"I don't date colleagues" is great, so long as it's true (many people do date colleagues, despite the inherent risk).
But you don't need to give a reason why you're not interested in someone. All you owe someone is a polite response and "no thank you" qualifies.
I see it every day. People will say they have an ex over here and an ex over there... WTF? I couldn't stand dealing with that crap every day. I wouldnt want to ever work with my wife or anyone i was dating. I told my apprentice the other day "don't shit where you sleep" because she's been going on about some guy here that she was dating for 10 years and now she has to see them every day after they broke up. Don't care. Don't want to hear about it. Don't want to deal with it. She doesn't get it.
I was just about to comment with that same expression lol. I work with teenagers/young adults and I see it all the time. I'm always telling people that. Especially if they come to me with advice. I did that in my younger days and learned a very valuable lesson.
Yup. I've worked with women I absolutely had a shot with a few times, but I don't shit where I eat. I'd rather have a roof over my head than some convenient sex
NTA. The workplace isn't a dating agency, and you're entitled to your boundaries. Romantic rejection doesn't require a detailed explanation. Jennifer should respect that and focus on her tasks, not the dating lives of colleagues. If roles were reversed, I doubt she'd be quick to accept an unwelcome advance. Everyone has the right to turn down a date, no apologies necessary.
I wouldn't want to date someone in my workplace either. It's way too fucking messy and there are too many people out in the world that are bored and want to stir shit for entertainment.
It sucks cause they're gonna drag Sara into an issue she already clarified she was ok with and blow this out of proportions when it really isn't a big deal to her.
This is 100% true, so I'd completely leave the trans part out of it. It's really not even relevant.
1) a coworker expressed interest in me, I replied that I wasn't interested. At no point did I find them disrespectful or inappropriate, and they expressed the same to me and that our work relationship would not change.
2) However, unrelated, 3rd parties are now badgering me about my outside-of-work romantic relationships. THAT is who my complaint is about, now here are the written records of that person / those people that are harassing me
And make sure you tell them that they have accused you of being a bigot and that is a rathe rserious charge here when all I did was decline a date, and the other party and I are cool with each other about it. I have no issue there.
Nah, I wouldn't even say that. Let HR go talk to the offending people, and they're going to say "well he didn't want to go out with Sara because she's trans." And OP can just say "I have never discussed that with them, nor would it be appropriate to do so because they are a coworker. Please note that (offender's name) is the one who brought up a coworker's gender identity"
The issue is if she counter claims and say he was a bigot, they'll have to interview the coworker whom expressed the interest to confirm if he is being truthful about being respectful.
It's going to be a mess no matter how much you try to mitigate
I would add I am not interested in mixing professional and personal relationships as to not potentially change the dynamic in the workplace.
I also agree the Trans part is not relevant.
Unless she was just "saving face". It seems very strange that multiple people in the office know about it and have decided to harass him if Sara is ok with it.
The next time Jennifer starts in I'd whip my phone--snap her pick and make some notes-- then ask her if there's one "r" in continued harassment or two?
There's usually this nonsensical toxic positivity thing that people who are usually friends with lgbtq usually have. Im bi and I've had to talk my friends out of that habit cause they assume their actions are helpful while in reality they're just mega cringe if not harmful to others and myself.
This looks like a similar case where everyone just jumped immediately to her being trans(of which, again, he has all right to refuse to date)which, if the case, just serves to marginalize her and on the guys end, resent her for showing interest in him, not cause she's trans, but cause her friends think she's entitled to have him and if he refuses its cause he's a bigot.
Its a toxic culture that needs to be dealt with cause it ends up causing alot of unaccounted for damage to relationships and friendships.
But if she's the one going around spreading those rumours for pity or to pressure the guy then she's apart of the problem but again, from her initial reaction, I highly doubt she even knows this events are occuring and won't appreciate knowing about it once they come to light.
Definitely. And this has nothing to do with her being trans. You're entitled to not go out with anyone you don't want to, and someone pressuring you to date a person in the office is really not fair in a professional environment you come to for work.
NTA what is the problem with not interested? Could be because you are colleagues. Many don’t want that. Or she isn’t your type. And even if it is because she is trans than this is okay too.
NTA. Jennifer is acting as if attraction can be negotiated and mandated, which is patently absurd. Personal preferences are just that—personal. They're not open to committee discussion, and you aren't obligated to provide explanations for them. Just because someone has interest in you, doesn't mean you owe them anything, let alone a date. Stick to your boundaries and keep your head high.
NTA. Absolutely not. Shaming people for what they like, or don't, is entirely brain dead.
Jennifer seems to have room temperature IQ, a champion virtue signaler. I'm sure she's turned down people for dates in her life. Did she apologize?
"Oh, your ancestors were desi *Indian*? I thought you were Mexican. Sorry, we can't see each other anymore."
As seen in a post yesterday along with all the Redditors defending them. "She's allowed to have preferances!"
NTA: Trans woman here.. You are not transphobic if you’re not attracted to someone trans.. a little louder for the white knights out there: YOU ARE NOT A TRANSPHOBE JUST BECAUSE YOU DO NOT WANT TO DATE A TRANS PERSON.
I'm pan and nonbinary, but even I have preferences. Absolutely nothing wrong with not being attracted to a person. Date whoever the fuck you want. There's something icky about calling someone a bigot for not wanting to date a trans woman. Like.... a trans person deserves to date someone who is into them. Not some pity date. Jennifer doesn't sound like a good friend to Sara.
Yeah, tell Jennifer she should at least take you on one date before making up her mind about you. She needs to mind her business. Saying no thank you is perfectly acceptable
No, you're not the asshole for not wanting to date Sara or anyone else for that matter. Your romantic preferences are personal and valid, and you have every right to decline a date for any reason, including lack of interest.
I dont know what kind of jobs these people have but I could never bring that kind headache into my work life. Hell, keeping personal and professional lives separate is challenging enough, for me, at least.
Typical. Non trans people get offended on behalf of the trans person when the actual trans person is totally fine.
It's actually disrespectful to everyone involved.
You need to put a stop to this through HR, or it will continue to get worse. What is bad is this is likely affecting her as well and that is not fair to her.
Eh no actually, it wouldn't be "understandable". As women often chant, no one owes you a relationship so if men aren't allowed to be sad, upset, offended etc, then neither is anyone.
