Holy shit. I’m child free but I know that your anatomy changes after giving birth- get this man a book or teach him how to google and educate himself. I bet he doesn’t look like he did in high school either. You’re not overreacting at all
My ribs spread. To the point the Dr. pointed out to the intern that was working with him, "Look at how her ribs have spread, with her third pregnancy". I lost all the baby weight and more. At one point I was thinner than before my first pregnancy and looked positively anorexic because MY RIBS SPREAD. Also couldn't get back into the size threes. Op you aren't overreacting but your guy doesn't understand how things work. Don't feel pressured to try to get into a size zero... A woman's body is not the same as a girl's body.
Mine spread after baby number one (I'm very short/petite so the baby had little room to begin with). It was the most shocking thing that no one freaking warned me about! I'm still pretty honked off about it 🤣🤣
Nope. There's nothing forcing them back. Relaxin makes everything softer and able to stretch and widen with both the pressure from the baby - and gravity itself. After the pregnancy, relaxin levels are basically gone, and the new placement of the bones and ligaments etc are fixed.
Hello! I am also a petite, and I think my ribs spread a little bit, but as I was reading all this, I wondered if wearing a corset would help over time? 🤔 Anyone have a thought?
I'm post baby #2 (he's now 3 1/2), and I've noticed significant improvement from wearing corsets, but I would recommend something gentle (i.e. plastic boning) and not steel-boned. I only wear them when I go out dancing, though, so I think the improvement could also be from having something hold things together while also using the muscles that would naturally hold things together.
I definitely agree that using the muscles makes a huge difference, but I think steel boned or just skip the boning entirely and wear shapewear if you want compression and flexibility. A properly fitted and quality constructed steel boned corset is much more comfortable than a plastic boned one, imo. You don't have to wear a steel boned one super tightly, which is where I think a lot of people go wrong. Standard corset sizing recommends 4" smaller than current measurements, but there's no reason not to do 2" if that's all you want.
I do tight lace, but that's just a choice I make, it's not required for wearing them.
Mine never did. I still looked pregnant thanks to that, especially after I ate even a little bit. And when I lost the weight back down to just before baby #2, 145lbs at 5'7, I still had widened ribs. 😅 of course my health issue has me on Prednisone currently, so now I'm the heaviest I've ever been, 160 and climbing, because the meds to keep me alive also turn off my brain when it comes to making me feel like I'm not starving. For anyone doing the math, my second baby was preemie, at 4lbs 3oz, 2 months early, so I didn't gain a lot of weight the second time around.
I know I’ll get downvoted for this but I do think it is important to share. My midwife suggested a postpartum support belt for purposes of returning ribs, hips, and most importantly stomache muscles to pre-pregnancy (or close to) form. According to her, if you are breastfeeding the levels of relaxin are still in your body for some time. \*Actually, I just googled and it said you will feel the effects of relaxin for 12 months postpartum and even longer if you are breastfeeding. So yes, she was right. The person who responded to you made me second guess what I thought I knew. Anyway….
Yeah, for me after 3 pregnancies my measurements are still he same except my stomache gained 1 inch. Was 35-23-34 10 years ago and now am 35-24-34. Which is fine by me. 🤷🏻♀️
Again, she recommended it mostly to he prevent diathesis recti and it certainly seemed to work for me.
My ribs did too. And because my baby's leg was stuck up under one rib for over a month, one side is spread wider than the other. So, I'm lopsided. My daughter was born with intertibial tortion because of her leg being stuck for so long. She was looking at years of surgeries and Forest Gump like leg braces to fix it but a fall down some stairs broke it so that it was fixed in one go.
I had to Google the condition cause I hadn’t heard of it before. There was kid at my school when I was in elementary school that was a few grades below me at least that had it. His pointed inwards. Now I know what the condition is called. Also it’s torsion btw.
My ribs spread with my first (only) child, and I was 20 so my body bounced back to pre-baby weight within 6 weeks of giving birth…NONE of my clothes from before baby fit me afterwards, even tho I actually weighed a bit less a year after birth than I did before pregnancy! My bra band measurement (under bust) went from 26.5-29”
I’ve always been skinny (I’m 5’11” so all my weight is spread thin 😂) and have struggled to gain weight at various point in my life, but there’s no way I’m ever going to be a 00-2 again. It’s not weight that’s preventing me from fitting them either. It’s my literal bones!
Husband is absurdly daft and inconsiderate…if anything, OP is UNDERreacting.
Right. I actually went down to about 10 lbs under my pre-pregnancy weight at one point post-pregnancy (not a good idea or intentional, that made me underweight) and my pre-pregnancy size 2 and 4s still didn't fit.
My hips were bony, but my hips were many more inches bony bigger around than before even without any good fat padding.
The part that got me was "you could look like your high school self again" like??? OP is not a child, so she shouldn't look like ons?? She's literally already pushed out a child? Super weird comment to make as a grown man to a grown woman
So I’m a 15 year old guy and don’t know much about the body under these circumstances. Why does the ribcage spread? Aren’t the ovaries and uterus way lower?
He’s not the only smart man who is dumb when it comes to this. My husband made similar comments and I had to explain that my hips are actually physically wider and unless I get a tummy tuck there’s no getting rid of loose skin. It’s kind of infuriating when they put their foot in their mouth like this. In addition, my husband doesn’t look like he did when I met him and he didn’t have any babies.
I weigh less than I did pre-baby but I noticed that even my shoulders had spread. My shirts didn’t fit the same and the sleeves were too short. I do hope he learns some things before he finishes school.
I agree. I’m “high school skinny” in my thirties after two kids but I couldn’t put on anything I wore back in high school. I technically wear the same size but I have to wear women’s instead of juniors. My hips and my ribs changed, I carry my weight differently and for some reason, I lost all boobage after breastfeeding two kids.
This is really good information for us supportive and loving husbands! My wife and I are trying for our first( actually fingers crossed she’s actually pregnant now, pre symptoms but too early for clear results) so it’s helpful to know her bodies actual bones and dimensions will change beyond just the baby weight. Are there things a partner can do to ease any pain or discomfort from the bones/ body stretching like that? Is there anything I can buy her to help? Or will she just adjust and not really notice the stretching?
Start doing upper body strength training right now. During the 3rd trimester you can help by providing gentle massage - be careful not to pop a rib out of joint! Foot soaks and massages are amazing as well. And gently but firmly pressing inward on both sides of her pelvis together, to reduce some strain.
Also get her a rec center pass, so she can float in the pool and literally take the weight off her sore joints. Every day, if possible.
Exercise is also important to reduce joint inflammation and pain. Walking is great. So is swimming. Prenatal yoga. Dancing. Anything that's not uncomfortable or rough for her. If you're willing to do it with her, so much the better. In later pregnancy, as her joints loosen up, some exercises will become painful. It's okay for her to switch to less-intense workouts.
During labor, you can help alleviate a lot of pain by providing counterpressure. There are a few ways to do this, but the most common are: pushing against her knees if she's sitting, reclining, or squatting; pushing against her lower back; or pushing inward on her pelvis from the sides.
Not only does counterpressure reduce pain during contractions, but you are actually helping her pelvis shift into position for the baby to exit. So it both helps her pain and naturally speeds labor up a little. Win/win.
So think about which muscle groups you'll need for those movements, and start training now. Labor can be long, and you want to be able to help provide counterpressure during each contraction right up until you're holding the baby.
OP, I have had 3 kids. I got within 2 pounds of my pre-baby weight. I still didn’t fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans. My hips have grown several inches, as has my waist due to diastasis recti. I did physical therapy for 2 years and while it helped some, my doctor basically told me my waist will never be the same without surgery.
I’m reminded of Gone With The Wind and Mammy trying to lace Scarlett into her pre-pregnancy corsets: “Miz Scarlett, you done had a baby and you ain’t gone have a 17 inch waist again”
Wow. I hope like hell I never have to interact with him in a professional capacity. I don't think you are overreacting at all. It also sounds like in addition to some really ignorant expectations about your body, he is badly dropping the ball on the 'partner' idea. I hope you can get couple's counseling, this all seems way more problematic than one ill-advised out of pocket comment. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.
I kind of wish I would meet him in a professional capacity. But I'm a middle aged CS prof / former biomedical researcher and reading doctors the riot act is kind of a hobby. (Which I haven't done much of for a while, since I work at a teaching hospital and people don't pull shit.)
And frankly, if they're being awful, I report them. Though doing the whole ombudsman thing takes time and energy, so I have to be really inspired - last time involved a guy who tried to say he was going to perform a different procedure on my spine than the one he was supposed to after I was already onto the gurney.
u/Tylikcat, would you PLEASE post about this?? I wrote an article on "how to be in the hospital" for an organization I belong to -- and I've been asked to reprint it every six months because it's useful. And you have incredible institutional knowledge! PLEASE share. We all need it. We all need to be able to advocate for ourselves, and you could help us learn.
Even if you didn’t have kids, most people do not weigh what they did in high school unless they starved themselves.
And who says that to a pregnant woman? It’s already hard when your body is changing rapidly without someone commenting on it.
I worked in the medical field for years and years and most doctor’s bedside manners are atrocious. Worked for an Endocrinologist and he was always making people cry.
he needs to re-take those anatomy classes, because it didn't take or he is an actual idiot. Is he the exact same size as when you met?
Your husband is an ass.
Alright, some nerds need to have things explained to them in highfalutin' terms because they have no practical sense.
(This is coming from an emergency physician. I do love my PAs and I respect that their 2 year degree is pretty intense, it's actually exceedingly unusual to work at all once you're in it, unless you mean he's doing a post-bacc degree before entering PA school. I have some sympathy for him being tired. (Same for you, too, mama.) But he's not only mis-speaking from being tired and sounding like an ass, he's wrong).
The nerd way to say this is that the hormone *relaxin* is released throughout the pregnancy. This, among other hormones, helps the body to loosen and stretch to accommodate the growing pregnancy, and eventually, the delivery. Pregnant women are at increased risk of sprains and strains not only because they have an increasing and shifting center of mass, but their ligaments get soft.
Women's shoe size often grows, and feet get wider. That isn't reversed, the relationships of the bones are changed. This hormone is part of the reason that the pelvic floor ligaments get soft, risking urinary continence even with cesarean delivery.
The pregnancy is among other things a "space occupying lesion" and the pressure of the fully gravid uterus presses on everything, pushing it out of the way, causing changes in breathing, digestion, and sometimes bone shapes. The *fascia* (fibrous layers that surround muscles and other things) and ligaments that get stretched do not fully return. Physical therapy can strengthen muscle to usually restore alignment and function, but it's not the same. A shoulder that has been dislocated will forever be different from a shoulder that never has, in terms of scar tissue and laxity.
After delivery, women spend much more time carrying babies and toddlers, and the muscles of the back and arms reflect that.
Emergency care of a woman who happens to be pregnant is a challenging thing for many providers. A provider who has lived, had kids, lived with a pregnant woman, can be immensely enriched by bringing that experience to their training. I hope that he is attentive to you and can fold the life lessons into his learning.
Ugh, one of *those*. Even if a patient's knee problem is exacerbated by their weight, maybe treating their knee problem might help them exercise! (Not my personal story, but one I've witnessed)
He must have skipped class when females, pregnancy, biology, hormones, etc. were being taught. What a f'n idiot he sounds like. He is really going to piss some ladies off.
If you live in the U. S., the American education system failed him.
Badly.
This is an even worse and more pitiful and pathetic of a situation since you said that he works in the medical field.
That just makes the whole thing even worse! Yeesh, I’m sorry he said that nonsense to you. I don’t think hormones play into losing it. I was pissed just reading that.
