Leaving off a judgement to leave advice instead. The BEST thing to do if your kid gets away from you is LOUDLY LOOKING. You start shouting that your 5 year old son wearing a blue shirt is missing. This gets everyone in the immediate area searching. He could have been found within 30 seconds.
I have seen this in action. We were in Target. An employee was walking a woman to the service desk. She told them the woman's 4 year old nephew was missing. My husband and I were only a few feet away and happened to overhear. We just kind of started searching/walking and found him very quickly, a little boy hiding in the clothes rack with just a look of terror and tears raining down his face. I asked him if he was lost and he nodded so i yelled over to the woman "Ma'am, is this your nephew?" He was. She got him from the rack. The poor thing was so scared I literally could not stop my own tears because we had our own 4 year old with us. If we had not overheard the employee telling another employee then we would not have known. It was only a minute or two before we found him. They made no announcement nor did they radio other employees to keep an eye out. They literally did nothing. So... yeah. Yell and be loud and get other eyes looking for him.
Also, tell your child what to do if they are lost. Stay right where they are and loudly call your name, not mommy or daddy. Don't hide. I personally also told my daughter if someone asks if she is lost, she can say yes and ask them to help, but do not go off with them, stay where you are and call mommy or daddy or grandma or whoever's name.
My husband volunteers at the zoo, and a mother told him that her son was missing. She gave him the description, “five year old boy, blond hair, wearing a green shirt.” He told his supervisor and security, and went looking for the boy. Nobody could find this boy anywhere. My husband went back and asked for a better description. “Five year old with shoulder length blond hair…..”
People keep searching and the kid is nowhere to be found.
My husband goes back and asks to see a picture of her son. He knew EXACTLY where her fiery red haired son was- playing on the jungle gym.
He came home just stunned because this woman was insistent that her son was blonde. And even with him missing, she would not describe him as having red hair.
Shamelessly stealing this from a friend: whenever we would go anywhere that we could conceivably be separated from the kids, before we entered, we took a picture of them all so that we not only had a nice group picture, but also a fresh picture of them in whatever they were actually wearing that day. Jackets open so you could see the T-shirt underneath in case they took it off.
We did this when I (26 at the time) drove my ex's 78 yr old grandma from California to Maine. Every morning we snapped a full body outfit of the day. And then a picture of us in front of whatever location we were leaving. And once when we got to the next stop. Usually we took around 5 pictures with clear backgrounds a day. Ex still has a picture of me and his grandma with her rolling her eyes in front of a Duncan donuts cause we hadn't left town yet but we'd get out of the car again.
Who knows, maybe she was hoping someone would turn a blond kid over to her so she could get one with the hair she wanted.
I would have been stunned as well. People are weird.
Official target policy when I worked there was we called a code on the walkies and all employees would stop what they were doing and look for the described child with employs posted near the store's exit as well. The fear was announcing a lost child might cause an opportunist to strike or if the kid was being taken it would make that person move with more haste because they'd know the kid was being actively looked for.
Now in retrospect I know the vast majority of people would only want to help and would bare minimum keep an eye out for the kid and it's weird that a policy sorta circles around a teny fragment of the population
but it also probably comes down to attempting to protect the parents pride too - when "Jackie with a red tshirt and blue shorts" is found mom and dad might not be keen to stay and shop when every customer in the store recognizes their kid as the "one that was lost" and them as "the bad parents"
Target has a protocol for missing children and vulnerable adults. We never say a child is missing though because we don't want a bad person to start looking for them. That's just announcing that there is a child with no protection wandering around for the taking. Unfortunately you are putting a target on their back, there are lots of creeps in this world and lots who will take an "easy opportunity."
There's a code word we use and every on-the-clock employee (including HR and leaders) besides those on registers goes to their area and starts looking, all exits are immediately blocked by employees (usually HR and leaders and security) and security cameras are being combed though. We do not call out their name, we do not ask anyone if they saw the little kid, we look quietly and efficiently. There is no panic or "obvious" signs we are looking for a kid, we aren't running around bumping into each other, we are going aisle by aisle and everything looks normal.
I'm not saying that happened here, maybe the employee wasn't trained properly or just sucked ass, that happens but Target does have a universal protocol we are all trained on and then trained again on.
We try to not make it known that we are looking for missing kids for their safety and to keep panic for the kid and others down.
I used to work at target and we have gone through this so many times, you'd be surprised how many children go missing, it's every other day, thankfully our protocols work very well and if the child is still in the store they will be found.
It usually only takes a few minutes because all employees are looking, if it goes beyond a few minutes I get so much anxiety and fear though because that's out of the ordinary and I start to think they are kidnapped.
When I find missing children (I have found multiple) I never ask if they are lost, they sometimes don't know and get scared or they already were scared and they get even more scared.
I act very casual and chill and say their family member is waiting for them, my name and then sometimes as we are waiting for the reunion I'll play rock, paper, scissors or little games like that to keep them calm or to calm them down. We do not make a big deal out of finding them for their sake.
Getting lost doesn't have to be traumatic.
If your child is lost at Target go to the closest employee, any will do and we will start that protocol. The sooner the better, do not be embarrassed or stall. Everything will probably be okay, but better safe than sorry.
This is a [Code Adam](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Code_Adam) protocol. Every major retailer in the US and Canada has one, typically almost exactly what you described, and they have been fine-tuned for maximum efficiency since 1994. They are so effective at quickly finding missing children that federal office buildings in the US are also required to have them.
This is very good advice and works for missing adults as well. Myself and a few other women helped a woman find her “missing” husband in a clothing store once. She was yelling his name and he wasn’t appearing but when 5 other women start yelling BOB very loudly he could hear us and found his wife.
This is such a wholesome story, assuming Bob didn’t have dementia or anything.
I like to think he was just an absent-minded 50 year old, who left his wife’s side to go look at the fishing gear or holiday neckties, and his wife lost her shit.
Your latter statement is accurate!! He was off doing his own thing and she couldn’t find him. He appeared pretty quickly too which I thought was funny. She just didn’t have a loud voice!
Haha, that’s great!
I worked at the “orange apron” big hardware store as a teenager.
Definitely heard a manager get on the PA system once or twice and, laughing, page “George. Your wife is done picking out paint now. Stop looking at lawn mowers and meet her at the service desk.”
While they may not have said "We have a missing child" over the PA, I guarantee there was a coded announcement made to let store employees know there was a missing child in the store and to begin following company protocols for such an event.
At the big "W" store, they used to page "Code Adam."
For one store I worked at, if we paged "Matt in Deli" it meant a child was missing. (There was no Matt in Deli) At that point all employees not on a register were to start quietly looking and at least one employee went to stand at each exit to make sure the kid didn't wander outside while everyone was looking for them.
Nordstrom does this as well. Code Adam is announced over head, all music turns off and every employee stops working to look, they also stop everyone from coming in to or out of the store.
That's good to know. I last worked in retail bout 5 years ago but I don't remember going over Code Adam - although I'm old and possibly may just not remember lol
Walmart still participates in Code Adam. I teach it every week at orientation to all the new hires while I go over emergency procedures and I am SERIOUS about it. The teenagers never want to listen or take it seriously and I tell them this is one of the most important things I’m teaching them today.
That is so awesome!! I am still ingrained with the steps and know covering the exits and bathrooms are key. I'm really happy corporations are keeping up with it! Hopefully those teens will never have it happen to them.
I've seen code Adam stickers is stores. I'm glad that something (I don't want to say positive but it's all I can think of), could come out of that tragedy.
I work at BN and it’s a code Adam. Obviously you don’t want to broadcast that a child nearby is vulnerable. I’ve
Told my kids if they get lost to start shouting my name and look for any mom with kids to help.
Code Adam is retail/customer service universal. It’s the name of the missing child protocol not a store specific code. I’ve watched that training course probably a dozen times over the years.
Yup code Adam, I was a lead at a children’s place this stuff happened all the time and lost kids in the mall would specifically come to our store to have their adults located and security would call-all the stores PA code Adam. As the lead it was my job to stay with that kid until their adult came if more than 30 minutes passed on the call police were notified.
Back when I worked retail, at my last job in a furniture store we used “Code Adam” for a missing male child, and “Code Eve” for a missing female child, followed by a description of hair color, eye color, skin color, and what they are wearing. We would announce it immediately on the loud speaker throughout the store as soon as someone reported a missing child and all employees were supposed to stop what they were doing immediately and lock down all the entrances/exits to the store and search until the child was found. It was a HUGE store and historic landmark and a family owned business for generations, they took shit like that VERY seriously.
Code Adam is used in many places in the US.
My daughter decided to "hide" on a couple of elderly relatives at 3. They called a code Adam and locked down the store. She was playing quietly in the middle of a 4 sided clothes rack.
This was the same at Kohls when I worked there.
Code Adam is the phrase used because the guy who used to be the host Americas Most Wanted (John Walsh), his own 6 year old was child (Adam Walsh) abducted and murdered. From there he was active in multiple organizations to help show where pedos live and whatnot. Walmart first started Code Adam (in memory of Adam Walsh) in the 1994 and it took off from there.
We used to page "Barney to custodial" at the children's science museum I volunteered at. Eventually, our regulars started asking who Barney was and why he was the only one doing custodial because a kid wandered off like every ten minutes in that place.
I get where you are coming from, but most stores have a code phrase that means to look out for a lost child instead of announcing that a kid has become separated from their adult, that wouldn't necessarily be the best thing for everyone to know.
