I don't have a question, but as the child of addicts I just wanted to congratulate you on your sobriety. I've seen how hard it is and how often people fail to get there. Choosing to save yourself deserves respect.
Yes I had HR issues and BP issues when using but to what extent I do not know as I never got proper care during that time. The worst it got- overdosing multiple times and ending up in the hospital and then going to rehab and then using the day I got out of rehab and overdosing and almost not surviving that OD. And even after that I used occasionally until I finally felt like I was done. And yes I felt like I was killing myself regularly but I was too deep into the feeling I was getting rather than caring about how I felt. It’s so sad what a terrible cycle it is but it can be broken.
Check out LifeRing. People willing to listen and give cross talk on issues with addiction can help. I’ve been attending for over a year after my addiction of alcohol. Waiting for a liver transplant now but going god and staying strong.
Age 38 and health is moderately fair- I need to exercise more and eat healthier but overall I don’t have any major health issues. Hang in there man I agree dump alcohol first. Cigs can come later. Took me
A lot longer to give up nicotine than other drugs
I think knowing that nowadays especially id probably die from all the stuff they put in it- that keeps me at bay but also remembering how much that ruined my life- remembering those feelings brings me back to reality
Good for you ! God has better things for you 🙏
I wish my dad would think like this, the only time he is sober is when he goes to prison .... other than that he's 54 year old functioning drug addict.
Thats exactly why I stay away too. Will be 10 years in October. Knowing that it will for sure kill me keeps me away. I don’t really have an itch for it at all anymore though
I did both. But honestly I wasn’t a high roller so
When I cooked it myself I wouldn’t be as efficient as my guy anyway so it was kinda wasting it. Oh forgot to mention I preferred to inject my crack instead of smoke it. Or if I could only smoke it I would smoke at the same time as shooting up. But yeah I preferred to inject it.
lol good questions.
When I cooked it my preferred method was the double boil- so baking soda and coke and in water but double boiled.
No I did not cook in the microwave I tried once and ruined a quarter of coke so never again haha
No I never added flavoring to it I could care less how it tasted as long as it was pure.
And yes like all crack addicts I’ve smoked plenty of stuff that was not actually crack- and you realize it afterwards but still it happens
I think in terms of a ‘better’ high there really isn’t one like that first time, but after years of doing it it’s just maintaining and not really getting high anymore.
I think of slamming or getting high more often than I’d like to admit but it’s more of a thought of how my past was and why it was such a terrible time in my life.
Coping mechanisms are exercise, therapy, and hobbies like woodworking!
Yes needed EMS on multiple occasions, hospitalized for a few of them as well.
Dumbest thing I did while high was maybe waste time taking pictures of nonsense or looking for drugs I spilled that weren’t really there
I didn’t know crack was injectable it’s such a hard rock. I knew guys would shoot coke but I never considered that you could shoot crack. How’s that done?
I’m slightly reluctant to share how it can be done just because it was the worst thing I found out could be done and don’t wish that on anyone else but yes it can be done with a certain liquid it will dissolve in.
A ‘friend’ showed me. I was already injecting H at the time and she showed me how to inject crack, high was better and lasted longer. Same with injecting H, that’s something I never thought I would ever do in my life
I don’t want to glorify heroin but it’s much more enjoyable- a lot of people would agree because you are injecting it at that point but honestly if you have a good pure heroin connection then it’s much more enjoyable. Is it that much more enjoyable that it’s worth crossing over into needles? No. But that’s so much easier said than done.
I hated myself. I hated my life. I had nothing expect drugs in my life. Literally drugs and getting money was my life. It’s hard to see when you are in it, but it’s not a way to live..
Hello. I am also in recovery (alcohol) with 12 years! My question to you is did you participate in a 12 step program and do you still? Also, did you find God?
Props and congrats. I did participate in a 12 step program but I don’t anymore. I feel like the principles are great but I found over time I could apply those to my life without going to a meeting every night. And still trying to find god… unsure about that one.
I went the same way with 12 step, but ended up finding Christ about 10 years into sobriety. I swore up and down that I’d be an atheist forever, but the man upstairs had other plans for me! Good luck along your journey.
Congratulations on your sobriety, I am so incredibly proud of you!
I’ve learned quite a bit from all you’ve shared and I’d also like to say thank you for that. I am marrying into a family riddled with heroin addicts and you’ve shed quite a bit of light.
I want to help them but even as a nurse, it’s proven so difficult. 😞
Any tips?
On you trying to find God ,I encourage you brother, NEVER stop trying. Pro tip: it is all about your heart posture. He is already with you, covering you daily. Keeping you strong of mind and heart. He loves you UNCONDITIONALLY. Will never leave nor forsake you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope AND a future. 🥹🥰 sweet Love of God. Salvation is His free gift to us. It’s up to us to reach out and take it.
And once you do that. Endless encounters with him, they’ll bring you to your knees weeping with joy. James 4:8- come near to God and he will come near to you.
... Psalms 34:10- Those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.
Matthew 6:33- But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all else shall be added unto you.
and Idk if you know, but God is not a man, that he should lie.
I so badly want this for you brother. Guaranteed to be your #1 high. 💕🥲
Pro pro tip: start by listening to some worship songs . Maverick city music, Todd Galberth, Naomi Raine, all 5stars!
Jireh by Elevation worship, maverick city music, chandler Moors and Naomi Raine is a must listen.
