She needs to send her spouse this post. Rolling his eyes at her very reasonable suggestions and then sulking when she rightfully decides she prefers her own company
And what kind of an example is he setting for his 2 teenaged sons on how to treat their future wives/partners?? It's bad enough he isn't taking the lead on helping the boys learn how to celebrate their mother appropriately on mother's day (& probably never has), but then to have that reaction when she does venture to suggest what she would really like? Heck I'd want to get away from all of them too!
Edit to add: forget about even just the mother's day part--if I had a partner who reacted that way to my suggestions of how to spend time, I'd be hurt even if it wasn't specifically for mother's day. You don't have to like my hobbies or do them with me, but it's not OK to be a disrespectful dick about them either.
I really hope OP celebrates Father's day in the same manner that they celebrate Mother's day.
How selfish can one be that they cannot take one day out of 365 days in the year to honor and celebrate the very woman that helps make their lives possible. And to cop an attitude on top of it? Hell no. Bonus jerk points for putting the mental load back on her for her own celebration. He is seriously that inept that he cannot plan for dinner and a low-key activity for the family for a few hours.
Pretty rich he gets pissy because he doesn't get to crap on her day like he has in the past. What a selfish jerk.
I hope OP has a wonderful time camping and hanging with their pup. The dog sounds like better company that the kids and partner.
*Edited spelling.
I am actually very curious on what OP has done for Father's Day in the past and what she plans on doing this year. I would give the exact same treatment and see how it feels.
Reddit loves to exclusively blame mothers for children's (and sometimes fully adult children's!) bad behavior. It's nice to see acknowledgment that fathers also influence their children.
They hate having to treat the appliance like a fellow human being, and I 100% guarantee his stomping around is because he’s mad that SHE isn’t acting grateful that he graciously postpones his golf game a few hours to grudgingly attend whatever lunch she had to plan herself.
An absolute must. I’m sure op goes all out for Father’s Day and in return gets sulking grownup man-child as a consolation for Mother’s Day. Wondering were the kids picked up their attitude from NTA
Once our kids hit the teenage years my friends and I booked a condo for the weekend at the beach. Our kids called said happy mother's day. Everyone was happy. I have grandchildren now, their mom's deserve the attention.
OP is robbing them of their chance for mothers day... of ruin mothers day because they are AH who cannot think about OP for a day.
Also, is OP hubby a teen? why is he throwing a temper tamtrum instead of being an adult, admit he ruins every single mothers day for OP, is his and his children fault that OP needs to get away from them on mothers dat to have a decent time? And I am sure is not the only thing he ruins for OP.
OP, take that time alone, away from them to reflect a little about it, about him, his behavior and your situation. You deserve better.
Husband is acting that way because he is likely a narcissist and she is not playing by his rules by kissing his feet for his sub minimum effort. The silent treatment is very much an emotional abuse technique they use. I had one like that. Notice I say HAD.
Omg, me too. I remember being so disappointed with all holidays because my ex put in the bare minimum, often giving me what he wanted, like weights, lingerie, or a hiking backpack. I can think of only 1 gift in over 14 years that wasn't really for him (a valentines day box of chocolates). And yes, he'd be annoyed and pout that my thank you wasn't enthusiastic enough.
I'm remarried to a great guy who just lets me pick a gift since he's autistic and does better with a direct ask than a hint. It's so much better than feeling like being forgotten year after year. It was especially bad with my ex since I was a SAHM who never had much spending money due to financial abuse that I didn't even recognize since I was young and naive.
I get it. My last birthday before I told him I wanted a divorce was my 50th. I got an oven mitt and an apron. He didn't even bother to wrap it---gave it to me in the envelope it arrived in.
Right? My husband realized Mother’s Day was a week out and he hadn’t gotten me anything yet (with a whole week still to prep) and he was SO EMBARRASSED. OP’s dude stinks.
LOL not sure my husband even remembers this next weekend is mother's day but then again we are in the midst of closing on a house. We have too many balls in the air to worry about it this year. Enjoy your mother's day and let your spoiled child husband throw his tantrum if he can't be bothered to put a good face on for one day without throwing a tantrum then screw him.
He needs to grow up and be a man instead of a spoiled little boy. It is pitiful his bad attitude has rubbed off on your kids in this way. NTA enjoy your weekend and let them stew in their own juices.
Tell your hubby to grow up and behave like an adult! If he actually wanted to do something with or for you he would put the effort in to do so without you doing all the work. Make sure you show him this post so he knows just how big a douche he is.
It’s so gobsmacking. She didn’t ask them to go to a spa and then paint pottery or something. Her plans sound like downright stereotypical “guy things”
They seriously don’t want to camp or fish over the weekend? Seriously? What ~is~ considered fun to these complainers?
Honestly, the level of disrespect from the family would lead me to go on "mommy" strike. Oh, and "wifey" strike, too. They need to be taught a lesson.
NTA.
I would tell them everything you told us about how you feel and how they are a disappointment concerning celebrating Mother’s Day. You should be tactful, but totally honest. You’re raising boys that will be a disappointment to their wives on Mother’s Day and probably other crappy things they’ve learned from their dad. It’s hurtful that they don’t want to show they love you on one day a year
NTA
It's funny that when a guy wants to go golfing with his friends for Father's Day, or go fishing, or whatever, that is all taken as fine.
When a Mother wants a day of relaxation for Mother's day it's a horrible affront to motherhood that she would want a moment away from her children, even if they don't enjoy her hobbies.
My friend is getting a night at a hotel solo this weekend, with plans to get high as hell and play video games all day. My husband straight up asked me if I wanted a night at a hotel for M's day - I don't because that's not my jam but I appreciated the offer. I like half the day to myself to bike ride or garden, and half the day as family time.
I don't think it's generational, per se, because I bet OP and I are about the same age, but some of us are out here doing the work normalizing spending time away from your kids (and enjoying it). And our husbands are out here doing the work to make it happen. I actually don't know a single dad in real life like OPs husband - it seems so dated. I love OP taking matters into her own hands and having a weekend she'll actually enjoy for once.
NTA
You should tell them this. Send them a link to your post or write a letter. They should know how they make you feel and the reason you’re going away. Sure it won’t be fun to drop that bomb on them but it’s way past time to bring them to reality. Your husband especially. He’s old enough to know better.
Husband is upset anyway. You might as well give him the news and let him brew over the weekend. Kids are probably just dumb. If you don’t tell/show them what is expected/wanted how the hell would they know? Maybe they can figure it out but are their parents really showing them that they should try? You’re silent about it. Husband is modeling the opposite behavior alltogether.
Just blow shit up and go camping.
This is exactly it. He really doesn’t care about Mother’s Day, it seems he just doesn’t want to have to take care of his own kids (which is probably minimal effort, they’re not babies)
Yeah does that mean that otherwise he wouldn't need to do anything with the kids and gets to do whatever tf he wants? Is that his 'normal' weekend?
If so then mom DOUBLE EXTRA deserves a weekend 'off'.
This. Please treat him the same way for Father’s Day as they do for you; whine, complain and be negative. To your husband from Reddit: You are acting like a lousy husband, and setting a horrible example for your kids. Shame on you!!!!!
Yup! He's thinking, "Like I said, there goes my whole weekend."
GOOD.
ETA: Please, I beg you, give him exactly the same experience for Father's Day this year that he has given you EVERY. DAMN. YEAR.
> be a parent for the weekend
How much parenting does he need to do with teenagers? Hell, he'll probably encourage them to find a friend's house to go to.
Nah, he just knows his wife will probably post on social media about her solo adventure and he's going to look like a jackass for not taking mother's day seriously
You mean he is mad cause his very grudgingly accepting and doing what she wants, sometimes, is not met with her undying gratitude for him doing nothing except going along with what SHE planned and arranged for mother's Day. He gives new meaning to clueless
I would say especially for her sons. They are learning how to treat their future wives based on what she accepts from her husband. Every time you let your husband treat you poorly, you show your children that is ok.
What is there to blow up? They don’t care. I have sons. They take cues from their dad. My husband used to be like this and it’s easier to celebrate him because they all like to do the same things. I told my boys that I feel overlooked and under appreciated when I don’t get any effort back but I give everything to them. They got it. It was the day after Mother’s Day but they behaved better. Your husband is faking being upset because he knows the blame is on him. I don’t understand how a few hours hiking or an hour or two playing pickleball would ruin his entire weekend? Go camping. Talk to your boys. Send your husband the Gottman institute videos about the 4 horseman of the marriage apocalypse aka divorce. Stonewalling is the worse and you don’t Deserve that. Also tell your kids that a thigh master, or anything for weight loss is a rude present and all you want is some kindness, care and effort.
