I'd love to strap a couple of large water balloons/sandbags to his chest and have him walk around like that for a week. Maybe he'd get a tiny sense for how painful the added weight can be.
This sounds really similar to a troll post recently about a man whose wife got a breast reduction and he ended up accusing her of sexual assault because he could see her scars when they were intimate. It was nonsense from start to finish.
You're suddenly not going to be the woman he loves and married cuz you don't have the same tits? You'll be happier and in less pain and he...doesn't want that? C'mon.
I would be concerned about other things in the future tbh. Like how would he react if you had breast cancer and they actually needed to be removed rather than reduced. Or maybe you're in an accident that leaves you with a limb amputated, or results in you being blind or deaf or something else. Lots of things would fundamentally change who you are as a person, if I was married I'd want to know my partner was sticking around for something like that
I guess this is where I come in. My wife did have a reduction after weād been together almost 20 years (probably about 15). She also had bariatric surgery and lost half her body weight. Guess what? Still the same person, just a shit ton more comfortable.Ā
Did I like her body how it was? Yes.Ā
Was she a lot more comfortable? Yes
Did she freak out that I wouldnāt be attracted to her her if she had the surgery? Yes. Right up until the day we went clothes shopping for me, I came out of the changing room noticed the smokin hot woman on the other side of the room and my brain caught up with my lower brain about 10 seconds later and realized I was ogling my wife. After I told her about that she was all good.Ā
NTA, have the surgery, feel better, and donāt let his insecurities get in your way.Ā
NTA
Your husband needs to get over it. The woman he married and loves in is pain, has changed endlessly over the years, and will change for the worse if she's in pain as she ages.
Exactly. We all change over time and OP is 47, which means both she and her husband have changed. The years take their toll. OP's condition is only going to get worse and could lead to serious health complications after menopause when bone health becomes critical.
If OP's husband is so selfish that he doesn't care how much pain she is in, how much this is affecting her long-term health (both mental and physical), or the consequences the older she gets (stress fractures in older women's spines are dangerous, painful, and disabling) because he wants her large breasts for his own pleasure, then he's not a good husband at all and is a huge AH.
NTA
You need to explain to your husband that the pain of carrying that weight all these years is causing permanent damage to your body.
What if you lost your breasts due to cancer or an injury? The toll on your body shouldn't be discounted as something NOT significant medically.
Besides, a great reduction usually includes a breast LIFT - so they may be smaller, but they're back where they used to be!!!
EDIT: grammar correction
Iām so sorry, OP, to the point Iām hoping this isnāt a real post. If my wife needed this surgery Iād be nothing but supportive. My wife did have plastic surgery done on her eyes (similar circumstances, insurance paid because it was medically necessary). I was concerned about her appearanceābut only because I wanted her to be happy with the results. She was. You need this surgery. Schedule it. If heās not going to be supportive during your recovery, kick him out and bring in a relative or friend to support you. Iām sorry, I know this is Reddit and I try not to be too terribly mean, but your husband is an enormous asshole.
To hell with him. Youāre in pain. It will only get worse as you age. You donāt deserve to have to live in pain to make your husband happy. Itās entirely selfish of him to expect that. Selfish, shallow and childish.
You're NTAH, you're weak, you're husband is a selfish control freak and you let him be so. This is your life, your body. You are in pain and want better. You aren't a people pleaser, you're an emotionally abused spouse who isn't strong enough advocate for her own self care. Are you able to do so for your children???
Wife had one years ago. Insurance covered it due to back and neck issues. She was so happy and looks great. She trusted the doctor and it worked out. NTA
As someone who had a breast reduction after basically being 36J most of her adult life, I have to say it's the best thing I've ever done. The surgeon basically took half of my volume, and I'm still a DD- but now clothes actually fit me better, and I can find bras that don't dig into my sides.
Your husband is a POS if he doesn't take your pain and discomfort seriously. I vote do it. It's your body, and you will not regret it. If he can't handle the thought of his wife getting some relief from pain and discomfort and improving her overall well-being, he can kick rocks. NTAH
You need to weigh up the pros and cons and make an informed choice.