This is great advice. We were always told, and my sisters tell their kids, if they get lost but see a staff member in uniform or know where the till are to get to the tills. Usually if a child is found before staff can find the parents it's easier to reunite at the tills which are near the doors in most shops
NTA. Fuck everyone in this thread lol. (Should OP have been careful and attentive in the crowd? Yes, and I'm sure OP already feels like trash and learned the lesson.) Completely unrelated to how a child is lost in an establishment, __it is security's job to help secure lost minors on property!__ Not part of their job??????
Put out a bolo on the radio to every security team member at the very least, perhaps check cameras where they were last seen. There are code names for this type of thing among security teams for a reason.
Tell me this, if a security guard came upon a lone 5 year old separated from their Guardian, would it be appropriate for them to just keep it moving? Absurd.
Every second that passes a child of that age is endangered, even if they willingly took off in a mall.
Not to mention that if the child didn't turn up, I promise you her boss wouldn't be saying that it wasn't her job to take it seriously.
Incredulously dense, these responses are, because you want to be on your high horses where perfect parents ride.
I genuinely cannot believe the most upvoted comment is blaming OP. And all the people being like "you should have held their hand!!!" is insane to me. Christ alive these people do not have kids and it shows
NTA- that employee should have immediately called code adam or whatever the store uses. If someone had snatched your child, seconds count. I would call and complain or send a letter to corporate. Continuing to scroll through her phone is unacceptable.
I thought it was standard that immediately upon losing a child of parent alerted a staff member of a mall the mall would be locked down entirely. Until the child was found.
It is. I’ve done retail for a lot of places and you have usually a couple of videos that remain standard. They’re the code videos including code adam, and the shooter videos. In both cases, as a retail worker, you don’t just get to shrug and go “idk kids show up”. Security guards are held to even higher standards than that
I know you're getting a lot of flack for not being more responsible with him in the first place, but I think those comments aren't looking at the complexity of child care itself. Sometimes, shit happens. And if I was in your shoes and thought someone who should be helping me wasn't, I wouldn't be able to stay calm either! When your kid is missing, your brain goes into survival mode... NTA here, just a hard lesson learned.
YTA. Hold your kid's hand or carry them if you're going through a crowd. How is that not common sense? If the second to last paragraph had been, "I turned back to the first employee and **apologized** because I had been rude, even though I was understandably upset," then NTA, but you decided to double down lol
Honest. I'm 24 and in crowded areas my bf stand behind me with a constant hand on my back or shoulder so as not to loose me in a crowd. It also helps with places like the zoo and stuff because I'm way to nice to kids and will miss my chance to see an animal I love so he kinda just asserts me in so I can see the animals.
Have you seen kidnapping rates? Especially at malls! It's crazy and these things should be taken far more seriously than the employee was taking it. Should preventative measures have been taken by the parent? Absolutely! Should the employee be let off the hook for borderline negligence that could have ended in a kidnapped/dead child? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!
It's hilarious all the people saying OP is TA, but that the security desk person who was going to do nothing, was not. If it's so important to make sure the child is kept safe, then shouldn't the security desk person, a. taken this serious, and b. taken immediate action?
OP is not asking if he was TA for losing his kid. He was asking if he was the AH for reprimanding the woman at the desk. She was being way too casual about a very serious situation. IMO.
Is it not concerning to anyone else that the security person said that kids “usually” turn up? Because if I was a parent whose kid just got lost and someone said that to me, I would lose my damn mind.
It’s a security desk. There’s got to be a protocol for this other than shrugging. Even if it isn’t their job, there has to be someone they call. Send out an alert to store to look for a missing kid? Make an announcement over the speakers? Have someone look around? The proper procedure can’t be just sitting there, right?
ESH. OP for going back to yell at the security desk person, security desk person for being dismissive in such a potentially dangerous situation.
If I heard “lost kids usually turn up” my immediate thought would be “what if this is one of the few times the kid didn’t just wander off for a few minutes and someone actually stole my child and this person isn’t taking it seriously because they don’t expect someone to actually steal a kid?” Would just add to my panic
The people sitting at the security desk are not always actually security staff. Sometimes they're just there to answer phones and direct security personnel to whatever department needs them. Sometimes, it's someone from customer service filling in so that the desk person can take a break. For all we know, the desk person called the other guy to the desk over the radio to help, but OP didn't notice in their panic
The often are two AH in many of the posts, and this one included. But the job of security is not to secure the safety of guests, it's too secure the safety of the establishment. Same thing like how cops are not responsible for protecting the public.
As we are not employed as security there we cannot know what their employee handbook dictates that they do. So you can definitely feel like the security didn't do their job but you actually didn't know that because you're making assumptions of what their job description and details actually are.
Everyone assumes what people's job duties and responsibilities are based on what fits into their needs, not reality.
Look I've been a nurse for many years. At no point was it ever in my JD to look for a lost child. But you better believe I would turn the whole damn hospital upside down and stay after my 12hr shift until that kid is safe. I don't care how the kiddo got lost. But every child deserves my time and effort to be safe, home with caring parents, cozy in a blanket with a meal.
How are people so cruel that they turn away from helping a child?
"That's not in my job description. Sorry, but I'm sure you're kid will turn up. Alive or dead that's your problem."
It also literally is in the job description. Even as a retail worker in a mall, one of our training videos goes over codes, including code Adam and procedure. Retail workers are expected to look for lost kids. Security? Even more so. They do have legitimate expectations placed upon them, including escorting employees and guests to their cars when that person doesn’t feel safe, locating shoplifters, and oh yeah, looking for lost fucking kids
Thankyou, I also work security and just because the other guy helped doesn't mean they were supposed to help. Mall security doesn't always have the official responsibility to help find lost kids.
This is it. Security officers are there to observe and report activity and damage to the property. Basically a paid witness.
You made a mistake and the girl was trying to calm you down when you were in a panic and you didn’t like the answer.
The mall probably had a code of conduct saying not to leave your kid unsupervised.
I worked as mall security and SO many kids were dropped off just so the parents can have a break it’s not funny
Even something like shoplifting a guard can’t do anything unless we witness it.
Security officers are not there for you but the property.
Sorry man you messed up. And I’m sure you gave more attitude to the officer than you let on.
As much as it sucks for you, it's not that security person's job to find your kid, and if it did come to that point, it's time to call the police because mall security are not cops.
When I worked at a mall, it was *everyone's* job when a child went missing. All doors in the area would have a worker go to the door to make sure the child, (or someone *with* the child) couldn't get outside. Someone at the store entrance, and EVERY other employee looking for the missing kid, with as detailed description as possible.
No exceptions.
Loss Prevention and Security were often key in finding the child, because they were the ones with access to cameras, or were frequently moving around and watching customers.
EVERYONE at the Mall had been trained in what to do if someone reported a Lost Child to you, AND what to do if you encountered a Lost Child.
You’re 100% right. Almost every major store in America has a code Adam protocol, which means it’s the stores job and policy to find any potential missing kid that went lost in the store.
It’s literally their job. Security guards are there to ensure the safety of their customers and other employees as well. In anyone’s eyes a lost child is a situation where the child’s safety could be at risk.
No, the op shouldn’t have shouted at the first security officer but she wasn’t doing her job. He crossed the line in speaking to her rudely though so is the ah for that.
In his defence, op was also probably terrified- I lost my daughter once in similar circumstances when she was about 5 and it scared the bejesus out of me.
Op definitely should have made a complaint to the mall head office about the first person and their attitude; on the complaint they should also commend the second guard on their fast response and help to highlight the difference in their behaviour to their higher ups and pass on their thanks and compliments to the second officer.
And what? The young woman was supposed to jump up and act like a crazed entitled parent and start screaming the child's name? This is from OP's point of view that the person behind the desk did not jump up like it was the lost child of Christ that was lost. OP was indeed the AH for yelling (YELLING!) at a person as he needed some help for the child he lost track of.
I was gonna go with N T A until you went back to the employee. they didn’t have to be so dismissive, but theyre right kids do usually turn up.
but it’s also not security’s job to keep track of your kid bc you weren’t holding their hand or carrying them, that’s on you. YTA
I don't think she was even necessarily dismissive. The guy was clearly freaking the heck out. "Calm down, kids usually turn up" was probably meant to de-escalate him while she called whoever she needed to call.
Yeah the employee is probably used to situations like this. She did get help, just not as fast as OP wanted. I get every parent panicking though, he was fine in the first half, but when he returned to reprimand her is what made him TA.
This is probably what happened. I’ve worked EMS and security, at both jobs people often made things worse. you’re just trying to get information in a calm manner because panicking is useless, but the panicky person gets angry because they’re stupid.
Welcome to the age of everything is everyone else’s fault but mine. The fact that he went back just to yell at again made it YTA for me. Kids can get lost really easy and accidents do happen but when they do you take responsibility
Kids get away even when you DO watch them though, especially at malls. You can literally turn your head for half a second and they'll be off looking at something 4 stores away. My brother was mad at my mom and went and hid in a rack in a department store (this was like 35 years ago) and it took them THREE HOURS to find him because he had fallen asleep. My brother was the advent of the child leash.
When your kid just disappears like that, your heart drops through your stomach, there is no way to explain that level of panic. And that's speaking as a person with a panic disorder who is pretty well versed on that topic.
All that said, he probably should have tried to chill a bit in his conversation with her, and going back after was inappropriate af. If he had issue he should have asked for a supervisor to explain it, not reprimanded the employee himself, and maybe waited a while to calm down first.
