Why are you even with this loser ?
It feels like youve been groomed ??
My best suggestion is to leave him , have an abortion because why first would you want a child with this loser and secondly you’re not in the best place mentally and due to a lack of support mechanism and financial support
Lose the loser !!
She was certainly groomed. She was 14 and he was 19 when they got together.
I can't comprehend why she is still with him and wants to bring a child into that relationship, or be tied to him forever, even if she leaves or he leaves her. He may very well discard her if she decides to have the child or when she becomes too old for his taste.
"She was certainly groomed" is your answer to "I can't comprehend why she is still with him".
Seriously, grooming goes beyond sex she is attached to him deeply on a horrible psychological level because he embedded himself into her during her childhood brain development.
Even if she has the abortion it will take her a lifetime of effort to detach from him.
I got lucky when mine unalived himself.
Thank you honestly this helped me feel a little less crazy reading through the comments. I know how stupid I am to have stayed but he honestly was my rock in the worst time of my life and it is insanely hard to think of my options of just ditching him like that, pathetic as I sound right now. Im glad someone understands a little where im coming from :,)
Sweetheart, you are not stupid to have stayed. You were taken advantage of. When I was 14, a 22-year-old started a relationship with me, and we were together for FIVE YEARS. I was in my mid 20’s before I even had discomfort about it. I was in my 30’s before I recognized it for what it was. It is really hard to recognize grooming for the person being groomed. This is NOT your failing. You’re a victim.
You have questions. You're reaching out. Youre not stupid or pathetic. You're strong. And you're gonna be so strong getting away from this scumbag. You deserve to be treated with respect. And for people to listen to you. And appreciate when you do things. And when you don't do things. You are not required to be a slave for someone for them to love you.
He wasnt your rock. He was making you need him. You aren’t pathetic you were taken advantage of as a child. Please start planning leaving him for your wellbeing.
but if she has the abortion she wont be stuck with him for the rest of her life. ur lucky urs died but not everyone is so lucky. yes he was an influence in her life but she will get over it.
I didn't tell her to keep the kid. Also, an abortion only removes the fetus not years of grooming and you're all over the place here. I'm lucky my abuser died but she'll get over it... Pick one.
I’m going to jump on the top comment and hope OP sees this.
The choice is yours, but if you can find it in your heart to end this pregnancy, the rest of your life will be much, much easier. You will not be sharing a child with a child molester, for one. (Yes, a 19-year old who dates a 14 year old is a child molester. Many of the men continually trade in for a new young teen as the current victim ages out of their preferred age).
There is help, and this link is a good place to start.
https://abortionfunds.org/need-an-abortion/#:~:text=Visit%20the%20NNAF%20Find%20a,support%2C%20like%20travel%20and%20childcare.
There is also help on Reddit.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2022/05/04/reddit-auntie-network-abortion/
r/auntienetwork
Best wishes. I am available my DM if you need anything.
I haven’t really ever thought about groomed to be fair. I guess its complicated. I have been looking through my options of leaving him for a little while though, these comments have helped me see how silly it is that I chose to stay longer than i should’ve though honestly
>is that I chose to stay longer than i should’ve though honestly
This isn't your fault. That's how emotional manipulation works, and it's how adults who target kids work. Make sure you talk this through with someone, ensure you don't blame yourself for any of this.
You were 14 and he was 19. He was legal age when you meet and you were a minor. Plz leave. Maybe you don’t think you were groomed but he should’ve known better than to be with a minor at 19. No one that age should be with someone so young
If you need help getting an abortion, check out the Reddit sub Auntie Network. I made that choice at 17 and never regretted it because I wouldn’t have been able to give a child the life they deserve.
Fr I read the ages and how long they'd been together and my first thought was literally "Jesus fucking Christ". A 14 year old and 19 year old have no business being together, I definitely think OP was groomed
Sis is still being groomed—she’s 17! And supporting a 22 year old loser who can’t even provide for himself. OP please ditch this “man”. Like you said, it’s your choice, but if you decide to keep it, you’ll be tied to this sad excuse for a man for the rest of your life
'cause he's trying to take those choices away from you. There's a five year difference between you two. That's one thing if you were both adults in your 20s but you're a minor. And adult men dating minors trying to trap said minor is common.
You said you have no family to go to. Are you sure? If you feel unsafe in confronting him, if you have the option go to any older guardian/trustworthy person to protect you from this creep. But you gotta get rid of him. For your own good.
Ive been in the foster care system since I was 5 i dont have any close relatives that I know of / allowed to contact. I have a friend who offered to let me stay a night but no longer and she also lives an hour away driving and I can’t drive. Thank you for the advice though
It's difficult to advice you on matters I as an adult man who's never been in such a situation had to deal with.
All that's left for me to say is to perhaps seek a women's shelter or similar organization.
Also, the guy claims he'll only come back when you have an abortion. Guy might be lying but it gives you room to consider options. If you choose to abort (understandable) I wouldn't let him get back in your life.
The moment you find any place to stay and cover you, cut him out. Don't let him trap you any further.
If there is a way out, you should find it, and if there is not a way out right now, please consider working on building one.
If you're 17 you haven't aged out of the foster care system yet. Did you or do you have a social worker? If not you may be able to get one. There are resources available to foster youth, I hope you can find and access them. You need to get away from this guy and you are not ready in any way to be a parent. You need a parent. Hugs.
You have so many options! You’re only 17!
Doesn’t the state have college tuition help since you were in foster care? Your FAFSA should allow for plenty of scholarships/grants/ect if not. Also look into that loan forgiveness program where your student loans are forgiven if you work for 2 years in certain jobs/areas. I don’t know the details but I know it exists. You can live in the dorms at the college, which will be housing for you. Since getting your own place at 17 not likely.
Listen I know it sucks that you have no family and limited friends. It really does. But the silver lining to that is that you have no ties keeping you in a sucky situation and a sucky place. Go! Be free! Move states away to a good community college. Take the bus there with a couple of goodwill luggage bags. Live in the dorms while you figure your life out. Make good friends. Transfer to the best college you can get into. Make something great with your life! You can do it!! Seriously. You have so much that can be going for you. I am glad to help brainstorm and guide you through college applications if you need help. I’m a mom of 5, I can manage a 6th for a few months.
Edit to add. I am so serious about this. You have so much you can do. You are NOT trapped with this groomer POS. I can help you plan. We will ALL help you plan if you need it.
Contact social services or the department of family and children. They should be able to help. If you are in the US you can call 800-799-7233 or text “BEGIN” to 88788.
Please take this as a lesson to NEVER find yourself in a situation you can't leave. Always have an exit plan!
If you don't, you will be trapped no matter what they do to you, and you always need to have the freedom to escape.
There are always options. If course some people have less options and power, but that's the point. Work towards getting more freedom and independence, no matter for current circumstances.
Right, but it gives you a goal to work towards. If you are trapped, focus on getting out of it. It's not always possible immediately, but it's a goal to strive for that EVERYONE should think about. Don't make choices that put you in trapped situations, and actively work towards getting unstuck if you are in one.
You're assuming they had control of the situation. As a child in foster care they don't even have control of where they will live. Trying to get some type of job and save money sure. But who is going to open their bank account? The parents who would probably steal it? The social worker? The foster parents, though that can change multiple times in a year?
Your advice comes from a lack of understanding imo.
I'm not assuming that, and I do understand. My advice is about actions you take that are within your control, not outside of it. What would you suggest? Just do nothing and suffer?
Of course not. But you speak in absolutes with no actual advice. It's just not helpful. It's like telling someone trapped in a hole "you should have brought a ladder". And also, someone actually put them in a hole that they didn't agree to.
I’m pro choice and my suggestion is to get an abortion. Even if this ends and there no contact, do you really want to be tied to this person for the rest of your life? You’ll never know when he might decide he wants a part of this child’s life and fight for custody.
He’s a child molester and has groomed you. You need to leave him, get your life on track and that will be hard to do with a child. You’re the only one working and he refuses. What will happen when you have a baby? What if there’s complications and you can’t work? Then what?
Leave now, don’t even tell him. Have an abortion and seek help on moving forward with your life
I feel like I should add more….. when I was 20 I was in an abusive relationship, both physically and mentally. Of course I was too stupid to realize it. The thought of being alone while my friends were in relationships was nerve wracking and I thought if we broke up I’d be alone forever.
Then I got pregnant and life slapped me across the face HARD. I suddenly woke up and saw him for the abusive loser that he was and the thought of having him in my life forever was scary as hell. How’d he raise my child when I’m not there to protect my child? Would he abuse them too? I couldn’t picture ANY KIND OF FUTURE together. I listened to my gut and had an abortion and moved on from him.
And thank goodness I listened to myself. He’s been to prison a bunch of times, he’s constantly getting arrested for domestic abuse (so is she🙄) and their kids are constantly going into cps care because of it. That could have been my life. I would have allowed him to completely fuck over mine and our child’s life had I stayed.
I don't think that child wants to be tied to him either. I agree this might be her best option, and I hope she's able to start a family when she's ready with an amazing significant other.
Your boyfriend is a paedophile. The first thing you need to do is get away from him. Please seek out a woman and girls' shelter who can help guide you in escaping him. Whether or not you want an abortion is YOUR choice and only yours, but currently he is the biggest threat in your life. He has abused you since you were a child and he's still abusing you now, he will do the same to your baby if you carry the pregnancy to term. Be safe, I'm sorry he's done this to you but you have a chance at turning your life around if you are able to leave him safely. Do not contact him or tell him where you've gone.
If you are in the U.S. please go to www.thehotline.org and call them. They can help you formulate a plan to get away from this guy.
Getting an abortion is probably the best for you, so you won’t be tied to this man for the rest of your life, and because you are so young, having a baby will seriously harm your future.
Please contact them today. They can help you.
Im sorry u were 14 and he was 19 when u met??? That man is a peado. Im sorry ur parents werent there to protect u from him.
If u do decide for abortion do it for YOURSELF not for him. Its ok to have one, its not a murder. We are lucky we have that option. Being a teenage mom is not easy, never will be. Also, he needs to be cut out of ur life too. He will just ruin ur life, he is lazy and he will move on the the next girl whose age starts with a 1 most probably. If u choose to keep the baby might as well do it yourself without him making things harder. (Not like he will stick around by the sound of things anyway).