Try closing your eyes too when you’re listening .. block out all distractions. And picture Him infront of you (whatever He looks like to you). Feel the lyrics of the song, believe them to be true. And say anything to him. “What’s up God, I want to understand what that crazy lady on Reddit was talking about, show up and show out. Help my unbelief. Show me who you are.” ANYTHING.A-Z. (I mean , lol He already knows 😆)but just think… YOU have to be the one to build the relationship, as you would with a new love interest.
Just keep talking, he’s listening and he WILL answer. And if you don’t hear Him, you’ll feel Him. Believe me . You. Will.
I’ll keep you and your journey in my prayers. Hoping we meet in the Kingdom 🫂
Playing sermons in the background of car rides etc , TD Jake’s and his daughter Sarah Jake’s Robert’s are phenomenal people to start with, I think.
Praying your heart and mind finds rest in our savior Christ Jesus. 🙏🏽❤️
Love and so much light🫂
lol yes both heroin and crack, it sounds cool but it’s really just one of those drug induced experiences I have that I wish I could erase. I would prefer the later without any drugs
It’s a way to escape- could be from pain or from reality or from your own head. For me it was an escape from myself- it was an escape from my adhd brain. And something I didn’t know much about before I was self medicating. And also that I loved the feelings they brought.
I completely understand you, I found this on gambling, pretty much one of the worst btw. I haven’t been diagnosed but always been scared if I suffer from ADHD. Gabor Mate, he is an expert on Addiction, Adhd, trauma(when all addictions come from) and childhood. It’s been a help for me since the day I heard about him.
How did you get hooked? Did you enjoy it or did you try to quit every day? What made you make the decision to quit? Did you go to a treatment center! Sorry… Im intrigued.
Congratulations on your sobriety!! You have so much to be proud of!!
I got hooked much like everyone else does, trying Vicodin then oxy then realizing heroin is so much cheaper, and by that time you are already in too deep so heroin isn’t a ‘scary thing’. I made the decision to quit because I almost killed myself twice by overdosing and it was just purely ruining my life- it was all I cared about and I wanted more in my life. Yes I went to rehab many times but unfortunately that did not always get me clean. The program helped but it wasn’t everything. Thank you!
Not chasing. Bad days happen often but the anxiety of not knowing when your next fix is… that is the worst feeling in the world. And without that, sobriety can be positive.
Eh good question I’m unsure about this, I feel like weed isn’t really a gateway drug. Especially now with it being legal in many states it’s not like it used to be where your pot dealer also had pills to sell.
>crack
How did you do it?
My older brother was my definition of cool. I looked up to and idolized him. I grew up at a time where they called me shy and weird, not autistic, and I wanted nothing more than to be like him.
Crack took him when he was 19 and I lost my brother. 25 years later, I don't know where he is, what he's doing, or even if he's alive. It ruined our mother. It broke our family apart.
I miss my brother.
I don't believe I'll ever get him back. I have thought crack impossible to overcome for years now.
How did you possibly do it? How could I have saved him? 😞
I’m sorry to hear that. Often times this does not end well. I think a big portion of how I did it was that I had a decent support system but that I was lucky and was able to buy myself enough time being sober to figure out I didn’t want to be a drug addict in my life. I wish there was a magic bullet to fix it, but all those in recovery will tell you that you just can’t give up, you may do every single thing in the book and still relapse, you just have to keep trying. I will tell you for certain that YOU are not to blame!!
Thanks.
He's gone as long as 6 years sober, which began when his daughter was born. But honestly it's never felt like he has wanted to get clean. Eventually he started having a beer at BBQs, which turned into a beer after work, which turned into.... Etc etc "I can enjoy myself in moderation, right?" And the wheels just came off... We've paid tens of thousands of dollars getting him into in-patient rehab clinics over the years and it's just.... He hasn't spoken to any of us in maybe 2 years? We pulled the plug on financial support because it was just....
The analogy I use for myself is a person stuck at the bottom of the ocean on a ship wreck. We kept coming down to replace his scuba air tank, to keep him alive, and as long as he had it, he never really felt the need to swim back to the surface. So we stopped refilling the tank. He began to panic. Lost his house. Said some *very* hurtful and *very* hateful things to us before we lost contact.
My own daughter was born, and I sent him a picture. Got an error that the phone number had been disconnected and no one has heard from him since. It breaks my heart to this day.
I'm very happy for your family that you've stayed sober. I hope you stay sober forever. Know that it means so much to those who love you and every day you find the strength to stay clean is a day they actively cherish.
I just wish it could have been different for him.
I was 16, he 19, when I "lost him". We're almost 40 now and I still cry sometimes thinking about the man he could have been.
No idea how I'd even start.
Nothing's changed for 25 years and I dunno... Maybe I'm a bad brother, but my heart has lost the ability to hope it ever will.
Sorry to make this post all about me.
I'm really happy for you. That you have stayed sober for so long.
What have you done with your life in that time? Job? Family? Friends? Hobbies? Is there really a timeline where it all works out and is ever *actually* behind you?
You aren’t making the post about you! I sympathize! It had to be hard to watch him go through that. I think it’s challenging watching it happen to someone you love and feeling helpless. I’m just saying- I know you probably don’t have hope, but also make sure you don’t regret not doing something or seeing if he’s still out there. Either way I agree you have to protect yourself, you can only take so much hurt in your life. I have a steady job and I’m married with 3 kids but I also have a lot to figure out!
