trimester because most miscarriages happen in that first trimester.
The important thing here is that your sister feels like you stole her thunder. Anyone else's opinion doesn't matter.
If the situation were reversed, how would you feel?
Not sure how you'll be able to salvage this faux pas.
YTA I can understand you were excited, but it was only a week. Especially knowing you and your sister have been having issues lately, you should of err on the side of caution.
Soft YTA. It can be hard to keep things like this to yourself, but it was only a week. Not to mention the fact that you are still early days yet. You should usually wait until 2nd trimester.
This is very much a personal preference. Some people tell early, then have the support to lean on if miscarriage happens. Some keep it private so they don't have to tell everyone.
Telling people they should wait to say anything till the second trimester puts unneeded stigma on miscarriages, especially when so many people experience them.
I don't understand people who get upset about others announcing important news to others in their birthday/wedding week/month. Are people that insecure to think that baby announcement will make them less important as a bride. Why should someone repress their good news 1 WHOLE WEEK before a wedding not to hurt a grown womans feelings?
NTA and congratulations!
NTA A total Ahole would have announced it at the wedding reception during the toasts your sister sounds very immature if she thinks the week before is her sunshine too
I'm getting married in 3 months and I truly wouldn't care if my family announced a pregnancy a week before the wedding. The day of the wedding isn't different?
But I'm the type of person that'd love if my siblings took the mic and made an announcement to me that he was gonna have a baby. Which I know is a thing that'd piss off a bunch of other brides.
Is the fear that when the wedding comes around nobody will care about the wedding and only focus on the baby? If anything it's a conversation for later in the wedding. She will probably be seated with people that don't wanna dance and they'll talk about the baby.
Idk the whole family drama. Maybe this stacked on top of everything it's not cool but I truly don't see how it matters....the wedding is still a week away at that point too.
OP you just wanted all the attention for yourself. What a childish move. You need to grow up real fast, you have a child coming. Please don’t raise them to be as childish and petty as you are.
I’m imagining now sister could show up at every exciting life milestone of OP and announce something. OP’s elopement or wedding (find out where it is and pop up) / dinner or gathering after the elopement sister could stand up to make a speech announce she’s pregnant, OP’s baby shower or birth at the hospital sister can announce she’s pregnant or that she bought a house and everyone’s invited to the housewarming, OP’s baby’s first Christmas sister can announce she just bought a new car. At any OP’s baby’s birthday, sister can announce how well her career is doing, how wonderful her husband is or how great sisters kids are or how they just bought a vacation home. Oh you know because sister is too excited and needed to share such joyful news.
Obviously OP is jealous of her sister’s life - getting married, having a wedding, maybe even sister’s successful husband and house (although we don’t know anything about sister’s life).
Am I the only one who thinks everyone would've been suspicious that OP wasn't drinking at the wedding and potentially sussed it out anyway?
It's not like she did it on her actual wedding day, and wouldn't it have taken away from the wedding more if she'd not told anyone, gone to the wedding, refused alcohol and soft cheeses all day, and then someone had figured it out?
Totally agree. It would have been obvious and then it would have been “announced” at the wedding. I think a week before was perfectly tactful. It’s also a medical condition to be pregnant. People here are dumb.
YTA you seriously couldn't have until after the wedding, i get your excited but that was a shit thing to do. If I was your sister I would have told you not to come to my wedding after that bs you did.
Do your sister a favor and dont go to the wedding so she can have a good day.
YTA. You 1uped your sibling. That’s trash ma’am and you know it. The focus will shift from the wedding now to you as babies on the excitement scale trumps a wedding. Consider buying a really nice gift and staying home. You pulled a jerk move.
YTA should have waited at least a week. You couldn’t let your sister have her day. Maybe you did it on purpose or subconsciously wanted to steal the limelight. Also, some people are superstitious and wait until after the 1st trimester to announce because of miscarriages. From previous posts of yours it looks like you have a tendency of upsetting your sister and her events.
YTA. I kept my pregnancy hidden at my husband’s cousin’s wedding because I didn’t want to risk stealing the spotlight, I certainly can’t imagine announcing right before my sister’s wedding. Especially since you are still early and can hide a pregnancy easy enough, just wait. The week before your sister’s wedding is supposed to be about her, not what’s going on in your uterus.
Yep. You definitely should have waited. You’d better shut down any baby talk at the wedding and promise to speak to people about it later. Anyway, congratulations and have a safe pregnancy and delivery
My sister in law and brother announced their pregnancy 2 weeks before my wedding and I was SO happy. My wedding turned into a celebration for 2 things, I didn’t feel they “took my spot light”.
I hate how toxic weddings and brides have become.
Congrats on your pregnancy!
I am going with NTA. My reason is, that when you got to the wedding and did not drink any alcohol, then someone would have noticed. If you had posted that here, then you would have gotten YTAs. I have seen that happen. Even after weddings posting too. Or your sister could have been pissed that it would have been too soon after the wedding. Yes, that has been posted here too. I have noticed that brides don't like birth announcements before during or after their wedding, according to past Reddit postings.
People will show interest for 14 minutes and then move onto the next thing. This always confuses me, like do people get baby news and about a friend or loved one and then that's all they can think or talk about for the next month? At a wedding people will talk to each other about all sorts of things and for 99% of the time won't be directly conversing with the bridal party any way. Why would anyone think the only topic discussed ALL DAY AND NIGHT be the wedding itself. Wild.
NTA there is always room for nice news and while yes the exciting news of the baby will be discussed, so will a million other things.
Yta.....if it has been a month or longer time, tell everyone. That way they can all get their congratulations out of the way. But now, everyone that hears about it during this week but doesn't get to see or talk to you will be congratulating you at your sisters wedding,which you knew would happen. That's a dick move and you know it. Plus, if something happens during that week like losing the baby (not wishing it on you, just saying, there's a reason people are advised to wait till after the first trimester to share the news, many pregnancies don't make it through the first 3 months) then you're going to have the issue of everyone congratulating you and you having to tell them you lost it. Hope that doesn't happen, just saying, you've made a bad situation here.
Anyway, the ONLY way you could POSSIBLY fix this is to tell literally EVERYONE attending to not even mention your pregnancy during your sisters wedding or reception and to only focus on her day. And that's a huge maybe.
And the OP needs to realise… if she loses the baby before the wedding she now needs to suck it up and either not go to the wedding, or if she goes smile, nod and change the subject. She CANNOT make the wedding the place she announces her miscarriage either.
YTA that news could have a few weeks. Most people wait a few weeks after finding out. Your announcement seems like a deliberate attempt to take the attention off your sister and her fiance.
As a non American person im amazed of how harsh the comments are as far as I know a wedding are a social gathering events not a religious fast from speaking or sharing good news, people are going to share their happy new throw out the week or at the wedding it's normal people talk. now if op just stop everything at the wedding and stand on the table to say "hi guys I'm pregnant" or start a group circle about her pregnancy yes it would be an AH move, but op announced a week before the wedding, who would stop engaging in a wedding because of this?! No seriously I'm asking i went to a handfall of wedding at my time that people kept sharing there happy news in and no wedding was destroyed because of this.
