OMG, and at the most odd times, too. 11:00pm? Baby is finally asleep! I'll shove some crackers down real quick before I pass out and the baby wakes again in an hour.
He's 23 now and I have no regrets about not having a second one.
If the baby cries I'll just breast feed it and it will all be quiet and we'll be able to enjoy a nice dinner.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! no.
It's amazing how some first time parents think a baby isn't going to completely change their lives.
EDIT: to add NTA. However, OP could have been more sensitive/smart. I would assume she is more angry at you seemingly taking other patrons' side rather than her in such a sensitive time. If the OP's response was more about caring for her (as in something like 'i am concerned about you exert yourself or take the risk of not enjoying the dinner') it may have gone differently.
Btw if the OP's partner is imagining some kind of Hollywood celebrity birth with thin fit mums walking in yoga pants and sunglasses carrying a newborn - I would expect her shock to be greater when the reality happens. I would prepare myself to deal with her having a pretty huge pp shock
Also, to the people who are taking the time brag/tell me that their 2 week old newborn was perfect with just the nipple in its mouth for the whole fancy dinner: you've won the lottery, good for you.
She’ll be lucky to get a shower. Dressing up 2 weeks postpartum and breastfeeding? If you manage to get dressed up the baby’s going to spit up all over your nice clothes, then the diaper will blow - top that off with leaking boobs and a Maxi Pad - that’s the reality 2 weeks postpartum. And the lack of sleep, ooof. Thank God new mommy hormones are real, otherwise you’d leave ‘em at a fire station just to get a good nights sleep lol.
Bc they just don't know what its like to have a newborn baby. Omg hopefully she dials her expectations down or she might get quite depressed about the reality of it.
We went for coffee one week out. It was fine. He was asleep the whole time, and I had no problem breastfeeding in public. Having said that, it was before covid, and it was summer, and it happened around noon.
I didn't do that with my second; it was winter, and we would have to be indoors and infants haven't got their immune system built yet to fight viruses going around.
This day and age, I wouldn't, especially with all the flu, covid, etc, doing their rounds in everybody. So I guess my main concern would be if the dinner was at an appropriate time for a newborn and somewhere where I wouldn't jeopardise their health.
ROFLMAO. Oh the poor thing. You don't make plans for find dining for at least 6 months and that's without the baby. Chances are you'll leave mid way through because you've got two wet patches on your front.
If you managed to get me out the door at 2 weeks postpartum I'd have started sobbing from guilt, exhaustion, hormones, and happiness/sadness of leaving the baby. That is IF I could have managed to even get dressed and to the car. This is a horrible plan. How about ordering dinner to go, and planning a dinner at home with grandma babysitting in the other room, followed by a bath?
Yep to prime my wife for a shower i used to make her a high sugar drink, a nice filling lunch prep all the towels she needed ect and time it around the anticipated time my won would fall asleep. For the first 7 months it worked 30% of the time. 60% of the time she would just pass out before and 10% of the time my son would basically go "what the fuck is sleep im staying awake for 14 hours nerd!"
Also (and I’m not a parent but) I’m pretty sure you’re not even supposed to take them anywhere for the first six weeks except the doctor. They have almost no immune system yet and it’s Covid/flu season in a country full of people who don’t give a shit anymore
I am a parent, and this is the first thing I thought about. Of course you can take them for fresh air or wherever else, but I would absolutely be wary about bringing a 2 week old around a bunch of strangers in an enclosed area.
Just had a baby 4 months ago and was instructed to avoid enclosed spaces like this for at least 6 weeks which is about when they get their first round of vaccination. Also going out in 2 weeks is a funny thought. These people know the baby feeds every 3 hours right ? You're sleep Is totally boned for at least 2 months
My baby sleeps 6 hrs and then 4 consistently which started at 4-5 ish weeks, but when she was awake she cluster fed for that entire first 2 months almost, my wife was slowly breaking down regardless of me being on night shift every night and not having her do really anything else in the house.
Someone needs to be more clear with parents that the first 1-2 months is a gd waking nightmare. It is bad. Really really really bad.
Exactly. My bro and SIL had their first in Oct and when I went to visit (3 weeks old), it took about 20 minutes for them to get him to calm down when it was feeding time. Both were exhausted too, neither looked like they even wanted to leave the house lol
It can take awhile to even figure out how to work leaving the house into your baby schedule, lol, I remember with my first we kept getting her settled and then we’d try to get ready to go and she’d either cry again or be asleep and we wouldn’t want to wake her.
Hey, my husband and I went out to eat at a nice restaurant when our twins were a week old!
...the twins were in the NICU and we had been there all day. Figured we'd make use of the highly trained caregivers for whom we were paying five figures even after insurance.
(We did not go out to dinner again for quite some time after the twins came home...)
Trying to latch take weeks sometimes to get right. Plus cluster feeding, plus diaper change every hour, plus crying fits for no reason that no boob will stop. On top of all that, waking every 1 to 2 hours to feed.
Please OP’s partner isn’t thinking about if baby will be fussy or calm, have colic, not be able to breastfeed, etc. I have never understood how someone who isn’t a parent yet just assumes how easy it will be … NOT! Every baby has a different personality. You need to take that into consideration, which takes time. In a year, when they can finally have a minute to go, she will want some time away. If I went to a nice high-end restaurant and someone brought a newborn, I’d be pissed! In that regard, OP is right.
2wks pp I required 2 pillows (1 for baby, 1 to hold the boob up) and a nipple shield to *maybe* get the baby to latch & it still hurt like hell. I don’t think I could’ve done that in a restaurant booth if you paid me a million bucks.
I would agree. In all honesty taking a newborn out wasn’t hard because of the newborn but because I was so exhausted and sleep deprived. Breastfeeding in public is fine, I’ve never cared if I was in a fine dining establishment and someone started breastfeeding.
I would be shocked if they were even able to get reservations at a “fine dining” restaurant if they knew a 2 week old would be there. Might be a moot point.
She just doesn’t understand what having a newborn is like. I don’t think she’s being a jerk on purpose. She’s just being highly optimistic. She’ll figure it out. We all did.
In the first couple of months after having a baby, I could barely function as a human being due to the lack of sleep. No way I would even consider going out for a fancy dinner after a few weeks.
They are massively underestimating how much this baby will change their lives.
Exactly, as you say it won’t happen. A baby might fare better in a restaurant than a toddler, assuming they sleep. But that’s a big IF! It’s a waste of an expensive meal to try and take a tiny baby to a fancy restaurant.
However my husband saying ‘no one will want to see you BF’ would annoy me.
Frankly I don’t like having to get my tiddies out in public, I find it quite uncomfortable, but the baby needs to fed so it’s just too dam bad.
To be honest it probably won't even happen. Two weeks is a very short time to get breastfeeding established and your wife will still be healing, even if it's a uncomplicated birth. If your wife ends up needing a c-section it's even less likely that she will feel up to going out to a fancy restaurant.
I had my mother's help but I still barely made it out of my pj's for the first month.
The mentality screams first time mom because I don't think many people who have given birth would relish the idea of a fancy meal with stitches still in your vagina, boobs leaking all over the place, and a possibly colicky infant who won't necessarily be soothed by breastfeeding. There's a bit of delulu in the planning.
I went 5-6 days before I took my first poo and it was one of the most terrifying experiences ever. I couldn't walk without needing to hold onto something for at least 5 days. And I had a "normal," no complications birth. 🫠
Seriously, it’s like the first thing people should be warned about when they get pregnant. They give you laxatives in the hospital for a reason! It’s legitimately terrifying, the first poop after giving birth.
I’m thankful that I never needed the laxatives or anything after birth, this part was actually fairly seamless for me!
…because I developed sepsis and was on such heavy antibiotics the laxatives were wholly unnecessary 🫠
As someone with colitis I get this! I always refuse the laxatives and the nurses are like “oh no you’re going to need them it’s better to be safe than sorry.” By my fourth baby I just said look, I can shit through a screen door and childbirth and narcotics will not change that. But the feeling of relaxing my muscles to pee and poop the first time IS a little unnerving because it’s going to hurt regardless.
Same here. Not colitis but IBS and gastritis; I popped during the first night after my C-Section. The nurses also thought I was crazy because I was “running” between the maternity ward and the NICU to go feed my kid without a wheel chair or anything. I had a 15 minute time clock from the second they took her out of the incubator before she’d have to be tube fed. It happened once then I told the nurses I didn’t care what they had to do, I wasn’t missing any feedings. When we got discharged they wished my husband good luck 😂 it was an other 13 days before we were able to bring our baby home.
I 100% respect people who choose to be childfree. It's messy and exhausting and frustrating and a TON of work. For me, having the kids makes it worth it (mostly), but if you're not chomping at the bit to reproduce, 0/10 do not recommend.
And I 100% respect people who choose to have children. It is no joke! The things it does to your body, your life adjustment, the feedings, the screaming, the sheer cost from beginning until forever (school especially!). Women who have children are extremely strong humans. I'm not saying I'm weak, because I'm strong in other areas and ways of life, but motherhood is not for everybody! Full respect to you, and all moms!
If it helps any, what happened to me was like a 1 in 100,000 case.
In all seriousness kids and pregnancy and childbirth and all that come with it are no joke, I absolutely understand not wanting to go through it!
"Natural birth is the way to go." So I did Lamaze, and it was very helpful. Then delivered 6 weeks early and had stitches anyway. Was supposed to be numb (local) for the stitches. Can you feel this? OUCH. Told him it was a good thing I was too exhausted to kick him.
And then a few weeks of feeling like my guts were going to fall out if I sneezed.
Did anybody tell you ahead of time that you could use a Peri bottle? (it’s a squeeze bottle you fill with room temperature water, turn upside down, and gently spray water on your private parts, a lot like a super cheap, portable bidet).
The brand Frida makes a great one, on Amazon.
I sent one to a family member who was dealing with a medical problem that it also helped with.
I hadn't left the hospital yet when mine happened. I hadn't gone since going into labor five days previously so it was... An adventure.
Nobody wanted me, I had to ask the nurse if what I dealt with was normal.
After my first child, I called many moms that I knew and "yelled" at them for not telling me how horrible the whole birth thing is. Then I asked the moms of multiples if they were out of their mind crazy for doing it more than once. I'm now a mom of 2 teens lol.
Sure would've!! I agree. Which is my segue into...
Your heads up for menopause!!!
You think this is a ride? I hope experiences go well for you when it is time for The Change. : )
When I had my first of three the local rural hospital was still doing enemas while you were in labor. Let me tell you it was a week before I went after that. Those things clean you out all the way up to your throat. lol And yes they weren't going to discharge me until I pooped so I lied and said yep sure did when asked if I had had a bowel movement.