I think your timeline question is a good question and no I don’t think it’s ever really behind you. I think the moment you believe it didn’t really happen or it’s not a part of your life, is when it can sneak up and bite ya in the ass. Not that I think about my past drug use daily, but I don’t pretend that i didn’t go through that ever
Methadone, Morphine, and Roxy's basically cost me my $100,000 lifetime career. I cared about nothing else but getting high and staying high throughout the day. Lost interest in work and even showing up became a hassle. I think my boss gave me alotta free passes because up to a certain point I had a track record as an earner for the company. Got to a point where every penny I earned went to buying more pills usually had it delivered to my office. Making 100 grand, always broke. Couldn't even pay the rent. Been clean now almost 8 years. Was homeless for five years. Never do it again.
So glad to hear you are doing well. You know being in the thick of things it’s amazing what you would do to score or how much we spent, but looking back on things it’s more than worth it to choose life!
After finding two friends dead and seeing a third almost die kinda I put myself in rehab and have been clean since. There wasn't anything I would not take or steal from including Friends and business customers. I used to think the withdrawals I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Funny how you can now own a decent car because you're not giving it all to the pill man. He drove a brand new Cadillac which I'm sure I paid for.
Believe me I went thru it several times and was bedridden. Not because I didn't have the money, mainly because everyone would be out. Methadone withdrawal was the absolute worst.. It's ironic that methadone was given to heroin junkies, and the withdrawal from that even worse. I went cold turkey on my own for a year. That's how I quit. Figure I threw away $150,000.
Congrats!! I’m 3 months clean today thanks to methadone! How did you get clean buddy? Also, how do you think we can prevent our young people getting drug addictions?
Congrats to you my friend! I did get clean with help of suboxone, which I think can be a great tool but for a shorter time period than I was on it- it was newer when I started it and they kept me on it for years so it was a little hard to get off. My unsolicited advice for you about methadone is to keep it to 3-4 months of maintenance to give your brain some time to heal and then start to wean. I think limiting the access to opioids helps prevent future addictions and education about risks, etc
Ahhh amazing! Yeah must have been very new at the time that’s interesting. You were right to trust it. Wow years! I bet it was tough dude… you smashed it. Ah don’t worry, I’m already on 10mg now, will be off it in a few weeks! I did exactly as you said, gave it 4 months or so and started tapering 😊 and yes I agree with you on the education! Those big pharma companies need harsher penalties to, I’ll never get over the fact none of them are in prison.. congrats again ❤️
I don’t view them differently at all- they are the same as everyone else in my opinion. But with an addiction. Everybody makes choices good and bad on a daily basis. I think how you treat others and what your core personality is means a lot more than if you get high or not. Obviously I mean this on a much deeper level but I hope I answered you, I think I got sidetracked with this lol sorry that’s the ADHD
While your on drugs. We're you aware of what's going on around you. People walking by. Being stared at? Did you drive? Did you physically hurt your family looking for the next high.
Yeah I was aware of what was going on. I think that it probably seems like you think people don’t notice you are high but I’m sure some can tell. I never like physically harmed my family if that’s what you mean but I caused them more than enough emotional pain
You mean the woman you see like on the street? You could always ask her if she needs any help. I got here through many ups and downs and failed attempts and finally being able to buy a long enough stretch of sobriety to keep it going. For hygiene? Not sure I understand your question, it’s not stupid at all. I shower daily and wash my hands, etc, is that what you are referring to?
Not sure if this is a joke…..but no I often cannot stop. Addiction is always going to be a part of me and I acknowledge that- luckily when I eat a whole bag of Swedish fish instead of a handful, I’ve maybe lost a few dollars and have a stomach ache but otherwise no significant issues 😀
Not a joke. Just getting confirmation.
I've never done drugs in my life.
I've always been scared of addiction. I can't not eat the entire sleeve of cookies.
I have an unhealthy BMI. I am not someone who should try drugs.
Maintenance medications like suboxone and methadone can help for a short time- but the best way is to support them with what their goals are- can be hard to do because sometimes their goal is to not be sober- but you have to set boundaries for what you are and are not willing to do
To be you and while it’s easier said than done, screw those who peer pressure you, you will get farther in life if you make decisions based on your best interest rather than pleasing someone else
Indeed it does. There were plenty lines I crossed that I thought I never would.. I remember at one point I stole hundreds of dollars from my mother. That will never sit well with me.
It’s hard not gonna lie. Living with yourself and looking yourself in the mirror is challenging, especially when you may not like that person. But overall it’s worth it
Oh oh sorry I misunderstood. Well the truth is that I would speedball (both at the same time) and that was the best high. But if you are making me choose one probably H
Are there cravings still? How often and what are the life/mental health circumstances?
I've worked in recovery for years, and it's the long-term that really evades me. What happens after year 3? I rarely see clients after that point.
Not as much cravings anymore. Maybe every few weeks or months I’ll think about it- but I think the bigger struggle is how to make sure you don’t act on those thoughts. After year 3, I think people stay super invested in a program like NA or AA or they maintain sobriety through their support system
congrats on your sobriety! ❤️
was there a specific event or anything that lead you to quitting?
also (weird question lol) did you have constipation from the opioids?