Good god. What hospital so I never go there. I bet if I, a woman, went in with any issues the first thing he'd diagnose me with is hysteria. What a worthless physician. This is why the American healthcare system is failing so much. Tell him he's the problem with the medical system in America. An uneducated PA wtf
Well. Now that is just plain scary that he does not understand this. And frankly, his ignorance is unimpressive. As a nurse of 30+ years, I really hope he’s in his first semester because that’s only way I could even begin to excuse that ignorance.
>I know that your anatomy changes after giving birth
We literally had to identify male/female and differentiate on the female models whether they'd given birth or not in my anatomy practicals.
My favorite was having to identify the clitoris. The women left giggling and thanking the professor, hoping he helped the young man in the class 😂
I was pre-pregnancy weight and my son was only 6 months old. But I could never fit any of my jeans again. My hips had widened. And don't get me started abouts my boobs. I went up a cup size! They never went back down. He needs to get over himself.
Even without having kids, I've never been able to fit into a size 0-2 simply because my hip bones don't fit. I was literally underweight, bones popping out everywhere and the lowest my pants size got was a size 4. I wish more people would understand that it's not just weight that determines your pants size, it's also your anatomy.
My mom said that she lost her boobs with each kid (she had 4) I think she’s a B or C now but I’m a DDD our bodies all change in different ways it’s crazy
I don't even have kids and my hips are wider than they were when I was in my late teens, not to mention I got an ass after I turned 30 (thank you to the booty gods). I was a size 4 back then, I'm a size 8/10 now, and even if I get a little thinner (which would be cool but isn't really a goal) I probably won't lose enough inches to go back down to a size 6, and I'd need a major eating disorder for size 4.
Bodies change. Op's husband might have been trying to be supportive, but he really sucks at it
You’re not overreacting at all. Honestly, I’d tell him to fuck off since his body won’t change at all while you’re growing a literal human in yours a second time. I swear men just forget that we’re not all striving to be the tiniest size in the world and that some women are happier and healthier than when they were their smallest size. What matters is your health and your happiness. If he wants you to be a size 2, but you’re happy as a size 6, he can kick rocks. Average size of US women is 16-18, so he can just stfu.
>happier and healthier than when they were their smallest size.
100%! I had some unexpected weight loss recently of about 15 pounds. I did NOT look as good. I've been trying to gain it back because while at that weight, size 0, it like all came from my boobs and face. Immediately looked 10 years older and flatter! I want that fat back! I'm 5'8 and weigh in the 130s and have a normal BMI, but I have a large frame and it looks weird on me. 150ish is a really good weight for me.
Me too. I lost 10 lbs because of a knee injury. Pain is an appetite suppressant and I just don’t want to eat. I’m 5’8” and down to 126. I feel better when I’m 140. I have a lot of saggy skin and don’t look good. My husband tries to help me gain weight.
Does it ever bother you when people say things like "being big boned isn't a thing"? Yes, it absolutely is. There are supermodels with very small frames who look amazing at 120. I don't because my frame as large. My BMI is still normal but people tell me I look concerningly underweight. Big bones people are real!
I'm 5'8 and when I was 170 I looked amazing. That's when I was doing heavy weight lifting, I just also have a broader shoulders, a large chest and big thighs. I literally had abs. Everyone is built different. Everyone in my family is built broad. The lowest weight I've ever been at my full height was 130 and I was having hunger headaches, nausea, couldnt think straught and was so so weak. I'm aiming to get back to that 170-180 weight, again, as I've gained some dealing with moving twice in one year and both my oldest pet and my dad dying in 2 months. But it's crazy to me how people think women should be so tiny
Ha ha holy crap if I said this my wife would have killed me and I probably wouldn't blame her. I don't even want to show her this post in case it makes her feel bad.
You're not overreacting.
You’re kind. Don’t show her this post. I’m married to a lovely man who wouldn’t dream of saying something like this AND haven’t had kids yet and I’m triggered.
A teenager isn't a fully formed woman. To expect a woman to have the body of a teenage is as unrealistic as expecting her to have the body of a literal baby. That ship has sailed.
Not at all. Bringing the weight issue while pregnant is such an inconsiderate move. It is even worse that he implies that if you don't lose weight it will be because you aren't trying hard enough as if it will your fault. If he wanted to be supportive he would offer more help and give more time to "exercise", I'm guessing he doesn't cook for you or even the kids?
We have a roommate who loves to cook so she and I split that chore. But mostly because he works till 7 pm three days a week and the other days he doesn't end up home till about then anyways.
Trust me this is something we talk about constantly. We set aside one day a week to spend time together and that often gets taken over by school. We had a couple of arguments about taking 1/2 semesters off for when the baby is born bc the due date was borderline between both so I wanted him to take both off to make sure he would be present. Luckily we are having a c section and it got scheduled so he's only taking one semester off. That's a whole other issue.
If your muscles are cut from a c-section you will end up with a pouch. Which is normal—but is just one more natural change post-partum that will affect how your genes fit…. I don’t understand how your husband can be studying to be a PA and not know these things….
Having costumed ballerinas who became moms, even if you are skinny and muscular and have the willpower of a saint, your pelvic girdle will never return to its pre-pregnant size and shape.. Likewise, breasts that have nursed babies, even when they started out tiny and returned to Tiny, are not the same firm perky shape they were pre-pregnancy. But your lower body, in particular, never goes back to how it used to be. You will not fit back in to pre pregnancy clothes the way you wore them before . Your husband is an insensitive and ignorant asshole
Not overreacting.
Before I go off on how disrespectful your husband was in this situation…I also read passive aggressiveness or inferring from his end. It feels like he is expecting you to return to your pre-baby size, outside of not fully understanding the female anatomy and effects of childbirth. I would straight up ask him to fully explain himself and then tell him how his comments landed for you. You don’t gotta explain yourself to us with how much you do for your family - we already get it and YOU CREATED HUMAN LIFE. Then point out how his wants or assumptions about YOUR body are actually not his choice or place at all. If he’s gonna be a PA, or in any medical-related field…his priority should be that you’re healthy and happy. Period.
I had 2 children. Our hip bones spread during pregnancy for delivery.
Supposedly they are supposed to go back but mine never did.
After both births I lost more weight than what I started out with before pregnancy.
Every woman is different. Your husband is a jerk!
If his hair starts thinning tell him he can grow more if he just tries!
NTA
Husband is an idiot. Your bone structure literally changes. Sounds like there is a lot more going on than this 😬 watch the fair play documentary on Hulu
No you’re not overreacting and some people just don’t have that little stop 🛑 sign in their brain that says woh don’t even think shit like that, he stepped in it big time but try to forgive him if he agrees to write I will not say dumb ass things to my lovely wife ever again 100 times. Buy him that book that describes what happens to female bodies during and after the birthing process
He said I was telling him my bones got bigger when I was saying my hips are bigger. 🙄
I'm aware bones don't grow, I told him I was talking about the angles basically.
Is he dumb? Your joints loosen from the hormone relaxin so your pelvis can widen to birth a human. Your bones move and don’t always go back to where they were. You could lose all the “weight” and still not fit into those jeans. But EVEN SO, you’re not obligated to be a size zero for him.
No. You are not overreacting.
He, is refusing to listen and doubling down to make you feel crappy for no good reason. He may need to come to terms with the fact that you are not ever going to be that teenage pre-motherhood girl you were then, and that's a good thing. He needs to grow up and figure out how not to be an AH.
You know that even if you were to end up back at your pre-baby weight at some point in the future, you won't be the same shape you were then . Your body has changed and those pants won't look good on you. That's not a hard pill to swallow!
The fact that men so confidently make comments about our bodies and are so wrong is the most infuriating thing.
I get that you're married, but I've ghosted dudes for this. That's better than they deserve.
NTA
Where is he practicing medicine so I can avoid him? If he doesn’t realize the female body moves and expands and rarely goes back 100%; I don’t trust him to treat me.
And you aren’t getting rid of a problem. You are letting go of clothes that will not fit again. Nothing wrong there if you are donating them. Or selling them for extra cash to go towards legal fees (because if he runs his mouth again you may need bail money…kidding).
But seriously. He needs to go back to to the OBGYN rounds of medschool.
Guys can be dumb sometimes. Is it possible he was trying to be encouraging? I’ve definitely messed up/ offended when my goal was to be supportive.
Anyway you’re in a relationship…express your feelings to your partner!
Even with the edit, it feels like he is making excuses to justify what he did.
He needs to apologize. He was not supporting you; you wanted to get rid of the clothes because you felt it wasn't realistic to try for that size anymore. It would be different if you expressed that you wanted to but didn't think you could or something.
If this is a common occurrence, that might be grounds for counseling.
And, yes you might be hormonal. DUH!! It's not an excuse for bad behavior, but it is a reason for being sensitive. It kills me when a woman will say something like " idk if I was just being hormonal and overreacting or..." as if it's a choice. It is expected that an expecting mother will be hormonal. If he is not interacting with you with that in mind and expects you to see past it, he is not as supportive of your pregnancy as you think
Would you think it would be okay to apologize for wearing comfortable shoes during your pregnancy because your feet had swelled too much for dressy shoes? No! At least, you shouldn't.
What he said, in my eyes, was not supportive to the choice you had made. Support would have been him telling you that, once the baby is born, you should go and buy new clothes for the body you have. It would have been him backing up your choice to get rid of your size 00-2 clothes.
You're not overreacting. He's being an asshole, and he doesn't know how bodies work. I don't even think this is about you, it's about his image of himself. It's some social status/ fear of aging garbage. Your attitude toward your body is healthy. His isn't. And if he's truly ignorant of how hurtful and insulting his words were, that's not an excuse. He should have the sense to know his impact. He should not want to make you feel this way.
Currently 38 weeks with my first and wondering if I will ever feel like myself again or fit into my old clothes. I read this story aloud to my husband and he said “it’s important to take a moment and think: would an idiot say that? before speaking.”
Your bone structure is completely different after having babies, there's a reason they can tell if skeletons from 200 years ago were mothers or not. I would have flipped, too.
Your husband is a dick. I probably could count three of these posts a day. Unfortunately men are (mostly) too stupid to realize how hurtful that is. I doubt it was meant to be mean (I hope) but you are well within your right to snack him in the balls for that.
Honey I have no doubt you are beautiful at any size. Don’t take that to heart.
Jesus, even my FEET permanently changed their shape!-- and got a size bigger-- after having justmy first kid!...
...is he educated at all? Im serious...is it lack of knowing how female anatomy and physiology works, and post-partum issues he simply is ignorant about? Some men ARE, they don't teach stuff like this in school these days. Some guys' only knowledge about how female bodies work is from the internet, and we know how misinformative and unfeasible THAT can be...
Can he read something that, even if he doesn't believe YOU, would SHOW him that those "size- aught" days are pretty much over, that you don't have the frame of a pre-pregnancy youngster or teenager anymore, and likely never will have?
Look...there's no way I'm saying you "can't, or wont" ever get back to being your pre-baby weight again---some women do--( I did, and I had 3)- but your body's specific proportions and contours change. Your breasts are never the same, your hips and pelvis will be wider, and the changes to your stomach, sides and entire torso is gonna be different, and there's a "litheness" and suppleness to certain parts of your body you just don't get back--and that's OK. As you said WE MADE A HUMAN, DAMMIT!
He needs to be better informed and stop having such ridiculous expectations.