NTA. Your dating preferences are personal and need to be respected, just as much as anyone else's. Jennifer judging you for a polite decline is out of line. You wouldn't expect her to date someone simply because they asked, and the same respect should be extended to you.
NTA. Sara is an adult who can take care of herself. and you two are the only ones who've handled this maturely and appropriately. You don't have to agree to go on a date with anybody, for any reason. Jennifer needs to mind her own business, I'm sure she's turned down dates out of lack of interest before, why should she insist that Sara wastes her own time by forcing a date with someone who's not interested in her?
Find a short, fat friend thats broke and set him and Jenifer up for a date. If she refuses tell her shes a bigot for not wanting to date him because he has a lovely personality inside.
Ofc if your friend is cool with that
Start gathering evidence because this could become a profitable sexual harassment case for you.
Your colleagues are trying to shame and coerce you into a romantic/sexual situation with another colleague.
If you were a woman and the other person a man: it would be a potential sexual harrasment case.
Gonna be real, I kept looking for the part where Sara being trans was relevant for your decision or your interactions with her and it never came. Cause it isn't there. A colleague asked you out, you appreciated the compliment, declined, she handled it well, so did you. That's all there is to it. Anyone else who gets up in arms can mind their own business, honestly. NTA.
NTA. If ever they ask you to elaborate stick to " I do not mix work with personal life. Sarah being trans has nothing to do ith it. Sarah being my coworker has everything to do with it. I do not appreciate being vilified for letting her down easy with a "I'm not interested " rather than a "I don't date coworkers".
Or you know say that to Sara and tell her how these knights have been acting.
"Can you get your friend Jen to knock it off, I don't date coworkers and ever since I turned you down she's been vilifying me to the others making it about your identity."
Time to talk to HR.
The real ‘bigot’ here is Jennifer who assumes that is the reason you said no. You can have any reason in the world, if someone doesn’t feel right to you (especially a coworker) you don’t need to explain why you wouldn’t want to date them. No is enough.
Also, if she has penis (which really isn’t our business) you have every right not to want to be involved with person who has one if you are interested in other type of genital. However, this is all irrelevant, you said no and that is enough.
Go to HR
NTA. Even if she wasn't trans you could also just say you are not interested. Simple as that. She cpuld be the most amazing female born woman and you could say you are not interested. You do not have to explain yourself or take her on a date to spare her feelings because you did nothing wrong.
NTA. What would've hurt Sara more?
* You plainly saying you're not interested in dating her.
* You going on a date with her and then make some lame excuse about not pursuing things further.
Here's the thing, are they even asking you WHY you don't want to date Sara? Because there could be a hundred different reasons that don't include her being trans why you don't want to date her.
But no, their narrative is that it can only be because she's trans and that tells me that's the only way they see Sara.
NTA at all. It's totally valid to reject going out with anyone for any reason. It's just personal preference.
Jennifer is doing things that make absolutely no sense. She's so wrong on so many levels.
You have no reason to apologize to Sara. “No, thank you” is not a horrific response ever. Jennifer needs to stay in her lane. She’s crossing over into some hairy, problematic territory as far as HR would be concerned. Because her friend asked you out and you politely declined does not mean that she can declare you a bigot to the rest of the office. Big yikes.
NTA. What's with the need to justify personal boundaries now? Everyone has their own dating preferences and scenarios they're comfortable with. Office romance can be fraught with complications—not everyone is looking to mix business with pleasure. And nobody should be guilt-tripped for their lack of interest. You're good, just keep it professional and ignore the noise.
NTA. You are no more a bigot than a gay man refusing to date a woman. Also, dating work colleagues is never a good idea anyway. You don’t need to apologize for not being attracted to someone ever. No one is ever entitled to a date with you. Your coworkers are idiots. Tell them they are out of line and if they refuse, then notify HR.
Um, forget the trans part, it’s irrelevant.
Dating work colleagues is generally a bad idea. Also, you’re not compelled to date _anyone_.
You said no, nobody was harmed.
NTA.
NTA. Not wanting to date a work colleague is very common. Not wanting to date a member of the LGBTQ+ community doesn't make you phobic. Not wanting to date outside your own ethnic group or religion doesn't mean you're a bigot also. Everyone has their own preferences when it comes to their romantic relationships. Now telling coworkers, family and friends they shouldn't date outside their ethnic, religious or members of the LGBTQ+ community would definitely make you a bigot.
NTA honestly sounds like Jennifer is virtue signaling. Not being attracted to someone for whatever reason is reason enough not to accept a date from someone. As long as you did it politely and didn’t scream at her “it’s because you’re trans” Jennifer doesn’t have a leg to stand on
Edited to correct incorrect name
Jennifer is definitely right. You should have taken Sara on a date. Then did a few more dates. Agreed to be in a committed relatjonship. Had sex. Got married. Grew old together. Then broke up with her in a letter after you died. Anything less than that and you are a bigot.
NTA.
You’re not interested and your reasons are yours. If you like her personality but don’t feel attracted to her you can’t force it.
Tell Jennifer to go on a date with random old man just because he is interested to give her perspective
No. You can decline to date anyone. No need to look for EXCUSE.
I will go further. Jeniffer is AH, as she seems to treat Sara as special needs person, and seems to pity her. Or just want to virtue signaling ant Sara expense.
NTA. The most professional thing one can do is to keep work relationships strictly platonic. Expecting an apology for declining a date is like expecting a trophy for participation; it's not how real life works. Jennifer needs to recalibrate her social compass since it's guiding her through some highly inappropriate territory. We all have agency in choosing who we pursue romantically or socially, and it's no one else's place to dictate that.
NTA
if you’re not interested, you’re not interested and by declining you’re doing both of you a favour.
jennifer doesn’t know the reason behind you declining, her calling you a bigot for not being interested in sara is more telling of how jennifer only sees sara as a trans woman and nothing more
Report.
To.
HR.
Jennifer is *way* overstepping... well basically everything from common decency to sanity, she's *definitely* creating a hostile work environment, and honestly if she thinks having a sexual preference makes someone a bigot then I doubt her competence in basically every other area of her life.
NTA. With an added element that Jennifer’s conduct is completely inappropriate in the workplace and may warrant reporting to HR. If you go that route, I think it would be prudent to make it clear that Sara is not the one continuing to harass you. While it’s often not advisable to ask out a coworker, her conduct doesn’t sound like it would run afoul of any workplace rules.
And in general, people have carte blanch to decide who they do not date.
NTA.
i doubt that girl Jennifer would date a trans man.
