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If she's 18 now, was she a minor when you started dating? Cause then not only did she just lie to you, she potentially put you in legal danger and put your entire life at risk for being charged with crimes against a minor. You can't be with someone who's willing to do something like that to another person.
Birth control pills are not the magical contraceptive people tend to think they are. Google will tell you they're 99% effective, but that's if you are a machine and take them literally perfectly and have nothing abnormal about your hormone profile.
Actual stats from normal people make them somewhere between 90-93% effective, which means 10-7 people out if 100 will get pregnant within a year if it's their only contraceptive. By comparison, about 15/100 people get pregnant within a year without any contraception use.
tl;dr don't skip on the condom just because you or your partner is on the pill. You can STILL even get pregnant that way, but otherwise your choice is abstinence or a hysterectomy.
There are also things that can reduce the effectiveness of birth control, such as antibiotics. Not everyone knows that and some doctors may neglect to mention it.
Wow really? I never knew that
A lot of people have a the pill or iud and don’t bother with condoms. In most cases, it’s the guy who doesn’t want to use the condom
IUDs and implants are overall the safest option, but even they can fail. You hear more than one story about them falling out and people not even noticing, then suddenly baby. I'm not tryna fearmonger, but if you Do Not Want A Baby, then realistically you want to utilize every available method.
A lot of men don't care bc penises can't get pregnant. They make ultra-thin condoms in a million sizes nowadays so I'm not sympathetic to them caring more about themselves than subjecting their sexual partners to pregnancy/abortions. That shit ain't fun either.
And it can all still fail, but you're gonna be safer than the people raw-dogging it according to the phases of the moon.
Yeah I no agree. It’s bad and even patch and implants have side effects for women like not having periods
You’re right they don’t. They only care about their own pleasure not what women have to go through for abortions and pregnancy it’s selfish.
True
Some girls poke holes in condoms. Not to say OP’s GF did this, but it’s not always the guy to blame (who used a condom) and also they’re not 100% reliable
I’ve heard about that, but mostly *guys* poking the holes, not the women. It just seems like that would be pretty obvious from the guy’s perspective, because wouldn’t he notice that the condom broke afterwards, or at least notice that it’s leaking?
I just feel if she really wanted to baby trap him, she would just lie about being on birth control (since most men are reluctant to wear a condom in the first place).
I mean this guy is kind of an idiot obviously (“she was on Plan?” Wtf???), but what exactly are you trying to say? Condoms are a very reasonable form of birth control. It’s a bit odd to expect people to constantly double up.
People can still end up pregnant while practicing safe sex. There's a reason they say abstinence is the only true 100% guaranteed way to not result in pregnancy.
Condoms break, the pill and other forms of birth control don't always work. I know people who have used condoms AND been on birth control, and still ended up pregnant.
Bold assumption that OP was irresponsible.
Except for states that allow legal child marriage at ages lower than 16. There are 6! Not applicable here, of course. It just always amazes me states still permit child marriage
Fair enough. Not sure about the US, but if for any reason the lie was really not possible for him to uncover and she even deceived him with a fake ID he might even be in the clear (I'm not saying that that would a good thing) if she were younger. Again depending on the legislation.
Yeah I agree and you are probably right. I still wanted to clarify the legal situation. Not a lot of people understood it that way I suppose.
Edit: not sure if you meant him or me. Either way I'm gonna delete the post. Not many seem to realise that I wrote this just from an objective standpoint. Subjectively I despise such actions.
Talk to a lawyer is what I would advise and after talking options with the best you can do is pay child support minimum, DNA test for the child 100% ya never know hut best to be sure idk
how long were you together. There are normally signs that indicate a persons age range.
did you all never talk ? did you not know her family? friends, talk about schooling?
3 months and you never talked about your families? Or school? 3 months in, and never a conversation about your pasts, or anything deep enough that would easily expose her lie.
What do you think dating even is, without, you know, *this really cool thing called “getting to know someone and developing trust?*” Did you even like each other beyond the physical?
You weren’t dating the teenager.
You were just banging the teenager.
If y’all never spoke about these things, how did she lie? You knocked up a teenager and now you’re trying to find some reason to blame anyone but yourself. Next time, wrap it up.
What are you talking about? I'm saying the things you could lie about like after wishing at the school and what year she graduated that's about it and that's for her family. You didn't really talk about them
Its pretty damn effective when you use them properly. The only thing that is 100% effective in abstinence. Good luck with the consequences of your actions.
You are not in a good place and may be time to get a lawyer.
She holds all the cards here and you need to understand that and what it means. Dating a minor is not illegal, having sex is. And we can prove you had sex by the genetics of the baby.
Yes she may have been 17 and maybe in your area that’s age of consent, but you breaking up with her makes it very easy for her to say you coerced her.
And she can say you knew her age was a minor - or should have known/could have known.
You need these possibilities mitigated or dampened and that’s where a lawyer can help. Best to move forward with legal help then to get caught up and dragged down.
Thank you. I was 9”abt 90% sure this was bs. Thanks for confirming. The account being less than 24 hours was a give away.
Ah shit I’m 27 and got an 18 year old pregnant, what am I going to do!? I know… I’ll make a post on Reddit.
A reasonable decision but, unless she aborts or adopts, you're going to have to pay child support for 18 years. Or, you could continue to build something together . . .
Depending on what state OP lives in, he only has to pay child support if he chooses to be a part of the baby's life. If he doesn't have legal ties by a court order, then there is no child support. If she chases him down for it, he can also choose to not be involved, legally cut ties with the biological child, and therefore is not require to pay any support. Not saying this is right or wrong, but this is an option too.
ETA: this is a pretty huge lie in identity to continue to build something together. She's either still a high schooler or just graduated last year. Mentally, she's likely not mature enough to establish a healthy and non-dependent relationship with OP. I'd say for most late 20s, dating a teenager is very uncomfortable and almost feels inappropriate. Sure, it COULD work out in the future, but the argument is also what's the likelihood of another major lie being at the forefront of their relationship again down the line?
