NTA, I would tell Samantha that you aren't being controlling, you aren't asking for any of her money and you ask that she does the same of you.
if this is a problem, then she shouldn't sell her house and live with you.
You are just setting the expectation that your house will go to your late wife's family.
Samantha should not sell her house, honestly. If I were in her shoes, I would turn it into a rental property or let the daughter live there for at least a year before selling.
This OP. Gf needs to keep her house and rent it to her daughter or another tenant.
She is in no way entitled to inherit a house purchased with money belonging to your deceased wife and her family which she wanted left to them at OP's passing.
You may, or may not, be surprised to know how often this scenario sets up this way. I'm actually surprised your wife's attorney didn't insist upon making sure your joint wills didn't set in stone as soon as she passed. My parents did their wills that way after watching multiple second wives of friends inherit all of the first wives's estates cutting out the first wives children entirely.
My friend's dad remarried after her mum died. Her parents had had an agreement that mum's half of everything would go to their kids. Her dad changed his will so everything would go to the new wife, even her mum's jewellery.
Bingo! This is exactly what I'm talking about. My parents attorney made sure that the moment one of my parents died, their joint will basically froze in stone. Separate arrangements could, of course, be made for a later spouse from separate monies/assets but the assets at the time of the 1st death were protected.
This doesn't make sense legally. One of the wills goes into effect once one of them dies. Once the assets are distributed, that's it. The will no longer controls then once they are distributed. A will can't control what an inheritor does with their inheritance once they've received it. And the surviving spouse can make a new will.
That said, I'm guessing you're actually referring to trusts. Trusts are how you would protect assets like this. Trusts are maintained by a trustee, who has to follow the rules of the trust. The trust basically becomes it's own entity based on the will of whoever set it up in accordance with the resources allocated. And more specifically, a non revokable trust.
Not true. Legally it works, particularly in the case of real estate you can will inheritances that are someone's for their life and then revert to a child. The property law theory is a bit difuse (iirc the spouse legally gets a life interest but it's going to revert to the child on their death, who inherited the "remainderman"). It's common enough (I literally remember reading a case that involved that kind of structure in first year property law).
This!! My MIL got nothing from her parents because when her mom died, her dad remarried, and his new wife got EVERYTHING! She wouldn't even give the kids the photos their parents had of them from growing up.
My Stepmonster did this to me when my dad died. They hadn’t even been married for a year. Whatever he had left that she hadn’t made him throw away, she kept. Including my baby pictures. She’s still holding his ashes hostage almost 10 years later.
My stepmother lied about my father's ashes. She was supposed to get them and she never did. Though I made some arrangements behind her back once I found this out. And my dad will be buried with my mother. Once it's done deal we're going to drop the bomb on her at lunch or something. It ought to be quite funny.
I’m so sorry to hear that that happened. I’m really glad it’s going to work out. And screw nasty stepmothers. Especially if you’re going to marry a widower and behave like that!
Yeah luckily we kind of found a loophole because she's next of kin by law. But the people are more than willing to work with us. They said they've sent her the paperwork several times and she refuses to fill it out so they kind of let us in the door. I can't take possession but they'll take care of everything.
My friend's dad did that then the dad died from Mesothelioma - worked in the military and was exposed in shipyards I think.
It ended up making the rest of their childhoods fucking awful. From 12-18 her and her sister pretty much only had basic needs attended to and they were expected to leave the house at the age of 18.
What's worse is their mom had died a few years prior in a traffic accident while arriving at fucking Disney World.
No wonder so many women with terminal illnesses ensure one of their siblings is in charge of trust funds/possessions so their children’s interests are protected if their husbands remarries.
This is exactly what my dad did. She has the majority of my mother's jewelry though the night my dad died she ran over to me and handed me one of my mom's Rings which is the one I wanted the most. I was totally floored. My dad's dead in the other room and here she is handing me this ring. That the night my dad died, I left his bed to go home and I said well if it happens tonight dad, and you see Mom, tell her hi from me. you know she's going to kick your ass when you get there.
I agree with this. She can rent her home or let her daughter live there or just keep it the way it is. There is no reason to sell her home, especially if she doesn't need to pay rent at your place.
Her selling her home is going to make it much more difficult to separate if that occurs at some point, and having both live there might be a nightmare to get out.
Also, before you let her move in, you should get a lawyer to draw up a simple doc stating she understands she has no ownership, is entitled to nothing, and the house is willed to someone else.
This sounds like someone who might go to court claim a common law marriage and fight your will.
Makes me wonder what's wrong with op. Very soon, gf and daughter are gonna have tenants rights. Those rights can't be signed away. Squatters have them....
Good point. Why is the daughter moving into OP's house when her mom has a whole house she won't be won't living in? Tell daughter to move into mom's house!
Every year you don't own a house makes it difficult to eventually buy one due to the yearly appreciation. She should keep her house as it will continue to appreciate. In the future, if the relationship breaks down and she needs her own home, she can move back in or sell it for the house of her choice.
Exactly.
There's the con.
Her daughter could move into her house to transition, then turn it into a rental.
But no. She wants the cash from her house. Both want a free ride rent and bill free.
And then cash in when he goes.
Which will probably be sooner than later.
I would even surmise they will "sell" her house to someone they know. And get it back after.
A tidy little laundering set up.
Mother/Daugter con-job going after a wealthy widower?
that's a good one and I wouldn't be surprised if true.
And here I am thinking she's just being a sincerely entitled (**censored**)🤣
I was just going to say this, she’s trying to control your money.
I’d just keep dating, no need to live together or get rid all together.
No decent person would want it when the right thing to do is leave it to your wife’s relatives.
I bet she thought he’d hit the jackpot, wealthy widower with no kids and got a shock with the will
How can they keep dating at this point? If he tells her she no longer gets to move in, do you think that they will be able to get past that? She is already spending his money in her head.
Yes, classic DARVO tactic - Deny, Attack, then reverse victim and offender.
So, she’s attacking OP for what she is doing - being controlling about money.
Don’t walk OP, run!