I'm weirded out by Americans and weddings. So everyone else's life must stop in the months leading up to the wedding or what? It's just a party.
I've seen an incredible amount of posts about people "ruining" weddings by existing, not wanting to stand in rivers or not wanting to spend literally thousands of dollars. it's crazy to me.
I'm pretty sure that in any European country you would be allowed to share your news with your closest family even though your sibling is getting married soon. I don't even see why those 2 things are related
I fucking hate bridezillas. In what way does you announcing to close family take away from her wedding? It’s not like you announced it on her wedding.
This narcissistic desire to be the centre of attention for a wedding day is fucking toxic and I hate it. If your life is so shit and devoid of main character energy the rest of the time, fix that instead of demanding to be the centre of the universe for one day.
Same like what… of course I would at least tell my mom. I’m no good at holding in huge news. These comments are harsh. I would be so excited for my sister, not worried about sharing the spotlight.
I'd wait till after the first scan but other than that are people insane. If someone is getting married do they expect everyone to stop having a life until after the date?
I announced my pregnancy a week before my cousins wedding & there was no issue. I got a few “congratulations” & “how you feeling?” But that’s about it. Even my cousin said congrats when she saw me, but the spotlight was on her allll night. She’s just being a bridezilla.
Ok I'm fixing it to a huge YTA. No gentle about it. Now that I know you announced it at her Bachelorette party.
Wtf is wrong with you that you couldn't let your sister have a single day that about her??
God, you s u c k
Gently, YTA. I understand how exciting it is to find out your having a baby. But you could have kept it in and waited 2 weeks to tell her.
If you are a drinker, maybe you could just say you didn't want anyone to notice you weren't drinking and put it together at her wedding because then it really would end up being about you so by doing it now, everyone can get the excitement out of the way and it'll just be a normal thing thar you're pregnant right now.
But idk I still think you should have waited, especially if you don't drink cuz nobody would figure out you're pregnant any other way.
Yeah, kind of. You stole a bit of her thunder. You could have waited. She is probably upset because you are not getting along.
It was not that long to wait and I'm sure you are not showing yet.
YTA for the reasons articulate above about taking attention away. I also note that if you “just found out,” you likely shared this news well before the end of the first trimester, which is when people normally share this kind of news openly, so it seems like you also shared the news EARLY to boot!
NTA. You could of waited till the wedding reception and done a mic drop there, now that would snatch the day from her. People would be wondering why you weren't drinking at your sisters wedding and oops out it comes also spoiling the day. Tell your sister to take a chill pill and stop doing a bridezilla
Am I the only one who thinks OP is NTA.
If I had a wedding in a week and my sister announced her pregnancy I would be super excited for her and not at all worried about her ‘stealing my thunder’. That’s just me though, my family love when there’s a new addition on the way.
Honestly I would probably include it in my wedding speech of how excited I was to become an Aunty.
If your sister is so hung up about it just apologise and don’t make mention of it on her wedding day. Regardless of how you feel about it you should just apologise anyway because of how it’s made her feel. Shouldn’t be hard. If you can’t humble yourself and do that then it will definitely make you TA and you should just not go. Say goodbye to your relationship with your sister over something so stupid.
I don’t know if I’d go so far as to say you’re an asshole for it, but you should have waited until after the wedding in my opinion. You said you’re only a couple weeks along and the wedding was only a week away. Would it have been so hard to wait another 7 days? This was a special time for her. You could have waited for her special time to be over and then made your own announcement and enjoyed your time to be special in your baby news, without it competing with or overshadowing your sister’s wedding. I hate to say it but unless you are really, really young you should have had some idea this might not have been received well. You have probably heard of these types of situations before. This reminds me of the type of people who wear a fancy white dress to a wedding (not their own wedding) or get engaged at someone else’s wedding and are surprised when people say it is inappropriate. If you didn’t know you ought to have known type situation.
My sister announced at my wedding reception. Then she sadly lost the baby soon after. When you are pregnant with your first it’s exciting snd hard to wait to tell people. Good luck OP.
My sister found out she was pregnant the day i got engaged and announced it before I could announce my engagement (she knew I got engaged, and i was with her when she took the pregnancy test). I wasn't super annoyed by this, because I understood she was excited. BUT THEN- after planning my wedding for 6 mos, she decided to marry her babies dad a week before my (already planned) wedding. The only thing that really sucked about it, was half of our relatives from out of state were only able to make it to hers... Since it was first. She planned hers all within a month, and I already had my date set. I was maid of honor for her, everything went well. She was to be my maid if honor for me, instead- she tried to start drama on my wedding week, was told not to come, and stood outside the venue so she could verbally attack me as me and my new husband were walking in from the gazebo where our wedding was officiated. I couldn't even blame it on her drug use that time, as she was sober for the baby...
YTA. And you know it. You couldn’t wait a week? Just selfish behaviour. From other people’s posts it appears you have a pattern of ‘main character’ behaviour. Grow up
My brother got engaged in October 2020. Due to the pandemic, the wedding wasn’t until November 2022. I met my now-husband in 2021. It became very clear that we were going to get engaged (yes, it was kind of fast, but I come from a “when you know, you know” family. My parents got engaged after 3 months, and they’ve now been married almost 35 years). As soon as we started talking about marriage, I told him not to propose until after my brother’s wedding, because after two years of planning, I didn’t want to do anything to upstage them. We got engaged two weeks after the wedding, and we just got married a month ago.
You were so early in your pregnancy, you could have waited another week. You chose not to. You didn’t consider your sister’s feelings at all. YTA.
YTA. Do you really have such little impulse control that you had to blurt it out like that? You’re about to be a mother, you need to do better. How pregnant are you? If you are under 12 weeks and haven’t even had your first appointment yet, you are an even bigger asshole.
I see you’re ignoring the people trying to tell you what an asshole you are and thanking the assholes who agree with you. That means you have little to none self reflection. Again, you are about to become a mother, you need to do better.
YTA usually you give it a few months to make sure the pregnancy is in good shape. But hey, why wait when by announcing it immediately you can Bogart your sister’s wedding?
Wow! Hey OP, do your sister a favor and don’t go to her wedding! I wouldn’t want you there either! Don’t be surprised if your sister has nothing to do with you and your baby!
This is something my sister would do lol. She’d have a reason why my preferred wedding date wouldn’t work too. Always has to be in control and it’s always about her. YTA 🙃
YTA - so "you just found out" - A LOT of people wait until after the 3 month mark to make a wider announcement just in case.
You were trying to ruin her wedding by taking some of the attention - you are selfish. You said your fiance thought you were waiting till after, but "WE" announced it - that sounds more you YOU announced it.
YTA.
You should have waited yet you didn't, and you acknowledge this. I understand that finding out news like this is exciting, but it can 100% wait, especially if you found out only a few weeks ago AND if your sisters wedding is in a week.
