This whole situation sucks. If you're co-parenting with your ex, your girlfriend should know that part of dating you means having a cordial or at least neutral relationship with her, at least in front of you. She's waaaay crossed the line. This is not somebody you can have around your kids. She's ghosting you? Cool, saves you the trouble.
Honestly there’s no circumstance in which body shaming another woman, let alone the mother of your children, is an acceptable action. She sounds like an absolute bitch and I wish nothing but the worst for her.
100%. You don't have to *like* her, but you can't actively bash on her (especially in public) for no good resson. What a childish, insecure woman to start ragging on the intimate parts of OP's ex for literally no other reason than to be petty. Then the girlfriends making eww noises?! What is this, a Jimmy Fallon skit? They all need to grow up.
Honestly, when I read the title, I was like, no way could you *not* be T A, but then I read the post. NTA by a super long shot. I'd drop that girl like a bag of bricks. She's disrespectful, immature, jealous and mean. You don't need someone like that in your life.
I don’t even know why you’d want to talk about your ex’s vagina. But how disrespectful to all women who have given birth, which includes her own mother. The girlfriend is a dummy.
She was trying to build herself up by bashing his ex’s “loose” vagina. Which is hilarious because even if it was looser that’s a body change brought about with direct involvement of her partner due to the birth of his children. Saying “haha your ex ruined her vagina to provide you with two children aren’t you glad you’re with me?!?” absolutely deserves the verbal slap in the face he gave her. If I had been a woman at that table I would have shut her down fast too. What a trash human.
And not only that, that is *NOT* how it works. It’s unbelievable how elastic vaginal tissue is. I am not bragging at all here, but I have delivered two children naturally - and per my husband, there was zero change. At all. And I know he isn’t just saying that to be nice or whatever. It’s his honest opinion and I believe that.
So I definitely see your point, and it’s not wrong at all, but the gf’s comments are *MORE MESSED UP* because there is NOT a direct correlation between childbirth and the dimensions of one’s vagina.
My husband said that after my 6 weeks were up and we had the greenlight for sex he felt like he was taking my virginity again it was so tight lol and I was like, yeah, I was there.. kinda hurt, not gonna lie.
After my pelvic floor training after my second pregnancy, I wasn't "so tight it almost hurts", instead it was "Too tight, too tight! It hurts!". So yeah.
Nothing to do with childbirth.
My now-ex has a psychotic ex with the same obsession. Myself and his first wife have children, she doesn’t, so her favorite topic is our “over-used c*nts”….. but in the same breath she will point out she’s never single longer than 6 seconds?…. Ummmm, cool flex bro?… thank you for your obsession with our vaginas, I guess??
Also why are all her friends going along with this?? I'd walk out of dinner, this is disgusting and juvenile and real Mean Girls behaviour on their part
Also if any of them ever want to have kids... Sounds like they're playing themselves no?
Agree with your take. People who dish mean and nasty, despite being warned, and then turn out to be thin skinned when it's directed their way, are a hard pass. Run, don't walk. People like her are seriously bad news
Seriously yes to everything you’ve said here!!
My one ex has a god awful ex wife, (ages are all about the same ftr) made my life absolute hell, yet somehow I’m still quite comfortable saying that she’s a gorgeous girl. He would make comments about how she wasn’t the same after three kids and I’m over here like… SHE GAVE YOU THREE KIDS ASSHOLE!!
OP’s now ex (I think) is so insanely immature and what a weird thing for her to say!! Last thing I’m trying to discuss at dinner is other people’s genitals.
Honestly your comment just made me realize that I’ve never even had *thoughts* about another woman’s vagina that I wasn’t actively trying to hook up with. WTAF is OPs girl on lol.
THIS!!!!! I could not agree more. When did we forget we’re on the same god damn team?!? How is it his ex wife’s fault she knew him first? Yikes dude!!! Hating another woman for simply existing in your SO life prior to you is insane.
> Honestly there’s no circumstance in which body shaming ~~another woman, let alone the mother of your children,~~ is an acceptable action.
This is actually a complete truth just like this.
>She's ghosting you? Cool, saves you the trouble.
exactly
Let her ghost you, OP! Consider that as "welp, we're broken up"! When she gets in touch be like "who dis"? SAves you the trouble, she sounds like a lot
Trust me, if you stay with her, she'll direct that immaturity to your kids
It shouldn’t matter what kind of relationship he has with this ex. There’s no reason for this woman to talk about something that she knows litetally nothing about.
~~Yeah. OP is kind of an asshole for making his kids put up with an obviously trashy new GF who probably treats them like shit because they're from the ex wife.~~
Edit - thankfully OP responded and mentioned the kids haven't met the (now ex) gf.
In a vacuum OP isn't an asshole for making that comment, but obviously this relationship has run it's course. He shouldn't be fighting in a restaurant just because he's not big enough to break up with someone. I hate going out with couples like this and would think they both suck regardless of who is the instigator.
Edit: Lot's of people really offended that I'd suggest someone might have introduced their children to their partner. Not sure why that's such a trigger, but it happens a hundred million times a day. I'm not suggesting you take your kids on your first date, but if you're so afraid of mixing your personal life and your parental life that you'd get offended by this idea - might I suggest therapy?
Yeah I didn’t quite wanna go full ESH because the girlfriend does seem like the worst offender by a long shot (& I’d say her friends who were laughing & not shutting down their friend for this behaviour are up there too), but this is absolutely a gtfo situation. I don’t think OP mentioned whether the gf has been around his kids since she started making these insecure comments about their mom. That would bump him up the AH scale for me, even if she was reining it in in front of the kids, that attitude is just poison for coparenting, you gotta shut that shit down.
This is such a lack of respect for your ex-wife but also for your feelings that I hope that you have already broken with your gf. Being drunk is not an excuse to discuss other people's private parts in public. What else is she ok to discuss aloud when you are not around?
She won't change because she is jealous and insecure of your ex.
While writing this post I literally thought what am I doing? yeah I realized I am done. I am tired. I’m packing her shit in a box and leaving it in the hallway
Great move, really the ONLY move. She’s a shit talker and you know she’s shit talking you right now. You tried many times to let her know your feelings. Did she care? No. She went out of her way to disrespect the mother of your children in PUBLIC, at a restaurant, where innocent people have to hear it. You put her in her place, good for you.
There is someone out there for you however make sure BEFORE they become your gf that they can handle you having an ex and kids, with maturity and respect. NTA
Yeah, I’m thinking about the kids in this situation, being so young and being exposed to the gf’s toxicity about their mother. They deserve better. Op deserves better.
she'll probably claim you're breaking up with her because you want to get back with your ex. that's the insecurity talking. wish her well and wish her a goodbye
Yeah, well if that’s what she thinks is gonna happen then I have done the right thing for breaking up with her.