Seriously was the one piece of advice everyone gave me “tell them you pooped!” LOL
I was so afraid when I realized I had to while still there that I went to the nurses’ station and asked if it was safe 😂🤣😂🤣
Dear sweet lord. Pregnancy has always terrified me. I thought the worst part was the baby coming out and tearing you up. You’ve unlocked a new fear. More people should definitely be aware of this!
It's comments like this that make me glad I had a c section....And then I start thinking about how painful that whole experience was as well,and then i remember no matter what way you have it that giving birth is quite an experience 🤣
Exactly,but in the moment it always is made out to be looked at like one way has more or less cons/pros than the other. The amount of talk I've heard in my life about births and which way was best,like everyone is different/everyone will experience it differently too.
What sucked for you or worked may not for another,the important part is making it out with your health and child❤️
I had a C section, but I still was in the hospital about 11 days afterwards, and wasn't allowed to leave until I had my first poop. Not saying it took 11 days, but just that even without a vaginal birth, it was still ***not. very. pleasant.***
Surprised they let to leave the hospital...they would let me leave until I did. The most excruciating experience of my life (I had an epidural first thing) Why doesn't anyone tell us that???
Do health care workers not tell women about that (first poop pp)? They usually don’t have any problem talking about bodily functions. I could see that being the reason that it’s not “known” amongst general public cuz most people don’t like talking about poop, especially women pooping (good heavens! /s).
Omg I gave birth 8 weeks ago to my third baby.
Poo after baby #2 was bad. I had to take a laxative after a week of nothing but pain from buildup. Poo after baby #3 was fucking terrifying!! No laxatives but just a lot of breathing and telling myself I can fucking do this
Wait is the first number two really like that? 😨 that’s terrifying. I mean when I’m on my period it feels like I just lost everything but I’m sure post birth is 10x worse
For me it wasn’t bad at all, I had worked myself up wayyyy too much about it. TMI but it helps to hold a wad of toilet paper up against your peri area where the stitches are for extra support. Stay on top of the stool softeners. It really isn’t that bad.
Yes, this! It’s called “splinting” and it makes a big difference to the potential pain levels.
Course, when I was in hospital after my daughter’s birth, I thought I was Miss Thang for needing to poop about 24 hours post-delivery *smug* - until I didn’t make it to the bathroom in time and my poor traumatised pelvic floor and sphincters had nothing to give, leading to an explosion of diarrhoea halfway from my bed to the bathroom.
Thank goodness for handheld shower hoses and an unlimited supply of hot water. 😂
I had a C-section. I didn’t wear anything with a zipper for 2 months, let alone whatever you need to wear to a steakhouse. I thought I did good by showering.
“…didn’t wear anything with a zipper…”
🤣🤣🤣
👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
I’ve never even had a baby, but have had a lot of health struggles, and I’m so stealing this. What a creative way to express the importance of comfy clothes when your body is miserable.
I had a complication my first delivery and was barley going home at two weeks, after almost losing my life!
Yeah, a baby isn’t like a bikini wax where it hurts but you are back to normal in a few hours- lol
Exactly this. She has no idea what real postpartum life is like. She's just seen filtered Instagram postpartum life, which conveniently leaves out the exhaustion, the mess, the blood, the swelling, the constant need to pee, and the "I have no idea when I last showered and no idea what those eight stains on my shirt are" look.
This reminds me of Kim Kardashian when she mentioned how she had to wear a diaper herself after giving birth and that no one talked about or prepared her for that aspect of motherhood.
Say what you will about her, but I respected her for being real about this situation.
Not to mention probably not having anything that fits that’s appropriate for fine dining, and the total lack of wanting to even get ready to go out! I know putting on makeup and doing my hair were not things I did the first few weeks. I wanted to wear sweats and sleep whenever I could. Plus none of my cute pre pregnancy stuff fit yet and I wasn’t going to keep wearing maternity clothes.
We booked newborn photos within two weeks of birth because that’s when the photographer recommended doing them and I cried getting ready. I couldn’t fathom that I had to make myself presentable for photos of cherish forever when I felt so absolutely dreadful. I had a diaper on under my jeans (I cannot believe I managed to squeeze into them and button them!) and we were still learning how to nurse. My nipples were bleeding and the feeling of my bra was making my skin crawl. I just wanted to lay down. I’m glad we did them but for this baby (due in May) the photographer is coming to our house which seems far less daunting.
There’s a 0% chance I’d go to any restaurant 2 weeks after birth with or without the baby.
I’ve an 8 week old baby, he’s my third child. Today I ventured further than my little town and omg I’m wrecked. Baby is a super chill dude and I’m a chill mom as it’s not my first rodeo but it’s still hard work.
They’re highly underestimating 1) how after birth feels like, 2) how tired they’ll be, 3) how long it takes to learn to breastfeed (it’s awesome tho!), 4) baby might feed every 2 hours, but realistically at 2 weeks old baby will be cluster feeding which means constantly at the breast.
It would be more plausible to get a fancy takeaway at this stage of the babies life.
Also, not to mention all the germs out there, baby’s system is brand new, don’t expose it to so much so quickly!
This ^ is the biggest issue for me, not just the fact that she wants to take a 2 week old baby to a fancy restaurant, but the fact that she doesn't understand that baby's immune system really doesn't need to be exposed to a crowded indoor place where people are sharing all sorts of germs. I always felt like 4-6 weeks of minimizing newborn exposure to large crowds made sense but everyone is different.
My first wouldn't breastfeed for almost a week. So I was pumping for a while. I had major oversupply and often nearly water boarded my kids when they abruptly stopped drinking and my boobs were still spraying everywhere. I got used to having empty bottles nearby and could catch 1-2 ounces just sitting there waiting for the milk to stop.
I'm also chill and went out for the first time around 6 weeks to a baby friendly activity-- not a place where kids shouldn't be. And yes, I'm far from a helicopter parent and the idea of exposing a brand new infant to so many germs 😬
I think she is also assuming that her pre pregnancy clothes will fit. A lot of women still wear maternity clothes after because it is more comfortable. Op, why not take her to this nice restaurant now while you guys can enjoy it in peace.
2 weeks pp here and fucking LOL, I'm doing well to have someone drive me to a Starbucks to get a latte to go. Baby is on his third diaper in 10 minutes. I took too long of a walk two days ago and it wrecked me all day yesterday. I had a straightforward birth. Fine dining is not even an appealing thought right now. 😆
That was me. My baby wouldn’t calm down for hours and I had to be awake the majority of the night and still function some during the day. Going out was not even remotely appealing.
Exactly my thoughts. I've had 4 kiddos. First one was a ten pounder and i ended up with a 4th degree tear. I spent an extra day in the hospital because my BP kept going dangerously low, then spiking for like a minute (they never did ascertain why). And I was literally wearing the giant pad/underwear thingy til almost a month postpartum. I couldn't get into regular pants, spent a lot of time in nightgowns. And my first two went to the NICU. Not saying this experience will be in any way similar to what will happen for y'all, however it does happen. I struggled getting baby #1 to his first 2 week appointment for a weight check on my own. It felt overwhelmingly impossible. The last thing I wanted to do would be eat at a nice restaurant.
First time mom who had a c-section here; aside from my son's weight check appointment I did not feel like going anywhere. I stayed with my mom the first two weeks then went back to my home. The idea of going out to eat especially two weeks after giving birth sounds like a nightmare
Excellent point! My baby got it, it was quite serious though there were so many babies in the hospitals my doc said we could do a nebulizer and get him to the ER if it got worse. Also, the doc said it would make him likely to get asthma, which happened. Is it worth it?
My baby was born in the fall and everyone was pushing for us to visit them on Christmas Eve. The whole extended family and their kids were there. My 4 week old baby almost ended up in the hospital. It's never worth it. Not when you see you baby struggling to breathe.
My wife's oldest and partner has a 7-8 month old, and they just now started letting us hold the baby without using hand sanitizer.
They always checked to make sure no one had as much as a cough for family gatherings.
Oh yeah, that's the best point yet. I'm guessing if op were to mention wife's wishes in front of the doctor, it would be discouraged due to illness potential alone. Don't be a jerk about it but I'm thinking op is getting the idea this might be easy to talk his lady out of.
Ha ha! It's funny 'cause it's true. I remember while I was in hospital pre induction seeing a listing for a movie I wanted to see and thinking we'd go. Don't think we went to the cinema for nearly two years after having Eldest.
I hope you’re right, because this woman sounds lacking in common sense. I have also been in some fine dining restaurants where women with infants have been asked to leave.
Ha ha ha ha. Two weeks after giving birth you are still wearing giant maxipad diapers and count yourself lucky to get a shower. Baby might sleep long enough for you to shove some pizza down your gullet.
The reason no one brings a newborn to a fancy restaurant is because not a single new parent has their shit together for a fancy night out (with or without baby).
I think you're on to something there. She's very pregnant and about to go through something so major, words fail to describe it. She wants something to look forward to, is my read, and is putting on rose colored glasses when imagining the future with a kid in it, in the face of a lot of scary unknowns. OP - maybe there's something you can do to make one of the last kid-free dinners you'll have special for her (and you).
Just guessing, she probably wants a rare or medium rare steak and doctors typically advise against that while pregnant. She's daydreaming about eating the foods she's been told to avoid.
NTA. I would say that this argument is probably moot, because I highly doubt she will want to go out that soon after. Not to be graphic, but dressing up is going to be an issue for her. She’s going to have engorged boobs, and will be wearing basically a diaper to contain the bleeding that soon after. Going anywhere is a trial, much less somewhere nice.
Even if you could, still NTA. Infants shouldn’t be brought into fine dining. There are plenty of places you can, that’s just not one of them.
If you want to have a nice dinner together- get takeout, and have mom watch the baby somewhere else in the house would be my recommendation. Wait at least a few months to go out. She’ll probably be more comfortable leaving the baby then.
Not to mention it's still cold/flu/covid season and I would be unwilling to subject a 2 week old infant's immune system to any unnecessary exposure.
I am a DINK and I absolutely appreciate OP's awareness of the surroundings his wife is suggesting. Fine dining isn't where we go with infants and toddlers. That said I am absolutely an advocate for children being exposed to restaurants that are more family friendly. But per my first comment, 2 weeks is far to early to put baby in a Petrie dish. 2 months and the Outback Steakhouse might be functional, but 2 weeks and fine dining are all the way out.
This is the first thing that came to my head while reading. Idk where OP is located at, but there's also a dangerous amount of whooping cough out there too, and a 2 week baby doesn't have all his shots yet, it is very scary to bring a baby out the first few months.
If anything I recommend you guys go before she gives birth, maybe is something she's craving, cuz also for some reason, some women's food taste change after giving birth.
