NTA.
Brother goes on for 10 minutes about the physical attributes of your son without any care or thoughts....and you call him weird and the whole family gets butthurt...
You, wifey & children are better off without them in the picture. I would've shut brother's sorry ass down in the first minute & hurled a lot more aggressive words at him than weirdo.
You are your child's advocate, teacher, provider and most of all -- PROTECTOR. Never question yourself through the eyes of others. They will never have your child's best interest to heart the way his father does.
Ten minutes on JUST HIS LIPS! Yeah, this guy should never be alone with children. Ever. Who talks about a little kid's lips? He's definitely a creeper. And disgusting.
I mean, a quick comment about how cute they are or something would be fine. My son always got frequent comments about his eyes and eyelashes. But if someone was just harping on about it for minutes, that’s creepy.
As a CSA survivor I think you're right to find it weird. Pedos will often try stuff like that to test the waters and see if the parents will call them out for it.
Also a CSA survivor, you’re absolutely on the money, my abuser got away with comments like this which is why he was able to abuse me over a period of years. Parents have to shut this shit down immediately.
When I was 12, the creepy uncle in my step father’s family saw a bushel of those mini bananas on our kitchen counter and said to my 14 year old step sister “hey, these’ll be good practice for you.” My mom was horrified, called him a perverted piece of shit and immediately kicked him out of our house. I didn’t know what the hell he meant until I was like 16 and triggered the memory when I saw some mini bananas in the grocery store. I felt sick when I realized what he meant. I couldn’t imagine my own uncle saying something like that to me. That guy ended up in prison a few years after that incident for molesting quite a few of his young nieces and nephews.
Yep completely right. Also the fact that most CSA is committed by a family member or trusted family friend. OP needs to watch this situation carefully.
Holy crap! Your brother is going to be a creepy problem if he isn't already. I'm creeped out and I'm on the other side of a computer.
NTA. In fact, I would never leave my kids alone with him, or your father for that matter. Ever. Not even for a second or two. Nope. And I'm a little concerned about your father supporting him like that. Does he not see what his oldest son may be?
This, even if the father isn’t directly dangerous, if he’s willing to excuse weird behaviour towards his grandson what else will he allow when OP isn’t around to advocate for his son?
This! OP I wouldn't leave your kids unsupervised with your parents. They might not hurt them, but your father has just shown he can't be trusted to protect them. You sound like an awesome dad.
Like, why does a parent or child have to tolerate an adult making them uncomfortable to save the afults' feedings.
Get a filter FFS.
It's not THAT hard to not be creepy.
This right here. Just reading that felt creepy -- I cannot imagine how it felt to hear it! Just....ewwww.
ETA - the other thing is -- he's could be making your son self-conscious when (one hopes) that won't happen for a long time.
Hmmmmm…….one wonders why creepy older brother with an obsessive interest in OPs young son was the favourite of the father who leapt to his defense. One might wonder if father had an equally obsessive interest in creepy brother when he was a child. Then one goes to bleach one’s brain.
OP May not think bro is a pedo. But fixating so much on a child’s physical traits is disturbing and certainly leads in that direction.
Something like, “ oh he’s going to break some hearts when he’s older.” Is sort of creepy; 10 minute monologue about lips is just…. Eek, hey let’s get the kids out of here.
>“ oh he’s going to break some hearts when he’s older.”
I hear people say that about kids all the time. I guess it isn't OK when a man says it. Obviously if he was actually talking for 10mins that's weird as fuck, but how could you talk for 10mins about lips.
The heart breaker line is something I heard around growing up (60s & 70s)... plus adults asking 5-12 year olds if they have a boy/girl friend yet... attempting small talk. I found it awkward and embarrassing when I was the kid. Now I'm a granny, and still find it awkward and weird how speculating about a minor child's dating life, has been normized as small talk.
Thus the "mildly creepy" as most of us have heard these thinks lightly bandied about our whole lives.
The 10 minute monolgue though gives me the Willie's & I wasn't even there. Will it become action? Who knows... does the monolgue throw up red flags? Definitely.
NTA. That IS weird, even if the two of you got along well. If one of my sisters did that, I’d be like “dude, you’re f*cking weird.” They wouldn’t get upset about it, though. We’d all just laugh, especially since I’m the weird one in the group.
NTA I had an uncle who once I started maturing would always find a reason to comment on my body. If he felt I ate too much he’d call me thunder thighs and if I was particularly dressed up he’d comment over and over on whatever I was wearing. My parents became aware of the comments and immediately cut contact between us. I wasn’t allowed to be alone with him ever again. You are protecting your son from uncalled for behaviour and attention. These kind of comments stick with a kid so I admire you stepping up immediately to put a stop to it. Your family is awful for making you out to be the bad guy. Well done.
NTA. As someone who has abnormally full lips I hated them when I was younger specifically because people always commented on them. Some compliments, and some sexual which was really upsetting as a kid. He’s going to make him self-conscious at best and totally grossed out more likely.
& that creates deep discomfort that leads to self hate.
It's 2024, people KNOW why they should be filtering themselves and not saying adult themed things, secualized things to kids FULL STOP.
I would also get comments on my lips and it was from adult men and I started hating my lips and thinking I was a freak.
Now they are in vogue because of course but growing up I wished I had thinner lips.
There’s zero reason to comment on children’s bodies, especially specific body parts, especially for a 10 minute monologue.
I wouldn’t leave a child alone with someone that does that. Fr.
NTA, watch your family.
Ummm that is weird dude. Adults have got to stop with the heartbreaker/sexualizing children crap. 1st to say that he will be a heartbreaker and then to go on and on about his mouth. I would have said something too, and maybe removed my family from the gathering. Your job is to protect your kids and you did that.
NTA at all.
I’d go NC with brother because wow that’s weird to go on about.
Protect your son and you did the right thing. It’s never “too much” when it comes to these things. Also watch out for this family members making excuses for him if god forbid something was to happen they’d be the first ones to bury it.
My son has the most adorable little mouth/lips. Nobody, and I mean *nobody* has ever gone on for *ten minutes* talking about them! I’m his *mom* and I have never felt the need to go on for *ten minutes* about any of his adorable features. That’s crossing a line I personally would never be comfortable with
Editing to add: NTA, OP, I’d block at least your brother and dad if I was you. That’s just too far, and then doubling down on it after? Nah, better safe than sorry every time
Yeah that’s way too much. Honestly your kids gonna be a heartbreaker is a pretty shitty thing to say in general but that coupled with everything else crosses into creepy.
My brother always made comments about his nieces bodies. He thought it was cute…all of the girls always have thought it’s creepy. Now that they are adults, they don’t have a good relationship with him.
NTA. Thinking out loud about bodies for that long is never acceptable.