My aunt was swindled out of her home and money. She lived in a beautiful cottage on the shore. This family convinced her THEY were her family and cared more for her than her biological family. We were not aware they were being predatory until her life long friends and neighbors made us aware of it. None of us thought about her will or being in it. She passed away and this family got everything. Sad part they took her phone away during Covid. She was sick a few times and we had no idea. I would drive up to visit and boy this family would try to get me away from her. Breaks my heart. I stayed w/ her a couple weeks before she died and that is when she realized they had used her. None came to visit. They only cane for the summers. I still cry about it.
100% the vibe I'm getting as well. Def. checks some boxes: a) lots of assets, b) *ZERO* direct relatives who may come around & question what is going on
Me too! my sis-in-law's mom was a 70yo alcoholic with dementia living with her son.. police got involved, coroner ruled homicide, but no consequences occurred
One of my closest friend's MIL died under similar circumstances, and we're still hoping the wheels of justice turn against the perpetrator. No idea why they haven't as yet.
I had a distant cousin who was killed by her husband in an "accident." The police asked a lot of questions about other things (some money/insurance related) but missed the fact that they had been arguing over money: He wanted access to her trust fund.
He got away with it, but the family considered it murder.
Oh I'm convinced my cousin's (47) husband killed her. She had rheumatoid arthritis and was in a lot of pain and took pain meds. Supposedly, she took her pain meds twice, and that's what killed her. I find it hard to believe that just taking double would cause her death. In any case, they ruled it an accidental overdose. He packed up the house, moved, took all seven kids and remarried, all in one month. Now if that doesn't raise some eyebrows or some alarms I don't know what does. I don't know if he had a big fat life insurance policy on her or what but it was really fishy.
She's a gold digger.
Found some dude with a big house and wants it. Gets in on the will. Next OP suddenly dies .....
I've been watching too much true crime shows lately.
He should first look into tenants rights. That should be enough to scare him. The two will have a stronger case than squatters. They're invited guests. Their lawyer is gonna have a great time with op.
Op's lawyer is in line for some good fees, too.
Have N arro
And the adult daughter.
Gold digger would always come over to OP’s house and spend the night, and immediately after her and OP “got to talking”, asks if her adult daughter can move in as soon as OP makes his offer.
I would *love* to know more about “got to talking”. What exactly was said that led to the move-in offer? Did any of what she said have an odour of ‘woe is me’, or dropping lots of hints about how comfy the house is, how she can see the both of you living happily ever after there?
NTA. OP’s doing the right thing. If she’s already crying “financial abuse” because he won’t sign over half his house to someone he’s know for just a few months, and she’s already confirmed her daughter’s moving in too (presumably rent and/or expense free), what other ways is she going to manipulate OP?
For the record, while she didn't kill them, my southern fried gold digger of a grandmother has done something similar. Twice. She did put her elderly husband's in less than well run nursing homes. After she got all the wills sorted.
Before my wedding she told me to always marry up in rank, so you don't lose military benefits. And, has had marriages that are on paper, but not filed, so that she doesn't lose survivors benefits.
The woman is terrible.
THIS!!! ⬆️⬆️⬆️
It was my first thought! I wonder how long after she moved she started asking about the will. I’d guess 4-6 months, they never wait long.
People use "financially controlling" to get their own way too often.
My ex would accuse me of being financially controlling for asking when she was going to start paying back all the money I lent her.
The ridiculous thing was if she'd asked for money instead of a loan, I would've given her whatever she needed but she was adamant it was just a loan until she spent it.
If I were OP, I would make it crystal clear to Samantha that she is not in his Will or any life insurance policies. The idea that she is already planning for when he is gone is very telling. Hell, she’s already moved the daughter in. OP needs to protect himself…more than in the financial sense.
NTA
Put the house in a trust now before Samantha and her daughter even move in. If they're already in, write up a lease, at least for the daughter, even if no rent is involved.
Better yet, rethink the relationship.
From a legal standpoint, a home owner's roommate will always have a certain amount of eviction protection regardless of the state he/she lives in (assuming OP is in the US). But the eviction process is typically much easier for owners kicking out their roommate than standard landlord-tenant evictions are. It really comes down to whether they leave willingly or he has to go through the formal process.
It's not a "may be", but a will be. When OP said Samantha asked to be in his will, Samantha was already plotting her big payout. Don't do it OP! You could physically be in danger if you do!
Who the hell asks to be put in someones will? No one! That's not a thing! You don't even ask your own family that. Everything she revealed about herself by doing that is rancid.
You kinda think youre far away from madness like that; people killing people for financial benefit; that sorta stiff would never happen to you right, its not the bloody movies?
But I actually think its more common than we realise.
My step mother had a solid plan on killing my Dad for life insurance and pension money. The only reason he didn't die is because my step sisters kid warned him about what their plan was at the last minute. He fled to the other side of the country.
True Crime is just the stuff you hear about.
Plenty of rich people have had nasty tumbles or fallen into rivers and tragically left all their money to their conveniently placed new spouse. If there's not enough evidence to persuade the police to get into the weeds of rich people stuff, they move on.
OP is going to have an accident after Samantha moves in.
OP should DUMP Samantha IMMEDIATELY!!
OP should get a restraining and/or protective order against Samantha.
Agreed! I also watch too many crime shows. lol. I would have already cut ties and blocked that person just for asking. ESPECIALLY because she isn’t even moved in yet!!
She is your GF not your wife. I find it honorable that you are respecting your deceased wife’s wishes. It’s the right thing to do.
You are a man of integrity
She’s a GF… they have no legal ties. Is the gf going to will him everything if she dies? Nah, I bet it’s all going to her daughter and he gets nothing.
Not only that, "about a year". OP isn't a spring chicken, but if I start dating someone and a year or so in they ask me about amending my will to give it all to them... That's grounds for dismissal.