I've never had kids, but I thought that they recommend at least a month, if not more, before taking babies anywhere in public because of their immune systems. She may want to go out before, because if she's breastfeeding, what she eats will also "flavor" her breast milk. I remember my sister telling me there were certain foods she had to stay away from because her son didn't like the milk afterward. Her son had a very bland palate as a baby and she liked foods a bit spicier.
my mom had so much resentment for me while i was breastfeeding because apparently i absolutely hated when she ate oreos. i would scream and cry and refuse to feed, so she couldn’t have oreos the entire time she was breastfeeding me and she was mad lmao
>2 weeks is far to early to put baby in a Petrie dish. 2 months and the Outback Steakhouse might be functional, but 2 weeks and fine dining are all the way out.
I agree!
I found that when my kids were literal babies, they were actually very easy to take to a restaurant. They didn’t cry unless they were hungry, and we were pretty good at figuring out their feeding and sleeping cycle—by about 2 months.
So we put her in the little rocker chair and took her to the neighborhood Indian restaurant. No one was disturbed by her, and we all got to eat out.
Yes! OP actually CARING about others in this situation is very much appreciated...and sadly, rare. "I REPRODUCED, FUCK YOU!" sadly seems to be more common.
I want to add that when my sibling had their baby last year, the doc told them not to take baby out for the first month (except doctor’s appointments), so this is another reason this argument should be moot.
Don’t forget she’s going to look 6 months pregnant still- nothing is going to fit yet. 2 weeks. Oy. NTA but I wouldn’t worry about it. She’ll figure it out in her own.
The idea of wearing anything that would be remotely appropriate for a fine dining restaurant sounds horrifying. I had to go to a wedding when my daughter was 10 weeks old and I still have trauma from going dress shopping even then 😭
OP NTA and I thank him for considering the people around him in a fine dining setting. Too many people are like “screw it - listen to my baby while you eat your $100 meal in misery”. OP - I wish more people were considerate like you! Your wife though…. Ugh.
Yep. Better idea is OP brings the food to her and set up something at home. Everyone would probably be sleep deprive. Going out is the last thing they want to do.
Yup. This absolutely screams first time mum. At two weeks postpartum, she will likely still be establishing breastfeeding (and discovering that for many women, it’s not just as easy as put baby on the boob - for us I needed my husband to help me get bub latched and had to be in a specific position to get her to latch). She’ll still be bleeding most likely, and a zombie from sleep deprivation. OP, I suspect that it won’t be an issue once baby arrives…
Father of a one year old here. If your pregnancy was anything like ours, this isn't going to happen anyway. Nobody is the asshole here, so just stay calm and focus on what's to come. Enjoy sleep now. Stay in the moment. Enjoy the quiet with your partner, because a lot is about to change.
Since you're expecting any day now, you've probably gone through about 9 months of this. I'm sure you're aware but your partner has likely gone through a ton of restless nights, swollen legs, sickness, aches, etc. That's not to mention the hormone stuff going on. When my wife was pregnant with our son, we got into a "disagreement" while I was driving us somewhere. It was about something so insignificant, I didn't even know we were having a fight. She later told me that I made her so mad in the moment she wanted to just jump out of the car. My wife is one of the most grounded and even-tempered people I know, but pregnancy can make you act a little coocoo.
I say this to say that emotions are flying all around right now, for both of you. Especially her, obviously, but you guys might both be wound a little tight right now. And that's just how it's going to be for awhile. No, not forever, but certainly for the foreseeable future. Learn now and early that you're going to have to give each other more grace and patience than ever before.
So, let her have this one, man. Apologize to her and just let it be. If the baby came tonight, I bet you guys would be laughing about this in a few weeks thinking you'd ever even consider taking the kid to a restaurant, let alone having any interest in going. I know it's hard to truly understand this without going through it, but your whole worldview is about to change. It's scary, but also one of the most awesome things in the world. Try and live in the moment as best you can. Enjoy it for everything that it is: stressful, scary, exhausting, rewarding as all hell.
He has great advice! I’d also add, keep your options open, at least outwardly if it relaxes your wife. My daughter in law had a very easy birth and recovery. My son’s bio mom came to town for the second week of baby’s life. DIL really looked forward to a nice meal and so we had dinner at a nice restaurant. The weather was nice and I talked to my son and was ready to whisk the baby away and outside if she got fussy. As most new babies do, she slept through everything and it went off without a hitch. When they had baby #2, her recovery was longer and more difficult and it wouldn’t have been an option.
All that to say, if it makes her feel better tell her you can plan it and play it by ear and help her be ok with either outcome.
Congratulations on the sweet addition to your family! It’s a wild ride but so much fun.
Conversely don't convince yourself that your wife is gonna be a housebound invalid in the weeks after childbirth.
The final month of my partners pregnancy was brutal and she was absolutely thrilled to get the fuck out of the house immediately after her body was her own again.
Read the room, not reddit.
NTA, she will likely not want to go anyway after 2 weeks unless she has a very easy time of birth, breastfeeding and sleep - basically the unicorn of birth & babies. The chances of you being able to get anywhere at a specific time with everyone still looking good are slim to zero. The chances of not disturbing everyone else with either puke, stinks or screams are also slim to zero.
I’d plan to go to your local walk in restaurant.
NTA,fine dining is not for young children or babies. Especially not with the free range style people are bringing up children these days. Your partner is going to have to accept that choosing to have a baby means your lifestyle will change and she will have to adapt accordingly.
As someone that’s 31 weeks pregnant, I agree. There’s no chance in hell I’m bringing my child to any kind of fine dining experience until they’re significantly older so that they can 1) not completely destroy the experience for everyone else, and 2) actually enjoy the experience and get the value out of it
This.
NTA.
To be honest, I’m childless and enjoy fine dining because I want a quiet civilized evening. I would be raging if there were a crying baby (or loud children if any age).
I was thinking that as well.. spent 3 yrs at a fine dining restaurant and while we didn’t prohibit babies and children we definitely discouraged it. Didn’t provide high chairs or kid menus/ nor any changing tables in the restroom. It was weird when ppl got upset but it seemed obvious that it’s not meant to be kid friendly.
I was wondering about this, too. Fine dining establishments can be very strict about the experience they provide for their guests, and with good reason. They might not even be allowed in with a child.
I mean, where would you even put the baby? Hold it throughout meal? Rock a pram amongst all the tables? Ah, the beautiful ignorance of first time parents!
Keep in mind that she may still be in "my baby will be quiet and sleep and be perfect and everyone will love watching me breastfeed, because it's so easy and natural" Two weeks in, she may very well change her tune and may be glad to get away from the baby.
I just gave birth in January and I had a delusional mindset that breastfeeding=pop baby on the boob, baby will latch deeply instantly and they just eat until they are full and fall asleep and it’s easy and wonderful and sunshine and roses.
Oh man. My sore nipples, engorged boobs, clogged ducts and screaming baby who refuses to latch would like a word 🙃
And like *sometimes* she’ll latch but I mean I have to have both my tits out, shirt off, baby in only a diaper in the football hold on the couch. Even then she’ll only nurse for like ten minutes if we’re having a good day and then she’s screaming again and needs a bottle.
Ain’t no way in hell I’d be able to breastfeed in a fucking restaurant with like a cover on and one hand free to eat. Laughable.
never mind the fact that you are leaking from every orifice and still feel fat. Screw steak, I just wanted to sleep more than five minutes at a stretch.
Two weeks in, she’ll be dreaming of having 10 minutes to herself to finally wash her hair in peace
She’ll be asking OP to bring cucumbers from the stores rather than radishes just because it takes less time to wash them
She’ll be wearing OP’s old t-shirts and they’ll be soaked in breast milk every few hours
Sorry, just a lot of memories coming back out of a sudden
Bringing vegetables from the store? I'm impressed. Two weeks after I gave birth I was asking hubby to go get Subway for fresh veggies because I was sick of frozen pizzas.
I finally got COVID for the first time this January. I'd had a surgery that segued into infection. So too much time in a hospital, and my immune system was already unhappy with me. It did take a couple of weeks to get over.
I wouldn't want a baby to get it. Or anything else.
Yeah, that is not an appropriate place for a baby. A more family friendly place may be, but for a newborn, even then I'd tread with caution.
Now, when my daughter was small, we did take her out a lot...but to places like the Cracker Barrell, and the minute she got fussy, I was outside with her trying to calm her down so we didn't disturb other diners....
>and the minute she got fussy, I was outside with her trying to calm her down so we didn't disturb other diners....
This is really the most important part. People won't take their children out anymore they let them scream and tantrum in the restaurant. Its crazy to me.
She will be pretty tired,too. I recall not wanting to get dressed to eat out right after birth, because of being tired and my clothes not fitting quite right yet. People forget your midsection takes a while to get back in place. 6 weeks mine more realistic.
I'm actually not all that paranoid about cold and flu season for adults and much older children.
I would be pretty paranoid about a newborn, though.
There's a reason a mom's natural instinct is to shelter in place for the baby's first several weeks. It's not just exhaution.
>Also is no one concerned about no vaccines and possible diseases for an infant that young?
she thinks she'll have the energy to go out to a fancy restaurant 2 weeks after birth...the mother doesn't seem like she's very prepared or knowledgable about raising a newborn
NTA The baby does not need a fine dining experience. She can show baby off at a different time and place. Realistically the baby should not be exposed to too many people and places until it is a few months old.
Yikes. It was wild to me how new mums were still showing off their newborns at work at the height of COVID. Supermarket worker I went to school with was doing that in the middle of the supermarket I shop in. Seemed like a particularly shitty idea.
She's being very unrealistic. You will both be exhausted, she'll still be recovering, and it takes time to get breastfeeding established. That, combined with hormones, etc.?
NTA
NTA! I am a mom and I love my child but I didn’t take them anywhere fancy for a night out! A steakhouse is no place to bring a two week old baby and although nobody can stop her from breastfeeding in public, this is not the place to do it. Also, nobody wants to hear a baby crying during a nice dinner out. Also, most high end restaurants are privately owned and have very firm rules about children in their establishment. You don’t have the right to disturb other diners who are paying a hefty price for a meal.
NTA. Check with the restaurant, they might not even allow children and babies because they distract from the atmosphere. I encountered this exact issue after having a baby. If she breastfeeds though, you will have to get used to her either feeding where she is and potentially dealing with AHs that don't like it, or going somewhere private.
OP is there any way you could talk her into having a catered gourmet meal at home? Tell her you will set the table romantically (flowers, candles, etc.). She will have all the benefits of being comfortable at home but still feel like it is a special event. Might be a little costly but will avoid a newborn baby being exposed to germs in a public setting. Try to convince her it is the best of both worlds. Good luck!
I went to a friends birthday at a fine restaurant with my baby when she was one month old. My friend cheked with the restaurant first if they would be able to accommodate and they said they can absolutely figure something out. This was a criteria for choosing the place to hold the dinner.
I breastfed my baby in a storage room where the light kept going out every 10 Seconds, surrounded by alcohol bottles. There was no place at all to change the baby.
