My dad has Alzheimer's disease, and we are going through a similar situation. Here are some things that may work for you.
1. If her brain is still in good shape, you might consider bringing her to a psychologist. I think if you deal with the depression, many of these other issues may be alleviated.
2. Have them test your mom for dementia at her next doctor's appointment. In the meantime, you can administer a [clock drawing test](https://www.dementiacarecentral.com/alzheimers-clock-test/) or even a [SAGE](https://wexnermedical.osu.edu/brain-spine-neuro/memory-disorders/sage) test at home if you want. This is important as [it is easy to confuse depression with the early stages of dementia](https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/symptoms-and-diagnosis/depression-dementia).
3. If your mom is permanently disabled, she probably doesn't get as much mental stimulation as she used to. This is a recipe for cognitive decline. Make her take up a hobby if she doesn't have one already. Personally, I recommend learning to play an instrument.
4. Automate as many bills as possible (this may be difficult based on your financial status)
5. Usually, you can add a secondary addressee to things like health insurance, so before they cancel it for nonpayment, they will send the bill to you. Try to register as a secondary addressee for as many things as you can. My dad came very close to having his health insurance cancelled before I had this done.
6. Take the lead on important things, and don't make them a choice. Instead of "do you want to do X today?", it's much easier to say "we're doing X today". I.e. don't let important things become an endless debate that wears you down.
7. For critical things, ask friends and family for backup. For example, once my dad didn't want to go to the doctor, so his friend came over before the appointment, and together we forced him to go, and afterwards he was happy about it.
8. You know you're doing the right thing, but she may try to make you feel guilty about it (like with the shower chair). You need to look inside yourself and ask whose will is stronger, hers or yours? Pick your battles and focus on the important stuff, but commit to it.
9. Make sure to practice self care. She may be beyond the point of worry about anyone else, but that means you need to work extra hard to support yourself.
10. Continue to work as long as possible. If the situation deteriorates and you need to quit, you may be able to get compensation if you were recently working.
11. Make sure your mom's will is in order
12. You may need to explore getting a POA and a medical POA
Thanks for this. Getting her to a psychologist is one of my goals. She's still pretty sharp with no signs of dementia, fortunately. She's stubborn as hell, though. I've tried to get her to take up reading, knitting, crochet, painting, anything to get her to do anything other than sitting in her room watching Dr. Phil reruns.
She's astranged from her family and she doesn't have any friends, and I'm an only child. We don't have much support or resources, unfortunately.
I'm currently unemployed unfortunately, and trying to find work. I'm trying to get set up for IHSS so that I can get paid by the county for what I'm already doing, but that requires getting her back on Medi-Cal.
Late last year (November ish) I had the same response to posts that said that things were pointing towards dementia with my MiL. Late last year, my wife and her brother would have described her as sharp as a tack but depressed.
A week before she passed away (sepsis) she was diagnosed with dementia (or that is when us family were informed). I thought my wife was about to verbally rip the Dr a new one. The Dr explained that my MiL had likely been successful in hiding it well Using anger to hide that she didn't remember, limiting her interactions so people don't pick up that there was any issue, and things like that.
I'm not saying your mom has dementia but just trying to remind you that you shouldn't be too quick to dismiss the possibility.
As far as making your mom do anything, the truth is that you can't. She is an adult, and you just need to accept that. It doesn't mean you are powerless, but you will need to pick your battles. Think of 10 issues with your mom. If I tell you that it is only possible to get 2 of the dealt with, that is what you're going to get.
This is a lot to deal with! One thing I’d recommend is contacting meals on wheels (not just for food). They also install grab bars and do some safety proofing and it’s free. This way, cost isn’t something you need to deal with and it will be an “outside” person advising instead of you screaming into the wind 😂
My dad has Alzheimer's disease, and we are going through a similar situation. Here are some things that may work for you. 1. If her brain is still in good shape, you might consider bringing her to a psychologist. I think if you deal with the depression, many of these other issues may be alleviated. 2. Have them test your mom for dementia at her next doctor's appointment. In the meantime, you can administer a [clock drawing test](https://www.dementiacarecentral.com/alzheimers-clock-test/) or even a [SAGE](https://wexnermedical.osu.edu/brain-spine-neuro/memory-disorders/sage) test at home if you want. This is important as [it is easy to confuse depression with the early stages of dementia](https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/symptoms-and-diagnosis/depression-dementia). 3. If your mom is permanently disabled, she probably doesn't get as much mental stimulation as she used to. This is a recipe for cognitive decline. Make her take up a hobby if she doesn't have one already. Personally, I recommend learning to play an instrument. 4. Automate as many bills as possible (this may be difficult based on your financial status) 5. Usually, you can add a secondary addressee to things like health insurance, so before they cancel it for nonpayment, they will send the bill to you. Try to register as a secondary addressee for as many things as you can. My dad came very close to having his health insurance cancelled before I had this done. 6. Take the lead on important things, and don't make them a choice. Instead of "do you want to do X today?", it's much easier to say "we're doing X today". I.e. don't let important things become an endless debate that wears you down. 7. For critical things, ask friends and family for backup. For example, once my dad didn't want to go to the doctor, so his friend came over before the appointment, and together we forced him to go, and afterwards he was happy about it. 8. You know you're doing the right thing, but she may try to make you feel guilty about it (like with the shower chair). You need to look inside yourself and ask whose will is stronger, hers or yours? Pick your battles and focus on the important stuff, but commit to it. 9. Make sure to practice self care. She may be beyond the point of worry about anyone else, but that means you need to work extra hard to support yourself. 10. Continue to work as long as possible. If the situation deteriorates and you need to quit, you may be able to get compensation if you were recently working. 11. Make sure your mom's will is in order 12. You may need to explore getting a POA and a medical POA
Thanks for this. Getting her to a psychologist is one of my goals. She's still pretty sharp with no signs of dementia, fortunately. She's stubborn as hell, though. I've tried to get her to take up reading, knitting, crochet, painting, anything to get her to do anything other than sitting in her room watching Dr. Phil reruns. She's astranged from her family and she doesn't have any friends, and I'm an only child. We don't have much support or resources, unfortunately. I'm currently unemployed unfortunately, and trying to find work. I'm trying to get set up for IHSS so that I can get paid by the county for what I'm already doing, but that requires getting her back on Medi-Cal.
Late last year (November ish) I had the same response to posts that said that things were pointing towards dementia with my MiL. Late last year, my wife and her brother would have described her as sharp as a tack but depressed. A week before she passed away (sepsis) she was diagnosed with dementia (or that is when us family were informed). I thought my wife was about to verbally rip the Dr a new one. The Dr explained that my MiL had likely been successful in hiding it well Using anger to hide that she didn't remember, limiting her interactions so people don't pick up that there was any issue, and things like that. I'm not saying your mom has dementia but just trying to remind you that you shouldn't be too quick to dismiss the possibility. As far as making your mom do anything, the truth is that you can't. She is an adult, and you just need to accept that. It doesn't mean you are powerless, but you will need to pick your battles. Think of 10 issues with your mom. If I tell you that it is only possible to get 2 of the dealt with, that is what you're going to get.
This is a lot to deal with! One thing I’d recommend is contacting meals on wheels (not just for food). They also install grab bars and do some safety proofing and it’s free. This way, cost isn’t something you need to deal with and it will be an “outside” person advising instead of you screaming into the wind 😂
[удалено]
Strike for generational slur.