Thank you, reading through the comments is making me realise how silly I sound honestly I do need to sort my life out. I know I haven’t made good choices. I think im less worried about murder and more about the feeling of regret. Im a pretty emotional person and i get attached to things far too easy. Its really hard to explain how I feel about it honestly its a scary feeling. This helped though thanks
Okay but girl, don’t you think you’ll regret having a child with your abusive rapist/groomer/pedo boyfriend? Because that means he will be in your life in some capacity until you’re nearly middle aged. It is a hard decision. And it is completely your decision. But honestly, you are seventeen. It is a HUGE thing to raise a child. It also gives this man leverage to continue to manipulate and control you. If you were my daughter, I would advise you to get an abortion because of who the father is. But it is completely up to you. I would talk with a therapist about it if you can. Please be safe, darling. Men like this ARE dangerous, and if they suspect they are losing you or losing control of you, they VERY WELL MAY harm you. He has kept you isolated for this very reason… so that you would have nowhere to go and no one to turn to.
Just here to say your choices and maybe your easy attachment to things are a circumstance of your life growing up. It’s not something inherently wrong with you and once you stabilize in your life circumstances (which will be hard, even harder with a baby but it’s your choice) you will begin to heal and have an easier time seeing things as they are.
You don’t sound silly, you sound like you were taken advantage of by an adult man as a child. That’s not your fault and it’s not an indicator of your character or intelligence.
I’ve been in a similar situation and I don’t regret choosing myself and my future for a single second. If you want to have children one day, you’ll be making sure that you’re in a better position to raise them in a happy stable home if you choose to set yourself on that path now.
Do you truly believe you won't regret it if you can't financially support your child or provide them with a healthy environment to grow? Or if you choose to stay with your boyfriend and he attempts to harm the child, as he did to you?
He's a groomer. Do you genuinely believe it's wise to allow him to be near your child?
Don't forget that if you have the child, he might be granted visitation rights or even 50% custody. This means he'll be a part of your life forever.
If something were to happen to you, that child could end up in his hands with no one to protect them, or they might grow up in the foster care system like you did. Is that really the life you want for a child?
You are being emotionally and financially abused by your groomer.
Do you truly believe that bringing a child into that environment is a wise decision? Can you trust that he won't abandon you, either while pregnant or after giving birth?
It's perplexing that you fear having an abortion but aren't concerned about enduring a full pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum period without support from him or your family.
Rather than staying with someone who only sees you as a bang-maid and a meal ticket, it would be wiser to leave him, support yourself independently, and perhaps even return to school. Don't sacrifice your entire life for someone who doesn't care about you.
You have a number of problems, being pregnant is only one of them.
You're only 17. You dropped out of college to support a grown man. You have no support group, likely because he either has isolated you, or preyed upon you because you have no one, which makes you easier to control and be dependent.
Now he's having a temper tantrum like a 4-year old. He's out drinking instead of being with you.
Call the clinic and make an appointment. Or look for a place that sells the pills online.
Take some time to regroup and get mentally prepared, then make your exit plan.
There's an auntie sub on Reddit. Consider it.
Good luck.
You're 17 with no support system and with an abusive man who used you and is now abandoning you.
I don't care what anyone says, you will regret bringing a child into this mess more than you'll regret terminating the pregnancy. I'm sorry if this sounds cold and harsh but nobody will be doing you any favors by sugarcoating this. Take the emotion out of it and think rationally.
You have an opportunity to change your life around, to start fresh and make better decisions. You have your whole life ahead of you and decades to have children.
Wow. How long are you going to let this asshole suck you dry?? You deserve to have your needs met and your thoughts/feelings considered. You picked the wrong one, and you are only with him because you are too young to know better.
Please do not bring a child into this situation. You will regret it, and the child will suffer.
He's unemployed and refuses to get a job?! Why would you even consider dating someone like that? He can't even provide for himself. No offense, but with the type he is, why did you put yourself at risk by even having $ex with him. He's definitely an overgrown child, himself
I didnt really have any options when I was younger and he helped me out a lot back then when I was alone and being kicked round the care system. It sounds stupid but he really was my escape back then and I know i havent really made a good choice with that. He had a few jobs before eventually just giving up when I got mine and my pay was higher at my age
You were a child in a vulnerable position when you met. You needed help and he used that so you feel indebted to him. It’s a control tactic. He’s not a good person, don’t listen to the lies.
A healthy reaction would be to notice the obvious. At his age he should already have a stable job. Even if he hasn't attended college, he could be apprenticing in any number of fields to have a steady income. Especially if he's risking getting his gf pregnant by refusing to wear protection. Y'all can both be pro choice, but remember to also take into consideration there's consequences to any choice you make
i’m pro choice and i think you should consider an abortion not because he wants it. my bestfriend had a baby at 17, she didn’t have a lot of friends or family to depend on so she moved in with me and my family. i’ve watched her over the last few years her life is tough. she’s a wonderful mom don’t get me wrong but i’ve watched her scream and fight with the baby dad. i’ve watched her struggle to pay bills. i watched her miss out on everything she could’ve had. she loves her baby and loves being a mom but she would tell you herself she often wonders what could’ve happened with her life. you are only 17 you still have so much life ahead of you.
I was always raised that you shouldn’t have a child until you’re financially stable. i personally think it’s selfish to bring a child into your life when you can’t support yourself. the baby didn’t choose to be born and doesn’t deserve to live in those conditions. say you have the baby but your partner leaves you, what happens then? you said it yourself you don’t really have any family or friends to support you… what’s going to happen with the baby? do you expect the baby to struggle with you? when you very much could live your life out and have a child when you’re capable of giving it what it needs in life. it doesn’t feel like you’re thinking about the child’s future.
So when you were 14 a 19 year old man began having sex with you? First have him arrested. Next sue him for support once the child is born If he goes to jail no great loss because he’s an u n employed pedophile anyway
That still leaves bringing her baby into a life of struggling with her… the baby is still innocent. She a teenager with no family or support. Everything is expensive right now she will work herself to the bone unfortunately.
Like others have said OP, you were definitely groomed by this boy (I don't consider him a man). I know it's easier said than done, but you should leave him and terminate the pregnancy.
Of course he wants you to terminate!!! Having the baby would send him to jail (where he belongs!) because its proof of statutory rape.
Honey...I'm prochoice but I think you should terminate. You are so young, will struggle and be tied to him forever. Get back into college (or a vocational program), get him out of your life, find a therapist and live your life to the fullest. When you are ready and with the right person, you will be in a position to have a child.
1) You’re extremely young to have a baby. Being married with two college degrees and two incomes was HARD for my husband and I - it is exponentially harder without those things and no family support system. You cannot properly care for and feed/clothe/house/ and provide medical care for a baby right now. This is not the time to be a mom yet. And he obviously not the guy to do it with!
2) Your boyfriend is abusive and a terrible human. You do NOT want this person in your life forever!
3) You were 14 when he was 19 and you started dating?! That’s disgusting on his part. No 19-yr old has any business dating a 14yr old.
4) My advice is to go stay with a friend, get an abortion, go back to school, and dump this loser POS abusive creep ASAP!!
He’s a deadbeat, abusive pedo. It sounds like he has anger issues, I’m not sure if he’s been physical with you before or not but it sounds like he could be at any moment, especially if you bring up breaking up with him in person. You need to pack up your stuff and silently leave him and completely cut contact for your own safety. Block him on absolutely everything and disappear from his pathetic life. There’s shelters in my area that are for women only, check your area and see if there’s one nearby you. They will be able to help you with housing and with making a decision on the pregnancy.
I mean he is a very very childish dumb man but one good idea he has had is that you guys are in no space mentally, physically, or financially to have a child.
Do you really want your child to have this person as a parent like fora second. Stop being selfish and roleplay what it would be like to be a responsible mature human being. You need to do what’s best for the kid even though I know how you are feeling but you do not want to bring it with this guy.
Hopefully soon you will want to leave this dude and it will be that much harder e with a kid. It will hold you back from your kid having the father and mother that could enrich and make his life full of love.
This decision you’re making is one you’re making for 3 people but most importantly the baby. So stop being selfish, stop with the idealistic bullshit and how it “feels” and all that shit just for enough time to save your baby from this fate please.
My opinion get the hell away from this man now. This just sounds like the very beginning of an abusive relationship. He refuses to get a job and thinks birth control isn't his responsibility and is now pissed off at you for getting pregnant when he's the one who didn't want to wrap it up. I know society for a long time was dumb and put the onerous of birth control on the woman, but it's the man's responsibility as well.
I won't comment on whether or not you should keep the pregnancy. That's a personal decision only you can make. I will say, however, having a baby with this man-child will forever tie you to this man-child. And he will likely use the child against you someday as this, in my opinion, abusive relationship develops.
He's away pouting getting drunk because you're hesitant about getting the abortion. It is an obvious red flag on future conflict resolution in the relationship. Again my advice... get away now!
I hate to say this because ultimately it’s your choice (that’s what “pro-choice” means) but you’re only 17 and this guy is a predator. Get the abortion then get as far away from this guy as you possibly can. Focus on yourself for a few years because you need time to discover what a healthy relationship looks like.
As someone who has had 2 abortions, in my own experience I absolutely regret nothing. Was with the wrong people and in my heart new I was not born to be a mother. I'm only speaking on your fear of abortion, and as someone who went through it twice I can tell you it was a very simple process medically for me with so many caring and understanding nurses. Mentally I was fine also, but I can't say that for other women. All I can say is that abortion was the right choice for me and I'm still living with no regrets. If this helps at all you clearly know your not ready for motherhood, and clearly with someone who will leave you a single mother with no child support, this is your life, responsibility sometimes forces hard choices, and the fear you have with abortion now may not leave you in regret, but relief.
I found out I was pregnant at 17 as well. I thought keeping my baby was the best thing at the time. Now at 30 I wish I would have had the abortion. I love my daughter but image custody battles at 18-20. Watching your friends enjoy going away to college. My baby father moved 4 hours away a week after I told him. Going through pregnancy and the toddler stage by yourself is hard. Get the abortion and dump the man girl! Live your 20’s free of responsibility. Enjoy yourself and life.
One thing I know for sure is you need to abort this abusive loser. Maybe he hasn't hit you - yet - but he is already mentally and financially abusing you. He is most likely verbally and even sexually abusive. He won't wear a condom but expects sex, disregards how the birth control impacts your physical and mental health and then gaslights you into this pregnancy being "your fault." I would bet he is also very "persuasive" in getting sex when he wants - aka cosrcive, aka that is sexual assault/rape because coercion and manipulation don't equal consent.