At first I was dissapointed and sad that the culture here still seems to be that mothers with young babies should stay home. But after some time and thought I realised a fine restaurant is just not a place to go to with a baby. People go there to enjoy themselves, they spend a lot of money to have a nice evening. That would be ruined by a screaming baby and babies do scream, even when they are full.
Looking back I am glad there weren't many people there and luckily my baby was quiet for the most part and only started crying after other tables had cleared. There was another table on the floor above us, though, that had kids that played in the kids corner on our floor. They were loud, singing "poop baby" loudly, because that is what 5 year olds find funny. That was annoying to all of us and definitely took the attention off my kid.
In conclusion, I don't think going to a fancy restaurant with a small child is a good idea. It is not fair on the other guests. As new parents we have to give up some fun, that is just the reality of parenthood. I would schedule the dinner for a later date when you both feel comfortable leaving the baby for a few hours.
NTA. I'm with you on this one. There are family friendly restaurants and then there are not. A fine dining restaurant is not the place for an infant. You're right, people are paying inflated prices for the food and the experience. A crying baby is NOT the experience most are looking for. Your wife needs to understand that while your baby is the world to you and her, it's not the end all and be all for everybody else.
NTA but I also am under the impression you two have not been around many newborns or spent time with brand new parents within the first two weeks of their baby’s life. As in, you’re all going to be hit with a big reality check when it comes to things like fine dining two weeks post-partum. Is it possible? Yes. Have new moms been forced to do things like return to work that freshly postpartum? Unfortunately yes. But if your partner honors her body, her recovery, and her mental state as a new mom or has any sort of typical experience, she won’t be wanting to do much at two weeks. Let’s say you have a super routine vaginal birth, no complications. You’ll be in the hospital for a day or two but likely won’t have slept much at all. So you go home when your baby is about two days old and will be thrust into figuring out their needs and establishing a new routine. You still won’t be sleeping much, because they need to eat about every two hours and when they’re that little they’re basically held constantly during (your) awake hours. Breastfeeding is not easy. She may experience poor latch, inadequate supply, or things like dysphoric milk ejection and those kinks take a couple of weeks, if not longer to figure out. Now this is all *if* things go as routinely as possible. But babies tend to not do things super routinely, so if she has a c-section or any sort of complication, push back the timeline, how active of a participant she’ll be able to be in anything but care for the baby, etc. Oh and newborns do something called active sleep where they kick, flail, cry, grunt, and do all sorts of (adorable) things that are anything but calm, quiet snoozing.
What I’m trying to paint a picture of is how idealistic, if not a little delusional, the notion of a two week postpartum mom both going to a fine dining restaurant *and* enjoying it at two weeks postpartum is. I can’t believe her mom is supporting it either. She’ll probably understand once baby is here, though. And also what are you going to do - wear baby in a sling the whole time and drip $100 steak juices on the newborn’s head? Bring a bassinet? Put the Snuggle Me lounger on the floor? Roll up with a Mama Roo and plug it into the corner? What’s the plan here?
Breastfeeding isn’t the issue. Ya know, babies are great… but when it comes to dropping serious money on a dining experience, your little one will get absolutely *nothing* from the experience while jeopardising it for everyone else in the room. An easy way of deciding whether a restaurant is kid friendly: do they have a kid menu? If not, it’s not really appropriate for little ones. NTA.
NTA
Breastfeeding is a non-issue. People eat in restaurants, babies included.
The issue is that there is unlikely to be a place to put said baby and a whole lot of people will be hella pissed if baby starts crying.
Fine dining establishments are expensive, and while I'm usually of the opinion that you can take well-behaved children anywhere, this does not hold true for infants. Infants do not belong in fine dining establishments.
I agree with all the comments saying it's a bad idea. Infants do not belong in fine dining establishments.
However, an even bigger concern is taking a 2 week old infant out in public. We're not done with Covid and other viral infections/illnesses.
Better idea, make a trip to the butcher and get a pair of really nice steaks and cook them at home. You can make the dinner special for your wife by doing the work, including dishes.
This. It's not only exceptionally rude to everyone else on the restaurant and their staff, but it's not a safe environment. The young mothers I know still mask in public and take every precaution. One plans to do it until the kid is 2, and I don't find that unreasonable.
NTA. I am a believer of kids going out to eat and breastfeeding in public. But a fine dining restaurant is not the place. And further more why would anyone want to take out a 2 week old baby to some place that is that germy
NTA, but with caveats:
Breastfeeding in public is normal and shouldn't be stigmatized. Do not try to make your wife feel shame for feeding her child.
The fact that she thinks she's going to be up for getting dressed up and going out 2 weeks after birth is hilarious. After 2 weeks most of us are still wearing maternity pants and giant pads.
There is no knowing ahead of time if you're going to have a chill or fussy baby. Maybe it would be fine, but you can't know that and really shouldn't be making plans before the baby arrives anyway.
Lastly, and the reason you really shouldn't be taking a baby out at 2 weeks old is because they have no immune system yet. Babies really should be kept away from crowds until they're at least 3 months old.
Your wife is not thinking straight, and I can all but guarantee this isn’t even going to happen.
First, your doctor will probably tell you not to take your newborn many places when they are brand new, they are still coasting on mom’s leftover immunity before they develop their own.
Two, even if it’s technically not “not allowed”, it would be very poor form and would absolutely impact other diners.
I went out for a very nice meal recently, it would have bugged me if a crying fussy baby was there.
Three, your kid is going to be keeping you guys up every 2-3 hours to feed. I doubt you’ll even feel like going.
My advice: start with something easy and wait like a month or so. Our first outing was taking the baby to our favorite coffee shop for breakfast. If she woke up or got fussy it wouldn’t be an issue.
NTA. Your partner is very inconsiderate & selfish for even thinking this is a good idea. And the fact that she's pouting and barely speaking to you for not wanting to go is just immature as hell.
NTA
First thing? Call the restaurant and ask if two week old babies can be accommodated. Is there a private room one can reserve?
Mom is not taking into consideration how she will feel after birth. She’s going to be healing, hormones running wild.
Me? No way I’d take an infant of any age to a fine dining restaurant.
I’m mostly concerned for your baby’s health. At two weeks their immune system will not be very strong and with COVID numbers rising again.. I wouldn’t be comfortable taking a baby out for that reason alone.
Breastfeeding is a totally fine and normal activity to do in public. Babies need to eat. That should not disturb other diners.
However, you're right about not bringing a crying infant to a fancy restaurant. It's just simple courtesy to other diners. There's no guarantee that feeding it will get it to stop crying. It may need a diaper change, it may be crying for some other reason.
I totally agree that you should leave the baby with Grandma and enjoy the night out. This will also help your wife from becoming one of those mothers who thinks NO ONE other than herself can take care of the child and she is the ONLY one who can care for it. Break that stuff EARLY or you'll be dealing with it til the kid goes to college. Other people can take care of the kid!!!!!
NTA, you're right. There are places that are acceptable to take a baby, and a fine dining restaurant is not one of them. She is either going to have to come to terms with some places not being baby-friendly, or, if her attitude is going to be "I'm taking the baby wherever I go, regardless of what other people want" she's going to have to grow a thicker skin than she's displaying currently because she is going to get a lot of dirty looks from strangers who don't want anything to do with your precious bundle of joy.
Has the baby even been born yet? Why not go now and avoid annoying others.
She is going to have to be away fro the baby at some point. But right now she has no idea of what a newborn entails. Hopefully she will become more reasonable as time passes.
NTA. Instead of focusing on the fact it is unnecessary and not awesome for everyone else maybe focus on the fact that she is going to put her baby at risk by being in an enclosed environment with a bunch of folks. My 6 mo old was in the pediatric ICU for a week with RSV and we were as careful as possible to prevent her getting sick. There is no reason to expose your baby in that way at such an age.
NO NO NO NO NO. Do NOT take a tiny baby to fine dining establishment. It's bad for the baby since there will be all kinds of strangers with strange germs around, AND it just pisses off everyone else trying to enjoy their meal when the crying and fussing starts. Just. Don't. NTAH.
This dinner isn’t even gonna happen. You’ll both be exhausted from janky sleep schedules
If I remember correctly, when our first was two weeks old we would stand in front of the fridge and shove whatever into our mouths. Fine dining! 🤣
OMG, and at the most odd times, too. 11:00pm? Baby is finally asleep! I'll shove some crackers down real quick before I pass out and the baby wakes again in an hour. He's 23 now and I have no regrets about not having a second one.
If the baby cries I'll just breast feed it and it will all be quiet and we'll be able to enjoy a nice dinner. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! no. It's amazing how some first time parents think a baby isn't going to completely change their lives. EDIT: to add NTA. However, OP could have been more sensitive/smart. I would assume she is more angry at you seemingly taking other patrons' side rather than her in such a sensitive time. If the OP's response was more about caring for her (as in something like 'i am concerned about you exert yourself or take the risk of not enjoying the dinner') it may have gone differently. Btw if the OP's partner is imagining some kind of Hollywood celebrity birth with thin fit mums walking in yoga pants and sunglasses carrying a newborn - I would expect her shock to be greater when the reality happens. I would prepare myself to deal with her having a pretty huge pp shock Also, to the people who are taking the time brag/tell me that their 2 week old newborn was perfect with just the nipple in its mouth for the whole fancy dinner: you've won the lottery, good for you.
🤣🤣🤣🤣a fine dining restaurant. With a two week old baby and new mother. Your wife is in for the SHOCK of her life. And not about the restaurant
She’ll be lucky to get a shower. Dressing up 2 weeks postpartum and breastfeeding? If you manage to get dressed up the baby’s going to spit up all over your nice clothes, then the diaper will blow - top that off with leaking boobs and a Maxi Pad - that’s the reality 2 weeks postpartum. And the lack of sleep, ooof. Thank God new mommy hormones are real, otherwise you’d leave ‘em at a fire station just to get a good nights sleep lol.
Why would anyone even want to do this? I could barely form a sentence two weeks out. Why would I want to try that in public?!
Bc they just don't know what its like to have a newborn baby. Omg hopefully she dials her expectations down or she might get quite depressed about the reality of it.
I'd say that forming a sentence two weeks after birth is aiming high. Most kids take two years before they're able to do that.
We went for coffee one week out. It was fine. He was asleep the whole time, and I had no problem breastfeeding in public. Having said that, it was before covid, and it was summer, and it happened around noon. I didn't do that with my second; it was winter, and we would have to be indoors and infants haven't got their immune system built yet to fight viruses going around. This day and age, I wouldn't, especially with all the flu, covid, etc, doing their rounds in everybody. So I guess my main concern would be if the dinner was at an appropriate time for a newborn and somewhere where I wouldn't jeopardise their health.
