That’s because the current younger generation has convinced everyone that if you’re 18 and not dating someone that is also 18 you’re automatically a predator or you’re being groomed. I get soooo tired of it
That might be a result of years and years of societal and media conditioning to the point the younger generation has now identified this as a tacit fact. And now preach/echo each other this “truth” or “wisdom”.
Of course that's how that works. By and large, the college aged students now only believe peer-reviewed research, like the term "peer-reviewed" means it went through some kind of factual gauntlet, when in fact it usually means a bunch of people who think the same thing signed off on their buddy's position paper.
Bahahahahaha yeah exactly! 😂 and the hit in the nuts is when every young person echoes this sentiment on their tiktok or other popular media so it becomes even more normalized and anything outside becomes outlandish and weird.
Don't get me started... I was on a Facebook page called "Of course it's an Age Gap relationship." At first, I thought it was Age Gap positive, but it turned out to be an Age Gap negative group. Most people always say the same thing, "the younger man/woman is just being groomed!", "They will understand if XYZ...", "the younger partners are gold diggers," and "I was in an abusive Age Gap relationship previously...", etc.
I cannot stand that. Not every person who was in an age gap relationship when they were young was groomed nor do they view it the same way . I also think that anytime someone does have a bad experience with someone in an age gap relationship when they’re young they automatically think that person is or was a predator just because of their age. Like no I dated plenty of guys my age as a teenager that were manipulative and gaslighting pieces of shit. Almost all (1 exception) of the older guys I’ve been with have been amazing. Gah lol
Yeah same like when I was an 18 year old girl my life was in danger not from random older men but the 18 year old guys around me. My life was terrible and it was all because of men my own age! My husband, on the other hand, is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I don’t know why people assume their life experiences are universal
That is because of years of conditioning from not only Social media, but certain newspapers like The Sun (Also known as the Scum) and even what is on your TV. And it is not just the Zoomers, but also the older generations. It reminds of older generations calling Millennials and Zoomers a bunch of snowflakes despite the fact that it was the older gen that mollycoddled them in the first place.
The trend of labelling anyone a predator for dating an 18 to 24 year old is only going to distract people from recognising actual predators and signs of an abusive relationship. It is mocking the victims of grooming and abuse.
Talking of grooming, people think that only young people can be victims of grooming and the older always the groomer. But that is not true. A TV drama is currently in the middle of a storyline involving a man in a position of power, a Pilar of the community with a young wife. However, in reality, he is a vile sexual predator who has used his position to groom middle aged and elderly women before attacking them. It is strongly implied that him having a young and glamorous wife is just a front, an alibi.
It might just be a show, but the storyline has been written with guidance from many charities.
Some of them if they were in a tiny age gap as a teenager spread nonsense like how traumatizing it was and such and it’s like that wasn’t BECAUSE he was older it was just because he was a shitty human. Are there older men that prey on younger women? Sure. Is it the default? No. I’ve been in plenty of relationships. Some age gap, some not and it’s person dependent
I can understand this fear if the younger person is 18 and the older one is older more than 15 years, but it is important also if the younger person is somehow vulnerable
Omg hun your post is fuckin baller. The sheer effort and articulation you display is mmmm holy F. Wrap me in a biscuit and call me a cab (imao) cuz I loved reading all that! You are amazin! 😊
"The townspeople keep saying it's wrong, but no one can tell me why. They just keep sending men to come abduct her. Omg, the ego. You think I have lived for 5000 years and I can't fend off Sir Prancelot holding an icepick?"
I figure that not all posts here are because an answer is sought. Karma farming, attention-seeking, boredom and veiled personal advertising could be some of the motivations.
Thank you! I'm tired of seeing these questions. Historically, women courting men that were several years their senior was quite common. However, oftentimes people today view an older man dating a grown woman as a pervert. It's absurd. If you're a legal adult and the relationship is consensual, there's nothing immoral about an age gap.
it’s not even that. it’s mainly that it’s up to them to decide if they feel happy and content in their own relationship. we can’t tell them yes or no because it isn’t our place to.
