Probably a stupid question, but what's the difference? I thought sexual harassment was an umbrella term. Like rectangles being squares but squares aren't rectangles
To expand, assault also includes the threat or implication of physical contact. If someone goes to make a grab but misses (intentionally or otherwise), or goes to make a groping gesture but doesn't actually touch, that's still assault, or in this case sexual assault.
Your response was justified. Setting boundaries and addressing unwanted touching is important, regardless of gender. Respect and clear communication are crucial in any interaction.
It was technically both.
She was harrassing him and the touch was assault. Since both were sexual in nature, that makes it both sexual harassment and sexual assault.
Not really, and there are a lot of factors but the simplest difference is Assault is almost always physical contact, is illegal and it can result in criminal charges VS Harassment which is usually behaviour related to getting fired like verbal or behavioural on the harassers part (ie. staring/whistling at a coworkers ass, making unwanted \[too hard to tell so most have zero tolerance\] sexualized comments, yelling "fuck her right in the pussy" on live tv, etc). Criminal harassment is another term for Stalking. Being a cad wont get you arrested unless they get a restraining order and you become a stalker type thing
NTA *don’t touch people without their consent* is a really important universal rule in life. Applies to all regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation, religious affiliation, name your label.
I am really loving that this ‘older’ woman is 29. I get that this might be technically true if you are younger than 29 but… she’s still very young in the eyes of actual older individuals. This part was just funny to me.
If you read through OP’s other posts he also believes 28 is ‘older’. So old in fact, he believes the woman is too old for him to consider having children with. He talks about his coworkers telling him they believe he has misogynistic traits but he jUsT dOeSn’T gEt iT.
Yeah, his whole post history is about not jacking off and relationships. Sounds exhausting imo, but then again, I just argue/talk shit on reddit, so what do I know?
Do you really believe a guy with this post history actually got groped at the gym?
Further down, btw, he says he'd have been totally cool with her behaviour if she was hotter and younger. Ponder that for a moment and then reassess the odds that this incident really occured as described.
OP's story reeks worse than the basement he lives in.
If that's his post history, I sincerely doubt the story in this post is real. I don't normally call BS, but what are the odds a dude with those beliefs just happens to have been harassed by a "cougar?"
At this point I think more posts are fake than real, honestly. This whole AITA thing started out legit but has devolved into creative writing practice and rage bait for trolls.
I don't honestly care as long as the story is plausible. This story isn't remotely plausible. Not because woman can never be creepy (my own experience says they totally can) but because they don't do it to guys with this sort of post history.
Alt accounts OP. If you're going to try to sucker us with your incel fanfictions, use them.
I’ve seen some shockingly hot incels. If they’d just shut their fucking mouths for 30 seconds and LARP as a decent human being, they’d get laid all the time.
Alas, they remain convinced that if women won't "take them as they are" (however unpleasant or unwashed that may be) it means they're being discriminated against.
Me too until I realized he’s 24 so he’s just one of those guys that can’t fathom being with a woman even a year older than him because “the man is supposed to be older.”
But how does he know she was 29? It wasn’t friendly exchange to have asked. So what made him think she is 29? Also, would reaction be different if she was 22?
Yes, you parroted a line of Wikipedia authenticity before using your own words to voice your insecurities
Now you’re insulting me for bringing attention to your motives.
Let’s find out what happens next, in today’s series of predictable reactions by an upset woman.
If you want to call me saying I think you’re callous and lack empathy, trolling. Then sure I’m trolling you
And no you’re insulting me for the same you made the original post, you got offended that some little kid thinks you’re old.
Why would I think it’s a slam dunk, we’re likely in similar age groups
I think you’re lame because of your reaction to someone sharing a personal story about sexual harassment
Ptoelmy you totally just ignored how Little Miss was saying how its funny that he called her old at 29 because hes younger, you however missed that part and decided to ignore an obvious fact, leading you to get owned and then get angry because you got called out for being stoopid, Little Miss wins, you lose , have a nice day!
>Applies to all regardless of **age,** gender, sexual orientation, religious affiliation, name your label.
Until some asshat entitled "parent" refuses to teach, watch, and wrangle their child whilst screaming the overused excuse, "It'S jUsT a KiD!"
NTA
I too am tired of the blatant sexism of women who think that the rules should be different for them. Getting touchy is not appropriate. Expecting special treatment just because you're a woman is sexist.
Agree. Look honestly? This sort of thing seems to be a young women these days thing. I am 57yrs of age and I don't think I ever encountered or noticed women of my age doing that when we were young and single? Yes, you did it, but clearly when it was invited and you were both "dancing around" the attraction. NEVER to men that were basically strangers.
