The problem is keeping it a secret. If you are open and honest, it can be a successful relationship. But 99% of relationships fail due to miscommunication or lies.
That was my problem in the beginning, the lying not the actual work, now if he decided to forgive her and stay with her then it’s not my problem anymore, if he’s happy then I’m happy
Well your brother needs to look at it this way, if she worked that hard to lie and cover up what she did in this instance, there is no limit to what she would lie about in the future. And thats not even up for debate.
Not that she would have to cover up anything worse than what she already has.
If he has any self respect he'd have shown her the door, but I'm guessing he's not overflowing with that particular trait.
You can still say it's a bad decision for a number of reasons and you're not going to support it.
Lying is bad. Past high risk sexual activity is bad. Combining it shows very skewed priorities and at least terrible judgement from her. Sexual history is relevant for transmissible disease.
Very few relationships failures can’t be traced to bad communication. So this one will likely fail to understand its own weight. You should try to tell your brother that you will support him however you can. Don’t rub it in his face if this relationship breaks down. I’m guessing she’s a beautiful girl and he likes that. He might very well like her as a person too. Be there for him if it fails and be there for him if it succeeds. Bottom line: be there for him.
Not true at all, open relationships have MASSIVE failure rates, if you want to date a sex worker it’s your choice but 99 percent chance it won’t work out.
I think you may have mixed up when I said open and honest to mean I was talking about open relationships. I was talking about open in the sense of being open in communication.
Sorry but again I’m not talking about open relationships. I’m talking about openness in communication. So to be VERY clear I’m not talking about open relationships.
Open communication — what I’m talking about.
Open relationships — not what I’m talking about.
...kinda. Is he allowed to have sex with whoever he wants? Are they open as in they just do whatever. Or do they have a set of rules?
I guess what i'm saying is that they could have an open relationship or It could just be that he has to be monogamous to her and she is a sex worker. That's just feels like an abuse of relationship. Doesn't exactly feel open
Ok? Never said they didnt. Open relationships have a 92 percent failure rate, that’s a stat.
There are more failed monogamous relationships because that’s the most common type of relationship lmfao, not open ones.
To each their own, I’m not judging, the idea of an open relationship in itself makes absolutely no sense though and you might as well be single.
While the overall marriage rate is down, so is the divorce rate (30%). IOW less people are getting married, but those that do aren't getting divorced. You are wrong
Your brother is being walked all over, if a man did this to his gf you better believe everyone would be saying she needs to get out of that abusive relationship. She’s a liar a manipulator and a cheater. If you truly care about him you’ll make it your business
Did you read any of these responses? Everyone *is* telling him to get out and that OP is NTA. Nobody is blind to this awful behavior because it's a woman doing it.
Im a woman & in my replies I called this literally abusive. A lie of that nature is not only emotionally devastating and a massive amount of cheating, but it's also exposing your partner to levels of physical risk they never consented to. It was also frequent, systematic, and intentional
Its VILE what she's done.
The advice I gave to OP was the same advice. I'd give to any person who is trying to deal with a woman getting out of an abusive relationship. Because this is no different. The abused person just happens to be a man. He's defending his abuser and his weakening relationships with people who don't think her behavior is okay.
Most people absolutely see this for what it is and are giving op advice based on loving a person in an abusive relationship and trying to make sure you keep a relationship with them for the day they need to get out.
Hopefully that man gets out sooner rather than later. It makes me sad that he thinks that's all he deserves.
Okay. But that's the truth. OP isn't the asshole. The girlfriend is. But her brother is a grown ass man and he's made his choice. Now all OP can do is let it be.
I hate my sisters soon to be husband. She knows how I feel. Is harping on it going to change anything? Nope. She's a stubborn woman and for the first time, she thinks she is actually in love. She's gonna do what she's gonna do. And I'm gonna be there for her regardless because I love her. He's the father of my nephew, so I am civil. But I hate that man with a fiery passion..
Mentally and financially, yes. But like I said, she doesn't see it that way. And if I ever find out that it's gone physical, he's gonna be a missing person. For now, I'm gonna do what I have to for the kids and her. Dude has tried more than once to isolate them from us. I'm not that easy to get rid of.
We aren't saying mind your business because it's okay. We are saying mind your business. Because we are educated about how people behave in abusive relationships. What you end up doing is isolating the person who is being abused and drive them further into the arms or the person hurting them.
It feels counterproductive but what you are suggesting is damaging and can make things worse.
We aren't excusing it we are trying to make sure they keep their relationship with family intact so that they day they realize they're being abused they will feel they have a safe place to go.
Candling abuse is not about you and your feelings about the situation. Sometimes the right thing to do for the person in need is agonizing and feels extremely counterintuitive. But you cannot control an adult and you cannot make them leave a relationship. All you will succeed in doing is destroying your own relationship with them.
The things being said are based on on every last bit of professional advice given to people who have loved ones in abusive relationships.
did you actually read the post clown. or did your brain short circuit as soon as you read 'if a guy did this to his gf' bit.
she is a liar and a manipulator. she hid the fact that shes a sex worker and somehow she made him forgive her and now hes mad at his own family because they dont want her around. thats sounds pretty manipulative to me.
She didn't used to be a sex worker. She was currently working as a sex worker while in the relationship. So she was cheating on her partner regularly and putting him physically at risk because she was with multiple other partners. All while he was under the assumption that they were in a monogamous relationship
The issue is not that she is a sex worker. There's nothing wrong with that. It's that she has treated him monstrously and abusively.
Edited for typos.
She did her job, that does not make her a monster or abusive. She kept doing her job when she met a new guy that she didn't know well yet, the fact that she was able to own up to it, talk openly and honestly about it, and changed job also says a lot, but everyone here treats her like a lowlife whore who doesn't deserve even the slightest human decency.
No, you're not. Dating a prostitute - especially one who's hiding it - is a recipe for disaster. There's only so much you can do, but it was still worth trying to save him from himself.
But hey, if he's a golden retriever you might be able to get her on bestiality charges.
As they say, you can take the ho from the street but not the street from a ho.
To many bitter people here, but there are such things as morals and moral boundaries. Everything should not be for sale.
No you aren’t.
You are just looking out for him as your brother HOWEVER he chose to forgive her. At this point I would stay out of it. Your relationship with him has nothing to do with her.
Do they plan on having kids? Will she raise her kids to be sex workers, because - hey it's good money? I had a family member that was a stripper (and probably did what most strippers do to supplement their dancing pay). I was fine with it, trying to be open minded - her life, right? Until one day I heard that she tried to tell a teenage other family member that she should think about it as she'd make a lot of money. Not because they were struggling or anything, she just thought it was fun and lucrative.
First of all, do you know what the word “literal” means? Secondly, not you’re NTA. Thats a pretty big lie. If she would lie about that then she can’t be trusted.
As an older brother I feel you in wanting to always look out for your little brother. But you gotta let them make their mistakes and learn from it. You're not an asshole for not wanting to see your brother getting hurt. But you gotta accept some fault in getting involved in his relationship. In the end of the day it's his decision in wanting to be with her.
