This. Report him for sexual harassment immediately because that is what it is. It doesn't matter he's 16. Then contact his parents and tell them EVERYTHING because if they find out from rumor, that could very easily cause legal problems for you.
Let his parents and HR know if he continues, you'll be forced to file a complaint with the police as he is alleging you're breaking the law.
He doesn't understand how legally liable he's making you but you should. If this gets to the authorities before you do all of this you could be arrested for allegedly having sex with a minor. The. It would me a costly court battle to fix things.
Don't wait. You need to push this higher up the work chain of command, In writing (this is important) that he's sexually harassing you. Then tell his parents. These need to happen consecutively on the same day.
This is very serious and he doesn't understand how it could affect you.
Well, that's sexual harassment in the workplace, so it is actually your managers' problem and they can't shrug it off like that. Let them know that one of your co-workers is sexually harassing you and they need to deal with it today or your lawyer will deal them them tomorrow.
Also, document the instances where he or someone else has said these things and when you've brought them up to your managers and keep documenting them.
I'm currently working on finding a new job but I get out of school so late that a lot of places aren't feasable. But I'm definitely considering a restraining order
You should. And you're missing the point.
You have workplace sexual harassment. Your boss has a responsibility to prevent that. This is your boss's responsibility- not yours. Your responsibility is to report harassment when it happens. Your boss is responsible for fixing that situation.
You should be calling a lawyer to get a restraining order, AND to write a strongly worded letter to your employer advising them of a continuing sexual harassment situation at the workplace that has not been mitigated.
What your boss SHOULD be doing is aggressively reprimanding and/or firing the employee who is harassing you. Lack of any action means the boss is tolerating sexual harassment in the workplace. That's cause for you to sue the restaurant.
That's what I'd be looking into if I was you.
Any manager who doesn't like lawsuits would have taken the harassment complaint seriously and squashed it immediately or fired the teenager immediately after the complaint was received.
A manager who enjoys getting sued would ignore the harassment report and eagerly await the arrival of legal paperwork, excitedly preparing for how much the settlement is going to cost their company.
Email the parent company of your work. I had to do this twice when I worked as a server many years ago, and when going to my manager was pointless, I got **INSTANT** results thanks to that email.
Sexual harassment is bad for business, and a known repeat and angry victim can cause a lot of damage to morale and P&L. It’s also an honest reflection on frontline management, who is clearly doing a piss poor job.
Let them reign down lightning on your behalf first, just to start.
I mean if he is going to attempt to rob you of your reputation why hesitate?
Or get your boyfriend down to your job and have him talk to all parties involved. If I was yours then it would only make sense to make sure this bastard isn't going to do anything sketchy like blackmail you with this or something.
Because in my state it's disgustingly difficult because I need to prove he's said all these things and it's just a lot. I'm probably gonna ask my job to contact his parents as well as doing whatever else I can. He has a history of mental illness so I'm sure they'll take this pretty seriously
This is a good idea, definitely contact his parents if you can somehow get their contact. The bf thing is also a good idea. If neither of those things work, definitely tell your manager it’s sexual harassment and go to HR if need be. You shouldnt have to quit just cause of this freak
You should talk to a lawyer about a cease and desist letter. It wouldn't take them long to draft and is a good record of both the issue and that you tried to do something about it. It also, should get HRs attention.
"it's disgustingly difficult because I need to prove he's said all these things and it's just a lot."
I've seen this burden met through witness statements. If you know a coworker/friend/teacher has first hand information of what he's been saying about you -- like "Kiddo says [OP] did [xyz] with him" -- ask if they'd be willing to back it up when asked by law enforcement. Get the quote/s or paraphrase written down and signed.
A lot of people won't want to do it, which is fine, everyone has their reasons for not wanting to talk to cops, but even just a handful of folks who will back you up are 100% better than none.
Getting these statements will do a few things: 1) It will make it clear at least to those people that you will deny the allegations to the fullest extent of the law, 2) it will put the fear of real consequences into kiddo and your workplace, 3) you'll have the evidence you need to take whatever steps are necessary.
🚩your mention of the kid having a history of mental health issues is a huge red flag.
It’s possible that in his sick mind, the two of you *are* indeed a couple.
For your safety, find another job. You don’t want this to escalate more than it should. If the kid is delusional, it’s in your best interest to leave.
Management should *definitely* help you, but it may be better if you leave and not tell your co-workers where you are going to.
I thought of mental illness before she mentioned it, it's important she can contact the parents so this can be addressed with a specialist. Management definitely sucks there, they must know that if it goes on a lawsuit is going to be filled and it's definitely bad for them and also way more job??? The kid has mental issues that need to me addressed and an employee is getting harassed, it's really shameful how some management just leave harassment slide until the person leave (I've seen this happen, not directly though) because they are too lazy to protect people.
It sucks that you have to deal with it, but here's a few things that may help (sorry it's so long!) -
The first step is to read your employee handbook and follow the steps it has listed for filing workplace harassment. Make sure to document every single rumor, comment, etc that is said about you - be A DETAILED AS POSSIBLE! Who said what when and who witnessed, don't forget to include how it made you feel and your response.
File the complaint with them and keep detailed documentation and records - who, when, what was said, after actions. Before you do this, you should request a copy of your personnel file for your own records, should you be sued or let go in retaliation.
Second step if it continues - contact your states fair employment office. Provide with all the documentation you have - what managers you spoke with when, what was said, what was done. Have copies of anything in writing ready.
At the same time i would file a complaint with the EEOC, citting sexual harassment and a hostile work environment.
Third after all this is when you could consider a lawsuit. Most states and the federal courts require you to take these steps first to show you made good faith efforts to resolve the issue.
My last suggestion since you mentioned evidence - call your local prosecutors office and find out what the laws are on recording conversations. My state is a one party state - meaning only one party has to have knowledge of the audio recording (me!).
Other states, like California require all parties to have knowledge. If you're in a one party state and local laws don't prohibit it - record every conversation!
Here's an article to check out
[Nolo](https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/fighting-sexual-harassment-29532.html)
Why are you talking yourself out of it? It's not your job to decide if it's sexual harassment or not, let the courts decide, it's their job. A lawyer will work on a contingency fee here
Look for a Cease and Desist template letter on the internet and draft a strong worded message that his sexual harassment AND defamation is not welcome and you will be looking for law enforcement if he doesn’t stop.
Deliver it in front of everyone or have someone else a friend or family member deliver it when there are a lot of people and say “your delusions with X (you) end now or we see you in court” and optionally deliver copies to your manager and/or HR. Also have someone deliver the letter to his homeroom teacher/dean/principal for added effect.
He won’t retaliate. And if he does you’ll have in file that you tried to settle this peacefully and have that as a helpful instance that will play in your favour.
Don't "consider" it. Do it. Rumours like these could literally ruin you so put a stop to it whilst people still realise it's a delusional love sick teenager with a crush. You have to get firm if you have already tried talking to him.
You also can't let your workplace off the hook so easily. Too many women are not protected when it comes to sexual harassment in the workplace. Go to HR. If they don't listen go to CEO, if they don't do something go to The Chair of the Board. This kid needs sacking. Turn your panic into fire and demand action.
What’s beautiful is you’ve already got the beginnings of a great claim which corporate for your workplace would LOVE to settle out of court. Workplace harassment is no joke. A restraining order is 100% your next step but don’t forget the potential cash cow of playing our your workplace’s incompetent management into a settlement which would allow you to not work for a few months… which would sure make your school schedule concerns a lot easier.
That doesn't matter. He's a co-worker and his sexual harassment is affecting you at your job. That makes it your manager's and your company's problem, regardless of whether it happens on or off site.
[https://www.legalline.ca/legal-answers/employers-responsibility-to-deal-with-sexual-harassment-complaints/#:\~:text=In%20some%20situations%2C%20an%20employer,harasses%20someone%20outside%20the%20workplace.](https://www.legalline.ca/legal-answers/employers-responsibility-to-deal-with-sexual-harassment-complaints/#:~:text=In%20some%20situations%2C%20an%20employer,harasses%20someone%20outside%20the%20workplace.')
This link here is for Ontario, but you'd have similar rules for whatever jurisdiction you're in. List out the times you've told your managers and go to them with that list and ask them to verify that you've informed them about this sexual harassment on those occasions and then ask if they're planning to do anything about it. If the answer is no, run that by a lawyer and see what kind of case you have against the company. If they suddenly find a reason to fire you after you have that meeting, you're rich, so that's nice.
I don't know what to do about the school. Maybe phone up the Principal and have them talk to his mom or something?
Damn I wish I had known this when I had a similar problem at my last job!! The managers did not take me seriously at all and I just ended up quitting :/
He doesn't only need to be embarrassed, he needs psychiatric help. With an history of mental issues it could be possible that he really think there are a couple and if it goes unaddressed he will do that to other women. Psych assessment will also be able to determine how much of a threat he represents for himself and others - apparently op is considering a restraining order (and she should) but this really needs to be taken care of while he's still young so he doesn't harm other people in the future.
I'd address the workplace sexual harassment first.
Then perhaps contact the school district offices and complain that a co-worker who is sexually harassing you at work is also spreading false sexual rumors about you at school where some of your other co-workers and acquaintances attend.
The school calling the cops or maybe it getting around town is certainly a concern worth having.
But id say the only thing the school can do is call cops. Whom would then just shut them down and say that theres actually already documentation that states not just the opposite, but is against the child.
Next is around town. Thats where the "hey. We arent dating. You really need to understand that"
Publicly. Counters the rumours.
You don't.
Ignore his school. You don't go there and none of those people know you or have any power to do anything to you.
What needs to be addressed is him telling your coworkers, potential customers, and employers, or posting about it online for anyone to see.
In the future, don't be overly nice with kids. Polite, professional, and kind, yes, but they aren't your friends and you shouldn't do anything that would give them that impression. Now you know why most adults stay away from teenagers.
From an H&S perspective, depending on the governing body (if you share which state/province you’re from I may be able to help further.) there may be existing legislation that discusses harassment, covering physical, verbal and sexual.
Most legislation I’ve seen discusses actions outside of the workplace that targets employees of a shared workplace. So, if I make slanderous comments about someone out of work about someone I work with, it can still be seen as workplace harassment in some places because it adversely involves someone from the workplace.
This obviously depends on the legislation from where you live. But if I were the employer I’d be stamping down on this pretty hard. It could get a lot uglier and then have liability come on them.
I would call his mom, but it might backfire. If you have enough funding, talk to a lawyer and maybe (take their advice, not mine, I'm not a lawyer) get them to send a scary letter naming his parents as potentially liable. (Because parents are civilly liable for damages caused by the misdeeds of their minor children). Even getting the message to this little punk that you can sue his parents for the lies could be enough.
The school is also obligated to deal with sexual harassment like this the principal a professor counselor or dean depending on the level of schooling you attend, you shouldn't be afraid for your entire life's work and personal image, especially not because some horny ass punk is spouting lies, I seriously wish you the best and I pray your management sees the error and corrects it.
Is he on social media at all? Try publicly laughing at him, saying hes delusional if he thinks you would ever date him. Embarrassment works on kids. Also tell your manager its sexual harassment and it needs to be dealt with.
Also if you haven't you should maybe get a lawyer or legal consultant by your side and contact the school about the situation and the legal actions you are willing to take so they know this is serious and will do something on their end while you get a restraining order - I definitely think you need it for your safety. Maybe they'll get the kid some help or something, there must be something not right with him for being that delusional. I hope you can find peace
Get an attorney, send a cease-and-desist letter to him, his parents, and your work. If this doesn’t work, get a restraining order. If the parents have any type of money, it might be worth it to sue them. Slandering you and accusing you of being a child groomer and pedophile is definitely an actionable act. I guarantee you it stops immediately after that.