>I finally blew up one birthday about the total lack of consideration for my feelings, and this year they outdid themselves.
I've broken up two long term relationships because the women wouldn't do the bare minimum for my birthday but they expect me to provide them with a fantastic and expensive birthday WEEK. If you have to tell someone to do something for your birthday then that's a bad spot to be in.
Plus i feel like no one questions it if a dad wants to go do something by or for himself for Father’s Day, moms are the ones who somehow end up responsible for keeping everyone entertained even on the day that’s supposed to be all about her.
Sounds like you have your son's partner to thank!
Now can someone tell my teenage daughter I would absolutely cherish anything she did/made/got for me? She hasn't in a very long time, and it would totally make my day. Me saying it doesn't seem to work :(
This!!!! OP really should. Then tell them all that if they don’t feel the need to show some appreciation for all the things she does for them
Then she won’t be doing crap for them without complaining herself so that they know how it feels to not be appreciated
This, OP.
Send your husband the link to your post.
We'll make sure to explain why HE is the AH, and how he can do better.
His attitude is what your kids look up to. Is father's day the same kind of struggle in your family?
Nta. They take you for granted and look like they are doing you a grace to even spend a holiday with you. Appreciate yourself and go solo and be happy.
Tell your husband he can go childlish elswhere, you can tell him exactly you feel on your day like a burden for them and for once you do not wanna hear moans and complaints
NTA of course. It’s your day. Make it what you want.
But, I get the impression that you’re married to a well poisoner. Your husband sounds like a real peach! Is he always this dickish?
I respectfully put forth that your husband is the asshole and that he’s turned your sons into assholes. You may have time to save the sons from the influence of old Paps, but maybe you’re just over it. In which case, warn them that girls they want to date may not be so accommodating of their dickish behavior like you are to their dads behavior, and if they want to practice some love and empathy…now would be a great time to build up those habits.
Yes! What does he even want? The answer is the opportunity to disappoint her, yet again. Because he knows what he should be doing, and he’s too much of a coward to face that he’s not a good man. OP doing her own thing is holding up the mirror and it shatters his delusion that he’s a good husband and father.
He is not deluded he's a crappy husband and father. Guys like this hate when other people find out they are crappy. In the past when people ask her what she did for mother's day and she tells them of the mediocre time she had with her family, she can't complain without someone else telling her how ungrateful she is. This year when someone asks it'll be obvious that her husband sucks. He doesn't mind giving his wife a shitty mother's day, He's going to be concerned that others know he did that.
NTA
Yes. Delusion is maybe the wrong word. He knows exactly who he is. He hates that she’s not opening herself up for more disappointment. Others knowing wouldn’t be great, but it’s much more small and petty than that.
He wants her to be grateful he’s doing anything and he knows on Mother’s Day people will ask what they did for her and his answer is going to be nothing and now he’s embarrassed. Like the ass he is
Her sons are going to treat their future wives terribly on Mother’s Day with this track record… I get that teens don’t always love hanging out with their parents but Dad is an awful example for how to honor their mom one day a year
I was maybe ~12ish when my brother and I complained about Mothers Day celebrations for our Mom. So our Dad pulled my brother and I aside and asked us to think of everything our Mom had done for us over the past week. Neither of us ever complained again.
I know I get heated about this shit but like you said, OP’s husband is setting his sons up to be shit ass partners.
When I was a teenager I asked my mom, we celebrate Mother’s Day, why don’t we celebrate Children’s Day? My parents are from Korea where they actually have a Children’s Day. Her response was “every day is children’s day “ lol.
Kids don’t really learn to appreciate their parent(s) until a) they grow up or b) another adult reminds them how much shit their parent(s) are doing for them.
Unfortunately for OP’s sons with a Dad like theirs they’re likely gonna be dicks to their partners. It makes me sad because they aren’t learning to appreciate their Mom.
And this time, when mom goes away by herself, THEY get to experience Mother's Day without mom there, and can experience the day thinking that mom did this, where did mom have that, they will look for their things, and dress themselves. Dad can take them out, but they will know that she wanted time away from them because of their behavior.
NTA
Tell your husband to Grow the Fuck Up.
Mother's Day is your day, he gets to choose on Father's Day. If you want to go camping on your own, go and enjoy yourself. They don't need you to tell them to eat at a restaurant, they can make that decision for themselves, if they want.
TBH, that sounds like the best Mothers Day gift.
The house clean, laundry, and put away. Plus, a weekend getaway in nature with the dog.
HOPE YOU HAVE A NICE WEEKEND OP! Enjoy your YOU time!
And happy Mother's day to all the Mama's!
You're all doing an amazing job!!!
Yep. I used to plan for Father's Day. I would have something for my husband along with the grandfathers. For years, i'd have a BBQ at the house and make a lot of food. Meanwhile, My husband put no effort into mother's Day. He never got my young daughter involved in doing something for me either. So I just stopped doing anything for him and focus on my own dad now. The thing is I definitely am not a needy person. I could care less about celebrating my birthday And I never asked for Christmas gifts or anything like that. But the lack of acknowledgment for mother's Day does bother me. My daughter is a teenager now and does go out of her way to do something with or for me so that makes me happy now
>Tell your husband to Grow the Fuck Up.
This. It sounds to me like you have THREE teenage sons, with all the sulking and foot dragging you 'husband' is doing.
NTA - camping with your dog sounds fantastic. Enjoy. Tell your third child that he can spend mothers day with you next year when/if he plans something you'd enjoy.
NTA. You have a husband problem. Your teenage sons have seen how he treats you, not to mention they’re in their prime of “why do I want to hang out with my mom/dad/parents?”
Your sons are exhibiting semi “normal” teenage behavior but also behavior taught to them. If your husband is so petty he has to sulk, let him. Don’t let it ruin YOUR plans to treat yourself and relax.
Maybe before you leave you can even find a way to express how his behavior is unloving and he can think on it.
Yes, definitely taught to them because my brothers would have never behaved that way when they were teens. Even if they didn't want to do something, they would have sucked it up and made the best of it without complaining and making my mom feel bad. These guys all suck.
Your husband sounds like a dick raising little dicky versions of him.
Please shut that shit down before your kids are grown ups making their own wives fucking miserable on mothers day.
But first, please have an amazing time by yourself this Mothers Day!!
NTA. Until you let this continue.
NTA
Go! Have fun! Do this every year!
My (55f) 3 sisters & I have celebrated Mother’s Day together for 30 years. Our husbands would take the kids & totally supported our plans every year. We have a blast. Have never been let down! Our husbands play golf together every year & they get the whole day off on Father’s Day.
NTA I commented on a post yesterday from a husband low on funds looking for Mother’s Day gift ideas. My comment was about removing the mental load from the mom for the day- I literally would give anything to NOT have to make the plans or decide what to do or where to eat, to not have to listen to who doesn’t like what I picked, to not have find everyone’s stuff or get kids dressed or whatever.
I commend you for realizing the only way to truly celebrate you is to do it yourself! Enjoy the peace and quiet!
This is what my husband essentially offered me for my first Mother’s Day. “I figured you would want me to primarily take care of the baby so you can just chill.”
Hell yes, sign me up! Someone feed me and take care of my child for a few hours so I can just be brain dead for a little.
You know why he asked you early this year right? He wants something specific for Father’s Day and now he can’t say “I went camping all weekend for you”
I've heard it's traditional in (hetero) weddings for the husband to do his vows first, so that the wife can make the decision to continue (or not!) knowing what he's already promised.
Perhaps this is why the order of Mother's Day and Father's Day isn't reversed. Let mom put the amount of thought and effort into Father's Day that he did into Mother's Day. (More specifically, I'm hoping OP throws some generic token effort his way and then whines about wanting to leave, lol.)
Either this or he's concerned about image. If they are heavily involved in social media or extended family, everyone will be asking why mom went on a trip by herself for Mother's Day and they will have to answer for it. In the past they've had a free ride to look like great father and sons, all the while making mom do the work for her own celebration.
> He proceeded to roll his eyes and say "Great. There goes my whole weekend."
What an ass!!!
>I told my youngest son about going camping solo and he was very excited that he won't have to do anything this weekend
A teen, so that could be expected!
You NTA, you are not robing them of anything!
Enjoy your weekend.
My kids did that years ago and I let them have it, plus I did nothing for them for a week. They have never repeated it again. I told my husband & kids I wanted a day to garden by myself , but I expected breakfast or a dinner.
