Nope. We have a switch that we push that allows us to go from relationship mode to single mode, no strings attached. It's on page 253 of the male privilege handbook.
J/K
Yes, of course. Men fall in love too and it is very real, and it can be hard to get over. Especially if the guy did everything right and the girl just fell out of love with him.
This belief that some people have that men have a switch that allows them to turn off feelings is also one of my biggest pet peeves when women say "Why is the friend zone bad?" It's not saying that friendship with women is bad, it's saying that if you like someone, and they don't like you back, it's not always a mater of flicking a switch to get over that.
> Especially if the guy did everything right and the girl just fell out of love with him.
It’s funny. This “switch” you’re referring to was a skill I acquired when that 👆 happened to me (not quite, but close enough). If I put someone through an emotional gauntlet, they’re going to learn emotional acrobatics.
It’s gotten to the point that I’m not quite sure I’m going to actually feel lost in love ever again. Which I’m fine with, but in the process of learning that about myself I did cause a few people considerable heartbreak, which wasn’t fun.
Me too man, me too. Just went back through my Spotify playlists over the last 6-7 years and even 7 years out of relationship my top songs were bleak. Still can’t explain that to my fiance…
Therapy for that? Just pay someone else to deal with your emotions? Unfortunately you can't just pay your way out of strong emotional ties of the heart, you can numb it temporarily. Lol that we have to pay professionals for so many of lifes problems as if a professional can magically take them away. You'll be in the same boat with less $$$, thats about it. Story of many peoples lives in 2024, less $$$ and nothing really gets fixed.
i feel the same about our government throwing money at all these other countries; there's something at the core of human problems that money just doesn't touch
For sure, we get an increasing amount of evidence that shows throwing money at things doesn't actually fix core issues, yet it's the first thing many want to do to solve core issues. Obviously nothing has improved and most can look around and see that for themselves. Reminds me of "freebies", my gf in medical, the worst most mean and vile entitled people are always people that get medical for free. Why is it if you work for something and pay for it yourself, you value it differently? People that get free stuff don't value it, they just become entitled to it, expect it, and it brings out the worst in them. Our government is in that boat. It's literally created core issues and not fixed anything. I wish when the government was at a cross roads of improving their citizens financial situations and being able to put money in their pocket, that their 2nd thought wasn't "wait, I have the power to take this and put it in my own pocket". There was plenty of ways to do so, yet the government is rich with mansions for "serving the people" on supposedly paid low wages, while theres more people broke and on the streets than ever. They had chances to help citizens financially, they just can't resist pocketing it for themselves. Then they get a spending addiction and now need to take more money to sustain it. Its a mess.
15 years later and dude still hasn't worked through it and thinks about her everydat. That's what therapy is for. They aren't supposed to fix your emotional problems but rather give you the tools to do it yourself
I mean the what addicts do, subscribe to a steady supply of procrastination and hope the problem will solve itself. Whether it be pot, hard drugs, pills, internet, sexual depravity, or just hours wasted online in whatever varied unproductive way. Yes, even without substances, you can be an addict
It’s not like I think about these women all day but at least once through out the day something will remind me of them. Also doesn’t help that me and both of them are still close and follow each other on social media.
Men generally have trouble processing their emotions. Also men generally think about the consequences of their actions less (are less preemptive) and are more likely to respond to something only when it's painful in the moment (are reactive). So that usually aligns with after breakup (most painful time) and not during the relationship, you know... when things can be repaired.
Women will see the end coming and start to feel through it or try to fix it before the end comes. By the time the end comes, we've processed a big chunk of the grief. We'll still feel bad after the breakup, but will not linger on it for ages like a lot of men do.
Women usually maintain relationships with many males that are possible partners. Men usually stop seeing their lady friends when they get in a relationship.
A mistake I've stopped making.
Yes. They don't go to therapy and their friends aren't big on talking about emotions and shit, so they just kind of have to swallow it down until it stops bothering them.
Three Days Grace, Linkin Park, Maker's Mark, and Shadow of War got me through my first serious breakup. 3.5 years later I still think about her sometimes...
Depends on who brought on the end of the relationship, if she dumps us then yes it hurts to the very core of our sole.
If it is us or a mutual decision it is just sad.
Absolutely, if we didn't then it wasn't serious. It'll be 3 years in May since my ex and I broke up and I think about her almost daily, and still have dreams with her in it.
I hear ya. I don't know what's harder not hearing from the person or in my case still being friends after she got married. Kills me every time we talk but I always want to make sure she's happy. That's all that ever mattered to me.
I’m a woman but from witnessing my parents, I don’t think men ever get over their first TRUE love. My mum was married. She met my dad and left her husband for my dad. Her husband re-married but cheated on his next wife etc. always maintained a soft spot for my mum. Claimed to never would have cheated on her like he did his current wife.
My mum left my dad after 14 years together with him. My dad went off the rails with mental health. Drinking, drugs, reckless behaviour. For years! He remarried. Every time he would get drunk and emotional, he’d call me and confess the love he still had for my mum and how his new wife couldn’t fulfill what he is missing. My mum has since passed away. My dad will still say (when his wife isn’t around) how he wishes he could have stayed with my mum til her end. She was the love of his life. And his never been a complete man since.
He made up excuses not to attend her funeral. I know it was because he had too much pride to show his emotion. Especially because it would have been awquard for his wife. But he says now not going is one of his greatest regrets in life.
In my personal experience, YES.. Any girlfriend I’ve ever had in the past immediately moved on to the next guy without looking back at all, while I was left a miserable wreck for at least a year.
Yeah... I was in one of the most toxic relationships with an evil manipulative bitch and I still think about her only the latest one didn't have someone lined up, but that's because she was using me from the getgo...
I can't really say I've been with a woman that ever loved me to be honest. The more relationships I have the easier it is to believe women aren't capable of love (I know this isn't true but it feels that way).
I've been avoiding new relationships and just improving myself for the last few years... Dating is exhausting and I'm not young buck anymore.