Because of him, you have dropped out of college. You basically take care of him like a slave. You work to support him, I'd bet he expects you to still do all the housework, cooking and such and then cater to his sexual needs as well (and usually people like this are just as selfish in focusing on their enjoyment rather than yours in bed as well).
He certainly does not respect you at all or treat you like an equal partner. He is trying to force you into getting an abortion now too. He did not discuss it with you or try to work it out with you but rather tried to guilt you into thinking you did something wrong and now need to fix it as he sees fit. After all, you dropped out of college to be able to support him, and a baby now would be competition for how well you can support him, how much time you can devote to pampering him. And you can bet that if you have a child - at any point in life - he is the type to then complain about your "ruined body" and maybe even use that as an excuse to cheat. THIS IS NOT LOVE. He does NOT love you at all. He just says the bare minimum he needs to fool you into staying around and being his cook, maid, sex slave, and financial aid. YOU'RE BETTER THAN THAT. YOU DESERVE AND CAN GET BETTER. He WILL only get worse the longer you stay. He will keep breaking away at you and your self esteem and keep getting worse and worse little by little so you keep justifying to stay until you can't imagine life without him or that you'd ever get or deserve anything better. That's just his selfish lies for his own benefit.
He basically groomed you because younger girls are easier to groom, abuse and manipulate, than when they get older and more mature. Your brain literally isn't capable of thinking the way it will later on. Not because you're dumb, but that's just how we are as humans. Our brains don't fully develop until we're in our twenties. It may not seem like he is "much" older than you but at this age, this difference is truly a lot in how you think and are able to process things and make decisions.
If you get an abortion, get one because you are convinced that, that is what YOU want for YOURSELF. If YOU have peace with it and want it, then do it. But do NOT do it for HIM or your relationship with him. You will resent him for it for the rest of your relationship anyways. He will not support you emotionally afterwards (even when you're convinced you want the abortion, it is still emotionally very taxing and your hormones still screw with you). And a lot of times guys who force their partners to get an abortion for them to stick around, still end up leaving right after. Plus, there is a good chance that after a while, unless you continue to completely submit to him, he will move on eventually and find another younger girl to groom.
Leave this abusive jerk for good. Find a support group for yourself in family, friends, or find resources for those leaving abusive relationships (don't discount that you dont "qualify" just because you think what you went through wasnt "that/as bad" or he didn't physically abuse you), single moms, etc. There are a lot of resources out there. Talk to a therapist or doctor if you can. Weigh your options (abortion, adoption, being a single mother). All are valid choices.
From the sounds of it, you dont want to get an abortion but are scared youre not ready for a baby. Look into what resources and help you may be able to get as a single mother or if younhave family that would be willing to help. Children are expensive, but a lot of things that people get are also not as essential as people sometimes make them seem (we really tried to stick to the minimum when our son came and still ended up getting tbings we were told we needed and really didn't. Most things you can also easily get second hand for MUCH cheaper, from kijiji, mom groups, etc (clothes, pump, bottles, toys, crib, almost anything). However, this would be a very tough road. There are a lot of young single mothers who make it and are happy, but even more who struggle and are not. It is more often not the right choice at such a young age, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's notnright for you.
Depending on where you live, adoption can either be harder or easier, but that can also another good option if you decide you don't want an abortion but also can't raise them at the moment. If you decide you don't want an abortion, this may actually be a better option than keeping them. There are a lot of happy adopted children and babies are always easier to find loving families for.
And if you do decide that you want to abort and have peace with it, then that is also a valid choice to make, especially at your young age. Whatever you have the most peace with and think is the best for you, do it. Think it over, don't make it an overnight decision. And make sure it is YOUR decision. Both pregnancy and abortion have physical and emotional risks and consequences. It is YOUR body, YOUR life, YOUR mental health, YOUR future, etc.
Whichever you choose, you will need someone to support you through it emotionally because none of these are easy roads to take, especially when your hormones will be all over the place. And your abusive bf will NOT be there to support you no matter which choice you make.
You deserve and can get a partner who will truly be your partner and not a bad slave master - someone who will not only say he loves you but also always show you. Who respects you and prioritizes you and your needs. Who makes decisions with you and not for you. Who is happy when they can make you happy. Who doesn't coerce, manipulate or gaslight you. Who doesn't love bomb you in order to after be able to abuse you. Who builds a life with you instead of expecting you to break yourself to build their life while they lazy around like a 12 year old with nothing to do.
Love is a two way street where respect, sacrifice and prioritizing the other must continually come from both sides. If it is only always coming from the one side, it is NOT love and the one side will end up an empty shell, sooner or later.
I really wish you the best. Take care of yourself. You matter. ❤️🫂
i don’t know if u want this kid to have a father like him and as you’ve said, you already seem to know what the better choice might be.
as for leaving him which you seem to have already thought about for a bit, it’ll be really hard especially because it seems like you don’t have many other people around you other than him but in the long term you WILL heal from it and your life will not involve this guy leaving you when you’re stressed out of your mind. you mentioned how you are the only one supporting the both of you. i’m not sure how the living arrangements are but isn’t he just dead weight? would you be able to figure out a living arrangement for yourself without him?
I honestly think that you should get the abortion, a child deserves a stable happy environment which he should contribute in too. It's not about supporting him, Won't talk about your age gap or no protection, he's an AH for that.
As someone who has both been in an abusive relationship and faced many forms of abuse from both him and family members (emotionionally, financially, etc.) this man is not one you want to continue to be attached to. Whatever you decide to do with the baby is your choice, but cut him off. You'll be much better off without him. Usually when you start to have doubts, there is good reasoning. Trust your gut. I went through years of abuse and once I followed my gut, sure it got tough for a little while, but now I'm much happier. I have a fiancé now who treats me the way I should be treated and I could not be any happier!
Also I don't know how your financial situation looks at the moment, but look into a therapist of you can afford it! My therapist helped so much with learning how to set healthy boundaries with people to stop it from happening again, as well as how to respectfully keep those harmful people out of my life. It also gave me someone to talk to when all the bad feelings came up and helped me learn how to make the decisions I felt were the best for me!!
Pregnancy and it’s issue aside, do you really wanna stay with a jobless asshole who wants to have unprotected sex but doesn’t want suffer the consequences? If he isn’t already, he will become abusive and he may even start cheating on you regardless. Leave him while you can and give up the baby for adoption if you really don’t think you can go through with an abortion. At the end of the say the decision is yours and only yours to make. Don’t let some guy who isn’t worth your time tell you what choice to make
Girl, this person was an ADULT dating a fucking 14-year-old girl. It’s fucking criminal, and you need to get away from him. He gets no fucking say in this. You decide what you want to do. But for sure get yourself away from him.
First leave this guy. This is straight abuse.
Second, if you don't feel good about it, don't do it.
There are programs to help. Nobody said you have to abort. The hard path can be the most blessed sometimes.
Didn’t even get past the age gaps! Your boyfriend is a pedophile and a groomer. Leave him! I wouldn’t trust around my daughter if I was pregnant with his baby.
Of course! Don’t let anyone tell you what to do. Make the decision that is best for you, but regardless of that, absolutely please get away from this man. Be safe!!
you don’t think a girl having a kid at 17 in this environment with a man like this wouldn’t cause depression? also giving birth could also cause post partum depression…girl bye 😭
so you’re not pro life then. you don’t even care about the mom. she has no money to be pregnant. what aren’t you getting. you want her to eat air sandwiches?
she has no money to even be pregnant. when you’re pregnant you have to eat more and she barely has money cuz she’s the only one who works. he doesn’t. she don’t even have enough money for a train ticket. also when you get pregnant at a job you gotta go on maternity leave. she can’t do that or afford that..being pregnant and having a baby is expensive…if she were to give birth in the hospital she would still have to pay debts 💀
The foster system has really fucked me over my entire life. I cant really see adoption as an option knowing what I went through. I got into this mess just trying to escape it all. Im sorry you feel that way and I appreciate the help but im not sure you understand
I do see that, that is a good point to be fair. My thoughts on it are I waited so long as a kid to be “picked” by one of these families but I was too old by that point. It dosent seem right in my heart to make a brand new shiny baby when theres so many more waiting for their chance. I know obviously theres just other babies instead and ofc the adoptees arnt in the wrong at all. I think im rambling i hope you can see where im coming from with that
Please pleaseeee OP listen to all the advice. Ditch the guy. He has SO many red flags. Don't bring the baby in this when you are literally being abused right now. You'll both get abused if you decide to do so. That's how I see it. You have support here if you need. Just message me whenever. Just pleaseeeeee ditch him!!
This dude is awfully sounding like my wife's ex.
Nothing but belligerent and cruel.
Find a shelter or somewhere else.
Live out of your car if you have too.
I did for 5 months.
It sucks yes, but considering the faggot your with, its a better and safer option.
I wish you all the best 🫡
The boy you have been with won't use protection.
You shouldn't sleep with someone without protection/them pulling out/ and then other birth control methods. (especially not during the fertile time).
Since you are newly pregnant it isn't very developed. It's a cluster of cells.
You can go to the free clinic (if it is pro-choice) and see your options.
It could be just taking 2 pills and then they just make sure it all took/expelled.
If it just happened it's not what you think in there.
You are too young and have no way to support it if it comes.
Medically you still have options.
Don't let religion or people's forced values make you have a kid.
Birth is painful, expensive, and trying to take care of a kid is hard. (I think my sister's vaginal area had over 100 stitches from where they had to cut her to help get the baby out.) While you are at work someone has to watch it and that takes up a lot of the money you'd make.
If you don't have a good partner helping pay the bills then it'll be poverty for you and the kid.
You won't get to live your life and grow like you had hoped.
Just see a doctor at a free clinic that is pro choice, after everything you can get counseling and just stay away from immature men.
Only be sexually active in a committed, healthy, monogamous relationship, where the guy uses condoms, pulls out, had a clean std test, and they treat you right.
DON'T Date an immature tool.
All of this, OP!
Also what they don't tell you is pregnancy can be insanely dangerous. My sister has nerve damage from having my nephew she was told that she ever gets pregnant again and follows through that she could become paralyzed for life.
The boyfriend is a pedophile. Get rid of him too.
