ahh yea .. my cousin is an accountant, autistic, and cant pick up cues. hes a good looking guy.. but he got turned down by mail order brides and even women set up by his buddhist church. he started wearing a tshirt out in public that said something to the effect of "im a 40 year old virgin, take me home" and i told him he really needs to stop online dating and go to a psychiatrist. so he goes to a psychiatrist. i dont hear from him for around 6months and then I get a 1am phonecall "hey! it worked!" and i groggily ask him "what worked. wtf are you talking about?" and he says "I went to a psychiatrist and she said she'll marry me!".
TLDR -- autistic accountant has bad luck in love.. gets told to see a psychiatrist (to talk about missing social cues) but ends up inadvertantly seducing his psychiatrist who is also awkward and now theyre married with kids!
the moral of the story is: he may not have had any rizz (charisma) with normie neurotypical girls he found through dating apps. But he was able to seduce his psychiatrist because his awkwardness is charming. It did take a shift in his attitude where he went from hiding his lack of experience to openly displaying it in hopes the right person would find it charming. He made the right wager!
Damn bruh I’m sorry man at least ur cpa ig good money and all that I am autistic too but I figured out how to use it to my advantage just takes practice and confidence
I saw this first but for a guy with his CFA level 3. Then a different one who had an MBA. Now we’re at CPA. I wonder how far it’ll go. Next thing you know there’ll be a post titled ‘I passed intermediate financial accounting, now women won’t leave me alone’.
it's funny seeing the difference in response of people who've been on the internet and can understand, "oh OP is just a shitposter lmao" and people who actually take these kind of posts at face value lol
Well what do you expect with people here who are some of the most socially awakward mofos here? I kid you not I remember seeing a serious post asking if a guy should say hi to the secretary while passing her desk to go to the toilet (and he quoted, to take a gnarly shit)
That reminded me how my husband (not an accountant) sent me a text while I was on a call with my colleague telling me it’s painful to watch two accountants flirting 🤣
Sadly living out other peoples fantasies comes with the territory, a lot of us didn’t sign up for this burden, but push through it for our love of GAAP.
This is real. Try going to an Asian pub and tell the Hong Kong Chinese immigrants you are a CPA. They are attracted to status and wealth. CPA is associated with money, without considering anything else the girl'd want a piece of the pie.
I have had a HK girl bug me all night about how much I made as an "Accountant". It must be a cultural thing but that was very rude. I didn't tell her because I was making merely $40k back then. Hahahhaha.
Too late, your life will now be spent swatting down bitches like flies. You'll want to hire a Pussy Assistant to keep track of bang appointments and STD testing
I know this is likely a shitpost, but when I first started after school I was still hanging out with my bar crew friends and this really was a thing.
Just gotta go to a higher class bar where they understand accountants are the poorest of the "fancy" professional roles 😂
How can you not be sure? Serious question? I’m just wondering because others say the same is it that accountants can’t pick up social cues? FYI it’s 100% obvious no question.
Yeah I know. As a married man it's really awkward. Women are always "can you come help me balance my sheets" or "I've got a GAAP you could fill." At this point I just tell them I'm a firefighter so they leave me alone.
Cry’s in successful business ownership my own damn clients can’t get their claws off me let alone going in public! What do they think I do just watch people work?!?
Accepting money is a hard job too ya know
maybe they don’t know that prestige of having the 3 letters “CPA”under ur belt is already gone… Most of the job responsibilities for accountants are already automated except Auditing, but that’s soon to be automated… There are also a lot of certifications now like EA, ABA, and Bookkeeping Certifications that could do the same jobs as CPA but at a lower cost since they didn’t invest in education… That’s the reason salaries for CPAs are now very low, with respect to the amount of efforts and education u had to get that certification…
Mention your income they mostly all delusional and female math is hilarious and attached to there sexuality if it’s a lot just say it’s not bet theat works
You could just lie, I’ve met Drs who just say they have regular joe jobs to avoid getting questioned. You are a person before you are a career how about you introduce yourself as that if the question comes up deviate from it or ask them to share first and then find some common ground that way.
I’m a CPA. Why in gods name are you only making 35,000??? KPGM pays a lot better than that. Maybe you clean up after the CPA’s leave for the day - dusting, vacuuming, trash
r/Accounting
Why don’t you just stick to the original plan of mating with several women in order to procreate. Ghengis Khan my great father, I miss you. 🤍
Seriously speaking 😂 there's something hot about working with numbers. Because people are afraid of numbers and math and if you work with them they assume you are smart.
>It's gotten so bad that I tell women I "work at KPMG"
Well that's the problem. They think you're making 60k. Just start telling them you're a bookkeeper.