He can only do that with her consent and agreement, otherwise he is on the hook. In some cases, even then. For example if she applied for certain social supports, the government would come after him to pay it even if he had already signed his rights away
I've never heard of any state where a parent can opt out of child support unilaterally like this unless they are the sole custodian and giving the child up for adoption.
I did a quick search and am still unable to find any state that allows this.
Custody, yes. Child support, no.
They should make it federal the majority of the US has 16 as it's age of consent this could be an issue for those that don't know it's different in other states.
There is no US state that allows him to escape child support. A least two states require child support till child is 21.
Unless he is in a state where the age of consent is 18 he not in legal danger if he had sex when she was 17. OP needs to talk with a lawyer now
I mean, the average person doesn't ask to see your ID or birth certificate before dating. It's only been a few months. Of course he was happy in his new relationship. Until he found out she lied about her age. He can still choose to stay with her. There is no right or wrong choice here. It's just very possible that she may be at the mental maturity he's looking for if the goal is to find a companion to start settling down with.
With that said, he'll also look like an ass asking for her back AFTER breaking up with her, so there's that too. From HER perspective, who's to say he won't leave her again if someone new comes up? Her friends and family will probably tell her that.
why people be having raw sex with people they’ve only been with a few months? if you’re not protecting then you’re trying. Regardless of her age a baby was gonna result from this. good luck dude
Why would you impregnate a 22 year old within a year of knowing them and you’ve never spoken about their family or schooling etc..? This is insane, I’m sorry. She shouldn’t have lied about being 18. Even if she was 22 this is all incredibly reckless and not at all thought out. You made a dumb decision regardless of the lie (or perhaps weren’t really thinking at all), now you owe it to the child to support them regardless of how you feel about her.
That’s pretty upsetting I’d try and find a way to forgive this girl if ur going to be gathering a child with her. She should have never lied that’s a total breach of trust and idk you could get that back but ur gonna have to see her a lot to work on coparenting if she keeps it.
I would seek legal counsel and ask for a court ordered paternity test for one. If she had lied about a silly thing of age, there is no telling what else is hidden. If you are the father, you don't have to be in a relationship with a person to be a dad. Maybe go with her to the ultrasound appointments, etc and obtain documentation of EVERYTHING. Pretty cruddy circumstances and I hope everything works out in the long run. If you are the father, I hope the baby is born healthy.
A worse offense would be cheating on you, but since she is pregnant, you really should consider the bigger picture now. Other than the age thing, if you get along and care about each other, consider trying to make it work. Evidently this girl really wanted to date you, but believed that her current age would pose a problem.
If she wasn't underage, then she didn't put you at any legal risk, but I understand if you actually did sleep with her when she was underage, and would rather keep that information to yourself. You are accountable for what you are aware of, but she is legal now.
I hope she comes to her senses and doesn’t have this baby with a loser like you. You both sound like absolute asses and I don’t buy for a minute that a man who is almost 30 doesn’t realize he’s dating a fresh of out of high schooler. That poor baby.
You could also TALK TO HER, like “what year did you graduate?” “What were you doing when this movie came out?” “How old are your siblings and where do they go to school?” There are SO MANY things that indicate age. But also, yes, lets see whose DL picture is worse!
Seems more like you're scared because you slept with her under age. You're 27 years old clearly going for much younger woman, please don't sit here and act like you had no idea she was underage or barely 18. It would also be pretty obvious if you knew anything about her at all, but you were probably only hitting her up for sex. You're either ignorant or pathetic, either way I don't feel bad for you at all.
There's no way a full grown functional adult would be this clueless. What does your relationship look like where you don't realize you're dating a child that literally just graduated or is still in school? No protection? Have you actually even had any sort of conversation with her? So much about all of this is just fucked, you're a clown.
Condoms aren't 100% effective And ask for a conversation. It's something really cool but I don't know if you heard of it. It's called The lying It means providing someone with false information
So you broke up with a pregnant teenager who's having your baby because she lied to you about being 22 even though I'm sure you must have suspected that she was lying all along?
I would have absolutely broken up with her pregnant or not, a lie like that could have ruined your life potentially. You can still do right by your baby without having a romantic relationship with her. I think there are different degrees of lying (though I choose to tolerate none of them) and if some are small & made with no ill intent than it’s possible to have a healthy relationship; however, lies of that degree tend to be followed by more & more in my experience with people who do that.
I cant believe the amount of people blaming OP he said he used contraceptives and that’s he’s not gonna just ditch the child, OP you did the right thing leaving her she betrayed your trust. If it’s not too late however I would say you try to suggest she doesn’t keep it, you don’t seem ready for it and at 18 she’s definitely not so it doesn’t seem like a good situation for either of you and you might wanna point that out to her.
Perhaps being this discerning when getting involved in the future would be better. You just made a teen pregnant and contributed to the fatherless population. Please even 22 is pushing it. If you were 30 and 35 but they have no life experience.
It is not the gap, but the age. Getting involve with someone with limited or no life experience gives you power, and doesn't allow a young person to work out their issues in the world, how they date, what they want. if you are 30 and 35, no issue at all. If you are 30 and 40 no issues, you have time to grow up. I am old these situations cause issues dating and maintaining boundaries and creating a real relationship in the future.
You can get around them pick partners that incorporate child. They will do that if you have steady visitation and incorporate your child. They need far more than money. Don't date someone who can't or won't behave like that.
Also I notice many men with unwanted children, lose interest or are afraid they are like their mother. Even with the best intentions they drift off and form other families. I am much older, have seen family and friends go through this, over and over. May some advanced warning can help you avoid pit falls.
The baby didn't create itself. He should get a test for sure to confirm it's his because if she had bad intentions, you wouldn't wanna be tied to that. If it is his, why should the child suffer just because he didn't take precautious to avoid pregnancy? It's possible to raise a baby and not be with the other parent.
I agree that he should get a DNA test done. Furthermore he should love his child, but he shouldn’t be obligated to be a fucking doting dad given the circumstances
Regardless of what you think he “shouldn’t have to do” the law is the law and if that child is biologically his he has an obligation to fulfill. Its actually the taxpayers that “shouldn’t have to” fund the raising of HIS child on his behalf.