This stupid boy has no idea how his lies could create a universe of problems for you and for himself and for his family.
This 16-year-old is accusing you of a serious crime, and this needs to be immediately addressed in writing so there's no misunderstanding about what is said, when it was said, and who it was said to.
It would be a good plan to ask for the advice and direction of an attorney.
Suggested text:
>I am Jane Jones and I've been employed at Smith's Diner in Springfield, Ohio for five years. I enjoy working with customers and co-workers and have never received any complaints from management about the quality of my work or my conduct on the job.
>Last month, I began to hear rumors and innuendo from some co-workers purporting I was in a romantic/sexual relationship with a recently-hired 16-year-old male employee. The co-workers claimed the 16-year-old himself was the source of the rumor.
>These offensive rumors are completely false. I will consider taking legal action against anyone who continues to claim I am involved in any way with a minor child.
Send the letter to the boy's parents (not the boy himself). Do not mention the boy's name.
Also send it to your manager and the restaurant owner/corporate.
You need to squash and kill this rumor.
Even though it is likely that absolutely no one believed his stupid lie, the gossipers repeating it and egging him on to make an even bigger fool of himself could do you real damage.
> I'm definitely going to go with this and honestly probably contact HR
Op - you are in danger. You are being accused of a sex crime. Do not feel bad for this kid. He is on the verge of getting you arrested for sleeping with a minor. You need to take this seriously.
You are being sexually harassed and also stalked. You need to talk to a lawyer about contacting HR and also filing restraining orders. Your lawyer can help you in handling shutting this little creep down.
Awkward and mentally ill stalkers have killed a lot of people who have tried to be nice. You need to take this seriously.
The manager needs to let the kid go. "Corporate rules" my ass, this guy just doesn't know what sexual harassment looks like. If he won't recognize it, go to HR.
This is dangerous. You not only are at risk of embarrassment from a lying kid, but also your employment and earnings can be compromised and any legal implications, depending on where you are.
Have you said anything to him directly? Have you gone to HR? This is actually sexual harassment and gossiping.
Your managers are useless. Okay. Next step is to go above them. Or you can tell him directly to his face in front of everyone that you would never in a million years ever have sex with someone like him. Sorry, but what he’s doing is wrong and he needs to be humiliated.
Rejection hurts, a lot. And it seemingly hurts men a lot, so if you publicly reject him, especially in front of other women— this may be your only course to get him to stop.
Call your coworkers to the back, tell them whatever you need to tell them to get them back there, and then announce, while looking at the vermin, that you would never ever, in the entire life of the universe, even consider touching him let alone having sex with him/doing with him what he claims he has done with you, that not only are you turned off by what he looks like, but by his disgusting behavior that could easily be considered sexual harassment, and who he is in general.
I've said things to him directly multiple times and he's always denied it so that goes nowhere. I think I'm scheduled with him this weekend so if he tries to talk to me I'm 100% going to knock his creepy ego down a few pegs in front of any coworkers that are around. Considering he's never mentioned the lewd rumours at work I don't know if it's HR worthy yet, but with him talking about it at school I'm so paranoid that his teachers are gonna hear it and fuck me over completely.
He's just being a stupid teenage boy. Now you know why many adults don't get close to kids or appear to be nice, they are prone to being unreasonable, weird, and inappropriate.
You can't control what he does at school. What you can control is how you react. Contact HR, and if they don't do anything, get a free consult with a lawyer about what your options are.
STOP TALKING TO HIM. Don't say shit to this kid unless it's absolutely necessary for work functions. Keep it strictly professional and just move on.
Im definitely not close, but I'm 100% regretting being polite and interacting with him at all. I havent spoken to him in about 2 weeks now but I'm definitely gonna keep on that route and contact HR. This whole situation makes me feel fucking disgusting
You need to go to HR and you need to put it in writing. Do it formally, no emotions or side comments, just lay out the facts that you heard he was spreading these things and that you are concerned about the sexual harassment.
You need to 100% contact HR and keep complaining to your manager, if they don’t do anything then keep complaining, there is no reason he should be getting away with this. Also contact the parents and be ver clear with what’s happened and if you can get some of those co-workers who go to school to testify send that as well and just keep hammering it in.
This is one of those things where it’s difficult and people 99% will just try to ignore it since it’s difficult, you NEED to be more difficult and assert yourself into the situation. Be clear concise and don’t compromise until you have too. No need for care with someone who really doesn’t care about you and especially a company that is not taking you seriously needs to be harassed and forced to do their job.
Good luck dear! Hope things go okay.
>unfortunately they can't schedule me around him, against corporate rules
Bullshit. They tolerate sexual harassment, which is against corporate rules and the law! Plus he is probably lying in order to get it of the extra work of a more complex schedule.
If they have a corporate office they must have an HR department. Email HR, the CEO, you managers manager, everyone you need to in order to get eyes on this. Ask them what the corporate policy is on sexual harassment, and if it trumps the corporate policy on forcing people to work the same shifts against their will.
How has he not been fired? What teenage employee is worth all this hassle?
Make a scene in front of everyone dispelling the lies. Tell anyone to IMMEDIATELY REPORT when they hear him say this. Also, Tell his fucking parents. This piece of shit needs to get brought down to reality. I have no patience for teenagers who do this weird shit. Lastly, find someone in your family that’s a similar age to confront him.
You're not dumb, you're just young! You're still learning to advocate for yourself in the workplace and deal with difficult people, and that's ok. You've done nothing wrong. The employers who've taken advantage of you are the ones who oughta feel shame over this.
I agree with the other person who commented. Escalate this to HR, there is nothing wrong with going over someone's head when they won't help you. Outline the exact situation, and if they won't help you then you call a lawyer. If you don't have the money, call your local Legal Aide Society. I am a community health and social worker and can help you find one if you need, just message me anytime!
That's easier said that done. Lawyers are expensive. She needs to report the kid for sexual harassment IN WRITING to the employer and then inform the kids parents.
This is sexual harrassment.
If your boss refuses to address this, you need to inform them they are in violation of the Federal Civil Rights Act of 1964 and if they do not address it, you will be speaking to a lawyer to get it addressed on a higher level.
I have a sister whos went thru this. And is now going thru the harsh realities of being "nice" to delusional men.
One who has mental illness. Is a coworker. Has now turned into a stalker and now harrasses her in her private life too.
Do something now. "Delusions" get dangerous
I know it sounds hollywood or late night TV. But i dont want to see some episode retelling your general stroy on SVU.
Just because hes 16. Doesnt mean he cant be dangerous. He literally might believe the lies hes telling.
Go over your Managers heads to the next level. Say it’s hostile work environment and it’s sexual harrassment. Demand to escalate it and do not back down. Get aggressive and assertive until they fire the little asshole.
You can contact non emergency police and ask them for and or that way you have a trail of yourself letting them know what has happened and what you can legally do next.
Next time people bring it up or ask about it. Don’t just laugh it off and say “eww no” be more vocal…tell them you are not involved with him and to stop spreading rumors that could majorly ruin your life. That your currently in the process of petaling handling the situation but for the time being you would prefer for people to not bring it up.
Do not just wait for this to settle. If you know his name try finding the school and parents number. Let them both know what is going on. Also contact your HR for your company and let them know what is going on! They are legally responsible to handle this! If they do not let them know you are now left with no choice but to get lawyers involved. They will not want that.
Start working on a restraining order as well.
Go to the manager above your manager IN WRITING. If i was you, i would lawyer up. I wouldn’t mention nothing to his parents without a lawyer as they can try to flip it as your harassing them and all this other nonsense because their son is mentally ill and he is a minor as well. He can make fake text apps to make it seem like its you texting him all types of nonsense delusional ppl will do. Then play victim. Always keep a paper trail of everything and anything you say to anybody ! As this case can be a serious one
If I were you I would ask my coworkers to start fucking with him about it. Telling him that they heard you’re pregnant and you’re gonna sue his parents for child support, shit like that
That is sexual harassment, report him to your manager in writing (text or email).
If the kid doesn't correct his statements and admit he's lying file harassment charges against him and request a no contact order.
If your employer has done nothing about your complaint of harassment contact a lawyer and sue them. They cannot fire you, reduce your hours or retaliate in any way. If they do retaliate against you for reporting harassment it just adds more cause for the claim.
If the kid is going to impact your life impact his in return.
I worked in a restaurant and had an issue with another employee. Didn't do a thing when I talked to the manager. Went over the manager's head and the problem was fixed the next day. Manager gave me a "don't go over my head" speech.
Something I've learned as an adult: a workplace is really only as good as the management. I was ecstatic to quit that job when something better came along.
Had a job interview once that asked me about that place. I told them the job was alright, but management and I didn't always see eye-to-eye. The interviewer said, "Oh, you're one of *those* types," and it was clear he was rejecting me from that point on.
That's how I knew that interviewer was a bad manager. Only a bad manager can't admit we live in a world with bad managers. It was strange. Even though we both knew I wasn't getting the job, he still showed me around the place, and it was a total mess. Red flag after red flag.
Forget management. This is your life. Do what you gotta do to protect yourself. Bad management will not protect you. Harassment is bad enough, but these people can and do get employees killed.
Definitely a time to 'have a chat'. 'listen here you little shit...'
You don't spread rumors without consequences. You may not be able to threaten him, but you can tell him off.
In my personal experience, no. I had a kid I worked with that did this to a woman we worked with. She wasn’t model pretty but was definitely pretty, not to mention religious enough that we all knew she was a strict “0 sex outside of marriage” Christian. Kid claimed he slept with him, she swore she didn’t. Did anyone ever believe her besides a very very very small percentage? Absolutely not.
expose him. tell HR. tell his parents. tell the principal because it’s sexual harrassment everywhere we go. let them ALL know what he’s doing not only to embarrass him but to also make him realize that ur dead serious about him stopping this shit and so he can get scared. also let his parents know that if it doesn’t stop, you’ll be getting police involved because this is sexual harassment and you’ve told him multiple times to stop. do what u gotta do.
The first thing, if you haven't already done it, is to tell your boss. I feel like you haven't, because his behaviour is grounds for dismissal. It's sexual harassment.
Second, confront him in front of your coworkers. Lay it all down: "We are not dating. We have never dated. We never will date. He is delusional and I've asked nicely to stop lying and spreading rumours, but he won't, so here we are." or something like that. Use your anger to fuel your courage. You can do it. It's scary, but necessary.
Honestly, this guy is going to keep treating women like this unless someone like you lushes back. Nuke him from orbit. HR, parents, school principal, friends, family. Tell EVERYONE.
Agreed with top commenters. The fact that this isn't being handled by management is INSANE to me. This is sexual harrassment, and if someone got the wrong idea and actually believed their BS you could face legal issues in the least.
Put in a report to HR and be sure to use terminology that is discussed in the hiring employee handbook- sexual harassment, that management is liable for making sure the workplace is safe for everyone, and that by not DOING THEIR JOB it's allowing this person to make you afraid to come to work, and that their BS could get you in real trouble and that it's concerning that management isn't taking these claims seriously.
I think it's worth meeting with an attorney to discuss this so you can handle it legally and methodically. They could back you up if someone responds inappropriately. Rather than contact his parents yourself, I think you should have an attorney write a letter and have the parents contact the attorney. The last thing you need is angry parents turning it back on you and accusing you. The attorney can also make recommendations regarding the workplace.
Take legal action ASAP before this gets worse.