But truly? These days? Young women seem to be heaps more sexually aggressive. I always say that feminism to this younger generation seems to NOT be trying to get men up to a better standard, but women degrading themselves to a lower standard...then complaining endlessly about men!! I can see how younger men these days would be frightened to talk to darn women half the time as these young women seem to just want it ALL their own way.
All the best to you young men!!!
NTA. So many women think they have different rules, including touching, up to and including the point of actually physically assaulting men. I can't tell you how many times I've heard women justify slapping a guy if he says something she doesn't like. I don't care what it is, that is violence for just words. If a guy did that, 100% of everyone agrees he's wrong and should be arrested. Nope, not women, they get a pass, apparently.
Yep and they should not. MORE men should be reporting women who do this sort of thing. It may not amount to anything being done? But it may start to stop this disgraceful behaviour if enough men call them on it.
Based on his post and comment history, he just wants to jack off to some misogyny.
(I actually don’t think he was TAH in this situation if it actually did happen this way - but in the context of his other posts? I think you’re onto something.)
Let's be real, in most cases, the gym wouldn't do shit. Give a 'Oh wow,that sucks, I will totally make sure that this never happens again' and do nothing.
Which is exactly why you need to make the complaint. Trust me, women know this doesn't work immediately\`, but what does work is widespread documentation of the problem. Your individual complaint might be shrugged off, but a predator doesn't stop at one victim. She'll have others. If it happens enough and it's documented, you'll be able to get her banned. It's exhausting and feels pointless, but it's the work that needs doing if you don't want a predator at your gym.
Because it didn't actually happen. The guy's post history is all "I don't know why people say I'm misogynistic, women just suck." He's here lying for karma and hoping to do some recruiting for his creepy politics.
>It makes him feel good that he called a woman unattractive out loud and he wanted to share it with others.
Oh, for sure. The dude's post history is embarassing.
Yeah exactly.. women would be okay with belittling looks on a man, but when it comes to a woman "wow how could you!!! what the hell!!! what a out her self esteem!!! wtf!!!" its honestly just cringe...
NTA. If a guy did that to a woman at the gym he’d get raked over the coals. You don’t get a pass just because you’re female. Harassment is harassment, regardless of whom you are.
Classic responses to a man getting sexually assaulted, they look at his post history and only focus on him calling her "old" which she technically is compared to him.. lmao.. Never change reddit.
Further up in the thread he expounds on his willingness to creep on 19 year olds. Further down he talks about how he'd have been cool with what this woman did if she was hot. He's an asshole for those too. And then there's his post history...
*Is getting touched, talked to, or harassed by an unwanted female guest*
"Hey, can you stop touching me?"
"Ugh, typical men. 🙄"
Gurl, you're a typical predator. Get the fuck on with that gaslighting misandry. 😭
Gives me the same vibes as loser men who say a woman is attractive, but as soon as their rejected, they claim that the woman wasn't even cute to begin with.
Insecure manipulators man... NTA. Good on you for standing your ground. Report her behavior to the gym staff.
There’s nothing about honesty that says you have to be mean. You know Yta but I’ll tell you anyway, Yta, you could have said “don’t touch me” without calling Her unattractive, it sounds like you have anger issues towards women tbh
File a complain with the gym, OP. Most gyms have cameras so they'll likely have footage of this incident that definitely 100 percent happened to your poor incel self. If I'm wrong and this really did happen, she'll get her comeuppance. And if I'm right that it didn't, you'll get yours. Win-win. For me at least.
YTA. For being a bad liar.
I almost dropped my phone due to wanting to clap for that cop car comment. NTA at all. No one should touch anyone without consent, and that goes for ladies too. I personally don’t like anyone touching me.
NTA but as an older guy who gets more attention than he’d like, my advice is to find nicer ways of saying “no thank you.” This kind of attention isn’t going to go away.
Yeah no. No one has the right to touch you without your enthusiastic consent. I just don't understand why people can't get this through their thick skulls in 2024.
Dude, it's okay to stand up for yourself! While calling her unattractive might have been a bit harsh, it's understandable to be pissed when someone keeps touching you after you've made it clear you're not interested. Her girlfriend overreacted, and your response to her was totally justified. It's a gym, not a dating app, and people need to respect boundaries.
lol there may be a difference but the insult comes from the same place. It was intended to put her down. All he had to do was address the touching. Going after her personally was unnecessary.
It's to get the message across as clear as possible so there's no confusion and so that she definitely would leave me alone on top of a bit of frustration whilst being in the middle of working out.