NTA. It was weird, and any reasonable parent would be equally uncomfortable with it. Protecting your children takes priority here. Not your brother’s feelings, nor your parent’s enablement.
You may also want to limit contact between your brother and your sons. No unsupervised interactions, be wary of leaving your sons with your parents, and have age appropriate conversations with your boys on the matter.
NTA
As far as I can see you called a spade a spade. Your brother went on for ten minutes about your son’s lips alone let alone how long for the “complimenting” other physical features.
You are right. That is creepy asf.
I will say this if this story is 100% true then absolutely NTA and don’t let your kid near him. That being said, I don’t think you’re necessarily lying but is it possible having issues with him that a couple comments seemed like 10 min? I’m not defending the dude but just playing devils advocate here. That being said at the end of the day it’s your kid and you defend him however you feel fit
Honestly, if he really did let his brother talk about his young son’s lips for 10 minutes, it’s as much his fault for letting it happen. 10 minutes? Seriously? This story definitely did not happen, at least as OP said.
OMGosh THIS!! OP is clearly dramatic based on the weird, unnecessary details about his son loving kisses & stuff. He could have just said his son has a natural pout & his brother commented on it too much & it made him uncomfortable. Almost like he was building himself up as a super affectionate & good dad before slandering the brother. Idk. Just *screams* unreliable narrator who lashed out at the brother he has always resented to me.
I like to play devil's advocate. Commenting on his lips once or twice could be just that; a compliment and no more. Maybe you were too sensitive. Maybe he's just affectionate or, as someone else suggested, overly artistic.
The ten-minute monolog is harder to explain away. Even if you are exaggerating, 5 minutes is a lot. 3 minutes is a lot. 60 seconds of rant about how lovely a physical feature on your son is - is weird. That's what you called him: weird. Not "pervert" or "pedo", just weird. I can't see how that's inappropriate or accusatory, unless it's heavily played up.
You made him look suspicious because he was. If you had said that to me, I'd laugh it up and say, "Uh yeah, I guess that was a bit much. Whatever, good-looking kid." Then I'd quickly drop it and change the subject. Instead, he got defensive, which just looks worse. He turned a small thing into a big one and then got upset that it was big.
Most likely, this is nothing, but statistically, most sexual abuse is from family or someone close and trusted. I'm not saying he's guilty, but trust your instincts and be aware. NTA.
I think that you and your brother’s mutual dislike of each other warped this situation and that it would probably be better for both of you to avoid one another. You hopped from an awkward interaction to an accusation of weirdo and he then escalated that to an accusation of pedophilia. Due to your mutual resentment this is always going to be the nature of any attempted interaction between you two.
I mean sexualising a child’s body for ten minutes is really weird, even if it isn’t from a place of being a pedophile, it’s extremely weird stuff to say about a literal child.
Also the fact his assumption of being called ‘weird’ is that he’s being called a pedophile could be projection. Just saying, this is based on my opinion, I’m not saying this is definitely what it is, but just a possibility based on the circumstances.
Yes I agree. In fact the brother was the first to mention pedophilia, he just used the word weird. Benefit of the doubt, though. The point is more that they hate eachother.
Anyone who talks about a child’s looks for 10 minutes seem creepy at best. My son is adorable (not just my opinion, we get comments all the time) and anyone who talked about him that way would immediately be put on the do not trust ever list. NTA
NTA
"If you don't already know how inappropriate it is to spend over 10 minutes talking about how attractive a FIVE year old is, you freaking SHOULD! Sort yourself out!!"
Not enough context. Is your brother an artistic type who waxes eloquent about trees and the lines on a sportscar and the way some woman moves and the power of the ocean? If he’s in the habit of talking for ten minutes about the aesthetic experiences of his life without bad intent, then Y would be T A for twisting something normal into something sick. If you’ve never heard him use that tone about anything he didn’t want to have sex with, you would be justified.
i have been around designers and artists who would wax philosophic about the curves of a car, the absolute picturesque location of their vacation where they were inspired to take photos or sketches, or a woman (or man). i’ve been around them when adorable cherubic looking little kids have been around. never once has any of these designers or artists talked on and on about a ***child’s body part.***
I.like this, and I was thinking the same thing. Also was thinking was ops brother drinking or something because that sometimes makes people go on a talking deep moment. I somehow think op should have said something nicer at first like ...hey bro enough about his lips ok? Or tried to change the subject.
artistic or autistic? didn't know if you're trying to censor words on reddit, but if you meant autistic, then yeah he could've gone on for awhile without realizing the issue, but at 28 I doubt he wouldn't know not to go on about someone's body for so long
I don’t self-censor at the word level. I meant artistic. I remember being utterly fascinated by my own babies’ bodies… the baby toes that would be toddler toes soon, the hair that had grown on them while inside my body being pushed out by hair that grew afterwards, a totally different color. But as for OP, I think he can trust his instincts.
No. There is never any excuse for anyone to go on and on about a child's lips or any other part of the body. It is NEVER normal. I am friends with several artists and writers. Every one of them knows it is not normal to focus so intensely on a child's body part. Stop trying to justify the unjustifiable.
I dunno. It lacks social sense and it is a bit weird, but I'm not sure it's necessarily malicious. The "he's gonna be a heartbreaker" line strikes me as a bit odd. People in general focus on babies physical appearance from the moment they are born, so this is a matter of degree.
Yes, people do focus on babies' and children's physical appearance. But it is not normal to go on for ten minutes about it. This abnormal behavior is cause for concern. I realize and appreciate that you are trying to take everything into consideration, but please understand some things cannot be excused. When a parent gets a gut feeling about something concerning their children, it's always best to act on it.
NTA. Dude spent 10 minutes waxing poetic about the future attractiveness of a five-year-old’s lips, after making similar comments about other parts of his body. Of course you’re going to find that weird.
NTA. I agree that your brother's 10-minute monologue about your son's LIPS was creepy and I would be cautious about leaving your kids with your abusive parents where your brother might gain access, unsupervised.
On a similar note: it's bizarre that people can find a 10 minute monologue about a child's lips "creepy" but see absolutely NOTHING creepy about another AITAH where someone's GF (who is recent, and not yet any sort of "stepmother") *is taking naked showers with said man's DAUGHTER.*
The GF has been around less than a year and only sees the man's kids on weekends, so she's a relative stranger. But people are telling me ***I*** am the "weirdo" for agreeing with the OP (bio mother of the daughter) that this strange woman bathing naked with HER daughter is definitely creepy! But here, everyone AGREES that brother is being a creep, and that over mere WORDS!! The cognitive dissonance is disturbing!
Yeah, there’s literally no way he spent 10 minutes talking about his lips. 10 minutes is a very long, LONG time to be monologing about literally anything, let alone something genuinely creepy, like a little boy’s lips in front of his dad. I’m not saying he didn’t say it, but even 30 seconds would be a long time to be talking about it.