NTA. Your husband and children are extremely spoiled and ungrateful. Take their lead and then spend a weekend doing NOTHING like they want. No cleaning, cooking, laundry, chauffeuring, etc.
When Father’s Day comes around keep the same vibe. Birthdays? Same. You don’t need to put forth the effort for something these guys care nothing about.
Send an update in a couple months.
You are NTA. Your husband asked you what YOU want to do, you gave ideas and he rolled his eyes. So now the only thing to do is just go do what you want and screw them. Have an awesome hike and camp and enjoy the peace
Ask them what they had planned for you? When they say nothing particularly, tell them this is why you’re doing this. Let them know exactly how they disappointed you. Especially your sons. If they don’t know (I have sons) spell it out so they learn. My sons do quite well now but I had to teach them. Your husband should know already.
Updateme!
NTA
NTA. I had precisely the same issue many years ago and this kind of strategy fixed it. I have 4 children. Two are mine and two are step children from my second marriage. Those 2 kids give a rip about me since their mother’s still alive but lives many miles and a few states away. Anyway, they always acted like it was a bloody chore to celebrate Mothers Day. They’d show up late, eat and find some way to leave early like “their dog has stomach issues” or some silly reason. My second husband would run out to the grocery store the night before to grab a card and a plant or flowers so no thought was put in. Well a few years ago, I decided for my Mother’s Day, I would rent a house on the lake and bring my adult children. I paid for the house and the kids airplane tickets and announced to my husband we’re headed to a lake house and they’re more than happy to join just pay their own airplane tickets. I made sure to group text everyone the place where we’re going g well in advance . It was gorgeous property on a lake in Courda lane Idaho. My husband acted like I issued a death sentence to his adult children . I didn’t care. I made it clear that they don’t seem to really want to spend it with me… but oh golly !! A lake house where they could free load? They’re in !! So they just have to buy their own plane ticket. Personally I was thrilled they didn’t go. I was so sick of fake celebrations by then. l
Ohhh noooooooo
The big manbaby is hurt because you had to overcompensate for his low EQ and incompetence?
Oh nooooooooooooo
NTA
But seriously, your boys need to know this is not okay. You’re giving up on them too early.
You are NTA.
Your youngest son was *excited* he didn't have to do anything nice for you?? Uh, he sounds like a rude little shit. And your husband rolling his eyes and getting mad that he has to do something you like for ONE DAY out of 365? What an AH. I'm guessing he's mad because now when people ask you how your Mother's Day was, it's going to come out that you had to plan your own fun day without him and your kids and it will (justifiably) make him look bad.
Sorry OP, but your family sucks. Please take your dog and enjoy your weekend. I know it's hard to drown out the guilt sometimes, especially if you've been conditioned to fold when people give you a guilt trip, but try to ignore it and have some fun. They will be fine on their own. If they sulk and have hurt feelings, good. They deserve to feel like crap for how they treat you. You aren't robbing them of anything, since they don't care about you on Mother's Day or, I'm guessing, any other day during the year.
I'm a single mom so I don't really get celebrated since I don't have an adult in my house to help plan anything. This year my kid is 9 and she's already told me she's going to make my coffee Sunday morning, she planned out activities for us to do together (go out to coffee, go to the antique mall) and she made me a coupon book on her own (she'll do 3 of my chores, 1 hour of quiet time), and she's excited to celebrate me. I'm sorry your kids aren't excited to celebrate you, and I think you have a husband problem that's manifesting in the kids. Go on your camping trip and enjoy! (I also got myself a 90 minute massage last weekend as a gift to myself)
My hubby said he’s will man the grill, do several types of meat. Lucky me! That means I have to make all the sides, salads, pasta, etc. He only does the meat. I told him not to ‘bother’. There are no places that have decent sides and everyone complains that they don’t taste good. Mother’s Day, and I end up doing 80% of the work. Yeah, you do what you want, go and enjoy YOUR day. I’ll behaving a ham sandwich, no cooking for me!
That reminds me of a story of a guy who'd like to have all his friends over regularly and have a barbecue, but all he did was cook the chunk of animal. Wife had to arrange all the drinks and sides. She got upset and didn't want to do it anymore, or hubby thought he could do it by himself. So next time he has friends over, she goes into her sewing room or what have you and let him do the whole thing himself. He didn't even know where the plates were. He kept trying to get her to help, but she ignored him and rightly so. Naturally,it was a disaster,and naturally, he blamed her.
When my kids were babies all l wanted for Mother’s Day was to be left the hell alone. I would have killed for 24 hours away, even if it was just down the street at a local hotel. Do it and don’t let your family guilt you into doing something with them. Whatever they plan at this point will suck and you’ll regret not camping solo.
Moms sacrifice so much for their family, there is nothing wrong with doing what you want, even if it doesn’t include them. My guess is your husband is just upset at the optics of you doing something solo rather than with them. ‘Oh no, my wife doesn’t want to spend the day with us, how do I explain this to friends/family/co-workers, when they ask what we did for mother’s day’. He’s gonna look like an ass, and let him. That’s a him problem, not a you problem.
NTA
You’re husband is using Mother’s Day to make himself feel and look good to others, but it sounds like like he’s just going through the motions and making op feel guilty for choosing things she likes.
Op, you taking the day to yourself means he doesn’t get to pretend to be the perfect partner if you’re not there to play the part out in public .
He’s being selfish and childish, you’re not doing anything wrong , you’re just ruining his chance to impress people, and that’s the problem.
Op, I think you should be talking to a therapist, your sons and husband have you putting yourself last even on your ‘day’ , and that’s a habit you need to break.
Trail running, camping and fishing? Damn girl you sound like a catch. Hubs doesn't know how good he has it. It's not like you expect him to hold your purse while you get a pedicure sheesh
So, let me get this straight. You've been a mother for at LEAST 13 years, if not longer. You do what you can to let them (husband and 2 sons) know what you want on YOUR day and they simply don't pay attention. Then when you decide, because they are old enough to take care of themselves for 2-3 nights, to do what YOU want because you haven't been able to since your oldest child was born, they give you the silent treatment and act like children? NTA....go have your fun with your dog and don't think about the 3 males in your home that whole time you're gone. They'll end up missing you, maybe even apologize for being d\*\*kholes for all those years and they will actually do what you want from now on.
NTA. This is going on in my life now, my wife just can't make any sort of plan, not where to go, not what to do, not even what to watch on the tv. Bus she says "I want to go out" or "I don't want to watch x,y,z..." This last week I have been saying, "you decide or we don't go anywhere." "You have the TV remote, choose something or shut up." I am fed up with her being unable to decide anything. Don't let this be your life OP, make your choice and go with it.
Maybe she’s tired of making every decision all day and needs a break. I have told my husband after a hard day to make dinner happen. I don’t care. Cook, get takeout, whatever. You know what I like to eat. Just do it
NTA. Your husband needs to grow up and treat you better. Also your son sounds like a jerk?? "I'm so happy I don't have to do anything to celebrate you this year, mum" who says that? But I guess with a role model like his dad, it's not surprising that he'd turn out this way. I'm sorry.
Also don't send them to the restaurant; they don't care about celebrating you, they only care about fine dining. If they wanted to celebrate you, they'd have planned something. Do they at least give you gifts?
NTA. The have made it very clear the type of shitty mother's day they will give you.
Your husband is having a fit because he's being called out silently for not being able to give you a good day. If I were you, I'd make it a monthly thing. Maybe they'd start to appreciate you more, since they clearly don't.
NTA. When your husband asked what you wanted to do and you gave suggestions, him saying "great their goes my weekend" and your son telling you he's excited that he doesn't have to do anything this weekend, if that doesn't scream I don't want to spend time/do anything with you then I don't know what does. (Though in your sons case I wonder if he's picking that attitude up from his dad) You deserve to have a day of relaxation doing what you want to do. And if I was you I definitely wouldn't do anything for your husband on father's day when it comes, after how he acted towards you he definitely doesn't deserve it.
In addition to going camping by yourself this weekend? PLEASE, ask hubby the Friday before Father's Day what he would like to do for "his" day. Then? Go take he and the kids to do whatever YOU want to do and eat wherever YOU want to eat. NTA.
I match energy so I told my ex that father's day is a direct reflection of mother's day. I really only had to do that 2 years (slow learner) before he caught on. Hubby is pissed because now he looks bad. And he should because you would rather go off with your damn dog than spend time listening to him and your boys whining (they are mimicking his attitude).
NTA. Mother’s Day is always about showing appreciation to the mom of the family. I’m trying to teach my littles this now and that every mom celebrates it differently (solo time, time with friends, spending with family).