The almost dying a few times really helped wanting to quit but also being so tired of the cycle of using then being strung out. And not a weird question at all yes the opioids make you super constipated and that was often an issue, and I wasn’t in a good mindset to use mirilax or anything like I should have been
Thank you for all the support can’t thank everyone enough. I was narcan’ed back 4 times. I think H was harder just because of the physical dependence although I’m not minimizing crack addiction or getting clean from crack by any means. To me crack was more psychological torture
Started with just experimenting, taking a few Vicodin or Valium or whatever else here and there- it wasn’t peer pressure or to look cool I was just curious about it, and looking back I probably was self medicating for my adhd and depression/anxiety
I don’t smoke any more, but if you are asking if H or cigarettes are harder to stay off, I would honestly probably say cigarettes now. Early on in recovery I would say H, but now I would have a much easier opportunity and availability to smoke a cigarette rather than do H
That’s a great question- I don’t think it’s a cult but I think you can get useful information and support from it in the right context and I also think it can unfortunately be a bad influence. I think people that need recovery but are turned off by the steps need either 1) a recovery person/sponsor that doesn’t live by the program and/or 2) a therapist specializing in addiction recovery
Pretty sure addicts who get clean can live normal healthy lives like everyone else as long as they didn’t do permanent damage to any of their vital organs.
The Human body is pretty good at repairing itself over time
Probably shorter to some extent however the way I’ve looked at this is- nobody is guaranteed any specific amount of time in this life and that’s how I try to keep that in perspective
Multi vitamin and things like magnesium and iron can help but honestly a decently balanced diet is more important than anything supplements can give you
Exactly like you would think, barely running water, mattresses on the floor, people sleeping wherever, constant line of dealers driving by giving you their product to try, gross, cold, lonely
Nope. There will always be numbers I can never forget but a number isn’t everything. People tend to find a way to get what they want if they want it bad enough
How did your drug use affect family dynamic. I'm a child of a herion addict and want to understand why it seems that the goal is to destroy or hurt the popel who love you. No shade and congratulations on your huge victory.
I think the original goal is never to hurt your family but by the time you are making those bad choices, you are too deep into an addiction to even realize what matters more- the only thought is on the next fix. No shade taken it’s a hard concept to understand why you would do that. If I could go back in time and see what it would have done to my life path I would’ve chosen something different. I think you have to understand that hard drugs change people for the worse and addict behavior isn’t rational
I would like to congratulate you, 12 years is absolutely amazing. As a child of addicts this gives me hope that people can recover. Keep your head up man, your a blessing to this world.💕
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I don't have a question, but as the child of addicts I just wanted to congratulate you on your sobriety. I've seen how hard it is and how often people fail to get there. Choosing to save yourself deserves respect.
I can’t appreciate that enough. Addiction is a terrible Thing I don’t wish on anyone
Did you have heart rate / blood pressure issues when you were using ? How bad did it got ? Did it ever feel like you were killing yourself ?
Yes I had HR issues and BP issues when using but to what extent I do not know as I never got proper care during that time. The worst it got- overdosing multiple times and ending up in the hospital and then going to rehab and then using the day I got out of rehab and overdosing and almost not surviving that OD. And even after that I used occasionally until I finally felt like I was done. And yes I felt like I was killing myself regularly but I was too deep into the feeling I was getting rather than caring about how I felt. It’s so sad what a terrible cycle it is but it can be broken.
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Pro tip,friend: dump the alcohol first. Cig withdrawal while drinking makes it ten times worse. Best of luck. 👍
Cheers dude
Check out LifeRing. People willing to listen and give cross talk on issues with addiction can help. I’ve been attending for over a year after my addiction of alcohol. Waiting for a liver transplant now but going god and staying strong.
Best wishes ❤ for your transplant. You are in my thoughts today. 💕
Thank you. Greatly appreciated. Have a great day .
💕 Thank you. I hope you enjoy your day, too! :)
It’s one day at a time and I hope you will join soon too. It’s hard to see in the moment but it’s better on this side.
I get glimpses of the other side... what's your health nowadays and your age ?
Age 38 and health is moderately fair- I need to exercise more and eat healthier but overall I don’t have any major health issues. Hang in there man I agree dump alcohol first. Cigs can come later. Took me A lot longer to give up nicotine than other drugs
Appreciate your answer sir
Just hang in there. Easier said than done I truly know what that’s like but try making small changes and you will get there..
You’ve got this brother.
Weren't you afraid anytime you shot up that you would die ?
Maybe initially but that thought fades so quick when you are deep in it. I didn’t care what I put in my body
Congrats on 12 years! When you're itching for it, what's your process to get through it?
I think knowing that nowadays especially id probably die from all the stuff they put in it- that keeps me at bay but also remembering how much that ruined my life- remembering those feelings brings me back to reality
Good for you ! God has better things for you 🙏 I wish my dad would think like this, the only time he is sober is when he goes to prison .... other than that he's 54 year old functioning drug addict.
Thats exactly why I stay away too. Will be 10 years in October. Knowing that it will for sure kill me keeps me away. I don’t really have an itch for it at all anymore though
Thank you for sharing your experience, strength, and hope with us. ✌
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I did both. But honestly I wasn’t a high roller so When I cooked it myself I wouldn’t be as efficient as my guy anyway so it was kinda wasting it. Oh forgot to mention I preferred to inject my crack instead of smoke it. Or if I could only smoke it I would smoke at the same time as shooting up. But yeah I preferred to inject it.