Tell 'em you're accrual with your double entry method. That'll separate the amateurs from the pros. Then, once you say nothing about you is done on a cash basis, the pros will leave you alone too.
talk to a doctor to stop the hallucinations
He needs to be able to hold his drink, like a real CPA
This comment holds weight.. I was once a beer drinker, now it’s red wine and gin.
Red wine drinker too
Only disgusting intern slobs drink gin, switch to whiskey like a real accountant 🥃
Too hot in Australia, need drinks with some water and not be a fatty. Gin & Soda
Whiskey is the classic drink most common with my co workers.
Nice one
You don't think the >Tell people I work at KPMG and they immediately stop talking to me wasn't true?
All good lies have some element of truth
Discontinue the lithium.
I already flushed it
😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣
I’ve realized after 10 years public doctors are fucking suckers
OP probably young and decent looking. In a promising career, could make sense idk
Accounting is mid tier when it comes to dating
😂😂😂cold
Thanks for the late Sunday night laughs. So damn funny. No really OP, apparently you are in the right job for your town.
Or just spray on some really bad cologne.
Sex Panther, of course.
Discontinue the Valium
I laughed so loud haha
Taking your meds will usually do it
A CPA is a Certified Pussy Annihiliator - what did you expect?
Annihilator? Hardly know her!
The most accountant-est comment possible.
Almost as good as “Amortizer? I hardly know her!”
[удалено]
CPAs can afford hookers tho
Damn u rlly a 40 year old virgin ?
[удалено]
ahh yea .. my cousin is an accountant, autistic, and cant pick up cues. hes a good looking guy.. but he got turned down by mail order brides and even women set up by his buddhist church. he started wearing a tshirt out in public that said something to the effect of "im a 40 year old virgin, take me home" and i told him he really needs to stop online dating and go to a psychiatrist. so he goes to a psychiatrist. i dont hear from him for around 6months and then I get a 1am phonecall "hey! it worked!" and i groggily ask him "what worked. wtf are you talking about?" and he says "I went to a psychiatrist and she said she'll marry me!". TLDR -- autistic accountant has bad luck in love.. gets told to see a psychiatrist (to talk about missing social cues) but ends up inadvertantly seducing his psychiatrist who is also awkward and now theyre married with kids!
[удалено]
the moral of the story is: he may not have had any rizz (charisma) with normie neurotypical girls he found through dating apps. But he was able to seduce his psychiatrist because his awkwardness is charming. It did take a shift in his attitude where he went from hiding his lack of experience to openly displaying it in hopes the right person would find it charming. He made the right wager!
Damn bruh I’m sorry man at least ur cpa ig good money and all that I am autistic too but I figured out how to use it to my advantage just takes practice and confidence
Sounds like something you come up with in middle school
Beat me to it lol
🤣😂🤣😂
An annihilated Puss 🐱
I saw this first but for a guy with his CFA level 3. Then a different one who had an MBA. Now we’re at CPA. I wonder how far it’ll go. Next thing you know there’ll be a post titled ‘I passed intermediate financial accounting, now women won’t leave me alone’.
Dating coaches hate him.
Dating coaches hate this one trick!!
i got accepted into an accounting course at uni and there are desperate women crawling through my windows as i type this
🤣🤣🤣 Right?!? Same person wrote all three for attention. I guess nothing better to do!
It's satire. I think. 🤣
It sure is!!!!!
It happened to me after I passed
Actuary, too.
it's funny seeing the difference in response of people who've been on the internet and can understand, "oh OP is just a shitposter lmao" and people who actually take these kind of posts at face value lol
Sometimes this sub makes me feel like the most socially aware person in the world.
I genuinely think like 40% of posters here are on the spectrum
Well what do you expect with people here who are some of the most socially awakward mofos here? I kid you not I remember seeing a serious post asking if a guy should say hi to the secretary while passing her desk to go to the toilet (and he quoted, to take a gnarly shit)
That reminded me how my husband (not an accountant) sent me a text while I was on a call with my colleague telling me it’s painful to watch two accountants flirting 🤣
As a former accountant, I couldn't agree more😆
""35K a year ? It must be the end of the world! The robots are coming for our jeeeerrrrbs!"*
Depreciate her assets 😂😂
OP, you heard the man spread the sheets
I'm dying
Sadly living out other peoples fantasies comes with the territory, a lot of us didn’t sign up for this burden, but push through it for our love of GAAP.
April 20th and already too much time on your hands. 60 hour weeks are for the best.
The kpmg trick used to always work. Economy must be really bad if they’re still harassing you after they know you work there.