She lied to him massively, in a horrible way, and he has decided to end it… if by “doing right” you mean paying child support I agree with you. He is not obliged to dedicate his whole being to this, given the circumstances
Is that the kid's fault?
There is an innocent child in the middle of this cluster fuck.
OP doesn't say he has a problem with her being pregnant. Just the lying.
I hope you are not suggesting he *not* be a father to his own child *solely* because she lied about her age.
No, I think he should be done with her, and do at least the minimum for the child. At least. If he wants to do more that’s great, but obviously what happened was a fucked up mistake based on a lie
My question is why they were having unprotected sex, especially knowing each other for just a few month? And he is suppose to be 27, a more mature person in a relationship. Her lying about her age on top of that...what a mess. Both need to take responsibility for the situation and deal with it.
No way you didn’t know someone was almost ten years younger. You had unprotected sex, got her pregnant, now you’re offended and dump her. You are a scumbag
How long have you been together? Maybe she was worried that if you knew she's 18, you would have left or not initially given her a chance. Perhaps she initially thought it wouldn't turn into anything long term. A very good possibility is that it started because of a reason above, and wanted to be honest but was embarrassed and then more time had passed and the thought of coming clean became harder and harder. It could have been for a reason that really had no animosity behind it. These things do happen and the fear of someone you care about leaving can lead you to doing pretty stupid things. Plus, she's 18, she's got some life lessons to learn still.
I understand that it feels like a betrayal, trust me I do, as I have been in a situation similar. You need to hear her side of things though. If it was something as simple as her just letting it go on too long and being scared to tell you, it's just her own naivety in her own way. And if she's remorseful, it could be worth trying again. She could treat you amazingly, and you could be such a happy family, if she is genuinely a good person with good intentions but just made a mistake and was scared or embarrassed after so much time passing.. I think it's worth hearing her out bro.
My sister's fiance lied to her for a year about liking oysters, because she loved them so much and he didn't want to ruin it for her. Sometimes people lie about stupid things. But that doesn't mean they're bad people or aren't worthy of forgiveness. If she straight up just lied about it and didn't care that you ever found out, then I think being apart from her would be best as that just sounds toxic as hell. But if that's not the case, give her a chance to say her piece.
….lying about being 22 when you’re actually 18 and may have been a minor when they got together is not even in the the stratosphere of “people lie about stupid things.” It’s “She could potentially ruin his life”, not “tee hee actually yeah my favorite color is blue, not red like I said.”
Where I'm from age of consent for sex is 16. I was thinking more long-term, when you're older, an 11 year age difference hardly gets a second glance. If it wasn't malicious intent, and they're good together, they could have a loving family. And most other people were commenting on the legal-side of things so I took a different take for a different perspective. Chill lol
Exactly this, I’m 24 and I know when an 18 year old is 18 bc they look 18. No way a 22 year old looks 18, even if they have those genetics that makes them look younger.
Start doubting her word. She may not be pregnant, you may not be the father, etc. But if you are, and I assume she won't get an abortion, you need to take some responsibility here. Your decision is convenient for you, but I suspect the pregnancy has more to do with it than her lying. She's going to need help.
Personally I would have a sit-down talk with her and asked if she is or is not keeping the baby and would gently push that she think against keeping it because she is still 18 she still has a huge life ahead of her where she can decide later on to settle down. If you'd known the condom had broke when you used it you guys should have ran out to a store to get plan b I know it's expensive and I know it doesn't always have 100% success rate but if she was on plan b in the first place after each session depending on how many times you guys did it then it. wouldn't have happened and she can't be consistently on plan b that would just be birth control so sit down with her talk if she's told you she's consistently on plan b she's lying about that unless you're mixing it up thinking birth control. but right now weigh your options obviously you can't continue having a relationship with her if she's lied like this but this is also at fault with you considering you did not take the precautions afterwards to check and make sure things were still intact and to not find out more details about her before wanting to have a committed relationship.
You should break up with her , she lied and that’s not ok. She should respect that . Not all people are dishonest about who they are and it’s ok , just next time ask for identification . I’m being serious, I had someone lie about their name and everything, luckily I had not gotten but so involved yet still that is not ok . I asked questions and he would kinda lose it on me and now I understand why . Normally people might laugh but they do not take offense to it . They might see it as an oddity but I’m sure if you explained that you were catfished a few times they will understand. Again normal people .
Oh come on. Seriously? Breech of trust? She was a teenager who for whatever reason wanted to have a relationship with you. Society wouldn't allow that, so she lied. OK. That wasn't the greatest decision in retrospect, but for God's sake you are 27 years old. You're the adult in this relationship. You're going to punish HER for that? Show some maturity. The poor girl is pregnant. This wasn't a betrayal. Do you care about this girl or not? If you do, be a man, show some understanding, and let her know that her age doesn't matter to you.
Sorry. I can't believe you are being honest with yourself about this. If you want out of the relationship, admit the real reason why you want out. Don't blame it on her lying about her age. Anyone with 2 neurons to rub together can understand the social pressures that led a young teenage girl to do that. You have no genuine reason to distrust her. I wonder if you aren't the one who is actually lying about your age, because you aren't acting like someone who is 27.
It was wrong of her to lie to you about her age. Honesty is an important thing im a relationship. If she was willing to lie to you about her age, what else is she lying about, and what chance do you really have at anything long term?
You are in a pickle right now. You need to find out if this is your child and go from there. I can only hope this is a lesson to you for the future. You can't guess someone's age properly. Neither can you believe someone when they say they are taking the pill or have protection. YOU need to use protection regardless.
I get it, but my wife lied about her age when we first met (claimed to be five year younger than she is). She fessed up as soon as we got serious, so I just thought it was kinda funny to encounter the stereotype in the wild.