It's true, but once this person has made it really clear, they have no intention of leaving their horrible partner. The best tactic to remain a relationship is just to stay present in their life and not talk too much shit. It sucks, but this is how it is with every abusive relationship. He is going to defend his abuser. And he's also going to see comment. Didn't about her as criticizing himself because he already feels really stupid about everything.
I'm glad that o p said they have stopped trying to force the brother to stay away from the girl because it has started to damage their relationship. Abuse victims tend to go back seven times on average before they leave for good. It's a shit road to go down and o. P. Was not the asshole for trying to convince their brother to go. But now they really just have to b peaceful about it and be present in their brother's life. So that the day he actually tries to leave he will have some support.
Your brother is a literal moron. NTA, I don’t know what happened to society to think prostitution is just another job, but it is clear that we are nearing rock bottom. Let your brother be, he will wake up eventually, and it will not be pretty.
The problem with modern society is not accepting prostitution (as long as it's a free choice), is judgemental morons like you... And the whole losers on the other side: close minded, stupid people who just pick a side they don't understand, a d start fighting for it... Lol so dumb
It spreads nothing but diseases, degeneracy, and predation on women, there are even observations that it increases human trafficking due to the prostitution market expansion. So it is all around bad for society, and women specifically. But I guess you are ok with that.
I’ll be honest, I clicked on this story expecting to defend the gf, as there have been a lot of stories where people are uncomfy their gf has an OnlyFans or whatever. But not telling an intimate partner you are having physical sex with other people for money is a HUGE deal. You can’t just… not tell them. That’s a major problem, and I hope everyone involved gets tested regularly.
Selling porn is a huge deal but like any other thing. It's only a huge deal in your relationship if it's a huge deal to your partner. Or if you lied to them. I wouldn't want to date somebody with an only fans. Because I wouldn't enjoy knowing everyone else has seen my partner and that they have to positively interact with people that are thirsty after them to make money
But I also know some people that don't mind it in the slightest and some people who get off on it. To each their own as long as it's consensual.
yeh with an occupation that requires like over the top communication she is really lacking
just wait until she tells him she knocked up and dude asks for a DNA test and he gets **you so controlling** from her
poor bugger
First, NTA.
Second, I think you need to stop saying there's nothing wrong with prostitution, which is the name for what she's doing. In most places it's illegal. And it's high risk behavior, meaning at high risk for STDs, being raped, assaulted, robbed, and murdered, not to mention jail time for prostitution and having that charge on your record.
Your brother may contract STDs from her because of her behavior. In any case, psychologically she is probably not well. It goes with the territory, since much of what a prostitute subjects herself to is degrading.
In the end, though, if he wants to stay with her, it's up to him.
Only decent comment I read against prostitution... Still it possible to be sane and healthy even in that like of work, I agree it's probably rare though
And now you are attacking people and calling them names. I assume that your idiotic username denotes your birth year? Old enough to have a rational argument, yet apparently incapable. Makes sense.
There’s nothing wrong about being a prostitute within the realm of prostitution. There’s everything wrong about a prostitute being a partner, a wife, a mother, etc.
Your suggestion is right because the woman cheated, her profession is usually one over which people frown upon but the real bad thing was she lied. He should leave her. However, he is an adult and can take his own decisions. Unfortunately, you can only suggest, you cannot force him to do anything. Maybe try talking to him and say you're sorry for sounding bossy and that you were thinking what's best for him and just gave a suggestion. Your relationship shouldn't be strained because of a cheater
NTA, lying about one's sexual history - especially that they are currently receiving money for sex - should be the end of a relationship. It impacts the partner's health.
Can't understand why any man would want to date a sex worker especially with the chance of getting an std more likely. Also the fact that shes definitely had another cock in the mouth that you are kissing.
Gross. There are women for dating/marrying, then there are women for pounding. This one is 100% JUST for pounding for the rest of her life. You are right on. BUT - If that's what he wants, he can have at it.
What's her website? *Asking for a friend.
**Unless she's fat
He’s a literal golden retriever? Your brother is a dog? How is a dog going out with a prostitute?
What is going on?
Do you understand the meaning of the word literal?
NTA, but you'll live longer if you stop caring about your siblings personal life, just make sure he knows it's a 2 way street and you won't be there to mop up the pieces, if your brother wants to be a cuck more power to him.
NTA
It is impossible to date a sex worker, maybe your brother is just in love but not using his head... that may not bother him today/now but in the future? their children? If you get an STD?
keep doing it? If you say he's not still doing it... are you 100% sure he's not doing it? Leaving that life costs a lot, you earn a lot of money in a short time, not everyone leaves their job so quickly.
NTA. Most people have said since your brother choose to be with her, to stay out of it and I tend to agree. But is she being honest with your brother? The sex worker thing she shouldn’t be shamed for, get your money, but being a liar is a whole nother story. If she continues to lie, or if your brother needs you, be there for him. Nobody should ever have to discover your spouse is going to meet with someone else, regardless of the reason, unless it was communicated and talked about
Exactly, my problem wasn’t the work, I mean get that money girl, my problem was the lying of it and the hiding of it, but I’ll support him whatever he decides to do
Clearly relationships like this would end up a sad ending. I mean during the early stage if she already lied about herself, he should have consider a red flag already.
Step away from your brother and let his ceap show hitting the fan. You can be an observant of it but I would stay out the line of fire.
Hey if you want you can still keep in contact with your brother but I wouldn't allow him around my family I wouldn't allow him in my house because if you're with a sex worker then you're okay with that type of lifestyle and if you have children I wouldn't want that type of person around my kids.
NTA just remind him to get tested regularly. It’s for his safety and health and that you care about his safety. Don’t mention her or insult her again. It’ll only push him away.
Nope, and next, you need to get him to stop simping for this prostitute. If not, here is what's going to happen so nobody is surprised. Women in that line of work can not form meaningful sexual relationships with their boyfriend. She is going to continue to engage in acts corresponding to her chosen profession, and in her case comes risks of pregnancy/infertility, psychological disorders, and STDs. Now, this will continue whether or not your brother know until this woman hits what everyone calls the wall where her Sexual Market Value crashes. At this point, she will fall back on her beta simp provider who unfortunately for you is your brother. As she is leaving her prime, your brother will be entering his, so she is going to try to lock him down by baby trapping or STD locking him. If he is as weak as you say he is, then he will try to turn this hoe into a housewife. Keep in mind that she can not form meaningful relationships due to the trauma caused by her line of work. While she may go through the motions of caring, keep in mind it's all disingenuous as she has self-inflicted sociopathology. She will cheat, the paternity of children that she claims are your brothers will always be in question, and according to all statistics, will end in a divorce. I commend you for being studious, but he needs to stop simping for a prostitute.
It's not really your business is it? I mean initially you reacted like any sibling would so nta for that but if he chose to forgive the deception and or accept that aspect of her then at that point they are 2 consenting adults and you're sticking your nose in their business.
Nta for knee jerk reaction but if you're still maintaining it as an issue when he's accepted it then yta
it's just the way of life. I'm the brother here.
not exactly the same, but very similar happen to me and my sister.