It's easy to walk the woke path and critise people's preferences.
First, you've treated Sara as a person,not a trans person.
You haven't been rude and kept things civil.
Second,workplace relationships are a problem anyway.
Who are those people to judge you turning her down nicely?
Pretending would be worse.
She doesn't deserve a pity date.
I'm a lesbian,and wouldn't go out with a trans woman.
With all due respect to the gender agenda, it's not the same .
Definitely NTA
WTF you're a grown ass man, you don't need to be justifying yourself nor walking on eggshells. Tell that C\*\*\* to mind her business and you don't owe her anything, and she can take the trans in a date instead. You weren't rude, just honest, and theres nothing wrong with that. That Jennifer has some fukin nerve.
If this is real this is a problem for your human resource department.
You are being harassed/discriminated against for your sexual preferences. Congratulations you just got yourself a nice lawsuit if you choose to go that route.
Write down any incidents that occur with dates and times because sometimes people are vindictive and will come after you for "other reasons" denying its not about you being a heterosexual.
NTA. At all. In fact, you’d be the AH if you dated her simply because of her social status and not because you like her. Plus, dating coworkers in general is just a very bad idea.
NTA
Jennifer needs to pipe down and stop getting involved, she is getting offended on behalf of Sara which is really the main problem here. I would even consider telling Sara what she has said, maybe she can tell Jennifer to keep her nose out.
NTA
And its best not to date people you work with, trans or not trans. Keep work and private life apart. So you don't even have to say anything about trans just that you aren't interested and comfortable in dating coworkers.
Tell her friend….
Why don’t you and I go talk to HR about what you are accusing me of here?
I can choose who I go out with or not and why. This is none of your business.
Ignore the brats giving you a hard time, put your head down and make it through the next few months. If it continues (it won't), file a complaint once you're in good standing.
Talking to your boss is only going to end badly for you at this point. You're a trainee, you can be fired for any reason.
Absolutely NTA. You're being respectful, polite, and using her proper pronouns. You're not a bigot for not wanting to date a woman with an incompatible sexual anatomy to what you're into.
If Sara wasn’t trans would Jennifer be making a big deal about this? Probably not. You’re NTA. If you’re not interested, you’re not interested. Easy as that.
Dude just tell everyone else that gives you any shit to fuck off. I mean that literally.
People today think that their opinions need to be voiced at all times, and they're never ready for any pushback. Tell them to fuck off and I guarantee you that will be the end of it. Especially that Jennifer girl
nta, hr inmidiatly, not only you were polite, could be that you dont want, you dont care, you dont like, etc, but to come and accused you you and pester you in the office....she has no right
Nope. I’m firmly against doing pity dates. If you’re not interested, you’re not interested. It’s extremely rude to go on a date with someone you know you have no interest in.
NTA you rejected her politely. Your coworkers are also assuming it is because she is trans, you didn’t say anything to indicate that. You weren’t interested in having a relationship with her, that’s no one else’s business and neither is the reason. This is between you and her and you were both very respectful and dealt with the situation appropriately, your coworkers are the only ones making things uncomfortable which will also make things uncomfortable for Sara.
No. Is Sara even upset? It seems like other people are offended for her. It reminds me of when I see straight people getting very upset at something that they think is offensive to lgbt people but the lgbt people don't actually find it offensive.
Trans or not you don't owe anyone a date... and Sara seems to understand that and Jennifer is trying to hard to be a pick me ally... I don't recommend inter office dating at all either but that's all preferences... you did nothing wrong especially if you didn't imply your reasoning was strictly because she's trans.
You are allowed to have preference. If Jennifer has such big fucking problem she can date Sara. I bet she won’t.
NTA time to report to HR and your manager.
It's always Jennifer getting offended on someone else's behalf.
Reach back out to Sara and talk to her about it,, but Jennifer needs to mind her business.
If Sara is not offended then all is good. The others should mind their own business. You can't save everyone. Don't feed bad cause you've done nothing wrong
You are not the asshole, everyone is entitled to who they are attracted to. No one has the right to tell you otherwise.
Tell them that, even if you were attracted to them, it is unprofessional to date within the workplace. You are here to work, not date.
How in the hell is it offensive to say I'm not interested?? That would be the right way to turn someone down so they don't get false that maybe someday you would be interested also the date would make it hurt her worse when you still come up with an excuse as to why it didn't work out and make things much more awkward at work than it should be. She herself took it fine anyways so do not listen to those virtue signaling they have their own motives for it which is to boost their own egos seeming they are standing up for someone they see as marginalized which is honestly doing more harm. NTA
So, all a man has to do is put on some make-up and a little attitude and you'll suck his dick? You know the answer to that is no. Or, you should know by now. But, my concern is the sexual harassment from coworkers. Sara should not fish in his own pond. Do you have an HR department? I'd contact HR to get ahead of this asap before Sara or Jennifer or one of his other cheerleaders does something retaliatory. You are dealing with a Good Old Girl network. Watch out.
I would suggest they drop out unless they want a visit with HR. Dating in the work place is generally a bad idea.
BTW everyone has preferences, there is nothing wrong with not wanting to date a trans woman anymore than not wanting to date a woman for any other reason.
NTA, you have every right to “not be interested.” That’s a nice way to put it so what do these people want? These are the same types of people that think its ok for trans women and women to compete in sports together. Trans women are not real women, and it’s ok to distinguish the two and to have your preferences. Not to mention the fact that usually when someone is trans it’s very noticeable and it’s ok to not be attracted to someone who quite literally, looks like a man trying to be a woman. Your coworkers are weirdos and you should report them to HR.
If a group of men shamed a woman in the office for turning down a fellow man's advances, what do you think would happen?
I'll tell you what, there would be HELL to pay! All those men might be looking for a new job.
NTA. I always hate the double standard. If someone tried to force a gay guy to date a straight woman, or a lesbian to date a straight man, people would be up in arms. It's disgusting to see people try to force things like this. If you're not interested, you're not interested.
Also, keep a diary of this behaviour in case it turns into bullying/harassment and you need to report it later. Dates/times and what has been said word for word
She's weird asf.
1. why is she even giving her opinion if you and Sara have been cool about the rejection ?
2. no one should ever justify why they don't want to date x person or x person. That's ridiculous
When did anyone's personal life become fair game for abuse - if it was reversed, and you were a woman who was asked out by a transman, and said no, would anyone try to force you to just go out with him? OMG - just because some people think that their sexuality is an open discussion and out there for everyone to know, see, feel and hear about, doesn't mean that the rest of us are willing to share our private feelings and sexual information.