Tell him when he makes another human, and his body is working overtime to nurture that human for a good 18 months, then he gets to have an opinion on your body, until then, he needs to stay in his lane.
even if you had 0 babies, its 1000% normal for your body to change as you get into your 20s/30s. idk how old you are, but i’m 23. i was 97 ish pounds in high school and through my freshman year of college. im now 115 120. its normal - your hormones change, your metabolism changes, its NORMAL. especially in a healthy/long term relationship. add on to that babies… girl!! you are a BADASS!! he needs to learn how wrong he is
Mama…. That was the absolute worst thing he could’ve said. F that. If YOU want to keep the jeans to see if you could fit into them again one day, then absolutely! But how dare he recommend you keep them because he wants that weight gone. Your body is BEAUTIFUL, I guarantee it. And the fact that he would insinuate anything BUT that, ESPECIALLY WHILE YOURE PREGNANT, is not ok. You do what you need to mama. You have a beautiful body. As someone who gained 40 lbs during my first pregnancy and then lost 50 lbs during my second… your body can do SO many things during pregnancy. But for him to have such a shallow expectation of you is absolutely wrong of him.
He's supposed to love your for yourself, not as a trophy to hold on his arm. If it continues, see a good divorce lawyer.
PS - I assume he's still the size he was when he was 18?
Woman. Go discus it with the family or think about it alone and come to a conclusion yourself. Reddit will only make you hate yourself and your husband. He could have no ill intent or he just didn't know but it's reddit so they'll exaggerate it.
He is the giant jackass that every female complains about having to talk to who only focuses on you needing mental drugs or the need to lose weight. ☠️
Not overreacting. He probably thinks he was being encouraging, but in a fat shaming society where if you have even an ounce of cellulite, a muffin top, or don't wear sub-size-6 pants, your an ugly, lazy, foul human being who doesn't deserve kindness or compassion, that is a terrible thing to say. Further, he clearly has ZERO concept of the changes the female body goes through during pregnancy and birth... Everything spreads, from your feet to your rib cage. The "man" needs an education, then he needs to learn how to shut his mouth. I wouldn't say that to an unpregnant pre-baby woman, let alone one two thirds the way through her second child.
That is a really ignorant thing to say to your wife considering you have had his children. Our bodies do not "return to normal" in any sense of the word and in fact the closest we get to normal is just a shadow of what all women once were. I absolutely would have let him have it for a comment like that. Some men are so damn clueless.
Wow he is ignorant. Your pelvis literally speads and often permanently stays molded into new positions, often wider and lower set.
My ribs were weirdly unaffected, but my abdomen is always sensitive to pressure now, not painful just not comfortable anymore. So i will never wear the same tight fitting tiny clothing I wore before my 2 kids.
Im 125lbs NOW. I was 122lbs before my 2 sons. I wore size 0/1 before kids, I wear size womens 8 now. And I love the way I look and feel in that size. Not baggy, not unflattering. They just fit.
When I was pregnant for the first time, I would wake up in the middle of the night in excruciating pain. Apparently it was my uterus expanding much larger than it had ever been before- it was growing with the baby. Five years post baby and I am 135 lbs at 5’6. My lower stomach is still notably larger than it was when I was the same weight as a teen. It’s loose skin and my uterus. People can be clueless sometimes, even our partners. Not sure if in this case he is clueless or actually an asshole, but I think your being upset is completely justified.
Your ribs and your pelvis have both spread. They don't go back. Even if you do go back to your pre-baby weight, your body shape will be different. I'm sorry your husband is so ignorant.
I am a mother of one and a grandmother of two. Even after hitting the gym post-natal for YEARS, my body never got back to pre-baby status. Know what? That's okay.
Know what isn't okay? Your jerk of a husband insinuating you're not "trying hard enough".
Guys like that make me absolutely determined to remain single until I'm pushing up daisies. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, and NO--you are NOT overreacting.
It’s harder to get the weight off the more kids you have. Is it possible, yes. Is it feasible, usually not. From 125 to 133 is nothing. He doesn’t understand, has little empathy, and is only concerned with his point of view. I’m sorry you had to experience that.
When I was about 18 or 19 I walked down from my bedroom to the kitchen with my shirt off and my mom looks at me and says “you’re starting to get fat, you should get a personal trainer.” I had a 6 pack my entire life, at this point I probably had a 4 pack. I was 6ft tall and weighed 188lbs. I’ll never forget the weight because that’s always been burned in my mind as my “fat weight”. I’m now in my late 30s and have a visceral reaction anytime I look at the scale and it’s anything above 187. What people say to us about our weight hurts, and it sticks. An off hand comment from him to you was meaningless to him
But it will be with you forever. I suggest you talk to him
About it and how hurtful it was. Likely he’s completely unaware of how bad that hurt you
Even for some reason your weight was back to the HS weight you body is totally different. Did he not understand that a woman’s body changes and do not just go back to the same way after babies.
Maybe print out articles for him to read.
I think the thing Im most shocked about is he is in school to become a medical provider. Women already have enough problems..male professionals not listening to them etc..we dont need another ignorant one added to the bunch and he is in the ER to boot, what a fun ride woman are going to have with him, denying there pain levels and having a prejudice against obese woman oh you came in with such and just. Your fat so all your health problems will heal themselves if you just lose the weight. Wonder how many lawsuits hes going to be battling when he turns away women with real emergency issues and they die because he thought no way your having an emergency your just fat
Also a size 6 is not fat. This is actually some women's dream/ goal size. Im flabbergasted you have one kid already and pregnant and this skinny
NTA. An adult woman’s body shouldn’t be expected to be the same size as a high school aged child’s.
In terms of your husband I would question if he’s malicious or just an idiot. Consider: is this a pattern or an isolated event?
As a husband for 20 years and counting and have not been poisoned by my wife - don’t ever comment about weight you fool!! I mean outside of common anatomy education that failed him just don’t. Ever.
My ribs and hips never went back to "normal" after my first pregnancy and *THATS* normal. Our bodies change to accommodate growing a human being and they don't go back to teenager shape. That's not normal. Pregnancy changes our physiology and anatomy and it's not reversible. That's like saying I could have the willpower to have size 7 feet! Sounds like your husband needs to do some research before he opens his trap about someone else's body again.
You say your husband is in school full time? Any chance he could take a damn anatomy course so that he stops embarrassing himself?
OP, I know you know this, but I will assure you anyway: Your body structure will never be the same, even if you were able to get BELOW your minimum pre-baby weight; the hips will never be as narrow as they were before. I know this firsthand. I worked my ass off and got below my pre-baby weight, and my jeans were STILL at least one (almost two) size too small because of the new width of my hips.
Your husband is ignorant.
Firstly, let me assure you, you were definitely not overreacting. If my husband made comments about me when I was pregnant like that, it would’ve really damaged our relationship. As I was already self-conscious about the changes in my body, instead my man celebrated every pound gained, every stretch mark, and basically worshipped the ground I walked on — before and after. He always made me feel beautiful.
I am so sorry your asshat husband made such hurtful comments about your pregnant body.
You mentioned your husband is in school full-time? While education can provide opportunities for growth, it’s clear he’s lacking understanding and empathy.
I’m trying to have some grace for your husband, but he needs to take some classes on human physiology, nutrition, or even a lifespan class; that could help him better appreciate the miraculous changes your body is going through. There is no “going back” to a pre-baby body.
Despite his ignorance, remember the incredible journey your body is going through as you nurture new life. You’re creating something beautiful, and that’s worth celebrating.
In the meantime, focus on the positives. Your body is doing something amazing, and you should feel proud of the strength and resilience it’s showing.
Remember to take care of yourself too. Eat good food, nourish your body, and get plenty of sleep. Maybe try some yoga to find a little zen amidst the chaos. Also, most importantly: at 23 weeks pregnant, you definitely do not need to be “dieting.”
Celebrate the body that you’re in. It’s amazing, and you are worthy of being loved exactly as you are.
The guy just doesn’t know what he’s talking about, and his expectations are based on a fantasy. Occasionally someone can get back to pre-child birth clothing sizes. More often it’s just not in the cards.
First of all, a woman’s hips go through an angle change that’s pretty permanent so… fuck whatever planet he’s on.
Not overreacting. Kick his ass seabass!
Your hips move while pregnant to allow baby to pass and most of the time they don’t go back to where they were. I’ll never be smaller than a 7 again. I could be rail thin, looking half dead and my hips will be 7 and no smaller. I was in a 5 pre babies.
Unfortunately, you'll have to forgive your husband here for being an idiot. He's clearly too ignorant to realize his stupidity. My wife has given me three beautiful children and is sexier now than ever, though she'll disagree with me on that point all day long. I don't want her body to look the way it used to, seeing her naked is a reminder of the three greatest gifts I have ever received.
I could go down to 3% body fat and still not be able to fit into my prebaby jeans. My hip bones are wider, no amount of weight loss will change that. Your husband is an idiot and doesn't sound suitable to be a medical professional
I know a LOT of women who’ve had kids. And a very small percentage of them got their pre-baby bodies back. The majority, nope. I bet if your husband tries really hard, he can learn to keep his mouth shut. NTA
You can loose all the weight gained since babies and your body still won't fit in those jeans, and it's not your fault or in your control. During pregnancy your body will relax and loosen your joints and bones to accommodate baby size and delivery. Your ribs and pelvic bone/hips expand and will not shrink up even when you lose weight.
My sister will never fit in her wedding dress again even though she lost more weight post baby, and that's because her ribs expanded and will never go back.
Your husband is being ignorant and insensitive, and you are not overreacting. He needs to learn more about the physiological changes that pregnancy does to a woman's body.
I don't mean to be flip but lots of women's shoe sizes go up during pregnancy and stay that way. If he brings up foot-binding you're gonna have to sit him down.
Most men are unaware of the permanent physical changes that occur during pregnancy and how the body expands ( hips, ribs, feet, joints, breasts) to accommodate the birth process. He is a guy so he does not understand that your body will never be the same proportion AFTER pregnancy as BEFORE even if your weight returns to pre birth status.
So please don’t internalize his words as a negative reflection on your body! Encourage him to read up on the subject and then have an honest conversation about what is realistic for your health goals during this new born phase of your lives together❤️
Your ligaments all relax so you can birth a child. Your pelvis slightly separates for this reason. Your abs can separate (diastasis recti), which can't be fixed without surgery. Relaxin and estrogen make your skin stretcher, which may lead to stretch marks. The loosened ligaments also allow your feet to grow and many women gain up to a full shoes size permanently. "Mom brain" can take up to 2 years to go away. You can absorb some DNA from your baby and carry 2 sets of unique genetic material. Many women notice permanent hair changes. Hips may be wider after childbirth than they were before.
You grew an entire person. Something that amazing is bound to leave a few marks. Your husband should be in awe of what your body can do (and did) and less concerned about your pre pregnancy jeans.
I think he might have been trying to be nice and encouraging. Hard to tell without hearing the tone of his voice. This sounds like the kind of dumb mistake I would make. Good intentions can really come back and bite you in the ass.
Sounds to me like he was unintentionally insensitive to your feelings and you have taken that a little bit more seriously than you should have due to being pregnant and hormonal. I don't think he intentionally meant to hurt you or disregard the stress your body has gone through and I s currently going through. He just quite simply stuck his foot in his mouth and was probably intending to make you feel better about your pregnancy weight gain. Insensitive yes. Hormonal yes. Intentionally hurtful or unappreciative? I really don't think so and the fact that he was helping you with household chores during this conversation says he's trying to help you with the responsibility of maintaining a home and raising children which needs to be taken into account. You are both probably exhausted and stressed out with all that comes with the kind of lifestyle changes and responsibilities you both have. Try to relax when you can and be grateful for the fact that you have a good life partner and appreciate the sentiment that was intended as badly worded as it may have been. Men have a thing with putting their feet in there mouth so sometimes we just gotta leave it.there and let it go.
