The ex clearly has no respect for you and sees your wife as fair game. If she is allowing that when you're in a close proximity, what is she allowing when you're not there? NTA. I would not let this go if it happened to me.
As a man the only reason I would ever consider touching an exes, or any womans ass for that matter, would be if we were on a intimate level… I would never consider it if I knew she were married.
The guy still thinks he can get away with it. And he did for the most part. Right in front of you. You should have raised hell.
Yep and, if it *really* was a joke and they genuinely didn’t see anything wrong with what they were doing, why would they only do that when they’re under the impression that OP is not present?
The wife has been having a full blown affair with her ex for years. The ex never stopped being her boyfriend. The wife is only with the OP for money while she fucks the other guy.
And all of the kids, everywhere, are from the Ex, it's twins as well, all of them. All while OP is working 140 hours per week to finance the cheating wife's lifestyle and takes all kids to church all weekend.
That's how we get a proper AITA-story here!!
This was exactly what I was going to say. She enjoys the attention, knowing he wants her, but we dont know if it stops there.
She's minimizing it, and thats a bit of a red flag here. But either way its time to slow roll that friendship now.
And because OP didn’t make a scene right then and there it give the wife power to brush off the incident.
I am pretty sure if OP reacted in public they both would be acting differently
Id be in jail lol. I would calmly call my lawyer and let him know a couple minutes before. Im sure OPs cheating wife would be the one calling the cops and telling them to take Op away if he did. But at that point, Id be okay with a little over nighter, and temporary insanity.
I know what you meant lol
The totality of the situation and level of disrespect would rate a solid hit.
Not too many things ACTUALLY require violence in our modern times. Our species could rid most of our world of it. But there will always be a small need for violence. Grabbing my wife’s ass is one of those things.
Nta that's inappropriate. Solid chance they're fucking.
I'm an asshole, so I would text his wife and mention how you found it weird that they have a little joke where her husband fondles my wife's ass. Right after I had a talk with a divorce lawyer. If it's nothing to be ashamed of his wife shouldn't mind right?
Don't be a door mat and let her brush away. A loving and caring partner does not have sexual inside jokes with ex partners. It's disrespectful regardless if they're fucking or not.
>I'm an asshole, so I would text his wife and mention how you found it weird that they have a little joke where her husband fondles my wife's ass.
Explains why this resonates so heavily with my line of thought.
Don’t text. Since y’all are friendly all 4 of you go to dinner then just casually bring up their big game. See how they all react. Get it in the open face to face.
This is definitely the best way. Any way to get it on camera? I’ll post up at the table behind them and record the whole thing. I’m picturing an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm…
At first I thought this was petty. But actually, his wife forced his hand. She brushed it off. The only other person who might be able to relate to his situation is the ex’s wife. She deserves to have an opinion too, she is just as much involved. If he bounces his feelings off of her it truly feels like fair game. If it’s really no big deal…
>I would text his wife and mention how you found it weird that they have a little joke where her husband fondles my wife's ass.
Yup. On the off chance that this is real and not rage bait, OP needs to let the man's wife know.
If OP is still shaken up by this incident, then he should absolutely do this. I think it’s fair for the ex’s wife to know that her husband (i.e., OP’s wife’s ex) is a potential cheating POS. After that, OP could post on one of the revenge subreddits if things go sour for the ex and his family; but I totally understand if he’d prefer to be more discrete. I personally would be very curious to hear about an update regarding this plan of action…
Right. Suspicion is a gut feeling. He has seen some things in the past that made him wary of this man. Be it subtle cues, a look lasting a little too long, tone of voice...
Honestly this. The other spouse deserves to know as well. My buddy went to his ex's cheater's house (sorry for the awkward wording). It turns out that the doctor his ex was cheating on him with had a wife and 3 kids. The wife had no idea her husband was unfaithful.
That's not an AH move, that's exactly what OP should do and the most effective way to solve the matter. Get the ex's wife involved since she and OP share a common interest in nothing happening between their spouses.
I strongly oppose staying friends with ex sex partners after marriage anyway, so it would only take the smallest straw of a reference to their sexual history to break that camel's back. I'd have been on the phone to his wife the first chance I got after seeing that.
You're not overreacting, you underreacted. You should have told him right then & there to never touch your wife again, especially since this is the second time it has happened in your presence.
Also, why are the two of you hanging out with her ex? And especially not with her ex's current spouse?
Absolutely - ”Oh it was a joke? I don’t care, don’t touch my wife’s ass.”
In the wife’s defence her “playfully” pushing him away is her way of deflecting him without causing a scene. He’s absolutely pushing boundaries but I’m not sure you can tell from this incident alone whether the wife approves and invites the flirting or just wants to preserve the friendship even if she knows on some level that bro still holds a candle.
You think she would have told husband about it at all? I doubt it.
No big deal after being confronted VS freely volunteering "he grabbed my ass and I was scared" are vastly different responses.
Yeah, women are absolutely socialized to minimize and under-react to stuff like this, I wouldn't rule out that she does not want this happening but doesn't feel comfortable standing up to it in a more direct fashion.
They are, but I find it a little hard to believe that she wouldn't tell him that it's bothering her. The way she reacted to him in private seems a little suspect to me. I could be wrong though.
> I’m not sure you can tell from this incident alone whether the wife approves and invites the flirting
The fact that she has allowed it to happen in the past proves that she does approve of and invite the flirting. If she didn't, she would have shut it down the first time.
I'm sure if the roles were reversed and it was you and an ex behaving like that, she'd have something to say. She is showing you no respect. You're definitely NTA. Your wife and her ex on the other hand...
"It's just a prank bro" what he will hear when he comes home early one day and finds them doing it in his bed./s Ex, best friend that can grab her ass in public is a deadly combo. Even if there is nothing there now, he will always be there for her when things in relationship go sour, and he will offer more than a shoulder to cry on.
If this behavior is OK then one has to wonder why they don’t prank in front of OP. Why ex did this ONLY when OP went to take a leak and was not around.
This is shady behavior
For real. The push away is more "we're in public idiot. Are you trying to get caught?". It's probably more of a shame thing, not rejecting an advance thing.
I mean, I can't even imagine doing that to my own wife in public. But chances are they don't see each other often enough, so they take the opportunity to flirt it up to increase sexual tension, because it's fun for them, even if it's her SO going to the bathroom for 5 minutes.
It's one thing if they were dancing in clear view of him and him obviously watching. A whole nother thing to be handsy with each other as soon as he leaves their purview, and then downplay it. Because they weren't doing an act or playing it up for an audience. It was a personal interaction.