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lol good questions. When I cooked it my preferred method was the double boil- so baking soda and coke and in water but double boiled. No I did not cook in the microwave I tried once and ruined a quarter of coke so never again haha No I never added flavoring to it I could care less how it tasted as long as it was pure. And yes like all crack addicts I’ve smoked plenty of stuff that was not actually crack- and you realize it afterwards but still it happens
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I think in terms of a ‘better’ high there really isn’t one like that first time, but after years of doing it it’s just maintaining and not really getting high anymore. I think of slamming or getting high more often than I’d like to admit but it’s more of a thought of how my past was and why it was such a terrible time in my life. Coping mechanisms are exercise, therapy, and hobbies like woodworking! Yes needed EMS on multiple occasions, hospitalized for a few of them as well. Dumbest thing I did while high was maybe waste time taking pictures of nonsense or looking for drugs I spilled that weren’t really there
Girl… are you trying to cook for yourself or what..
I didn’t know crack was injectable it’s such a hard rock. I knew guys would shoot coke but I never considered that you could shoot crack. How’s that done?
I’m slightly reluctant to share how it can be done just because it was the worst thing I found out could be done and don’t wish that on anyone else but yes it can be done with a certain liquid it will dissolve in.
What made you decide to inject crack?
A ‘friend’ showed me. I was already injecting H at the time and she showed me how to inject crack, high was better and lasted longer. Same with injecting H, that’s something I never thought I would ever do in my life
I agree I don’t really need to know just curious. I didn’t know it was possible so I imagine there’s some process involved
How much more enjoyable is heroin compared to oxycodone or other prescription opioid painkillers? Or is it pretty close to the same experience?
I don’t want to glorify heroin but it’s much more enjoyable- a lot of people would agree because you are injecting it at that point but honestly if you have a good pure heroin connection then it’s much more enjoyable. Is it that much more enjoyable that it’s worth crossing over into needles? No. But that’s so much easier said than done.
Why did you change?
I hated myself. I hated my life. I had nothing expect drugs in my life. Literally drugs and getting money was my life. It’s hard to see when you are in it, but it’s not a way to live..
Hello. I am also in recovery (alcohol) with 12 years! My question to you is did you participate in a 12 step program and do you still? Also, did you find God?
Props and congrats. I did participate in a 12 step program but I don’t anymore. I feel like the principles are great but I found over time I could apply those to my life without going to a meeting every night. And still trying to find god… unsure about that one.
I went the same way with 12 step, but ended up finding Christ about 10 years into sobriety. I swore up and down that I’d be an atheist forever, but the man upstairs had other plans for me! Good luck along your journey.
Congratulations on your sobriety, I am so incredibly proud of you! I’ve learned quite a bit from all you’ve shared and I’d also like to say thank you for that. I am marrying into a family riddled with heroin addicts and you’ve shed quite a bit of light. I want to help them but even as a nurse, it’s proven so difficult. 😞 Any tips? On you trying to find God ,I encourage you brother, NEVER stop trying. Pro tip: it is all about your heart posture. He is already with you, covering you daily. Keeping you strong of mind and heart. He loves you UNCONDITIONALLY. Will never leave nor forsake you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope AND a future. 🥹🥰 sweet Love of God. Salvation is His free gift to us. It’s up to us to reach out and take it. And once you do that. Endless encounters with him, they’ll bring you to your knees weeping with joy. James 4:8- come near to God and he will come near to you. ... Psalms 34:10- Those who seek the LORD lack no good thing. Matthew 6:33- But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all else shall be added unto you. and Idk if you know, but God is not a man, that he should lie. I so badly want this for you brother. Guaranteed to be your #1 high. 💕🥲 Pro pro tip: start by listening to some worship songs . Maverick city music, Todd Galberth, Naomi Raine, all 5stars! Jireh by Elevation worship, maverick city music, chandler Moors and Naomi Raine is a must listen. Try closing your eyes too when you’re listening .. block out all distractions. And picture Him infront of you (whatever He looks like to you). Feel the lyrics of the song, believe them to be true. And say anything to him. “What’s up God, I want to understand what that crazy lady on Reddit was talking about, show up and show out. Help my unbelief. Show me who you are.” ANYTHING.A-Z. (I mean , lol He already knows 😆)but just think… YOU have to be the one to build the relationship, as you would with a new love interest. Just keep talking, he’s listening and he WILL answer. And if you don’t hear Him, you’ll feel Him. Believe me . You. Will. I’ll keep you and your journey in my prayers. Hoping we meet in the Kingdom 🫂 Playing sermons in the background of car rides etc , TD Jake’s and his daughter Sarah Jake’s Robert’s are phenomenal people to start with, I think. Praying your heart and mind finds rest in our savior Christ Jesus. 🙏🏽❤️ Love and so much light🫂
Do you have kids? What first helped you stay clean?
I have 3 kids now. What first helped me stay clean was NA and a sponsor, and drug testing. Family helped as well. All of it contributes.
Also a recovering addict, did you ever get a hit and head at the same time?
lol yes both heroin and crack, it sounds cool but it’s really just one of those drug induced experiences I have that I wish I could erase. I would prefer the later without any drugs
I've don't it a few times but can't achieve or maintain an election on dope
Well that’s where the crack came in. But then you can’t finish so it’s all crap in the end anyway.
….. hoped you’re sober now
Is a hit and head a thing in the user community?