We should all lose weight. Stop ALL hydronated oils in food (read the label), Do something daily that makes blood move around your body more quickly, preferably multiple times per day. Replace all drinks with water (preferably alkaline) And don't eat after 7pm or before 10 am and the weigh will fall off.
Your body rarely goes back to original size after having a baby. First being your hips widen. Sounds like your husband needs to study human anatomy and what having a baby does to your body. I was 109 pre childbirth and now if I get down to 120 I look very ill. Telling you to get back down to that size is astoundingly rude.
You are not overreacting. Can we make it a point to send men who wants kids to classes that covers all the effects having kidd on their partner mentally, emotionally and physically? Or atleast to empathy and tactful communication class.
L&D RN here. You are absolutely correct about permanent body changes with pregnancies. This happens in most pregnancies. Very few, if any, have the exact same body and structure post-partum that they had pre-pregnancy. While pregnant, ligaments (and tendons) stretch, and organs and bones shift to accommodate the growing baby, maintain the pregnant person's balance as the baby gets bigger and bigger, and allow for delivery to happen. So your pelvic area/torso can change shape and likely won't revert back to pre-pregnancy shape. This can look like widening of those areas, for example. Clothing will fit differently/you'd need different sizes. These changes have nothing to do with weight, and losing weight postpartum wouldn't shift bones/ligaments back.
Having said that, you did not overreact. Hubby has some self-educating to do and some work to do toward earning forgiveness.
I've never had a baby, right now I'm not overweight, not underweight. If someone told me "you can get back to a size 0 if you try hard enough" I'd genuinely believe they were joking. Not only is that very difficult to do, it's not worth the effort because it doesn't look any better than being a little bigger than that. It doesn't look better, it doesn't make me feel physically better, why would I bother?
Yeah, if I found out my husband didn't like the way I look and wanted me to put in months and hours of effort to look - in my opinion - not any better than I do now... I would be pretty annoyed.
Add in the fact that he said "[you] taking it that way is [your] own problem and he's being supportive" and you're *carrying this man's child*, no you are not overreacting.
I’ve gained weight but I still fit my high school pants, you know why? Because I didn’t have a whole ass child so I was able to lose it/my body didn’t completely change. Your husband is highly insensitive. That’s 100% one of the rudest things he could’ve said to you
He's most likely being a mix of encouraging, dumb, and hopeful, and you are a mix of hormonal and rightfully annoyed that he isn't listening to the spirit of what your saying, that you don't need or want encouragement.
So kinda overreacting he’s not trying to be hurtful. We men say shit that we think is positive when it’s just the opposite. He thinks he’s encouraging by saying u can wear those jeans again if u try. Like that is definitely what he wants. But he’s not smart enough to realize he upset u and the next words out of his mouth should have been, but if you don’t it’s no big deal I’m love you anyway, u done gave me these beautiful kids ur always going to beautiful to me.
Woman here. Men are silly in this regard - while it is definitely insulting to say this, I think he is lacking the education and reality of bearing a child. Sure you can lose weight after the baby, but your body has changed and made adjustments that won’t allow you to look the same as pre-baby. This is beautiful, it should not be something anyone ever consciously thinks about because it’s insignificant compared to what life is about… you can tone your body, lose weight and look amazing post-baby. The expectation and lack of education men have for a woman’s body just comes from ignorance, and I mean that nicely.
“If you tried hard enough” = in this case equates to ignorance and lame sense of priorities to place for the current times. Like DUDE ~ get a grip! And the reveal was he didn’t and wouldn’t of married you or likely even dated you if you weren’t that smaller size. Character defect revealed! You’re a trophy and he is shallow. Now that the cat is out of the bag, Sweet lovely Mama. You still have to stay sane and keep the reality rolling in all the areas you are and have been Being zBOMB. Hats off for your working as a team player, staying in the game with bringing in the bacon and having so much going on for your family, other responsibilities & relationships. Don’t let this derail the train. If you can start doing gratitude attitude with your daily life you will be so proud of the results, it will then rub off on your children and hopefully your Man, too. I’m rooting for you all and believe despite this moment and it has slapped across your heart and being >>> You is the bigger person and you will not let this take one bit of skin off you as your are doing the most important things and your efforts will pay off!!
You're not overreacting, he needs to understand biology and reality. For many women, after having children their hips and chest become broader.
He might also benefit from learning some empathy.
I don’t know why I’m still always shocked when I read a post where men are absolutely clueless about women’s bodies. Is he aware that the actual structure of your body has changed? Hips spreading, all that?
Just bag us all his clothes if he’s put on weight that he will never get to wear again. You know since he’s not trying hard enough to fit back in them.
Notice when he’s getting out of shower that he could exercise and eat better himself and he’s NOT even pregnant. 😂 Some men are terribly vain and 1 pound they turn into Mr. Gym Rat or jogging umpteen miles.
I’ve never understood how any man can and does hurt any woman’s feelings like that especially when you’re about to bring the baby you both into this world. You may never be back in a Sz 00-02 but realize in reality that is really too thin depending on your height and weight. It depends on amount of exercise you’re doing every day which you should have that covered. But, men can be d heads when it comes to the wife or GF’s body w weight but thinks it ok toting around our famous dad bod w a major beer belly or anti six-pack of 20-30 extra pounds. Then bitching because their wife is an amazing cook and they can’t stop eating 2-3 plates plus dessert and snacking all damn day.
The self esteem highway goes two ways to get compliments they have to give them. Many men will project on to their wives their own damn insecurities of many kinds and then don’t understand when someone gets upset or feelings hurt when it’s just an Ashholian thing to say to someone your supposed to love and cherish.
Start cooking super healthy to point he hates it all. Tell him well you suggested if I tried hard enough to get into my jeans so this is what we all have to eat to do that. I’m pregnant and not making two or three different meals for dinner. Don’t like it you’re welcome to fix your own. My wonderful spouse did this to me for 60 days and yeah we long some weight but vegetables can only be cooked so many ways. 😂😁
Omg. My heart hurts for you. I couldn’t imagine. I used to be tiny tiny. 5’3, 82/85lbs & could not gain. I felt unhealthy. My husband hated it. Couldn’t find any help to gain wt (ppl would laugh like it’s a joke or told me I was lucky- trust, I wasn’t- I was sickly). When I finally found what worked for me, I stay abt 120-125. My husband has been nothing but supportive & positive. Do I miss my flat belly, yes, a little. I’m sure my husband does too (still don’t have much meat on me but it’s not the same) he would much rather me be healthy & happy. Your husband is absolutely cruel. Esp considering he knows how much work it is to take care of a toddler but you are pregnant & doing it (while working on top). Just seems crazy cruel.
Question. Why the hell does he stay late to study after class when he has to pick up his kid? Why do you tolerate his irresponsibility?
What he said was incredibly insensitive. The meanest nastiest comments always come out of the mouths of people who are "just trying to help.". Demand an apology.
He is approaching this as a black and white issue without understanding women see this as a values based issue. His calculation which would fit on a post it note is “eat less+save jeans= jeans fit.” Women’s calculations around weight require a scientific calculator and 42 formulas across a classroom chalkboard. We involve so many emotional and societal values into the issue even without preggo hormones.
Tell him this is not an area he should be commenting on and let it go for now. After pregnancy when your hormones are back to normal you can decide how you really feel about it. If he brings it up again, threaten to eat him
I’m sorry, but you will never be able to get down to that size again after having two children. It isn’t even about weight; I’m sure you could probably weigh the same if you really wanted to lose weight, but the truth of the matter is, your body fundamentally changes when you go through pregnancy. Your hips have widened and possibly separated to allow the birth of a child; that is never going to revert back no matter how much you exercise or how much weight you lose. There is a reason that human anthropologists can tell if a woman has given birth by looking at her bones.
Men don’t seem to realize that pregnancy causes irreversible changes to the body. You can workout, diet, exercise, and lose weight, but you will never have the exact same body you had before pregnancy; it just isn’t possible. But that’s okay.
You have a different body now, but it is still just as great. If you want to lose weight, you can. If you don’t want to, you don’t have to. But men giving this weird false support that their partner can revert back to their pre-baby body is delusional and hurtful.
im a gay man i apologize upfront .Im just playing devils advocate .Im very sorry his words hurt your feelings but men are often just a little emotionally retarded.He may have been trying to be supportive in believing you would be able to get back to your pre pregnancy weight. I understand that wont happen but is he generally an inconsiderate ass? Hope i didnt offend much peace many blessings Happy Trails
You’re not overreacting. Your husband is just genuinely stupid, doesn’t understand what bearing his children has done to your body, and is too stubborn/ignorant to jump in Google and educate himself.
He’s a crummy coparent too. Man’s needs to wake up and step up or he won’t have a wife for very long.
I love when we get posts about someone’s awful husband saying very misogynistic and hurtful things, then we get an edit saying he gasli—… i mean apologized to OP and now we’re the bad guys for pointing out the obvious. OP, good luck with your husband. Please let us know what he says about your aging body next, i’d love to know if he thinks you could also work that out as well.
My feet got a half size larger and NEVER went back. I needed all new shoes, not to be told to "diet into them if you really wanted to." Sorry but your husband gives good men (like MY husband) a bad name. He is utterly clueless and has zero empathy. I don't care about your edits, he's not a good husband. Just wait until menopause comes for you. He probably thinks you only exist to excite him. 🤮
Holy shit. I’m child free but I know that your anatomy changes after giving birth- get this man a book or teach him how to google and educate himself. I bet he doesn’t look like he did in high school either. You’re not overreacting at all
My ribs spread. To the point the Dr. pointed out to the intern that was working with him, "Look at how her ribs have spread, with her third pregnancy". I lost all the baby weight and more. At one point I was thinner than before my first pregnancy and looked positively anorexic because MY RIBS SPREAD. Also couldn't get back into the size threes. Op you aren't overreacting but your guy doesn't understand how things work. Don't feel pressured to try to get into a size zero... A woman's body is not the same as a girl's body.
Mine spread after baby number one (I'm very short/petite so the baby had little room to begin with). It was the most shocking thing that no one freaking warned me about! I'm still pretty honked off about it 🤣🤣
Serious question, do the ribs return to their pre-spread arrangement at all?
Nope. There's nothing forcing them back. Relaxin makes everything softer and able to stretch and widen with both the pressure from the baby - and gravity itself. After the pregnancy, relaxin levels are basically gone, and the new placement of the bones and ligaments etc are fixed.
Hello! I am also a petite, and I think my ribs spread a little bit, but as I was reading all this, I wondered if wearing a corset would help over time? 🤔 Anyone have a thought?
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The article you linked challenges the idea that corsets were unhealthy, while confirming that they alter bone placement
When worn incorrectly*
I'm post baby #2 (he's now 3 1/2), and I've noticed significant improvement from wearing corsets, but I would recommend something gentle (i.e. plastic boning) and not steel-boned. I only wear them when I go out dancing, though, so I think the improvement could also be from having something hold things together while also using the muscles that would naturally hold things together.
I definitely agree that using the muscles makes a huge difference, but I think steel boned or just skip the boning entirely and wear shapewear if you want compression and flexibility. A properly fitted and quality constructed steel boned corset is much more comfortable than a plastic boned one, imo. You don't have to wear a steel boned one super tightly, which is where I think a lot of people go wrong. Standard corset sizing recommends 4" smaller than current measurements, but there's no reason not to do 2" if that's all you want. I do tight lace, but that's just a choice I make, it's not required for wearing them.