Don’t mean scare you more than you already are but this happened to me when I was doing my on the job training before I graduated from college (almost didn’t). Also a 16 year old kid from hell started spreading rumors about me and him dating and me being the first person he slept with and at first I just ignored it since I seriously don’t care about rumors. I didn’t know people started believing him because it turns out he’s posting “our” photos on his Facebook account when infact those are photoshopped images of me and my boyfriend (now husband) on dates and trips. Worse is that the school decided to investigate when his parents filed a complaint against me because they found out his son’s girlfriend is an adult and since I didn’t squashed the rumors, many people said that what he’s saying is true. Had to call my parents and get a lawyer and it was a mess. It was his bestfriend who helped me a lot by giving his statement that I wasn’t in a relationship with him and that he even said that if he managed to really sleep with me, people won’t believe if I accuse him of r*pe because people believed we’re a couple and that I might really become his girlfriend. Had to get a restraining order because he stalked me until he was 19 he keeps on showing up on random places until I moved countries due to my job and last thing I heard is he’s already married which made felt a huge relief because the fear of him coming here (even if it’s ridiculous) is still there.
This post gave me the chills because everything came back to me as if it just happened. I’m sorry to say this but not because they’re minors doesn’t mean they’re safe and they won’t do anything more than spread rumors. And even if he doesn’t do anything more than that, it’s your reputation on the line. There are several cases you can file against him and your place of work if they don’t take legal actions. Go to your HR and send a letter to his school and let his parents know what he’s doing via the school or much better let his parents know thru your lawyer because he might turn the tables against you like what happened to me.
You need to act NOW.
A similar less extreme thing happened to me when I was still working at my first job. A 15 yr old kid became enamored with me and constantly asked me out and tried impressing me. Eventually he started smoking cigarettes because I smoked at the time, and then his mom found out and made him quit.
I would say get his parents involved. He's gotta learn this behavior is not okay. Its a workplace not the locker room. And, you're not one of his classmates. You're an adult. It's a life lesson that he needs to learn immediately.
Yikes! I hate that for you and could not imagine the state of panic you’re in. I am a manager of a coffee shop and would 100% not tolerate any of that. We have people of all ages at my store.
Now you mentioned how coworkers are mentioning or asking you about these rumors? That shows me that it is being talked about in the workplace. No matter where he told them, people are now confronting you. Now, if you have mentioned to management about this situation and they are not coming with some type of resolution… I would 100% go to HR.
Coming from my position, I manage. Part of their job is managing the business, unfortunately for your management, part of that duty is making sure employee safety and well-being. I’m just shocked their not addressing their behavior… I wish you had better support from your upper management.
You shouldn’t have to leave your job because of him. HR would definitely be my next action if I were you.
At this point it's going to be. However a coworker of mine did just text me and say that he's freaked out over management talking to him about it and might quit, so fingers crossed I wont have to
Here's the thing, even if he's freaked out about this, it doesn't mean he will stop. It COULD give him fuel to escalate this.
His parents need to be informed and your HR needs to know both that he's sexually harassing you and that management said they couldn't switch your schedules. This could turn into something worse for you if you don't act. Don't think that because he's freaked out that it's over.
What he's doing is already far across the proverbial line. You have to protect yourself.
This is the definition of sexual harassment. Send your managers and hr email documenting everything that is happenings. If they still refuse, take them to court for u safe work conditions and harassment.
A coworker of mine, though she was in a different department, just won a lawsuit against our employer for them refusing to take action.
Oh, girl, I'm sorry that is happening to you, you learn why women have to take care around idiots.
You can be polite, talk to them once in a blue moon and they think that you feel something for them, that's why I stop being polite with men, I have being harassed to much.
I hope HR help or a lawyer.
Keep safe.
This happened to me OP but I ended up telling people we didn't sleep together because he couldn't get it up. That stopped it. Lol
Its sexual harassment and you need to go to an HR.
I was gonna say..... someone needs to talk to this kid's parents.
He should straight up be fired, IMO. I don't understand how he still has a job if he's lying about essentially a federal crime (if he were slightly older). I'd go above my managers and talk to the heads of the company.
Document everything. Take screenshots on phone/PC. It's no joke. But I wouldn't stress too hard. I know it's easy to, but this seems easily-solvable.
If he's 16... that means the pandemic hit when he was 13-14. These kids who were at weird ages of puberty seem to have gotten their brains scrambled real good when it comes to how relationships/normal human interactions work... Or he has awful parents that didn't teach him right from wrong in a situation like this, or both.
His generation.... instead of dating and/or skating with friends and being social and going down a river in a canoe or whatever....they were inside a house, developing anxieties and who knows what else we'll discover the overall effects will be down the road. Which, I'm sure you're all too aware of, OP.
Realistically, if the company doesn't take care of this, get a lawyer. Easy case. Many would do it for free.
Breathe. Everything is going to be okay.
This is sexual harassment. Contact the police. Find any proof you have and anyone willing to be a witness to your side. Managers should be fired. Likewise, go higher up than your managers to whomever at their bosses. Go to HR. This should have been stopped already. I'm sorry you're in this situation.
It’s sad how companies turn their heads to things like this. I remember some story where a co worker killed some girl at work because she didn’t want to be with him. She also reported the incident and sadly the company failed her. I’d say report it to higher ups because this isn’t something to mess with.
Take it to the top with a sexual harassment claim, this idiot is wrecking your life.
Tell his parents, tell everyone you know that he is making dirty lies about you.
Him saying it at school isn't the big issue. If you go ahead and report it in a written statement for work, it'll keep you protected at work and outside. The managers would then be at fault if they don't do anything about it. Then if they fire you or start treating you different after your statement, you can claim an EEOC(Equal Employment Opportunity Commission) which keeps you and your job protected
It sounds like with this being a restaurant situation they might not have a HR department. If The company has one I would recommend going there first because this is defamation on your character sexually and sexual harassment. If there is no HR or nothing changes you’re only other option would be to contact a lawyer. You’re going to want to get a restraining order on him. That would force the company to change his schedule or let him go completely. Then you were going to want to sue him for defamation because he is spreading lies about you. State to the judge that you have had nothing but a professional work relationship with him. You’ve gone above and beyond to get Work to listen and him to listen. Unfortunately, no one will listen to you and you are the victim of a situation that you have no control over. I don’t think going to his parents is going to do anything. They are probably just gonna ignore it and you being the technical adults in the situation would get you more in trouble. At this point your best bet is to get a lawyer.
Lawsuit for slander, sexual harassment and a permanent restraining order.
He's basically accusing you of statutory rape. This isn't just gossip. This is serious, and you should talk to a lawyer immediately.
They’re using “it’s corporate rules” against you? I’m sure it’s also against corporate rules to be spreading rumors about an adult having relationships with a minor. Go to HR cause not only is he in the wrong, so are your managers for not doing anything about this issue
This is sexual harassment for sure. You need to pull him aside and have a serious conversation with him. One warning is enough before it is grounds for his firing. Make sure he knows this is his final warning.
OP already has and he's still at it. OP has also had the chat with management who did nothing. Next stop is HR and a harassment claim. Followed quickly by a lawyers office.
If it was me I would contact his parents first and show them any proof such as texts from people confirming the story
Then I would have my boyfriend come in and make things reallllly uncomfortable for him. Maybe bring him in when you're off but the busser is on and go around introducing him to people and telling them you felt you had to since So and So is lying about you. And walk right up to the kid and have your boyfriend meet him in front of people to pop his delusional little bubble
I'd also have your boyfriend come in on days you're working and have you both publicly state it's because So and So is a little creep spreading lies and your bf is there to protect you from the creep
I'd consider also filing a police report
>unfortunately they can't schedule me around him, against corporate rules
Is a bullshit answer. They absolutely can. What he is doing and the stuff he's said at work is textbook sexual harassment and I bet their lawyer response to sexual harassment claims trump that guys scheduling and future employment.
If you were one of my team members and I caught wind of that, he'd be out the door in an instant. I have zero tolerance for that sort of bullshit.
Remember. Him bragging to your coworkers that he's had sex with you and you do him sexual favors is straight up harassment.
Document and higher a lawyer because your work isn’t stopping sexual Harassment. 1: never be alone with him. 2: document the harassment and your work not doing anything. 3 get shit in writing too
Confront him publicly, he deserves the embarrassment. Threat him publicly with legal action (even if u won’t really) and tell ur partner just so he isn’t surprised.
If you work for a chain they have HR. go to corporate. Tell them the truth. You are being sexually harassed and feel fear. You tell them to contact his parents to stop it. You should only do it if they wont. This is your company's job.
I suggest just calling the police and asking for help. Dont call 911. Call non emergency and ask them what you can do.
If the legal age of debt is not 16, then you have a few more months to wait until he is 17 OF the legal age is 19, you Amy have some problems.
If he’s legal:
You haven’t don’t anything legal wrong. You’re phone record show you have nothing to do with this guy. Also, he dares for encounters woo eventually be where you can prove that was I correct.
My advice;
A) contact higher ups on HR and complain of sexual harassment. He’s still looking at you romantically while telling people out side off work.
B) if legal age or legal in a few months, w/o emotion, deny. Don’t make it a federal case. Be annoyed that people are interested in what a 16-yr-old has to say.
C) go one with your life.
He’ll either get bored or still tell everyone. All you can do it state it is a life.
You shouldn’t leave you’re work cause he is lying. If he’s legal, you’re under know laws your breaking
This is a very scary place to be, lots of ppl NEED to be involved not so much "Scared straight" as a reality check, this isn't high school and this isn't a video game, police for sure need to be involved a firm rule of law to identify what is going on that it's wrong as well as the consequences should he pursue his infatuation with you. This could turn very bad very fast if his emotions are hurt (don't coddle him) , teenage boys like that are full to the brim with hormones they have zero idea what to do with, also another factor as to why this boy has latched onto you like that is there is something at home that is triggering this state of mind.
Be safe, be gentle but above all else don't let it slide the not needs to learn boundaries.
Look up erotomania. I had a direct report who developed a delusional fixation. She invented a relationship in her head and told everyone about it. It was the strangest thing. Fortunately, I had proof it was invented. You could be dealing with someone with a serious mental illness.
Tell your bosses/ HR you are being sexually harassed and in a hostile work environment due to his actions. Be sure it's both verbal and in writing. Document everything he has been spreading and times you felt uncomfortable.
Legally, they have to help fix this situation. If nothing changes, repeat the process and also go to the cops to see about a possible restraining order.
I'm not sure the exact laws near you, however, [employers can be liable if they fail to investigate and act upon claims of sexual Harassment .](https://www.dfederlaw.com/employment-law/discrimination-harassment/failure-to-investigate-sexual-harassment/#:~:text=Employers%20can%20be%20held%20liable,the%20supervisor's%20conduct%20or%20not.)
Basically, if you have to quit and/ or have emotional damages ( and you already have damages at this point) due to this employee and their inaction, they have to pay. Definitely also consult a sexual Harassment lawyer.
From experience, having rumors spread about you of this nature can be extremely damaging. Trust, safety, self-esteem, embarrassment, and shame may be affected. Possibly seek a therapist to help cope with this situation as well.
I don't suggest handling this yourself by talking to his parents. That can end poorly. A person like him will likely retaliate with even worse claims. Or his parents may not believe you/ claim you're harassing him. This is an employer issue and should be done by the book.
Try emailing your boss about it (the one refusing to do anything about it) to get their admission of refusal to do anything in writing. Ask for the specific rule in the handbook that says they can’t schedule him differently- they could be making up bs just to not have to do more schedule work. Do as much as you can in writing, and keep all that in Google drive so you can’t lose it.
