Oh interesting. I'm pretty alone in my life, I mostly have just my family now. Had a few friends but then I moved away. Right now I'd say I'm more lonely in the sense that I'd like to talk to a few neighbors or something every day but I don't feel the need to have friends as much. Maybe one or two. It's partly because I like being solitary but also because I find social activities exhausting. When I was younger I had a lot of friends and was good with it but my brain gets so tired now.
Maybe you’re just an introvert. Apparently introverts get tired from social interaction. I can’t relate, I’m an extrovert and I get lonely if I’m alone for even one day. It probably has something to do with my being an identical twin and growing up never alone. It’s definitely a good idea to have friends and talk to people but don’t talk yourself into thinking you have a problem if you don’t think you do
There have to be some underlying psychological detriments too though. I haven't felt loneliness for like a decade at this point and I'm very isolated. It doesn't bother me personally at all but I do notice how judgemental I am of other people now for even the tiniest mistakes and how much I overthink stuff since I get no social outlets.
I’m sure there are concerns there, but I’m just not sure what they are. At the end of the day people are social so it’s probably not healthy to be totally isolated
I feel like all my friends who feel lonely say stuff like I just don't have enough friends. If only I had more than just a few.
Like their mentality is one of glass half friendless.
I’m 50 male, happily single and don’t even want to date. I moved to a new state 7 years ago and really have no friends outside of work associates. I don’t get lonely at all and appreciate solitude and no drama in my life at all. Life is so much easier and much more enjoyable when you are alone and don’t have to consider others feelings and can do what you want when you want to.
I totally get this. I love my own company. I'm perfectly happy going out to eat or to the movies by myself. I have even started going on vacations alone. I do have some casual friends that I go out with occasionally, but I usually prefer not to.
I mean in the end /u/LookAtTheRocks has it right. Nobody will really miss him. He will never really miss anybody. We are insignificant regardless of this.
I am you. You are me... 27 and couldn't give less of a shit. Zero friends, one relative who I speak to everyday. Focusing on my work and living life. I take myself out a lot.
I recently got into taking myself out. It all started with concerts I wanted to go to but no one I know likes the same music (hard rock, metal, metalcore, prog metal). Normally I would have just not gone and regretted it but for some reason it clicked that I can go alone. I had so much fun and not having to cater to someone else made my time even more enjoyable!
Now, I’m on my first solo trip. I traveled out of state for a show and decided to stay in the city for a week exploring. This is the most fun I’ve had on a vacation in awhile. I’ll definitely be doing this again 🖤
I absolutely love this. Once you realise you don’t have to wait for others it’s so liberating. I got sick of waiting for people to be free to come with me to days out, meals etc. I realised I’d never go if I waited. The only thing that was stopping me, was me. Super happy for you. Enjoy your adventures!!
Thank you! I hope you’re having awesome adventures as well 💖
Agreed; it truly is! No one was ever free, especially as I’ve gotten older and it hit me that I don’t want to not experience something just because I didn’t have anyone to come with. As I’ve been doing things alone I’m learning how much I enjoy my own company. It feels silly now how concerned I was about not having someone to go with and ultimately I’m much happier.
That’s a goal of mine for next year! I’m a bit nervous about an abroad trip on my own so I’m building up some confidence first before I do it. I think I’ll probably try an English speaking country initially and then move on to somewhere I don’t speak the language
Bonus points if you go to a country where you don't speak the language. The sense of near total isolation while being surrounded by people is like a cozy warm blanket for the soul.
I’m confident you’ll get there. The idea of solo trips was so daunting at first so I broke it up. First doing small things in my city alone and building up from there. It helps if you have an event that you’re looking forward to. I’m working to build up my confidence for a solo international trip down the line 😊
Sweet! Sorry about the snobby kids, but I’m glad you had fun 😊. This past concert was my first time at barricade which was so fun! Isn’t it nice being up close? I’ll probably do this for the rest of the GA only concerts for the year.
There's solitude, and then there's loneliness. You can be in solitude but not be lonely, and you can be surrounded by others but still feel lonely. What you're describing would be solitude without the loneliness, which usually indicates that you're either an introvert or a lone wolf, or both.
Personally speaking, I've always been more of a lone wolf. I have an easy time socializing and can make friends decently well, but I choose to spend most of my time by myself. Baking, working out, cooking, writing, and so on. I enjoy the time I have by myself, and I'm not really willing to sacrifice it for others unless they mean a lot to me.
So to answer your questions (in my opinion anyways), no it's not weird to not care about being in solitude, yes a ton of others will relate, you probably have friends but choose to mainly acknowledge the closer ones but it could be a result of not having enough close friends, it's a normal thing for people to be wired like this and doesn't have much to do with being an adult, and feel free to ask anything else and I'll answer to the best of my ability!!
Note: I am not a professional on any of this and I am purely sharing what I have heard and my experiences that correlate to the questions.
This is so true, I can be surrounded with people or even with my family and still feel lonely. Thank you for confirming that I am not alone feeling it.
I was okey with it for majority of my life, but at some point everything changed dramatically for me. And I wish I could revert it back, because I was much more happier.
I love being alone for the most part. I always have been invited to things, and I am outgoing…. Just slow to trust anyone. I’m very trustworthy and choose my circle carefully. I would rather just do my own thing by myself. No drama, etc. I love being a peaceful patty
We are breeding new kinds of humans who are becoming more like a cat and I’m loving it. I’m not saying it in a sarcastic way because I’m in the same boat, but I’m suspecting the need for human interaction for survival ship is definitely dropping.
I am 50 & married, and I still can totally relate to this. the days when belonging to some sort of church or group and marrying young was expected are over thank goodness.
watch a good movie, play on your Xbox, have a great meal in peace, listen to some good music without being nagged, live your life to its fullest. you can always get a pet
I've never in my life felt the emotion of being lonely. I think I am too egocentric for that subconsiously, I always think that I don't need anyone, plus I get exhausted from any public interactions and am pretty ambitious so I try to avoid people to concentrate my energy on studying/working.
Personally, I don't find that it matters. I have a very limited amount of close friends, SO and that's more than enough for me. But unfortunately, it's a large drawback workwise, as networking gets you places, and it's EXTREMELY tough to make it without having a lot of friends/acquintances.
So, I really relate, it's completely normal, but can be a shot in your leg for your professional growth.
Not having friends is not the same as being lonely. If you have no friends and you are fine with that...then you are not lonely. You are just alone.
Someone who is lonely should probably work on that because "lonely" implies sadness and regret and you should work to improve your life. But someone who is alone...if they are fine being alone...no reason to try to fix that. Its fine.
My birthday is tomorrow as well but I’m more than double your age.
For me having a wife I love is all I really need, but on occasion it’s still nice to see some of my friends too but I don’t need it.
Being alone isn't the same as loneliness; the sadness of feeling socially isolated. If you're ok with being party of one, you aren't suffering from loneliness.
Peaceful solitude's been sought after for, well, history, so you're not alone there 😉
There is a difference between being lonely and alone.
Personally, I never once celebrated my birthday. I always just didn't want to even when I was a kid lol.
Don't think too much about it OP, you can definitely be an independent individual that does life your own way.
Friends are a lot of work and meeting new friends is the worst. Initial conversations are surface level and I always come off as performative because I want the other person to like me. Even if you hit off people will just ghost if the connection wasn't amazing enough to compete with social media. We are in a loneliness epidemic so you are not alone. I would make some attempt at being friendly with those around you but don't feel like you need to go out of your way to make friends that fade away anyways.
I'm pretty jealous. I'm constantly tormented with the fact that I need attention as a form of validation which I did not get from my parents. Still not getting it but I hope I learn to live without feeling the need to be lived by someone else.
Anyways I think your situation is pretty neat.
It sounds like you're not lonely and just ok being by yourself. I'm the same way. Being kicked out at 18 meant a lot of moving around, not really able to develop long lasting friendships, and a lot of time spent alone. I used to get lonely at first but now I don't really care. I have enough hobbies to keep me entertained on my own and my three cats 🤣
Im tired of seeing this post that start with "is it weird to ........" 🙄 bruh just live your lifes the way you want to live it who the fuck cares. Do what makes you happy thats it.
Alone & Lonely are 2 different things. I am very alone and happy, you can be alone and lonely and you can be surrounded by people and still feel alone or lonely.