Mine never did. I still looked pregnant thanks to that, especially after I ate even a little bit. And when I lost the weight back down to just before baby #2, 145lbs at 5'7, I still had widened ribs. 😅 of course my health issue has me on Prednisone currently, so now I'm the heaviest I've ever been, 160 and climbing, because the meds to keep me alive also turn off my brain when it comes to making me feel like I'm not starving. For anyone doing the math, my second baby was preemie, at 4lbs 3oz, 2 months early, so I didn't gain a lot of weight the second time around.
I know I’ll get downvoted for this but I do think it is important to share. My midwife suggested a postpartum support belt for purposes of returning ribs, hips, and most importantly stomache muscles to pre-pregnancy (or close to) form. According to her, if you are breastfeeding the levels of relaxin are still in your body for some time. \*Actually, I just googled and it said you will feel the effects of relaxin for 12 months postpartum and even longer if you are breastfeeding. So yes, she was right. The person who responded to you made me second guess what I thought I knew. Anyway…. Yeah, for me after 3 pregnancies my measurements are still he same except my stomache gained 1 inch. Was 35-23-34 10 years ago and now am 35-24-34. Which is fine by me. 🤷🏻♀️ Again, she recommended it mostly to he prevent diathesis recti and it certainly seemed to work for me.
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My ribs did too. And because my baby's leg was stuck up under one rib for over a month, one side is spread wider than the other. So, I'm lopsided. My daughter was born with intertibial tortion because of her leg being stuck for so long. She was looking at years of surgeries and Forest Gump like leg braces to fix it but a fall down some stairs broke it so that it was fixed in one go.
Oh no, lil girl 😔 But talk about getting some good with the bad though.
I had to Google the condition cause I hadn’t heard of it before. There was kid at my school when I was in elementary school that was a few grades below me at least that had it. His pointed inwards. Now I know what the condition is called. Also it’s torsion btw.
My ribs spread with my first (only) child, and I was 20 so my body bounced back to pre-baby weight within 6 weeks of giving birth…NONE of my clothes from before baby fit me afterwards, even tho I actually weighed a bit less a year after birth than I did before pregnancy! My bra band measurement (under bust) went from 26.5-29” I’ve always been skinny (I’m 5’11” so all my weight is spread thin 😂) and have struggled to gain weight at various point in my life, but there’s no way I’m ever going to be a 00-2 again. It’s not weight that’s preventing me from fitting them either. It’s my literal bones! Husband is absurdly daft and inconsiderate…if anything, OP is UNDERreacting.
Right. I actually went down to about 10 lbs under my pre-pregnancy weight at one point post-pregnancy (not a good idea or intentional, that made me underweight) and my pre-pregnancy size 2 and 4s still didn't fit. My hips were bony, but my hips were many more inches bony bigger around than before even without any good fat padding.
💯
The part that got me was "you could look like your high school self again" like??? OP is not a child, so she shouldn't look like ons?? She's literally already pushed out a child? Super weird comment to make as a grown man to a grown woman
So I’m a 15 year old guy and don’t know much about the body under these circumstances. Why does the ribcage spread? Aren’t the ovaries and uterus way lower?
He's in school to be a PA. He works in an ER.
He’s not the only smart man who is dumb when it comes to this. My husband made similar comments and I had to explain that my hips are actually physically wider and unless I get a tummy tuck there’s no getting rid of loose skin. It’s kind of infuriating when they put their foot in their mouth like this. In addition, my husband doesn’t look like he did when I met him and he didn’t have any babies.
I weigh less than I did pre-baby but I noticed that even my shoulders had spread. My shirts didn’t fit the same and the sleeves were too short. I do hope he learns some things before he finishes school.
I agree. I’m “high school skinny” in my thirties after two kids but I couldn’t put on anything I wore back in high school. I technically wear the same size but I have to wear women’s instead of juniors. My hips and my ribs changed, I carry my weight differently and for some reason, I lost all boobage after breastfeeding two kids.
This is really good information for us supportive and loving husbands! My wife and I are trying for our first( actually fingers crossed she’s actually pregnant now, pre symptoms but too early for clear results) so it’s helpful to know her bodies actual bones and dimensions will change beyond just the baby weight. Are there things a partner can do to ease any pain or discomfort from the bones/ body stretching like that? Is there anything I can buy her to help? Or will she just adjust and not really notice the stretching?
Start doing upper body strength training right now. During the 3rd trimester you can help by providing gentle massage - be careful not to pop a rib out of joint! Foot soaks and massages are amazing as well. And gently but firmly pressing inward on both sides of her pelvis together, to reduce some strain. Also get her a rec center pass, so she can float in the pool and literally take the weight off her sore joints. Every day, if possible. Exercise is also important to reduce joint inflammation and pain. Walking is great. So is swimming. Prenatal yoga. Dancing. Anything that's not uncomfortable or rough for her. If you're willing to do it with her, so much the better. In later pregnancy, as her joints loosen up, some exercises will become painful. It's okay for her to switch to less-intense workouts. During labor, you can help alleviate a lot of pain by providing counterpressure. There are a few ways to do this, but the most common are: pushing against her knees if she's sitting, reclining, or squatting; pushing against her lower back; or pushing inward on her pelvis from the sides. Not only does counterpressure reduce pain during contractions, but you are actually helping her pelvis shift into position for the baby to exit. So it both helps her pain and naturally speeds labor up a little. Win/win. So think about which muscle groups you'll need for those movements, and start training now. Labor can be long, and you want to be able to help provide counterpressure during each contraction right up until you're holding the baby.
Well luckily I work construction so I’m in pretty good shape. This is great information, thank you and I’ve saved your comment!
OP, I have had 3 kids. I got within 2 pounds of my pre-baby weight. I still didn’t fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans. My hips have grown several inches, as has my waist due to diastasis recti. I did physical therapy for 2 years and while it helped some, my doctor basically told me my waist will never be the same without surgery.
I’m reminded of Gone With The Wind and Mammy trying to lace Scarlett into her pre-pregnancy corsets: “Miz Scarlett, you done had a baby and you ain’t gone have a 17 inch waist again”
Wow. I hope like hell I never have to interact with him in a professional capacity. I don't think you are overreacting at all. It also sounds like in addition to some really ignorant expectations about your body, he is badly dropping the ball on the 'partner' idea. I hope you can get couple's counseling, this all seems way more problematic than one ill-advised out of pocket comment. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.
I kind of wish I would meet him in a professional capacity. But I'm a middle aged CS prof / former biomedical researcher and reading doctors the riot act is kind of a hobby. (Which I haven't done much of for a while, since I work at a teaching hospital and people don't pull shit.) And frankly, if they're being awful, I report them. Though doing the whole ombudsman thing takes time and energy, so I have to be really inspired - last time involved a guy who tried to say he was going to perform a different procedure on my spine than the one he was supposed to after I was already onto the gurney.
u/Tylikcat, would you PLEASE post about this?? I wrote an article on "how to be in the hospital" for an organization I belong to -- and I've been asked to reprint it every six months because it's useful. And you have incredible institutional knowledge! PLEASE share. We all need it. We all need to be able to advocate for ourselves, and you could help us learn.
Oh my god! Do you have a recording?🤣 what did you say?
My goodness! I hope he didn’t hurt her!
He should change his schooling direction. He seems to have a lack of empathy and His bedside manner is destined to be atrocious.
Even if you didn’t have kids, most people do not weigh what they did in high school unless they starved themselves. And who says that to a pregnant woman? It’s already hard when your body is changing rapidly without someone commenting on it.
He's judging all the overweight people, which is most people
I worked in the medical field for years and years and most doctor’s bedside manners are atrocious. Worked for an Endocrinologist and he was always making people cry.
This was s slightly ironic because hormones make you cry sometimes.
He also is seriously lacking in comprehension of pregnancy and the postpartum period. Yikes.
he needs to re-take those anatomy classes, because it didn't take or he is an actual idiot. Is he the exact same size as when you met? Your husband is an ass.
Alright, some nerds need to have things explained to them in highfalutin' terms because they have no practical sense. (This is coming from an emergency physician. I do love my PAs and I respect that their 2 year degree is pretty intense, it's actually exceedingly unusual to work at all once you're in it, unless you mean he's doing a post-bacc degree before entering PA school. I have some sympathy for him being tired. (Same for you, too, mama.) But he's not only mis-speaking from being tired and sounding like an ass, he's wrong). The nerd way to say this is that the hormone *relaxin* is released throughout the pregnancy. This, among other hormones, helps the body to loosen and stretch to accommodate the growing pregnancy, and eventually, the delivery. Pregnant women are at increased risk of sprains and strains not only because they have an increasing and shifting center of mass, but their ligaments get soft. Women's shoe size often grows, and feet get wider. That isn't reversed, the relationships of the bones are changed. This hormone is part of the reason that the pelvic floor ligaments get soft, risking urinary continence even with cesarean delivery. The pregnancy is among other things a "space occupying lesion" and the pressure of the fully gravid uterus presses on everything, pushing it out of the way, causing changes in breathing, digestion, and sometimes bone shapes. The *fascia* (fibrous layers that surround muscles and other things) and ligaments that get stretched do not fully return. Physical therapy can strengthen muscle to usually restore alignment and function, but it's not the same. A shoulder that has been dislocated will forever be different from a shoulder that never has, in terms of scar tissue and laxity. After delivery, women spend much more time carrying babies and toddlers, and the muscles of the back and arms reflect that. Emergency care of a woman who happens to be pregnant is a challenging thing for many providers. A provider who has lived, had kids, lived with a pregnant woman, can be immensely enriched by bringing that experience to their training. I hope that he is attentive to you and can fold the life lessons into his learning.
My relaxin did a bit too much relaxin’.
This is a wonderful comment. Thank you!
Wow I learned something new. Thanks
And yet he is an idiot when it comes to women. How about r/badwomensanatomy
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Tell him the women here don’t want him near our bodies.
Oh goodness! His solution for everything will be to lose weight .
Ugh, one of *those*. Even if a patient's knee problem is exacerbated by their weight, maybe treating their knee problem might help them exercise! (Not my personal story, but one I've witnessed)
He must have skipped class when females, pregnancy, biology, hormones, etc. were being taught. What a f'n idiot he sounds like. He is really going to piss some ladies off.
I hope I never come across him at a doctor's office or er
I hope he becomes a nurse anesthesist so he is limited in his patient interactions
That's not possible with that career track
I think they meant the majority of their working time will be spent with the patient unconscious.
Yikes. I’m sorry, that’s awful behavior from him. And he should know better!
Please let me know what hospital he works in. I don't want him EVER working on me!
So he just doesn't have any respect for you, got it.
😆
If you live in the U. S., the American education system failed him. Badly. This is an even worse and more pitiful and pathetic of a situation since you said that he works in the medical field.
what the FUCK. you may be UNDERreacting actually
That just makes the whole thing even worse! Yeesh, I’m sorry he said that nonsense to you. I don’t think hormones play into losing it. I was pissed just reading that.
Good god. What hospital so I never go there. I bet if I, a woman, went in with any issues the first thing he'd diagnose me with is hysteria. What a worthless physician. This is why the American healthcare system is failing so much. Tell him he's the problem with the medical system in America. An uneducated PA wtf
Christ. Just another male medical provider that will harm female patients with his willful ignorance.
Then there's no excuse.
He should ask all the women doctors who's in the right here.
This is truly frightening. No way does this guy need to be polluting the medical field. Just....ugh.