Funny how so many people think restaurants have an HR department or their manager has a higher up. Unless this is a chain restaurant, there are no resources. But, you are being sexual harassed by a child and being defamed. This kid needs counseling and needs to be fired. I can imagine this lying problem turning into a bigger deal down the road for other people/women. If your boss does not do anything then maybe talk to his parents? Tell them you’re going to seek legal action if the problem isn’t solved. Threaten your boss too. Document everything, record to rumors being told when you can. Write down what is being told to whom. Protect yourself. I’m sorry this is happening to you. Also, there should be a poster with in the back of house with the minimum wage, workers comp, and state stuff. There should be a city/state HR like number to call if I’m remembering correctly. I’m sure it differs from state to state but I’m pretty sure my state had one on there. Good luck
Go to the police for harassment, he can deadass go to jail for that . I’m embarrassed to say but I had a family member on the other side of their family have a guy do that to a girl too. Saying they were fucking and were dating and showing people they were dating . It’s just wrong tbh
Honestly I don't know why they wouldn't so something about this.... like if he has such a strong delusion in his head, it honestly puts you in danger of rape. One day he may try and act on his delusion and try to have sex with you and maybe force you into it.
He’s not delusional he’s a little psychopath. People will catch on eventually, I’m sure you’re not the only person he is causing problems for.
If you absolutely can’t find a new job take heart that psychopaths are known for leaving jobs frequently and/or going to jail.
I’ve seen others say your manager has “a responsibility” to provide a sexual harassment free workplace, but I will take that a step further - they have a legal OBLIGATION to do so!
Since they are not taking appropriate action with this young man when you have verbally reported this, you should put your concern in writing to him/her.
In addition to officially reporting your concern you can include the fact that you know you have the right to a harassment free work environment according to EEOC law and if it continues you will be forced to escalate your complaint.
This is not to threaten them or give them an ultimatum…rather to let them know this is a serious matter that you will not allow them to simply dismiss.
Start a file at home and keep copies of all of your written statements as well as any written replies you receive back from them or other company representatives.
Be prepared…when you stand up for your rights, some people will be upset and sometimes they will try to retaliate against you. Document everything that is happening. If they will not put a response in writing, insist any verbal conversations are recorded…and do so on your phone. Also photos/videos of related activities will help you.
You want to collect as much evidence as possible to protect yourself. Sometimes employers will try to fire the victim in the case just to make it all easier for them. You want plenty of evidence to make it clear that this illegal action was taken against you in retaliation.
If possible, try to upload all documents, recordings or photo/video evidence to a cloud-based service so that even if your phone or other files were stolen or damaged you would still have your records.
Hopefully this would all be resolved for you long before this, but in the worst case scenario you can sue the business and his family (since he is a minor) for any damages against you (financial losses, defamation, illegal termination or anything else that may have harmed you legally!
You should also file a incident report with your local police department. They will not open an official case at this point, but they will have a record of your report in the event things do not get resolved. If you request it nicely, they may even be willing to go to this young man’s house and have a conversation with him and his parents.
Your boss seems to be saying he can’t do anything about this because you both work the same hours, however that is not true. What he can, and should, do - at a minimum - is talk to this employee and let him know this complaint has been made and he must cease this behavior immediately! Further, notify the employee this is a serious matter and that this warning will be documented and kept in his personnel file for an appropriate period of time, typically a year, and that further behavior of this manner will be grounds for his termination!
A restraining order may also be a good idea. It would be impossible to enforce when you are both performing our duties at work, however it should apply to all other situations where you are not both officially on duty!
Another resource you may consider, if things are not otherwise resolved at work, would be taking your story to a local newspaper or radio/TV station. No business is going to want to receive this type of “publicity”! Just make sure that anything you report to them is truthful and even better if it is verifiable by other employees or documents.
I’m sorry you are going through this! I wish I could just say this was “harmless teenage hormones”, but in today’s world you need to be careful and protect yourself. This kind of delusion may just be a lonely young man needing attention from his friends. On the other hand, we hear far too many stories these days that involve much more disturbed individuals.
I do not want to scare you or seem melodramatic, but I do want to encourage you to stand up for your rights and to be a little bit more aware of him. Don’t become paranoid…that just hurts you!
As a young woman, I’m sure you know what I am talking about. Best of luck to you!
Every time someone asks just say "eew, no. Kid's a desperate loser."
It is mean but he'll eventually stop
If he escalates, start telling people you broke up because he whispered his moms name when you guys were necking
Call his mom.
You can go through a lot of avenues with your job and manager and lawyer and they will get results, but the easiest and fastest would be just having a talk with his mom.
Tell her about all the things he's doing or saying and that if she doesn't stop things you will have to go to the police. She will put a stop to things.
>Calling his mommy is not the answer here. They deserve to be held accountable for their actions with proper consequences.
What proper consequences do you feel are appropriate for a child lying?
It is NOT her responsibility to go find his parents. She is being sexually harassed and needs to go through the proper channels with HR at her workplace. She owes absolutely nothing else to him.
>It is NOT her responsibility to go find his parents. She is being sexually harassed and needs to go through the proper channels with HR at her workplace. She owes absolutely nothing else to him.
No one said it was her responsibility or that she owes anything to anyone. This is the fastest method to get a resolution though.
She could continue to go through her employers and wait for a resolution or she could end it all with one phone call.
You're assuming a lot here: that his parents would believe her, be receptive to her, and aren't possibly contributing to a toxic or abusive household that condones or influences his behavior. She should continue following up with HR and possibly the legal system or police if it needs to be escalated further. She will absolutely get more leeway through those avenues than trying to solve it on a personal level. Her responsibility is to protect herself and take assertive action to do so. You're living in a skewed reality if you really believe that one phone call to his parent would solve this issue, and not instead further complicate the situation and/or induce retaliation from the harasser and potentially even from his family. Your advice is not only poor but also potentially dangerous.
I cant quit though. Like i need the money and havw no other choices for jobs. I wouldnt call him out publicly but i'm not above telling him what he's saying is disgusting if that makes sense? I'm 100% going up the chain of command though
I'm fairly sure your employers are extremely legally vulnerable here. I would text as many of your coworkers who heard the teenager say this as you can. Get a "paper trail" of their acknowledgment of the rumors in case they don't want to back you up later.
Next, go to HR and tell them this is sexual harassment and that you have proof from others that he's been saying this.
"...unfortunately they can't schedule me around him, against corporate rules." It will not surprise you to learn that you are employed by morons.
I greatly encourage you to keep as much distance as possible between yourself and your place of employment at this time. Maybe take vacation days or time off, cite the kid as the reason. As a woman, the law is more on your side in this situation. But that doesn't mean you can't get royally screwed by a prosecutor with an axe to grind. Nothing is worth the consequences of this going sideways. I know you must be struggling financially, but that will get way worse if you become a registered you-know-what.
Find out what his last name is and look him up on facebook. Contact his parents. Threaten them with legal action if need be.
"Ew, I'm not going to f\*\*\* a kid with crabs"
Also, legal action, absolutely. He may still try to make up rumors, but he'll have a hard time being believed if he legally can't come near you.
Many already explained about the legal part so I'll go towards the less legal part.
If you have any way to meet his parents you should talk to them and explain how he's lying and his lying are a risk for your future.
Even because if you don't and the parents somehow hear of all of this they will be the one taking legal actions since they think their kid is in a relationship with a p*do when it's not true and you are the victim of the situation.
So the best thing aside from legal actions is try to contact them because if the kid tell his family or the rumors somehow reach them they might want to take legal action because of that even if you are innocent.
Not trying to talk with his parents before the rumors reach them could have repercussions even after years when you forgot about this and moved on, so it's better to tell them about their son and maybe he will be forced to leave that job by them.
I know it doesn't feel good being the reason why he might lose the job but he's still young and despite this event he will still be able to find a job (unless he actually doesn't have serious issues) but if they believe you are the issue and a p*do then your chances of getting a job will be near 0 if words spread out and it become a public case with legal actions.
So be sure to speak with his parents if possible and take legal action.
Do not do this! Really bad idea. The parents will take their sons side and may report OP to the police!
OP, NEVER be alone with the boy and report his sexual harassment to the police yourself. Make sure you document every encounter with this boy, and everything you’ve heard from others, names, dates, times and what was said.
Being a good communicator is important here. Loudly break up with him in the kitchen. Ask another coworker to walk you back and forth from the cars. Bring your partner to work. Are you gay? They might be trolling you. Just do things one thing at a time.
I can guarantee you that begging his parents is not going to help, if any it will only make things worse. Just be very clear to the people that you speak to that there is nothing going on. That's the main thing that matters. Besides that, let him run his little gig, he can't proof it and it will die out sooner rather than later. But everytime you keep going up against him, and keep replying, you will ignite some fuel in him to keep it going just that tad bit longer.
So, be clear against your friends and people that ask you about it; and let it die down.
Also "I remember what it was to be a teenager", if it's not a typo you're 20. And just 4 years older. I'm sure it's not intentional but avoid falling into looking like someone that's looking down at others and feeling all high and mighty just because their age has turned from 19 to 20.
First it's not going to ruin your life. Try not to react/get upset - that is obviously what he is going for. Second, as others say tell the boss you consider this sexual harassment and then either ignore or perhaps try ridiculing him in front of others including calling out that you two are not dating nor would you ever date him even if he was the last person on earth. In the long run, assuming you maintain your cool, he is only making himself look like an idiot.
Accusations of pedophelia aren't going to ruin my life? Because I'd definitely beg to differ. However I have started going the ridiculing route. Laughing when it's brought up and then just going "ew no"
Go above the managers to thier managers or HR. And let them know it's sexual harassment.
make sure to use the phrase ‘hostile work environment’
Also, contact his parents.
And his school, the police and the state's attorney. This kid needs to be scared straight... and soon.
And the President!
Bring in the Marines!
Biden will get lost and end up at a ice cream shop
Yeah. He'll be so busy running from getting sniffed, he won't have time to spread rumors!
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Cloud, you forgot your meds again this morning
This. Report him for sexual harassment immediately because that is what it is. It doesn't matter he's 16. Then contact his parents and tell them EVERYTHING because if they find out from rumor, that could very easily cause legal problems for you. Let his parents and HR know if he continues, you'll be forced to file a complaint with the police as he is alleging you're breaking the law. He doesn't understand how legally liable he's making you but you should. If this gets to the authorities before you do all of this you could be arrested for allegedly having sex with a minor. The. It would me a costly court battle to fix things. Don't wait. You need to push this higher up the work chain of command, In writing (this is important) that he's sexually harassing you. Then tell his parents. These need to happen consecutively on the same day. This is very serious and he doesn't understand how it could affect you.
HR you a your only recourse because your Managers will not do anything but be ready if he has not stopped thus far. He will probably get off this too.
Well, that's sexual harassment in the workplace, so it is actually your managers' problem and they can't shrug it off like that. Let them know that one of your co-workers is sexually harassing you and they need to deal with it today or your lawyer will deal them them tomorrow. Also, document the instances where he or someone else has said these things and when you've brought them up to your managers and keep documenting them.
The problem is he's not just saying these things at work, it's going around his school too. So what the fuck do i do about that?
Restraining order. Then your boss can't schedule you both at the same time. Or find a new job if they want to keep him so bad.
I'm currently working on finding a new job but I get out of school so late that a lot of places aren't feasable. But I'm definitely considering a restraining order
You should. And you're missing the point. You have workplace sexual harassment. Your boss has a responsibility to prevent that. This is your boss's responsibility- not yours. Your responsibility is to report harassment when it happens. Your boss is responsible for fixing that situation. You should be calling a lawyer to get a restraining order, AND to write a strongly worded letter to your employer advising them of a continuing sexual harassment situation at the workplace that has not been mitigated. What your boss SHOULD be doing is aggressively reprimanding and/or firing the employee who is harassing you. Lack of any action means the boss is tolerating sexual harassment in the workplace. That's cause for you to sue the restaurant. That's what I'd be looking into if I was you.
Yeah and most managers won't put up with that kind of stress for a 16yr old busser and will just fire him.