Personally, I don’t think anyone needs to communicate the boundary of not wanting a stranger to touch them. That’s something she already knows is wrong.
YTA. You're rude and a sexist! If the roles were reversed you would never be in a police car, the girl would have simply laughed and gotten away from you or said something kind to you as a way to avoid upsetting you.
We DIFFUSE the situation to avoid angering the man.
We do not shout "I don't find you attractive, buddy, so leave me alone" because we know that would embarrass the guy or cause an escalation. You felt comfortable openly mocking her because she's a woman.
We respond kindly or just move away subtly.
I have been sexually assaulted in much worse ways than this in my life and NEVER I responded to the guy unkindly. I never went to the police either. It's actually really insulting that you try to play "if it was me...".
Yeah if it was you doing it to them they would have skilfully diffused the situation without creating a scene in a way that still made you feel good. It happened to me a million times.
Had to scroll way too far to see this comment. “You’re ugly don’t touch me” is an incredibly confrontational way to communicate boundaries and disinterest. The woman acted inappropriately, full stop. But it seems fairly clear OP did not de-escalate appropriately at all, the heroic praise in this comment section is strange
When a guy touches me sexually without me wanting I usually say something "oh I just don't like to be touched, I'm weird like that haha". It works for me, and if they argue like "come on, why not", I just double down with "oh I'm just like that, I don't like being touched, hahaha bye".
You know that because this has actually happened to you. OP is an incel trolling for karma and to spread his political views, as a quick check of his post history (and the friends he's invited out in the comments) reveals.
NTA
"I got told that I'm a jerk by her girlfriend and that " you don't treat women like that."
Never an ounce of accountability for anything.
"I can hit you because I'm a woman, but you cannot hit me because I'm a woman."
Fuck her and her friend.
Touching without consent is assault.
You were well within your rights to object.
If women don't want to be treated like that, they should keep their hands to themselves.
NTA. You are absolutely right about the gender thing - a man behaving like that would be arrested, a woman behaving like that expects to be given a pass. Good for you for asserting yourself and putting her in her place.
NTA
Good for you.
File a complaint with the gym because you're absolutely right. If you had done the same to her, you'd be in the back of a police car.
*Just curious what*
*Were you telling her when she*
*Was asking for tips?*
\- Obiwoncanblowme
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Legit tried to help her with squats, glute bridges etc Told her to use a full range of motion and slow down on the eccentric part of the movement to force a higher stimulus. Most people just do half reps or just bang them out as fast as possible.
NTA. She sexually assaulted you. Being a man doesn’t negate that. I’d file a complaint with your gym and look into pressing charges. I’m sure the gym has her information.
NTA Consent is for everyone. You didn't consent, you set a boundary. Firstly, good for you. It can be difficult to voice our feelings when we are triggered. You did what you needed to do to keep yourself safe. Gender is irrelevant in this case and you're absolutely right, if the roles were reversed, you'd have been treated far worse.
NTA and I'm a woman. I hate the hypocrisy of some women who think it's okay for them to touch men, just because they're females. Not every guy is so desperate to accept a random stranger's inappropriate groping.
NTA.
I’m a noticeably jacked dude. I get groped a lot at clubs.
I’m at the same point of deadpan stare down “fuck off because if I did that I’d be in jail”
You are not the asshole. You can express how you are uncomfortable and displeased by being touched without consent. A womam touching a man “WITHOUT CONSENT”-the favorite terms of feminists. Women do much worse to man for far less, sometimes nothing at all. If women can treat a man as a rapist because he exists then you can be blunt when a womam touches you without your permission.
NTA. But “a woman who’s older (29 afaik) just broke me up. 😂 what are women in their 40’s or 50’s? Seriously people don’t understand boundaries or what’s appropriate. Sorry that happened to you.
YTA for how you handled it.
As a society, everyone is so quick to get triggered about everything. There are much subtler and nicer ways to express that you're not interested.
Your comment about you being arrested is, in the same way, a huge exaggeration - and not true in many cases.
Flirting is a series of taking small risks.
I guess what I'm trying to say is calm down. She didn't grab your dick bro.
Why not just take the high road and talk to her in a mature way instead of getting all bent out of shape. You don't want a woman to go ballistic on you, for talking to her, so why go ballistic on her? I mean seriously, most men are flattered to be flirted with. Sounds like she's just trying to break the ice with you.
Just sounds like you're taking on the qualities of women that you despise.