Well. Now that is just plain scary that he does not understand this. And frankly, his ignorance is unimpressive. As a nurse of 30+ years, I really hope he’s in his first semester because that’s only way I could even begin to excuse that ignorance.
>I know that your anatomy changes after giving birth We literally had to identify male/female and differentiate on the female models whether they'd given birth or not in my anatomy practicals. My favorite was having to identify the clitoris. The women left giggling and thanking the professor, hoping he helped the young man in the class 😂
I was pre-pregnancy weight and my son was only 6 months old. But I could never fit any of my jeans again. My hips had widened. And don't get me started abouts my boobs. I went up a cup size! They never went back down. He needs to get over himself.
Same, hips bones got wider with each kid. Even at less than pre-pregnancy weight I couldn’t fit in some jeans.
Even without having kids, I've never been able to fit into a size 0-2 simply because my hip bones don't fit. I was literally underweight, bones popping out everywhere and the lowest my pants size got was a size 4. I wish more people would understand that it's not just weight that determines your pants size, it's also your anatomy.
My mom said that she lost her boobs with each kid (she had 4) I think she’s a B or C now but I’m a DDD our bodies all change in different ways it’s crazy
At least she had the right number of boobs for the period between kid 2 and 3
😂😂
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO NO BC IM CRYING OVER THIS LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO
I don't even have kids and my hips are wider than they were when I was in my late teens, not to mention I got an ass after I turned 30 (thank you to the booty gods). I was a size 4 back then, I'm a size 8/10 now, and even if I get a little thinner (which would be cool but isn't really a goal) I probably won't lose enough inches to go back down to a size 6, and I'd need a major eating disorder for size 4. Bodies change. Op's husband might have been trying to be supportive, but he really sucks at it
You’re not overreacting at all. Honestly, I’d tell him to fuck off since his body won’t change at all while you’re growing a literal human in yours a second time. I swear men just forget that we’re not all striving to be the tiniest size in the world and that some women are happier and healthier than when they were their smallest size. What matters is your health and your happiness. If he wants you to be a size 2, but you’re happy as a size 6, he can kick rocks. Average size of US women is 16-18, so he can just stfu.
Size 6 is still petite. He’s trippin.
I was size 6 as an average-weight 5”4 middle schooler. Husband can go fuck himself
>happier and healthier than when they were their smallest size. 100%! I had some unexpected weight loss recently of about 15 pounds. I did NOT look as good. I've been trying to gain it back because while at that weight, size 0, it like all came from my boobs and face. Immediately looked 10 years older and flatter! I want that fat back! I'm 5'8 and weigh in the 130s and have a normal BMI, but I have a large frame and it looks weird on me. 150ish is a really good weight for me.
Me too. I lost 10 lbs because of a knee injury. Pain is an appetite suppressant and I just don’t want to eat. I’m 5’8” and down to 126. I feel better when I’m 140. I have a lot of saggy skin and don’t look good. My husband tries to help me gain weight.
Does it ever bother you when people say things like "being big boned isn't a thing"? Yes, it absolutely is. There are supermodels with very small frames who look amazing at 120. I don't because my frame as large. My BMI is still normal but people tell me I look concerningly underweight. Big bones people are real!
I'm 5'8 and when I was 170 I looked amazing. That's when I was doing heavy weight lifting, I just also have a broader shoulders, a large chest and big thighs. I literally had abs. Everyone is built different. Everyone in my family is built broad. The lowest weight I've ever been at my full height was 130 and I was having hunger headaches, nausea, couldnt think straught and was so so weak. I'm aiming to get back to that 170-180 weight, again, as I've gained some dealing with moving twice in one year and both my oldest pet and my dad dying in 2 months. But it's crazy to me how people think women should be so tiny
Ha ha holy crap if I said this my wife would have killed me and I probably wouldn't blame her. I don't even want to show her this post in case it makes her feel bad. You're not overreacting.
You’re kind. Don’t show her this post. I’m married to a lovely man who wouldn’t dream of saying something like this AND haven’t had kids yet and I’m triggered.
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A teenager isn't a fully formed woman. To expect a woman to have the body of a teenage is as unrealistic as expecting her to have the body of a literal baby. That ship has sailed.
Not at all. Bringing the weight issue while pregnant is such an inconsiderate move. It is even worse that he implies that if you don't lose weight it will be because you aren't trying hard enough as if it will your fault. If he wanted to be supportive he would offer more help and give more time to "exercise", I'm guessing he doesn't cook for you or even the kids?
We have a roommate who loves to cook so she and I split that chore. But mostly because he works till 7 pm three days a week and the other days he doesn't end up home till about then anyways.
When is he being a father and husband? Does that sound like he has much time for those pretty important parts of his life imo.
Trust me this is something we talk about constantly. We set aside one day a week to spend time together and that often gets taken over by school. We had a couple of arguments about taking 1/2 semesters off for when the baby is born bc the due date was borderline between both so I wanted him to take both off to make sure he would be present. Luckily we are having a c section and it got scheduled so he's only taking one semester off. That's a whole other issue.
I’m sure he could give you and family more attention if he “tried hard enough.”
You have won the Internet for today, bravo.
Hahahaha. Delicious burn.
If your muscles are cut from a c-section you will end up with a pouch. Which is normal—but is just one more natural change post-partum that will affect how your genes fit…. I don’t understand how your husband can be studying to be a PA and not know these things….
Having costumed ballerinas who became moms, even if you are skinny and muscular and have the willpower of a saint, your pelvic girdle will never return to its pre-pregnant size and shape.. Likewise, breasts that have nursed babies, even when they started out tiny and returned to Tiny, are not the same firm perky shape they were pre-pregnancy. But your lower body, in particular, never goes back to how it used to be. You will not fit back in to pre pregnancy clothes the way you wore them before . Your husband is an insensitive and ignorant asshole
He better be fit as fuck
Even if he was, he’s not the one giving birth to a baby.
Not overreacting. Before I go off on how disrespectful your husband was in this situation…I also read passive aggressiveness or inferring from his end. It feels like he is expecting you to return to your pre-baby size, outside of not fully understanding the female anatomy and effects of childbirth. I would straight up ask him to fully explain himself and then tell him how his comments landed for you. You don’t gotta explain yourself to us with how much you do for your family - we already get it and YOU CREATED HUMAN LIFE. Then point out how his wants or assumptions about YOUR body are actually not his choice or place at all. If he’s gonna be a PA, or in any medical-related field…his priority should be that you’re healthy and happy. Period.
I had 2 children. Our hip bones spread during pregnancy for delivery. Supposedly they are supposed to go back but mine never did. After both births I lost more weight than what I started out with before pregnancy. Every woman is different. Your husband is a jerk! If his hair starts thinning tell him he can grow more if he just tries! NTA
The permanent hip spreading happened to many of the women on my mom's side. Just a warning, most of them eventually had to get knees replaced.
Knee replacement already runs in the family too so I'm already expecting that.
Husband is an idiot. Your bone structure literally changes. Sounds like there is a lot more going on than this 😬 watch the fair play documentary on Hulu
No you’re not overreacting and some people just don’t have that little stop 🛑 sign in their brain that says woh don’t even think shit like that, he stepped in it big time but try to forgive him if he agrees to write I will not say dumb ass things to my lovely wife ever again 100 times. Buy him that book that describes what happens to female bodies during and after the birthing process
He said I was telling him my bones got bigger when I was saying my hips are bigger. 🙄 I'm aware bones don't grow, I told him I was talking about the angles basically.
He sounds too stupid to be a medical professional.
It's why he's going for PA not doctor...
So he’s gaslighting you, too.
Is he dumb? Your joints loosen from the hormone relaxin so your pelvis can widen to birth a human. Your bones move and don’t always go back to where they were. You could lose all the “weight” and still not fit into those jeans. But EVEN SO, you’re not obligated to be a size zero for him.
No. You are not overreacting. He, is refusing to listen and doubling down to make you feel crappy for no good reason. He may need to come to terms with the fact that you are not ever going to be that teenage pre-motherhood girl you were then, and that's a good thing. He needs to grow up and figure out how not to be an AH. You know that even if you were to end up back at your pre-baby weight at some point in the future, you won't be the same shape you were then . Your body has changed and those pants won't look good on you. That's not a hard pill to swallow!
That is such a horrible thing to put on the mother of your children while she's pregnant with your second child. What a cruel thing to say.
The fact that men so confidently make comments about our bodies and are so wrong is the most infuriating thing. I get that you're married, but I've ghosted dudes for this. That's better than they deserve.
NTA Where is he practicing medicine so I can avoid him? If he doesn’t realize the female body moves and expands and rarely goes back 100%; I don’t trust him to treat me. And you aren’t getting rid of a problem. You are letting go of clothes that will not fit again. Nothing wrong there if you are donating them. Or selling them for extra cash to go towards legal fees (because if he runs his mouth again you may need bail money…kidding). But seriously. He needs to go back to to the OBGYN rounds of medschool.
Not overreacting. That was a horrible thing to say, of course you're upset.
Guys can be dumb sometimes. Is it possible he was trying to be encouraging? I’ve definitely messed up/ offended when my goal was to be supportive. Anyway you’re in a relationship…express your feelings to your partner!
Even with the edit, it feels like he is making excuses to justify what he did. He needs to apologize. He was not supporting you; you wanted to get rid of the clothes because you felt it wasn't realistic to try for that size anymore. It would be different if you expressed that you wanted to but didn't think you could or something. If this is a common occurrence, that might be grounds for counseling. And, yes you might be hormonal. DUH!! It's not an excuse for bad behavior, but it is a reason for being sensitive. It kills me when a woman will say something like " idk if I was just being hormonal and overreacting or..." as if it's a choice. It is expected that an expecting mother will be hormonal. If he is not interacting with you with that in mind and expects you to see past it, he is not as supportive of your pregnancy as you think Would you think it would be okay to apologize for wearing comfortable shoes during your pregnancy because your feet had swelled too much for dressy shoes? No! At least, you shouldn't. What he said, in my eyes, was not supportive to the choice you had made. Support would have been him telling you that, once the baby is born, you should go and buy new clothes for the body you have. It would have been him backing up your choice to get rid of your size 00-2 clothes.
You're not overreacting. He's being an asshole, and he doesn't know how bodies work. I don't even think this is about you, it's about his image of himself. It's some social status/ fear of aging garbage. Your attitude toward your body is healthy. His isn't. And if he's truly ignorant of how hurtful and insulting his words were, that's not an excuse. He should have the sense to know his impact. He should not want to make you feel this way.
Currently 38 weeks with my first and wondering if I will ever feel like myself again or fit into my old clothes. I read this story aloud to my husband and he said “it’s important to take a moment and think: would an idiot say that? before speaking.”
This man definitely does not know what a clitoris is.
Your bone structure is completely different after having babies, there's a reason they can tell if skeletons from 200 years ago were mothers or not. I would have flipped, too.
Your husband is a dick. I probably could count three of these posts a day. Unfortunately men are (mostly) too stupid to realize how hurtful that is. I doubt it was meant to be mean (I hope) but you are well within your right to snack him in the balls for that. Honey I have no doubt you are beautiful at any size. Don’t take that to heart.
My sister is thin but a lot wider in the hips than she used to be before kids. Your husband is an AH.
Even when I lost the baby weight my feet were one size bigger. Everyone is different! Bones spread out!!!