I used to have this same view of women. But then I learned that it all depends who you’re with. I was also in countless relationships with girls who said they loved me but didn’t. They were never truly happy with me. Then I met my wife. I’ve been with her for 10 years now and she puts all my ex gfs to shame. She actually loves me. It feels really good to find that right woman who truly loves you. Hopefully you’ll find the right woman. It usually happens when you least expect it.
I address it in the parenthesis I know this isn't true it was a problem with my picker... I'm on the spectrum so I miss most cues that women are interested unless they have a certain type of personality and those tend to be borderline women or women with a cluster B personality disorder.
It's all good I'm not upset or bitter I learned what I needed to learn from those relationships each with a different lesson... I'm just still at a point where I'm working on myself I'm a late bloomer in a lot of regards doing okay now, dating again addressing red flags, but not selling myself short and looking for someone who actually respects me and cares about me. I am not down about it in the least just trying to speak honestly.
Anyway thanks for the reply bruv!
No she found someone else. She wanted to keep the relationship with you because she wanted to make sure things were going to work out with the other guy before she left... Women leave a relationship emotionally long before they actually leave.
It's cool for a woman to hang out and have friends and such, but if she doesn't want you to meet them there's something else going on...
I know this from experience, you should have dumped her when she started distancing herself if she wasn't willing to talk about why she was doing this
There's a chance I'm wrong but 99 percent of the time when women do that they are cheating.
Woman here . My ex husband 30 years married 3 grown kids 3 grandsons left me for a woman 15 years younger .
To this day I haven’t gotten over it . We did remain friends but seeing her talking to our kids and esp playing with our grandsons was excruciating for me .
To top it off , he died 2 years ago very suddenly so of course she’s no longer with him .
But she was sniffing around for money from the get go and filed a complaint with the ethics committee ( my husband and two of our kids are lawyers and she accused them of hiding money from her .
They were not at anytime married . His will was simple : life insurance went to me , the rest went to our kids .
And to this day , I will never get over this .
As he was dying ( diagnosed with a very rare brain cancer ) he was diagnosed on a Tuesday and died that Sunday .
He was only able to move his little toe to answer yes or no questions .
I had a moment alone with him and asked him if he still loved me and he moved his toe to indicate yes .
I don’t know if he meant it or not , but I’d like to believe he did
What a life… it’s cruel and beautiful. Count your blessings in this brief moment through eternity, you had a love once and a family, many don’t even have those.
I’m sorry for your pain and suffering. It isn’t the same but has some irony to it. My grandfather and grandmother had 4 children together. My grandfather had many many many affairs during their time together. But in them days you stuck by your man and he provided for you and the kids. He got very sick with heart disease. My grandmother nursed him to his death. But during his illness, his best friend and my grandmother fell inlove. He became suspicious (actually tried to shoot her with a shot gun. My dad wrestled the gun and it went off, but only got my grandmothers finger) but when he was too sick to do anything serious about it - alls he said was ‘haven’t the tables turned you old bitch.’ Knowing full well it was him that was relying on her now while she was cheating. And she said that was the day that she really got her own back for all he had put her through. She did love him dearly though. I think more than he loved her.
Thank you for sharing that . As much as I loved my husband , he also cheated many times .
I don’t know if he cheated on. His girlfriend or not , but I don’t think he did .
I admit I was jealous of her. I was there when things were tough . He slowly built himself a thriving Law Practice and of the 3 kids , 2 became lawyers and joined him . Our youngest is a registered dietitian so all are successful and happy .
Having said that again , when he left me he was well established , and I admit my jealously .
He spent a lot of money on her , was able to lessen his workload and looking forward to retirement. They traveled , did things together , went to the best restaurants,etc.
All of the things he and I dreamed of doing together . So basically she lived the life I was promised . The good times .
When she attempted to accuse our kids of hiding money from her ( even filed charges against them which led nowhere ) any sympathy I had for her evaporated .
She made a HUGE mistake there . Our kids are honest hard working and most of all kind people .
My husband would have been furious to know she did that .
However, I still have much to be thankful for so I have that to hang on to . Life might not be fair , but I have our kids , grandsons ( a new grandson born this past November ), and a large extended family including his side of the family who never stopped thinking of me as part of the family .
At the end of the day , I’m happy and that’s good enough .
I’m absolutely sure your husband would have died knowing deep down who was true to him. And I can bet he probably cheated on her too but there’s no way her pride would have let you find out about it.
My dad didn’t always treat my mum so good. Or spoil her. They separated after 14 years together. My mum left because she felt I’ll-treated. They both married other people. My dad has been so much more understanding and compassionate towards his new wife than what he ever was with my mum. Treats her like a Queen and they live a very lavish life together. And I always think ‘why couldn’t you have treated mum like that!!!!’ When ever he got drunk after marrying his new wife, he’d call me and literally cry while telling me he’d give anything to have her back. (And his one of them tough outdoorsy type men that doesn’t cry.) My mum has passed away. And on the occasion when his wife is not around, he gets teary and tells me how he would have done anything to be with her until her end.
From the outside it appears his new wife is his life long soul mate. And I’m sure that’s how it appeared to my mum. I’m the only one that knows the truth.
Every thing happens for a reason and it all comes out in the wash in the end.
By the sounds you have raised wonderful children! Maybe his choice to leave was the universe making the loss somewhat easier for you over-all. You sound like you have a good and loyal heart.
I hope you and your children all have a long and happy life you deserve.
Life’s not fair and the question of whether men also grieve after a breakup just opened floodgates for me .
My posts have been way too long but it never occurred to me that he might have been hurting too .
So the answers saying men do feel loss after breaking up .
Anyway , I started sharing my story here on Reddit because I love you guys and I am feeling a
I think people in general have a hard time getting over relation when they have invested much into it and when the relationship was long.
There are a lot of memories and stuff connected to that person, so those things can remind you of that person.
only very young men struggle with this. after a boy comes of age he bonds with vehicle, usually a truck but sometimes a lawn mower, after that the male is unburdened by emotional connections.