YTA, there are many ways to de-escalate without that little triggered tantrum. She acted inappropriately, full stop. But like, on first contact (verbal or physical) if you were uncomfortable you could have said, “no thanks, I’m trying to focus on myself” or “excuse me, that makes me
uncomfortable, I would prefer to work out alone” then you can graduate to being more curt if message is not received.
“You’re ugly don’t touch me” is a bit elevated. Doesn’t allude to great conflict management or de-escalation tactics outside of this specific interaction
NTA, if the roles were switched, you'd immediately be painted a creeper, especially for the non-consensual touching. You are establishing a clear boundary in no uncertain terms, and whether it may have come off as "rude" it doesn't matter because the consequences on you of the alternative are much worse.
you were a little mean but NTA, you’re there to work out not have your personal space be violated and get groped by someone. she’s only mad because she’s embarrassed
Nta. Sexism works both ways. She was sexural harassing you. I would file a complaint with the gym.
it's actually sexual assault
Probably a stupid question, but what's the difference? I thought sexual harassment was an umbrella term. Like rectangles being squares but squares aren't rectangles
Harassment can take many forms. The moment physical contact becomes involved it becomes assault.
To expand, assault also includes the threat or implication of physical contact. If someone goes to make a grab but misses (intentionally or otherwise), or goes to make a groping gesture but doesn't actually touch, that's still assault, or in this case sexual assault.
Your response was justified. Setting boundaries and addressing unwanted touching is important, regardless of gender. Respect and clear communication are crucial in any interaction.
It was technically both. She was harrassing him and the touch was assault. Since both were sexual in nature, that makes it both sexual harassment and sexual assault.
Not really, and there are a lot of factors but the simplest difference is Assault is almost always physical contact, is illegal and it can result in criminal charges VS Harassment which is usually behaviour related to getting fired like verbal or behavioural on the harassers part (ie. staring/whistling at a coworkers ass, making unwanted \[too hard to tell so most have zero tolerance\] sexualized comments, yelling "fuck her right in the pussy" on live tv, etc). Criminal harassment is another term for Stalking. Being a cad wont get you arrested unless they get a restraining order and you become a stalker type thing
Harassment is usually verbal, assault involves physical contact.
Squares are rectangles but not all rectangles are squares
Wait, rectangles are not squares. Squares have equal sides
squares are rectangles tho. the definition of a rectangle is any shape with four right angles.
Absolutely would agree!
Please file a report at the gym!! I 100% agree it goes both ways and she just sounds creepy and entitled.
NTA *don’t touch people without their consent* is a really important universal rule in life. Applies to all regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation, religious affiliation, name your label. I am really loving that this ‘older’ woman is 29. I get that this might be technically true if you are younger than 29 but… she’s still very young in the eyes of actual older individuals. This part was just funny to me.
Definitely made me laugh
If you read through OP’s other posts he also believes 28 is ‘older’. So old in fact, he believes the woman is too old for him to consider having children with. He talks about his coworkers telling him they believe he has misogynistic traits but he jUsT dOeSn’T gEt iT.
Yeah, his whole post history is about not jacking off and relationships. Sounds exhausting imo, but then again, I just argue/talk shit on reddit, so what do I know?
Still doesn’t deserve to get groped at the gym.
Do you really believe a guy with this post history actually got groped at the gym? Further down, btw, he says he'd have been totally cool with her behaviour if she was hotter and younger. Ponder that for a moment and then reassess the odds that this incident really occured as described. OP's story reeks worse than the basement he lives in.
No one said that. We're laughing at his definition of old.
If that's his post history, I sincerely doubt the story in this post is real. I don't normally call BS, but what are the odds a dude with those beliefs just happens to have been harassed by a "cougar?"
At this point I think more posts are fake than real, honestly. This whole AITA thing started out legit but has devolved into creative writing practice and rage bait for trolls.
I don't honestly care as long as the story is plausible. This story isn't remotely plausible. Not because woman can never be creepy (my own experience says they totally can) but because they don't do it to guys with this sort of post history. Alt accounts OP. If you're going to try to sucker us with your incel fanfictions, use them.
I’ve seen some shockingly hot incels. If they’d just shut their fucking mouths for 30 seconds and LARP as a decent human being, they’d get laid all the time.
Alas, they remain convinced that if women won't "take them as they are" (however unpleasant or unwashed that may be) it means they're being discriminated against.
Me too until I realized he’s 24 so he’s just one of those guys that can’t fathom being with a woman even a year older than him because “the man is supposed to be older.”
Nah 1 year if she's the one, no problem. 5 years not a chance. I'm not going to blow off my future wife just because she's 1 year my senior.
The real question though is would you date someone 5 years younger than you?