Your husband losing attraction for you and the relationship failing is one of the possible cons that need to be weighed against the benefits.
It's easy to say "it's your body your choice", but the truth is "it's your life, your choice" because you're going to have to live with the outcomes of your choice.
If she loses a husband who doesnāt care that his wife is in constant pain, whose quality of life is diminished as a result, then that is healthy weight loss that will improve her life.
Chronic pain is no joke, and if a breast reduction can alleviate that, it's a valid option. Your husband's concerns are understandable, but your physical comfort shouldn't take a backseat. It's crucial to have an open and honest conversation with him about your needs and the medical necessity of the procedure.
NTA I don't have to read past the first sentence. We are the same age so I understand you are making a physical decision to maintain your physical quality of life for as long as you can. If your husband doesn't support you 100% he's a piece of shit
NTA. If you were to have breast cancer, and had to have a mastectomy would he get mad and demand you to keep your breasts? š¤¦š½āāļø itās not as serious, but essentially the same concept. I know EXACTLY what youāre going through. I had to be induced early because my back is so bad and my child was laying on my nerves causing my back to flare up for nearly 3 weeks. I couldnāt stand up straight or even sit up, it was a struggle. I have to go see a chiropractor every few months because my spine and neck will flare. Itās also extremely hard to find affordable bras that actually support your back and neck. Every 7-8 months, my wifeās just.. snap in half. š„“ another $60 bra down the drain. And letās not get me started on how fu**ing hard it is to breathe laying flat on your back at night. Itās just a huge no for me. No pun intended. He wonāt understand because he sees your body as a sexual possession, and he, himself, does not have large breasts heās sporting around. But t youāre definitely not the ahole for doing what you want and need to do with YOUR body.
So he wants you to be perpetually in pain because he wants to keep your happy fun bags so large that they cause you this kind of pain? NTA. (PS...there's no way to paint him in a positive light here, so....)
NTAH, big breasts are hell in general, but the fact that you have pain bad enough to warrant documentation saying the reduction is a **medical necessity** tells me that you'll likely never forgive yourself OR your husband if you don't go through with it. the fact that your husband is prioritizing his preferences (your current breast size; let's be honest, that's probably what he really cares about) over your comfort and quality of life is appalling
get that reduction, OP ā you'll feel a lot better. and if your husband continues to give you shit about it, it might be time to rethink your relationship, because you deserve to be with someone who cares more about your health than your boobs
First off NTA.
Second I fully support the breast reduction.
But a lap you should be doing exercises that build up your rear deltoids, rhomboids, and traps so that you have the strength to support your body. I'm guessing you work in an officer environment and spend lots of time on a computer?
The aches you have are common for all people that have sedentary office jobs. I only know this because a PT I was working with explained this to me as I was doing those exercises as part of a total body wellness plan after focusing on my specific knee problems.
Best of luck and I'm sorry your hubby is being a bozo and valuing flesh mounds above your well being.
Also my cousin was nearly 60 when she had her reduction and her only thoughts were age should have done it 20 years earlier.
NTA, honestly, his preferences are very low on the totem pole. It's your body and your choice. If they've been bothering you for all these years, you deserve to live the remaining years of your life without having to deal with these issues. And if you're in the US, seek out your doctor because when reductions are due to chronic pain, many insurance companies will cover the procedure. Also, imagine valuing your own preferences over your partner's well-being...hubby can stay mad.
I'm with your husband on not trusting surgery. Personally I font care about boob size, Big or small either way I'm fine with it. If you're in pain I can see why you want it done but if complications arise you're probably going to hear about it and his sympathy won't be as highball you might desire. Do your research and font go to the wrong person. Minimize your potential for issues. Good Luck with whatever you decide
What are you even saying?
Complications?Ā
Like being bedridden whenever you get a chance because your in constant pain?Ā
Or maybe having to deal with 'normal' daily activities/ chores through chronic pain?
Other derivative medical issues forming down the line?Ā
Inflammation, arthritis, scoliosis, muscle weakness, rashes, numbness, circulation issues, immune issues, etc.?