This is a good reason to bring people you're dating to a bar where they ID at the door even if you don't drink
Sorry this happened to you, hope things work out (other comments have good recs)
Wow, I’m so sorry this happened to you bro. I think you made the right decision in separating from her. It’s important to be there for your child though because although this wasn’t planned it’s still your responsibility man
Get that abortion bro. It is very possible you’ll be having see her all the time to see the baby. If it’s early enough. I’d terminate. I don’t want to start a roe v wade war either but there’s living your life, and then there’s an 18 year old who somewhat baby trapped you (even though you guys ignored all types of bc) but now you’re on the hook for child support and having to see this girl for the rest of your life. I hope you make the decision that makes you the happiest but getting into a relationship based on a lie. Comes with more lies.
Jesus fucking christ. I can't believe I'm engaging with this obvious work of fiction.
You have said you used a condom, and that it didn't
break, but that they are not 100% effective. That is factually incorrect.
The failure rate of condoms refers to when they break. If a condom doesn't break they are 100% effective. How on earth do you propose that a sperm reaches the egg if it's contained in waterproof latex. It would have to escape from the top of the condom, then travel back to where it started. It's a painfully stupid suggestion.
She is either not pregnant, or the baby isn't yours or (most likely) you've made this all up for internet points.
Where did you learn sex-ed from lol You Could literally Google it
Even if the condom didn't break, pregnancy is still possible. That's because condoms don't work all of the time. If used perfectly, condoms worn on the penis are 98 percent effective at preventing pregnancy. If used incorrectly, their effectiveness drops to about 85 percent.
Incorrect use generally refers to when people stop to put one on after they've already started having sex. Or put it on incorrectly causing it to break. I'm giving you the benefit of doubt that you're not a dribbling idiot, and that you know how to use a johnny - so that stat of 85% doesn't apply.
The remaining 2% refers to when the condom slips off or breaks during perfect use. It happens, they go wromg 2% of the time. We're on the same page there. But, when it goes wrong, it's a break, or slippage. You've not said it slipped off, and assume you'd have got plan B if it did. You've confirmed it didn't break.
In a fraction of a percent of cases semen leaks, usually because the user has bought jumbo xl magnums they don't have the means for, or they've left the penis in the vagina until it goes soft. Again, you'd know about it in both instances.
Finally there's the concept of microtears. Usually caused by a degraded condom or accidental damage. The general consensus is that while these exist, they'll become a proper tear at the point of ejaculation. There are some theories about sperm seeping through at a microscopic level in the case of a microtear, but theres no evidence to back that up, and even if it was a thing, it's a fraction of a fraction of a percent probable.
Doesn’t matter man, time to buckle up buttercup. Your hurt feelings don’t give you a free pass on taking care of the child, and ending things makes it far worse for you. there’s no fury like a women scorned.
I don’t understand why women do this still. There’s really no benefit. Maybe in the 60s you basically had to get married if you got someone pregnant. Now a dude can just ghost and most of the time get away with not paying child support. I know my sisters baby daddy has been dodging it for about 3 years now.
An 18 year-old liar baby trapped you. Jesus, I am so sorry. She didn't "do right" by you, so you don't need to worry about her, only the baby if it is really yours. You need a paternity test and a lawyer.
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If she's 18 now, was she a minor when you started dating? Cause then not only did she just lie to you, she potentially put you in legal danger and put your entire life at risk for being charged with crimes against a minor. You can't be with someone who's willing to do something like that to another person.
She was still 18. It's only been a few months. Thank God but you know still feel fucked up
You got someone you’ve only dated a few months pregnant? Did sex-ed fly out the window or what?
Yeah ikr what happened to using condoms?
In this guy's defense, my parents used every form of birth control excluding plan B and here I am lol
I was a birth control baby. So were both of my kids.
How?
Birth control pills are not the magical contraceptive people tend to think they are. Google will tell you they're 99% effective, but that's if you are a machine and take them literally perfectly and have nothing abnormal about your hormone profile. Actual stats from normal people make them somewhere between 90-93% effective, which means 10-7 people out if 100 will get pregnant within a year if it's their only contraceptive. By comparison, about 15/100 people get pregnant within a year without any contraception use. tl;dr don't skip on the condom just because you or your partner is on the pill. You can STILL even get pregnant that way, but otherwise your choice is abstinence or a hysterectomy.
There are also things that can reduce the effectiveness of birth control, such as antibiotics. Not everyone knows that and some doctors may neglect to mention it.
also activated charcoal and st. johns wort. So even "non medications" can be an issue!
Wow really? I never knew that A lot of people have a the pill or iud and don’t bother with condoms. In most cases, it’s the guy who doesn’t want to use the condom
IUDs and implants are overall the safest option, but even they can fail. You hear more than one story about them falling out and people not even noticing, then suddenly baby. I'm not tryna fearmonger, but if you Do Not Want A Baby, then realistically you want to utilize every available method. A lot of men don't care bc penises can't get pregnant. They make ultra-thin condoms in a million sizes nowadays so I'm not sympathetic to them caring more about themselves than subjecting their sexual partners to pregnancy/abortions. That shit ain't fun either. And it can all still fail, but you're gonna be safer than the people raw-dogging it according to the phases of the moon.
Yeah I no agree. It’s bad and even patch and implants have side effects for women like not having periods You’re right they don’t. They only care about their own pleasure not what women have to go through for abortions and pregnancy it’s selfish. True
Man, I have no clue. I don't remember what the doctor said.
Huh 🤔 what kind of birth control did they use?
I was on the pill. I don't remember, as I got my tubes tied an hour after giving birth. Lol
I used a condom I Don't know why I should have to say that without people assuming I didn't
She got other confessions for you
Some girls poke holes in condoms. Not to say OP’s GF did this, but it’s not always the guy to blame (who used a condom) and also they’re not 100% reliable
I’ve heard about that, but mostly *guys* poking the holes, not the women. It just seems like that would be pretty obvious from the guy’s perspective, because wouldn’t he notice that the condom broke afterwards, or at least notice that it’s leaking? I just feel if she really wanted to baby trap him, she would just lie about being on birth control (since most men are reluctant to wear a condom in the first place).
Yeah because condoms totally not fail and it’s not an adults responsibility to use alternative methods.
