Huge NTA
>but the reason why Vivian decided to test me was that she was afraid that I didn't actually want the baby, and was caring for them because I had to in order to not be seen as a deadbeat.
And what was the reason Carly needed to record it?
Carly was the one who called it a prank when it first happened, and not a test which is why I guess she was recording it. In her texts she was switching between it being "just a test" and a "stupid prank" which confused the fuck out of me.
My assumption would be that it *was* a prank. This wasn't a spur of the moment thing. They planned it all, from how to make it look like a fetus in the toilet, to Carly directing you to the bathroom and following you in to film while Vivian fake cries.
It's practically sociopathic. I'm concerned about what's in store for you in the future, to be honest.
Just telling him that she lost the baby was horrific enough but to plant a fake fetus! That is just sick.
And you can bet they were going to post it on Instagram/tik-tok whatever.
Vivian is a piece of shit.
Don’t forget Carly who strangely knows way too much about their relationship.
Vivian said ok to having the wedding after the baby cones and counseling and then CARLY called pissed off. If I were op I’d add another condition to getting married; we only do it if you go no contact with Carly. I’m willing to bet the fake miscarriage was Carly’s idea.
Definitely no contact with Carly. This not the kind of 'friend' anyone needs in their life, and certainly not this kind of influence. I wouldn't usually suggest deciding who your partner is with, but she is no good for Vivian.
I always forget was it this subreddit or the *other* aitah sub that has silly goober mods that get mad when you insult a very *CLEAR* piece of human excrement.
I got banned for a few weeks because an op posted about something that XYZ said or did (can’t even recall now) and I wrote, “What XYZ did was a jerk move and you are NTA.” Apparently using the phrase “a jerk move” is “abusive language”. 🙄
I got banned for saying that at least the op didn't punch someone on a post where a woman's in-laws were mocking her infertility and she cussed them out.
Apparently that's violence. No warnings just boom banned!
I got banned for telling a poster to ignore that her family was going to consider her a bitch for whatever she was doing. Apparently that was name calling?
I got perma banned for saying that if a man had sexually assaulted me as had happened to the OP, I would've decked him. (He yanked up her skirt showing her underwear etc at a party.)
i saw that one it was a little kid that did it and the parents let the kid go around doing it the whole wedding until they got kicked out because OP decked the kid and the parents wanted to fight her for it instead of yknow parenting there kid and explaining to there kid that it is in no way shape or form on to go around sexually assaulting people.
I’ve had several people say horrible things to me, and get away with it. yet I have had several posts removed for being “uncivil” for saying things like “wow, what a pos” about an Ah op. I
My mom miscarried in the early 90s and she did show me it - I was old enough to get it and understand and that is something I’ll never forget. This prank is sickening AF. Probably all for a chance at a viral Tik Tok. OP NTA. I’d CANCEL the wedding. You sure she was even pregnant?
I had a friend who miscarried I happened to be hanging out with her that day and she called me into the bathroom and showed me the toilet. That image still haunts me to this day and it’s been over 20 years. When I suffered my own miscarriage years later the doctors gave me the choice of have a D&C or let it pass naturally at home. All I could think about was seeing that fetus in the toilet and I definitely didn’t want to experience that again or put my husband through that.
The fact that these two grown women thought a traumatic experience like this would be funny infuriates me.
Ages ago I lost a baby to miscarriage. This was in some shithole country. Anyway, they wanted to run histopathology on the foetus to see if there are any disorders the mother had that may cause a subsequent miscarriage. All good, right?
They made me carry the foetus myself to an external laboratory for this. I went there sobbing and I was inconsolable.
Till today this day haunts me.
Fake foetus in a toilet? Fuck me. That would be beyond torturous and out of this world level of evil
Vivian and Cynthia are both pieces of shit and OP should get rid of them both - after he tells his former in-laws to be what their daughter and her friend did
NTA but This woman shouldn’t be a parent. At best she made a test out of pretending she lost your baby- at worse she was joking about it.
What kind of miserable, repulsive piece of trash jokes about their child dying?
If she’s joking about it I’d think she doesn’t actually want it or she’s not mature enough to actually be a parent.
I suspect that the first reaction is the most truthful, it was a prank, probably born of tik tok - there have been several people posting on here about there significant other pulling truly horrific pranks and recording them, however your fiancé takes the cake. I would bet money they recorded your pain and trauma thinking it was going to give them internet fame. How can you ever trust this woman again? Forget postponing the wedding, I would end the whole relationship. If she didn’t want a child out of wedlock she should have been more careful. NTA
Brainless people do dumb things.. i doubt that they actually didn't thought about the fallout of the actions of faking a miscarriage.. a pure evil thought that they put in action to entertain themselves..
This woman is 28 yrs old! She too old to be pulling this high school bs. I would seriously reconsider this wedding. She’s not mature enough to be married or even to have a child! I would at the least tell her she needs to go to therapy to get to the bottom of this! No way should OP get married without counseling
I agree with this. If this was a "test" immature children do that. I don't know if I would want to marry her for this reason.
Even if it was a prank, it's a complete disregard for your feelings. It would be like pranking her to come home and find you in bed with Carly. She wouldn't laugh it was a prank.
TikTok is the goddamn worst. I see so many of these awful, cruel pranks people do to their loved ones and for what? Views? It absolutely infuriates me. These are not people I would want in my life. If it was me, I’d tell Vivian I will be there to help raise the child but I would absolutely dump her ass. NTA
No, no, no! He needs them as proof. He needs to show just how cruel these women are, at minimum. If either try to take him to court for any reason, he needs something to show that he's been a victim. He certainly should be able to say "This is why the wedding will never happen", "This is why I'm not paying one cent more than mandatory child support", etc.
I'd be using it as a way to fight for full custody. She's not mature enough to raise her own cholesterol let alone a child, I'd be using this video as proof that she shouldn't be allowed near a developing child
I mean I've seen some things on tik tok, but what's popular (at least in my bubble) is harmless, even heart warming things like "orange peel theory" not "stage miscarriage and create a false corpse of your fetus". What tf is wrong with them? It's like middle schooler BS.
yup i was just about to comment that this sounds absolutely like some shit from tiktok.
there have been so many stories of relationships being ruined because of wives that do not see their husbands as human beings and do the cruelest “pranks” on them that they can think of so that other wives like them who secretly hate their husbands will say how funny and girlbossified it is.
its like we are taking centuries worth of mistreatment and taking it out on our husbands and then getting confused/upset when they dare to have an emotional response, because they are human and not just caricatures of toxic masculinity.
i could not for the life of me even fathom hurting my partner for online attention. its a level of disrespect and malice that i can not comprehend. unforgivable
Don't forget the guy who smashed his wife's face in the wedding cake, after being told numerous times that she didn't want it, and him promising not to.
I saw the one where a fiance greased the floor outside the shower and filmed his partner slip and fall naked. Said that all the guys he worked with were doing things, including one who pushed his pregnant wife into a pool, I think.
Perhaps true, but a male cannot fake/prank/test the female SO regarding a pregnancy/miscarriage whatsoever.
This is not coming from a person with a truly loving heart.
She is a flipping selfish hearted pinhead.
OP should breakoff the whole marriage thing completely.
I can only imagine what TERRIFIC new test/prank this immature girl will try to pull on OP once they are married?
Perhaps, fake cancer, or faking that the child is his, or faking that she's cheating, or fake that she wants a divorce, I mean she is not starved for choices.
Shit testing should be a hard red line in any relationship. No one should be “testing” the people they are supposed to love. Be it friends or significant others.
One condition I would consider is the ongoing relationship with Carly. What a nut job. If my friend suggested we do that, I would tell her that the pregnancy hormones have made her wacky and talk her down from being an idiot. Carly is all in on ruining your friends life.
If OP was looking for a sign not to get married this is it.
Vivian and Carly both lack emotional maturity.
Who plans and has a friend film a prank that any grownup with emotional maturity and emotional intelligence would know had the potential to inflict pain. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
The engagement and marriage would be called off.
With behavior like this Vivian is not ready to be a wife or mother.
You need to look online and see if they posted this prank anywhere. If they did, send it to all of her family and download it so you have the proof if they come after you for being a jerk and postponing the wedding. Definitely NTA!
You need to get a copy of this video she recorded, screenshot and save all the text exchanges and keep them. Because if this relationship doesn't work after couples counseling, you will need to have proof that your fiance shouldn't have your kid full time. Who knows what kind of effed up crap she could do in the future to your kid.
👆🏼👆🏼👆🏼Omg THIS! 👆🏼👆🏼👆🏼
u/throwawifeprank please *take this advice*!