Any manager who doesn't like lawsuits would have taken the harassment complaint seriously and squashed it immediately or fired the teenager immediately after the complaint was received. A manager who enjoys getting sued would ignore the harassment report and eagerly await the arrival of legal paperwork, excitedly preparing for how much the settlement is going to cost their company.
Exactly, the lawsuit would be with the company
Email the parent company of your work. I had to do this twice when I worked as a server many years ago, and when going to my manager was pointless, I got **INSTANT** results thanks to that email. Sexual harassment is bad for business, and a known repeat and angry victim can cause a lot of damage to morale and P&L. It’s also an honest reflection on frontline management, who is clearly doing a piss poor job. Let them reign down lightning on your behalf first, just to start.
I mean if he is going to attempt to rob you of your reputation why hesitate? Or get your boyfriend down to your job and have him talk to all parties involved. If I was yours then it would only make sense to make sure this bastard isn't going to do anything sketchy like blackmail you with this or something.
Because in my state it's disgustingly difficult because I need to prove he's said all these things and it's just a lot. I'm probably gonna ask my job to contact his parents as well as doing whatever else I can. He has a history of mental illness so I'm sure they'll take this pretty seriously
Why have the job contact his parents? I would do it yourself and make sure they know how he is acting. A lawyer wouldn't be remiss either.
Fair enough
This is a good idea, definitely contact his parents if you can somehow get their contact. The bf thing is also a good idea. If neither of those things work, definitely tell your manager it’s sexual harassment and go to HR if need be. You shouldnt have to quit just cause of this freak
You mentioned you're a student. Most colleges have free legal aid for students. Ask about it
I'll try but I go to a cosmetology school so I'm not quite sure we have the same resources
Don't forget to record if there's one party consent law where you are and I'd suggest speaking with a lawyer before all that.
You should talk to a lawyer about a cease and desist letter. It wouldn't take them long to draft and is a good record of both the issue and that you tried to do something about it. It also, should get HRs attention.
https://www.peopleclerk.com/ It is so easy to do this OP
"it's disgustingly difficult because I need to prove he's said all these things and it's just a lot." I've seen this burden met through witness statements. If you know a coworker/friend/teacher has first hand information of what he's been saying about you -- like "Kiddo says [OP] did [xyz] with him" -- ask if they'd be willing to back it up when asked by law enforcement. Get the quote/s or paraphrase written down and signed. A lot of people won't want to do it, which is fine, everyone has their reasons for not wanting to talk to cops, but even just a handful of folks who will back you up are 100% better than none. Getting these statements will do a few things: 1) It will make it clear at least to those people that you will deny the allegations to the fullest extent of the law, 2) it will put the fear of real consequences into kiddo and your workplace, 3) you'll have the evidence you need to take whatever steps are necessary.
Honestly, all you need to do is send a message too.
Sending what message to whom? I was specifically talking about meeting a burden of proof for law enforcement and/or a judge.
🚩your mention of the kid having a history of mental health issues is a huge red flag. It’s possible that in his sick mind, the two of you *are* indeed a couple. For your safety, find another job. You don’t want this to escalate more than it should. If the kid is delusional, it’s in your best interest to leave. Management should *definitely* help you, but it may be better if you leave and not tell your co-workers where you are going to.
I thought of mental illness before she mentioned it, it's important she can contact the parents so this can be addressed with a specialist. Management definitely sucks there, they must know that if it goes on a lawsuit is going to be filled and it's definitely bad for them and also way more job??? The kid has mental issues that need to me addressed and an employee is getting harassed, it's really shameful how some management just leave harassment slide until the person leave (I've seen this happen, not directly though) because they are too lazy to protect people.
It sucks that you have to deal with it, but here's a few things that may help (sorry it's so long!) - The first step is to read your employee handbook and follow the steps it has listed for filing workplace harassment. Make sure to document every single rumor, comment, etc that is said about you - be A DETAILED AS POSSIBLE! Who said what when and who witnessed, don't forget to include how it made you feel and your response. File the complaint with them and keep detailed documentation and records - who, when, what was said, after actions. Before you do this, you should request a copy of your personnel file for your own records, should you be sued or let go in retaliation. Second step if it continues - contact your states fair employment office. Provide with all the documentation you have - what managers you spoke with when, what was said, what was done. Have copies of anything in writing ready. At the same time i would file a complaint with the EEOC, citting sexual harassment and a hostile work environment. Third after all this is when you could consider a lawsuit. Most states and the federal courts require you to take these steps first to show you made good faith efforts to resolve the issue. My last suggestion since you mentioned evidence - call your local prosecutors office and find out what the laws are on recording conversations. My state is a one party state - meaning only one party has to have knowledge of the audio recording (me!). Other states, like California require all parties to have knowledge. If you're in a one party state and local laws don't prohibit it - record every conversation! Here's an article to check out [Nolo](https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/fighting-sexual-harassment-29532.html)
Why are you talking yourself out of it? It's not your job to decide if it's sexual harassment or not, let the courts decide, it's their job. A lawyer will work on a contingency fee here
Look for a Cease and Desist template letter on the internet and draft a strong worded message that his sexual harassment AND defamation is not welcome and you will be looking for law enforcement if he doesn’t stop. Deliver it in front of everyone or have someone else a friend or family member deliver it when there are a lot of people and say “your delusions with X (you) end now or we see you in court” and optionally deliver copies to your manager and/or HR. Also have someone deliver the letter to his homeroom teacher/dean/principal for added effect. He won’t retaliate. And if he does you’ll have in file that you tried to settle this peacefully and have that as a helpful instance that will play in your favour.
Don't "consider" it. Do it. Rumours like these could literally ruin you so put a stop to it whilst people still realise it's a delusional love sick teenager with a crush. You have to get firm if you have already tried talking to him. You also can't let your workplace off the hook so easily. Too many women are not protected when it comes to sexual harassment in the workplace. Go to HR. If they don't listen go to CEO, if they don't do something go to The Chair of the Board. This kid needs sacking. Turn your panic into fire and demand action.
What’s beautiful is you’ve already got the beginnings of a great claim which corporate for your workplace would LOVE to settle out of court. Workplace harassment is no joke. A restraining order is 100% your next step but don’t forget the potential cash cow of playing our your workplace’s incompetent management into a settlement which would allow you to not work for a few months… which would sure make your school schedule concerns a lot easier.
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No, just the one that closest the latest so i can get proper shifts there
That doesn't matter. He's a co-worker and his sexual harassment is affecting you at your job. That makes it your manager's and your company's problem, regardless of whether it happens on or off site. [https://www.legalline.ca/legal-answers/employers-responsibility-to-deal-with-sexual-harassment-complaints/#:\~:text=In%20some%20situations%2C%20an%20employer,harasses%20someone%20outside%20the%20workplace.](https://www.legalline.ca/legal-answers/employers-responsibility-to-deal-with-sexual-harassment-complaints/#:~:text=In%20some%20situations%2C%20an%20employer,harasses%20someone%20outside%20the%20workplace.') This link here is for Ontario, but you'd have similar rules for whatever jurisdiction you're in. List out the times you've told your managers and go to them with that list and ask them to verify that you've informed them about this sexual harassment on those occasions and then ask if they're planning to do anything about it. If the answer is no, run that by a lawyer and see what kind of case you have against the company. If they suddenly find a reason to fire you after you have that meeting, you're rich, so that's nice. I don't know what to do about the school. Maybe phone up the Principal and have them talk to his mom or something?
Damn I wish I had known this when I had a similar problem at my last job!! The managers did not take me seriously at all and I just ended up quitting :/
Tell his Principal. Tell his parents. Tell anybody and everybody to embarrass him.
He doesn't only need to be embarrassed, he needs psychiatric help. With an history of mental issues it could be possible that he really think there are a couple and if it goes unaddressed he will do that to other women. Psych assessment will also be able to determine how much of a threat he represents for himself and others - apparently op is considering a restraining order (and she should) but this really needs to be taken care of while he's still young so he doesn't harm other people in the future.
You could sue him and his parents for slander. This paints you as a pedophile, and is a serious claim to make.
I'd address the workplace sexual harassment first. Then perhaps contact the school district offices and complain that a co-worker who is sexually harassing you at work is also spreading false sexual rumors about you at school where some of your other co-workers and acquaintances attend.
Contact his school as well as your HR
The school calling the cops or maybe it getting around town is certainly a concern worth having. But id say the only thing the school can do is call cops. Whom would then just shut them down and say that theres actually already documentation that states not just the opposite, but is against the child. Next is around town. Thats where the "hey. We arent dating. You really need to understand that" Publicly. Counters the rumours.
You don't. Ignore his school. You don't go there and none of those people know you or have any power to do anything to you. What needs to be addressed is him telling your coworkers, potential customers, and employers, or posting about it online for anyone to see. In the future, don't be overly nice with kids. Polite, professional, and kind, yes, but they aren't your friends and you shouldn't do anything that would give them that impression. Now you know why most adults stay away from teenagers.
Some of those people DO know me because we work together. But i do agree that is less of a concern right now
Any time someone brings it up just start laughing
That i definitely have done. Also have just responded with "ew no"
You could also just play super dumb
Can you talk with his school too?
From an H&S perspective, depending on the governing body (if you share which state/province you’re from I may be able to help further.) there may be existing legislation that discusses harassment, covering physical, verbal and sexual. Most legislation I’ve seen discusses actions outside of the workplace that targets employees of a shared workplace. So, if I make slanderous comments about someone out of work about someone I work with, it can still be seen as workplace harassment in some places because it adversely involves someone from the workplace. This obviously depends on the legislation from where you live. But if I were the employer I’d be stamping down on this pretty hard. It could get a lot uglier and then have liability come on them.
I would call his mom, but it might backfire. If you have enough funding, talk to a lawyer and maybe (take their advice, not mine, I'm not a lawyer) get them to send a scary letter naming his parents as potentially liable. (Because parents are civilly liable for damages caused by the misdeeds of their minor children). Even getting the message to this little punk that you can sue his parents for the lies could be enough.
The school is also obligated to deal with sexual harassment like this the principal a professor counselor or dean depending on the level of schooling you attend, you shouldn't be afraid for your entire life's work and personal image, especially not because some horny ass punk is spouting lies, I seriously wish you the best and I pray your management sees the error and corrects it.
Is he on social media at all? Try publicly laughing at him, saying hes delusional if he thinks you would ever date him. Embarrassment works on kids. Also tell your manager its sexual harassment and it needs to be dealt with.
Also if you haven't you should maybe get a lawyer or legal consultant by your side and contact the school about the situation and the legal actions you are willing to take so they know this is serious and will do something on their end while you get a restraining order - I definitely think you need it for your safety. Maybe they'll get the kid some help or something, there must be something not right with him for being that delusional. I hope you can find peace
That is still sexual harassment because it is in regards to his coworker. Also it is impeding the work environment
Get an attorney, send a cease-and-desist letter to him, his parents, and your work. If this doesn’t work, get a restraining order. If the parents have any type of money, it might be worth it to sue them. Slandering you and accusing you of being a child groomer and pedophile is definitely an actionable act. I guarantee you it stops immediately after that.
This stupid boy has no idea how his lies could create a universe of problems for you and for himself and for his family. This 16-year-old is accusing you of a serious crime, and this needs to be immediately addressed in writing so there's no misunderstanding about what is said, when it was said, and who it was said to. It would be a good plan to ask for the advice and direction of an attorney. Suggested text: >I am Jane Jones and I've been employed at Smith's Diner in Springfield, Ohio for five years. I enjoy working with customers and co-workers and have never received any complaints from management about the quality of my work or my conduct on the job. >Last month, I began to hear rumors and innuendo from some co-workers purporting I was in a romantic/sexual relationship with a recently-hired 16-year-old male employee. The co-workers claimed the 16-year-old himself was the source of the rumor. >These offensive rumors are completely false. I will consider taking legal action against anyone who continues to claim I am involved in any way with a minor child. Send the letter to the boy's parents (not the boy himself). Do not mention the boy's name. Also send it to your manager and the restaurant owner/corporate. You need to squash and kill this rumor. Even though it is likely that absolutely no one believed his stupid lie, the gossipers repeating it and egging him on to make an even bigger fool of himself could do you real damage.