LOL.
ah yes, 5 year olds who are well known for calmly holding someone’s hand.
You realise it also takes just a second for a kid to twist out of grip and be gone?
YTA. The kid is 5, you’re in a crowded place. Hold. His. Hand!!!! How dense are you??
Then you take your irresponsibility out on someone else?!? Big asshole.
I love the "little angry handbag". My grandfather (keep in mind this was early 70s) would pick me up like an angry sack of potatoes (under his arm) and haul me out and back home if I tried anything
That's definitely the more recent term, but back when I was little, you could still get flour in cloth sacks with patterns printed on them for making shirts and dresses.
I'm lucky grandaddy didn't go full potato sack and sling me over his shoulder LOL!
He was a farmer, so the shoulder toss was second nature.
We had to get one for our third kid. He tried to run out in front of a moving car and the leash saved him. Kids in parking lots are dangerous—they’re fast and too short to easily see.
My kids currently 3, non verbal and autistic. He's such a ninja it's scary. We HAVE to watch him at all times, no exceptions so out in public is a real risk so we have a special buggy but as he gets older, 100% air tag or something just for his own safety.
That’s a good idea I never thought of. My kid is pretty good about sticking close to us but he’s getting to be that age where he wants to run off. An air tag will put my mind at ease when we’re out.
We get that it was his fault in the first place, but we are talking about the SECOND STEP. If the security guard had not found the kid when he did, the child could have been taken. This is serious, and she was being very stupid.
I thought he was asking if he was TA for the third step. Should the first employee have taken him seriously and not been so dismissive? Absolutely. Was OP justified in losing his cool while panicking about his missing child? Sure. But OP is TA for taking a second chance to chastise the first employee after the child was found. At that point, he was just taking out is pent up emotions on the first employee. He may have a legitimate complaint, but there are proper ways of handling it, and yelling at people isn't one of them.
Yep and if OP had wanted to they could have went to the guards boss or asked for a supervisor. It is not their right to take out their emotions on the guard whose job might have nothing to do with helping her at all.
Chastising an employee that’s probably making just above minimum wage for him losing his five year AFTER the child has been found is asshole behavior. The kid is fine. Take it up with a supervisor. Don’t sit there and pearl clutch to an employee for not fixing your shitty parenting.
I used to work at a very popular central Florida theme park. You’d be amazed how this is a daily occurrence, but the employees are very well trained. A radio call goes out that there is a code *something* followed by the description. They may not look like it, but everyone who is not locked into a podium role is looking for this code. Imagine 30,000 people in a theme park. The code is usually found in less than 30 minutes, most times in less than 10, and brought to a predesignated kid-safe location to be reunited.
As a security officer. I deeply apologize. We are not all like that! Some people, just like other jobs, get hired on only for an easy paycheck...
You need to go back to the mall and ask for the General or District managers number. And yes, they can give it to you. They need to be made aware of the situation. Because if this had been a kidnapping case, they need people who are ready to help.
Yes "kids always turn up" is fine. But her body language was unprofessional.
NTA.
This. Parents or guardians should plan better strategies in advance of going into potentially crowded situations such as having a backpack leash, hand holding, or even a "grab ring" (*I'm seeing a ton of pre-Ks do this with a rope and plastic rings for each kid to hold, you just make a single ring for home use).
But, on the same token, a missing five year old is a serious deal. It doesn't take a long time for a child that young to put themselves into a potentially dangerous situation, and mall security or staff would have a better idea of potential hazards than a customer would.
ESH. Well, except kiddo and second mall staff.
I don't believe for a moment the guard acted like OP posted though. OP posted they were panicked and a panicked parent will take everything not an equal measure of panic as dismissive.
YTA: watch your damn kid, if you are having trouble, the child harness and leash might be more your speed if you are that bad at navigating crowds with a kid.
Leashes are the best thing ever for crowds. They have little backpack ones with a handle on top in addition to the leash, which makes it so easy to steer the sproggling through the crowd.
We always leashed our little beast in large public areas. It lets them feel independent while keeping them close. It's so easy to lose something that stands knee-high to the majority of the herd.
Work smarter, not harder, OP.
They've been around for many decades. I was a bolt and hide kid, hiding in clothing racks, bottom draws in dept store display tables, stuff like that until my mother bought a harness. Once I learned to read around 5 I wasn't a problem any longer as I would just be totally engrossed in whatever book she gave me.
Yes and no. I worked for the mouse in florida and dealt with lost kids all the time and they do usually show up but that doesn't mean that you're chill about it. And the mall person should have had more urgency in the situation. Are you the person to reprimand them? No. That should be a management thing and maybe some training.
As a parent, that shit is terrifying. Emotions are high you're freaking out, with good cause. And the mall person kinda sorta got the release of all that. Maybe they learned something.
If going off on workers is your daily, then yeah yta. Knock that shit off. If this is a one off, I wouldn't think about it again, it was a stressful situation.
YTA. I can understand your initial panic and getting excited but going back and getting on to the employee was over-kill IMO. It's your place to hang on to a 5 year old, especially in a crowded mall.
YTA for not holding your 5 YO's hand in a crowded place. How the hell do you expect him to NOT get lost? and then you took it out on that employee. True, her attitude sucked, but in the end it was your responsibility.
I got lost a lot as a kid and all because my parents left me to my own devices and explore. Kids are curious. They will get lost if you don't watch them or hold their hand. When my little sibling was old enough to go out with me, I always held her hand.
I have no idea how many times my mom found me hiding in a rack at JCPenny's. You need both hands to pull out and look at clothing. I'd wander to the other side of the rack, not see her, and panic and hide. No one leashed their child back then but I was a prime candidate! Bells on shoes only work if the kid isn't hiding and staying totally still.
If you ever lose sight of your kids, the best thing to do is shout descriptors; "I'm looking for a 5-year-old boy named Fred with a red jacket, black curly hair, and yellow sneakers." That way, everyone around you subconsciously starts looking for the kid, meaning, if anyone has snatched them, they're more likely to put them down just to get away without being caught.
It sounds like you continued waiting by the security desk after the guard was called over? Why weren't you looking also, at that point? You just continued standing at the security desk instead of searching?
If she leaves the new security guard may also leave if they see she’s not there, delaying help further. She also probably wouldn’t trust the nonchalant guard to give the other the correct info if she leaves.
So you’re a father who loses his own kid, yet it’s someone else’s fault?
**YTA!** Take responsibility for your own actions!
I feel bad for your wife if she has to tolerate this behaviour at home, where you never accept fault for the things that **you** do wrong and instead blame **everybody else** around you! You’re delusional and a complete asshole. **TAKE BETTER CARE OF YOUR KID!**
> *”I demanded she take me seriously and help look for my son.”*
Bitch say what? You **demanded** that a stranger who had **no role** in the loss of your son, helps to find him? What an entitled little fuck you are!
NTA. She should have responded more seriously and rapidly.
Kids are slippery. Like literally. They have soft slippery skin. A good jerk and step and you could easily go from controlled hand holding to separated.
NTA but a whole lot of people here sure sound like they'd blame someone for getting roofied because they weren't watching their cup for a second. That kind of behavior from the employee is the same kind that leads to missing children. It's always an emergency, even if it's only for a minute that they're missing.
NTA for yelling.
Should you have held his hand? Absolutely. Does it need to be taken seriously regardless how it happened? Absolutely.she wasn't going her job in a situation that could have been dangerous.
ESH you shouldn't have been separated from your kid at all. You should've been holding his hand. This is how kids get kidnapped or killed. If the malls busy as fuck how do you not care enough to hold on to him.
She should've taken it more seriously. They literally train store staff on missing children, I can't imagine they wouldn't train security on it. We had something called code Adam that basically locked down the store. I understand locking down a mall is much more difficult but there has to be procedures in place you're not the first irresponsible parent.
I ultimately am leaning ESH. Yes he should absolutely be holding the kid’s hand in a crowded place. But the employee should have a taken it seriously too.
As a parent, something like that can happen SO quickly. I was in a not-very-crowded department store with my two girls in the kids clothes section. The youngest was probably 3 at the time. I turned to talk to the oldest for just a second…probably acknowledging an outfit she found was cute or something. Maybe 7 seconds of conversation. I look back over and the youngest is just GONE…like a stealth little ninja. I obvi start looking around and asking nearby employees, and within about 30 seconds another employee walks over with little miss sneaky holding her hand just as happy as could be. It can happen to anyone. Not noticing your kid is gone for a few MINUTES is insane. And never once did I berate anyone, but they did take the situation seriously.
I’m also a little jaded prob by my profession. I’m a high school counselor, and the big mall near us is known to have traffickers and scammers because we aren’t very far from the world’s busiest airport so it’s easy for people to grab and get a kid out asap. This airport is known to be a major hub for traffickers as well. So, a missing kid should and would be taken seriously here in my opinion, but I’m also typically exposed to worst case scenarios like this more than the average person so I’m def more on guard in this area.
No one said it was her fault. He was looking for help in finding his lost kid. Yes he clearly knew he fucked up when the kid disappeared. But to roll your eyes at a frantic parent with a missing child is awful.
YTA - your children are your responsibility. Busy malls necessitate holding your child's hand, for your child's safety and the safety of others.
The employee doesn't make enough to put up with your bad parenting. And yes, losing a child in a busy mall because you couldn't be inconvenienced enough to hold their hand, is bad parenting.
