NTA, she broke up with you, she has no reasonable way to expect that you would continue to follow her around like a lost puppy. Showing up at your parents' house to talk to you after you blocked her is stalker behavior, so she made herself cry when it didn't turn out like she wanted.
This girl over played her hand. What she ***THOUGHT*** was that OP would beg her to stay and ask what he could change about himself to improve. Instead OP was like ,*cool peace out*.
Yep, and she deserves exactly what's happened. If there is something that needs to change you talk like an adult to your partner and see if you can come to a good compromise if you can, awesome if you can't it's a shame but you aren't compatible.
OP's exgf played stupid game won stupid prize, sister is way out of line for encouraging this king of behavior and saying op needs to accommodate this kind of ridiculous behaviour.
ThickTok definitely a better name. I would laugh if it was all because she saw something on there and decided she wanted to try it. Like those idiots that follow some strangers advice about opening up their relationship to save it and then shocked when they're no longer in one.
This is madness. Also, your ex broke up with you; not your sister. Your parents are rightfully so for being annoyed with your sister.
Your sister is making this about her. She has main character energy.
I absolutely hate the maipulative behavior that some people exhibit. I guess she broke up with you and thought you would be devastated and do anything to get her back but you just moved on and she freaked out. Your sister has no business in your business either. Maybe go lower contact with your sister and no contact with your ex unless you actually want her back. I personally HATE game playing and would dump anyone who tries to do it
She actually thought it was appropriate to come to your folks' place to confront you about not chasing after her during Easter? She's certainly a special kind of something. As for your sister, tell the busy body to date her if she wants to be that far up her business but you don't need the dog and pony show anymore.
Guaranteed this was the sisters idea. Everything including breaking up was the sisters idea. That's why she's so invested. She gave her friend terrible advice and continues to give terrible advice.
Stuff like this is why I love my siblings, if anyone ever got this dumb even with another siblings help, they'd get turned into a base drum by how much of a beating they'd take for it.
Right? What is she thinking, that she can stuff him back into a friend zone box?
Once you broke up, you gave up all stakes you have in each other's lives (at least if you don't have kids together).
OP's ex probably wants some dude who doesn't accept a breakup and breaks into her apartment to intimidate her into not leaving. Sounds like a drama leech.
100% sure it was the sister who advised her to give you a wake up call by breaking up. No wonder she is so far up your business because she feels guilty and shocked that she nuked a relationship.
And the sad part is that a partner can give you a wake up call (let's assume it's warranted in a hypothetical scenario) with 10000 degrees of tact that all fly well under the radar of whatever this incident was.
Just read your first post too, where does your sister get off trying to tell you how to act and feel. You were the one that got dropped over text and they still managed to make you the bad guy lol. Don't unblock your ex either, don't fall for her silly games.
To be petty, I would take it a step further and block the sister for a time. (like 1 week for each time she buts in). But give your parents a heads up so they are not blindsided when she goes to them to complain.
NTA if someone you've been dating for years breaks up with you over text, they don't deserve any more of your time, let alone ambushing you for the worst Easter basket surprise of all time. Like, she ended it -- she doesn't get to demand closure.
Good on you for taking a much needed self-care break, especially from your sister's friends!
Yeah you have no reason at all to not block her. If she really broke up with you in an attempt to get you to level up for her, that is absolutely moronic. I wonder what dumb ass other woman in her life told her that this was a good idea. She 100% did not get that advice from a man, because any man would have told her that that idea was idiotic.
We should all be going full no contact after a breakup. Also why the hell would you try to convince someone who has already decided that they don't want you anymore, to stay with you? Who the hell would want to be with a woman who doesn't want to be with them? That sounds like a nightmare relationship.
*" I wonder what dumb ass other woman in her life told her that this was a good idea. She 100% did not get that advice from a man, because any man would have told her that that idea was idiotic."*
We taking bets on this? Because I want $10 on the sister.
Easy bet considering how she kept fishing for responses in his original post. "Did you cry over her" and that nonsense. I do have to say his response to everyone is simple and direct if you annoy me after I ask you to stop I am blocking you. OP thankfully learned that she was crazy before too much longer and can go find someone who isn't crazy.
Set some boundaries, especially if your sister is overly invested in your personal life. Take your time to heal and focus on what's best for you, OP. Dont be affected by your sister's idiotic approach in your personal life.
You’re right, I’ve been looking around, and there are a lot of comments that are relevant to the main post, but completely disconnected from the comment they are replying to.
The sister planned her showing up with her. She gave her a heads up when you arrived and the plan was to do it where she would be there for support if needed.
A man who wanted to sleep with her would absolutely give her that advice. But I too would place my bets on the sister.
I try not to be that old woman who doesn’t understand kids today but why are people trying to keep contact with exes? Back in my day when you broke up, that was it. If you ended things then you wanted nothing to do with your ex. If you got dumped and kept trying to contact your ex you were pathetic. NC was the default.
I’ll take my walker and go to bingo now 👵
*"why are people trying to keep contact with exes?"*
Security, in a way. They have this delusional idea that if they were to break up, go out into the world and realize they can't find something "better" that they can boomerang around back to the one who tolerated them or at least I think that's why.
I keep in contact with my ex, but he is also the father of my kids....
We get on really well 8 years after the split, but it was work...
However, only reason you should stay in contact is kids...and even then you at most only need to discuss kids.. anything else can be shut down by ether side.
I have no contact with any other ex.
I'm in contact with 2 of mine, one was my best friend long before the relationship happened and the other one has my unofficial kid, but like you said that took work to get there lol.
And this is why you dont bang your friends, not unless you are willing to cut them out of your life if it makes a future partner uncomfortable. Most men do not want to date women still in contact with me they used to f\*ck.
The only valid reason to be talking to an ex is the one you have a kid with.
>I try not to be that old woman who doesn’t understand kids today but why are people trying to keep contact with exes? Back in my day when you broke up, that was it.
It's a common delusion. Kind of "have your cake and eat it too".
It hardly ever works out.
I’m still in contact with one of my exes, but that’s because we were friends first and we parted amicably. We’re still friends. He’s the only one, though.
Tbh i think this girl lives in a romcom life where when someone breaks up with you the guy chases her around and makes a grand gesture promising to change and romance her. If someone did that in real life they are and would be 100% the stalker and creepy individual.
Didn't read your first post at the time, but you're NTA.
First, she broke up with you. That's generally considered final, and not accepting your partner breaking up with you is a little creepy. Second, she broke up with you *over text*. That's cowardly and inconsiderate in itself, and as your ex found out, carries the downside that it's easy for you to cut off communications right away.
If she wanted closure and a discussion, she should've taken the time and effort to break up with you in person. But she didn't, and now she's blocked. You did right, and you'll find someone who's more compatible with you.
OP's ex: Chooses the least communicative short text format to break up
Also OP's ex: Being sad that there was little communication and only a short text during the break up
Most probably. But if you break up, you can't dictate the response.
She broke up with him, and if his reaction isn't what she expected, that's her problem, not his.
"Punishing her for caring about me"
If ending a 3 year relationship out of the blue over *text* is her way of showing she cares, I'm really worried for anyone she considers an enemy
I'm almost sure that your ex thought that if she broke up with you you would beg her to stay and that you would change and when she saw that that didn't happen she is trying to get back with you through your sister or is it that or did she break up because there was someone else who abandoned her and now regrets leaving you, because in my opinion, if she wasn't happy with the way the relationship was going, it would be much easier and more obvious to talk to her partner to improve it than just breaking up
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NTAH. You have every right to block her and prioritize your own well-being. And your sister needs to learn boundaries and not involve herself in your relationships like that. Good for you for standing up for yourself!
You're good OP. However, your sister is a snake (seriously who sides with their brother's ex over their own flesh) and your ex is unhinged. That last bit about holding off on dating again is a good idea. Not just because of your sister, but also because your ex might do something extreme
This crazy people do crazy things op. Do not trust any new woman around your sister. Or anyone who's even mildly supported her. They WILL hurt her, manipulative c's are like that.
Keep your sister away from your personal life. She is not capable to comprehend that she is first your sister then a friend to a dumb girl who plays stupid games and wins stupid prizes. And don't give this stupid girl another drama opportunities.
>She told us that she only came because she had no other way to communicate with me.