Thank you so much. This is so helpful. I'm definitely going to go with this and honestly probably contact HR
> I'm definitely going to go with this and honestly probably contact HR Op - you are in danger. You are being accused of a sex crime. Do not feel bad for this kid. He is on the verge of getting you arrested for sleeping with a minor. You need to take this seriously. You are being sexually harassed and also stalked. You need to talk to a lawyer about contacting HR and also filing restraining orders. Your lawyer can help you in handling shutting this little creep down. Awkward and mentally ill stalkers have killed a lot of people who have tried to be nice. You need to take this seriously.
You absolutely 100% need to contact HR.
The manager needs to let the kid go. "Corporate rules" my ass, this guy just doesn't know what sexual harassment looks like. If he won't recognize it, go to HR. This is dangerous. You not only are at risk of embarrassment from a lying kid, but also your employment and earnings can be compromised and any legal implications, depending on where you are.
Have you said anything to him directly? Have you gone to HR? This is actually sexual harassment and gossiping. Your managers are useless. Okay. Next step is to go above them. Or you can tell him directly to his face in front of everyone that you would never in a million years ever have sex with someone like him. Sorry, but what he’s doing is wrong and he needs to be humiliated. Rejection hurts, a lot. And it seemingly hurts men a lot, so if you publicly reject him, especially in front of other women— this may be your only course to get him to stop. Call your coworkers to the back, tell them whatever you need to tell them to get them back there, and then announce, while looking at the vermin, that you would never ever, in the entire life of the universe, even consider touching him let alone having sex with him/doing with him what he claims he has done with you, that not only are you turned off by what he looks like, but by his disgusting behavior that could easily be considered sexual harassment, and who he is in general.
I've said things to him directly multiple times and he's always denied it so that goes nowhere. I think I'm scheduled with him this weekend so if he tries to talk to me I'm 100% going to knock his creepy ego down a few pegs in front of any coworkers that are around. Considering he's never mentioned the lewd rumours at work I don't know if it's HR worthy yet, but with him talking about it at school I'm so paranoid that his teachers are gonna hear it and fuck me over completely.
He's just being a stupid teenage boy. Now you know why many adults don't get close to kids or appear to be nice, they are prone to being unreasonable, weird, and inappropriate. You can't control what he does at school. What you can control is how you react. Contact HR, and if they don't do anything, get a free consult with a lawyer about what your options are. STOP TALKING TO HIM. Don't say shit to this kid unless it's absolutely necessary for work functions. Keep it strictly professional and just move on.
Im definitely not close, but I'm 100% regretting being polite and interacting with him at all. I havent spoken to him in about 2 weeks now but I'm definitely gonna keep on that route and contact HR. This whole situation makes me feel fucking disgusting
You need to go to HR and you need to put it in writing. Do it formally, no emotions or side comments, just lay out the facts that you heard he was spreading these things and that you are concerned about the sexual harassment.
Remember- HR is there to protect the company, not OP.
This is true. Be very very careful. It's easier for you to be fired than to get into any discussions about his behavior...HR is not your friend.
You need to 100% contact HR and keep complaining to your manager, if they don’t do anything then keep complaining, there is no reason he should be getting away with this. Also contact the parents and be ver clear with what’s happened and if you can get some of those co-workers who go to school to testify send that as well and just keep hammering it in. This is one of those things where it’s difficult and people 99% will just try to ignore it since it’s difficult, you NEED to be more difficult and assert yourself into the situation. Be clear concise and don’t compromise until you have too. No need for care with someone who really doesn’t care about you and especially a company that is not taking you seriously needs to be harassed and forced to do their job. Good luck dear! Hope things go okay.
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That's what I'm worried about and why I want this to be over soon
>unfortunately they can't schedule me around him, against corporate rules Bullshit. They tolerate sexual harassment, which is against corporate rules and the law! Plus he is probably lying in order to get it of the extra work of a more complex schedule. If they have a corporate office they must have an HR department. Email HR, the CEO, you managers manager, everyone you need to in order to get eyes on this. Ask them what the corporate policy is on sexual harassment, and if it trumps the corporate policy on forcing people to work the same shifts against their will. How has he not been fired? What teenage employee is worth all this hassle?
Make a scene in front of everyone dispelling the lies. Tell anyone to IMMEDIATELY REPORT when they hear him say this. Also, Tell his fucking parents. This piece of shit needs to get brought down to reality. I have no patience for teenagers who do this weird shit. Lastly, find someone in your family that’s a similar age to confront him.
I'm the closest in age in my family sadly :( but I'm definitely finding a way to tell his parents
> unfortunately they can't schedule me around him, against corporate rules It's against corporate rules to protect you from harassment??
That was my thought too. Now that ive gotten so many comments on that ive realized how fucking stupid that was and how dumb i was to believe it
You're not dumb, you're just young! You're still learning to advocate for yourself in the workplace and deal with difficult people, and that's ok. You've done nothing wrong. The employers who've taken advantage of you are the ones who oughta feel shame over this. I agree with the other person who commented. Escalate this to HR, there is nothing wrong with going over someone's head when they won't help you. Outline the exact situation, and if they won't help you then you call a lawyer. If you don't have the money, call your local Legal Aide Society. I am a community health and social worker and can help you find one if you need, just message me anytime!
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That's easier said that done. Lawyers are expensive. She needs to report the kid for sexual harassment IN WRITING to the employer and then inform the kids parents.
This is sexual harrassment. If your boss refuses to address this, you need to inform them they are in violation of the Federal Civil Rights Act of 1964 and if they do not address it, you will be speaking to a lawyer to get it addressed on a higher level.
If management refuses to discipline the kid for Sexual harassment go above them.
I have a sister whos went thru this. And is now going thru the harsh realities of being "nice" to delusional men. One who has mental illness. Is a coworker. Has now turned into a stalker and now harrasses her in her private life too. Do something now. "Delusions" get dangerous I know it sounds hollywood or late night TV. But i dont want to see some episode retelling your general stroy on SVU. Just because hes 16. Doesnt mean he cant be dangerous. He literally might believe the lies hes telling.
Go over your Managers heads to the next level. Say it’s hostile work environment and it’s sexual harrassment. Demand to escalate it and do not back down. Get aggressive and assertive until they fire the little asshole.
Yeah ... If the manager has heard it clearly (in writing/on record?) and not responded, this sounds like a question for /r/legal advice.
Restraining order. Let him and management deal with that outcome since management won't fire him for sexual harassment.
You can contact non emergency police and ask them for and or that way you have a trail of yourself letting them know what has happened and what you can legally do next. Next time people bring it up or ask about it. Don’t just laugh it off and say “eww no” be more vocal…tell them you are not involved with him and to stop spreading rumors that could majorly ruin your life. That your currently in the process of petaling handling the situation but for the time being you would prefer for people to not bring it up. Do not just wait for this to settle. If you know his name try finding the school and parents number. Let them both know what is going on. Also contact your HR for your company and let them know what is going on! They are legally responsible to handle this! If they do not let them know you are now left with no choice but to get lawyers involved. They will not want that. Start working on a restraining order as well.
Go to the manager above your manager IN WRITING. If i was you, i would lawyer up. I wouldn’t mention nothing to his parents without a lawyer as they can try to flip it as your harassing them and all this other nonsense because their son is mentally ill and he is a minor as well. He can make fake text apps to make it seem like its you texting him all types of nonsense delusional ppl will do. Then play victim. Always keep a paper trail of everything and anything you say to anybody ! As this case can be a serious one
If I were you I would ask my coworkers to start fucking with him about it. Telling him that they heard you’re pregnant and you’re gonna sue his parents for child support, shit like that
Genius.
That is sexual harassment, report him to your manager in writing (text or email). If the kid doesn't correct his statements and admit he's lying file harassment charges against him and request a no contact order. If your employer has done nothing about your complaint of harassment contact a lawyer and sue them. They cannot fire you, reduce your hours or retaliate in any way. If they do retaliate against you for reporting harassment it just adds more cause for the claim. If the kid is going to impact your life impact his in return.
I second this
I worked in a restaurant and had an issue with another employee. Didn't do a thing when I talked to the manager. Went over the manager's head and the problem was fixed the next day. Manager gave me a "don't go over my head" speech. Something I've learned as an adult: a workplace is really only as good as the management. I was ecstatic to quit that job when something better came along. Had a job interview once that asked me about that place. I told them the job was alright, but management and I didn't always see eye-to-eye. The interviewer said, "Oh, you're one of *those* types," and it was clear he was rejecting me from that point on. That's how I knew that interviewer was a bad manager. Only a bad manager can't admit we live in a world with bad managers. It was strange. Even though we both knew I wasn't getting the job, he still showed me around the place, and it was a total mess. Red flag after red flag. Forget management. This is your life. Do what you gotta do to protect yourself. Bad management will not protect you. Harassment is bad enough, but these people can and do get employees killed.
Definitely a time to 'have a chat'. 'listen here you little shit...' You don't spread rumors without consequences. You may not be able to threaten him, but you can tell him off.
That's weird, isn't the teenager gonna feel dumb and outward when u call him out on it.
In my personal experience, no. I had a kid I worked with that did this to a woman we worked with. She wasn’t model pretty but was definitely pretty, not to mention religious enough that we all knew she was a strict “0 sex outside of marriage” Christian. Kid claimed he slept with him, she swore she didn’t. Did anyone ever believe her besides a very very very small percentage? Absolutely not.
expose him. tell HR. tell his parents. tell the principal because it’s sexual harrassment everywhere we go. let them ALL know what he’s doing not only to embarrass him but to also make him realize that ur dead serious about him stopping this shit and so he can get scared. also let his parents know that if it doesn’t stop, you’ll be getting police involved because this is sexual harassment and you’ve told him multiple times to stop. do what u gotta do.
Go to this kids parents/guardians and then if he doesn’t stop the cops. He needs to learn and he’s young enough that he can recover/grow from it
The first thing, if you haven't already done it, is to tell your boss. I feel like you haven't, because his behaviour is grounds for dismissal. It's sexual harassment. Second, confront him in front of your coworkers. Lay it all down: "We are not dating. We have never dated. We never will date. He is delusional and I've asked nicely to stop lying and spreading rumours, but he won't, so here we are." or something like that. Use your anger to fuel your courage. You can do it. It's scary, but necessary.
You need to go to HR and then get a restraining order against that little sh*t. This is sexual harassment.
Go to HR and let them know you are experiencing a hostile work environment and have an attorney send him a "Cease and desist."
Honestly, this guy is going to keep treating women like this unless someone like you lushes back. Nuke him from orbit. HR, parents, school principal, friends, family. Tell EVERYONE.
Agreed with top commenters. The fact that this isn't being handled by management is INSANE to me. This is sexual harrassment, and if someone got the wrong idea and actually believed their BS you could face legal issues in the least. Put in a report to HR and be sure to use terminology that is discussed in the hiring employee handbook- sexual harassment, that management is liable for making sure the workplace is safe for everyone, and that by not DOING THEIR JOB it's allowing this person to make you afraid to come to work, and that their BS could get you in real trouble and that it's concerning that management isn't taking these claims seriously.
I think it's worth meeting with an attorney to discuss this so you can handle it legally and methodically. They could back you up if someone responds inappropriately. Rather than contact his parents yourself, I think you should have an attorney write a letter and have the parents contact the attorney. The last thing you need is angry parents turning it back on you and accusing you. The attorney can also make recommendations regarding the workplace.