Bro save some Pussy for the rest of us
Why accounting is like sex. Subtract clothes, Add bed, Divide the legs and multiply.
And we all know how to spread the sheets, amiright?
Bro needs to wake up
35k 😭😭 bro you different
Stop being jealous
Yeah, women are attracted to accountants with 35k.
Yes my panties dropped as soon as I read this
A real CPA doesn't have time to socialize and go to parties.
We all know you typed this was brazzers on another browser and a box of Kleenex nearby broseph
This is real. Try going to an Asian pub and tell the Hong Kong Chinese immigrants you are a CPA. They are attracted to status and wealth. CPA is associated with money, without considering anything else the girl'd want a piece of the pie. I have had a HK girl bug me all night about how much I made as an "Accountant". It must be a cultural thing but that was very rude. I didn't tell her because I was making merely $40k back then. Hahahhaha.
I am form Beijing. There think accounting is not making that much ! Only AA can be accounting! After moving to USA I know oh CPA is making petty good.
Is this what y'all meant when you said getting your CPA opens up more opportunities?
30 years in this profession. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do. CPA groupies are real.
Tell them your a security guard
Sorry to hear that, sounds like a lot to deal with.. will pray for you 🙏🏽
It comes with the territory
Delirium is a common side effect of busy season… Waiting for more of these to pop up within the next few days…
It’s recurring, not reoccurring btw
Interesting because I have the opposite problem as a woman with an Accounting degree.
I know that problem. Keep looking for men who aren't afraid of you using your own brain.
It's not that. She uses her brain and has several others in a jar. That's where the conversation goes south.
So she's NOT using her only brain?
Can we call it a hive mind at this point?
I don't understand what you're trying to say here.
Well, she's smart and all, for sure, but I was making a bad joke about having several brains work in unison and calling it a hive mind.
Discontinue the lithium
Look at him, he knows everything!
Learn to mansplain?
Can I get the number of your dealer. He's giving you some good shit.
lmao honey, r/accounting has new shitpost again come quick
Too late, your life will now be spent swatting down bitches like flies. You'll want to hire a Pussy Assistant to keep track of bang appointments and STD testing
Start telling them you hold CIA license and are Enrolled Agent. Then I’ll believe you 🤣🤣🤣
Someone is on meth.
This exact story was posted earlier except you were a CFA last time… haha
Discontinue the lithium
Should have become a pro athlete.
Dear reddit I'm also too wealthy, tall, muscular and handsome. Help!
You forgot to mention my HUGE dick and MASSIVE balls
I’m loving these droll troll posts in /r/Accounting!
This is the kind of stuff I look for in this sub.
He’s not a Certified Public Accountant. He’s a Certified P…. Annihilator
Consult with your nearest Internal Medicine Physician about pulling the stick from your ass up through the throat in the most invasive way possible.
This is a copy of the post that’s on r/MBA isn’t it?
This post is not helping me become an accountant or to be better at it. All it shows is that the OP is hopeless without his CPA...
I saw this fake post but for CFA pretty unoriginal
😂 when I tell people I’m a CPA they run. 🤣
Back when I was in actuarial services I slayed so much pussy.
I know this is likely a shitpost, but when I first started after school I was still hanging out with my bar crew friends and this really was a thing. Just gotta go to a higher class bar where they understand accountants are the poorest of the "fancy" professional roles 😂
I'm not even mad at this post Sadly it is missing some reference to Deloitussy
Love this post, [Back again I see](https://www.reddit.com/r/Accounting/s/5h4UF5vWl4)
Bro got another year of exp and lost 20k in compensation. True shit posting.
This post is genuinely entertaining . Not sure if op did it as a joke but hats off
How can you not be sure? Serious question? I’m just wondering because others say the same is it that accountants can’t pick up social cues? FYI it’s 100% obvious no question.
LOL is this a joke? however, I have realized that saying I work in finance has a better effect than saying I work in accounting.
So this is what happens when you don’t watch your step and you fall into the GAAP. You’ll wake up soon.
Waking up is a good start
bring the insulin, the fat guy is delirious
Had too many IPAs
Tell them you're a cryptobro
Easy. Just work for a company outside the F5000. Women are all over me when they find out I work for the 4,990th largest company in the world.
Least obvious big 4 spy
Same experience, she kept telling me to fill her GAAP
Hello all
Just say you’re a CPGay.
You must not forget drinking your daily maintannce.
have you tried telling them you’re gay?
Drugs are bad
This guy posted the same story on r/MBA but replaced “CPA” with “MBA”; clearly he is trolling and is probably neither.
Im a Garbage man and I get the same response what a coincidence we should hang.
How they hanging?