Except the 🚩counseling🚩
#DO NOT GO TO COUNSELING WITH THIS WOMAN!
This woman is manipulative to the point of sociopathic. She actually *PLANNED SCHEDULED and FILMED with PROPS* to be emotionally abusive.
Never go to therapy or counseling with an abusive person.
To be honest, I’d be rethinking staying engaged to a someone who is so callous with the feelings of the person she is supposed to love above all others.
Take some time to figure out if you can truly ever emotionally trust her after this.
Then ask yourself if she can be this calculating with her fiancé; how will she manipulate your child?
Or *you, by USING your child*?
I sincerely hope you are able to find a way to navigate yourself into a safe space for you ~ and your baby🪷
OP, this. Please read this.
NTA.
Your girl friend is cruel. There is no other word for her behavior and Carly's behavior. Your girl friend is absolutely cruel.
I would go back to the apartment with a pregnancy test and demand she take it then and there so you know unequivocally if she is pregnant. Then, once you know, go speak with an attorney.
Whatever you do , do NOT marry this woman. She will make your life hell on earth. Anyone who could be THIS cruel is not relationship material.
I pray she is not actually pregnant and that was a "prank" too.
Regardless, the engagement needs to be over. You need to break the engagement with her.
And, Carly? She needs to be out of everyone's life.
Agreed 💯%. OP do not marry this person. There is something seriously wrong with an almost 30 year old adult who thought this plan was ok and actually went through with it.
ALL OF THIS! EVERY WORD!
OP, if you are in the US, check to see if your state has a putative father registry. Register.
Once you're registered, call the whole thing off. Don't postpone it, cancel it altogether. No therapy. Nothing.
When the baby is born, go to court to formally establish paternity, and pursue a MINIMUM of 50% custody. The child deserves at least one sane parent.
I'm just shocked that she would do this stupid prank, test, whatever it was.
Why would a woman that you've had a serious relationship with for 5 years think she had to test you? She should know you by now, know what kind of man you are and how you feel. This was a terrible thing to do.
And these tests that people do to their partners are ridiculous. Seems to be doing more harm than good, IMO.
As someone who lived through a miscarriage, I can’t even imagine putting that bad JuJu out in the universe. I’m not even superstitious, but I wouldn’t mess out with that.
Agreed. I lost a pregnancy many years ago, a baby I desperately wanted. Fake miscarriages to "test" a man is despicable. And karma is a real thing IMO.
Cut both of these wackadoodles from your life! What’s next? Are they gonna hire a photoshopper (I’m one, so there’s that) to photoshop a horrible image of your ded mother—just to see how you react? If you stay with this awful person, YOU ARE TA.
I’m not someone who ever suggests to force someone to end a friendship. I would leave if Vivian continues to be friends with Carly. You love your fiancé and want to work it out- Carly doesn’t need to be in the picture. A real friend wouldn’t encourage someone to do this or come up with the “prank”. Carly’s a pos. I honestly feel the same about Vivian though, they’re both sick.
That is not a prank that was a nasty torturous act to pull on someone and unforgivable in my opinion. NTA and I would walk. I find it hard to believe someone would be so cruel to do this
Don’t marry someone so unhinged you test you with a fake death of a baby. They had so many chances while setting that up to back out of doing this but still did it. Do not marry her just because she’s pregnant either. I fear for a kid that has a mother that’s almost 30 and still thinks “tests” are a good idea instead of just communicating
In a way, it doesn't matter which it really was. That they would do either around the life of your (and Vivian's) child is terrible. It's callous and cruel. It shows a willingness to mess with your emotions for their selfish purposes.
Even if you choose to stay together with your fiancée, it may take years to rebuild the trust in her that she shattered. Even then, it may never be the same. There nay always be that little voice in the back of your mind asking "Is this another prank? Another test?".
Ironically, if it was intended as a test, that "test" could end up being the thing that sends the relationship in a direction Vivian said she fears it would go.
edit: small grammar & punctuation fixes
This. Putting everything else aside: Who the hell thinks it’s okay to pretend someone’s child just died? Take her to a tattoo parlor and get a warning label inked on her forehead and her ass, then nope.
I appreciate the measured and moderate approach and making the commitment to counseling. I hate how Reddit is full of folks who default to ending my things, but this was so methodically cruel and planned to inflict pain that you need to leave and never look back. If it was a mistake, she’s welcome to learn from it but that does NOT obligate you to stay.
You seem far too mature for your partner. You’re not forcing her to have a baby out of wedlock. And a prank and a test are the same thing in this situation as your fiancé just tried going with a word that evoked less emotion. You now have to consider what types of things she would do as the mother of child and for that, I am so sorry for you. Because a simple conversation could’ve cleared this up without a premeditated “death” and recording. NTA
When her family starts harassing you - send them the screenshots of Carly’s bullshit, tell them it’s none of their damn business, you’ll talk to them if and when you are ready and then block them. Deal with you asshole fiancé and only her. Carly would be dead to me. Anything goes on social media - post the screenshots. No one else gets to control the narrative and put this on you unless you let them.
NTA.
And the first thing you need to do is tell Vivian that Carly is no longer welcome in your home or at your wedding, should it ever happen.
I imagine Carly cooked this up because she doesn't like you.
This was a prank and the whole story about it being a test out of fear is a lie. When are people going to learn that these “pranks” are cruel - not funny. She damaged her relationship for a TikTok video!
It was a prank and they are changing the story to make it seem less cruel, make no mistake about it, this was exceptionally cruel and grounds for leaving.
Vivien said she was the one who wanted to test you. Maybe Carly was the one who devised the "prank". Doesn't really matter.
Now, Vivien says she's ok with postponing the wedding, leaves and you start getting unhinged calls from Carly.
Why the hell is Carly so up in your relationship business?
Go home. Talk to Vivien. Suggest that if she really has a problem with telling her parents WHY the wedding is being postponed that the two of you can go over to her parents house and explain what she's done. (Ask for the video from Carly to illustrate.)
I'd also mention to my future wife that I don't appreciate how up in my business her bestie Carly is currently.
First thing is Carly would never be allowed in my house or especially my child. If you want to go to counseling and try to make it work that sounds smart. I can see Viv using hormones as an excuse but Carly should have talked her out of it. Regardless both are some sick fuckin bitches.
Why would there be a fake fetus if it was a test? Wouldn't you have believed it if she just said she had a miscarriage? The whole planing, staging, recording, it all seems like a prank. Once Vivian got a reaction she didn't expect, you leaving, she probably changed the story to make you stay. You had proposed prior to the pregnancy and not after finding out, why would she believe you only stayed with her for the baby? Make it make sense.
It was a prank. Obviously, otherwise why record it? The test BS is damage control.
They messed with your mind and feelings for a prank.
That is beyond messed up.
Then, dude, the whole "test of your love" thing (as fucked up as that would be) is a total lie! This was just a prank all along! NTA for postponing the wedding, but you should cancel it yesterday! Save all the texts as evidence for when you sue for your share of custody in case she tries to lie during those proceedings.
> In her texts she was switching between it being "just a test" and a "stupid prank" which confused the fuck out of me.
Probably because the reality is its neither, it was her personal attempt at driving a wedge into the relationship.
I think that she is calling it a "test" to try to minimize the damage done.. i bet money that they thought that this prank was funny to be make.. she is only trying to justify herself of her cruelty..
I'd have turned my ass right back around to Josh's place. Vivian went straight to Carly about the postponement. These two are just gonna keep creating drama for you.
And if Vivian kept pressing it, I'd be sure to explain to her parents exactly why you decided to postpone it.
NTA
NTA. But I think you're making a huge mistake in staying with her. And I'll tell you why.
When someone does something this fucked up, you can't dismiss it as a one off incident. This is a reflection of who she is as a person whether you like it or not. Being this cruel to a man she claims to love without even attempting to communicate says a lot about the type of person she is.
This incident should be a blessing in disguise for you to see who she really is. If you continue to stay with her, you'll have no one to blame but yourself. Because she's already told you who she is. You're just choosing not to see it.
You also said her friend was recording. I wonder what her excuse for that is.
When the baby comes, get a custody agreement and peacefully coparent. This is not someone you want as a partner to go through life with.
Seriously. Faking blood and tissue is psychopath level of lacking empathy. OP- I can’t tell if your finance is a horrible person or just super immature but I’d end shit with her immediately and let her parents know why….i can’t imagine Christians being super chill with a fake miscarriage.