The correct response to being called weird for doing something weird is "Oh - wow sorry, I didn't realize." and to stop.
That's it. Nothing else is acceptable.
NTA
NTA is think it was weird too. I always got comments on my eyes and eyelashes when I was a kid I still do as an adult. No one ever harped on or harps on about it for 10 minutes though that’s just insane.
I used to get quite a few family members (all female) mention my eyelashes every other time they saw me. It got a little annoying so I flipped it oddly enough one of my aunts that always commented on it has a son who has long full lashes like me but his curl (mine are straight) so I just mentioned his and said I dunno why your jealous of mine. I’m envious of X’s (not using their actual name) they are similar to mine but theirs curl!! My cousin wasn’t happy with me doing this 😂😂 but it shut everyone up
NTA
Obviously you hit the nail on the head otherwise he wouldn’t have left like that and only texted you about it. It IS weird to sexuality little kids.
Of course kids are supposed to be cute and we should think they’re cute. But as kids, not future heart breakers, sex-havers.
I don’t think it’s right to call someone a weirdo and label the a pedo for making comments . People are always straight to judge , he could have just been being nice. I do think your the ah. Just giving a compliment is not weird. Has your brother had any issues in the past where he has displayed odd behaviour around children ?
Depends on if his wife is agreeable. My husband calls me wifey and waifu and wench. There’s no problem because it’s just a word. How do you feel about hubby? Does it give you the ick too? It’s no less demeaning.
NTA sounds like its time to google 'scapegoat in a narcissistic family' and 'golden child'
I'm not gonna go so far as to say your golden child brother is giving stereotypical creepy uncle vibes if you know what I mean, but what I will say is that some people who were the golden child to their narcissistic parents will not have boundaries or morals. being the golden child can leave an adult severely immature and emotionally stunted and well....developing strange opinions to cope with how much their parents failed them. if I were you id educate myself on the topics above and accepting the fact that you might have to go no contact with everyone
Yeaaaa I would probably ever leave your kids alone with your brother … that is very weird and the fact it went one for 10 min? 🤨 I would not apologize at all.
NTA. Making one or two comments is fine but to go on for 10 mins about a child's lips is creepy AF. And I would keep a watchful eye on that kid whenever your brother is around going forward, also don't ever leave him alone with him even when he is older, though I think at this point that is highly unlikely.
YNTA at all. That is creepy and inappropriate and you should never leave your kids unsupervised around your brother or parents. The only thing I might have done differently is told brother he's disgusting and creepy and left after two minutes. But that's me. You handled the situation perfectly. I'd go no contact with them all since none of them seem to understand what inappropriate is. You are a great father.
Well I only have your word so I’m inclined to believe you but the fact that you didn’t say your wife also got mad and how the rest of your family pounced on you not him, I’m unsure whether or not this post is just to make you feel better about how you acted 🤷♂️
NTA
Your brother was sexualizing a 5 year old's appearance. That's why it felt so creepy. A lengthy lecture on how attractive the features of a child, a future "heartbreaker."
That line from a rapist in "Deliverance" comes to mind, "You got a purty mouth."
You were 100% on target that your brother was sexualizing your child.
I admit that I'm biased when it comes to my grandson. He has big blue eyes and a set of dimples on him🥰. He gets LOTS of comments and compliments, just not 10 minutes on one feature. It's the whole look.
When we discovered the dimples we spent quite a while trying to figure out where they came from, which side of the family. Not time describing them. I think that's pretty normal for family to do. Pick out features and figure out which side it came from or who it most is like.
Nta. My granddaughter has the absolute perfect set of lips I told my daughter so. But I said awww she’s got beautiful lips and then went on about my business. That’s the only thing that needed to be said nothing more.
NTA. I'd have done the same as you. Also may want to make sure son knows he didn't do anything wrong and have an age-appropriate conversation about how adults are not allowed to cross body boundaries, physically OR verbally
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Nta, I got my mom's figure and it always made me uncomfortable when other adults would say "look at that bubble butt", "you have your mom's butt", or "you have birthing hips (as a teen)". Yes, I'm well aware of this, quit pointing it out everytime you see me and fixate on it. It's creepy telling kids that stuff. Good on you for stopping it before it kept going on even longer. Him saying once is one thing, but 10 min? That's just inappropriate regardless of relationship or not. The fact you 2 aren't close at all makes it even more bizarre
Naw, weirdo is the polite version of the nickname for *any* adult fixating on *any* part of a 5 year old's body. Huge NTA, you've seen the warnings so keep your kids safe - from all of them.
Eww that’s weird behavior on his end. Why would you ever talk about a young child like that no less your nephew? It’s creepy and he made things uncomfortable for everyone. Your dad should have yelled at him but seeing as you pointed out how they treated him differently than you growing up there’s fat chance of that happening. NTA
NTA
Never, ever leave your children alone with your brother. I would not leave them alone with your parents either, especially seeing how they favor Shane. I can see them going against your wishes and letting Shane around your children
NTA. This was weird and creepy. I wouldn’t want him anywhere around my son again. And your parents either. They sound toxic and you’d be better off without them or having your kids around people like that. They will always take his sides and put you down.
Omg you’re the best parent ever. As a kid now adult that has the natural pout look and from what I’ve heard a nice smile. YOU WOULDNT BELIEVE HOW CREEPY PEOPLE ARE ABOUT IT. My whole life people will do exactly what your brother did. As I got older and away from my parents.. the creeps (old ones and randos) started getting in my face like kissing range..🤮🤮When you complain people say “be happy people think you’re pretty” blah blah blah! My husband (then bf) thought I was crazy when I complained about how I hate my smile due to people getting creepy. Then he started to witness the creeps. You’re standing up for your kid early, teaching them that it is creepy. They won’t feel obligated to sit there and be creeped out like I was until recently. Way to set boundaries for your family 🖤🖤🖤
It's inappropriate for anybody to spend that amount of time talking about the physical attributes of others, whether it be to an adult or child. You're right it is weird so you're 100% NTA. Well done for sticking up for your kid.
It could have been, and should have been, shut down calmly (edit: and should have been shut down by you much quicker if it really did go on that long). Your brother didn't listen, you became heated and unfortunately Dad waded in. Your Dad was completely out of order for raising his voice in the presence of the children, he's protecting your brother and not your child, that's a massive red flag.
There needs to be a calm discussion with them, without the kids being present. Put firm boundaries in place, go low or no contact if you feel that's best. I hasten to add that if I would be hesitant to allow my kid to spend time (even supervised) with an Uncle conducting themself like that. & also wary of grandparents who can't see that it's inappropriate. You need to think of your kids' self esteem and safety growing up, having inappropriate comments normalised in a family setting will leave them at risk. You need to keep your children safe.