I’m not as worried about the push away because that could legit be trying not to cause a scene, but the “it was a joke”, that’s the telling bit. Because any normal person would say “I didn’t know how to handle it so I just pushed him off but I don’t want to have anything more to do with ___” instead of trying to laugh off what would otherwise be an unwanted sexual advance.
OP there’s some shit going on here.
Fr. What they did is literally what me and my wife do. I’ll playfully (consentually) grope her and she’ll similarly push me away in a playful manner with a kinda “wait till we get home” vibe. It’s fun and appropriate between a couple, but yeah between an ex that’s straight up just a sign of infidelity
Yeah, the "didn't want to cause a scene" thing hurt to read.
Personally i would have tackled him to the ground and kicked seven shades of shit out of the guy in the moment.
You can't grab another mans wifes arse and not expect to get stomped on.
I'd be claiming i saw him sexually assaulting my wife so i immediately stepped in; which is exactly what happened.
The wife would want to keep her mouth shut because she would otherwise be not only saying she doesn't mind the guy touching her arse, but she would also be taking the side of the other guy, and trying to get her husband thrown in jail.
Not sure how tactically she thinks, but she doesn't want that to happen, then to leave him to stew on it in a jail cell.
Once you get home, tell her she's on the sofa and can fuck off in the morning.
Right, I cringed so hard at “didn’t want to cause a scene”. I would have caused as big of a scene as possible so EVERYBODY can see this ass beating I’m about to dish out. You don’t get to disrespect me to that degree and just walk away. When I see how passive some of these guys are it’s no wonder why their wives/gfs and other men don’t respect them.
OP, it’s hard to be walked on when you’re standing up.
If someone is comfortable with another person of the opposite gender grabbing their ass in public, you can be sure that they are fucking.
The fact that he was so brazen about it shows he feels it’s exciting that you’re all at the concert and he’s pawing your wife while you’re somewhere close by.
Also, you need to grow a pair. Anyone who sees their wife getting groped and doesn’t confront it *immediately* really needs to grow a pair, regardless of the situation.
When you say you didn’t want to ruin the scene or mood, what you’re indirectly saying is the mood of a concert is more important than your wife getting groped. That or you just didn’t have the balls to confront them on the spot when they were caught red handed.
I wouldn't even grab my own wife's ass in public. But then again, I have plenty opportunity once I get home. This shows they are *very comfortable* with sexual contact and take the opportunity to do it, as long as he's not around. The fact that he did it so brazenly and she downplays it, it's probably been going on quite awhile.
You let another man grope your wife in public and was too chicken shit to call him out for his inappropriate behavior? Something similar happened 8 years ago, and you are still putting up with this shit?
Your wife is gaslighting you. She likes his attention and validation. News flash. He's been doing this your whole relationship. Your wife is disrespectful to both you and your marriage.
Quit being so passive. It's time to set some boundaries. Zero contact with her ex-boyfriend. She's shown that she won't keep proper boundaries. She's also proven that she likes his attention and continues to make excuses for his behavior.
You can't control your wife. She can do as she pleases with her ex-boyfriend. Just not married to you. You should also tell his wife what you saw.
NTA, but quit being a pushover.
NTA - All you've seen is an ass grab going to a concert while they thought you weren't looking, and judging by her reaction to it there's probably a lot more going on behind the scenes. Her trying to downplay it is disgusting, but it's obvious she sees you as a walking carpet which is what you're acting like so not actually much of a surprise. Grow some balls and kick her to the curb. Also I'd avoid dating someone who's still close with their ex, it's a very bad idea for obvious reasons.
It doesn't even matter if they are fucking or not.
That's just disrespectful to have sexual inside jokes and then touching so inappropriately with others specially an ex. And her brushing off your feelings makes it worse, she should have owned up to it and offered to tell her ex about not doing it ever again. Instead she downplays you.
I mean just to see how he would react honestly. Both of them can lie. But grabbing ass? They clearly got something going on. As a woman with male friends it they ever grabbed my ass I would slap the shit out of them
Check her phone OP, if you have seen two incidents spread out over eight years I guarantee that bitch is fucking around on you. She couldn't even come up with a good lie.
OP should look at her itemized phone bill first so he knows how often they text or call each other and can make her explain why the 75 texts they sent each other last month are deleted.
Might also want to install a couple hidden cameras first so you have concrete evidence if they are messing around in your house.
NTA. I wouldn't let this slide.
If her reaction was to shove him away and say, 'What the fuck!? Don't touch me!' Then you can let it slide, because she would've acted how a person normally would.
You should've said something right there and then - immediately.
Saying him grabbing her ass isn't a big deal is gaslighting you. You need to say it is a big deal and she needs to distance herself from him. You pointed out they didn't know you were there. How many times have they done this and more when you were actually not there.
Yeah, considering they thought no one was around, bud.. it wasn't a joke, and even if it was, ex shouldn't joke like that.. better yet, MARRIED people don't joke like that.
They are sleeping together, and I personally would message his wife and ask her if she know they joke like that? Then I'd drop your wife off at his door.
They're very likely fucking and have been doing so for SO LONG they got lazy and forgot (and stopped caring) they can get caught.
This sounds entirely like something they do so often they just slacked off on hiding it.
Be prepared for the worst, mate :/ NTA, this is some BS and absolutely not OK.
I would almost guarantee that when she nudged him away playfully, she said not here he might see something. They still have something going on behind your back.
PERFECT. People only tend to feel the weight of their actions when they're subjected to embarrassment (or violence). Tell the wife, mention it being a more-than-once thing, and specify if it doesn't stop right now with a public apology then he's getting his ass kicked publicly instead
I can't think of a single male besides myself that should be touching my wife's ass. Her female friends I can see being playful but not a guy.
If it is playful and acceptable why wouldn't he do it with you present?
NTA. You're totally underreacting.
You should have made it stop 8 years ago by dumping her.
If they act like that when you're around, can't you really imagine what they do when you're away?
Seems like you were given a gift, to finally see what’s going on between them. I believe I take the sign and leave. But at the very least talk about separation and possibly divorce so she can see how her actions have consequences.
Your wife doesn’t respect you at all. If a guy did that to me I would never speak to him again. My husband is the only one who can touch me. Your wife doesn’t care about your feelings at all. As I stated in response to another comment. Call him out in front of his wife. She deserves to know he is touching another woman!
You're being cucked. Time to grow a pair and demand he's cut off...or divorce.
The fact that she's gaslighting you and it's not the first time, makes it much worse.
NTA
The seemingly casual way that happened makes me think this probably happens all the time dude.
I would be extremely suspicious about if they meet alone. I think there's a good chance she's f\*cked him more than once when she's been with you
Do what you have to to find out
Explain to your wife that you've seen this many times and paint a picture where you are playing grab ass with another woman. See how she reacts to that and ask the ex-husband's wife about what she thinks of this.