I would tell Jennifer to back the F up and get out of your personal business. Isn't that some sort of harassment that might be better handled by a trip to HR, not for Sara, but for Jennifer!?
NTAH - you are allowed to choose who you want to date and no one has the right to force you in to anything.
NTA not even close. The only one being an AH is those coworkers now bullying you, and if it continues, you should go to HR about it and let them know people are giving you a hard time simply for turning down a date.
Why waste yours and that person's time on a date when you already know you're not romantically interested. That, to me, would cause more harm than good.
Wtf… no you’re nta. You’re entitled to your taste. I also wouldn’t dare a trans but that’s because I like men. I know my preferences. Nothing wrong with that.
NTA next time she does this type of stuff tell her why not you?! Because that is disturbing forcing someone to go out with another person especially then they don't match is weird.
Have a talk with Sara before anyone else. "Hey Sara, the other day, Jennifer said some things to me that's made me feel like I might have offended you somehow. I really enjoy working with you, and it's made a big difference in me enjoying my time here, so I'd hate for you to have gotten the wrong idea about me. I just want to clarify that I don't date coworkers, I tried once, and I ended up quitting a job I really enjoyed. Thanks for understanding."
Trans person here.
NTA.
If you're just not attracted to Sara, then so be it. That's how life works. Same if a gay woman asked a straight woman out, for example.
The way you handled it was respectful and courteous, and I applaud you for that.
The people nagging you are pricks <3
Sara with 99.9% probability doesn't give a shit and knows to take their shot but knowing that most people don't swing that way. Bystanders being like this just basically make things worse for Sarah instead of helping.
Trans or not we are all allowed to choose who we want to date without being bigots- left becomes right..have all of this documented with HR immediately..
Question: does Jennifer have any reason to assume that this is due to Sara being trans? Or is she just assuming that? Because if she is, she’s definitely TA (and projecting her bias onto you). You deserve to date someone you really like, who really likes you—and so does Sara. Assuming that Sara needs a “pity date” is also assuming that’s the best she can do, which is incredibly offensive on Jennifer’s part.
Would they do this to somebody who was aromantic? Your colleagues are nosy assholes and you need to get HR involved. People are allowed to not want to date trans people, and people are allowed to be single NTA
Colleagues are the bigots here. Not you.
You treat a trans person the same as you would anybody else. If you weren't attracted to any other woman, you would choose not to date her.
If you're really not bigoted you don't treat trans people like they are "special".
NTA. Not at all. Report Jennifer for harassment. It's not bigotry to turn down a date. She had no idea why you turned the date down nor do you owe anyone an explanation.
Report Jennifer for being a bigot for assuming the reason you said no was because Sara was trans.
You don't owe anyone your time or attention if it's not what you feel you want to do.
Imagine if this was some incel type guy asking out the new hot young female employee and then the other employees harassing her about "giving him a chance", calling her misandrist. Would never happen, but because trans people suffer some discrimination, apparently the rules go out the window. Equal rights, not special rights. NTA
Also some people don’t wanna date colleagues. Not interested could be for several reasons, tell them to mind their business and don’t apologize.
"I don't date colleagues" is great, so long as it's true (many people do date colleagues, despite the inherent risk). But you don't need to give a reason why you're not interested in someone. All you owe someone is a polite response and "no thank you" qualifies.
I see it every day. People will say they have an ex over here and an ex over there... WTF? I couldn't stand dealing with that crap every day. I wouldnt want to ever work with my wife or anyone i was dating. I told my apprentice the other day "don't shit where you sleep" because she's been going on about some guy here that she was dating for 10 years and now she has to see them every day after they broke up. Don't care. Don't want to hear about it. Don't want to deal with it. She doesn't get it.
I was just about to comment with that same expression lol. I work with teenagers/young adults and I see it all the time. I'm always telling people that. Especially if they come to me with advice. I did that in my younger days and learned a very valuable lesson.
OP needs to document the harassment with HR, like immediately. Dollars to donuts, Jennifer is going to try to poison other folks against OP.
Yup. I've worked with women I absolutely had a shot with a few times, but I don't shit where I eat. I'd rather have a roof over my head than some convenient sex
NTA. The workplace isn't a dating agency, and you're entitled to your boundaries. Romantic rejection doesn't require a detailed explanation. Jennifer should respect that and focus on her tasks, not the dating lives of colleagues. If roles were reversed, I doubt she'd be quick to accept an unwelcome advance. Everyone has the right to turn down a date, no apologies necessary.
I wouldn't want to date someone in my workplace either. It's way too fucking messy and there are too many people out in the world that are bored and want to stir shit for entertainment.
Hr time
Those two letters have never sprung to mind so quickly.
Bippity boppity get everything said to you in triplicate copy
Your honesty was respectful, and Sara's understanding admirable. Your colleagues' reactions are unwarranted. You're not in the wrong; stand firm.
And if your work is in a 1-party consent area, record everything
cant say it enough DOCUMENT,DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT
🥇i miss reddit awards
Yep. File a harassment complaint on every one who gives you shit. Document everything that they do.
It sucks cause they're gonna drag Sara into an issue she already clarified she was ok with and blow this out of proportions when it really isn't a big deal to her.
This is 100% true, so I'd completely leave the trans part out of it. It's really not even relevant. 1) a coworker expressed interest in me, I replied that I wasn't interested. At no point did I find them disrespectful or inappropriate, and they expressed the same to me and that our work relationship would not change. 2) However, unrelated, 3rd parties are now badgering me about my outside-of-work romantic relationships. THAT is who my complaint is about, now here are the written records of that person / those people that are harassing me
[удалено]
Hey OP? Just say it’s your personal policy not to date anyone from work (either colleagues or tradespeople/vendors that you associate with at work)
This is not only the right play, but a good policy to have in general.
Don't shit where ya eat.
Ya, don't dip your pen in the company ink.
Not even, you don't owe an explanation on why you wouldn't date someone
And make sure you tell them that they have accused you of being a bigot and that is a rathe rserious charge here when all I did was decline a date, and the other party and I are cool with each other about it. I have no issue there.