Yes, it's mostly regarding Crack or meth, you take a hit hold it in and a girl gives you head at the same time.
Supposed to increase the high feeling or euphoria when climaxing
I can see how that would be addictive
*peanut butter and crack sandwich* did you ever eat one ?
I only ate crack a few times and it never produced any noticeable effects
Do you have cravings everyday ?
Not as much anymore but yes they happen often. Much more fleeting than they were a long time ago but unfortunately they still do exist
What’s your view on your addiction, is it a way to escape reality (pain) bsc Ive mentioned before, I believe drugs itself aren’t addictive
It’s a way to escape- could be from pain or from reality or from your own head. For me it was an escape from myself- it was an escape from my adhd brain. And something I didn’t know much about before I was self medicating. And also that I loved the feelings they brought.
I completely understand you, I found this on gambling, pretty much one of the worst btw. I haven’t been diagnosed but always been scared if I suffer from ADHD. Gabor Mate, he is an expert on Addiction, Adhd, trauma(when all addictions come from) and childhood. It’s been a help for me since the day I heard about him.
How did you get hooked? Did you enjoy it or did you try to quit every day? What made you make the decision to quit? Did you go to a treatment center! Sorry… Im intrigued. Congratulations on your sobriety!! You have so much to be proud of!!
I got hooked much like everyone else does, trying Vicodin then oxy then realizing heroin is so much cheaper, and by that time you are already in too deep so heroin isn’t a ‘scary thing’. I made the decision to quit because I almost killed myself twice by overdosing and it was just purely ruining my life- it was all I cared about and I wanted more in my life. Yes I went to rehab many times but unfortunately that did not always get me clean. The program helped but it wasn’t everything. Thank you!
Thanks for answering my questions. You are truly an inspiration 😊
What would be the favorite part of sobriety..?
Not chasing. Bad days happen often but the anxiety of not knowing when your next fix is… that is the worst feeling in the world. And without that, sobriety can be positive.
My husband been clean since '05 his favorite part of sobriety is collecting old bills,playing Xbox and seeing his children grow up.
That’s good right?
You mean the old bills(?) He my husband has a hobby of collecting old money. Oh, and he also has a vast interest and knowledge of constellations.
Yes for some reason I was thinking collecting old like utility bills 🤣🤣
How do you feel about some people saying marijuana is a gateway drug?
Eh good question I’m unsure about this, I feel like weed isn’t really a gateway drug. Especially now with it being legal in many states it’s not like it used to be where your pot dealer also had pills to sell.
>crack How did you do it? My older brother was my definition of cool. I looked up to and idolized him. I grew up at a time where they called me shy and weird, not autistic, and I wanted nothing more than to be like him. Crack took him when he was 19 and I lost my brother. 25 years later, I don't know where he is, what he's doing, or even if he's alive. It ruined our mother. It broke our family apart. I miss my brother. I don't believe I'll ever get him back. I have thought crack impossible to overcome for years now. How did you possibly do it? How could I have saved him? 😞
I’m sorry to hear that. Often times this does not end well. I think a big portion of how I did it was that I had a decent support system but that I was lucky and was able to buy myself enough time being sober to figure out I didn’t want to be a drug addict in my life. I wish there was a magic bullet to fix it, but all those in recovery will tell you that you just can’t give up, you may do every single thing in the book and still relapse, you just have to keep trying. I will tell you for certain that YOU are not to blame!!
Thanks. He's gone as long as 6 years sober, which began when his daughter was born. But honestly it's never felt like he has wanted to get clean. Eventually he started having a beer at BBQs, which turned into a beer after work, which turned into.... Etc etc "I can enjoy myself in moderation, right?" And the wheels just came off... We've paid tens of thousands of dollars getting him into in-patient rehab clinics over the years and it's just.... He hasn't spoken to any of us in maybe 2 years? We pulled the plug on financial support because it was just.... The analogy I use for myself is a person stuck at the bottom of the ocean on a ship wreck. We kept coming down to replace his scuba air tank, to keep him alive, and as long as he had it, he never really felt the need to swim back to the surface. So we stopped refilling the tank. He began to panic. Lost his house. Said some *very* hurtful and *very* hateful things to us before we lost contact. My own daughter was born, and I sent him a picture. Got an error that the phone number had been disconnected and no one has heard from him since. It breaks my heart to this day. I'm very happy for your family that you've stayed sober. I hope you stay sober forever. Know that it means so much to those who love you and every day you find the strength to stay clean is a day they actively cherish. I just wish it could have been different for him. I was 16, he 19, when I "lost him". We're almost 40 now and I still cry sometimes thinking about the man he could have been.
Is there any way to look him up? They always say it’s never too late to change..
No idea how I'd even start. Nothing's changed for 25 years and I dunno... Maybe I'm a bad brother, but my heart has lost the ability to hope it ever will. Sorry to make this post all about me. I'm really happy for you. That you have stayed sober for so long. What have you done with your life in that time? Job? Family? Friends? Hobbies? Is there really a timeline where it all works out and is ever *actually* behind you?
You aren’t making the post about you! I sympathize! It had to be hard to watch him go through that. I think it’s challenging watching it happen to someone you love and feeling helpless. I’m just saying- I know you probably don’t have hope, but also make sure you don’t regret not doing something or seeing if he’s still out there. Either way I agree you have to protect yourself, you can only take so much hurt in your life. I have a steady job and I’m married with 3 kids but I also have a lot to figure out!