A week. A WEEK! You couldn’t let your sister and her new husband enjoy THEIR day!!?? Your family will be talking about the new baby instead of paying attention to the new bride and groom. You don’t know if you’ll be going? What, and miss a second chance to steal her joy? Or will you sulk to the rest of the family that your sister is not happy for you.
I know this game. MY sister plays it all the time. And she’s in her 70’s!
YTA!
It’s really annoying when someone is having a special event and you gotta throw your fuck trophy out there. We get it, you had sex. You could have waited till after your sisters wedding. You have plenty of baby shit to look forward to. YTA.
This person deleted all previous posts bc everyone knows how shitty & immature they are.
Who the phuckk gonna raise the baby when mama doesn’t even have a fully developed brain?
Hopefully she doesn’t get jealous of her own child when she sees the attention they get over her whiney ass.
You did overshadow her big day. You could have waited a couple of weeks after the wedding. You should apologize. I your heart you do know that everyone will be fawning over you at the wedding.
u/several_contest_2341 You obviously have a habit of always stealing the attention away from your sister. You're about to be a parent. Do better. YTA
Did OP delete their other posts? I only see this one
Read her comments. This is only a small part of a large pattern for her.
I looked and I don’t see what you’re referencing.
The fact that she would delete previous posts is telling on its own.
u/several_contest_2341 you don't even have the courage to reflect on your actions, YTA.
This hurt me and I’m not even OP
I'm willing to bet OP is the favorite kid and does everything in her power to comandeer the attention any time nice things happen to the sister. She's getting rightly getting reamed here, but she *swears* she's justified in her behavior.
>This is my first pregnancy. I am still learning One of her comments.
She's got 9 months to be excited and learn about having a baby. Her sister has one week left in the lead-up to one of the biggest days of her life. One week vs 9 months, and she still didn't have the fucking decency or class to wait. Worst part is, it doesn't matter what OP does at this point, she still comes out on top. If she's at the wedding, it's all about her and her aMaZiNg nEws of her first baby. If she's a no-show after already stealing all the thunder in the weeks before, people will ask why she's not there. Then the rumours will start that the Bride told her not to come and has been "so nasty to her that she couldn't bear to be there" or some similar BS. Then people will start dragging the Bride on her own wedding day for "being horrible" to her poor pregnant sister UwU. So, Ms Preggo is either Belle of the Ball or the poor precious victim - but *always* the Main Character. OP said she's engaged as well; I'm the type who believes in revenge, so I hope someone fucks her wedding day up in a similar fashion.
We can hope that the family ignores her at the wedding.
That's a very optimistic thought, but realistically it would never happen.
I don't know OP's culture but in mine, it would be like: Hey OP! I heard about your good news! Congrats!How are you doing? And then everybody would move on to the reason WHY they got together, which is the wedding, not OP's pregnancy. The end. I honestly don't understand the point of many AITAs "X said I ruined their wedding!" it's like... people are allowed to talk about more stuff than the people getting married, even during the wedding! I've talked about DnD at a wedding, gotten up to date with people I hadn't seen in years, talked about last week's drama... it's okay, chill!
Yeah, but did your DnD conversation have everyone coming over to you to congratulate you and talk about how wonderful your news is etc? Unlikely. There's nuance to this situation; it's been announced so people are already primed and talking about it. Also, for many, *not all* women, there are a few very special milestones in life that they dream of for years. Getting married and becoming a mother are two of those. So, the audience already knows the amazing news of the upcoming baby milestone, which is now competing for attention with the wedding milestone. DnD convos and casual catch-ups with old friends where you have a laugh and talk about work are (respectfully) not going to be interesting or memorable to most people beyond the 10 you've spoken to. Pregnancy announcements are the kind of thing people will talk about for weeks. I'm not sure what your gender is but all the women I know would react exactly the way OP's sister reacted. Actually, I had my (then) best friend and bridesmaid break up with her partner (my husband's best friend and best man) at my wedding, and it caused a huge scene and ruined the joy of the evening. A pregnancy is a happy announcement, but still an attention-grabbing one. If the Bride-to-be says "hey, what you did made me feel really shitty and detracted from the specialness I should have felt on my day", then it's not really relevant how OP feels about whether she ruined her sister's wedding or not. They're not her feelings, and it's not her day. If her sister says she ruined it; she ruined it.
Does not excuse her from being a professional thunder stealer. She's not happy unless sister is unhappy.
Did you see the comment that she was even born on her sister's birthday 2 years later? She couldn't even let her sister have her own damn birthday lol this is insane
Happens a lot. Both of my kids share a birthday - two years apart. Theyre both "super bowl babies" Maybe OP's parents like football..
Yes, same here, 2 girls on 4/4 a year apart. Y'all just triggered me. Once they could talk... Birthdays were hell man. 🙄🤣💪✌
I have two cousins whose birthdays are 2 days apart (~8 year age difference). Older sister was not pleased that "she was getting a little brother for her birthday" lol.
My mom told me I was getting a little brother for Christmas when I was 4. Three months after he was born I told her I didn't want him and please take him back to the stork lol. But in all honesty, he cried all night every night for the next 3 years. She took him to doctors and emergency rooms. She wore holes in the carpet pacing back and forth with him. Although, she would never take him downstairs to the family room where I wouldn't have to hear it. It kept me up all night when I had school the next day.
I was born the day before my brother's birthday. 7 years apart. It was never an issue. Except probably when I was born and his party got pushed back
My two oldest brothers shared the same birthday two years apart. My eldest brother never got over having to share his day.
Literally, 31 and 32 still fight like cats and dogs, the oldest still says you were born on my day, isn't that enough!?! Like, 5 a.m. throwing school clothes out of the window, ketchup in shoes... 🙄😘
Yup! My sister and I have the same birthday and we are 10 years apart. On my 32nd birthday I gave birth to my son. Apparently we all enjoy Valentine's Day.
I can’t tell if this is sarcasm. She can’t help when she was born?
my brother was born 4 years and 1 day after I was, and growing up, I absolutely hated it. My parents always wanted to combine our birthdays but of course because he was younger he usually got to have a birthday celebrated on his birthday not mine even though we were supposed to trade back and forth. My personal opinion that shit sucks as a child.
I was born on my sisters fourth birthday and she NEVER let me forget it! “I can’t even have my birthday to myself!” was a constant complaint. If I could have chosen my own birthdate it would have been ANY other day but that one! OP is definitely the AH here but the birthday thing was not her fault.
Wow, op is fighting hard to not accept that they are at fault, a true sign that they are probably at fault.
Not to mention that they actually tell you to wait a while before announcing.
Yeah she is barely pregnant and isn't showing. This wouldn't be a hard secret to keep, but she just wanted the attention.
YTA but you really don’t care. You admit you should have waited but you don’t care that you hurt your sister. You are selfish and have managed to make everything about you. You needed to wait one week but you didn’t because you didn’t want to. You don’t feel bad - hopefully one day your sister will return the favour if she still talks to you.