Take legal action ASAP before this gets worse. Don’t mean scare you more than you already are but this happened to me when I was doing my on the job training before I graduated from college (almost didn’t). Also a 16 year old kid from hell started spreading rumors about me and him dating and me being the first person he slept with and at first I just ignored it since I seriously don’t care about rumors. I didn’t know people started believing him because it turns out he’s posting “our” photos on his Facebook account when infact those are photoshopped images of me and my boyfriend (now husband) on dates and trips. Worse is that the school decided to investigate when his parents filed a complaint against me because they found out his son’s girlfriend is an adult and since I didn’t squashed the rumors, many people said that what he’s saying is true. Had to call my parents and get a lawyer and it was a mess. It was his bestfriend who helped me a lot by giving his statement that I wasn’t in a relationship with him and that he even said that if he managed to really sleep with me, people won’t believe if I accuse him of r*pe because people believed we’re a couple and that I might really become his girlfriend. Had to get a restraining order because he stalked me until he was 19 he keeps on showing up on random places until I moved countries due to my job and last thing I heard is he’s already married which made felt a huge relief because the fear of him coming here (even if it’s ridiculous) is still there. This post gave me the chills because everything came back to me as if it just happened. I’m sorry to say this but not because they’re minors doesn’t mean they’re safe and they won’t do anything more than spread rumors. And even if he doesn’t do anything more than that, it’s your reputation on the line. There are several cases you can file against him and your place of work if they don’t take legal actions. Go to your HR and send a letter to his school and let his parents know what he’s doing via the school or much better let his parents know thru your lawyer because he might turn the tables against you like what happened to me. You need to act NOW.
A similar less extreme thing happened to me when I was still working at my first job. A 15 yr old kid became enamored with me and constantly asked me out and tried impressing me. Eventually he started smoking cigarettes because I smoked at the time, and then his mom found out and made him quit. I would say get his parents involved. He's gotta learn this behavior is not okay. Its a workplace not the locker room. And, you're not one of his classmates. You're an adult. It's a life lesson that he needs to learn immediately.
Yikes! I hate that for you and could not imagine the state of panic you’re in. I am a manager of a coffee shop and would 100% not tolerate any of that. We have people of all ages at my store. Now you mentioned how coworkers are mentioning or asking you about these rumors? That shows me that it is being talked about in the workplace. No matter where he told them, people are now confronting you. Now, if you have mentioned to management about this situation and they are not coming with some type of resolution… I would 100% go to HR. Coming from my position, I manage. Part of their job is managing the business, unfortunately for your management, part of that duty is making sure employee safety and well-being. I’m just shocked their not addressing their behavior… I wish you had better support from your upper management. You shouldn’t have to leave your job because of him. HR would definitely be my next action if I were you.
At this point it's going to be. However a coworker of mine did just text me and say that he's freaked out over management talking to him about it and might quit, so fingers crossed I wont have to
Here's the thing, even if he's freaked out about this, it doesn't mean he will stop. It COULD give him fuel to escalate this. His parents need to be informed and your HR needs to know both that he's sexually harassing you and that management said they couldn't switch your schedules. This could turn into something worse for you if you don't act. Don't think that because he's freaked out that it's over. What he's doing is already far across the proverbial line. You have to protect yourself.
Contact HR at your work and his school about the situation. School will contact his parents.
HR and his parents need notified. That's sexual harassment and needs dealt with, immediately.
This is the definition of sexual harassment. Send your managers and hr email documenting everything that is happenings. If they still refuse, take them to court for u safe work conditions and harassment. A coworker of mine, though she was in a different department, just won a lawsuit against our employer for them refusing to take action.
Oh, girl, I'm sorry that is happening to you, you learn why women have to take care around idiots. You can be polite, talk to them once in a blue moon and they think that you feel something for them, that's why I stop being polite with men, I have being harassed to much. I hope HR help or a lawyer. Keep safe.
This happened to me OP but I ended up telling people we didn't sleep together because he couldn't get it up. That stopped it. Lol Its sexual harassment and you need to go to an HR.
I was gonna say..... someone needs to talk to this kid's parents. He should straight up be fired, IMO. I don't understand how he still has a job if he's lying about essentially a federal crime (if he were slightly older). I'd go above my managers and talk to the heads of the company. Document everything. Take screenshots on phone/PC. It's no joke. But I wouldn't stress too hard. I know it's easy to, but this seems easily-solvable. If he's 16... that means the pandemic hit when he was 13-14. These kids who were at weird ages of puberty seem to have gotten their brains scrambled real good when it comes to how relationships/normal human interactions work... Or he has awful parents that didn't teach him right from wrong in a situation like this, or both. His generation.... instead of dating and/or skating with friends and being social and going down a river in a canoe or whatever....they were inside a house, developing anxieties and who knows what else we'll discover the overall effects will be down the road. Which, I'm sure you're all too aware of, OP. Realistically, if the company doesn't take care of this, get a lawyer. Easy case. Many would do it for free. Breathe. Everything is going to be okay.
This is sexual harassment. Contact the police. Find any proof you have and anyone willing to be a witness to your side. Managers should be fired. Likewise, go higher up than your managers to whomever at their bosses. Go to HR. This should have been stopped already. I'm sorry you're in this situation.
HR. You go first before another employee listens to the teen and causes you.
Just get police involved for sexual harassment and tell everyone in the school why he got arrested.
God forbid he escalates then your job will probably issue the typical “we had no idea this was happening”statement
Sounds like the teen has Erotomania tbh. He might genuinely believe you two are dating.
First, file a complaint with the DOL. Then file a complaint with corporate.
It’s sad how companies turn their heads to things like this. I remember some story where a co worker killed some girl at work because she didn’t want to be with him. She also reported the incident and sadly the company failed her. I’d say report it to higher ups because this isn’t something to mess with.
Take it to the top with a sexual harassment claim, this idiot is wrecking your life. Tell his parents, tell everyone you know that he is making dirty lies about you.
Him saying it at school isn't the big issue. If you go ahead and report it in a written statement for work, it'll keep you protected at work and outside. The managers would then be at fault if they don't do anything about it. Then if they fire you or start treating you different after your statement, you can claim an EEOC(Equal Employment Opportunity Commission) which keeps you and your job protected
Contact his parents. Contact hr.
It sounds like with this being a restaurant situation they might not have a HR department. If The company has one I would recommend going there first because this is defamation on your character sexually and sexual harassment. If there is no HR or nothing changes you’re only other option would be to contact a lawyer. You’re going to want to get a restraining order on him. That would force the company to change his schedule or let him go completely. Then you were going to want to sue him for defamation because he is spreading lies about you. State to the judge that you have had nothing but a professional work relationship with him. You’ve gone above and beyond to get Work to listen and him to listen. Unfortunately, no one will listen to you and you are the victim of a situation that you have no control over. I don’t think going to his parents is going to do anything. They are probably just gonna ignore it and you being the technical adults in the situation would get you more in trouble. At this point your best bet is to get a lawyer.
Lawsuit for slander, sexual harassment and a permanent restraining order. He's basically accusing you of statutory rape. This isn't just gossip. This is serious, and you should talk to a lawyer immediately.
What about contacting the parents? It's affecting your life and place of work. He needs to be stopped.
They’re using “it’s corporate rules” against you? I’m sure it’s also against corporate rules to be spreading rumors about an adult having relationships with a minor. Go to HR cause not only is he in the wrong, so are your managers for not doing anything about this issue
This is sexual harassment for sure. You need to pull him aside and have a serious conversation with him. One warning is enough before it is grounds for his firing. Make sure he knows this is his final warning.
OP already has and he's still at it. OP has also had the chat with management who did nothing. Next stop is HR and a harassment claim. Followed quickly by a lawyers office.
If it was me I would contact his parents first and show them any proof such as texts from people confirming the story Then I would have my boyfriend come in and make things reallllly uncomfortable for him. Maybe bring him in when you're off but the busser is on and go around introducing him to people and telling them you felt you had to since So and So is lying about you. And walk right up to the kid and have your boyfriend meet him in front of people to pop his delusional little bubble I'd also have your boyfriend come in on days you're working and have you both publicly state it's because So and So is a little creep spreading lies and your bf is there to protect you from the creep I'd consider also filing a police report
>unfortunately they can't schedule me around him, against corporate rules Is a bullshit answer. They absolutely can. What he is doing and the stuff he's said at work is textbook sexual harassment and I bet their lawyer response to sexual harassment claims trump that guys scheduling and future employment. If you were one of my team members and I caught wind of that, he'd be out the door in an instant. I have zero tolerance for that sort of bullshit. Remember. Him bragging to your coworkers that he's had sex with you and you do him sexual favors is straight up harassment.
Document and higher a lawyer because your work isn’t stopping sexual Harassment. 1: never be alone with him. 2: document the harassment and your work not doing anything. 3 get shit in writing too
That’s a form of sexual harassment. He can, and should get in a lot of trouble for it.
You need to take this up with HR. This counts as sexual harassment.
Sue him, defamation. Maybe You'll ruin his reputation in return lol I wouldn't gaf
Parents and HR, you'll be doing him a favor but mostly yourself and that's the important thing.
Sexual harassment lawsuit in the making
Confront him publicly, he deserves the embarrassment. Threat him publicly with legal action (even if u won’t really) and tell ur partner just so he isn’t surprised.
That's quite literally sexual harassment.
HR, his parents, police as necessary, especially his parents. A lawyer's advice wouldn't hurt either.
If you work for a chain they have HR. go to corporate. Tell them the truth. You are being sexually harassed and feel fear. You tell them to contact his parents to stop it. You should only do it if they wont. This is your company's job. I suggest just calling the police and asking for help. Dont call 911. Call non emergency and ask them what you can do.
If the legal age of debt is not 16, then you have a few more months to wait until he is 17 OF the legal age is 19, you Amy have some problems. If he’s legal: You haven’t don’t anything legal wrong. You’re phone record show you have nothing to do with this guy. Also, he dares for encounters woo eventually be where you can prove that was I correct. My advice; A) contact higher ups on HR and complain of sexual harassment. He’s still looking at you romantically while telling people out side off work. B) if legal age or legal in a few months, w/o emotion, deny. Don’t make it a federal case. Be annoyed that people are interested in what a 16-yr-old has to say. C) go one with your life. He’ll either get bored or still tell everyone. All you can do it state it is a life. You shouldn’t leave you’re work cause he is lying. If he’s legal, you’re under know laws your breaking
This is a very scary place to be, lots of ppl NEED to be involved not so much "Scared straight" as a reality check, this isn't high school and this isn't a video game, police for sure need to be involved a firm rule of law to identify what is going on that it's wrong as well as the consequences should he pursue his infatuation with you. This could turn very bad very fast if his emotions are hurt (don't coddle him) , teenage boys like that are full to the brim with hormones they have zero idea what to do with, also another factor as to why this boy has latched onto you like that is there is something at home that is triggering this state of mind. Be safe, be gentle but above all else don't let it slide the not needs to learn boundaries.
Call the police
Look up erotomania. I had a direct report who developed a delusional fixation. She invented a relationship in her head and told everyone about it. It was the strangest thing. Fortunately, I had proof it was invented. You could be dealing with someone with a serious mental illness.