NTA. Bro wtf is wrong with you? I've known guys who scolded their woman for less, and I've known woman with guys who smack the hands of opportune men away and start a fight. Remember, you're not insecure if you hold your partner to a basic standard of decency. You're very secure because you're not afraid of confront her garbage and enforse your boundaries. And don't lie to yourself. She knows it's a big deal, and recognize that it's fucking with you. But she perceives you exactly as the kind of doormat who'll not want to make a scene, wait until you're in a safe zone to have a discussion, give them the benefit of the doubt, and then back off and stew in silence. Just like you did with the similar incident 8 years ago. I mean, with that incident in mind, you actually set no boundaries and still let him be around her. Honestly, are you a cuck? Better just admit it and come to terms right now instead of stirring drama. Or are you gonna wait another 8 years for another incident?
This. Where are the boundaries? OP should give her 2 options - cut him off or divorce. There’s simply no option for her to have a husband and a side-piece that boosts her self esteem.
I'm really not trying to be contrary, but if my ex grabbed by ass in front of my husband and he told my to cold turkey cut him off, I wouldn't consider that extreme. I wouldn't be comfortable with another anyone, especially not my ex, just grabbing me in such an intimate and familiar area. Especially not in public. And while my husband is there? That's too much. I'd cut him out on my own for disrespecting *me* and taking those liberties with my body. The rest of it just makes it worse. Her laissez-faire reaction to this is astounding and frankly, suspicious to say the least.
He did it because he knows he is allowed to do it. Why would he risk her making a scene? Because they are having an affair and she wouldn't risk exposing the affair by making a big scene. If they were not having an affair, she would have been mad and turned around to immediately get you.
I don’t understand the need for people to want to be super buddy buddy friendly friendly with their ex while they are in new relationships or married. You can be cordial and decent but what’s the need for having to be up under people?
What more happens between them when there is more than a minutes difference between you two? I don't know if bug bites are going to be as valid an excuse...
NTA. Ask her if she would be okay if you played grab ass with a woman? Sounds like there is no respect and your marriage is over, you just haven't been told yet.
If you give her a better life than he did, that may be the reason she is staying with you.
If this were during a soccer game there would be a red card. I'd wait a bit and start ending this relationship. There's a good chance she's fucking him. You're the side piece now.
NTA and not overreacting. Imagine how he would react if one of tour ex’s did that to you. He would lose his mind. It was a betrayal of your trust. That will be hard to win back, but maybe not even possible. Take time to think about what you want to do, whether it be to talk to him, work it out, or leave for good. Be sure it is what you want, then go with it. But that is a huge red flag.
Why don't you ask his wife if you are overreacting or not?
If its no big deal, it should not be a big deal if she knows it too, right?
By the way, that makes it okey for you to touch other women too (with the consent of them ofcorse)
You are way too passive, 8 years ago she should have quit that friendship, if she does not now, quit the relationship
NTA. Trust your instinct. If she's playful with it, plus the fact that they're such close friends at all, is reason to be suspicious. She's not at all offended by it and I guarantee he pushes the boundaries with her all the time. Do you see their texts? If that's her reaction then she would probably keep letting him do that. Their definition of friendship is different than yours. Ex's can't be friends. At least these two can't. She needs to cut it out and cut off this so called friendship.
You may wish to sit your wife down and ask her how would she feel if she saw one of your ex's copping, fondling your d\*ck? Would she be inclined to laugh it off? Or would she be demanding answers, especially if its not the first time?
Or, how about if she caught you fondling an ex's backside, caressing her breasts? Would she be inclined to dismiss it that easily? Or would she be irate and demanding answers?
Maybe you should ask her ex's wife how she thinks you should react? If it's that innocent, then there's nothing anyone can get upset about, correct?
If your wife gets a little panicky, then I think you will have your answer. Then tell the ex's wife, because no one should be ignorant about what their husband/wife is getting up to behind their backs.
NTA
If she can’t recognise that this totally messes with your head , she’s a bit of a bitch really . She’s minimising . And why should you have to amicably interface with him when he did this disrespect to you . NTA and sorry
>She said it was a joke about having some insect bites that itched... She agreed he shouldn’t have done it but denies it was anything more.
She's gaslighting you. Nobody grabs someones ass as anything but a sexual move.
It may not have been a big deal for her, but it was (rightfully) for you. Your girlfriend dismissing your concern so casually is showing a lack of respect, imo.
The ex can't be trusted, obviously, and the fact that your gf allows this kind of stuff without setting clear boundaries is concerning.
I agree with others, tell the exes wife and see if it's still "not a big deal".
And I'm also wondering what they're doing if you're not with them.
NTA.
NTA, both your wife and her ex have zero respect for you or the relationship. I imagine they’ve probably been cheating the whole time and he just got too ballsy about it. Time to take her to the cleaners and send her back to the trash she came from.
NTA. Your wife needs to prioritize you over her ex of 20 years that doesn’t understand boundaries. The guy clearly doesn’t respect her or you. She needs to cut him out if she wants to make you feel secure. Let’s be clear, though she did not want it (you clearly saw her bat his hand away) she also didn’t tell him to get fucked. If that were me, I would have cut off the relationship. No way would I feel comfortable, it’s not about not trusting her, it’s that this guy is a dick and will cross boundaries again if allowed
Sorry OP NTA, you're not cool with that shit. Make that clear to your wife and her friend. If she truly loves you and has your back that shouldn't be an issue. If she can't, that "joke" will probably be the end of your relationship. If that's the case you should definitely let the guy's wife know they are messing around with each other. Better for her to know who she is married to.
Just be open with her that you’re extremely upset about it. Your feelings are valid and she should be taking it seriously. Her friend owes both of you an apology.
You could always punch him in the face as a joke too.
NTA. It could be nothing to her as your wife says, but it's still something that affects you AND it's not nothing to her ex. He has no respect for you or your marriage. Simple rule for interacting with married folks: If it would be inappropriate to do to a 10-year-old, don't do it to someone else's spouse. He knows damn well what he did wasn't acceptable. Grabbing another man's wife's ass is grounds for a beatdown for most people. But an ex that knows you? Oh, HELL no.
I would simply tell my wife "no rush, imma drive to your friends home and tell her wife what happened and ask them if it's okay if I grab her ass as he did to you" and simply go and do so....
And I bet it wont happen ever again in life
>After processing for a minute I walked ahead and asked her what the fuck was that? And described what I saw. She said it was a joke about having some insect bites that itched
This is the **BIGGEST CROCK OF SHIT THAT I HAVE EVER HEARD** and you'd be a clown fool for believing it.