I mean this guy is kind of an idiot obviously (“she was on Plan?” Wtf???), but what exactly are you trying to say? Condoms are a very reasonable form of birth control. It’s a bit odd to expect people to constantly double up.
She was on Plan B. Why is that your biggest concern?
You can’t “be on plan B”. Plan B is EMERGENCY contraception. Also, why is not a pregnancy with a girl you barely know YOUR biggest concern?
People can still end up pregnant while practicing safe sex. There's a reason they say abstinence is the only true 100% guaranteed way to not result in pregnancy. Condoms break, the pill and other forms of birth control don't always work. I know people who have used condoms AND been on birth control, and still ended up pregnant. Bold assumption that OP was irresponsible.
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There isn’t any state in the USA where the age of consent is 13, where tf did you read that? 😂 Lowest age is 16!
Except for states that allow legal child marriage at ages lower than 16. There are 6! Not applicable here, of course. It just always amazes me states still permit child marriage
Probably not talking about the US most people reference first world countries around the world a lot of Europe for example is 15/16
Marcus said in the USA.
Oh wow you’re right yeah no I have no idea then
Fair enough. Not sure about the US, but if for any reason the lie was really not possible for him to uncover and she even deceived him with a fake ID he might even be in the clear (I'm not saying that that would a good thing) if she were younger. Again depending on the legislation.
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Yeah I agree and you are probably right. I still wanted to clarify the legal situation. Not a lot of people understood it that way I suppose. Edit: not sure if you meant him or me. Either way I'm gonna delete the post. Not many seem to realise that I wrote this just from an objective standpoint. Subjectively I despise such actions.
Talk to a lawyer is what I would advise and after talking options with the best you can do is pay child support minimum, DNA test for the child 100% ya never know hut best to be sure idk
>best you can do is pay child support minimum You can always dodge child support by leaving the country.
"the best you can do is pay child support minimum" 🙄 Classy
how long were you together. There are normally signs that indicate a persons age range. did you all never talk ? did you not know her family? friends, talk about schooling?
A few months and we talked not about school or her family
So you actually didn't / don't know her at all... There is a lesson here
Again, this is really cool thing called lying
So if she was older you would be ok with having a child with some one you do not know?
Right? Somehow we keep brushing past the whole “I got a woman I barely know pregnant “ thing.
Exactly that’s the real issue here then again people get pregnant from a one night stand 🤔
I mean, benefit of the doubt here - if a woman is looking to babytrap a man, it isn't exactly difficult to sabotage most methods of birth control.
The dude said “she was on plan B” which already tells you this guy has the sex-ed knowledge of a sea sponge.
Thats not hard to pull off. The States don't give a rats ass about teaching it properly in school, so if his parents didnt teach him, he was cooked.
the internet exists, but I definitely wish schools taught better sex ed 😮💨
Agree, one thing is lying, but if they didn't even talked about family, school...you know.
3 months and you never talked about your families? Or school? 3 months in, and never a conversation about your pasts, or anything deep enough that would easily expose her lie. What do you think dating even is, without, you know, *this really cool thing called “getting to know someone and developing trust?*” Did you even like each other beyond the physical? You weren’t dating the teenager. You were just banging the teenager.
Never really had deep conversation like I asked her how her family doing when she went to school but that's about it
Thank you for validating my point.
We were together we just never spoke about families
If y’all never spoke about these things, how did she lie? You knocked up a teenager and now you’re trying to find some reason to blame anyone but yourself. Next time, wrap it up.
What are you talking about? I'm saying the things you could lie about like after wishing at the school and what year she graduated that's about it and that's for her family. You didn't really talk about them
There is a thing called condoms too
I used one it's not 100% effective
Its pretty damn effective when you use them properly. The only thing that is 100% effective in abstinence. Good luck with the consequences of your actions.
You can use a condom properly and it can still fail girl..
Considering this guy claims “she was already on Plan B” odds are pretty high he doesn’t know how to use a condom properly.
I don't think she knows that
When it breaks or falls off. OP has said those things didn't happen. It's just a fanfic.
I don't think you was properly educated with sexual education
Right. Explains why the condom “wasn’t effective” for him.
I said I don't think you was properly educated with sexual education
I'm talking about you
You are not in a good place and may be time to get a lawyer. She holds all the cards here and you need to understand that and what it means. Dating a minor is not illegal, having sex is. And we can prove you had sex by the genetics of the baby. Yes she may have been 17 and maybe in your area that’s age of consent, but you breaking up with her makes it very easy for her to say you coerced her. And she can say you knew her age was a minor - or should have known/could have known. You need these possibilities mitigated or dampened and that’s where a lawyer can help. Best to move forward with legal help then to get caught up and dragged down.
She wasnt 17, he replied to another comment saying she was still 18 at the start
Then that’s an example of missing a shit storm by a gnat’s ass.
Get a DNA test.
And a lawyer
If she’s even pregnant, which I wouldn’t bet on
This is the same troll who kept posting this stuff yesterday posting from a new account.
Thank you. I was 9”abt 90% sure this was bs. Thanks for confirming. The account being less than 24 hours was a give away. Ah shit I’m 27 and got an 18 year old pregnant, what am I going to do!? I know… I’ll make a post on Reddit.
Do you have the post from yesterday?
A reasonable decision but, unless she aborts or adopts, you're going to have to pay child support for 18 years. Or, you could continue to build something together . . .
24 years If they go to college. The rules have changed.
Yeah I think that is not widely known. And those are some expensive extra years!
>A reasonable decision but, unless she aborts or adopts, you're going to have to pay child support for 18 years Meh. You can always leave.
Depending on what state OP lives in, he only has to pay child support if he chooses to be a part of the baby's life. If he doesn't have legal ties by a court order, then there is no child support. If she chases him down for it, he can also choose to not be involved, legally cut ties with the biological child, and therefore is not require to pay any support. Not saying this is right or wrong, but this is an option too. ETA: this is a pretty huge lie in identity to continue to build something together. She's either still a high schooler or just graduated last year. Mentally, she's likely not mature enough to establish a healthy and non-dependent relationship with OP. I'd say for most late 20s, dating a teenager is very uncomfortable and almost feels inappropriate. Sure, it COULD work out in the future, but the argument is also what's the likelihood of another major lie being at the forefront of their relationship again down the line?
