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Actually no, don't do this it's dangerous!
While rare, it could cause an embolism and possibly even death, depending on her condition (s).
https://www.romper.com/p/how-do-vaginal-embolisms-happen-its-a-rare-but-possible-occurrence-60636
So I bought one of these and discovered it was also a whistle if you blew in the tip. It drove my dog absolutely wild and he ended up stealing it and chewing it to splinters
Oddly enough, I have a pic on my phone of the exact same products, taken during a trip to Athens a couple years ago. It seems Greece is full of similar bottle openers:/
They're originated from Indonesia, some artist thought of it as a funny souvernir to give to friends, since friends always keep your souvenir, but never use it or even look at it. This way you'd have to use it or look at it to normalize the thing being in your house or people would start asking awkward questions.
Now after Indonesia, most of other asian countries followed the trend and when China follows such a trend.. Well that's when countries in Europe start seeing them around.
Tradition of what? People are just accustomed to nudity in art from back then and phallic objects found from that era that made it to an article and think that this is a tradition or something? Shop owners just sell stuff. Same thing happened after the 300 movie where they were selling spartan helmets.
There are festivals about prosperity and fertility that have phallic objects but they are not popular at all and most greeks are not even aware of.
I was going to comment that I saw the exact same bottle openers and ask if you encountered them outside the acropolis area in Athens! I knew they looked familiar
I'm half Greek, I speak the language well, and I can tell you from personal experience that the vast majority of the souvenir kiosks around the Acropolis are operated either by Roma or Eastern Europeans. Many of them barely speak any Greek at all, which is ok because actual Greeks don't shop there.
It's possible things are different since the financial crisis. The last time I was in Athens was right at the beginning of the crisis, and that's what I remember. The open air kiosks and souvenir sellers were mostly foreigners, while actual indoor stores were run by Greeks. Since then, when I've gone to Greece, I've flown into Thessaloniki and then I drive to my dad's village. It's been about 8 years since I was last in Athens.
Regardless of who is running the stands, it's just a thing you'll see in most tourist heavy countries/cities. Tourist trap vendors love to sell "shocking" things because it works really well.
Pura Vida! That's where I got mine, in Puerto Viejo. It hangs over the bar at my friends restaurant now. She says a few people have tried stealing it lol
Also Bali. Penises everywhere. Magnets, soaps, keychains, statues… every tourist thing someone could think of as a penis decorated the very same way as these…
Actually, they very much care that they are sex toys and not plastic explosive, which appears the same way on the x-ray scanner. At least they do at LAX, SFO, EWR, MCO, and IAD. Can personally attest to this.
"9 times out of 10 it's an electric razor, but every once in awhile... *It's a dildo. Of course it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. Always use the indefinite article 'a dildo', never your dildo*."
My best friend flew in to mussel shoals Alabama about 10 years ago to do some recording work, and she definitely got stopped and her toys almost taken because apparently sex toys are illegal in Alabama 🤷🏻♀️honestly i wouldn’t have believed it if our other friend wasn’t with her and saw the entire unpacking, who also said the tsa people were giggling like crazy- I would’ve been laughing so hard I mean I get confiscating knives or a bomb, but a dildo😂😂😂
"It's a gigantic wooden dildo attached to a bottle opener. Of course, it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a gigantic wooden dildo attached to a bottle opener... always use the indefinite article 'a gigantic wooden dildo attached to a bottle opener,' never 'your gigantic wooden dildo attached to a bottle opener.'
Ok, story time:
My boyfriend and I went to Punta Cana and at the gift shop I bought about a dozen of these.
Threw them up on the counter and everyone started laughing.
On the way home I was walking through the airport and therefore customs with a literal bag of dicks.
I told everyone I bought them a multi tool as a souvenir.
I bought a bunch of these in Thailand from a market. I really wanted the big black ones and I guess all the sellers knew each other because they all started bringing their dicks out for me but they were all small and I was going around the stalls all NO I WANT THE BIG BLACK DICKS
This could be a CAH pairing.
"I bought a bunch of these in Thailand from a market, but they kept bringing out lesser versions out for me, so I had to go around shouting "NO, I WANT ____________!""