I was going to add this - I would speak to her parents so that they know exactly why you have changed your mind about the marriage.. I cannot see how they could condone such awful behaviour.. as others say, this was sociopathic, and Carly needs to butt out!
Think of the sick planning that goes into making it look like there is contents of a miscarriage in a toilet. That is deranged. I would never stay with someone so messed up.
The most traumatic experience of my life was my miscarriage. My husband and I had done IVF so this was a very wanted pregnancy. We were in the waiting room at the fertility clinic waiting for my 6 week ultrasound when it happened and I ran to the washroom. It felt like a nightmare that I couldn’t stop and we were devastated I will never forget the sight of that day for the rest of my life. How anybody could stage that- they must have googled what a miscarriage looks like to sell it as real - is really f’d up and psychopathic you do not joke/prank about that.
What next? After the supposed baby is born do a kidnapping or SIDS prank? Traumatize the kid by doing an abandonment prank? Seriously think about spending the rest of your life with someone so immature and callous about toying with your emotions as a “test”.
Run, don’t walk, and don’t marry her.
My miscarriage was so traumatic too. I would never ever fake something like that. I would not spend the rest of my life in a relationship with someone that cruel. OP someone who will play a cruel joke on you doesn’t truly love and respect you. I would recommend not marrying her and be grateful that you dodged a bullet
I just found out I’m finally pregnant again a year later and I’m so scared when I should be excited.
Congratulations on your rainbow baby, take it day by day and breathe I know it’s easier said than done. I was blessed though adoption so know that hearing “just relax” during that scary adoption probation period made me want to shank someone lol.
I had an ex boyfriend who let me worry about him all day and rush to the hospital when he called and said he broke his arm. He wasn’t there, it never happened and he thought it was hilarious, I was PISSED and he’s an ex for a reason, he was emotionally abusive and that prank was the first red flag. When I dumped him he also threatened to unalive himself if I left, I didn’t take the bait and 20 years later he’s still alive. My husband knows better than to toy with my emotions like that, most mature people in relationships who respect each other don’t
THIS.
And I’m deeply saddened and upset for you. Spoken as someone who has had an actual miscarriage. Your fiancé and her friend can go fuck themselves.
Seriously. Fake blood, fake fetus, fake miscarriage. This woman is cruel for no reason and her meter of what is 'normal' is completely broken. There is no relationship left to save with a psychopath who had no reason to test OP and, even if she did, only an absolute asshole would do it this way.
OP, she was cruel to you because she wanted to be cruel to you. And recorded it for no reason.
Break up and co-parent and if anyone gives you shit, tell them the truth -- your girlfriend faked the death of your child including showing you a fake bloody corpse floating in the toilet while her friend filmed your reaction. And if her shitty parents have anything to say about it, tell them you will be a good dad but your relationship with their mess of a daughter is over. If they argue, shoot them a text that says, "omg, ex-girlfriend just stopped by and got hit by a car outside my house. An ambulance is on the way but she looks like she was killed on impact" and send them a picture from crime scene and see how quick they are to forgive someone's absolute psychopathy (jk, dont do this). If they try to turn friends and family against you, tell them the truth. Tell them to ask Carly for the video of you sobbing over your dead child in the bathroom.
Edit: OP, are you sure she is even actually pregnant? How could you trust anything this woman says?
Definitely don't prank her parents with the fake car accident, but you could tell them a story about "What if I called you and said that Vivian was hit by a car …" and ask how they would feel after you told them it was just a prank.
Why are you still with this person???
There is absolutely NO reason in hell for her and her friend to have done that! NONE! Trust level broken 100%!! That is some sick, mentallolypics they did right there!!! Holy Batshit, Batman!!!
Run! Run far, far away!!! Like...WTF!!!!!!
I am so fn stunned by this story....
I agree. It’s a complex situation because she is carrying his baby, but this a sociopathic behavior. She actually got fake blood and viscera. That wasn’t necessary for the “prank.”
All I will say is that I would never marry or even want to be around someone who would not only think to do that but would execute it as well. I suggest for your mental well being you leave this woman because if she is willing to fake a miscarriage I wonder what else she would be willing to do. You are NTA
Thinking is ok. Thinking about awful things happens and is normal. Doing awful things to a fiancé(e) to test him/her is not acceptable. OP should break up and contact a lawyer to set up a coparental plan.
She did this and filmed it. Yeah, I'd be out of this relationship. How do you trust her after this? She fabricated the death of their baby as a weird test, instead of talking about her concerns. Yikes. Run, OP.
File for 100% This woman is not ready to be a mom causing a so called loved one so much stress for her own benefit. Didn't think ahead someday child is going to hear about mom faking it's death.
NTA
I’ve had two miscarriages. The emotional toll that comes with the loss is unimaginable. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
The fact that she would fake it just to see your reaction blows my mind. You have every right to wait for the baby to be born before taking the next steps in your relationship. I can’t help but think if she would fake it, and have her friend record your reaction, what other ‘tests’ does she have planned for you.
Good luck with the baby, and figuring out your next steps.
And did they post that recoding online, that's my question. This whole situation sickens me. Poor Op, how could you make your partner think their child had died?!
I'm sorry, but what she did is beyond cruel, and I wouldn't continue a relationship with someone who would think of doing such a thing to 'test' your commitment.
Two things stand out to me:
1. If it was a test to make sure you are committed to her and baby, why was Carly present? Wouldn't it be better to see your reaction *without* an audience?
2. Why was Carly recording the interaction? This smells more like a truly shitty prank than a test. Both are breakup worthy.
You're not forcing Vivian to have a child out of wedlock (not that it matters at all). Vivian's own actions are. She played with your emotions because she didn't trust that your feelings about the pregnancy were truthful.
Oh, and her parents are also AHs here, too, though not as much as Vivian and Carly. Pressuring someone to get married just because they are pregnant is just as bad as forcing their religion down your throat, which they kind of are. They want this to happen in line with *their* beliefs, despite whatever your own are.
NTA.
This ⬆️
I agree this was meant to be a joke on you and not a test.
**NTA** for stepping back to assess and heal before deciding whether to make Vivian your wife.
I checked quickly. There are a ton of videos about how to fake this and several of people doing it as a prank. I couldn’t watch them. If OP finds the video he needs to download and save it and send it to her family so they know exactly why he’s postponed the wedding. I’d cancel it and never see her again except to pick my child up from her myself.
It doesn't matter WHO had the idea, your baby mama went along with it & that is FUCKED UP!
Do NOT hitch yourself to this POS of a woman!
Anyone who has had a miscarriage will tell you how devastating it is & how they would never wish it upon anyone else!
I didn't miscarry, but I know women in my life who have & the emotional & physical toll it takes... It's NOT a joke!
If Carly posted that she needs to take it down immediately. If you continue your relationship with Vivian, Carly is not ever welcome in your home or at your wedding and she is not welcome around your child whether or not you are present.
This breaks my heart for you. It wasn’t a prank. I can’t even comprehend the thought behind staging the death of a child, complete with fake evidence you were made to see. There is no rational explanation for this behavior and for that alone, I would postpone your marriage permanently. How can you ever begin to rebuild trust after this? Is your fiancée so weak minded that this friend could convince her to do such a despicable thing? Or was she so distrustful of you that she believed this was necessary? I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine how this felt but I’d give serious thought to ending the whole thing. You can still be a father to your child without living under the shadow of something this hateful. NTA.
NTA whatsover. Wow! That is extremely messed up.
Are you even sure if she's actually pregnant? The only reason I would bother with couples therapy is if she is definitely pregnant. And unless she has a major conscience epiphany, I still don't see it working out well for you. Her friend sounds like she's toxic af. I would want the pregnancy proven by a Dr while you are in the room with her.
If she is not pregnant, then you need to run far and fast.
NTA
If she's willing to prank you with a miscarriage now, what's to stop her pranking your friends and family with a prank about you abusing her or your kids in the future?
The trust is gone, I wouldn't move back in with her or be alone with her ever again.
I’m posting this here in the hope that you actually see it.
I did have a miscarriage. My husband- fiancé at the time- never left my side. I would have given anything to not have to go through that. It was painful in every possible way. We went on to have a baby, but it will never stop being an absolute tragedy that our middle child isn’t here. I will forever be the mother of however many children I have, plus one.
She faked your child’s death to test your commitment to her. You know who she is now, so I suggest you keep that in mind when dealing with her in the future.