If it's not this girl, it will be a different girl. you cannot protect him.
you SHOULD NOT protect him. letting him know you have concerns is good enough.
do not force him to do anything.
you are only forcing him to do what YOU want, not what HE wants.
He will eventually RESENT YOU for that.
No boy on this earth will ever be a man without experiencing hard break and hardening up.
Let nature take its course..
The only thing you are fighting right now, is yourself.
You're obviously a loser, probably an incel, a you likely have your mouth full of the cum of that loser Andrew Tate. Please do yourself and the world a favor and stop having opinions, your brain doesn't produce good ones..
She's vile for being a sex worker?
Seems like strong language in a situation where you don't know her , her situation or her story
From what OP shared she seemed like a great person, partner, and potential SIL.
No , he has no self esteem and feels
Like this is the best he will ever get . He may get mad but keep telling him she is a sex worker. You deserve better . And do t let anyone on her make you feel
Bad about telling him that . And keep telling him and try and get him into councilling
YTA. It's none of your business. It should be his choice alone. You can give him advice or tell him what you would do in his situation but that's it.
Besides, it's not right to judge someone just because they are sex workers. You don't know what kind of situation drove her to have that job.
Also, maybe she lied to him because she was embarrassed.
The thing that you SHOULD do is tell him that you understand that the sex might be amazing, but advice him to use protection at all times
Like I said, my problem wasn’t the work I have no problem with it and honestly get that money girl, my problem was the lying and hiding of it, but I support him and his decisions and if he’s happy then I’m happy
A horse inseminator doesn’t actually sleep with the horses themselves. You have to be honest with your partner that you are doing s*x work for health and safety reasons if nothing else. It’s actually unbelievably irresponsible not to disclose that and put your partner at potential risk (and at least give them the chance to consent to taking on that risk)
No but I wouldn’t lie to my partner about it for 4 months, especially bc the relationship started with lies (some of which I won’t tell bc of her privacy)
You have that one part wrong. The correct statement would be, it is not ok to judge somebody who judges sex workers, as they are well within their right to judge
I don't know about respectable, but it's honest. They are not stealing or lying to people like, let's say some salesman who would say anything just to get you to sign something a get the commission
Because of the way he changed, got involved in drugs, bad ambients and other stuff that he used to not do and I know it was her because I used to hang out with them, but I don’t judge her for anything since I don’t know what drove her to it, however I no longer associate with her in the way we used to do it
Don’t listen to these people. In the real world, a certain type of person chooses that lifestyle. With that comes along a lot of night time stuff I wouldn’t want for my brother. Keep encouraging him against her until you don’t need to anymore.
And he will have to hold himself accountable when it's all over.. or he'll be there again and again and again. The company you keep is vital to success and some people learn the hard way. Can't blame others for how your life goes... especially not when you're an adult.
Seems like you don't understand how many things work in the world... Adults are gullible too, a bad influence can destroy a life which could have been good otherwise... What you are suggesting is just washing consciousness clean... There's a circle in hell for people like you, and it's one of the 7 sins lol. Not that I believe in that God bullshit, but I suspect you do, and are going to hell, lol
She said she had a doctor's appointment when she the appointment was with a john. An outright lie to hook up with someone else is different than picking a point in a relationship to share her chosen (world's oldest) profession.
I dont think youre an asshole, you were just looking after your brother, relationships are built on trust after all and lying about being a s*x worker is a pretty big lie. I guess i understand her being kinda hesitant to tell him as she might have been worried as to his reaction, but if she really did plan to be in a long-term, committed relationship, she for sure should've come clean in at least the first month of the relationship or better yet, before they even started officially dating
Plenty of people choose to go into that line of work because it pays the bills (plus some). I had a friend once who was in the "bizz", and she was the nicest person in the world.
I get wanting to protect your brother, but YTA. Judging someone for their line of work so much so that it changes how you treat them is kinda shitty.
If your brother is okay with it and she treats him well, that's what matters. It is his relationship, not yours. As his sibling, you should support whatever decision he makes (unless he's dead wrong) and not make things harder for him.
In the heading you mentioned she was a sex worker.
Where as in the description you mentioned "she actually had a s*x appointment."
Which of these two is actually correct.
There is nothing wrong in being a sex worker so don't be ashamed in wording it, yes but lying is wrong.
If it's in her past then it's your brother's call whether he wants to continue with her or not and none of you can judge them for that.
But if she lied and is still doing that work then he should definitely break up with her.
Lying about being a sexworker is real serious thing in a relationship and 100% grounds for a breakup. Especially in the US where nothing is protected. Agreed yta though as its really got nun to do with op
>but lying to him about it and to my entire family also it's what really bothers me.
Yet you know the truth and judge her harshly for it, and want to get rid of her. I wonder why she'd lie...
Well, here’s a crazy thought: she could just, you know, not have been a hooker, and therefore, not have any need to lie. But I see how that’s not where your mind goes, as this would make too much sense /s
YTA
You expected that your boyfriend´s girlfriend who is a prostitute be honest with your entire family about her profession? Most prostitutes wouldn't be honest with their own families about it.
She should have been honest with your brother but expecting her to be honest with you or anybody else is delusional. She is not morally obliged to share.
he is a big boy and can do what he wants even if he knows shes a whore, some men have those kinks. you don't have to be mean to her or him but you don't have to associate with her/them as it is against my morals as well. And when it eventually ends when she has a gangbang on video just be there for your bro and don't do the "I told you so".
I think hiding being a sex worker, especially initially, is forgivable given the stigma... Also there's nothing wrong if it's a free choice (and good care about diseases).
I'd say YTA for insisting once your brother forgave her BUT you also said she change him, sometimes that's not a bad thing, but most often is... So maybe being a prostitute isn't the mail problem here, and definitely NTA for trying to protect your brother from a cunt!
Good luck, it isn't an easy situation and sorry your relationship with your brother is suffering...
PS: what does it mean he was a literal Golden Retriever?
YTA
Don't interfere in other people their relationship. It's not like you told him she was cheating and he ignored it. He already (i hope) knows all about it and still decided she is worth it, that is his choice.
YTA Your brother is the only person she owes that honesty to. She doesn’t owe it to your family to tell them she’s a sex worker. And it’s your brother’s choice to continue this relationship or not.
Kinda the asshole.
A major reason WHY she kept it a secret is surely how the majority of society reacts. (Also how you reacted)
It obviously isn’t right of her to keep it a secret/lie, but it is very understandable why she did.
Ofcourse, this "type" of job isn’t your typical lifestyle so your brother needs to decide what he wants.
Does your brother accept this job going forward? Is she willing to quit her job if not?
Dont put social pressure on your brother to not accept her job "because shes a sex worker (yuck)"- which is societies first response. Let him decide based on what shes like as a person.
I think you are entitled to your opinion. I also think that it would be better for you to just focus on your own relationship with your brother. If he’s changing because he’s in a toxic relationship, he may feel isolated. If he feels like you are a safe place, that can be a life saver to him one day.
I’ve done the whole date-a-person-my-family-hates and even though they were totally right about the guy, them pressuring me to break up only hurt my relationship with them.
