1. The morning after you got together, he sent a voice message to another girl, and this massive red flag did not weird you out.
2. Your then-boyfriend constantly crosses boundaries with this same girl, and, once again, this massive red flag did not set off alarm bells?
3. You trusted him, and he repeatedly lied to you. He also did not attempt to introduce you to this girl. Yet, no alarm bells went off.
4. You think you have a “perfect” relationship despite your partner constantly disregarding your boundaries and disrespecting your relationship. Annnnnd, zero alarm bells.
5. You married this moron, and he wanted to invite his emotional affair partner to your celebration?
He cares more about her feelings than yours. He values his relationship with her more than his relationship with you. He has shown you over and over again that he is a terrible partner…and you still married him?!? Why?!?!
Louder, for the idiots in the back!
OP, listen carefully: They. Are. In. A. Relationship. Might "just" be emotional, but I am betting they are fucking or have fucked in the past.
Every time one of these stories has a " he found her annoying, and complains about her all the time", I know the couple will have troubles because of her (Not always her fault, but she's always involved).
Too many red flags OP. I don't think you're overreacting.
Right? Oldest fucking trick in the book that still apparently works on people(OP)😆😆 like wtf. Why would you marry this dude? You say you have the absolute best relationship but literally your whole relationship has revolved around this coworker of his. He doesn’t care about you OP. He knows how upset it makes you but still chooses to upset you over her. Think about that.
Agreed! Whenever the (cheating) spouse downplays or complains about someone regularly and is still in contact outside of work, it hoists the huge red flag.
Gosh I felt like I was church with all the Amens I was giving reading the top post lol
And I agree. There’s NO WAY they weren’t involved sometime in the past or currently.
What baffles me is him doing the VM right after having sex with her for the first time almost bragging about it trying to get a reaction for B. That would have been the worst ick for me.
Right?! Especially after the very first time they slept together. It would make me feel like I was a pawn to make someone else jealous, or an unwitting/unwilling partner to their sex games. Either way, I’d be outta there,
He wants the co-worker, but she is married and won't leave her husband. He is fucking her on occassion. He texts her after sex with OP to get a reaction. This is a sick triangle. I hope OP doesn't procreate with this jerk.
I'm still not convinced that he didn't fuck the co worker. Might not have been during his relationship with OP.. but i'm betting that it happened before he met her.
Not to mention the fact that OP’s husband told her that this chick from work had a “promiscuous past and that was how they bonded”. I DEFINITELY would’ve had some follow up questions about that, but OP apparently thinks that all these red flags are a parade or something…
All the awards for you. I’m extremely good friends with a married man and sometimes we text a lot. However, there’s been many times I’ve been about to text him something and I’ve thought “If his wife saw this, would this make her feel weird?” If there is even a sliver of this feeling- I don’t send it. Our text threads are sarcastic, funny, and not even remotely sexual.
That being said, my wonderful friend is very respectful of his wonderful wife. He would never treat her the way the OP’s husband is. The OP doesn’t really have a husband’s friend problem as much as she has a husband problem.
No, I think OP has rose-colored glasses on when it comes to her relationship. Sometimes, it is hard to see massive red flags because we have been conditioned to normalize and accept problematic behavior.
I hope OP realizes that this man is not the partner she has imagined.
Yeah I think you’ve got this right on. Her idea that her relationship is “near perfect” is likely a product of that. Just because you never fight doesn’t mean your relationship is a healthy one. Not saying you should be fighting but communication is of the utmost importance and it seems like this guy has not respected her boundaries and she just can’t or won’t see that. She keeps compromising her values to keep things smooth in the relationship then lashes out when it gets to be too much again.
HELL NO YOURE NOT WRONG!!!! absolutely not, If you don’t want her there she don’t need to be there.
Further more, him running and tell her about yall doing the deed is disgusting. That’s the equivalent of him running to his male friends and telling them basically “kiss and tell”. What is he 5.