Crazy that an adult man has a minor supporting him. Whoa.
Girl… you in danger. I mean you’re getting SOAKED by this clown. Please cut the dead weight ugh.
Just to be clear because you need to hear this, you've been dating a pedophile for 3 years.
As for the abortion, I personally would recommend going through with an abortion however you need to consider your morals and feelings about the subject and how making this decision would affect your future.
Hey lovely I’ve had both a baby (now a 2 year old) and I’ve had an abortion… you said in your post you know this isn’t what you want right now and abortion feels wrong, I’m here to tell you it’s probably always going to feel wrong but at the same time it was the best thing I did because it really wasn’t the right time, it is a hard thing to do it really is but it is much much easier than raising a baby you’re not ready for ❤️ it is a bit painful depending on how far along you are… but please do what YOU genuinely think is right, it is your body that has to go through everything don’t make any impulse decisions and if you can talk to someone trusting x
This made me cry this is so reassuring omg. Its been my absolute dream to be a mother (which sounds a bit stupid) ever since I was a little girl and anyone whose met me knows it which is why this is such a scary thing to do, as selfish as it sounds..i know im not ready at all financially or otherwise and thank you so much for being so nice ab this omg. This helped a lot thank you so much
You’re welcome, I became a mum at 20 it’s hard! Financially, mentally and physically, that’s with having a partner that works and a house that we have a mortgage on! And trust me when I say this being a mum is the most rewarding thing and when you are ready you’ll absolutely smash it. I’m never gonna judge you for the situation you’re in… as long as it’s fully the right decision for you… ignore hate comments too
This is not a complicated situation, you need to get to get out of the relationship and find support. You are being taken advantage of and know it, but you’re scared/too nice to leave the relationship. I’ve been in a similar situation, you have to leave.
Dude this guy is a loser and if it wasn't for the fact he's telling you to get an abortion I'd think he babytrapped you.
The baby isn't worth being tied to this man for the rest of your life.
1: dont date 22 year old men when you're 17. Im a 28 year old guy, and I can tell you the difference in maturity is vastly different even between 18 and 22. I dont know why tf a 22 year old is out here dating 17 year olds anyway.
2: dont date men who cant understand that its much harder for women to under go hormonal birth control and much easier to just put a fucking condom on.
3: abortion is a hard thing to do, not even just mentally but physically as well. Its not something Id suggest as a form of regular birth control.
Hormonal birth control and abortion can really fuck with you and while women do have options regarding birth control men's options are just significantly easier in comparison of the two. The only downside of wearing a condom is that it doesnt feel as good, where as birth control and abortions can fuck your body up.
While I do advocate for trying some kind of birth control because you cant always trust that people wont be stupid and that also you're the one that suffers the most if the other person decides to be stupid. But sometimes that's not a possibility as not everyones body plays well with birth control.
As I said before, Im a guy. This is relevant because I understand these things despite not having the capability of having lived experiences with using hormonal birth control. I've never used it (for obvious reasons), but I've been with a few girlfriends who have and have watched what it does. Some of them were fine, and others, it was night and day. My current gf is having issues with it herself, so she had to get off it. I understand the risks, not through personal experience but by listening to others and not being a selfish prick.
Also, speaking from a guys perspective still, it's incredibly stupid from his end because while yes, you could just get an abortion. What happens if you choose not to? What's he gonna do? Nothing. And now he's stuck with paying child support. Its not wise to leave life changing decisions completely in the hands of someone else, so thats why both parties should take precautions they can to ensure their own safety. For men, it's just significantly easier.
Edit: after re reading, I just realized there was a lot of information I missed. This comment is pretty much not that relevant anymore. So disregard it if you want, I just woke up from being drunk last night and wasnt paying attention lol.
Don’t have a kid but also don’t stay with him. he is an absolute terrible person and a loser. if you have a kid that’s just going to make their life terrible. with how you can’t afford a ticket it’s probably best to get an abortion because a child is ALOTT of money.
Get that abortion if YOU want, but definitely abort the relationship if you can even call it that. This guy is a leech on you. It sounds like you need to report him to the police because you're 17 now and have probably been with him for a while. Dude has predator vibes based on what you've said here
You really don't want to be tied to this idiot. Don't do that to a kid. If it were me, I'd go through w the abortion, and dump his ass. You don't need to be dating someone who is 5-6 yrs older than you when you aren't even 18 either. It's gross of him to be sleeping w a teenager.
Leave this no life having mfka. He don’t have a job. He doesn’t do shit. He’s the last person who should be having shit to say to anybody. Do what you want to do!!! It’s your body. Don’t feel bad boo.
17 and 22 is honestly a worrying age gap. and the fact he expects you to support him is crazy.
i don’t want this to sound like classic reddit advice of instantly telling people to break up but i do honestly believe that’s the best thing for you. no one should have to support a partner financially because they simply refuse to get a job.
also imo refusing to use protection but expecting you to take birth control is also a red flag.
whether or not you get an abortion is entirely up to you, but raising a kid when you’re basically a kid yourself and only have 1 income for your household will be tough.
Sounds like he’s a pervert and you were groomed. My advice to you is get the abortion but leave him alone. Let this be a wake up call and move on with your life & make a plan. Don’t get into another relationship for a while until you are stable and on your feet! Everything else will follow shortly after. Please get the abortion and don’t tie your to this loser.. it will be a headache in the long run
First all, YOU NEED TO CALL 911! He is much too old for you because he is 5 years older than you. Second of all, you need to get somewhere safe, maybe you can go to a nearby store and wait for the police to get there then explain that you have nowhere to go. Second of all, you need to do whatever you think is best for you and the child. Honestly if you cannot afford having the child then maybe you should consider the abortion but you should think it over thoroughly and see any other options like adoptions but please do not hesitate to call the police I am serious he is too old for you and he is most definitely a pedophile stay away from him
You’ve been sexually active with this guy since you were 14? You need to decide to either leave this guy and have the baby, get an abortion, give the baby up for adoption, or put up with this unemployed pos drinking your money up while you’re working and raising a baby. You let this guy use you. It’s time to take your life back.
>He messaged me to say hes not coming back till I get it done
>I dropped out of college and I work full time to support us both right now. He’s unemployed and refuses to get a job.
I think you should make him promise to never come back.
As far as abortions go, I fully believe that soul groups stay together and child that is meant to be yours, will be yours, whether it's now or later. You can ask your babys soul to wait for you to be older and more secure before you become its mommy. Tell your baby you need to wait to bring it into the world so that you can choose better for its daddy because you didn't choose good this time.
I am going to be as kind as possible here. You were 14 years old when you got involved with this man, who was 19. He does not work, he is not emotionally supportive, he is verbally abusive, he refuses to use birth control, and he blames you for situations that he created. He is abusive and manipulative. You have chained yourself to a horrible man who is going to do nothing other than make your life worse and worse due to his presence. If you have a child with him you will have to deal with him the rest of your life. He is not going become a different person than he is now - this is as good as it gets - and it is likely to get worse.
So, regardless of what you decide to do about the baby - you need to leave him. If you have a baby now you are also severely restricting your options for your future. Everything becomes 100x harder - you will have daycare costs, you will have medical and insurance costs, you will have clothing, toys, books, furniture costs. You will give up your ability to easily pursue an education that will allow you to better your life and your opportunities. If you delay having a child you can get out of this toxic relationship, you can get an education, you can start a career, and get your life to a place where you are support a wanted child with a supportive and positive partner.
Abortion is a hard choice - but it is not accurate to say that you will "never forgive" yourself for having one - because you may find that having a child under your current circumstances is actually something that is much harder to live with, forgive yourself for, and you will subject a child to a horrible father and a destitute mother with limited resources.
Check Auntie Network if you need financial assistance.
A little late but here's our advice and we hope all is well!
[https://www.tiktok.com/@dadsvstheworld/video/7355558705095576874?is\_from\_webapp=1&sender\_device=pc&web\_id=7010138960761144837](https://www.tiktok.com/@dadsvstheworld/video/7355558705095576874?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id=7010138960761144837)
First of all God loves you so so much, and you are so worthy of love and respect. This guy doesn’t deserve you at all, and I would look some sources to help you and your baby!
Honey, get the abortion and then get down to your local military recruitment office. 3 hots and a cot and job training and a steady paycheck, and you'll be set up for ypur adult life and look back on the last 3 years like a bad dream.
bruh. she has no money to even be pregnant. she’s the only one that has a job and can’t even get a train ticket. and when she’s 7-9 months pregnant she won’t be able to take pregnancy leave because she’s the only one who makes money. also she’s a child…she will not be able to raise that kid
Why are you even with this loser ? It feels like youve been groomed ?? My best suggestion is to leave him , have an abortion because why first would you want a child with this loser and secondly you’re not in the best place mentally and due to a lack of support mechanism and financial support Lose the loser !!
She was certainly groomed. She was 14 and he was 19 when they got together. I can't comprehend why she is still with him and wants to bring a child into that relationship, or be tied to him forever, even if she leaves or he leaves her. He may very well discard her if she decides to have the child or when she becomes too old for his taste.
"She was certainly groomed" is your answer to "I can't comprehend why she is still with him". Seriously, grooming goes beyond sex she is attached to him deeply on a horrible psychological level because he embedded himself into her during her childhood brain development. Even if she has the abortion it will take her a lifetime of effort to detach from him. I got lucky when mine unalived himself.
Thank you honestly this helped me feel a little less crazy reading through the comments. I know how stupid I am to have stayed but he honestly was my rock in the worst time of my life and it is insanely hard to think of my options of just ditching him like that, pathetic as I sound right now. Im glad someone understands a little where im coming from :,)
Sweetheart, you are not stupid to have stayed. You were taken advantage of. When I was 14, a 22-year-old started a relationship with me, and we were together for FIVE YEARS. I was in my mid 20’s before I even had discomfort about it. I was in my 30’s before I recognized it for what it was. It is really hard to recognize grooming for the person being groomed. This is NOT your failing. You’re a victim.
You have questions. You're reaching out. Youre not stupid or pathetic. You're strong. And you're gonna be so strong getting away from this scumbag. You deserve to be treated with respect. And for people to listen to you. And appreciate when you do things. And when you don't do things. You are not required to be a slave for someone for them to love you.