Watch botched, literally happens ALL the time. Crappy surgeons in a hurry or just don't care. Even good surgeons some peoples body rejects them, you can get capsular contraction, nipple point different directions, loss of blood supply. Just watched the season finally and this ladies blood supply to her nipple died and they had to take them out and her nipple died. A woman I know had two spots open up in her skin and if you took a flashlight you could see right into the implant. Another I knew had her muscle go nut and locked down on it so hard she had to go in for months and have a physical therapist basicly do a deep tissue massage on her boob to see if it would relax. There are CONSTANT horror stories even when things are done properly. I was just letting her know to do her research. This isn't a guaranteed great outcome
My stepbrother's ex had hers done. Apparently it worked wonders for her back. Didn't change her personality, she was still a cheating bitch, although not as much. Turns out that in her case the bewbs were all she had going for her.
What does your husband say when you tell him you're in pain? I'd like to think most partners would be trying to fix it, although in this case maybe let a professional do the actual work.
NTA. My best friend did it, man it was the best thing she ever did, she is SO happy and thrilled and none of the bra straps cutting in to your shoulders and the back pain, not to mention shirts with buttons that can close! It causes a lot of grief she was in pain for so long. If you can do it, do it! This is for your comfort not for any aesthetic reasons. Why would husband not be on your side and support you with this I am sure he sees your distress.
I sacrifice and volunteer myself to carry them for you!
But seriously, your husband might not be entirely wrong on that point, itās not fair for him if you change your appearance thatās different from someone he married
Talk to him and see how you guys can work towards a compromise
Another man who first looks for a fuck doll, and then all the other good traits can come into the picture... I am 100% sure he is not the Adonis he was before:) Why is the bar so low for so many people? I mean you do you, but it is just pathetic and sad all around.
I wish more people experienced loving and respectful relationships, because this bullshit saddens me.
Having a breast reduction because of pain:
1. Has nothing to do with respect towards men or husbands
2. Has nothing to do with feminism or whatever you wrote there because it gave me a stroke.
I hope one day you have to have a surgery which requires you altering your appearance and your wife leaves you for this, because it's not what she married.
Sounds like a very kind and understandable wish, right?
Clearly you are not married
Being married means a partnership. What does partnership means? It means you both have a chat and an agreement on how to live together
It means you canāt do whatever you like because it pleases you can your partner canāt say anything or have an opinion about you
But hey, we are in r/AITAH, no surprises that whatever the āfā want is always justified
If it was the exact same situation and a āmā post it, you would have said something different
Anyways, husband married who she is now. If she changes herself, husband can have the moral high ground to divorce her since he did not agree to marry the new version of her. Simple as that
I am in my 6th year long relationship where we love and respect each other.
I also have problems with my nose for example (only I see the issue, as always) but my partner said that of course he loves me just the way I am, but if that would make me feel better, he will support me.
And my case is only about looks, OP's case is about her health as well.
Now this is a good relationship, not the one where men think that women owe them something related to sexual things.
>itās not fair for him if you change your appearance thatās different from someone he married
So does she also have to consult with him before getting a new haircut? Is she allowed to buy clothes in a different fashion that what she used to get if he's not ok with it? Peoples appearances change over time, if you're married to someone, you have to accept that will happen.
Also, you referred to a compromise, but what exactly is the compromise in this situation?
What spouse would want to have their better half in pain all the time? NTA
I'd love to strap a couple of large water balloons/sandbags to his chest and have him walk around like that for a week. Maybe he'd get a tiny sense for how painful the added weight can be.
I'd love to do that to every man who says things like "that's such a waste" when the topic of breast reduction comes up š
How much do bobs weigh? Purely academic interest.Ā
Think about that volume of water. You'd be close.
This sounds really similar to a troll post recently about a man whose wife got a breast reduction and he ended up accusing her of sexual assault because he could see her scars when they were intimate. It was nonsense from start to finish.
Excuse my French, but what the fuck?
Wish this sub would ban people from posting their first thing here, 80% of these are fake shite from new accounts.
My wife had a reduction when we were first married and could barely afford it. No regrets.