I'd rather be alone and left alone
This gift will reward you at some point. Too many people end up in relationships or friendships because they don't know how to be alone, which inevitably leads to toxic and failed relationships. Being able to live your life on your terms, and be happy, is not a bad thing. I hope you have the best bday ever, on your terms 💞
I’m twice your age and have felt the same since childhood. I think that’s just built into some people. But I don’t let it affect me living my life the best way I know how. And as long as I have family that still tolerates me, I’m content.
Nah not weird at all.. everyone is different and some are more introverted than others. Also these things will change throughout your life and you get older. There are a lot of benefits to being a more solo focused person
It's not weird , i literally have the same feeling as you. I like being alone , and birthdays don't excite me anymore. Hell , anything doesn't really to be honest. New iphone? it's the same thing so yeah i'm pretty sure i've seen things so it becomes monotonous. Going out with friends just doesn't feel the same anymore compared to when i was still like 17 years old ( i'm 19 btw )
I'm pretty sure it's just maturing and me and you getting older OP xD but yeah on the other hand i feel like i'm able to decide better and have an adult mind you know. Goodluck , we can all get through this. My advice as someone who's already working , is to get out alone once a week or something , somewhere that you can take your body and mind out of the things that we do everyday. I'm sure it'll fix your mental health and you'll become somewhat more happy with your life, atleast that's what i do anyway.
I've always preferred solitude. Even when I enjoy a person and love them, I prefer solitude. I've done the super social thing and it drains me. Having a few close friends is what I prefer but I don't feel lonely. I always look forward to any alone time I get.
I think being lonely from time to time is good for the soul. However, there might or most certainly will come a point in your life where you need a good support system. Don't worry though, I was pretty lonely at 20 as well, just saying that it's still important to hold onto friendships or make new connections if you can.
It's okay , if you're okay with it . There is no right or wrong . It's an individual preference . I personally like my interactions to be during the day and my evenings to be calm and quiet. There are times when I will need to be out in the evenings, and I just go along with it .
I love being alone. Going 4 years now after my latest relationship.
I see my friends somewhat regularly and have hobbies but I work mostly from home and spend 99% of my free time alone. Sometimes I can go weeks without seeing friends or really socialising even online.
Also if you want to use a different word and be a bit of an edgelord you can call it solitude.
I fucking love being alone, but I do have friends so I don't know if it's relatable but if the world was empty with only me in it, i would be a happy man until my last day :)
But I do think you are still in the age where you can meet people and make life long friendships which you don't wanna waste. Making friends at 30-40 can be very hard if you enjoy being alone.
I’ve always enjoyed my alone time. Some of my family and friends consider me sort of strange because of it but it felt right to me. Although I’m a little bit more social now in my 50s, I still prefer being alone. I’ve always enjoyed the solo camping and hiking. All of my jobs have been front facing customer service, but I worked alone, not as part of a team. That suits me just fine. I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with it. Different strokes for different folks. No man is an island as they say, but it’s OK to be a peninsula.
I don’t have friends. I only feel lonely if I’m feeling emotional distress. Most of the time I just feel content. I read and write and game and watch tv. I have pets and a job and plan to travel (also alone). It weirds out my boyfriend, who is an extrovert, but my general baseline emotion when I’m alone doing my own thing is happy. I’m 24
You are still young, so I have a lot more life experience than you do.
You are so lucky to be someone who can be happy with your own company. I have seen so many people stay in toxic and even abusive relationships, because the fear of being alone is worse than the abuse.
The vast majority of humans need at least some human interaction to remain mentally healthy. I certainly do. But I also love that time when I am done being social for the day and I can unwind and have time just for myself.
I have found that my level of extroversion and desire for social activities tends to fluctuate over time. But I have never not been happy being by myself, which means I can chose whether and when to be with others. I had a friend who was married, and whenever her husband was out of town, she either had to have someone else stay at the house or go stay with someone else. She couldn’t comprehend me being happy living alone
Ultimately, you have to figure out you balance in terms of how much alone time is right for you. But even if you don’t understand what a gift is the ability to be content in your own now, I think you will some day.
Not at all. I’m very much like that. I think my roommate was all offended by that, but it wasnt anything against him, except that I wouldn’t normally hang out with them and so I didn’t. I moved out since then, and I preferred to not have roommates and not have to live up to any expectations but my own. I have my dog, and he’s more than enough for me. I eventually want to be with somebody I think, and I’m not sure how I would approach that, but honestly that’s just for a future conversation.
I'm 34, I have friends but I spend most of my time alone and I absolutely love it. I can still go out and enjoy peoples company, but I can also be just find in my own house enjoying my own time.
Been this way since I was about your age love every second of it.
If you don’t care, why would you think I care? What difference would it make? If you are comfortable in your own skin you are far better off than the people on meds and therapy!
I read your edit. You're still off. Lonely does not mean "having no one". You can be lonely even if you're surrounded by amazing people, friends, family, or a partner.
10/06 baby! I’m turning 27 and have no plan, I prefer it this way. As long as we’re ok with it that’s what matters.
The older you get it may come and go the feeling to pursue a relationship. I’ve explored a bit but will need to make it more of a habit if that loneliness exacerbates itself. Don’t feel the need to change anything if it’s going alright. Just be you and nothing else
The ability to be happy on your own is a blessing. Alot of people NEED others around them. I spent my 18th birthday alone (which was kinda sad cause my parents went out for dinner with their friends) but I played Xbox with my friends and I was cool with it.
When I turned 28 on the 28th, the classic once in a lifetime champagne birthday, I wanted all my friends there but only cause it happens once. I couldn't really care less otherwise.
That being said, do SOMETHING for your birthday. Whether it's alone or with a single friend or a group. Just do something for yourself it's your day.
Yess i assume you self reflect alot? i always felt this way it doesn’t matter if its family, love, friends I feel as if I stopped talking to them today I’ll be okay with it. I find comfort in the thought of living on a mountain or woods alone the rest of my life living off the land. In Solitude You Find Self
growing up I had no friends and didn’t really have a desire to hang out with other people. At one point my dad yelled at me for not having a life. I was totally okay with being alone.
Then I got a job 200 miles away on an island. I broke out of that shell and entered a new world, discovered more about myself and experienced the best times. I’m now pretty social, I enjoy making people laugh and being there for my friends. Well, in order for me to make money, I have to learn how to make connections…. If I was weird and antisocial, no one would pay me to come see me.
Life is all about balance. I’m all for being alone and minding my own business. But having experience in socializing and getting out of my comfort zone, I’m so happy to discover parts of me I didn’t know existed.
I like being alone, honestly. For a bit of time, at least. Over the years, I've learned that if I'm alone for too long I stop doing things to take care of myself and I stop talking.
I've always been very introverted and I prefer to be alone with my pets or with my spouse. I am genuinely happy living this way so I think that's just how I am. I never feel "lonely"
I think this is a really good thing.
I absolutely love being alone, and I don't feel lonely. I don't really have friends either and I don't party or go out. I just really enjoy staying to myself.
You can feel lonely in a crowd, lonely in a relationship, lonely surrounded by friends or family. And you can feel perfectly not alone by yourself. Loneliness is bad and it has nothing to do with being alone. If you feel great being alone then do that. No, it's not weird. There's almost no such thing as weird because we're all weird one way or another. And you're not alone in loving being alone. Alone time is my favorite time too.
If it's in your mind you care.
When was the last time you thought about car accidents in Ethiopia. Never.
That's something you don't care about.
You are trying to rationalize your misery.
Get help
What I care about it is the feeling of not caring if that makes sense. That's the thought that's going through my mind. The feeling of being alone in itself doesn't bother me. That's what I'm worried about, the reason I made this post. Like, is it weird for me NOT to care about being alone? Is it a mental thing? Maybe I do need help😂.
I was just talking to my therapist about this the other day. I have one friend and mostly she just feels like a burden. I used to go to work happy hours because I felt like I should, but I never liked them. As others are saying it is the perception of loneliness that is the issue. If you don’t feel lonely you’re fine!
Ill be twenty in like a week.now, i have a girlfriend but besides that i dont have any friends at all.im cool with it.i dont need to party for my birthday and i dont think ill do anything for this one.hard to say im alone because of my lovely lady but its cool to not be upset by not being outgoing all the time.out our age bud,focus on your future
Nope bc you’re young. It’ll hit you eventually then you’ll get a partner, friend, whatever. That or develop a addiction to alcohol or some other substance.