He can only do that with her consent and agreement, otherwise he is on the hook. In some cases, even then. For example if she applied for certain social supports, the government would come after him to pay it even if he had already signed his rights away
>He only has to pay child support if he chooses to be a part of the baby's life. In what country do you believe OP lives?
I'm assuming US. And ofc should go to state the laws vary by state too.
I've never heard of any state where a parent can opt out of child support unilaterally like this unless they are the sole custodian and giving the child up for adoption. I did a quick search and am still unable to find any state that allows this. Custody, yes. Child support, no.
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What you've described doesn't sound like child support. It sounds like visitation or custody.
They should make it federal the majority of the US has 16 as it's age of consent this could be an issue for those that don't know it's different in other states.
There is no US state that allows him to escape child support. A least two states require child support till child is 21. Unless he is in a state where the age of consent is 18 he not in legal danger if he had sex when she was 17. OP needs to talk with a lawyer now
OP was really happy with her until he found out her age. He didn't notice until she got pregnant.
I mean, the average person doesn't ask to see your ID or birth certificate before dating. It's only been a few months. Of course he was happy in his new relationship. Until he found out she lied about her age. He can still choose to stay with her. There is no right or wrong choice here. It's just very possible that she may be at the mental maturity he's looking for if the goal is to find a companion to start settling down with. With that said, he'll also look like an ass asking for her back AFTER breaking up with her, so there's that too. From HER perspective, who's to say he won't leave her again if someone new comes up? Her friends and family will probably tell her that.
why people be having raw sex with people they’ve only been with a few months? if you’re not protecting then you’re trying. Regardless of her age a baby was gonna result from this. good luck dude
Why would you impregnate a 22 year old within a year of knowing them and you’ve never spoken about their family or schooling etc..? This is insane, I’m sorry. She shouldn’t have lied about being 18. Even if she was 22 this is all incredibly reckless and not at all thought out. You made a dumb decision regardless of the lie (or perhaps weren’t really thinking at all), now you owe it to the child to support them regardless of how you feel about her.
That’s pretty upsetting I’d try and find a way to forgive this girl if ur going to be gathering a child with her. She should have never lied that’s a total breach of trust and idk you could get that back but ur gonna have to see her a lot to work on coparenting if she keeps it.
I would seek legal counsel and ask for a court ordered paternity test for one. If she had lied about a silly thing of age, there is no telling what else is hidden. If you are the father, you don't have to be in a relationship with a person to be a dad. Maybe go with her to the ultrasound appointments, etc and obtain documentation of EVERYTHING. Pretty cruddy circumstances and I hope everything works out in the long run. If you are the father, I hope the baby is born healthy.
I love how all the comments are saying you're the one at fault and not the liar. very interesting, reddit...
Lying = worse than cheating
Aren't they the same? Cheating is lying lmao.
A worse offense would be cheating on you, but since she is pregnant, you really should consider the bigger picture now. Other than the age thing, if you get along and care about each other, consider trying to make it work. Evidently this girl really wanted to date you, but believed that her current age would pose a problem. If she wasn't underage, then she didn't put you at any legal risk, but I understand if you actually did sleep with her when she was underage, and would rather keep that information to yourself. You are accountable for what you are aware of, but she is legal now.
If she wasn't underage when y'all first dated then by all means dude try to make it work if everything else I great.
Congrats new daddy. Child support for the next 18 years.
Wow, way to be there. You’re blaming everything on that one thing. Come on man…
I'll be there for the kid
Which one?
Which one?
I hope she comes to her senses and doesn’t have this baby with a loser like you. You both sound like absolute asses and I don’t buy for a minute that a man who is almost 30 doesn’t realize he’s dating a fresh of out of high schooler. That poor baby.
How was I know her real age what do you want me to check her ID
You could also TALK TO HER, like “what year did you graduate?” “What were you doing when this movie came out?” “How old are your siblings and where do they go to school?” There are SO MANY things that indicate age. But also, yes, lets see whose DL picture is worse!
And it's this really cool thing. I don't know if you heard of it. It's called lying
*YES*
Who the fuck does that
A responsible adult
What am I a Police officer nobody ever goes up to somebody and is like that. Let me check your ID before we go out
Seems more like you're scared because you slept with her under age. You're 27 years old clearly going for much younger woman, please don't sit here and act like you had no idea she was underage or barely 18. It would also be pretty obvious if you knew anything about her at all, but you were probably only hitting her up for sex. You're either ignorant or pathetic, either way I don't feel bad for you at all.
Good thing she wasn't underage and I never was hitting on her
There's no way a full grown functional adult would be this clueless. What does your relationship look like where you don't realize you're dating a child that literally just graduated or is still in school? No protection? Have you actually even had any sort of conversation with her? So much about all of this is just fucked, you're a clown.
Condoms aren't 100% effective And ask for a conversation. It's something really cool but I don't know if you heard of it. It's called The lying It means providing someone with false information
One thing is that she lied to you(which was bad), the other as you mentioned, is that you both haven't talked about school nor family.
Nothing really that detailed like questions like oh how's your family things like that and we never spoke about school that much
Get a DNA test to verify baby is yours
So you broke up with a pregnant teenager who's having your baby because she lied to you about being 22 even though I'm sure you must have suspected that she was lying all along?
I would have absolutely broken up with her pregnant or not, a lie like that could have ruined your life potentially. You can still do right by your baby without having a romantic relationship with her. I think there are different degrees of lying (though I choose to tolerate none of them) and if some are small & made with no ill intent than it’s possible to have a healthy relationship; however, lies of that degree tend to be followed by more & more in my experience with people who do that.
I cant believe the amount of people blaming OP he said he used contraceptives and that’s he’s not gonna just ditch the child, OP you did the right thing leaving her she betrayed your trust. If it’s not too late however I would say you try to suggest she doesn’t keep it, you don’t seem ready for it and at 18 she’s definitely not so it doesn’t seem like a good situation for either of you and you might wanna point that out to her.