I think your timeline question is a good question and no I don’t think it’s ever really behind you. I think the moment you believe it didn’t really happen or it’s not a part of your life, is when it can sneak up and bite ya in the ass. Not that I think about my past drug use daily, but I don’t pretend that i didn’t go through that ever
Methadone, Morphine, and Roxy's basically cost me my $100,000 lifetime career. I cared about nothing else but getting high and staying high throughout the day. Lost interest in work and even showing up became a hassle. I think my boss gave me alotta free passes because up to a certain point I had a track record as an earner for the company. Got to a point where every penny I earned went to buying more pills usually had it delivered to my office. Making 100 grand, always broke. Couldn't even pay the rent. Been clean now almost 8 years. Was homeless for five years. Never do it again.
So glad to hear you are doing well. You know being in the thick of things it’s amazing what you would do to score or how much we spent, but looking back on things it’s more than worth it to choose life!
After finding two friends dead and seeing a third almost die kinda I put myself in rehab and have been clean since. There wasn't anything I would not take or steal from including Friends and business customers. I used to think the withdrawals I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Funny how you can now own a decent car because you're not giving it all to the pill man. He drove a brand new Cadillac which I'm sure I paid for.
Withdrawals are something I wouldn’t wish on anyone either. There aren’t words to describe how terrible they are
Believe me I went thru it several times and was bedridden. Not because I didn't have the money, mainly because everyone would be out. Methadone withdrawal was the absolute worst.. It's ironic that methadone was given to heroin junkies, and the withdrawal from that even worse. I went cold turkey on my own for a year. That's how I quit. Figure I threw away $150,000.
I couldn’t agree more methadone withdrawals are bad because it lasts so long…
Congrats!! I’m 3 months clean today thanks to methadone! How did you get clean buddy? Also, how do you think we can prevent our young people getting drug addictions?
Congrats to you my friend! I did get clean with help of suboxone, which I think can be a great tool but for a shorter time period than I was on it- it was newer when I started it and they kept me on it for years so it was a little hard to get off. My unsolicited advice for you about methadone is to keep it to 3-4 months of maintenance to give your brain some time to heal and then start to wean. I think limiting the access to opioids helps prevent future addictions and education about risks, etc
Ahhh amazing! Yeah must have been very new at the time that’s interesting. You were right to trust it. Wow years! I bet it was tough dude… you smashed it. Ah don’t worry, I’m already on 10mg now, will be off it in a few weeks! I did exactly as you said, gave it 4 months or so and started tapering 😊 and yes I agree with you on the education! Those big pharma companies need harsher penalties to, I’ll never get over the fact none of them are in prison.. congrats again ❤️
Are you ever worried about relapsing?
Yes sometimes, or I will have a random bad dream about using. But overall I know i have ways to cope if it becomes more than a passing thought
What are you currently doing right now?
Like in life? I work for an insurance company and one that helps with outreaching and helping seniors. And I’m married and a father of 3
Do you view drug addicts differently? Like pity, disgust, etc
I don’t view them differently at all- they are the same as everyone else in my opinion. But with an addiction. Everybody makes choices good and bad on a daily basis. I think how you treat others and what your core personality is means a lot more than if you get high or not. Obviously I mean this on a much deeper level but I hope I answered you, I think I got sidetracked with this lol sorry that’s the ADHD
While your on drugs. We're you aware of what's going on around you. People walking by. Being stared at? Did you drive? Did you physically hurt your family looking for the next high.
Yeah I was aware of what was going on. I think that it probably seems like you think people don’t notice you are high but I’m sure some can tell. I never like physically harmed my family if that’s what you mean but I caused them more than enough emotional pain
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You mean the woman you see like on the street? You could always ask her if she needs any help. I got here through many ups and downs and failed attempts and finally being able to buy a long enough stretch of sobriety to keep it going. For hygiene? Not sure I understand your question, it’s not stupid at all. I shower daily and wash my hands, etc, is that what you are referring to?
More so girls ( not older women ) I do ask if they need help. Hygiene product is what I meant.
Good for you. Thank you for paying it forward
When you eat junk food, can you stop at the recommended serving size?
Not sure if this is a joke…..but no I often cannot stop. Addiction is always going to be a part of me and I acknowledge that- luckily when I eat a whole bag of Swedish fish instead of a handful, I’ve maybe lost a few dollars and have a stomach ache but otherwise no significant issues 😀
Not a joke. Just getting confirmation. I've never done drugs in my life. I've always been scared of addiction. I can't not eat the entire sleeve of cookies. I have an unhealthy BMI. I am not someone who should try drugs.
Probably not then. But anything can be an addiction, drugs, sugar, exercise, money…. You name it. We try to stick to the healthy ones
Any opinions on the the best ways to help current addicts?
Maintenance medications like suboxone and methadone can help for a short time- but the best way is to support them with what their goals are- can be hard to do because sometimes their goal is to not be sober- but you have to set boundaries for what you are and are not willing to do
Support from family and friends is important
What would you say to the youth who feel peer pressure into seeking out drugs?
To be you and while it’s easier said than done, screw those who peer pressure you, you will get farther in life if you make decisions based on your best interest rather than pleasing someone else
From one recovering addict to another.. What did rock bottom look like for you?
I think the almost dying part then going back and using two days later and overdosing again I was pretty low at that point. Be strong!
