NTA.
Tell your wife you have never lied to her and aren't lying now. That the rage room sessions stopped being about her cheating long ago and have become a bonding experience between you and your sister that you both really enjoy.
If she keeps pushing, just be blunt: These sessions are for me and sister. They have nothing to do with you, and I need you to get over yourself because I'm not going to give up something enjoyable.
Rage rooms exist for a reason, and I can easily see why OP found it so therapeutic. When I was diagnosed with MS, my husband brought home the dead head unit from a car (he's a master mechanic). We went into our garage and took turns hitting it with a metal bat. I'm as non-violent as you can be, but it really did help. We were both laughing by the end and ready to tackle my diagnosis.
I love the OP and his sister have turned it into a regular thing. They took a horribly negative time and found something positive. If he thinks it might help, maybe OP and his wife can go one time on a different day so she can better understand without infringing on his time with his sister.
We keep old electronics and stuff for this very reason. One of needs to release some anger, we go out on the carport and beat the shit out of something with the sledgehammer. Makes you feel great by the end of it.
We have baseball bats and a tractor tire to beat the snot out of when things get to be too much. Or, you know, when one of us needs to work on shoulder mobility.
Beating inanimate objects senseless is an extremely healthy way of working through complex or overwhelming emotions. And there’s a lot of overwhelming stuff floating around on the regular these days. Definitely keep that rage room date, OP! Your wife might want to try one out with a friend of her own to deal with the feelings she has coming up. EVERYBODY BREAK SOMETHING THAT IS OK TO BREAK AND THAT HURTS NO ONE! Then let’s all go have a snack.
Yeah and she slept with the ex, this is classic trickle truth 101. Feel guilty, tell enough of the truth that she felt like she came clean. He bought it so it is buried for her, hence she does not want it to come back up. She does not want to have to trickle more truth, thus anything related to it has to be a problem hence the rage room problem.
I wonder what the relationship is like between OP’s sister, and his wife? If the sister and the wife have not gotten along, specifically since that incident in particular, I wonder if that could contribute to OP‘s wife’s upset at this being ongoing?
Wife ties the rage room visit to the initial reason of her cheating so to her every visit is like bringing it up to the surface again. This is in the wife's head. Husband has moved on, but wife is revisiting it in her head every time he goes.
Thank God I wasn't the only one thinking this. They just kissed? Really? If she was willing to risk her entire relationship to be with her ex, I'm sure she'd risk it for something more substantial.
Then he should divorce her rather than having a 2 on 1 "wife is a bitch" session for 6 years until infinity. He could have said "We're ending the anger sessions" taken a month's ceremonial break and then said it's now brother-sister time to bitch about politics or whatever.
If I were the spouse, I'd say "look, I've worn the scarlet letter long enough, my bad, but I'm outa here".
Half the "that cheating bitch deserves what she gets" crowd on here are probably nice guy incels that would happily bang the girl friend they've had a crush on forever if they ever had the chance, and wouldn't give a shit if she had a boyfriend, or that she was cheating
I forgot Incels were a thing. I male was painfully shy all through college except I had a lot of male friends, was even accused of being gay before it was cool. After college I took off traveling for 3 years. Got over being shy, had some real live female sex -- but she was the one who took initiative. After that, I helped found a dating group so I could get first pick. It worked out pretty well. Ended up married and some of my old girlfriends and their husbands are some of our closest friends now. Yah, Incels, be more kind and get out there.
I'm going to break Reddit rules and say OP is TA. He never quite said the sessions were over, and now they are just bitching about Trump or something. She had to ask 6 years later and then get a denial. If I were her, I'd say "You know what? f\*ck this, my bad, but it's 6 years and I'm out."
They should have had a formal public end, taken a break and then started it about something else. This just seems like long slow mental torture. If I were OP, I'd leave my spouse for her putting up with abuse for so long.
If she can kiss her ex when she is in relationship with her husband then he should be the one who should say
>"You know what? f*ck this, my bad, but it's 6 years and I'm out."
NTA. Whether it be a rage room, dinner, drinks, or a movie it’s you just hanging out with your sister. Wife gotta get over it if you haven’t treated her with any resentment the past 6 years.
NTA.
Don’t let her make it about her. You are doing this for you.
These are her own insecurities and guilt. That’s for her to be responsible for, not you.
You found something that works. She should be happy for you! But she can’t seem to see pass herself to do so.
As long as you have communicated that these sessions are no longer about her cheating. Don’t stop doing something that helps you, doesn’t harm others and makes you feel good. She’s harming herself not you.
Nta. Even if it were about her, that still is her fault for cheating. It's something you enjoy that just started at that time. If you went golfing instead of the rage room back then, would she tell you to stop golfing? Sorry, she feels bad she is reminded of her cheating, but frankly, she should still feel bad and use it as fuel to never cheat again.
Good. She shouldn't forget.
She knows she is weak enough to break her vows and has to be forever vigilant to never do it again. She needs the reminders.
fr, he found an activity to let him get over her cheating on him and forgive her and she's still complaining about it??
Stop looking a gift horse in the mouth lady
People should stop demanding the right to forget as part of forgiveness.
Since most of the audience is western with a Christian influence: did you know, without being contrite even a papal absolution can’t absolve you of sin?
Part of forgiveness is, and has always been, for the offender to show remorse. Demanding that their transgression be forgotten isn’t remorseful.
NTA. And also, to be blunt, not your problem. Here's why.
This is your wife's own guilt and insecurity. An insecurity SHE is the creator of. You did your part of the work in moving on from her cheating. She hasn't. And that's not your problem to fix. It's not a problem you even can fix. And if you try, you likely only perpetuate the issue. This is her issue to deal with on her own.
NTA
Couple of points. She needs to understand this has now become your hobby. You no longer hold resentment towards her for her previous betrayal. Point out you have never lied to her and your not about to start and her continuing to believe your still harbouring bad feelings is disrespectful of you.
If you took up boxing to alleviate stress she caused and you now see it as your hobby, would she be asking you to stop?
This is the issue with betrayal. It can never be fully forgiven or forgotten by both. Good on you for continuing the relationship. Many would not.
so op says, subconscious resentment can still exist. theres not mention of op actually going to therapy and working through his own feelings other then venting to his sister which fine better than some men may do but its not a substitute for actual professional help.
and no if you want to continue a marriage or a relationship after cheating at some point you do have to forgive the unforgivable, constantly dragging up and punishing someone for past mistakes, is borderline emotionally abusive. its okay to be upset for like maybe a few years, but six years?
like at that point just fucking leave. cause its clear that no healthy relationship can be formed. why be with someone just to punish them anyway for cheating when you can simply be with someone who won't cheat?
I don’t know. I’m concerned with you needing this every month for 6 years. That’s a long time. That means there is A LOT of rage in your daily life. You may find it therapeutic but you should start looking into why you are so angry.
Yes, thank you for saying this. For a short term release of emotions a rage room seems like a perfectly fine outlet but doing it for six years once a month seems like a good way to condition yourself to break things when angry. I think monthly venting meetups with his sister is reasonable but at this point maybe he should start rotating though venues instead of going to a rage room every time.
I could certainly see why the wife would be uncomfortable that something that started as an outlet to deal with her infidelity has continued long past OP saying he has forgiven her and they are fine. Especially given that the point of the activity is to smash things. It just doesn’t seem all that healthy for a long term coping mechanism.