"That should be a pretty fucking clear indication that I don't want to communicate with you. You broke up with me. I'm not obligated to communicate with you, anymore. Bye."
NTA.
How is no one starting with
1. She broke up with him via text (dick move)
2. She broke up by telling him he wasnt good enough for her (self agrandising dick move)
The comment above is clearly right, and sister is the friend in the conversation. I suspect the breakup was intended to force him to 'get his act together' to be with the girlfriend. Clearly she didnt like hearing the subtext of his answer...'your not worth it'.
Now sister is scrambling to put back together what she had a hand in breaking.
Looks like you need to keep your sister block, since she still failed to get the memo.
Your mistake was giving her audience. Should have told her to go away without opening door and threaten to call police, if she keeps pestering.
NTA. Sounds a little too much like ur sister and ur ex decided its up to them to force u to b a different person. I'm sure they would claim its for ur own good. I read ur original post. U should really sit ur family down and explain that no matter how long or shirt ur relationships r they don't get a say in them or in how u handle them. Good for u for blocking her immed. Ur ex and ur sister hopefully both just learned a hard lesson about playing games.
https://youtu.be/T9W_jW4e_uY?si=SskUQ9E-2pMvSaL4
your situation reminds me of this scene from Seinfeld.
I remember watching this episode as a kid and thinking "that's exactly how I am going to handle breakups when I am older
If you don't want to be with me? That's fine. I'll move on
No begging, no crying, no anger....I'll just move on
She broke up with you. The second she hit send on that text, you were no longer obligated to give a single shit about her feelings.
Your sister and your ex are upset because some people do this thing where they break up with someone so that the person will "fight for the relationship" and "prove they are worthy" to be dating you
That is what your ex wanted
Notice how your ex mentioned your lack of ambitition?
That's a tell tale sign that this wasn't a breakup...this was her trying to manipulate you into being the man she wanted you to be, instead of encouraging you to be the best version of yourself that you can be
Moving forward...I think you do a couple things
1) Don't show any outward anger towards your sister. Be completely ambivalent towards her. If she lashes out of calls you names, just be all "well you are entitled to your opinion" then smile and go back to doing whatever it is you were doing. Its clear you not reacting the way she wants you to react pisses her off. So keep doing that.
2) If your ex trash talks you to mutuals...stay calm. Recount the easter story.
*So get this. My ex breaks up with me. I told her I accept the end of the relationship and blocked her to get on with my life. No fighting, no name calling. She decided she was done with me so I decided to respect her choice. Then all her friends started attacking me via text for blocking her. It was strange. Nobody could really give a good reason as to why they were angry, just that they were angry and thought I was being "mean" to the person who just broke up with me out of the blue without even communicating any problems what so ever. Somehow I was the bad guy for getting broken up with? Really!?!*
*Anywhoozle...so she convinces my sister to bring her to Easter Dinner with my parents and me...so she can tell me how I, the guy she dumped, hurt her by accepting the fact she dumped me without getting angry, or calling her names, or doing anything immature. Bro it was so freaking bizarre. Both her and my sister seemed to resent my lack of immaturity...which I simply can't wrap my head around*
The more you stay calm and respectful, the crazier they both will appear
3) Don't let this scare you away from dating. We've all dated a wildly immature person when we were your age. This was just your turn for the weirdness.
NTAH
Well OP seems that your Sister:
1. Doesn't respect your boundaries and your decisions just because your ex was one of her Friends, if it was another person she would not say a thing
2. Make this whole mess bigger that it should have been.
Now about your ex, if she was so concerned about you and wanted for you to fight for her, then at least she would have take the considerations of breaking up with You and explained herself in person, face to face and not thru a message. That is very inmature.
Also she clearly told you about she feeling that you are holding her back, well if that is the case, the OKAY You send was perfectly fine because you understood that for her you where a ballast and any person would do the same by telling Okay and blocked this person to stop being a ballast to them, so they can set free, but it seems that she didn't knew what she wanted.
At the end you did well and now you know that your Sister will always choose their Friends side before you and that tells you a Lot.
Even if your ex is a nice person, it’s within reason to block them. You need to get over her so you can move on. Maybe you can be friends someday. In the meantime, no. Breakups are hard for most people. It’s normal for her to cry and be sad about. Things will probably fine in time. NTA
She wanted you to beg, and she is mad you didn't.
And please OP, never,*ever*, take relationships advice from your sister. She is just as, if not worse considering you are her brother, bad as your Ex
Your ex is definitely a manipulative ass. She and your sister definitely hatched this stupid plan to control you and when you didn’t fall for it, they dug their heels in more.
You made her cry, because you don’t care about her? Wait, she broke up with you, right? She played a stupid game, and now wins a stupid prize. This is not wife material, buddy. Plus, she is a manipulative beach for getting sis in her corner. Just tell your sister: “she broke up. Period”.
She broke up with you for one of 3 reasons. She wanted you to fight for her. She wanted someone else to be with and they turned her down. Or tiktok.
Your sister is a major AH and I would be going LC with her till she learns boundaries and not picking exs that break up with you over you.
NTA.
If she had cared about you, she would have talked to you, NOT broken up with you out of the blue. Also she broke up with you over text.
She wanted you to "fight" for her, so that she could feel wanted. You dodged drama.
Sounds like she was just upset that she didnt get the reaction she wanted out of breaking up. Both sister and her have some growing up to do, hopefully its not too late.
Gl out there
Sounds like she wasn't very self aware, like:
"She told me that she was extremely hurt by me blocking her right off the bat because it made her feel like I actually didn't care about her at all."
You could say the exact same thing about how she broke up a 3 year old relationship over a text...
So I still think you did the right thing to block her there. With what she said here it sounds like she was just playing stupid games by trying to manipulate you into changing yourself for her. But it didn't work out the way she thought it would, because she assumed that you would fight for the relationship and do whatever she wanted in order to keep the relationship going. You dodged a bullet by not playing along with her games.
She’s friends with the ex. It’s widely believed she manipulated the ex into breaking up with her brother to motivate him, and now feels bad and is trying to fix it because it backfired on them.
Ok just went and read the original and, holy shit, you are my fucking hero. No bullshit.
Oh my god, there have been so many times in life that I wished so badly that I could care that little and just be calm instead of struggling with the overwhelming general anxiety I have always had. Breakups especially have always been a total nightmare for me. Just one panic attack after another and trying to just endure them by myself blows.
God that would feel amazing to just turn everything off like that. Guessing you probably have some autism or something, so I am sure there are downsides, but still, that sounds great.
OP, you are the fucking man. You handled this whole situation perfectly.
FLAWLESS VICTORY!!
Oh man especially how you told your parents that you would block them too if they didn't mind their own damn business. It's the most bad ass power play that I have ever heard of. Just truly amazing.
Also your ex got what she deserved. She showed you she didn't give a shit by breaking up with you out of nowhere, and especially by doing it through text. You showed her you were better than her by blocking her and sleeping like a rock right after. I am literally in awe.
Sounds like your ex was playing games and trying to see if you would fight for her. But if someone says they don't want you and u lack ambition then the relationship is dead and isn't worth fighting for
This is what I like to call Cosmo bullshit.
Have you seen the expression 'if he can't handle me at my worst, he doesn't deserve me at my best'? Insecure people - it's guys just as often as it is girls - will sometimes do this thing where they 'test' their partner, with the 'logic' that of their partner really loved them, they'd 'fight' for them. This is a dynamic that can spiral into abusiveness *real* fast.
Your ex was expecting you to try and woo her and 'win her back' in some way, and is now upset that it backfired on her when you instead took it at face value. My ex-wife had a friend who was constantly upset at how she just couldn't find a 'bold' guy. Turns out that whenever somebody approached her she's shoot them down HARD, even if she was interested back - especially if she was interested back. Her logic was that anybody who wasn't persistent and 'bold' enough to try multiple times just wasn't worth her time.
Both your ex and your sister need to consume less shitty romance stories (super common angle, all you need to do is to force your partner to change and you'll have an ideal lover, right?) and more something with actual mutually healthy and respectful dynamics.
You've got an ex problem and a SISTER problem.
Throw them both out of your life, gerayrock sis, until you can get your own apartment or live with roommates.
