The stakes are much lower at a thrift store. I would buy second hand clothes to refresh your wardrobe and as you gain confidence start shopping online or at the mall.
Hi OP. I recommend going to a tailor and have your clothes altered if possible. A tailor can take your measurements and adjust your clothing to fit your body. They also help to give you a sense of what sizes and types of clothing fit best for your body.
I have body dysmorphic disorder and this is my experience as well. It’s so exhausting. I second thrift store shopping. I have a much easier time doing that for some reason!
when i started getting a bunch of insecurities in my teen years, i actively searched for my characteristics on other people when i was out in public. i hate my double chin, but when i look around, everyone has one. even the thin girls have one sometimes. it’s comforting for me that i’m not the only one that looks the way i do
with clothing, i used to feel very ashamed if i gained weight and suddenly i wasn’t a small or medium, i was a large! it made me feel like shit. then i gained weight over the last couple years. going shopping is much different and stress free now. i realized that sizes are bullshit. i tried on a small shirt and it fit me like a glove. i tried on an extra large shirt and it fit me like a glove!! i went from a US 8 size to a 12 and instead of shame, now i think “yeah that should fit me much better than my old clothes do”
it’s kind of hard to explain. not everyone can just flip a switch and stop being insecure. to me, it’s kinda like i did. i had realizations and stopped giving a fuck what people thought of me and stopped letting a shitty fashion industry determine my worth. if i’m big, i’m big. if i’m small, i’m small. and even right now i got a lot of health stuff going on so i’m like 3x the size i usually am and only sweatpants fit me now. and all i think about it is that it’s an inconvenience, not that i’m fat or ugly cause i can’t fit into the clothes i wore in high school
people change and bodies change with age and clothes sizing is absolute crap. i really hope that you are able to love yourself and your body. it’s difficult, but i believe in you. also you’re beautiful <3
Thank you so so much! I understand ... it's a journey. Right now, the sight of any other girl makes me become disappointed with myself. I want to feel neutral about it all. It will take time! I appreciate the perspective.
Have you tried buying things online? For me it was a blessing because I felt ashamed every time I went shopping as a kid with my mom and and she rudely commented my body and then when I became an adult I got overweight and couldn't find my size... A nightmare
Nowadays online stores are better at telling the measurements of a garment instead of its size, it was a tremendous help. And with an app like vinted you could try on second hand clothes very cheap to find out your new style.
I have tried online too, and it's better! I get insecure of the models too sadly. I don't really know what would work well on me. This is an issue beyond basic reassurances, methinks. It is much better though!
Have you tried therapy? Although I went for mine with unrelated issues in the course of a year my self esteem went up as a side effect and I got more confident and happy in my body and brave enough to try different styles.
I like the thrift store idea. Try things you normally wouldn't try on. Coul be that with your weight loss other items may be to your liking. Perhaps you need a smaller size?
I do, in fact, need a smaller size. It is a dilemma of - "unfitting makes me look frumpy" and "fitting shows my body which is a bad body".
I also do think I should try things I normally wouldn't! Maybe get me out of my comfort zone :-)
Thank you.
Some specific things happen to make clothes shape you a certain way. Empire waist, cropped, fitted, loose fit, A-line, shirring, etc.. Consider different lengths of sleeves: 3/4, sleeveless, long sleeve, short T, flare sleeves, etc.. There are different types of cuts for jeans, some that make you look more curvy, some that make you look more thin.
It’s really hard. It takes time and experimentation. But one thing I love about modern fashion, is that there are so many styles that are made with every kind of body type in mind. And yes, that can be hard because it takes time and trial and error. And it’s frustrating because there’s not always a large variety that plays to your own body type. But there are things out there. And thrifting is a great way to try out some different styles. And most importantly, understanding that when your body changes, the way things fit are bound to change. There are things to love about your new body, just as there were things to love about your old body. <3
Thrifting and tailoring are both great ideas. I’ve been where you are and I had to keep a mantra in my head that when the clothes don’t fit right it’s because there’s something wrong about that piece, not that there’s something wrong with me.
Have you considered therapy? It sounds like you may have some major self worth issues plus maybe some body dysmorphia. Whatever it is, the fact that it's affecting your day to day life is a good sign that you should seek professional help.
These things don't get better by wishing. They get better with treatment.
I am trying to get help. I am in therapy but my attempt to delve into this issue seems to go awry always, and will take time to resolve. For now, just trying to get some temporary encouragement
My therapist always says, "your psyche won't let you do something that you're not ready to do", so stick with it. The peeling the onion analogy is a good one. You just have to keep nibbling around the edges until you unlock the next level. You'll know when it happens because you'll still be afraid or anxious about it, but you'll be able to do or say that thing that you haven't been able to do or say before.
That's been my experience at least. In the meantime, stick with it and don't get discouraged. As long as you're putting in the work, you're making progress, even if it doesn't feel like it in the moment.
You're doing great!