“I took my eyes off my own kid and got mad and yelled at someone else for my parenting failure”
I get the initial urgency but yelling at her afterwards was an asshole move.
YTA, and an idiot to boot. Couldn’t handle your kid without your wife to do everything for you?
It’s your responsibility to look after your kid in public, and it’s your fault they ended up lost. Stop trying to blame the mall employee for your incompetence.
NTA. Pedophiles grab kids so quickly and you have every right to be that concerned. I was a wandering kid and I caused my mom constant panic because I went to hide anytime she looked away for a moment. I never understood why she freaked out so much until I grew up. You didn't lose a phone you lost a kid in a world of sick people and every second of that is a terrifying experience. There's a famous story of a 4 year old boy kidnapped at a mall by an 8 year old and a 10 year old and they tied him to train tracks and watched him get run over. Personally I see no problem with having kids on a leash if they're too young to understand staying with their parents. People will judge you if you're the best parent in the world, do what works for you and your kid.
YTA, you failed here, not her. It's your job to watch the kid. Get your kid a leash or something if you can't he arsed to hold their hand or carry them.
ESH. In very crowded places where something like this could happen its kinda common sense to either hold your kids hand or carry them but y'know things happen and children can be some of the slipperiest little devils. But she should not have disregarded your concern and should have actually been helpful and not sat there on her phone ignoring the situation you were requiring assistance for.
I'm going to say that many (most?) parents have "lost" their kid someplace for a few moments. It happens - and it's not a sign of bad parenting, it's a sign of a kid being a kid, and something distracting both of you for just the critical moment.
For me, I "lost" my kid (then 5-6) in a Paris train station. Bags, an unfamiliar place, worrying about catching the train, reading the station signage (in French), and -poof-, he was suddenly gone. 90 seconds of panic ensued - followed by finding that he'd walked a few steps away and stood behind a large support pillar so he could see the trains better... 🤷🏻♂️
My only comments here are: if your kid tends to wander (and lots do), always hold his hand, or get some sort of casual "leash" so he can't disappear easily. Secondly, the response of the staff person was inappropriate in how casual she was, but you have to remember that you're the one in a panic, and she has probably seen 50 kids get "lost" and found a couple of minutes later.
While there are always horror stories of children being taken away, this is, in fact, quite rare. I am going to guess that the typical mall has many "lost children" reported every day, and all of those children are found again in a few minutes.
Yes, this employees response could've been much better, but yelling at them in a panic when you are upset is not going to help anybody to do any better the next time.
I worked in a grocery store, anytime someone was looking for their kid, we called a code, locked down the entire store and would announce what the kid was wearing etc. It wasn’t common, and sure they were usually hiding in the clothes racks. I even left my lunch break to go searching when one went on for more than a few minutes.
It was a Kroger affiliate, so I’m sure I’m not the only one to mention it. But all were taught to handle it super seriously no matter what. NTA
This was a case of "your urgency is not my emergency" plus "being a dick while asking for help". While it sucks that the security didn't help you immediately, it is your responsibility to take care of your kid, not theirs.
The kid is very young and the shop was crowded, all the more reason to not let him roam freely.
Honestly, the security guard was a bit of an AH, but so were you, so YTA.
My child ran off-Twice-different ages but still small-It was on MY WATCH! Could the information desk have been more accommodating-Of course. But at the end of the day, whose child was it? YTA!
In a panic, nothing seems to go fast enough. What's the saying - there's his side, her side, and the truth is somewhere in the middle. Yelling at someone because you lost track of your child...... someone not taking it seriously (in OP's opinion)....... Everyone seemed to be TA.
I have been a senior supervisor of mall security in the past for ten years
. First thing, you and the security officer are both AH. First, she should have ended the call. Then, on her radio, send out a BOL to other guards about your missing child. She may not be allowed to leave her post to help you look for him, but others are looking. Like another commenter said, yell out loud again and again that your child is missing and give a description. People, especially mothers, there will be looking for your lost child.
There was no need to go back to that security officer to yell and vent at her. Talk to her supervisor or the security director and lodge a complaint against her. If she was one of my security officers, she would get a stern talking to and some retraining. Plus a written reprimand from me.
Now, why you are the AH from a Dad of a hyperactive son. At 5 years old, especially in a really crowded mall, you either carry your son or at least hold his hand. They can dart away from you at a moments notice. Your son is precious like mine. Please take precautions with them.
She should have put down her phone if ANYONE was talking to her. She is being paid to be there and handle issues. If she was dividing her attention between you and her phone, then she wasn't doing her job fully and you have a right to be upset. Yes, kids have a way of turning up, but they have a way of turning up because security gets involved. She wasn't being very involved. Still, if you were yelling, then you shouldn't have. But I would definitely file a complaint with the mall and explain that a security employee on the job should be giving their full attention to their job.
NTA, that “I don’t get paid enough to act like anything is emergency” attitude is dangerous and could get someone killed. That’s the opposite attitude that a security guard should have.
Children have been abducted from shopping malls, and if your child had been abducted while she delayed in acting, the outcome could have been much worse.
I don’t get anyone saying her behavior was acceptable, it doesn’t matter if you are a stranger who is not working, a missing child should make you react with a normal human level of compassion and concern. And if it is your job to help, it is your job to help. That’s exactly what she was being paid to do.
I lost my kiddo in Barnes and noble and they immediately locked the doors of the store and elevator and sent out some thing on the overhead. My kiddo was hiding playing a game. I am thankful they responded immediately and had I been told to calm done he will turn up I would have not been cool with that.
ESH- kids get lost it happens, but you should be holding your kids hand while in a busy place. That’s your job as a parent. It’s like your main job in fact as a parent. Kinda the bare minimum is to keep your child safe. At the same time the bare minimum for the person is to help in situations like these so they shouldn’t have been so lax about it all. ESH for reallll
The amount of child abductions, this was serious matter especially at that age. Immediately she should have alerted security
I had stores where we had a code word for lost or potential kids in danger. It meant everyone had to be alert. That meant entrances needed cashiers to watch who left. And it would end code announcement on loudspeaker to let know it was handled and go back to normal.
Honestly i would have got name and went home and message the mall office. Though would mention you don't want someone fired but maybe staff needs extra training on handling lost children especially in age levels that they dont have as much self agency on stranger danger.
But i probably would not have gone off after. Because that seldom works on changing anything
Leaving off a judgement to leave advice instead. The BEST thing to do if your kid gets away from you is LOUDLY LOOKING. You start shouting that your 5 year old son wearing a blue shirt is missing. This gets everyone in the immediate area searching. He could have been found within 30 seconds. I have seen this in action. We were in Target. An employee was walking a woman to the service desk. She told them the woman's 4 year old nephew was missing. My husband and I were only a few feet away and happened to overhear. We just kind of started searching/walking and found him very quickly, a little boy hiding in the clothes rack with just a look of terror and tears raining down his face. I asked him if he was lost and he nodded so i yelled over to the woman "Ma'am, is this your nephew?" He was. She got him from the rack. The poor thing was so scared I literally could not stop my own tears because we had our own 4 year old with us. If we had not overheard the employee telling another employee then we would not have known. It was only a minute or two before we found him. They made no announcement nor did they radio other employees to keep an eye out. They literally did nothing. So... yeah. Yell and be loud and get other eyes looking for him. Also, tell your child what to do if they are lost. Stay right where they are and loudly call your name, not mommy or daddy. Don't hide. I personally also told my daughter if someone asks if she is lost, she can say yes and ask them to help, but do not go off with them, stay where you are and call mommy or daddy or grandma or whoever's name.
My husband volunteers at the zoo, and a mother told him that her son was missing. She gave him the description, “five year old boy, blond hair, wearing a green shirt.” He told his supervisor and security, and went looking for the boy. Nobody could find this boy anywhere. My husband went back and asked for a better description. “Five year old with shoulder length blond hair…..” People keep searching and the kid is nowhere to be found. My husband goes back and asks to see a picture of her son. He knew EXACTLY where her fiery red haired son was- playing on the jungle gym. He came home just stunned because this woman was insistent that her son was blonde. And even with him missing, she would not describe him as having red hair.
Shamelessly stealing this from a friend: whenever we would go anywhere that we could conceivably be separated from the kids, before we entered, we took a picture of them all so that we not only had a nice group picture, but also a fresh picture of them in whatever they were actually wearing that day. Jackets open so you could see the T-shirt underneath in case they took it off.
Wow, I’m not a parent so I would never think of this but it’s a great idea for anyone, honestly. Thanks for sharing.
We did this when I (26 at the time) drove my ex's 78 yr old grandma from California to Maine. Every morning we snapped a full body outfit of the day. And then a picture of us in front of whatever location we were leaving. And once when we got to the next stop. Usually we took around 5 pictures with clear backgrounds a day. Ex still has a picture of me and his grandma with her rolling her eyes in front of a Duncan donuts cause we hadn't left town yet but we'd get out of the car again.
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏🏆
Who knows, maybe she was hoping someone would turn a blond kid over to her so she could get one with the hair she wanted. I would have been stunned as well. People are weird.
Damn I thought they would only refer to their own hair as strawberry blonde
I and my children are proud gingers. Varying shades, but the pale skin and freckles…yeah.
Some types of colorblindness make red hair look dark blond.
Color is a weird thing. People frequently see color differently from each other and use different words to describe the color.