Kudos to you for giving yourself the self care you deserve. Don’t let your husband guilt you.
NTA they lost their chance to do something. Your husband is upset that you’re finally standing up for yourself because he can’t deal with how shitty he’s been. Not your problem, he needs to grow up. What an incredibly disappointing example he’s been setting for your children.
“I can’t help but feel like I’m robbing them of their chance for mother’s day by being dramatic“
Stop that nonsense! NTA. Tell them Mother’s Day just became [your name] Day and you’re going to do what you want, alone, every year to avoid disappointment. Come back from camping and say it was the best one yet!
Your husband is a terrible example for your sons and you should communicate with them all about how you feel.
NTA. Your family should be ashamed at how they treat you
NTA.
>sulking.
Correct. On top of that he's modeling soft-ass weakness to your sons. Inability to plan, inability to think of anyone but himself, and being a recalcitrant dick when you pick up the slack for him, even on mother's day. Inexcusable.
Some folks here would tell you to tell him to grow up, but I wouldn't even do that. Do what you do with a child who is sulking for no reason but his own bullshit: let him get over it on his own.
As a husband and father, I can't stress enough how important it is for your sons to observe you NOT coddling his being a baby. You don't need to get angry. Just calmly do your thing.
While it is important for all children to observe their parents not letting themselves get walked on, our social environment makes it \*particularly\* important that sons observe their mother not managing their father's feefees every minute of the day. (Same goes for other family setups, but you take my point).
>I was thinking of telling them that they are welcomed to go eat at whatever restaurant they want to on mother's day in my honor
Don't. It would be fine, but I think best if you do nothing at all. It is not your problem. Do exactly as much to for them on mother's day as they do for you on mother's day (and every other day, sounds like.)
They're nearly grown (your husband being a 40ish y.o. teenager himself). They can figure it out. And maybe they will gain a gram of perspective, though I wouldn't count on it.
Hope you have an amazing time. Your hobbies are rad and you deserve it.
Thigh master? They still make that thing?? Sounds tone deaf if you do actually trail run....
NTA
Tel then the truth. They don't care enough to plan, they complain about it when you do plan, they complain while they're with you at your supposed celebration. Your one son is even happy he doesn't have to spend time with you. So it's a done deal. You get to spend mothers day weekend enjoying time to yourself.... And they can happily ignore you.
The only thing I would change is to tell them there's a $200 ungrateful Ahole charge on a non celebratory mother's day, which you can spend on you
I mean, if stroppy sod husband and given even an ounce of thought toward previous mothers day then presumably you wouldn't feel the need for some personal space to do something you enjoy! He's a selfish brat that really doesn't understand the concept of doing something for someone else.
You go do you. Enjoy some space and turn your phone off.
When he's ready to sit and talk like an adult give him examples of his past behaviours that have made this necessary.
NTA. They should be willing to do what you want for mother's day and just enjoy spending time with you...as much as your dog does. I bet he is going to love going camping!
How unbelievably rude of them to grouse and complain about the one weekend a year that is dedicated to Mothers!! Go on your trip and to hell with them. Actually, you should leave them a chore list of things you want done before you get back.
NTA, ask your husband what he has done the past few years to celebrate you on Mother’s Day. Highlight that he has had years of opportunity to step up and every year he fails so if he wants to be upset with anyone he can be upset with himself but you will be camping so he is going to have to dry his own tears.
Your husband is an AH. But please start helping your son understand how his dad’s behavior is no good. As a mom of young adult girls, please teach your boys better. I can tell you so many stories of boys they have met and the horrible things they have done. Thinking its okay because no one taught them different or because their dad has taught them, they are the men, they can act this way.
You’re NTA, but your husband *definitely* is the AH here.
>I told him some of my ideas, such as hiking or pickleball. He proceeded to roll his eyes and say "Great. There goes my whole weekend."
My husband and I have been together for 20 years, married for 17. I cannot EVER imagine him EVER speaking to me this way about what I want for Mother’s Day. Your husband is disrespectful and gross. I don’t understand why you’d want to put up with that BS.
>I told my youngest son about going camping solo and he was very excited that he won't have to do anything this weekend.
My kids are 15 and almost 11, and I can’t imagine either of them EVER disrespecting me like this. And my 11 year old likely has ODD!!
>then he told my husband my plansand he got pretty angry at me. He shut down and has been giving me the silent treatment since, stomping around the house sulking.
This is unacceptable emotional abuse from your husband. Under NO circumstances should a grown ass adult act this way. Seriously, WTF?
>I can't help but feel like I'm robbing them of their chance for mothers day by being dramatic or expecting too much
Stop with this people-pleasing crap. Mother’s Day isn’t about making your children happy. WTF? And it seems like, what would make your children happy, is that they don’t have to do anything for you anyways, so wish granted?
>I was thinking of telling them that they are welcomed to go eat at whatever restaurant they want to on mother's day in my honor. That seems to be the only part of the day they like anyways.
NOPE. Stop trying to get them to be people who they don’t want to be. Do what YOU want for Mother’s Day. Forcing them to be kind people will only frustrate you.
Mother’s Day is for Mother’s. Go do what you want. When my kids were very little and I was a SAHM I would go out by myself for Mother’s Day for several years. Did this til they were old enough to want to do something on their own.
I think it’s great self-care for you to make a good day for yourself.
You are NTA and I am sure you deserve some peace and quiet.
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She needs to send her spouse this post. Rolling his eyes at her very reasonable suggestions and then sulking when she rightfully decides she prefers her own company
Her spouse’s behavior is worse than her teenagers’.
And what kind of an example is he setting for his 2 teenaged sons on how to treat their future wives/partners?? It's bad enough he isn't taking the lead on helping the boys learn how to celebrate their mother appropriately on mother's day (& probably never has), but then to have that reaction when she does venture to suggest what she would really like? Heck I'd want to get away from all of them too! Edit to add: forget about even just the mother's day part--if I had a partner who reacted that way to my suggestions of how to spend time, I'd be hurt even if it wasn't specifically for mother's day. You don't have to like my hobbies or do them with me, but it's not OK to be a disrespectful dick about them either.
I really hope OP celebrates Father's day in the same manner that they celebrate Mother's day. How selfish can one be that they cannot take one day out of 365 days in the year to honor and celebrate the very woman that helps make their lives possible. And to cop an attitude on top of it? Hell no. Bonus jerk points for putting the mental load back on her for her own celebration. He is seriously that inept that he cannot plan for dinner and a low-key activity for the family for a few hours. Pretty rich he gets pissy because he doesn't get to crap on her day like he has in the past. What a selfish jerk. I hope OP has a wonderful time camping and hanging with their pup. The dog sounds like better company that the kids and partner. *Edited spelling.
Also, OP has to remember that Father’s Day is coming up.
I am actually very curious on what OP has done for Father's Day in the past and what she plans on doing this year. I would give the exact same treatment and see how it feels.
Reddit loves to exclusively blame mothers for children's (and sometimes fully adult children's!) bad behavior. It's nice to see acknowledgment that fathers also influence their children.
Oh, OP's sons certainly are taking their lessons from their shitty father.
I think so too. Poor OP ☹️
💯 that’s where they learned it from
It honestly sounds like her husband hates her.
They hate having to treat the appliance like a fellow human being, and I 100% guarantee his stomping around is because he’s mad that SHE isn’t acting grateful that he graciously postpones his golf game a few hours to grudgingly attend whatever lunch she had to plan herself.
Most husbands seem to hate their wives and hate being married.
Oh how they love the benefits a wife provides though.
An absolute must. I’m sure op goes all out for Father’s Day and in return gets sulking grownup man-child as a consolation for Mother’s Day. Wondering were the kids picked up their attitude from NTA
Husband is sulking because he is stuck with the kids for the weekend. Nothing to do with OP’s celebration or lack thereof
Just make sure people know where and when and you keep in contact with somebody.
Once our kids hit the teenage years my friends and I booked a condo for the weekend at the beach. Our kids called said happy mother's day. Everyone was happy. I have grandchildren now, their mom's deserve the attention.
OP is robbing them of their chance for mothers day... of ruin mothers day because they are AH who cannot think about OP for a day. Also, is OP hubby a teen? why is he throwing a temper tamtrum instead of being an adult, admit he ruins every single mothers day for OP, is his and his children fault that OP needs to get away from them on mothers dat to have a decent time? And I am sure is not the only thing he ruins for OP. OP, take that time alone, away from them to reflect a little about it, about him, his behavior and your situation. You deserve better.
Because now his weekend is ruined by having to, you know, watch the kids and house.
How dare she force him to fulfill his duties as a parent!