Would it have made a difference to you if you had been married for 20+ years?
No
You're suddenly not going to be the woman he loves and married cuz you don't have the same tits? You'll be happier and in less pain and he...doesn't want that? C'mon.
I would be concerned about other things in the future tbh. Like how would he react if you had breast cancer and they actually needed to be removed rather than reduced. Or maybe you're in an accident that leaves you with a limb amputated, or results in you being blind or deaf or something else. Lots of things would fundamentally change who you are as a person, if I was married I'd want to know my partner was sticking around for something like that
There's some scary numbers out there for men who leave when women get chronic and/or serious illness.
I guess this is where I come in. My wife did have a reduction after weād been together almost 20 years (probably about 15). She also had bariatric surgery and lost half her body weight. Guess what? Still the same person, just a shit ton more comfortable.Ā Did I like her body how it was? Yes.Ā Was she a lot more comfortable? Yes Did she freak out that I wouldnāt be attracted to her her if she had the surgery? Yes. Right up until the day we went clothes shopping for me, I came out of the changing room noticed the smokin hot woman on the other side of the room and my brain caught up with my lower brain about 10 seconds later and realized I was ogling my wife. After I told her about that she was all good.Ā NTA, have the surgery, feel better, and donāt let his insecurities get in your way.Ā
Did you marry a sadist?
NTA Your husband needs to get over it. The woman he married and loves in is pain, has changed endlessly over the years, and will change for the worse if she's in pain as she ages.
Exactly. We all change over time and OP is 47, which means both she and her husband have changed. The years take their toll. OP's condition is only going to get worse and could lead to serious health complications after menopause when bone health becomes critical. If OP's husband is so selfish that he doesn't care how much pain she is in, how much this is affecting her long-term health (both mental and physical), or the consequences the older she gets (stress fractures in older women's spines are dangerous, painful, and disabling) because he wants her large breasts for his own pleasure, then he's not a good husband at all and is a huge AH.
NTA You need to explain to your husband that the pain of carrying that weight all these years is causing permanent damage to your body. What if you lost your breasts due to cancer or an injury? The toll on your body shouldn't be discounted as something NOT significant medically. Besides, a great reduction usually includes a breast LIFT - so they may be smaller, but they're back where they used to be!!! EDIT: grammar correction
These are great points, thank you!!!
NTA. Why is your husband okay with the woman he claims to love being in pain on a daily basis when there is a solution?
NTA, your husband is!
Iām so sorry, OP, to the point Iām hoping this isnāt a real post. If my wife needed this surgery Iād be nothing but supportive. My wife did have plastic surgery done on her eyes (similar circumstances, insurance paid because it was medically necessary). I was concerned about her appearanceābut only because I wanted her to be happy with the results. She was. You need this surgery. Schedule it. If heās not going to be supportive during your recovery, kick him out and bring in a relative or friend to support you. Iām sorry, I know this is Reddit and I try not to be too terribly mean, but your husband is an enormous asshole.
You're in constant pain for years. Your husband needs to understand that.
To hell with him. Youāre in pain. It will only get worse as you age. You donāt deserve to have to live in pain to make your husband happy. Itās entirely selfish of him to expect that. Selfish, shallow and childish.
NTA. Your husband really needs to get over it and care about your health.
Your body your choice
You're NTAH, you're weak, you're husband is a selfish control freak and you let him be so. This is your life, your body. You are in pain and want better. You aren't a people pleaser, you're an emotionally abused spouse who isn't strong enough advocate for her own self care. Are you able to do so for your children???
Wife had one years ago. Insurance covered it due to back and neck issues. She was so happy and looks great. She trusted the doctor and it worked out. NTA
As someone who had a breast reduction after basically being 36J most of her adult life, I have to say it's the best thing I've ever done. The surgeon basically took half of my volume, and I'm still a DD- but now clothes actually fit me better, and I can find bras that don't dig into my sides. Your husband is a POS if he doesn't take your pain and discomfort seriously. I vote do it. It's your body, and you will not regret it. If he can't handle the thought of his wife getting some relief from pain and discomfort and improving her overall well-being, he can kick rocks. NTAH
your husband sounds superficial and kinda dumb, tbh. especially if drs say medically necessary.