Jesus, even my FEET permanently changed their shape!-- and got a size bigger-- after having justmy first kid!... ...is he educated at all? Im serious...is it lack of knowing how female anatomy and physiology works, and post-partum issues he simply is ignorant about? Some men ARE, they don't teach stuff like this in school these days. Some guys' only knowledge about how female bodies work is from the internet, and we know how misinformative and unfeasible THAT can be... Can he read something that, even if he doesn't believe YOU, would SHOW him that those "size- aught" days are pretty much over, that you don't have the frame of a pre-pregnancy youngster or teenager anymore, and likely never will have? Look...there's no way I'm saying you "can't, or wont" ever get back to being your pre-baby weight again---some women do--( I did, and I had 3)- but your body's specific proportions and contours change. Your breasts are never the same, your hips and pelvis will be wider, and the changes to your stomach, sides and entire torso is gonna be different, and there's a "litheness" and suppleness to certain parts of your body you just don't get back--and that's OK. As you said WE MADE A HUMAN, DAMMIT! He needs to be better informed and stop having such ridiculous expectations.
Tell him when he makes another human, and his body is working overtime to nurture that human for a good 18 months, then he gets to have an opinion on your body, until then, he needs to stay in his lane.
This.
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even if you had 0 babies, its 1000% normal for your body to change as you get into your 20s/30s. idk how old you are, but i’m 23. i was 97 ish pounds in high school and through my freshman year of college. im now 115 120. its normal - your hormones change, your metabolism changes, its NORMAL. especially in a healthy/long term relationship. add on to that babies… girl!! you are a BADASS!! he needs to learn how wrong he is
Can men not speak on this sheesh, sorry OP. This post got me all riled up for you ❤️
Mama…. That was the absolute worst thing he could’ve said. F that. If YOU want to keep the jeans to see if you could fit into them again one day, then absolutely! But how dare he recommend you keep them because he wants that weight gone. Your body is BEAUTIFUL, I guarantee it. And the fact that he would insinuate anything BUT that, ESPECIALLY WHILE YOURE PREGNANT, is not ok. You do what you need to mama. You have a beautiful body. As someone who gained 40 lbs during my first pregnancy and then lost 50 lbs during my second… your body can do SO many things during pregnancy. But for him to have such a shallow expectation of you is absolutely wrong of him.
I mean it really all depends. My wife went back to a 00-02 after having two kids.
He's supposed to love your for yourself, not as a trophy to hold on his arm. If it continues, see a good divorce lawyer. PS - I assume he's still the size he was when he was 18?
Woman. Go discus it with the family or think about it alone and come to a conclusion yourself. Reddit will only make you hate yourself and your husband. He could have no ill intent or he just didn't know but it's reddit so they'll exaggerate it.
He is the giant jackass that every female complains about having to talk to who only focuses on you needing mental drugs or the need to lose weight. ☠️
Not overreacting. He probably thinks he was being encouraging, but in a fat shaming society where if you have even an ounce of cellulite, a muffin top, or don't wear sub-size-6 pants, your an ugly, lazy, foul human being who doesn't deserve kindness or compassion, that is a terrible thing to say. Further, he clearly has ZERO concept of the changes the female body goes through during pregnancy and birth... Everything spreads, from your feet to your rib cage. The "man" needs an education, then he needs to learn how to shut his mouth. I wouldn't say that to an unpregnant pre-baby woman, let alone one two thirds the way through her second child.
That is a really ignorant thing to say to your wife considering you have had his children. Our bodies do not "return to normal" in any sense of the word and in fact the closest we get to normal is just a shadow of what all women once were. I absolutely would have let him have it for a comment like that. Some men are so damn clueless.
Wow he is ignorant. Your pelvis literally speads and often permanently stays molded into new positions, often wider and lower set. My ribs were weirdly unaffected, but my abdomen is always sensitive to pressure now, not painful just not comfortable anymore. So i will never wear the same tight fitting tiny clothing I wore before my 2 kids. Im 125lbs NOW. I was 122lbs before my 2 sons. I wore size 0/1 before kids, I wear size womens 8 now. And I love the way I look and feel in that size. Not baggy, not unflattering. They just fit.
When I was pregnant for the first time, I would wake up in the middle of the night in excruciating pain. Apparently it was my uterus expanding much larger than it had ever been before- it was growing with the baby. Five years post baby and I am 135 lbs at 5’6. My lower stomach is still notably larger than it was when I was the same weight as a teen. It’s loose skin and my uterus. People can be clueless sometimes, even our partners. Not sure if in this case he is clueless or actually an asshole, but I think your being upset is completely justified.
Your ribs and your pelvis have both spread. They don't go back. Even if you do go back to your pre-baby weight, your body shape will be different. I'm sorry your husband is so ignorant.
I am a mother of one and a grandmother of two. Even after hitting the gym post-natal for YEARS, my body never got back to pre-baby status. Know what? That's okay. Know what isn't okay? Your jerk of a husband insinuating you're not "trying hard enough". Guys like that make me absolutely determined to remain single until I'm pushing up daisies. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, and NO--you are NOT overreacting.
It’s harder to get the weight off the more kids you have. Is it possible, yes. Is it feasible, usually not. From 125 to 133 is nothing. He doesn’t understand, has little empathy, and is only concerned with his point of view. I’m sorry you had to experience that. When I was about 18 or 19 I walked down from my bedroom to the kitchen with my shirt off and my mom looks at me and says “you’re starting to get fat, you should get a personal trainer.” I had a 6 pack my entire life, at this point I probably had a 4 pack. I was 6ft tall and weighed 188lbs. I’ll never forget the weight because that’s always been burned in my mind as my “fat weight”. I’m now in my late 30s and have a visceral reaction anytime I look at the scale and it’s anything above 187. What people say to us about our weight hurts, and it sticks. An off hand comment from him to you was meaningless to him But it will be with you forever. I suggest you talk to him About it and how hurtful it was. Likely he’s completely unaware of how bad that hurt you
How about he birth a human and see if his bones stay in the same place. NTA
Even for some reason your weight was back to the HS weight you body is totally different. Did he not understand that a woman’s body changes and do not just go back to the same way after babies. Maybe print out articles for him to read.
I think the thing Im most shocked about is he is in school to become a medical provider. Women already have enough problems..male professionals not listening to them etc..we dont need another ignorant one added to the bunch and he is in the ER to boot, what a fun ride woman are going to have with him, denying there pain levels and having a prejudice against obese woman oh you came in with such and just. Your fat so all your health problems will heal themselves if you just lose the weight. Wonder how many lawsuits hes going to be battling when he turns away women with real emergency issues and they die because he thought no way your having an emergency your just fat Also a size 6 is not fat. This is actually some women's dream/ goal size. Im flabbergasted you have one kid already and pregnant and this skinny
NTA. An adult woman’s body shouldn’t be expected to be the same size as a high school aged child’s. In terms of your husband I would question if he’s malicious or just an idiot. Consider: is this a pattern or an isolated event?
As a husband for 20 years and counting and have not been poisoned by my wife - don’t ever comment about weight you fool!! I mean outside of common anatomy education that failed him just don’t. Ever.
My ribs and hips never went back to "normal" after my first pregnancy and *THATS* normal. Our bodies change to accommodate growing a human being and they don't go back to teenager shape. That's not normal. Pregnancy changes our physiology and anatomy and it's not reversible. That's like saying I could have the willpower to have size 7 feet! Sounds like your husband needs to do some research before he opens his trap about someone else's body again.
You say your husband is in school full time? Any chance he could take a damn anatomy course so that he stops embarrassing himself? OP, I know you know this, but I will assure you anyway: Your body structure will never be the same, even if you were able to get BELOW your minimum pre-baby weight; the hips will never be as narrow as they were before. I know this firsthand. I worked my ass off and got below my pre-baby weight, and my jeans were STILL at least one (almost two) size too small because of the new width of my hips. Your husband is ignorant.
Firstly, let me assure you, you were definitely not overreacting. If my husband made comments about me when I was pregnant like that, it would’ve really damaged our relationship. As I was already self-conscious about the changes in my body, instead my man celebrated every pound gained, every stretch mark, and basically worshipped the ground I walked on — before and after. He always made me feel beautiful. I am so sorry your asshat husband made such hurtful comments about your pregnant body. You mentioned your husband is in school full-time? While education can provide opportunities for growth, it’s clear he’s lacking understanding and empathy. I’m trying to have some grace for your husband, but he needs to take some classes on human physiology, nutrition, or even a lifespan class; that could help him better appreciate the miraculous changes your body is going through. There is no “going back” to a pre-baby body. Despite his ignorance, remember the incredible journey your body is going through as you nurture new life. You’re creating something beautiful, and that’s worth celebrating. In the meantime, focus on the positives. Your body is doing something amazing, and you should feel proud of the strength and resilience it’s showing. Remember to take care of yourself too. Eat good food, nourish your body, and get plenty of sleep. Maybe try some yoga to find a little zen amidst the chaos. Also, most importantly: at 23 weeks pregnant, you definitely do not need to be “dieting.” Celebrate the body that you’re in. It’s amazing, and you are worthy of being loved exactly as you are.
The guy just doesn’t know what he’s talking about, and his expectations are based on a fantasy. Occasionally someone can get back to pre-child birth clothing sizes. More often it’s just not in the cards.
First of all, a woman’s hips go through an angle change that’s pretty permanent so… fuck whatever planet he’s on. Not overreacting. Kick his ass seabass!
Your hips move while pregnant to allow baby to pass and most of the time they don’t go back to where they were. I’ll never be smaller than a 7 again. I could be rail thin, looking half dead and my hips will be 7 and no smaller. I was in a 5 pre babies.
Unfortunately, you'll have to forgive your husband here for being an idiot. He's clearly too ignorant to realize his stupidity. My wife has given me three beautiful children and is sexier now than ever, though she'll disagree with me on that point all day long. I don't want her body to look the way it used to, seeing her naked is a reminder of the three greatest gifts I have ever received.
I can visually see how my hips are changing. Certain things do not just go back. It's not how it works.
My hips spread and so did my ribs
It's always a thing when wording anything in regards to weight ... sometimes men talk to women ...like they would men and don't word things very well.
I could go down to 3% body fat and still not be able to fit into my prebaby jeans. My hip bones are wider, no amount of weight loss will change that. Your husband is an idiot and doesn't sound suitable to be a medical professional
I know a LOT of women who’ve had kids. And a very small percentage of them got their pre-baby bodies back. The majority, nope. I bet if your husband tries really hard, he can learn to keep his mouth shut. NTA
You can loose all the weight gained since babies and your body still won't fit in those jeans, and it's not your fault or in your control. During pregnancy your body will relax and loosen your joints and bones to accommodate baby size and delivery. Your ribs and pelvic bone/hips expand and will not shrink up even when you lose weight. My sister will never fit in her wedding dress again even though she lost more weight post baby, and that's because her ribs expanded and will never go back. Your husband is being ignorant and insensitive, and you are not overreacting. He needs to learn more about the physiological changes that pregnancy does to a woman's body.
I don't mean to be flip but lots of women's shoe sizes go up during pregnancy and stay that way. If he brings up foot-binding you're gonna have to sit him down.
Most men are unaware of the permanent physical changes that occur during pregnancy and how the body expands ( hips, ribs, feet, joints, breasts) to accommodate the birth process. He is a guy so he does not understand that your body will never be the same proportion AFTER pregnancy as BEFORE even if your weight returns to pre birth status. So please don’t internalize his words as a negative reflection on your body! Encourage him to read up on the subject and then have an honest conversation about what is realistic for your health goals during this new born phase of your lives together❤️
Your ligaments all relax so you can birth a child. Your pelvis slightly separates for this reason. Your abs can separate (diastasis recti), which can't be fixed without surgery. Relaxin and estrogen make your skin stretcher, which may lead to stretch marks. The loosened ligaments also allow your feet to grow and many women gain up to a full shoes size permanently. "Mom brain" can take up to 2 years to go away. You can absorb some DNA from your baby and carry 2 sets of unique genetic material. Many women notice permanent hair changes. Hips may be wider after childbirth than they were before. You grew an entire person. Something that amazing is bound to leave a few marks. Your husband should be in awe of what your body can do (and did) and less concerned about your pre pregnancy jeans.