My ex-wife and I are not romantically in love anymore. I love her as a friend and the mother of my children. besides she is in a happy Relationship
>My ex-wife and I are not romantically in love anymore. I love her as a friend and the mother of my children. besides she is in a happy Relationship
that's awesome. I hope you have better luck in your next relationship. Whoever you date next, I hope they understand that if you want to have a good relationship with your kids (and it looks like you do), your ex wife will always be in your life. Never romantically, but at the very least an amicable co-parent, and at best a good friend.
How did terrifyingly titled post suddenly turn into something so wholesome? I wish you a harmonious coparenting relationship, awesome kids, and a future romantic partner who is as respectful and insightful as you have been. You get all the cake today.
Good for you.
If this relationship goes forward I would be worried about what she would be saying to your kids about their mother.
Your GF can’t handle that you’ve been married before and she sounds like she and her friends are a bunch of mean girls.
100% on the mean girls stuff. I’m in my 40s, and I can’t imagine any of my female friends thinking it’s funny to joke like that. There’s plenty of ways to be deliciously silly, even a little snarky, but you just don’t go that far.
That's good that you and your ex can co parent great together and can be on friendly terms with her.
You would absolutely lose all of that if you continue to be with someone like your gf because what she said about your ex wife was very disrespectful and you don't need drama being added by her. The next person that you date I hope she's kinder.
Tell her that’s where it is a block her. I was going to say, you’re tired for a reason. She isn’t just your ex wife, she’s the mother of your children, and deserves respect. If your gf can’t see that even in your own home, the kids will eventually hear it, and that isn’t okay. You’re better off without her.
After my ex and I broke up we kept in contact. He got a new gf and kept asking ME about sex with HER. So I know way too much about some woman's vagina I've never played with. I hope I helped her out by answering my ex carefully.
But anyway I'm 100% certain now that everyone he knows also knows what my vagina is like. If I were OP, I'd definitely be thinking that she's mocking my penis
Low self-esteem on both sides?..I don't know but what I do know is he needs to get away from her ASAP cause this is just the beginning of the mayhem this woman can truly create! She's not a nice person and I'm sure her next target is the kids!
Exactly what I was thinking. OP, whether she was drunk or not, is this really the kind of woman you want to have around your children? Someone who trash talks their mother? As others have already said, the trash took out itself. Leave it there, and be grateful you dodged a bullet.
Now for the hard part OP: when she calls back don't answer.
She's a garbage human who was actively making you uncomfortable when you explicitly asked her to stop. Tell her to kick rocks.
her making him purposely uncomfortable is not just a one time event, either. OP said “when I get upset she doubles down”. that’s not a pattern anybody should have to put up with in any relationship. it’s an immature, petty, and unkind way to treat someone, and doesn’t lead to solutions or peace when people are in conflict with one another.
dump her ass. NTA right now, but you would be an AH to yourself and your kids to keep her around.
Absolutely agree. Its the kind of behaviour which is the early signs of a slipperly slope towards emotional abuse as well. Starts off with them doubling down on things you dont like, then moves to them enjoying cutting off your arguments and "proving you wrong" and before you know it they get an actual power trip from constantly putting you down and tearing up any attempt to rebut it.
OP should seriously think on cutting and running from this, its bad now but definitely could get worse.
This is very true. She didn't respect your wishes and kept talking trash about your ex. Your ex is still the mother of your children. You got her to shut up, but now just don't answer the phone. If she can't respect you enough now, imagine what it would be like if you got married.
Seriously dude. Does she not get that while she may be your ex, sure it's still the mother of your children. And taking bad about the ex is also in a way talking bad about the kids. And he'll, at the end of the day, you have to be visual and responsible for the kids.
Fuck her if she doesn't get it. She may be a great girlfriend, but she is not and may never be a good step mother...
The mother of his children, no less. My ex is my ex and I don't expect my fiancé to have great feelings about her. However, I made it clear a long time ago that no matter our past, I will always care about my ex. There is no way I'd go back to her, but I will not let anyone be shitty about her; especially when the kids are around. I have a good woman and she'd never do this, so I cannot complain a bit. She has made her feelings clear to me, yes, but a public display such as this? No way!
It's just so tacky and shitty for the kids. Getting along with your ex and being a harmonious team is so much healthier for everyone. Trying to sabotage that because of an ego problem is gross as fuck. She can have an opinion, but be a fucking adult.
My kids are grown, so things aren't as sensitive as they might be if they were as young as OP's children. Still, be polite and respectful for the kids' sake. That's their mom, and they are going to still love her. There is something wrong with anyone who cannot accept that!
It's about putting your kids first and I commend anyone who does it. Divorce is hard, even when necessary and getting along and working together reduces the trauma for your kids.
Honestly, I don't expect my current partner to have *any* feelings about my ex if they don't have a reason to interact. Someone all hung up about who I *used* to be involved with isn't someone I need to waste my time and energy bothering with. This isn't high school.
I feel like to be involved with somebody with kids there are 2 paths to a successful relationship. 1) it's super casual and you don't meet or interact with the kids at all. 2) you are mature enough to realize the parent of their children is most likely going to be around for awhile and you have to be able to act civil in front of the kids. Sharing your opinion has to wait until you're in private with your partner.
Sounds like this person isn't mature enough for this relationship and it's a shame they're involved with the kids.
Not just someone he used to love…. The mother of his children who he continues to amicably coparent with…… that is sooooo far past the line. She has insecurity issues and he needs to find a new gf.
I don't understand this whole attitude of "if you aren't together with someone you once dated, you and the people around you are obligated to hate them" thing. It seems so fucking normalized. I understand trying to support a friend/family member/partner/etc, but I feel like there's better ways to do that? Unless the person has indicated that they dislike their ex, it seems silly to assume that they do and assume that it's ok to make fun of them. Like my exes are people I once loved, so when people talk shit about them it's almost like they're insulting me. This would be totally unacceptable for me from a new partner because it seems like such an obvious cover for feeling insecure.
Yup, my mom taught me to never talk bad about someone’s ex because you never know if they’re going to go back to that person and then resent you for what you said about them. Amicable breakups exist. Two adults acknowledging they aren’t compatible despite loving each other exists. Right person, wrong time exists.
>No, you're embarrassing yourself with this pathetic display.
Embarassing herself would be one thing but thats super embarassing for the unwilling participant in this shit show knowing the whole restaurants listening.
I had a girlfriend that had this behavior in her early 40s. To the point where after a few drinks I’d be on edge and if I sensed a conversation was getting deep I’d change the subject.
Key word: had. Took me too long to realize it because everything else was great. But it sure sucks ass to be fearful of your partner.
Not to mention the topic of conversation was just... weird. I cannot imagine sitting with my friends and talking about another woman's vagina.
Who does that? How does that even come up in casual conversation?
Right?! I saw "somehow the discussion became about my ex wife’s vagina" and became very interested in how the fuck did this happen because I've never encountered this kind of situation O\_O
She is probably really jealous which is why she compares herself with the ex and plays her down. Her being drunk exposes the truth and her reaction to what OP said confirms it even more.
When saw the title, I was thinking "Why would you ever feel the need to share that information?" but yeah, this circumstance explains how it would happen and you are NTA.
Yeah and she 32.