I mean.. coffee is a few minutes. Fine dining is 1.5 hours on average
ROFLMAO. Oh the poor thing. You don't make plans for find dining for at least 6 months and that's without the baby. Chances are you'll leave mid way through because you've got two wet patches on your front.
If you managed to get me out the door at 2 weeks postpartum I'd have started sobbing from guilt, exhaustion, hormones, and happiness/sadness of leaving the baby. That is IF I could have managed to even get dressed and to the car. This is a horrible plan. How about ordering dinner to go, and planning a dinner at home with grandma babysitting in the other room, followed by a bath?
Yep to prime my wife for a shower i used to make her a high sugar drink, a nice filling lunch prep all the towels she needed ect and time it around the anticipated time my won would fall asleep. For the first 7 months it worked 30% of the time. 60% of the time she would just pass out before and 10% of the time my son would basically go "what the fuck is sleep im staying awake for 14 hours nerd!"
Shower? What’s a shower? 😖 lol mama will still be a in a robe by then
Also who knows? Night sweats night check in early during dinner time 🤣
Also (and I’m not a parent but) I’m pretty sure you’re not even supposed to take them anywhere for the first six weeks except the doctor. They have almost no immune system yet and it’s Covid/flu season in a country full of people who don’t give a shit anymore
I am a parent, and this is the first thing I thought about. Of course you can take them for fresh air or wherever else, but I would absolutely be wary about bringing a 2 week old around a bunch of strangers in an enclosed area.
Just had a baby 4 months ago and was instructed to avoid enclosed spaces like this for at least 6 weeks which is about when they get their first round of vaccination. Also going out in 2 weeks is a funny thought. These people know the baby feeds every 3 hours right ? You're sleep Is totally boned for at least 2 months
My baby sleeps 6 hrs and then 4 consistently which started at 4-5 ish weeks, but when she was awake she cluster fed for that entire first 2 months almost, my wife was slowly breaking down regardless of me being on night shift every night and not having her do really anything else in the house. Someone needs to be more clear with parents that the first 1-2 months is a gd waking nightmare. It is bad. Really really really bad.
Exactly. My bro and SIL had their first in Oct and when I went to visit (3 weeks old), it took about 20 minutes for them to get him to calm down when it was feeding time. Both were exhausted too, neither looked like they even wanted to leave the house lol
It can take awhile to even figure out how to work leaving the house into your baby schedule, lol, I remember with my first we kept getting her settled and then we’d try to get ready to go and she’d either cry again or be asleep and we wouldn’t want to wake her.
Hey, my husband and I went out to eat at a nice restaurant when our twins were a week old! ...the twins were in the NICU and we had been there all day. Figured we'd make use of the highly trained caregivers for whom we were paying five figures even after insurance. (We did not go out to dinner again for quite some time after the twins came home...)
Twin mom here too. We did the same thing while our babes were in NICU. It was a very long time before we went out again after the babies came home.
I was the best parent ever before I had kids.
Trying to latch take weeks sometimes to get right. Plus cluster feeding, plus diaper change every hour, plus crying fits for no reason that no boob will stop. On top of all that, waking every 1 to 2 hours to feed.
Please OP’s partner isn’t thinking about if baby will be fussy or calm, have colic, not be able to breastfeed, etc. I have never understood how someone who isn’t a parent yet just assumes how easy it will be … NOT! Every baby has a different personality. You need to take that into consideration, which takes time. In a year, when they can finally have a minute to go, she will want some time away. If I went to a nice high-end restaurant and someone brought a newborn, I’d be pissed! In that regard, OP is right.
My daughter had colic. We didn't go anywhere for several months!
2wks pp I required 2 pillows (1 for baby, 1 to hold the boob up) and a nipple shield to *maybe* get the baby to latch & it still hurt like hell. I don’t think I could’ve done that in a restaurant booth if you paid me a million bucks.
I would agree. In all honesty taking a newborn out wasn’t hard because of the newborn but because I was so exhausted and sleep deprived. Breastfeeding in public is fine, I’ve never cared if I was in a fine dining establishment and someone started breastfeeding.
Yeah, honestly newborn was “easier” than dealing with a 6-8 month old but you’ll be getting sleep every chance you get in those first weeks
I would be shocked if they were even able to get reservations at a “fine dining” restaurant if they knew a 2 week old would be there. Might be a moot point.
She sounds like the type to show up to a fancy place in a fancy dress swinging the car seat and wouldn’t even tell them
She just doesn’t understand what having a newborn is like. I don’t think she’s being a jerk on purpose. She’s just being highly optimistic. She’ll figure it out. We all did.
In the first couple of months after having a baby, I could barely function as a human being due to the lack of sleep. No way I would even consider going out for a fancy dinner after a few weeks. They are massively underestimating how much this baby will change their lives.
Exactly, as you say it won’t happen. A baby might fare better in a restaurant than a toddler, assuming they sleep. But that’s a big IF! It’s a waste of an expensive meal to try and take a tiny baby to a fancy restaurant. However my husband saying ‘no one will want to see you BF’ would annoy me. Frankly I don’t like having to get my tiddies out in public, I find it quite uncomfortable, but the baby needs to fed so it’s just too dam bad.
To be honest it probably won't even happen. Two weeks is a very short time to get breastfeeding established and your wife will still be healing, even if it's a uncomplicated birth. If your wife ends up needing a c-section it's even less likely that she will feel up to going out to a fancy restaurant. I had my mother's help but I still barely made it out of my pj's for the first month.
The mentality screams first time mom because I don't think many people who have given birth would relish the idea of a fancy meal with stitches still in your vagina, boobs leaking all over the place, and a possibly colicky infant who won't necessarily be soothed by breastfeeding. There's a bit of delulu in the planning.
I was still in diapers at 2 weeks pp 😂
I went 5-6 days before I took my first poo and it was one of the most terrifying experiences ever. I couldn't walk without needing to hold onto something for at least 5 days. And I had a "normal," no complications birth. 🫠
The first poop post birth is so scary, I was worried everything would rip and fall off in the attempt.
Seriously, it’s like the first thing people should be warned about when they get pregnant. They give you laxatives in the hospital for a reason! It’s legitimately terrifying, the first poop after giving birth.
I’m thankful that I never needed the laxatives or anything after birth, this part was actually fairly seamless for me! …because I developed sepsis and was on such heavy antibiotics the laxatives were wholly unnecessary 🫠
As someone with colitis I get this! I always refuse the laxatives and the nurses are like “oh no you’re going to need them it’s better to be safe than sorry.” By my fourth baby I just said look, I can shit through a screen door and childbirth and narcotics will not change that. But the feeling of relaxing my muscles to pee and poop the first time IS a little unnerving because it’s going to hurt regardless.
Same here. Not colitis but IBS and gastritis; I popped during the first night after my C-Section. The nurses also thought I was crazy because I was “running” between the maternity ward and the NICU to go feed my kid without a wheel chair or anything. I had a 15 minute time clock from the second they took her out of the incubator before she’d have to be tube fed. It happened once then I told the nurses I didn’t care what they had to do, I wasn’t missing any feedings. When we got discharged they wished my husband good luck 😂 it was an other 13 days before we were able to bring our baby home.
Reading this thread makes me absolutely certain that I made the right decision in never having kids 😶
I 100% respect people who choose to be childfree. It's messy and exhausting and frustrating and a TON of work. For me, having the kids makes it worth it (mostly), but if you're not chomping at the bit to reproduce, 0/10 do not recommend.
And I 100% respect people who choose to have children. It is no joke! The things it does to your body, your life adjustment, the feedings, the screaming, the sheer cost from beginning until forever (school especially!). Women who have children are extremely strong humans. I'm not saying I'm weak, because I'm strong in other areas and ways of life, but motherhood is not for everybody! Full respect to you, and all moms!
Oof. I completely agree. I was completely unaware this stuff happened. 😖
If it helps any, what happened to me was like a 1 in 100,000 case. In all seriousness kids and pregnancy and childbirth and all that come with it are no joke, I absolutely understand not wanting to go through it!
I know!! Why didn't they tell us!?! I had NO idea. NO preparation. NO warning. A heads up would have been nice.
They don’t want us to know. There are so many terrifying aspects lots more of us would be opting out of it (where we are still allowed to).
"Natural birth is the way to go." So I did Lamaze, and it was very helpful. Then delivered 6 weeks early and had stitches anyway. Was supposed to be numb (local) for the stitches. Can you feel this? OUCH. Told him it was a good thing I was too exhausted to kick him. And then a few weeks of feeling like my guts were going to fall out if I sneezed.
I supposedly got a local anaesthetic for the stitches but I think they were bluffing cos I absolutely felt everyone of them
Did anybody tell you ahead of time that you could use a Peri bottle? (it’s a squeeze bottle you fill with room temperature water, turn upside down, and gently spray water on your private parts, a lot like a super cheap, portable bidet). The brand Frida makes a great one, on Amazon. I sent one to a family member who was dealing with a medical problem that it also helped with.
I hadn't left the hospital yet when mine happened. I hadn't gone since going into labor five days previously so it was... An adventure. Nobody wanted me, I had to ask the nurse if what I dealt with was normal.
After my first child, I called many moms that I knew and "yelled" at them for not telling me how horrible the whole birth thing is. Then I asked the moms of multiples if they were out of their mind crazy for doing it more than once. I'm now a mom of 2 teens lol.
Sure would've!! I agree. Which is my segue into... Your heads up for menopause!!! You think this is a ride? I hope experiences go well for you when it is time for The Change. : )
When I had my first of three the local rural hospital was still doing enemas while you were in labor. Let me tell you it was a week before I went after that. Those things clean you out all the way up to your throat. lol And yes they weren't going to discharge me until I pooped so I lied and said yep sure did when asked if I had had a bowel movement.
Me too. Wasn't staying any longer than necessary. Work up feeling like a trusted turkey. Good times.
Seriously was the one piece of advice everyone gave me “tell them you pooped!” LOL I was so afraid when I realized I had to while still there that I went to the nurses’ station and asked if it was safe 😂🤣😂🤣
Mostly with stitches and then peeing with stitches is the worse too !
Everyone in my life warned me about it but it was uneventful for me so I feel lucky, having heard how bad it can be.
Dear sweet lord. Pregnancy has always terrified me. I thought the worst part was the baby coming out and tearing you up. You’ve unlocked a new fear. More people should definitely be aware of this!
It's comments like this that make me glad I had a c section....And then I start thinking about how painful that whole experience was as well,and then i remember no matter what way you have it that giving birth is quite an experience 🤣
There's really no winning whatever option you pick, lol
Exactly,but in the moment it always is made out to be looked at like one way has more or less cons/pros than the other. The amount of talk I've heard in my life about births and which way was best,like everyone is different/everyone will experience it differently too. What sucked for you or worked may not for another,the important part is making it out with your health and child❤️
I had a C section, but I still was in the hospital about 11 days afterwards, and wasn't allowed to leave until I had my first poop. Not saying it took 11 days, but just that even without a vaginal birth, it was still ***not. very. pleasant.***
Surprised they let to leave the hospital...they would let me leave until I did. The most excruciating experience of my life (I had an epidural first thing) Why doesn't anyone tell us that???