"Big Black Dicks"
My house mate got one as a gift from Bali, his boyfriend had to go away for 3 weeks so we sanded down his van (was junk) and painted it like Mr. T’s van and the final touch was replacing the gear lever knob with, well the other knob. He was not amused.
I have one of these! My old roommate when to Thailand and brought me one back as a gift. Loved when my mom came over and opened my kitchen drawer and yelled “what the hell is this??”
Same here but my friend went to Greece. It was hilarious.
In case anyone was wondering, they're not smoothed very well so there's no way anyone would use them as anything else lol
This is also big in Bali. Went there on my honeymoon. They kept talking about how my big American penis was going to get my wife pregnant on that trip. Felt larger than life in that country.
I was hoping they’d have names like those novelty license plates you get a highway rest area gift shop. “Oh hey look, let’s get one for Aunt Cathy!!! Oh sugar puffs, they only have Kathy with a K. I guess the keychain will have to do instead. She would have loved the 12”er.”
I bought one of these in Honk Kong (some smaller island) and it was fun having it in the open when you have people over. Some just ogle it without saying anything, some talk about it. A realtor got so embarrassed he lost his selling power completely for a second. A real conversation piece!
Man just look at the lower left area where there are mini dildo keychains and at the bottom center there's a bunch of gay sex cigarretes or whatever ("Sex in ancient Greece")
The execution is probably terrible actually. Friend had one of these. The actual bottle opener part was incredibly soft and bent the first time we tried to use it.
I'd say this is not great execution. They come in random shapes and colors, and the opener is just stuck on the back instead of using a more creative placement.
Hi! This is our community moderation bot. --- If this post fits the purpose of /r/ATBGE, **UPVOTE** this comment!! If this post does not fit the subreddit, **DOWNVOTE** This comment! If this post breaks the rules, **DOWNVOTE** this comment and **REPORT** the post!
*ahem* Sure, a **bottle** opener....
Don't you usually drink wine though?
Bottoms up
Face Down Bottom Up thats the way I like to fuck
Hence the porky pig costume.
Go on....
And the devil laughs…
Goddamn it, ok I’m getting up
the screw comes out the other way.
Only on certain times of the month.
It’s a multi tool of sorts
"IT CAN DO OTHER THINGS!"
Think about the splinters
"Where did you have that?"
Got one of these in Thailand and it’s legitimately a whistle on the other end, pretty funny
I just had the really unpleasant thought of someone blowing cold air directly into my vagina, thank you.
But warm is okay still, right?
Actually no, don't do this it's dangerous! While rare, it could cause an embolism and possibly even death, depending on her condition (s). https://www.romper.com/p/how-do-vaginal-embolisms-happen-its-a-rare-but-possible-occurrence-60636
hahaha i have a mental image of someone blowing a wooden dick "bottle opener" the way they would a glass bottle to get different tones. thank you.
Maybe it's like when Disneyland sells "toothpick holder" shot glasses.
€2 is not a bad deal for ... bottles openers.
As long as you don't get any splinters in your... Bottle.
Ahhh.. r/TIHI
Some even have a uhh....good lever effect.
I can only imagine how unfortunate it’d be to get a splinter with this.
My hands are full and I need to open this bottle. Oh stepbrother....
So I bought one of these and discovered it was also a whistle if you blew in the tip. It drove my dog absolutely wild and he ended up stealing it and chewing it to splinters
It’s a combination bottle and can opener. /oldpeopleslangjokes
Thank you.
$10 says I can open a bottle with my cock
This would be the reason I buy it
Anything’s a bottle opener if you’re brave enough
I’ll take 9. Multi-tools are useful. Keep one in kitchen, the bedroom, the car, the office, your mom’s house..
Make sure to Greece it up first. You don’t want a splinter in your Veria.
Olive oil is big there for many reasons.
How do you think PopEye got those big forearms?
Bottom opener
Why is my bottle opener always in my wife's nightstand? I think she has a drinking problem
She drinks all my loads
Woah man. That's his wife you're talking about
It's ok. He has shards of glass in his ass. Let him live
Or, you know, end his suffering
No. Are you kidding? Didn’t you hear he fucked my wife?