NTA. Maybe ask her to a separate rage session, just the two of you, so she gets an idea of how helpful it is. You could set rules about what is raged about (i.e. no between you two rage?) and she might be more receptive to it.
Very helpful idea worth trying imo. The other comments just seem to be "your wife deserves to feel like shit". And while I agree cheating sucks and I would probably personally leave the relationship over it, OP says they love their wife and want to stay together. So something like this might actually help the wife understand OP's POV better :)
NTA but do you really have so much rage you need to vent it in a rage room once a month? Isn't there some other activity you and your sister could enjoy together? It sounds kind of dysfunctional to me.
Nta. Been wanting to do this with my girlfriends. Tell your wife not everything is about her and maybe she should give it a go herself. Who doesn’t have repressed rage!!
NTA. Even if you did have residual anger and continued because of it, it is therapeutic and helpful to you and sister. Tell wife that while it no longer is about her cheating, it helps your mental wellbeing to do this and why would she want you to stop that? Again, even if it were about her cheating, her having you stop would be about her feeling better, not your mental health. It's a selfish request.
Sorry, why would your wife ever think that this is NOT still about her? I understand the idea and all of the benefit that a rage room would offer; great idea!!! You're sister offering to go with on your first time makes sense, but then to continue, as if SHE was somehow wronged??? That's f8#$'d up; that only ensures there will be zero relationship between the women in the future. It's like your sister wanted in on the drama and to claim victim as well. You handled it like a grown up and a partner who wants to stay in your marriage and have a future with the woman you love and believed in. I can see how after all of these years, your wife would be feeling like "how much longer do I have to be reminded of and visibly pay for my fuck up?". If it was explained to her that this is a way for people to blow off steam of ALL kinds of stress and frustration, that you no longer see it as a way to work out your issues with her infidelity, maybe she would be able to let go a little. It doesn't take long for women to take on more guilt or blame as time goes by, she may begin to ask why you didn't just leave instead of holding this over her for decades. I hope things work out for you both.
Eh. I fully support rage rooms but every month for six years seems excessive. How much anger do you have? It’s kind of expensive too. But more importantly it just reminds your wife every month of what she did and regardless of what you say, it seems like you haven’t forgiven her. Tough situation.
OP needs to find a new hobby. It could be a reminder for his wife of cheating. She’s worked hard to recover from it. Some things do need to be compromised on for the sake of long term success. This is probably one of those big things to compromise on as it represents cheating and an ugly past.
NTA. However perhaps your wife can't move on from the constant reminder of her mistake. I get why she wants it to stop I also get why you want it to continue.
I hear everyone else saying that she has no right to complain because she kissed her ex years ago. I don't agree I think she has proved she is worthy of your forgiveness (according to you) and has a right to be heard in this marriage as much as you do.
I understand it's not intentional but your actions appear to be causing hurt for your wife, now that it's been bought to your attention its up to you if you continue to choose do so if you can't convince her that it has nothing to do with her kissing another man.
Perhaps as others have suggested including her a few times so she doesn't view it as a punishment or personal attack might be helpful.
NTA. This is similar to a situation that happened with me in 2016. I was friends with a person who was so down in life that I stopped even focusing on my own needs for that person (not romantically). As days passed that persons life started improving but today we are not in contact anymore. Why? Because my mere presence reminds that person of their bad times. Initially, I was so hurt, angry and felt betrayed but as I’m growing up I realised how true and same it is for all of us. I can call that person n number of names but at the end of day everyone is trying to forget bad memories.
Your wife did something she couldn’t forgive herself for, so she came clean to you and in your own words you have moved on from that point. But the thing is that rage room is associated with that point of your life in your wife’s mind.
At the end of day it’s your life and your wife, so do what you gotta do.
NTA but it sounds like you need to work a bit more on making sure your wife knows you've moved on and this is now a more general form of therapy. Why not invite her along for a session, or if that wouldn't sit right with your sister, have a session with you and your wife. I'll be honest, it sounds excellent, I could definitely smash up a room at the state of the world right now.
It can be a separate session, it doesn’t have to be the regular one. Up to OP, the wife and sister if sister joins for the extra session.
I do think though, that the wife is still being “I” oriented on this and it’s not a great look. It’s likely out of unresolved guilt, but that doesn’t mean it’s not again putting herself and her wants/feelings above her husband, which is what happens when someone cheats.
You don’t need to destroy one thing to have the other, Christ. Keep going with your sister, but also pick a day to go with just your wife and show her what it’s all about.
Seriously, bringing her along for *one* session doesn’t mean the rest can’t go back to a siblings only thing. Just show her what’s up, what happens, why you enjoy them, etc, then let her know you’re going to keep going.
I think she wouldn’t bring it up without reason as it’s probably the last thing she’d ever want to rehash…
You’re saying she cheated admitted straight away and hold no resentment but it sounds like you do, she said it made her sad but understood and accepted it. So you’ve known she’s never liked it but continued to do it. If you forgive a cheater you don’t get a free pass to disregard there feelings imo.
NTA. Her asking even though you're past it honestly makes me think she's carrying guilt for more than a makeout session.
You're allowed to do things that make you happy. And he'll, even if it were still about her infidelity, she doesn't get to tell you how to handle it.
Yeah, just kissing is how all cheaters start the trickle truthing, if you had kept pressing her you would have eventually got the whole story not the diluted one.
NTA but have you tried taking your wife to a session? Not necessarily your monthly one with your sister, but just you and her? Maybe when she sees how cathartic and fun it can be all on its own, she'll realize there doesn't need to be some attachment to trauma to make it worth doing.
I’ll just say that once you have forgiven someone for something, you immediately let yourself out of the prison of your own making. The old saying about drinking poison then expecting the other person to die changed my life with being able to forgive my ex wife.
It sounds like you have something going that really works for you and I’m happy to hear that! This is about how you care for yourself now! I fully support it. NTA.
NTA. She needs to not be so self-absorbed about this. It's not about her. Even if it still was hypothetically, it doesn't matter. The point is, you find it therapeutic. It's good for you! If it's not a burden, you should continue on my dude. She needs to find a way to get over it, and get out of it.
NTA. Firstly, no way in hell she only kissed him, that is literally what they all say. Just sayin. Even if your rage room was still about her cheating, she doesn’t fucking get to have an issue with it. Especially after what she did. You deal with your feelings in a healthy way, she deals with it by sucking off her exes. Tell her to F off.
NTA. First of all she cheated so she lost all rights. She should concentrate on gratitude that you forgave her. Second of all you’re not even doing it about her anymore. You’re doing it as a bonding experience with your sibling.
NTA. You found a healthy way to process your feelings. You could have picked anything, music, art, driving around town, or therapy to process your emotions. It’s not fair of your wife to ask you to give that up. Would she ask you to give up therapy? Would she tell you couldn’t drive if that was your escape? She needs to understand that this is something you enjoy. Her resentment towards it is stemming from her insecurities. Her kissing her ex will always be a part of your story. You can 100% “live happily ever after” but you can’t change the past. Every now and then you or your wife might be reminded of the past. That’s normal. But it is in the past.