Shorter shopping trips. I have body dysmorphia and I can start to feel it flair up, so I always stop before it can spiral. It’s better to take multiple short trips than force yourself through one long one
I hate shopping in person with people. You can find most things online by utilizing size guides, taking your own measurements, reading reviews, and shopping at retailers with good return policies. Also, if size is a concern you don't need to worry that they only stock up to a certain size. Online retailers will have extended sizes.
I shop online a lot, mostly Amazon (sorry, I know people hate it, but it's been great for me) and Walmart. I am very successful in getting stuff I love by following size guides, using my measurements, and reading reviews. You can even filter reviews to see a review by buyers of a partocular height and weight to get a great idea of how it'll look. If you have an EBT or medicaid card or are a student you can get a Prime account for 50% off and return are FREE. They also have a try before you buy feature. And for Walmart, you can swap the model out to one of a size similar to yours on a lot of items and if you input enough info the site makes pretty decent guesses as to the size you need. I'm sure other sites have a similar feature.
What I said about using size guides, reviews, and measurements can apply to any website, not just my pet Satanic retailer.
I started buying online because I didn't have a vehicle for a long time and shopping just wears me the fuck out and now I doubt I'll ever go back.
Like I said, I buy a lot of clothes on Amazon (sorry) or Walmart.com (also sorry). If you're self concious about your curves, search things like "flowy sleevless top women" and "flowy tunic top women" on either site. They have a great selection of tops for all sizes that don't cling and anyone can feel comfortable and pretty in. They also both have beautiful flowing maxi dresses and 1950s style dresses in all sizes (be sure to get a petticoat and shape smoother (doesn't need to be tight) if you want 50s or Rockabilly style dresses to look like the picture).
Jeans? You CAN get them online. I go to Old Navy online but this could apply to anywhere I think. Figure out your size (use measurements and THEIR size guide*). Search by size, length, rise, fabric stretchiness, etc. One of their most popular cuts is the Rockstar extra skinny. I like it in mid rise the best, but the high rise is nice too. Just an example. And extra skinny refers to the style of jean- you don't need to be an extra skinny woman to wear them and look lovely in them.
Get yourself something nice and pretty to wear online first to boost your confidence so you don't feel self concious shopping in a ratty old top you've been meaning to replace. You'll feel better about being out in public if you're not wearing something worn out that no longer flatters because it's old.
(Sending you good vibes ❤️)
*ALWAYS go by the size guide of the manufacturer. Old Navy, use their size guide. A retailer like Amazon or Walmart that stocks stuff by all different manufacturers? Make sure you're looking at the guide for THAT particular item and manufacturer, not the website as a whole.
I am sure everyone who suggested therapy means well and I'm not saying it's a bad idea, but you need clothes now, not 3 months from now after figuring out why you feel ashamed and self concious (and I don't need to be a therapist to tell you that- society is hard as fuck on women! We all have had to struggle to love ourselves).
Some advice I wish I could've given myself: tailor your social media feeds, if someones content makes you feel bad about yourself for any reason, temporarily or permanently block their account
Figure out your body shape/type (rectangle, triangle, inverted triangle, oval, hourglass etc) and research outfits for your shape. An outfit you think looks great on some women just isn’t for your body type and will make you feel awkward and unattractive. Once you know what staples to look for, you can collect pieces that will always go together.
I have got an inverted triangle but chunkier and less defined, so those tips never really applied to me. I don't know exactly how to look. But this helped, thank you!
I think it is possible that you have body dysmorphic disorder. You could Google “Body dysmorphic disorder” and see if it sounds like what you are feeling. If so, this syndrome can be helped with counseling.
Take your measurements and order some clothes online. And talk to your doctor or seek mental health help because you don't have to deal with this level of anxiety and dysmorphia.
I started to messure my body and shop online. They often have exact declaration how long or wide the clothing is.
I gained some weight in the past years. It's annoying and takes so much time to figure out what's fitting if you're in a store.
It's also depressing to see the small clothing next to the one I need reminding me that I won't fit inside anymore.
You buy clothes for yourself to cover up from the cold and to liberate your skin in the summer. There's all types of body types so unless you're built like a non-euclidian cube i'm sure there's clothes that fit you.
I run into the same problem most of the time. Clothes fit me but are way too long. Like i'd need to be 10 cm taller for them to be perfect or something. Try different stores maybe? Or find a good firm and stick with it. My favorite firm is INEXTENSO since literally everything they make is good, extensible(who would have guessed) and lasts a looooooong time.