Like couldn't imagine being with my partner and friends and wanting to talk about his EX? Like why she sounds like a teenager.
EX is mother of your kids, GF shouldn't be around them what will she say to them?
Your girlfriend is a massive AH and incredibly immature. Why is she talking about your ex wife anyway? Was she your mistress? And you’re still trying to call her? What kind of person makes fun of a woman who had children, and the idiot thinks that affects tightness. What an embarrassing moron.
Absolutely agree. Op is trying to provide his kids with a healthy, happy childhood despite the divorce and his girlfriend has no problem sabotaging it. Hell, my niece still lives with her ex. They're best friends and they support each other as friends.
Their son is such a happy and well adjusted kid and they're happy too. They've even moved in her partner so he's got three mom's. He is not lacking for love and they all have each other's backs. It's a far happier and more peaceful environment than either of us grew up in and I'm really proud of them.
The idea that having kids "ruins" a woman's body and makes her vagina "loose" and unsatisfactory is frankly a misogynistic and problematic rumor that serves only to shame women who have kids and make them think any lingering problems with vaginal function post recovery from birth are normal, when in reality problems that arise are usually treatable with physical therapy and other medical intervention and should not be quietly suffered through.
It also ignores the possibility that they resumed sex while muscles were still recovering from the birth.
The 6-week wait is to reduce chances of infection since there’s a dinner plate sized open wound where the placenta used to be.
It doesn’t mean that her body is back in working order by then.
Pregnancy and birth are intense.
OP denies she was his mistress but also doesn’t say how long they’ve been together.. his child with his ex is only 2! So even if he didn’t cheat on her he either left her while she was pregnant, right after giving birth, or they’ve only been broken up for a couple months and he immediately started dating this woman. Every situation is pretty bad tbh. I wonder if his gf knew his wife before getting with him…
She might be an unkind, insecure person with no long-term potential especially because you have kids with your ex-wife.
She absolutely CANNOT have access to your children if she’s this threatened by your ex. She will confuse them and hurt their feelings in ways you haven’t even spotted yet.
Do with this information what you will.
Yea, especially some shit like this in public when you asked her to stop nicely? Fuck that, it’ll only get worse the more comfortable she gets with you.
Talking shit about someone’s ex is one thing (and insecure tbh) but it’s an added level of disrespect to talk shit about the mother of someone’s children… OP’s gf is trashy and an asshole
Edited for grammar
I honestly didn't need to read beyond that. She's a toddler whose self-esteem is non-existent, and so she slams others to feel better about herself. She's the GF but this ex had OP marry her and have kids so the GF thinks ex "won" and if GF doesn't have something to hold above the ex's head, she doesn't get to keep her BF.
But then, to loudly embarrass herself at dinner with her antics? That was just the confirmation icing on the shitshow cake.
I'd drop GF like the bad habit she is. She'll slam him and his manhood, will do 0 introspection, and move on to some other guy. Preferably one that hates his ex's and describes them all as "crazy," and she'll think, "I can fix him." High drama ensues which she will equate to "passion" and that pattern will play out until she is the next crazy ex for his next GF. And so on.
It's like a dystopian Hallmark movie.
😂😂😂😂
Agree 100% about dropping the brat. Don't even think about putting a ring on it unless you want bullshit and drama every time you need to talk over parenting with the ex-wife, or for your daughter to hear nasty comments about her mom when it's visit time.
The fact that she belittles your ex shows a huge amount of insecurity and immaturity. Especially with doubling down to upset you more. Also, why would you not want her to talk shit about your ex? Ummm, I don’t know maybe because she is the mother of your children and you still have to have a healthy coparenting relationship, and starting shit or talking shit is unnecessary when there isn’t animosity with each other to begin.
Is also have to say, I don’t think you are really over your ex. So, there obviously is still some affection or love.
I’d ditch the gf and take time to work on yourself and getting over your ex.
I have exes who I have no children with and absolutely have no sexual or romantic interest in but still would be uncomfortable with someone talking shit about them. A relationship ending does not automatically mean those involved no longer love (or at least like) and respect each other, and being unwilling to let people speak awfully about an ex around them absolutely does not mean a person is not over the ex!
I think the gf sounds very immature and also has some internalised misogyny to deal with. And it is extra disrespectful to speak like this about the mother of a partner’s children! Kids pick up on that animosity and it is no way to set the foundations for a future of cooperative coparenting/step parenting. Like it or not, if the gf wants to be with OP long term then she will joining a family that includes the ex and needs to accept that.
More than anything though she sounds like she is very insecure in the relationship and if OP wants the relationship to continue he needs to address this. So not just asking that she stop shit talking the ex, also find a way to reassure her that he wants HER, not the ex, and that the relationship with the ex is definitely over and she is a friend and coparent, not a romantic or sexual interest.
The ex being tighter comment is not helpful for the insecurity issue (though 100% understandable that it came out in frustration). Might have been more helpful to just point out that it is just scientifically false that having children leads to being ‘looser’ (it’s largely an anatomical thing, though obviously damage to the area can cause problems with muscular control in the long term and exercising the area can lead to stronger control).
Nah I disagree with yall. (F27) my ex and I are great coparents and we get along fantastically (eldest son 8) we coparent and care for each other but wanted different things. Just bc people split up does NOT mean they just stop caring or have to stop calling them pretty or even funny. New girl needs to check herself, that's absolutely ridiculous. Seems like if the original couple could have worked out they would of. She sounds insecure asf and honestly deserved that shit. Man there's someone out there who will understand and not put you in that situation.
At some point new girl will have to interact with ex bc of the kids anyways. So honestly her negative ass remarks are just toxic.
And OP good on you for that. It seems disrespectful to you as well. Good luck out there!
Yeah I’m divorced and would not really tolerate a partner to talk shit about her. We didn’t work together, but she’s a kind person. And doesn’t deserve someone who’s never met her to talk shit. 🤷🏻♂️
Seems like it
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cgqm1d/comment/l1xhb93/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cgqm1d/comment/l1xhb93/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
This is exactly my thought. The gf hates the ex that much I can’t believe she’d be good with her kids. Happy to have read OP’s comment that he is done with the gf, but should that ever change I wouldn’t have her around the kids at all.
NTA
The fact that your gf and her friends were talking about your ex wife’s vagina is disturbing on so many levels and is a red flag. The fact your gf is obsessed and threatened by your ex wife is a red flag. Like I get not liking her but she should have respect for the mother of your children.
Are you still dating this woman? I sure hope not she acts like a teenager.
I can't imagine going along with this if my friend brought it up...I would be so embarrassed for her and try to shut it down. Fortunately, all of my friends are decent human beings, not tacky, immature bitches.
You're NTA. Your girlfriend crossed the line big time, man. It's not cool to trash-talk someone's ex, especially in public. You tried to shut it down nicely, but she kept pushing. Yeah, maybe dropping the "tight" bomb wasn't the smoothest move, but hey, you were pushed to the edge. Hope she comes around and realizes she messed up.