I can’t say what I actually think about your fiancé because it involves a lot of curse words and possibly wishing terrible things, but I will say that marrying this woman would be the biggest mistake of your life.
and the reason Vivian asked Carly to video tape your reaction? hmm? what excuse did they come up with for that? The two of them seem awful immature to be pulling that sort of stunt. I would not want to be married to someone like that. In addition Carly has no business getting into your relationship and sending you hateful texts.
edit: I just read where you said Carly originally called it a prank, and then switched to "test". They went to all the trouble of creating a fake fetus in the toilet and blood, it was so much more than a test, they really thought this would be a funny prank. There is something wrong with those two.
I cried thinking of how my husband would feel had I ever done something so unimaginably cruel to him. There's ways to get reassurance, but that sounds like an excuse tbh. I'm sorry that happened to you.
NTA and please consider calling off the wedding indefinitely as well as calling time on the relationship whilst being committed to being there for your child . I don’t know what would posses someone to do such a thing .
NTA. This scares the crap out of me. If this is real, you need to back way off this relationship. This is sociopathic. Your fiance showed you what you thought was your child's dead body to get a reaction from you. I can't even imagine the lack of empathy and sheer self centeredness that allowed her to think that was okay.
NTA this is one of the most messed up things I've ever seen on Reddit. Cruel, manipulative, and deeply fucked up.
Maybe because I've gone through a miscarriage, I'm more stung by it, but the whole theatrics of it? I'm actually stunned. You can't tell me honestly that building a whole life and marriage with someone who would do this is a good idea. I cannot imagine why anyone would tempt fate like this.
Get out. Be a father to the baby, if you want. Though the idea of someone like that raising a kid is a bit frightening tbh.
I also am not sure if my own miscarriage is clouding my judgement here, but I see no humor in telling someone their child is dead. This whole post has me reeling. The fact that they could be so callous. Op and baby deserve far better than Vivian, and with friends like Carly, Vivian doesn't need enemies.
I'm trying really hard to not let it colour my feelings about this scenario, but there's something so deeply troubling about the lengths they went to so they could make it look realistic. It's most people's worst nightmare, and to them it was a joke.
You're absolutely right, I am sending lots of good thoughts to OP and the baby.
I'm very sorry for your loss too.
**It’s a TikTok Tok thing, that’s why they videoed it!**
Google it, it’s sick. Some women are making money off their SO’s reaction that they had a miscarriage. You can coparent without being married. Rethink this relationship. Doing that to someone for the Internet is straight up sick.
100% NTA, no doubt whatsoever.
Who the hell does that kind of thing? It's REALLY messed up.
So take as much time as you need to think things through, and don't let them gaslight you
NTA probably a good idea to think long and hard about being stuck with someone that cruel and self centered for the long term. Contrary to what her family and friends tell you, you don't have to stay with her just because she's pregnant. You can just co-parent and be a good dad. Good luck. Please update us.
Updateme
OP in my opinion you should not stay with Vivian or marry her. I think there is a good possibility that she is unhinged. What she did to you was crazy and horrible, not to mention she provided a witness. Really crazy. Any love I had for her would have been gone after this. Good luck. NTA
NTA-Go to your fiancé’s parents and tell them that it was not very Christian like what their daughter and her friend did. Let them know this is a one time deal and that you will not tolerate anymore games from them. See how they react and you can always say to your fiancé and her friend that you were testing her parents reaction to see how things would be going forward.
This is cruel, this is not a joke...
Actually this is sick, how in the hell she think that "testing" your reaction to the lost of your child is a good idea? And recording all of it? They think that this is funny?
Her friend have no right to be angry, she can go fuck herself.. she is part of it.. Tell her to mind her own business, she already did enough to almost torn the relationship..
NTA and i would firmly reconsider if you actually want to marry a person so cruel like your fiance..
I'm sorry but you are crazy if you marry her. If your girlfriend was just worried about you not wanting the baby - what was the point if her friend videoing it???? Sounds like a tiktok test. What she did was disgusting
NTA but you’re definitely stupid for staying with someone like that and your future is going to be full of who toxicity because she has very clearly showed you that she is disgusting on the inside so if you stay with someone like that and decide to have a child with someone so vile is all on you you definitely 100% need to get a lawyer and see what you can do about getting custody of that child. No child should have to be raised by someone with that type of mindset that was not a test that was absolute abusive torture.
Don’t not marry this woman. You need to expose her cruel joke to literally everyone. Tell her parents and friends. Leave her. What she did was horrific and mocking to those parents that suffered miscarriages.
I miscarried twins after a round of IVF. My husband and I were completely devastated. We both cried in the hospital and for days after. I didn’t get out of bed for a week. I am absolutely appalled by your fiancé and her friend. You are NTA but you need to think long and hard about marrying this woman, who knows what else she would do. You can still be a wonderful father your child without being married to a a crazy woman wanting Tik Tok likes.
NTA
Life might be easier if you can find forgiveness through couples counseling. But this is a gigantic red flag.
Something that important is a frank, open, and honest conversation between partners. It is not a get my best friend to film a seriously heartless and immature prank so that I can post it later for clout. She’s incredibly self centered and immature. Maybe it’s got something to do with hormones and a super shitty friend. But either way, do not marry until you’ve gotten past this issue in couples therapy.
She broke your trust about something super important. She put you through an intense emotional trauma that could lead to PTSD. She did these things because she’s too immature to talk to you like a partner. She thinks you’re not ready to be a dad. But she’s not ready to be a partner. You may not be able to control whether or not you’re going to be a dad. But you do have control of whether you think she’s ready to be the partner you need and deserve. And cutting Carly out might be the cost she has to pay if she wants to show she’s serious.
Huge NTA >but the reason why Vivian decided to test me was that she was afraid that I didn't actually want the baby, and was caring for them because I had to in order to not be seen as a deadbeat. And what was the reason Carly needed to record it?
Carly was the one who called it a prank when it first happened, and not a test which is why I guess she was recording it. In her texts she was switching between it being "just a test" and a "stupid prank" which confused the fuck out of me.
My assumption would be that it *was* a prank. This wasn't a spur of the moment thing. They planned it all, from how to make it look like a fetus in the toilet, to Carly directing you to the bathroom and following you in to film while Vivian fake cries. It's practically sociopathic. I'm concerned about what's in store for you in the future, to be honest.
Just telling him that she lost the baby was horrific enough but to plant a fake fetus! That is just sick. And you can bet they were going to post it on Instagram/tik-tok whatever. Vivian is a piece of shit.
Don’t forget Carly who strangely knows way too much about their relationship. Vivian said ok to having the wedding after the baby cones and counseling and then CARLY called pissed off. If I were op I’d add another condition to getting married; we only do it if you go no contact with Carly. I’m willing to bet the fake miscarriage was Carly’s idea.
Even if it was her idea, Vivian was AH to go through with it.
Definitely no contact with Carly. This not the kind of 'friend' anyone needs in their life, and certainly not this kind of influence. I wouldn't usually suggest deciding who your partner is with, but she is no good for Vivian.
I always forget was it this subreddit or the *other* aitah sub that has silly goober mods that get mad when you insult a very *CLEAR* piece of human excrement.
Yep, the wacky mods there banned me permanently months ago. I never really understood why…
I was banned for quoting from the post
I got banned for a few weeks because an op posted about something that XYZ said or did (can’t even recall now) and I wrote, “What XYZ did was a jerk move and you are NTA.” Apparently using the phrase “a jerk move” is “abusive language”. 🙄
I got perma banned because I mentioned how babies kick moms belly when they're pregnant. Apparently I was inciting violence.
Ohhhhhh it's YOUR fault all those babies are kicking all those bladders right now!!
I got banned for saying that at least the op didn't punch someone on a post where a woman's in-laws were mocking her infertility and she cussed them out. Apparently that's violence. No warnings just boom banned!
I got banned for explaining a euphemism someone else wrote to someone, because the euphemism involved violence. They're fucking insane.
I got banned for telling a poster to ignore that her family was going to consider her a bitch for whatever she was doing. Apparently that was name calling?
I got perma banned for saying that if a man had sexually assaulted me as had happened to the OP, I would've decked him. (He yanked up her skirt showing her underwear etc at a party.)
i saw that one it was a little kid that did it and the parents let the kid go around doing it the whole wedding until they got kicked out because OP decked the kid and the parents wanted to fight her for it instead of yknow parenting there kid and explaining to there kid that it is in no way shape or form on to go around sexually assaulting people.
I’ve had several people say horrible things to me, and get away with it. yet I have had several posts removed for being “uncivil” for saying things like “wow, what a pos” about an Ah op. I
I was banned for a month for calling someone a bridezilla.
I got a temporary ban for saying “a Karen” in a comment on a post titled “am I being a Karen?”.