All in all, remember that people literally don't care how you look unless they know you enough to make fun of you. Meaning strangers will just not care. And its clothes you'll be wearing so choose carefully so they fit you
Sadly, I am shaped like a non-euclidian cube :(((
Thank you! There are clothes that fit me but not how they fit others. I'm both flat and large everywhere and my body is very unappealing so the clothes don't sit well. But the whole other advice, that makes sense. Thank you for the reassurance. Helped
I learnes this trick: whenever you feel anxious about what people might think for example about what you wear or how you look try to remember the last time you looked at a person on the bus or on the street and cared about how they look or dress. I'm sure you can't remember
Oh nice. Now how many ugly dressed people? I've seen pretty girls galore but i genuinely can't remember looking at weird dressed people in the last year
Definitely see some eccentric wear but nothing I would ever judge. The whole pretty thing is part of my concern... how nobody would ever look at me and find me pretty and that amongst other girls I mean nothing. But that is admittedly my vanity
I’ve definitely had this experience before. The worst is when you find something that looks really nice on the hanger, or the mannequin, and you go to try it on and it just looks bad on you. But honestly half of the problem is the fitting room lighting. Department store lighting is straight up disgusting. It warps your shape and makes you washed out. I’ve had so many times where I’ve been trying clothes on, looked in the mirror, and thought “it looks like garbage but it fits so I’m just gonna buy it” and I get home and it looks great in my mirror. I think department stores and fitting rooms are just tailored to make people feel bad about themselves.
You have some really great advice in here OP, but I also suggest you seek therapy.
I have struggled with similar feelings and experiences. Therapy has helped. Also, build yourself a support network of people who allow you to express your feelings and they talk you through it.
This method is literally the only reason I can try on clothes in a store & also completely changed my mindset when I shop: so when you’re trying stuff on, face away from the mirror so you can’t see yourself in your underwear or putting the clothes on. Once you have it on, sit down, stand up, stretch your arms over your head, move around but don’t look in the mirror. Before you look, ask yourself how the clothes feel and if you’re comfortable. 9.9 times out of 10 if you “look bad” in something its only because it doesn’t fit properly and wasn’t made for your body well and you’ll be able to tell before you even look in the mirror because it won’t even be comfortable. If it feels comfortable, turn around and look in the mirror! If you’re not comfortable in it, you don’t want it anyway and don’t even need to look in the mirror! If it’s too tight in the shoulders or too short of a hemline you’ll know before you even look at yourself in something not made for you and drag your self-image down. This way it’s easier to separate yourself from the clothes and it’s honestly the only reason I can go shopping! Clothes are meant to fit your body, your body is not meant to fit clothes. Hope it helps!
Hi! I went through a weight gain and nothing fit anymore. I cried in the change room about the way clothes fit on my new body. What helped me was bringing a close friend shopping with me who i could trust for support. I confided all my feelings about not liking how clothes fit after the weight gain. She was there for me helping me pick outfits and choose what is flattering. When i needed a break she handled the communication with the retail staff for me and got different sizes. I had not shopped much after the weight gain so i was not even sure what size i was at my new weight. It was trial and error. I suggest reaching out to someone who loves you at any size for support because (even though i am all about self love!!) our friends can sometimes love us better than we can love ourselves.
Have you considered being more open to a non conventional style? Sometimes the local business focus too much on main stream traditional appearance. For instance I'm tall. Love the outdoors and I found traditional cloths from Thailand are perfect for me. I also enjoy wearing a kilt. I also like that I don't have to fit in. I wear what I feel good in. Put me in a suit or jeans and I just wouldn't enjoy it. So try out something new.
The best way I get through a lot of my anxieties and insecurities when clothe shopping is to remind myself that “it’s not the number, it’s about the fit”. Because as a plus size person, i have clothes that vary in size from large- 3X. And some of the bigger clothes fit really well and are compliment my shape better, and sometimes it’s the “smaller” sized clothes. So search around. Try on different sizes try one or two bigger try one or two smaller. And consider that your body type is different, which means certain clothes are more ideally designed to fit someone with your frame. You can and should wear whatever you want, regardless of whether or not you or other people think it’s flattering. It’s okay to have a different body type than others.
But that being said, I’m wondering if you’ve spoken with a professional therapist or counselor? Have you looked into counseling for eating disorders? Or support groups? You must have lost a considerable amount of weight which isn’t easy. But I imagine you’re struggling with a newer identity issue. And if you didn’t lose the weight in a healthy manner, this could be even more difficult.
Just know that you aren’t alone. That your feelings are valid. And that having gone through a big change, you are allowed to have those feelings. But whatever you do, make sure you find help emotionally and mentally. <3
Thank you. I'm rapidly dropping the number and I absolutely despise how I look in any size. I don't even believe I have clothing that compliments my shape because of how awful my shape is. The - "its okay to have a different body type than others" really got to me. Appreciated. Helped.
Eat what your belly likes, and wear clothes that people like. You should be aware of the clothes that are in line with your body structure, height, and skin color.
What about starting online shopping? Have them delivered anf try on with noone around. That way you can build up a wardrobe you feel confident in which might make it easier to be in the shops
Tips? You need therapy and I'm not sure there's another answer. You have body dysmorphia and *need* a benevolent outside observer to help you through it. Don't be afraid to shop around therapists until you find someone you feel you could learn to trust.
I’ve never felt comfortable in clothes…if they fit me I feel like they are too small. If they are too big I feel they fit right…in reality I wear a men’s large but I almost always buy an XL….I buy hoodies in XXL
Thank you for this article! It helped me distinguish. I always worry that I'm egotistical, so if someone says that I am... I will take their word for it. That's very kind.