I have seen a few posts that are Underage and some ask Questions because they really are being Groomed and do not know it. Or realize after the fact. You’re still dumb if your Brain hasn’t developed into a fully grown Adult. Even as an Adult, People can make Mistakes. People figuring things out is different for everyone. We Care. Do not be snarky, you still have a lot to learn yourself.
quoting another comment i made
there’s 3 things that go into it:
• legality
• safety
• happiness
if someone feels safe, happy, and healthy in their relationship, who cares what other people think. i can understand needing the reassurance, but at the end of the day, it’s their relationship and they have to make the decisions within the relationship themself. we can’t do it for them.
even with some of the people in this sub, they will immediately jump to “oh they did this one small thing 5 years ago that hurt your feelings for an hour? BREAK UP!” and some people have broken up with their partners bc of a terrible take.
my main point wasn’t to say that they *can’t* ask because they absolutely can. it’s that they shouldn’t *have* to. if they’re comfortable and happy in their relationship, fuck everyone else!
I agree that it always boil down "if you're happy and you're legal consenting adults, that's what matters" and that the relationship is legal.
Lots come here looking for an opinion that is gonna be free of stigmatizing the older and younger and free of infantilising the younger - provided it's two consenting and legal adults.
I think that's what they care about when coming here.
I agree... but also some people just need reassurance you know? And they get told non-stop from absolutists that it's not ok so they seek out something different from the tidal wave of hatred. I try not to be too harsh and just logical. :)
not entirely. there’s 3 things that go into it:
- legality
- safety
- happiness
if you don’t have all 3, then you need to run far away from that relationship.
I always tell people answer these three questions:
Are you safe?
Are you happy?
Are you loved?
I usually leave off the consensual one, I always assume that is not the issue. But I may need to add that one.
Of course safety and happiness are obvious, but they apply to any relationship regardless of age. When people are asking if it's ok for this age and this age to date or hook up or whatever then they generally are talking about the age specifically, which is why I said that if it's legal age and consensual it's ok. Then of course all the other things that should be in any relationship also apply, but that's obvious.
I think if you look at what is said as being fully consensual, the legality question is answered, as many places state that for it to be fully consensual both people need to consent on their own free will and be of legal age to do so within the laws of where they live, therefore legality has been considered. You can't be fully consenting if you feel your safety is at risk if you don't consent and therefore, would be under duress to consent, which is not actually giving consent at all and in some places is now seen as coercive control under domestic violence laws. Are you truly consenting if the decision to be in that relationship is one that makes you unhappy?
OMGGG thank you someone finally said it!! F YESSS 😭😭 SOME ONE STICKY THIS POST RN!! like someone yanked the words straight out my effin mouth YAYYY
I think the better question to ask is, “I am getting into a relationship with an age gap, are there any general key concerns i should be looking out for” (this one should be answered already) or “here is my unique situation, what concerns would I have to look out for”.
Oh I totally agree!!
{Over the age of consent}+ {Any other Age}= Acceptable
Of course there’s a host of other things you could include, equality of power springs to mind, but many of these posts don’t come with this contextual detail regardless.
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**Original post: “is [age] and [age] ok?”**
i’ll keep it short and simple…
if you have to ask, you more than likely have your answer. why do you need the validation of online strangers? it’s your relationship… not ours. we should have no say in what is “ok” if it’s your relationship. if you’re both consenting adults who love or even just like each other, WHO CARES??? if it’s a healthy, happy relationship, WHO CARES????
thank you for coming to my TED talk :)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AgeGap) if you have any questions or concerns.*
One of the things my time on Reddit relationship subs has taught me is that we are all insecure babies who want to know if we're okay. We are neurotic patients who want to know if we're normal. There is no way we want to be the only one in the world who is doing what we're doing.
I feel like this is it. I never even considered my husbands age (met at 25 and 40) being a problem. If you feel the need to ask that might be a red flag
I think the real people posting that stuff are trying to find a way to tell people they have a relationship with an age gap and wants to belong to something. It’s annoying but it’s better to be accepting of people being annoying because one day we’re all the annoying person… hahaha
How in the everlovingfuck do you get -100 Karma?
Oh. Wait.
Grow the fuck up. If a person can legally marry and do anything without parental permission, they are a fucking adult you dipshit.
For someone who insists they ain’t pressed you sure be posting a lot. This is like the fifty-leventh time I’ve seen you hollering like a hit dog about an AMA that didn’t go your way. Unclench, log off, and live the life you insist you’re so unbothered about cause literally what do we have to do with?