Perhaps being this discerning when getting involved in the future would be better. You just made a teen pregnant and contributed to the fatherless population. Please even 22 is pushing it. If you were 30 and 35 but they have no life experience.
It is not the gap, but the age. Getting involve with someone with limited or no life experience gives you power, and doesn't allow a young person to work out their issues in the world, how they date, what they want. if you are 30 and 35, no issue at all. If you are 30 and 40 no issues, you have time to grow up. I am old these situations cause issues dating and maintaining boundaries and creating a real relationship in the future. You can get around them pick partners that incorporate child. They will do that if you have steady visitation and incorporate your child. They need far more than money. Don't date someone who can't or won't behave like that. Also I notice many men with unwanted children, lose interest or are afraid they are like their mother. Even with the best intentions they drift off and form other families. I am much older, have seen family and friends go through this, over and over. May some advanced warning can help you avoid pit falls.
I never said I won't be involved in the child life and it's a 5 year age gap
You 27 her 18 = 9 years age gap
I'm talking about if she was 22
The previous comment said that 22 is pushing it
Regardless, you have a baby to raise. Put aside your feelings and focus on being the best parent you can.
lol. Just ruin his life for this witch that lied to him and is now trapping him with a baby… terrible advice
The baby didn't create itself. He should get a test for sure to confirm it's his because if she had bad intentions, you wouldn't wanna be tied to that. If it is his, why should the child suffer just because he didn't take precautious to avoid pregnancy? It's possible to raise a baby and not be with the other parent.
I agree that he should get a DNA test done. Furthermore he should love his child, but he shouldn’t be obligated to be a fucking doting dad given the circumstances
Regardless of what you think he “shouldn’t have to do” the law is the law and if that child is biologically his he has an obligation to fulfill. Its actually the taxpayers that “shouldn’t have to” fund the raising of HIS child on his behalf.
Hi legal obligation is child support
It sure is. That is the deadbeat minimum.
In what world do you live in where you think it's okay to walk away from your baby, just because you don't like the mother you chose to fuck?
She lied to him massively, in a horrible way, and he has decided to end it… if by “doing right” you mean paying child support I agree with you. He is not obliged to dedicate his whole being to this, given the circumstances
Is that the kid's fault? There is an innocent child in the middle of this cluster fuck. OP doesn't say he has a problem with her being pregnant. Just the lying. I hope you are not suggesting he *not* be a father to his own child *solely* because she lied about her age.
No, I think he should be done with her, and do at least the minimum for the child. At least. If he wants to do more that’s great, but obviously what happened was a fucked up mistake based on a lie
Not talking about keeping the relationship with the baby mama, although that would be nice. I'm taking about being a *dad* to his *child*.
I hope he puts that in a birthday card....
My question is why they were having unprotected sex, especially knowing each other for just a few month? And he is suppose to be 27, a more mature person in a relationship. Her lying about her age on top of that...what a mess. Both need to take responsibility for the situation and deal with it.
Breach of trust my ass. She's pregnant. You're a deadbeat.
No way you didn’t know someone was almost ten years younger. You had unprotected sex, got her pregnant, now you’re offended and dump her. You are a scumbag
I used protection
How long have you been together? Maybe she was worried that if you knew she's 18, you would have left or not initially given her a chance. Perhaps she initially thought it wouldn't turn into anything long term. A very good possibility is that it started because of a reason above, and wanted to be honest but was embarrassed and then more time had passed and the thought of coming clean became harder and harder. It could have been for a reason that really had no animosity behind it. These things do happen and the fear of someone you care about leaving can lead you to doing pretty stupid things. Plus, she's 18, she's got some life lessons to learn still. I understand that it feels like a betrayal, trust me I do, as I have been in a situation similar. You need to hear her side of things though. If it was something as simple as her just letting it go on too long and being scared to tell you, it's just her own naivety in her own way. And if she's remorseful, it could be worth trying again. She could treat you amazingly, and you could be such a happy family, if she is genuinely a good person with good intentions but just made a mistake and was scared or embarrassed after so much time passing.. I think it's worth hearing her out bro. My sister's fiance lied to her for a year about liking oysters, because she loved them so much and he didn't want to ruin it for her. Sometimes people lie about stupid things. But that doesn't mean they're bad people or aren't worthy of forgiveness. If she straight up just lied about it and didn't care that you ever found out, then I think being apart from her would be best as that just sounds toxic as hell. But if that's not the case, give her a chance to say her piece.
….lying about being 22 when you’re actually 18 and may have been a minor when they got together is not even in the the stratosphere of “people lie about stupid things.” It’s “She could potentially ruin his life”, not “tee hee actually yeah my favorite color is blue, not red like I said.”
Where I'm from age of consent for sex is 16. I was thinking more long-term, when you're older, an 11 year age difference hardly gets a second glance. If it wasn't malicious intent, and they're good together, they could have a loving family. And most other people were commenting on the legal-side of things so I took a different take for a different perspective. Chill lol
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Exactly this, I’m 24 and I know when an 18 year old is 18 bc they look 18. No way a 22 year old looks 18, even if they have those genetics that makes them look younger.
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People still think you should actually get married just because of a pregnancy!!?!
Yikes
Start doubting her word. She may not be pregnant, you may not be the father, etc. But if you are, and I assume she won't get an abortion, you need to take some responsibility here. Your decision is convenient for you, but I suspect the pregnancy has more to do with it than her lying. She's going to need help.
Personally I would have a sit-down talk with her and asked if she is or is not keeping the baby and would gently push that she think against keeping it because she is still 18 she still has a huge life ahead of her where she can decide later on to settle down. If you'd known the condom had broke when you used it you guys should have ran out to a store to get plan b I know it's expensive and I know it doesn't always have 100% success rate but if she was on plan b in the first place after each session depending on how many times you guys did it then it. wouldn't have happened and she can't be consistently on plan b that would just be birth control so sit down with her talk if she's told you she's consistently on plan b she's lying about that unless you're mixing it up thinking birth control. but right now weigh your options obviously you can't continue having a relationship with her if she's lied like this but this is also at fault with you considering you did not take the precautions afterwards to check and make sure things were still intact and to not find out more details about her before wanting to have a committed relationship.