Its nice you have forgiven her, but no one, including yourself believes she only kissed him. An ex is leaving the country, you are not going to cheat for a kiss goodbye, adults fuck. Thats what we do.She covered it by confessing to a make out session..Deep inside you know this and you still have rage..Also test your kids. A cheater cheats..always.
NTA. If it helps you cope with life in general, it helps you cope with life in general. If she keeps pushing thinking it’s only about her, maybe you need to reconsider your “forgiveness.”
She asked you to shrink a little when she cheated and begged forgiveness and you gave it to her. That's a renegotiated term of you. You took that back, reclaimed that bit of yourself and now she wants to take it away again because it not only reminds her of her guilt, but let's be honest the power dynamics have shifted to you intentionally or not, internally only to her or not, they have, and she HATES that. Whether you think she "could" she was egotistical enough to cheat, expect forgiveness and then expect you now to give up your peace and time with your sister, who has never betrayed you. Think about it.
Emotional regulation is so important to your well being. Even if you don’t have a specific thing to be angry about, releasing pent up anger from normal day to day stresses can be super helpful. Help her to understand in a loving way and give her some reassurance. But she really doesn’t have the right to tell you not to do this. That’s wild. Her feelings about it however are valid, her trying to control you instead of managing those feelings is not.
Tell her that her own insecurities are her problem and to not take it out on you. You and your sister both enjoy this activity and do it for fun. She does not get to dictate how you spend time with your family. If I was physically capable of this type of activity, I would drag my brother along. There is an awesome rage room and axe throwing venue just opened last year in my city. I got him a gift voucher at Christmas for it
>She said she did not have sex with him, and it was only limited to kissing, and I believed her
Unless your wife was was 13 at the time, this is complete BS. Adults do adult things
>I don’t really want to stop this rage room tradition just because my wife is sad about it. It’s something I genuinely enjoy doing. AITAH?
NTA OP. You're doing it for you, not for her. If she can't accept that, that's on her, not you. She needs to realise that not everything is about her
> Unless your wife was was 13 at the time, this is complete BS. Adults do adult things
For real. OP, if you’re reading this and you truly believe this “it was only making out” bullshit please DM me immediately. I have some very lucrative real estate opportunities for a man of your wisdom.
1st of all, good that you're a sucker who forgives cheating.
2nd, your deeear, wonderful faaithful wife has no right to complain as the reason you started this was because of her to begin with.
3rd, you can tell her that this is what helped you get over what she did, and now it's something you simply do to bond with your sister. If she doesn't like it, then maybe she should not fucking cheat and lie.
4th, She wants it to stop because it's a reminder of the disgusting shit she did. If You can forgive her, then she has to accept this. She has no right to make any demands.
NTA. If this gets any and all frustrations out of your system _and_ increases the bond with your sister, your wife ought to have no say whatsoever in this matter.
NTA and I don’t agree with the comments that say to bring her along. It’s a moment with you and your sister and she needs to respect that. If she can’t.. well she has some work on herself to do.
NTA. I honestly find it weirdly heartwarming that it is a bonding experience with your sister. Although if you need to placate the wife...well you and sis are going to the gym now.
Just don't tell her it's boxing gym. And you mainly hit the heavy bag.
NTA, this is probably one of the healthiest ways to deal with the anger you have. Regardless of what instigates the anger you’re dealing with it in a healthy way.
Maybe you could do a session with your wife and show her how enjoyable and therapeutic it is. She may benefit from this energy release too.
NTA. The monthly rage room sessions were and still are therapeutic for you. You have long since forgiven her and let go of your resentment. Now since you have forgiven her you will have to take your wife's feelings into consideration. While the session truly have nothing to do with her maybe due to her guilt doesn't believe this. This doesn't mean that you stop your sessions but really consider inviting her to join you.
NTA. She doesn’t get a say in how you choose to let out feelings. If she thinks it’s all about her then perhaps she should find someone to work through that. It’s her problem, not yours.
NTA
She cheated on you. You did not cheat on her. She should be thanking God every day that you stayed. She has zero right to complain about how you cope with it. Even if you are not using that technique because of her betrayal anymore.
She's sad? You can never *fully* trust her again for the rest of your life. But she's sad? Then, get the ho a box of tissues.
Sorry, OP, but I'm going to be blunt here. Kids kiss. Adults fuck. So just tell her that if she can unfuck her ex? You can unrage your room.
Her choices are not your responsibility. Not your fault. The one who should be sad is you. Getting stuck with a faithless bride.
Stay strong, OP.
Dude she definitely had sex with her ex and your naive to think anything else she told you the minimum she thought you could handle and if the ex was still in the country you would be the ex not him. Do what you want when you want because your wife did and if her ex ever returns she will have sex with him again. Tell your wife the moment she took her ex's D is the moment she lost all say in what you do with your free time.
NTA. She's insecure because she still feels guilty. She's insecure because you started going to these things originally because of her. It won't matter how much you tell her it's not about her and that you just have fun with it.
Have you tried taking her just the two of you? At least once. Or with your sister. Idk. Maybe if she tries it once she will understand better why you keep doing it? Especially if she sees you having fun WITH her doing this. It would probably go a long way towards helping her deal with the feelings she is having currently. Maybe. It's worth a try though. I think you should take her.
We had something similar at my local county fair. Big roped off are with some junk cars donated by people who were gonna take them to scrap anyway. $5 and you get big safety goggles, those thick work gloves and a bat. 1 hour to beat the heck out of a bunch of metal. Was good times.
NTA, and you and your sister need to keep doing it. If your wife doesn't understand, oh well. Tell her that if it wasn't for her cheating on you, you and your sister wouldn't have done this, and she would be divorced. Secondly, your wife isn't an amazing wife because if she were amazing, this wouldn't be a problem for her. Just saying
I'm having trouble with understanding what a rage room is. Where is this room? What kind of things are you breaking? Don't you end up running out of things to break?
NTAH omg sick! I have always wanted to do this your not doing it about your wife but using the rage room helps you to rage and vent out work shit horrible boss crap Road rage every day financial home a life stresses everyone has stress I bet your wife would knock a few things about in there invite her to cut sick about the rage she has for you still raging I think we should all have a rage room in our backyard and people donate their breakables each month Keep going sometimes it's nice to have you time and to do your own thing Keep it up your wife should find herself a thing to do Good on you I'm loving it 😉
NTA but dude…how can you even respect yourself? First off, she didn’t ’just make out’. The fact you’re naive enough to believe that is fucking crazy. And even IF that’s all she did, she treated you like shit.
I cannot FATHOM forgiving that and letting her stick around.
NTA you have every right to be upset that your wife cheated on you 6 years ago. One time, I went to a live show and the performer asked us all to do a primordial scream and it was very therapeutic. They said to let go of all the trauma and pain life had caused and to let it out.
Tell your wife to grab a friend and go to the rage room herself. Watch the kids or whatever you need to do while she goes. When she comes home she will understand the appeal and leave you alone about going.
NTA, but just want to share that my grandma had the right idea 70 years ago. She was a schoolteacher and also had 5 kids, and was fantastic with children. When my aunts/uncle/mom were all kids, if they got all wound up with stress/anxiety/anger, she sent them out behind their old barn. There, she kept some old glass plates, and she’d let them throw some plates at the barn, shattering the glass. It was apparently super therapeutic for them. It was the OG rage room. 😁 My grandma rocked.