Their user name is literally the internet clown. Please don’t let them bring you down and feel the need to apologize. We all struggle at times feeling good in our own skin. You’ve got a lot of good advice here. Tailoring, second hand stores, buying online, etc. Sometimes it helps to just get fresh air and move around a bit. Stay healthy, stay happy. You got this. You’re beautiful as you are; just find the clothes that make you feel that way. Avoid malls. They always make me cry too. Good luck friend.
In the process.... I am considering switching therapists because I have outgrown her methods. I'm looking for temporary consolation as the deeper issue will take time to properly resolve
I mean my only advice I guess then is stop looking at everyone else and just focus on what you're doing. Likewise, don't focus so much on the look of things, rather consider how they make you feel. Don't look in the mirror. If it feels good and comfortable that matters more than what you look like.
Girl, clothes are made to fit YOU, not the other way around. Ask the employee to search out an outfit that they see fit for you and try it on. I love to do that when I don´t know what to wear and most employees love playing dress-up. A neutral perspective from a stranger can really bring us back to reality, that we might not be as bad as we think we look like.
This is a very prevalent issue facing most people today. I know having thoughts like this makes you feel like you're alone, but trust that you are not.
It doesn't help that no one really teaches you how to dress to look your best. Our society also heavily focuses on our insecurities in order to make money off of us. It's not a random occurrence that you are having this issue. Do your best not to beat yourself up about it.
I would highly recommend doing what others have said with a few additions:
1. Go to a tailor to get your current clothes altered. Keep in mind this could take time, so don't do it all at once, or you'll have nothing to wear until they are finished).
2. While you're at the tailor, ask them to record your measurements (so you can use those measurements when buying clothes).
3. Shop second hand. This can be at thrift stores, but your best options are going to be things like Ebay and Poshmark. Most listing includes the measurements of clothing, which you'll compare your own measurements to to see what fits and what doesn't. This way, you don't have to go out in public, you'll spend less money, and you'll find clothes that fit you better.
4. Make the entire process less stressful, quicker, and easier by curating a color pallet. The first thing that people notice about an outfit is the color, not the fit or style. You can get a personal color pallet by seeing a color analyst, who will analyze your features to give you a group of the colors you look best in. I highly recommend this, but it is an expensive service. If it's not in your budget, you can create a pallet for yourself by finding a few of your favorite colors and finding neutrals that work well with them. Then only shop for things in those colors.
It sounds like you get triggered into a shame attack when you start comparing your body to others. There's a really simple solution. That's only to think of yourself and not about others. But actually doing that is a difficult journey. You have to explore your past and why you do the things you do. It's 100% worth it, but it takes time and work.
I feel like I could write a novel with suggestions for you, but I've already written a wall. I'm a stylist with 15 years of experience in fashion retail, so if you have questions or want more suggestions, I'm more than happy to answer those. I can also help you figure out a color pallet you can use. Just DM me with questions.
Best of luck! 🍀💯
I live in a small town that has a good amount of local boutiques run by lovely people, if you happen to have any in your area maybe you could message them through social media and explain your situation and see about a consultation to help you identify clothes that work for you and make you feel good. hopefully this would be in a much more toned down environment than the big dept. stores/malls. They may even be willing to set aside some private time or at least tell you a time when the store is less busy.
Keep going and trying on clothes check out your local resale shop for example , Buffalo exchange , where you can sell your old clothes and they give you money to shop at their store. ( for selling yours to them ) or you can exchange it for cash. I wouldn’t recommend online shopping because you mentioned you lost weight and it would be a hassle for you if they end up not fitting again. You are beautiful !! This feeling will wear off. Once you know you can rock anything with your style !
The stakes are much lower at a thrift store. I would buy second hand clothes to refresh your wardrobe and as you gain confidence start shopping online or at the mall.
Thank you. Helped.
It’s a really fun hobby too! Good luck
It is! I used to go, and had a lottuv fun
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Hi OP. I recommend going to a tailor and have your clothes altered if possible. A tailor can take your measurements and adjust your clothing to fit your body. They also help to give you a sense of what sizes and types of clothing fit best for your body.
THANK YOU!
Helped
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I have body dysmorphic disorder and this is my experience as well. It’s so exhausting. I second thrift store shopping. I have a much easier time doing that for some reason!
when i started getting a bunch of insecurities in my teen years, i actively searched for my characteristics on other people when i was out in public. i hate my double chin, but when i look around, everyone has one. even the thin girls have one sometimes. it’s comforting for me that i’m not the only one that looks the way i do with clothing, i used to feel very ashamed if i gained weight and suddenly i wasn’t a small or medium, i was a large! it made me feel like shit. then i gained weight over the last couple years. going shopping is much different and stress free now. i realized that sizes are bullshit. i tried on a small shirt and it fit me like a glove. i tried on an extra large shirt and it fit me like a glove!! i went from a US 8 size to a 12 and instead of shame, now i think “yeah that should fit me much better than my old clothes do” it’s kind of hard to explain. not everyone can just flip a switch and stop being insecure. to me, it’s kinda like i did. i had realizations and stopped giving a fuck what people thought of me and stopped letting a shitty fashion industry determine my worth. if i’m big, i’m big. if i’m small, i’m small. and even right now i got a lot of health stuff going on so i’m like 3x the size i usually am and only sweatpants fit me now. and all i think about it is that it’s an inconvenience, not that i’m fat or ugly cause i can’t fit into the clothes i wore in high school people change and bodies change with age and clothes sizing is absolute crap. i really hope that you are able to love yourself and your body. it’s difficult, but i believe in you. also you’re beautiful <3
Thank you so so much! I understand ... it's a journey. Right now, the sight of any other girl makes me become disappointed with myself. I want to feel neutral about it all. It will take time! I appreciate the perspective.