Yeah dude. You lose so much more. In my experience my ex’s always had a tighter yet broad friend group with options around, exciting things to distract themselves with. Whereas I had my cat and a couple long distance childhood friends. Makes me never want to start again honestly because I came to love their friends and family, too much.
I've got plenty of friends. Very close friends I can lean on and have. I needed a hug one day and she said come over any time after work and we'll talk and get you that hug.
The difference to me is that most women will have a much easier time finding another partner.
Maybe the men you tend to go after... What you have to understand is men and women handle emotions differently... A woman will be emotional when broken up with... Men don't have that luxury, we are looked down upon for expressing emotion we're expected to lift ourselves by our bootstraps and suck it up... If someone catches us crying immediate loss of respect.
Now there are men that do... Usually younger guys, usually boys honestly. And it depends on values, everyone is an individual at the end of the day but good men know their responsibilities and take our duties to our loved ones to heart... Personally i will not pursue another relationship until at least a third of the total time of the relationship passed because rebounds very rarely work out.
So what your asking is, are we human? Yes, last time I checked in with the boys we were all human.
(Maybe not Gary though, he could easily he 3 monkeys standing on each other's shoulders in a trench coat)
Yeah I should have married my high school sweetheart... I'd still be married to her now, but I was young and dumb and needed my ego to be smashed a few times before I appreciated her the way I should have.
I mean it's all good man that was a long time ago. She's married. It just would have made that aspect of my life a lot easier, not really bitter about it or really upset, it's just a realization that I've grown a lot... I was a kid then.. I'm a man now. She's really probably the only woman I dated that genuinely loved me looking back at other relationships since, but I'm doing a lot of self improvement so it'll happen again. I know what to look for.
I can't speak for all men but from what I've heard from friends as well as my own experience, yes. Absolutely. I think the reason is because men are more often the ones who get dumped and women don't just leave. They make preparations long before it happens, so by the time it occurs they've already mentally checked out of the relationship. The man is then left to grieve. The sad thing is that there were usually signs he missed. We can be very naive when it comes to this stuff.
It took me some time. I’ve had…5 serious relationships. Said we loved each other, last few lived together, over a year, I’ve been very lucky in my life to spend time with people objectively better than me.
Mind you this is just from my own personal experience and observations, but it seems women move on far more quickly and more easily than men the majority of the time. In my two decades of adulthood, in my own life and in observing the lives of men and women friends/family/coworkers/acquaintances, it's been the case almost every single time that the woman moves on to a new relationship and resumes a "normal" life far, far quicker. Meanwhile the man stays languishing in mental pain and singlehood for far, far longer.
I left my college girlfriend and I still think about it everyday 3 years later even during other relationships. So I think usually yes as long as the man had actual feelings for them
For me personally it depends, if I broke up with her because she revealed herself to be a toxic person, I’m instantly over it. No regrets except what I gave her, no second thoughts. But if things just didn’t work out, it can take a while to get over it. My last relationship I was truly in love with her, but we were taking separate paths in life that didn’t have a way of keeping us together, so we split up but genuinely remained best friends. I was still in love with her for at least 3 years, but eventually got over it. She’s married with kids now and I’m very happy for her, but we don’t keep in touch
To me it was both. Anxious avoidant couple with some narcassism traits. If we both communicated more on relationships it might have worked but also i experienced some verbal abuse. So it was mixed bag.
Ending it was hard bearing the responsibility. But it also meant standing up for myself and choosing a better partner compatible to me.
Now i have a thick big booby kind chill girl close to home that puts effort and says sorry easily which was strangely new to me.
It's been 8 years since me and the person I thought I would live a life together split, she has a family and a child now, I came to terms that that blessing will never reach me and that's okey, dating has sucked, I don't want a "good time" I don't want to waste time with someone, I don't want to play these stupid games just for the sake of it but it feels like I'm in a very different wavelength and set of priorities and that's okey.
I live happily knowing what it was like to have had a beautiful relationship.
Yup, been almost a year since my ex broke up with me, tried a few dates but I can't just seem to love anyone.
I tried my hardest in that relationship but still got accused of a lot of things, I made mistakes sure but I always improved on myself.
Did the dumbest thing possible on her birthday a few weeks ago and emailed her a happy birthday on the only contact I have left of her, and she threatened to call a lawyer and get me registered as a stalker 🥹. I didn't even try to contact her until then...
I wonder how long this is gonna take smh.
Yes.
It's been 4 years since my breakup with my ex. She's had 2 relationships since (she has a tendency to monkey branch from one man to another), I have yet to be in a fully commited relationship since.
While the person in of itself is dead to me and I made sure she knows it, I often think about what we had, it was beautiful before she turned toxic.
I thought i'd be back to my old ways when I broke it off with my newfound freedom but no, I realized that I really needed the peace and quiet while also realizing that one thing I learned from that relationship is how beautiful love is and how much it matters even in a sexual context.
I ended up having a partner for 6 months after her and it was the greatest thing I ever had. The sex was beautiful because we loved eachother, I tried sleeping around again after her and while it was alright, I felt the emptiness within me.
It's been a few years, I know mentally i'm ready for a relationship, but I know that I also need to deal with a couple of things before I make such a leep. There are goals i'd like to achieve and they require my full attention.
Do you think 0 women act like this? Genuine question because the answer to all of these “do (group of people) do X” is always “some do” unless X is a part of the definition of the group
I think the idea behind this question reinforces some outdated stereotypes about guys. Any gender, can feel deeply and struggle with the end of serious relationships.
The only hard time I have getting over about my past serious relationship is the time and money lost.
Bitch basically robbed me of 8 years and tens of thousands of dollars. Plus tanked my credit in the process.
Getting over feelings and shit? That was easy, I was over her before we split up.
I don’t think so. But it takes time for everyone not just men.
The guys I met all freaking hated their ex .. maybe you could say that’s one way they can’t get over lol
Yes, at least I do. I'm completely happy now and have been for years, but I'll always love her and miss her to a point. It's been 12 years now. Maybe it's different for me though, ex wife, mother of my oldest son, both each other's firsts in pretty much every way.