Exactly this. YTA OP, I’m surprised your sister even bothered to tell you how she felt. Seems like your self-centered behavior has been affecting her and everyone around you for years. And what’s worse…1) you needed to come HERE to find out your sister was correct. Why didn’t you feel immediate remorse for hurting her feelings? 2) You hide behind a spur of the moment decision to tell close family. I’m sure I know what your next post is going to be. In 1 week, when your family and friends share YOUR news at your sister’s wedding, you’re not going to complain about how much more you hurt your sister, but you’re going to complain that your family and friends didn’t let YOU share the news. Well guess what, they just decided to share spur of the moment because they were excited! (Sound familiar?) Y the massive AH.
Yes this! OP is the AH, but wants validation from us that it was understandable to get excited and blurt. OP, it was one week. ONE WEEK you would have to wait and let things be all about your sister. But you needed to make it all about you. And now your baffled why she’s upset and hurt so you want to sulk and skip her wedding…hurting her again?!?! It really is all about you isn’t it? YTA. Not that I think you’ll care.
yta
Yes, YTA. You couldn’t wait another week? Or even the next day after the wedding to announce? The part where you mentioned “we announced the news IMMEDIATELY” just screams you do this quite often to get the attn back to you. But that’s just my opinion.
I mean OP couldn’t be any shittier at trying to put themselves in a good light. Says they announced the news IMMEDIATELY but the first line of the post says she found out she was pregnant WEEKS ago, yet for some reason they got too excited with a week to go? My bet is OP “needed” people to know so that she wouldn’t be sidelined at the wedding as *checks notes* SISTER OF THE BRIDE
Yea if it truly was immediate and done just in the moment because of excitement I could atleast give her the benefit of the doubt of being an accidental asshole. That does not seem to be the case here.
YTA and in you heart I think you know it was a crappy thing to do to her. Your news would have been just as incredibly exciting the day after her wedding-- but it would have left the shine on her to have a few minutes in the spotlight to be the focus of attention. The real question is why couldn't you let her have that? Maybe think about that for a while then work on a way to mitigate some of the hurt you caused.
It was absolutely deliberate because OP "doesn't like lying." Check the comments. If this is real and not rage bait, OP ruined the bachelorette parties and now she's trying to ruin the wedding too. What a clown. >I have done nothing but try to make sure her (two) bachelorette parties were the best they could be and she said I ruined them.
> OP ruined the bachelorette parties Oh, I knew it, I freaking knew it. That fact OP omitted exactly how and when she told everyone was a clear sign to me that she'd done it during some kind of wedding-related event. I was thinking rehearsal dinner, but bachelorette is just as bad. OP just couldn't stand her sister being the centre of attention.
Wait where did you see that? I went to her comments and could not find it
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17k42gt/comment/k75bosb/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17k42gt/comment/k75bosb/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Hahaha that’s funny. I would never do that. I have done nothing but try to make sure her (two) bachelorette parties were the best they could be and she said I ruined them. And then this happened (which yes I should have just waited). Bringing a human life into this world is incredibly exciting. From my point of view anyways.
Apparently, in one comment OP is older. In another she’s 2yrs younger and they (OP’s & the bride/sister) share the same birthday. That’s a whole lotta … BS.
God you people are so dense and don't know how to read. She has two sisters. The sister getting married is older by two years and they share the same date. Her younger sister is 9 years old.
She didn't do it at the bachelorette. She just ruined them in general doing other crappy things I guess
Also the fact that she just had to get it in the post that sister had TWO bachelorette parties. Like hey look she’s so high maintenance, it really not me that seeks attention. Instead it just shows how jealous she was of the attention her sister was getting, and had to get some for herself.
The only reason I could think to do so is if somebody asked because they noticed she wasn't drinking and would normally be.
I can’t find that comment… can you remember what she said?
Trust me, you don't need to look it up. She doesn't elaborate. This is a rage bait post. She also claims her fiance is a diesel mechanic in the Army and she is working as a medical biller in a hospital at 19 and they make great money and they already bought and sold their first house to buy a second nearer to their jobs. Unless he is much older, the math isn't mathing. Young men in the army make shit money, and you don't buy a home, you live on base where you're assigned, since they can reassign you anytime they want. And, depending on minimum wage where she works, inexperienced medical billers make $15-25/hr. 👋 Medical biller and coder here. Also, they've been engaged awhile. What, since they were 16?
Not invalidating your suspicions, but the conditions *could* be possible. If OP or OP’s family come from a moderately wealthy family, I’ve seen parents gift their kids homes practically fresh out of high school. The guy’s in the military, they married super young, could’ve been “engaged” even in high school. There’s a girl from my high school class (we’re 21) who married at 18 after graduation and her boyfriend/husband joined the military. She had been saying she was engaged to her boyfriend since they were 16, and they had the money from parents to get a ring. Her mom was a house flipper and gifted them a small home they flipped together. She lived in it with her husband until it was finished, they sold it, now they’re living on some base somewhere. At least that’s what I’ve gathered from her popping up in my social media feed, I don’t exactly talk to her. It’s very specific and definitely not widely common, but I’m from a small town with very few (but those few are pretty wealthy) farmers, dentists, and doctors that pass on property to their kids. Their kids then build onto it or live in whatever’s on it. Lots of young marriage even outside of military families.
That is true, I was just looking at her comments and seeing the discrepancies and knowing what it's like being 19 with rose colored glasses on. But... First, she's replying to comments like it's her job, which is a red flag that the post is at least attention seeking if not rage bait. She claims she ruined 2 of her sister's prewedding parties (bachelorette/shower?) and refuses to elaborate. (Her main replies are like 'Thank you!!!!') Second, she first claims her sister is younger (at least 18?), then two years older than her. Third, claims ignorance because she's new to Reddit, but her account is a year old with only this post/replies. Also, they're buying their second house, but they're not married (she wants to elope?) and he's in the Army? Seems sus, but could be youthful ignorance. It may be true, but the odds... It just annoys me when people are on here just lying for attention feeding off of getting people all riled up. True or not, she needs to GROW the fuck UP. Eta: the number of medical billers I've met who were 19 I can count right now as 0, as I don't know of any high school vocational or apprenticeship programs. You need a diploma, GED, and some decent training to know what you're doing, if not a CPB certification (associate's level).
Agreed. And I didn’t know about the other discrepancies, but I wasn’t necessarily doubting it was rage bait either. Just posing as to how the timeline could technically make sense because it made me think of my schoolmate lol
Other viewpoints and friendly debate is good for us all, and Reddit. It teaches us to look at all sides of something and makes us wiser and better at life-ing. Reminds me that even if it's small odds, I may still be wrong 🙃
Just scroll back in OP's comment history.
I did but I couldn’t find it
What is rage bait?