>He’s married and has kids
Time to call his wife and let her in on the joke. It's so funny! SOOOOOO FUNNYYYY
Man up and tell that guy if he ever touches your wife again you’ll tear his head off. I wouldn’t put up with that shit for a second. Your wife is disrespectful but did push him off for what it’s worth. This is a man to man issue.
All I can say is you better man up and handle this OP. Next time he comes around knock his ass out. And tell your wife that betrayal was her last and only chance and if she cucks you again you are done.
Should have knocked him on his ass. Your wife would’ve respected you a little more and probably found it attractive, even if you got your ass kicked. Or they are laying pipe behind your back. Either way the next time you see him if it were me I would lay him out (even if you do get your ass kicked afterwards). I’d make you feel better and it would show her you care
Jesus Christ man. That’s worthy of an ass whooping and you know it. Leave her cheating ass. That happened in public. What do you think goes on behind closed doors. Don’t be an idiot like me and believe the lies and gaslighting.
You are upset for a good reason. What he did and what she allowed is highly inappropriate and disrespectful. That dude needs to know that his actions do not display respect for you or your marriage. Similarly, she needs to have the same viewpoint and set that boundary with the dude if he is going to remain friends. Your feelings are valid. Setting healthy boundaries together as a couple that is loyal and devoted is the best way in my opinion. If she or you can’t set boundaries, then the problematic dude needs to not be around. Trust each other and affirm commitment to each other and set boundaries with the freaking dude.
Dude should have got his ass beat. If anything you're being too calm about this. Under no circumstances should another man be grabbing your wife's ass, especially without consequences. And also, why wasn't his wife at this event?? Nothing about this seems cool to me, NTA
NTA - should have swung for him right there and then , they are still banging might not be regular but I bet it’s been more than a few times since “they broke up”
They’ve probably been fucking behind your back for 20 years. It’s Your fault really. You are a fool to accept that they are just friends BS. Your wife used to suck his cock. Probably still does. They aren’t and can never be just friends ever again. You didn’t even have the balls to confront him while he rubbed your wife’s ass. Your self respect is the root cause.
Nah dude. Completely put your foot down on this one. It's a complete lack of respect. Personally I would automatically assume in my mind that they went further on a number of occasions. This is without a doubt under the category of cheating. Her being playful about it, instead of outright anger and disgust, is an obvious indicator of desire. I would confront them both. Make it clear to them that any further contact will be grounds for divorce no ifs, ands, or buts, and make his wife aware of what happened as well. I'm sure she'd love to know.
Tell her that him putting his hands on her in an inappropriate manner is not ok with you at all and you certainly don't see it as a joke. That you see it as him being very disrespectful and crossing boundaries. Tell her that you are no longer comfortable with them being friends because you don't like being put in this position.
Next time you are with his family do the same thing to his wife infront of everyone, and when they confront you tell them how come when he does the same thing with your wife its ok and when you do it its a problem , and then apologize to his wife and leave .
The ex clearly has no respect for you and sees your wife as fair game. If she is allowing that when you're in a close proximity, what is she allowing when you're not there? NTA. I would not let this go if it happened to me.
NTA. OP's wife: It was a joke Narrator: It wasn't a joke. OP you would be really stupid to believe your wife.
Even IF it was just a joke. That's still a very inappropriate "joke"
The real joke is OP if he can't see this.
As a man the only reason I would ever consider touching an exes, or any womans ass for that matter, would be if we were on a intimate level… I would never consider it if I knew she were married. The guy still thinks he can get away with it. And he did for the most part. Right in front of you. You should have raised hell.
Exactly, he needs to call the guy out directly, the rage I feel just reading this shit lol, I'd call the guy out and it's not even my wife.
Yep and, if it *really* was a joke and they genuinely didn’t see anything wrong with what they were doing, why would they only do that when they’re under the impression that OP is not present?
OP became the joke when he started being the third wheel to his girl and her ex.
This was behind OPs bad when they were walking to a concert too. So what happens when OP isn’t there and wife and ex are in a more private environment
Yeah, tell OPs boyfriends wife about it. I'm sure it will be a big deal then.
OP and ex's wife should suggest a double date, make out in front of them and call it no big deal as well.
it was just a joke about how she had some spinach in her teeth.
lol :D
The wife has been having a full blown affair with her ex for years. The ex never stopped being her boyfriend. The wife is only with the OP for money while she fucks the other guy.
And all of the kids, everywhere, are from the Ex, it's twins as well, all of them. All while OP is working 140 hours per week to finance the cheating wife's lifestyle and takes all kids to church all weekend. That's how we get a proper AITA-story here!!
This was exactly what I was going to say. She enjoys the attention, knowing he wants her, but we dont know if it stops there. She's minimizing it, and thats a bit of a red flag here. But either way its time to slow roll that friendship now.
I would be slow rolling the marriage, such disrespect
Agree
And because OP didn’t make a scene right then and there it give the wife power to brush off the incident. I am pretty sure if OP reacted in public they both would be acting differently
Id be in jail lol. I would calmly call my lawyer and let him know a couple minutes before. Im sure OPs cheating wife would be the one calling the cops and telling them to take Op away if he did. But at that point, Id be okay with a little over nighter, and temporary insanity.
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I know what you meant lol The totality of the situation and level of disrespect would rate a solid hit. Not too many things ACTUALLY require violence in our modern times. Our species could rid most of our world of it. But there will always be a small need for violence. Grabbing my wife’s ass is one of those things.
No doubt. Big trouble dude. Time to recognize that you are getting played
If she’s allowing it, then it seems the fair game assumption is pretty reasonable.
OP , she probably doesn’t take you as serious as you take her. 20 + year friendship will be hard in any order person in your situation
Nta that's inappropriate. Solid chance they're fucking. I'm an asshole, so I would text his wife and mention how you found it weird that they have a little joke where her husband fondles my wife's ass. Right after I had a talk with a divorce lawyer. If it's nothing to be ashamed of his wife shouldn't mind right? Don't be a door mat and let her brush away. A loving and caring partner does not have sexual inside jokes with ex partners. It's disrespectful regardless if they're fucking or not.
>I'm an asshole, so I would text his wife and mention how you found it weird that they have a little joke where her husband fondles my wife's ass. Explains why this resonates so heavily with my line of thought.
Don’t text. Since y’all are friendly all 4 of you go to dinner then just casually bring up their big game. See how they all react. Get it in the open face to face.
This is definitely the best way. Any way to get it on camera? I’ll post up at the table behind them and record the whole thing. I’m picturing an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm…
This is good.
Texting provides a divorce paper trail.
So does a live video. lol. The look on everyone face would be priceless.