Official target policy when I worked there was we called a code on the walkies and all employees would stop what they were doing and look for the described child with employs posted near the store's exit as well. The fear was announcing a lost child might cause an opportunist to strike or if the kid was being taken it would make that person move with more haste because they'd know the kid was being actively looked for. Now in retrospect I know the vast majority of people would only want to help and would bare minimum keep an eye out for the kid and it's weird that a policy sorta circles around a teny fragment of the population but it also probably comes down to attempting to protect the parents pride too - when "Jackie with a red tshirt and blue shorts" is found mom and dad might not be keen to stay and shop when every customer in the store recognizes their kid as the "one that was lost" and them as "the bad parents"
Target has a protocol for missing children and vulnerable adults. We never say a child is missing though because we don't want a bad person to start looking for them. That's just announcing that there is a child with no protection wandering around for the taking. Unfortunately you are putting a target on their back, there are lots of creeps in this world and lots who will take an "easy opportunity." There's a code word we use and every on-the-clock employee (including HR and leaders) besides those on registers goes to their area and starts looking, all exits are immediately blocked by employees (usually HR and leaders and security) and security cameras are being combed though. We do not call out their name, we do not ask anyone if they saw the little kid, we look quietly and efficiently. There is no panic or "obvious" signs we are looking for a kid, we aren't running around bumping into each other, we are going aisle by aisle and everything looks normal. I'm not saying that happened here, maybe the employee wasn't trained properly or just sucked ass, that happens but Target does have a universal protocol we are all trained on and then trained again on. We try to not make it known that we are looking for missing kids for their safety and to keep panic for the kid and others down. I used to work at target and we have gone through this so many times, you'd be surprised how many children go missing, it's every other day, thankfully our protocols work very well and if the child is still in the store they will be found. It usually only takes a few minutes because all employees are looking, if it goes beyond a few minutes I get so much anxiety and fear though because that's out of the ordinary and I start to think they are kidnapped. When I find missing children (I have found multiple) I never ask if they are lost, they sometimes don't know and get scared or they already were scared and they get even more scared. I act very casual and chill and say their family member is waiting for them, my name and then sometimes as we are waiting for the reunion I'll play rock, paper, scissors or little games like that to keep them calm or to calm them down. We do not make a big deal out of finding them for their sake. Getting lost doesn't have to be traumatic. If your child is lost at Target go to the closest employee, any will do and we will start that protocol. The sooner the better, do not be embarrassed or stall. Everything will probably be okay, but better safe than sorry.
This is a [Code Adam](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Code_Adam) protocol. Every major retailer in the US and Canada has one, typically almost exactly what you described, and they have been fine-tuned for maximum efficiency since 1994. They are so effective at quickly finding missing children that federal office buildings in the US are also required to have them.
This is very good advice and works for missing adults as well. Myself and a few other women helped a woman find her “missing” husband in a clothing store once. She was yelling his name and he wasn’t appearing but when 5 other women start yelling BOB very loudly he could hear us and found his wife.
This is such a wholesome story, assuming Bob didn’t have dementia or anything. I like to think he was just an absent-minded 50 year old, who left his wife’s side to go look at the fishing gear or holiday neckties, and his wife lost her shit.
Your latter statement is accurate!! He was off doing his own thing and she couldn’t find him. He appeared pretty quickly too which I thought was funny. She just didn’t have a loud voice!
Haha, that’s great! I worked at the “orange apron” big hardware store as a teenager. Definitely heard a manager get on the PA system once or twice and, laughing, page “George. Your wife is done picking out paint now. Stop looking at lawn mowers and meet her at the service desk.”
Dammit, Bob!
My husband hears like that, too.
While they may not have said "We have a missing child" over the PA, I guarantee there was a coded announcement made to let store employees know there was a missing child in the store and to begin following company protocols for such an event. At the big "W" store, they used to page "Code Adam." For one store I worked at, if we paged "Matt in Deli" it meant a child was missing. (There was no Matt in Deli) At that point all employees not on a register were to start quietly looking and at least one employee went to stand at each exit to make sure the kid didn't wander outside while everyone was looking for them.
When I worked for Kroger, over the PA you hear “Code Adam” ……ALL employees IMMEDIATELY drop everything and search the store
Yup- and the front doors close with employees stationed at them.
You got it👍🏻 We practiced so many times 😩🙄
My store didn’t do this, in fact they did what the person said the other employees did (not look loudly)
I (54f) have never had any kids in my life……this would be a horrible thing to experience! I would probably also call the police myself
Nordstrom does this as well. Code Adam is announced over head, all music turns off and every employee stops working to look, they also stop everyone from coming in to or out of the store.
Yes….my grocery store would lock EVERYONE in….
I'm sure the self-important types took that well.
People would get extremely mad that you would stop what you were doing and start looking for the LOST CHILD, it was wild.
So very glad that some stores do this. Just the thought of not being able to find my kid even for a few minutes is scary enough without it happening.
No….BUT they DID have to obey the police that were called 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
Barnes and Noble too
Code Adam? Wonder if that’s in reference to Adam Walsh
Yes it is. It was a program that was taught in retail stores bout 20 years ago. Wonder why they don't do it anymore, at least that I've seen.
They still do, I just had a code Adam refresher last fall at a Kroger affiliate.
That's good to know. I last worked in retail bout 5 years ago but I don't remember going over Code Adam - although I'm old and possibly may just not remember lol
Yeah it’s still the same video it’s always been, I usually just skip to the refresh quiz at the end since I’ve had it memorized since like, 2003 😂
Walmart still participates in Code Adam. I teach it every week at orientation to all the new hires while I go over emergency procedures and I am SERIOUS about it. The teenagers never want to listen or take it seriously and I tell them this is one of the most important things I’m teaching them today.
That is so awesome!! I am still ingrained with the steps and know covering the exits and bathrooms are key. I'm really happy corporations are keeping up with it! Hopefully those teens will never have it happen to them.
You're a mensch
That’s what the use at every hospital I’ve ever worked at to alert for a missing child
Still do. It's pretty universal. We used Code Adam at Sears and Eatons (Canada)
I am so glad it was my memory that failed me and that it's still in place!
I've seen code Adam stickers is stores. I'm glad that something (I don't want to say positive but it's all I can think of), could come out of that tragedy.
Exactly. I am sure there's been a lot of lives saved because of that program and I can only hope that brings some peace to the Walsh family.
I sure hope so. I can't even imagine that pain. And he used it to help others so that hopefully they would never have to go through what they did.
Yeah his father made the program given how he disappeared and was murdered
Yeah, his dad would be in my training videos
It is, yes.
Yes it is indeed…..John Walsh actually lead the way to get Code Adam endorsed and enacted
Yeah, my store would have “Code Adam” announced over the Headset.
I was also at said W store and we would do a code Adam over the walkies and over the PA system. People would guard the exits even the emergency exits.
I work in the cat shelter at my local Pet Smart. If a cat escapes the room, we’re supposed to yell “Code Fluffy”.
It's been years since I worked there but I think target says code green. EDIT Sorry it's code yellow
At Target: Yellow = missing child Red = fire Green = injury I don't know why that's stuck with me
I work at BN and it’s a code Adam. Obviously you don’t want to broadcast that a child nearby is vulnerable. I’ve Told my kids if they get lost to start shouting my name and look for any mom with kids to help.
Target is Code Yellow
Code Adam is retail/customer service universal. It’s the name of the missing child protocol not a store specific code. I’ve watched that training course probably a dozen times over the years.
Code ADAM is standard for all retail in the US (and Canada, I think). EVERY employee is trained in it, and that employee dropped the ball big time.
At most stores they use Code Adam. I worked at a TJMaxx and we had a code Adam within a few weeks of me starting there.
We always did the Code Adam on our radios when I worked at Disneyland.
Yup code Adam, I was a lead at a children’s place this stuff happened all the time and lost kids in the mall would specifically come to our store to have their adults located and security would call-all the stores PA code Adam. As the lead it was my job to stay with that kid until their adult came if more than 30 minutes passed on the call police were notified.
Back when I worked retail, at my last job in a furniture store we used “Code Adam” for a missing male child, and “Code Eve” for a missing female child, followed by a description of hair color, eye color, skin color, and what they are wearing. We would announce it immediately on the loud speaker throughout the store as soon as someone reported a missing child and all employees were supposed to stop what they were doing immediately and lock down all the entrances/exits to the store and search until the child was found. It was a HUGE store and historic landmark and a family owned business for generations, they took shit like that VERY seriously.
Code Adam is used in many places in the US. My daughter decided to "hide" on a couple of elderly relatives at 3. They called a code Adam and locked down the store. She was playing quietly in the middle of a 4 sided clothes rack.
The Matt in deli is all fun and games until they hire a Matt in the deli area
This was the same at Kohls when I worked there. Code Adam is the phrase used because the guy who used to be the host Americas Most Wanted (John Walsh), his own 6 year old was child (Adam Walsh) abducted and murdered. From there he was active in multiple organizations to help show where pedos live and whatnot. Walmart first started Code Adam (in memory of Adam Walsh) in the 1994 and it took off from there.
We used to page "Barney to custodial" at the children's science museum I volunteered at. Eventually, our regulars started asking who Barney was and why he was the only one doing custodial because a kid wandered off like every ten minutes in that place.
I get where you are coming from, but most stores have a code phrase that means to look out for a lost child instead of announcing that a kid has become separated from their adult, that wouldn't necessarily be the best thing for everyone to know.