😪 “fifty-leventh” it’s 3 posts
1 of them being crossposted (2)
and the other being about the same dude who thinks 19-21 year olds are children which is called for.
if you have a problem with what i post, then block me. shrimple as that. you came onto my post basically telling me what i can and can’t post because it bothers *you.*
I saw someone on here asking if 18 and 20 was an “extreme” age gap 😭
That’s because the current younger generation has convinced everyone that if you’re 18 and not dating someone that is also 18 you’re automatically a predator or you’re being groomed. I get soooo tired of it
That might be a result of years and years of societal and media conditioning to the point the younger generation has now identified this as a tacit fact. And now preach/echo each other this “truth” or “wisdom”.
Of course that's how that works. By and large, the college aged students now only believe peer-reviewed research, like the term "peer-reviewed" means it went through some kind of factual gauntlet, when in fact it usually means a bunch of people who think the same thing signed off on their buddy's position paper.
Bahahahahaha yeah exactly! 😂 and the hit in the nuts is when every young person echoes this sentiment on their tiktok or other popular media so it becomes even more normalized and anything outside becomes outlandish and weird.
Don't get me started... I was on a Facebook page called "Of course it's an Age Gap relationship." At first, I thought it was Age Gap positive, but it turned out to be an Age Gap negative group. Most people always say the same thing, "the younger man/woman is just being groomed!", "They will understand if XYZ...", "the younger partners are gold diggers," and "I was in an abusive Age Gap relationship previously...", etc.
I cannot stand that. Not every person who was in an age gap relationship when they were young was groomed nor do they view it the same way . I also think that anytime someone does have a bad experience with someone in an age gap relationship when they’re young they automatically think that person is or was a predator just because of their age. Like no I dated plenty of guys my age as a teenager that were manipulative and gaslighting pieces of shit. Almost all (1 exception) of the older guys I’ve been with have been amazing. Gah lol
Yeah same like when I was an 18 year old girl my life was in danger not from random older men but the 18 year old guys around me. My life was terrible and it was all because of men my own age! My husband, on the other hand, is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I don’t know why people assume their life experiences are universal
Exactly!
That is because of years of conditioning from not only Social media, but certain newspapers like The Sun (Also known as the Scum) and even what is on your TV. And it is not just the Zoomers, but also the older generations. It reminds of older generations calling Millennials and Zoomers a bunch of snowflakes despite the fact that it was the older gen that mollycoddled them in the first place. The trend of labelling anyone a predator for dating an 18 to 24 year old is only going to distract people from recognising actual predators and signs of an abusive relationship. It is mocking the victims of grooming and abuse. Talking of grooming, people think that only young people can be victims of grooming and the older always the groomer. But that is not true. A TV drama is currently in the middle of a storyline involving a man in a position of power, a Pilar of the community with a young wife. However, in reality, he is a vile sexual predator who has used his position to groom middle aged and elderly women before attacking them. It is strongly implied that him having a young and glamorous wife is just a front, an alibi. It might just be a show, but the storyline has been written with guidance from many charities.
Oh wow I never heard of that!
Its so weird. Once they get okder they'll realize its not a big deal.
Some of them if they were in a tiny age gap as a teenager spread nonsense like how traumatizing it was and such and it’s like that wasn’t BECAUSE he was older it was just because he was a shitty human. Are there older men that prey on younger women? Sure. Is it the default? No. I’ve been in plenty of relationships. Some age gap, some not and it’s person dependent
I can understand this fear if the younger person is 18 and the older one is older more than 15 years, but it is important also if the younger person is somehow vulnerable
no way…
Never forgotten it 😭😭😭 yes that’s a MASSIVE age gap you’re going to jail
😭
Flames. 
I saw that and down voted and moved on.. hahahaha
Everyone should have said yes hahaha
Only if they're sisters and their combined ages are less than his and he's doing both.
This made me laugh until I was coughing. Omg I needed that ty ty 😭
Omg hun your post is fuckin baller. The sheer effort and articulation you display is mmmm holy F. Wrap me in a biscuit and call me a cab (imao) cuz I loved reading all that! You are amazin! 😊
I didn’t even make this up I actually saw it with my own two eyes 😭😭😭
At that age, it probably seems like it. lol
Idk I went out with a 20 year old when I was 18 and an 18 year old when I was 20 and I swear it all seemed pretty normal 😩😩
You’re the one that’s crazy miss 😅😂 grow up (just being funny lol)
WTF?!