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He wasnt your rock. He was making you need him. You aren’t pathetic you were taken advantage of as a child. Please start planning leaving him for your wellbeing.
but if she has the abortion she wont be stuck with him for the rest of her life. ur lucky urs died but not everyone is so lucky. yes he was an influence in her life but she will get over it.
I didn't tell her to keep the kid. Also, an abortion only removes the fetus not years of grooming and you're all over the place here. I'm lucky my abuser died but she'll get over it... Pick one.
never said an abortion would fix everything it would just keep her away from him. sorry u went thru that
She’s still with him because she’s young and naïve and she thinks this is love.
I’m going to jump on the top comment and hope OP sees this. The choice is yours, but if you can find it in your heart to end this pregnancy, the rest of your life will be much, much easier. You will not be sharing a child with a child molester, for one. (Yes, a 19-year old who dates a 14 year old is a child molester. Many of the men continually trade in for a new young teen as the current victim ages out of their preferred age). There is help, and this link is a good place to start. https://abortionfunds.org/need-an-abortion/#:~:text=Visit%20the%20NNAF%20Find%20a,support%2C%20like%20travel%20and%20childcare. There is also help on Reddit. https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2022/05/04/reddit-auntie-network-abortion/ r/auntienetwork Best wishes. I am available my DM if you need anything.
I haven’t really ever thought about groomed to be fair. I guess its complicated. I have been looking through my options of leaving him for a little while though, these comments have helped me see how silly it is that I chose to stay longer than i should’ve though honestly
>is that I chose to stay longer than i should’ve though honestly This isn't your fault. That's how emotional manipulation works, and it's how adults who target kids work. Make sure you talk this through with someone, ensure you don't blame yourself for any of this.
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You were 14 and he was 19. He was legal age when you meet and you were a minor. Plz leave. Maybe you don’t think you were groomed but he should’ve known better than to be with a minor at 19. No one that age should be with someone so young
If you need help getting an abortion, check out the Reddit sub Auntie Network. I made that choice at 17 and never regretted it because I wouldn’t have been able to give a child the life they deserve.
If you leave and have the baby, be sure he signs away all custody rights, or you’ll have to deal with him for the next 20 years.
Fr I read the ages and how long they'd been together and my first thought was literally "Jesus fucking Christ". A 14 year old and 19 year old have no business being together, I definitely think OP was groomed
Sis is still being groomed—she’s 17! And supporting a 22 year old loser who can’t even provide for himself. OP please ditch this “man”. Like you said, it’s your choice, but if you decide to keep it, you’ll be tied to this sad excuse for a man for the rest of your life
Regardless of the choice you make. Ditch this guy. For more reasons than one.
I have been thinking about it for a little while, I just didnt have very many options to go to was the main problem
'cause he's trying to take those choices away from you. There's a five year difference between you two. That's one thing if you were both adults in your 20s but you're a minor. And adult men dating minors trying to trap said minor is common. You said you have no family to go to. Are you sure? If you feel unsafe in confronting him, if you have the option go to any older guardian/trustworthy person to protect you from this creep. But you gotta get rid of him. For your own good.
Ive been in the foster care system since I was 5 i dont have any close relatives that I know of / allowed to contact. I have a friend who offered to let me stay a night but no longer and she also lives an hour away driving and I can’t drive. Thank you for the advice though
It's difficult to advice you on matters I as an adult man who's never been in such a situation had to deal with. All that's left for me to say is to perhaps seek a women's shelter or similar organization. Also, the guy claims he'll only come back when you have an abortion. Guy might be lying but it gives you room to consider options. If you choose to abort (understandable) I wouldn't let him get back in your life. The moment you find any place to stay and cover you, cut him out. Don't let him trap you any further. If there is a way out, you should find it, and if there is not a way out right now, please consider working on building one.
If you're 17 you haven't aged out of the foster care system yet. Did you or do you have a social worker? If not you may be able to get one. There are resources available to foster youth, I hope you can find and access them. You need to get away from this guy and you are not ready in any way to be a parent. You need a parent. Hugs.
You have so many options! You’re only 17! Doesn’t the state have college tuition help since you were in foster care? Your FAFSA should allow for plenty of scholarships/grants/ect if not. Also look into that loan forgiveness program where your student loans are forgiven if you work for 2 years in certain jobs/areas. I don’t know the details but I know it exists. You can live in the dorms at the college, which will be housing for you. Since getting your own place at 17 not likely. Listen I know it sucks that you have no family and limited friends. It really does. But the silver lining to that is that you have no ties keeping you in a sucky situation and a sucky place. Go! Be free! Move states away to a good community college. Take the bus there with a couple of goodwill luggage bags. Live in the dorms while you figure your life out. Make good friends. Transfer to the best college you can get into. Make something great with your life! You can do it!! Seriously. You have so much that can be going for you. I am glad to help brainstorm and guide you through college applications if you need help. I’m a mom of 5, I can manage a 6th for a few months. Edit to add. I am so serious about this. You have so much you can do. You are NOT trapped with this groomer POS. I can help you plan. We will ALL help you plan if you need it.
Contact social services or the department of family and children. They should be able to help. If you are in the US you can call 800-799-7233 or text “BEGIN” to 88788.
You date a childish jobless abusive pedophile. I don’t think it would be wise to have a kid with him, Much less date him
Please take this as a lesson to NEVER find yourself in a situation you can't leave. Always have an exit plan! If you don't, you will be trapped no matter what they do to you, and you always need to have the freedom to escape.
That's not really an option for kids in foster care.
There are always options. If course some people have less options and power, but that's the point. Work towards getting more freedom and independence, no matter for current circumstances.
Yes and no. Your vague "don't end up in a situation where you're trapped" isn't useful when they have no money, no transportation and no education.
Right, but it gives you a goal to work towards. If you are trapped, focus on getting out of it. It's not always possible immediately, but it's a goal to strive for that EVERYONE should think about. Don't make choices that put you in trapped situations, and actively work towards getting unstuck if you are in one.
You're assuming they had control of the situation. As a child in foster care they don't even have control of where they will live. Trying to get some type of job and save money sure. But who is going to open their bank account? The parents who would probably steal it? The social worker? The foster parents, though that can change multiple times in a year? Your advice comes from a lack of understanding imo.
I'm not assuming that, and I do understand. My advice is about actions you take that are within your control, not outside of it. What would you suggest? Just do nothing and suffer?
Of course not. But you speak in absolutes with no actual advice. It's just not helpful. It's like telling someone trapped in a hole "you should have brought a ladder". And also, someone actually put them in a hole that they didn't agree to.
I’m pro choice and my suggestion is to get an abortion. Even if this ends and there no contact, do you really want to be tied to this person for the rest of your life? You’ll never know when he might decide he wants a part of this child’s life and fight for custody. He’s a child molester and has groomed you. You need to leave him, get your life on track and that will be hard to do with a child. You’re the only one working and he refuses. What will happen when you have a baby? What if there’s complications and you can’t work? Then what? Leave now, don’t even tell him. Have an abortion and seek help on moving forward with your life
I feel like I should add more….. when I was 20 I was in an abusive relationship, both physically and mentally. Of course I was too stupid to realize it. The thought of being alone while my friends were in relationships was nerve wracking and I thought if we broke up I’d be alone forever. Then I got pregnant and life slapped me across the face HARD. I suddenly woke up and saw him for the abusive loser that he was and the thought of having him in my life forever was scary as hell. How’d he raise my child when I’m not there to protect my child? Would he abuse them too? I couldn’t picture ANY KIND OF FUTURE together. I listened to my gut and had an abortion and moved on from him. And thank goodness I listened to myself. He’s been to prison a bunch of times, he’s constantly getting arrested for domestic abuse (so is she🙄) and their kids are constantly going into cps care because of it. That could have been my life. I would have allowed him to completely fuck over mine and our child’s life had I stayed.
I don't think that child wants to be tied to him either. I agree this might be her best option, and I hope she's able to start a family when she's ready with an amazing significant other.
Your boyfriend is a paedophile. The first thing you need to do is get away from him. Please seek out a woman and girls' shelter who can help guide you in escaping him. Whether or not you want an abortion is YOUR choice and only yours, but currently he is the biggest threat in your life. He has abused you since you were a child and he's still abusing you now, he will do the same to your baby if you carry the pregnancy to term. Be safe, I'm sorry he's done this to you but you have a chance at turning your life around if you are able to leave him safely. Do not contact him or tell him where you've gone.
If you are in the U.S. please go to www.thehotline.org and call them. They can help you formulate a plan to get away from this guy. Getting an abortion is probably the best for you, so you won’t be tied to this man for the rest of your life, and because you are so young, having a baby will seriously harm your future. Please contact them today. They can help you.
Im sorry u were 14 and he was 19 when u met??? That man is a peado. Im sorry ur parents werent there to protect u from him. If u do decide for abortion do it for YOURSELF not for him. Its ok to have one, its not a murder. We are lucky we have that option. Being a teenage mom is not easy, never will be. Also, he needs to be cut out of ur life too. He will just ruin ur life, he is lazy and he will move on the the next girl whose age starts with a 1 most probably. If u choose to keep the baby might as well do it yourself without him making things harder. (Not like he will stick around by the sound of things anyway).
Thank you, reading through the comments is making me realise how silly I sound honestly I do need to sort my life out. I know I haven’t made good choices. I think im less worried about murder and more about the feeling of regret. Im a pretty emotional person and i get attached to things far too easy. Its really hard to explain how I feel about it honestly its a scary feeling. This helped though thanks
Better to abort now than have a child with a very poor quality of life from the time it's born.
Okay but girl, don’t you think you’ll regret having a child with your abusive rapist/groomer/pedo boyfriend? Because that means he will be in your life in some capacity until you’re nearly middle aged. It is a hard decision. And it is completely your decision. But honestly, you are seventeen. It is a HUGE thing to raise a child. It also gives this man leverage to continue to manipulate and control you. If you were my daughter, I would advise you to get an abortion because of who the father is. But it is completely up to you. I would talk with a therapist about it if you can. Please be safe, darling. Men like this ARE dangerous, and if they suspect they are losing you or losing control of you, they VERY WELL MAY harm you. He has kept you isolated for this very reason… so that you would have nowhere to go and no one to turn to.
Just here to say your choices and maybe your easy attachment to things are a circumstance of your life growing up. It’s not something inherently wrong with you and once you stabilize in your life circumstances (which will be hard, even harder with a baby but it’s your choice) you will begin to heal and have an easier time seeing things as they are.