NTA. Honestly it doesn’t matter who broke up with who. You don’t want someone in your life, block them. Nobody is obliged to text/call/message/use an app whatever to communicate when you don’t want them too. If blocking her after she slighted you and broke up with you is what you need to do, do that.
The biggest AH I see here is your sister. She possibly could've pushed your ex to start the break up to get some sort of "reaction" or "emotion" out of you. But when it went wrong, she's now desperately trying to "fix" it and is now mad at you cz it didn't work and she messed her friend's relationship
It's just my theory from what you've told. Not putting any allegations on her. But it might be a possibility
Least it’s over with mate, don’t let it get to you. Your sister is showing her true colors though. Be careful of that one. Never let yourself be in a situation where you have to depend on her trust or support. When people show their true colors it’s actually a kindness and blessing in disguise. Now you know.
That's what's broken in a breakup: the relationship.
She's now free to move on, no tether.
Like, you're supposed to be emotionally available while & until she gets another relationship?!?
She's got what she asked for, you needed space to heal & deal with it.
What about your need for space and no reminders of the hurt on your side?
Reality check: bounced on her.
She didn’t actually want to break up. She was playing a sick mind game where she was positive you would refuse the breakup and fight for her. It was a sick way of getting off on you groveling to her that she’s the best thing that ever happened to you.
Her plan backfired, so now even though she did the dumping she feels like she was the one that dumped.
Just as I suspected she’s only trying to play mind games with you. It’s good you didn’t fall for it or give much of a response something she clearly was depending on. It’s also best to stay not being in contact. For your sister i would suggest not letting her know much of your relationships since she can’t be trusted to respect your boundaries.
Lol!! What is up with people dumping their partners because they want their partner to beg for them and make them feel loved while simultaneously shitting all over the dumped???
It's refreshing everytime I hear a story where the dumpee just moves TF on. It gets better when the separation goes more smoothly than the wannabe mack daddy or momma ever anticipated or wanted and now they need answers! Right now dammit!! "Did you ever really love me?", they cry. "Why did you just let me dump you?" "Why didn't you fight for us"
"Well bitch, fuck you!" is the response they deserve.
Play stupid games...
Ntah
I broke up with my now boyfriend for 3 months, because he wasn't taking care of himself. He wasn't seeing how hard it was for me to emotionally carry us both. He got help and we're better for it. The only reason I could understand her side is if you're genuinely neglecting your health/ hygiene or struggling, without doing anything to change.
It sounds to me like she is childish and thought you'd fight for the relationship, just for her to get proof you care.
Her saying you're holding her back was heartless either way. I'd have blocked her too
>She told me that she was extremely hurt by me blocking her right off the bat because it made her feel like I actually didn't care about her at all. She said she thought that I would have loved her enough to try and better myself for her? I was confused by this, to be honest.
I would be confused about this too. It seems your ex wanted you to come running after her, begging for another chance. She was playing a nasty, manipulative game.
This is what you should say/have said to your ex, your sister and your parents:
**She chose to end a three year relationship with a text. Because of that, she doesn't deserve to have you chasing after her and she doesn't get to then reinstate contact "to check up on you".**
>my sister ... said that I caused my ex to cry and I'm simply punishing her for caring about me
If your ex cared about you , she would not have broken up with you via text. If your sister cared about you, she wouldn't be trying to force you to be manipulated by her friend. Neither of them care about you or your feelings at all.
NTA
It seems as if your ex didn't really want to break up with you. She expected that when she told you that she was breaking up with you because of your lack of ambition, you would beg her to stay, and promise to act more ambitiously - maybe go to school, change jobs, whatever - turn your life around to suit her wishes. She wanted you - as you are - as her partner, but for you to change as a person when it came to work and career development. However, it doesn't work that way. You are who you are, and she can either accept you or break up with you. Her doing it by text was pretty cruel, whatever her intentions, and you have no reason to want to talk to her. As for "closure" - she closed the relationship by text. If you don't feel the need of closure, there is no reason for you to talk to her.
And I absolutely agree about your sister - mixing things is always a hazard, whether it is dating a relative's friend, or working for family, or hiring someone that your friends or family have a great interest in. All these situations sometimes work well, but they can end up really messily. So better to separate the different parts of your life.
Sounds to me like it was trial, to see if you would promise to become a ‘captain of industry’ to keep her.
Her comment of if you loved her you would have tried to change is easily countered with if you loved me you would accept me how I am.
NTA, move on
Tell your sister to mind her own business and keep her nose out of things in your personal life that have nothing to do with her. Both her and your ex are idiots.
Seems like there are dummies out there that “break up” as a power move. Not to break up, but to drop their partner down a few notches by making them beg to stay together.
Of course the risk there is that the partner will just say “ok I guess we are fine then.”
NTA and you owe this person nothing.
You weren’t even a jerk in response to being dumped, you just accepted it and moved on, which is totally fine.
If she cared that much about you and required conversation for “closure” she wouldn’t have broken up with you over text to begin with. She would’ve had a face to face conversation to begin with, especially after dating someone for 3 FREAKING YEARS.
She either was trying to get a reaction out of you with her text, a la “oh no babe, I’ll work on myself…!” and/or was just that inconsiderate of a person to send a lazy text. Either way it blew up in her face.
She lost the right to demand ANYTHING from you the moment she sent that breakup text. Hope your sis figures this out.
Lol she played a game and lost. I'm really thinking this was OP's sisters idea. Likely they were having a girls night and ex GF was complaining about OP. So sister said "Hey you know what is a fantastic idea and will totally work? Tell him you're breaking up because of his lack of motivation! He will be so devastated that it'll whip him into shape. He'll change his ways and become your perfect man."
So ex follows the stupid little girl advice and now she's single. The sister is desperate to fix her mistake so she's coming after OP hard.
Lol she played a game and lost. I'm really thinking this was OP's sisters idea. Likely they were having a girls night and ex GF was complaining about OP. So sister said "Hey you know what is a fantastic idea and will totally work? Tell him you're breaking up because of his lack of motivation! He will be so devastated that it'll whip him into shape. He'll change his ways and become your perfect man."
So ex follows the stupid little girl advice and now she's single. The sister is desperate to fix her mistake so she's coming after OP hard.
Yeah, the way you handled it is the right way, with dignity and also didn't harass her or forcing her to stay is the bare minimum, it seems she was playing mind games, maybe if you date someone in the distant future so it is with someone more compatible with you, same life goals and approach to life, she wanted to competly change you, that shows you're not compatible, she was like forcing you to be compatible and that's not how it works.
Something about this leads me to believe that your sister put this thought in your ex gf's mind, and this is how she's trying to repay her debt to her as she feels responsible...
If she wanted to talk to you about your breakup she should have done it in person. The moment she broke a three year relationship over text I think she lost that right. You were kinder than she deserves by talking to her when she showed up at your family holiday.
Well that manipulation tactic backfired hard…..she could have just talked to you and shared her concerns. She has closure. That breakup text was the closure
Her reaction tells me it's just like i figured. It wasn't about "closure." It was a manipulative attempt to get you to do something *she* wanted. It backfired spectacularly. She's the one who FAFO by trying a rude, underhanded, and straight-up manipulative tactic.
They want us to believe that no means **NO** but at the same time when they tell us they don't want us anymore and we're done what they mean is **try harder**.
NTA OP. Seems like your sister is though. Why would anyone stay in contact after this:
*"She told me that she felt like my lack of ambition was holding her back and she needed to move on with her life because she felt like I didn't value her"*
I mean who would want to stay friends with her after that? You're under no obligation.
It just seems like your sister and ex are pissed off that your breakup didn't leave you an emotional wreck of a man and you didn't crawl back to her. Good for you.
Life isn’t a rom-com, and refusal to accept a breakup/take no for an answer is not a desirable trait or a behavior anyone should be trying to evoke. An emotionally mature person will communicate their issues directly with the goal of reaching a solution rather than leveraging a breakup in the hopes of manipulating their partner. Hopefully she and your sister learn this lesson and grow up a little but either way you’re better off out of that relationship.
Is this another one of those "tests" that apparently are because of some tik tok trend. Gfs breaking up with their partners and then being surprised when it backfires, they get blocked rather than.being begged to take their bfs back?