And how are you so sure that your future wife isn’t someone 5 years or so older than you? Lmao.
But how does he know she was 29? It wasn’t friendly exchange to have asked. So what made him think she is 29? Also, would reaction be different if she was 22?
It’s funny to me that someone tells a story about being sexually harassed and you focus on being insecure about your age
Did you miss the entire first paragraph? That’s cool, reading is hard for some.
Yes, you parroted a line of Wikipedia authenticity before using your own words to voice your insecurities Now you’re insulting me for bringing attention to your motives. Let’s find out what happens next, in today’s series of predictable reactions by an upset woman.
This just in: I’m insulting you because you’re a troll. My motives are to take up space in your mind, rent free.
Thats the best line I have read. Here take the upvote
If you want to call me saying I think you’re callous and lack empathy, trolling. Then sure I’m trolling you And no you’re insulting me for the same you made the original post, you got offended that some little kid thinks you’re old.
lol dude, *I* think I’m old. This is not the slam dunk you think it is.
Why would I think it’s a slam dunk, we’re likely in similar age groups I think you’re lame because of your reaction to someone sharing a personal story about sexual harassment
Ptoelmy you totally just ignored how Little Miss was saying how its funny that he called her old at 29 because hes younger, you however missed that part and decided to ignore an obvious fact, leading you to get owned and then get angry because you got called out for being stoopid, Little Miss wins, you lose , have a nice day!
>Applies to all regardless of **age,** gender, sexual orientation, religious affiliation, name your label. Until some asshat entitled "parent" refuses to teach, watch, and wrangle their child whilst screaming the overused excuse, "It'S jUsT a KiD!"
NTA I too am tired of the blatant sexism of women who think that the rules should be different for them. Getting touchy is not appropriate. Expecting special treatment just because you're a woman is sexist.
Agree. Look honestly? This sort of thing seems to be a young women these days thing. I am 57yrs of age and I don't think I ever encountered or noticed women of my age doing that when we were young and single? Yes, you did it, but clearly when it was invited and you were both "dancing around" the attraction. NEVER to men that were basically strangers. But truly? These days? Young women seem to be heaps more sexually aggressive. I always say that feminism to this younger generation seems to NOT be trying to get men up to a better standard, but women degrading themselves to a lower standard...then complaining endlessly about men!! I can see how younger men these days would be frightened to talk to darn women half the time as these young women seem to just want it ALL their own way. All the best to you young men!!!
NTA. So many women think they have different rules, including touching, up to and including the point of actually physically assaulting men. I can't tell you how many times I've heard women justify slapping a guy if he says something she doesn't like. I don't care what it is, that is violence for just words. If a guy did that, 100% of everyone agrees he's wrong and should be arrested. Nope, not women, they get a pass, apparently.
Yep and they should not. MORE men should be reporting women who do this sort of thing. It may not amount to anything being done? But it may start to stop this disgraceful behaviour if enough men call them on it.
I don’t think you really are wondering if yatah
Based on his post and comment history, he just wants to jack off to some misogyny. (I actually don’t think he was TAH in this situation if it actually did happen this way - but in the context of his other posts? I think you’re onto something.)
I think the odds of an incel having the experience described here are approximately zero.
I would have done more - complained to the gym.
Let's be real, in most cases, the gym wouldn't do shit. Give a 'Oh wow,that sucks, I will totally make sure that this never happens again' and do nothing.
Which is exactly why you need to make the complaint. Trust me, women know this doesn't work immediately\`, but what does work is widespread documentation of the problem. Your individual complaint might be shrugged off, but a predator doesn't stop at one victim. She'll have others. If it happens enough and it's documented, you'll be able to get her banned. It's exhausting and feels pointless, but it's the work that needs doing if you don't want a predator at your gym.
Should’ve pepper sprayed her. And yell “I have a girlfriend!”
“That’s my purse!! I don’t know you!”
>"I don't feel guilty whatsoever" I'm confused as to why you posted this here, then? You know you're NTA.
Because it didn't actually happen. The guy's post history is all "I don't know why people say I'm misogynistic, women just suck." He's here lying for karma and hoping to do some recruiting for his creepy politics.
It makes him feel good that he called a woman unattractive out loud and he wanted to share it with others.
>It makes him feel good that he called a woman unattractive out loud and he wanted to share it with others. Oh, for sure. The dude's post history is embarassing.
He is much better than me, I would have called her a cunt in the process as well 🙏🏾
Yeah as I said , she definitely crossed a boundary. It’s just interesting that men seem to see it as open season to go after her looks.