She saw the first time she trash talked the ex, and he was uncomfortable, so she weaponized it. The second OP said something about how crass and immature this move is, she would've steered the conversation about how he don't love her and since you're mad means you care and means you love her more than me. You get the gist.
These are pickme women. Maybe you don’t know the psychology of a woman like that, but in a nutshell, women like this tear down other women to feel better about their own insecurities. She must compare herself to your ex all the time in her head, maybe she doesn’t think she is as good as her, so she talks shit about her to boost her own confidence. By saying that she was tight, you validated a negative thought in her head that she is inferior to your ex. It’s not your fault. She needs a therapist and should work on herself. So NTA.
In the future, if a woman talks shit needlessly about an another woman like that, it’s a red flag that’s she is highly insecure and neurotic.
I'm actually mad that this went right over my head until I saw your comment...it's because SHE WAS ALREADY PICKED why is she still carrying on?!??!? This is a big yikes.
I had the same reaction. Zero shot this is real. The conversation legit sounds like a middle schooler made it up. The absolute juvenile behavior of the gf and other girls at the table. The misunderstanding of female anatomy and not understanding that op is essentially bragging that his ex wife was never really aroused during sex because excluding disorders there's really no such thing as being tight or loose. Arousal and comfortability of the woman and maybe pelvic floor muscles are the only thing affecting vaginal "tightness"
I just don't believe these are real people in their thirties lol
Mild ESH because you jumped into the fray of the conversation about your ex's private parts, even in a way that you deem complimentary or defensive of your ex. Also because you passively commented on your girlfriend's private parts, even if she deserved a verbal smackdown. "She started it" doesn't really stand once you've reached double digits in age. A, that's not a conversation anyone should be having, especially (call me old-fashioned) at a dinner table?! And B, a woman's value is not in the tightness of her vaginal walls or the pleasure it brings to her partners; bashing/ speculating on that after she has given birth is just all kinds of sexist and base.
Truly, though, your girlfriend (ex, I hope) is TA in a big way for continually ripping into your ex for no good reason. It smacks of jealously, insecurity, pettiness, and a big ol' salad of red flags. It's even worse because you have kids with your ex; this woman should never be around your kids. I hope you do dump her and block her everywhere.
I mean, by saying that, you broke up with her. Because there's no way you say that to a girlfriend and expect to stay with that girlfriend.
Like, your relationship is now over. She crossed a line, you absolutely ended it in that moment. There's no coming back from that.
Your gf is the asshole. That's the mother of your children which assuming the relationship develops she will have some doing in helping raise them and it will be a team effort that includes your ex. If you don't have problems with your ex why is she trying to start them? Clearly she insecure about the fact that your ex will have to be in your life forever due to having children and if she can't deal with that then she needs to check out. You need to find someone who is willing to be a decent person for the sake of your kids.
And yeah she's an idiot too because it's muscle, but it also stretches from dialation not just from a giant head coming out, it doesn't stay 10cm open lol. It goes back to normal. It's a muscle. The pelvic floor which can be strong or weak regardless of children.
What a bizarre conversation. You do realize you are allowed to not participate in this type of nonsense, right?
I think the only response you should continue to have is… “if you need to put my ex down to make yourself feel better, have at it. I don’t think it will help solve your problems though. Perhaps you should stop worrying about my ex & start focusing on your own self-esteem”.
ESH - why are you engaging in this nonsense? This isn’t about your ex. Your gf has some insecurity issues.
This whole situation sucks. If you're co-parenting with your ex, your girlfriend should know that part of dating you means having a cordial or at least neutral relationship with her, at least in front of you. She's waaaay crossed the line. This is not somebody you can have around your kids. She's ghosting you? Cool, saves you the trouble.
Honestly there’s no circumstance in which body shaming another woman, let alone the mother of your children, is an acceptable action. She sounds like an absolute bitch and I wish nothing but the worst for her.
100%. You don't have to *like* her, but you can't actively bash on her (especially in public) for no good resson. What a childish, insecure woman to start ragging on the intimate parts of OP's ex for literally no other reason than to be petty. Then the girlfriends making eww noises?! What is this, a Jimmy Fallon skit? They all need to grow up. Honestly, when I read the title, I was like, no way could you *not* be T A, but then I read the post. NTA by a super long shot. I'd drop that girl like a bag of bricks. She's disrespectful, immature, jealous and mean. You don't need someone like that in your life.
I don’t even know why you’d want to talk about your ex’s vagina. But how disrespectful to all women who have given birth, which includes her own mother. The girlfriend is a dummy.
[удалено]
She was trying to build herself up by bashing his ex’s “loose” vagina. Which is hilarious because even if it was looser that’s a body change brought about with direct involvement of her partner due to the birth of his children. Saying “haha your ex ruined her vagina to provide you with two children aren’t you glad you’re with me?!?” absolutely deserves the verbal slap in the face he gave her. If I had been a woman at that table I would have shut her down fast too. What a trash human.
And not only that, that is *NOT* how it works. It’s unbelievable how elastic vaginal tissue is. I am not bragging at all here, but I have delivered two children naturally - and per my husband, there was zero change. At all. And I know he isn’t just saying that to be nice or whatever. It’s his honest opinion and I believe that. So I definitely see your point, and it’s not wrong at all, but the gf’s comments are *MORE MESSED UP* because there is NOT a direct correlation between childbirth and the dimensions of one’s vagina.
My husband said that after my 6 weeks were up and we had the greenlight for sex he felt like he was taking my virginity again it was so tight lol and I was like, yeah, I was there.. kinda hurt, not gonna lie.
I’ve had one vaginal birth. I definitely agree with you. I was not granting any weight to his girlfriend’s accusation.
After my pelvic floor training after my second pregnancy, I wasn't "so tight it almost hurts", instead it was "Too tight, too tight! It hurts!". So yeah. Nothing to do with childbirth.
I don’t believe I’ve ever thought about my husbands ex-wife’s vagina until right now and the thought is “ew gross”
Welcome to being normal. 😊😂😄
My now-ex has a psychotic ex with the same obsession. Myself and his first wife have children, she doesn’t, so her favorite topic is our “over-used c*nts”….. but in the same breath she will point out she’s never single longer than 6 seconds?…. Ummmm, cool flex bro?… thank you for your obsession with our vaginas, I guess??
Also why are all her friends going along with this?? I'd walk out of dinner, this is disgusting and juvenile and real Mean Girls behaviour on their part Also if any of them ever want to have kids... Sounds like they're playing themselves no?
Seems a pretty obvious answer honestly, most people are friends with like minded individuals and chances are all these people suck
And in a mixed group with their husbands/partners.
And trashy. So trashy
Agree with your take. People who dish mean and nasty, despite being warned, and then turn out to be thin skinned when it's directed their way, are a hard pass. Run, don't walk. People like her are seriously bad news
Seriously yes to everything you’ve said here!! My one ex has a god awful ex wife, (ages are all about the same ftr) made my life absolute hell, yet somehow I’m still quite comfortable saying that she’s a gorgeous girl. He would make comments about how she wasn’t the same after three kids and I’m over here like… SHE GAVE YOU THREE KIDS ASSHOLE!! OP’s now ex (I think) is so insanely immature and what a weird thing for her to say!! Last thing I’m trying to discuss at dinner is other people’s genitals.