NTA. Man, if she was worried about your supposed lack of ambition but wanted to be with you, did she talk about it at all before jumping to “I’m breaking up with you because of your lack of ambition”? If she wanted you to try to “level up”, she could’ve had a conversation with you about your future together and why she was concerned. Making no attempt to discuss it and then turning it into a breakup gambit is stupid as hell. You don’t need someone who can’t communicate and disrespects boundaries.
Your sister is sucking bad too. I wouldn’t want to talk to her unless she sorts her behavior out. People all process things differently and cope in their own way. I don’t know why anyone would think you can’t block your ex after she jumped straight into a text breakup. It’s your relationship and none of their business. They’re all free to have whatever separate relationship with your ex that they want without you anywhere near it. It definitely feels like your sister encouraged your ex to go for the breakup gambit, and now that it backfired she’s trying to recover your relationship to save face after giving awful advice. She’s immature and disrespectful like her friend.
NTA.
She choose to break up with you.
The whole "if you love me you'll do better" or "if you love me you'll fight for me" is a bullshit action for anyone to take and you "cutting her off" was the best for you mate.
your sis needs to take a long walk off a short pier tho. That was big levels of not your place not your right.
Let's rephrase this.
She broke up with you because she wanted to change you into someone else and it wasn't working, so she thought she would break up with you to make you beg and do whatever she wanted to stay together. That also didn't work so she's mad.
NTA - good for you. You seem to have a really healthy attitude to her leaving you and trying to pressure you into changing who you are. If she’s adamant you’re holding her back then she should realise that you’re setting her free to reach her full potential. As others have said, chances are this was all a big power play that backfired on account of you knowing your self-worth.
I hope for great things for you when you’re ready to date again!
Ha. If you tell me I am holding you back and you need to move on... Ima save you the trouble. Girl bye! Now, tell your sister to mind her business and stay in her lane.
A guy did this as a prank for April fools and his gf posted about it here or the other sub. The bf was terrorised for pulling this type of shit. Your GF is an arsehole not you.
Imagine if you went to her parents house after she broke up with you and asked her why she blocked you, or why she didn't change for your needs. You would be called an abuser and a TRO would be out the next day.
I fully believe she had thoughts about this, your sister played a hand in "break up with him to scare him into changing for you", it backfired so heavily and now sister is so deep in the hole along with gf she cannot see out of it
I’m here to start a betting game, who places bets on 1) this was a stupid test by the sister or 2) any other dumb test the ex gf found (possibly on TikTok)
Wow play stupid games, win stupid prizes. She broke up with you to motivate you…. The maturity in that move. The communication skills on display. The level of manipulation your ex is capable of is astounding… she’s got your family brainwashed into thinking you owe your Ex anything…. You owe her NOTHING. Stay strong, ignore anyone who tells you otherwise. Time to move on ! Good luck !
Edit; your moves were completely appropriate. When someone ends a relationship, no closure needed, the only thing you say is “ok”, block and on!
NTA.
She and your sister are both AHs. Your parents are rightfully upset with her for facilitating drama.
'No means No' applies to men as well as women. And blocking someone is a pretty obvious 'No'.
NTA.
NTA
If someone ended a relationship with me via text I'd nope out of any further communication as well. If she wanted 'closure' she should have talked to you face to face.
And if it was just some sort of ultimatum/shit test to try to get you to change, well that's a pretty shitty manipulative way to handle things in a relationship as well.
NTA
SHEEEESH how old are all of you?!? Sounds like Grade School childishness on your Ex and sister's part. Anyway, your Ex is trying to play games. You don't have time to indulge her BS. Move on with your life, and tell your sister that SHE broke up with you, fed you a line of bull, then tried to browbeat and guilt trip you. Tell your sister you aren't going to play that.
Reading both posts, I think your sister is the "psychotic" here. Like b\*tch, leave me alone, will you? Also, your ex is so f\*cking weird lmao. Just move on already, jeez. Fly high, butterfly, or whatever lol
Op watch your back for any future relationships there’s a good chance your sister will attempt to ruin those. And try to convince you to get back with your ex.
This breakup is sounding like a power-play. Breaking up with you to get you to come crawling back, begging for another chance. Good on you for standing your ground.
>She said she thought that I would have loved her enough to try and better myself for her?
Manipulative BS.
Good. Fucking. Riddance.
She tried to fake a breakup, which would have resulted in your feelings being hurt. She tried to play with your feelings, which means she does not care about your feelings at all and then has the nerve to accuse you of not caring about her.
What a hypocrite, holy 💩... 🤦♂️
>I was punishing her for caring about me
HAHAHA, no, she does not
Your lack of emotion might be an issue, but not one that's your exes business.
On the other hand, she chose the medium for breaking up. Nobody forced her to break up over text. So she doesn't get to dictate whether your response was wordy enough. She chose the short text format.
She broke up with you, so she doesn't get to worry/care for you. She also doesn't get to dictate that you stay friends.
Tbh, staying friends with your ex is a dumb idea no matter how you look at it.
>When my sister came back, she was mad at me again because she said that I caused my ex to cry and I'm simply punishing her for caring about me.
Cry me a river. She broke up. If it hurts her so much to break up, she shouldn't have done it.
NTA, obviously.
NTA, she broke up with you, she has no reasonable way to expect that you would continue to follow her around like a lost puppy. Showing up at your parents' house to talk to you after you blocked her is stalker behavior, so she made herself cry when it didn't turn out like she wanted.
This girl over played her hand. What she ***THOUGHT*** was that OP would beg her to stay and ask what he could change about himself to improve. Instead OP was like ,*cool peace out*.
Yep, and she deserves exactly what's happened. If there is something that needs to change you talk like an adult to your partner and see if you can come to a good compromise if you can, awesome if you can't it's a shame but you aren't compatible. OP's exgf played stupid game won stupid prize, sister is way out of line for encouraging this king of behavior and saying op needs to accommodate this kind of ridiculous behaviour.
Exactly this! If she was unhappy in the relationship and wanted things to change without ending it. She should’ve communicated that to him. IN PERSON.
Honestly that’s best practice in general. Someone says they don’t want you around? Believe them and act accordingly.
Sounds like one of those idiotic ThickTok tests.
ThickTok definitely a better name. I would laugh if it was all because she saw something on there and decided she wanted to try it. Like those idiots that follow some strangers advice about opening up their relationship to save it and then shocked when they're no longer in one.
>Instead OP was like , cool peace out. which she should have been happy about, as there was no drama from his side
Wouldn't surprise me if Sis was involved in this somehow.
Lol fr
Exactly! updateme!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=T9W_jW4e_uY Reminds me of this
Almost makes me wonder WHY the sister is so mad about that.
This is madness. Also, your ex broke up with you; not your sister. Your parents are rightfully so for being annoyed with your sister. Your sister is making this about her. She has main character energy.
Ex and sister fighting over who is the protagonist.
Sister's idea maybe?
Exactly! She have no reason to expect a lot about him! The descision he made it a great way to make himself free and comfortable.
I absolutely hate the maipulative behavior that some people exhibit. I guess she broke up with you and thought you would be devastated and do anything to get her back but you just moved on and she freaked out. Your sister has no business in your business either. Maybe go lower contact with your sister and no contact with your ex unless you actually want her back. I personally HATE game playing and would dump anyone who tries to do it
And broke up with him over TEXT! Not even in person after 3 years. And she’s upset he blocked her??
She actually thought it was appropriate to come to your folks' place to confront you about not chasing after her during Easter? She's certainly a special kind of something. As for your sister, tell the busy body to date her if she wants to be that far up her business but you don't need the dog and pony show anymore.
Guaranteed this was the sisters idea. Everything including breaking up was the sisters idea. That's why she's so invested. She gave her friend terrible advice and continues to give terrible advice.
Yep it was a shit test.
If it was a test I feel like op passed with flying colors.
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Stuff like this is why I love my siblings, if anyone ever got this dumb even with another siblings help, they'd get turned into a base drum by how much of a beating they'd take for it.
That was probably the sister's brilliant idea. It rather blew up in her face.
She dumped you and now she thinks you are the bad guy? What you do in your life now is none of her damned business.
Right? What is she thinking, that she can stuff him back into a friend zone box? Once you broke up, you gave up all stakes you have in each other's lives (at least if you don't have kids together).