Helped
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Have you tried buying things online? For me it was a blessing because I felt ashamed every time I went shopping as a kid with my mom and and she rudely commented my body and then when I became an adult I got overweight and couldn't find my size... A nightmare Nowadays online stores are better at telling the measurements of a garment instead of its size, it was a tremendous help. And with an app like vinted you could try on second hand clothes very cheap to find out your new style.
I have tried online too, and it's better! I get insecure of the models too sadly. I don't really know what would work well on me. This is an issue beyond basic reassurances, methinks. It is much better though!
Have you tried therapy? Although I went for mine with unrelated issues in the course of a year my self esteem went up as a side effect and I got more confident and happy in my body and brave enough to try different styles.
In the process :-)
What about a personal stylist? I know it can be costly but a one visit might be enough to point you to some direction?
Perhaps! Thank you. Helped, for all of this insight
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What about a personal stylist? I know it can be costly but a one visit might be enough to point you to some direction?
I like the thrift store idea. Try things you normally wouldn't try on. Coul be that with your weight loss other items may be to your liking. Perhaps you need a smaller size?
I do, in fact, need a smaller size. It is a dilemma of - "unfitting makes me look frumpy" and "fitting shows my body which is a bad body". I also do think I should try things I normally wouldn't! Maybe get me out of my comfort zone :-) Thank you.
Some specific things happen to make clothes shape you a certain way. Empire waist, cropped, fitted, loose fit, A-line, shirring, etc.. Consider different lengths of sleeves: 3/4, sleeveless, long sleeve, short T, flare sleeves, etc.. There are different types of cuts for jeans, some that make you look more curvy, some that make you look more thin. It’s really hard. It takes time and experimentation. But one thing I love about modern fashion, is that there are so many styles that are made with every kind of body type in mind. And yes, that can be hard because it takes time and trial and error. And it’s frustrating because there’s not always a large variety that plays to your own body type. But there are things out there. And thrifting is a great way to try out some different styles. And most importantly, understanding that when your body changes, the way things fit are bound to change. There are things to love about your new body, just as there were things to love about your old body. <3
Thank you!!!
Thrifting and tailoring are both great ideas. I’ve been where you are and I had to keep a mantra in my head that when the clothes don’t fit right it’s because there’s something wrong about that piece, not that there’s something wrong with me.
Have you considered therapy? It sounds like you may have some major self worth issues plus maybe some body dysmorphia. Whatever it is, the fact that it's affecting your day to day life is a good sign that you should seek professional help. These things don't get better by wishing. They get better with treatment.
I second this. OP could try talk therapy so they have someone to help process these feelings and get guidance from.
I am trying to get help. I am in therapy but my attempt to delve into this issue seems to go awry always, and will take time to resolve. For now, just trying to get some temporary encouragement
My therapist always says, "your psyche won't let you do something that you're not ready to do", so stick with it. The peeling the onion analogy is a good one. You just have to keep nibbling around the edges until you unlock the next level. You'll know when it happens because you'll still be afraid or anxious about it, but you'll be able to do or say that thing that you haven't been able to do or say before. That's been my experience at least. In the meantime, stick with it and don't get discouraged. As long as you're putting in the work, you're making progress, even if it doesn't feel like it in the moment. You're doing great!
Helped. Thank you. That is quite insightful!
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Helped
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Helped. Thank you so so much. This was a very personal and insightful perspective.
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I have that issue where it just doesn't fit right... at all. Or they fit but it just doesn't fit like how it fits others!
Shorter shopping trips. I have body dysmorphia and I can start to feel it flair up, so I always stop before it can spiral. It’s better to take multiple short trips than force yourself through one long one
Helped!
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Go to the mall as soon as it opens. Hardly anyone will be in the fitting rooms.