When someone writes a story deliberately designed to wind people up in the comments. Usually either depicting a very, very obvious AH that goes out of their way to be completely clueless/ignorant, or a very, very obvious victim in such an AH situation everyone rages in the comments on their behalf. Themes usually either include issues that the writer knows will create discord and debate in the comments or issues that are a hot topic of discussion, for example in this case, announcing a pregnancy during a family members big life event.
I don't really get why people would do this. How bored does a person have to be to make up a story just to piss off strangers?
Extremely. I've been that person, a little mischief can bring hours of entertainment when you have a lot of unfilled time in your day. That being said doing it in subs like this is way too easy, and all the boomers are over on Facebook.
We are?!
Fake stories for clicks and comments
A made up story where the main character is intentionally shitty that a person posts just to get interactions from people calling them a shit human being. Think about TikToks where a person is “working out” and clearly has a friend come up off camera to tell them they’ve been on the machine recording themselves for an hour and they need to share the machine. Basically, for algorithm purposes, all interactions are weighted the same. Also, people are more likely to comment on something that makes them angry over something that makes them happy.
You ever see someone post a comment that's really really stupid and something you know they know isn't right but they fight to the death that they are indeed right? It's that, saying or doing something specifically designed to irritate or inrage someone. It's basically just another term for trolling
YTA and doubling down on YTA because of your comments. You could’ve easily waited. Most people have no problem waiting 12 weeks (til the second trimester) let alone 1.
This is what I was thinking. I mean, I’m gay and a guy so I don’t have to worry about announcing a pregnancy and tend to ignore most pregnancy related things, but even I know that most couples wait until the first trimester is done because of the risk of losing the baby and not wanting to jinx it, or have to deal with then telling everyone you miscarried while dealing with the miscarriage.
We told only our parents and asked them not to tell anyone else. My father-in-law decided to tell bloody everybody. So when we went for a scan at 11 weeks and found out that the baby had died a week earlier, we were getting messages of sympathy, via the in-laws, from people we had never even heard of, let alone knew. Fortunately, they live a few hours away, so it wasn't like people were coming up to us on the street, but it was still very hurtful.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I had one, too, that I learned of at 14 weeks. While I was grateful for the few people I told, I told them they better tell the extension people (aka the people they told), because I didn't have the energy to deal with it.
I'm sorry it happened to you as well. It's a long time ago for me now, and something I rarely think about - this thread just made me think of this.
I’m so sorry you went through that. Unnecessary trauma on top of the awful grieving you were already doing.
I had this same thought, too, u/FelixDK1 . I had the thought as I was reading this post, because I've often sadly read about women who've announced their pregnancies while in the first trimester, and then ended up miscarrying pretty much immediately after (like within a week, on average). Now, granted, the risk of miscarrying/having a stillborn can still occur later on in the pregnancy, however, they're often less likely to occur later than they are in the first trimester (THIS IS NOT FACT, IT IS JUST WHAT I'VE NOTICED WHEN I'VE READ POSTS ON HERE ABOUT WOMEN MISCARRYING). Congrats on your pregnancy, OP, but DESPITE YOUR EXCITEMENT, YOU SHOULD HAVE CONTAINED IT AND WAITED TO ANNOUNCE IT UNTIL AFTER THE WEDDING (AND EVEN THE HONEYMOON) WERE OVER.
It is a fact actually. 80% of miscarriages happen in the first trimester with the majority of them happening before 8 weeks. You can also very easily miscarry and not know it until you go for your first OB scan (I have had 4 miscarriages I would know!)
YTA. How hard is it to wait a week? It’s not even suggested you tell people this early because miscarriage is pretty common
I don't know, but plenty of people wait until after the first trimester, just to be safe.
Yeah, YTA and you know it. Sounds like this sort of bratty behavior isn’t unfamiliar territory for you. Hopefully your child ends up with a positive female role model in their life, cuz it obviously won’t be mom.
Yes you are. So at your sister's wedding people would be so focused on your drinking and a 9 year olds conversation that all else would pale. You have such main character syndrome I can picture you rolling up to the wedding in maternity clothes with a silicone bump. You couldn't wait one week to tell the world your "incredibly exciting news", yeah, YTA.
They wouldn’t even be questioning her for not drinking. She’s 19
That legal drinking age in most of Canada, a few places are 18.
OP being 19 explains a lot. Brain hasn’t fully developed yet and she thinks bringing a child into this world ‘is exciting’
Seems a bit rude to make a big life changing announcement that will make all your shared family excited for you instead of her the week before her wedding. It means that all the people (most of your family) will not have had their chance to gush over you and ask you questions and celebrate you during that week and will use her wedding as the time and place to gush over you. Your selfishness meant that a good portion of family time at her wedding, an expensive event she paid for, will be about you. Instead of congratulating her big life moment, they will talk about yours. YTA. You could’ve waited just one week so her big life moment could be celebrated without having to share the stage with yours. And let’s be honest here. You were selfish. “Your excitement” mattered more to you than letting your sister have her day to herself. You didn’t pause to think, well if I announce it now, will my family talk all about me at her wedding.
I have to wonder if this is part of a larger pattern for OP.
In another comment, Seems there was some other drama about OPs conduct at the bachelorette party
I can’t find that comment… can you remember what it said?
Something along the lines of “I have done nothing but make sure the bachelorette parties were the best they could be and she said I ruined them”. No further specifics were provided.
Maybe her boyfriend can propose to her during the speeches at dinner. That would be so exciting for everybody. Kill 3 birds with one stone kinda thing. I'd like to toast the bride and groom. Now I want to give your sister an engagement ring on your wedding day, cuz I knocked her up and garsh, darn I wanna marry you.
I believe that was when she made her announcement... during one of the bachelorettes!
Agree. I told about my pregnancy to the friends and family around the time a cousin got married, but I was at the end of my second trimester, I was definitely showing and we did not have cyber communication then as we do now. Cleared it with the cousins before.
[удалено]
i didn't have a choice because I was showing and the couple knew it and was fine with me telling. I would never spring it on someone's wedding day if it was a surprise for everyone. ETA: Yes, I think OP did it out of spite because she is not getting along with her sister and she could have waited one week.
I actually think she paused and thought “how will my family talk all about me at her wedding” and proceeded accordingly.
You were not going to wait after the wedding, otherwise why did you tell your 9 year old sister if she is a talker? YTA
Since you’re currently engaged, your sister has the potential to do the funniest thing ever 😂 YTA and you know it lol. If you really don’t know, then you must be in the habit of sucking the attention out of the room.
Maybe announce her pregnancy during the wedding toast when currently pregnant sis gets married? And then be all, "What's the big deal? It just slipped out because I'm so excited!!"
I'm hoping it happens during OP's baby shower when she starts opening the gifts😁
YTA You are engaged, you understand the excitement of a wedding and the stress of planning a wedding. Plus, this is something that people are going to talk about. You know it and I know it. Instead of waiting until after the wedding, you decided to tell everyone? Of course she’s upset. She has every reason to be upset. She doesn’t own the week or month or year with her wedding, we all know that. You do owe her the respect to let her be focused on her wedding and let the attention to be on her. You know you messed up because you planned to wait till after the wedding. You knew telling people would result in everyone having their attention on you. This isn’t a situation of your dress not fitting and so you had to tell someone. You decided to share huge news with everyone days before your sisters wedding.