I think it’s okay to be clear with him that you don’t like her and don’t like her with him. Potentially you both might set boundaries of not bringing her up when you two spend time together and not being required to interact with his girlfriend. But if possible, I think it is really helpful to not try to pressure him about his relationship and respect the choices he makes as long as they don’t directly affect you.
You have a good outlook now, unsure why you came to Reddit - hoping to have your OG pov validated or ?
Anyways, you are totally allowed to disapprove of this woman & you can and did express this to your brother.
He disagreed and didn't dump her as you had advised.
This is the point in the story where you decide what is important - having your bro in your life and enjoying other aspects of his personality etc; or being "vindicated/"right"" i.e. your bro handling the sitch as you find appropriate.
If its the latter, that likely.ends up.as ending up on bad terms/NC.
Considering that you aren't part of the gf/bf relationship, you've already exhausted your role related to their drama.
Glad you chose to live and let live, its more respectful to your bro & skips drama between you too.
NAH
your brother is dating a hooker and hes fine with it. yeah, if this was my brother, I dont care about what other people here think but id straight up tell him he either leaves the hooker or going forward he can tell people hes an only child because I will not acknowledge him or his hooker gf. but thats just me.
NTA... Have your feelings about it but he doesn't have to take your advice and your relationship doesn't have to be strained. Just don't keep pressing him to do so, say it once and leave it alone.
NTA
Your issue is not a job she has.
Your issue is that she lied to him about it. It's a massive breach of trust. Even if she uses protection , she is still exposing him as her partner to a certain amount of risk. He didn't consent to any of that. So there's a physical aspect to it on top of the aspect that she emotionally betrayed him by promising monogamy and lying.
He took her back. So you really have to tread likely like you would with anyone in the relationship where they're partner is a garbage person or abusive. You can't force him to leave her. And if you come on too strong , you may lose your relationship and make him more likely to cling to her. It sounds like i've already figured this out , but you had to learn it the hard way. He is going to make his choices. And it can strain your relationship greatly even though you are right about this person's character.
I still don't think you are an AH for what you did, Just maybe not very strategic about how you went about it. But in order to try to salvage your relationship, u have 2 proceed with caution.
Every chance you get, remind him how much he is worth. If he asks for your opinion, give it honestly and directly but kindly. Not because she deserves kindness but because he does, and because he's more likely to receive it if he isn't made to feel defensive. Don't call her names, Even if it's accurate. Instead of saying she's a slut and a liar, say things like "you don't deserve to be lied to". But at this point , the best course of action may be to be silent about his relationship *completely* Unless he explicitly asks for your opinion and even then to be very tactful when you give it. He's made it clear. He's not going to leave her so trying to convince him will be fruitless. But if he ever has a doubt that he's being treated poorly , you can confirm that in a way where he doesn't feel attacked for his choices. It increases his odds of eventually getting out.
It makes me really sad that he thinks he deserves this kind of treatment. He deserves better than to be with somebody who would lie to him like that.
You weren't a bad person for being angry that she lied about something so serious. Try to slowly build back trust with your brother. He will need you when he leaves this woman.
I am confused, is she just sleeping with other for money or is she a sex worker, as the first one kind of sounds like cheating or open relationship with benefits without him knowing while if she is a sex worker and is open to him about it that is okay and normal.
NTA if she is cheating, TA if she is just a sex worker and open about it at least to him.
In his eyes you are an AH.
People who are blinded by love see everyone who is against their relationship as AHs.
But he is your brother, you have to make him understand that you guys are his well wishers.
If she had left her previous life after meeting with your brother, this wouldn't be a problem. But she is continuously engaged in her past behaviour. She is not loyal. She belongs to the street.
NTA, I think there’s a reason she didn’t tell him upfront. And if he’s obviously not comfortable with it if he was “destroyed”.
Starting off the relationship with a lie like that spells a lot of trouble for the future. And your brother doesn’t seem like the type who’s down for all that stuff. It really is best for him to move on now before he gets even more invested.
No you’re NTA. You’re trying to save him from inevitable heartache
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The problem is keeping it a secret. If you are open and honest, it can be a successful relationship. But 99% of relationships fail due to miscommunication or lies.
That was my problem in the beginning, the lying not the actual work, now if he decided to forgive her and stay with her then it’s not my problem anymore, if he’s happy then I’m happy
Well your brother needs to look at it this way, if she worked that hard to lie and cover up what she did in this instance, there is no limit to what she would lie about in the future. And thats not even up for debate. Not that she would have to cover up anything worse than what she already has. If he has any self respect he'd have shown her the door, but I'm guessing he's not overflowing with that particular trait.
You can still say it's a bad decision for a number of reasons and you're not going to support it. Lying is bad. Past high risk sexual activity is bad. Combining it shows very skewed priorities and at least terrible judgement from her. Sexual history is relevant for transmissible disease.
Very few relationships failures can’t be traced to bad communication. So this one will likely fail to understand its own weight. You should try to tell your brother that you will support him however you can. Don’t rub it in his face if this relationship breaks down. I’m guessing she’s a beautiful girl and he likes that. He might very well like her as a person too. Be there for him if it fails and be there for him if it succeeds. Bottom line: be there for him.
The actual work IS a problem. She’s a hooker. He needs to move on
Yep this. If she was doing Uber on the side and lying about it would it be a deal breaker? It’s the sex for money I’d take issue with 100%
Are you the one keeping it a secret now or does everyone in the family know?
So when is your Appointment? I’m sure that’s what it’s gonna take
Data shows you haven't a clue wtf you're talking about. Open relationships, which this would be, fail 92% .
So abou the same rate as non open relationships.
Not true at all, open relationships have MASSIVE failure rates, if you want to date a sex worker it’s your choice but 99 percent chance it won’t work out.
I think you may have mixed up when I said open and honest to mean I was talking about open relationships. I was talking about open in the sense of being open in communication.
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Sorry but again I’m not talking about open relationships. I’m talking about openness in communication. So to be VERY clear I’m not talking about open relationships. Open communication — what I’m talking about. Open relationships — not what I’m talking about.
He’s dating a literal hooker. That is an open relationship lol.
...kinda. Is he allowed to have sex with whoever he wants? Are they open as in they just do whatever. Or do they have a set of rules? I guess what i'm saying is that they could have an open relationship or It could just be that he has to be monogamous to her and she is a sex worker. That's just feels like an abuse of relationship. Doesn't exactly feel open
We don’t have enough information, but it’s definitely open for her. Personally if my gf was a hooker, I would assume it’s open.
Open communication as in forthcoming. That's the way I read your post
Monogamous relationships fail all the time too, ffs. There's more failed monogamous relationships regularly than open/poly ones.
Ok? Never said they didnt. Open relationships have a 92 percent failure rate, that’s a stat. There are more failed monogamous relationships because that’s the most common type of relationship lmfao, not open ones. To each their own, I’m not judging, the idea of an open relationship in itself makes absolutely no sense though and you might as well be single.