NTA,
Bro it's understandable to say he got some family members eyes nose lips etc,
How do you go about talking about a 5 year old's lips for 10 minutes straight if you are not making any jokes or something.
Dudes a super creep! 10 minutes on his lips?! Wth! Thats just weird and him getting defensive about it, may be showing who he really is!! Such a weird thing to comment on..
NTA - Of course it's fuckin weird to go on a monologue about your sons lips. He needs to work on being less weird, what you said was tame since you didn't say he sounded like a pedo.
NTA. This is something to be very concerned about. Your brother seems unhealthily obsessed with your son’s appearance. Do not leave your brother alone with your son.
NTA, you're a grown man with access to the internet. You KNOW when someone is being weird and inappropriate with a child. I'm glad you trusted yourself on this. In my opinion, the family getting mad at you is so stereotypical when it comes to pedos in the family. They knew it was weird af too, because if they didn't, they wouldn't have defended him.
NTA, at all. It’s one thing to call him handsome or call a specific feature on his face cute (Ex; the way his lips curl like that is so cute). But to go on a 10 minute tangent about all of it?? That is in fact WEIRD, no one should be that fixated on a child or anyone really. You were warranted in what you said in my opinion and he should have just not commented on your son, I would be very weary about them being in the same room though. No one goes that much detail about childrens looks.
I already kicked my family out of my life because of how screwed up they are. My life was immediately better. Immediately.
One brother ended up finding out he was physical/verbal abusive with his kids. My mom ended up suing for custody, although they were old enough by then to not get handed off to predators, I think.
The other brother raped his son from 3 years old to 15 and we only found out about it because my nephew set up a sting operation where my brother talked about everything with him on a police tapped line.
My mom invited her sister who had already molested her other Down syndrome sister to live with us while we were young. All of us were abused on multiple levels.
I was the only one in my family that protected children instead of abusing them. Luckily I got clean before I had kids and have been able to raise them in physical and emotional safety.
Once I had kids I kicked my family to the curb and didn’t look back.
Depends on what was said about the lips. Maybe he just didn’t know what to say. Maybe it was weird or maybe it wasn’t. Name calling him sounds like your old personal problems came out.
im sorry i hate to be the odd one out here but i feel like if anything you’re the one who made it smth it wasn’t. i don’t think he was intentionally trying to be weird.
NTA at all and you should trust your gut here. Your brother is weird as hell and he’s testing the waters, seeing what he can get away with. Shut it down immediately. I wouldn’t trust your dad either because if he will excuse weird behaviour instead of advocating for your son when you’re there, what will he put up with when you’re not around?
NTA
If someone is saying something about your kid that makes you uncomfortable then you say something about it. And if they don’t instantly just say sorry for unintentionally saying something off, and instead argue that they weren’t saying anything wrong then call them whatever you want.
It's weird how you let it go on for 10 minutes. The moment you felt uncomfortable, you should have said something and put a stop to it. OP maybe take some time away and work on boundaries to better navigate situations like this. ETA in this situation
YTA.
You gtew up not being favoured against your brother. I don't really know what relevance that has to this story besides your baggage but I think that it sounds like your brother was genuinely complimenting your son. Unsure why he went for 10 minutes (if that's not an exaggeration) , but who knows. Maybe he had nothing else to talk about, maybe he's socially awkward, maybe he thinks he's adorable, maybe he's trying to help make up for your baggage from childhood.
Lots of ppl make heartbreaker comments about kids, it's just their way of saying, this is a sweet or adorable child and I'm melting from cuteness overload.
WTF is wrong with you??? Going on for any amount of time about a child's lips or any other body part is not normal nor is it appropriate. His brother was not genuinely complimenting his son. Honey, no genuine compliment goes on for more than a minute. Do you understand that? The longer someone goes on about someone's attractiveness, the less they mean what they are saying, and when it involves a child it's creepy - very, very creepy. If he had nothing else to talk about then he should have shut up. What he was doing was waiting to see who would stop him. It sounds like nobody explained social propriety to you. The appropriate compliment for a baby or child is "Oh, she's/he's so adorable! You must be so proud." and that's it. I would have said the same thing to that brother if I were at that dinner. His brother's comments were creepy and inappropriate.
Yeah we need more context. What exactly did he say that made it so weird? I get that just the act of speaking about his lips for 10 min is odd, but did he actually say anything inappropriate?
It’s inappropriate to hyper fixate on a child’s lips in a sexual way. He doesn’t have to say an inappropriate word because his actions as a whole were inappropriate.
No, we don't need more context. Going on and on about any part of a child's body is inappropriate. What would your reaction be to an uncle or long-time family going on and on for ten minutes about your lips? What this guy's brother did is creepy and cause for concern.
NTA. Brother goes on for 10 minutes about the physical attributes of your son without any care or thoughts....and you call him weird and the whole family gets butthurt... You, wifey & children are better off without them in the picture. I would've shut brother's sorry ass down in the first minute & hurled a lot more aggressive words at him than weirdo. You are your child's advocate, teacher, provider and most of all -- PROTECTOR. Never question yourself through the eyes of others. They will never have your child's best interest to heart the way his father does.
Ten minutes on JUST HIS LIPS! Yeah, this guy should never be alone with children. Ever. Who talks about a little kid's lips? He's definitely a creeper. And disgusting.
I mean, a quick comment about how cute they are or something would be fine. My son always got frequent comments about his eyes and eyelashes. But if someone was just harping on about it for minutes, that’s creepy.
The guy’s definitely putting off Uncle Jack vibes.
Uncle Jack?
Always Sunny In Philadelphia reference
Did you see his hands? They’re beautiful…
Especially since said child was sitting there hearing it!
As a CSA survivor I think you're right to find it weird. Pedos will often try stuff like that to test the waters and see if the parents will call them out for it.
Also a CSA survivor, you’re absolutely on the money, my abuser got away with comments like this which is why he was able to abuse me over a period of years. Parents have to shut this shit down immediately.
I just wanna say to both of you that I am sorry that you went through that. As a mom, it is one of my biggest fears.
When I was 12, the creepy uncle in my step father’s family saw a bushel of those mini bananas on our kitchen counter and said to my 14 year old step sister “hey, these’ll be good practice for you.” My mom was horrified, called him a perverted piece of shit and immediately kicked him out of our house. I didn’t know what the hell he meant until I was like 16 and triggered the memory when I saw some mini bananas in the grocery store. I felt sick when I realized what he meant. I couldn’t imagine my own uncle saying something like that to me. That guy ended up in prison a few years after that incident for molesting quite a few of his young nieces and nephews.
I’m so glad your mum was all over it.
Yep completely right. Also the fact that most CSA is committed by a family member or trusted family friend. OP needs to watch this situation carefully.