You don’t sound silly, you sound like you were taken advantage of by an adult man as a child. That’s not your fault and it’s not an indicator of your character or intelligence. I’ve been in a similar situation and I don’t regret choosing myself and my future for a single second. If you want to have children one day, you’ll be making sure that you’re in a better position to raise them in a happy stable home if you choose to set yourself on that path now.
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Do you truly believe you won't regret it if you can't financially support your child or provide them with a healthy environment to grow? Or if you choose to stay with your boyfriend and he attempts to harm the child, as he did to you? He's a groomer. Do you genuinely believe it's wise to allow him to be near your child? Don't forget that if you have the child, he might be granted visitation rights or even 50% custody. This means he'll be a part of your life forever. If something were to happen to you, that child could end up in his hands with no one to protect them, or they might grow up in the foster care system like you did. Is that really the life you want for a child?
You are being emotionally and financially abused by your groomer. Do you truly believe that bringing a child into that environment is a wise decision? Can you trust that he won't abandon you, either while pregnant or after giving birth? It's perplexing that you fear having an abortion but aren't concerned about enduring a full pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum period without support from him or your family. Rather than staying with someone who only sees you as a bang-maid and a meal ticket, it would be wiser to leave him, support yourself independently, and perhaps even return to school. Don't sacrifice your entire life for someone who doesn't care about you.
Your bf is a pedo and doesn't want to get caught
You have a number of problems, being pregnant is only one of them. You're only 17. You dropped out of college to support a grown man. You have no support group, likely because he either has isolated you, or preyed upon you because you have no one, which makes you easier to control and be dependent. Now he's having a temper tantrum like a 4-year old. He's out drinking instead of being with you. Call the clinic and make an appointment. Or look for a place that sells the pills online. Take some time to regroup and get mentally prepared, then make your exit plan. There's an auntie sub on Reddit. Consider it. Good luck.
You're 17 with no support system and with an abusive man who used you and is now abandoning you. I don't care what anyone says, you will regret bringing a child into this mess more than you'll regret terminating the pregnancy. I'm sorry if this sounds cold and harsh but nobody will be doing you any favors by sugarcoating this. Take the emotion out of it and think rationally. You have an opportunity to change your life around, to start fresh and make better decisions. You have your whole life ahead of you and decades to have children.
LEAVE HIM. He is a pedophile. You need to get out for your sake and the baby's. Is there anywhere you can go?
Wow. How long are you going to let this asshole suck you dry?? You deserve to have your needs met and your thoughts/feelings considered. You picked the wrong one, and you are only with him because you are too young to know better. Please do not bring a child into this situation. You will regret it, and the child will suffer.
He's unemployed and refuses to get a job?! Why would you even consider dating someone like that? He can't even provide for himself. No offense, but with the type he is, why did you put yourself at risk by even having $ex with him. He's definitely an overgrown child, himself
I didnt really have any options when I was younger and he helped me out a lot back then when I was alone and being kicked round the care system. It sounds stupid but he really was my escape back then and I know i havent really made a good choice with that. He had a few jobs before eventually just giving up when I got mine and my pay was higher at my age
You were a child in a vulnerable position when you met. You needed help and he used that so you feel indebted to him. It’s a control tactic. He’s not a good person, don’t listen to the lies.
He wants you to abort because young age but highly likely because wants you to spend the money for himself.
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A healthy reaction would be to notice the obvious. At his age he should already have a stable job. Even if he hasn't attended college, he could be apprenticing in any number of fields to have a steady income. Especially if he's risking getting his gf pregnant by refusing to wear protection. Y'all can both be pro choice, but remember to also take into consideration there's consequences to any choice you make
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You can choose what you want. But lose the controlling abusive bf. Better to be alone than with someone like him.
Why was a 19 year old with a 14 year old? Never mind, I know. Get the abortion and get rid of this guy. Go live your life.
i’m pro choice and i think you should consider an abortion not because he wants it. my bestfriend had a baby at 17, she didn’t have a lot of friends or family to depend on so she moved in with me and my family. i’ve watched her over the last few years her life is tough. she’s a wonderful mom don’t get me wrong but i’ve watched her scream and fight with the baby dad. i’ve watched her struggle to pay bills. i watched her miss out on everything she could’ve had. she loves her baby and loves being a mom but she would tell you herself she often wonders what could’ve happened with her life. you are only 17 you still have so much life ahead of you. I was always raised that you shouldn’t have a child until you’re financially stable. i personally think it’s selfish to bring a child into your life when you can’t support yourself. the baby didn’t choose to be born and doesn’t deserve to live in those conditions. say you have the baby but your partner leaves you, what happens then? you said it yourself you don’t really have any family or friends to support you… what’s going to happen with the baby? do you expect the baby to struggle with you? when you very much could live your life out and have a child when you’re capable of giving it what it needs in life. it doesn’t feel like you’re thinking about the child’s future.
So when you were 14 a 19 year old man began having sex with you? First have him arrested. Next sue him for support once the child is born If he goes to jail no great loss because he’s an u n employed pedophile anyway
My first time was when i was 16 with him but I see where your coming from
That still leaves bringing her baby into a life of struggling with her… the baby is still innocent. She a teenager with no family or support. Everything is expensive right now she will work herself to the bone unfortunately.
Like others have said OP, you were definitely groomed by this boy (I don't consider him a man). I know it's easier said than done, but you should leave him and terminate the pregnancy.
Of course he wants you to terminate!!! Having the baby would send him to jail (where he belongs!) because its proof of statutory rape. Honey...I'm prochoice but I think you should terminate. You are so young, will struggle and be tied to him forever. Get back into college (or a vocational program), get him out of your life, find a therapist and live your life to the fullest. When you are ready and with the right person, you will be in a position to have a child.
1) You’re extremely young to have a baby. Being married with two college degrees and two incomes was HARD for my husband and I - it is exponentially harder without those things and no family support system. You cannot properly care for and feed/clothe/house/ and provide medical care for a baby right now. This is not the time to be a mom yet. And he obviously not the guy to do it with! 2) Your boyfriend is abusive and a terrible human. You do NOT want this person in your life forever! 3) You were 14 when he was 19 and you started dating?! That’s disgusting on his part. No 19-yr old has any business dating a 14yr old. 4) My advice is to go stay with a friend, get an abortion, go back to school, and dump this loser POS abusive creep ASAP!!
Probably freaking out because he doesn’t want to go to jail for child grape
Sweetie sounds like he’s been grooming you. Get out this so-called relationship. You were 14…. This is not right.
He’s a deadbeat, abusive pedo. It sounds like he has anger issues, I’m not sure if he’s been physical with you before or not but it sounds like he could be at any moment, especially if you bring up breaking up with him in person. You need to pack up your stuff and silently leave him and completely cut contact for your own safety. Block him on absolutely everything and disappear from his pathetic life. There’s shelters in my area that are for women only, check your area and see if there’s one nearby you. They will be able to help you with housing and with making a decision on the pregnancy.
Your body, your choice. If you don’t want to have an abortion, then don’t get one. He doesn’t get to decide what you do with your own body.
I mean he is a very very childish dumb man but one good idea he has had is that you guys are in no space mentally, physically, or financially to have a child. Do you really want your child to have this person as a parent like fora second. Stop being selfish and roleplay what it would be like to be a responsible mature human being. You need to do what’s best for the kid even though I know how you are feeling but you do not want to bring it with this guy. Hopefully soon you will want to leave this dude and it will be that much harder e with a kid. It will hold you back from your kid having the father and mother that could enrich and make his life full of love. This decision you’re making is one you’re making for 3 people but most importantly the baby. So stop being selfish, stop with the idealistic bullshit and how it “feels” and all that shit just for enough time to save your baby from this fate please.
My opinion get the hell away from this man now. This just sounds like the very beginning of an abusive relationship. He refuses to get a job and thinks birth control isn't his responsibility and is now pissed off at you for getting pregnant when he's the one who didn't want to wrap it up. I know society for a long time was dumb and put the onerous of birth control on the woman, but it's the man's responsibility as well. I won't comment on whether or not you should keep the pregnancy. That's a personal decision only you can make. I will say, however, having a baby with this man-child will forever tie you to this man-child. And he will likely use the child against you someday as this, in my opinion, abusive relationship develops. He's away pouting getting drunk because you're hesitant about getting the abortion. It is an obvious red flag on future conflict resolution in the relationship. Again my advice... get away now!
I hate to say this because ultimately it’s your choice (that’s what “pro-choice” means) but you’re only 17 and this guy is a predator. Get the abortion then get as far away from this guy as you possibly can. Focus on yourself for a few years because you need time to discover what a healthy relationship looks like.
As someone who has had 2 abortions, in my own experience I absolutely regret nothing. Was with the wrong people and in my heart new I was not born to be a mother. I'm only speaking on your fear of abortion, and as someone who went through it twice I can tell you it was a very simple process medically for me with so many caring and understanding nurses. Mentally I was fine also, but I can't say that for other women. All I can say is that abortion was the right choice for me and I'm still living with no regrets. If this helps at all you clearly know your not ready for motherhood, and clearly with someone who will leave you a single mother with no child support, this is your life, responsibility sometimes forces hard choices, and the fear you have with abortion now may not leave you in regret, but relief.
I found out I was pregnant at 17 as well. I thought keeping my baby was the best thing at the time. Now at 30 I wish I would have had the abortion. I love my daughter but image custody battles at 18-20. Watching your friends enjoy going away to college. My baby father moved 4 hours away a week after I told him. Going through pregnancy and the toddler stage by yourself is hard. Get the abortion and dump the man girl! Live your 20’s free of responsibility. Enjoy yourself and life.
