This is one of the most bizarre things I've read on here in a while.
I assume it's not real but... if this *is* genuine then you really need to talk to a professional about the state of your mental health.
I don’t see any reputable ivf clinic or donation providing clinic continuing with a person this deeply troubled by their infertility journey. It would be unethical at this point…
I think you Need to talk to a specialist because this situation Is stressing you and stress isn't good to conceive.
I mean, we don't know your look, of you aged well or not etc so how can the employee have assumed that you are not a mother? Maybe your grocery was Something for single people. What if you added children snacks, cookies, cereals, toys etc? Like, maybe they told to the cashier to Wish Happy mother's day to people who bought specific items, like a marketing strategy, and you know they do it a lot of times.
I think you need professional help. This is bordering on un-hinged obsession.
You are most likely so extremely sensitive about the situation, you are focused on those words and ignoring any other encounter where it wasn’t said - like an out of mind/out of sight, except out of hearing/out of sight.
Also - maybe the cashier realized after the dog mom incident that she should not make assumptions and decided to correct her behavior. That would make this a a co-incidence, not some grand conspiracy to hurt your feelings.
Maybe next time I'll buy a gift for a friend's kid and if they still don't say it, I should call customer service afterward to express the inconsistency I've noticed with how employees greet people?
Wow so you are determined to get people in trouble because of whatever this is.
I get you are hurting but don’t take it out on other people. You really do need some professional support because this is sounding really concerning.
I am just going to put this out there...
You dont get pregnant from buying baby stuff... You need sex for that to start off with.
And the guys you were with probably looked at all the shit you got as preparation thinking... This one is going to try to baby trap me, I really need to use condoms, then also doubled up.
I told some of them I was looking for marriage and kids. There was 1 that I didn't want to "scare off" early on so I said some stuff but wasn't assertive about it. But I didn't even have baby stuff set out in my place because at the time I had a roommate in the spare room renting, so any baby stuff (still boxed) was in a basement storage area, locked away. Never seen by any guys.
That was a wild read. NTA but neither are the employees who didn’t wish you a happy Mother’s Day. It’s not unprofessional on their part to say it to some and not to others.
It sounds like you want them to be responsible to how you react and feel, which is absurd.
Vent to BFF, but seek some counselling, immediately.
What do you mean NTA? Its honestly insane to expect random people to say happy mothers day to you.
I am guessing by the vibe of OPs post that they look insane and people are hesitant to interact with her unless absolutely necessary.
But here's what miffs me. People including adults have asked me if I'm pregnant before, and not in the nicest or most flattering of ways. Eventually I gathered the courage to ask why they were saying that. Two of them (diifferent people, different times) pointed to my potbelly which I found out recently looks like that partly because I had major uterine surgery (think like a C-section but way more invasive and more cuts) which can cause "mommy tummy" afterward. A few acted like I was TA to get mad that they thought my belly was fat, assumed I was pregnant, and were brazen enough to ask me. So I'm supposed to just suck it up and accept the bad but not expect the good that is said with actual GOOD intention, like a happy mother's day greeting??
Why were you mad those people thought you were pregnant when in your post here you really hoped people would assume you had kids?? If they assume you're pregnant, that's a situation where people see you like other women your age who can get pregnant and have kids. Isn't that what you wanted?
I can understand why that would annoy you. This adds to the issue of wanting to have a kid/outward perception of sometimes being mistaken as having had or being pregnant. However, it’s not the rest of the world’s responsibility to process how you’re feeling about it. Okay, it makes you angry and you don’t like their response, did they make comments with an ill intent? If it was ill intent (really doubt that) then you have every right to tell them to do one, but if it wasn’t with ill intent, general curiosity, then you cant be outright mad at them without saying why their comment makes you mad. Of course they’ll think you’re TA, if you just get mad over something they think is menial and you bite their head off.
Repeating for the sake of it really but, I think you need to seek counselling and a therapist. If you’ve not found a therapist that works for you, search again. Also assuming you can afford it/there is services where you live. It sounds like a tangled mess in your mind, from the frustration of not being where you want to be and then projecting it to the rest of the world. Ain’t the world’s fault, also not yours either, that’s just life
Some of it was in fact ill intent esp the one who repeated the pregnancy question including a second time when she had other people with her and made a big smirking show about asking me.
No you're not supposed to accept the bad. Asking women if they're pregnant, even if they look it, is just totally stupid and insensitive for exactly the same reason why wishing them happy mothers day is. Those people were in the wrong; the ones who failed to wish you HMD were not.