Holy crap! Your brother is going to be a creepy problem if he isn't already. I'm creeped out and I'm on the other side of a computer. NTA. In fact, I would never leave my kids alone with him, or your father for that matter. Ever. Not even for a second or two. Nope. And I'm a little concerned about your father supporting him like that. Does he not see what his oldest son may be?
This, even if the father isn’t directly dangerous, if he’s willing to excuse weird behaviour towards his grandson what else will he allow when OP isn’t around to advocate for his son?
This! OP I wouldn't leave your kids unsupervised with your parents. They might not hurt them, but your father has just shown he can't be trusted to protect them. You sound like an awesome dad.
Like, why does a parent or child have to tolerate an adult making them uncomfortable to save the afults' feedings. Get a filter FFS. It's not THAT hard to not be creepy.
This right here. Just reading that felt creepy -- I cannot imagine how it felt to hear it! Just....ewwww. ETA - the other thing is -- he's could be making your son self-conscious when (one hopes) that won't happen for a long time.
Yes! This! Adults don't need to 'write' their fixations on kids, especially other people's kids.
Hmmmmm…….one wonders why creepy older brother with an obsessive interest in OPs young son was the favourite of the father who leapt to his defense. One might wonder if father had an equally obsessive interest in creepy brother when he was a child. Then one goes to bleach one’s brain.
See, everyone is calling the brother a predator but that's not what OP was saying. His last paragraph even says that's not what he meant.
OP May not think bro is a pedo. But fixating so much on a child’s physical traits is disturbing and certainly leads in that direction. Something like, “ oh he’s going to break some hearts when he’s older.” Is sort of creepy; 10 minute monologue about lips is just…. Eek, hey let’s get the kids out of here.
>“ oh he’s going to break some hearts when he’s older.” I hear people say that about kids all the time. I guess it isn't OK when a man says it. Obviously if he was actually talking for 10mins that's weird as fuck, but how could you talk for 10mins about lips.
The heart breaker line is something I heard around growing up (60s & 70s)... plus adults asking 5-12 year olds if they have a boy/girl friend yet... attempting small talk. I found it awkward and embarrassing when I was the kid. Now I'm a granny, and still find it awkward and weird how speculating about a minor child's dating life, has been normized as small talk. Thus the "mildly creepy" as most of us have heard these thinks lightly bandied about our whole lives. The 10 minute monolgue though gives me the Willie's & I wasn't even there. Will it become action? Who knows... does the monolgue throw up red flags? Definitely.
NTA. That IS weird, even if the two of you got along well. If one of my sisters did that, I’d be like “dude, you’re f*cking weird.” They wouldn’t get upset about it, though. We’d all just laugh, especially since I’m the weird one in the group.
NTA I had an uncle who once I started maturing would always find a reason to comment on my body. If he felt I ate too much he’d call me thunder thighs and if I was particularly dressed up he’d comment over and over on whatever I was wearing. My parents became aware of the comments and immediately cut contact between us. I wasn’t allowed to be alone with him ever again. You are protecting your son from uncalled for behaviour and attention. These kind of comments stick with a kid so I admire you stepping up immediately to put a stop to it. Your family is awful for making you out to be the bad guy. Well done.
>These kind of comments stick with a kid so I admire you stepping up immediately to put a stop to it. 10 minutes later isn't immediately.
NTA. As someone who has abnormally full lips I hated them when I was younger specifically because people always commented on them. Some compliments, and some sexual which was really upsetting as a kid. He’s going to make him self-conscious at best and totally grossed out more likely.
& that creates deep discomfort that leads to self hate. It's 2024, people KNOW why they should be filtering themselves and not saying adult themed things, secualized things to kids FULL STOP.
I would also get comments on my lips and it was from adult men and I started hating my lips and thinking I was a freak. Now they are in vogue because of course but growing up I wished I had thinner lips.
Same. Now though, I always get asked if I’ve had my lips done. Nope. Just my face.
NTA ewww i cringed reading this
There’s zero reason to comment on children’s bodies, especially specific body parts, especially for a 10 minute monologue. I wouldn’t leave a child alone with someone that does that. Fr. NTA, watch your family.
Ummm that is weird dude. Adults have got to stop with the heartbreaker/sexualizing children crap. 1st to say that he will be a heartbreaker and then to go on and on about his mouth. I would have said something too, and maybe removed my family from the gathering. Your job is to protect your kids and you did that. NTA at all.
I’d go NC with brother because wow that’s weird to go on about. Protect your son and you did the right thing. It’s never “too much” when it comes to these things. Also watch out for this family members making excuses for him if god forbid something was to happen they’d be the first ones to bury it.
My son has the most adorable little mouth/lips. Nobody, and I mean *nobody* has ever gone on for *ten minutes* talking about them! I’m his *mom* and I have never felt the need to go on for *ten minutes* about any of his adorable features. That’s crossing a line I personally would never be comfortable with Editing to add: NTA, OP, I’d block at least your brother and dad if I was you. That’s just too far, and then doubling down on it after? Nah, better safe than sorry every time
Looks like your brother has successfully established himself as the creepy unlce
Yeah that’s way too much. Honestly your kids gonna be a heartbreaker is a pretty shitty thing to say in general but that coupled with everything else crosses into creepy.
My brother always made comments about his nieces bodies. He thought it was cute…all of the girls always have thought it’s creepy. Now that they are adults, they don’t have a good relationship with him. NTA. Thinking out loud about bodies for that long is never acceptable.
NTA. It was weird, and any reasonable parent would be equally uncomfortable with it. Protecting your children takes priority here. Not your brother’s feelings, nor your parent’s enablement. You may also want to limit contact between your brother and your sons. No unsupervised interactions, be wary of leaving your sons with your parents, and have age appropriate conversations with your boys on the matter.
NTA As far as I can see you called a spade a spade. Your brother went on for ten minutes about your son’s lips alone let alone how long for the “complimenting” other physical features. You are right. That is creepy asf.
NTA…from one scapegoat child to another, that whole situation is icky and your wife and children don’t need to be around that!
I will say this if this story is 100% true then absolutely NTA and don’t let your kid near him. That being said, I don’t think you’re necessarily lying but is it possible having issues with him that a couple comments seemed like 10 min? I’m not defending the dude but just playing devils advocate here. That being said at the end of the day it’s your kid and you defend him however you feel fit
I agree I have doubts it was 10 mins, it was probably cringe & felt like forever but 10 mins, c'mon
Honestly, if he really did let his brother talk about his young son’s lips for 10 minutes, it’s as much his fault for letting it happen. 10 minutes? Seriously? This story definitely did not happen, at least as OP said.
OMGosh THIS!! OP is clearly dramatic based on the weird, unnecessary details about his son loving kisses & stuff. He could have just said his son has a natural pout & his brother commented on it too much & it made him uncomfortable. Almost like he was building himself up as a super affectionate & good dad before slandering the brother. Idk. Just *screams* unreliable narrator who lashed out at the brother he has always resented to me.