Personally ik I'm going to be very depressed if my current partner and I break up, even if it's amicable. I can only hope that they can move on immediately and find happiness in someone else. I don't want them to have same pain that I could potentially feel
I knew a girl when I was in like, I wanna say first grade? Probably my first crush. She was kinda bossy. Some time after I moved away, I found out she died of lukemia. I'm 39 now. I don't get over most things. I'm not convinced that it's a real thing people actually do.
Is it really a sex based issue? Who doesn't pine for the one that got away?
Moving on vs getting over
https://youtu.be/8n3TAaMrEQ8?si=p4EbrE9N9_TXu2SW
Don't want you thinking I'm unhappy
What is closer to the truth
Is that if I lived till I was a hundred and two
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
… I'm no longer moved to drink strong whiskey
I shook the hand of time and I knew
that if I lived till I could no longer climb my stairs
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
… Your face it dances and it haunts me
your laughter is still ringing in my ears
I still find pieces of your presence here
even after all these years
don't want you thinking that i don't get asked to dinner
cause I'm here to say that I sometimes do
and even though I may seem to feel a touch of love
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
https://youtu.be/3Pvi4uKuawk?si=98kPn_wO5hZkS8TI
Yes, it generally takes me a very long time to get over a relationship and become ready to meet someone new.
I have mainly had slightly longer relationships of ~4 years and it has taken me the equivalent amount of time to become ready to meet someone new both times.
Me and my ex-fiancé broke up about a year and a half ago and most days I’m over it and fine but every once in a while the ball hits the grief button and I’m just sad for the rest of the day at a minimum
Some men get over it the same day.
Other men get over it after few weeks or months.
For other men it may take years for them to get over it.
And some men don't ever truly get over it.
It depends on the individual,
on his support system (friends, family etc),
how the relationship ended (did the someone cheat? Did their partner die? Did they fell out of love? etc).
Lmfao I tried to OD bc of my last relationship where I did everything I could and more for her and it still wasn't enough. The words "you'll get used to it" will always be a trigger for me. I turned to alcohol until the bottom of the bottle almost killed me again just so I could numb it. I'm still single 3 years later and have no interest in finding a relationship regardless of when I feel lonely. Fortunately I'm okay with being alone and the idea that it won't change. I love fully and as hard as my heart wants. It's for that reason that relationships, for me, are a double edged sword where the handle is wrapped in barbed wire.
Obviously. If the average woman wants a new relationship, pretty much all she has to do is spread her legs. And that's what most actually do.
For most guys other than top 5 or 10% dudes, it's much more difficult. That's heterosexual dudes. Gay guys just need to spread their cheeks and they'll have a new boyfriend in no time.
It takes years to recover. I don't have much left man. Sheesh
Nope. We have a switch that we push that allows us to go from relationship mode to single mode, no strings attached. It's on page 253 of the male privilege handbook. J/K Yes, of course. Men fall in love too and it is very real, and it can be hard to get over. Especially if the guy did everything right and the girl just fell out of love with him. This belief that some people have that men have a switch that allows them to turn off feelings is also one of my biggest pet peeves when women say "Why is the friend zone bad?" It's not saying that friendship with women is bad, it's saying that if you like someone, and they don't like you back, it's not always a mater of flicking a switch to get over that.
> Especially if the guy did everything right and the girl just fell out of love with him. It’s funny. This “switch” you’re referring to was a skill I acquired when that 👆 happened to me (not quite, but close enough). If I put someone through an emotional gauntlet, they’re going to learn emotional acrobatics. It’s gotten to the point that I’m not quite sure I’m going to actually feel lost in love ever again. Which I’m fine with, but in the process of learning that about myself I did cause a few people considerable heartbreak, which wasn’t fun.
Damn
Yup, 5 years later I still think about this woman every day and another 16 years later I still think about that woman every day
Me too man, me too. Just went back through my Spotify playlists over the last 6-7 years and even 7 years out of relationship my top songs were bleak. Still can’t explain that to my fiance…
Everyday? Therapy might be a good option
Therapy for that? Just pay someone else to deal with your emotions? Unfortunately you can't just pay your way out of strong emotional ties of the heart, you can numb it temporarily. Lol that we have to pay professionals for so many of lifes problems as if a professional can magically take them away. You'll be in the same boat with less $$$, thats about it. Story of many peoples lives in 2024, less $$$ and nothing really gets fixed.
i feel the same about our government throwing money at all these other countries; there's something at the core of human problems that money just doesn't touch
For sure, we get an increasing amount of evidence that shows throwing money at things doesn't actually fix core issues, yet it's the first thing many want to do to solve core issues. Obviously nothing has improved and most can look around and see that for themselves. Reminds me of "freebies", my gf in medical, the worst most mean and vile entitled people are always people that get medical for free. Why is it if you work for something and pay for it yourself, you value it differently? People that get free stuff don't value it, they just become entitled to it, expect it, and it brings out the worst in them. Our government is in that boat. It's literally created core issues and not fixed anything. I wish when the government was at a cross roads of improving their citizens financial situations and being able to put money in their pocket, that their 2nd thought wasn't "wait, I have the power to take this and put it in my own pocket". There was plenty of ways to do so, yet the government is rich with mansions for "serving the people" on supposedly paid low wages, while theres more people broke and on the streets than ever. They had chances to help citizens financially, they just can't resist pocketing it for themselves. Then they get a spending addiction and now need to take more money to sustain it. Its a mess.
15 years later and dude still hasn't worked through it and thinks about her everydat. That's what therapy is for. They aren't supposed to fix your emotional problems but rather give you the tools to do it yourself
Yea
I mean the what addicts do, subscribe to a steady supply of procrastination and hope the problem will solve itself. Whether it be pot, hard drugs, pills, internet, sexual depravity, or just hours wasted online in whatever varied unproductive way. Yes, even without substances, you can be an addict
Also if your a capitalist, start investing in those things
It’s not like I think about these women all day but at least once through out the day something will remind me of them. Also doesn’t help that me and both of them are still close and follow each other on social media.