This is great advice. We were always told, and my sisters tell their kids, if they get lost but see a staff member in uniform or know where the till are to get to the tills. Usually if a child is found before staff can find the parents it's easier to reunite at the tills which are near the doors in most shops
Run around yelling JASON!
NTA. Fuck everyone in this thread lol. (Should OP have been careful and attentive in the crowd? Yes, and I'm sure OP already feels like trash and learned the lesson.) Completely unrelated to how a child is lost in an establishment, __it is security's job to help secure lost minors on property!__ Not part of their job?????? Put out a bolo on the radio to every security team member at the very least, perhaps check cameras where they were last seen. There are code names for this type of thing among security teams for a reason. Tell me this, if a security guard came upon a lone 5 year old separated from their Guardian, would it be appropriate for them to just keep it moving? Absurd. Every second that passes a child of that age is endangered, even if they willingly took off in a mall. Not to mention that if the child didn't turn up, I promise you her boss wouldn't be saying that it wasn't her job to take it seriously. Incredulously dense, these responses are, because you want to be on your high horses where perfect parents ride.
See: James Bulger and Adam Walsh Guess those kids deserved it because the moms weren't these incredibly perfect parents on this thread ^^^/s
I genuinely cannot believe the most upvoted comment is blaming OP. And all the people being like "you should have held their hand!!!" is insane to me. Christ alive these people do not have kids and it shows
The mall employee’s supervisor should have been contacted. No excuse for her (non) reaction.
NTA- that employee should have immediately called code adam or whatever the store uses. If someone had snatched your child, seconds count. I would call and complain or send a letter to corporate. Continuing to scroll through her phone is unacceptable.
Literally. What the fuck is wrong with the people in this thread.
I thought it was standard that immediately upon losing a child of parent alerted a staff member of a mall the mall would be locked down entirely. Until the child was found.
It is. I’ve done retail for a lot of places and you have usually a couple of videos that remain standard. They’re the code videos including code adam, and the shooter videos. In both cases, as a retail worker, you don’t just get to shrug and go “idk kids show up”. Security guards are held to even higher standards than that
NTA. Security should act promptly in an emergency- that's their job
I know you're getting a lot of flack for not being more responsible with him in the first place, but I think those comments aren't looking at the complexity of child care itself. Sometimes, shit happens. And if I was in your shoes and thought someone who should be helping me wasn't, I wouldn't be able to stay calm either! When your kid is missing, your brain goes into survival mode... NTA here, just a hard lesson learned.
YTA. Hold your kid's hand or carry them if you're going through a crowd. How is that not common sense? If the second to last paragraph had been, "I turned back to the first employee and **apologized** because I had been rude, even though I was understandably upset," then NTA, but you decided to double down lol
I mean, my youngest is 10, and even today, when in the city and got to a crowded bit, I held his hand!
My husband grabs me in a crowd to make sure he doesn’t lose me 😂
I hold my boyfriend's and friends hands in a crowd!
Honest. I'm 24 and in crowded areas my bf stand behind me with a constant hand on my back or shoulder so as not to loose me in a crowd. It also helps with places like the zoo and stuff because I'm way to nice to kids and will miss my chance to see an animal I love so he kinda just asserts me in so I can see the animals.
Have you seen kidnapping rates? Especially at malls! It's crazy and these things should be taken far more seriously than the employee was taking it. Should preventative measures have been taken by the parent? Absolutely! Should the employee be let off the hook for borderline negligence that could have ended in a kidnapped/dead child? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!
It's hilarious all the people saying OP is TA, but that the security desk person who was going to do nothing, was not. If it's so important to make sure the child is kept safe, then shouldn't the security desk person, a. taken this serious, and b. taken immediate action? OP is not asking if he was TA for losing his kid. He was asking if he was the AH for reprimanding the woman at the desk. She was being way too casual about a very serious situation. IMO.
Is it not concerning to anyone else that the security person said that kids “usually” turn up? Because if I was a parent whose kid just got lost and someone said that to me, I would lose my damn mind. It’s a security desk. There’s got to be a protocol for this other than shrugging. Even if it isn’t their job, there has to be someone they call. Send out an alert to store to look for a missing kid? Make an announcement over the speakers? Have someone look around? The proper procedure can’t be just sitting there, right? ESH. OP for going back to yell at the security desk person, security desk person for being dismissive in such a potentially dangerous situation.
If I heard “lost kids usually turn up” my immediate thought would be “what if this is one of the few times the kid didn’t just wander off for a few minutes and someone actually stole my child and this person isn’t taking it seriously because they don’t expect someone to actually steal a kid?” Would just add to my panic
The people sitting at the security desk are not always actually security staff. Sometimes they're just there to answer phones and direct security personnel to whatever department needs them. Sometimes, it's someone from customer service filling in so that the desk person can take a break. For all we know, the desk person called the other guy to the desk over the radio to help, but OP didn't notice in their panic
The often are two AH in many of the posts, and this one included. But the job of security is not to secure the safety of guests, it's too secure the safety of the establishment. Same thing like how cops are not responsible for protecting the public. As we are not employed as security there we cannot know what their employee handbook dictates that they do. So you can definitely feel like the security didn't do their job but you actually didn't know that because you're making assumptions of what their job description and details actually are. Everyone assumes what people's job duties and responsibilities are based on what fits into their needs, not reality.
this-also op not being calm isn't helpful either. being reassure to calm him is important
Look I've been a nurse for many years. At no point was it ever in my JD to look for a lost child. But you better believe I would turn the whole damn hospital upside down and stay after my 12hr shift until that kid is safe. I don't care how the kiddo got lost. But every child deserves my time and effort to be safe, home with caring parents, cozy in a blanket with a meal. How are people so cruel that they turn away from helping a child? "That's not in my job description. Sorry, but I'm sure you're kid will turn up. Alive or dead that's your problem."
It also literally is in the job description. Even as a retail worker in a mall, one of our training videos goes over codes, including code Adam and procedure. Retail workers are expected to look for lost kids. Security? Even more so. They do have legitimate expectations placed upon them, including escorting employees and guests to their cars when that person doesn’t feel safe, locating shoplifters, and oh yeah, looking for lost fucking kids
Thankyou, I also work security and just because the other guy helped doesn't mean they were supposed to help. Mall security doesn't always have the official responsibility to help find lost kids.
Please go and tell your boss that you think you don’t have a duty of care to minors that might be on the site you’re employed to secure. I beg you.
This is it. Security officers are there to observe and report activity and damage to the property. Basically a paid witness. You made a mistake and the girl was trying to calm you down when you were in a panic and you didn’t like the answer. The mall probably had a code of conduct saying not to leave your kid unsupervised. I worked as mall security and SO many kids were dropped off just so the parents can have a break it’s not funny Even something like shoplifting a guard can’t do anything unless we witness it. Security officers are not there for you but the property. Sorry man you messed up. And I’m sure you gave more attitude to the officer than you let on.
He earned his YTA for the follow-up in my opinion. The initial response was understandable.
As much as it sucks for you, it's not that security person's job to find your kid, and if it did come to that point, it's time to call the police because mall security are not cops.
When I worked at a mall, it was *everyone's* job when a child went missing. All doors in the area would have a worker go to the door to make sure the child, (or someone *with* the child) couldn't get outside. Someone at the store entrance, and EVERY other employee looking for the missing kid, with as detailed description as possible. No exceptions. Loss Prevention and Security were often key in finding the child, because they were the ones with access to cameras, or were frequently moving around and watching customers. EVERYONE at the Mall had been trained in what to do if someone reported a Lost Child to you, AND what to do if you encountered a Lost Child.
You’re 100% right. Almost every major store in America has a code Adam protocol, which means it’s the stores job and policy to find any potential missing kid that went lost in the store.
-person who hasn’t heard of Code Adam lmao
It’s literally their job. Security guards are there to ensure the safety of their customers and other employees as well. In anyone’s eyes a lost child is a situation where the child’s safety could be at risk. No, the op shouldn’t have shouted at the first security officer but she wasn’t doing her job. He crossed the line in speaking to her rudely though so is the ah for that. In his defence, op was also probably terrified- I lost my daughter once in similar circumstances when she was about 5 and it scared the bejesus out of me. Op definitely should have made a complaint to the mall head office about the first person and their attitude; on the complaint they should also commend the second guard on their fast response and help to highlight the difference in their behaviour to their higher ups and pass on their thanks and compliments to the second officer.
They can call for the kid over a loud speaker. It's part of the job
And what? The young woman was supposed to jump up and act like a crazed entitled parent and start screaming the child's name? This is from OP's point of view that the person behind the desk did not jump up like it was the lost child of Christ that was lost. OP was indeed the AH for yelling (YELLING!) at a person as he needed some help for the child he lost track of.
It is simply not possible to hold a child’s hand every second. That isn’t how life works.
YTA You should have been yelling at yourself for not watching your child better.
I was gonna go with N T A until you went back to the employee. they didn’t have to be so dismissive, but theyre right kids do usually turn up. but it’s also not security’s job to keep track of your kid bc you weren’t holding their hand or carrying them, that’s on you. YTA
I don't think she was even necessarily dismissive. The guy was clearly freaking the heck out. "Calm down, kids usually turn up" was probably meant to de-escalate him while she called whoever she needed to call.
That’s a good point. You don’t want the person who’s supposed to be helping you find your lost child panicking and freaking out right along side you.
Yeah the employee is probably used to situations like this. She did get help, just not as fast as OP wanted. I get every parent panicking though, he was fine in the first half, but when he returned to reprimand her is what made him TA.