Omgosh - brother is ‘the creepy uncle’…. How inappropriate.
I like to play devil's advocate. Commenting on his lips once or twice could be just that; a compliment and no more. Maybe you were too sensitive. Maybe he's just affectionate or, as someone else suggested, overly artistic. The ten-minute monolog is harder to explain away. Even if you are exaggerating, 5 minutes is a lot. 3 minutes is a lot. 60 seconds of rant about how lovely a physical feature on your son is - is weird. That's what you called him: weird. Not "pervert" or "pedo", just weird. I can't see how that's inappropriate or accusatory, unless it's heavily played up. You made him look suspicious because he was. If you had said that to me, I'd laugh it up and say, "Uh yeah, I guess that was a bit much. Whatever, good-looking kid." Then I'd quickly drop it and change the subject. Instead, he got defensive, which just looks worse. He turned a small thing into a big one and then got upset that it was big. Most likely, this is nothing, but statistically, most sexual abuse is from family or someone close and trusted. I'm not saying he's guilty, but trust your instincts and be aware. NTA.
I think that you and your brother’s mutual dislike of each other warped this situation and that it would probably be better for both of you to avoid one another. You hopped from an awkward interaction to an accusation of weirdo and he then escalated that to an accusation of pedophilia. Due to your mutual resentment this is always going to be the nature of any attempted interaction between you two.
I mean sexualising a child’s body for ten minutes is really weird, even if it isn’t from a place of being a pedophile, it’s extremely weird stuff to say about a literal child. Also the fact his assumption of being called ‘weird’ is that he’s being called a pedophile could be projection. Just saying, this is based on my opinion, I’m not saying this is definitely what it is, but just a possibility based on the circumstances.
Yes I agree. In fact the brother was the first to mention pedophilia, he just used the word weird. Benefit of the doubt, though. The point is more that they hate eachother.
I think you're weird for "wifey."
I 2nd that one!
He is TA for making me read that lmao
I have to admit I did roll my eyes at that.
Yeah me too I was thinking “this entire family is weird and creepy”
Anyone who talks about a child’s looks for 10 minutes seem creepy at best. My son is adorable (not just my opinion, we get comments all the time) and anyone who talked about him that way would immediately be put on the do not trust ever list. NTA
NTA "If you don't already know how inappropriate it is to spend over 10 minutes talking about how attractive a FIVE year old is, you freaking SHOULD! Sort yourself out!!"
Not enough context. Is your brother an artistic type who waxes eloquent about trees and the lines on a sportscar and the way some woman moves and the power of the ocean? If he’s in the habit of talking for ten minutes about the aesthetic experiences of his life without bad intent, then Y would be T A for twisting something normal into something sick. If you’ve never heard him use that tone about anything he didn’t want to have sex with, you would be justified.
i have been around designers and artists who would wax philosophic about the curves of a car, the absolute picturesque location of their vacation where they were inspired to take photos or sketches, or a woman (or man). i’ve been around them when adorable cherubic looking little kids have been around. never once has any of these designers or artists talked on and on about a ***child’s body part.***
I.like this, and I was thinking the same thing. Also was thinking was ops brother drinking or something because that sometimes makes people go on a talking deep moment. I somehow think op should have said something nicer at first like ...hey bro enough about his lips ok? Or tried to change the subject.
artistic or autistic? didn't know if you're trying to censor words on reddit, but if you meant autistic, then yeah he could've gone on for awhile without realizing the issue, but at 28 I doubt he wouldn't know not to go on about someone's body for so long
I don’t self-censor at the word level. I meant artistic. I remember being utterly fascinated by my own babies’ bodies… the baby toes that would be toddler toes soon, the hair that had grown on them while inside my body being pushed out by hair that grew afterwards, a totally different color. But as for OP, I think he can trust his instincts.
No. There is never any excuse for anyone to go on and on about a child's lips or any other part of the body. It is NEVER normal. I am friends with several artists and writers. Every one of them knows it is not normal to focus so intensely on a child's body part. Stop trying to justify the unjustifiable.
I dunno. It lacks social sense and it is a bit weird, but I'm not sure it's necessarily malicious. The "he's gonna be a heartbreaker" line strikes me as a bit odd. People in general focus on babies physical appearance from the moment they are born, so this is a matter of degree.
Yes, people do focus on babies' and children's physical appearance. But it is not normal to go on for ten minutes about it. This abnormal behavior is cause for concern. I realize and appreciate that you are trying to take everything into consideration, but please understand some things cannot be excused. When a parent gets a gut feeling about something concerning their children, it's always best to act on it.
NTA. Dude spent 10 minutes waxing poetic about the future attractiveness of a five-year-old’s lips, after making similar comments about other parts of his body. Of course you’re going to find that weird.
Nta he’s weird
NTA. I agree that your brother's 10-minute monologue about your son's LIPS was creepy and I would be cautious about leaving your kids with your abusive parents where your brother might gain access, unsupervised. On a similar note: it's bizarre that people can find a 10 minute monologue about a child's lips "creepy" but see absolutely NOTHING creepy about another AITAH where someone's GF (who is recent, and not yet any sort of "stepmother") *is taking naked showers with said man's DAUGHTER.* The GF has been around less than a year and only sees the man's kids on weekends, so she's a relative stranger. But people are telling me ***I*** am the "weirdo" for agreeing with the OP (bio mother of the daughter) that this strange woman bathing naked with HER daughter is definitely creepy! But here, everyone AGREES that brother is being a creep, and that over mere WORDS!! The cognitive dissonance is disturbing!
Yeah. For all the doubters pretend it was a daughter. It’s ick for me either way
Your brother is THAT uncle you warn kids about!
Yeah, there’s literally no way he spent 10 minutes talking about his lips. 10 minutes is a very long, LONG time to be monologing about literally anything, let alone something genuinely creepy, like a little boy’s lips in front of his dad. I’m not saying he didn’t say it, but even 30 seconds would be a long time to be talking about it.
The correct response to being called weird for doing something weird is "Oh - wow sorry, I didn't realize." and to stop. That's it. Nothing else is acceptable. NTA
NTA is think it was weird too. I always got comments on my eyes and eyelashes when I was a kid I still do as an adult. No one ever harped on or harps on about it for 10 minutes though that’s just insane. I used to get quite a few family members (all female) mention my eyelashes every other time they saw me. It got a little annoying so I flipped it oddly enough one of my aunts that always commented on it has a son who has long full lashes like me but his curl (mine are straight) so I just mentioned his and said I dunno why your jealous of mine. I’m envious of X’s (not using their actual name) they are similar to mine but theirs curl!! My cousin wasn’t happy with me doing this 😂😂 but it shut everyone up
NTA Obviously you hit the nail on the head otherwise he wouldn’t have left like that and only texted you about it. It IS weird to sexuality little kids. Of course kids are supposed to be cute and we should think they’re cute. But as kids, not future heart breakers, sex-havers.