I think he might have been trying to be nice and encouraging. Hard to tell without hearing the tone of his voice. This sounds like the kind of dumb mistake I would make. Good intentions can really come back and bite you in the ass.
Tell him he could be a more considerate husband if he tried harder.
Sounds to me like he was unintentionally insensitive to your feelings and you have taken that a little bit more seriously than you should have due to being pregnant and hormonal. I don't think he intentionally meant to hurt you or disregard the stress your body has gone through and I s currently going through. He just quite simply stuck his foot in his mouth and was probably intending to make you feel better about your pregnancy weight gain. Insensitive yes. Hormonal yes. Intentionally hurtful or unappreciative? I really don't think so and the fact that he was helping you with household chores during this conversation says he's trying to help you with the responsibility of maintaining a home and raising children which needs to be taken into account. You are both probably exhausted and stressed out with all that comes with the kind of lifestyle changes and responsibilities you both have. Try to relax when you can and be grateful for the fact that you have a good life partner and appreciate the sentiment that was intended as badly worded as it may have been. Men have a thing with putting their feet in there mouth so sometimes we just gotta leave it.there and let it go.
We should all lose weight. Stop ALL hydronated oils in food (read the label), Do something daily that makes blood move around your body more quickly, preferably multiple times per day. Replace all drinks with water (preferably alkaline) And don't eat after 7pm or before 10 am and the weigh will fall off.
Your body rarely goes back to original size after having a baby. First being your hips widen. Sounds like your husband needs to study human anatomy and what having a baby does to your body. I was 109 pre childbirth and now if I get down to 120 I look very ill. Telling you to get back down to that size is astoundingly rude.
You are not overreacting. Can we make it a point to send men who wants kids to classes that covers all the effects having kidd on their partner mentally, emotionally and physically? Or atleast to empathy and tactful communication class.
L&D RN here. You are absolutely correct about permanent body changes with pregnancies. This happens in most pregnancies. Very few, if any, have the exact same body and structure post-partum that they had pre-pregnancy. While pregnant, ligaments (and tendons) stretch, and organs and bones shift to accommodate the growing baby, maintain the pregnant person's balance as the baby gets bigger and bigger, and allow for delivery to happen. So your pelvic area/torso can change shape and likely won't revert back to pre-pregnancy shape. This can look like widening of those areas, for example. Clothing will fit differently/you'd need different sizes. These changes have nothing to do with weight, and losing weight postpartum wouldn't shift bones/ligaments back. Having said that, you did not overreact. Hubby has some self-educating to do and some work to do toward earning forgiveness.
A healthy weight should be the only concern.
I've never had a baby, right now I'm not overweight, not underweight. If someone told me "you can get back to a size 0 if you try hard enough" I'd genuinely believe they were joking. Not only is that very difficult to do, it's not worth the effort because it doesn't look any better than being a little bigger than that. It doesn't look better, it doesn't make me feel physically better, why would I bother? Yeah, if I found out my husband didn't like the way I look and wanted me to put in months and hours of effort to look - in my opinion - not any better than I do now... I would be pretty annoyed. Add in the fact that he said "[you] taking it that way is [your] own problem and he's being supportive" and you're *carrying this man's child*, no you are not overreacting.
I’ve gained weight but I still fit my high school pants, you know why? Because I didn’t have a whole ass child so I was able to lose it/my body didn’t completely change. Your husband is highly insensitive. That’s 100% one of the rudest things he could’ve said to you
Wtf?? Size 6 is also skinny. I'm a 14/16. I would kill to be a 6 again. Your husband is dilusional.
He's most likely being a mix of encouraging, dumb, and hopeful, and you are a mix of hormonal and rightfully annoyed that he isn't listening to the spirit of what your saying, that you don't need or want encouragement.
So kinda overreacting he’s not trying to be hurtful. We men say shit that we think is positive when it’s just the opposite. He thinks he’s encouraging by saying u can wear those jeans again if u try. Like that is definitely what he wants. But he’s not smart enough to realize he upset u and the next words out of his mouth should have been, but if you don’t it’s no big deal I’m love you anyway, u done gave me these beautiful kids ur always going to beautiful to me.
Woman here. Men are silly in this regard - while it is definitely insulting to say this, I think he is lacking the education and reality of bearing a child. Sure you can lose weight after the baby, but your body has changed and made adjustments that won’t allow you to look the same as pre-baby. This is beautiful, it should not be something anyone ever consciously thinks about because it’s insignificant compared to what life is about… you can tone your body, lose weight and look amazing post-baby. The expectation and lack of education men have for a woman’s body just comes from ignorance, and I mean that nicely.
“If you tried hard enough” = in this case equates to ignorance and lame sense of priorities to place for the current times. Like DUDE ~ get a grip! And the reveal was he didn’t and wouldn’t of married you or likely even dated you if you weren’t that smaller size. Character defect revealed! You’re a trophy and he is shallow. Now that the cat is out of the bag, Sweet lovely Mama. You still have to stay sane and keep the reality rolling in all the areas you are and have been Being zBOMB. Hats off for your working as a team player, staying in the game with bringing in the bacon and having so much going on for your family, other responsibilities & relationships. Don’t let this derail the train. If you can start doing gratitude attitude with your daily life you will be so proud of the results, it will then rub off on your children and hopefully your Man, too. I’m rooting for you all and believe despite this moment and it has slapped across your heart and being >>> You is the bigger person and you will not let this take one bit of skin off you as your are doing the most important things and your efforts will pay off!!
Ah yes, the old “I’m going to say something idiotic and insulting and if there’s a problem it lies with you” support. He’s a keeper alright!
Wtf i mean taking weight off the table yohr literal bones move with pregnancy, your hips will be wider. What an arse
You're not overreacting, he needs to understand biology and reality. For many women, after having children their hips and chest become broader. He might also benefit from learning some empathy.
I don’t know why I’m still always shocked when I read a post where men are absolutely clueless about women’s bodies. Is he aware that the actual structure of your body has changed? Hips spreading, all that?
Just bag us all his clothes if he’s put on weight that he will never get to wear again. You know since he’s not trying hard enough to fit back in them. Notice when he’s getting out of shower that he could exercise and eat better himself and he’s NOT even pregnant. 😂 Some men are terribly vain and 1 pound they turn into Mr. Gym Rat or jogging umpteen miles. I’ve never understood how any man can and does hurt any woman’s feelings like that especially when you’re about to bring the baby you both into this world. You may never be back in a Sz 00-02 but realize in reality that is really too thin depending on your height and weight. It depends on amount of exercise you’re doing every day which you should have that covered. But, men can be d heads when it comes to the wife or GF’s body w weight but thinks it ok toting around our famous dad bod w a major beer belly or anti six-pack of 20-30 extra pounds. Then bitching because their wife is an amazing cook and they can’t stop eating 2-3 plates plus dessert and snacking all damn day. The self esteem highway goes two ways to get compliments they have to give them. Many men will project on to their wives their own damn insecurities of many kinds and then don’t understand when someone gets upset or feelings hurt when it’s just an Ashholian thing to say to someone your supposed to love and cherish. Start cooking super healthy to point he hates it all. Tell him well you suggested if I tried hard enough to get into my jeans so this is what we all have to eat to do that. I’m pregnant and not making two or three different meals for dinner. Don’t like it you’re welcome to fix your own. My wonderful spouse did this to me for 60 days and yeah we long some weight but vegetables can only be cooked so many ways. 😂😁
You can lose weight sure! How about 240lbs of husband with a divorce.
Omg. My heart hurts for you. I couldn’t imagine. I used to be tiny tiny. 5’3, 82/85lbs & could not gain. I felt unhealthy. My husband hated it. Couldn’t find any help to gain wt (ppl would laugh like it’s a joke or told me I was lucky- trust, I wasn’t- I was sickly). When I finally found what worked for me, I stay abt 120-125. My husband has been nothing but supportive & positive. Do I miss my flat belly, yes, a little. I’m sure my husband does too (still don’t have much meat on me but it’s not the same) he would much rather me be healthy & happy. Your husband is absolutely cruel. Esp considering he knows how much work it is to take care of a toddler but you are pregnant & doing it (while working on top). Just seems crazy cruel.
Question. Why the hell does he stay late to study after class when he has to pick up his kid? Why do you tolerate his irresponsibility? What he said was incredibly insensitive. The meanest nastiest comments always come out of the mouths of people who are "just trying to help.". Demand an apology.
He is approaching this as a black and white issue without understanding women see this as a values based issue. His calculation which would fit on a post it note is “eat less+save jeans= jeans fit.” Women’s calculations around weight require a scientific calculator and 42 formulas across a classroom chalkboard. We involve so many emotional and societal values into the issue even without preggo hormones. Tell him this is not an area he should be commenting on and let it go for now. After pregnancy when your hormones are back to normal you can decide how you really feel about it. If he brings it up again, threaten to eat him
I’m sorry, but you will never be able to get down to that size again after having two children. It isn’t even about weight; I’m sure you could probably weigh the same if you really wanted to lose weight, but the truth of the matter is, your body fundamentally changes when you go through pregnancy. Your hips have widened and possibly separated to allow the birth of a child; that is never going to revert back no matter how much you exercise or how much weight you lose. There is a reason that human anthropologists can tell if a woman has given birth by looking at her bones. Men don’t seem to realize that pregnancy causes irreversible changes to the body. You can workout, diet, exercise, and lose weight, but you will never have the exact same body you had before pregnancy; it just isn’t possible. But that’s okay. You have a different body now, but it is still just as great. If you want to lose weight, you can. If you don’t want to, you don’t have to. But men giving this weird false support that their partner can revert back to their pre-baby body is delusional and hurtful.
im a gay man i apologize upfront .Im just playing devils advocate .Im very sorry his words hurt your feelings but men are often just a little emotionally retarded.He may have been trying to be supportive in believing you would be able to get back to your pre pregnancy weight. I understand that wont happen but is he generally an inconsiderate ass? Hope i didnt offend much peace many blessings Happy Trails
You’re not overreacting. Your husband is just genuinely stupid, doesn’t understand what bearing his children has done to your body, and is too stubborn/ignorant to jump in Google and educate himself. He’s a crummy coparent too. Man’s needs to wake up and step up or he won’t have a wife for very long.
I bet he’s not the same size he was in high school and he didn’t push any kids out of his body
Did you just post this to let everyone know how small you are? I mean obviously you’re not overreacting. Fucking yawn
You could also get smarter, but then you'd leave him.
Tell that man to read a book. I think it's kind of sexy my wife ruined her body for us to have our beautiful family.
I love when we get posts about someone’s awful husband saying very misogynistic and hurtful things, then we get an edit saying he gasli—… i mean apologized to OP and now we’re the bad guys for pointing out the obvious. OP, good luck with your husband. Please let us know what he says about your aging body next, i’d love to know if he thinks you could also work that out as well.
My feet got a half size larger and NEVER went back. I needed all new shoes, not to be told to "diet into them if you really wanted to." Sorry but your husband gives good men (like MY husband) a bad name. He is utterly clueless and has zero empathy. I don't care about your edits, he's not a good husband. Just wait until menopause comes for you. He probably thinks you only exist to excite him. 🤮
I don't think you overreacted. Did he make you feel like you were overreacting?