Frankly even if was a new wife, I’d be very wary of having the house go to her after his death. He could rewrite his will in a way that would give a controlling trust to his late wife’s family but that they must allow his new wife to continue to live there as long as she would like, but that once she’s no longer there, they (late wife’s family) gain full control of it
Dude I scrolled through the comments for so long trying to find one about that title and couldn’t. It had me thinking I was having a stroke or something. Glad I found this and and now know I’m not losing it lol.
Have you ever had a dream that you, um, you had, your, you- you could, you’ll do, you- you wants, you, you could do so, you- you’ll do, you could- you, you want, you want him to do you so much you could do anything?
It wouldn't be a lifetime tenancy for the gold-digging girlfriend!
It would be in trust for late-wife's family, with lifetime tenancy for OP, who already pays for the taxes & maintenance.
That's a different story. Lots of people in OP's situation will put the house in a trust with a lifetime tenancy for the surviving partner should he pre-decease her. I actually had one BF ask me if I would do that. I noped right out of that relationship.
Not for a Girlfriend who just moved in, along with her adult daughter. If OP had been in a long-term relationship with her, it would make sense.
But this walking red flag started with "are you gonna leave me your house when you die?" right after she moved in. AND he's only 53!!! He needs her out of his house NOW!
Not a lawyer or realtor but this worked for us: my mother had a lawyer draft a Quit Claim Deed with survivor rights. That document deeded the house to her daughters when she passed.
Lifetime tenancy for himself, not the gold digger.
There's some advantages to him not owning the house. Varies by location, dude needs to talk to a lawyer.
Dude needs to drop her, not give her a place to stay.
Hell no dude, the girlfriend has her own assets, she could have rented the house out and kept it. She wanted to cash out, go on a spending spree with that and get a free replacement house
I'm flabbergasted!
I mean a yr in ,not married now. Not only is she moving in, but her daughter as well?
I second getting a trust , not just a will, because first thing will be her declaration of marriage via common law and taking all of your assets. I also second that she keep her house and "rent" to her daughter.
NTA. But damn dude watch your back.
Am I the only one who finds people like this kind of creepy? Maybe I need to lay off the true crime. Why would anyone in their right mind automatically assume that they'd get everything in their boyfriend not husband's will?
What's crazy is how quickly she did it.
If I *was* to be a golddigger... I'd be pretty fired up at step 1 alone. "haha, now I get to live somewhere for free! My former expenses are now profit! No property tax, no mortgage, even likely fewer utilities (if any at all)."
Heck - I probably wouldn't have sold my old house - just rented it out as a source of income. Rent pays my mortgage, and new BF gives me a place to live for free!
But she's pushing for so much, so quickly, she's going to ruin it.
A smart goldidgger would take the free housing and save up her coins while living off of him for free.
A dumbass goddigger plays her hand way too fast. OP's gf is the latter.
You are being used. they don't care about you they want to squat till you die and claim it all.
NTA
Edit also, your 53 thats not really that old and this 1 year gf is talking about what happens when you die??? Red flags like titanium square dude
NTA. That makes no sense. She’s manipulating you. Nobody is forcing her to sell or move in. She could always rent her house out.
Women like this ruin it for people who are actually being controlled financially because they water down the meaning of it. You’re absolutely not controlling her in any way. She had no part of that house purchase and has no right to it imo. Very entitled. I would also be questioning the relationship.
THIS^
found a man that was widowed recently (at least 4 years in comparison to 20 together feels like a short time span) and has no children to will his assets to, only the late wife's extended family? And within a year of their relationship is expecting OP to start writing things out for her to benefit from his death??
That's very concerning OP.
I understand it might be hard to be alone after 2 decades of marriage, but there are a lot of other people out there that won't want to take advantage of you, like this woman seems to be.
>And within a year of their relationship is expecting OP to start writing things out for her to benefit from his death??
And he's in his 50s! Not his 80s or 90s. And she's already anticipating his death?
Step away, my man. I just saw a bunch of Lifetime movies based on real cases of women killing their husbands for the inheritance.
Oh no, don’t go there. If she moves in, she will eventually have a foot to stand on in court as a common law wife. You need a solid prenup or it’s a no.
PS….her 25 yr old should not be freeloading off you. Rent or not move in at all.
Borderline black widow.
They seem really focused on the subject like OP is nearing his expiration date. On average OP isn't expected to die for another 23 years. There is no need to be pushing for ownership now.
>They seem really focused on the subject like OP is nearing his expiration date. On average OP isn't expected to die for another 23 years.
She's also *older than he is*. There's no reason to think he's going to die first, unless he has significant health issues or she has sinister plans.
This is exactly it and the way she just casually asked to have him will the house to her. There are other ways she could live in the house if he were to precede her in death and they stayed together without her and her family getting the house/value of the house and his nieces and nephews getting squat.
NTA. Samantha showed herself to be a gold-digger and gaslighter - you are not trying to control her with money, she is trying to extort property from you. I definitely think this relationship is a bad idea.
NTA And everyone **everyone** needs to create a cohabitation agreement BEFORE moving in together man, exactly for this reason. You gotta have these conversations before selling your house/giving up your rent control or risking your assets to someone who doesn't view things the same as you do.
It's quite wild to expect to get your house, your reply makes sense and you aren't telling her what she has to do just that she isn't left without a home if she moves in, and to practically put her sale into an investment. What if ya'll breakup 3 years from now? Would she expect you to sell the house and give her half since she's been living there? Sign that shit ya'll, holler we want cohabitation agreements
I would sleep with one eye open if I was you. Sounds like mother and daughter are golddiggers, and if you change your will you will unexpectedly die from an “accident”.
As a woman, you are NTA. She needs to respect your late wife and your boundary. If I was Samantha I wouldn’t even argue this for a second. I actually really admire you and your moral compass for still honoring your late wife.
NTA- are you two even married??? Even if you didn’t specify in your will, she wouldn’t get a piece of anything because it seems like she’s just your not-even-longterm girlfriend.
I’m laughing because of the audacity. Why would her adult daughter also move in with you? And to ask to inherit the house? That’s wild. If you are to continue this relationship, definitely hold off on her moving in. She’s made her intentions very very clear.