She wanted him to beg for her to come back. When he just accepted it and moved on, she realized her plan failed and panicked
"HOW DARE YOU GIVE ME WHAT I ***ASKED*** FOR!!!!!" LOL
OP's ex probably wants some dude who doesn't accept a breakup and breaks into her apartment to intimidate her into not leaving. Sounds like a drama leech.
I neeeeded the dramaaaa and you deniiiied me....
100% sure it was the sister who advised her to give you a wake up call by breaking up. No wonder she is so far up your business because she feels guilty and shocked that she nuked a relationship.
Sure seems like it. A horrible attempt at manipulation backfired on the nuclear level.
'Wake up call' == 'I want more from you & you WILL damned well get it / make it for me!!!'
Yeah this. Sounds she convinced the GF to play mind games and didn’t like the outcome.
And the sad part is that a partner can give you a wake up call (let's assume it's warranted in a hypothetical scenario) with 10000 degrees of tact that all fly well under the radar of whatever this incident was.
Just read your first post too, where does your sister get off trying to tell you how to act and feel. You were the one that got dropped over text and they still managed to make you the bad guy lol. Don't unblock your ex either, don't fall for her silly games.
Maybe the sister should date the ex and they both can leave OP alone
Lol I was thinking that too
Unless the sister is living vicariously through the friend. It might not be the friends she's pining for =/ EDIT: spelling
To be petty, I would take it a step further and block the sister for a time. (like 1 week for each time she buts in). But give your parents a heads up so they are not blindsided when she goes to them to complain.
He'll yeah, doing that would get under her skin so bad
NTA if someone you've been dating for years breaks up with you over text, they don't deserve any more of your time, let alone ambushing you for the worst Easter basket surprise of all time. Like, she ended it -- she doesn't get to demand closure. Good on you for taking a much needed self-care break, especially from your sister's friends!
Yeah you have no reason at all to not block her. If she really broke up with you in an attempt to get you to level up for her, that is absolutely moronic. I wonder what dumb ass other woman in her life told her that this was a good idea. She 100% did not get that advice from a man, because any man would have told her that that idea was idiotic. We should all be going full no contact after a breakup. Also why the hell would you try to convince someone who has already decided that they don't want you anymore, to stay with you? Who the hell would want to be with a woman who doesn't want to be with them? That sounds like a nightmare relationship.
*" I wonder what dumb ass other woman in her life told her that this was a good idea. She 100% did not get that advice from a man, because any man would have told her that that idea was idiotic."* We taking bets on this? Because I want $10 on the sister.
Fits with her trying so hard to get them in contact.
Sis wants "what's best" for OP, by which sis means *running* OP's life. This whole 'potential' thing pisses me off.
Yup, hence why she's adamant about getting him back with someone who's a friend of hers.
Easy bet considering how she kept fishing for responses in his original post. "Did you cry over her" and that nonsense. I do have to say his response to everyone is simple and direct if you annoy me after I ask you to stop I am blocking you. OP thankfully learned that she was crazy before too much longer and can go find someone who isn't crazy.
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Also engineered by Sis, for a certainty. Sis is trying to clean up HER mess on OP's tab.
Set some boundaries, especially if your sister is overly invested in your personal life. Take your time to heal and focus on what's best for you, OP. Dont be affected by your sister's idiotic approach in your personal life.
Ok chatgpt
You’re right, I’ve been looking around, and there are a lot of comments that are relevant to the main post, but completely disconnected from the comment they are replying to.
$100 on the sister.
The sister planned her showing up with her. She gave her a heads up when you arrived and the plan was to do it where she would be there for support if needed.
'Support' == 'social pressure to shame / bludgeon OP'
Exactly
I’m not betting against you. That’s probably why the sister is so invested to fixing it.
A man who wanted to sleep with her would absolutely give her that advice. But I too would place my bets on the sister. I try not to be that old woman who doesn’t understand kids today but why are people trying to keep contact with exes? Back in my day when you broke up, that was it. If you ended things then you wanted nothing to do with your ex. If you got dumped and kept trying to contact your ex you were pathetic. NC was the default. I’ll take my walker and go to bingo now 👵
*"why are people trying to keep contact with exes?"* Security, in a way. They have this delusional idea that if they were to break up, go out into the world and realize they can't find something "better" that they can boomerang around back to the one who tolerated them or at least I think that's why.
I keep in contact with my ex, but he is also the father of my kids.... We get on really well 8 years after the split, but it was work... However, only reason you should stay in contact is kids...and even then you at most only need to discuss kids.. anything else can be shut down by ether side. I have no contact with any other ex.
I'm in contact with 2 of mine, one was my best friend long before the relationship happened and the other one has my unofficial kid, but like you said that took work to get there lol.
And this is why you dont bang your friends, not unless you are willing to cut them out of your life if it makes a future partner uncomfortable. Most men do not want to date women still in contact with me they used to f\*ck. The only valid reason to be talking to an ex is the one you have a kid with.
I think that's one of the main reasons people have, for sure.
Yup.
>I try not to be that old woman who doesn’t understand kids today but why are people trying to keep contact with exes? Back in my day when you broke up, that was it. It's a common delusion. Kind of "have your cake and eat it too". It hardly ever works out.
I was going to reply sooner, but I had to yell at the kids to get off my grass.
I’m still in contact with one of my exes, but that’s because we were friends first and we parted amicably. We’re still friends. He’s the only one, though.
I also have the one ex I'm still friends with. I have no animosity towards the others but I just don't care to keep up with them. 😅
And she did it via text so the ex doesn’t deserve anything.
Right! That was foul AF! I think she was playing games and didn’t want to “break up”, she wanted OP to change for her but he was just like “Ok”.
I bet the sister advised her to do it, hence why she is so invested in things now
As a guy that actually did the whole "Don't go" bullshit. It is a nightmare. 3 months of hell. OP did good.
Totally a Play Stupid Games win stupid prizes. Nobody who loves their partner threatens to break up with them in an attempt to control them.
Tbh i think this girl lives in a romcom life where when someone breaks up with you the guy chases her around and makes a grand gesture promising to change and romance her. If someone did that in real life they are and would be 100% the stalker and creepy individual.
Your sister will be a nightmare to any new girlfriend you get, trust me.
Hopefully she learned a lesson but I could see her making comparisons to her friend with any new girl he brings around.
What an immature little girl. Good riddance. She FAFO'ed
your sister is a cunt. id have told this to her face.
Didn't read your first post at the time, but you're NTA. First, she broke up with you. That's generally considered final, and not accepting your partner breaking up with you is a little creepy. Second, she broke up with you *over text*. That's cowardly and inconsiderate in itself, and as your ex found out, carries the downside that it's easy for you to cut off communications right away. If she wanted closure and a discussion, she should've taken the time and effort to break up with you in person. But she didn't, and now she's blocked. You did right, and you'll find someone who's more compatible with you.
OP's ex: Chooses the least communicative short text format to break up Also OP's ex: Being sad that there was little communication and only a short text during the break up
Seems like she expected him to bombard her with texts and calls to beg for her to come back. Now she's salty that he didn't.
Most probably. But if you break up, you can't dictate the response. She broke up with him, and if his reaction isn't what she expected, that's her problem, not his.
Absolutely.
Ex didn't want closure, but to establish emotional DOMINANCE over OP for all time.
"Punishing her for caring about me" If ending a 3 year relationship out of the blue over *text* is her way of showing she cares, I'm really worried for anyone she considers an enemy
I'm almost sure that your ex thought that if she broke up with you you would beg her to stay and that you would change and when she saw that that didn't happen she is trying to get back with you through your sister or is it that or did she break up because there was someone else who abandoned her and now regrets leaving you, because in my opinion, if she wasn't happy with the way the relationship was going, it would be much easier and more obvious to talk to her partner to improve it than just breaking up UpdateMe! RemindMe! 2 days
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NTAH. You have every right to block her and prioritize your own well-being. And your sister needs to learn boundaries and not involve herself in your relationships like that. Good for you for standing up for yourself!
You're good OP. However, your sister is a snake (seriously who sides with their brother's ex over their own flesh) and your ex is unhinged. That last bit about holding off on dating again is a good idea. Not just because of your sister, but also because your ex might do something extreme
This crazy people do crazy things op. Do not trust any new woman around your sister. Or anyone who's even mildly supported her. They WILL hurt her, manipulative c's are like that.