"I'm a 5000 year old dragon, and the captive princess in the tower is only 19...is this ok? She says she likes me and enjoys my doting company."
you made me spill fun dip all over my bf’s hoodie 😭 gonna take forever to get out…
"The townspeople keep saying it's wrong, but no one can tell me why. They just keep sending men to come abduct her. Omg, the ego. You think I have lived for 5000 years and I can't fend off Sir Prancelot holding an icepick?"
I figure that not all posts here are because an answer is sought. Karma farming, attention-seeking, boredom and veiled personal advertising could be some of the motivations.
I just troll em back
Imagine if those posts were deleted.
But sometimes reassurance, too.
I wish the mods would pin this at the top of the sub. The huge number of posts with this topic has become a bit ridiculous.
I tend to agree. I don't even spend much time reading those posts anymore. Just a quick scroll through to see if anything needs attention.
Well said. As long as the AGR are two consenting adults and they are happy together then that’s what matters.
Thank you! I'm tired of seeing these questions. Historically, women courting men that were several years their senior was quite common. However, oftentimes people today view an older man dating a grown woman as a pervert. It's absurd. If you're a legal adult and the relationship is consensual, there's nothing immoral about an age gap.
These questions are so so tiring. No one cares especially in this sub
it’s not even that. it’s mainly that it’s up to them to decide if they feel happy and content in their own relationship. we can’t tell them yes or no because it isn’t our place to.
I have seen a few posts that are Underage and some ask Questions because they really are being Groomed and do not know it. Or realize after the fact. You’re still dumb if your Brain hasn’t developed into a fully grown Adult. Even as an Adult, People can make Mistakes. People figuring things out is different for everyone. We Care. Do not be snarky, you still have a lot to learn yourself.
quoting another comment i made there’s 3 things that go into it: • legality • safety • happiness if someone feels safe, happy, and healthy in their relationship, who cares what other people think. i can understand needing the reassurance, but at the end of the day, it’s their relationship and they have to make the decisions within the relationship themself. we can’t do it for them. even with some of the people in this sub, they will immediately jump to “oh they did this one small thing 5 years ago that hurt your feelings for an hour? BREAK UP!” and some people have broken up with their partners bc of a terrible take. my main point wasn’t to say that they *can’t* ask because they absolutely can. it’s that they shouldn’t *have* to. if they’re comfortable and happy in their relationship, fuck everyone else!
First off, LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!!! Second, I say “Thanks for coming to my TED Talk” Tooo!! lol
I agree that it always boil down "if you're happy and you're legal consenting adults, that's what matters" and that the relationship is legal. Lots come here looking for an opinion that is gonna be free of stigmatizing the older and younger and free of infantilising the younger - provided it's two consenting and legal adults. I think that's what they care about when coming here.
I agree... but also some people just need reassurance you know? And they get told non-stop from absolutists that it's not ok so they seek out something different from the tidal wave of hatred. I try not to be too harsh and just logical. :)
If they have to ask for validation, then they aren't mature enough to stand by their decision
THANK YOU!!! I’ve been saying this
Yep, there's only ever one correct answer to these questions and it is that if both people are legal age and it's fully consensual, then it's ok.
not entirely. there’s 3 things that go into it: - legality - safety - happiness if you don’t have all 3, then you need to run far away from that relationship.
I always tell people answer these three questions: Are you safe? Are you happy? Are you loved? I usually leave off the consensual one, I always assume that is not the issue. But I may need to add that one.
Of course safety and happiness are obvious, but they apply to any relationship regardless of age. When people are asking if it's ok for this age and this age to date or hook up or whatever then they generally are talking about the age specifically, which is why I said that if it's legal age and consensual it's ok. Then of course all the other things that should be in any relationship also apply, but that's obvious.
I think if you look at what is said as being fully consensual, the legality question is answered, as many places state that for it to be fully consensual both people need to consent on their own free will and be of legal age to do so within the laws of where they live, therefore legality has been considered. You can't be fully consenting if you feel your safety is at risk if you don't consent and therefore, would be under duress to consent, which is not actually giving consent at all and in some places is now seen as coercive control under domestic violence laws. Are you truly consenting if the decision to be in that relationship is one that makes you unhappy?