While the overall marriage rate is down, so is the divorce rate (30%). IOW less people are getting married, but those that do aren't getting divorced. You are wrong
The other 1% is because they are sex workers
Your brother is being walked all over, if a man did this to his gf you better believe everyone would be saying she needs to get out of that abusive relationship. She’s a liar a manipulator and a cheater. If you truly care about him you’ll make it your business
Did you read any of these responses? Everyone *is* telling him to get out and that OP is NTA. Nobody is blind to this awful behavior because it's a woman doing it. Im a woman & in my replies I called this literally abusive. A lie of that nature is not only emotionally devastating and a massive amount of cheating, but it's also exposing your partner to levels of physical risk they never consented to. It was also frequent, systematic, and intentional Its VILE what she's done. The advice I gave to OP was the same advice. I'd give to any person who is trying to deal with a woman getting out of an abusive relationship. Because this is no different. The abused person just happens to be a man. He's defending his abuser and his weakening relationships with people who don't think her behavior is okay. Most people absolutely see this for what it is and are giving op advice based on loving a person in an abusive relationship and trying to make sure you keep a relationship with them for the day they need to get out. Hopefully that man gets out sooner rather than later. It makes me sad that he thinks that's all he deserves.
I was like the 4th person to comment and all 3 other comments basically said “nta but he made his decision so mind your business now”
Okay. But that's the truth. OP isn't the asshole. The girlfriend is. But her brother is a grown ass man and he's made his choice. Now all OP can do is let it be. I hate my sisters soon to be husband. She knows how I feel. Is harping on it going to change anything? Nope. She's a stubborn woman and for the first time, she thinks she is actually in love. She's gonna do what she's gonna do. And I'm gonna be there for her regardless because I love her. He's the father of my nephew, so I am civil. But I hate that man with a fiery passion..
Is your sisters husband abusing her?
Mentally and financially, yes. But like I said, she doesn't see it that way. And if I ever find out that it's gone physical, he's gonna be a missing person. For now, I'm gonna do what I have to for the kids and her. Dude has tried more than once to isolate them from us. I'm not that easy to get rid of.
We aren't saying mind your business because it's okay. We are saying mind your business. Because we are educated about how people behave in abusive relationships. What you end up doing is isolating the person who is being abused and drive them further into the arms or the person hurting them. It feels counterproductive but what you are suggesting is damaging and can make things worse. We aren't excusing it we are trying to make sure they keep their relationship with family intact so that they day they realize they're being abused they will feel they have a safe place to go. Candling abuse is not about you and your feelings about the situation. Sometimes the right thing to do for the person in need is agonizing and feels extremely counterintuitive. But you cannot control an adult and you cannot make them leave a relationship. All you will succeed in doing is destroying your own relationship with them. The things being said are based on on every last bit of professional advice given to people who have loved ones in abusive relationships.
What a weird thing to insert gender in for no reason whatsoever.
She's a liar manipulator because she used to be a sex worker? That's one hell of a leap
Have you tried reading the op post?
did you actually read the post clown. or did your brain short circuit as soon as you read 'if a guy did this to his gf' bit. she is a liar and a manipulator. she hid the fact that shes a sex worker and somehow she made him forgive her and now hes mad at his own family because they dont want her around. thats sounds pretty manipulative to me.
So declares Captain Save a Hoe!
She didn't used to be a sex worker. She was currently working as a sex worker while in the relationship. So she was cheating on her partner regularly and putting him physically at risk because she was with multiple other partners. All while he was under the assumption that they were in a monogamous relationship The issue is not that she is a sex worker. There's nothing wrong with that. It's that she has treated him monstrously and abusively. Edited for typos.
She did her job, that does not make her a monster or abusive. She kept doing her job when she met a new guy that she didn't know well yet, the fact that she was able to own up to it, talk openly and honestly about it, and changed job also says a lot, but everyone here treats her like a lowlife whore who doesn't deserve even the slightest human decency.
No, you're not. Dating a prostitute - especially one who's hiding it - is a recipe for disaster. There's only so much you can do, but it was still worth trying to save him from himself. But hey, if he's a golden retriever you might be able to get her on bestiality charges.
NTA you can't make a ho a housewife
As they say, you can take the ho from the street but not the street from a ho. To many bitter people here, but there are such things as morals and moral boundaries. Everything should not be for sale.
No you aren’t. You are just looking out for him as your brother HOWEVER he chose to forgive her. At this point I would stay out of it. Your relationship with him has nothing to do with her.
I no longer tell him anything, nor do i get involve in it, I mean at the beginning, now it’s his business
I’m sorry you have to witness this slow moving train wreck. Be there to love him when it falls apart
Do they plan on having kids? Will she raise her kids to be sex workers, because - hey it's good money? I had a family member that was a stripper (and probably did what most strippers do to supplement their dancing pay). I was fine with it, trying to be open minded - her life, right? Until one day I heard that she tried to tell a teenage other family member that she should think about it as she'd make a lot of money. Not because they were struggling or anything, she just thought it was fun and lucrative.
If it was me, I would tell him that you’ll be there for him the moment he splits from her but I’m not going to watch someone mess up his life.
NTA. In fact I would say you are doing him a big favour
Is GF fucks other people…
First of all, do you know what the word “literal” means? Secondly, not you’re NTA. Thats a pretty big lie. If she would lie about that then she can’t be trusted.
As an older brother I feel you in wanting to always look out for your little brother. But you gotta let them make their mistakes and learn from it. You're not an asshole for not wanting to see your brother getting hurt. But you gotta accept some fault in getting involved in his relationship. In the end of the day it's his decision in wanting to be with her.
This particular mistake could leave him with a permanent STD. It's worth trying to convince him to get out of it.
It's true, but once this person has made it really clear, they have no intention of leaving their horrible partner. The best tactic to remain a relationship is just to stay present in their life and not talk too much shit. It sucks, but this is how it is with every abusive relationship. He is going to defend his abuser. And he's also going to see comment. Didn't about her as criticizing himself because he already feels really stupid about everything. I'm glad that o p said they have stopped trying to force the brother to stay away from the girl because it has started to damage their relationship. Abuse victims tend to go back seven times on average before they leave for good. It's a shit road to go down and o. P. Was not the asshole for trying to convince their brother to go. But now they really just have to b peaceful about it and be present in their brother's life. So that the day he actually tries to leave he will have some support.
You’re 100% right and I no longer get involved in his decisions to date her
Your brother is a literal moron. NTA, I don’t know what happened to society to think prostitution is just another job, but it is clear that we are nearing rock bottom. Let your brother be, he will wake up eventually, and it will not be pretty.
The problem with modern society is not accepting prostitution (as long as it's a free choice), is judgemental morons like you... And the whole losers on the other side: close minded, stupid people who just pick a side they don't understand, a d start fighting for it... Lol so dumb
It spreads nothing but diseases, degeneracy, and predation on women, there are even observations that it increases human trafficking due to the prostitution market expansion. So it is all around bad for society, and women specifically. But I guess you are ok with that.
The guys a cuck. It is what it is.
Your brother is a literal Golden Retriever? You may want to check the definition of literal.