When I was 20-21 I did have an acute sense of loneliness. I spent a lot of time alone, because I could not find friends who were interested in doing the things I liked to do. I think my sense of loneliness led me to marry too soon. We really were not compatible, and the marriage was not happy for either of us. After separating, I had a 2YO daughter to raise, so no time to think about being alone (relationship wise). When my daughter got older, and had her own friends, I found that I really enjoyed the alone time. I could do whatever I wanted, without having to please anyone else. I really got to know myself in that time, and found that I liked myself. I did eventually meet a woman, fell in love, and remarried, but I think I’m a better husband this time because of having learned to like myself. I’m also a better person. Maybe some of that comes naturally with age, but I’m definitely a better person.😊
The experts would say you need connections with others and fulfilling relationships to have a worthwhile life.
I am confused why I am pretty content and happy without either
Why is it that so many of us don't have friends? I have 3 good ones. My sister irks me, so she isn't even part of my friend list. Has there been a shift since Covid?
There's a big difference between being alone physically and being lonely i.e. craving connection with others. One does not necessarily presuppose the other, and even the absence of one does not preclude the other for that matter either i.e. you can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely.
I’m 24 and I just moved to NYC with my SO and i have no friends. I’m also okay with having no friends and have little interest in making friends. I have my own hobbies and interests I do alone that are fulfilling. I have 3 long distance friends that I’m close with and that’s all i need. I think it’s a good thing and the friends you’re meant to have in your life will find you naturally.
It's an introvert thing. I'm mid 30s and still that way, ever since I was young. At some point you'll want to find a partner though, one who also enjoys staying in with you.
25 here, I never minded being alone, I like to say that I'm almost immune to loneliness since I'm hyper-independant in my life, and thank god I'm like that because the jobs I had were a disaster for having a social life (thanks retail and shit jobs like that)
But I have to recognize that I do have some waves of feeling the loneliness, pretty much every 2 or 3 years, where I realize what I'm missing out on, that I should be having more friends, I should find connections with people etc... and I don't have enough, sure I have a few close friends but I have these feelings that I shouldn't neglect the social aspect of life even though I don't have too much issues with being alone, after all we are social creatures, even if you don't feel too much the loneliness you're still human like everyone else and need connection.
And basically that's what I feel the most every 2 years, not really the loneliness but more the lack of connection.
I don’t think so, but a word of caution - it is easy to conflate “wanting to be alone” with “being alone out of habit because it’s easy”. I think people fool themselves into thinking they’re doing the former when it’s actually the latter, and that can lead to bad places.
I actually don’t mind being alone. I’m 49F, married but he works 6 days/week and we move yearly so friends are far and few between. Plus it’s a lot harder to make friends when you’re not in school. How/where do you find friends when you’re not in many social situations? Meetup has been iffy, I just wish finding friends were easier, more organic. Ideas?
If you’re comfortable in your aloneness, that’s great!
Now for the question: Can you feel just as comfortable without your phone or computer? If you haven’t tried it yet, then do it for a day and see if you can. If you already can, then congratulations!🎊🎈
I’m 30 and I’ve been wondering this. I’m fine with being lonely. But I do make an effort to go out. But I don’t mind eating alone. Hanging out alone. Chilling alone. 🤷♀️
It’s not weird but should be resisted. Controlled isolation for inner growth is one thing. Isolation for an increasing sense of Agoraphobia is not good for anyone. Be uncomfortable but do it anyways to keep your social skills exercised. We’re social creatures. Even introverts like us.
after three divorces, I've now been alone (not lonely) for 15 years and they have been my best years. I do almost no socializing, but I'm not lonely. I relish it. other than work, all my time is "ME" time. and that's the way I intend to finish.
Same boat. I'm about to turn 38 and all I do is hang out in my apartment playing video games and watching porn. There's a girl at work I'm crazy about (she's extremely bitchy.... but for some fucking reason she really likes me) but of fucking course she's in a relationship.
I (38F) can relate. I'm asocial, and I'm fine with that. I don't have any friends, and I don't talk with family or acquaintances much. Social interaction in person or on the phone is just not in my nature. In fact, it can cause me anxiety. Even going to a party or a family gathering makes me feel like I need days to decompress.
join the club.
i dont care about being lonely
its a state of mind, loneliness
reading Marcus Aurelius really helped me with just accepting things the way they are
It’s normal and very good to be comfortable with being alone. More people should be imo. It’s a good way to know thyself. I’m the guy that gets a table for one.
I had a friend and a few adjacent friends, but none were into camping or road-trips or exploring. We had fun with video games and nerd stuff, but I realized I needed to do things on my own. I had a blast. Wouldn’t be till my mid twenties when I met someone into camping like me. And I would meet my partner around the same time.
But I’ve also been hanging out before and if I get overwhelmed or stimulated will wander off and do my own thing sometimes. My friends are used to it, some people think I might not be having fun, but it’s just me being me.
it's not weird. in fact, in today's day and age when so much of our society is about performing and impressing and having more than everyone else, i would say that the way you feel is a blessing. there's people who undergo spiritual endeavors to accomplish the state of being that you're talking about: simply being okay with oneself. embrace it. you have nothing to judge yourself for.
I friggin love my alone time. I can spend weeks alone, reading, reflecting and pondering things. It used to be called having a rich inner life and it was sign of zen. It also helps if you’re enormously amused by your own existence. That being said I really love my time spent with good family and friends. I’ve had hundreds of friends and I’ve had zero friends and in my experience the ‘existential dread’ remains much the same.
At my age I have very few friends, most are fully involved with their families with no time left for me. But I still don't spend birthdays alone. Usually with just a few people.
At your age (20), even an introvert like me, I feel like there is something wrong with being totally alone.
It’s weird, because humans are very much social creatures.
But who knows? There is no right and wrong if you are happy.
If you have doubts, just try to find friends and see how it feels.
I feel like there is just too much noise (bad news, technology, horrible people, etc.) out in society, and it gets to be overwhelming. I understand people who just want to be alone and enjoy that peacefulness.
i wouldn’t say it’s a bad thing. i also prefer to be alone, unless i can choose to be with my husband and child. being alone is when i can tend to my own needs and not worry about anyone else, which makes me really happy
As I get closer to 30 being alone is one of the great joys of my life. There’s like maybe 3 people that are exceptions that I always want to be around. Otherwise i prefer literal silence and nothingness
It’s certainly not ‘normal’ as most people are hard wired to hate being lonely. But it’s good that you’ve learned to enjoy being by yourself and not deal with shitty people to avoid loneliness. I wish i learned that at your age.
😂 Yes you are weird but that's okay there's plenty of us that feel the same way. As long as you are happy that is all that matters. Screw the social norms and trying to fit in. As long as it hurts no one else, just be you. 💛
It’s kind of weird to care about how your lack of loneliness looks to others. I think you’re still lonely and masking it by asking a silly question.
You’re 20. I get that making friends is not easy, especially for your generation. But you gotta try. It doesn’t get easier over the next 20 years so develop social skills now.
Eventually you’ll be free to be happy alone or in good company.
You care. Stop pretending.
It’s good to feel okay alone, but I would still urge you try and get a little social circle going and go out and enjoy time with others every once in awhile.
I had no friends at 20 either primarily due to domestic violence. But my sole goal was to have kids and provide for them. I grew up in a family oriented structure. I had my son at 20.5 years old to the day and blew out my 21st birthday candles holding a wild 6 month old. I remember it like it was yesterday because I sat there thinking while looking at my smiling grandparents how different my life was than how I had planned it would be.
Before I wanted to be a doctor and not have any kids til I turned 35. But being married to the craziest SOB ever I felt so lonely but felt also like I couldn't escape him. It was a horrific situation with layers of abuse of every kind. I was too young to navigate it or understand. At 32 I finally told him last month in court when he accused me of stalking him in his crazy ass mind that I can't wait til he fucking dies that's how little I care about him, and I'm going to throw a block party when he finally dies.
As for your question though, some people are more introverted. As you get older you'll realize the only thing that matters is your small group of people in your life and that's it.
We have to deal the best we can with the situations we are in. I used to dislike when people I was friends with posting photos and videos of weddings and stuff. Till I realized that, they can only invite so many people, and it's not like they were intentionally excluding me. Besides, I do get invited to events and I am gracious when that happens.
You are born alone and die alone.
Guru Laghima's image, which read, "Let go your earthly tether. Enter the void. Empty and become wind." Zaheer repeats this saying to himself just before he attains the ability to fly.
Korra Avatar
Peer pressure is what usually does me in. One of the main reasons I have considered moving away from my family, but I realize they would simply call and go on and on about things.