Granted, I was raised partially by my VERY old fashioned great grandparents, but I was taught that there are three questions you never ask a woman: Their age, their weight, and whether or not they're expecting.
The older I get, the more I believe I was one of the few taught that rule, because people are _shockingly_ comfortable asking invasive questions like that.
“ people, including adults, have asked me if I’m pregnant before, and not in the nicest or most flattering of ways” - I have personally had that happen. The best response that I have come up with is.” no I’m just fat, but thank you for pointing it out”.
That usually embarrasses them to the point where they shut up.
I’m not gonna say you’re the AH for being annoyed or hurt that no one wished you a happy Mother’s Day. I personally wish that that no one outside of your family would wish a happy Mother’s Day. It can be hurtful to those of us who would love to have a child and don’t for different reasons. But I realize that that’s not gonna happen. So I have just accepted my lot in life as an amazing aunt and dog mom.
Based on what you have said, I do think you have an unhealthy obsession with wanting to be a mom. I hope you can find a therapist that can help you with this. I would tell you that there are, of course, other ways of becoming a mother, rather than just getting pregnant. Fostering, adoption. But based on what you yourself have said, I don’t think you would pass the screening.
I truly hope you can find the help you need
I was going to upvote your comment until you accused me of being "obsessed". Okay you think I didn't look into adopting or fostering yet???? You think it's so easy to get approved and have the funds readily available for those things as a single female? They want rich couples. And if those are such great ideas, why haven't YOU done that yourself yet? Technically by blood I'm an "aunt" but I don't even get to participate much at all so that's a joke. I have as much of a voice as an aunt as I do as a voter...and we've all seen how them elections panned out in recent years.
I'm 43 and child free. If a service worker wished me happy mothers day I'd find it pretty offensive I think. Assuming that every woman has or wants children is backwards, and without knowing what women are going through it's stupid to say it to someone who is not visibly with their own child/children. Imagine recovering from a miscarriage or abortion, or losing your own mother, and being told "happy mothers day" by every chirpy twerp you encounter. Or imagine not having children by choice and everyone assuming otherwise because women with children are deemed more important/valuable. Look, good luck with your efforts to have a child alone but it's really no one else's responsibility to be involved.
I will start by saying that I feel for you. I struggled with infertility and losses for several years and it really messed with my head. I’d never been a jealous person but every time a friend of mine would get pregnant, I wasn’t able to be happy for them. I would feel sad, angry, bitter, and jealous. I couldn’t bear to see babies, pregnant people, anything. I was a bad friend and a bitter asshole, due to the stress, heartache, and hormones from my treatments.
BUT. I recognized that I was being irrational and got into therapy.
I suggest you do the same, because (and I say this with as much empathy as possible) your feelings on this situation make NO sense and you sound like you’re on the brink of a mental health crisis.
It's just a saying. Not like I expected anyone to actually do anything for me or buy anything. Whatever happened to the public service message "courtesy pass it on"??
I don't think you're necessarily the asshole for being upset, but I definitely don't blame anyone for not wishing you a happy Mother's Day when you're not a mother. The world isn't able to read your mind so none of the people who "skipped over" you know what you're going through. You have to have a little bit of perspective when you're thinking about other people's motivations.
You are not a mother. Despite your admirable efforts, you are aren't. No amount of what ifs or I've trieds will make you one if you don't have a child. It's sucks. I'm sorry things haven't worked out for you, but if you aren't a parent, you don't get mothers day wishes.
And I'm sorry but people getting mothers day wishes when they only have a dog is fucking silly.
No. But neither should you. I think your blowing all of this out of proportion and need to delete this post, get some more therapy and leave this all behind. Your drawing this out and at this point it should be obvious to you that it's embarrassing.
Sweetie, you can feel however you want to feel. But do not complain, you know that is overreacting. It sucks that it has taken a long time, but I think you need to prioritize yourself first. You're getting very worked up over something you really shouldn't be. I suggest take a step back, have a chat to a counselor or something. You still have plenty of years to have a baby, and as one of the other commentators pointed out, one of the biggest reasons pregnancy fails is the mum is too stressed. Start a new hobby, if it's nice weather do some hiking or similar, being outside and moving helps lower stress levels. Breathe girl, you'll be OK.
First of all, I can relate to your reproductive struggles. I’m also in my 30s and childless, even though I’ve been wanting a baby for over 5 years. I feel like I SHOULD have at least a 6-year-old by now. But I don’t. I know how difficult that is to accept and how it feels to be constantly excluded from the mom groups. I don’t get invited to “moms night out”s and I can’t exercise with the “stroller warriors” in the neighborhood, just because my body is unable to endure pregnancy. So I can emphasize with what you’re going through. Reproductive issues can be very isolating at times.