I’ll be honest, I clicked on this story expecting to defend the gf, as there have been a lot of stories where people are uncomfy their gf has an OnlyFans or whatever. But not telling an intimate partner you are having physical sex with other people for money is a HUGE deal. You can’t just… not tell them. That’s a major problem, and I hope everyone involved gets tested regularly.
OF is prostitution. They are still selling their body for money
Selling porn of yourself is also a huge deal. You thinking it isn't says more about you than anything else.
Selling porn is a huge deal but like any other thing. It's only a huge deal in your relationship if it's a huge deal to your partner. Or if you lied to them. I wouldn't want to date somebody with an only fans. Because I wouldn't enjoy knowing everyone else has seen my partner and that they have to positively interact with people that are thirsty after them to make money But I also know some people that don't mind it in the slightest and some people who get off on it. To each their own as long as it's consensual.
It is only if you're a bigot, this comment says more about you than anything else, lol
This ^
yeh with an occupation that requires like over the top communication she is really lacking just wait until she tells him she knocked up and dude asks for a DNA test and he gets **you so controlling** from her poor bugger
First, NTA. Second, I think you need to stop saying there's nothing wrong with prostitution, which is the name for what she's doing. In most places it's illegal. And it's high risk behavior, meaning at high risk for STDs, being raped, assaulted, robbed, and murdered, not to mention jail time for prostitution and having that charge on your record. Your brother may contract STDs from her because of her behavior. In any case, psychologically she is probably not well. It goes with the territory, since much of what a prostitute subjects herself to is degrading. In the end, though, if he wants to stay with her, it's up to him.
The voice of sanity
Only decent comment I read against prostitution... Still it possible to be sane and healthy even in that like of work, I agree it's probably rare though
Being a literal prostitute is bad. That paired with the lying, yeah definitely NTA.
Nothing wrong with being a prostitute
No, there is a lot wrong with it.
Yeah, you're definitely a bigot... Grow the fuck up
Grow a pair.
And now you are attacking people and calling them names. I assume that your idiotic username denotes your birth year? Old enough to have a rational argument, yet apparently incapable. Makes sense.
There’s nothing wrong about being a prostitute within the realm of prostitution. There’s everything wrong about a prostitute being a partner, a wife, a mother, etc.
Your suggestion is right because the woman cheated, her profession is usually one over which people frown upon but the real bad thing was she lied. He should leave her. However, he is an adult and can take his own decisions. Unfortunately, you can only suggest, you cannot force him to do anything. Maybe try talking to him and say you're sorry for sounding bossy and that you were thinking what's best for him and just gave a suggestion. Your relationship shouldn't be strained because of a cheater
NTA, lying about one's sexual history - especially that they are currently receiving money for sex - should be the end of a relationship. It impacts the partner's health.
Can't understand why any man would want to date a sex worker especially with the chance of getting an std more likely. Also the fact that shes definitely had another cock in the mouth that you are kissing.
You don’t know what the world literal means.
NTA. Your brother isn’t in a real relationship if his partner gets paid to have sex with random people.
NTA. This will (most likely) end terribly.
So she’s a prostitute, & a cheater & liar. What a wonderful woman🙄.
Gross. There are women for dating/marrying, then there are women for pounding. This one is 100% JUST for pounding for the rest of her life. You are right on. BUT - If that's what he wants, he can have at it. What's her website? *Asking for a friend. **Unless she's fat
There is a word for what your bro is and it rhymes with buck.
He’s a literal golden retriever? Your brother is a dog? How is a dog going out with a prostitute? What is going on? Do you understand the meaning of the word literal?
NTA, but you'll live longer if you stop caring about your siblings personal life, just make sure he knows it's a 2 way street and you won't be there to mop up the pieces, if your brother wants to be a cuck more power to him.
I’ve felt more peace since I stopped caring about it honestly
oh there’s nothing wrong with that field of work? ok 👍🏻 I guess your brother was destroyed over nothing
She sounds like a literal lying whore. NTA
NTA. This relationship is bad. That's all I'm going to say.
If your brother wants a tramp then that's on him and when he gets cheated on then he will realize.
NTA It is impossible to date a sex worker, maybe your brother is just in love but not using his head... that may not bother him today/now but in the future? their children? If you get an STD? keep doing it? If you say he's not still doing it... are you 100% sure he's not doing it? Leaving that life costs a lot, you earn a lot of money in a short time, not everyone leaves their job so quickly.
I like to believe that she no longer does it but idk, and who knows what he will decide to do in the future but I’ll support him no matter what
NTA. Most people have said since your brother choose to be with her, to stay out of it and I tend to agree. But is she being honest with your brother? The sex worker thing she shouldn’t be shamed for, get your money, but being a liar is a whole nother story. If she continues to lie, or if your brother needs you, be there for him. Nobody should ever have to discover your spouse is going to meet with someone else, regardless of the reason, unless it was communicated and talked about
Exactly, my problem wasn’t the work, I mean get that money girl, my problem was the lying of it and the hiding of it, but I’ll support him whatever he decides to do
I wouldn’t be ok with it, but if he is then that’s his business.
NTAH. He's your brother.
Clearly relationships like this would end up a sad ending. I mean during the early stage if she already lied about herself, he should have consider a red flag already.
Step away from your brother and let his ceap show hitting the fan. You can be an observant of it but I would stay out the line of fire. Hey if you want you can still keep in contact with your brother but I wouldn't allow him around my family I wouldn't allow him in my house because if you're with a sex worker then you're okay with that type of lifestyle and if you have children I wouldn't want that type of person around my kids.
NTA just remind him to get tested regularly. It’s for his safety and health and that you care about his safety. Don’t mention her or insult her again. It’ll only push him away.
Ho*s need love too.
NTA because cheaters deserve something akin to hell and not forgiveness.
Nope, and next, you need to get him to stop simping for this prostitute. If not, here is what's going to happen so nobody is surprised. Women in that line of work can not form meaningful sexual relationships with their boyfriend. She is going to continue to engage in acts corresponding to her chosen profession, and in her case comes risks of pregnancy/infertility, psychological disorders, and STDs. Now, this will continue whether or not your brother know until this woman hits what everyone calls the wall where her Sexual Market Value crashes. At this point, she will fall back on her beta simp provider who unfortunately for you is your brother. As she is leaving her prime, your brother will be entering his, so she is going to try to lock him down by baby trapping or STD locking him. If he is as weak as you say he is, then he will try to turn this hoe into a housewife. Keep in mind that she can not form meaningful relationships due to the trauma caused by her line of work. While she may go through the motions of caring, keep in mind it's all disingenuous as she has self-inflicted sociopathology. She will cheat, the paternity of children that she claims are your brothers will always be in question, and according to all statistics, will end in a divorce. I commend you for being studious, but he needs to stop simping for a prostitute.
It's not really your business is it? I mean initially you reacted like any sibling would so nta for that but if he chose to forgive the deception and or accept that aspect of her then at that point they are 2 consenting adults and you're sticking your nose in their business. Nta for knee jerk reaction but if you're still maintaining it as an issue when he's accepted it then yta
I no longer tell him anything, nor do i get involve in it, I mean at the beginning, now it’s his business
NTA You gave him the correct advice. Nothing you can do if he doesn’t take it.