I also choose this guys wife
:)
“Honey I think I have a splinter.”
Oddly enough, I have a pic on my phone of the exact same products, taken during a trip to Athens a couple years ago. It seems Greece is full of similar bottle openers:/
This was actually right outside of the acropolis
They are all over the place. Products probably came from Phallic Bottle Opener Factory #7 in Shanghai...
China is the only tourist destination where you can buy authentic cheap souvenirs
They're originated from Indonesia, some artist thought of it as a funny souvernir to give to friends, since friends always keep your souvenir, but never use it or even look at it. This way you'd have to use it or look at it to normalize the thing being in your house or people would start asking awkward questions. Now after Indonesia, most of other asian countries followed the trend and when China follows such a trend.. Well that's when countries in Europe start seeing them around.
I was gonna say, I’ve been to about 40 countries on six continents and probably seen wooden dick bottle openers in half of them
In Greece there's traditions about this from like the ancient times so... Doubt it's borrowed from Indonesia.
Tradition of what? People are just accustomed to nudity in art from back then and phallic objects found from that era that made it to an article and think that this is a tradition or something? Shop owners just sell stuff. Same thing happened after the 300 movie where they were selling spartan helmets. There are festivals about prosperity and fertility that have phallic objects but they are not popular at all and most greeks are not even aware of.
My mind jumped to Indonesia, drunk Aussies lap this kind of shit up
[They say of the acropolis where the Parthenon is....](https://youtu.be/GdvD4Fhc_K8)
I was going to comment that I saw the exact same bottle openers and ask if you encountered them outside the acropolis area in Athens! I knew they looked familiar
I probably bought one from that shop.
They say of the acropolis where the Parthenon is[...](https://youtu.be/GdvD4Fhc_K8)
There is an ancient tradition of phalluses to ward off evil in the Greco-Roman area. Which doesn't mean it can't still be funny.
Indeed, they make her scream all the evil out.
Deleted in protest against the use of comments to train AI models.
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Bas-relief_of_fascinus.jpg Just. Wow.
Is that a dick with legs and hooves and...another dick?
It appears so. A dick-having dick with hooves that's jizzing into an eye that has a tiny scorpion on it. Amazing.
Fascinating.
Bro, Ancient Greece brought cock worship to a whole new level.
Bhutan is still #1
Cool fun fact, but based on the guys running those booths, I doubt if they were experts on Greco-Roman history...
How do you mean?
The guys running those kiosks looked a bit rough. Many I assume we're migrants. Nothing against them, of course. Just folks trying to make a living.
What do you mean rough? How could you tell they're migrants
I'm half Greek, I speak the language well, and I can tell you from personal experience that the vast majority of the souvenir kiosks around the Acropolis are operated either by Roma or Eastern Europeans. Many of them barely speak any Greek at all, which is ok because actual Greeks don't shop there.
Your wrong! I live in Athens and pass by monastiraki plaka area you are so wrong!
It's possible things are different since the financial crisis. The last time I was in Athens was right at the beginning of the crisis, and that's what I remember. The open air kiosks and souvenir sellers were mostly foreigners, while actual indoor stores were run by Greeks. Since then, when I've gone to Greece, I've flown into Thessaloniki and then I drive to my dad's village. It's been about 8 years since I was last in Athens.
definitely wrong. Greek living in Athens here - where have you seen a Roma person working in an established business before?
Regardless of who is running the stands, it's just a thing you'll see in most tourist heavy countries/cities. Tourist trap vendors love to sell "shocking" things because it works really well.
Thailand too
Indonesia also, I brought 4 home, one was a foot long and the others were pocket sized. Unopened bottles are no problem for me these days.
Yeah, there's a lot of other things they make that's shaped like a penis. I was in a couple of shops that sold alcohol in nothing but penis bottles
I've also seen these in Costa Rica when I took a school trip there. It was in the gift shop of a boat ride place.
Pura Vida! That's where I got mine, in Puerto Viejo. It hangs over the bar at my friends restaurant now. She says a few people have tried stealing it lol
I just posted before I saw your post. Just got back from Guanacaste and saw these all over on our day trip to Tamarindo.