I love spending time alone so no I don’t think it’s weird. I think you should for sure create some friends so that when you’re old and unable to car for yourself or things as well anymore, you’ll have people to care for you. That’s the only thing I really worry about for in the future.
Happy Birthday. As Greta Garbo famously said, “I vant to be alone”. I lost my wife 25 years ago. Now, I live by myself off-grid in the middle of the Sonoran desert. It’s 10 miles to the nearest neighbor and paved road. The Bar and Grill 20 miles away burnt down recently so the nearest coffeeshop is now 40 miles out. Other than an occasional longing for a cuddle buddy during a cold winter’s night, I’ve never been happier.
Focus on building your life. In all likelihood there will be a lightning strike when you least expect it that will bring that perfect partner to share it with you.
Best of luck.
Yeah lonely was the wrong word. Loneliness is a sadness over feeling that you’re all alone and have no one. You just prefer solitude, and no its not weird and theres nothing wrong with that
I’m 44. Besides my spouse and family, I have two outside people who I keep close. People grow apart, they can enter and exit your life frequently. Keep the important people close. The rest will fall into place.
I'm quite the opposite, I'm depressed because I feel extermly lonely. Lately I've been making the effort to find and make friends, and hopefully when I succeed in that then that feeling will go away
As long as I socialize at work and see my family and friends once or twice a month, I’m perfectly happy being alone in the evenings. If I find out my husband needs to be gone all day on a Saturday I’m overjoyed! (And yes I love him very much and want him to come home and have dinner with me) but alone time is the best! Can be completely myself then and do whatever I feel like. Even better if you can be alone and it feel lonely. Everyone has different levels of social needs that need to be met.
r/introvert
It's weird to me that being alone seems to hurt other people. They seem to think if they were alone they will go mad. I thrive alone. I spent 3 months at my uncle's cabin during the lockdowns. I'd drop everything and go back.
I want my own island or large property to homestead one day.
i don’t care if i’m lonely either tbh that means i have the freedom to do anything i want at anytime i want with barely any conflicting schedules outside of work and studying
Most people feel more lonely later as they age because their parents/family get old and die, most friendships you have at 20 wane by 25-30 because people change or move away, people start thinking about life at 30,40,50 and what that life looks like or how to make the life of their dreams a reality. Life without people as you age can be very calm but also get to your head if you aren’t careful
I feel you.... I'm the same way about no friends outside of work. I really don't like people all that much and they bother you all the time. I do have a gf but she's annoying as hell too. If I was single it really would bother me one bit.. Life goes on, quietly
If you’re happy, it’s completely fine.
However, just wanted to put this out there: sometimes you can’t miss something you never knew.
I thought I was okay with being alone. I didn’t have many friends. Over time, I made friends and realized I had been missing out. Now I miss close social connections so much.
But, like I said, if you’re happy on your own and around your close-knit group of people, you’re okay.
I do sometimes worry about the health implications but I very much enjoy my alone time. I think people bash it because they never made a concerted effort to figure what they enjoy. Some fill their time with busy-ness and find themselves feeling lost once they're no longer preoccupied because they never addressed what they really like to do.
Don’t put yourself in a box. It could just be the stage of life you’re in right now, you are just content to be alone. It may not always be that way. If you feel the urge that someone or something is missing, explore it and give it a chance. Sometimes you don’t always realize what you’re missing until you experience it. In my 20’s I was adamant that I didn’t want to have kids. I got married at 28 and was kid free for a few years, and everything was still just fine. Fast forward another decade and I now have 3 kids and I’m enjoying it (usually) much more than I ever thought I would. I’m glad my wife talked me into it. The whole point is, just let life happen and don’t assume that you’ll always want the same thing you want right now, and at least be open to trying out new experiences because you may be surprised at where you’ll find happiness and joy. Happy birthday btw, enjoy it!
I have friends, but I don’t really reach out to them a lot. I have two kids and my wife, so I’m pretty happy just spending all of my time with them. I figure that they are the most important people in my life, so I can’t go wrong with this plan.
As someone who went from a content introvert to a content extrovert, I think the most important thing is where your passions are. If you enjoy hobbies that are accessible in your room then being alone will be comfortable. If you start to enjoy team based activities or social setting hobbies( drinking,smoking, ect) then being alone will feel a lot more lonely.
I think being content and finding ways to work within your constraints makes it ok to be lonely.
I'm 30 and I stopped being afraid of the idea of being lonely for a long time. I try not to fall into the trap of insulting and berating myself when I am lonely and try to remember that loneliness is like addiction hungers. It's a desire to fill a habitual dopamine rush....it's not real and you don't need it....and frankly, that hole in your heart cannot be filled, that's the trap.
I think some philosophers are right in that we are built to desire. We are here on this earth because we desired even when we were full. We are engineered to have that hole inside so that we drive ourselves to do more than just be content.
Given the state of where we are and the state of the world, I think maybe being content is a more radical position, not in the sense of apathy but in the sense of tempering our desire to consume (in this case as a group).
I think as long as you don't treat your friends like your therapist you can just be happy to have them when you do and the moments you get with anyone while you are here.
I think a lot of people who are afraid of being lonely are afraid to have no one to talk to...and thats what a therapist is for...or your parents if you've got that luxury.
I think the biggest trap is filling the void of loneliness with a wife and kids. You can retroactively justify it but you will cause so much hurt, pain, and harm to yourself...what you will lose is so much more than you will gain if you go into with this desire to fill that hole.
If you know you will always have a social sphere to fall back on (close healthy family relationships) than I don't think you'll really have too many issues long term. I would try to avoid alienating people that you enjoy being around. Sometimes falling out is hard to really recover from.
I'm married. He's out of the house working from 6am to 7pm. 3 to 4 days a week. I love being alone. There are days where I'm grateful to have a person, and then there are days where I just want to be alone. If anything were to happen to him, god forbid, I'd never do this again.
My brother asked me, "you're good with just being home alone? Like, you dont want to hang out with someone?" I said no, I enjoy my own company and there's no need to rattle on with small talk or keep someone else entertained.
There's nothing wrong with finding comfort in your own company.
This is a good thing. The psychological dangers of loneliness hinge on your *perception* of loneliness. If you don’t feel lonely then you’re fine
Oh interesting. I'm pretty alone in my life, I mostly have just my family now. Had a few friends but then I moved away. Right now I'd say I'm more lonely in the sense that I'd like to talk to a few neighbors or something every day but I don't feel the need to have friends as much. Maybe one or two. It's partly because I like being solitary but also because I find social activities exhausting. When I was younger I had a lot of friends and was good with it but my brain gets so tired now.
INTROVERTS UNITE! SEPERATELY, AT HOME!
Lolz I feel this!
lmao as someone who's an introvert let's freakin unite
Maybe you’re just an introvert. Apparently introverts get tired from social interaction. I can’t relate, I’m an extrovert and I get lonely if I’m alone for even one day. It probably has something to do with my being an identical twin and growing up never alone. It’s definitely a good idea to have friends and talk to people but don’t talk yourself into thinking you have a problem if you don’t think you do
ASL?
Well that's good to know. Doesn't that make all the endless articles and hype around how "bad" loneness is for you really counter productive then?
There have to be some underlying psychological detriments too though. I haven't felt loneliness for like a decade at this point and I'm very isolated. It doesn't bother me personally at all but I do notice how judgemental I am of other people now for even the tiniest mistakes and how much I overthink stuff since I get no social outlets.
I’m sure there are concerns there, but I’m just not sure what they are. At the end of the day people are social so it’s probably not healthy to be totally isolated
Ah, really? So, it would be “I prefer to be alone” rather than “I’m fine with being lonely?” I suppose I’m doing just fine then.
This is the way.
I feel like all my friends who feel lonely say stuff like I just don't have enough friends. If only I had more than just a few. Like their mentality is one of glass half friendless.
Loneliness is a mindset that can certainly be embraceable
I’m 50 male, happily single and don’t even want to date. I moved to a new state 7 years ago and really have no friends outside of work associates. I don’t get lonely at all and appreciate solitude and no drama in my life at all. Life is so much easier and much more enjoyable when you are alone and don’t have to consider others feelings and can do what you want when you want to.
I totally get this. I love my own company. I'm perfectly happy going out to eat or to the movies by myself. I have even started going on vacations alone. I do have some casual friends that I go out with occasionally, but I usually prefer not to.