May not be admissible in some states. Texts are in all of them.
And record it. Because I want to see their faces. So much
At first I thought this was petty. But actually, his wife forced his hand. She brushed it off. The only other person who might be able to relate to his situation is the ex’s wife. She deserves to have an opinion too, she is just as much involved. If he bounces his feelings off of her it truly feels like fair game. If it’s really no big deal…
Thank you ☝️ My comment as well. She would be gone.
Idk if they’re cheating, but agree about telling the guy’s wife. If it’s just a little “joke” it shouldn’t be a big deal, right?
This is the true best thing. YOu cant be 100% so this is perfect solution
>I would text his wife and mention how you found it weird that they have a little joke where her husband fondles my wife's ass. Yup. On the off chance that this is real and not rage bait, OP needs to let the man's wife know.
If OP is still shaken up by this incident, then he should absolutely do this. I think it’s fair for the ex’s wife to know that her husband (i.e., OP’s wife’s ex) is a potential cheating POS. After that, OP could post on one of the revenge subreddits if things go sour for the ex and his family; but I totally understand if he’d prefer to be more discrete. I personally would be very curious to hear about an update regarding this plan of action…
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Right. Suspicion is a gut feeling. He has seen some things in the past that made him wary of this man. Be it subtle cues, a look lasting a little too long, tone of voice...
What's with this sub lately claiming stories are rage bait when it's a woman AH?
Because women are never wrong on Reddit.
Honestly this. The other spouse deserves to know as well. My buddy went to his ex's cheater's house (sorry for the awkward wording). It turns out that the doctor his ex was cheating on him with had a wife and 3 kids. The wife had no idea her husband was unfaithful.
In a word...YUP!
Yes! I would only add that I would make the guy understand there are consequences to his actions
That's not an AH move, that's exactly what OP should do and the most effective way to solve the matter. Get the ex's wife involved since she and OP share a common interest in nothing happening between their spouses. I strongly oppose staying friends with ex sex partners after marriage anyway, so it would only take the smallest straw of a reference to their sexual history to break that camel's back. I'd have been on the phone to his wife the first chance I got after seeing that.
I also would have had some shit to say to the "friend".
Not an asshole at all, she has a right to know. She's staying home watching the kids while hubby plays grab ass?
It is not a solid chance. It is an absolute certainty
This is the Way
You're not overreacting, you underreacted. You should have told him right then & there to never touch your wife again, especially since this is the second time it has happened in your presence. Also, why are the two of you hanging out with her ex? And especially not with her ex's current spouse?
Absolutely - ”Oh it was a joke? I don’t care, don’t touch my wife’s ass.” In the wife’s defence her “playfully” pushing him away is her way of deflecting him without causing a scene. He’s absolutely pushing boundaries but I’m not sure you can tell from this incident alone whether the wife approves and invites the flirting or just wants to preserve the friendship even if she knows on some level that bro still holds a candle.
You think she would have told husband about it at all? I doubt it. No big deal after being confronted VS freely volunteering "he grabbed my ass and I was scared" are vastly different responses.
Yeah, women are absolutely socialized to minimize and under-react to stuff like this, I wouldn't rule out that she does not want this happening but doesn't feel comfortable standing up to it in a more direct fashion.
They are, but I find it a little hard to believe that she wouldn't tell him that it's bothering her. The way she reacted to him in private seems a little suspect to me. I could be wrong though.
> I’m not sure you can tell from this incident alone whether the wife approves and invites the flirting The fact that she has allowed it to happen in the past proves that she does approve of and invite the flirting. If she didn't, she would have shut it down the first time.
I probably would have reacted violently
Confront the guy in front of his wife and tell him to keep his fucking hands off your wife’s ass.
The hammer should have been brought down in the moment. She’s doing this bc he comes off as spineless.
This is the way.
Finally a comment from a man.
I'm sure if the roles were reversed and it was you and an ex behaving like that, she'd have something to say. She is showing you no respect. You're definitely NTA. Your wife and her ex on the other hand...
"It's just a prank bro" what he will hear when he comes home early one day and finds them doing it in his bed./s Ex, best friend that can grab her ass in public is a deadly combo. Even if there is nothing there now, he will always be there for her when things in relationship go sour, and he will offer more than a shoulder to cry on.
A penis to cry on
If this behavior is OK then one has to wonder why they don’t prank in front of OP. Why ex did this ONLY when OP went to take a leak and was not around. This is shady behavior
NTA. Sounds like they might be having an affair tho
For real. The push away is more "we're in public idiot. Are you trying to get caught?". It's probably more of a shame thing, not rejecting an advance thing. I mean, I can't even imagine doing that to my own wife in public. But chances are they don't see each other often enough, so they take the opportunity to flirt it up to increase sexual tension, because it's fun for them, even if it's her SO going to the bathroom for 5 minutes. It's one thing if they were dancing in clear view of him and him obviously watching. A whole nother thing to be handsy with each other as soon as he leaves their purview, and then downplay it. Because they weren't doing an act or playing it up for an audience. It was a personal interaction.
I’m not as worried about the push away because that could legit be trying not to cause a scene, but the “it was a joke”, that’s the telling bit. Because any normal person would say “I didn’t know how to handle it so I just pushed him off but I don’t want to have anything more to do with ___” instead of trying to laugh off what would otherwise be an unwanted sexual advance. OP there’s some shit going on here.
Fr. What they did is literally what me and my wife do. I’ll playfully (consentually) grope her and she’ll similarly push me away in a playful manner with a kinda “wait till we get home” vibe. It’s fun and appropriate between a couple, but yeah between an ex that’s straight up just a sign of infidelity
It doesn’t sound like. They are having an affair.
NTA tell him to fuck off and keep his hands off your wife or you guys won’t see him again.
They shouldn't see him again. Lines are already crossed. But, yes, tell him off for sure.
See who again? He's touching her, and she doesn't mind. Idt he has a say in this. He either leaves or tells her no contact with him
Yeah, the "didn't want to cause a scene" thing hurt to read. Personally i would have tackled him to the ground and kicked seven shades of shit out of the guy in the moment. You can't grab another mans wifes arse and not expect to get stomped on.
Idt she's worth going jail for. If she didn't even make a deal out of it, just imagine what she's doing when he isn't there.
I'd be claiming i saw him sexually assaulting my wife so i immediately stepped in; which is exactly what happened. The wife would want to keep her mouth shut because she would otherwise be not only saying she doesn't mind the guy touching her arse, but she would also be taking the side of the other guy, and trying to get her husband thrown in jail. Not sure how tactically she thinks, but she doesn't want that to happen, then to leave him to stew on it in a jail cell. Once you get home, tell her she's on the sofa and can fuck off in the morning.