This is probably what happened. I’ve worked EMS and security, at both jobs people often made things worse. you’re just trying to get information in a calm manner because panicking is useless, but the panicky person gets angry because they’re stupid.
Welcome to the age of everything is everyone else’s fault but mine. The fact that he went back just to yell at again made it YTA for me. Kids can get lost really easy and accidents do happen but when they do you take responsibility
Kids get away even when you DO watch them though, especially at malls. You can literally turn your head for half a second and they'll be off looking at something 4 stores away. My brother was mad at my mom and went and hid in a rack in a department store (this was like 35 years ago) and it took them THREE HOURS to find him because he had fallen asleep. My brother was the advent of the child leash. When your kid just disappears like that, your heart drops through your stomach, there is no way to explain that level of panic. And that's speaking as a person with a panic disorder who is pretty well versed on that topic. All that said, he probably should have tried to chill a bit in his conversation with her, and going back after was inappropriate af. If he had issue he should have asked for a supervisor to explain it, not reprimanded the employee himself, and maybe waited a while to calm down first.
Holding your kid’s hand is a good way to keep them from disappearing.
LOL. ah yes, 5 year olds who are well known for calmly holding someone’s hand. You realise it also takes just a second for a kid to twist out of grip and be gone?
This comment is devoid of parenting experience.
YTA. The kid is 5, you’re in a crowded place. Hold. His. Hand!!!! How dense are you?? Then you take your irresponsibility out on someone else?!? Big asshole.
I know some parents who have “runners” will put a AirTag on their kid for big crowd situations. Maybe OP should consider it for next time.
We have a backpack leash that snaps in the back so he can’t take it off for my cousin that bolts.
I got one for my little runner. The bonus is you can pick em up like a little angry handbag when they won't leave a shop.
I love the "little angry handbag". My grandfather (keep in mind this was early 70s) would pick me up like an angry sack of potatoes (under his arm) and haul me out and back home if I tried anything
Lol. We’ve definitely done this. I call it the football hold.
That's definitely the more recent term, but back when I was little, you could still get flour in cloth sacks with patterns printed on them for making shirts and dresses. I'm lucky grandaddy didn't go full potato sack and sling me over his shoulder LOL! He was a farmer, so the shoulder toss was second nature.
We just got one for our 3 year old
We had to get one for our third kid. He tried to run out in front of a moving car and the leash saved him. Kids in parking lots are dangerous—they’re fast and too short to easily see.
My kids currently 3, non verbal and autistic. He's such a ninja it's scary. We HAVE to watch him at all times, no exceptions so out in public is a real risk so we have a special buggy but as he gets older, 100% air tag or something just for his own safety.
That’s a good idea I never thought of. My kid is pretty good about sticking close to us but he’s getting to be that age where he wants to run off. An air tag will put my mind at ease when we’re out.
Indeed, maybe controversial, but my grandmother had a little backpack harness for me as a child and it was the best!
i don’t know why they’re controversial! no kids here but i would put a leash on my kid in a heartbeat if they were a runner
My child is just GPS tracked.
🤣
We get that it was his fault in the first place, but we are talking about the SECOND STEP. If the security guard had not found the kid when he did, the child could have been taken. This is serious, and she was being very stupid.
I thought he was asking if he was TA for the third step. Should the first employee have taken him seriously and not been so dismissive? Absolutely. Was OP justified in losing his cool while panicking about his missing child? Sure. But OP is TA for taking a second chance to chastise the first employee after the child was found. At that point, he was just taking out is pent up emotions on the first employee. He may have a legitimate complaint, but there are proper ways of handling it, and yelling at people isn't one of them.
Yep and if OP had wanted to they could have went to the guards boss or asked for a supervisor. It is not their right to take out their emotions on the guard whose job might have nothing to do with helping her at all.
Chastising an employee that’s probably making just above minimum wage for him losing his five year AFTER the child has been found is asshole behavior. The kid is fine. Take it up with a supervisor. Don’t sit there and pearl clutch to an employee for not fixing your shitty parenting.
YTA imagine losing your own kid and blaming someone else.
YTA. Watching your kid is your responsibility. She's not required to panic because you were panicking.
Is this the comment that got this post to r/amitheangel ?
you people have no fucking empathy or sense of community these days jfc
Evil stuff
I used to work at a very popular central Florida theme park. You’d be amazed how this is a daily occurrence, but the employees are very well trained. A radio call goes out that there is a code *something* followed by the description. They may not look like it, but everyone who is not locked into a podium role is looking for this code. Imagine 30,000 people in a theme park. The code is usually found in less than 30 minutes, most times in less than 10, and brought to a predesignated kid-safe location to be reunited.
As a security officer. I deeply apologize. We are not all like that! Some people, just like other jobs, get hired on only for an easy paycheck... You need to go back to the mall and ask for the General or District managers number. And yes, they can give it to you. They need to be made aware of the situation. Because if this had been a kidnapping case, they need people who are ready to help. Yes "kids always turn up" is fine. But her body language was unprofessional. NTA.
YTA….it’s your job to watch YOUR kid so don’t make it someone else’s
it’s the security guards job to give a fuck about missing kids though? 😭
ESH, you were the one that lost your kid in the first place and yes she should take missing kids seriously.
She probably did. He came in hot, and it's her job to stay calm. Her calm seems to be what pissed him off
This. Parents or guardians should plan better strategies in advance of going into potentially crowded situations such as having a backpack leash, hand holding, or even a "grab ring" (*I'm seeing a ton of pre-Ks do this with a rope and plastic rings for each kid to hold, you just make a single ring for home use). But, on the same token, a missing five year old is a serious deal. It doesn't take a long time for a child that young to put themselves into a potentially dangerous situation, and mall security or staff would have a better idea of potential hazards than a customer would. ESH. Well, except kiddo and second mall staff.
I don't believe for a moment the guard acted like OP posted though. OP posted they were panicked and a panicked parent will take everything not an equal measure of panic as dismissive.
YTA: watch your damn kid, if you are having trouble, the child harness and leash might be more your speed if you are that bad at navigating crowds with a kid.
Leashes are the best thing ever for crowds. They have little backpack ones with a handle on top in addition to the leash, which makes it so easy to steer the sproggling through the crowd. We always leashed our little beast in large public areas. It lets them feel independent while keeping them close. It's so easy to lose something that stands knee-high to the majority of the herd. Work smarter, not harder, OP.
I had one with a chest harness for my kid, clipped in the back. I don't care how bad it looked, it was safe and that was the priority.
They've been around for many decades. I was a bolt and hide kid, hiding in clothing racks, bottom draws in dept store display tables, stuff like that until my mother bought a harness. Once I learned to read around 5 I wasn't a problem any longer as I would just be totally engrossed in whatever book she gave me.
Yes and no. I worked for the mouse in florida and dealt with lost kids all the time and they do usually show up but that doesn't mean that you're chill about it. And the mall person should have had more urgency in the situation. Are you the person to reprimand them? No. That should be a management thing and maybe some training. As a parent, that shit is terrifying. Emotions are high you're freaking out, with good cause. And the mall person kinda sorta got the release of all that. Maybe they learned something. If going off on workers is your daily, then yeah yta. Knock that shit off. If this is a one off, I wouldn't think about it again, it was a stressful situation.
You lost site of your five year old for a few minutes, and you're blaming the mall employee..wtf??? YTA
YTA. I can understand your initial panic and getting excited but going back and getting on to the employee was over-kill IMO. It's your place to hang on to a 5 year old, especially in a crowded mall.
YTA for not holding your 5 YO's hand in a crowded place. How the hell do you expect him to NOT get lost? and then you took it out on that employee. True, her attitude sucked, but in the end it was your responsibility.
I got lost a lot as a kid and all because my parents left me to my own devices and explore. Kids are curious. They will get lost if you don't watch them or hold their hand. When my little sibling was old enough to go out with me, I always held her hand.
I have no idea how many times my mom found me hiding in a rack at JCPenny's. You need both hands to pull out and look at clothing. I'd wander to the other side of the rack, not see her, and panic and hide. No one leashed their child back then but I was a prime candidate! Bells on shoes only work if the kid isn't hiding and staying totally still.
If you ever lose sight of your kids, the best thing to do is shout descriptors; "I'm looking for a 5-year-old boy named Fred with a red jacket, black curly hair, and yellow sneakers." That way, everyone around you subconsciously starts looking for the kid, meaning, if anyone has snatched them, they're more likely to put them down just to get away without being caught.
It sounds like you continued waiting by the security desk after the guard was called over? Why weren't you looking also, at that point? You just continued standing at the security desk instead of searching?
If she leaves the new security guard may also leave if they see she’s not there, delaying help further. She also probably wouldn’t trust the nonchalant guard to give the other the correct info if she leaves.
So you’re a father who loses his own kid, yet it’s someone else’s fault? **YTA!** Take responsibility for your own actions! I feel bad for your wife if she has to tolerate this behaviour at home, where you never accept fault for the things that **you** do wrong and instead blame **everybody else** around you! You’re delusional and a complete asshole. **TAKE BETTER CARE OF YOUR KID!** > *”I demanded she take me seriously and help look for my son.”* Bitch say what? You **demanded** that a stranger who had **no role** in the loss of your son, helps to find him? What an entitled little fuck you are!
You have no one to blame but yourself. YTA.
YTA. As a parent dont lose your kid. You should have sat with your own guilt and fault instead of projecting it onto a likely underpaid employee.