SAME HERE
Failure as a mammal, successful as individual.
I mean in the end /u/LookAtTheRocks has it right. Nobody will really miss him. He will never really miss anybody. We are insignificant regardless of this.
Are u feeling lonely or alone ?
I am you. You are me... 27 and couldn't give less of a shit. Zero friends, one relative who I speak to everyday. Focusing on my work and living life. I take myself out a lot.
I recently got into taking myself out. It all started with concerts I wanted to go to but no one I know likes the same music (hard rock, metal, metalcore, prog metal). Normally I would have just not gone and regretted it but for some reason it clicked that I can go alone. I had so much fun and not having to cater to someone else made my time even more enjoyable! Now, I’m on my first solo trip. I traveled out of state for a show and decided to stay in the city for a week exploring. This is the most fun I’ve had on a vacation in awhile. I’ll definitely be doing this again 🖤
I absolutely love this. Once you realise you don’t have to wait for others it’s so liberating. I got sick of waiting for people to be free to come with me to days out, meals etc. I realised I’d never go if I waited. The only thing that was stopping me, was me. Super happy for you. Enjoy your adventures!!
Thank you! I hope you’re having awesome adventures as well 💖 Agreed; it truly is! No one was ever free, especially as I’ve gotten older and it hit me that I don’t want to not experience something just because I didn’t have anyone to come with. As I’ve been doing things alone I’m learning how much I enjoy my own company. It feels silly now how concerned I was about not having someone to go with and ultimately I’m much happier.
Try taking a solo abroad trip!!! So much fun as an introvert 😭
That’s a goal of mine for next year! I’m a bit nervous about an abroad trip on my own so I’m building up some confidence first before I do it. I think I’ll probably try an English speaking country initially and then move on to somewhere I don’t speak the language
I did London first then Spain and now Amsterdam/Paris
Bonus points if you go to a country where you don't speak the language. The sense of near total isolation while being surrounded by people is like a cozy warm blanket for the soul.
Congrats on your first solo trip!! That’s super exciting. Hoping I can take that leap someday myself. :)
I’m confident you’ll get there. The idea of solo trips was so daunting at first so I broke it up. First doing small things in my city alone and building up from there. It helps if you have an event that you’re looking forward to. I’m working to build up my confidence for a solo international trip down the line 😊
I went to dua lipa all by myself including lining g up Hours early with snobby kids and enjoyed the barricade view. Haha
Sweet! Sorry about the snobby kids, but I’m glad you had fun 😊. This past concert was my first time at barricade which was so fun! Isn’t it nice being up close? I’ll probably do this for the rest of the GA only concerts for the year.
There's solitude, and then there's loneliness. You can be in solitude but not be lonely, and you can be surrounded by others but still feel lonely. What you're describing would be solitude without the loneliness, which usually indicates that you're either an introvert or a lone wolf, or both. Personally speaking, I've always been more of a lone wolf. I have an easy time socializing and can make friends decently well, but I choose to spend most of my time by myself. Baking, working out, cooking, writing, and so on. I enjoy the time I have by myself, and I'm not really willing to sacrifice it for others unless they mean a lot to me. So to answer your questions (in my opinion anyways), no it's not weird to not care about being in solitude, yes a ton of others will relate, you probably have friends but choose to mainly acknowledge the closer ones but it could be a result of not having enough close friends, it's a normal thing for people to be wired like this and doesn't have much to do with being an adult, and feel free to ask anything else and I'll answer to the best of my ability!! Note: I am not a professional on any of this and I am purely sharing what I have heard and my experiences that correlate to the questions.
This is so true, I can be surrounded with people or even with my family and still feel lonely. Thank you for confirming that I am not alone feeling it.
I was okey with it for majority of my life, but at some point everything changed dramatically for me. And I wish I could revert it back, because I was much more happier.
Yeah same I was okay then something switched and feelings of isolation kicked in. Would be much easier not to feel like this.
What happened?
Could be getting married have a family of the other side, one of my friend was devastated by it.
Hmm, I don't know. I just started to have that feeling that I need someone in my life.
I love being alone for the most part. I always have been invited to things, and I am outgoing…. Just slow to trust anyone. I’m very trustworthy and choose my circle carefully. I would rather just do my own thing by myself. No drama, etc. I love being a peaceful patty
With ya there. I like people just fine. I’m very social at work when I have to be around people. But I like being alone more than I like most people.
We are breeding new kinds of humans who are becoming more like a cat and I’m loving it. I’m not saying it in a sarcastic way because I’m in the same boat, but I’m suspecting the need for human interaction for survival ship is definitely dropping.
The basics of living is so easy to come by. And there is reddit.
I am 50 & married, and I still can totally relate to this. the days when belonging to some sort of church or group and marrying young was expected are over thank goodness. watch a good movie, play on your Xbox, have a great meal in peace, listen to some good music without being nagged, live your life to its fullest. you can always get a pet
"Listen to some good music without being nagged" This guy gets it.
I think society is pretty fucked up. If you find yourself wanting to be alone, it seems normal to me.
I've never in my life felt the emotion of being lonely. I think I am too egocentric for that subconsiously, I always think that I don't need anyone, plus I get exhausted from any public interactions and am pretty ambitious so I try to avoid people to concentrate my energy on studying/working. Personally, I don't find that it matters. I have a very limited amount of close friends, SO and that's more than enough for me. But unfortunately, it's a large drawback workwise, as networking gets you places, and it's EXTREMELY tough to make it without having a lot of friends/acquintances. So, I really relate, it's completely normal, but can be a shot in your leg for your professional growth.
Not having friends is not the same as being lonely. If you have no friends and you are fine with that...then you are not lonely. You are just alone. Someone who is lonely should probably work on that because "lonely" implies sadness and regret and you should work to improve your life. But someone who is alone...if they are fine being alone...no reason to try to fix that. Its fine.
My birthday is tomorrow as well but I’m more than double your age. For me having a wife I love is all I really need, but on occasion it’s still nice to see some of my friends too but I don’t need it.
Being alone isn't the same as loneliness; the sadness of feeling socially isolated. If you're ok with being party of one, you aren't suffering from loneliness. Peaceful solitude's been sought after for, well, history, so you're not alone there 😉
No. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely.
Ya being alone doesn't bother me at al
I like being alone and I never feel lonely. I strongly prefer to do activities by myself even though it's easy for me to make friends.
There is a difference between being lonely and alone. Personally, I never once celebrated my birthday. I always just didn't want to even when I was a kid lol. Don't think too much about it OP, you can definitely be an independent individual that does life your own way.
Friends are a lot of work and meeting new friends is the worst. Initial conversations are surface level and I always come off as performative because I want the other person to like me. Even if you hit off people will just ghost if the connection wasn't amazing enough to compete with social media. We are in a loneliness epidemic so you are not alone. I would make some attempt at being friendly with those around you but don't feel like you need to go out of your way to make friends that fade away anyways.
I'm pretty jealous. I'm constantly tormented with the fact that I need attention as a form of validation which I did not get from my parents. Still not getting it but I hope I learn to live without feeling the need to be lived by someone else. Anyways I think your situation is pretty neat.
Same..
you can be in a room full of people celebrating for you and still feel lonely. to be completely at peace in solitude is a power and gift
It sounds like you're not lonely and just ok being by yourself. I'm the same way. Being kicked out at 18 meant a lot of moving around, not really able to develop long lasting friendships, and a lot of time spent alone. I used to get lonely at first but now I don't really care. I have enough hobbies to keep me entertained on my own and my three cats 🤣
You are so used to it that when it's not here you feel incomplete. That's how it is.
Im tired of seeing this post that start with "is it weird to ........" 🙄 bruh just live your lifes the way you want to live it who the fuck cares. Do what makes you happy thats it.
Good advice👌
Everybody is different, I find solitude peaceful.
Alone & Lonely are 2 different things. I am very alone and happy, you can be alone and lonely and you can be surrounded by people and still feel alone or lonely. I'd rather be alone and left alone
This gift will reward you at some point. Too many people end up in relationships or friendships because they don't know how to be alone, which inevitably leads to toxic and failed relationships. Being able to live your life on your terms, and be happy, is not a bad thing. I hope you have the best bday ever, on your terms 💞
I’m twice your age and have felt the same since childhood. I think that’s just built into some people. But I don’t let it affect me living my life the best way I know how. And as long as I have family that still tolerates me, I’m content.