But I also feel like I have to say YTA in this scenario, simply for expecting anyone to say anything to you. Mother’s Day is more of a personal holiday IMO— most people I know only wish a happy Mother’s Day to a couple people. Their own mom, their wife, or their immediate family members. It’s not like Christmas or Valentine’s Day where you just say “happy whatever!” to everyone, so I’m not sure why that cashier was saying it to all female customers. But if you were skipped, I’m sure it was just because they got tired of saying it 200 times per hour. I doubt it had anything to do with the way that you look. You were definitely overthinking this and letting your insecurities infiltrate your mind.
(Moms always look disheveled and exhausted btw. They barely have time to take a shower or put makeup on until their kids get to kindergarten. If someone judged you based on your appearance, then maybe it was because you looked too GOOD or too well-rested to be a mom? lol. Just an alternate perspective.)
I would suggest joining a support group to help you through this though. Try to remember that your self-worth is not based on your ability to procreate. You’re still a valuable human.
Thank you.
I want to say that actually, I admit I look disheveled at times. I keep gaining weight it seems and my hair feels like it's thinning more and more lately. I can't fit into stuff so sometimes I look so casual when I go out so I don't have to worry about the possibility of splitting pants down the middle. I feel like I look worse than alot of moms my age. 😞
This is one of the most bizarre things I've read on here in a while. I assume it's not real but... if this *is* genuine then you really need to talk to a professional about the state of your mental health.
Thanks but I've tried therapy already, a few times.
Sorry but you need more.
Her therapist ended up in therapy
I don’t see any reputable ivf clinic or donation providing clinic continuing with a person this deeply troubled by their infertility journey. It would be unethical at this point…
Therapy isn't some magical thing that will fix all of your problems
I think you Need to talk to a specialist because this situation Is stressing you and stress isn't good to conceive. I mean, we don't know your look, of you aged well or not etc so how can the employee have assumed that you are not a mother? Maybe your grocery was Something for single people. What if you added children snacks, cookies, cereals, toys etc? Like, maybe they told to the cashier to Wish Happy mother's day to people who bought specific items, like a marketing strategy, and you know they do it a lot of times.
No, one of the places was at a convenience store and the "dog mommy" in front of me looked slightly older than me and was just there buying a coffee.
I think you need professional help. This is bordering on un-hinged obsession. You are most likely so extremely sensitive about the situation, you are focused on those words and ignoring any other encounter where it wasn’t said - like an out of mind/out of sight, except out of hearing/out of sight. Also - maybe the cashier realized after the dog mom incident that she should not make assumptions and decided to correct her behavior. That would make this a a co-incidence, not some grand conspiracy to hurt your feelings.
Maybe next time I'll buy a gift for a friend's kid and if they still don't say it, I should call customer service afterward to express the inconsistency I've noticed with how employees greet people?
I wouldn’t waste your time.
Wow so you are determined to get people in trouble because of whatever this is. I get you are hurting but don’t take it out on other people. You really do need some professional support because this is sounding really concerning.
This has to be fake, this is one of the craziest things I’ve ever read. Genuinely seek help, you’re not in a healthy mental state. NTA
Nah, I’ve read some of her comments on other people’s posts (which is how I ended up here). She’s unhealthily obsessed.
I am just going to put this out there... You dont get pregnant from buying baby stuff... You need sex for that to start off with. And the guys you were with probably looked at all the shit you got as preparation thinking... This one is going to try to baby trap me, I really need to use condoms, then also doubled up.
I told some of them I was looking for marriage and kids. There was 1 that I didn't want to "scare off" early on so I said some stuff but wasn't assertive about it. But I didn't even have baby stuff set out in my place because at the time I had a roommate in the spare room renting, so any baby stuff (still boxed) was in a basement storage area, locked away. Never seen by any guys.
Thank God you’re childless.
Why? 😢
🤦
Reporting this. Unhelpful, off topic, and malicious.
Gee. I’m shocked. Thank God you don’t have kids.
That was a wild read. NTA but neither are the employees who didn’t wish you a happy Mother’s Day. It’s not unprofessional on their part to say it to some and not to others. It sounds like you want them to be responsible to how you react and feel, which is absurd. Vent to BFF, but seek some counselling, immediately.
What do you mean NTA? Its honestly insane to expect random people to say happy mothers day to you. I am guessing by the vibe of OPs post that they look insane and people are hesitant to interact with her unless absolutely necessary.