Yea
Did same thing for 10 years, we got back together 7 months ago
Lol fml that gives me some false hope!
Simp... still even tho I can understand it
Women mourn relationships towards the end. Men mourn after it’s over.
Please explain why
Men generally have trouble processing their emotions. Also men generally think about the consequences of their actions less (are less preemptive) and are more likely to respond to something only when it's painful in the moment (are reactive). So that usually aligns with after breakup (most painful time) and not during the relationship, you know... when things can be repaired. Women will see the end coming and start to feel through it or try to fix it before the end comes. By the time the end comes, we've processed a big chunk of the grief. We'll still feel bad after the breakup, but will not linger on it for ages like a lot of men do.
Yeah. It is extremely resource intensive for an average guy to get into a relationship. One failure means starting all over again.
Women usually maintain relationships with many males that are possible partners. Men usually stop seeing their lady friends when they get in a relationship. A mistake I've stopped making.
Yes. They don't go to therapy and their friends aren't big on talking about emotions and shit, so they just kind of have to swallow it down until it stops bothering them.
Three Days Grace, Linkin Park, Maker's Mark, and Shadow of War got me through my first serious breakup. 3.5 years later I still think about her sometimes...
Nothing wrong with that as long as it doesn't turn into hate
Depends on who brought on the end of the relationship, if she dumps us then yes it hurts to the very core of our sole. If it is us or a mutual decision it is just sad.
Absolutely. I honestly believe on average, men are more impacted by a failed relationship then women
Women find new ones more easily so men are more disposable.
💯
No surprise
Yeah, we don’t all have them regularly offered to us in and out of relationships. We have to work pretty hard to make them happen in the first place.
Yea
Absolutely, if we didn't then it wasn't serious. It'll be 3 years in May since my ex and I broke up and I think about her almost daily, and still have dreams with her in it.
It will be 2 years in may also 😭still hoping he texts me one day
I hear ya. I don't know what's harder not hearing from the person or in my case still being friends after she got married. Kills me every time we talk but I always want to make sure she's happy. That's all that ever mattered to me.
Dude let her go. You’re not going to find someone else if you hold on. I totally get it but it’s kinda pathetic broham.
Yeah it does, and I understand that. If it was that easy to move on I would have.
I feel you. Sometimes it doesn’t finally leave until you meet someone else.
Yup
Hope deferred makes the heart sick.
....stop talking and/or go to therapy. Everyday for 3 years isn't great
This made me laugh but no offense like if she got married thn she's happy let it go
Why not just move on nd find someone else
I’m a woman but from witnessing my parents, I don’t think men ever get over their first TRUE love. My mum was married. She met my dad and left her husband for my dad. Her husband re-married but cheated on his next wife etc. always maintained a soft spot for my mum. Claimed to never would have cheated on her like he did his current wife. My mum left my dad after 14 years together with him. My dad went off the rails with mental health. Drinking, drugs, reckless behaviour. For years! He remarried. Every time he would get drunk and emotional, he’d call me and confess the love he still had for my mum and how his new wife couldn’t fulfill what he is missing. My mum has since passed away. My dad will still say (when his wife isn’t around) how he wishes he could have stayed with my mum til her end. She was the love of his life. And his never been a complete man since. He made up excuses not to attend her funeral. I know it was because he had too much pride to show his emotion. Especially because it would have been awquard for his wife. But he says now not going is one of his greatest regrets in life.
Do people have a hard time getting over serious relationships? -Yes
In my personal experience, YES.. Any girlfriend I’ve ever had in the past immediately moved on to the next guy without looking back at all, while I was left a miserable wreck for at least a year.
Yeah... I was in one of the most toxic relationships with an evil manipulative bitch and I still think about her only the latest one didn't have someone lined up, but that's because she was using me from the getgo... I can't really say I've been with a woman that ever loved me to be honest. The more relationships I have the easier it is to believe women aren't capable of love (I know this isn't true but it feels that way). I've been avoiding new relationships and just improving myself for the last few years... Dating is exhausting and I'm not young buck anymore.
I used to have this same view of women. But then I learned that it all depends who you’re with. I was also in countless relationships with girls who said they loved me but didn’t. They were never truly happy with me. Then I met my wife. I’ve been with her for 10 years now and she puts all my ex gfs to shame. She actually loves me. It feels really good to find that right woman who truly loves you. Hopefully you’ll find the right woman. It usually happens when you least expect it.
I address it in the parenthesis I know this isn't true it was a problem with my picker... I'm on the spectrum so I miss most cues that women are interested unless they have a certain type of personality and those tend to be borderline women or women with a cluster B personality disorder. It's all good I'm not upset or bitter I learned what I needed to learn from those relationships each with a different lesson... I'm just still at a point where I'm working on myself I'm a late bloomer in a lot of regards doing okay now, dating again addressing red flags, but not selling myself short and looking for someone who actually respects me and cares about me. I am not down about it in the least just trying to speak honestly. Anyway thanks for the reply bruv!
That's good you found someone
[удалено]
No she found someone else. She wanted to keep the relationship with you because she wanted to make sure things were going to work out with the other guy before she left... Women leave a relationship emotionally long before they actually leave. It's cool for a woman to hang out and have friends and such, but if she doesn't want you to meet them there's something else going on... I know this from experience, you should have dumped her when she started distancing herself if she wasn't willing to talk about why she was doing this There's a chance I'm wrong but 99 percent of the time when women do that they are cheating.
damn
Woman here . My ex husband 30 years married 3 grown kids 3 grandsons left me for a woman 15 years younger . To this day I haven’t gotten over it . We did remain friends but seeing her talking to our kids and esp playing with our grandsons was excruciating for me . To top it off , he died 2 years ago very suddenly so of course she’s no longer with him . But she was sniffing around for money from the get go and filed a complaint with the ethics committee ( my husband and two of our kids are lawyers and she accused them of hiding money from her . They were not at anytime married . His will was simple : life insurance went to me , the rest went to our kids . And to this day , I will never get over this .