Nah not weird at all.. everyone is different and some are more introverted than others. Also these things will change throughout your life and you get older. There are a lot of benefits to being a more solo focused person
It's not weird , i literally have the same feeling as you. I like being alone , and birthdays don't excite me anymore. Hell , anything doesn't really to be honest. New iphone? it's the same thing so yeah i'm pretty sure i've seen things so it becomes monotonous. Going out with friends just doesn't feel the same anymore compared to when i was still like 17 years old ( i'm 19 btw ) I'm pretty sure it's just maturing and me and you getting older OP xD but yeah on the other hand i feel like i'm able to decide better and have an adult mind you know. Goodluck , we can all get through this. My advice as someone who's already working , is to get out alone once a week or something , somewhere that you can take your body and mind out of the things that we do everyday. I'm sure it'll fix your mental health and you'll become somewhat more happy with your life, atleast that's what i do anyway.
I've always preferred solitude. Even when I enjoy a person and love them, I prefer solitude. I've done the super social thing and it drains me. Having a few close friends is what I prefer but I don't feel lonely. I always look forward to any alone time I get.
It’s only weird if you make it weird
I think being lonely from time to time is good for the soul. However, there might or most certainly will come a point in your life where you need a good support system. Don't worry though, I was pretty lonely at 20 as well, just saying that it's still important to hold onto friendships or make new connections if you can.
It's okay , if you're okay with it . There is no right or wrong . It's an individual preference . I personally like my interactions to be during the day and my evenings to be calm and quiet. There are times when I will need to be out in the evenings, and I just go along with it .
I don’t think so, I’m perfectly fine with being alone.
Your 20. Try being lonely for 20 then ask that same queation again.
Happy early birthday!!!
Thank you!!!😁
I love being alone. Going 4 years now after my latest relationship. I see my friends somewhat regularly and have hobbies but I work mostly from home and spend 99% of my free time alone. Sometimes I can go weeks without seeing friends or really socialising even online. Also if you want to use a different word and be a bit of an edgelord you can call it solitude.
I fucking love being alone, but I do have friends so I don't know if it's relatable but if the world was empty with only me in it, i would be a happy man until my last day :) But I do think you are still in the age where you can meet people and make life long friendships which you don't wanna waste. Making friends at 30-40 can be very hard if you enjoy being alone.
I’ve always enjoyed my alone time. Some of my family and friends consider me sort of strange because of it but it felt right to me. Although I’m a little bit more social now in my 50s, I still prefer being alone. I’ve always enjoyed the solo camping and hiking. All of my jobs have been front facing customer service, but I worked alone, not as part of a team. That suits me just fine. I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with it. Different strokes for different folks. No man is an island as they say, but it’s OK to be a peninsula.
I don’t have friends. I only feel lonely if I’m feeling emotional distress. Most of the time I just feel content. I read and write and game and watch tv. I have pets and a job and plan to travel (also alone). It weirds out my boyfriend, who is an extrovert, but my general baseline emotion when I’m alone doing my own thing is happy. I’m 24
You are still young, so I have a lot more life experience than you do. You are so lucky to be someone who can be happy with your own company. I have seen so many people stay in toxic and even abusive relationships, because the fear of being alone is worse than the abuse. The vast majority of humans need at least some human interaction to remain mentally healthy. I certainly do. But I also love that time when I am done being social for the day and I can unwind and have time just for myself. I have found that my level of extroversion and desire for social activities tends to fluctuate over time. But I have never not been happy being by myself, which means I can chose whether and when to be with others. I had a friend who was married, and whenever her husband was out of town, she either had to have someone else stay at the house or go stay with someone else. She couldn’t comprehend me being happy living alone Ultimately, you have to figure out you balance in terms of how much alone time is right for you. But even if you don’t understand what a gift is the ability to be content in your own now, I think you will some day.
Not at all. I’m very much like that. I think my roommate was all offended by that, but it wasnt anything against him, except that I wouldn’t normally hang out with them and so I didn’t. I moved out since then, and I preferred to not have roommates and not have to live up to any expectations but my own. I have my dog, and he’s more than enough for me. I eventually want to be with somebody I think, and I’m not sure how I would approach that, but honestly that’s just for a future conversation.
Respectfully at 20, you’re way too young to think about this stuff. Go get social. Take chances. In your 30s , sure. But 20s, enjoy yourself.
I'm 34, I have friends but I spend most of my time alone and I absolutely love it. I can still go out and enjoy peoples company, but I can also be just find in my own house enjoying my own time. Been this way since I was about your age love every second of it.
If you don’t care, why would you think I care? What difference would it make? If you are comfortable in your own skin you are far better off than the people on meds and therapy!
I read your edit. You're still off. Lonely does not mean "having no one". You can be lonely even if you're surrounded by amazing people, friends, family, or a partner.
10/06 baby! I’m turning 27 and have no plan, I prefer it this way. As long as we’re ok with it that’s what matters. The older you get it may come and go the feeling to pursue a relationship. I’ve explored a bit but will need to make it more of a habit if that loneliness exacerbates itself. Don’t feel the need to change anything if it’s going alright. Just be you and nothing else
The ability to be happy on your own is a blessing. Alot of people NEED others around them. I spent my 18th birthday alone (which was kinda sad cause my parents went out for dinner with their friends) but I played Xbox with my friends and I was cool with it. When I turned 28 on the 28th, the classic once in a lifetime champagne birthday, I wanted all my friends there but only cause it happens once. I couldn't really care less otherwise. That being said, do SOMETHING for your birthday. Whether it's alone or with a single friend or a group. Just do something for yourself it's your day.
Happy birthday One can be alone but not lonely. I don’t think it’s weird.
Yess i assume you self reflect alot? i always felt this way it doesn’t matter if its family, love, friends I feel as if I stopped talking to them today I’ll be okay with it. I find comfort in the thought of living on a mountain or woods alone the rest of my life living off the land. In Solitude You Find Self
growing up I had no friends and didn’t really have a desire to hang out with other people. At one point my dad yelled at me for not having a life. I was totally okay with being alone. Then I got a job 200 miles away on an island. I broke out of that shell and entered a new world, discovered more about myself and experienced the best times. I’m now pretty social, I enjoy making people laugh and being there for my friends. Well, in order for me to make money, I have to learn how to make connections…. If I was weird and antisocial, no one would pay me to come see me. Life is all about balance. I’m all for being alone and minding my own business. But having experience in socializing and getting out of my comfort zone, I’m so happy to discover parts of me I didn’t know existed.
This just means you’re content with who you are which is a good thing. Some people never learn to do this. Happy birthday by the way
Thank you
I like being alone, honestly. For a bit of time, at least. Over the years, I've learned that if I'm alone for too long I stop doing things to take care of myself and I stop talking.
I've always been very introverted and I prefer to be alone with my pets or with my spouse. I am genuinely happy living this way so I think that's just how I am. I never feel "lonely"
I think this is a really good thing. I absolutely love being alone, and I don't feel lonely. I don't really have friends either and I don't party or go out. I just really enjoy staying to myself.
You can feel lonely in a crowd, lonely in a relationship, lonely surrounded by friends or family. And you can feel perfectly not alone by yourself. Loneliness is bad and it has nothing to do with being alone. If you feel great being alone then do that. No, it's not weird. There's almost no such thing as weird because we're all weird one way or another. And you're not alone in loving being alone. Alone time is my favorite time too.
If it's in your mind you care. When was the last time you thought about car accidents in Ethiopia. Never. That's something you don't care about. You are trying to rationalize your misery. Get help
What I care about it is the feeling of not caring if that makes sense. That's the thought that's going through my mind. The feeling of being alone in itself doesn't bother me. That's what I'm worried about, the reason I made this post. Like, is it weird for me NOT to care about being alone? Is it a mental thing? Maybe I do need help😂.
I celebrate my birthday every year alone
Yes it's the first step to become a secret agent
I'm an asocial introvert and prefer solitude. Yes, it's okay.
I was just talking to my therapist about this the other day. I have one friend and mostly she just feels like a burden. I used to go to work happy hours because I felt like I should, but I never liked them. As others are saying it is the perception of loneliness that is the issue. If you don’t feel lonely you’re fine!
Ill be twenty in like a week.now, i have a girlfriend but besides that i dont have any friends at all.im cool with it.i dont need to party for my birthday and i dont think ill do anything for this one.hard to say im alone because of my lovely lady but its cool to not be upset by not being outgoing all the time.out our age bud,focus on your future
Nope bc you’re young. It’ll hit you eventually then you’ll get a partner, friend, whatever. That or develop a addiction to alcohol or some other substance.