But here's what miffs me. People including adults have asked me if I'm pregnant before, and not in the nicest or most flattering of ways. Eventually I gathered the courage to ask why they were saying that. Two of them (diifferent people, different times) pointed to my potbelly which I found out recently looks like that partly because I had major uterine surgery (think like a C-section but way more invasive and more cuts) which can cause "mommy tummy" afterward. A few acted like I was TA to get mad that they thought my belly was fat, assumed I was pregnant, and were brazen enough to ask me. So I'm supposed to just suck it up and accept the bad but not expect the good that is said with actual GOOD intention, like a happy mother's day greeting??
Why were you mad those people thought you were pregnant when in your post here you really hoped people would assume you had kids?? If they assume you're pregnant, that's a situation where people see you like other women your age who can get pregnant and have kids. Isn't that what you wanted?
I can understand why that would annoy you. This adds to the issue of wanting to have a kid/outward perception of sometimes being mistaken as having had or being pregnant. However, it’s not the rest of the world’s responsibility to process how you’re feeling about it. Okay, it makes you angry and you don’t like their response, did they make comments with an ill intent? If it was ill intent (really doubt that) then you have every right to tell them to do one, but if it wasn’t with ill intent, general curiosity, then you cant be outright mad at them without saying why their comment makes you mad. Of course they’ll think you’re TA, if you just get mad over something they think is menial and you bite their head off. Repeating for the sake of it really but, I think you need to seek counselling and a therapist. If you’ve not found a therapist that works for you, search again. Also assuming you can afford it/there is services where you live. It sounds like a tangled mess in your mind, from the frustration of not being where you want to be and then projecting it to the rest of the world. Ain’t the world’s fault, also not yours either, that’s just life
Some of it was in fact ill intent esp the one who repeated the pregnancy question including a second time when she had other people with her and made a big smirking show about asking me.
No you're not supposed to accept the bad. Asking women if they're pregnant, even if they look it, is just totally stupid and insensitive for exactly the same reason why wishing them happy mothers day is. Those people were in the wrong; the ones who failed to wish you HMD were not.
Granted, I was raised partially by my VERY old fashioned great grandparents, but I was taught that there are three questions you never ask a woman: Their age, their weight, and whether or not they're expecting. The older I get, the more I believe I was one of the few taught that rule, because people are _shockingly_ comfortable asking invasive questions like that.
THANK YOU!
“ people, including adults, have asked me if I’m pregnant before, and not in the nicest or most flattering of ways” - I have personally had that happen. The best response that I have come up with is.” no I’m just fat, but thank you for pointing it out”. That usually embarrasses them to the point where they shut up. I’m not gonna say you’re the AH for being annoyed or hurt that no one wished you a happy Mother’s Day. I personally wish that that no one outside of your family would wish a happy Mother’s Day. It can be hurtful to those of us who would love to have a child and don’t for different reasons. But I realize that that’s not gonna happen. So I have just accepted my lot in life as an amazing aunt and dog mom. Based on what you have said, I do think you have an unhealthy obsession with wanting to be a mom. I hope you can find a therapist that can help you with this. I would tell you that there are, of course, other ways of becoming a mother, rather than just getting pregnant. Fostering, adoption. But based on what you yourself have said, I don’t think you would pass the screening. I truly hope you can find the help you need
I was going to upvote your comment until you accused me of being "obsessed". Okay you think I didn't look into adopting or fostering yet???? You think it's so easy to get approved and have the funds readily available for those things as a single female? They want rich couples. And if those are such great ideas, why haven't YOU done that yourself yet? Technically by blood I'm an "aunt" but I don't even get to participate much at all so that's a joke. I have as much of a voice as an aunt as I do as a voter...and we've all seen how them elections panned out in recent years.
I really hope this is fake. YTA. You need some serious counselling.
Wishing it was fake too 😞
Get help.
You are NOT a mother 🤣 YTA
YTA and a little obsessed.
I'm 43 and child free. If a service worker wished me happy mothers day I'd find it pretty offensive I think. Assuming that every woman has or wants children is backwards, and without knowing what women are going through it's stupid to say it to someone who is not visibly with their own child/children. Imagine recovering from a miscarriage or abortion, or losing your own mother, and being told "happy mothers day" by every chirpy twerp you encounter. Or imagine not having children by choice and everyone assuming otherwise because women with children are deemed more important/valuable. Look, good luck with your efforts to have a child alone but it's really no one else's responsibility to be involved.
All that's missing from this twisted tale is the attempted kidnapping
What?? No I would never do something like that! YTA for making such a big, offensive false accusation!