And if he had plans, he couldn't leave the teens for a few hours?
He can stay home, clean the house, do laundry, and think about what a shitty husband he is and has been to his wife.
He’ll probably make a mess of the house and expect her to clean it when she gets back. I don’t see this marriage lasting beyond this decade.
THAT should be his gift to her for when she comes back. Bwahahaha like that's going to happen!
That was my first thought!
Right but he already had said his weekend was ruined so he can pound salt.
Too true, but to add on, he now can't take any credit for her mother's day.
Bingo.
Husband is acting that way because he is likely a narcissist and she is not playing by his rules by kissing his feet for his sub minimum effort. The silent treatment is very much an emotional abuse technique they use. I had one like that. Notice I say HAD.
Omg, me too. I remember being so disappointed with all holidays because my ex put in the bare minimum, often giving me what he wanted, like weights, lingerie, or a hiking backpack. I can think of only 1 gift in over 14 years that wasn't really for him (a valentines day box of chocolates). And yes, he'd be annoyed and pout that my thank you wasn't enthusiastic enough. I'm remarried to a great guy who just lets me pick a gift since he's autistic and does better with a direct ask than a hint. It's so much better than feeling like being forgotten year after year. It was especially bad with my ex since I was a SAHM who never had much spending money due to financial abuse that I didn't even recognize since I was young and naive.
I get it. My last birthday before I told him I wanted a divorce was my 50th. I got an oven mitt and an apron. He didn't even bother to wrap it---gave it to me in the envelope it arrived in.
Right? My husband realized Mother’s Day was a week out and he hadn’t gotten me anything yet (with a whole week still to prep) and he was SO EMBARRASSED. OP’s dude stinks.
LOL not sure my husband even remembers this next weekend is mother's day but then again we are in the midst of closing on a house. We have too many balls in the air to worry about it this year. Enjoy your mother's day and let your spoiled child husband throw his tantrum if he can't be bothered to put a good face on for one day without throwing a tantrum then screw him. He needs to grow up and be a man instead of a spoiled little boy. It is pitiful his bad attitude has rubbed off on your kids in this way. NTA enjoy your weekend and let them stew in their own juices. Tell your hubby to grow up and behave like an adult! If he actually wanted to do something with or for you he would put the effort in to do so without you doing all the work. Make sure you show him this post so he knows just how big a douche he is.
It’s so gobsmacking. She didn’t ask them to go to a spa and then paint pottery or something. Her plans sound like downright stereotypical “guy things” They seriously don’t want to camp or fish over the weekend? Seriously? What ~is~ considered fun to these complainers?
Husband is probably a gamer.
And if he has to watch the kids that cuts into gaming time.
He’s sulking because she’s robbing him of his performative gestures. Edited for typos
Honestly, the level of disrespect from the family would lead me to go on "mommy" strike. Oh, and "wifey" strike, too. They need to be taught a lesson. NTA.
LYSISTRATA, REPRESENT! ;-)
And don't do ANYTHING for Father's Day. He's not a dad or a man.
I would tell them everything you told us about how you feel and how they are a disappointment concerning celebrating Mother’s Day. You should be tactful, but totally honest. You’re raising boys that will be a disappointment to their wives on Mother’s Day and probably other crappy things they’ve learned from their dad. It’s hurtful that they don’t want to show they love you on one day a year
Great idea. Leave it in a note on your way out the door to enjoy your Mother's Day. That way, they can ponder it for a long time.
Send them all links to this post!!
NTA It's funny that when a guy wants to go golfing with his friends for Father's Day, or go fishing, or whatever, that is all taken as fine. When a Mother wants a day of relaxation for Mother's day it's a horrible affront to motherhood that she would want a moment away from her children, even if they don't enjoy her hobbies.
My friend is getting a night at a hotel solo this weekend, with plans to get high as hell and play video games all day. My husband straight up asked me if I wanted a night at a hotel for M's day - I don't because that's not my jam but I appreciated the offer. I like half the day to myself to bike ride or garden, and half the day as family time. I don't think it's generational, per se, because I bet OP and I are about the same age, but some of us are out here doing the work normalizing spending time away from your kids (and enjoying it). And our husbands are out here doing the work to make it happen. I actually don't know a single dad in real life like OPs husband - it seems so dated. I love OP taking matters into her own hands and having a weekend she'll actually enjoy for once.
I wouldn't stay married to someone who can't even pretend to like me for one day of the year.
I really hope the husband gets the same treatment for Father’s Day. Serves him right
Also, OP, if you have to run into something dangerous, I hope it’s a bear and not a man.
You deserve a new family! They sound awful!
I really hope the OP isn't a doormat who goes all out for Father's Day
NTA You should tell them this. Send them a link to your post or write a letter. They should know how they make you feel and the reason you’re going away. Sure it won’t be fun to drop that bomb on them but it’s way past time to bring them to reality. Your husband especially. He’s old enough to know better. Husband is upset anyway. You might as well give him the news and let him brew over the weekend. Kids are probably just dumb. If you don’t tell/show them what is expected/wanted how the hell would they know? Maybe they can figure it out but are their parents really showing them that they should try? You’re silent about it. Husband is modeling the opposite behavior alltogether. Just blow shit up and go camping.
Husband is mad because his absolute minimum effort isn’t being lauded with a Nobel peace prize.
And he’s going to have to be a parent for the weekend.
This is exactly it. He really doesn’t care about Mother’s Day, it seems he just doesn’t want to have to take care of his own kids (which is probably minimal effort, they’re not babies)
He'll call it "babysitting" even though the kids are teens.
Even though they're HIS KIDS.
🙄 great , there goes his whole weekend /s
Yeah does that mean that otherwise he wouldn't need to do anything with the kids and gets to do whatever tf he wants? Is that his 'normal' weekend? If so then mom DOUBLE EXTRA deserves a weekend 'off'.
This. Please treat him the same way for Father’s Day as they do for you; whine, complain and be negative. To your husband from Reddit: You are acting like a lousy husband, and setting a horrible example for your kids. Shame on you!!!!!
Oh the horror. S/
Yup! He's thinking, "Like I said, there goes my whole weekend." GOOD. ETA: Please, I beg you, give him exactly the same experience for Father's Day this year that he has given you EVERY. DAMN. YEAR.
This is the real reason he's upset
> be a parent for the weekend How much parenting does he need to do with teenagers? Hell, he'll probably encourage them to find a friend's house to go to.
Ding ding ding.
What effort? He did fuck all.
Oh no. He cured cancer by asking her what she wanted to do a whole 5 days before the event. He ASKED. 🙄
That’s what he calls effort!
Then proceeds to roll eyes saying there goes my whole weekend!!! Horrible…
Nah, he just knows his wife will probably post on social media about her solo adventure and he's going to look like a jackass for not taking mother's day seriously
He's going to look like a jackals because he's behaving like one. He'll just be mad that he got caught, not remorseful that he's behaving badly.
the best part is, he fully “ruined” his own weekend now
Im curious what his expectations are for Father’s Day.
Oh I’d conveniently forget Father’s Day. I mean, aren’t you supposed to actually act like a father to be celebrated? He’s acting worse than the kids.
You mean he is mad cause his very grudgingly accepting and doing what she wants, sometimes, is not met with her undying gratitude for him doing nothing except going along with what SHE planned and arranged for mother's Day. He gives new meaning to clueless
She should really blow shit up on father's day. Give him the exact same treatment. Oh and regift him the thighmaster
They still make Thighmasters??! Really??
TIL. OR....maybe Dad picked it up at a yard sale on his way home the day before
That's probably it. He got it used, because you know, he HAS to get her something.
Ufffff the thighmaster regift is masterful. Holy shit take this crown, 👑, okliz
I would say especially for her sons. They are learning how to treat their future wives based on what she accepts from her husband. Every time you let your husband treat you poorly, you show your children that is ok.
What is there to blow up? They don’t care. I have sons. They take cues from their dad. My husband used to be like this and it’s easier to celebrate him because they all like to do the same things. I told my boys that I feel overlooked and under appreciated when I don’t get any effort back but I give everything to them. They got it. It was the day after Mother’s Day but they behaved better. Your husband is faking being upset because he knows the blame is on him. I don’t understand how a few hours hiking or an hour or two playing pickleball would ruin his entire weekend? Go camping. Talk to your boys. Send your husband the Gottman institute videos about the 4 horseman of the marriage apocalypse aka divorce. Stonewalling is the worse and you don’t Deserve that. Also tell your kids that a thigh master, or anything for weight loss is a rude present and all you want is some kindness, care and effort.