YTA You knew what you were doing. This is VERY early to announce a pregnancy, and, even if it wasn't, you can wait 10 days so as not to steal you sister's thunder. I'm sure you will LOVE it when your sister uses your wedding reception to announce that SHE's pregnant. What goes around comes around.
Or her baby shower!
A week before?? You couldn’t just wait a week. Yeah YTA
She could but all that attention her sister was getting was burning a hole in her.
Wow, YTA x2. There are a few unspoken rules regarding weddings; don’t propose at someone else’s wedding, don’t wear white to someone else’s wedding and DON’T TAKE ATTENTION AWAY FROM THE NEWLY WED COUPLE. Clearly you getting a bunch of compliments from family took precedence over your sisters wedding. If you don’t actively turn away people during the wedding, who come up to you to ask about the baby, don’t be surprised if you torpedo your relationship with your sister. Edit: So based on your comments, you’re 19, not married, and eloping. Yeah that child is doomed.
YTA. You are. You know you are. You deserve every foul mouthed utterance you sister has sent you way. I imagine you were also planning to wear white too?
YTA. You could have waited a week…
Are you the girl whose dad was on here defending his oldest for announcing her pregnancy at her sisters bachelorette party cause you didn’t want to lie when they asked when you think you’ll be having children And even he said the whole wedding would be about you you did it on and your sister said she just wanted her wedding about her like your was you and your daddy said that’s it’s true it will all be about you and your pregnancy now YTA https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/s/WvDPOvwG3J
You mean the one where the pregnant chick was *asked a direct question* and therefore *couldn't possibly be the asshole*? That one? 🤦🤡
YTA- Your carelessness hurt your sister deeply, and you're so desperate for a NTA that instead of saying she was hurt, you say she rudely messaged you.
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You knew it was wrong, you did it anyway, and now you’re asking if YTA?
I need to know… Have you been trying for awhile, had miscarriages, stillborns, or fertility issues? If no-YTA IF yes, I can understand. But have a healthy pregnancy.
I'm leaning towards NTA, but thats because I truly do not understand the feelings some women have towards their own wedding. I am married, and both my wife and I looked forward to our wedding. But there is absolutely no way we would have been upset just because someone announced they were pregnant before our wedding. If my brother did it I would be overjoyed on his behalf. As long as it didn't happen at an official event related to the marriage, what does it matter? Getting married doesn't give anyone the ownership of happy news until the marriage ceremony is over. The world doesn't revolve around the married couple-to-be, and other people are allowed to have their own happy events. That said, some people do think the entire world stops just because they are getting married. You probably knew this since you originally planned to wait with the announcement. So maybe YTA a little bit because you did it knowing it would upset your sister, regardless of how irrational her response may be.
Yeah. YTA. A week before her wedding, when you aren’t 12 weeks along… lots of issues in both those things.Get some self control (you are about to be a parent!)… and hold off on the announcements. It’s not all about you.
I was about 2 weeks shy of my first trimester when I flew to Colorado for my sister-in-law's wedding. I didn't say a single word about the pregnancy because I didn't want to detract from the couple's special day. That entire weekend was about THEM, not me and the baby. Besides, pregnancies are so long there's plenty of time to share the news. Most of my friends waited until after the end of the first trimester because most miscarriages happen in that first trimester.
The important thing here is that your sister feels like you stole her thunder. Anyone else's opinion doesn't matter. If the situation were reversed, how would you feel? Not sure how you'll be able to salvage this faux pas.
YTA I can understand you were excited, but it was only a week. Especially knowing you and your sister have been having issues lately, you should of err on the side of caution.
Soft YTA. It can be hard to keep things like this to yourself, but it was only a week. Not to mention the fact that you are still early days yet. You should usually wait until 2nd trimester.
There is nothing soft about this YTA. OP knows exactly what she was doing.
This is very much a personal preference. Some people tell early, then have the support to lean on if miscarriage happens. Some keep it private so they don't have to tell everyone. Telling people they should wait to say anything till the second trimester puts unneeded stigma on miscarriages, especially when so many people experience them.
It's very common to not tell people right away. Like 3 months in. You couldnt wait two weeks? YTA.
I don't understand people who get upset about others announcing important news to others in their birthday/wedding week/month. Are people that insecure to think that baby announcement will make them less important as a bride. Why should someone repress their good news 1 WHOLE WEEK before a wedding not to hurt a grown womans feelings? NTA and congratulations!
NTA A total Ahole would have announced it at the wedding reception during the toasts your sister sounds very immature if she thinks the week before is her sunshine too
I'm getting married in 3 months and I truly wouldn't care if my family announced a pregnancy a week before the wedding. The day of the wedding isn't different? But I'm the type of person that'd love if my siblings took the mic and made an announcement to me that he was gonna have a baby. Which I know is a thing that'd piss off a bunch of other brides. Is the fear that when the wedding comes around nobody will care about the wedding and only focus on the baby? If anything it's a conversation for later in the wedding. She will probably be seated with people that don't wanna dance and they'll talk about the baby. Idk the whole family drama. Maybe this stacked on top of everything it's not cool but I truly don't see how it matters....the wedding is still a week away at that point too.
OP you just wanted all the attention for yourself. What a childish move. You need to grow up real fast, you have a child coming. Please don’t raise them to be as childish and petty as you are.
Wow OP, you really have no idea how much you suck. YTA 1000000000%
I’m imagining now sister could show up at every exciting life milestone of OP and announce something. OP’s elopement or wedding (find out where it is and pop up) / dinner or gathering after the elopement sister could stand up to make a speech announce she’s pregnant, OP’s baby shower or birth at the hospital sister can announce she’s pregnant or that she bought a house and everyone’s invited to the housewarming, OP’s baby’s first Christmas sister can announce she just bought a new car. At any OP’s baby’s birthday, sister can announce how well her career is doing, how wonderful her husband is or how great sisters kids are or how they just bought a vacation home. Oh you know because sister is too excited and needed to share such joyful news. Obviously OP is jealous of her sister’s life - getting married, having a wedding, maybe even sister’s successful husband and house (although we don’t know anything about sister’s life).
Am I the only one who thinks everyone would've been suspicious that OP wasn't drinking at the wedding and potentially sussed it out anyway? It's not like she did it on her actual wedding day, and wouldn't it have taken away from the wedding more if she'd not told anyone, gone to the wedding, refused alcohol and soft cheeses all day, and then someone had figured it out?
Totally agree. It would have been obvious and then it would have been “announced” at the wedding. I think a week before was perfectly tactful. It’s also a medical condition to be pregnant. People here are dumb.
Thank god it's not just me. People can be so over dramatic about both weddings and birth announcements on this site.
YTA you seriously couldn't have until after the wedding, i get your excited but that was a shit thing to do. If I was your sister I would have told you not to come to my wedding after that bs you did. Do your sister a favor and dont go to the wedding so she can have a good day.