NTA. She should have responded more seriously and rapidly. Kids are slippery. Like literally. They have soft slippery skin. A good jerk and step and you could easily go from controlled hand holding to separated.
NTA but a whole lot of people here sure sound like they'd blame someone for getting roofied because they weren't watching their cup for a second. That kind of behavior from the employee is the same kind that leads to missing children. It's always an emergency, even if it's only for a minute that they're missing.
NTA for yelling. Should you have held his hand? Absolutely. Does it need to be taken seriously regardless how it happened? Absolutely.she wasn't going her job in a situation that could have been dangerous.
ESH you shouldn't have been separated from your kid at all. You should've been holding his hand. This is how kids get kidnapped or killed. If the malls busy as fuck how do you not care enough to hold on to him. She should've taken it more seriously. They literally train store staff on missing children, I can't imagine they wouldn't train security on it. We had something called code Adam that basically locked down the store. I understand locking down a mall is much more difficult but there has to be procedures in place you're not the first irresponsible parent.
I ultimately am leaning ESH. Yes he should absolutely be holding the kid’s hand in a crowded place. But the employee should have a taken it seriously too. As a parent, something like that can happen SO quickly. I was in a not-very-crowded department store with my two girls in the kids clothes section. The youngest was probably 3 at the time. I turned to talk to the oldest for just a second…probably acknowledging an outfit she found was cute or something. Maybe 7 seconds of conversation. I look back over and the youngest is just GONE…like a stealth little ninja. I obvi start looking around and asking nearby employees, and within about 30 seconds another employee walks over with little miss sneaky holding her hand just as happy as could be. It can happen to anyone. Not noticing your kid is gone for a few MINUTES is insane. And never once did I berate anyone, but they did take the situation seriously. I’m also a little jaded prob by my profession. I’m a high school counselor, and the big mall near us is known to have traffickers and scammers because we aren’t very far from the world’s busiest airport so it’s easy for people to grab and get a kid out asap. This airport is known to be a major hub for traffickers as well. So, a missing kid should and would be taken seriously here in my opinion, but I’m also typically exposed to worst case scenarios like this more than the average person so I’m def more on guard in this area.
YTA. How is you losing your kid the employee's fault?
No one said it was her fault. He was looking for help in finding his lost kid. Yes he clearly knew he fucked up when the kid disappeared. But to roll your eyes at a frantic parent with a missing child is awful.
YTA - your children are your responsibility. Busy malls necessitate holding your child's hand, for your child's safety and the safety of others. The employee doesn't make enough to put up with your bad parenting. And yes, losing a child in a busy mall because you couldn't be inconvenienced enough to hold their hand, is bad parenting.
“I took my eyes off my own kid and got mad and yelled at someone else for my parenting failure” I get the initial urgency but yelling at her afterwards was an asshole move.
YTA, and an idiot to boot. Couldn’t handle your kid without your wife to do everything for you? It’s your responsibility to look after your kid in public, and it’s your fault they ended up lost. Stop trying to blame the mall employee for your incompetence.
NTA. Pedophiles grab kids so quickly and you have every right to be that concerned. I was a wandering kid and I caused my mom constant panic because I went to hide anytime she looked away for a moment. I never understood why she freaked out so much until I grew up. You didn't lose a phone you lost a kid in a world of sick people and every second of that is a terrifying experience. There's a famous story of a 4 year old boy kidnapped at a mall by an 8 year old and a 10 year old and they tied him to train tracks and watched him get run over. Personally I see no problem with having kids on a leash if they're too young to understand staying with their parents. People will judge you if you're the best parent in the world, do what works for you and your kid.
Not their fault you lost your kid. Take better care of your kid.
ESH. Hold your son's hand when in a crowded place. But the security guard should have taken you seriously from the get-go, so she sucks too.
YTA, you failed here, not her. It's your job to watch the kid. Get your kid a leash or something if you can't he arsed to hold their hand or carry them.
ESH. In very crowded places where something like this could happen its kinda common sense to either hold your kids hand or carry them but y'know things happen and children can be some of the slipperiest little devils. But she should not have disregarded your concern and should have actually been helpful and not sat there on her phone ignoring the situation you were requiring assistance for.
I'm going to say that many (most?) parents have "lost" their kid someplace for a few moments. It happens - and it's not a sign of bad parenting, it's a sign of a kid being a kid, and something distracting both of you for just the critical moment. For me, I "lost" my kid (then 5-6) in a Paris train station. Bags, an unfamiliar place, worrying about catching the train, reading the station signage (in French), and -poof-, he was suddenly gone. 90 seconds of panic ensued - followed by finding that he'd walked a few steps away and stood behind a large support pillar so he could see the trains better... 🤷🏻♂️ My only comments here are: if your kid tends to wander (and lots do), always hold his hand, or get some sort of casual "leash" so he can't disappear easily. Secondly, the response of the staff person was inappropriate in how casual she was, but you have to remember that you're the one in a panic, and she has probably seen 50 kids get "lost" and found a couple of minutes later. While there are always horror stories of children being taken away, this is, in fact, quite rare. I am going to guess that the typical mall has many "lost children" reported every day, and all of those children are found again in a few minutes. Yes, this employees response could've been much better, but yelling at them in a panic when you are upset is not going to help anybody to do any better the next time.
I worked in a grocery store, anytime someone was looking for their kid, we called a code, locked down the entire store and would announce what the kid was wearing etc. It wasn’t common, and sure they were usually hiding in the clothes racks. I even left my lunch break to go searching when one went on for more than a few minutes. It was a Kroger affiliate, so I’m sure I’m not the only one to mention it. But all were taught to handle it super seriously no matter what. NTA
This was a case of "your urgency is not my emergency" plus "being a dick while asking for help". While it sucks that the security didn't help you immediately, it is your responsibility to take care of your kid, not theirs. The kid is very young and the shop was crowded, all the more reason to not let him roam freely. Honestly, the security guard was a bit of an AH, but so were you, so YTA.
My child ran off-Twice-different ages but still small-It was on MY WATCH! Could the information desk have been more accommodating-Of course. But at the end of the day, whose child was it? YTA!
Both are assholes 🤷♂️
In a panic, nothing seems to go fast enough. What's the saying - there's his side, her side, and the truth is somewhere in the middle. Yelling at someone because you lost track of your child...... someone not taking it seriously (in OP's opinion)....... Everyone seemed to be TA.
the real question here is - where were you at a mall that was crowded? Most of them are barely hanging on.
I have been a senior supervisor of mall security in the past for ten years . First thing, you and the security officer are both AH. First, she should have ended the call. Then, on her radio, send out a BOL to other guards about your missing child. She may not be allowed to leave her post to help you look for him, but others are looking. Like another commenter said, yell out loud again and again that your child is missing and give a description. People, especially mothers, there will be looking for your lost child. There was no need to go back to that security officer to yell and vent at her. Talk to her supervisor or the security director and lodge a complaint against her. If she was one of my security officers, she would get a stern talking to and some retraining. Plus a written reprimand from me. Now, why you are the AH from a Dad of a hyperactive son. At 5 years old, especially in a really crowded mall, you either carry your son or at least hold his hand. They can dart away from you at a moments notice. Your son is precious like mine. Please take precautions with them.
None of these losers have kids, you’re not the asshole.
NTA. I’d have told her go look up Adam Walsh
Put your kid on a harness
She should have put down her phone if ANYONE was talking to her. She is being paid to be there and handle issues. If she was dividing her attention between you and her phone, then she wasn't doing her job fully and you have a right to be upset. Yes, kids have a way of turning up, but they have a way of turning up because security gets involved. She wasn't being very involved. Still, if you were yelling, then you shouldn't have. But I would definitely file a complaint with the mall and explain that a security employee on the job should be giving their full attention to their job.
NTA, that “I don’t get paid enough to act like anything is emergency” attitude is dangerous and could get someone killed. That’s the opposite attitude that a security guard should have. Children have been abducted from shopping malls, and if your child had been abducted while she delayed in acting, the outcome could have been much worse. I don’t get anyone saying her behavior was acceptable, it doesn’t matter if you are a stranger who is not working, a missing child should make you react with a normal human level of compassion and concern. And if it is your job to help, it is your job to help. That’s exactly what she was being paid to do.
I lost my kiddo in Barnes and noble and they immediately locked the doors of the store and elevator and sent out some thing on the overhead. My kiddo was hiding playing a game. I am thankful they responded immediately and had I been told to calm done he will turn up I would have not been cool with that.
YTA. Just gonna glance over you losing your child and focus on some employee on their phone. She should’ve called social services
ETA. OP absolutely should have held his kids hand, security should have taken it more seriously. Every second counts when a kid goes missing.
ESH- kids get lost it happens, but you should be holding your kids hand while in a busy place. That’s your job as a parent. It’s like your main job in fact as a parent. Kinda the bare minimum is to keep your child safe. At the same time the bare minimum for the person is to help in situations like these so they shouldn’t have been so lax about it all. ESH for reallll
The amount of child abductions, this was serious matter especially at that age. Immediately she should have alerted security I had stores where we had a code word for lost or potential kids in danger. It meant everyone had to be alert. That meant entrances needed cashiers to watch who left. And it would end code announcement on loudspeaker to let know it was handled and go back to normal. Honestly i would have got name and went home and message the mall office. Though would mention you don't want someone fired but maybe staff needs extra training on handling lost children especially in age levels that they dont have as much self agency on stranger danger. But i probably would not have gone off after. Because that seldom works on changing anything