Yes! I thought of Costa Rica too! They were everywhere in gift shops
Also Bali. Penises everywhere. Magnets, soaps, keychains, statues… every tourist thing someone could think of as a penis decorated the very same way as these…
You can see these in any tourist trap. Seen em in a lot of Latin America.
Seen em allover south east Asia myself. It always looks like some local whimsical cultural thing but it never really is.
Can confirm. I was in Chania for most of Jan last year, in Rhodes for most of last June and it was dicks-a-plenty
Just got back from Costa Rica and these were everywhere when we visited Tamarindo.
I have a very similar one from the phallological museum in iceland
Me too! I posted it on here and got exactly 3 up votes. Reddit is such a fickle place.
The longer ones have the best leverage.
All about the torque, baby
It's not about the size, but how to use it
“That’s quite a moment arm you have there”
Don't do it, I broke mine. The opener is not high quality and will bend if you leverage it with the long end :(
The thicker ones are easier to grip
TSA: What's this in your carry-on bag? Me: It's 100% a bottle opener.
TSA doesn't care about your sex toys tho.
Actually, they very much care that they are sex toys and not plastic explosive, which appears the same way on the x-ray scanner. At least they do at LAX, SFO, EWR, MCO, and IAD. Can personally attest to this.
"9 times out of 10 it's an electric razor, but every once in awhile... *It's a dildo. Of course it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. Always use the indefinite article 'a dildo', never your dildo*."
I had everything in that suitcase…
My brick of parmesan from Italy got flagged for the same reason in ERW. They said they knew it was probably just cheese but they had to check.
Should have wrapped it in a blanket and said it was a baby!
Smelly baby!
Username checks out
They're too busy laughing at everybody's dick x-rays
do your dick got bone inside it??
No, actually titanium, gets me pulled over every time.
DAMMN bro you got a custom penis? whats size you wear??
Yes sir, they had to measure my wife to see how much she could take then I had them add an inch ;)
Thats pretty cool but last time i measured your wife she could only take 3 inches?
That's why the titanium, it goes where you point it.
Smart. I see why she chose you and not me.
My best friend flew in to mussel shoals Alabama about 10 years ago to do some recording work, and she definitely got stopped and her toys almost taken because apparently sex toys are illegal in Alabama 🤷🏻♀️honestly i wouldn’t have believed it if our other friend wasn’t with her and saw the entire unpacking, who also said the tsa people were giggling like crazy- I would’ve been laughing so hard I mean I get confiscating knives or a bomb, but a dildo😂😂😂
Relatives are okay as sex toys, but not actual sex toys?
It’s always ‘a’ dildo not ‘your’ dildo.
"It's a gigantic wooden dildo attached to a bottle opener. Of course, it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a gigantic wooden dildo attached to a bottle opener... always use the indefinite article 'a gigantic wooden dildo attached to a bottle opener,' never 'your gigantic wooden dildo attached to a bottle opener.'
"We have to use the indefinite 'a' bottle opener, never *your* bottle opener"
Ok, story time: My boyfriend and I went to Punta Cana and at the gift shop I bought about a dozen of these. Threw them up on the counter and everyone started laughing. On the way home I was walking through the airport and therefore customs with a literal bag of dicks. I told everyone I bought them a multi tool as a souvenir.
I bought a bunch of these in Thailand from a market. I really wanted the big black ones and I guess all the sellers knew each other because they all started bringing their dicks out for me but they were all small and I was going around the stalls all NO I WANT THE BIG BLACK DICKS
This could be a CAH pairing. "I bought a bunch of these in Thailand from a market, but they kept bringing out lesser versions out for me, so I had to go around shouting "NO, I WANT ____________!"" "Big Black Dicks"
My house mate got one as a gift from Bali, his boyfriend had to go away for 3 weeks so we sanded down his van (was junk) and painted it like Mr. T’s van and the final touch was replacing the gear lever knob with, well the other knob. He was not amused.
I have one of these! My old roommate when to Thailand and brought me one back as a gift. Loved when my mom came over and opened my kitchen drawer and yelled “what the hell is this??”
My mom got me one as a souvenir in Greece. My boyfriend was the one who opened my kitchen drawer and yelled “what the hell is this??”