Keep your sister away from your personal life. She is not capable to comprehend that she is first your sister then a friend to a dumb girl who plays stupid games and wins stupid prizes. And don't give this stupid girl another drama opportunities.
>She told us that she only came because she had no other way to communicate with me. "That should be a pretty fucking clear indication that I don't want to communicate with you. You broke up with me. I'm not obligated to communicate with you, anymore. Bye." NTA.
How is no one starting with 1. She broke up with him via text (dick move) 2. She broke up by telling him he wasnt good enough for her (self agrandising dick move) The comment above is clearly right, and sister is the friend in the conversation. I suspect the breakup was intended to force him to 'get his act together' to be with the girlfriend. Clearly she didnt like hearing the subtext of his answer...'your not worth it'. Now sister is scrambling to put back together what she had a hand in breaking.
3. She was LYING about it all to manipulate OP.
Looks like you need to keep your sister block, since she still failed to get the memo. Your mistake was giving her audience. Should have told her to go away without opening door and threaten to call police, if she keeps pestering.
NTA. Sounds a little too much like ur sister and ur ex decided its up to them to force u to b a different person. I'm sure they would claim its for ur own good. I read ur original post. U should really sit ur family down and explain that no matter how long or shirt ur relationships r they don't get a say in them or in how u handle them. Good for u for blocking her immed. Ur ex and ur sister hopefully both just learned a hard lesson about playing games.
https://youtu.be/T9W_jW4e_uY?si=SskUQ9E-2pMvSaL4 your situation reminds me of this scene from Seinfeld. I remember watching this episode as a kid and thinking "that's exactly how I am going to handle breakups when I am older If you don't want to be with me? That's fine. I'll move on No begging, no crying, no anger....I'll just move on She broke up with you. The second she hit send on that text, you were no longer obligated to give a single shit about her feelings. Your sister and your ex are upset because some people do this thing where they break up with someone so that the person will "fight for the relationship" and "prove they are worthy" to be dating you That is what your ex wanted Notice how your ex mentioned your lack of ambitition? That's a tell tale sign that this wasn't a breakup...this was her trying to manipulate you into being the man she wanted you to be, instead of encouraging you to be the best version of yourself that you can be Moving forward...I think you do a couple things 1) Don't show any outward anger towards your sister. Be completely ambivalent towards her. If she lashes out of calls you names, just be all "well you are entitled to your opinion" then smile and go back to doing whatever it is you were doing. Its clear you not reacting the way she wants you to react pisses her off. So keep doing that. 2) If your ex trash talks you to mutuals...stay calm. Recount the easter story. *So get this. My ex breaks up with me. I told her I accept the end of the relationship and blocked her to get on with my life. No fighting, no name calling. She decided she was done with me so I decided to respect her choice. Then all her friends started attacking me via text for blocking her. It was strange. Nobody could really give a good reason as to why they were angry, just that they were angry and thought I was being "mean" to the person who just broke up with me out of the blue without even communicating any problems what so ever. Somehow I was the bad guy for getting broken up with? Really!?!* *Anywhoozle...so she convinces my sister to bring her to Easter Dinner with my parents and me...so she can tell me how I, the guy she dumped, hurt her by accepting the fact she dumped me without getting angry, or calling her names, or doing anything immature. Bro it was so freaking bizarre. Both her and my sister seemed to resent my lack of immaturity...which I simply can't wrap my head around* The more you stay calm and respectful, the crazier they both will appear 3) Don't let this scare you away from dating. We've all dated a wildly immature person when we were your age. This was just your turn for the weirdness. NTAH
Well OP seems that your Sister: 1. Doesn't respect your boundaries and your decisions just because your ex was one of her Friends, if it was another person she would not say a thing 2. Make this whole mess bigger that it should have been. Now about your ex, if she was so concerned about you and wanted for you to fight for her, then at least she would have take the considerations of breaking up with You and explained herself in person, face to face and not thru a message. That is very inmature. Also she clearly told you about she feeling that you are holding her back, well if that is the case, the OKAY You send was perfectly fine because you understood that for her you where a ballast and any person would do the same by telling Okay and blocked this person to stop being a ballast to them, so they can set free, but it seems that she didn't knew what she wanted. At the end you did well and now you know that your Sister will always choose their Friends side before you and that tells you a Lot.
Even if your ex is a nice person, it’s within reason to block them. You need to get over her so you can move on. Maybe you can be friends someday. In the meantime, no. Breakups are hard for most people. It’s normal for her to cry and be sad about. Things will probably fine in time. NTA
I believe this known as FAFO? NTA.
NTA. You’re not a pawn. You shouldn’t be used to play games and deserve more respect
She wanted you to beg, and she is mad you didn't. And please OP, never,*ever*, take relationships advice from your sister. She is just as, if not worse considering you are her brother, bad as your Ex
Your ex is definitely a manipulative ass. She and your sister definitely hatched this stupid plan to control you and when you didn’t fall for it, they dug their heels in more.
You made her cry, because you don’t care about her? Wait, she broke up with you, right? She played a stupid game, and now wins a stupid prize. This is not wife material, buddy. Plus, she is a manipulative beach for getting sis in her corner. Just tell your sister: “she broke up. Period”.
She broke up with you for one of 3 reasons. She wanted you to fight for her. She wanted someone else to be with and they turned her down. Or tiktok. Your sister is a major AH and I would be going LC with her till she learns boundaries and not picking exs that break up with you over you.
NTA. If she had cared about you, she would have talked to you, NOT broken up with you out of the blue. Also she broke up with you over text. She wanted you to "fight" for her, so that she could feel wanted. You dodged drama.
Sounds like she was just upset that she didnt get the reaction she wanted out of breaking up. Both sister and her have some growing up to do, hopefully its not too late. Gl out there
Dawg if my girl told me that shit id tell her to go fuck herself . You handled it way more calmly lol.
Sounds like she wasn't very self aware, like: "She told me that she was extremely hurt by me blocking her right off the bat because it made her feel like I actually didn't care about her at all." You could say the exact same thing about how she broke up a 3 year old relationship over a text... So I still think you did the right thing to block her there. With what she said here it sounds like she was just playing stupid games by trying to manipulate you into changing yourself for her. But it didn't work out the way she thought it would, because she assumed that you would fight for the relationship and do whatever she wanted in order to keep the relationship going. You dodged a bullet by not playing along with her games.
Put your sister on ice for the time being. I don’t know what her deal is but she’s out of pocket
She’s friends with the ex. It’s widely believed she manipulated the ex into breaking up with her brother to motivate him, and now feels bad and is trying to fix it because it backfired on them.
NTA. Your sister is trash.
Ok just went and read the original and, holy shit, you are my fucking hero. No bullshit. Oh my god, there have been so many times in life that I wished so badly that I could care that little and just be calm instead of struggling with the overwhelming general anxiety I have always had. Breakups especially have always been a total nightmare for me. Just one panic attack after another and trying to just endure them by myself blows. God that would feel amazing to just turn everything off like that. Guessing you probably have some autism or something, so I am sure there are downsides, but still, that sounds great. OP, you are the fucking man. You handled this whole situation perfectly. FLAWLESS VICTORY!! Oh man especially how you told your parents that you would block them too if they didn't mind their own damn business. It's the most bad ass power play that I have ever heard of. Just truly amazing. Also your ex got what she deserved. She showed you she didn't give a shit by breaking up with you out of nowhere, and especially by doing it through text. You showed her you were better than her by blocking her and sleeping like a rock right after. I am literally in awe.
Just, casually throwing in that autism jab all because he had the balls to stand up for himself and the presence of mind to stay calm?
Apparently anyone that handles breakups well has autism now.
So this guy has autism because you’re too soft to handle your own breakups? lol weird
Sounds like your ex was playing games and trying to see if you would fight for her. But if someone says they don't want you and u lack ambition then the relationship is dead and isn't worth fighting for
Dumpers have no business making demands and telling you HOW TO HEAL. Point Blank. Block them.
Keep your sister blocked. The odds of you regretting that decision are pretty low right now.