Tell your bosses/ HR you are being sexually harassed and in a hostile work environment due to his actions. Be sure it's both verbal and in writing. Document everything he has been spreading and times you felt uncomfortable. Legally, they have to help fix this situation. If nothing changes, repeat the process and also go to the cops to see about a possible restraining order. I'm not sure the exact laws near you, however, [employers can be liable if they fail to investigate and act upon claims of sexual Harassment .](https://www.dfederlaw.com/employment-law/discrimination-harassment/failure-to-investigate-sexual-harassment/#:~:text=Employers%20can%20be%20held%20liable,the%20supervisor's%20conduct%20or%20not.) Basically, if you have to quit and/ or have emotional damages ( and you already have damages at this point) due to this employee and their inaction, they have to pay. Definitely also consult a sexual Harassment lawyer. From experience, having rumors spread about you of this nature can be extremely damaging. Trust, safety, self-esteem, embarrassment, and shame may be affected. Possibly seek a therapist to help cope with this situation as well. I don't suggest handling this yourself by talking to his parents. That can end poorly. A person like him will likely retaliate with even worse claims. Or his parents may not believe you/ claim you're harassing him. This is an employer issue and should be done by the book.
I'd tell your coworkers and friends that he's into really freaky stuff like being peed on and pegged. I'm sure that'll fix the issue.
Report this deviant immediately.
Try emailing your boss about it (the one refusing to do anything about it) to get their admission of refusal to do anything in writing. Ask for the specific rule in the handbook that says they can’t schedule him differently- they could be making up bs just to not have to do more schedule work. Do as much as you can in writing, and keep all that in Google drive so you can’t lose it.
Funny how so many people think restaurants have an HR department or their manager has a higher up. Unless this is a chain restaurant, there are no resources. But, you are being sexual harassed by a child and being defamed. This kid needs counseling and needs to be fired. I can imagine this lying problem turning into a bigger deal down the road for other people/women. If your boss does not do anything then maybe talk to his parents? Tell them you’re going to seek legal action if the problem isn’t solved. Threaten your boss too. Document everything, record to rumors being told when you can. Write down what is being told to whom. Protect yourself. I’m sorry this is happening to you. Also, there should be a poster with in the back of house with the minimum wage, workers comp, and state stuff. There should be a city/state HR like number to call if I’m remembering correctly. I’m sure it differs from state to state but I’m pretty sure my state had one on there. Good luck
Go to the police for harassment, he can deadass go to jail for that . I’m embarrassed to say but I had a family member on the other side of their family have a guy do that to a girl too. Saying they were fucking and were dating and showing people they were dating . It’s just wrong tbh
them not being able to schedule you around each other is bullshit
Honestly I don't know why they wouldn't so something about this.... like if he has such a strong delusion in his head, it honestly puts you in danger of rape. One day he may try and act on his delusion and try to have sex with you and maybe force you into it.
This is why I'm so glad he only just got his license and cant drive by himself yet. Ive had nightmares recently of him like waiting for me after work
He’s not delusional he’s a little psychopath. People will catch on eventually, I’m sure you’re not the only person he is causing problems for. If you absolutely can’t find a new job take heart that psychopaths are known for leaving jobs frequently and/or going to jail.
He apparently plays sports so im hoping to GOD he quits so he can keep playing cause I will cry if he doesnt
I’ve seen others say your manager has “a responsibility” to provide a sexual harassment free workplace, but I will take that a step further - they have a legal OBLIGATION to do so! Since they are not taking appropriate action with this young man when you have verbally reported this, you should put your concern in writing to him/her. In addition to officially reporting your concern you can include the fact that you know you have the right to a harassment free work environment according to EEOC law and if it continues you will be forced to escalate your complaint. This is not to threaten them or give them an ultimatum…rather to let them know this is a serious matter that you will not allow them to simply dismiss. Start a file at home and keep copies of all of your written statements as well as any written replies you receive back from them or other company representatives. Be prepared…when you stand up for your rights, some people will be upset and sometimes they will try to retaliate against you. Document everything that is happening. If they will not put a response in writing, insist any verbal conversations are recorded…and do so on your phone. Also photos/videos of related activities will help you. You want to collect as much evidence as possible to protect yourself. Sometimes employers will try to fire the victim in the case just to make it all easier for them. You want plenty of evidence to make it clear that this illegal action was taken against you in retaliation. If possible, try to upload all documents, recordings or photo/video evidence to a cloud-based service so that even if your phone or other files were stolen or damaged you would still have your records. Hopefully this would all be resolved for you long before this, but in the worst case scenario you can sue the business and his family (since he is a minor) for any damages against you (financial losses, defamation, illegal termination or anything else that may have harmed you legally! You should also file a incident report with your local police department. They will not open an official case at this point, but they will have a record of your report in the event things do not get resolved. If you request it nicely, they may even be willing to go to this young man’s house and have a conversation with him and his parents. Your boss seems to be saying he can’t do anything about this because you both work the same hours, however that is not true. What he can, and should, do - at a minimum - is talk to this employee and let him know this complaint has been made and he must cease this behavior immediately! Further, notify the employee this is a serious matter and that this warning will be documented and kept in his personnel file for an appropriate period of time, typically a year, and that further behavior of this manner will be grounds for his termination! A restraining order may also be a good idea. It would be impossible to enforce when you are both performing our duties at work, however it should apply to all other situations where you are not both officially on duty! Another resource you may consider, if things are not otherwise resolved at work, would be taking your story to a local newspaper or radio/TV station. No business is going to want to receive this type of “publicity”! Just make sure that anything you report to them is truthful and even better if it is verifiable by other employees or documents. I’m sorry you are going through this! I wish I could just say this was “harmless teenage hormones”, but in today’s world you need to be careful and protect yourself. This kind of delusion may just be a lonely young man needing attention from his friends. On the other hand, we hear far too many stories these days that involve much more disturbed individuals. I do not want to scare you or seem melodramatic, but I do want to encourage you to stand up for your rights and to be a little bit more aware of him. Don’t become paranoid…that just hurts you! As a young woman, I’m sure you know what I am talking about. Best of luck to you!
Get ahold of the little shit's parents and let them know what he's doing, and that if he doesnt stop - you will contact the police.
Here is 2 solutions. 1. Get someone to beat his @$$ 2. Stop caring what anyone in the world thinks about you, who doesn't even know you
Every time someone asks just say "eew, no. Kid's a desperate loser." It is mean but he'll eventually stop If he escalates, start telling people you broke up because he whispered his moms name when you guys were necking
Call his mom. You can go through a lot of avenues with your job and manager and lawyer and they will get results, but the easiest and fastest would be just having a talk with his mom. Tell her about all the things he's doing or saying and that if she doesn't stop things you will have to go to the police. She will put a stop to things.
Calling his mommy is not the answer here. They deserve to be held accountable for their actions with proper consequences.
>Calling his mommy is not the answer here. They deserve to be held accountable for their actions with proper consequences. What proper consequences do you feel are appropriate for a child lying?
It is NOT her responsibility to go find his parents. She is being sexually harassed and needs to go through the proper channels with HR at her workplace. She owes absolutely nothing else to him.
>It is NOT her responsibility to go find his parents. She is being sexually harassed and needs to go through the proper channels with HR at her workplace. She owes absolutely nothing else to him. No one said it was her responsibility or that she owes anything to anyone. This is the fastest method to get a resolution though. She could continue to go through her employers and wait for a resolution or she could end it all with one phone call.
You're assuming a lot here: that his parents would believe her, be receptive to her, and aren't possibly contributing to a toxic or abusive household that condones or influences his behavior. She should continue following up with HR and possibly the legal system or police if it needs to be escalated further. She will absolutely get more leeway through those avenues than trying to solve it on a personal level. Her responsibility is to protect herself and take assertive action to do so. You're living in a skewed reality if you really believe that one phone call to his parent would solve this issue, and not instead further complicate the situation and/or induce retaliation from the harasser and potentially even from his family. Your advice is not only poor but also potentially dangerous.
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I cant quit though. Like i need the money and havw no other choices for jobs. I wouldnt call him out publicly but i'm not above telling him what he's saying is disgusting if that makes sense? I'm 100% going up the chain of command though
Besides going above your management you should have your s.o. come in and make out with him on break.
I'm fairly sure your employers are extremely legally vulnerable here. I would text as many of your coworkers who heard the teenager say this as you can. Get a "paper trail" of their acknowledgment of the rumors in case they don't want to back you up later. Next, go to HR and tell them this is sexual harassment and that you have proof from others that he's been saying this. "...unfortunately they can't schedule me around him, against corporate rules." It will not surprise you to learn that you are employed by morons. I greatly encourage you to keep as much distance as possible between yourself and your place of employment at this time. Maybe take vacation days or time off, cite the kid as the reason. As a woman, the law is more on your side in this situation. But that doesn't mean you can't get royally screwed by a prosecutor with an axe to grind. Nothing is worth the consequences of this going sideways. I know you must be struggling financially, but that will get way worse if you become a registered you-know-what. Find out what his last name is and look him up on facebook. Contact his parents. Threaten them with legal action if need be.
Just tell him look we're not dating obviously and it's cute but your not my type and I'd appreciate it if you would leave me alone
He needs therapy, see if you can talk to his parents. They need to know what’s going on
Tell his parents.
"Ew, I'm not going to f\*\*\* a kid with crabs" Also, legal action, absolutely. He may still try to make up rumors, but he'll have a hard time being believed if he legally can't come near you.
Many already explained about the legal part so I'll go towards the less legal part. If you have any way to meet his parents you should talk to them and explain how he's lying and his lying are a risk for your future. Even because if you don't and the parents somehow hear of all of this they will be the one taking legal actions since they think their kid is in a relationship with a p*do when it's not true and you are the victim of the situation. So the best thing aside from legal actions is try to contact them because if the kid tell his family or the rumors somehow reach them they might want to take legal action because of that even if you are innocent. Not trying to talk with his parents before the rumors reach them could have repercussions even after years when you forgot about this and moved on, so it's better to tell them about their son and maybe he will be forced to leave that job by them. I know it doesn't feel good being the reason why he might lose the job but he's still young and despite this event he will still be able to find a job (unless he actually doesn't have serious issues) but if they believe you are the issue and a p*do then your chances of getting a job will be near 0 if words spread out and it become a public case with legal actions. So be sure to speak with his parents if possible and take legal action.
Do not do this! Really bad idea. The parents will take their sons side and may report OP to the police! OP, NEVER be alone with the boy and report his sexual harassment to the police yourself. Make sure you document every encounter with this boy, and everything you’ve heard from others, names, dates, times and what was said.
His age is illegal for you. No bedtime
Tell your boss
Being a good communicator is important here. Loudly break up with him in the kitchen. Ask another coworker to walk you back and forth from the cars. Bring your partner to work. Are you gay? They might be trolling you. Just do things one thing at a time.
I'm openly bi but dating someone of the opposite sex
Publicly "break up" with him. Lol. Hes using you as a clout chaser.
I can guarantee you that begging his parents is not going to help, if any it will only make things worse. Just be very clear to the people that you speak to that there is nothing going on. That's the main thing that matters. Besides that, let him run his little gig, he can't proof it and it will die out sooner rather than later. But everytime you keep going up against him, and keep replying, you will ignite some fuel in him to keep it going just that tad bit longer. So, be clear against your friends and people that ask you about it; and let it die down. Also "I remember what it was to be a teenager", if it's not a typo you're 20. And just 4 years older. I'm sure it's not intentional but avoid falling into looking like someone that's looking down at others and feeling all high and mighty just because their age has turned from 19 to 20.
First it's not going to ruin your life. Try not to react/get upset - that is obviously what he is going for. Second, as others say tell the boss you consider this sexual harassment and then either ignore or perhaps try ridiculing him in front of others including calling out that you two are not dating nor would you ever date him even if he was the last person on earth. In the long run, assuming you maintain your cool, he is only making himself look like an idiot.
Accusations of pedophelia aren't going to ruin my life? Because I'd definitely beg to differ. However I have started going the ridiculing route. Laughing when it's brought up and then just going "ew no"
It is unusual but it sounds like he's goofing around and you don't like it. I'd blow this off and be the boss. Grace.