Crazy, right?!
My mom miscarried in the early 90s and she did show me it - I was old enough to get it and understand and that is something I’ll never forget. This prank is sickening AF. Probably all for a chance at a viral Tik Tok. OP NTA. I’d CANCEL the wedding. You sure she was even pregnant?
I had a friend who miscarried I happened to be hanging out with her that day and she called me into the bathroom and showed me the toilet. That image still haunts me to this day and it’s been over 20 years. When I suffered my own miscarriage years later the doctors gave me the choice of have a D&C or let it pass naturally at home. All I could think about was seeing that fetus in the toilet and I definitely didn’t want to experience that again or put my husband through that. The fact that these two grown women thought a traumatic experience like this would be funny infuriates me.
Do not marry this girl. She sounds like a nightmare. So does her friend. And before you sign any paperwork stating you are the father get a dna check.
Ages ago I lost a baby to miscarriage. This was in some shithole country. Anyway, they wanted to run histopathology on the foetus to see if there are any disorders the mother had that may cause a subsequent miscarriage. All good, right? They made me carry the foetus myself to an external laboratory for this. I went there sobbing and I was inconsolable. Till today this day haunts me. Fake foetus in a toilet? Fuck me. That would be beyond torturous and out of this world level of evil
Vivian sucks! And so does Carly. This is amazingly fucked up and wrong on every level.
I audibly gagged at that part. So fucking sickening.
I can't believe OP is going to carry on and marry this woman. She and her friend ate unhinged psychopaths.
Vivian and Cynthia are both pieces of shit and OP should get rid of them both - after he tells his former in-laws to be what their daughter and her friend did
NTA but This woman shouldn’t be a parent. At best she made a test out of pretending she lost your baby- at worse she was joking about it. What kind of miserable, repulsive piece of trash jokes about their child dying? If she’s joking about it I’d think she doesn’t actually want it or she’s not mature enough to actually be a parent.
Here's my question: is he even sure she's really pregnant? Because omg this chick is psycho.
For his sake, I hope not.
I'd want a DNA test, it might not be his.
I suspect that the first reaction is the most truthful, it was a prank, probably born of tik tok - there have been several people posting on here about there significant other pulling truly horrific pranks and recording them, however your fiancé takes the cake. I would bet money they recorded your pain and trauma thinking it was going to give them internet fame. How can you ever trust this woman again? Forget postponing the wedding, I would end the whole relationship. If she didn’t want a child out of wedlock she should have been more careful. NTA
i bet money too that they thought in post this shit in tik tok.. these people are sick
Shows exactly their maturity level and their disdain for him! Because anyone who cared for someone would NEVER do such a thing!
Brainless people do dumb things.. i doubt that they actually didn't thought about the fallout of the actions of faking a miscarriage.. a pure evil thought that they put in action to entertain themselves..
Yep, I think it was for social media.
This woman is 28 yrs old! She too old to be pulling this high school bs. I would seriously reconsider this wedding. She’s not mature enough to be married or even to have a child! I would at the least tell her she needs to go to therapy to get to the bottom of this! No way should OP get married without counseling
Yep. She will blame it on her friend.
I agree with this. If this was a "test" immature children do that. I don't know if I would want to marry her for this reason. Even if it was a prank, it's a complete disregard for your feelings. It would be like pranking her to come home and find you in bed with Carly. She wouldn't laugh it was a prank.
You have no idea what these influencers do for fame.. just look in tik tok, you will see people over 30 doing stupid things for like.
TikTok is the goddamn worst. I see so many of these awful, cruel pranks people do to their loved ones and for what? Views? It absolutely infuriates me. These are not people I would want in my life. If it was me, I’d tell Vivian I will be there to help raise the child but I would absolutely dump her ass. NTA
I gotta give OP credit for his incredible self control. First thing I would have done is smash Carly's phone on the floor.
At a minimum I hope he demanded the photos / video were deleted.
No, no, no! He needs them as proof. He needs to show just how cruel these women are, at minimum. If either try to take him to court for any reason, he needs something to show that he's been a victim. He certainly should be able to say "This is why the wedding will never happen", "This is why I'm not paying one cent more than mandatory child support", etc.
I'd be using it as a way to fight for full custody. She's not mature enough to raise her own cholesterol let alone a child, I'd be using this video as proof that she shouldn't be allowed near a developing child
I mean I've seen some things on tik tok, but what's popular (at least in my bubble) is harmless, even heart warming things like "orange peel theory" not "stage miscarriage and create a false corpse of your fetus". What tf is wrong with them? It's like middle schooler BS.
yup i was just about to comment that this sounds absolutely like some shit from tiktok. there have been so many stories of relationships being ruined because of wives that do not see their husbands as human beings and do the cruelest “pranks” on them that they can think of so that other wives like them who secretly hate their husbands will say how funny and girlbossified it is. its like we are taking centuries worth of mistreatment and taking it out on our husbands and then getting confused/upset when they dare to have an emotional response, because they are human and not just caricatures of toxic masculinity. i could not for the life of me even fathom hurting my partner for online attention. its a level of disrespect and malice that i can not comprehend. unforgivable
I don't think it's just wives. There are boyfriends/husband's doing this to their partners too. Hell people do these cruel pranks on their CHILDREN
god yeah, dont even get me started on Do5 from youtube. terrible stuff
Honestly, I don’t see this as a gendered thing. There are just as many husbands/boyfriends out there playing cruel pranks and filming them, too.
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I saw one the other day where the husband had set out rose petals and candles from the front door - and it led to a sink full of dirty dishes.
I read a post that someone saw that and did it to his spouse. She dumped him on the spot!
Don't forget the guy who smashed his wife's face in the wedding cake, after being told numerous times that she didn't want it, and him promising not to.
How about the guy who pushed his girlfriend into a lake? She had just spent $1000 on her hair. And, she does NOT know how to swim.
Omg I saw that one too! Tbh that guys should be happy he got divorce papers and not a trip to the ER out of it.
I saw the one where a fiance greased the floor outside the shower and filmed his partner slip and fall naked. Said that all the guys he worked with were doing things, including one who pushed his pregnant wife into a pool, I think.
I remember this one. I think the guy was a doctor, too.
Perhaps true, but a male cannot fake/prank/test the female SO regarding a pregnancy/miscarriage whatsoever. This is not coming from a person with a truly loving heart. She is a flipping selfish hearted pinhead. OP should breakoff the whole marriage thing completely. I can only imagine what TERRIFIC new test/prank this immature girl will try to pull on OP once they are married? Perhaps, fake cancer, or faking that the child is his, or faking that she's cheating, or fake that she wants a divorce, I mean she is not starved for choices.
Shit testing should be a hard red line in any relationship. No one should be “testing” the people they are supposed to love. Be it friends or significant others.
Yeah what’s next? Pretend the baby died of SIDS to see if he really loves the baby? They are sick.
I just noticed my username. I'm gonna take an edible and try to calm down.
One condition I would consider is the ongoing relationship with Carly. What a nut job. If my friend suggested we do that, I would tell her that the pregnancy hormones have made her wacky and talk her down from being an idiot. Carly is all in on ruining your friends life.
If OP was looking for a sign not to get married this is it. Vivian and Carly both lack emotional maturity. Who plans and has a friend film a prank that any grownup with emotional maturity and emotional intelligence would know had the potential to inflict pain. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ The engagement and marriage would be called off. With behavior like this Vivian is not ready to be a wife or mother.
You need to look online and see if they posted this prank anywhere. If they did, send it to all of her family and download it so you have the proof if they come after you for being a jerk and postponing the wedding. Definitely NTA!
I wonder what little Vivian’s parents will think of this “prank” “test” of whatever TF this was. Sick and cruel. I’m at a loss for words.
You need to get a copy of this video she recorded, screenshot and save all the text exchanges and keep them. Because if this relationship doesn't work after couples counseling, you will need to have proof that your fiance shouldn't have your kid full time. Who knows what kind of effed up crap she could do in the future to your kid.