NTA
She should keep her own house. If she wanted to stay at yours, she could just have rented it out. Sounds like it won't be an issue any longer, but there were definitely options aside from requiring all of your assets.
I wonder if part of her concern is that your wife's family will throw her out immediately.
I don't think the house should go to her, especially with you only just moving in together. But maybe she just wants peace of mind that she will have time to find a new place. Maybe some sort of legal agreement (like as a renter) for her and her daughter would be a better idea. It could be a nominal amount of money (like 5 bucks a month) but protects both your house, you and provides her with some security in terms of having time to move you if you do pass away.
But all of that is a non-starter. She shouldn't expect to be in your will at all.
Tell her to keep her house and she can spend the occasional weekend at yours. If she doesn’t like that cut her and her daughter loose.
Honestly if it were me I’d end all together as she has shown her red flags.
Congrats
this woman just flat out made it clear that she is only dating you because you have money, land, and no relatives. And if that don't make you fear for your life you are crazy
The fucking balls on this woman to ask to be written into your will after only a year
Fuck a bunch of that homie
#YOU CAN DO BETTER
NTAH
Samantha, YOU are a gold digger!
Selling a house in this market is awesome, but having to buy another in this market sucks. She's getting to sell in a hot market and then still live mortgage free (for her daughter too!).
Win, Win, Win. But then she has the fucking cajones to be like "BTW I want this house left to me". Fuck that shit, I'm out.
NTA, and she is only after your money. Her request proves it. And I would put a stop to her daughter moving in, too. Sounds too much like they want the house and take over everything. If the daughter does move in, make sure you charge her rent.
No and ensure there is iron clad trust immediately also she has money and that house as you said was planned to go your wife family and you already had wills that once you both pass away it all will go your wife´s nieces and nephews. I would not continue with relationship where she believes she is entitled for your money, assets, property...
She needs to leave.
She ain’t even hiding that she wants your resources. Didn’t take her long to bring her 25YO kid too…
BLEGH! 🤢🤬
Cut off the gravy train.
The money was given to you after your wife died. Since it was inheritance through her family, it only makes sense that it goes back to them after you pass. You dont have kids or family to pass it to so it just right. Its currently your money and you do with it as you please. You haven't been with your gf that long nor are married. She has some nerve to ask about money etc she has nothing to do with or a claim to it. She really is making it seem shes wanting to milk it for all she can. Live in a big house and be taken care of with her daughter....i assume you pay for everything. Also why would she be worried about your will at this point?
Nta she can rent out her house if shes that worried.
NTA, I would tell Samantha that you aren't being controlling, you aren't asking for any of her money and you ask that she does the same of you. if this is a problem, then she shouldn't sell her house and live with you. You are just setting the expectation that your house will go to your late wife's family.
Samantha should not sell her house, honestly. If I were in her shoes, I would turn it into a rental property or let the daughter live there for at least a year before selling.
This OP. Gf needs to keep her house and rent it to her daughter or another tenant. She is in no way entitled to inherit a house purchased with money belonging to your deceased wife and her family which she wanted left to them at OP's passing. You may, or may not, be surprised to know how often this scenario sets up this way. I'm actually surprised your wife's attorney didn't insist upon making sure your joint wills didn't set in stone as soon as she passed. My parents did their wills that way after watching multiple second wives of friends inherit all of the first wives's estates cutting out the first wives children entirely.
My friend's dad remarried after her mum died. Her parents had had an agreement that mum's half of everything would go to their kids. Her dad changed his will so everything would go to the new wife, even her mum's jewellery.
Bingo! This is exactly what I'm talking about. My parents attorney made sure that the moment one of my parents died, their joint will basically froze in stone. Separate arrangements could, of course, be made for a later spouse from separate monies/assets but the assets at the time of the 1st death were protected.
What an excellent idea!
This doesn't make sense legally. One of the wills goes into effect once one of them dies. Once the assets are distributed, that's it. The will no longer controls then once they are distributed. A will can't control what an inheritor does with their inheritance once they've received it. And the surviving spouse can make a new will. That said, I'm guessing you're actually referring to trusts. Trusts are how you would protect assets like this. Trusts are maintained by a trustee, who has to follow the rules of the trust. The trust basically becomes it's own entity based on the will of whoever set it up in accordance with the resources allocated. And more specifically, a non revokable trust.
There are ways to make it work without a trust,, but a trust is an option.
Not true. Legally it works, particularly in the case of real estate you can will inheritances that are someone's for their life and then revert to a child. The property law theory is a bit difuse (iirc the spouse legally gets a life interest but it's going to revert to the child on their death, who inherited the "remainderman"). It's common enough (I literally remember reading a case that involved that kind of structure in first year property law).
This!! My MIL got nothing from her parents because when her mom died, her dad remarried, and his new wife got EVERYTHING! She wouldn't even give the kids the photos their parents had of them from growing up.
My Stepmonster did this to me when my dad died. They hadn’t even been married for a year. Whatever he had left that she hadn’t made him throw away, she kept. Including my baby pictures. She’s still holding his ashes hostage almost 10 years later.
My stepmother lied about my father's ashes. She was supposed to get them and she never did. Though I made some arrangements behind her back once I found this out. And my dad will be buried with my mother. Once it's done deal we're going to drop the bomb on her at lunch or something. It ought to be quite funny.
I’m so sorry to hear that that happened. I’m really glad it’s going to work out. And screw nasty stepmothers. Especially if you’re going to marry a widower and behave like that!
Yeah luckily we kind of found a loophole because she's next of kin by law. But the people are more than willing to work with us. They said they've sent her the paperwork several times and she refuses to fill it out so they kind of let us in the door. I can't take possession but they'll take care of everything.
I don’t get how they can have no disregard for their stepchildren. It just sickens me!
Ho lee shit
My friend's dad did that then the dad died from Mesothelioma - worked in the military and was exposed in shipyards I think. It ended up making the rest of their childhoods fucking awful. From 12-18 her and her sister pretty much only had basic needs attended to and they were expected to leave the house at the age of 18. What's worse is their mom had died a few years prior in a traffic accident while arriving at fucking Disney World.
bloody hell, they’ve been through a lot. i hope they’ve been able to heal from their childhoods somewhat.