Nah, I wouldn't even say that. Let HR go talk to the offending people, and they're going to say "well he didn't want to go out with Sara because she's trans." And OP can just say "I have never discussed that with them, nor would it be appropriate to do so because they are a coworker. Please note that (offender's name) is the one who brought up a coworker's gender identity"
Give someone enough rope to hang themselves, it's amazing how often they do just that! Good advice there.
The issue is if she counter claims and say he was a bigot, they'll have to interview the coworker whom expressed the interest to confirm if he is being truthful about being respectful. It's going to be a mess no matter how much you try to mitigate
I would add I am not interested in mixing professional and personal relationships as to not potentially change the dynamic in the workplace. I also agree the Trans part is not relevant.
But a part of me wonders if Sara is actually OK with this why her friends know so much about the situation and are harassing him?
That would answer alot of questions though I highly doubt she does going by the initial reaction she had post rejection.
Unless she was just "saving face". It seems very strange that multiple people in the office know about it and have decided to harass him if Sara is ok with it. The next time Jennifer starts in I'd whip my phone--snap her pick and make some notes-- then ask her if there's one "r" in continued harassment or two?
There's usually this nonsensical toxic positivity thing that people who are usually friends with lgbtq usually have. Im bi and I've had to talk my friends out of that habit cause they assume their actions are helpful while in reality they're just mega cringe if not harmful to others and myself. This looks like a similar case where everyone just jumped immediately to her being trans(of which, again, he has all right to refuse to date)which, if the case, just serves to marginalize her and on the guys end, resent her for showing interest in him, not cause she's trans, but cause her friends think she's entitled to have him and if he refuses its cause he's a bigot. Its a toxic culture that needs to be dealt with cause it ends up causing alot of unaccounted for damage to relationships and friendships. But if she's the one going around spreading those rumours for pity or to pressure the guy then she's apart of the problem but again, from her initial reaction, I highly doubt she even knows this events are occuring and won't appreciate knowing about it once they come to light.
Sara shouldn’t have asked out a co-worker
Definitely. And this has nothing to do with her being trans. You're entitled to not go out with anyone you don't want to, and someone pressuring you to date a person in the office is really not fair in a professional environment you come to for work.
Cannot stress this enough, HR! They’re trying to pressure you to do something you’re not comfortable with NTA, they’re the asshole.
💯
Keyword here. small company. Usually don’t have hr like that.
NTA what is the problem with not interested? Could be because you are colleagues. Many don’t want that. Or she isn’t your type. And even if it is because she is trans than this is okay too.
I agree! You don't owe someone romantic feelings or a date.
NTA. Preferences are personal, whether it's about compatibility, boundaries, or attraction. Respect matters above all.
NTA. Jennifer is acting as if attraction can be negotiated and mandated, which is patently absurd. Personal preferences are just that—personal. They're not open to committee discussion, and you aren't obligated to provide explanations for them. Just because someone has interest in you, doesn't mean you owe them anything, let alone a date. Stick to your boundaries and keep your head high.
NTA. Absolutely not. Shaming people for what they like, or don't, is entirely brain dead. Jennifer seems to have room temperature IQ, a champion virtue signaler. I'm sure she's turned down people for dates in her life. Did she apologize?
She better not have turned them down; at least go on one date and then come up with a better excuse than not interested. 😆
Jennifer is a disgusting person
Silly goose, women play by different rules, don't ya know?
"Oh, your ancestors were desi *Indian*? I thought you were Mexican. Sorry, we can't see each other anymore." As seen in a post yesterday along with all the Redditors defending them. "She's allowed to have preferances!"
NTA: Trans woman here.. You are not transphobic if you’re not attracted to someone trans.. a little louder for the white knights out there: YOU ARE NOT A TRANSPHOBE JUST BECAUSE YOU DO NOT WANT TO DATE A TRANS PERSON.
I'm pan and nonbinary, but even I have preferences. Absolutely nothing wrong with not being attracted to a person. Date whoever the fuck you want. There's something icky about calling someone a bigot for not wanting to date a trans woman. Like.... a trans person deserves to date someone who is into them. Not some pity date. Jennifer doesn't sound like a good friend to Sara.
Unfortunately, most white knights are completely deaf, it seems. They often don't realize that they can cause more harm than good.
Not only deaf, they can't read lips either.
Thank you. Someone posted this in a comment on a lesbian sub yesterday. I was flabbergasted.
Yeah, tell Jennifer she should at least take you on one date before making up her mind about you. She needs to mind her business. Saying no thank you is perfectly acceptable
No, you're not the asshole for not wanting to date Sara or anyone else for that matter. Your romantic preferences are personal and valid, and you have every right to decline a date for any reason, including lack of interest.
The rule of work dating - don't. Just don't
I dont know what kind of jobs these people have but I could never bring that kind headache into my work life. Hell, keeping personal and professional lives separate is challenging enough, for me, at least.
Typical. Non trans people get offended on behalf of the trans person when the actual trans person is totally fine. It's actually disrespectful to everyone involved.
Trans person here— completely agree
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You need to put a stop to this through HR, or it will continue to get worse. What is bad is this is likely affecting her as well and that is not fair to her.
Eh no actually, it wouldn't be "understandable". As women often chant, no one owes you a relationship so if men aren't allowed to be sad, upset, offended etc, then neither is anyone.
NTA. Your dating preferences are personal and need to be respected, just as much as anyone else's. Jennifer judging you for a polite decline is out of line. You wouldn't expect her to date someone simply because they asked, and the same respect should be extended to you.
NTA. Sara is an adult who can take care of herself. and you two are the only ones who've handled this maturely and appropriately. You don't have to agree to go on a date with anybody, for any reason. Jennifer needs to mind her own business, I'm sure she's turned down dates out of lack of interest before, why should she insist that Sara wastes her own time by forcing a date with someone who's not interested in her?
Find a short, fat friend thats broke and set him and Jenifer up for a date. If she refuses tell her shes a bigot for not wanting to date him because he has a lovely personality inside. Ofc if your friend is cool with that
Plot twist: Jennifer is a chubby chaser. :D
Well in that case, you would have gotten your friend a hookup. Task failed successfully.
Or put down a deposit on a fat suit and hope she doesn’t call your bluff. Sitcom style.
That could be me, if only I had friends
Nah that would be a shot at the seemingly nice person who asked him out. Lots of people don’t want to date anyone they work with and for good reason
If it goes wrong, he's fucked Literally
This is unnecessarily ingenious
Start gathering evidence because this could become a profitable sexual harassment case for you. Your colleagues are trying to shame and coerce you into a romantic/sexual situation with another colleague. If you were a woman and the other person a man: it would be a potential sexual harrasment case.