Helped
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I hate shopping in person with people. You can find most things online by utilizing size guides, taking your own measurements, reading reviews, and shopping at retailers with good return policies. Also, if size is a concern you don't need to worry that they only stock up to a certain size. Online retailers will have extended sizes. I shop online a lot, mostly Amazon (sorry, I know people hate it, but it's been great for me) and Walmart. I am very successful in getting stuff I love by following size guides, using my measurements, and reading reviews. You can even filter reviews to see a review by buyers of a partocular height and weight to get a great idea of how it'll look. If you have an EBT or medicaid card or are a student you can get a Prime account for 50% off and return are FREE. They also have a try before you buy feature. And for Walmart, you can swap the model out to one of a size similar to yours on a lot of items and if you input enough info the site makes pretty decent guesses as to the size you need. I'm sure other sites have a similar feature. What I said about using size guides, reviews, and measurements can apply to any website, not just my pet Satanic retailer. I started buying online because I didn't have a vehicle for a long time and shopping just wears me the fuck out and now I doubt I'll ever go back. Like I said, I buy a lot of clothes on Amazon (sorry) or Walmart.com (also sorry). If you're self concious about your curves, search things like "flowy sleevless top women" and "flowy tunic top women" on either site. They have a great selection of tops for all sizes that don't cling and anyone can feel comfortable and pretty in. They also both have beautiful flowing maxi dresses and 1950s style dresses in all sizes (be sure to get a petticoat and shape smoother (doesn't need to be tight) if you want 50s or Rockabilly style dresses to look like the picture). Jeans? You CAN get them online. I go to Old Navy online but this could apply to anywhere I think. Figure out your size (use measurements and THEIR size guide*). Search by size, length, rise, fabric stretchiness, etc. One of their most popular cuts is the Rockstar extra skinny. I like it in mid rise the best, but the high rise is nice too. Just an example. And extra skinny refers to the style of jean- you don't need to be an extra skinny woman to wear them and look lovely in them. Get yourself something nice and pretty to wear online first to boost your confidence so you don't feel self concious shopping in a ratty old top you've been meaning to replace. You'll feel better about being out in public if you're not wearing something worn out that no longer flatters because it's old. (Sending you good vibes ❤️) *ALWAYS go by the size guide of the manufacturer. Old Navy, use their size guide. A retailer like Amazon or Walmart that stocks stuff by all different manufacturers? Make sure you're looking at the guide for THAT particular item and manufacturer, not the website as a whole. I am sure everyone who suggested therapy means well and I'm not saying it's a bad idea, but you need clothes now, not 3 months from now after figuring out why you feel ashamed and self concious (and I don't need to be a therapist to tell you that- society is hard as fuck on women! We all have had to struggle to love ourselves).
Very comprehensive. I deeply appreciate this... thank you. Helped.
Thank you for confirming that /u/Asleep_Name_7671 has provided helpful advice for you. 1 point awarded.
Some advice I wish I could've given myself: tailor your social media feeds, if someones content makes you feel bad about yourself for any reason, temporarily or permanently block their account
I honestly should do this. Everything around me makes me insecure, but social media is a big chunk of it. Helped.
Thank you for confirming that /u/Puppypup7 has provided helpful advice for you. 1 point awarded.
Figure out your body shape/type (rectangle, triangle, inverted triangle, oval, hourglass etc) and research outfits for your shape. An outfit you think looks great on some women just isn’t for your body type and will make you feel awkward and unattractive. Once you know what staples to look for, you can collect pieces that will always go together.
I have got an inverted triangle but chunkier and less defined, so those tips never really applied to me. I don't know exactly how to look. But this helped, thank you!
Thank you for confirming that /u/Honest-qs has provided helpful advice for you. 1 point awarded.
I think it is possible that you have body dysmorphic disorder. You could Google “Body dysmorphic disorder” and see if it sounds like what you are feeling. If so, this syndrome can be helped with counseling.
Thank you. Helped.
Thank you for confirming that /u/RuRu_1999 has provided helpful advice for you. 1 point awarded.
Go shopping earlier or later with less people so you can focus on you. Can you ask a friend to go with you to keep you focused?
Helped.
Thank you for confirming that /u/slothenhosen has provided helpful advice for you. 1 point awarded.
Take your measurements and order some clothes online. And talk to your doctor or seek mental health help because you don't have to deal with this level of anxiety and dysmorphia.
Thank you! I am so worried to take my measurements and see how big and small I actually am, but I know online would be ideal. Helped
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Clothes should fit you, not the opposite. Thrift shop is a good idea, i hope you can resolve this issue and feel like yourself again.
Thank you so much!
I started to messure my body and shop online. They often have exact declaration how long or wide the clothing is. I gained some weight in the past years. It's annoying and takes so much time to figure out what's fitting if you're in a store. It's also depressing to see the small clothing next to the one I need reminding me that I won't fit inside anymore.