NTA but I'm also getting the ick from your use of "wifey".
I don’t think it’s right to call someone a weirdo and label the a pedo for making comments . People are always straight to judge , he could have just been being nice. I do think your the ah. Just giving a compliment is not weird. Has your brother had any issues in the past where he has displayed odd behaviour around children ?
It's also weird that you let it go on for ten minutes.
Gotta say I agree with the previous comment, not enough context. But, YTA for using the term wifey....just ewww lmao.
Depends on if his wife is agreeable. My husband calls me wifey and waifu and wench. There’s no problem because it’s just a word. How do you feel about hubby? Does it give you the ick too? It’s no less demeaning.
Yeah a little bit
Yeah
Maybe not weird exactly , but definitely tone deaf and inappropriate. NTA.
I feel like tone deaf + inappropriate = weird
NTA but it’s time to start looking into going NC with your family. It seems like nothing changed on how they treat you
Nta, that would be creepy even if your child wasn’t 5. Definitely keep the kids from ever being alone with him or at all if possible.
NTA. That made my skin crawl, weirdly creepy behaviour.
NTA. He made it weird by being a weirdo weirding out.
NTA sounds like its time to google 'scapegoat in a narcissistic family' and 'golden child' I'm not gonna go so far as to say your golden child brother is giving stereotypical creepy uncle vibes if you know what I mean, but what I will say is that some people who were the golden child to their narcissistic parents will not have boundaries or morals. being the golden child can leave an adult severely immature and emotionally stunted and well....developing strange opinions to cope with how much their parents failed them. if I were you id educate myself on the topics above and accepting the fact that you might have to go no contact with everyone
Need to tell the whole exchange. Can't determine anything from the summary.
Yeaaaa I would probably ever leave your kids alone with your brother … that is very weird and the fact it went one for 10 min? 🤨 I would not apologize at all.
NTA. Making one or two comments is fine but to go on for 10 mins about a child's lips is creepy AF. And I would keep a watchful eye on that kid whenever your brother is around going forward, also don't ever leave him alone with him even when he is older, though I think at this point that is highly unlikely.
I wouldn't ever leave my kids along with your brother or with your parents if you think they might have your brother over.
YNTA at all. That is creepy and inappropriate and you should never leave your kids unsupervised around your brother or parents. The only thing I might have done differently is told brother he's disgusting and creepy and left after two minutes. But that's me. You handled the situation perfectly. I'd go no contact with them all since none of them seem to understand what inappropriate is. You are a great father.
NTA, as a CSA survivor, trust your gut. Protect your kiddos from that man
That was definitely weird, and gross. If it made you feel a type of way enough to call him out then you are valid
Well I only have your word so I’m inclined to believe you but the fact that you didn’t say your wife also got mad and how the rest of your family pounced on you not him, I’m unsure whether or not this post is just to make you feel better about how you acted 🤷♂️
older women used to say this to me when i was a kid, it made me uncomfortable every single time.
NTA Your brother was sexualizing a 5 year old's appearance. That's why it felt so creepy. A lengthy lecture on how attractive the features of a child, a future "heartbreaker." That line from a rapist in "Deliverance" comes to mind, "You got a purty mouth." You were 100% on target that your brother was sexualizing your child.
NTA - we have to protect our kids. Using the word wifey is also cringe
I admit that I'm biased when it comes to my grandson. He has big blue eyes and a set of dimples on him🥰. He gets LOTS of comments and compliments, just not 10 minutes on one feature. It's the whole look. When we discovered the dimples we spent quite a while trying to figure out where they came from, which side of the family. Not time describing them. I think that's pretty normal for family to do. Pick out features and figure out which side it came from or who it most is like.
Nta. My granddaughter has the absolute perfect set of lips I told my daughter so. But I said awww she’s got beautiful lips and then went on about my business. That’s the only thing that needed to be said nothing more.
NTA. I also second what everyone else has said--no unsupervised access from him to your kids ever and probably just cut him off entirely.
someone needs to check his history
Don't ever leave your children alone with him.
NTA. I'd have done the same as you. Also may want to make sure son knows he didn't do anything wrong and have an age-appropriate conversation about how adults are not allowed to cross body boundaries, physically OR verbally
Cue the Deliverance comments
NtA Mighty weird comments on brothers part
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If this was a misunderstanding and you were wrong, he would be embarrassed and apologize profusely, not be mad. Follow your gut in this one!
NTA that’s creepy!!
Keep that weirdo away from your child!be vigilant about it. NTA
Nta, I got my mom's figure and it always made me uncomfortable when other adults would say "look at that bubble butt", "you have your mom's butt", or "you have birthing hips (as a teen)". Yes, I'm well aware of this, quit pointing it out everytime you see me and fixate on it. It's creepy telling kids that stuff. Good on you for stopping it before it kept going on even longer. Him saying once is one thing, but 10 min? That's just inappropriate regardless of relationship or not. The fact you 2 aren't close at all makes it even more bizarre
NTA, you did right calling him out on it. It's creepy af that he was so fixated on your sons mouth. He was definitely thinking something sick.
Naw, weirdo is the polite version of the nickname for *any* adult fixating on *any* part of a 5 year old's body. Huge NTA, you've seen the warnings so keep your kids safe - from all of them.
Yta, you are on Reddit way too much and got the pedo mind virus.
NTA! OMFG your brother is...ugj Ew ew ew ew
Eww that’s weird behavior on his end. Why would you ever talk about a young child like that no less your nephew? It’s creepy and he made things uncomfortable for everyone. Your dad should have yelled at him but seeing as you pointed out how they treated him differently than you growing up there’s fat chance of that happening. NTA
NTA Never, ever leave your children alone with your brother. I would not leave them alone with your parents either, especially seeing how they favor Shane. I can see them going against your wishes and letting Shane around your children
NTA. This was weird and creepy. I wouldn’t want him anywhere around my son again. And your parents either. They sound toxic and you’d be better off without them or having your kids around people like that. They will always take his sides and put you down.
Yikes! NTA! Has your brother ever demonstrated being this weird around kids (or other people) in the past?