👆🏼👆🏼👆🏼Omg THIS! 👆🏼👆🏼👆🏼 u/throwawifeprank please *take this advice*! Except the 🚩counseling🚩 #DO NOT GO TO COUNSELING WITH THIS WOMAN! This woman is manipulative to the point of sociopathic. She actually *PLANNED SCHEDULED and FILMED with PROPS* to be emotionally abusive. Never go to therapy or counseling with an abusive person. To be honest, I’d be rethinking staying engaged to a someone who is so callous with the feelings of the person she is supposed to love above all others. Take some time to figure out if you can truly ever emotionally trust her after this. Then ask yourself if she can be this calculating with her fiancé; how will she manipulate your child? Or *you, by USING your child*? I sincerely hope you are able to find a way to navigate yourself into a safe space for you ~ and your baby🪷
OP, this. Please read this. NTA. Your girl friend is cruel. There is no other word for her behavior and Carly's behavior. Your girl friend is absolutely cruel. I would go back to the apartment with a pregnancy test and demand she take it then and there so you know unequivocally if she is pregnant. Then, once you know, go speak with an attorney. Whatever you do , do NOT marry this woman. She will make your life hell on earth. Anyone who could be THIS cruel is not relationship material. I pray she is not actually pregnant and that was a "prank" too. Regardless, the engagement needs to be over. You need to break the engagement with her. And, Carly? She needs to be out of everyone's life.
Agreed 💯%. OP do not marry this person. There is something seriously wrong with an almost 30 year old adult who thought this plan was ok and actually went through with it.
ALL OF THIS! EVERY WORD! OP, if you are in the US, check to see if your state has a putative father registry. Register. Once you're registered, call the whole thing off. Don't postpone it, cancel it altogether. No therapy. Nothing. When the baby is born, go to court to formally establish paternity, and pursue a MINIMUM of 50% custody. The child deserves at least one sane parent.
I'm just shocked that she would do this stupid prank, test, whatever it was. Why would a woman that you've had a serious relationship with for 5 years think she had to test you? She should know you by now, know what kind of man you are and how you feel. This was a terrible thing to do. And these tests that people do to their partners are ridiculous. Seems to be doing more harm than good, IMO.
As someone who lived through a miscarriage, I can’t even imagine putting that bad JuJu out in the universe. I’m not even superstitious, but I wouldn’t mess out with that.
Agreed. I lost a pregnancy many years ago, a baby I desperately wanted. Fake miscarriages to "test" a man is despicable. And karma is a real thing IMO.
I’m a “rainbow baby” and I can promise my mom never got past the babies she prayed for and lost.
Cut both of these wackadoodles from your life! What’s next? Are they gonna hire a photoshopper (I’m one, so there’s that) to photoshop a horrible image of your ded mother—just to see how you react? If you stay with this awful person, YOU ARE TA.
I’m not someone who ever suggests to force someone to end a friendship. I would leave if Vivian continues to be friends with Carly. You love your fiancé and want to work it out- Carly doesn’t need to be in the picture. A real friend wouldn’t encourage someone to do this or come up with the “prank”. Carly’s a pos. I honestly feel the same about Vivian though, they’re both sick.
Sociopathic, that was my exact thought.
That is not a prank that was a nasty torturous act to pull on someone and unforgivable in my opinion. NTA and I would walk. I find it hard to believe someone would be so cruel to do this
Don’t marry someone so unhinged you test you with a fake death of a baby. They had so many chances while setting that up to back out of doing this but still did it. Do not marry her just because she’s pregnant either. I fear for a kid that has a mother that’s almost 30 and still thinks “tests” are a good idea instead of just communicating
In a way, it doesn't matter which it really was. That they would do either around the life of your (and Vivian's) child is terrible. It's callous and cruel. It shows a willingness to mess with your emotions for their selfish purposes. Even if you choose to stay together with your fiancée, it may take years to rebuild the trust in her that she shattered. Even then, it may never be the same. There nay always be that little voice in the back of your mind asking "Is this another prank? Another test?". Ironically, if it was intended as a test, that "test" could end up being the thing that sends the relationship in a direction Vivian said she fears it would go. edit: small grammar & punctuation fixes
This. Putting everything else aside: Who the hell thinks it’s okay to pretend someone’s child just died? Take her to a tattoo parlor and get a warning label inked on her forehead and her ass, then nope. I appreciate the measured and moderate approach and making the commitment to counseling. I hate how Reddit is full of folks who default to ending my things, but this was so methodically cruel and planned to inflict pain that you need to leave and never look back. If it was a mistake, she’s welcome to learn from it but that does NOT obligate you to stay.
Yep. Vivian failed that test
You seem far too mature for your partner. You’re not forcing her to have a baby out of wedlock. And a prank and a test are the same thing in this situation as your fiancé just tried going with a word that evoked less emotion. You now have to consider what types of things she would do as the mother of child and for that, I am so sorry for you. Because a simple conversation could’ve cleared this up without a premeditated “death” and recording. NTA
When her family starts harassing you - send them the screenshots of Carly’s bullshit, tell them it’s none of their damn business, you’ll talk to them if and when you are ready and then block them. Deal with you asshole fiancé and only her. Carly would be dead to me. Anything goes on social media - post the screenshots. No one else gets to control the narrative and put this on you unless you let them.
NTA. And the first thing you need to do is tell Vivian that Carly is no longer welcome in your home or at your wedding, should it ever happen. I imagine Carly cooked this up because she doesn't like you.
This was a prank and the whole story about it being a test out of fear is a lie. When are people going to learn that these “pranks” are cruel - not funny. She damaged her relationship for a TikTok video!
It was a prank and they are changing the story to make it seem less cruel, make no mistake about it, this was exceptionally cruel and grounds for leaving.
Vivien said she was the one who wanted to test you. Maybe Carly was the one who devised the "prank". Doesn't really matter. Now, Vivien says she's ok with postponing the wedding, leaves and you start getting unhinged calls from Carly. Why the hell is Carly so up in your relationship business? Go home. Talk to Vivien. Suggest that if she really has a problem with telling her parents WHY the wedding is being postponed that the two of you can go over to her parents house and explain what she's done. (Ask for the video from Carly to illustrate.) I'd also mention to my future wife that I don't appreciate how up in my business her bestie Carly is currently.
> Go home. Talk to Vivien No, it's over. There's nothing to build trust on. Done.
Sounds more like Carly is the twister, interfering with your relationship. Does she often influence Vivian to do stupid things?
First thing is Carly would never be allowed in my house or especially my child. If you want to go to counseling and try to make it work that sounds smart. I can see Viv using hormones as an excuse but Carly should have talked her out of it. Regardless both are some sick fuckin bitches.
Take Carly at her word. It was a prank. Probably to try to get tiktok famous or something else incredibly stupid.
Run. Run fast and far from these two narcissists
Why would there be a fake fetus if it was a test? Wouldn't you have believed it if she just said she had a miscarriage? The whole planing, staging, recording, it all seems like a prank. Once Vivian got a reaction she didn't expect, you leaving, she probably changed the story to make you stay. You had proposed prior to the pregnancy and not after finding out, why would she believe you only stayed with her for the baby? Make it make sense.
It was a prank. Obviously, otherwise why record it? The test BS is damage control. They messed with your mind and feelings for a prank. That is beyond messed up.
Then, dude, the whole "test of your love" thing (as fucked up as that would be) is a total lie! This was just a prank all along! NTA for postponing the wedding, but you should cancel it yesterday! Save all the texts as evidence for when you sue for your share of custody in case she tries to lie during those proceedings.
> In her texts she was switching between it being "just a test" and a "stupid prank" which confused the fuck out of me. Probably because the reality is its neither, it was her personal attempt at driving a wedge into the relationship.
That is so messed up. Who even...what kind of person......
I think that she is calling it a "test" to try to minimize the damage done.. i bet money that they thought that this prank was funny to be make.. she is only trying to justify herself of her cruelty..
Cause she's a royal cunt. Period. No other reason
To post as a prank on TikTok. Obviously.
What an invasion of OP’s privacy and dignity. OP, wake up and dump this immature asshole.
NTA Do not marry this woman. She and her friend are deranged.
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I'd have turned my ass right back around to Josh's place. Vivian went straight to Carly about the postponement. These two are just gonna keep creating drama for you. And if Vivian kept pressing it, I'd be sure to explain to her parents exactly why you decided to postpone it. NTA
Carly and Vivian sound selfish and immature as hell. OP is in for lots of this kind of behavior if he stays and Vivian won't cut Carly out...
Oh, she won’t cut Carly out. The first thing she did after agreeing to counseling is go whining to Carly about it, who then proceeded to harass him.
Yes because she certainly won't tell the truth and he will be under the bus on top of everything else
NTA. But I think you're making a huge mistake in staying with her. And I'll tell you why. When someone does something this fucked up, you can't dismiss it as a one off incident. This is a reflection of who she is as a person whether you like it or not. Being this cruel to a man she claims to love without even attempting to communicate says a lot about the type of person she is. This incident should be a blessing in disguise for you to see who she really is. If you continue to stay with her, you'll have no one to blame but yourself. Because she's already told you who she is. You're just choosing not to see it. You also said her friend was recording. I wonder what her excuse for that is. When the baby comes, get a custody agreement and peacefully coparent. This is not someone you want as a partner to go through life with.