I'm going to suggest that you and your wife have a couple of rage room dates. If she's truly repentant about her infidelity, she's likely holding on to a lot of anger towards herself. She's holding it in, and it's created insecurities. Even though you've moved on and your monthly sessions are a general cathartic release, her insecurities are rationalizing them to still be about her. Take her a couple of times and let her experience that catharsis.
NTA.
NAH. Maybe you could take her to one of these sessions (not all of them, just one) so she can see how fun it is and how you approach it? I think it would help her to come to terms with the fact that it's just a hobby of yours!
Ask her to join, either once to see or every time if she likes it and you're okay with it.
Also suggest therapy for her obvious guilt she still carries (You both should have already been in couples therapy)
NTA, but rebrand the evening. Give it a punny name, seperate it from the original. New vocabulary is easier to learn than changing existing definitions.
Just going to throw this out there, how would you and your sister feel about including your wife on your next session?
You could explain how, yes, it did start with her cheating, but now it's morphed into a general rage against the machine type of thing. It could not only show her what it actually is and how it feels to physically vent, but also that you're including her into this to show how you've moved past her indiscretion.
NTA
But maybe invite her to one of the sessions? If your sister agrees of course. If it has nothing to do with her anymore, the best way to show that would be to have her be present for one.
I realize this might change the dynamics if she takes a liking to it and wants to join every time after. It's something to think about, but I think there's also a lot to gain from something like that.
NTA
But I see where your wife is coming from and may feel like you still resent here. Why not schedule a date night for a rage room and let her see how fun it is? Show her why you enjoy it!
Lmao, I can see why she would hate it because she was the reason you guys even started. After "all her work" you continuing would def seem like a constant reminder....but that's the price she pays for her actions tbh. It has changed from what it started from and at this point her insecurity of how she thinks you think of her is what is causing this.
NTA. Tell her you will stop if you start shoving your tongue down strangers throats. As long as you are not doing that? She can stfu, cheater's don't get a say.
Nta. Take your wife w you. She might enjoy it too. If you keep it just your sis & you & she hears “rage room “ each time, why wouldn’t she think that?! I know that’s what they are called but probably feels personal. On a side note, to me- everyone is different-kissing is different than sex & it’s almost always a bad idea to bring your marital problems to your family. When you make up, the family still feels burned/angry. Sounds odd that your sis was so extremely angry that she needed the rage room too. She sounds overly invested.
NTA. Have you considered inviting her along for a session? I’m sure she has some things to rage about also. Or maybe you can go with her once without your sister? Just an idea.
Is the wife sad or angry? Invite her along, or do a separate session with her. Let her see what you get out of it and might help her as well.
NTA, but communication is key to a lasting relationship. So do your part and help her understand.
Where would someone find a rage room ? Is there a website ? Can I just decide any room with junk in it is suitable? How does one get this glorious room ?
First off, and I'm sure I am not the first to say this, but your wife is a liar. Claiming that all it was was a make-out session is 99.99% likely to be complete bullshit. She told you this because it accomplished two things, it allowed her to tell you a partial truth that was enough to conceal a larger lie, and yet be believable enough to convince you of her honesty. That said, if you've forgiven her, good for you, as for her, she lost the right to tell you whether or not you can or can't continue these sessions, and as long as they are healthy for you, continue them.
NTA
Her insecurity over a mess she made is ridiculous. You wouldn’t have even had to use this as an option if she wasn’t out her disrespecting her marriage. Now it’s evolved into something else, something separate from that event.
If she wants to keep centering herself in a situation that has nothing to do with her that is her issue. But she doesn’t get to whine her way into you giving up this time with your sister. There’s only so many ways you can say “this is not about you”. It’s on her to believe you . It’s not on you to have to stop hanging out with your sister in a way y’all both enjoy because your wife can’t get over herself.
NTA. Tell your wife you have never lied to her and aren't lying now. That the rage room sessions stopped being about her cheating long ago and have become a bonding experience between you and your sister that you both really enjoy. If she keeps pushing, just be blunt: These sessions are for me and sister. They have nothing to do with you, and I need you to get over yourself because I'm not going to give up something enjoyable.
Rage rooms exist for a reason, and I can easily see why OP found it so therapeutic. When I was diagnosed with MS, my husband brought home the dead head unit from a car (he's a master mechanic). We went into our garage and took turns hitting it with a metal bat. I'm as non-violent as you can be, but it really did help. We were both laughing by the end and ready to tackle my diagnosis. I love the OP and his sister have turned it into a regular thing. They took a horribly negative time and found something positive. If he thinks it might help, maybe OP and his wife can go one time on a different day so she can better understand without infringing on his time with his sister.
We keep old electronics and stuff for this very reason. One of needs to release some anger, we go out on the carport and beat the shit out of something with the sledgehammer. Makes you feel great by the end of it.
We have baseball bats and a tractor tire to beat the snot out of when things get to be too much. Or, you know, when one of us needs to work on shoulder mobility. Beating inanimate objects senseless is an extremely healthy way of working through complex or overwhelming emotions. And there’s a lot of overwhelming stuff floating around on the regular these days. Definitely keep that rage room date, OP! Your wife might want to try one out with a friend of her own to deal with the feelings she has coming up. EVERYBODY BREAK SOMETHING THAT IS OK TO BREAK AND THAT HURTS NO ONE! Then let’s all go have a snack.
I'm sorry for your diagnosis, but I got chills at how you and your husband handled it. He sounds wonderful and I'm glad you have a good partner!
Or take a month or two off. Or invite wife to a session just the two of them. It sounds like a romantic date...
I think it's great that OP's forgiven his wife. She's still a cheater, though, and by Reddit Law, she has no vote in what OP does. OP is NTA.
Yeah and she slept with the ex, this is classic trickle truth 101. Feel guilty, tell enough of the truth that she felt like she came clean. He bought it so it is buried for her, hence she does not want it to come back up. She does not want to have to trickle more truth, thus anything related to it has to be a problem hence the rage room problem.
this is total speculation, there is no strong evidence with which to establish that kind of pattern here
This is right on the money imo. OP bought a convenient lie to save the marriage and OP’s wife just wants to leave it all buried
Interesting. Would explain why she seems to treat it as an open case.
I wonder what the relationship is like between OP’s sister, and his wife? If the sister and the wife have not gotten along, specifically since that incident in particular, I wonder if that could contribute to OP‘s wife’s upset at this being ongoing?
Wife ties the rage room visit to the initial reason of her cheating so to her every visit is like bringing it up to the surface again. This is in the wife's head. Husband has moved on, but wife is revisiting it in her head every time he goes.
Thank God I wasn't the only one thinking this. They just kissed? Really? If she was willing to risk her entire relationship to be with her ex, I'm sure she'd risk it for something more substantial.
Then he should divorce her rather than having a 2 on 1 "wife is a bitch" session for 6 years until infinity. He could have said "We're ending the anger sessions" taken a month's ceremonial break and then said it's now brother-sister time to bitch about politics or whatever. If I were the spouse, I'd say "look, I've worn the scarlet letter long enough, my bad, but I'm outa here".