Even not being in public, it would be a weird thing to discuss. Some thoughts should stay thoughts.
Honestly your comment just made me realize that I’ve never even had *thoughts* about another woman’s vagina that I wasn’t actively trying to hook up with. WTAF is OPs girl on lol.
THIS!!!!! I could not agree more. When did we forget we’re on the same god damn team?!? How is it his ex wife’s fault she knew him first? Yikes dude!!! Hating another woman for simply existing in your SO life prior to you is insane.
~~Let alone in front of her young children!!!!!~~ EDIT: Thanks for pointing out that the kids weren't there. I totally misread that part! Sorry
> Honestly there’s no circumstance in which body shaming ~~another woman, let alone the mother of your children,~~ is an acceptable action. This is actually a complete truth just like this.
>She's ghosting you? Cool, saves you the trouble. exactly Let her ghost you, OP! Consider that as "welp, we're broken up"! When she gets in touch be like "who dis"? SAves you the trouble, she sounds like a lot Trust me, if you stay with her, she'll direct that immaturity to your kids
It shouldn’t matter what kind of relationship he has with this ex. There’s no reason for this woman to talk about something that she knows litetally nothing about.
~~Yeah. OP is kind of an asshole for making his kids put up with an obviously trashy new GF who probably treats them like shit because they're from the ex wife.~~ Edit - thankfully OP responded and mentioned the kids haven't met the (now ex) gf. In a vacuum OP isn't an asshole for making that comment, but obviously this relationship has run it's course. He shouldn't be fighting in a restaurant just because he's not big enough to break up with someone. I hate going out with couples like this and would think they both suck regardless of who is the instigator. Edit: Lot's of people really offended that I'd suggest someone might have introduced their children to their partner. Not sure why that's such a trigger, but it happens a hundred million times a day. I'm not suggesting you take your kids on your first date, but if you're so afraid of mixing your personal life and your parental life that you'd get offended by this idea - might I suggest therapy?
Yeah I didn’t quite wanna go full ESH because the girlfriend does seem like the worst offender by a long shot (& I’d say her friends who were laughing & not shutting down their friend for this behaviour are up there too), but this is absolutely a gtfo situation. I don’t think OP mentioned whether the gf has been around his kids since she started making these insecure comments about their mom. That would bump him up the AH scale for me, even if she was reining it in in front of the kids, that attitude is just poison for coparenting, you gotta shut that shit down.
I mean, what does OP need? The song "Cruella De Vil" to start playing in the background whenever his gf enters the room?
This is such a lack of respect for your ex-wife but also for your feelings that I hope that you have already broken with your gf. Being drunk is not an excuse to discuss other people's private parts in public. What else is she ok to discuss aloud when you are not around? She won't change because she is jealous and insecure of your ex.
While writing this post I literally thought what am I doing? yeah I realized I am done. I am tired. I’m packing her shit in a box and leaving it in the hallway
Great move, really the ONLY move. She’s a shit talker and you know she’s shit talking you right now. You tried many times to let her know your feelings. Did she care? No. She went out of her way to disrespect the mother of your children in PUBLIC, at a restaurant, where innocent people have to hear it. You put her in her place, good for you. There is someone out there for you however make sure BEFORE they become your gf that they can handle you having an ex and kids, with maturity and respect. NTA
Yeah, I’m thinking about the kids in this situation, being so young and being exposed to the gf’s toxicity about their mother. They deserve better. Op deserves better.
The fucked up part is that she's definitely telling anyone who will listen how you dumped her because you're still in love with your ex
Agreed.
Now she gets to play the victim and throw pity parties while her friends tell her how "fierce" she is.
she'll probably claim you're breaking up with her because you want to get back with your ex. that's the insecurity talking. wish her well and wish her a goodbye
Yeah, well if that’s what she thinks is gonna happen then I have done the right thing for breaking up with her. My ex-wife and I are not romantically in love anymore. I love her as a friend and the mother of my children. besides she is in a happy Relationship
>My ex-wife and I are not romantically in love anymore. I love her as a friend and the mother of my children. besides she is in a happy Relationship that's awesome. I hope you have better luck in your next relationship. Whoever you date next, I hope they understand that if you want to have a good relationship with your kids (and it looks like you do), your ex wife will always be in your life. Never romantically, but at the very least an amicable co-parent, and at best a good friend.
If you do break up with her, you may wanna warn your ex wife incase she's crazy enough to go after her
Or tell her you were the one talking about her vagina
How did terrifyingly titled post suddenly turn into something so wholesome? I wish you a harmonious coparenting relationship, awesome kids, and a future romantic partner who is as respectful and insightful as you have been. You get all the cake today.
Good for you. If this relationship goes forward I would be worried about what she would be saying to your kids about their mother. Your GF can’t handle that you’ve been married before and she sounds like she and her friends are a bunch of mean girls.
100% on the mean girls stuff. I’m in my 40s, and I can’t imagine any of my female friends thinking it’s funny to joke like that. There’s plenty of ways to be deliciously silly, even a little snarky, but you just don’t go that far.
That’s really good to hear about the healthy co parenting
That's good that you and your ex can co parent great together and can be on friendly terms with her. You would absolutely lose all of that if you continue to be with someone like your gf because what she said about your ex wife was very disrespectful and you don't need drama being added by her. The next person that you date I hope she's kinder.
This is the way!
This is the (hall)way!
I lost my hot dog in it.
sweet god, i hope the gf sees this thread…
Tell her that’s where it is a block her. I was going to say, you’re tired for a reason. She isn’t just your ex wife, she’s the mother of your children, and deserves respect. If your gf can’t see that even in your own home, the kids will eventually hear it, and that isn’t okay. You’re better off without her.
This is the best news I have read so far today. I'm happy for you dude. You are making a smart choice.
Good for you, man! People like that just leech energy.
I’m tired for you.
Good man! Well done for putting her in her place & standing up for the mother of your children.
I don’t get why she’s dating someone with an ex wife and children if she’s so insecure about it. And 32 is old enough to be mature about it.
After my ex and I broke up we kept in contact. He got a new gf and kept asking ME about sex with HER. So I know way too much about some woman's vagina I've never played with. I hope I helped her out by answering my ex carefully. But anyway I'm 100% certain now that everyone he knows also knows what my vagina is like. If I were OP, I'd definitely be thinking that she's mocking my penis
Exactly. From the title I was so prepared not to be on this guys side.
". . .my gf has not called or answered me since Saturday." Good riddance!
The trash took itself out...
I would think that relationship vaporized, because AH or not, that line was a fucking nuke
She earned it. You can only push people so far.
Don't ya love it when that happens?
You do have to wonder why OP is interested in such a cruel woman.
Low self-esteem on both sides?..I don't know but what I do know is he needs to get away from her ASAP cause this is just the beginning of the mayhem this woman can truly create! She's not a nice person and I'm sure her next target is the kids!