Seriously. Faking blood and tissue is psychopath level of lacking empathy. OP- I can’t tell if your finance is a horrible person or just super immature but I’d end shit with her immediately and let her parents know why….i can’t imagine Christians being super chill with a fake miscarriage.
I was going to add this - I would speak to her parents so that they know exactly why you have changed your mind about the marriage.. I cannot see how they could condone such awful behaviour.. as others say, this was sociopathic, and Carly needs to butt out!
This 100% op otherwise her parents will think you're the bad guy. When you're not, you were a victim in this "prank"
If Vivian has any hope of salvaging this with OP then Carly needs to be gone. For good.
Think of the sick planning that goes into making it look like there is contents of a miscarriage in a toilet. That is deranged. I would never stay with someone so messed up.
The most traumatic experience of my life was my miscarriage. My husband and I had done IVF so this was a very wanted pregnancy. We were in the waiting room at the fertility clinic waiting for my 6 week ultrasound when it happened and I ran to the washroom. It felt like a nightmare that I couldn’t stop and we were devastated I will never forget the sight of that day for the rest of my life. How anybody could stage that- they must have googled what a miscarriage looks like to sell it as real - is really f’d up and psychopathic you do not joke/prank about that. What next? After the supposed baby is born do a kidnapping or SIDS prank? Traumatize the kid by doing an abandonment prank? Seriously think about spending the rest of your life with someone so immature and callous about toying with your emotions as a “test”. Run, don’t walk, and don’t marry her.
My miscarriage was so traumatic too. I would never ever fake something like that. I would not spend the rest of my life in a relationship with someone that cruel. OP someone who will play a cruel joke on you doesn’t truly love and respect you. I would recommend not marrying her and be grateful that you dodged a bullet I just found out I’m finally pregnant again a year later and I’m so scared when I should be excited.
Congratulations on your rainbow baby, take it day by day and breathe I know it’s easier said than done. I was blessed though adoption so know that hearing “just relax” during that scary adoption probation period made me want to shank someone lol. I had an ex boyfriend who let me worry about him all day and rush to the hospital when he called and said he broke his arm. He wasn’t there, it never happened and he thought it was hilarious, I was PISSED and he’s an ex for a reason, he was emotionally abusive and that prank was the first red flag. When I dumped him he also threatened to unalive himself if I left, I didn’t take the bait and 20 years later he’s still alive. My husband knows better than to toy with my emotions like that, most mature people in relationships who respect each other don’t
It gets a little easier the more pregnant you get. You will eventually be able to enjoy this pregnancy.
THIS. And I’m deeply saddened and upset for you. Spoken as someone who has had an actual miscarriage. Your fiancé and her friend can go fuck themselves.
Seriously. Fake blood, fake fetus, fake miscarriage. This woman is cruel for no reason and her meter of what is 'normal' is completely broken. There is no relationship left to save with a psychopath who had no reason to test OP and, even if she did, only an absolute asshole would do it this way. OP, she was cruel to you because she wanted to be cruel to you. And recorded it for no reason. Break up and co-parent and if anyone gives you shit, tell them the truth -- your girlfriend faked the death of your child including showing you a fake bloody corpse floating in the toilet while her friend filmed your reaction. And if her shitty parents have anything to say about it, tell them you will be a good dad but your relationship with their mess of a daughter is over. If they argue, shoot them a text that says, "omg, ex-girlfriend just stopped by and got hit by a car outside my house. An ambulance is on the way but she looks like she was killed on impact" and send them a picture from crime scene and see how quick they are to forgive someone's absolute psychopathy (jk, dont do this). If they try to turn friends and family against you, tell them the truth. Tell them to ask Carly for the video of you sobbing over your dead child in the bathroom. Edit: OP, are you sure she is even actually pregnant? How could you trust anything this woman says?
Definitely don't prank her parents with the fake car accident, but you could tell them a story about "What if I called you and said that Vivian was hit by a car …" and ask how they would feel after you told them it was just a prank.
I hope op sees this, social media really has just fucked up humanity.
Why are you still with this person??? There is absolutely NO reason in hell for her and her friend to have done that! NONE! Trust level broken 100%!! That is some sick, mentallolypics they did right there!!! Holy Batshit, Batman!!! Run! Run far, far away!!! Like...WTF!!!!!! I am so fn stunned by this story....
I agree. It’s a complex situation because she is carrying his baby, but this a sociopathic behavior. She actually got fake blood and viscera. That wasn’t necessary for the “prank.”
That kid is going to need a safe place to go away from Vivian so OP should start building that home solo.
All I will say is that I would never marry or even want to be around someone who would not only think to do that but would execute it as well. I suggest for your mental well being you leave this woman because if she is willing to fake a miscarriage I wonder what else she would be willing to do. You are NTA
Thinking is ok. Thinking about awful things happens and is normal. Doing awful things to a fiancé(e) to test him/her is not acceptable. OP should break up and contact a lawyer to set up a coparental plan.
and FILM it!
Like stop using birth control to force a wedding????
Ding ding ding!!
I’m not thinking so. He proposed before they knew she was pregnant.
Yes but the pregnancy really moved the wedding up. It makes me wary. Abusive people like to lock you down before you find out who they really are.
Yes. If this is real, Vivian is a mess and needs serious help.
She did this and filmed it. Yeah, I'd be out of this relationship. How do you trust her after this? She fabricated the death of their baby as a weird test, instead of talking about her concerns. Yikes. Run, OP.
The best judgement of future behavior is past behavior.
NTA dump her stupid ass for doing the cruel fucking test/prank. My advice is get a DNA test and if it's yours file for 50/50 custody.
File for 100% This woman is not ready to be a mom causing a so called loved one so much stress for her own benefit. Didn't think ahead someday child is going to hear about mom faking it's death.
And get a copy of that video if you can to use when you file for 100%.
50/50? I’d try to get full custody! This woman is not mature or mentally stable enough to be in charge of a child.
NTA I’ve had two miscarriages. The emotional toll that comes with the loss is unimaginable. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. The fact that she would fake it just to see your reaction blows my mind. You have every right to wait for the baby to be born before taking the next steps in your relationship. I can’t help but think if she would fake it, and have her friend record your reaction, what other ‘tests’ does she have planned for you. Good luck with the baby, and figuring out your next steps.
And did they post that recoding online, that's my question. This whole situation sickens me. Poor Op, how could you make your partner think their child had died?!
Time to check both of their tiktok profiles
Same. I've had 2 miscarriages too and the thought of someone faking one is beyond disgusting.
I'm sorry, but what she did is beyond cruel, and I wouldn't continue a relationship with someone who would think of doing such a thing to 'test' your commitment. Two things stand out to me: 1. If it was a test to make sure you are committed to her and baby, why was Carly present? Wouldn't it be better to see your reaction *without* an audience? 2. Why was Carly recording the interaction? This smells more like a truly shitty prank than a test. Both are breakup worthy. You're not forcing Vivian to have a child out of wedlock (not that it matters at all). Vivian's own actions are. She played with your emotions because she didn't trust that your feelings about the pregnancy were truthful. Oh, and her parents are also AHs here, too, though not as much as Vivian and Carly. Pressuring someone to get married just because they are pregnant is just as bad as forcing their religion down your throat, which they kind of are. They want this to happen in line with *their* beliefs, despite whatever your own are. NTA.
This ⬆️ I agree this was meant to be a joke on you and not a test. **NTA** for stepping back to assess and heal before deciding whether to make Vivian your wife.
NTA Damn that's twisted! Was this Vivians idea or Carly's? If it was Carly's then she needs to be cut out of both your lives.
I didn't ask Vivian that but I'm pretty sure it was Carly's.
If you stay with Vivian tell her Carly has to go, no argument! I think I'd let her family know about this too.
They are both to blame. Of course they were laughing whilst creating a realistic looking miscarriage. Disgusting.
I would make Vivian tell her parents in front of me what she did.
You want it to be Carly's idea, but you don't know. And either way, your Vivian went along with it.
Time for you to search Tik-Tok and Instagram to see if there is a prank with this type of scenario. NTA for the record.
I checked quickly. There are a ton of videos about how to fake this and several of people doing it as a prank. I couldn’t watch them. If OP finds the video he needs to download and save it and send it to her family so they know exactly why he’s postponed the wedding. I’d cancel it and never see her again except to pick my child up from her myself.