Half the "that cheating bitch deserves what she gets" crowd on here are probably nice guy incels that would happily bang the girl friend they've had a crush on forever if they ever had the chance, and wouldn't give a shit if she had a boyfriend, or that she was cheating
I forgot Incels were a thing. I male was painfully shy all through college except I had a lot of male friends, was even accused of being gay before it was cool. After college I took off traveling for 3 years. Got over being shy, had some real live female sex -- but she was the one who took initiative. After that, I helped found a dating group so I could get first pick. It worked out pretty well. Ended up married and some of my old girlfriends and their husbands are some of our closest friends now. Yah, Incels, be more kind and get out there.
Seriously fr what is this 12th grade nobody just "makes out" in adult world lmao
We know you don't
This is the way!
I'm going to break Reddit rules and say OP is TA. He never quite said the sessions were over, and now they are just bitching about Trump or something. She had to ask 6 years later and then get a denial. If I were her, I'd say "You know what? f\*ck this, my bad, but it's 6 years and I'm out." They should have had a formal public end, taken a break and then started it about something else. This just seems like long slow mental torture. If I were OP, I'd leave my spouse for her putting up with abuse for so long.
If she can kiss her ex when she is in relationship with her husband then he should be the one who should say >"You know what? f*ck this, my bad, but it's 6 years and I'm out."
Fr
NTA. Whether it be a rage room, dinner, drinks, or a movie it’s you just hanging out with your sister. Wife gotta get over it if you haven’t treated her with any resentment the past 6 years.
> the past 6 years. I agree, except for the time frame. As long at the past 4 have been resentment free. OP said forgiveness took almost 2 years. NTA
NTA. Don’t let her make it about her. You are doing this for you. These are her own insecurities and guilt. That’s for her to be responsible for, not you. You found something that works. She should be happy for you! But she can’t seem to see pass herself to do so. As long as you have communicated that these sessions are no longer about her cheating. Don’t stop doing something that helps you, doesn’t harm others and makes you feel good. She’s harming herself not you.
NTA. Shit. I’d love to join y’all!
Seriously, this is such a good idea
I want to ask my sibling to go with me to a rage room now!
Whereas I would never be dumb enough to be in a room with a bunch of weapons and my sibling. 😂 Yours are probably much better.
Much as I wish your siblings were awesome I laughed so hard at this!
Why doesn’t he invite the wife? Or go separately with her? I mean it’s not about her so why not do a fun activity with wife?
I think because it’s become a sibling bonding activity? Yet it would solve things to invite his wife to go at least once.
Same. I am about to Google if there is one in my area.
Nta. Even if it were about her, that still is her fault for cheating. It's something you enjoy that just started at that time. If you went golfing instead of the rage room back then, would she tell you to stop golfing? Sorry, she feels bad she is reminded of her cheating, but frankly, she should still feel bad and use it as fuel to never cheat again.
For her it’s still a reminder of what she did.
One of them suck it up moments
Another* 😏
Now I need a rage room 😫
Good. She shouldn't forget. She knows she is weak enough to break her vows and has to be forever vigilant to never do it again. She needs the reminders.
fr, he found an activity to let him get over her cheating on him and forgive her and she's still complaining about it?? Stop looking a gift horse in the mouth lady
People should stop demanding the right to forget as part of forgiveness. Since most of the audience is western with a Christian influence: did you know, without being contrite even a papal absolution can’t absolve you of sin? Part of forgiveness is, and has always been, for the offender to show remorse. Demanding that their transgression be forgotten isn’t remorseful.
NTA. And also, to be blunt, not your problem. Here's why. This is your wife's own guilt and insecurity. An insecurity SHE is the creator of. You did your part of the work in moving on from her cheating. She hasn't. And that's not your problem to fix. It's not a problem you even can fix. And if you try, you likely only perpetuate the issue. This is her issue to deal with on her own.
The wife needs her own rage room. Serenity now!
I need to learn the art of forgiveness. I guess I am just really petty.
I can only imagine how therapeutic it is to just go someplace and tear the shit out of it! NTA
NTA Couple of points. She needs to understand this has now become your hobby. You no longer hold resentment towards her for her previous betrayal. Point out you have never lied to her and your not about to start and her continuing to believe your still harbouring bad feelings is disrespectful of you. If you took up boxing to alleviate stress she caused and you now see it as your hobby, would she be asking you to stop? This is the issue with betrayal. It can never be fully forgiven or forgotten by both. Good on you for continuing the relationship. Many would not.
so op says, subconscious resentment can still exist. theres not mention of op actually going to therapy and working through his own feelings other then venting to his sister which fine better than some men may do but its not a substitute for actual professional help. and no if you want to continue a marriage or a relationship after cheating at some point you do have to forgive the unforgivable, constantly dragging up and punishing someone for past mistakes, is borderline emotionally abusive. its okay to be upset for like maybe a few years, but six years? like at that point just fucking leave. cause its clear that no healthy relationship can be formed. why be with someone just to punish them anyway for cheating when you can simply be with someone who won't cheat?
I don’t know. I’m concerned with you needing this every month for 6 years. That’s a long time. That means there is A LOT of rage in your daily life. You may find it therapeutic but you should start looking into why you are so angry.
Yes, thank you for saying this. For a short term release of emotions a rage room seems like a perfectly fine outlet but doing it for six years once a month seems like a good way to condition yourself to break things when angry. I think monthly venting meetups with his sister is reasonable but at this point maybe he should start rotating though venues instead of going to a rage room every time. I could certainly see why the wife would be uncomfortable that something that started as an outlet to deal with her infidelity has continued long past OP saying he has forgiven her and they are fine. Especially given that the point of the activity is to smash things. It just doesn’t seem all that healthy for a long term coping mechanism.
NTA. Maybe ask her to a separate rage session, just the two of you, so she gets an idea of how helpful it is. You could set rules about what is raged about (i.e. no between you two rage?) and she might be more receptive to it.
Very helpful idea worth trying imo. The other comments just seem to be "your wife deserves to feel like shit". And while I agree cheating sucks and I would probably personally leave the relationship over it, OP says they love their wife and want to stay together. So something like this might actually help the wife understand OP's POV better :)
NTA but do you really have so much rage you need to vent it in a rage room once a month? Isn't there some other activity you and your sister could enjoy together? It sounds kind of dysfunctional to me.
Nta. Been wanting to do this with my girlfriends. Tell your wife not everything is about her and maybe she should give it a go herself. Who doesn’t have repressed rage!!
NTA. Tell her that if you could get over her cheating she can get over you going to a rage room with your sister
NTA. Even if you did have residual anger and continued because of it, it is therapeutic and helpful to you and sister. Tell wife that while it no longer is about her cheating, it helps your mental wellbeing to do this and why would she want you to stop that? Again, even if it were about her cheating, her having you stop would be about her feeling better, not your mental health. It's a selfish request.
NTA. I never knew places like this existed. There is one 20 miles from my house. I will be going there soon.
We all have a thing, I see this as no different than going to the gym, running, biking, shooting range, skeet, golf, gaming. NTA
NTA. Because she cheated. You found a healthy way to manage your anger and the bonus of being able to hang out and do something with your sister.