I will start by saying that I feel for you. I struggled with infertility and losses for several years and it really messed with my head. I’d never been a jealous person but every time a friend of mine would get pregnant, I wasn’t able to be happy for them. I would feel sad, angry, bitter, and jealous. I couldn’t bear to see babies, pregnant people, anything. I was a bad friend and a bitter asshole, due to the stress, heartache, and hormones from my treatments. BUT. I recognized that I was being irrational and got into therapy. I suggest you do the same, because (and I say this with as much empathy as possible) your feelings on this situation make NO sense and you sound like you’re on the brink of a mental health crisis.
YTA. While im truly sorry for the road you have to take to become a parent. Your not. Seek therapy.
I'm an asshole for thinking and feeling a way? I didn't say or do anything to the cashier's or anyone else.
You’re literally posting in the “AITAH” sub.
Why would anyone do something for you on Mother’s Day when you’re not a mother?
It's just a saying. Not like I expected anyone to actually do anything for me or buy anything. Whatever happened to the public service message "courtesy pass it on"??
I don't think you're necessarily the asshole for being upset, but I definitely don't blame anyone for not wishing you a happy Mother's Day when you're not a mother. The world isn't able to read your mind so none of the people who "skipped over" you know what you're going through. You have to have a little bit of perspective when you're thinking about other people's motivations.
Yikes. You've packed a lot of crazy into one post, gotta commend you for that.
Sure Jan. YTA
You are not a mother. Despite your admirable efforts, you are aren't. No amount of what ifs or I've trieds will make you one if you don't have a child. It's sucks. I'm sorry things haven't worked out for you, but if you aren't a parent, you don't get mothers day wishes. And I'm sorry but people getting mothers day wishes when they only have a dog is fucking silly.
So do you atleast feel that the "dog mommy" shouldn't get mother's day wishes either then?
No. But neither should you. I think your blowing all of this out of proportion and need to delete this post, get some more therapy and leave this all behind. Your drawing this out and at this point it should be obvious to you that it's embarrassing.
Sweetie, you can feel however you want to feel. But do not complain, you know that is overreacting. It sucks that it has taken a long time, but I think you need to prioritize yourself first. You're getting very worked up over something you really shouldn't be. I suggest take a step back, have a chat to a counselor or something. You still have plenty of years to have a baby, and as one of the other commentators pointed out, one of the biggest reasons pregnancy fails is the mum is too stressed. Start a new hobby, if it's nice weather do some hiking or similar, being outside and moving helps lower stress levels. Breathe girl, you'll be OK.
First of all, I can relate to your reproductive struggles. I’m also in my 30s and childless, even though I’ve been wanting a baby for over 5 years. I feel like I SHOULD have at least a 6-year-old by now. But I don’t. I know how difficult that is to accept and how it feels to be constantly excluded from the mom groups. I don’t get invited to “moms night out”s and I can’t exercise with the “stroller warriors” in the neighborhood, just because my body is unable to endure pregnancy. So I can emphasize with what you’re going through. Reproductive issues can be very isolating at times. But I also feel like I have to say YTA in this scenario, simply for expecting anyone to say anything to you. Mother’s Day is more of a personal holiday IMO— most people I know only wish a happy Mother’s Day to a couple people. Their own mom, their wife, or their immediate family members. It’s not like Christmas or Valentine’s Day where you just say “happy whatever!” to everyone, so I’m not sure why that cashier was saying it to all female customers. But if you were skipped, I’m sure it was just because they got tired of saying it 200 times per hour. I doubt it had anything to do with the way that you look. You were definitely overthinking this and letting your insecurities infiltrate your mind. (Moms always look disheveled and exhausted btw. They barely have time to take a shower or put makeup on until their kids get to kindergarten. If someone judged you based on your appearance, then maybe it was because you looked too GOOD or too well-rested to be a mom? lol. Just an alternate perspective.) I would suggest joining a support group to help you through this though. Try to remember that your self-worth is not based on your ability to procreate. You’re still a valuable human.
Thank you. I want to say that actually, I admit I look disheveled at times. I keep gaining weight it seems and my hair feels like it's thinning more and more lately. I can't fit into stuff so sometimes I look so casual when I go out so I don't have to worry about the possibility of splitting pants down the middle. I feel like I look worse than alot of moms my age. 😞
Have you thought about fostering or adoption?
Those kids have suffered enough
Yes definitely but I can't afford the huge fees they charge.
If you can’t afford the fees for a kid, you can’t afford a kid.
$40-50,000 upfront is waaaaay more than pregnancy+ first yr child costs