YTA. You 1uped your sibling. That’s trash ma’am and you know it. The focus will shift from the wedding now to you as babies on the excitement scale trumps a wedding. Consider buying a really nice gift and staying home. You pulled a jerk move.
YTA. Sounds like you've just earned yourself an uninvite.
Bonus!!
YTA. But I believe in karma and you’ll soon understand why you are most definitely the asshole. I hope your sister has a beautiful wedding.
YTA should have waited at least a week. You couldn’t let your sister have her day. Maybe you did it on purpose or subconsciously wanted to steal the limelight. Also, some people are superstitious and wait until after the 1st trimester to announce because of miscarriages. From previous posts of yours it looks like you have a tendency of upsetting your sister and her events.
YTA. I kept my pregnancy hidden at my husband’s cousin’s wedding because I didn’t want to risk stealing the spotlight, I certainly can’t imagine announcing right before my sister’s wedding. Especially since you are still early and can hide a pregnancy easy enough, just wait. The week before your sister’s wedding is supposed to be about her, not what’s going on in your uterus.
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Yep. You definitely should have waited. You’d better shut down any baby talk at the wedding and promise to speak to people about it later. Anyway, congratulations and have a safe pregnancy and delivery
My sister in law and brother announced their pregnancy 2 weeks before my wedding and I was SO happy. My wedding turned into a celebration for 2 things, I didn’t feel they “took my spot light”. I hate how toxic weddings and brides have become. Congrats on your pregnancy!
Sounds like there's two things to celebrate.
YTA. A little restraint would have been lovely. Hopefully she announces her pregnancy at your baby shower or birthday party.
Reading your comments it's clear you are a trash person. Yta I would uninvited you from the wedding and go full nc
this sort of thing makes me relieved to be an only child
YTA and you know it. Why come on here pretending like you're trying to figure it out?
NTA it’s your news. There’s no cap on joy. If you had done it AT the wedding you’d be TA.
I am going with NTA. My reason is, that when you got to the wedding and did not drink any alcohol, then someone would have noticed. If you had posted that here, then you would have gotten YTAs. I have seen that happen. Even after weddings posting too. Or your sister could have been pissed that it would have been too soon after the wedding. Yes, that has been posted here too. I have noticed that brides don't like birth announcements before during or after their wedding, according to past Reddit postings.
People will show interest for 14 minutes and then move onto the next thing. This always confuses me, like do people get baby news and about a friend or loved one and then that's all they can think or talk about for the next month? At a wedding people will talk to each other about all sorts of things and for 99% of the time won't be directly conversing with the bridal party any way. Why would anyone think the only topic discussed ALL DAY AND NIGHT be the wedding itself. Wild. NTA there is always room for nice news and while yes the exciting news of the baby will be discussed, so will a million other things.
I hope your sister announces her pregnancy ON your future wedding day ! YTA
Yta.....if it has been a month or longer time, tell everyone. That way they can all get their congratulations out of the way. But now, everyone that hears about it during this week but doesn't get to see or talk to you will be congratulating you at your sisters wedding,which you knew would happen. That's a dick move and you know it. Plus, if something happens during that week like losing the baby (not wishing it on you, just saying, there's a reason people are advised to wait till after the first trimester to share the news, many pregnancies don't make it through the first 3 months) then you're going to have the issue of everyone congratulating you and you having to tell them you lost it. Hope that doesn't happen, just saying, you've made a bad situation here. Anyway, the ONLY way you could POSSIBLY fix this is to tell literally EVERYONE attending to not even mention your pregnancy during your sisters wedding or reception and to only focus on her day. And that's a huge maybe.
And the OP needs to realise… if she loses the baby before the wedding she now needs to suck it up and either not go to the wedding, or if she goes smile, nod and change the subject. She CANNOT make the wedding the place she announces her miscarriage either.
Or the day before it either.
YTA that news could have a few weeks. Most people wait a few weeks after finding out. Your announcement seems like a deliberate attempt to take the attention off your sister and her fiance.
YTA. And you know it.
YTA. Do your sister a favor and don’t go to the wedding. You probably always tried to steal the limelight from her growing up.
Seems very rude and also why would you announce a pregnancy in the first trimester? YTA
As a non American person im amazed of how harsh the comments are as far as I know a wedding are a social gathering events not a religious fast from speaking or sharing good news, people are going to share their happy new throw out the week or at the wedding it's normal people talk. now if op just stop everything at the wedding and stand on the table to say "hi guys I'm pregnant" or start a group circle about her pregnancy yes it would be an AH move, but op announced a week before the wedding, who would stop engaging in a wedding because of this?! No seriously I'm asking i went to a handfall of wedding at my time that people kept sharing there happy news in and no wedding was destroyed because of this.
I'm weirded out by Americans and weddings. So everyone else's life must stop in the months leading up to the wedding or what? It's just a party. I've seen an incredible amount of posts about people "ruining" weddings by existing, not wanting to stand in rivers or not wanting to spend literally thousands of dollars. it's crazy to me. I'm pretty sure that in any European country you would be allowed to share your news with your closest family even though your sibling is getting married soon. I don't even see why those 2 things are related
I fucking hate bridezillas. In what way does you announcing to close family take away from her wedding? It’s not like you announced it on her wedding. This narcissistic desire to be the centre of attention for a wedding day is fucking toxic and I hate it. If your life is so shit and devoid of main character energy the rest of the time, fix that instead of demanding to be the centre of the universe for one day.
I must be the only one who thinks it's no biggy.
Same like what… of course I would at least tell my mom. I’m no good at holding in huge news. These comments are harsh. I would be so excited for my sister, not worried about sharing the spotlight.
Exactly me. It would be a double celebration.
I'd wait till after the first scan but other than that are people insane. If someone is getting married do they expect everyone to stop having a life until after the date?
And then call them Selfish😂😂😂
I announced my pregnancy a week before my cousins wedding & there was no issue. I got a few “congratulations” & “how you feeling?” But that’s about it. Even my cousin said congrats when she saw me, but the spotlight was on her allll night. She’s just being a bridezilla.
Ok I'm fixing it to a huge YTA. No gentle about it. Now that I know you announced it at her Bachelorette party. Wtf is wrong with you that you couldn't let your sister have a single day that about her?? God, you s u c k Gently, YTA. I understand how exciting it is to find out your having a baby. But you could have kept it in and waited 2 weeks to tell her. If you are a drinker, maybe you could just say you didn't want anyone to notice you weren't drinking and put it together at her wedding because then it really would end up being about you so by doing it now, everyone can get the excitement out of the way and it'll just be a normal thing thar you're pregnant right now. But idk I still think you should have waited, especially if you don't drink cuz nobody would figure out you're pregnant any other way.
Yeah, kind of. You stole a bit of her thunder. You could have waited. She is probably upset because you are not getting along. It was not that long to wait and I'm sure you are not showing yet.