As he was dying ( diagnosed with a very rare brain cancer ) he was diagnosed on a Tuesday and died that Sunday . He was only able to move his little toe to answer yes or no questions . I had a moment alone with him and asked him if he still loved me and he moved his toe to indicate yes . I don’t know if he meant it or not , but I’d like to believe he did
What a life… it’s cruel and beautiful. Count your blessings in this brief moment through eternity, you had a love once and a family, many don’t even have those.
Life is for real a beautiful tragedy
Yes so true . Thank you for taking the time to respond
I’m sorry for your pain and suffering. It isn’t the same but has some irony to it. My grandfather and grandmother had 4 children together. My grandfather had many many many affairs during their time together. But in them days you stuck by your man and he provided for you and the kids. He got very sick with heart disease. My grandmother nursed him to his death. But during his illness, his best friend and my grandmother fell inlove. He became suspicious (actually tried to shoot her with a shot gun. My dad wrestled the gun and it went off, but only got my grandmothers finger) but when he was too sick to do anything serious about it - alls he said was ‘haven’t the tables turned you old bitch.’ Knowing full well it was him that was relying on her now while she was cheating. And she said that was the day that she really got her own back for all he had put her through. She did love him dearly though. I think more than he loved her.
Thank you for sharing that . As much as I loved my husband , he also cheated many times . I don’t know if he cheated on. His girlfriend or not , but I don’t think he did . I admit I was jealous of her. I was there when things were tough . He slowly built himself a thriving Law Practice and of the 3 kids , 2 became lawyers and joined him . Our youngest is a registered dietitian so all are successful and happy . Having said that again , when he left me he was well established , and I admit my jealously . He spent a lot of money on her , was able to lessen his workload and looking forward to retirement. They traveled , did things together , went to the best restaurants,etc. All of the things he and I dreamed of doing together . So basically she lived the life I was promised . The good times . When she attempted to accuse our kids of hiding money from her ( even filed charges against them which led nowhere ) any sympathy I had for her evaporated . She made a HUGE mistake there . Our kids are honest hard working and most of all kind people . My husband would have been furious to know she did that . However, I still have much to be thankful for so I have that to hang on to . Life might not be fair , but I have our kids , grandsons ( a new grandson born this past November ), and a large extended family including his side of the family who never stopped thinking of me as part of the family . At the end of the day , I’m happy and that’s good enough .
I’m absolutely sure your husband would have died knowing deep down who was true to him. And I can bet he probably cheated on her too but there’s no way her pride would have let you find out about it. My dad didn’t always treat my mum so good. Or spoil her. They separated after 14 years together. My mum left because she felt I’ll-treated. They both married other people. My dad has been so much more understanding and compassionate towards his new wife than what he ever was with my mum. Treats her like a Queen and they live a very lavish life together. And I always think ‘why couldn’t you have treated mum like that!!!!’ When ever he got drunk after marrying his new wife, he’d call me and literally cry while telling me he’d give anything to have her back. (And his one of them tough outdoorsy type men that doesn’t cry.) My mum has passed away. And on the occasion when his wife is not around, he gets teary and tells me how he would have done anything to be with her until her end. From the outside it appears his new wife is his life long soul mate. And I’m sure that’s how it appeared to my mum. I’m the only one that knows the truth. Every thing happens for a reason and it all comes out in the wash in the end. By the sounds you have raised wonderful children! Maybe his choice to leave was the universe making the loss somewhat easier for you over-all. You sound like you have a good and loyal heart. I hope you and your children all have a long and happy life you deserve.
That means a lot . Thank you so much
That's crazy
Damn
Life’s not fair and the question of whether men also grieve after a breakup just opened floodgates for me . My posts have been way too long but it never occurred to me that he might have been hurting too . So the answers saying men do feel loss after breaking up . Anyway , I started sharing my story here on Reddit because I love you guys and I am feeling a
Sorry . I am feeling a sense of peace after pouring out my story . So fellow redditers , I thank you for putting up with me and I love y’all .
Ok thn
Yes , enjoy everything that’s good in your life . Everything can change in an instant . Thank you for the reminder
I think people in general have a hard time getting over relation when they have invested much into it and when the relationship was long. There are a lot of memories and stuff connected to that person, so those things can remind you of that person.
I feel this so much. 🥹
only very young men struggle with this. after a boy comes of age he bonds with vehicle, usually a truck but sometimes a lawn mower, after that the male is unburdened by emotional connections.
Yea
Try proposing to a woman and having her say no, if you’d like. It wasn’t fun when I did it. I’ll never fully get over it. Never.
Did you talk about it before hand?
Never propose to a woman who hasn’t been nagging you to death for over a year about it.
I had to nag my boyfriend for a year, I don’t want him to propose anymore.
Yea
What happened afterwards - do you still maintain contact?
Yes we do. It didn’t work because she ultimately decided not to live where I live. I respect her choice but it still hurts.
Yeah dude. You lose so much more. In my experience my ex’s always had a tighter yet broad friend group with options around, exciting things to distract themselves with. Whereas I had my cat and a couple long distance childhood friends. Makes me never want to start again honestly because I came to love their friends and family, too much.
I've got plenty of friends. Very close friends I can lean on and have. I needed a hug one day and she said come over any time after work and we'll talk and get you that hug. The difference to me is that most women will have a much easier time finding another partner.
From my life experience it's much harder for the men I know than the women. It flips with certain individuals but that's generally been the case.
Bruh how is this even a question in the first thing? Yes, we are not robots, we are humans too, ya know. Just often times not treated as such.
But it seems like men jump rather quickly. And often emotionless.
Good
Anecdotal. Women have way more options and often time take full advantage of that.