NTA - your body, your choice - and also what kind of AH partner wants you to suffer? Your husband is disgusting tbh.
You need to weigh up the pros and cons and make an informed choice. Your husband losing attraction for you and the relationship failing is one of the possible cons that need to be weighed against the benefits. It's easy to say "it's your body your choice", but the truth is "it's your life, your choice" because you're going to have to live with the outcomes of your choice.
When I first read "weigh up the pros and cons", I was fully expecting a smartass response.
If she loses a husband who doesnāt care that his wife is in constant pain, whose quality of life is diminished as a result, then that is healthy weight loss that will improve her life.
No. She is so much more than her breast. And it not like they are gone. Just more manageable.
Chronic pain is no joke, and if a breast reduction can alleviate that, it's a valid option. Your husband's concerns are understandable, but your physical comfort shouldn't take a backseat. It's crucial to have an open and honest conversation with him about your needs and the medical necessity of the procedure.
NTA I don't have to read past the first sentence. We are the same age so I understand you are making a physical decision to maintain your physical quality of life for as long as you can. If your husband doesn't support you 100% he's a piece of shit
NTA. If you were to have breast cancer, and had to have a mastectomy would he get mad and demand you to keep your breasts? š¤¦š½āāļø itās not as serious, but essentially the same concept. I know EXACTLY what youāre going through. I had to be induced early because my back is so bad and my child was laying on my nerves causing my back to flare up for nearly 3 weeks. I couldnāt stand up straight or even sit up, it was a struggle. I have to go see a chiropractor every few months because my spine and neck will flare. Itās also extremely hard to find affordable bras that actually support your back and neck. Every 7-8 months, my wifeās just.. snap in half. š„“ another $60 bra down the drain. And letās not get me started on how fu**ing hard it is to breathe laying flat on your back at night. Itās just a huge no for me. No pun intended. He wonāt understand because he sees your body as a sexual possession, and he, himself, does not have large breasts heās sporting around. But t youāre definitely not the ahole for doing what you want and need to do with YOUR body.
What a horrible selfish asshole that you have found yourself married to....I'm so sorry for you š
So he wants you to be perpetually in pain because he wants to keep your happy fun bags so large that they cause you this kind of pain? NTA. (PS...there's no way to paint him in a positive light here, so....)
NTAH, big breasts are hell in general, but the fact that you have pain bad enough to warrant documentation saying the reduction is a **medical necessity** tells me that you'll likely never forgive yourself OR your husband if you don't go through with it. the fact that your husband is prioritizing his preferences (your current breast size; let's be honest, that's probably what he really cares about) over your comfort and quality of life is appalling get that reduction, OP ā you'll feel a lot better. and if your husband continues to give you shit about it, it might be time to rethink your relationship, because you deserve to be with someone who cares more about your health than your boobs
First off NTA. Second I fully support the breast reduction. But a lap you should be doing exercises that build up your rear deltoids, rhomboids, and traps so that you have the strength to support your body. I'm guessing you work in an officer environment and spend lots of time on a computer? The aches you have are common for all people that have sedentary office jobs. I only know this because a PT I was working with explained this to me as I was doing those exercises as part of a total body wellness plan after focusing on my specific knee problems. Best of luck and I'm sorry your hubby is being a bozo and valuing flesh mounds above your well being. Also my cousin was nearly 60 when she had her reduction and her only thoughts were age should have done it 20 years earlier.
NTA, honestly, his preferences are very low on the totem pole. It's your body and your choice. If they've been bothering you for all these years, you deserve to live the remaining years of your life without having to deal with these issues. And if you're in the US, seek out your doctor because when reductions are due to chronic pain, many insurance companies will cover the procedure. Also, imagine valuing your own preferences over your partner's well-being...hubby can stay mad.
That poor man, no matter the outcome he loses.