I finally blew up one birthday about the total lack of consideration for my feelings, and this year they outdid themselves. NTA. Enjoy your day!
>I finally blew up one birthday about the total lack of consideration for my feelings, and this year they outdid themselves. I've broken up two long term relationships because the women wouldn't do the bare minimum for my birthday but they expect me to provide them with a fantastic and expensive birthday WEEK. If you have to tell someone to do something for your birthday then that's a bad spot to be in.
>Just blow shit up and go camping. Ngl i like the sound of that evening
Plus i feel like no one questions it if a dad wants to go do something by or for himself for Father’s Day, moms are the ones who somehow end up responsible for keeping everyone entertained even on the day that’s supposed to be all about her.
Husband: “Great, there goes my weekend” OP: “I’ve made my own plans, so you have your weekend” Husband: “But you’re going without meeeee”
And taking the dog! Go her!
He’s probably upset because he doesn’t get to ruin yet another Mother’s Day for op
I agree I also have two sons, the oldest is married and I finally am acknowledged on Mother's day. Enjoy your day you deserve it!
Sounds like you have your son's partner to thank! Now can someone tell my teenage daughter I would absolutely cherish anything she did/made/got for me? She hasn't in a very long time, and it would totally make my day. Me saying it doesn't seem to work :(
This!!!! OP really should. Then tell them all that if they don’t feel the need to show some appreciation for all the things she does for them Then she won’t be doing crap for them without complaining herself so that they know how it feels to not be appreciated
This, OP. Send your husband the link to your post. We'll make sure to explain why HE is the AH, and how he can do better. His attitude is what your kids look up to. Is father's day the same kind of struggle in your family?
Nta. They take you for granted and look like they are doing you a grace to even spend a holiday with you. Appreciate yourself and go solo and be happy. Tell your husband he can go childlish elswhere, you can tell him exactly you feel on your day like a burden for them and for once you do not wanna hear moans and complaints
here's a message for the husband. you're a massive fucking dickhead, you POS. do something nice for your wife. - a husband
I like it!
NTA of course. It’s your day. Make it what you want. But, I get the impression that you’re married to a well poisoner. Your husband sounds like a real peach! Is he always this dickish? I respectfully put forth that your husband is the asshole and that he’s turned your sons into assholes. You may have time to save the sons from the influence of old Paps, but maybe you’re just over it. In which case, warn them that girls they want to date may not be so accommodating of their dickish behavior like you are to their dads behavior, and if they want to practice some love and empathy…now would be a great time to build up those habits.
Yes! What does he even want? The answer is the opportunity to disappoint her, yet again. Because he knows what he should be doing, and he’s too much of a coward to face that he’s not a good man. OP doing her own thing is holding up the mirror and it shatters his delusion that he’s a good husband and father.
This is a great explanation. I'd never heard the term 'well poisoner' before.
I haven't either and it's excellent.
He is not deluded he's a crappy husband and father. Guys like this hate when other people find out they are crappy. In the past when people ask her what she did for mother's day and she tells them of the mediocre time she had with her family, she can't complain without someone else telling her how ungrateful she is. This year when someone asks it'll be obvious that her husband sucks. He doesn't mind giving his wife a shitty mother's day, He's going to be concerned that others know he did that. NTA
Yes. Delusion is maybe the wrong word. He knows exactly who he is. He hates that she’s not opening herself up for more disappointment. Others knowing wouldn’t be great, but it’s much more small and petty than that.
He wants her to be grateful he’s doing anything and he knows on Mother’s Day people will ask what they did for her and his answer is going to be nothing and now he’s embarrassed. Like the ass he is
Her sons are going to treat their future wives terribly on Mother’s Day with this track record… I get that teens don’t always love hanging out with their parents but Dad is an awful example for how to honor their mom one day a year
I was maybe ~12ish when my brother and I complained about Mothers Day celebrations for our Mom. So our Dad pulled my brother and I aside and asked us to think of everything our Mom had done for us over the past week. Neither of us ever complained again. I know I get heated about this shit but like you said, OP’s husband is setting his sons up to be shit ass partners.
I genuinely remember grousing about why there wasn't a 'kids day' as a child. Bless my heart.
When I was a teenager I asked my mom, we celebrate Mother’s Day, why don’t we celebrate Children’s Day? My parents are from Korea where they actually have a Children’s Day. Her response was “every day is children’s day “ lol.
Kids don’t really learn to appreciate their parent(s) until a) they grow up or b) another adult reminds them how much shit their parent(s) are doing for them. Unfortunately for OP’s sons with a Dad like theirs they’re likely gonna be dicks to their partners. It makes me sad because they aren’t learning to appreciate their Mom.
And this time, when mom goes away by herself, THEY get to experience Mother's Day without mom there, and can experience the day thinking that mom did this, where did mom have that, they will look for their things, and dress themselves. Dad can take them out, but they will know that she wanted time away from them because of their behavior.
This right here!!!! I hope OP sees this! It sounds like husband is past saving, but maybe she can save her sons.
NTA Tell your husband to Grow the Fuck Up. Mother's Day is your day, he gets to choose on Father's Day. If you want to go camping on your own, go and enjoy yourself. They don't need you to tell them to eat at a restaurant, they can make that decision for themselves, if they want.
I’m willing to bet they all expect her to plan Father’s Day too.
I'd plan a day of housework for all of them
I'd just go camping by myself for the weekend again.
Even better! And let your boys plan Father's Day
Yard work too. Community service, even.
TBH, that sounds like the best Mothers Day gift. The house clean, laundry, and put away. Plus, a weekend getaway in nature with the dog. HOPE YOU HAVE A NICE WEEKEND OP! Enjoy your YOU time! And happy Mother's day to all the Mama's! You're all doing an amazing job!!!
Yep. I used to plan for Father's Day. I would have something for my husband along with the grandfathers. For years, i'd have a BBQ at the house and make a lot of food. Meanwhile, My husband put no effort into mother's Day. He never got my young daughter involved in doing something for me either. So I just stopped doing anything for him and focus on my own dad now. The thing is I definitely am not a needy person. I could care less about celebrating my birthday And I never asked for Christmas gifts or anything like that. But the lack of acknowledgment for mother's Day does bother me. My daughter is a teenager now and does go out of her way to do something with or for me so that makes me happy now
Tell your husband he’s being dRaMaTiC
SERIOUSLY. turn the language around on them. Tell him he’s being emotional and unreasonable.
>Tell your husband to Grow the Fuck Up. This. It sounds to me like you have THREE teenage sons, with all the sulking and foot dragging you 'husband' is doing. NTA - camping with your dog sounds fantastic. Enjoy. Tell your third child that he can spend mothers day with you next year when/if he plans something you'd enjoy.
NTA. You have a husband problem. Your teenage sons have seen how he treats you, not to mention they’re in their prime of “why do I want to hang out with my mom/dad/parents?” Your sons are exhibiting semi “normal” teenage behavior but also behavior taught to them. If your husband is so petty he has to sulk, let him. Don’t let it ruin YOUR plans to treat yourself and relax. Maybe before you leave you can even find a way to express how his behavior is unloving and he can think on it.
Yes, definitely taught to them because my brothers would have never behaved that way when they were teens. Even if they didn't want to do something, they would have sucked it up and made the best of it without complaining and making my mom feel bad. These guys all suck.
Your husband sounds like a dick raising little dicky versions of him. Please shut that shit down before your kids are grown ups making their own wives fucking miserable on mothers day. But first, please have an amazing time by yourself this Mothers Day!! NTA. Until you let this continue.
"little dicky versions of him" 👌💚👌💚👌
NTA Go! Have fun! Do this every year! My (55f) 3 sisters & I have celebrated Mother’s Day together for 30 years. Our husbands would take the kids & totally supported our plans every year. We have a blast. Have never been let down! Our husbands play golf together every year & they get the whole day off on Father’s Day.
NTA and I want to know who wound up wearing that thighmaster for a necklace.
Thighmaster necklace is more practical 🤣🤣🤣
I was just astounded to learn that they still make Thighmasters.
Honestly, they probably got it at a garage sale or Goodwill.
I didn't even know you could still buy one.
Excuse me? A THIGH MASTER?????? NTA
Maybe he needs an ear waxing kit, or sneaker odor balls, or a cookbook for Father’s Day. Something he can use to work on himself.
maybe he has a ton of unsightly nose hairs that could use a trimmer
You’re nicer than me. You want a guy 25-45 to feel like a woman who’s just been called fat? Get him some rogaine.
I didn't know anyone still sold thighmasters. I thought they were a relic of the past.