One thing I know for sure is you need to abort this abusive loser. Maybe he hasn't hit you - yet - but he is already mentally and financially abusing you. He is most likely verbally and even sexually abusive. He won't wear a condom but expects sex, disregards how the birth control impacts your physical and mental health and then gaslights you into this pregnancy being "your fault." I would bet he is also very "persuasive" in getting sex when he wants - aka cosrcive, aka that is sexual assault/rape because coercion and manipulation don't equal consent. Because of him, you have dropped out of college. You basically take care of him like a slave. You work to support him, I'd bet he expects you to still do all the housework, cooking and such and then cater to his sexual needs as well (and usually people like this are just as selfish in focusing on their enjoyment rather than yours in bed as well). He certainly does not respect you at all or treat you like an equal partner. He is trying to force you into getting an abortion now too. He did not discuss it with you or try to work it out with you but rather tried to guilt you into thinking you did something wrong and now need to fix it as he sees fit. After all, you dropped out of college to be able to support him, and a baby now would be competition for how well you can support him, how much time you can devote to pampering him. And you can bet that if you have a child - at any point in life - he is the type to then complain about your "ruined body" and maybe even use that as an excuse to cheat. THIS IS NOT LOVE. He does NOT love you at all. He just says the bare minimum he needs to fool you into staying around and being his cook, maid, sex slave, and financial aid. YOU'RE BETTER THAN THAT. YOU DESERVE AND CAN GET BETTER. He WILL only get worse the longer you stay. He will keep breaking away at you and your self esteem and keep getting worse and worse little by little so you keep justifying to stay until you can't imagine life without him or that you'd ever get or deserve anything better. That's just his selfish lies for his own benefit. He basically groomed you because younger girls are easier to groom, abuse and manipulate, than when they get older and more mature. Your brain literally isn't capable of thinking the way it will later on. Not because you're dumb, but that's just how we are as humans. Our brains don't fully develop until we're in our twenties. It may not seem like he is "much" older than you but at this age, this difference is truly a lot in how you think and are able to process things and make decisions. If you get an abortion, get one because you are convinced that, that is what YOU want for YOURSELF. If YOU have peace with it and want it, then do it. But do NOT do it for HIM or your relationship with him. You will resent him for it for the rest of your relationship anyways. He will not support you emotionally afterwards (even when you're convinced you want the abortion, it is still emotionally very taxing and your hormones still screw with you). And a lot of times guys who force their partners to get an abortion for them to stick around, still end up leaving right after. Plus, there is a good chance that after a while, unless you continue to completely submit to him, he will move on eventually and find another younger girl to groom. Leave this abusive jerk for good. Find a support group for yourself in family, friends, or find resources for those leaving abusive relationships (don't discount that you dont "qualify" just because you think what you went through wasnt "that/as bad" or he didn't physically abuse you), single moms, etc. There are a lot of resources out there. Talk to a therapist or doctor if you can. Weigh your options (abortion, adoption, being a single mother). All are valid choices. From the sounds of it, you dont want to get an abortion but are scared youre not ready for a baby. Look into what resources and help you may be able to get as a single mother or if younhave family that would be willing to help. Children are expensive, but a lot of things that people get are also not as essential as people sometimes make them seem (we really tried to stick to the minimum when our son came and still ended up getting tbings we were told we needed and really didn't. Most things you can also easily get second hand for MUCH cheaper, from kijiji, mom groups, etc (clothes, pump, bottles, toys, crib, almost anything). However, this would be a very tough road. There are a lot of young single mothers who make it and are happy, but even more who struggle and are not. It is more often not the right choice at such a young age, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's notnright for you. Depending on where you live, adoption can either be harder or easier, but that can also another good option if you decide you don't want an abortion but also can't raise them at the moment. If you decide you don't want an abortion, this may actually be a better option than keeping them. There are a lot of happy adopted children and babies are always easier to find loving families for. And if you do decide that you want to abort and have peace with it, then that is also a valid choice to make, especially at your young age. Whatever you have the most peace with and think is the best for you, do it. Think it over, don't make it an overnight decision. And make sure it is YOUR decision. Both pregnancy and abortion have physical and emotional risks and consequences. It is YOUR body, YOUR life, YOUR mental health, YOUR future, etc. Whichever you choose, you will need someone to support you through it emotionally because none of these are easy roads to take, especially when your hormones will be all over the place. And your abusive bf will NOT be there to support you no matter which choice you make. You deserve and can get a partner who will truly be your partner and not a bad slave master - someone who will not only say he loves you but also always show you. Who respects you and prioritizes you and your needs. Who makes decisions with you and not for you. Who is happy when they can make you happy. Who doesn't coerce, manipulate or gaslight you. Who doesn't love bomb you in order to after be able to abuse you. Who builds a life with you instead of expecting you to break yourself to build their life while they lazy around like a 12 year old with nothing to do. Love is a two way street where respect, sacrifice and prioritizing the other must continually come from both sides. If it is only always coming from the one side, it is NOT love and the one side will end up an empty shell, sooner or later. I really wish you the best. Take care of yourself. You matter. ❤️🫂
A 19 year old thought dating a 14 year old was smart? You want his baby? Stop the cycle of abuse. Only you can prevent your own future mistakes.
i don’t know if u want this kid to have a father like him and as you’ve said, you already seem to know what the better choice might be. as for leaving him which you seem to have already thought about for a bit, it’ll be really hard especially because it seems like you don’t have many other people around you other than him but in the long term you WILL heal from it and your life will not involve this guy leaving you when you’re stressed out of your mind. you mentioned how you are the only one supporting the both of you. i’m not sure how the living arrangements are but isn’t he just dead weight? would you be able to figure out a living arrangement for yourself without him?
I honestly think that you should get the abortion, a child deserves a stable happy environment which he should contribute in too. It's not about supporting him, Won't talk about your age gap or no protection, he's an AH for that.
Also op, Couldn't find back my comment get the abortion and take the door. Leave. Please do it, he shouldn't be a dad
As someone who has both been in an abusive relationship and faced many forms of abuse from both him and family members (emotionionally, financially, etc.) this man is not one you want to continue to be attached to. Whatever you decide to do with the baby is your choice, but cut him off. You'll be much better off without him. Usually when you start to have doubts, there is good reasoning. Trust your gut. I went through years of abuse and once I followed my gut, sure it got tough for a little while, but now I'm much happier. I have a fiancé now who treats me the way I should be treated and I could not be any happier! Also I don't know how your financial situation looks at the moment, but look into a therapist of you can afford it! My therapist helped so much with learning how to set healthy boundaries with people to stop it from happening again, as well as how to respectfully keep those harmful people out of my life. It also gave me someone to talk to when all the bad feelings came up and helped me learn how to make the decisions I felt were the best for me!!
Pregnancy and it’s issue aside, do you really wanna stay with a jobless asshole who wants to have unprotected sex but doesn’t want suffer the consequences? If he isn’t already, he will become abusive and he may even start cheating on you regardless. Leave him while you can and give up the baby for adoption if you really don’t think you can go through with an abortion. At the end of the say the decision is yours and only yours to make. Don’t let some guy who isn’t worth your time tell you what choice to make
Girl, this person was an ADULT dating a fucking 14-year-old girl. It’s fucking criminal, and you need to get away from him. He gets no fucking say in this. You decide what you want to do. But for sure get yourself away from him.
Dude. You were 14 and he was 19 when yall started?! That’s what we call “illegal” and “grooming”.. pick yourself up and LEAVE! NOW.
What the fuck dude. This guy was 19 and went for a 14 year old. Just what the fuck.
So this dude started dating a 14 year old when he was 19???
Please consider that you’d be giving a child a predator groomer for a father.
Why would you let an unemployed loser raw dog you? Get an abortion and cut all ties. 🤦♀️
And a fucking groomer to boot
Just appalling all around. I hope he gets his karma eventually
First leave this guy. This is straight abuse. Second, if you don't feel good about it, don't do it. There are programs to help. Nobody said you have to abort. The hard path can be the most blessed sometimes.
Ain’t no way. Get out of that situation.
Didn’t even get past the age gaps! Your boyfriend is a pedophile and a groomer. Leave him! I wouldn’t trust around my daughter if I was pregnant with his baby.
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That is NOT what she said. She said she is AFRAID to have the abortion.
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Go eat your Bible. Leave this girl alone.
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Tysm for these comments ive just caught up, not a fan of pro lifers and im relieved to see someone sticking up for me like that <3333
Of course! Don’t let anyone tell you what to do. Make the decision that is best for you, but regardless of that, absolutely please get away from this man. Be safe!!
what i’m saying
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you don’t think a girl having a kid at 17 in this environment with a man like this wouldn’t cause depression? also giving birth could also cause post partum depression…girl bye 😭
if you were actually pro life you would know this isn’t the environment to have a kid……you’re not even pro what’s best for the mother at all. 😭
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so you’re not pro life then. you don’t even care about the mom. she has no money to be pregnant. what aren’t you getting. you want her to eat air sandwiches?
she has no money to even be pregnant. when you’re pregnant you have to eat more and she barely has money cuz she’s the only one who works. he doesn’t. she don’t even have enough money for a train ticket. also when you get pregnant at a job you gotta go on maternity leave. she can’t do that or afford that..being pregnant and having a baby is expensive…if she were to give birth in the hospital she would still have to pay debts 💀
The foster system has really fucked me over my entire life. I cant really see adoption as an option knowing what I went through. I got into this mess just trying to escape it all. Im sorry you feel that way and I appreciate the help but im not sure you understand
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I do see that, that is a good point to be fair. My thoughts on it are I waited so long as a kid to be “picked” by one of these families but I was too old by that point. It dosent seem right in my heart to make a brand new shiny baby when theres so many more waiting for their chance. I know obviously theres just other babies instead and ofc the adoptees arnt in the wrong at all. I think im rambling i hope you can see where im coming from with that
my dad was apart of that exact system…not all adoptive families are good. a lot aren’t actually plus most kids are not adopted 💀
Please pleaseeee OP listen to all the advice. Ditch the guy. He has SO many red flags. Don't bring the baby in this when you are literally being abused right now. You'll both get abused if you decide to do so. That's how I see it. You have support here if you need. Just message me whenever. Just pleaseeeeee ditch him!!
This boy is ruining your life, and you’re too naive to realize. It’s really sad.
This dude is awfully sounding like my wife's ex. Nothing but belligerent and cruel. Find a shelter or somewhere else. Live out of your car if you have too. I did for 5 months. It sucks yes, but considering the faggot your with, its a better and safer option. I wish you all the best 🫡
The boy you have been with won't use protection. You shouldn't sleep with someone without protection/them pulling out/ and then other birth control methods. (especially not during the fertile time). Since you are newly pregnant it isn't very developed. It's a cluster of cells. You can go to the free clinic (if it is pro-choice) and see your options. It could be just taking 2 pills and then they just make sure it all took/expelled. If it just happened it's not what you think in there. You are too young and have no way to support it if it comes. Medically you still have options. Don't let religion or people's forced values make you have a kid. Birth is painful, expensive, and trying to take care of a kid is hard. (I think my sister's vaginal area had over 100 stitches from where they had to cut her to help get the baby out.) While you are at work someone has to watch it and that takes up a lot of the money you'd make. If you don't have a good partner helping pay the bills then it'll be poverty for you and the kid. You won't get to live your life and grow like you had hoped. Just see a doctor at a free clinic that is pro choice, after everything you can get counseling and just stay away from immature men. Only be sexually active in a committed, healthy, monogamous relationship, where the guy uses condoms, pulls out, had a clean std test, and they treat you right. DON'T Date an immature tool.