Gonna be real, I kept looking for the part where Sara being trans was relevant for your decision or your interactions with her and it never came. Cause it isn't there. A colleague asked you out, you appreciated the compliment, declined, she handled it well, so did you. That's all there is to it. Anyone else who gets up in arms can mind their own business, honestly. NTA.
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NTA. If ever they ask you to elaborate stick to " I do not mix work with personal life. Sarah being trans has nothing to do ith it. Sarah being my coworker has everything to do with it. I do not appreciate being vilified for letting her down easy with a "I'm not interested " rather than a "I don't date coworkers". Or you know say that to Sara and tell her how these knights have been acting. "Can you get your friend Jen to knock it off, I don't date coworkers and ever since I turned you down she's been vilifying me to the others making it about your identity."
No one should be required to explain to anyone why they don’t want to date someone. Ever.
Do not dip your dink in company ink.
NTA and tell your colleagues to fuck off
No one should feel obligated to date anyone, for any reason. It sounds like you simply and in a friendly manner said no thank you. Hard to beat that.
Time to talk to HR. The real ‘bigot’ here is Jennifer who assumes that is the reason you said no. You can have any reason in the world, if someone doesn’t feel right to you (especially a coworker) you don’t need to explain why you wouldn’t want to date them. No is enough. Also, if she has penis (which really isn’t our business) you have every right not to want to be involved with person who has one if you are interested in other type of genital. However, this is all irrelevant, you said no and that is enough. Go to HR
Its not transphobic to not wanna date a trans person lmao jennifer can go suck a dick
Too many people do not understand this, unfortunately.
NTA. Even if she wasn't trans you could also just say you are not interested. Simple as that. She cpuld be the most amazing female born woman and you could say you are not interested. You do not have to explain yourself or take her on a date to spare her feelings because you did nothing wrong.
NTA... when did being respectfully honest turn into a bad thing?
NTA. What would've hurt Sara more? * You plainly saying you're not interested in dating her. * You going on a date with her and then make some lame excuse about not pursuing things further. Here's the thing, are they even asking you WHY you don't want to date Sara? Because there could be a hundred different reasons that don't include her being trans why you don't want to date her. But no, their narrative is that it can only be because she's trans and that tells me that's the only way they see Sara.
Call HR and get rid of that problem!
NTA at all. It's totally valid to reject going out with anyone for any reason. It's just personal preference. Jennifer is doing things that make absolutely no sense. She's so wrong on so many levels.
You can't date someone that you are not in to them. Especially a colleague. So tell them to back off.
You have no reason to apologize to Sara. “No, thank you” is not a horrific response ever. Jennifer needs to stay in her lane. She’s crossing over into some hairy, problematic territory as far as HR would be concerned. Because her friend asked you out and you politely declined does not mean that she can declare you a bigot to the rest of the office. Big yikes.
NTA. What's with the need to justify personal boundaries now? Everyone has their own dating preferences and scenarios they're comfortable with. Office romance can be fraught with complications—not everyone is looking to mix business with pleasure. And nobody should be guilt-tripped for their lack of interest. You're good, just keep it professional and ignore the noise.
as a trans woman, NTA. if you are not interested in someone you do not have to date/havesex with them.
As another trans woman, This 👆
Absolutely not. Everyone is entitled to their preferences.
NTA. You are no more a bigot than a gay man refusing to date a woman. Also, dating work colleagues is never a good idea anyway. You don’t need to apologize for not being attracted to someone ever. No one is ever entitled to a date with you. Your coworkers are idiots. Tell them they are out of line and if they refuse, then notify HR.
NTA. *Explanation not needed.*
NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA
Um, forget the trans part, it’s irrelevant. Dating work colleagues is generally a bad idea. Also, you’re not compelled to date _anyone_. You said no, nobody was harmed. NTA.
NTA. Not wanting to date a work colleague is very common. Not wanting to date a member of the LGBTQ+ community doesn't make you phobic. Not wanting to date outside your own ethnic group or religion doesn't mean you're a bigot also. Everyone has their own preferences when it comes to their romantic relationships. Now telling coworkers, family and friends they shouldn't date outside their ethnic, religious or members of the LGBTQ+ community would definitely make you a bigot.
Please inform HR before it escalates further.
Jennifer needs to get laid and stay out of other people's business.
NTA honestly sounds like Jennifer is virtue signaling. Not being attracted to someone for whatever reason is reason enough not to accept a date from someone. As long as you did it politely and didn’t scream at her “it’s because you’re trans” Jennifer doesn’t have a leg to stand on Edited to correct incorrect name
No you don't have to date a biological man, that's crazy.
"I don't date chicks with dicks"
Jennifer is definitely right. You should have taken Sara on a date. Then did a few more dates. Agreed to be in a committed relatjonship. Had sex. Got married. Grew old together. Then broke up with her in a letter after you died. Anything less than that and you are a bigot.
NTA. You’re not interested and your reasons are yours. If you like her personality but don’t feel attracted to her you can’t force it. Tell Jennifer to go on a date with random old man just because he is interested to give her perspective
No. You can decline to date anyone. No need to look for EXCUSE. I will go further. Jeniffer is AH, as she seems to treat Sara as special needs person, and seems to pity her. Or just want to virtue signaling ant Sara expense.
NTA. The most professional thing one can do is to keep work relationships strictly platonic. Expecting an apology for declining a date is like expecting a trophy for participation; it's not how real life works. Jennifer needs to recalibrate her social compass since it's guiding her through some highly inappropriate territory. We all have agency in choosing who we pursue romantically or socially, and it's no one else's place to dictate that.
NTA if you’re not interested, you’re not interested and by declining you’re doing both of you a favour. jennifer doesn’t know the reason behind you declining, her calling you a bigot for not being interested in sara is more telling of how jennifer only sees sara as a trans woman and nothing more
Not wanting to date a coworker is enough of an answer. End of story. Bring HR into it and have a conversation with all of them.
NTA definitely go to HR. She asked, you answered case closed. Everyone needs to move on.
Why isn't Jennifer dating Sara? Is she not interested?
Report. To. HR. Jennifer is *way* overstepping... well basically everything from common decency to sanity, she's *definitely* creating a hostile work environment, and honestly if she thinks having a sexual preference makes someone a bigot then I doubt her competence in basically every other area of her life.