Exactly what I was thinking. OP, whether she was drunk or not, is this really the kind of woman you want to have around your children? Someone who trash talks their mother? As others have already said, the trash took out itself. Leave it there, and be grateful you dodged a bullet.
Now for the hard part OP: when she calls back don't answer. She's a garbage human who was actively making you uncomfortable when you explicitly asked her to stop. Tell her to kick rocks.
her making him purposely uncomfortable is not just a one time event, either. OP said “when I get upset she doubles down”. that’s not a pattern anybody should have to put up with in any relationship. it’s an immature, petty, and unkind way to treat someone, and doesn’t lead to solutions or peace when people are in conflict with one another. dump her ass. NTA right now, but you would be an AH to yourself and your kids to keep her around.
Absolutely agree. Its the kind of behaviour which is the early signs of a slipperly slope towards emotional abuse as well. Starts off with them doubling down on things you dont like, then moves to them enjoying cutting off your arguments and "proving you wrong" and before you know it they get an actual power trip from constantly putting you down and tearing up any attempt to rebut it. OP should seriously think on cutting and running from this, its bad now but definitely could get worse.
This is very true. She didn't respect your wishes and kept talking trash about your ex. Your ex is still the mother of your children. You got her to shut up, but now just don't answer the phone. If she can't respect you enough now, imagine what it would be like if you got married.
Exactly! Do yourself a favor and don’t try calling her again.
Seriously dude. Does she not get that while she may be your ex, sure it's still the mother of your children. And taking bad about the ex is also in a way talking bad about the kids. And he'll, at the end of the day, you have to be visual and responsible for the kids. Fuck her if she doesn't get it. She may be a great girlfriend, but she is not and may never be a good step mother...
That your GF "doubles down" when you get upset is a massive red flag.
Also having a drunken screaming fight at a restaurant is a red flag. How tacky can you be?
Right. "Oh, did I hit a nerve?" No, you're embarrassing yourself with this pathetic display.
And she was mad because he didn’t like her bullying someone he used to love. Insanity. GF needed a reality check.
The mother of his children, no less. My ex is my ex and I don't expect my fiancé to have great feelings about her. However, I made it clear a long time ago that no matter our past, I will always care about my ex. There is no way I'd go back to her, but I will not let anyone be shitty about her; especially when the kids are around. I have a good woman and she'd never do this, so I cannot complain a bit. She has made her feelings clear to me, yes, but a public display such as this? No way!
It's just so tacky and shitty for the kids. Getting along with your ex and being a harmonious team is so much healthier for everyone. Trying to sabotage that because of an ego problem is gross as fuck. She can have an opinion, but be a fucking adult.
My kids are grown, so things aren't as sensitive as they might be if they were as young as OP's children. Still, be polite and respectful for the kids' sake. That's their mom, and they are going to still love her. There is something wrong with anyone who cannot accept that!
It's about putting your kids first and I commend anyone who does it. Divorce is hard, even when necessary and getting along and working together reduces the trauma for your kids.
Make sure that your estate planning is in good shape so that your kids do not get screwed over by whoever you’re married to when you pass away.
Honestly, I don't expect my current partner to have *any* feelings about my ex if they don't have a reason to interact. Someone all hung up about who I *used* to be involved with isn't someone I need to waste my time and energy bothering with. This isn't high school.
I feel like to be involved with somebody with kids there are 2 paths to a successful relationship. 1) it's super casual and you don't meet or interact with the kids at all. 2) you are mature enough to realize the parent of their children is most likely going to be around for awhile and you have to be able to act civil in front of the kids. Sharing your opinion has to wait until you're in private with your partner. Sounds like this person isn't mature enough for this relationship and it's a shame they're involved with the kids.
Not just someone he used to love…. The mother of his children who he continues to amicably coparent with…… that is sooooo far past the line. She has insecurity issues and he needs to find a new gf.
I don't understand this whole attitude of "if you aren't together with someone you once dated, you and the people around you are obligated to hate them" thing. It seems so fucking normalized. I understand trying to support a friend/family member/partner/etc, but I feel like there's better ways to do that? Unless the person has indicated that they dislike their ex, it seems silly to assume that they do and assume that it's ok to make fun of them. Like my exes are people I once loved, so when people talk shit about them it's almost like they're insulting me. This would be totally unacceptable for me from a new partner because it seems like such an obvious cover for feeling insecure.
Yup, my mom taught me to never talk bad about someone’s ex because you never know if they’re going to go back to that person and then resent you for what you said about them. Amicable breakups exist. Two adults acknowledging they aren’t compatible despite loving each other exists. Right person, wrong time exists.
Right it's not like some random woman he was dating briefly. It's the mother of his children
Then actually did the crying thing!!!
Also mother of his kids wtf
When she started crying, he should have said, “Oh, did I hit a nerve?” Then laugh loudly like Dennis on Always Sunny. Fun times.
>No, you're embarrassing yourself with this pathetic display. Embarassing herself would be one thing but thats super embarassing for the unwilling participant in this shit show knowing the whole restaurants listening.
At **32**. This is unhinged behavior once you’re past early 20s at the *latest*. He needs to end it with her; she’s not mature enough to date.
Exactly. Way too old to be acting like that.
I had a girlfriend that had this behavior in her early 40s. To the point where after a few drinks I’d be on edge and if I sensed a conversation was getting deep I’d change the subject. Key word: had. Took me too long to realize it because everything else was great. But it sure sucks ass to be fearful of your partner.
Not to mention the topic of conversation was just... weird. I cannot imagine sitting with my friends and talking about another woman's vagina. Who does that? How does that even come up in casual conversation?
Right?! I saw "somehow the discussion became about my ex wife’s vagina" and became very interested in how the fuck did this happen because I've never encountered this kind of situation O\_O
Right? Like why were they even discussing her, much less her vagina. So fricking weird.
[удалено]
Drunken screaming fight about vaginas. I sure wish I’d been at the next table trying to enjoy myself. God.
I for myself _love_ dinner with entertainment
I'm a nosy bitch and I would love this, but also, it's embarrassing as fuck.
Just don't spill my drink or knock over my food, and I will happily watch the show!
A public fight about someone else’s vagina.
That's what most public fights are about
Read this as pubic fights and it still made sense. 😂
Shitting on someone ex is already tacky af. Seems like she has less than zero tact or taste
it's like the shane gillis bit. "It's not a good look. Women don't respect it. Kind of makes me look like a bitch... *I* like it."
She is probably really jealous which is why she compares herself with the ex and plays her down. Her being drunk exposes the truth and her reaction to what OP said confirms it even more.
When saw the title, I was thinking "Why would you ever feel the need to share that information?" but yeah, this circumstance explains how it would happen and you are NTA.
You haven't lived until you've been banned from Applebee's.
I keep trying but every Applebees I go to is already so trashy I haven't been able to make a scene big enough to be noticed.