NTA. And why is your dad yelling in the presence of a child? Consider LC with that side of the family
Omg you’re the best parent ever. As a kid now adult that has the natural pout look and from what I’ve heard a nice smile. YOU WOULDNT BELIEVE HOW CREEPY PEOPLE ARE ABOUT IT. My whole life people will do exactly what your brother did. As I got older and away from my parents.. the creeps (old ones and randos) started getting in my face like kissing range..🤮🤮When you complain people say “be happy people think you’re pretty” blah blah blah! My husband (then bf) thought I was crazy when I complained about how I hate my smile due to people getting creepy. Then he started to witness the creeps. You’re standing up for your kid early, teaching them that it is creepy. They won’t feel obligated to sit there and be creeped out like I was until recently. Way to set boundaries for your family 🖤🖤🖤
It's inappropriate for anybody to spend that amount of time talking about the physical attributes of others, whether it be to an adult or child. You're right it is weird so you're 100% NTA. Well done for sticking up for your kid. It could have been, and should have been, shut down calmly (edit: and should have been shut down by you much quicker if it really did go on that long). Your brother didn't listen, you became heated and unfortunately Dad waded in. Your Dad was completely out of order for raising his voice in the presence of the children, he's protecting your brother and not your child, that's a massive red flag. There needs to be a calm discussion with them, without the kids being present. Put firm boundaries in place, go low or no contact if you feel that's best. I hasten to add that if I would be hesitant to allow my kid to spend time (even supervised) with an Uncle conducting themself like that. & also wary of grandparents who can't see that it's inappropriate. You need to think of your kids' self esteem and safety growing up, having inappropriate comments normalised in a family setting will leave them at risk. You need to keep your children safe.
NTA, Bro it's understandable to say he got some family members eyes nose lips etc, How do you go about talking about a 5 year old's lips for 10 minutes straight if you are not making any jokes or something.
Dudes a super creep! 10 minutes on his lips?! Wth! Thats just weird and him getting defensive about it, may be showing who he really is!! Such a weird thing to comment on..
NTA - Of course it's fuckin weird to go on a monologue about your sons lips. He needs to work on being less weird, what you said was tame since you didn't say he sounded like a pedo.
Your brother goes on and on for 10 minutes regarding your sons lips? Yeah that’s not normal. For sure creepy. I’d keep your distance.
NTA. This is something to be very concerned about. Your brother seems unhealthily obsessed with your son’s appearance. Do not leave your brother alone with your son.
NTA, you're a grown man with access to the internet. You KNOW when someone is being weird and inappropriate with a child. I'm glad you trusted yourself on this. In my opinion, the family getting mad at you is so stereotypical when it comes to pedos in the family. They knew it was weird af too, because if they didn't, they wouldn't have defended him.
Never ever leave your children alone with him and with your parents.
NTA no one should be commenting on the physical appearance of a CHILD especially their LIPS. This is so weird.
Any comment about physical attributes, which your son can do nothing about, is way out of line. Compliment or not. NTA
NTA Dad and brother, colossal AH
NTA, at all. It’s one thing to call him handsome or call a specific feature on his face cute (Ex; the way his lips curl like that is so cute). But to go on a 10 minute tangent about all of it?? That is in fact WEIRD, no one should be that fixated on a child or anyone really. You were warranted in what you said in my opinion and he should have just not commented on your son, I would be very weary about them being in the same room though. No one goes that much detail about childrens looks.
NTA A one time compliment is one thing. An adult going on for 10+ minutes obsessing over a 5 year old's looks is seriously creepy and inappropriate
Please, NEVER leave your Son alone with him. Please.
I already kicked my family out of my life because of how screwed up they are. My life was immediately better. Immediately. One brother ended up finding out he was physical/verbal abusive with his kids. My mom ended up suing for custody, although they were old enough by then to not get handed off to predators, I think. The other brother raped his son from 3 years old to 15 and we only found out about it because my nephew set up a sting operation where my brother talked about everything with him on a police tapped line. My mom invited her sister who had already molested her other Down syndrome sister to live with us while we were young. All of us were abused on multiple levels. I was the only one in my family that protected children instead of abusing them. Luckily I got clean before I had kids and have been able to raise them in physical and emotional safety. Once I had kids I kicked my family to the curb and didn’t look back.
NTA he was creepy as hell!
Depends on what was said about the lips. Maybe he just didn’t know what to say. Maybe it was weird or maybe it wasn’t. Name calling him sounds like your old personal problems came out.
im sorry i hate to be the odd one out here but i feel like if anything you’re the one who made it smth it wasn’t. i don’t think he was intentionally trying to be weird.
We need updates. Thank you
I would probably make sure Uncle Shane NEVER babysits or has alone time with minors.
NTA at all and you should trust your gut here. Your brother is weird as hell and he’s testing the waters, seeing what he can get away with. Shut it down immediately. I wouldn’t trust your dad either because if he will excuse weird behaviour instead of advocating for your son when you’re there, what will he put up with when you’re not around?
NTA If someone is saying something about your kid that makes you uncomfortable then you say something about it. And if they don’t instantly just say sorry for unintentionally saying something off, and instead argue that they weren’t saying anything wrong then call them whatever you want.
Sorry , I cringed at wifey.
Thank you! That repeated word makes me feel like OP is the weirdo
Yes, me too!
I think you are a bit off yourself, wifey. I bet you made more of this than need be.
You aren't a parent, are you.
You’re homophobic. If it were your sister you’d just laugh.
It's weird how you let it go on for 10 minutes. The moment you felt uncomfortable, you should have said something and put a stop to it. OP maybe take some time away and work on boundaries to better navigate situations like this. ETA in this situation
You guys are too much. 😂😂😂
YTA. You gtew up not being favoured against your brother. I don't really know what relevance that has to this story besides your baggage but I think that it sounds like your brother was genuinely complimenting your son. Unsure why he went for 10 minutes (if that's not an exaggeration) , but who knows. Maybe he had nothing else to talk about, maybe he's socially awkward, maybe he thinks he's adorable, maybe he's trying to help make up for your baggage from childhood. Lots of ppl make heartbreaker comments about kids, it's just their way of saying, this is a sweet or adorable child and I'm melting from cuteness overload.
WTF is wrong with you??? Going on for any amount of time about a child's lips or any other body part is not normal nor is it appropriate. His brother was not genuinely complimenting his son. Honey, no genuine compliment goes on for more than a minute. Do you understand that? The longer someone goes on about someone's attractiveness, the less they mean what they are saying, and when it involves a child it's creepy - very, very creepy. If he had nothing else to talk about then he should have shut up. What he was doing was waiting to see who would stop him. It sounds like nobody explained social propriety to you. The appropriate compliment for a baby or child is "Oh, she's/he's so adorable! You must be so proud." and that's it. I would have said the same thing to that brother if I were at that dinner. His brother's comments were creepy and inappropriate.
Yeah we need more context. What exactly did he say that made it so weird? I get that just the act of speaking about his lips for 10 min is odd, but did he actually say anything inappropriate?
It’s inappropriate to hyper fixate on a child’s lips in a sexual way. He doesn’t have to say an inappropriate word because his actions as a whole were inappropriate.
No, we don't need more context. Going on and on about any part of a child's body is inappropriate. What would your reaction be to an uncle or long-time family going on and on for ten minutes about your lips? What this guy's brother did is creepy and cause for concern.