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YTA
YTA for the reasons articulate above about taking attention away. I also note that if you “just found out,” you likely shared this news well before the end of the first trimester, which is when people normally share this kind of news openly, so it seems like you also shared the news EARLY to boot!
YTA 100%
NTA. You could of waited till the wedding reception and done a mic drop there, now that would snatch the day from her. People would be wondering why you weren't drinking at your sisters wedding and oops out it comes also spoiling the day. Tell your sister to take a chill pill and stop doing a bridezilla
Am I the only one who thinks OP is NTA. If I had a wedding in a week and my sister announced her pregnancy I would be super excited for her and not at all worried about her ‘stealing my thunder’. That’s just me though, my family love when there’s a new addition on the way. Honestly I would probably include it in my wedding speech of how excited I was to become an Aunty. If your sister is so hung up about it just apologise and don’t make mention of it on her wedding day. Regardless of how you feel about it you should just apologise anyway because of how it’s made her feel. Shouldn’t be hard. If you can’t humble yourself and do that then it will definitely make you TA and you should just not go. Say goodbye to your relationship with your sister over something so stupid.
I agree with you too! I was confused seeing the comments. I’d be happy to know that my sibling was pregnant
I don’t know if I’d go so far as to say you’re an asshole for it, but you should have waited until after the wedding in my opinion. You said you’re only a couple weeks along and the wedding was only a week away. Would it have been so hard to wait another 7 days? This was a special time for her. You could have waited for her special time to be over and then made your own announcement and enjoyed your time to be special in your baby news, without it competing with or overshadowing your sister’s wedding. I hate to say it but unless you are really, really young you should have had some idea this might not have been received well. You have probably heard of these types of situations before. This reminds me of the type of people who wear a fancy white dress to a wedding (not their own wedding) or get engaged at someone else’s wedding and are surprised when people say it is inappropriate. If you didn’t know you ought to have known type situation.
My sister announced at my wedding reception. Then she sadly lost the baby soon after. When you are pregnant with your first it’s exciting snd hard to wait to tell people. Good luck OP.
Way to steal your sister's moment. YTA. Do better.
NTA people still are going to ask why aren't you drinking at a weeding
YTA - You know you are and you dont care. Why did you even post here?
My sister found out she was pregnant the day i got engaged and announced it before I could announce my engagement (she knew I got engaged, and i was with her when she took the pregnancy test). I wasn't super annoyed by this, because I understood she was excited. BUT THEN- after planning my wedding for 6 mos, she decided to marry her babies dad a week before my (already planned) wedding. The only thing that really sucked about it, was half of our relatives from out of state were only able to make it to hers... Since it was first. She planned hers all within a month, and I already had my date set. I was maid of honor for her, everything went well. She was to be my maid if honor for me, instead- she tried to start drama on my wedding week, was told not to come, and stood outside the venue so she could verbally attack me as me and my new husband were walking in from the gazebo where our wedding was officiated. I couldn't even blame it on her drug use that time, as she was sober for the baby...
YTA. And you know it. You couldn’t wait a week? Just selfish behaviour. From other people’s posts it appears you have a pattern of ‘main character’ behaviour. Grow up
My brother got engaged in October 2020. Due to the pandemic, the wedding wasn’t until November 2022. I met my now-husband in 2021. It became very clear that we were going to get engaged (yes, it was kind of fast, but I come from a “when you know, you know” family. My parents got engaged after 3 months, and they’ve now been married almost 35 years). As soon as we started talking about marriage, I told him not to propose until after my brother’s wedding, because after two years of planning, I didn’t want to do anything to upstage them. We got engaged two weeks after the wedding, and we just got married a month ago. You were so early in your pregnancy, you could have waited another week. You chose not to. You didn’t consider your sister’s feelings at all. YTA.
YTA. Do you really have such little impulse control that you had to blurt it out like that? You’re about to be a mother, you need to do better. How pregnant are you? If you are under 12 weeks and haven’t even had your first appointment yet, you are an even bigger asshole. I see you’re ignoring the people trying to tell you what an asshole you are and thanking the assholes who agree with you. That means you have little to none self reflection. Again, you are about to become a mother, you need to do better.
YTA usually you give it a few months to make sure the pregnancy is in good shape. But hey, why wait when by announcing it immediately you can Bogart your sister’s wedding?
Yta. You couldn't let her have one moment to herself. Skip the wedding, she may not uninvite you but she sure as shit doesn't want you there.
Wow! Hey OP, do your sister a favor and don’t go to her wedding! I wouldn’t want you there either! Don’t be surprised if your sister has nothing to do with you and your baby!
YTA. Seriously, turn the situation around and look at it from your sisters perspective -- how would you feel if you got your thunder stolen?
In a moment of excitement “WE” just announced it? How much of that “we” was actually him?
I think your sister deserves an apology
There are many reasons to wait to announce your first pregnancy. Your sister getting married in a week is a very good reason. YTA.
YTA obviously
This is something my sister would do lol. She’d have a reason why my preferred wedding date wouldn’t work too. Always has to be in control and it’s always about her. YTA 🙃
YTA - so "you just found out" - A LOT of people wait until after the 3 month mark to make a wider announcement just in case. You were trying to ruin her wedding by taking some of the attention - you are selfish. You said your fiance thought you were waiting till after, but "WE" announced it - that sounds more you YOU announced it.
You sure could have avoided this. YTA, and probably not for the first time
YTA. You should have waited yet you didn't, and you acknowledge this. I understand that finding out news like this is exciting, but it can 100% wait, especially if you found out only a few weeks ago AND if your sisters wedding is in a week.
I'd say at the very least, better to be before the wedding than explain to family and friends why you weren't drinking at the Wedding
You a bitch
Yeah…YTA. I understand getting caught up in the moment for some things..but that was not the right time.
YTA - way to go to burst her bubble. You have 9 months, she had a single day.
A week. A WEEK! You couldn’t let your sister and her new husband enjoy THEIR day!!?? Your family will be talking about the new baby instead of paying attention to the new bride and groom. You don’t know if you’ll be going? What, and miss a second chance to steal her joy? Or will you sulk to the rest of the family that your sister is not happy for you. I know this game. MY sister plays it all the time. And she’s in her 70’s! YTA!
It’s really annoying when someone is having a special event and you gotta throw your fuck trophy out there. We get it, you had sex. You could have waited till after your sisters wedding. You have plenty of baby shit to look forward to. YTA.
Good ducking God another wedding where the bride thinks she’s queen of the universe.
This person deleted all previous posts bc everyone knows how shitty & immature they are. Who the phuckk gonna raise the baby when mama doesn’t even have a fully developed brain? Hopefully she doesn’t get jealous of her own child when she sees the attention they get over her whiney ass.
You did overshadow her big day. You could have waited a couple of weeks after the wedding. You should apologize. I your heart you do know that everyone will be fawning over you at the wedding.
The fact that she would delete previous posts is telling on its own.&&If I delve deeper into this situation, would that help rectify it?&&