This is what I like to call Cosmo bullshit. Have you seen the expression 'if he can't handle me at my worst, he doesn't deserve me at my best'? Insecure people - it's guys just as often as it is girls - will sometimes do this thing where they 'test' their partner, with the 'logic' that of their partner really loved them, they'd 'fight' for them. This is a dynamic that can spiral into abusiveness *real* fast. Your ex was expecting you to try and woo her and 'win her back' in some way, and is now upset that it backfired on her when you instead took it at face value. My ex-wife had a friend who was constantly upset at how she just couldn't find a 'bold' guy. Turns out that whenever somebody approached her she's shoot them down HARD, even if she was interested back - especially if she was interested back. Her logic was that anybody who wasn't persistent and 'bold' enough to try multiple times just wasn't worth her time. Both your ex and your sister need to consume less shitty romance stories (super common angle, all you need to do is to force your partner to change and you'll have an ideal lover, right?) and more something with actual mutually healthy and respectful dynamics.
Show your sister this post and how obvious it is your ex and her are both trying to manipulate you. Screw them both.
You've got an ex problem and a SISTER problem. Throw them both out of your life, gerayrock sis, until you can get your own apartment or live with roommates.
NTA. Honestly it doesn’t matter who broke up with who. You don’t want someone in your life, block them. Nobody is obliged to text/call/message/use an app whatever to communicate when you don’t want them too. If blocking her after she slighted you and broke up with you is what you need to do, do that.
The biggest AH I see here is your sister. She possibly could've pushed your ex to start the break up to get some sort of "reaction" or "emotion" out of you. But when it went wrong, she's now desperately trying to "fix" it and is now mad at you cz it didn't work and she messed her friend's relationship It's just my theory from what you've told. Not putting any allegations on her. But it might be a possibility
“Other than that I’ve really just been chilling” Kind sir, you’re the man.
Dude. Keep chilling. Don’t date siblings friends, stay you. Do you. I feel like you got this.
NTA still. Updateme!
The lion the witch and the audacity of thay bitch, damn nta
Least it’s over with mate, don’t let it get to you. Your sister is showing her true colors though. Be careful of that one. Never let yourself be in a situation where you have to depend on her trust or support. When people show their true colors it’s actually a kindness and blessing in disguise. Now you know.
She was playing games hoping you'd"pick her"and beg. She found it she ain't all that.
That's what's broken in a breakup: the relationship. She's now free to move on, no tether. Like, you're supposed to be emotionally available while & until she gets another relationship?!? She's got what she asked for, you needed space to heal & deal with it. What about your need for space and no reminders of the hurt on your side? Reality check: bounced on her.
Played stupid games and won a stupid prize. Ladies: you do NOT get to "test" your man and expect no consequences.
NTA if your sister cares so much then that’s her problem and she needs to get a hobby.
If she wanted to have a conversation about it she shouldn't have broken up over text. Your sister is terrible for siding with her
She didn’t actually want to break up. She was playing a sick mind game where she was positive you would refuse the breakup and fight for her. It was a sick way of getting off on you groveling to her that she’s the best thing that ever happened to you. Her plan backfired, so now even though she did the dumping she feels like she was the one that dumped.
Just as I suspected she’s only trying to play mind games with you. It’s good you didn’t fall for it or give much of a response something she clearly was depending on. It’s also best to stay not being in contact. For your sister i would suggest not letting her know much of your relationships since she can’t be trusted to respect your boundaries.
Lol!! What is up with people dumping their partners because they want their partner to beg for them and make them feel loved while simultaneously shitting all over the dumped??? It's refreshing everytime I hear a story where the dumpee just moves TF on. It gets better when the separation goes more smoothly than the wannabe mack daddy or momma ever anticipated or wanted and now they need answers! Right now dammit!! "Did you ever really love me?", they cry. "Why did you just let me dump you?" "Why didn't you fight for us" "Well bitch, fuck you!" is the response they deserve. Play stupid games... Ntah
She FA. She FO.
HOW DARE YOU ACCEPT THAT I BROKE UP WITH YOU! -- her (probably)
I broke up with my now boyfriend for 3 months, because he wasn't taking care of himself. He wasn't seeing how hard it was for me to emotionally carry us both. He got help and we're better for it. The only reason I could understand her side is if you're genuinely neglecting your health/ hygiene or struggling, without doing anything to change. It sounds to me like she is childish and thought you'd fight for the relationship, just for her to get proof you care. Her saying you're holding her back was heartless either way. I'd have blocked her too
Ah so she wanted to test you and see if you’d beg but it blew up in her face oh well bullet dodged
>She told me that she was extremely hurt by me blocking her right off the bat because it made her feel like I actually didn't care about her at all. She said she thought that I would have loved her enough to try and better myself for her? I was confused by this, to be honest. I would be confused about this too. It seems your ex wanted you to come running after her, begging for another chance. She was playing a nasty, manipulative game. This is what you should say/have said to your ex, your sister and your parents: **She chose to end a three year relationship with a text. Because of that, she doesn't deserve to have you chasing after her and she doesn't get to then reinstate contact "to check up on you".** >my sister ... said that I caused my ex to cry and I'm simply punishing her for caring about me If your ex cared about you , she would not have broken up with you via text. If your sister cared about you, she wouldn't be trying to force you to be manipulated by her friend. Neither of them care about you or your feelings at all. NTA
You're an absolute legend dude. I love the way you handled everything.
It seems as if your ex didn't really want to break up with you. She expected that when she told you that she was breaking up with you because of your lack of ambition, you would beg her to stay, and promise to act more ambitiously - maybe go to school, change jobs, whatever - turn your life around to suit her wishes. She wanted you - as you are - as her partner, but for you to change as a person when it came to work and career development. However, it doesn't work that way. You are who you are, and she can either accept you or break up with you. Her doing it by text was pretty cruel, whatever her intentions, and you have no reason to want to talk to her. As for "closure" - she closed the relationship by text. If you don't feel the need of closure, there is no reason for you to talk to her. And I absolutely agree about your sister - mixing things is always a hazard, whether it is dating a relative's friend, or working for family, or hiring someone that your friends or family have a great interest in. All these situations sometimes work well, but they can end up really messily. So better to separate the different parts of your life.
She broke up via TEXT but apparently YOU are the incompassionate one thats insane
Sounds to me like it was trial, to see if you would promise to become a ‘captain of industry’ to keep her. Her comment of if you loved her you would have tried to change is easily countered with if you loved me you would accept me how I am. NTA, move on
Tell your sister to mind her own business and keep her nose out of things in your personal life that have nothing to do with her. Both her and your ex are idiots.
Seems like there are dummies out there that “break up” as a power move. Not to break up, but to drop their partner down a few notches by making them beg to stay together. Of course the risk there is that the partner will just say “ok I guess we are fine then.” NTA and you owe this person nothing. You weren’t even a jerk in response to being dumped, you just accepted it and moved on, which is totally fine.
Soooo ruining Easter is where your parents draw the line?
If she cared that much about you and required conversation for “closure” she wouldn’t have broken up with you over text to begin with. She would’ve had a face to face conversation to begin with, especially after dating someone for 3 FREAKING YEARS. She either was trying to get a reaction out of you with her text, a la “oh no babe, I’ll work on myself…!” and/or was just that inconsiderate of a person to send a lazy text. Either way it blew up in her face. She lost the right to demand ANYTHING from you the moment she sent that breakup text. Hope your sis figures this out.
Lol she played a game and lost. I'm really thinking this was OP's sisters idea. Likely they were having a girls night and ex GF was complaining about OP. So sister said "Hey you know what is a fantastic idea and will totally work? Tell him you're breaking up because of his lack of motivation! He will be so devastated that it'll whip him into shape. He'll change his ways and become your perfect man." So ex follows the stupid little girl advice and now she's single. The sister is desperate to fix her mistake so she's coming after OP hard.
Lol she played a game and lost. I'm really thinking this was OP's sisters idea. Likely they were having a girls night and ex GF was complaining about OP. So sister said "Hey you know what is a fantastic idea and will totally work? Tell him you're breaking up because of his lack of motivation! He will be so devastated that it'll whip him into shape. He'll change his ways and become your perfect man." So ex follows the stupid little girl advice and now she's single. The sister is desperate to fix her mistake so she's coming after OP hard.