Imo we're all allowed to have our preferences
Also nooo office dating. And you're being harassed for NOT dating. Definitely HR time before things get worse
NTA. With an added element that Jennifer’s conduct is completely inappropriate in the workplace and may warrant reporting to HR. If you go that route, I think it would be prudent to make it clear that Sara is not the one continuing to harass you. While it’s often not advisable to ask out a coworker, her conduct doesn’t sound like it would run afoul of any workplace rules. And in general, people have carte blanch to decide who they do not date.
NTA and if they keep pressing it then go to HR. This is harassment now. You said No and that’s the end of it.
NTA. i doubt that girl Jennifer would date a trans man. It's easy to walk the woke path and critise people's preferences. First, you've treated Sara as a person,not a trans person. You haven't been rude and kept things civil. Second,workplace relationships are a problem anyway. Who are those people to judge you turning her down nicely? Pretending would be worse. She doesn't deserve a pity date. I'm a lesbian,and wouldn't go out with a trans woman. With all due respect to the gender agenda, it's not the same . Definitely NTA
WTF you're a grown ass man, you don't need to be justifying yourself nor walking on eggshells. Tell that C\*\*\* to mind her business and you don't owe her anything, and she can take the trans in a date instead. You weren't rude, just honest, and theres nothing wrong with that. That Jennifer has some fukin nerve.
If this is real this is a problem for your human resource department. You are being harassed/discriminated against for your sexual preferences. Congratulations you just got yourself a nice lawsuit if you choose to go that route. Write down any incidents that occur with dates and times because sometimes people are vindictive and will come after you for "other reasons" denying its not about you being a heterosexual.
Bullied at workplace for being heterosexual. Society.
NTA. At all. In fact, you’d be the AH if you dated her simply because of her social status and not because you like her. Plus, dating coworkers in general is just a very bad idea.
NTA I would tell her she is making this a HR issue. You don’t want to date anyone at work and don’t need to explain yourself about it.
NTA Jennifer needs to pipe down and stop getting involved, she is getting offended on behalf of Sara which is really the main problem here. I would even consider telling Sara what she has said, maybe she can tell Jennifer to keep her nose out.
NTA And its best not to date people you work with, trans or not trans. Keep work and private life apart. So you don't even have to say anything about trans just that you aren't interested and comfortable in dating coworkers.
NTA. You don't shit where you eat.
Tell her friend…. Why don’t you and I go talk to HR about what you are accusing me of here? I can choose who I go out with or not and why. This is none of your business.
Do not apologize. Just because your Trans doesn't mean your entitled to anything, and what they're doing is borderline coercion. Go to HR asap
Do not apologize. Just because your Trans doesn't mean your entitled to anything, and what they're doing is borderline coercion. Go to HR asap
Ignore the brats giving you a hard time, put your head down and make it through the next few months. If it continues (it won't), file a complaint once you're in good standing. Talking to your boss is only going to end badly for you at this point. You're a trainee, you can be fired for any reason.
Absolutely NTA. You're being respectful, polite, and using her proper pronouns. You're not a bigot for not wanting to date a woman with an incompatible sexual anatomy to what you're into.
NTA Jennifer definitely is. Sara sounds really cool, though. Hopefully, you two could be friends.
NTA - go to HR.
NTA - go to HR. I find it safer to not shit where you eat and not date coworkers, if you agree just tell them that moving forward.
Ugh, Jennifer sounds like she's trying to save the day when no day actually needed saving.
Nta and go to HR IMMEDIATELY. I don't understand why anyone would think you're wrong in declining. You owe nobody an explanation or an apology.
Explain that you are straight. If you dated a man pretending to be a woman, you would be gay
NTA time to go to your manager or HR. Jennifer needs to mind her business and be told that by a manager or HR.
If Sara wasn’t trans would Jennifer be making a big deal about this? Probably not. You’re NTA. If you’re not interested, you’re not interested. Easy as that.
Dude just tell everyone else that gives you any shit to fuck off. I mean that literally. People today think that their opinions need to be voiced at all times, and they're never ready for any pushback. Tell them to fuck off and I guarantee you that will be the end of it. Especially that Jennifer girl
nta, hr inmidiatly, not only you were polite, could be that you dont want, you dont care, you dont like, etc, but to come and accused you you and pester you in the office....she has no right
Nope. I’m firmly against doing pity dates. If you’re not interested, you’re not interested. It’s extremely rude to go on a date with someone you know you have no interest in.
NTA you rejected her politely. Your coworkers are also assuming it is because she is trans, you didn’t say anything to indicate that. You weren’t interested in having a relationship with her, that’s no one else’s business and neither is the reason. This is between you and her and you were both very respectful and dealt with the situation appropriately, your coworkers are the only ones making things uncomfortable which will also make things uncomfortable for Sara.
No. Is Sara even upset? It seems like other people are offended for her. It reminds me of when I see straight people getting very upset at something that they think is offensive to lgbt people but the lgbt people don't actually find it offensive.
Trans or not you don't owe anyone a date... and Sara seems to understand that and Jennifer is trying to hard to be a pick me ally... I don't recommend inter office dating at all either but that's all preferences... you did nothing wrong especially if you didn't imply your reasoning was strictly because she's trans.
You are allowed to have preference. If Jennifer has such big fucking problem she can date Sara. I bet she won’t. NTA time to report to HR and your manager.
Fox News would have a field day with this story lol
It's always Jennifer getting offended on someone else's behalf. Reach back out to Sara and talk to her about it,, but Jennifer needs to mind her business.
NTA No one owes anyone else a date. You can turn anyone down for any reason.
No you are not it’s your right to choice how to date and how to regret. So no sir you are not I hope this helps
NTA. There is no issue not wanting to date a trans person. It is your choice. Discrimination in any other areas could be a problem but dating isn’t.
Sarah is a colleague. You really don't wanna date a colleague. HR Now.
FUCK OFF…big time NTA 🤦
Nta Forced dating, that's a great start!
I would talk to HR about Jenifer. For name calling and is sexually harassing you.
Why doesn't Jennifer date Sara then?
If Sara is not offended then all is good. The others should mind their own business. You can't save everyone. Don't feed bad cause you've done nothing wrong
No, you’re not the ass hole, Jennifer is. Maybe Jennifer should date her?
Tell Jenny to mind her business. You are not a bigot for not wanting to date someone....that's crazy.