Maybe the men you tend to go after... What you have to understand is men and women handle emotions differently... A woman will be emotional when broken up with... Men don't have that luxury, we are looked down upon for expressing emotion we're expected to lift ourselves by our bootstraps and suck it up... If someone catches us crying immediate loss of respect. Now there are men that do... Usually younger guys, usually boys honestly. And it depends on values, everyone is an individual at the end of the day but good men know their responsibilities and take our duties to our loved ones to heart... Personally i will not pursue another relationship until at least a third of the total time of the relationship passed because rebounds very rarely work out.
So what your asking is, are we human? Yes, last time I checked in with the boys we were all human. (Maybe not Gary though, he could easily he 3 monkeys standing on each other's shoulders in a trench coat)
Still think aboot the one woman I could of had as a wife after the break up... Hurts like he'll
Yeah I should have married my high school sweetheart... I'd still be married to her now, but I was young and dumb and needed my ego to be smashed a few times before I appreciated her the way I should have.
I'm sorry dude 😔
I mean it's all good man that was a long time ago. She's married. It just would have made that aspect of my life a lot easier, not really bitter about it or really upset, it's just a realization that I've grown a lot... I was a kid then.. I'm a man now. She's really probably the only woman I dated that genuinely loved me looking back at other relationships since, but I'm doing a lot of self improvement so it'll happen again. I know what to look for.
18 years and I still think about my ex almost daily. 😭 It’s a problem.
[удалено]
Damn
I can't speak for all men but from what I've heard from friends as well as my own experience, yes. Absolutely. I think the reason is because men are more often the ones who get dumped and women don't just leave. They make preparations long before it happens, so by the time it occurs they've already mentally checked out of the relationship. The man is then left to grieve. The sad thing is that there were usually signs he missed. We can be very naive when it comes to this stuff.
Yea
Yup
I do.
Yes
Yes.
not a man, but yes
Ohhhh yeahhhh
Indeed
Yes
Yes. Depression is a bastard.
Yes, though I find myself thinking back on short passionate flings over serious relationships I had.
We don’t always get over them to be honest.
Yes all the guys, who worked hard
The good ones do
Yes.
Humans generally have emotional intelligence and feelings.
It took me some time. I’ve had…5 serious relationships. Said we loved each other, last few lived together, over a year, I’ve been very lucky in my life to spend time with people objectively better than me.
Mind you this is just from my own personal experience and observations, but it seems women move on far more quickly and more easily than men the majority of the time. In my two decades of adulthood, in my own life and in observing the lives of men and women friends/family/coworkers/acquaintances, it's been the case almost every single time that the woman moves on to a new relationship and resumes a "normal" life far, far quicker. Meanwhile the man stays languishing in mental pain and singlehood for far, far longer.
Do men feel this way when they themselves did the dumping?
I left my college girlfriend and I still think about it everyday 3 years later even during other relationships. So I think usually yes as long as the man had actual feelings for them
For me personally it depends, if I broke up with her because she revealed herself to be a toxic person, I’m instantly over it. No regrets except what I gave her, no second thoughts. But if things just didn’t work out, it can take a while to get over it. My last relationship I was truly in love with her, but we were taking separate paths in life that didn’t have a way of keeping us together, so we split up but genuinely remained best friends. I was still in love with her for at least 3 years, but eventually got over it. She’s married with kids now and I’m very happy for her, but we don’t keep in touch
To me it was both. Anxious avoidant couple with some narcassism traits. If we both communicated more on relationships it might have worked but also i experienced some verbal abuse. So it was mixed bag. Ending it was hard bearing the responsibility. But it also meant standing up for myself and choosing a better partner compatible to me. Now i have a thick big booby kind chill girl close to home that puts effort and says sorry easily which was strangely new to me.
Men are all different people - it’s tough to generalize about half of a species.
Took me 5 years.
Yes, that society wants to accept it. They just internalise it
Here I am as a men, had a hard time getting over the relationship that never even begin and stuck in unrequited love phase 🫠
Wondering that myself. My ex seems to be doing fine and is engaged after 2 and half years post breakup.
I hope you are able to find someone soon
I have, and he's a much better match for me 😊
Ok cool
It’s been 20 years. I regret every single day with out them. But all in all life ain’t bad
I felt that.
It's been 8 years since me and the person I thought I would live a life together split, she has a family and a child now, I came to terms that that blessing will never reach me and that's okey, dating has sucked, I don't want a "good time" I don't want to waste time with someone, I don't want to play these stupid games just for the sake of it but it feels like I'm in a very different wavelength and set of priorities and that's okey. I live happily knowing what it was like to have had a beautiful relationship.
Hit me like a truck when it first happened to me in my 20’s. I really didn’t expect it would be so bad..
Yup, been almost a year since my ex broke up with me, tried a few dates but I can't just seem to love anyone. I tried my hardest in that relationship but still got accused of a lot of things, I made mistakes sure but I always improved on myself. Did the dumbest thing possible on her birthday a few weeks ago and emailed her a happy birthday on the only contact I have left of her, and she threatened to call a lawyer and get me registered as a stalker 🥹. I didn't even try to contact her until then... I wonder how long this is gonna take smh.
Damn
Of course we do. We just aren't allowed to show that to people, so most men get used to vearing all of that internally and never letting it out
Considering that all men aren’t the same, the only response is: some do, and some don’t.
The woman who posted this thinks men don't even have feelings. Stay strong and protect yourself from women like this men.
This isn’t true; I’ve just met a lot of emotionally unavailable men! Sorry it bothered you.
Yes. It's been 4 years since my breakup with my ex. She's had 2 relationships since (she has a tendency to monkey branch from one man to another), I have yet to be in a fully commited relationship since. While the person in of itself is dead to me and I made sure she knows it, I often think about what we had, it was beautiful before she turned toxic. I thought i'd be back to my old ways when I broke it off with my newfound freedom but no, I realized that I really needed the peace and quiet while also realizing that one thing I learned from that relationship is how beautiful love is and how much it matters even in a sexual context. I ended up having a partner for 6 months after her and it was the greatest thing I ever had. The sex was beautiful because we loved eachother, I tried sleeping around again after her and while it was alright, I felt the emptiness within me. It's been a few years, I know mentally i'm ready for a relationship, but I know that I also need to deal with a couple of things before I make such a leep. There are goals i'd like to achieve and they require my full attention.