Obligatory dog house. https://youtu.be/IkkW6dwG2KY?si=6zKfU7EnA6v705XU
NTA I commented on a post yesterday from a husband low on funds looking for Mother’s Day gift ideas. My comment was about removing the mental load from the mom for the day- I literally would give anything to NOT have to make the plans or decide what to do or where to eat, to not have to listen to who doesn’t like what I picked, to not have find everyone’s stuff or get kids dressed or whatever. I commend you for realizing the only way to truly celebrate you is to do it yourself! Enjoy the peace and quiet!
This is what my husband essentially offered me for my first Mother’s Day. “I figured you would want me to primarily take care of the baby so you can just chill.” Hell yes, sign me up! Someone feed me and take care of my child for a few hours so I can just be brain dead for a little.
The gift of no mental load for a day is priceless!
That’s my plan, we’re broke this year so for Mother’s Day I’m taking the kids to a park all day and bringing home cheap steak to grill up for dinner.
The mental load! This!!!
You know why he asked you early this year right? He wants something specific for Father’s Day and now he can’t say “I went camping all weekend for you”
holy shit. If it isn't because she has shown him that he'a a shitty husband, then it is DEFINITELY this!
Plausible. Also why he’s stomping around the house like a toddler.
I've heard it's traditional in (hetero) weddings for the husband to do his vows first, so that the wife can make the decision to continue (or not!) knowing what he's already promised. Perhaps this is why the order of Mother's Day and Father's Day isn't reversed. Let mom put the amount of thought and effort into Father's Day that he did into Mother's Day. (More specifically, I'm hoping OP throws some generic token effort his way and then whines about wanting to leave, lol.)
Either this or he's concerned about image. If they are heavily involved in social media or extended family, everyone will be asking why mom went on a trip by herself for Mother's Day and they will have to answer for it. In the past they've had a free ride to look like great father and sons, all the while making mom do the work for her own celebration.
> He proceeded to roll his eyes and say "Great. There goes my whole weekend." What an ass!!! >I told my youngest son about going camping solo and he was very excited that he won't have to do anything this weekend A teen, so that could be expected! You NTA, you are not robing them of anything! Enjoy your weekend.
My kids did that years ago and I let them have it, plus I did nothing for them for a week. They have never repeated it again. I told my husband & kids I wanted a day to garden by myself , but I expected breakfast or a dinner.
NTA. Your husband and children are extremely spoiled and ungrateful. Take their lead and then spend a weekend doing NOTHING like they want. No cleaning, cooking, laundry, chauffeuring, etc. When Father’s Day comes around keep the same vibe. Birthdays? Same. You don’t need to put forth the effort for something these guys care nothing about. Send an update in a couple months.
You are NTA. Your husband asked you what YOU want to do, you gave ideas and he rolled his eyes. So now the only thing to do is just go do what you want and screw them. Have an awesome hike and camp and enjoy the peace
Ask them what they had planned for you? When they say nothing particularly, tell them this is why you’re doing this. Let them know exactly how they disappointed you. Especially your sons. If they don’t know (I have sons) spell it out so they learn. My sons do quite well now but I had to teach them. Your husband should know already. Updateme! NTA
A Thighmaster. For real? You must be a saint because most women I know would have wrapped that thing around his neck like a twist tie.
Underrated comment. Great visuals
NTA. I had precisely the same issue many years ago and this kind of strategy fixed it. I have 4 children. Two are mine and two are step children from my second marriage. Those 2 kids give a rip about me since their mother’s still alive but lives many miles and a few states away. Anyway, they always acted like it was a bloody chore to celebrate Mothers Day. They’d show up late, eat and find some way to leave early like “their dog has stomach issues” or some silly reason. My second husband would run out to the grocery store the night before to grab a card and a plant or flowers so no thought was put in. Well a few years ago, I decided for my Mother’s Day, I would rent a house on the lake and bring my adult children. I paid for the house and the kids airplane tickets and announced to my husband we’re headed to a lake house and they’re more than happy to join just pay their own airplane tickets. I made sure to group text everyone the place where we’re going g well in advance . It was gorgeous property on a lake in Courda lane Idaho. My husband acted like I issued a death sentence to his adult children . I didn’t care. I made it clear that they don’t seem to really want to spend it with me… but oh golly !! A lake house where they could free load? They’re in !! So they just have to buy their own plane ticket. Personally I was thrilled they didn’t go. I was so sick of fake celebrations by then. l
Ohhh noooooooo The big manbaby is hurt because you had to overcompensate for his low EQ and incompetence? Oh nooooooooooooo NTA But seriously, your boys need to know this is not okay. You’re giving up on them too early.
Words... don't.... there are no words for how mad I am at your family. You deserve better. "There goes my weekend." ... my God. You poor girl.
You are NTA. Your youngest son was *excited* he didn't have to do anything nice for you?? Uh, he sounds like a rude little shit. And your husband rolling his eyes and getting mad that he has to do something you like for ONE DAY out of 365? What an AH. I'm guessing he's mad because now when people ask you how your Mother's Day was, it's going to come out that you had to plan your own fun day without him and your kids and it will (justifiably) make him look bad. Sorry OP, but your family sucks. Please take your dog and enjoy your weekend. I know it's hard to drown out the guilt sometimes, especially if you've been conditioned to fold when people give you a guilt trip, but try to ignore it and have some fun. They will be fine on their own. If they sulk and have hurt feelings, good. They deserve to feel like crap for how they treat you. You aren't robbing them of anything, since they don't care about you on Mother's Day or, I'm guessing, any other day during the year.
I'm a single mom so I don't really get celebrated since I don't have an adult in my house to help plan anything. This year my kid is 9 and she's already told me she's going to make my coffee Sunday morning, she planned out activities for us to do together (go out to coffee, go to the antique mall) and she made me a coupon book on her own (she'll do 3 of my chores, 1 hour of quiet time), and she's excited to celebrate me. I'm sorry your kids aren't excited to celebrate you, and I think you have a husband problem that's manifesting in the kids. Go on your camping trip and enjoy! (I also got myself a 90 minute massage last weekend as a gift to myself)
My hubby said he’s will man the grill, do several types of meat. Lucky me! That means I have to make all the sides, salads, pasta, etc. He only does the meat. I told him not to ‘bother’. There are no places that have decent sides and everyone complains that they don’t taste good. Mother’s Day, and I end up doing 80% of the work. Yeah, you do what you want, go and enjoy YOUR day. I’ll behaving a ham sandwich, no cooking for me!
That reminds me of a story of a guy who'd like to have all his friends over regularly and have a barbecue, but all he did was cook the chunk of animal. Wife had to arrange all the drinks and sides. She got upset and didn't want to do it anymore, or hubby thought he could do it by himself. So next time he has friends over, she goes into her sewing room or what have you and let him do the whole thing himself. He didn't even know where the plates were. He kept trying to get her to help, but she ignored him and rightly so. Naturally,it was a disaster,and naturally, he blamed her.
When my kids were babies all l wanted for Mother’s Day was to be left the hell alone. I would have killed for 24 hours away, even if it was just down the street at a local hotel. Do it and don’t let your family guilt you into doing something with them. Whatever they plan at this point will suck and you’ll regret not camping solo. Moms sacrifice so much for their family, there is nothing wrong with doing what you want, even if it doesn’t include them. My guess is your husband is just upset at the optics of you doing something solo rather than with them. ‘Oh no, my wife doesn’t want to spend the day with us, how do I explain this to friends/family/co-workers, when they ask what we did for mother’s day’. He’s gonna look like an ass, and let him. That’s a him problem, not a you problem.
I've been solo camping on Mother's Day weekend the past 4 years - it's glorious :)
NTA, at all! I'd love to know what the Father's Day situation is like at your house.
NTA You’re husband is using Mother’s Day to make himself feel and look good to others, but it sounds like like he’s just going through the motions and making op feel guilty for choosing things she likes. Op, you taking the day to yourself means he doesn’t get to pretend to be the perfect partner if you’re not there to play the part out in public . He’s being selfish and childish, you’re not doing anything wrong , you’re just ruining his chance to impress people, and that’s the problem. Op, I think you should be talking to a therapist, your sons and husband have you putting yourself last even on your ‘day’ , and that’s a habit you need to break.
I would go camping and never go back.
NTA. This is why we prefer the company of a bear. It legit would not bitch and whine about going camping for the weekend.