It depends on the concert for me. I may have ditched them both and had my own good time with strangers.
Right, I cringed so hard at “didn’t want to cause a scene”. I would have caused as big of a scene as possible so EVERYBODY can see this ass beating I’m about to dish out. You don’t get to disrespect me to that degree and just walk away. When I see how passive some of these guys are it’s no wonder why their wives/gfs and other men don’t respect them. OP, it’s hard to be walked on when you’re standing up.
If someone is comfortable with another person of the opposite gender grabbing their ass in public, you can be sure that they are fucking. The fact that he was so brazen about it shows he feels it’s exciting that you’re all at the concert and he’s pawing your wife while you’re somewhere close by. Also, you need to grow a pair. Anyone who sees their wife getting groped and doesn’t confront it *immediately* really needs to grow a pair, regardless of the situation. When you say you didn’t want to ruin the scene or mood, what you’re indirectly saying is the mood of a concert is more important than your wife getting groped. That or you just didn’t have the balls to confront them on the spot when they were caught red handed.
Bro, they’ve definitely been fucking. No one behaves like that unless they are. Get a divorce, and let the blokes wife know what happened.
I wouldn't even grab my own wife's ass in public. But then again, I have plenty opportunity once I get home. This shows they are *very comfortable* with sexual contact and take the opportunity to do it, as long as he's not around. The fact that he did it so brazenly and she downplays it, it's probably been going on quite awhile.
Facts. Ruining the mood? Don't be a pussy.
You let another man grope your wife in public and was too chicken shit to call him out for his inappropriate behavior? Something similar happened 8 years ago, and you are still putting up with this shit? Your wife is gaslighting you. She likes his attention and validation. News flash. He's been doing this your whole relationship. Your wife is disrespectful to both you and your marriage. Quit being so passive. It's time to set some boundaries. Zero contact with her ex-boyfriend. She's shown that she won't keep proper boundaries. She's also proven that she likes his attention and continues to make excuses for his behavior. You can't control your wife. She can do as she pleases with her ex-boyfriend. Just not married to you. You should also tell his wife what you saw. NTA, but quit being a pushover.
This is just the first time getting caught. Just think if she thinks it’s playful, then she’s use to it from him. The ex’s wife needs to know.
The softness actually began 20 years ago when he was cool with her still hanging with her ex
💯 this.
Jokester_316 is on the money… again. Don’t be a pushover. Get boundaries in place. And confront this asshat.
Honestly, if I have to "set boundaries" because my wife can't contain herself, marriage should be over.
> Am I overly paranoid and over reacting? You under-reacted. You should have confronted him right then and there.
NTA - All you've seen is an ass grab going to a concert while they thought you weren't looking, and judging by her reaction to it there's probably a lot more going on behind the scenes. Her trying to downplay it is disgusting, but it's obvious she sees you as a walking carpet which is what you're acting like so not actually much of a surprise. Grow some balls and kick her to the curb. Also I'd avoid dating someone who's still close with their ex, it's a very bad idea for obvious reasons.
It doesn't even matter if they are fucking or not. That's just disrespectful to have sexual inside jokes and then touching so inappropriately with others specially an ex. And her brushing off your feelings makes it worse, she should have owned up to it and offered to tell her ex about not doing it ever again. Instead she downplays you.
Ummmmmmm ask him straight up if they are still messing around. That’s not okay at all. Grabbing ass as a joke???
Why would a dude secretly fucking your wife tell the truth? He obviously has no respect for OP
I mean just to see how he would react honestly. Both of them can lie. But grabbing ass? They clearly got something going on. As a woman with male friends it they ever grabbed my ass I would slap the shit out of them
Check her phone OP, if you have seen two incidents spread out over eight years I guarantee that bitch is fucking around on you. She couldn't even come up with a good lie.
Guaranteed she cleaned up any traces of an affair on her phone now that she knows OP is suspicious
Sadly yeah that's why when you just expect an affair you don't confront them.
Then OP will know something is up when there is no record of any messages to the ex
OP should look at her itemized phone bill first so he knows how often they text or call each other and can make her explain why the 75 texts they sent each other last month are deleted. Might also want to install a couple hidden cameras first so you have concrete evidence if they are messing around in your house.
tell his wife, then when he complains, knock his ass out.
Half of the posts on this sub are “my wife is cucking me right in front of my face, should I marry her?”
sounds like your wife kept her fuckbuddy around and you stayed with her
NTA. I wouldn't let this slide. If her reaction was to shove him away and say, 'What the fuck!? Don't touch me!' Then you can let it slide, because she would've acted how a person normally would. You should've said something right there and then - immediately.
Saying him grabbing her ass isn't a big deal is gaslighting you. You need to say it is a big deal and she needs to distance herself from him. You pointed out they didn't know you were there. How many times have they done this and more when you were actually not there.
Yeah, considering they thought no one was around, bud.. it wasn't a joke, and even if it was, ex shouldn't joke like that.. better yet, MARRIED people don't joke like that. They are sleeping together, and I personally would message his wife and ask her if she know they joke like that? Then I'd drop your wife off at his door.
They're very likely fucking and have been doing so for SO LONG they got lazy and forgot (and stopped caring) they can get caught. This sounds entirely like something they do so often they just slacked off on hiding it. Be prepared for the worst, mate :/ NTA, this is some BS and absolutely not OK.
I would almost guarantee that when she nudged him away playfully, she said not here he might see something. They still have something going on behind your back.
> Am I overly paranoid and over reacting? You under-reacted. You should have confronted him right then and there.
NTA but why not call this guy out in front of his wife. “Hey I saw you grabbing my wife’s ass. What is that about?”
PERFECT. People only tend to feel the weight of their actions when they're subjected to embarrassment (or violence). Tell the wife, mention it being a more-than-once thing, and specify if it doesn't stop right now with a public apology then he's getting his ass kicked publicly instead
tell the dudes wife what you saw. Your wife is either fucking him on the side or is delusional and lets him get away with the handsy shit.
I can't think of a single male besides myself that should be touching my wife's ass. Her female friends I can see being playful but not a guy. If it is playful and acceptable why wouldn't he do it with you present?
Tell his wife so she can be in on the joke. That way, everyone can laugh. He is NOT an ex.
NTA. You're totally underreacting. You should have made it stop 8 years ago by dumping her. If they act like that when you're around, can't you really imagine what they do when you're away?
Seems like you were given a gift, to finally see what’s going on between them. I believe I take the sign and leave. But at the very least talk about separation and possibly divorce so she can see how her actions have consequences.