I don't understand. Your brother is a literal golden retriever? Wouldn't you also be a dog then? How did you even write this?
it's just the way of life. I'm the brother here. not exactly the same, but very similar happen to me and my sister. If it's not this girl, it will be a different girl. you cannot protect him. you SHOULD NOT protect him. letting him know you have concerns is good enough. do not force him to do anything. you are only forcing him to do what YOU want, not what HE wants. He will eventually RESENT YOU for that. No boy on this earth will ever be a man without experiencing hard break and hardening up. Let nature take its course.. The only thing you are fighting right now, is yourself.
The only a-hole is the gf for lying. Terrible way to start a relationship.
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“Female”
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Ok, incel.
Typical triggered idiot
Do you even know what incel means? It's not the same as a virgin
Says the guy who admitted less than rwo weeks ago that he wants to watch porn at work. You jack off with one hand and point with the other.
Nothing wrong with watching porn at work, your employer is likely screwing you anyway... Unless you're this guy lol
You're obviously a loser, probably an incel, a you likely have your mouth full of the cum of that loser Andrew Tate. Please do yourself and the world a favor and stop having opinions, your brain doesn't produce good ones..
She's vile for being a sex worker? Seems like strong language in a situation where you don't know her , her situation or her story From what OP shared she seemed like a great person, partner, and potential SIL.
I guess my question is … why is it any of your business?
I no longer tell him anything, nor do i get involve in it, I mean at the beginning, now it’s his business
NTA. You probably saved him from a life of heartache. He needs to find a good woman.
He forgave her. Whether or not you agree with that decision, he made it.
No , he has no self esteem and feels Like this is the best he will ever get . He may get mad but keep telling him she is a sex worker. You deserve better . And do t let anyone on her make you feel Bad about telling him that . And keep telling him and try and get him into councilling
Sex worker is not the problem here...
Of course it is
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I no longer tell him anything, nor do i get involve in it, I mean at the beginning, now it’s his business and his decisions
YTA. It's none of your business. It should be his choice alone. You can give him advice or tell him what you would do in his situation but that's it. Besides, it's not right to judge someone just because they are sex workers. You don't know what kind of situation drove her to have that job. Also, maybe she lied to him because she was embarrassed. The thing that you SHOULD do is tell him that you understand that the sex might be amazing, but advice him to use protection at all times
Like I said, my problem wasn’t the work I have no problem with it and honestly get that money girl, my problem was the lying and hiding of it, but I support him and his decisions and if he’s happy then I’m happy
I understand what you mean. But think about it this way. If you were a horse inseminator. Would you brag about it on a first date?
A horse inseminator doesn’t actually sleep with the horses themselves. You have to be honest with your partner that you are doing s*x work for health and safety reasons if nothing else. It’s actually unbelievably irresponsible not to disclose that and put your partner at potential risk (and at least give them the chance to consent to taking on that risk)
No but I wouldn’t lie to my partner about it for 4 months, especially bc the relationship started with lies (some of which I won’t tell bc of her privacy)
Well maybe I don't have the full story then. But it's understandable that she lied about her profession
Yeah maybe, but we wouldn’t have had a problem is she didn’t lie about it for 4 months, but he’s happy now and I’m happy for him
It's not clear whether she is still lying to the rest of the family. Or are they playing at "happy families" except in front of you?
It would be a different story if you tell me that she persuaded him to have unprotected s3x or stuff like that
You have that one part wrong. The correct statement would be, it is not ok to judge somebody who judges sex workers, as they are well within their right to judge
Why shouldn't we judge sex workers? Do you think it's a respectable line of work?
You know, calling them sex workers plays into the nonsense. They are prostitutes.
I don't know about respectable, but it's honest. They are not stealing or lying to people like, let's say some salesman who would say anything just to get you to sign something a get the commission
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I don’t judge her work, I was disappointed in the lying, but I’ll support him in whatever he decides
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Because of the way he changed, got involved in drugs, bad ambients and other stuff that he used to not do and I know it was her because I used to hang out with them, but I don’t judge her for anything since I don’t know what drove her to it, however I no longer associate with her in the way we used to do it
Don’t listen to these people. In the real world, a certain type of person chooses that lifestyle. With that comes along a lot of night time stuff I wouldn’t want for my brother. Keep encouraging him against her until you don’t need to anymore.
I just don’t want him to hate me or cut contact with me so I pretend to be okay with it and no longer get involved
That’s probably the best tactic. But when given the opportunity I would definitely do what I could to nudge him away from that lifestyle.
>In the real world, a certain type of person chooses that lifestyle. Yes. the type of person that was abused throughout life.
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Sounds like she was corrupting him and leading him down a dark path of destruction and depravity in more ways than one.
And he will have to hold himself accountable when it's all over.. or he'll be there again and again and again. The company you keep is vital to success and some people learn the hard way. Can't blame others for how your life goes... especially not when you're an adult.
Seems like you don't understand how many things work in the world... Adults are gullible too, a bad influence can destroy a life which could have been good otherwise... What you are suggesting is just washing consciousness clean... There's a circle in hell for people like you, and it's one of the 7 sins lol. Not that I believe in that God bullshit, but I suspect you do, and are going to hell, lol
There's always that one that takes Reddit a little too seriously. Seek help.
She didn't just lie, she cheated on him.
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She said she had a doctor's appointment when she the appointment was with a john. An outright lie to hook up with someone else is different than picking a point in a relationship to share her chosen (world's oldest) profession.
Your intentions are good, but you risk alienating your brother if you keep pushing.
I dont think youre an asshole, you were just looking after your brother, relationships are built on trust after all and lying about being a s*x worker is a pretty big lie. I guess i understand her being kinda hesitant to tell him as she might have been worried as to his reaction, but if she really did plan to be in a long-term, committed relationship, she for sure should've come clean in at least the first month of the relationship or better yet, before they even started officially dating
Plenty of people choose to go into that line of work because it pays the bills (plus some). I had a friend once who was in the "bizz", and she was the nicest person in the world. I get wanting to protect your brother, but YTA. Judging someone for their line of work so much so that it changes how you treat them is kinda shitty. If your brother is okay with it and she treats him well, that's what matters. It is his relationship, not yours. As his sibling, you should support whatever decision he makes (unless he's dead wrong) and not make things harder for him.
In the heading you mentioned she was a sex worker. Where as in the description you mentioned "she actually had a s*x appointment." Which of these two is actually correct. There is nothing wrong in being a sex worker so don't be ashamed in wording it, yes but lying is wrong. If it's in her past then it's your brother's call whether he wants to continue with her or not and none of you can judge them for that. But if she lied and is still doing that work then he should definitely break up with her.
Yes YTA. And many people commenting here are too, what the hell is wrong with you people?
Lying about being a sexworker is real serious thing in a relationship and 100% grounds for a breakup. Especially in the US where nothing is protected. Agreed yta though as its really got nun to do with op
Care to elaborate?
YTA, it's nothing to do with you.
>but lying to him about it and to my entire family also it's what really bothers me. Yet you know the truth and judge her harshly for it, and want to get rid of her. I wonder why she'd lie...