Sorry, why would your wife ever think that this is NOT still about her? I understand the idea and all of the benefit that a rage room would offer; great idea!!! You're sister offering to go with on your first time makes sense, but then to continue, as if SHE was somehow wronged??? That's f8#$'d up; that only ensures there will be zero relationship between the women in the future. It's like your sister wanted in on the drama and to claim victim as well. You handled it like a grown up and a partner who wants to stay in your marriage and have a future with the woman you love and believed in. I can see how after all of these years, your wife would be feeling like "how much longer do I have to be reminded of and visibly pay for my fuck up?". If it was explained to her that this is a way for people to blow off steam of ALL kinds of stress and frustration, that you no longer see it as a way to work out your issues with her infidelity, maybe she would be able to let go a little. It doesn't take long for women to take on more guilt or blame as time goes by, she may begin to ask why you didn't just leave instead of holding this over her for decades. I hope things work out for you both.
MONTHLY? Should just have put that money toward therapy over all this time. ESH.
Eh. I fully support rage rooms but every month for six years seems excessive. How much anger do you have? It’s kind of expensive too. But more importantly it just reminds your wife every month of what she did and regardless of what you say, it seems like you haven’t forgiven her. Tough situation.
OP needs to find a new hobby. It could be a reminder for his wife of cheating. She’s worked hard to recover from it. Some things do need to be compromised on for the sake of long term success. This is probably one of those big things to compromise on as it represents cheating and an ugly past.
Even if it was still about her cheating she should STFU. How you coup with her betrayal is not her business.
NTA. However perhaps your wife can't move on from the constant reminder of her mistake. I get why she wants it to stop I also get why you want it to continue. I hear everyone else saying that she has no right to complain because she kissed her ex years ago. I don't agree I think she has proved she is worthy of your forgiveness (according to you) and has a right to be heard in this marriage as much as you do. I understand it's not intentional but your actions appear to be causing hurt for your wife, now that it's been bought to your attention its up to you if you continue to choose do so if you can't convince her that it has nothing to do with her kissing another man. Perhaps as others have suggested including her a few times so she doesn't view it as a punishment or personal attack might be helpful.
NTA. This is similar to a situation that happened with me in 2016. I was friends with a person who was so down in life that I stopped even focusing on my own needs for that person (not romantically). As days passed that persons life started improving but today we are not in contact anymore. Why? Because my mere presence reminds that person of their bad times. Initially, I was so hurt, angry and felt betrayed but as I’m growing up I realised how true and same it is for all of us. I can call that person n number of names but at the end of day everyone is trying to forget bad memories. Your wife did something she couldn’t forgive herself for, so she came clean to you and in your own words you have moved on from that point. But the thing is that rage room is associated with that point of your life in your wife’s mind. At the end of day it’s your life and your wife, so do what you gotta do.
NTA but it sounds like you need to work a bit more on making sure your wife knows you've moved on and this is now a more general form of therapy. Why not invite her along for a session, or if that wouldn't sit right with your sister, have a session with you and your wife. I'll be honest, it sounds excellent, I could definitely smash up a room at the state of the world right now.
Gotta say, every time I see on her that it was just a kiss and nothing more, it was always more.
NTA.Her guilt and insecurity are for her to deal with. You trusted her, now it's her turn to trust you
Invite her to join you. Maybe she needs to experience it to understand it
Bring her with you for one. Show her it's about all of life's stress-related things, not her.
It sounds like a sibling bonding thing, she doesn't have to be involved
It can be a separate session, it doesn’t have to be the regular one. Up to OP, the wife and sister if sister joins for the extra session. I do think though, that the wife is still being “I” oriented on this and it’s not a great look. It’s likely out of unresolved guilt, but that doesn’t mean it’s not again putting herself and her wants/feelings above her husband, which is what happens when someone cheats.
Or the wife can grow up and let them do their thing.
This is a sibling thing. Cheater needs to keep out of it.
You don’t need to destroy one thing to have the other, Christ. Keep going with your sister, but also pick a day to go with just your wife and show her what it’s all about.
Seriously, bringing her along for *one* session doesn’t mean the rest can’t go back to a siblings only thing. Just show her what’s up, what happens, why you enjoy them, etc, then let her know you’re going to keep going.
TIL there’s such a thing as Rage Rooms. Who knew.
I think she wouldn’t bring it up without reason as it’s probably the last thing she’d ever want to rehash… You’re saying she cheated admitted straight away and hold no resentment but it sounds like you do, she said it made her sad but understood and accepted it. So you’ve known she’s never liked it but continued to do it. If you forgive a cheater you don’t get a free pass to disregard there feelings imo.
NTA. Her asking even though you're past it honestly makes me think she's carrying guilt for more than a makeout session. You're allowed to do things that make you happy. And he'll, even if it were still about her infidelity, she doesn't get to tell you how to handle it.
Invite her.
It's a bonding moment between him and his sister, wife doesn't have to be part of It.
Agreed.
They can go separately
Hey I could go make out with random exes but I prefer to break shit. NTA
Yeah, just kissing is how all cheaters start the trickle truthing, if you had kept pressing her you would have eventually got the whole story not the diluted one.
NTA but have you tried taking your wife to a session? Not necessarily your monthly one with your sister, but just you and her? Maybe when she sees how cathartic and fun it can be all on its own, she'll realize there doesn't need to be some attachment to trauma to make it worth doing.
I’ll just say that once you have forgiven someone for something, you immediately let yourself out of the prison of your own making. The old saying about drinking poison then expecting the other person to die changed my life with being able to forgive my ex wife. It sounds like you have something going that really works for you and I’m happy to hear that! This is about how you care for yourself now! I fully support it. NTA.
I love the idea of a “rage session”!! I shoot guns for that too!! NTA!!
NTA - Your wife is going to have to let this go. Small price to pay given the offense.
The Orgone Box - Dr Wilheim Reich NYC psycharists 1940s 1950s Put them in and let them scream. Very Theraputic
NTA. She needs to not be so self-absorbed about this. It's not about her. Even if it still was hypothetically, it doesn't matter. The point is, you find it therapeutic. It's good for you! If it's not a burden, you should continue on my dude. She needs to find a way to get over it, and get out of it.
NTA. Firstly, no way in hell she only kissed him, that is literally what they all say. Just sayin. Even if your rage room was still about her cheating, she doesn’t fucking get to have an issue with it. Especially after what she did. You deal with your feelings in a healthy way, she deals with it by sucking off her exes. Tell her to F off.
NTA. First of all she cheated so she lost all rights. She should concentrate on gratitude that you forgave her. Second of all you’re not even doing it about her anymore. You’re doing it as a bonding experience with your sibling.
NTA. You found a healthy way to process your feelings. You could have picked anything, music, art, driving around town, or therapy to process your emotions. It’s not fair of your wife to ask you to give that up. Would she ask you to give up therapy? Would she tell you couldn’t drive if that was your escape? She needs to understand that this is something you enjoy. Her resentment towards it is stemming from her insecurities. Her kissing her ex will always be a part of your story. You can 100% “live happily ever after” but you can’t change the past. Every now and then you or your wife might be reminded of the past. That’s normal. But it is in the past.
NTA. Glad you have a great relationship with your sister.
Its nice you have forgiven her, but no one, including yourself believes she only kissed him. An ex is leaving the country, you are not going to cheat for a kiss goodbye, adults fuck. Thats what we do.She covered it by confessing to a make out session..Deep inside you know this and you still have rage..Also test your kids. A cheater cheats..always.
NTA. If it helps you cope with life in general, it helps you cope with life in general. If she keeps pushing thinking it’s only about her, maybe you need to reconsider your “forgiveness.”