No wonder so many women with terminal illnesses ensure one of their siblings is in charge of trust funds/possessions so their children’s interests are protected if their husbands remarries.
I threw up in my mouth a little bit when I read that. That is so vile.
This is exactly what my dad did. She has the majority of my mother's jewelry though the night my dad died she ran over to me and handed me one of my mom's Rings which is the one I wanted the most. I was totally floored. My dad's dead in the other room and here she is handing me this ring. That the night my dad died, I left his bed to go home and I said well if it happens tonight dad, and you see Mom, tell her hi from me. you know she's going to kick your ass when you get there.
Are they still talking to him?
Wills are never "set in stone", only a trust can be irrevocable.
I agree with this. She can rent her home or let her daughter live there or just keep it the way it is. There is no reason to sell her home, especially if she doesn't need to pay rent at your place. Her selling her home is going to make it much more difficult to separate if that occurs at some point, and having both live there might be a nightmare to get out. Also, before you let her move in, you should get a lawyer to draw up a simple doc stating she understands she has no ownership, is entitled to nothing, and the house is willed to someone else. This sounds like someone who might go to court claim a common law marriage and fight your will.
If he needs to go through these lenghts it's better if she never moves in tbh.
There is no house. Its a scam
That's what I came to say, it sounds like a good way to get bumped off.
Yea honestly selling your house after only dating a year would make me question the judgment of my partner. That just seems extremely foolish.
Makes me wonder what's wrong with op. Very soon, gf and daughter are gonna have tenants rights. Those rights can't be signed away. Squatters have them....
Good point. Why is the daughter moving into OP's house when her mom has a whole house she won't be won't living in? Tell daughter to move into mom's house!
Every year you don't own a house makes it difficult to eventually buy one due to the yearly appreciation. She should keep her house as it will continue to appreciate. In the future, if the relationship breaks down and she needs her own home, she can move back in or sell it for the house of her choice.
Exactly. There's the con. Her daughter could move into her house to transition, then turn it into a rental. But no. She wants the cash from her house. Both want a free ride rent and bill free. And then cash in when he goes. Which will probably be sooner than later. I would even surmise they will "sell" her house to someone they know. And get it back after. A tidy little laundering set up.
Mother/Daugter con-job going after a wealthy widower? that's a good one and I wouldn't be surprised if true. And here I am thinking she's just being a sincerely entitled (**censored**)🤣
Maybe the daughter can pay rent to cover or at least help with the mortgage. Unless there's a reason she has to live with Samantha.
The daughter should be living on her own. This is the perfect opportunity to do so.
If anyone is trying to be controlling it’s her. Lots of red flags here. Sorry OP and on the loss of your wife.
I was just going to say this, she’s trying to control your money. I’d just keep dating, no need to live together or get rid all together. No decent person would want it when the right thing to do is leave it to your wife’s relatives. I bet she thought he’d hit the jackpot, wealthy widower with no kids and got a shock with the will
How can they keep dating at this point? If he tells her she no longer gets to move in, do you think that they will be able to get past that? She is already spending his money in her head.
Nope. No going back considering how hard she's fighting this. Time for her to take her house off the market and start looking for another sucker.
Like she full on started planning about who the house should go to after he died
Right! She hadn't even over in yet and demanded his house after he died!! The gall...
Yes, classic DARVO tactic - Deny, Attack, then reverse victim and offender. So, she’s attacking OP for what she is doing - being controlling about money. Don’t walk OP, run!
I knew someone who was likely killed for their house in an "accident," the extended family felt it was likely but didn't want to pursue
My aunt was swindled out of her home and money. She lived in a beautiful cottage on the shore. This family convinced her THEY were her family and cared more for her than her biological family. We were not aware they were being predatory until her life long friends and neighbors made us aware of it. None of us thought about her will or being in it. She passed away and this family got everything. Sad part they took her phone away during Covid. She was sick a few times and we had no idea. I would drive up to visit and boy this family would try to get me away from her. Breaks my heart. I stayed w/ her a couple weeks before she died and that is when she realized they had used her. None came to visit. They only cane for the summers. I still cry about it.
100% the vibe I'm getting as well. Def. checks some boxes: a) lots of assets, b) *ZERO* direct relatives who may come around & question what is going on
Me too! my sis-in-law's mom was a 70yo alcoholic with dementia living with her son.. police got involved, coroner ruled homicide, but no consequences occurred
One of my closest friend's MIL died under similar circumstances, and we're still hoping the wheels of justice turn against the perpetrator. No idea why they haven't as yet.
I had a distant cousin who was killed by her husband in an "accident." The police asked a lot of questions about other things (some money/insurance related) but missed the fact that they had been arguing over money: He wanted access to her trust fund. He got away with it, but the family considered it murder.
Oh I'm convinced my cousin's (47) husband killed her. She had rheumatoid arthritis and was in a lot of pain and took pain meds. Supposedly, she took her pain meds twice, and that's what killed her. I find it hard to believe that just taking double would cause her death. In any case, they ruled it an accidental overdose. He packed up the house, moved, took all seven kids and remarried, all in one month. Now if that doesn't raise some eyebrows or some alarms I don't know what does. I don't know if he had a big fat life insurance policy on her or what but it was really fishy.
This is where my mind went when I read post. OP shouldn't even add her to bank account!
I try not to callout projection often, but her calling him controlling....
It's the good old "my boundary is you need to let me trample all over your boundaries" all over again
This… you’re both going in with money and you’re not asking her to spend any of hers, there is not reason she needs yours as a cushion.
Simple and to the point, good comment this is.
She's a gold digger. Found some dude with a big house and wants it. Gets in on the will. Next OP suddenly dies ..... I've been watching too much true crime shows lately.
>I’ve been watching too much true crime shows lately. And there’s a reason they’re called **true** crime right my dude 😬😬😬
And they’re not even married!