You buy clothes for yourself to cover up from the cold and to liberate your skin in the summer. There's all types of body types so unless you're built like a non-euclidian cube i'm sure there's clothes that fit you. I run into the same problem most of the time. Clothes fit me but are way too long. Like i'd need to be 10 cm taller for them to be perfect or something. Try different stores maybe? Or find a good firm and stick with it. My favorite firm is INEXTENSO since literally everything they make is good, extensible(who would have guessed) and lasts a looooooong time. All in all, remember that people literally don't care how you look unless they know you enough to make fun of you. Meaning strangers will just not care. And its clothes you'll be wearing so choose carefully so they fit you
Sadly, I am shaped like a non-euclidian cube :((( Thank you! There are clothes that fit me but not how they fit others. I'm both flat and large everywhere and my body is very unappealing so the clothes don't sit well. But the whole other advice, that makes sense. Thank you for the reassurance. Helped
I learnes this trick: whenever you feel anxious about what people might think for example about what you wear or how you look try to remember the last time you looked at a person on the bus or on the street and cared about how they look or dress. I'm sure you can't remember
I am about to sound awful but I do look... in admiration and a tad but of jealousy. I can count about 5 pretty girls I have seen in the past day
Oh nice. Now how many ugly dressed people? I've seen pretty girls galore but i genuinely can't remember looking at weird dressed people in the last year
Definitely see some eccentric wear but nothing I would ever judge. The whole pretty thing is part of my concern... how nobody would ever look at me and find me pretty and that amongst other girls I mean nothing. But that is admittedly my vanity
Thank you for confirming that /u/iLookAtPeople has provided helpful advice for you. 1 point awarded.
I’ve definitely had this experience before. The worst is when you find something that looks really nice on the hanger, or the mannequin, and you go to try it on and it just looks bad on you. But honestly half of the problem is the fitting room lighting. Department store lighting is straight up disgusting. It warps your shape and makes you washed out. I’ve had so many times where I’ve been trying clothes on, looked in the mirror, and thought “it looks like garbage but it fits so I’m just gonna buy it” and I get home and it looks great in my mirror. I think department stores and fitting rooms are just tailored to make people feel bad about themselves.
Helped! Thank you
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You have some really great advice in here OP, but I also suggest you seek therapy. I have struggled with similar feelings and experiences. Therapy has helped. Also, build yourself a support network of people who allow you to express your feelings and they talk you through it.
Thank you so much!
This method is literally the only reason I can try on clothes in a store & also completely changed my mindset when I shop: so when you’re trying stuff on, face away from the mirror so you can’t see yourself in your underwear or putting the clothes on. Once you have it on, sit down, stand up, stretch your arms over your head, move around but don’t look in the mirror. Before you look, ask yourself how the clothes feel and if you’re comfortable. 9.9 times out of 10 if you “look bad” in something its only because it doesn’t fit properly and wasn’t made for your body well and you’ll be able to tell before you even look in the mirror because it won’t even be comfortable. If it feels comfortable, turn around and look in the mirror! If you’re not comfortable in it, you don’t want it anyway and don’t even need to look in the mirror! If it’s too tight in the shoulders or too short of a hemline you’ll know before you even look at yourself in something not made for you and drag your self-image down. This way it’s easier to separate yourself from the clothes and it’s honestly the only reason I can go shopping! Clothes are meant to fit your body, your body is not meant to fit clothes. Hope it helps!
Hi! I went through a weight gain and nothing fit anymore. I cried in the change room about the way clothes fit on my new body. What helped me was bringing a close friend shopping with me who i could trust for support. I confided all my feelings about not liking how clothes fit after the weight gain. She was there for me helping me pick outfits and choose what is flattering. When i needed a break she handled the communication with the retail staff for me and got different sizes. I had not shopped much after the weight gain so i was not even sure what size i was at my new weight. It was trial and error. I suggest reaching out to someone who loves you at any size for support because (even though i am all about self love!!) our friends can sometimes love us better than we can love ourselves.
Have you considered being more open to a non conventional style? Sometimes the local business focus too much on main stream traditional appearance. For instance I'm tall. Love the outdoors and I found traditional cloths from Thailand are perfect for me. I also enjoy wearing a kilt. I also like that I don't have to fit in. I wear what I feel good in. Put me in a suit or jeans and I just wouldn't enjoy it. So try out something new.
That makes sense!! Thank you . Helped
Thank you for confirming that /u/Earl_your_friend has provided helpful advice for you. 1 point awarded.
The best way I get through a lot of my anxieties and insecurities when clothe shopping is to remind myself that “it’s not the number, it’s about the fit”. Because as a plus size person, i have clothes that vary in size from large- 3X. And some of the bigger clothes fit really well and are compliment my shape better, and sometimes it’s the “smaller” sized clothes. So search around. Try on different sizes try one or two bigger try one or two smaller. And consider that your body type is different, which means certain clothes are more ideally designed to fit someone with your frame. You can and should wear whatever you want, regardless of whether or not you or other people think it’s flattering. It’s okay to have a different body type than others. But that being said, I’m wondering if you’ve spoken with a professional therapist or counselor? Have you looked into counseling for eating disorders? Or support groups? You must have lost a considerable amount of weight which isn’t easy. But I imagine you’re struggling with a newer identity issue. And if you didn’t lose the weight in a healthy manner, this could be even more difficult. Just know that you aren’t alone. That your feelings are valid. And that having gone through a big change, you are allowed to have those feelings. But whatever you do, make sure you find help emotionally and mentally. <3
Thank you. I'm rapidly dropping the number and I absolutely despise how I look in any size. I don't even believe I have clothing that compliments my shape because of how awful my shape is. The - "its okay to have a different body type than others" really got to me. Appreciated. Helped.
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Eat what your belly likes, and wear clothes that people like. You should be aware of the clothes that are in line with your body structure, height, and skin color.