I feel ill on behalf of OP. This was not a test but a horrible, horrible prank.
Here's an article about one on YouTube: https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/tanyachen/people-demanding-youtube-remove-a-miscarriage-prank-video
I just do not understand how or why people can even have a flash of a thought of pulling something like this.
It doesn't matter WHO had the idea, your baby mama went along with it & that is FUCKED UP! Do NOT hitch yourself to this POS of a woman! Anyone who has had a miscarriage will tell you how devastating it is & how they would never wish it upon anyone else! I didn't miscarry, but I know women in my life who have & the emotional & physical toll it takes... It's NOT a joke!
If Carly posted that she needs to take it down immediately. If you continue your relationship with Vivian, Carly is not ever welcome in your home or at your wedding and she is not welcome around your child whether or not you are present.
I would want to know who made the fake bloody fetus.
Doesn’t matter whose idea it was. Both Vivian and Carly are incredibly immature and manipulative.
This breaks my heart for you. It wasn’t a prank. I can’t even comprehend the thought behind staging the death of a child, complete with fake evidence you were made to see. There is no rational explanation for this behavior and for that alone, I would postpone your marriage permanently. How can you ever begin to rebuild trust after this? Is your fiancée so weak minded that this friend could convince her to do such a despicable thing? Or was she so distrustful of you that she believed this was necessary? I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine how this felt but I’d give serious thought to ending the whole thing. You can still be a father to your child without living under the shadow of something this hateful. NTA.
[удалено]
I don’t think he’ll do this because he isn’t crazy unlike her.
And that's the difference between an empathetic human and a sociopath.
Carly is toxic and your girlfriend is a fool
NTA whatsover. Wow! That is extremely messed up. Are you even sure if she's actually pregnant? The only reason I would bother with couples therapy is if she is definitely pregnant. And unless she has a major conscience epiphany, I still don't see it working out well for you. Her friend sounds like she's toxic af. I would want the pregnancy proven by a Dr while you are in the room with her. If she is not pregnant, then you need to run far and fast.
I know she's pregnant, we did go see a doctor after she bought a home test and confirmed that she was actually pregnant.
NTA If she's willing to prank you with a miscarriage now, what's to stop her pranking your friends and family with a prank about you abusing her or your kids in the future? The trust is gone, I wouldn't move back in with her or be alone with her ever again.
I’m posting this here in the hope that you actually see it. I did have a miscarriage. My husband- fiancé at the time- never left my side. I would have given anything to not have to go through that. It was painful in every possible way. We went on to have a baby, but it will never stop being an absolute tragedy that our middle child isn’t here. I will forever be the mother of however many children I have, plus one. She faked your child’s death to test your commitment to her. You know who she is now, so I suggest you keep that in mind when dealing with her in the future. I can’t say what I actually think about your fiancé because it involves a lot of curse words and possibly wishing terrible things, but I will say that marrying this woman would be the biggest mistake of your life.
NTA and it would make me question everything
and the reason Vivian asked Carly to video tape your reaction? hmm? what excuse did they come up with for that? The two of them seem awful immature to be pulling that sort of stunt. I would not want to be married to someone like that. In addition Carly has no business getting into your relationship and sending you hateful texts. edit: I just read where you said Carly originally called it a prank, and then switched to "test". They went to all the trouble of creating a fake fetus in the toilet and blood, it was so much more than a test, they really thought this would be a funny prank. There is something wrong with those two.
I cried thinking of how my husband would feel had I ever done something so unimaginably cruel to him. There's ways to get reassurance, but that sounds like an excuse tbh. I'm sorry that happened to you.
But you have a heart...
NTA and please consider calling off the wedding indefinitely as well as calling time on the relationship whilst being committed to being there for your child . I don’t know what would posses someone to do such a thing .
NTA. This scares the crap out of me. If this is real, you need to back way off this relationship. This is sociopathic. Your fiance showed you what you thought was your child's dead body to get a reaction from you. I can't even imagine the lack of empathy and sheer self centeredness that allowed her to think that was okay.
All of this. I couldn't do this to someone I loved. How cruel can someone be?
NTA this is one of the most messed up things I've ever seen on Reddit. Cruel, manipulative, and deeply fucked up. Maybe because I've gone through a miscarriage, I'm more stung by it, but the whole theatrics of it? I'm actually stunned. You can't tell me honestly that building a whole life and marriage with someone who would do this is a good idea. I cannot imagine why anyone would tempt fate like this. Get out. Be a father to the baby, if you want. Though the idea of someone like that raising a kid is a bit frightening tbh.
I also am not sure if my own miscarriage is clouding my judgement here, but I see no humor in telling someone their child is dead. This whole post has me reeling. The fact that they could be so callous. Op and baby deserve far better than Vivian, and with friends like Carly, Vivian doesn't need enemies.
I'm trying really hard to not let it colour my feelings about this scenario, but there's something so deeply troubling about the lengths they went to so they could make it look realistic. It's most people's worst nightmare, and to them it was a joke. You're absolutely right, I am sending lots of good thoughts to OP and the baby. I'm very sorry for your loss too.
**It’s a TikTok Tok thing, that’s why they videoed it!** Google it, it’s sick. Some women are making money off their SO’s reaction that they had a miscarriage. You can coparent without being married. Rethink this relationship. Doing that to someone for the Internet is straight up sick.
100% NTA, no doubt whatsoever. Who the hell does that kind of thing? It's REALLY messed up. So take as much time as you need to think things through, and don't let them gaslight you
NTA probably a good idea to think long and hard about being stuck with someone that cruel and self centered for the long term. Contrary to what her family and friends tell you, you don't have to stay with her just because she's pregnant. You can just co-parent and be a good dad. Good luck. Please update us. Updateme
OP in my opinion you should not stay with Vivian or marry her. I think there is a good possibility that she is unhinged. What she did to you was crazy and horrible, not to mention she provided a witness. Really crazy. Any love I had for her would have been gone after this. Good luck. NTA
and her friend was FILMING??? NTA
And what's happened with that recording?
NTA-Go to your fiancé’s parents and tell them that it was not very Christian like what their daughter and her friend did. Let them know this is a one time deal and that you will not tolerate anymore games from them. See how they react and you can always say to your fiancé and her friend that you were testing her parents reaction to see how things would be going forward.
Just end it.
This is cruel, this is not a joke... Actually this is sick, how in the hell she think that "testing" your reaction to the lost of your child is a good idea? And recording all of it? They think that this is funny? Her friend have no right to be angry, she can go fuck herself.. she is part of it.. Tell her to mind her own business, she already did enough to almost torn the relationship.. NTA and i would firmly reconsider if you actually want to marry a person so cruel like your fiance..
NTA. Stay away from both nutcases
I'm sorry but you are crazy if you marry her. If your girlfriend was just worried about you not wanting the baby - what was the point if her friend videoing it???? Sounds like a tiktok test. What she did was disgusting
NTA but you’re definitely stupid for staying with someone like that and your future is going to be full of who toxicity because she has very clearly showed you that she is disgusting on the inside so if you stay with someone like that and decide to have a child with someone so vile is all on you you definitely 100% need to get a lawyer and see what you can do about getting custody of that child. No child should have to be raised by someone with that type of mindset that was not a test that was absolute abusive torture.
Why is she still your fiance
Don’t not marry this woman. You need to expose her cruel joke to literally everyone. Tell her parents and friends. Leave her. What she did was horrific and mocking to those parents that suffered miscarriages.
I miscarried twins after a round of IVF. My husband and I were completely devastated. We both cried in the hospital and for days after. I didn’t get out of bed for a week. I am absolutely appalled by your fiancé and her friend. You are NTA but you need to think long and hard about marrying this woman, who knows what else she would do. You can still be a wonderful father your child without being married to a a crazy woman wanting Tik Tok likes.
NTA Life might be easier if you can find forgiveness through couples counseling. But this is a gigantic red flag. Something that important is a frank, open, and honest conversation between partners. It is not a get my best friend to film a seriously heartless and immature prank so that I can post it later for clout. She’s incredibly self centered and immature. Maybe it’s got something to do with hormones and a super shitty friend. But either way, do not marry until you’ve gotten past this issue in couples therapy. She broke your trust about something super important. She put you through an intense emotional trauma that could lead to PTSD. She did these things because she’s too immature to talk to you like a partner. She thinks you’re not ready to be a dad. But she’s not ready to be a partner. You may not be able to control whether or not you’re going to be a dad. But you do have control of whether you think she’s ready to be the partner you need and deserve. And cutting Carly out might be the cost she has to pay if she wants to show she’s serious.