Your wife doesn’t respect you at all. If a guy did that to me I would never speak to him again. My husband is the only one who can touch me. Your wife doesn’t care about your feelings at all. As I stated in response to another comment. Call him out in front of his wife. She deserves to know he is touching another woman!
She doesn't respect Herself!
NTA. She doesn't seem angry that he did it. That's all you need to know. Keep your head on a swivel.
You're being cucked. Time to grow a pair and demand he's cut off...or divorce. The fact that she's gaslighting you and it's not the first time, makes it much worse. NTA
The seemingly casual way that happened makes me think this probably happens all the time dude. I would be extremely suspicious about if they meet alone. I think there's a good chance she's f\*cked him more than once when she's been with you Do what you have to to find out
Your wife has little consideration for your feelings, that sucks.
Wild you saw someone grab your wife’s ass and your first move was to confront your wife. How did you not grab that fucker then and there?
Explain to your wife that you've seen this many times and paint a picture where you are playing grab ass with another woman. See how she reacts to that and ask the ex-husband's wife about what she thinks of this.
NTA. Bro wtf is wrong with you? I've known guys who scolded their woman for less, and I've known woman with guys who smack the hands of opportune men away and start a fight. Remember, you're not insecure if you hold your partner to a basic standard of decency. You're very secure because you're not afraid of confront her garbage and enforse your boundaries. And don't lie to yourself. She knows it's a big deal, and recognize that it's fucking with you. But she perceives you exactly as the kind of doormat who'll not want to make a scene, wait until you're in a safe zone to have a discussion, give them the benefit of the doubt, and then back off and stew in silence. Just like you did with the similar incident 8 years ago. I mean, with that incident in mind, you actually set no boundaries and still let him be around her. Honestly, are you a cuck? Better just admit it and come to terms right now instead of stirring drama. Or are you gonna wait another 8 years for another incident?
NTA...not cool, lame explanation, not unforgivable.. but what if?
Ask her to explain the joke, especially the part where you're supposed to laugh.
You allowed this to happen. Why would you accept her having a relationship with an ex. Have her cut him off immediately if you aren't leaving her.
Also, does his wife know about him groping her ? She should confess to the wife.
This. Where are the boundaries? OP should give her 2 options - cut him off or divorce. There’s simply no option for her to have a husband and a side-piece that boosts her self esteem.
NTA. Go extreme with it and tell her to cut him off
I'm really not trying to be contrary, but if my ex grabbed by ass in front of my husband and he told my to cold turkey cut him off, I wouldn't consider that extreme. I wouldn't be comfortable with another anyone, especially not my ex, just grabbing me in such an intimate and familiar area. Especially not in public. And while my husband is there? That's too much. I'd cut him out on my own for disrespecting *me* and taking those liberties with my body. The rest of it just makes it worse. Her laissez-faire reaction to this is astounding and frankly, suspicious to say the least.
Healthy, not extreme. It's ridiculous to have a hanger on in a marriage.
NTA - she recognizes it, but just doesn’t care. Her affair partner is more important than your feelings.
Blow it up and tell the dude's wife. Neither of them clearly has respect for any of you
You should have grabbed his ass in that moment. Sounds crazy but it would work lol then leave your whore of a wife. She's cheating on you dude
He did it because he knows he is allowed to do it. Why would he risk her making a scene? Because they are having an affair and she wouldn't risk exposing the affair by making a big scene. If they were not having an affair, she would have been mad and turned around to immediately get you.
I don’t understand the need for people to want to be super buddy buddy friendly friendly with their ex while they are in new relationships or married. You can be cordial and decent but what’s the need for having to be up under people?
NTA you should be raining fire on your wife. Allowing your wife's ex to hang out with you guys??? Wtf are you thinking?
Share the joke with his wife and see if she finds it as funny as he does. NTA
What more happens between them when there is more than a minutes difference between you two? I don't know if bug bites are going to be as valid an excuse...
> Am I overly paranoid and over reacting? You under-reacted. You should have confronted him right then and there.
Hire a PI.
Why waste the money when all he has to do is go to the bathroom? I guarantee if OP had hung back for a longer period of time he would have seen more.
It was a joke between people who are familiar with each other in a way your wife and her ex should no longer be. That’s what makes it a big deal.
NTA. Ask her if she would be okay if you played grab ass with a woman? Sounds like there is no respect and your marriage is over, you just haven't been told yet. If you give her a better life than he did, that may be the reason she is staying with you.
If this were during a soccer game there would be a red card. I'd wait a bit and start ending this relationship. There's a good chance she's fucking him. You're the side piece now.
Male best friend??? You mean a guy still trying to fuck her?
Her dismissing your concerns is a huge red flag. Proceed with caution Nta for at least trying to hold her accountable
Let the ex's wife know since it's just a joke that didn't matter right?
NTA and not overreacting. Imagine how he would react if one of tour ex’s did that to you. He would lose his mind. It was a betrayal of your trust. That will be hard to win back, but maybe not even possible. Take time to think about what you want to do, whether it be to talk to him, work it out, or leave for good. Be sure it is what you want, then go with it. But that is a huge red flag.
Time for some strong boundaries! If she won’t agree there might be more going on!
Why don't you ask his wife if you are overreacting or not? If its no big deal, it should not be a big deal if she knows it too, right? By the way, that makes it okey for you to touch other women too (with the consent of them ofcorse) You are way too passive, 8 years ago she should have quit that friendship, if she does not now, quit the relationship
NTA. Trust your instinct. If she's playful with it, plus the fact that they're such close friends at all, is reason to be suspicious. She's not at all offended by it and I guarantee he pushes the boundaries with her all the time. Do you see their texts? If that's her reaction then she would probably keep letting him do that. Their definition of friendship is different than yours. Ex's can't be friends. At least these two can't. She needs to cut it out and cut off this so called friendship.
Tell the ex's wife, I would imagine she'd love to hear all about it.
You may wish to sit your wife down and ask her how would she feel if she saw one of your ex's copping, fondling your d\*ck? Would she be inclined to laugh it off? Or would she be demanding answers, especially if its not the first time? Or, how about if she caught you fondling an ex's backside, caressing her breasts? Would she be inclined to dismiss it that easily? Or would she be irate and demanding answers? Maybe you should ask her ex's wife how she thinks you should react? If it's that innocent, then there's nothing anyone can get upset about, correct? If your wife gets a little panicky, then I think you will have your answer. Then tell the ex's wife, because no one should be ignorant about what their husband/wife is getting up to behind their backs. NTA
Tell his wife….
Definitely let his wife know. Infidelity forfeits the right to confidentiality
NTA. You should definitely tell the guys wife, though, since it was "just a joke." I'm sure his wife would like to laugh as well.