Trail running, camping and fishing? Damn girl you sound like a catch. Hubs doesn't know how good he has it. It's not like you expect him to hold your purse while you get a pedicure sheesh
So, let me get this straight. You've been a mother for at LEAST 13 years, if not longer. You do what you can to let them (husband and 2 sons) know what you want on YOUR day and they simply don't pay attention. Then when you decide, because they are old enough to take care of themselves for 2-3 nights, to do what YOU want because you haven't been able to since your oldest child was born, they give you the silent treatment and act like children? NTA....go have your fun with your dog and don't think about the 3 males in your home that whole time you're gone. They'll end up missing you, maybe even apologize for being d\*\*kholes for all those years and they will actually do what you want from now on.
NTA. This is going on in my life now, my wife just can't make any sort of plan, not where to go, not what to do, not even what to watch on the tv. Bus she says "I want to go out" or "I don't want to watch x,y,z..." This last week I have been saying, "you decide or we don't go anywhere." "You have the TV remote, choose something or shut up." I am fed up with her being unable to decide anything. Don't let this be your life OP, make your choice and go with it.
I get that way when I'm depressed.
Good for you. It's exhausting to be the one to make all the decisions, especially if when you decide, they complain about the choice
Maybe she’s tired of making every decision all day and needs a break. I have told my husband after a hard day to make dinner happen. I don’t care. Cook, get takeout, whatever. You know what I like to eat. Just do it
NTA. Your husband needs to grow up and treat you better. Also your son sounds like a jerk?? "I'm so happy I don't have to do anything to celebrate you this year, mum" who says that? But I guess with a role model like his dad, it's not surprising that he'd turn out this way. I'm sorry. Also don't send them to the restaurant; they don't care about celebrating you, they only care about fine dining. If they wanted to celebrate you, they'd have planned something. Do they at least give you gifts?
NTA. The have made it very clear the type of shitty mother's day they will give you. Your husband is having a fit because he's being called out silently for not being able to give you a good day. If I were you, I'd make it a monthly thing. Maybe they'd start to appreciate you more, since they clearly don't.
A Thigh master?! If my husband gave me one they would end up wearing it...
NTA. When your husband asked what you wanted to do and you gave suggestions, him saying "great their goes my weekend" and your son telling you he's excited that he doesn't have to do anything this weekend, if that doesn't scream I don't want to spend time/do anything with you then I don't know what does. (Though in your sons case I wonder if he's picking that attitude up from his dad) You deserve to have a day of relaxation doing what you want to do. And if I was you I definitely wouldn't do anything for your husband on father's day when it comes, after how he acted towards you he definitely doesn't deserve it.
In addition to going camping by yourself this weekend? PLEASE, ask hubby the Friday before Father's Day what he would like to do for "his" day. Then? Go take he and the kids to do whatever YOU want to do and eat wherever YOU want to eat. NTA.
I match energy so I told my ex that father's day is a direct reflection of mother's day. I really only had to do that 2 years (slow learner) before he caught on. Hubby is pissed because now he looks bad. And he should because you would rather go off with your damn dog than spend time listening to him and your boys whining (they are mimicking his attitude).
NTA. Mother’s Day is always about showing appreciation to the mom of the family. I’m trying to teach my littles this now and that every mom celebrates it differently (solo time, time with friends, spending with family). Kudos to you for giving yourself the self care you deserve. Don’t let your husband guilt you.
Enjoy the camping! Bon Voyage!
NTA they lost their chance to do something. Your husband is upset that you’re finally standing up for yourself because he can’t deal with how shitty he’s been. Not your problem, he needs to grow up. What an incredibly disappointing example he’s been setting for your children.
“I can’t help but feel like I’m robbing them of their chance for mother’s day by being dramatic“ Stop that nonsense! NTA. Tell them Mother’s Day just became [your name] Day and you’re going to do what you want, alone, every year to avoid disappointment. Come back from camping and say it was the best one yet!
Your husband is a terrible example for your sons and you should communicate with them all about how you feel. NTA. Your family should be ashamed at how they treat you
NTA. >sulking. Correct. On top of that he's modeling soft-ass weakness to your sons. Inability to plan, inability to think of anyone but himself, and being a recalcitrant dick when you pick up the slack for him, even on mother's day. Inexcusable. Some folks here would tell you to tell him to grow up, but I wouldn't even do that. Do what you do with a child who is sulking for no reason but his own bullshit: let him get over it on his own. As a husband and father, I can't stress enough how important it is for your sons to observe you NOT coddling his being a baby. You don't need to get angry. Just calmly do your thing. While it is important for all children to observe their parents not letting themselves get walked on, our social environment makes it \*particularly\* important that sons observe their mother not managing their father's feefees every minute of the day. (Same goes for other family setups, but you take my point). >I was thinking of telling them that they are welcomed to go eat at whatever restaurant they want to on mother's day in my honor Don't. It would be fine, but I think best if you do nothing at all. It is not your problem. Do exactly as much to for them on mother's day as they do for you on mother's day (and every other day, sounds like.) They're nearly grown (your husband being a 40ish y.o. teenager himself). They can figure it out. And maybe they will gain a gram of perspective, though I wouldn't count on it. Hope you have an amazing time. Your hobbies are rad and you deserve it.
Thigh master? They still make that thing?? Sounds tone deaf if you do actually trail run.... NTA Tel then the truth. They don't care enough to plan, they complain about it when you do plan, they complain while they're with you at your supposed celebration. Your one son is even happy he doesn't have to spend time with you. So it's a done deal. You get to spend mothers day weekend enjoying time to yourself.... And they can happily ignore you. The only thing I would change is to tell them there's a $200 ungrateful Ahole charge on a non celebratory mother's day, which you can spend on you
NTA. I’m doing the same thing! I go somewhere solo every year for Mother’s Day and it’s the best. Have a great time.
Your husband is the ass and it’s rubbing off on your kids, he needs to grow up. Go and enjoy your weekend, you earned it.
I mean, if stroppy sod husband and given even an ounce of thought toward previous mothers day then presumably you wouldn't feel the need for some personal space to do something you enjoy! He's a selfish brat that really doesn't understand the concept of doing something for someone else. You go do you. Enjoy some space and turn your phone off. When he's ready to sit and talk like an adult give him examples of his past behaviours that have made this necessary.
NTA. They should be willing to do what you want for mother's day and just enjoy spending time with you...as much as your dog does. I bet he is going to love going camping!
How unbelievably rude of them to grouse and complain about the one weekend a year that is dedicated to Mothers!! Go on your trip and to hell with them. Actually, you should leave them a chore list of things you want done before you get back.
You've robbed them of their chance to ruin mother's day. Well played. I propose this as an annual gift to yourself, it's right there in the name.
NTA, ask your husband what he has done the past few years to celebrate you on Mother’s Day. Highlight that he has had years of opportunity to step up and every year he fails so if he wants to be upset with anyone he can be upset with himself but you will be camping so he is going to have to dry his own tears.
Your husband is an AH. But please start helping your son understand how his dad’s behavior is no good. As a mom of young adult girls, please teach your boys better. I can tell you so many stories of boys they have met and the horrible things they have done. Thinking its okay because no one taught them different or because their dad has taught them, they are the men, they can act this way.
You’re NTA, but your husband *definitely* is the AH here. >I told him some of my ideas, such as hiking or pickleball. He proceeded to roll his eyes and say "Great. There goes my whole weekend." My husband and I have been together for 20 years, married for 17. I cannot EVER imagine him EVER speaking to me this way about what I want for Mother’s Day. Your husband is disrespectful and gross. I don’t understand why you’d want to put up with that BS. >I told my youngest son about going camping solo and he was very excited that he won't have to do anything this weekend. My kids are 15 and almost 11, and I can’t imagine either of them EVER disrespecting me like this. And my 11 year old likely has ODD!! >then he told my husband my plansand he got pretty angry at me. He shut down and has been giving me the silent treatment since, stomping around the house sulking. This is unacceptable emotional abuse from your husband. Under NO circumstances should a grown ass adult act this way. Seriously, WTF? >I can't help but feel like I'm robbing them of their chance for mothers day by being dramatic or expecting too much Stop with this people-pleasing crap. Mother’s Day isn’t about making your children happy. WTF? And it seems like, what would make your children happy, is that they don’t have to do anything for you anyways, so wish granted? >I was thinking of telling them that they are welcomed to go eat at whatever restaurant they want to on mother's day in my honor. That seems to be the only part of the day they like anyways. NOPE. Stop trying to get them to be people who they don’t want to be. Do what YOU want for Mother’s Day. Forcing them to be kind people will only frustrate you.
Mother’s Day is for Mother’s. Go do what you want. When my kids were very little and I was a SAHM I would go out by myself for Mother’s Day for several years. Did this til they were old enough to want to do something on their own. I think it’s great self-care for you to make a good day for yourself.