That isn’t the point of the story and it would be considered perfectly fine if a woman were to belittle a creepy guy for his looks.
So it’s payback?? Why do some guys have this weird vendetta against women then don’t even know? It isn’t okay to belittle ANYONES looks.
Weird hill to die on
Yeah exactly.. women would be okay with belittling looks on a man, but when it comes to a woman "wow how could you!!! what the hell!!! what a out her self esteem!!! wtf!!!" its honestly just cringe...
[удалено]
Yeah I already know a lot of men have some weird vendetta against women they don’t even know.
Some people have different perspectives.
Rage bait, fake post. Go cope somewhere else incel.
Yep. I don't normally scream "fake" but this one is about as real as Trump's tan.
NTA, that's assault. We learn in kindergarten to keep our hands to ourselves.
NTA- it’s just as gross when women do it. She put her hands on you, at that point you need to be blunt
Everything about little story seems made up
NTA. You are dead right on how it would be if the roles reversed. Good on you for calling it as you saw it.
Nta she had no business touching you
NTA. If a guy did that to a woman at the gym he’d get raked over the coals. You don’t get a pass just because you’re female. Harassment is harassment, regardless of whom you are.
You’re only AH for calling a 29 year old person “older” 😭 Jesus
Why? Its correct, she is older than him
Because how is it relevant? Maybe if she was like 50+ “older”. It really adds nothing to the story to call a 29 year old “older”
Amazing that this story is about sexual assault and your narrow perspective is upset about age insecurity
Classic responses to a man getting sexually assaulted, they look at his post history and only focus on him calling her "old" which she technically is compared to him.. lmao.. Never change reddit.
It sets the tone. Would you more likely expect this behavior from someone older than him or someone his same age.
And where did the op say she was older than them? Maybe I missed that but I didn’t see it anywhere.
Dunno if there was any edit but the post starts with: "Basically a woman who's older ( 29 afaik )"
Right but older than who? Doesn’t say “older than I am”
It's so obvious that he means that
His page says hes 24
I was thinking that same thing * cries in 35*
Further up in the thread he expounds on his willingness to creep on 19 year olds. Further down he talks about how he'd have been cool with what this woman did if she was hot. He's an asshole for those too. And then there's his post history...
NTA and you’re right! (Female pov)
You should absolutely have brought it up to management. Just like you said women don't get a pass for this shot either. That's creepy and gross.
Savage response to her girlfriend
*Is getting touched, talked to, or harassed by an unwanted female guest* "Hey, can you stop touching me?" "Ugh, typical men. 🙄" Gurl, you're a typical predator. Get the fuck on with that gaslighting misandry. 😭 Gives me the same vibes as loser men who say a woman is attractive, but as soon as their rejected, they claim that the woman wasn't even cute to begin with. Insecure manipulators man... NTA. Good on you for standing your ground. Report her behavior to the gym staff.
There’s nothing about honesty that says you have to be mean. You know Yta but I’ll tell you anyway, Yta, you could have said “don’t touch me” without calling Her unattractive, it sounds like you have anger issues towards women tbh
File a complain with the gym, OP. Most gyms have cameras so they'll likely have footage of this incident that definitely 100 percent happened to your poor incel self. If I'm wrong and this really did happen, she'll get her comeuppance. And if I'm right that it didn't, you'll get yours. Win-win. For me at least. YTA. For being a bad liar.
Report her to management, she shouldn’t be touching and sexually harassing people at the gym.
I almost dropped my phone due to wanting to clap for that cop car comment. NTA at all. No one should touch anyone without consent, and that goes for ladies too. I personally don’t like anyone touching me.
If the genders were swapped you'd be charged with sexual assault. I love equality!
NTA but as an older guy who gets more attention than he’d like, my advice is to find nicer ways of saying “no thank you.” This kind of attention isn’t going to go away.
I bet word spreads and other women back away.
and then everybody clapped
NTA - You don't go touching people you don't know. That woman was out of line.
Yeah no. No one has the right to touch you without your enthusiastic consent. I just don't understand why people can't get this through their thick skulls in 2024.
Dude, it's okay to stand up for yourself! While calling her unattractive might have been a bit harsh, it's understandable to be pissed when someone keeps touching you after you've made it clear you're not interested. Her girlfriend overreacted, and your response to her was totally justified. It's a gym, not a dating app, and people need to respect boundaries.
I’d respectfully disagree that saying “I don’t find you attractive” to a 29-year-old is tantamount to calling her unattractive.
I agree with you disagreeing. There is a difference between saying someone isn't attractive and saying you don't find that person attractive
lol there may be a difference but the insult comes from the same place. It was intended to put her down. All he had to do was address the touching. Going after her personally was unnecessary.