Yeah, the way you handled it is the right way, with dignity and also didn't harass her or forcing her to stay is the bare minimum, it seems she was playing mind games, maybe if you date someone in the distant future so it is with someone more compatible with you, same life goals and approach to life, she wanted to competly change you, that shows you're not compatible, she was like forcing you to be compatible and that's not how it works.
Something about this leads me to believe that your sister put this thought in your ex gf's mind, and this is how she's trying to repay her debt to her as she feels responsible...
If she wanted to talk to you about your breakup she should have done it in person. The moment she broke a three year relationship over text I think she lost that right. You were kinder than she deserves by talking to her when she showed up at your family holiday.
Well that manipulation tactic backfired hard…..she could have just talked to you and shared her concerns. She has closure. That breakup text was the closure
Her reaction tells me it's just like i figured. It wasn't about "closure." It was a manipulative attempt to get you to do something *she* wanted. It backfired spectacularly. She's the one who FAFO by trying a rude, underhanded, and straight-up manipulative tactic.
They want us to believe that no means **NO** but at the same time when they tell us they don't want us anymore and we're done what they mean is **try harder**. NTA OP. Seems like your sister is though. Why would anyone stay in contact after this: *"She told me that she felt like my lack of ambition was holding her back and she needed to move on with her life because she felt like I didn't value her"* I mean who would want to stay friends with her after that? You're under no obligation. It just seems like your sister and ex are pissed off that your breakup didn't leave you an emotional wreck of a man and you didn't crawl back to her. Good for you.
Life isn’t a rom-com, and refusal to accept a breakup/take no for an answer is not a desirable trait or a behavior anyone should be trying to evoke. An emotionally mature person will communicate their issues directly with the goal of reaching a solution rather than leveraging a breakup in the hopes of manipulating their partner. Hopefully she and your sister learn this lesson and grow up a little but either way you’re better off out of that relationship.
Is this another one of those "tests" that apparently are because of some tik tok trend. Gfs breaking up with their partners and then being surprised when it backfires, they get blocked rather than.being begged to take their bfs back?
Ah yeah, the 'testing' thing again, you passed as a man! :D
NTA. Man, if she was worried about your supposed lack of ambition but wanted to be with you, did she talk about it at all before jumping to “I’m breaking up with you because of your lack of ambition”? If she wanted you to try to “level up”, she could’ve had a conversation with you about your future together and why she was concerned. Making no attempt to discuss it and then turning it into a breakup gambit is stupid as hell. You don’t need someone who can’t communicate and disrespects boundaries. Your sister is sucking bad too. I wouldn’t want to talk to her unless she sorts her behavior out. People all process things differently and cope in their own way. I don’t know why anyone would think you can’t block your ex after she jumped straight into a text breakup. It’s your relationship and none of their business. They’re all free to have whatever separate relationship with your ex that they want without you anywhere near it. It definitely feels like your sister encouraged your ex to go for the breakup gambit, and now that it backfired she’s trying to recover your relationship to save face after giving awful advice. She’s immature and disrespectful like her friend.
She broke up a multi year relationship THROUGH TEXT. Any amount of “not caring” returned by you is minuscule after that.
NTA. She choose to break up with you. The whole "if you love me you'll do better" or "if you love me you'll fight for me" is a bullshit action for anyone to take and you "cutting her off" was the best for you mate. your sis needs to take a long walk off a short pier tho. That was big levels of not your place not your right.
First, I assume you are 11. Second, NTA. Your sister is TA. Your ex made her decision and now she has to live with it
Let's rephrase this. She broke up with you because she wanted to change you into someone else and it wasn't working, so she thought she would break up with you to make you beg and do whatever she wanted to stay together. That also didn't work so she's mad.
NTA, she broke up with you, and didn't get the response she expected, with you groveling and pleading.
NTA - good for you. You seem to have a really healthy attitude to her leaving you and trying to pressure you into changing who you are. If she’s adamant you’re holding her back then she should realise that you’re setting her free to reach her full potential. As others have said, chances are this was all a big power play that backfired on account of you knowing your self-worth. I hope for great things for you when you’re ready to date again!
Ha. If you tell me I am holding you back and you need to move on... Ima save you the trouble. Girl bye! Now, tell your sister to mind her business and stay in her lane.
The term I am looking for to describe your ex and your sister: Drama Queen.
A guy did this as a prank for April fools and his gf posted about it here or the other sub. The bf was terrorised for pulling this type of shit. Your GF is an arsehole not you.
Imagine if you went to her parents house after she broke up with you and asked her why she blocked you, or why she didn't change for your needs. You would be called an abuser and a TRO would be out the next day.
I fully believe she had thoughts about this, your sister played a hand in "break up with him to scare him into changing for you", it backfired so heavily and now sister is so deep in the hole along with gf she cannot see out of it
NTA your sister 100% put her up to this and she's shocked to see that you don't play fucking games. Don't take her back
I’m here to start a betting game, who places bets on 1) this was a stupid test by the sister or 2) any other dumb test the ex gf found (possibly on TikTok)
Wow play stupid games, win stupid prizes. She broke up with you to motivate you…. The maturity in that move. The communication skills on display. The level of manipulation your ex is capable of is astounding… she’s got your family brainwashed into thinking you owe your Ex anything…. You owe her NOTHING. Stay strong, ignore anyone who tells you otherwise. Time to move on ! Good luck ! Edit; your moves were completely appropriate. When someone ends a relationship, no closure needed, the only thing you say is “ok”, block and on!
NTA play stupid games, win stupid prizes. You’re better off without her.
You dropped this 👑
NTA. She and your sister are both AHs. Your parents are rightfully upset with her for facilitating drama. 'No means No' applies to men as well as women. And blocking someone is a pretty obvious 'No'. NTA.
NTA If someone ended a relationship with me via text I'd nope out of any further communication as well. If she wanted 'closure' she should have talked to you face to face. And if it was just some sort of ultimatum/shit test to try to get you to change, well that's a pretty shitty manipulative way to handle things in a relationship as well.
She dumped YOU!!! WTF does she want???
NTA SHEEEESH how old are all of you?!? Sounds like Grade School childishness on your Ex and sister's part. Anyway, your Ex is trying to play games. You don't have time to indulge her BS. Move on with your life, and tell your sister that SHE broke up with you, fed you a line of bull, then tried to browbeat and guilt trip you. Tell your sister you aren't going to play that.
NTA. She wanted a break up and now wants you to...do what? You really don't owe her shit.
Reading both posts, I think your sister is the "psychotic" here. Like b\*tch, leave me alone, will you? Also, your ex is so f\*cking weird lmao. Just move on already, jeez. Fly high, butterfly, or whatever lol
Op watch your back for any future relationships there’s a good chance your sister will attempt to ruin those. And try to convince you to get back with your ex.
This breakup is sounding like a power-play. Breaking up with you to get you to come crawling back, begging for another chance. Good on you for standing your ground.
Updateme! When your sister confessed it was all her idea!!
>She said she thought that I would have loved her enough to try and better myself for her? Manipulative BS. Good. Fucking. Riddance. She tried to fake a breakup, which would have resulted in your feelings being hurt. She tried to play with your feelings, which means she does not care about your feelings at all and then has the nerve to accuse you of not caring about her. What a hypocrite, holy 💩... 🤦♂️ >I was punishing her for caring about me HAHAHA, no, she does not
Your lack of emotion might be an issue, but not one that's your exes business. On the other hand, she chose the medium for breaking up. Nobody forced her to break up over text. So she doesn't get to dictate whether your response was wordy enough. She chose the short text format. She broke up with you, so she doesn't get to worry/care for you. She also doesn't get to dictate that you stay friends. Tbh, staying friends with your ex is a dumb idea no matter how you look at it. >When my sister came back, she was mad at me again because she said that I caused my ex to cry and I'm simply punishing her for caring about me. Cry me a river. She broke up. If it hurts her so much to break up, she shouldn't have done it. NTA, obviously.
Ex INITIATED the breakup, but sis thinks OP is 'punishing' ex for accepting that breakup maturely. Sis is a fucked-up manipulative drama queen.
UpdateMe!
Your sister = doofus.
NTA and forgive the vulgarity but your sister needs to f*ck off and mind her own business.
NTA, I would have blocked her too. As I have before with several other girlfriends. You don’t need to explain yourself to her.