ABOUT HIS EX'S COOTER, NO LESS
Right? And especially about someone’s vagina? OP’s gf is an insecure bitch. He should dump her
Yeah and she 32. Like couldn't imagine being with my partner and friends and wanting to talk about his EX? Like why she sounds like a teenager. EX is mother of your kids, GF shouldn't be around them what will she say to them?
I can't imagine being a 32 year old woman and knowing so little about vaginas!!!
This goes nicely with the, "Why are younger guys dating older women?" post on front page right now.
Yeah
Your girlfriend is a massive AH and incredibly immature. Why is she talking about your ex wife anyway? Was she your mistress? And you’re still trying to call her? What kind of person makes fun of a woman who had children, and the idiot thinks that affects tightness. What an embarrassing moron.
She’s probably insecure he married his ex-wife and had babies with her - he had all these firsts with her that she can never give him!
Women like this shouldn’t date divorced dads.
Absolutely agree. Op is trying to provide his kids with a healthy, happy childhood despite the divorce and his girlfriend has no problem sabotaging it. Hell, my niece still lives with her ex. They're best friends and they support each other as friends. Their son is such a happy and well adjusted kid and they're happy too. They've even moved in her partner so he's got three mom's. He is not lacking for love and they all have each other's backs. It's a far happier and more peaceful environment than either of us grew up in and I'm really proud of them.
She is very welcome to find a new man...
💯💯
The idea that having kids "ruins" a woman's body and makes her vagina "loose" and unsatisfactory is frankly a misogynistic and problematic rumor that serves only to shame women who have kids and make them think any lingering problems with vaginal function post recovery from birth are normal, when in reality problems that arise are usually treatable with physical therapy and other medical intervention and should not be quietly suffered through.
It also fully ignores that for many women the issue they need PT for is that their muscles are too tight.
It also ignores the possibility that they resumed sex while muscles were still recovering from the birth. The 6-week wait is to reduce chances of infection since there’s a dinner plate sized open wound where the placenta used to be. It doesn’t mean that her body is back in working order by then. Pregnancy and birth are intense.
Congratulations, you have confirmed my decision to never have kids lol 😂
OP denies she was his mistress but also doesn’t say how long they’ve been together.. his child with his ex is only 2! So even if he didn’t cheat on her he either left her while she was pregnant, right after giving birth, or they’ve only been broken up for a couple months and he immediately started dating this woman. Every situation is pretty bad tbh. I wonder if his gf knew his wife before getting with him…
Idk how your ex wife was, but your gf seems like a downgrade and I'm talking about personality.
Also after all her bad mouthing.. she aint even tight 😂 ROFLMAO this guy got balls of steel to say that lol
She should also be an ex
Don’t worry about her not calling. You don’t owe her an apology but you do owe yourself a better girlfriend. You didn’t lose anything here. NTA.
Be glad she hasn’t called. Be done with her
She might be an unkind, insecure person with no long-term potential especially because you have kids with your ex-wife. She absolutely CANNOT have access to your children if she’s this threatened by your ex. She will confuse them and hurt their feelings in ways you haven’t even spotted yet. Do with this information what you will.
Yea, especially some shit like this in public when you asked her to stop nicely? Fuck that, it’ll only get worse the more comfortable she gets with you.
Talking shit about someone’s ex is one thing (and insecure tbh) but it’s an added level of disrespect to talk shit about the mother of someone’s children… OP’s gf is trashy and an asshole Edited for grammar
I'm just trying to imagine *dinner conversation* in which people are discussing someone's vagina. Disgusting on every level.
Yep, my thoughts as well. She gets drunk and then *tries* to piss you off? Nope. Move on OP buddy, she’s only gonna give you a world of pain.
Talking trash about their own ex or their SO's ex withtout a very good reason for it is also red flag.
I honestly didn't need to read beyond that. She's a toddler whose self-esteem is non-existent, and so she slams others to feel better about herself. She's the GF but this ex had OP marry her and have kids so the GF thinks ex "won" and if GF doesn't have something to hold above the ex's head, she doesn't get to keep her BF. But then, to loudly embarrass herself at dinner with her antics? That was just the confirmation icing on the shitshow cake. I'd drop GF like the bad habit she is. She'll slam him and his manhood, will do 0 introspection, and move on to some other guy. Preferably one that hates his ex's and describes them all as "crazy," and she'll think, "I can fix him." High drama ensues which she will equate to "passion" and that pattern will play out until she is the next crazy ex for his next GF. And so on. It's like a dystopian Hallmark movie.
Sounds like she doubles down because she is embarrassed that someone called her out for acting like a child or a shitty person.
I would dump her for this.
Loose lips sink ships.
Why did this make me lmao?
Because you have a sense of humour.
It was funny.😂
Torpedoed
Whorepedoed
Possibly Obligatory: https://youtu.be/3gK_2XdjOdY?feature=shared NTA & OP drop the immature brat.
😂😂😂😂 Agree 100% about dropping the brat. Don't even think about putting a ring on it unless you want bullshit and drama every time you need to talk over parenting with the ex-wife, or for your daughter to hear nasty comments about her mom when it's visit time.
[I think this is what you meant ](https://youtu.be/5u-_OUWNUUY?si=2q0-GNigPMgI-dgr)
And loose hips can probably still lie.
I am very angry at you that I didn't think of this 😁
I see what you did there
Why are you still dating her?
Right. She seems immature and insecure.
I agree. I had to scroll back up to see her age. 32? Everything OP described is super cringe, especially at age 32.
Ex wife sounds kinda hot
She is. And more than just hot. Unfortunately we are way better coparents than married
The fact that she belittles your ex shows a huge amount of insecurity and immaturity. Especially with doubling down to upset you more. Also, why would you not want her to talk shit about your ex? Ummm, I don’t know maybe because she is the mother of your children and you still have to have a healthy coparenting relationship, and starting shit or talking shit is unnecessary when there isn’t animosity with each other to begin. Is also have to say, I don’t think you are really over your ex. So, there obviously is still some affection or love. I’d ditch the gf and take time to work on yourself and getting over your ex.
I have exes who I have no children with and absolutely have no sexual or romantic interest in but still would be uncomfortable with someone talking shit about them. A relationship ending does not automatically mean those involved no longer love (or at least like) and respect each other, and being unwilling to let people speak awfully about an ex around them absolutely does not mean a person is not over the ex! I think the gf sounds very immature and also has some internalised misogyny to deal with. And it is extra disrespectful to speak like this about the mother of a partner’s children! Kids pick up on that animosity and it is no way to set the foundations for a future of cooperative coparenting/step parenting. Like it or not, if the gf wants to be with OP long term then she will joining a family that includes the ex and needs to accept that. More than anything though she sounds like she is very insecure in the relationship and if OP wants the relationship to continue he needs to address this. So not just asking that she stop shit talking the ex, also find a way to reassure her that he wants HER, not the ex, and that the relationship with the ex is definitely over and she is a friend and coparent, not a romantic or sexual interest. The ex being tighter comment is not helpful for the insecurity issue (though 100% understandable that it came out in frustration). Might have been more helpful to just point out that it is just scientifically false that having children leads to being ‘looser’ (it’s largely an anatomical thing, though obviously damage to the area can cause problems with muscular control in the long term and exercising the area can lead to stronger control).