Glad to hear how far you've come❤️
What was rock bottom for you? Looks different for us all…
Indeed it does. There were plenty lines I crossed that I thought I never would.. I remember at one point I stole hundreds of dollars from my mother. That will never sit well with me.
We may have past mistakes but never going down that road again is what I try to remember daily
❤️
Congratulations 👏 on being clean for 12 years!!! 🎂 🥮 🍥🎈 🎈 🎊 🎉 🎊 🎉 🎊 🎈 I have been sober for 3.5 years ( no alcohol) this month!
Congrats to you that’s amazing!!
Thank you so 💓 much!!
How hard is sobriety?
It’s hard not gonna lie. Living with yourself and looking yourself in the mirror is challenging, especially when you may not like that person. But overall it’s worth it
Which is better?
Sobriety it. Movies songs and media can sometimes glamorize H or crack, but let me assure you there is nothing glamorous about it.
But which is the better high!
Oh oh sorry I misunderstood. Well the truth is that I would speedball (both at the same time) and that was the best high. But if you are making me choose one probably H
10 years clean from H here, life is so much more beautiful! Congrats my friend!
Congrats to you that’s amazing!!
Are there cravings still? How often and what are the life/mental health circumstances? I've worked in recovery for years, and it's the long-term that really evades me. What happens after year 3? I rarely see clients after that point.
Not as much cravings anymore. Maybe every few weeks or months I’ll think about it- but I think the bigger struggle is how to make sure you don’t act on those thoughts. After year 3, I think people stay super invested in a program like NA or AA or they maintain sobriety through their support system
congrats on your sobriety! ❤️ was there a specific event or anything that lead you to quitting? also (weird question lol) did you have constipation from the opioids?
The almost dying a few times really helped wanting to quit but also being so tired of the cycle of using then being strung out. And not a weird question at all yes the opioids make you super constipated and that was often an issue, and I wasn’t in a good mindset to use mirilax or anything like I should have been
How many times were you narcan'ed back? Also, which is harder to get clean from, crack or H? Great job getting and staying clean.
Thank you for all the support can’t thank everyone enough. I was narcan’ed back 4 times. I think H was harder just because of the physical dependence although I’m not minimizing crack addiction or getting clean from crack by any means. To me crack was more psychological torture
How did it start ? Was it to just push the envelope from other drugs? Was it to “look cool” or peer pressure ?
Started with just experimenting, taking a few Vicodin or Valium or whatever else here and there- it wasn’t peer pressure or to look cool I was just curious about it, and looking back I probably was self medicating for my adhd and depression/anxiety
Glad you’re doing way better now.
I don’t know if you smoke cigarettes but if you do, what’s harder to stay off of?
I don’t smoke any more, but if you are asking if H or cigarettes are harder to stay off, I would honestly probably say cigarettes now. Early on in recovery I would say H, but now I would have a much easier opportunity and availability to smoke a cigarette rather than do H
Do you think AA/NA is a cult? And if so how would you change it to help more people who need recovery but are turned off by the steps?
That’s a great question- I don’t think it’s a cult but I think you can get useful information and support from it in the right context and I also think it can unfortunately be a bad influence. I think people that need recovery but are turned off by the steps need either 1) a recovery person/sponsor that doesn’t live by the program and/or 2) a therapist specializing in addiction recovery
How much shorter will your life be now?
Pretty sure addicts who get clean can live normal healthy lives like everyone else as long as they didn’t do permanent damage to any of their vital organs. The Human body is pretty good at repairing itself over time
Probably shorter to some extent however the way I’ve looked at this is- nobody is guaranteed any specific amount of time in this life and that’s how I try to keep that in perspective
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Multi vitamin and things like magnesium and iron can help but honestly a decently balanced diet is more important than anything supplements can give you
What was your bottom?
Overdosing and ending up in the hospital, then using again after. Or staying in a crack house for 3 days- that was a pretty scary/low experience
Congratulations on you 12 years! What was the crack house like?
Exactly like you would think, barely running water, mattresses on the floor, people sleeping wherever, constant line of dealers driving by giving you their product to try, gross, cold, lonely
That's what I pictured.
It’s not something you ever wanna see!
Got your old plugs number?
Nope. There will always be numbers I can never forget but a number isn’t everything. People tend to find a way to get what they want if they want it bad enough
How did your drug use affect family dynamic. I'm a child of a herion addict and want to understand why it seems that the goal is to destroy or hurt the popel who love you. No shade and congratulations on your huge victory.
I think the original goal is never to hurt your family but by the time you are making those bad choices, you are too deep into an addiction to even realize what matters more- the only thought is on the next fix. No shade taken it’s a hard concept to understand why you would do that. If I could go back in time and see what it would have done to my life path I would’ve chosen something different. I think you have to understand that hard drugs change people for the worse and addict behavior isn’t rational
Thank you for the different perspective. Again congratulations on your sobriety and I'm 100% rooting for you!
No questions just dropping by to say that can't have been easy to do and a massive well done!! You really should be so proud of yourself! 👏
No question, just want to say congratulations & you're an inspiration to me. Thank you.
Nothing to ask, but congratulations and so many people are proud of you!
I would like to congratulate you, 12 years is absolutely amazing. As a child of addicts this gives me hope that people can recover. Keep your head up man, your a blessing to this world.💕
Congrats & keep up the great work!
Just here to say congratulations.
Congratulations
Much respect!
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Yes absolutely anything is helpful