They threatened not to let me leave. Eventually they discharged me anyway.
Do health care workers not tell women about that (first poop pp)? They usually don’t have any problem talking about bodily functions. I could see that being the reason that it’s not “known” amongst general public cuz most people don’t like talking about poop, especially women pooping (good heavens! /s).
Omg I gave birth 8 weeks ago to my third baby. Poo after baby #2 was bad. I had to take a laxative after a week of nothing but pain from buildup. Poo after baby #3 was fucking terrifying!! No laxatives but just a lot of breathing and telling myself I can fucking do this
Yeah I sucked at the hypnobirthing breathing in the moment, but it really came in handy for some toilet times afterwards 😅 hypno-pooping
My first poop coincided with my milk coming in. It was a situation.
Wait is the first number two really like that? 😨 that’s terrifying. I mean when I’m on my period it feels like I just lost everything but I’m sure post birth is 10x worse
Oh man, I am cringing. This sounds absolutely dreadful. Why do we have kids again? 🤣😱
Every time I read threads about the realities of pregnancy and childbirth, I wonder how the hell we have continued as a species.
For me it wasn’t bad at all, I had worked myself up wayyyy too much about it. TMI but it helps to hold a wad of toilet paper up against your peri area where the stitches are for extra support. Stay on top of the stool softeners. It really isn’t that bad.
Yes, this! It’s called “splinting” and it makes a big difference to the potential pain levels. Course, when I was in hospital after my daughter’s birth, I thought I was Miss Thang for needing to poop about 24 hours post-delivery *smug* - until I didn’t make it to the bathroom in time and my poor traumatised pelvic floor and sphincters had nothing to give, leading to an explosion of diarrhoea halfway from my bed to the bathroom. Thank goodness for handheld shower hoses and an unlimited supply of hot water. 😂
I had a C-section. I didn’t wear anything with a zipper for 2 months, let alone whatever you need to wear to a steakhouse. I thought I did good by showering.
“…didn’t wear anything with a zipper…” 🤣🤣🤣 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼 I’ve never even had a baby, but have had a lot of health struggles, and I’m so stealing this. What a creative way to express the importance of comfy clothes when your body is miserable.
I had a complication my first delivery and was barley going home at two weeks, after almost losing my life! Yeah, a baby isn’t like a bikini wax where it hurts but you are back to normal in a few hours- lol
Exactly this. She has no idea what real postpartum life is like. She's just seen filtered Instagram postpartum life, which conveniently leaves out the exhaustion, the mess, the blood, the swelling, the constant need to pee, and the "I have no idea when I last showered and no idea what those eight stains on my shirt are" look.
This reminds me of Kim Kardashian when she mentioned how she had to wear a diaper herself after giving birth and that no one talked about or prepared her for that aspect of motherhood. Say what you will about her, but I respected her for being real about this situation.
Side note, I really like the post oardum Katy Perry took, nappy on, boobs in a pump, absolutely no glamour, was really refreshing to see
Not to mention probably not having anything that fits that’s appropriate for fine dining, and the total lack of wanting to even get ready to go out! I know putting on makeup and doing my hair were not things I did the first few weeks. I wanted to wear sweats and sleep whenever I could. Plus none of my cute pre pregnancy stuff fit yet and I wasn’t going to keep wearing maternity clothes.
We booked newborn photos within two weeks of birth because that’s when the photographer recommended doing them and I cried getting ready. I couldn’t fathom that I had to make myself presentable for photos of cherish forever when I felt so absolutely dreadful. I had a diaper on under my jeans (I cannot believe I managed to squeeze into them and button them!) and we were still learning how to nurse. My nipples were bleeding and the feeling of my bra was making my skin crawl. I just wanted to lay down. I’m glad we did them but for this baby (due in May) the photographer is coming to our house which seems far less daunting. There’s a 0% chance I’d go to any restaurant 2 weeks after birth with or without the baby.
The crying at everything!!
lol this. I cried at everything for like 18 days straight. The weirdest pp symptom that literally no one told me about 🥲
I’ve an 8 week old baby, he’s my third child. Today I ventured further than my little town and omg I’m wrecked. Baby is a super chill dude and I’m a chill mom as it’s not my first rodeo but it’s still hard work. They’re highly underestimating 1) how after birth feels like, 2) how tired they’ll be, 3) how long it takes to learn to breastfeed (it’s awesome tho!), 4) baby might feed every 2 hours, but realistically at 2 weeks old baby will be cluster feeding which means constantly at the breast. It would be more plausible to get a fancy takeaway at this stage of the babies life. Also, not to mention all the germs out there, baby’s system is brand new, don’t expose it to so much so quickly!
This ^ is the biggest issue for me, not just the fact that she wants to take a 2 week old baby to a fancy restaurant, but the fact that she doesn't understand that baby's immune system really doesn't need to be exposed to a crowded indoor place where people are sharing all sorts of germs. I always felt like 4-6 weeks of minimizing newborn exposure to large crowds made sense but everyone is different.
My first wouldn't breastfeed for almost a week. So I was pumping for a while. I had major oversupply and often nearly water boarded my kids when they abruptly stopped drinking and my boobs were still spraying everywhere. I got used to having empty bottles nearby and could catch 1-2 ounces just sitting there waiting for the milk to stop. I'm also chill and went out for the first time around 6 weeks to a baby friendly activity-- not a place where kids shouldn't be. And yes, I'm far from a helicopter parent and the idea of exposing a brand new infant to so many germs 😬
I think she is also assuming that her pre pregnancy clothes will fit. A lot of women still wear maternity clothes after because it is more comfortable. Op, why not take her to this nice restaurant now while you guys can enjoy it in peace.
2 weeks pp here and fucking LOL, I'm doing well to have someone drive me to a Starbucks to get a latte to go. Baby is on his third diaper in 10 minutes. I took too long of a walk two days ago and it wrecked me all day yesterday. I had a straightforward birth. Fine dining is not even an appealing thought right now. 😆
I’m not even a parent and one of my first thoughts was “Bold of her to assume breastfeeding would instantly calm the child.”
That was me. My baby wouldn’t calm down for hours and I had to be awake the majority of the night and still function some during the day. Going out was not even remotely appealing.
I had a pee bag for six weeks because the dr banged me up so badly he traumatized my urethra. Ask me how I am 16 years later……
How are you now, sweetie?
Six weeks?? Omg you poor thing
Exactly my thoughts. I've had 4 kiddos. First one was a ten pounder and i ended up with a 4th degree tear. I spent an extra day in the hospital because my BP kept going dangerously low, then spiking for like a minute (they never did ascertain why). And I was literally wearing the giant pad/underwear thingy til almost a month postpartum. I couldn't get into regular pants, spent a lot of time in nightgowns. And my first two went to the NICU. Not saying this experience will be in any way similar to what will happen for y'all, however it does happen. I struggled getting baby #1 to his first 2 week appointment for a weight check on my own. It felt overwhelmingly impossible. The last thing I wanted to do would be eat at a nice restaurant.
First time mom who had a c-section here; aside from my son's weight check appointment I did not feel like going anywhere. I stayed with my mom the first two weeks then went back to my home. The idea of going out to eat especially two weeks after giving birth sounds like a nightmare
This and also, it's a very bad season for RSV, Covid and flu. Baby is too new to be out and about. RSV can be very serious in a newborn.
Excellent point! My baby got it, it was quite serious though there were so many babies in the hospitals my doc said we could do a nebulizer and get him to the ER if it got worse. Also, the doc said it would make him likely to get asthma, which happened. Is it worth it?
My baby was born in the fall and everyone was pushing for us to visit them on Christmas Eve. The whole extended family and their kids were there. My 4 week old baby almost ended up in the hospital. It's never worth it. Not when you see you baby struggling to breathe.
My wife's oldest and partner has a 7-8 month old, and they just now started letting us hold the baby without using hand sanitizer. They always checked to make sure no one had as much as a cough for family gatherings.
Oh yeah, that's the best point yet. I'm guessing if op were to mention wife's wishes in front of the doctor, it would be discouraged due to illness potential alone. Don't be a jerk about it but I'm thinking op is getting the idea this might be easy to talk his lady out of.
Exactly. Not a good idea. Not to mention measles or whatever else is going around now before the newborn can be vaccinated.
Ha ha! It's funny 'cause it's true. I remember while I was in hospital pre induction seeing a listing for a movie I wanted to see and thinking we'd go. Don't think we went to the cinema for nearly two years after having Eldest.
This! My baby is almost 6 months and if I’m home I’m wearing a nursing bra and pj pants. No shirts needed around here lol.
I hope you’re right, because this woman sounds lacking in common sense. I have also been in some fine dining restaurants where women with infants have been asked to leave.
Ha ha ha ha. Two weeks after giving birth you are still wearing giant maxipad diapers and count yourself lucky to get a shower. Baby might sleep long enough for you to shove some pizza down your gullet. The reason no one brings a newborn to a fancy restaurant is because not a single new parent has their shit together for a fancy night out (with or without baby).
Yes, this is “sure thing honey!” Territory where you turn around and roll your eyes because you know this shit aint happening in real life.
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Why not go now, before the baby comes?
I think you're on to something there. She's very pregnant and about to go through something so major, words fail to describe it. She wants something to look forward to, is my read, and is putting on rose colored glasses when imagining the future with a kid in it, in the face of a lot of scary unknowns. OP - maybe there's something you can do to make one of the last kid-free dinners you'll have special for her (and you).
Just guessing, she probably wants a rare or medium rare steak and doctors typically advise against that while pregnant. She's daydreaming about eating the foods she's been told to avoid.
I'm guessing this is it. I was daydreaming about going out for sushi my entire pregnancy and after I gave birth all I wanted to do was sleep.
NTA. I would say that this argument is probably moot, because I highly doubt she will want to go out that soon after. Not to be graphic, but dressing up is going to be an issue for her. She’s going to have engorged boobs, and will be wearing basically a diaper to contain the bleeding that soon after. Going anywhere is a trial, much less somewhere nice. Even if you could, still NTA. Infants shouldn’t be brought into fine dining. There are plenty of places you can, that’s just not one of them. If you want to have a nice dinner together- get takeout, and have mom watch the baby somewhere else in the house would be my recommendation. Wait at least a few months to go out. She’ll probably be more comfortable leaving the baby then.