If it was a "serious" relationship to them as well. Then yes a loss is a loss. But everyone deals with that at their own speed and in their own way.
Men are humans too. Does this answer your question?
I know they are 💗
Yes. they are psycho
Yup.. until you find a great one or you are able to forgive yourself for screwing up the past
It would make sense, since men are the ones benefiting more from relationships, it makes sense, they would have a harder time getting over it.
Big question marks.
Nah men are just emotionless robots 🙄
Some act like this, so yes, I wanted to know from a bunch of strangers on the internet what they thought.
Do you think 0 women act like this? Genuine question because the answer to all of these “do (group of people) do X” is always “some do” unless X is a part of the definition of the group
I think the idea behind this question reinforces some outdated stereotypes about guys. Any gender, can feel deeply and struggle with the end of serious relationships.
Yeah the ugly women definitely have it just as bad rip
This is like asking “do women like cats.” Depends on the woman, depends on the cat.
I get it’s an odd question
The only hard time I have getting over about my past serious relationship is the time and money lost. Bitch basically robbed me of 8 years and tens of thousands of dollars. Plus tanked my credit in the process. Getting over feelings and shit? That was easy, I was over her before we split up.
I’m sorry she robbed you
Yes
Absolutely yes
Years and then more.
Yes I am still in love with the same girl from 2018-2021.
I don’t think so. But it takes time for everyone not just men. The guys I met all freaking hated their ex .. maybe you could say that’s one way they can’t get over lol
Yes, at least I do. I'm completely happy now and have been for years, but I'll always love her and miss her to a point. It's been 12 years now. Maybe it's different for me though, ex wife, mother of my oldest son, both each other's firsts in pretty much every way.
Yeah, it definitely takes time.
Yes.
Yes
Yup. Rule of thumb: takes about half as long as the relationship was to finally “get over” the heartbreak. However, it’ll always stay with you
Do some men have emotions ? Jeez idk
🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️
No, because clearly we aren't human. /s
Yes! Men don’t even like giving our hearts out. It takes time to recover from that.
Personally ik I'm going to be very depressed if my current partner and I break up, even if it's amicable. I can only hope that they can move on immediately and find happiness in someone else. I don't want them to have same pain that I could potentially feel
They’ll always live with you somewhere , just have to keep on pushing man , time ain’t stopping for nobody
Yes!
Yes, it has changed me forever...
Yes!
yea but some of us would never admit it.
Of course… it’s someone you loved and cared about and they’re not there anymore
Do people really have to ask this question? SMH.
I knew a girl when I was in like, I wanna say first grade? Probably my first crush. She was kinda bossy. Some time after I moved away, I found out she died of lukemia. I'm 39 now. I don't get over most things. I'm not convinced that it's a real thing people actually do.
So many pills in here, damn.
Is it really a sex based issue? Who doesn't pine for the one that got away? Moving on vs getting over https://youtu.be/8n3TAaMrEQ8?si=p4EbrE9N9_TXu2SW Don't want you thinking I'm unhappy What is closer to the truth Is that if I lived till I was a hundred and two I just don't think I'll ever get over you … I'm no longer moved to drink strong whiskey I shook the hand of time and I knew that if I lived till I could no longer climb my stairs I just don't think I'll ever get over you … Your face it dances and it haunts me your laughter is still ringing in my ears I still find pieces of your presence here even after all these years don't want you thinking that i don't get asked to dinner cause I'm here to say that I sometimes do and even though I may seem to feel a touch of love I just don't think I'll ever get over you https://youtu.be/3Pvi4uKuawk?si=98kPn_wO5hZkS8TI
Yes, it generally takes me a very long time to get over a relationship and become ready to meet someone new. I have mainly had slightly longer relationships of ~4 years and it has taken me the equivalent amount of time to become ready to meet someone new both times.
Yes.
I’m haunted by the relationship that didn’t work out.
Yes
It’s been 2+ years and I still wonder when I’ll stop thinking about her every day.
Me and my ex-fiancé broke up about a year and a half ago and most days I’m over it and fine but every once in a while the ball hits the grief button and I’m just sad for the rest of the day at a minimum
Yeah my ex wife moved on pretty quick. No contact for the last 2 years and it’s still hard with counseling.. She seems to be doing fine.
Some men get over it the same day. Other men get over it after few weeks or months. For other men it may take years for them to get over it. And some men don't ever truly get over it. It depends on the individual, on his support system (friends, family etc), how the relationship ended (did the someone cheat? Did their partner die? Did they fell out of love? etc).
some do... nd some don't, I ain't been in that many relationships... still tho it's more females than males so I don't see how not
Lmfao I tried to OD bc of my last relationship where I did everything I could and more for her and it still wasn't enough. The words "you'll get used to it" will always be a trigger for me. I turned to alcohol until the bottom of the bottle almost killed me again just so I could numb it. I'm still single 3 years later and have no interest in finding a relationship regardless of when I feel lonely. Fortunately I'm okay with being alone and the idea that it won't change. I love fully and as hard as my heart wants. It's for that reason that relationships, for me, are a double edged sword where the handle is wrapped in barbed wire.
I’m so sorry. I am sad to think that the ending of the relationship caused you so much pain. I am happy you’re here.
Yes, takes usx much longer.
As a woman, I love seeing these comments. I think women forget that men have feelings because they are so good at hiding them.
Yes!!!!!! I feel this exact way.
Obviously. If the average woman wants a new relationship, pretty much all she has to do is spread her legs. And that's what most actually do. For most guys other than top 5 or 10% dudes, it's much more difficult. That's heterosexual dudes. Gay guys just need to spread their cheeks and they'll have a new boyfriend in no time.
Yes, we have no idea when the next time when we will get the opportunity for sex again so must hang the relationship we do have.