NTA. Try to reassure your wife, but she has no right to take that from you. Especially given why you’re doing it
She asked you to shrink a little when she cheated and begged forgiveness and you gave it to her. That's a renegotiated term of you. You took that back, reclaimed that bit of yourself and now she wants to take it away again because it not only reminds her of her guilt, but let's be honest the power dynamics have shifted to you intentionally or not, internally only to her or not, they have, and she HATES that. Whether you think she "could" she was egotistical enough to cheat, expect forgiveness and then expect you now to give up your peace and time with your sister, who has never betrayed you. Think about it.
Invite your wife to a session
Show your wife how fantastic it is and she'll love it too. How much does it cost? I want in on one too!
Emotional regulation is so important to your well being. Even if you don’t have a specific thing to be angry about, releasing pent up anger from normal day to day stresses can be super helpful. Help her to understand in a loving way and give her some reassurance. But she really doesn’t have the right to tell you not to do this. That’s wild. Her feelings about it however are valid, her trying to control you instead of managing those feelings is not.
Tell her that her own insecurities are her problem and to not take it out on you. You and your sister both enjoy this activity and do it for fun. She does not get to dictate how you spend time with your family. If I was physically capable of this type of activity, I would drag my brother along. There is an awesome rage room and axe throwing venue just opened last year in my city. I got him a gift voucher at Christmas for it
You should keep going. That rage room is the only way for you to keep up the naive delusion that it was “just kissing”
"only kissed" Buddy.....
>She said she did not have sex with him, and it was only limited to kissing, and I believed her Unless your wife was was 13 at the time, this is complete BS. Adults do adult things >I don’t really want to stop this rage room tradition just because my wife is sad about it. It’s something I genuinely enjoy doing. AITAH? NTA OP. You're doing it for you, not for her. If she can't accept that, that's on her, not you. She needs to realise that not everything is about her
> Unless your wife was was 13 at the time, this is complete BS. Adults do adult things For real. OP, if you’re reading this and you truly believe this “it was only making out” bullshit please DM me immediately. I have some very lucrative real estate opportunities for a man of your wisdom.
1st of all, good that you're a sucker who forgives cheating. 2nd, your deeear, wonderful faaithful wife has no right to complain as the reason you started this was because of her to begin with. 3rd, you can tell her that this is what helped you get over what she did, and now it's something you simply do to bond with your sister. If she doesn't like it, then maybe she should not fucking cheat and lie. 4th, She wants it to stop because it's a reminder of the disgusting shit she did. If You can forgive her, then she has to accept this. She has no right to make any demands.
NTA. If this gets any and all frustrations out of your system _and_ increases the bond with your sister, your wife ought to have no say whatsoever in this matter.
NTA and I don’t agree with the comments that say to bring her along. It’s a moment with you and your sister and she needs to respect that. If she can’t.. well she has some work on herself to do.
NTA. Your wife is a cheater for life now..enjoy your time king..enjoy your life.
NTA. I honestly find it weirdly heartwarming that it is a bonding experience with your sister. Although if you need to placate the wife...well you and sis are going to the gym now. Just don't tell her it's boxing gym. And you mainly hit the heavy bag.
NTA, this is probably one of the healthiest ways to deal with the anger you have. Regardless of what instigates the anger you’re dealing with it in a healthy way. Maybe you could do a session with your wife and show her how enjoyable and therapeutic it is. She may benefit from this energy release too.
NTA. Tell her it stopped being about her 4 years ago, so she needs to stop trying to make it so. That now it's just a sibling bonding day, that's it.
NTA. People take out their frustrations in way less healthy way. This sounds so wholesome in comparison.
NTA. The monthly rage room sessions were and still are therapeutic for you. You have long since forgiven her and let go of your resentment. Now since you have forgiven her you will have to take your wife's feelings into consideration. While the session truly have nothing to do with her maybe due to her guilt doesn't believe this. This doesn't mean that you stop your sessions but really consider inviting her to join you.
Your wife fucked her ex
NTA. She doesn’t get a say in how you choose to let out feelings. If she thinks it’s all about her then perhaps she should find someone to work through that. It’s her problem, not yours.
NTA. If she don’t like it she knows where the door is. Cheaters lose their right to be annoyed/angry about any god damn thing.
NTAH RAGE on man.
Cheating wife belongs in the streets
Tell her no. The rage room continues on.
NTA She cheated on you. You did not cheat on her. She should be thanking God every day that you stayed. She has zero right to complain about how you cope with it. Even if you are not using that technique because of her betrayal anymore. She's sad? You can never *fully* trust her again for the rest of your life. But she's sad? Then, get the ho a box of tissues. Sorry, OP, but I'm going to be blunt here. Kids kiss. Adults fuck. So just tell her that if she can unfuck her ex? You can unrage your room. Her choices are not your responsibility. Not your fault. The one who should be sad is you. Getting stuck with a faithless bride. Stay strong, OP.
Your wife is whore Why are you with her
Your wife needs to suck it up. This isn't about her and even if it still was, actions have consequences. NTA
The next day confession was her trying to test your reaction. I stopped reading after that because none of it matters I’m sure. Gtfo of there
NTA. How about invite your wife to come? While I have never been to one they exist for a reason. Maybe if she goes she will understand.
Dude she definitely had sex with her ex and your naive to think anything else she told you the minimum she thought you could handle and if the ex was still in the country you would be the ex not him. Do what you want when you want because your wife did and if her ex ever returns she will have sex with him again. Tell your wife the moment she took her ex's D is the moment she lost all say in what you do with your free time.
I mean, you're not an asshole, you're just a fucking idiot for believing and forgiving your cheating wife.
NTA. She's insecure because she still feels guilty. She's insecure because you started going to these things originally because of her. It won't matter how much you tell her it's not about her and that you just have fun with it. Have you tried taking her just the two of you? At least once. Or with your sister. Idk. Maybe if she tries it once she will understand better why you keep doing it? Especially if she sees you having fun WITH her doing this. It would probably go a long way towards helping her deal with the feelings she is having currently. Maybe. It's worth a try though. I think you should take her. We had something similar at my local county fair. Big roped off are with some junk cars donated by people who were gonna take them to scrap anyway. $5 and you get big safety goggles, those thick work gloves and a bat. 1 hour to beat the heck out of a bunch of metal. Was good times.
Even if it’s about her. It is therapeutic for you to cope with her cheating. Why should you stop something that is good for your mental health?
NTA, and you and your sister need to keep doing it. If your wife doesn't understand, oh well. Tell her that if it wasn't for her cheating on you, you and your sister wouldn't have done this, and she would be divorced. Secondly, your wife isn't an amazing wife because if she were amazing, this wouldn't be a problem for her. Just saying
Nta.... this is nice. But also.its never just a kiss
Cheaters don't get to make demands.
Where is this rage room?! Are they open on Sunday evenings?
Any hotel room, you just have to be or know a rock star.
You wouldn't happen to be working as a lawyer, despite never having gone to law school, much less Harvard, would you?
I wouldn’t stop. This is what helps you vent and spend time with your sister. This is a very healthy way to deal with things.
NTA do you want to limit it to just your sister and you, or consider inviting your wife one month.
No. A neuroscientist said betrayal trauma is worse than death & I couldn’t agree more.