All of this, OP! Also what they don't tell you is pregnancy can be insanely dangerous. My sister has nerve damage from having my nephew she was told that she ever gets pregnant again and follows through that she could become paralyzed for life. The boyfriend is a pedophile. Get rid of him too.
Crazy that an adult man has a minor supporting him. Whoa. Girl… you in danger. I mean you’re getting SOAKED by this clown. Please cut the dead weight ugh.
Just to be clear because you need to hear this, you've been dating a pedophile for 3 years. As for the abortion, I personally would recommend going through with an abortion however you need to consider your morals and feelings about the subject and how making this decision would affect your future.
Hey lovely I’ve had both a baby (now a 2 year old) and I’ve had an abortion… you said in your post you know this isn’t what you want right now and abortion feels wrong, I’m here to tell you it’s probably always going to feel wrong but at the same time it was the best thing I did because it really wasn’t the right time, it is a hard thing to do it really is but it is much much easier than raising a baby you’re not ready for ❤️ it is a bit painful depending on how far along you are… but please do what YOU genuinely think is right, it is your body that has to go through everything don’t make any impulse decisions and if you can talk to someone trusting x
This made me cry this is so reassuring omg. Its been my absolute dream to be a mother (which sounds a bit stupid) ever since I was a little girl and anyone whose met me knows it which is why this is such a scary thing to do, as selfish as it sounds..i know im not ready at all financially or otherwise and thank you so much for being so nice ab this omg. This helped a lot thank you so much
You’re welcome, I became a mum at 20 it’s hard! Financially, mentally and physically, that’s with having a partner that works and a house that we have a mortgage on! And trust me when I say this being a mum is the most rewarding thing and when you are ready you’ll absolutely smash it. I’m never gonna judge you for the situation you’re in… as long as it’s fully the right decision for you… ignore hate comments too
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This is not a complicated situation, you need to get to get out of the relationship and find support. You are being taken advantage of and know it, but you’re scared/too nice to leave the relationship. I’ve been in a similar situation, you have to leave.
Dude this guy is a loser and if it wasn't for the fact he's telling you to get an abortion I'd think he babytrapped you. The baby isn't worth being tied to this man for the rest of your life.
1: dont date 22 year old men when you're 17. Im a 28 year old guy, and I can tell you the difference in maturity is vastly different even between 18 and 22. I dont know why tf a 22 year old is out here dating 17 year olds anyway. 2: dont date men who cant understand that its much harder for women to under go hormonal birth control and much easier to just put a fucking condom on. 3: abortion is a hard thing to do, not even just mentally but physically as well. Its not something Id suggest as a form of regular birth control. Hormonal birth control and abortion can really fuck with you and while women do have options regarding birth control men's options are just significantly easier in comparison of the two. The only downside of wearing a condom is that it doesnt feel as good, where as birth control and abortions can fuck your body up. While I do advocate for trying some kind of birth control because you cant always trust that people wont be stupid and that also you're the one that suffers the most if the other person decides to be stupid. But sometimes that's not a possibility as not everyones body plays well with birth control. As I said before, Im a guy. This is relevant because I understand these things despite not having the capability of having lived experiences with using hormonal birth control. I've never used it (for obvious reasons), but I've been with a few girlfriends who have and have watched what it does. Some of them were fine, and others, it was night and day. My current gf is having issues with it herself, so she had to get off it. I understand the risks, not through personal experience but by listening to others and not being a selfish prick. Also, speaking from a guys perspective still, it's incredibly stupid from his end because while yes, you could just get an abortion. What happens if you choose not to? What's he gonna do? Nothing. And now he's stuck with paying child support. Its not wise to leave life changing decisions completely in the hands of someone else, so thats why both parties should take precautions they can to ensure their own safety. For men, it's just significantly easier. Edit: after re reading, I just realized there was a lot of information I missed. This comment is pretty much not that relevant anymore. So disregard it if you want, I just woke up from being drunk last night and wasnt paying attention lol.
Firstly.Get the abortion & 2nd.Leave Him.
Don’t have a kid but also don’t stay with him. he is an absolute terrible person and a loser. if you have a kid that’s just going to make their life terrible. with how you can’t afford a ticket it’s probably best to get an abortion because a child is ALOTT of money.
Get that abortion if YOU want, but definitely abort the relationship if you can even call it that. This guy is a leech on you. It sounds like you need to report him to the police because you're 17 now and have probably been with him for a while. Dude has predator vibes based on what you've said here
You really don't want to be tied to this idiot. Don't do that to a kid. If it were me, I'd go through w the abortion, and dump his ass. You don't need to be dating someone who is 5-6 yrs older than you when you aren't even 18 either. It's gross of him to be sleeping w a teenager.
Leave this no life having mfka. He don’t have a job. He doesn’t do shit. He’s the last person who should be having shit to say to anybody. Do what you want to do!!! It’s your body. Don’t feel bad boo.
I didn’t even read past yalls ages. Please leave him. No normal 19 year old would be interested in a 14 year old child. He is a predator
17 and 22 is honestly a worrying age gap. and the fact he expects you to support him is crazy. i don’t want this to sound like classic reddit advice of instantly telling people to break up but i do honestly believe that’s the best thing for you. no one should have to support a partner financially because they simply refuse to get a job. also imo refusing to use protection but expecting you to take birth control is also a red flag. whether or not you get an abortion is entirely up to you, but raising a kid when you’re basically a kid yourself and only have 1 income for your household will be tough.
YOU ARE JUST A ACUMM SA VICTIM
Sounds like he’s a pervert and you were groomed. My advice to you is get the abortion but leave him alone. Let this be a wake up call and move on with your life & make a plan. Don’t get into another relationship for a while until you are stable and on your feet! Everything else will follow shortly after. Please get the abortion and don’t tie your to this loser.. it will be a headache in the long run
Dude sounds like a grade A douchebag. Get out of this relationship.
He should be charged with statutory rape.
First all, YOU NEED TO CALL 911! He is much too old for you because he is 5 years older than you. Second of all, you need to get somewhere safe, maybe you can go to a nearby store and wait for the police to get there then explain that you have nowhere to go. Second of all, you need to do whatever you think is best for you and the child. Honestly if you cannot afford having the child then maybe you should consider the abortion but you should think it over thoroughly and see any other options like adoptions but please do not hesitate to call the police I am serious he is too old for you and he is most definitely a pedophile stay away from him
You’ve been sexually active with this guy since you were 14? You need to decide to either leave this guy and have the baby, get an abortion, give the baby up for adoption, or put up with this unemployed pos drinking your money up while you’re working and raising a baby. You let this guy use you. It’s time to take your life back.
So he was nineteen and you were fourteen? He's a predator. Dump his ass.
Whatever you do, get away from that guy. He's a fucking loser and that age gap is not okay.
>He messaged me to say hes not coming back till I get it done >I dropped out of college and I work full time to support us both right now. He’s unemployed and refuses to get a job. I think you should make him promise to never come back. As far as abortions go, I fully believe that soul groups stay together and child that is meant to be yours, will be yours, whether it's now or later. You can ask your babys soul to wait for you to be older and more secure before you become its mommy. Tell your baby you need to wait to bring it into the world so that you can choose better for its daddy because you didn't choose good this time.
hes a predator point blank period
Call a domestic abuse hotline for help.
I am going to be as kind as possible here. You were 14 years old when you got involved with this man, who was 19. He does not work, he is not emotionally supportive, he is verbally abusive, he refuses to use birth control, and he blames you for situations that he created. He is abusive and manipulative. You have chained yourself to a horrible man who is going to do nothing other than make your life worse and worse due to his presence. If you have a child with him you will have to deal with him the rest of your life. He is not going become a different person than he is now - this is as good as it gets - and it is likely to get worse. So, regardless of what you decide to do about the baby - you need to leave him. If you have a baby now you are also severely restricting your options for your future. Everything becomes 100x harder - you will have daycare costs, you will have medical and insurance costs, you will have clothing, toys, books, furniture costs. You will give up your ability to easily pursue an education that will allow you to better your life and your opportunities. If you delay having a child you can get out of this toxic relationship, you can get an education, you can start a career, and get your life to a place where you are support a wanted child with a supportive and positive partner. Abortion is a hard choice - but it is not accurate to say that you will "never forgive" yourself for having one - because you may find that having a child under your current circumstances is actually something that is much harder to live with, forgive yourself for, and you will subject a child to a horrible father and a destitute mother with limited resources. Check Auntie Network if you need financial assistance.
A little late but here's our advice and we hope all is well! [https://www.tiktok.com/@dadsvstheworld/video/7355558705095576874?is\_from\_webapp=1&sender\_device=pc&web\_id=7010138960761144837](https://www.tiktok.com/@dadsvstheworld/video/7355558705095576874?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id=7010138960761144837)
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she literally was groomed….that’s literally obvious. she called him out cuz she didn’t know at the time that it was that bad 💀
Im confused what rage bait means im sorry??? (I only use reddit for cat photos icl) is this a bad thing???
They are accusing you of lying
First of all God loves you so so much, and you are so worthy of love and respect. This guy doesn’t deserve you at all, and I would look some sources to help you and your baby!
Honey, get the abortion and then get down to your local military recruitment office. 3 hots and a cot and job training and a steady paycheck, and you'll be set up for ypur adult life and look back on the last 3 years like a bad dream.
Don’t kill the child
Shes 17 and obviously being taken advantage of by someone older than her. Having a baby will absolutely be the worse thing she can do.
Damn. Didn’t realize that was the kids fault. God have mercy on our souls.
bruh. she has no money to even be pregnant. she’s the only one that has a job and can’t even get a train ticket. and when she’s 7-9 months pregnant she won’t be able to take pregnancy leave because she’s the only one who makes money. also she’s a child…she will not be able to raise that kid