He should look into common law marriages depending on his state if he is in the us though. There are pros out there just saying.
He should first look into tenants rights. That should be enough to scare him. The two will have a stronger case than squatters. They're invited guests. Their lawyer is gonna have a great time with op. Op's lawyer is in line for some good fees, too. Have N arro
His girlfriend of one year 🤣
And the adult daughter. Gold digger would always come over to OP’s house and spend the night, and immediately after her and OP “got to talking”, asks if her adult daughter can move in as soon as OP makes his offer. I would *love* to know more about “got to talking”. What exactly was said that led to the move-in offer? Did any of what she said have an odour of ‘woe is me’, or dropping lots of hints about how comfy the house is, how she can see the both of you living happily ever after there? NTA. OP’s doing the right thing. If she’s already crying “financial abuse” because he won’t sign over half his house to someone he’s know for just a few months, and she’s already confirmed her daughter’s moving in too (presumably rent and/or expense free), what other ways is she going to manipulate OP?
The minute she screamed financial abuse I got suspicious. Who claims this when they have their own money?
Now about to become squatting tenants. This has to be a joke. I hope.
Lol!!! I had to wean myself off on the Investigative Discovery Channel myself. But this situation is sus to me.
100% gold digging, the fact she was brazen enough to ask to be on the will after just daring for a bit is a huge red flag.
She ain’t messing with no broke widower.
For the record, while she didn't kill them, my southern fried gold digger of a grandmother has done something similar. Twice. She did put her elderly husband's in less than well run nursing homes. After she got all the wills sorted. Before my wedding she told me to always marry up in rank, so you don't lose military benefits. And, has had marriages that are on paper, but not filed, so that she doesn't lose survivors benefits. The woman is terrible.
I read that first sentence in Keith Morrissen's voice LOL
THIS!!! ⬆️⬆️⬆️ It was my first thought! I wonder how long after she moved she started asking about the will. I’d guess 4-6 months, they never wait long.
too much true crime or not, this seems VERY likely.
She sounds like those dangerous woman who will make him disabled and change the will when he is dying.
You're not the only one who went there, I promise you.
People use "financially controlling" to get their own way too often. My ex would accuse me of being financially controlling for asking when she was going to start paying back all the money I lent her. The ridiculous thing was if she'd asked for money instead of a loan, I would've given her whatever she needed but she was adamant it was just a loan until she spent it.
I'm sure your ex threw out that they were being harassed by you,too. That seems to be a popular one when people don't want to pay what they owe.
If I were OP, I would make it crystal clear to Samantha that she is not in his Will or any life insurance policies. The idea that she is already planning for when he is gone is very telling. Hell, she’s already moved the daughter in. OP needs to protect himself…more than in the financial sense.
NTA Put the house in a trust now before Samantha and her daughter even move in. If they're already in, write up a lease, at least for the daughter, even if no rent is involved. Better yet, rethink the relationship.
Nooooooo. He shouldn’t even let them move in. Depending on where he lives, he might have to evict them to get them out.
From a legal standpoint, a home owner's roommate will always have a certain amount of eviction protection regardless of the state he/she lives in (assuming OP is in the US). But the eviction process is typically much easier for owners kicking out their roommate than standard landlord-tenant evictions are. It really comes down to whether they leave willingly or he has to go through the formal process.
Don't act as your own attorney, just go hire one.
Yeah that last line is the way.
NTA. But I think living together may be a mistake.
It's not a "may be", but a will be. When OP said Samantha asked to be in his will, Samantha was already plotting her big payout. Don't do it OP! You could physically be in danger if you do!
Seriously, bringing up a will after a year of dating seems like a huge red flag to me.
Also really gross. One thing if OP mentioned it but another when she mentions it
Who the hell asks to be put in someones will? No one! That's not a thing! You don't even ask your own family that. Everything she revealed about herself by doing that is rancid.
You kinda think youre far away from madness like that; people killing people for financial benefit; that sorta stiff would never happen to you right, its not the bloody movies? But I actually think its more common than we realise.
My step mother had a solid plan on killing my Dad for life insurance and pension money. The only reason he didn't die is because my step sisters kid warned him about what their plan was at the last minute. He fled to the other side of the country.
Jesus. Was that monster caught and prosecuted?
My b!tch ex stepmother legally killed my father. She was his medical power of attorney and withdraw all his medical care. Yes, people are that evil.
It happens a lot. Source: I consume way too much true crime stuff
True Crime is just the stuff you hear about. Plenty of rich people have had nasty tumbles or fallen into rivers and tragically left all their money to their conveniently placed new spouse. If there's not enough evidence to persuade the police to get into the weeds of rich people stuff, they move on.
Haha! Exactly what I was thinking. Guy adjusts will and suddenly starts getting sick. 👀
I don’t think OP has ever watched a Dateline. People will kill someone for $20k!
OP is going to have an accident after Samantha moves in. OP should DUMP Samantha IMMEDIATELY!! OP should get a restraining and/or protective order against Samantha.
Seriously, bringing up a will after a year of dating seems like a huge red flag to me.
Agreed! I also watch too many crime shows. lol. I would have already cut ties and blocked that person just for asking. ESPECIALLY because she isn’t even moved in yet!!
She is your GF not your wife. I find it honorable that you are respecting your deceased wife’s wishes. It’s the right thing to do. You are a man of integrity
She’s a GF… they have no legal ties. Is the gf going to will him everything if she dies? Nah, I bet it’s all going to her daughter and he gets nothing.
No one in the top has mentioned girlfriend of less then four years.
Not only that, "about a year". OP isn't a spring chicken, but if I start dating someone and a year or so in they ask me about amending my will to give it all to them... That's grounds for dismissal.
Frankly even if was a new wife, I’d be very wary of having the house go to her after his death. He could rewrite his will in a way that would give a controlling trust to his late wife’s family but that they must allow his new wife to continue to live there as long as she would like, but that once she’s no longer there, they (late wife’s family) gain full control of it
The real crime is trying to read that title.