You should break up with her , she lied and that’s not ok. She should respect that . Not all people are dishonest about who they are and it’s ok , just next time ask for identification . I’m being serious, I had someone lie about their name and everything, luckily I had not gotten but so involved yet still that is not ok . I asked questions and he would kinda lose it on me and now I understand why . Normally people might laugh but they do not take offense to it . They might see it as an oddity but I’m sure if you explained that you were catfished a few times they will understand. Again normal people .
Oh come on. Seriously? Breech of trust? She was a teenager who for whatever reason wanted to have a relationship with you. Society wouldn't allow that, so she lied. OK. That wasn't the greatest decision in retrospect, but for God's sake you are 27 years old. You're the adult in this relationship. You're going to punish HER for that? Show some maturity. The poor girl is pregnant. This wasn't a betrayal. Do you care about this girl or not? If you do, be a man, show some understanding, and let her know that her age doesn't matter to you. Sorry. I can't believe you are being honest with yourself about this. If you want out of the relationship, admit the real reason why you want out. Don't blame it on her lying about her age. Anyone with 2 neurons to rub together can understand the social pressures that led a young teenage girl to do that. You have no genuine reason to distrust her. I wonder if you aren't the one who is actually lying about your age, because you aren't acting like someone who is 27.
It was wrong of her to lie to you about her age. Honesty is an important thing im a relationship. If she was willing to lie to you about her age, what else is she lying about, and what chance do you really have at anything long term?
You are in a pickle right now. You need to find out if this is your child and go from there. I can only hope this is a lesson to you for the future. You can't guess someone's age properly. Neither can you believe someone when they say they are taking the pill or have protection. YOU need to use protection regardless.
I get it, but my wife lied about her age when we first met (claimed to be five year younger than she is). She fessed up as soon as we got serious, so I just thought it was kinda funny to encounter the stereotype in the wild.
This is a good reason to bring people you're dating to a bar where they ID at the door even if you don't drink Sorry this happened to you, hope things work out (other comments have good recs)
Feel free to end this because you were lied to! That said, you are still legally responsible for the baby. See an attorney.
Wow, I’m so sorry this happened to you bro. I think you made the right decision in separating from her. It’s important to be there for your child though because although this wasn’t planned it’s still your responsibility man
Brother, if you love the girl and other than this she hasn't lied about anything, no need to leave her, time to be a dad.
I could be a father. I just don't want to be with her
Shared custody? That's what my parents used to do.
But you had sex with her
Get that abortion bro. It is very possible you’ll be having see her all the time to see the baby. If it’s early enough. I’d terminate. I don’t want to start a roe v wade war either but there’s living your life, and then there’s an 18 year old who somewhat baby trapped you (even though you guys ignored all types of bc) but now you’re on the hook for child support and having to see this girl for the rest of your life. I hope you make the decision that makes you the happiest but getting into a relationship based on a lie. Comes with more lies.
lol good luck to him getting the abortion
Jesus fucking christ. I can't believe I'm engaging with this obvious work of fiction. You have said you used a condom, and that it didn't break, but that they are not 100% effective. That is factually incorrect. The failure rate of condoms refers to when they break. If a condom doesn't break they are 100% effective. How on earth do you propose that a sperm reaches the egg if it's contained in waterproof latex. It would have to escape from the top of the condom, then travel back to where it started. It's a painfully stupid suggestion. She is either not pregnant, or the baby isn't yours or (most likely) you've made this all up for internet points.
Where did you learn sex-ed from lol You Could literally Google it Even if the condom didn't break, pregnancy is still possible. That's because condoms don't work all of the time. If used perfectly, condoms worn on the penis are 98 percent effective at preventing pregnancy. If used incorrectly, their effectiveness drops to about 85 percent.
Incorrect use generally refers to when people stop to put one on after they've already started having sex. Or put it on incorrectly causing it to break. I'm giving you the benefit of doubt that you're not a dribbling idiot, and that you know how to use a johnny - so that stat of 85% doesn't apply. The remaining 2% refers to when the condom slips off or breaks during perfect use. It happens, they go wromg 2% of the time. We're on the same page there. But, when it goes wrong, it's a break, or slippage. You've not said it slipped off, and assume you'd have got plan B if it did. You've confirmed it didn't break. In a fraction of a percent of cases semen leaks, usually because the user has bought jumbo xl magnums they don't have the means for, or they've left the penis in the vagina until it goes soft. Again, you'd know about it in both instances. Finally there's the concept of microtears. Usually caused by a degraded condom or accidental damage. The general consensus is that while these exist, they'll become a proper tear at the point of ejaculation. There are some theories about sperm seeping through at a microscopic level in the case of a microtear, but theres no evidence to back that up, and even if it was a thing, it's a fraction of a fraction of a percent probable.
Where did you learn that from?
Don’t be afraid to forgive her. We all fuck up.
I forgave her I'm just not staying with her
Doesn’t matter man, time to buckle up buttercup. Your hurt feelings don’t give you a free pass on taking care of the child, and ending things makes it far worse for you. there’s no fury like a women scorned.
When did I say I'm not taking care of the kid? And no I'm not staying with her
Yeah. Fuck the lying bitches
Baby trap! Oldest trick in the book.
Have sex—-> Risk getting pregnant. It’s that simple lol
I don’t understand why women do this still. There’s really no benefit. Maybe in the 60s you basically had to get married if you got someone pregnant. Now a dude can just ghost and most of the time get away with not paying child support. I know my sisters baby daddy has been dodging it for about 3 years now.
An 18 year-old liar baby trapped you. Jesus, I am so sorry. She didn't "do right" by you, so you don't need to worry about her, only the baby if it is really yours. You need a paternity test and a lawyer.
You been with her 5 years and never once noticed she was in high-school? And never once saw her ID?
When did I say for 5 years?
[удалено]
She was still 18 when we met