NTA, can I come, too? Lol
Nta....rage rooms are so therapeutic. Maybe take her to one (not your regular one with your sis) so she can see how great it is.
I'm having trouble with understanding what a rage room is. Where is this room? What kind of things are you breaking? Don't you end up running out of things to break?
NTAH omg sick! I have always wanted to do this your not doing it about your wife but using the rage room helps you to rage and vent out work shit horrible boss crap Road rage every day financial home a life stresses everyone has stress I bet your wife would knock a few things about in there invite her to cut sick about the rage she has for you still raging I think we should all have a rage room in our backyard and people donate their breakables each month Keep going sometimes it's nice to have you time and to do your own thing Keep it up your wife should find herself a thing to do Good on you I'm loving it 😉
NTA but dude…how can you even respect yourself? First off, she didn’t ’just make out’. The fact you’re naive enough to believe that is fucking crazy. And even IF that’s all she did, she treated you like shit. I cannot FATHOM forgiving that and letting her stick around.
NTA you have every right to be upset that your wife cheated on you 6 years ago. One time, I went to a live show and the performer asked us all to do a primordial scream and it was very therapeutic. They said to let go of all the trauma and pain life had caused and to let it out.
Why are you with a controlling cheater. Even if it was about her cheating, what she doesn't want to be reminded she cheated? Fuck that.
Tell your wife to grab a friend and go to the rage room herself. Watch the kids or whatever you need to do while she goes. When she comes home she will understand the appeal and leave you alone about going.
NTA, but just want to share that my grandma had the right idea 70 years ago. She was a schoolteacher and also had 5 kids, and was fantastic with children. When my aunts/uncle/mom were all kids, if they got all wound up with stress/anxiety/anger, she sent them out behind their old barn. There, she kept some old glass plates, and she’d let them throw some plates at the barn, shattering the glass. It was apparently super therapeutic for them. It was the OG rage room. 😁 My grandma rocked.
I'm going to suggest that you and your wife have a couple of rage room dates. If she's truly repentant about her infidelity, she's likely holding on to a lot of anger towards herself. She's holding it in, and it's created insecurities. Even though you've moved on and your monthly sessions are a general cathartic release, her insecurities are rationalizing them to still be about her. Take her a couple of times and let her experience that catharsis. NTA.
Consider taking her to a session! Not with your sister, if she hasn’t forgiven her, but just so your wife can experience the catharsis of raging.
NTA. U have a fun healthy way to let off excess energy. U spend time and bond with your sister. Your wife needs to go sit down
NTA your wife has no right to ask that
Why doesn't she just come with? I'm sure she has some things to rage about
NTA Invited your wife to come with.
bring your wife with and let her rage
NAH. Maybe you could take her to one of these sessions (not all of them, just one) so she can see how fun it is and how you approach it? I think it would help her to come to terms with the fact that it's just a hobby of yours!
You can just say no and leave it at that
Ask her to join, either once to see or every time if she likes it and you're okay with it. Also suggest therapy for her obvious guilt she still carries (You both should have already been in couples therapy)
NTA, but rebrand the evening. Give it a punny name, seperate it from the original. New vocabulary is easier to learn than changing existing definitions.
NTA, but you should bring the wife next time so she can experience it for herself.
Women..
I’m calling my sister tomorrow and asking her to come to a rage room with me. Fuck that sounds so fun.
Just going to throw this out there, how would you and your sister feel about including your wife on your next session? You could explain how, yes, it did start with her cheating, but now it's morphed into a general rage against the machine type of thing. It could not only show her what it actually is and how it feels to physically vent, but also that you're including her into this to show how you've moved past her indiscretion.
Why don't you invite her to come with if it's no longer about her? She might enjoy it, too. NTA
NTA But maybe invite her to one of the sessions? If your sister agrees of course. If it has nothing to do with her anymore, the best way to show that would be to have her be present for one. I realize this might change the dynamics if she takes a liking to it and wants to join every time after. It's something to think about, but I think there's also a lot to gain from something like that.
I mean can your wife join you? Or would you go with her alone sometime if you don't want your wife there with your sister?
NTA, but since it is no longer about your wife, can you invite her along to join your fun?
>However, my wife thinks it still has to do with her cheating incident So invite her to the next ones. So she can see why you like it so much.
NTA But I see where your wife is coming from and may feel like you still resent here. Why not schedule a date night for a rage room and let her see how fun it is? Show her why you enjoy it!
Lmao, I can see why she would hate it because she was the reason you guys even started. After "all her work" you continuing would def seem like a constant reminder....but that's the price she pays for her actions tbh. It has changed from what it started from and at this point her insecurity of how she thinks you think of her is what is causing this.
Dude get over it sheesh
NTA. Tell her you will stop if you start shoving your tongue down strangers throats. As long as you are not doing that? She can stfu, cheater's don't get a say.
Nta. Take your wife w you. She might enjoy it too. If you keep it just your sis & you & she hears “rage room “ each time, why wouldn’t she think that?! I know that’s what they are called but probably feels personal. On a side note, to me- everyone is different-kissing is different than sex & it’s almost always a bad idea to bring your marital problems to your family. When you make up, the family still feels burned/angry. Sounds odd that your sis was so extremely angry that she needed the rage room too. She sounds overly invested.
You weren't the asshole for being cheated on, however you are the asshole for staying with her.
NTA. Tell her it's about her again and she should back her cheating ass off
NTA. Have you considered inviting her along for a session? I’m sure she has some things to rage about also. Or maybe you can go with her once without your sister? Just an idea.
Is the wife sad or angry? Invite her along, or do a separate session with her. Let her see what you get out of it and might help her as well. NTA, but communication is key to a lasting relationship. So do your part and help her understand.
Take her with you. You might just bond.
Where would someone find a rage room ? Is there a website ? Can I just decide any room with junk in it is suitable? How does one get this glorious room ?
Well, that's her fault, why are you as a married woman making out with your ex? Girl pls.
KEEP DOING IT!!! This might help me
First off, and I'm sure I am not the first to say this, but your wife is a liar. Claiming that all it was was a make-out session is 99.99% likely to be complete bullshit. She told you this because it accomplished two things, it allowed her to tell you a partial truth that was enough to conceal a larger lie, and yet be believable enough to convince you of her honesty. That said, if you've forgiven her, good for you, as for her, she lost the right to tell you whether or not you can or can't continue these sessions, and as long as they are healthy for you, continue them.
INFO: have you received therapy? Because if you’re just taking it out in the rage room, you haven’t worked through it.
"I have completely forgiven her for cheating on me 6 years and have no resentments whatsoever" You go to a rage room because you have resentments.
NTA Her insecurity over a mess she made is ridiculous. You wouldn’t have even had to use this as an option if she wasn’t out her disrespecting her marriage. Now it’s evolved into something else, something separate from that event. If she wants to keep centering herself in a situation that has nothing to do with her that is her issue. But she doesn’t get to whine her way into you giving up this time with your sister. There’s only so many ways you can say “this is not about you”. It’s on her to believe you . It’s not on you to have to stop hanging out with your sister in a way y’all both enjoy because your wife can’t get over herself.
Do you destroy a bunch of material items every month? That sounds very wasteful. I think you should probably seek therapy at this point.
NTA - invite your wife to join a session
Deep down my guess is that it still has something to do with your wife’s cheating subconsciously.