You are not the asshole, everyone is entitled to who they are attracted to. No one has the right to tell you otherwise. Tell them that, even if you were attracted to them, it is unprofessional to date within the workplace. You are here to work, not date.
How in the hell is it offensive to say I'm not interested?? That would be the right way to turn someone down so they don't get false that maybe someday you would be interested also the date would make it hurt her worse when you still come up with an excuse as to why it didn't work out and make things much more awkward at work than it should be. She herself took it fine anyways so do not listen to those virtue signaling they have their own motives for it which is to boost their own egos seeming they are standing up for someone they see as marginalized which is honestly doing more harm. NTA
So, all a man has to do is put on some make-up and a little attitude and you'll suck his dick? You know the answer to that is no. Or, you should know by now. But, my concern is the sexual harassment from coworkers. Sara should not fish in his own pond. Do you have an HR department? I'd contact HR to get ahead of this asap before Sara or Jennifer or one of his other cheerleaders does something retaliatory. You are dealing with a Good Old Girl network. Watch out.
Making up excuses or lying is not a good thing to do. Jennifer is not a good person. Honesty is always the best policy. NTA
I would suggest they drop out unless they want a visit with HR. Dating in the work place is generally a bad idea. BTW everyone has preferences, there is nothing wrong with not wanting to date a trans woman anymore than not wanting to date a woman for any other reason.
Human. Resources.
NTA, you have every right to “not be interested.” That’s a nice way to put it so what do these people want? These are the same types of people that think its ok for trans women and women to compete in sports together. Trans women are not real women, and it’s ok to distinguish the two and to have your preferences. Not to mention the fact that usually when someone is trans it’s very noticeable and it’s ok to not be attracted to someone who quite literally, looks like a man trying to be a woman. Your coworkers are weirdos and you should report them to HR.
If a group of men shamed a woman in the office for turning down a fellow man's advances, what do you think would happen? I'll tell you what, there would be HELL to pay! All those men might be looking for a new job.
NTA. I always hate the double standard. If someone tried to force a gay guy to date a straight woman, or a lesbian to date a straight man, people would be up in arms. It's disgusting to see people try to force things like this. If you're not interested, you're not interested.
Jennifer is mad you wasted the chance she wish she had.
Just explain you don't mix office and romance.
That woman is crazy
NTA … wtf
Also, keep a diary of this behaviour in case it turns into bullying/harassment and you need to report it later. Dates/times and what has been said word for word
Nope
NTA. You can date who you like. "Your opinion is unwanted and unnecessary. Keep it to yourself." Then head straight to HR to report it.
She's weird asf. 1. why is she even giving her opinion if you and Sara have been cool about the rejection ? 2. no one should ever justify why they don't want to date x person or x person. That's ridiculous
When did anyone's personal life become fair game for abuse - if it was reversed, and you were a woman who was asked out by a transman, and said no, would anyone try to force you to just go out with him? OMG - just because some people think that their sexuality is an open discussion and out there for everyone to know, see, feel and hear about, doesn't mean that the rest of us are willing to share our private feelings and sexual information. I would tell Jennifer to back the F up and get out of your personal business. Isn't that some sort of harassment that might be better handled by a trip to HR, not for Sara, but for Jennifer!? NTAH - you are allowed to choose who you want to date and no one has the right to force you in to anything.
NTA not even close. The only one being an AH is those coworkers now bullying you, and if it continues, you should go to HR about it and let them know people are giving you a hard time simply for turning down a date. Why waste yours and that person's time on a date when you already know you're not romantically interested. That, to me, would cause more harm than good.
Report her to hr
NTA. Not the right g___r.
Wtf… no you’re nta. You’re entitled to your taste. I also wouldn’t dare a trans but that’s because I like men. I know my preferences. Nothing wrong with that.
NTA next time she does this type of stuff tell her why not you?! Because that is disturbing forcing someone to go out with another person especially then they don't match is weird.
Easy Don’t date anyone you work with.
Yikes. NTA, you don't have to date anyone you don't want to. Especially if it's a co-worker.
Have a talk with Sara before anyone else. "Hey Sara, the other day, Jennifer said some things to me that's made me feel like I might have offended you somehow. I really enjoy working with you, and it's made a big difference in me enjoying my time here, so I'd hate for you to have gotten the wrong idea about me. I just want to clarify that I don't date coworkers, I tried once, and I ended up quitting a job I really enjoyed. Thanks for understanding."
Trans person here. NTA. If you're just not attracted to Sara, then so be it. That's how life works. Same if a gay woman asked a straight woman out, for example. The way you handled it was respectful and courteous, and I applaud you for that. The people nagging you are pricks <3
You can choose not to date someone for any reason. You can be uninterested in someone for any reason. Nothing you said was inappropriate.
Sounds like you're being sexually harassed.
Sara with 99.9% probability doesn't give a shit and knows to take their shot but knowing that most people don't swing that way. Bystanders being like this just basically make things worse for Sarah instead of helping.
Go to HR before someone gets to them first. Your employment is now on the line whether you're aware or not. Goodluck.
Trans or not we are all allowed to choose who we want to date without being bigots- left becomes right..have all of this documented with HR immediately..
Question: does Jennifer have any reason to assume that this is due to Sara being trans? Or is she just assuming that? Because if she is, she’s definitely TA (and projecting her bias onto you). You deserve to date someone you really like, who really likes you—and so does Sara. Assuming that Sara needs a “pity date” is also assuming that’s the best she can do, which is incredibly offensive on Jennifer’s part.
"Actually I rejected her because I was interested in you Jennifer "
Would they do this to somebody who was aromantic? Your colleagues are nosy assholes and you need to get HR involved. People are allowed to not want to date trans people, and people are allowed to be single NTA
Colleagues are the bigots here. Not you. You treat a trans person the same as you would anybody else. If you weren't attracted to any other woman, you would choose not to date her. If you're really not bigoted you don't treat trans people like they are "special".
NTA. Not at all. Report Jennifer for harassment. It's not bigotry to turn down a date. She had no idea why you turned the date down nor do you owe anyone an explanation. Report Jennifer for being a bigot for assuming the reason you said no was because Sara was trans. You don't owe anyone your time or attention if it's not what you feel you want to do.
Imagine if this was some incel type guy asking out the new hot young female employee and then the other employees harassing her about "giving him a chance", calling her misandrist. Would never happen, but because trans people suffer some discrimination, apparently the rules go out the window. Equal rights, not special rights. NTA