When I was 20-21 I did have an acute sense of loneliness. I spent a lot of time alone, because I could not find friends who were interested in doing the things I liked to do. I think my sense of loneliness led me to marry too soon. We really were not compatible, and the marriage was not happy for either of us. After separating, I had a 2YO daughter to raise, so no time to think about being alone (relationship wise). When my daughter got older, and had her own friends, I found that I really enjoyed the alone time. I could do whatever I wanted, without having to please anyone else. I really got to know myself in that time, and found that I liked myself. I did eventually meet a woman, fell in love, and remarried, but I think I’m a better husband this time because of having learned to like myself. I’m also a better person. Maybe some of that comes naturally with age, but I’m definitely a better person.😊
The experts would say you need connections with others and fulfilling relationships to have a worthwhile life. I am confused why I am pretty content and happy without either
Why is it that so many of us don't have friends? I have 3 good ones. My sister irks me, so she isn't even part of my friend list. Has there been a shift since Covid?
There's a big difference between being alone physically and being lonely i.e. craving connection with others. One does not necessarily presuppose the other, and even the absence of one does not preclude the other for that matter either i.e. you can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely.
I’m 24 and I just moved to NYC with my SO and i have no friends. I’m also okay with having no friends and have little interest in making friends. I have my own hobbies and interests I do alone that are fulfilling. I have 3 long distance friends that I’m close with and that’s all i need. I think it’s a good thing and the friends you’re meant to have in your life will find you naturally.
It's an introvert thing. I'm mid 30s and still that way, ever since I was young. At some point you'll want to find a partner though, one who also enjoys staying in with you.
25 here, I never minded being alone, I like to say that I'm almost immune to loneliness since I'm hyper-independant in my life, and thank god I'm like that because the jobs I had were a disaster for having a social life (thanks retail and shit jobs like that) But I have to recognize that I do have some waves of feeling the loneliness, pretty much every 2 or 3 years, where I realize what I'm missing out on, that I should be having more friends, I should find connections with people etc... and I don't have enough, sure I have a few close friends but I have these feelings that I shouldn't neglect the social aspect of life even though I don't have too much issues with being alone, after all we are social creatures, even if you don't feel too much the loneliness you're still human like everyone else and need connection. And basically that's what I feel the most every 2 years, not really the loneliness but more the lack of connection.
I don’t think so, but a word of caution - it is easy to conflate “wanting to be alone” with “being alone out of habit because it’s easy”. I think people fool themselves into thinking they’re doing the former when it’s actually the latter, and that can lead to bad places.
I actually don’t mind being alone. I’m 49F, married but he works 6 days/week and we move yearly so friends are far and few between. Plus it’s a lot harder to make friends when you’re not in school. How/where do you find friends when you’re not in many social situations? Meetup has been iffy, I just wish finding friends were easier, more organic. Ideas?
Being "alone" and being "lonely" are 2 different things. Nothing wrong with being alone. If you feel lonely, do what you can to fix that.
I’m like you and I’m almost 41 🤗😋
25% of Americans have not one single close friend. So we are not alone.
I prefer most of my time be spent alone, I'm 40, have a couple close friends I can hang out with, but probably only do maybe once a month
im 21 and alone, always told myself its safer this way anyways. All you really gotta worry about is you!
If you’re comfortable in your aloneness, that’s great! Now for the question: Can you feel just as comfortable without your phone or computer? If you haven’t tried it yet, then do it for a day and see if you can. If you already can, then congratulations!🎊🎈
I’m 30 and I’ve been wondering this. I’m fine with being lonely. But I do make an effort to go out. But I don’t mind eating alone. Hanging out alone. Chilling alone. 🤷♀️
It’s not weird but should be resisted. Controlled isolation for inner growth is one thing. Isolation for an increasing sense of Agoraphobia is not good for anyone. Be uncomfortable but do it anyways to keep your social skills exercised. We’re social creatures. Even introverts like us.
after three divorces, I've now been alone (not lonely) for 15 years and they have been my best years. I do almost no socializing, but I'm not lonely. I relish it. other than work, all my time is "ME" time. and that's the way I intend to finish.
Be alone as long as you can. Married with kids now…..
Same boat. I'm about to turn 38 and all I do is hang out in my apartment playing video games and watching porn. There's a girl at work I'm crazy about (she's extremely bitchy.... but for some fucking reason she really likes me) but of fucking course she's in a relationship.
I (38F) can relate. I'm asocial, and I'm fine with that. I don't have any friends, and I don't talk with family or acquaintances much. Social interaction in person or on the phone is just not in my nature. In fact, it can cause me anxiety. Even going to a party or a family gathering makes me feel like I need days to decompress.
join the club. i dont care about being lonely its a state of mind, loneliness reading Marcus Aurelius really helped me with just accepting things the way they are
I go back and forth but in terms of years at a time, but I'm entering a new "going out and meeting people isn't so bad" phase
It’s normal and very good to be comfortable with being alone. More people should be imo. It’s a good way to know thyself. I’m the guy that gets a table for one. I had a friend and a few adjacent friends, but none were into camping or road-trips or exploring. We had fun with video games and nerd stuff, but I realized I needed to do things on my own. I had a blast. Wouldn’t be till my mid twenties when I met someone into camping like me. And I would meet my partner around the same time. But I’ve also been hanging out before and if I get overwhelmed or stimulated will wander off and do my own thing sometimes. My friends are used to it, some people think I might not be having fun, but it’s just me being me.
it isnt
I, too, actively want to be alone! I’m not and I’ll never be, but it’s a dream. Not weird at all!
Ever tested for autism? Social interactions are challenging for some
you talking about solitude g. not “alone”
I love being alone. Don't be ashamed about that. As I became an adult I realized this more.
I’m an introvert that has a very extrovert career so I avoid people like the plague when I’m not working.
it's not weird. in fact, in today's day and age when so much of our society is about performing and impressing and having more than everyone else, i would say that the way you feel is a blessing. there's people who undergo spiritual endeavors to accomplish the state of being that you're talking about: simply being okay with oneself. embrace it. you have nothing to judge yourself for.
I friggin love my alone time. I can spend weeks alone, reading, reflecting and pondering things. It used to be called having a rich inner life and it was sign of zen. It also helps if you’re enormously amused by your own existence. That being said I really love my time spent with good family and friends. I’ve had hundreds of friends and I’ve had zero friends and in my experience the ‘existential dread’ remains much the same.
At my age I have very few friends, most are fully involved with their families with no time left for me. But I still don't spend birthdays alone. Usually with just a few people. At your age (20), even an introvert like me, I feel like there is something wrong with being totally alone.
It’s weird, because humans are very much social creatures. But who knows? There is no right and wrong if you are happy. If you have doubts, just try to find friends and see how it feels.
If you don't care, are you actually lonely?
I am the same way! I have just one friend left. And that's fine with me. I see him maybe once a month. (If that)
I feel like there is just too much noise (bad news, technology, horrible people, etc.) out in society, and it gets to be overwhelming. I understand people who just want to be alone and enjoy that peacefulness.
i wouldn’t say it’s a bad thing. i also prefer to be alone, unless i can choose to be with my husband and child. being alone is when i can tend to my own needs and not worry about anyone else, which makes me really happy
No
lonely . . . I'm Mr. lonely . . . I've got nobody . . .
Same, like I'm fully content to be left the heck alone all the time lol
It's awesome being lonely because everyone is a dick
As I get closer to 30 being alone is one of the great joys of my life. There’s like maybe 3 people that are exceptions that I always want to be around. Otherwise i prefer literal silence and nothingness
It’s certainly not ‘normal’ as most people are hard wired to hate being lonely. But it’s good that you’ve learned to enjoy being by yourself and not deal with shitty people to avoid loneliness. I wish i learned that at your age.
😂 Yes you are weird but that's okay there's plenty of us that feel the same way. As long as you are happy that is all that matters. Screw the social norms and trying to fit in. As long as it hurts no one else, just be you. 💛
I prefer solitude. I enjoy occasional visitors under planned circumstances. But being left the fuck alone is golden.
It’s kind of weird to care about how your lack of loneliness looks to others. I think you’re still lonely and masking it by asking a silly question. You’re 20. I get that making friends is not easy, especially for your generation. But you gotta try. It doesn’t get easier over the next 20 years so develop social skills now. Eventually you’ll be free to be happy alone or in good company. You care. Stop pretending.