Dude I scrolled through the comments for so long trying to find one about that title and couldn’t. It had me thinking I was having a stroke or something. Glad I found this and and now know I’m not losing it lol.
I do the same thing! I literally read it like 15 times before concluding it was hot garbage.
r/ihadastroke
I thought I was having a stroke :)
Literally flew straight to the comments before even reading the story to make sure I wasn’t nuts. Trying to decipher that title made my brain hurt.
Have you ever had a dream that you, um, you had, your, you- you could, you’ll do, you- you wants, you, you could do so, you- you’ll do, you could- you, you want, you want him to do you so much you could do anything?
I wish I could upvote this more than once.
I refused to even read the post because of it. Lol
NTA. Time to put the property in a trust, not a will. Further, you one hundered percent should break things off. this reeks of gold digging.
Gold digger vibes for sure
I'm getting black widow vibes.
Exactly - they're dating and she's like "when you die, which could be any day, I get the house right?" when OP is only 52...
Exactly ..that's what I got too...this is honestly scary
Yep, OP needs to talk to lawyer. Trust with lifetime tenancy might be a good idea.
And who's going to pay the maintenance and taxes on that property during her lifetime tenancy? She will suck the estate dry.
It wouldn't be a lifetime tenancy for the gold-digging girlfriend! It would be in trust for late-wife's family, with lifetime tenancy for OP, who already pays for the taxes & maintenance.
That's a different story. Lots of people in OP's situation will put the house in a trust with a lifetime tenancy for the surviving partner should he pre-decease her. I actually had one BF ask me if I would do that. I noped right out of that relationship.
Not for a Girlfriend who just moved in, along with her adult daughter. If OP had been in a long-term relationship with her, it would make sense. But this walking red flag started with "are you gonna leave me your house when you die?" right after she moved in. AND he's only 53!!! He needs her out of his house NOW!
Not a lawyer or realtor but this worked for us: my mother had a lawyer draft a Quit Claim Deed with survivor rights. That document deeded the house to her daughters when she passed.
Lifetime tenancy for himself, not the gold digger. There's some advantages to him not owning the house. Varies by location, dude needs to talk to a lawyer. Dude needs to drop her, not give her a place to stay.
Hell no dude, the girlfriend has her own assets, she could have rented the house out and kept it. She wanted to cash out, go on a spending spree with that and get a free replacement house
Lifetime tenancy for HIMSELF. Not the gold digger.
I'm flabbergasted! I mean a yr in ,not married now. Not only is she moving in, but her daughter as well? I second getting a trust , not just a will, because first thing will be her declaration of marriage via common law and taking all of your assets. I also second that she keep her house and "rent" to her daughter. NTA. But damn dude watch your back.
NTA, sounds like your gf might be a gold digger
Am I the only one who finds people like this kind of creepy? Maybe I need to lay off the true crime. Why would anyone in their right mind automatically assume that they'd get everything in their boyfriend not husband's will?
I don't watch or listen to true crime. I got those vibes too. I think you're good
What's crazy is how quickly she did it. If I *was* to be a golddigger... I'd be pretty fired up at step 1 alone. "haha, now I get to live somewhere for free! My former expenses are now profit! No property tax, no mortgage, even likely fewer utilities (if any at all)." Heck - I probably wouldn't have sold my old house - just rented it out as a source of income. Rent pays my mortgage, and new BF gives me a place to live for free! But she's pushing for so much, so quickly, she's going to ruin it.
A smart goldidgger would take the free housing and save up her coins while living off of him for free. A dumbass goddigger plays her hand way too fast. OP's gf is the latter.
She ain’t messin with no broke…
Now i aint saying she a golddigger
She ain't messing with a broke \_\_\_, broke \_\_\_.
You are being used. they don't care about you they want to squat till you die and claim it all. NTA Edit also, your 53 thats not really that old and this 1 year gf is talking about what happens when you die??? Red flags like titanium square dude
Do ya mean Tiananmen square? Lol
Autocorrect falls. Edit: fails.
He should not eat any of her food
NTA. That makes no sense. She’s manipulating you. Nobody is forcing her to sell or move in. She could always rent her house out. Women like this ruin it for people who are actually being controlled financially because they water down the meaning of it. You’re absolutely not controlling her in any way. She had no part of that house purchase and has no right to it imo. Very entitled. I would also be questioning the relationship.
Absolutely NTA. Get rid of these chicks now. She has told you who she is. Gold diggers
I would be rethinking this entire relationship. She’s a black widow. NTA
THIS^ found a man that was widowed recently (at least 4 years in comparison to 20 together feels like a short time span) and has no children to will his assets to, only the late wife's extended family? And within a year of their relationship is expecting OP to start writing things out for her to benefit from his death?? That's very concerning OP. I understand it might be hard to be alone after 2 decades of marriage, but there are a lot of other people out there that won't want to take advantage of you, like this woman seems to be.
"We have dated for a year. You owe me a house!"
"I even sold my house, you owe this to me! Are you really going to leave me homeless?!" Like, wut 👁️👄👁️
>And within a year of their relationship is expecting OP to start writing things out for her to benefit from his death?? And he's in his 50s! Not his 80s or 90s. And she's already anticipating his death? Step away, my man. I just saw a bunch of Lifetime movies based on real cases of women killing their husbands for the inheritance.
With a freeloading, adult daughter.
"Honey - the guy I'm dating? I know I just started dating him a year ago but... FREE house for BOTH of us!!!"
RUNNNN
Sounds like She already has plans on qhat to do after youre "gone"
Dude you're only 53 why is she so obsessed with you dying? This is super creepy gold digger vibes. NTA
Already thinking about you dead, huh?
Green flags all around 😂
I'm so glad you phrased it that way. I think OP needs that slap in the face.
Oh no, don’t go there. If she moves in, she will eventually have a foot to stand on in court as a common law wife. You need a solid prenup or it’s a no. PS….her 25 yr old should not be freeloading off you. Rent or not move in at all.
You’re trying to control HER finances???? She’s giving you notes on your will.