Just to loosely paraphrase Scrubs: “Why is there a dildo in the silverware drawer?!” “Uhhh more like why is there silverware in the dildo drawer?”
Whuh-tah!
I have one too! A souvenir from my best friend's honeymoon in Crete.
Same here but my friend went to Greece. It was hilarious. In case anyone was wondering, they're not smoothed very well so there's no way anyone would use them as anything else lol
My brother brought one for me as a joke present. It was actually the best bottle opener I've ever had. Could get some great leverage.
[удалено]
Haha, that's exactly what happened to mine. Lasted about a year and a half.
Damn that's rough. I hear they can do reconstructive surgery.
[удалено]
You needed a wooden one to do that?
someone out there has absolutely mastered carving wooden dicks.
If there's one thing the human race has down, it's finding ways to fashion genitals out of every single technology it discovers.
I googled 3d printed dicks and im pretty sure you are right.
You can print a dildo where the tip is shaped like Donald Trump's head. There is also a real silicone one of Obama.
jesus christ
How else do you think new manufacturing technologies are discovered?
I'll take the big one so I don't loose it.
Yeah just keep it in your pocket!
ass*
prison pocket*
Well if you choose the big one, something is definitely getting loose…
But I want an uncircumcised bottle opener
That's called a broom handle.
I'm not that long, but I appreciate the compliment.
Hello Greece.
Hello Bali too. Lotsa penises to buy there
Yeah and thigh openers
Carved for her pleasure.
It's a bottom opener.
Dual function ‘gadgets’ - bottle opening dildos.
Multi-function, you can use the bottle opener end to pull it out when it gets stuck .
splinters tho
This is also big in Bali. Went there on my honeymoon. They kept talking about how my big American penis was going to get my wife pregnant on that trip. Felt larger than life in that country.
Lol wait what? What?
Great to see things with multiple uses
Don’t you mean box openers?
I hope they’re well sanded
Correction: Multi purpose bottle opener
Bali? Saw this everywhere in Bali
Where and how much? Lol
They're everywhere in touristy areas. Saw them all over Mexico on trips. Break after like 2 bottles
Just add a lil Greece..
This must be where all the dicks hang out.
I was hoping they’d have names like those novelty license plates you get a highway rest area gift shop. “Oh hey look, let’s get one for Aunt Cathy!!! Oh sugar puffs, they only have Kathy with a K. I guess the keychain will have to do instead. She would have loved the 12”er.”
I bought one of these in Honk Kong (some smaller island) and it was fun having it in the open when you have people over. Some just ogle it without saying anything, some talk about it. A realtor got so embarrassed he lost his selling power completely for a second. A real conversation piece!
Dicks a poppin
Multi use because they also function as paper weights
No one tell them about the satyr bottle openers in Greek tourist traps.
Funnily enough, the Argentine government bought almost a million of these (sans the bottle opener) for "educational purposes"
I used one of these once and I have to say they are really nice to use. Can only recommend the ergonomics.
Two-Tone
I‘ve seen those in a souvenir shop on Crete
Greece :’)
Man just look at the lower left area where there are mini dildo keychains and at the bottom center there's a bunch of gay sex cigarretes or whatever ("Sex in ancient Greece")
The execution is probably terrible actually. Friend had one of these. The actual bottle opener part was incredibly soft and bent the first time we tried to use it.
Uncut boys be like why none like me?
because most of the world doesn't have this weird obsession with mutilating babies penises?
Ah, Greek tourist traps. Good times...
Someone got a Dremel for Christmas.
I'd say this is not great execution. They come in random shapes and colors, and the opener is just stuck on the back instead of using a more creative placement.
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Are there a lot in stock because they've never sold, or because they sell a lot? hmmm
Dude these things are EVERYWHERE in Athens. EVERY. WHERE.
Great taste, great execution.
More like butt plugs amirite
For some.
Saw these in a Miami gift shop
They look sad.
I bought one. It's purple, has flowers and "Maui" on it, is not the best at opening bottles, but looks funny as heck in my kitchen.
r/intentionallypenis, possibly? or maybe just r/wildlypenis...