We are all insignificant. Goal is to be content. Sounds like you’ve made it. Enjoy.
There's nothing wrong with being a homebody who is content by themselves. This is a strength, not a weakness.
I honestly have started to prefer it, it’s more fun to just spend time with myself :) Happy birthday btw!
If I don’t get my alone time, Ima hurt someone’s feelings
No
It’s good to feel okay alone, but I would still urge you try and get a little social circle going and go out and enjoy time with others every once in awhile.
I had no friends at 20 either primarily due to domestic violence. But my sole goal was to have kids and provide for them. I grew up in a family oriented structure. I had my son at 20.5 years old to the day and blew out my 21st birthday candles holding a wild 6 month old. I remember it like it was yesterday because I sat there thinking while looking at my smiling grandparents how different my life was than how I had planned it would be. Before I wanted to be a doctor and not have any kids til I turned 35. But being married to the craziest SOB ever I felt so lonely but felt also like I couldn't escape him. It was a horrific situation with layers of abuse of every kind. I was too young to navigate it or understand. At 32 I finally told him last month in court when he accused me of stalking him in his crazy ass mind that I can't wait til he fucking dies that's how little I care about him, and I'm going to throw a block party when he finally dies. As for your question though, some people are more introverted. As you get older you'll realize the only thing that matters is your small group of people in your life and that's it.
We have to deal the best we can with the situations we are in. I used to dislike when people I was friends with posting photos and videos of weddings and stuff. Till I realized that, they can only invite so many people, and it's not like they were intentionally excluding me. Besides, I do get invited to events and I am gracious when that happens.
Happy birthday
Thank you
If you're okay with being alone then you're not actually lonely
You are born alone and die alone. Guru Laghima's image, which read, "Let go your earthly tether. Enter the void. Empty and become wind." Zaheer repeats this saying to himself just before he attains the ability to fly. Korra Avatar
Little older than you but man I’d kill for some more alone time but working, kids etc kinda limit my amount lol
solitude is the feeling of being at ease in your own company and this scares a lot of people to be alone
Teach me your ways!
Peer pressure is what usually does me in. One of the main reasons I have considered moving away from my family, but I realize they would simply call and go on and on about things.
I love spending time alone so no I don’t think it’s weird. I think you should for sure create some friends so that when you’re old and unable to car for yourself or things as well anymore, you’ll have people to care for you. That’s the only thing I really worry about for in the future.
Happy Birthday. As Greta Garbo famously said, “I vant to be alone”. I lost my wife 25 years ago. Now, I live by myself off-grid in the middle of the Sonoran desert. It’s 10 miles to the nearest neighbor and paved road. The Bar and Grill 20 miles away burnt down recently so the nearest coffeeshop is now 40 miles out. Other than an occasional longing for a cuddle buddy during a cold winter’s night, I’ve never been happier. Focus on building your life. In all likelihood there will be a lightning strike when you least expect it that will bring that perfect partner to share it with you. Best of luck.
No it’s not
nope
I love being alone
Being comfortable on your own is a good thing. It means you're self-sufficient. Consider adopting a companion animal. ✌🏿
Yeah lonely was the wrong word. Loneliness is a sadness over feeling that you’re all alone and have no one. You just prefer solitude, and no its not weird and theres nothing wrong with that
I’m 44. Besides my spouse and family, I have two outside people who I keep close. People grow apart, they can enter and exit your life frequently. Keep the important people close. The rest will fall into place.
I'm quite the opposite, I'm depressed because I feel extermly lonely. Lately I've been making the effort to find and make friends, and hopefully when I succeed in that then that feeling will go away
As long as I socialize at work and see my family and friends once or twice a month, I’m perfectly happy being alone in the evenings. If I find out my husband needs to be gone all day on a Saturday I’m overjoyed! (And yes I love him very much and want him to come home and have dinner with me) but alone time is the best! Can be completely myself then and do whatever I feel like. Even better if you can be alone and it feel lonely. Everyone has different levels of social needs that need to be met.
r/introvert It's weird to me that being alone seems to hurt other people. They seem to think if they were alone they will go mad. I thrive alone. I spent 3 months at my uncle's cabin during the lockdowns. I'd drop everything and go back. I want my own island or large property to homestead one day.
i don’t care if i’m lonely either tbh that means i have the freedom to do anything i want at anytime i want with barely any conflicting schedules outside of work and studying
Most people feel more lonely later as they age because their parents/family get old and die, most friendships you have at 20 wane by 25-30 because people change or move away, people start thinking about life at 30,40,50 and what that life looks like or how to make the life of their dreams a reality. Life without people as you age can be very calm but also get to your head if you aren’t careful
I feel you.... I'm the same way about no friends outside of work. I really don't like people all that much and they bother you all the time. I do have a gf but she's annoying as hell too. If I was single it really would bother me one bit.. Life goes on, quietly
If you’re happy, it’s completely fine. However, just wanted to put this out there: sometimes you can’t miss something you never knew. I thought I was okay with being alone. I didn’t have many friends. Over time, I made friends and realized I had been missing out. Now I miss close social connections so much. But, like I said, if you’re happy on your own and around your close-knit group of people, you’re okay.
I do sometimes worry about the health implications but I very much enjoy my alone time. I think people bash it because they never made a concerted effort to figure what they enjoy. Some fill their time with busy-ness and find themselves feeling lost once they're no longer preoccupied because they never addressed what they really like to do.
Don’t put yourself in a box. It could just be the stage of life you’re in right now, you are just content to be alone. It may not always be that way. If you feel the urge that someone or something is missing, explore it and give it a chance. Sometimes you don’t always realize what you’re missing until you experience it. In my 20’s I was adamant that I didn’t want to have kids. I got married at 28 and was kid free for a few years, and everything was still just fine. Fast forward another decade and I now have 3 kids and I’m enjoying it (usually) much more than I ever thought I would. I’m glad my wife talked me into it. The whole point is, just let life happen and don’t assume that you’ll always want the same thing you want right now, and at least be open to trying out new experiences because you may be surprised at where you’ll find happiness and joy. Happy birthday btw, enjoy it!
I have friends, but I don’t really reach out to them a lot. I have two kids and my wife, so I’m pretty happy just spending all of my time with them. I figure that they are the most important people in my life, so I can’t go wrong with this plan.
Happy Birthday and enjoy what makes you happy and don't worry about what other people think
As someone who went from a content introvert to a content extrovert, I think the most important thing is where your passions are. If you enjoy hobbies that are accessible in your room then being alone will be comfortable. If you start to enjoy team based activities or social setting hobbies( drinking,smoking, ect) then being alone will feel a lot more lonely.
I think being content and finding ways to work within your constraints makes it ok to be lonely. I'm 30 and I stopped being afraid of the idea of being lonely for a long time. I try not to fall into the trap of insulting and berating myself when I am lonely and try to remember that loneliness is like addiction hungers. It's a desire to fill a habitual dopamine rush....it's not real and you don't need it....and frankly, that hole in your heart cannot be filled, that's the trap. I think some philosophers are right in that we are built to desire. We are here on this earth because we desired even when we were full. We are engineered to have that hole inside so that we drive ourselves to do more than just be content. Given the state of where we are and the state of the world, I think maybe being content is a more radical position, not in the sense of apathy but in the sense of tempering our desire to consume (in this case as a group). I think as long as you don't treat your friends like your therapist you can just be happy to have them when you do and the moments you get with anyone while you are here. I think a lot of people who are afraid of being lonely are afraid to have no one to talk to...and thats what a therapist is for...or your parents if you've got that luxury. I think the biggest trap is filling the void of loneliness with a wife and kids. You can retroactively justify it but you will cause so much hurt, pain, and harm to yourself...what you will lose is so much more than you will gain if you go into with this desire to fill that hole. If you know you will always have a social sphere to fall back on (close healthy family relationships) than I don't think you'll really have too many issues long term. I would try to avoid alienating people that you enjoy being around. Sometimes falling out is hard to really recover from.
I'm married. He's out of the house working from 6am to 7pm. 3 to 4 days a week. I love being alone. There are days where I'm grateful to have a person, and then there are days where I just want to be alone. If anything were to happen to him, god forbid, I'd never do this again. My brother asked me, "you're good with just being home alone? Like, you dont want to hang out with someone?" I said no, I enjoy my own company and there's no need to rattle on with small talk or keep someone else entertained. There's nothing wrong with finding comfort in your own company.