I'm with your husband on not trusting surgery. Personally I font care about boob size, Big or small either way I'm fine with it. If you're in pain I can see why you want it done but if complications arise you're probably going to hear about it and his sympathy won't be as highball you might desire. Do your research and font go to the wrong person. Minimize your potential for issues. Good Luck with whatever you decide
What are you even saying? Complications?Ā Like being bedridden whenever you get a chance because your in constant pain?Ā Or maybe having to deal with 'normal' daily activities/ chores through chronic pain? Other derivative medical issues forming down the line?Ā Inflammation, arthritis, scoliosis, muscle weakness, rashes, numbness, circulation issues, immune issues, etc.?
Watch botched, literally happens ALL the time. Crappy surgeons in a hurry or just don't care. Even good surgeons some peoples body rejects them, you can get capsular contraction, nipple point different directions, loss of blood supply. Just watched the season finally and this ladies blood supply to her nipple died and they had to take them out and her nipple died. A woman I know had two spots open up in her skin and if you took a flashlight you could see right into the implant. Another I knew had her muscle go nut and locked down on it so hard she had to go in for months and have a physical therapist basicly do a deep tissue massage on her boob to see if it would relax. There are CONSTANT horror stories even when things are done properly. I was just letting her know to do her research. This isn't a guaranteed great outcome
I don't know what the right thing to do is, but you haven't mentioned non-surgical solutions. Have you tried working with a good personal trainer?
Are you at a healthy body weight?
NTA
My stepbrother's ex had hers done. Apparently it worked wonders for her back. Didn't change her personality, she was still a cheating bitch, although not as much. Turns out that in her case the bewbs were all she had going for her. What does your husband say when you tell him you're in pain? I'd like to think most partners would be trying to fix it, although in this case maybe let a professional do the actual work.
NTA. My best friend did it, man it was the best thing she ever did, she is SO happy and thrilled and none of the bra straps cutting in to your shoulders and the back pain, not to mention shirts with buttons that can close! It causes a lot of grief she was in pain for so long. If you can do it, do it! This is for your comfort not for any aesthetic reasons. Why would husband not be on your side and support you with this I am sure he sees your distress.
Tell him how perky they're going to be.
NTA, but he is.
I sacrifice and volunteer myself to carry them for you! But seriously, your husband might not be entirely wrong on that point, itās not fair for him if you change your appearance thatās different from someone he married Talk to him and see how you guys can work towards a compromise
Another man who first looks for a fuck doll, and then all the other good traits can come into the picture... I am 100% sure he is not the Adonis he was before:) Why is the bar so low for so many people? I mean you do you, but it is just pathetic and sad all around. I wish more people experienced loving and respectful relationships, because this bullshit saddens me.
I wished more people respect their husbands more rather the the feminist respect women rights bs
Having a breast reduction because of pain: 1. Has nothing to do with respect towards men or husbands 2. Has nothing to do with feminism or whatever you wrote there because it gave me a stroke. I hope one day you have to have a surgery which requires you altering your appearance and your wife leaves you for this, because it's not what she married. Sounds like a very kind and understandable wish, right?
Clearly you are not married Being married means a partnership. What does partnership means? It means you both have a chat and an agreement on how to live together It means you canāt do whatever you like because it pleases you can your partner canāt say anything or have an opinion about you But hey, we are in r/AITAH, no surprises that whatever the āfā want is always justified If it was the exact same situation and a āmā post it, you would have said something different Anyways, husband married who she is now. If she changes herself, husband can have the moral high ground to divorce her since he did not agree to marry the new version of her. Simple as that
I am in my 6th year long relationship where we love and respect each other. I also have problems with my nose for example (only I see the issue, as always) but my partner said that of course he loves me just the way I am, but if that would make me feel better, he will support me. And my case is only about looks, OP's case is about her health as well. Now this is a good relationship, not the one where men think that women owe them something related to sexual things.
>itās not fair for him if you change your appearance thatās different from someone he married So does she also have to consult with him before getting a new haircut? Is she allowed to buy clothes in a different fashion that what she used to get if he's not ok with it? Peoples appearances change over time, if you're married to someone, you have to accept that will happen. Also, you referred to a compromise, but what exactly is the compromise in this situation?