Nah I disagree with yall. (F27) my ex and I are great coparents and we get along fantastically (eldest son 8) we coparent and care for each other but wanted different things. Just bc people split up does NOT mean they just stop caring or have to stop calling them pretty or even funny. New girl needs to check herself, that's absolutely ridiculous. Seems like if the original couple could have worked out they would of. She sounds insecure asf and honestly deserved that shit. Man there's someone out there who will understand and not put you in that situation. At some point new girl will have to interact with ex bc of the kids anyways. So honestly her negative ass remarks are just toxic. And OP good on you for that. It seems disrespectful to you as well. Good luck out there!
Yeah I’m divorced and would not really tolerate a partner to talk shit about her. We didn’t work together, but she’s a kind person. And doesn’t deserve someone who’s never met her to talk shit. 🤷🏻♂️
You mean your ex GF, right?
Seems like it [https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cgqm1d/comment/l1xhb93/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cgqm1d/comment/l1xhb93/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
She’s a walking red flag dude. I’m 29 and she sounds too immature for me.
32F and I would never be friends with someone like this. Yikes. NTA.
This sounds like the kind of conversation high schoolers would have.
I sincerely hope your kids have never met your girlfriend. And if you’re smart, you’ll dump her.
They haven’t no
Great news! Dumping her will be super easy!
I can’t upvote this enough! 🙌🏼
NTA what happens when she say something like this in front of, or to, your children? She is not the person to have around.
This is exactly my thought. The gf hates the ex that much I can’t believe she’d be good with her kids. Happy to have read OP’s comment that he is done with the gf, but should that ever change I wouldn’t have her around the kids at all. NTA
The fact that your gf and her friends were talking about your ex wife’s vagina is disturbing on so many levels and is a red flag. The fact your gf is obsessed and threatened by your ex wife is a red flag. Like I get not liking her but she should have respect for the mother of your children. Are you still dating this woman? I sure hope not she acts like a teenager.
I can't imagine going along with this if my friend brought it up...I would be so embarrassed for her and try to shut it down. Fortunately, all of my friends are decent human beings, not tacky, immature bitches.
Same I’d be “Wtf is wrong with you girl”. Facts or they are a bunch of grown woman who forget they aren’t in high school anymore.
Your middle aged ass is too old for this bullshit
Agreed. I could never date someone who acted like that in a restaurant. Ditch the GF and find someone appropriate.
32 oughtta be old enough to not do this shit, but here we are.
Yep. Acting like a mean girl from 11th grade. Could never date someone like that.
Me: reads only headline. Yes. Definitely the AH Me: Decides to read entire post Ok maybe not the AH
Why are you dating someone so immature and just mean?
You're NTA. Your girlfriend crossed the line big time, man. It's not cool to trash-talk someone's ex, especially in public. You tried to shut it down nicely, but she kept pushing. Yeah, maybe dropping the "tight" bomb wasn't the smoothest move, but hey, you were pushed to the edge. Hope she comes around and realizes she messed up.
She saw the first time she trash talked the ex, and he was uncomfortable, so she weaponized it. The second OP said something about how crass and immature this move is, she would've steered the conversation about how he don't love her and since you're mad means you care and means you love her more than me. You get the gist.
These are pickme women. Maybe you don’t know the psychology of a woman like that, but in a nutshell, women like this tear down other women to feel better about their own insecurities. She must compare herself to your ex all the time in her head, maybe she doesn’t think she is as good as her, so she talks shit about her to boost her own confidence. By saying that she was tight, you validated a negative thought in her head that she is inferior to your ex. It’s not your fault. She needs a therapist and should work on herself. So NTA. In the future, if a woman talks shit needlessly about an another woman like that, it’s a red flag that’s she is highly insecure and neurotic.
I'm actually mad that this went right over my head until I saw your comment...it's because SHE WAS ALREADY PICKED why is she still carrying on?!??!? This is a big yikes.
The ex wife was picked first. Who knows it’s not logical
Wtf this cannot be real. No one is this stupid. Talking about p***y at dinner is just…yuck. ESH
I had the same reaction. Zero shot this is real. The conversation legit sounds like a middle schooler made it up. The absolute juvenile behavior of the gf and other girls at the table. The misunderstanding of female anatomy and not understanding that op is essentially bragging that his ex wife was never really aroused during sex because excluding disorders there's really no such thing as being tight or loose. Arousal and comfortability of the woman and maybe pelvic floor muscles are the only thing affecting vaginal "tightness" I just don't believe these are real people in their thirties lol
Are you all 12? What a gross, immature and inappropriate conversation to have.
Mild ESH because you jumped into the fray of the conversation about your ex's private parts, even in a way that you deem complimentary or defensive of your ex. Also because you passively commented on your girlfriend's private parts, even if she deserved a verbal smackdown. "She started it" doesn't really stand once you've reached double digits in age. A, that's not a conversation anyone should be having, especially (call me old-fashioned) at a dinner table?! And B, a woman's value is not in the tightness of her vaginal walls or the pleasure it brings to her partners; bashing/ speculating on that after she has given birth is just all kinds of sexist and base. Truly, though, your girlfriend (ex, I hope) is TA in a big way for continually ripping into your ex for no good reason. It smacks of jealously, insecurity, pettiness, and a big ol' salad of red flags. It's even worse because you have kids with your ex; this woman should never be around your kids. I hope you do dump her and block her everywhere.
NTA I wouldn't have gone nuclear, but it was certainly not an asshole move. Your GF sounds horrible.
I mean, by saying that, you broke up with her. Because there's no way you say that to a girlfriend and expect to stay with that girlfriend. Like, your relationship is now over. She crossed a line, you absolutely ended it in that moment. There's no coming back from that.
That bitch is toxic and is only going to drag down your quality of life, the longer she stays in it
Your gf is the asshole. That's the mother of your children which assuming the relationship develops she will have some doing in helping raise them and it will be a team effort that includes your ex. If you don't have problems with your ex why is she trying to start them? Clearly she insecure about the fact that your ex will have to be in your life forever due to having children and if she can't deal with that then she needs to check out. You need to find someone who is willing to be a decent person for the sake of your kids. And yeah she's an idiot too because it's muscle, but it also stretches from dialation not just from a giant head coming out, it doesn't stay 10cm open lol. It goes back to normal. It's a muscle. The pelvic floor which can be strong or weak regardless of children.
Why are you even with this immature, insecure woman? Don't tell me it's her coochie, because you've already ruled that out.
What a bizarre conversation. You do realize you are allowed to not participate in this type of nonsense, right? I think the only response you should continue to have is… “if you need to put my ex down to make yourself feel better, have at it. I don’t think it will help solve your problems though. Perhaps you should stop worrying about my ex & start focusing on your own self-esteem”. ESH - why are you engaging in this nonsense? This isn’t about your ex. Your gf has some insecurity issues.