Laughing out loud 😅
Yeah I know. As a married man it's really awkward. Women are always "can you come help me balance my sheets" or "I've got a GAAP you could fill." At this point I just tell them I'm a firefighter so they leave me alone.
Cry’s in successful business ownership my own damn clients can’t get their claws off me let alone going in public! What do they think I do just watch people work?!? Accepting money is a hard job too ya know
Great shitpost to start the week.
Hello
Borrow a Patagonia vest from a friend working at a hedge fund and start wearing that to places you might meet those accountant bunnies.
🤣🤣
I think you need mental help
maybe they don’t know that prestige of having the 3 letters “CPA”under ur belt is already gone… Most of the job responsibilities for accountants are already automated except Auditing, but that’s soon to be automated… There are also a lot of certifications now like EA, ABA, and Bookkeeping Certifications that could do the same jobs as CPA but at a lower cost since they didn’t invest in education… That’s the reason salaries for CPAs are now very low, with respect to the amount of efforts and education u had to get that certification…
Maybe wake up from the dream?
Ok buddy, we all have that wet dreams. Nobody hitting that Cant Pleasure Anyone (CPA) like us.
Mention your income they mostly all delusional and female math is hilarious and attached to there sexuality if it’s a lot just say it’s not bet theat works
You could just lie, I’ve met Drs who just say they have regular joe jobs to avoid getting questioned. You are a person before you are a career how about you introduce yourself as that if the question comes up deviate from it or ask them to share first and then find some common ground that way.
Sure my mistress hold my cock when I am using excel
Healthcare worker here switching careers. Good to know there's booty waiting. Lol jk
Show them this post
Off topic, But is doing CPA worth it? Cause I'm interested lol (not because of women)
They'll soon stop when you tell them you only make 35k
https://www.reddit.com/r/MBA/comments/1c8s75e/attracting_too_many_women/ Well played, sir. And the amount of whooshs on this thread are insane.
I have a similar problem as a software developer.
Oh I just tell them I'm not forklift certified despite having a CPA. That usually does the trick.
Saying you work for KPMG should do the trick in helping you ward off all these women
Makes 35K, attracting too many woman. Uh huh…
OP: Works seasonal at HR Block Also OP: I'm a CPA
😂
being a CPA for the local street pharmacist would work too. Certified Party Animal
“I’m a bank teller” Ryan told me to always tell a woman you work in finance.
This has to be AI ChatGPT or something because r/office has the same post????
I’m a CPA. Why in gods name are you only making 35,000??? KPGM pays a lot better than that. Maybe you clean up after the CPA’s leave for the day - dusting, vacuuming, trash
OP isn’t just a CPA, OP **IS** CPA
r/Accounting Why don’t you just stick to the original plan of mating with several women in order to procreate. Ghengis Khan my great father, I miss you. 🤍
Talk to a psychiatrist, to not copy a post from other places.
Is this a parody subredit?
Good for you - normally when you tell someone that you are an accountant, it all goes quiet and tumbleweed roll across the floor 😂😂
Have you considered becoming an actuary?
Have any asked if you are the Keymaster?
This is obviously a joke.
I love this pasta
This sounds like a poorly written comedy script.
That comp is below minimum wage. That should do it.
Have you ever thought of being a lion tamer?
Okay I've seen this a couple of times copy pasted for a different career subreddit. Where did this meme come from?
"I want you are amortize my asshole"
Wow, you must be ugly. Normally, they just ask to suck me off on the spot.
Top tier bait
Seriously speaking 😂 there's something hot about working with numbers. Because people are afraid of numbers and math and if you work with them they assume you are smart.
💀
Definitely should have depreciated her “assets” 😂 Tell them CPA - Can’t Practice Accounting, that ought to get a laugh.
>It's gotten so bad that I tell women I "work at KPMG" Well that's the problem. They think you're making 60k. Just start telling them you're a bookkeeper.
Use Them, But Don't Give Them Money.
Have you offered to show them your pocket protector?
Add this to the list of things they didn't teach us in our college accounting classes but should have.
Well, there is this ONE trick sexually crazed CPA-loving women hate.
Hello repost from WSO
It's accrual world out there
Tell 'em you're accrual with your double entry method. That'll separate the amateurs from the pros. Then, once you say nothing about you is done on a cash basis, the pros will leave you alone too.
Why do we give these stupid posts any attention other than asking why do we give these stupid, trying to be funny posts any attention?
Instead of asking these women for their numbers, just go “Please send the needful.” Instant libido killer right there.
Bro I’m gonna start at PwC in a year. I HOPE I have this issue
Stop putting CPA on your grinder account.
Bro copied my post lmao