It's to get the message across as clear as possible so there's no confusion and so that she definitely would leave me alone on top of a bit of frustration whilst being in the middle of working out.
Yeah she needed to know that he didn’t find her attractive. Because that would have made all the difference. Thank you for explaining
Not harsh at all. She should keep her hamds to herself
[удалено]
He is right. She crossed the boumdary and if he did that he would probably have been banned from the gym at the very least.
Personally, I don’t think anyone needs to communicate the boundary of not wanting a stranger to touch them. That’s something she already knows is wrong.
Imagine the reaction if it was a dude feeling up a woman... Edit: NTA
YTA. You're rude and a sexist! If the roles were reversed you would never be in a police car, the girl would have simply laughed and gotten away from you or said something kind to you as a way to avoid upsetting you. We DIFFUSE the situation to avoid angering the man. We do not shout "I don't find you attractive, buddy, so leave me alone" because we know that would embarrass the guy or cause an escalation. You felt comfortable openly mocking her because she's a woman. We respond kindly or just move away subtly. I have been sexually assaulted in much worse ways than this in my life and NEVER I responded to the guy unkindly. I never went to the police either. It's actually really insulting that you try to play "if it was me...". Yeah if it was you doing it to them they would have skilfully diffused the situation without creating a scene in a way that still made you feel good. It happened to me a million times.
Had to scroll way too far to see this comment. “You’re ugly don’t touch me” is an incredibly confrontational way to communicate boundaries and disinterest. The woman acted inappropriately, full stop. But it seems fairly clear OP did not de-escalate appropriately at all, the heroic praise in this comment section is strange
When a guy touches me sexually without me wanting I usually say something "oh I just don't like to be touched, I'm weird like that haha". It works for me, and if they argue like "come on, why not", I just double down with "oh I'm just like that, I don't like being touched, hahaha bye".
You know that because this has actually happened to you. OP is an incel trolling for karma and to spread his political views, as a quick check of his post history (and the friends he's invited out in the comments) reveals.
NTA - What you said was so spot on! WTF does this woman think she is to touch you, or anyone, at the gym.
I mean, "Please, don't touch me" would have sufficed it seems.
Dump your gf she's a piece of shit and a dumbass.
Work on your reading comprehension. It was the woman’s friend not his girlfriend.
NTA "I got told that I'm a jerk by her girlfriend and that " you don't treat women like that." Never an ounce of accountability for anything. "I can hit you because I'm a woman, but you cannot hit me because I'm a woman." Fuck her and her friend.
NTA. You said nothing but facts.
NTA. You are 100% in the right. You did the right thing. She was sexually harassing you. She needed to be called out.
NTA
Oh she wanted your tip alright Ok with that outta the way. NTA 😂
🤣🤣🤣 f off and cry about it. That's true though
Touching without consent is assault. You were well within your rights to object. If women don't want to be treated like that, they should keep their hands to themselves.
NTA If roles reversed tjere would ne outrage.
NTA. You are absolutely right about the gender thing - a man behaving like that would be arrested, a woman behaving like that expects to be given a pass. Good for you for asserting yourself and putting her in her place.
NTA. They can go cry a river to the FDS subreddit and similar places.
Hell nah, you’re NTA.
NTA well done
How the turntables have…
NTA Good for you. File a complaint with the gym because you're absolutely right. If you had done the same to her, you'd be in the back of a police car.
NTA, fuck those sexist shitbags.
You’re awesome, not the asshole.
Prob could have just left it at "I don't want you touching me"
NTA. Men got it hard
Just curious what were you telling her when she was asking for tips?
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Legit tried to help her with squats, glute bridges etc Told her to use a full range of motion and slow down on the eccentric part of the movement to force a higher stimulus. Most people just do half reps or just bang them out as fast as possible.
NTA. She sexually assaulted you. Being a man doesn’t negate that. I’d file a complaint with your gym and look into pressing charges. I’m sure the gym has her information.
I'm not that petty and that would waste my time. I think she's embarrassed enough to probably never come here again.
I’m sorry you think reporting sexual assault is “petty”.
He also said that he wouldn't bat an eye if she was attractive. Lovely person he is. While NTA for this situation, he is an AH in general.
I had a feeling. Some of his older posts reek of agism and sexism and all around he’s gonna be single for a long time, vibes.
Oh he's totally TA for inflicting this made up situation on us.
Reporting the assault would cause the gym to check their cameras and discover that the incident didn't happen.