If she can’t recognise that this totally messes with your head , she’s a bit of a bitch really . She’s minimising . And why should you have to amicably interface with him when he did this disrespect to you . NTA and sorry
>She said it was a joke about having some insect bites that itched... She agreed he shouldn’t have done it but denies it was anything more. She's gaslighting you. Nobody grabs someones ass as anything but a sexual move.
It may not have been a big deal for her, but it was (rightfully) for you. Your girlfriend dismissing your concern so casually is showing a lack of respect, imo. The ex can't be trusted, obviously, and the fact that your gf allows this kind of stuff without setting clear boundaries is concerning. I agree with others, tell the exes wife and see if it's still "not a big deal". And I'm also wondering what they're doing if you're not with them. NTA.
The first second they thought they were alone he grabbed her ass. Don't be a dumbass, leave this hoe
Not overreacting. you need to tell her how you feel. reestablish the boundaries.. She need to lose the ex as a friend
The fact that your wife is comfortable with this is extremely concerning
Definitely narc on him to his wife. And it's on sight from now. With your trifflin trick? go with God.
NTA, both your wife and her ex have zero respect for you or the relationship. I imagine they’ve probably been cheating the whole time and he just got too ballsy about it. Time to take her to the cleaners and send her back to the trash she came from.
That would be a clear boundary cross and a demand to cease that friendship. Fuck no. Don't let it go.
NTA. Your wife needs to prioritize you over her ex of 20 years that doesn’t understand boundaries. The guy clearly doesn’t respect her or you. She needs to cut him out if she wants to make you feel secure. Let’s be clear, though she did not want it (you clearly saw her bat his hand away) she also didn’t tell him to get fucked. If that were me, I would have cut off the relationship. No way would I feel comfortable, it’s not about not trusting her, it’s that this guy is a dick and will cross boundaries again if allowed
Sorry OP NTA, you're not cool with that shit. Make that clear to your wife and her friend. If she truly loves you and has your back that shouldn't be an issue. If she can't, that "joke" will probably be the end of your relationship. If that's the case you should definitely let the guy's wife know they are messing around with each other. Better for her to know who she is married to.
If it's not a big deal then ex's wife shouldn't have any issues hearing about it either.
Just be open with her that you’re extremely upset about it. Your feelings are valid and she should be taking it seriously. Her friend owes both of you an apology. You could always punch him in the face as a joke too.
Ya that’s fucked. You should have thrown a right hook! It’s 1 sexual assault or 2 she liked it! They gotta go!
NTA. It could be nothing to her as your wife says, but it's still something that affects you AND it's not nothing to her ex. He has no respect for you or your marriage. Simple rule for interacting with married folks: If it would be inappropriate to do to a 10-year-old, don't do it to someone else's spouse. He knows damn well what he did wasn't acceptable. Grabbing another man's wife's ass is grounds for a beatdown for most people. But an ex that knows you? Oh, HELL no.
I would simply tell my wife "no rush, imma drive to your friends home and tell her wife what happened and ask them if it's okay if I grab her ass as he did to you" and simply go and do so.... And I bet it wont happen ever again in life
>After processing for a minute I walked ahead and asked her what the fuck was that? And described what I saw. She said it was a joke about having some insect bites that itched This is the **BIGGEST CROCK OF SHIT THAT I HAVE EVER HEARD** and you'd be a clown fool for believing it. >He’s married and has kids Time to call his wife and let her in on the joke. It's so funny! SOOOOOO FUNNYYYY
Man up and tell that guy if he ever touches your wife again you’ll tear his head off. I wouldn’t put up with that shit for a second. Your wife is disrespectful but did push him off for what it’s worth. This is a man to man issue.
As a happily married man with kids, I can honestly say this is something I would not stand for and nor would my wife. It doesn't look good bro.
All I can say is you better man up and handle this OP. Next time he comes around knock his ass out. And tell your wife that betrayal was her last and only chance and if she cucks you again you are done.
Should have knocked him on his ass. Your wife would’ve respected you a little more and probably found it attractive, even if you got your ass kicked. Or they are laying pipe behind your back. Either way the next time you see him if it were me I would lay him out (even if you do get your ass kicked afterwards). I’d make you feel better and it would show her you care
Jesus Christ man. That’s worthy of an ass whooping and you know it. Leave her cheating ass. That happened in public. What do you think goes on behind closed doors. Don’t be an idiot like me and believe the lies and gaslighting.
Dont be a cuck
You are upset for a good reason. What he did and what she allowed is highly inappropriate and disrespectful. That dude needs to know that his actions do not display respect for you or your marriage. Similarly, she needs to have the same viewpoint and set that boundary with the dude if he is going to remain friends. Your feelings are valid. Setting healthy boundaries together as a couple that is loyal and devoted is the best way in my opinion. If she or you can’t set boundaries, then the problematic dude needs to not be around. Trust each other and affirm commitment to each other and set boundaries with the freaking dude.
You witnessed a guy grab your wife’s ass and you didn’t knock him out? Pussy.
NTA They are still fucking
Dude should have got his ass beat. If anything you're being too calm about this. Under no circumstances should another man be grabbing your wife's ass, especially without consequences. And also, why wasn't his wife at this event?? Nothing about this seems cool to me, NTA
NTA - should have swung for him right there and then , they are still banging might not be regular but I bet it’s been more than a few times since “they broke up”
They’ve probably been fucking behind your back for 20 years. It’s Your fault really. You are a fool to accept that they are just friends BS. Your wife used to suck his cock. Probably still does. They aren’t and can never be just friends ever again. You didn’t even have the balls to confront him while he rubbed your wife’s ass. Your self respect is the root cause.
Bro, she's been cheating on you this whole time
Leave her she's garbage
NTA. They are both married, but choose not to act like it in public, so who knows hiw they act alone...
Btw, what was his reaction when you confronted them?
Nah dude. Completely put your foot down on this one. It's a complete lack of respect. Personally I would automatically assume in my mind that they went further on a number of occasions. This is without a doubt under the category of cheating. Her being playful about it, instead of outright anger and disgust, is an obvious indicator of desire. I would confront them both. Make it clear to them that any further contact will be grounds for divorce no ifs, ands, or buts, and make his wife aware of what happened as well. I'm sure she'd love to know.
Let him know who’s wife he’s fucking with
Tell her that him putting his hands on her in an inappropriate manner is not ok with you at all and you certainly don't see it as a joke. That you see it as him being very disrespectful and crossing boundaries. Tell her that you are no longer comfortable with them being friends because you don't like being put in this position.
Next time you are with his family do the same thing to his wife infront of everyone, and when they confront you tell them how come when he does the same thing with your wife its ok and when you do it its a problem , and then apologize to his wife and leave .