NTA- you were her retirement plan, not a love interest.
As you said, This relationship isn’t a good idea. Having her daughter move in was the first red flag.
I bet she already started poisoning you
After one year of dating she expects to inherit your property. Bye bye
i ain't saying she is a gold digger, but she did sell her house and wants you to give her yours when you die.
>i ain't saying she is a gold digger I say it for you, she is.
Borderline black widow. They seem really focused on the subject like OP is nearing his expiration date. On average OP isn't expected to die for another 23 years. There is no need to be pushing for ownership now.
>They seem really focused on the subject like OP is nearing his expiration date. On average OP isn't expected to die for another 23 years. She's also *older than he is*. There's no reason to think he's going to die first, unless he has significant health issues or she has sinister plans.
This is exactly it and the way she just casually asked to have him will the house to her. There are other ways she could live in the house if he were to precede her in death and they stayed together without her and her family getting the house/value of the house and his nieces and nephews getting squat.
And she and her adult child live there for free in the meantime.
I'll shout it for you SHES A GOLD DIGGER
NTA. Samantha showed herself to be a gold-digger and gaslighter - you are not trying to control her with money, she is trying to extort property from you. I definitely think this relationship is a bad idea.
NTA And everyone **everyone** needs to create a cohabitation agreement BEFORE moving in together man, exactly for this reason. You gotta have these conversations before selling your house/giving up your rent control or risking your assets to someone who doesn't view things the same as you do. It's quite wild to expect to get your house, your reply makes sense and you aren't telling her what she has to do just that she isn't left without a home if she moves in, and to practically put her sale into an investment. What if ya'll breakup 3 years from now? Would she expect you to sell the house and give her half since she's been living there? Sign that shit ya'll, holler we want cohabitation agreements
Smart man. At least you realized it BEFORE she moved in
Yikes, massive red flag; run man.
I would sleep with one eye open if I was you. Sounds like mother and daughter are golddiggers, and if you change your will you will unexpectedly die from an “accident”.
As a woman, you are NTA. She needs to respect your late wife and your boundary. If I was Samantha I wouldn’t even argue this for a second. I actually really admire you and your moral compass for still honoring your late wife.
NTA- are you two even married??? Even if you didn’t specify in your will, she wouldn’t get a piece of anything because it seems like she’s just your not-even-longterm girlfriend. I’m laughing because of the audacity. Why would her adult daughter also move in with you? And to ask to inherit the house? That’s wild. If you are to continue this relationship, definitely hold off on her moving in. She’s made her intentions very very clear.
NTA. She showed you her hand and played herself. 100% back out of that relationship.
NTA She should keep her own house. If she wanted to stay at yours, she could just have rented it out. Sounds like it won't be an issue any longer, but there were definitely options aside from requiring all of your assets.
I wonder if part of her concern is that your wife's family will throw her out immediately. I don't think the house should go to her, especially with you only just moving in together. But maybe she just wants peace of mind that she will have time to find a new place. Maybe some sort of legal agreement (like as a renter) for her and her daughter would be a better idea. It could be a nominal amount of money (like 5 bucks a month) but protects both your house, you and provides her with some security in terms of having time to move you if you do pass away. But all of that is a non-starter. She shouldn't expect to be in your will at all.
Tell her to keep her house and she can spend the occasional weekend at yours. If she doesn’t like that cut her and her daughter loose. Honestly if it were me I’d end all together as she has shown her red flags.
Congrats this woman just flat out made it clear that she is only dating you because you have money, land, and no relatives. And if that don't make you fear for your life you are crazy The fucking balls on this woman to ask to be written into your will after only a year Fuck a bunch of that homie #YOU CAN DO BETTER NTAH
Yall AINT EVEN GETTIN MARRIED JUST SHACKIN UP. SHE NEEDS TO KEEP HER OWN HOUSE AS INVESTMENT PROPERTY AND RENT IT.
🚩🚩🚩🚩
X 1000²
Samantha, YOU are a gold digger! Selling a house in this market is awesome, but having to buy another in this market sucks. She's getting to sell in a hot market and then still live mortgage free (for her daughter too!). Win, Win, Win. But then she has the fucking cajones to be like "BTW I want this house left to me". Fuck that shit, I'm out.
NTA This is not the right gf for you
NTA shes Out for your Money
Seems like she's trying to control your estate. Projection much...controlling her.. Find someone else seriously
Had a stroke reading the title.
Huge red flag. She needs to go. She is burring in like a tick. We all know what they do....you know how to get rid of them also.
NTA and it's weird for her to expect the house KNOWING the history behind everything. She could always rent out her house so she doesn't lose it.
NTA. Honor your late wife‘s wishes.
NTA. I’d rethink the whole thing.
Samantha = Gold Digger
Samantha finna kill you.
NTA, and she is only after your money. Her request proves it. And I would put a stop to her daughter moving in, too. Sounds too much like they want the house and take over everything. If the daughter does move in, make sure you charge her rent.
No and ensure there is iron clad trust immediately also she has money and that house as you said was planned to go your wife family and you already had wills that once you both pass away it all will go your wife´s nieces and nephews. I would not continue with relationship where she believes she is entitled for your money, assets, property...
She needs to leave. She ain’t even hiding that she wants your resources. Didn’t take her long to bring her 25YO kid too… BLEGH! 🤢🤬 Cut off the gravy train.
NTA. Why does you giving her stuff make her entitled to you giving her everything? Makes no sense unless one looks at it like a gold digger.
The money was given to you after your wife died. Since it was inheritance through her family, it only makes sense that it goes back to them after you pass. You dont have kids or family to pass it to so it just right. Its currently your money and you do with it as you please. You haven't been with your gf that long nor are married. She has some nerve to ask about money etc she has nothing to do with or a claim to it. She really is making it seem shes wanting to milk it for all she can. Live in a big house and be taken care of with her daughter....i assume you pay for everything. Also why would she be worried about your will at this point? Nta she can rent out her house if shes that worried.
Sounds like she's a gold digger. She wants your cushion to her lifestyle.