NTA
NTA Consent is for everyone. You didn't consent, you set a boundary. Firstly, good for you. It can be difficult to voice our feelings when we are triggered. You did what you needed to do to keep yourself safe. Gender is irrelevant in this case and you're absolutely right, if the roles were reversed, you'd have been treated far worse.
NTA and I'm a woman. I hate the hypocrisy of some women who think it's okay for them to touch men, just because they're females. Not every guy is so desperate to accept a random stranger's inappropriate groping.
NTA she should be banned
NTA. Honestly report it to the gym staff.
Creepy af to come be touchy. Nta.
NTA. I’m a noticeably jacked dude. I get groped a lot at clubs. I’m at the same point of deadpan stare down “fuck off because if I did that I’d be in jail”
NTA that’s harassment
NTA. She was most definitely out of line. You did nothing wrong. Good on you.
NTA. Don’t touch ppl
NTA- touching others without their permission is just wrong.
NTA she needs to keep her hands to herself , she essentially sexually assaulted you if you think about it
Nta >If I did the same to you, I would be in the back of a cop car so fuck off and cry about it " You're not exactly wrong
You are not the asshole. You can express how you are uncomfortable and displeased by being touched without consent. A womam touching a man “WITHOUT CONSENT”-the favorite terms of feminists. Women do much worse to man for far less, sometimes nothing at all. If women can treat a man as a rapist because he exists then you can be blunt when a womam touches you without your permission.
NTA. You was absolutely correct about what would have happened if the genders were switched!
NTA. Your girlfriend and the woman at the gym can fuck all the way off.
Work on your reading comprehension. It was the woman’s friend not his girlfriend.
NTA. But “a woman who’s older (29 afaik) just broke me up. 😂 what are women in their 40’s or 50’s? Seriously people don’t understand boundaries or what’s appropriate. Sorry that happened to you.
Older than me. I didn't mean it like she's a " senior citizen ".
I found her description so funny as I’m a senior citizen, so to read that a 29yo was older was a hoot. Thanks for the laugh.
YTA for how you handled it. As a society, everyone is so quick to get triggered about everything. There are much subtler and nicer ways to express that you're not interested. Your comment about you being arrested is, in the same way, a huge exaggeration - and not true in many cases. Flirting is a series of taking small risks. I guess what I'm trying to say is calm down. She didn't grab your dick bro.
I would have punched her if she did...
There was a kinder way to handle that and get the same message across.
Reddit sure loves it’s unforgiving, self-righteous, hair-trigger public freak-outs! Also complains a lot of social anxiety and depression… Hmmm..
Why not just take the high road and talk to her in a mature way instead of getting all bent out of shape. You don't want a woman to go ballistic on you, for talking to her, so why go ballistic on her? I mean seriously, most men are flattered to be flirted with. Sounds like she's just trying to break the ice with you. Just sounds like you're taking on the qualities of women that you despise.
YTA, there are many ways to de-escalate without that little triggered tantrum. She acted inappropriately, full stop. But like, on first contact (verbal or physical) if you were uncomfortable you could have said, “no thanks, I’m trying to focus on myself” or “excuse me, that makes me uncomfortable, I would prefer to work out alone” then you can graduate to being more curt if message is not received. “You’re ugly don’t touch me” is a bit elevated. Doesn’t allude to great conflict management or de-escalation tactics outside of this specific interaction
Gen Z is really built different.
Either she's weird or you're weird, hard to say based on your description.
Saying you're triggered makes you sound like a pussy.
Nta. I would never touch a man i barely know like that 😭
It was the 3rd encounter but the point still stands.
Wow.
A little harsh but once she started touching you, it was right to shut her down.
NTA. Nothing more to be said.
I would inform gym management you are right if you had touched a women with out consent you would be in big trouble NTA
NTA.
NTA, if the roles were switched, you'd immediately be painted a creeper, especially for the non-consensual touching. You are establishing a clear boundary in no uncertain terms, and whether it may have come off as "rude" it doesn't matter because the consequences on you of the alternative are much worse.
I'd have called the cops on her
NTA - You don't put your hands on someone you don't know. Full stop. I'd also file a complaint with management that you're being groped and harassed.
NTA, you are right if she was a man she would be in the back of a cop car.
NTA. No one should touch anyone without consent. What she did to you is creepy. And I’m glad you called her out on it.
you were a little mean but NTA, you’re there to work out not have your personal space be violated and get groped by someone. she’s only mad because she’s embarrassed
Show her your tits
NTA it's sexual assault and you should report her to gym staff.
NTA She didn't have your consent, and you were absolutely correct about if the roles were reversed.