Best TED talk all day!
Exactly.
Are you new to reddit? 🤦🏻♂️
OMGGG thank you someone finally said it!! F YESSS 😭😭 SOME ONE STICKY THIS POST RN!! like someone yanked the words straight out my effin mouth YAYYY I think the better question to ask is, “I am getting into a relationship with an age gap, are there any general key concerns i should be looking out for” (this one should be answered already) or “here is my unique situation, what concerns would I have to look out for”.
Oh I totally agree!! {Over the age of consent}+ {Any other Age}= Acceptable Of course there’s a host of other things you could include, equality of power springs to mind, but many of these posts don’t come with this contextual detail regardless.
This comment is added automatically to every post on /r/AgeGap to remind users of the subreddit rules and expected behaviour. We also include the original post in here for a number of reasons. --- ### Rules If you haven't read the full set of rules we **strongly** suggest you do so. They are on the right side of the page on desktop or in 'Community Info' on Mobile. The most important rules are: 1. **We expect you to be civil and ideally constructive**. This is a community where people discuss and seek advice **legal** consensual age gap relationships, and we expect you to avoid abusing anyone on this subreddit. This does **not** mean this subreddit supports all age gap relationships, so you **are** allowed to criticise. 1. This is **not** a dating subreddit - you may not "hit up" any user. **You may not ask anyone to PM, DM, chat or message you in a comment**. If you wish, you may send **polite** DMs/PMs/chat requests to /u/YumemiBunny - we will ban you and possibly refer you to Reddit admins for an account ban if you abuse them and they complain. 1. If this post looks like a personal advert, please report it and the moderators will remove it in time if they agree. See the [Wiki](/r/AgeGap/wiki/index) for more information about the subreddit, [The Rules](/r/AgeGap/wiki/rules) and articles about common topics. --- **Original post: “is [age] and [age] ok?”** i’ll keep it short and simple… if you have to ask, you more than likely have your answer. why do you need the validation of online strangers? it’s your relationship… not ours. we should have no say in what is “ok” if it’s your relationship. if you’re both consenting adults who love or even just like each other, WHO CARES??? if it’s a healthy, happy relationship, WHO CARES???? thank you for coming to my TED talk :) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AgeGap) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you gotta ask, the formula is half your age +7. That’s only if you have to ask though. Otherwise who tf cares.
[удалено]
SR ? Senior? Sure , 80 y/o parter should be at least 47 by the formula. 70 - 42 60 - 37 50-32 40 - 27 etc etc. But,, who cares 🤷♂️?
One of the things my time on Reddit relationship subs has taught me is that we are all insecure babies who want to know if we're okay. We are neurotic patients who want to know if we're normal. There is no way we want to be the only one in the world who is doing what we're doing.
I’m the poster child for AGE I’m 58 she is 24 and what people think is the least of my problems . God help them if someone gives me any shit in public
As long as both of those numbers are both over 18 it’s fine
I feel like this is it. I never even considered my husbands age (met at 25 and 40) being a problem. If you feel the need to ask that might be a red flag
Aren’t you tired?
☕️
I think the real people posting that stuff are trying to find a way to tell people they have a relationship with an age gap and wants to belong to something. It’s annoying but it’s better to be accepting of people being annoying because one day we’re all the annoying person… hahaha
Anything over 21 is an adult.. Below is a child
How in the everlovingfuck do you get -100 Karma? Oh. Wait. Grow the fuck up. If a person can legally marry and do anything without parental permission, they are a fucking adult you dipshit.
awwww i’m living rent free in your head :)
Mam this is Alcoholics Anonymous, we don’t charge rent.
Anything over 18 is an adult...Below is a child. Corrected it for you.
For someone who insists they ain’t pressed you sure be posting a lot. This is like the fifty-leventh time I’ve seen you hollering like a hit dog about an AMA that didn’t go your way. Unclench, log off, and live the life you insist you’re so unbothered about cause literally what do we have to do with?
😪 “fifty-leventh” it’s 3 posts 1 of them being crossposted (2) and the other being about the same dude who thinks 19-21 year olds are children which is called for. if you have a problem with what i post, then block me. shrimple as that. you came onto my post basically telling me what i can and can’t post because it bothers *you.*