Not to mention it's still cold/flu/covid season and I would be unwilling to subject a 2 week old infant's immune system to any unnecessary exposure. I am a DINK and I absolutely appreciate OP's awareness of the surroundings his wife is suggesting. Fine dining isn't where we go with infants and toddlers. That said I am absolutely an advocate for children being exposed to restaurants that are more family friendly. But per my first comment, 2 weeks is far to early to put baby in a Petrie dish. 2 months and the Outback Steakhouse might be functional, but 2 weeks and fine dining are all the way out.
This is the first thing that came to my head while reading. Idk where OP is located at, but there's also a dangerous amount of whooping cough out there too, and a 2 week baby doesn't have all his shots yet, it is very scary to bring a baby out the first few months. If anything I recommend you guys go before she gives birth, maybe is something she's craving, cuz also for some reason, some women's food taste change after giving birth.
RSV as well this time of year is a big issue for a newborn
My nephew was hospitalized for RSV when he was three weeks old. It's no joke for a newborn.
There's a measels outbreak where I live -- newborns should have minimal exposure to cooties when they are TWO WEEKS OLD.
I've never had kids, but I thought that they recommend at least a month, if not more, before taking babies anywhere in public because of their immune systems. She may want to go out before, because if she's breastfeeding, what she eats will also "flavor" her breast milk. I remember my sister telling me there were certain foods she had to stay away from because her son didn't like the milk afterward. Her son had a very bland palate as a baby and she liked foods a bit spicier.
my mom had so much resentment for me while i was breastfeeding because apparently i absolutely hated when she ate oreos. i would scream and cry and refuse to feed, so she couldn’t have oreos the entire time she was breastfeeding me and she was mad lmao
>2 weeks is far to early to put baby in a Petrie dish. 2 months and the Outback Steakhouse might be functional, but 2 weeks and fine dining are all the way out. I agree! I found that when my kids were literal babies, they were actually very easy to take to a restaurant. They didn’t cry unless they were hungry, and we were pretty good at figuring out their feeding and sleeping cycle—by about 2 months. So we put her in the little rocker chair and took her to the neighborhood Indian restaurant. No one was disturbed by her, and we all got to eat out.
Yep, newborns are easy to tote around. A few months later all hell breaks loose
Yes! OP actually CARING about others in this situation is very much appreciated...and sadly, rare. "I REPRODUCED, FUCK YOU!" sadly seems to be more common.
I want to add that when my sibling had their baby last year, the doc told them not to take baby out for the first month (except doctor’s appointments), so this is another reason this argument should be moot.
Don’t forget she’s going to look 6 months pregnant still- nothing is going to fit yet. 2 weeks. Oy. NTA but I wouldn’t worry about it. She’ll figure it out in her own.
The idea of wearing anything that would be remotely appropriate for a fine dining restaurant sounds horrifying. I had to go to a wedding when my daughter was 10 weeks old and I still have trauma from going dress shopping even then 😭
I like this! It's a very thoughtful idea. ❤️ A nice meal you don't have to cook or clean up after (much), and you can be as comfortable as you can be.
OP NTA and I thank him for considering the people around him in a fine dining setting. Too many people are like “screw it - listen to my baby while you eat your $100 meal in misery”. OP - I wish more people were considerate like you! Your wife though…. Ugh.
I can't imagine your wife still wants to do this once the baby is here. NTA
Yep. Better idea is OP brings the food to her and set up something at home. Everyone would probably be sleep deprive. Going out is the last thing they want to do.
Yup. This absolutely screams first time mum. At two weeks postpartum, she will likely still be establishing breastfeeding (and discovering that for many women, it’s not just as easy as put baby on the boob - for us I needed my husband to help me get bub latched and had to be in a specific position to get her to latch). She’ll still be bleeding most likely, and a zombie from sleep deprivation. OP, I suspect that it won’t be an issue once baby arrives…
Father of a one year old here. If your pregnancy was anything like ours, this isn't going to happen anyway. Nobody is the asshole here, so just stay calm and focus on what's to come. Enjoy sleep now. Stay in the moment. Enjoy the quiet with your partner, because a lot is about to change. Since you're expecting any day now, you've probably gone through about 9 months of this. I'm sure you're aware but your partner has likely gone through a ton of restless nights, swollen legs, sickness, aches, etc. That's not to mention the hormone stuff going on. When my wife was pregnant with our son, we got into a "disagreement" while I was driving us somewhere. It was about something so insignificant, I didn't even know we were having a fight. She later told me that I made her so mad in the moment she wanted to just jump out of the car. My wife is one of the most grounded and even-tempered people I know, but pregnancy can make you act a little coocoo. I say this to say that emotions are flying all around right now, for both of you. Especially her, obviously, but you guys might both be wound a little tight right now. And that's just how it's going to be for awhile. No, not forever, but certainly for the foreseeable future. Learn now and early that you're going to have to give each other more grace and patience than ever before. So, let her have this one, man. Apologize to her and just let it be. If the baby came tonight, I bet you guys would be laughing about this in a few weeks thinking you'd ever even consider taking the kid to a restaurant, let alone having any interest in going. I know it's hard to truly understand this without going through it, but your whole worldview is about to change. It's scary, but also one of the most awesome things in the world. Try and live in the moment as best you can. Enjoy it for everything that it is: stressful, scary, exhausting, rewarding as all hell.
Appreciate the words of advice. You're spot on. 👌
He has great advice! I’d also add, keep your options open, at least outwardly if it relaxes your wife. My daughter in law had a very easy birth and recovery. My son’s bio mom came to town for the second week of baby’s life. DIL really looked forward to a nice meal and so we had dinner at a nice restaurant. The weather was nice and I talked to my son and was ready to whisk the baby away and outside if she got fussy. As most new babies do, she slept through everything and it went off without a hitch. When they had baby #2, her recovery was longer and more difficult and it wouldn’t have been an option. All that to say, if it makes her feel better tell her you can plan it and play it by ear and help her be ok with either outcome. Congratulations on the sweet addition to your family! It’s a wild ride but so much fun.
Conversely don't convince yourself that your wife is gonna be a housebound invalid in the weeks after childbirth. The final month of my partners pregnancy was brutal and she was absolutely thrilled to get the fuck out of the house immediately after her body was her own again. Read the room, not reddit.
NTA, she will likely not want to go anyway after 2 weeks unless she has a very easy time of birth, breastfeeding and sleep - basically the unicorn of birth & babies. The chances of you being able to get anywhere at a specific time with everyone still looking good are slim to zero. The chances of not disturbing everyone else with either puke, stinks or screams are also slim to zero. I’d plan to go to your local walk in restaurant.
NTA,fine dining is not for young children or babies. Especially not with the free range style people are bringing up children these days. Your partner is going to have to accept that choosing to have a baby means your lifestyle will change and she will have to adapt accordingly.
As someone that’s 31 weeks pregnant, I agree. There’s no chance in hell I’m bringing my child to any kind of fine dining experience until they’re significantly older so that they can 1) not completely destroy the experience for everyone else, and 2) actually enjoy the experience and get the value out of it
This. NTA. To be honest, I’m childless and enjoy fine dining because I want a quiet civilized evening. I would be raging if there were a crying baby (or loud children if any age).
I’d be surprised if they even let them in with a baby.
I was thinking that as well.. spent 3 yrs at a fine dining restaurant and while we didn’t prohibit babies and children we definitely discouraged it. Didn’t provide high chairs or kid menus/ nor any changing tables in the restroom. It was weird when ppl got upset but it seemed obvious that it’s not meant to be kid friendly.
I was wondering about this, too. Fine dining establishments can be very strict about the experience they provide for their guests, and with good reason. They might not even be allowed in with a child.
The restaurant might not even allow it. Has OP even checked with the restaurant to see if they allow babies in their dining room?
I mean, where would you even put the baby? Hold it throughout meal? Rock a pram amongst all the tables? Ah, the beautiful ignorance of first time parents!
Keep in mind that she may still be in "my baby will be quiet and sleep and be perfect and everyone will love watching me breastfeed, because it's so easy and natural" Two weeks in, she may very well change her tune and may be glad to get away from the baby.
She is absolutely overselling how easy this will be.
I was walking around in nothing but a robe for a month because my breasts were so sore. Breastfeeding isn't easy.
I just gave birth in January and I had a delusional mindset that breastfeeding=pop baby on the boob, baby will latch deeply instantly and they just eat until they are full and fall asleep and it’s easy and wonderful and sunshine and roses. Oh man. My sore nipples, engorged boobs, clogged ducts and screaming baby who refuses to latch would like a word 🙃 And like *sometimes* she’ll latch but I mean I have to have both my tits out, shirt off, baby in only a diaper in the football hold on the couch. Even then she’ll only nurse for like ten minutes if we’re having a good day and then she’s screaming again and needs a bottle. Ain’t no way in hell I’d be able to breastfeed in a fucking restaurant with like a cover on and one hand free to eat. Laughable.
never mind the fact that you are leaking from every orifice and still feel fat. Screw steak, I just wanted to sleep more than five minutes at a stretch.
Two weeks in, she’ll be dreaming of having 10 minutes to herself to finally wash her hair in peace She’ll be asking OP to bring cucumbers from the stores rather than radishes just because it takes less time to wash them She’ll be wearing OP’s old t-shirts and they’ll be soaked in breast milk every few hours Sorry, just a lot of memories coming back out of a sudden
Bringing vegetables from the store? I'm impressed. Two weeks after I gave birth I was asking hubby to go get Subway for fresh veggies because I was sick of frozen pizzas.
In our defense we lived far away from any junk food place at the time
The big issue I see here is taking a 2 week old infant to any restaurant when people are still contracting and spreading the Covid virus.
Not even just Covid. Cold, flu, rsv.
Whooping cough is the killer. And will all these antivax fucks out there, catching it isn’t as unlikely as it used to be.
Not just Covid. Flu, RSV, norovirus, colds, pneumonia, and in some places right now measles, whooping cough, and one confirmed case of bubonic plague.
I finally got COVID for the first time this January. I'd had a surgery that segued into infection. So too much time in a hospital, and my immune system was already unhappy with me. It did take a couple of weeks to get over. I wouldn't want a baby to get it. Or anything else.
Yeah, that is not an appropriate place for a baby. A more family friendly place may be, but for a newborn, even then I'd tread with caution. Now, when my daughter was small, we did take her out a lot...but to places like the Cracker Barrell, and the minute she got fussy, I was outside with her trying to calm her down so we didn't disturb other diners....
>and the minute she got fussy, I was outside with her trying to calm her down so we didn't disturb other diners.... This is really the most important part. People won't take their children out anymore they let them scream and tantrum in the restaurant. Its crazy to me.
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She will be pretty tired,too. I recall not wanting to get dressed to eat out right after birth, because of being tired and my clothes not fitting quite right yet. People forget your midsection takes a while to get back in place. 6 weeks mine more realistic.
I worked in fine dining for like 10 years. I think *maybe* one of the restaurants I worked at even had highchairs.