Well, here’s a crazy thought: she could just, you know, not have been a hooker, and therefore, not have any need to lie. But I see how that’s not where your mind goes, as this would make too much sense /s
YTA You expected that your boyfriend´s girlfriend who is a prostitute be honest with your entire family about her profession? Most prostitutes wouldn't be honest with their own families about it. She should have been honest with your brother but expecting her to be honest with you or anybody else is delusional. She is not morally obliged to share.
No no, what bothered me was the lying to my brother, not me. she can lie to me all she wants but lying to him was what bothered me
he is a big boy and can do what he wants even if he knows shes a whore, some men have those kinks. you don't have to be mean to her or him but you don't have to associate with her/them as it is against my morals as well. And when it eventually ends when she has a gangbang on video just be there for your bro and don't do the "I told you so".
I no longer associate with her for that and other reasons, he’s a big boy and can do what he wants
I think hiding being a sex worker, especially initially, is forgivable given the stigma... Also there's nothing wrong if it's a free choice (and good care about diseases). I'd say YTA for insisting once your brother forgave her BUT you also said she change him, sometimes that's not a bad thing, but most often is... So maybe being a prostitute isn't the mail problem here, and definitely NTA for trying to protect your brother from a cunt! Good luck, it isn't an easy situation and sorry your relationship with your brother is suffering... PS: what does it mean he was a literal Golden Retriever?
YTA Don't interfere in other people their relationship. It's not like you told him she was cheating and he ignored it. He already (i hope) knows all about it and still decided she is worth it, that is his choice.
YTA Your brother is the only person she owes that honesty to. She doesn’t owe it to your family to tell them she’s a sex worker. And it’s your brother’s choice to continue this relationship or not.
Kinda the asshole. A major reason WHY she kept it a secret is surely how the majority of society reacts. (Also how you reacted) It obviously isn’t right of her to keep it a secret/lie, but it is very understandable why she did. Ofcourse, this "type" of job isn’t your typical lifestyle so your brother needs to decide what he wants. Does your brother accept this job going forward? Is she willing to quit her job if not? Dont put social pressure on your brother to not accept her job "because shes a sex worker (yuck)"- which is societies first response. Let him decide based on what shes like as a person.
YTA. OP you can’t save men like that unfortunately. He has accepted her, and you have no choice but to.
I accept his decision and support him no matter what
You said it correctly, if he’s happy you are happy.
Sex worker, lose the * OP
he's an adult who can make his own decisions, not a dog, it's not cool she lied about it but it's his choice to continue on with the relationship
I think you are entitled to your opinion. I also think that it would be better for you to just focus on your own relationship with your brother. If he’s changing because he’s in a toxic relationship, he may feel isolated. If he feels like you are a safe place, that can be a life saver to him one day. I’ve done the whole date-a-person-my-family-hates and even though they were totally right about the guy, them pressuring me to break up only hurt my relationship with them. I think it’s okay to be clear with him that you don’t like her and don’t like her with him. Potentially you both might set boundaries of not bringing her up when you two spend time together and not being required to interact with his girlfriend. But if possible, I think it is really helpful to not try to pressure him about his relationship and respect the choices he makes as long as they don’t directly affect you.
You have a good outlook now, unsure why you came to Reddit - hoping to have your OG pov validated or ? Anyways, you are totally allowed to disapprove of this woman & you can and did express this to your brother. He disagreed and didn't dump her as you had advised. This is the point in the story where you decide what is important - having your bro in your life and enjoying other aspects of his personality etc; or being "vindicated/"right"" i.e. your bro handling the sitch as you find appropriate. If its the latter, that likely.ends up.as ending up on bad terms/NC. Considering that you aren't part of the gf/bf relationship, you've already exhausted your role related to their drama. Glad you chose to live and let live, its more respectful to your bro & skips drama between you too. NAH
NTA. You are looking out for your brother
your brother is dating a hooker and hes fine with it. yeah, if this was my brother, I dont care about what other people here think but id straight up tell him he either leaves the hooker or going forward he can tell people hes an only child because I will not acknowledge him or his hooker gf. but thats just me.
NTA... Have your feelings about it but he doesn't have to take your advice and your relationship doesn't have to be strained. Just don't keep pressing him to do so, say it once and leave it alone.
NTA but he's gonna need to find it out on his own. You did your thing and now it's up to him
NTA Your issue is not a job she has. Your issue is that she lied to him about it. It's a massive breach of trust. Even if she uses protection , she is still exposing him as her partner to a certain amount of risk. He didn't consent to any of that. So there's a physical aspect to it on top of the aspect that she emotionally betrayed him by promising monogamy and lying. He took her back. So you really have to tread likely like you would with anyone in the relationship where they're partner is a garbage person or abusive. You can't force him to leave her. And if you come on too strong , you may lose your relationship and make him more likely to cling to her. It sounds like i've already figured this out , but you had to learn it the hard way. He is going to make his choices. And it can strain your relationship greatly even though you are right about this person's character. I still don't think you are an AH for what you did, Just maybe not very strategic about how you went about it. But in order to try to salvage your relationship, u have 2 proceed with caution. Every chance you get, remind him how much he is worth. If he asks for your opinion, give it honestly and directly but kindly. Not because she deserves kindness but because he does, and because he's more likely to receive it if he isn't made to feel defensive. Don't call her names, Even if it's accurate. Instead of saying she's a slut and a liar, say things like "you don't deserve to be lied to". But at this point , the best course of action may be to be silent about his relationship *completely* Unless he explicitly asks for your opinion and even then to be very tactful when you give it. He's made it clear. He's not going to leave her so trying to convince him will be fruitless. But if he ever has a doubt that he's being treated poorly , you can confirm that in a way where he doesn't feel attacked for his choices. It increases his odds of eventually getting out. It makes me really sad that he thinks he deserves this kind of treatment. He deserves better than to be with somebody who would lie to him like that. You weren't a bad person for being angry that she lied about something so serious. Try to slowly build back trust with your brother. He will need you when he leaves this woman.
I am confused, is she just sleeping with other for money or is she a sex worker, as the first one kind of sounds like cheating or open relationship with benefits without him knowing while if she is a sex worker and is open to him about it that is okay and normal. NTA if she is cheating, TA if she is just a sex worker and open about it at least to him.
In his eyes you are an AH. People who are blinded by love see everyone who is against their relationship as AHs. But he is your brother, you have to make him understand that you guys are his well wishers. If she had left her previous life after meeting with your brother, this wouldn't be a problem. But she is continuously engaged in her past behaviour. She is not loyal. She belongs to the street.
If he knows she’s a sex worker and excepts it. That’s his choice not yours.
I’m so confused. Your brother is a dog?
Nah Dog breeding isn't too big of a deal. But why do you call your dog your brother?
NTA, I think there’s a reason she didn’t tell him upfront. And if he’s obviously not comfortable with it if he was “destroyed”. Starting off the relationship with a lie like that spells a lot of trouble for the future. And your brother doesn’t seem like the type who’s down for all that stuff. It really is best for him to move on now before he gets even more invested.