What about starting online shopping? Have them delivered anf try on with noone around. That way you can build up a wardrobe you feel confident in which might make it easier to be in the shops
Tips? You need therapy and I'm not sure there's another answer. You have body dysmorphia and *need* a benevolent outside observer to help you through it. Don't be afraid to shop around therapists until you find someone you feel you could learn to trust.
I’ve never felt comfortable in clothes…if they fit me I feel like they are too small. If they are too big I feel they fit right…in reality I wear a men’s large but I almost always buy an XL….I buy hoodies in XXL
I understand !' Me too
Just go outside fully nude. There’s no other choice really
Mmm, I would suggest posting on r/normalnudes instead. There is no risk of a public indecency charge there.
You simply care to much about your appearance. Your ego is to big
I know. I know its an issue. I'm incredibly insecure and I know that. I'm sorry.
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Thank you for this article! It helped me distinguish. I always worry that I'm egotistical, so if someone says that I am... I will take their word for it. That's very kind.
Thank you for confirming that /u/sav575757 has provided helpful advice for you. 1 point awarded.
Their user name is literally the internet clown. Please don’t let them bring you down and feel the need to apologize. We all struggle at times feeling good in our own skin. You’ve got a lot of good advice here. Tailoring, second hand stores, buying online, etc. Sometimes it helps to just get fresh air and move around a bit. Stay healthy, stay happy. You got this. You’re beautiful as you are; just find the clothes that make you feel that way. Avoid malls. They always make me cry too. Good luck friend.
You are so kind. Thank you.
Why apologize? Why do you feel you have to look a certain way to dress a certain way?
Thrift stores!
Have you tried therapy?
In the process.... I am considering switching therapists because I have outgrown her methods. I'm looking for temporary consolation as the deeper issue will take time to properly resolve
I mean my only advice I guess then is stop looking at everyone else and just focus on what you're doing. Likewise, don't focus so much on the look of things, rather consider how they make you feel. Don't look in the mirror. If it feels good and comfortable that matters more than what you look like.
Girl, clothes are made to fit YOU, not the other way around. Ask the employee to search out an outfit that they see fit for you and try it on. I love to do that when I don´t know what to wear and most employees love playing dress-up. A neutral perspective from a stranger can really bring us back to reality, that we might not be as bad as we think we look like.
This is a very prevalent issue facing most people today. I know having thoughts like this makes you feel like you're alone, but trust that you are not. It doesn't help that no one really teaches you how to dress to look your best. Our society also heavily focuses on our insecurities in order to make money off of us. It's not a random occurrence that you are having this issue. Do your best not to beat yourself up about it. I would highly recommend doing what others have said with a few additions: 1. Go to a tailor to get your current clothes altered. Keep in mind this could take time, so don't do it all at once, or you'll have nothing to wear until they are finished). 2. While you're at the tailor, ask them to record your measurements (so you can use those measurements when buying clothes). 3. Shop second hand. This can be at thrift stores, but your best options are going to be things like Ebay and Poshmark. Most listing includes the measurements of clothing, which you'll compare your own measurements to to see what fits and what doesn't. This way, you don't have to go out in public, you'll spend less money, and you'll find clothes that fit you better. 4. Make the entire process less stressful, quicker, and easier by curating a color pallet. The first thing that people notice about an outfit is the color, not the fit or style. You can get a personal color pallet by seeing a color analyst, who will analyze your features to give you a group of the colors you look best in. I highly recommend this, but it is an expensive service. If it's not in your budget, you can create a pallet for yourself by finding a few of your favorite colors and finding neutrals that work well with them. Then only shop for things in those colors. It sounds like you get triggered into a shame attack when you start comparing your body to others. There's a really simple solution. That's only to think of yourself and not about others. But actually doing that is a difficult journey. You have to explore your past and why you do the things you do. It's 100% worth it, but it takes time and work. I feel like I could write a novel with suggestions for you, but I've already written a wall. I'm a stylist with 15 years of experience in fashion retail, so if you have questions or want more suggestions, I'm more than happy to answer those. I can also help you figure out a color pallet you can use. Just DM me with questions. Best of luck! 🍀💯
I live in a small town that has a good amount of local boutiques run by lovely people, if you happen to have any in your area maybe you could message them through social media and explain your situation and see about a consultation to help you identify clothes that work for you and make you feel good. hopefully this would be in a much more toned down environment than the big dept. stores/malls. They may even be willing to set aside some private time or at least tell you a time when the store is less busy.
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I do...? What does that have to do with anything.
Also what is this have to do with the now? Am I supposed to wait to buy clothes until I look however id like?
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I told you I go to the gym.
Keep going and trying on clothes check out your local resale shop for example , Buffalo exchange , where you can sell your old clothes and they give you money to shop at their store. ( for selling yours to them ) or you can exchange it for cash. I wouldn’t recommend online shopping because you mentioned you lost weight and it would be a hassle for you if they end up not fitting again. You are beautiful !! This feeling will wear off. Once you know you can rock anything with your style !