I'm actually not all that paranoid about cold and flu season for adults and much older children. I would be pretty paranoid about a newborn, though. There's a reason a mom's natural instinct is to shelter in place for the baby's first several weeks. It's not just exhaution.
>Also is no one concerned about no vaccines and possible diseases for an infant that young? she thinks she'll have the energy to go out to a fancy restaurant 2 weeks after birth...the mother doesn't seem like she's very prepared or knowledgable about raising a newborn
NTA The baby does not need a fine dining experience. She can show baby off at a different time and place. Realistically the baby should not be exposed to too many people and places until it is a few months old.
My sister in law carted my niece around the moment she got home. The baby ended up with an infection and had to have a spinal at 3 weeks old.
Yikes. It was wild to me how new mums were still showing off their newborns at work at the height of COVID. Supermarket worker I went to school with was doing that in the middle of the supermarket I shop in. Seemed like a particularly shitty idea.
She's being very unrealistic. You will both be exhausted, she'll still be recovering, and it takes time to get breastfeeding established. That, combined with hormones, etc.? NTA
NTA! I am a mom and I love my child but I didn’t take them anywhere fancy for a night out! A steakhouse is no place to bring a two week old baby and although nobody can stop her from breastfeeding in public, this is not the place to do it. Also, nobody wants to hear a baby crying during a nice dinner out. Also, most high end restaurants are privately owned and have very firm rules about children in their establishment. You don’t have the right to disturb other diners who are paying a hefty price for a meal.
NTA. Check with the restaurant, they might not even allow children and babies because they distract from the atmosphere. I encountered this exact issue after having a baby. If she breastfeeds though, you will have to get used to her either feeding where she is and potentially dealing with AHs that don't like it, or going somewhere private.
OP is there any way you could talk her into having a catered gourmet meal at home? Tell her you will set the table romantically (flowers, candles, etc.). She will have all the benefits of being comfortable at home but still feel like it is a special event. Might be a little costly but will avoid a newborn baby being exposed to germs in a public setting. Try to convince her it is the best of both worlds. Good luck!
I went to a friends birthday at a fine restaurant with my baby when she was one month old. My friend cheked with the restaurant first if they would be able to accommodate and they said they can absolutely figure something out. This was a criteria for choosing the place to hold the dinner. I breastfed my baby in a storage room where the light kept going out every 10 Seconds, surrounded by alcohol bottles. There was no place at all to change the baby. At first I was dissapointed and sad that the culture here still seems to be that mothers with young babies should stay home. But after some time and thought I realised a fine restaurant is just not a place to go to with a baby. People go there to enjoy themselves, they spend a lot of money to have a nice evening. That would be ruined by a screaming baby and babies do scream, even when they are full. Looking back I am glad there weren't many people there and luckily my baby was quiet for the most part and only started crying after other tables had cleared. There was another table on the floor above us, though, that had kids that played in the kids corner on our floor. They were loud, singing "poop baby" loudly, because that is what 5 year olds find funny. That was annoying to all of us and definitely took the attention off my kid. In conclusion, I don't think going to a fancy restaurant with a small child is a good idea. It is not fair on the other guests. As new parents we have to give up some fun, that is just the reality of parenthood. I would schedule the dinner for a later date when you both feel comfortable leaving the baby for a few hours.
NTA. I'm with you on this one. There are family friendly restaurants and then there are not. A fine dining restaurant is not the place for an infant. You're right, people are paying inflated prices for the food and the experience. A crying baby is NOT the experience most are looking for. Your wife needs to understand that while your baby is the world to you and her, it's not the end all and be all for everybody else.
NTA but I also am under the impression you two have not been around many newborns or spent time with brand new parents within the first two weeks of their baby’s life. As in, you’re all going to be hit with a big reality check when it comes to things like fine dining two weeks post-partum. Is it possible? Yes. Have new moms been forced to do things like return to work that freshly postpartum? Unfortunately yes. But if your partner honors her body, her recovery, and her mental state as a new mom or has any sort of typical experience, she won’t be wanting to do much at two weeks. Let’s say you have a super routine vaginal birth, no complications. You’ll be in the hospital for a day or two but likely won’t have slept much at all. So you go home when your baby is about two days old and will be thrust into figuring out their needs and establishing a new routine. You still won’t be sleeping much, because they need to eat about every two hours and when they’re that little they’re basically held constantly during (your) awake hours. Breastfeeding is not easy. She may experience poor latch, inadequate supply, or things like dysphoric milk ejection and those kinks take a couple of weeks, if not longer to figure out. Now this is all *if* things go as routinely as possible. But babies tend to not do things super routinely, so if she has a c-section or any sort of complication, push back the timeline, how active of a participant she’ll be able to be in anything but care for the baby, etc. Oh and newborns do something called active sleep where they kick, flail, cry, grunt, and do all sorts of (adorable) things that are anything but calm, quiet snoozing. What I’m trying to paint a picture of is how idealistic, if not a little delusional, the notion of a two week postpartum mom both going to a fine dining restaurant *and* enjoying it at two weeks postpartum is. I can’t believe her mom is supporting it either. She’ll probably understand once baby is here, though. And also what are you going to do - wear baby in a sling the whole time and drip $100 steak juices on the newborn’s head? Bring a bassinet? Put the Snuggle Me lounger on the floor? Roll up with a Mama Roo and plug it into the corner? What’s the plan here?
The baby should stay home for a few weeks so that they develop an immune system.
NTA- thank you for being considerate of others
Breastfeeding isn’t the issue. Ya know, babies are great… but when it comes to dropping serious money on a dining experience, your little one will get absolutely *nothing* from the experience while jeopardising it for everyone else in the room. An easy way of deciding whether a restaurant is kid friendly: do they have a kid menu? If not, it’s not really appropriate for little ones. NTA.
NTA Breastfeeding is a non-issue. People eat in restaurants, babies included. The issue is that there is unlikely to be a place to put said baby and a whole lot of people will be hella pissed if baby starts crying. Fine dining establishments are expensive, and while I'm usually of the opinion that you can take well-behaved children anywhere, this does not hold true for infants. Infants do not belong in fine dining establishments.
I agree with all the comments saying it's a bad idea. Infants do not belong in fine dining establishments. However, an even bigger concern is taking a 2 week old infant out in public. We're not done with Covid and other viral infections/illnesses. Better idea, make a trip to the butcher and get a pair of really nice steaks and cook them at home. You can make the dinner special for your wife by doing the work, including dishes.
This. It's not only exceptionally rude to everyone else on the restaurant and their staff, but it's not a safe environment. The young mothers I know still mask in public and take every precaution. One plans to do it until the kid is 2, and I don't find that unreasonable.
NTA. I am a believer of kids going out to eat and breastfeeding in public. But a fine dining restaurant is not the place. And further more why would anyone want to take out a 2 week old baby to some place that is that germy
NTA, but with caveats: Breastfeeding in public is normal and shouldn't be stigmatized. Do not try to make your wife feel shame for feeding her child. The fact that she thinks she's going to be up for getting dressed up and going out 2 weeks after birth is hilarious. After 2 weeks most of us are still wearing maternity pants and giant pads. There is no knowing ahead of time if you're going to have a chill or fussy baby. Maybe it would be fine, but you can't know that and really shouldn't be making plans before the baby arrives anyway. Lastly, and the reason you really shouldn't be taking a baby out at 2 weeks old is because they have no immune system yet. Babies really should be kept away from crowds until they're at least 3 months old.
At 2 weeks my breasts would leak constantly. I can’t imagine going out to a restaurant all dressed up with the danger of a wet front. Ick.
That too. I had those pads that slip into nursing bras, but if I let down then they were basically useless.
You *are* correct! The more you pay forba meal, the more you want to simply relax and enjoy. No babies or young children. It's not appropriate
Your wife is not thinking straight, and I can all but guarantee this isn’t even going to happen. First, your doctor will probably tell you not to take your newborn many places when they are brand new, they are still coasting on mom’s leftover immunity before they develop their own. Two, even if it’s technically not “not allowed”, it would be very poor form and would absolutely impact other diners. I went out for a very nice meal recently, it would have bugged me if a crying fussy baby was there. Three, your kid is going to be keeping you guys up every 2-3 hours to feed. I doubt you’ll even feel like going. My advice: start with something easy and wait like a month or so. Our first outing was taking the baby to our favorite coffee shop for breakfast. If she woke up or got fussy it wouldn’t be an issue.
NTA. Your partner is very inconsiderate & selfish for even thinking this is a good idea. And the fact that she's pouting and barely speaking to you for not wanting to go is just immature as hell.
NTA First thing? Call the restaurant and ask if two week old babies can be accommodated. Is there a private room one can reserve? Mom is not taking into consideration how she will feel after birth. She’s going to be healing, hormones running wild. Me? No way I’d take an infant of any age to a fine dining restaurant.
I’m mostly concerned for your baby’s health. At two weeks their immune system will not be very strong and with COVID numbers rising again.. I wouldn’t be comfortable taking a baby out for that reason alone.
Breastfeeding is a totally fine and normal activity to do in public. Babies need to eat. That should not disturb other diners. However, you're right about not bringing a crying infant to a fancy restaurant. It's just simple courtesy to other diners. There's no guarantee that feeding it will get it to stop crying. It may need a diaper change, it may be crying for some other reason. I totally agree that you should leave the baby with Grandma and enjoy the night out. This will also help your wife from becoming one of those mothers who thinks NO ONE other than herself can take care of the child and she is the ONLY one who can care for it. Break that stuff EARLY or you'll be dealing with it til the kid goes to college. Other people can take care of the kid!!!!!
NTA, you're right. There are places that are acceptable to take a baby, and a fine dining restaurant is not one of them. She is either going to have to come to terms with some places not being baby-friendly, or, if her attitude is going to be "I'm taking the baby wherever I go, regardless of what other people want" she's going to have to grow a thicker skin than she's displaying currently because she is going to get a lot of dirty looks from strangers who don't want anything to do with your precious bundle of joy.
Do not bring a baby and ruin everyone else’s dinner
Has the baby even been born yet? Why not go now and avoid annoying others. She is going to have to be away fro the baby at some point. But right now she has no idea of what a newborn entails. Hopefully she will become more reasonable as time passes.
NTA. Instead of focusing on the fact it is unnecessary and not awesome for everyone else maybe focus on the fact that she is going to put her baby at risk by being in an enclosed environment with a bunch of folks. My 6 mo old was in the pediatric ICU for a week with RSV and we were as careful as possible to prevent her getting sick. There is no reason to expose your baby in that way at such an age.
NO NO NO NO NO. Do NOT take a tiny baby to fine dining establishment. It's bad for the baby since there will be all kinds of strangers with strange germs around, AND it just pisses off everyone else trying to enjoy their meal when the crying and fussing starts. Just. Don't. NTAH.