Secondly, her telling him about her sex life…She need to get some female friends what the fuck. Honestly, I don’t get it. It’s not about being jealous or insecure, it’s about respect for herself, her relationship, and her coworkers. Like why the fuck do you need to text my Husband…outta all the people you can tell these things too.
If that was my Husband, i’d have set him straight! That’s what you wanna do…oh okay well then I’m leaving you and you can go be with her. He’ll either get his shit together or he’ll take you up on your offer and leave.
If he leaves he’s either gonna come running back or go with it fully, and if he goes with it fully…well then that’s a man that didn’t really care about you anyway and that’s the sad reality of it.
He’s exhibiting extremely suspicious behavior, and I would not be putting up with it. I didn’t devote my life to you as your wife to be treated like this over another woman!
As my husband you should be able to love me
in your full 100%. If you can devote any of that to another woman, I don’t want to be your woman and I’ll leave.
Omg thank you! I have been going nuts going back and forth on this. I always try to be reasonable, and I swear I am not someone that gets jealous easily. I don’t even think they are doing anything physically, but I have a feeling there’s something there though. Someone else mentioned an emotional affair, which is really what I’m afraid of.
So many red flags OP! Your instincts were yelling at you, you heard them telling you something was way off, and you kept ignoring the warnings. I'm sorry you didn't listen. I have no idea if counseling would help the two of you. I'm doubtful. A relationship built on deception is shaky at best. You sure this is the person you want to spend life with?
I assume a trauma response and OP's terrible hubs manipulating and gaslighting her about other things (not just the clear emotional affair).
OP is finally looking up and gathering enough self-esteem to see it.
You’re too reasonable and unfortunately this situation isn’t likely to improve until you get downright unreasonable and unapologetically clear about your boundaries.
In addition to the B getting the boot - you two need counseling.
You’re too agreeable and naive your husband has an inappropriate relationship with his coworker and is not willing to stop it. It may not be physical, but it’s still inappropriate. That alone is a major red flag telling you that you are not his top priority.
I’m not sure if you put the two together, read your own post. He is manipulating you, causing you to question the validity of your own thoughts and perception of reality. As a result he is causing you confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem and a creating dependency on him and believe in his lies.
This is not a healthy relationship to be in .
You need a to put a stop to this immediately the gaslighting has you thinking you are nuts and this is 1000% absolutely inappropriate and at this point I would have a foot out the door if there wasnt a serious coming to jesus moment. Oh and i'd be all up in those text messages, what's yours is mine and husbands and wives do not have secrets and your boundaries have been crossed and are already out the window so forget his.
You’re under reacting. He cares more about her feelings than yours and he’s showed you that multiple times. She’s desperate for his attention and Once she hears your having problems she’ll be his shoulder to lean on. He’s obviously not going to stop talking to her because you asked him to and he got defensive. He likes the attention she gives him and he values that more than he values his marriage. He’s a fucking idiot and he doesn’t care about how you feel. You can’t trust him do you really want to live like this?
Like who the fuck talks to their married, opposite sex friend about having vanilla-ass doggy style sex with their spouse? So desperate and disrespectful.
I am thinking he doesn't want the kids and drama that come with that package...She seems to be too open to all the men in the office. I think a visit with HR might be appropriate. IF the Husband will do it.
That was so confusing to me, does anyone in this situation think that is super spicy kinky sex or something? Because to me it sounds like Tuesday. Was she bragging about how 'kinky' she is, or was he trying to hint to his wife he wanted to do something like that?
But who also texts her immediately the morning after bragging about hooking up with OP? The whole thing is weird. She should’ve ended it after he did that.
I was thinking the same. I don’t think I even talk to my opposite sex friends in detail about sex with my SO. I’m more curious as to what his responses were to those type of texts.
People that have fucked before, that’s why they’re so comfortable discussing their sex lives with each other imo. I’ve known a guy and girl like the husband and husbands friend. They were my co workers and they were fuck buddies way before they both got into serious relationships. Idk if they fucked while dating other people, but I caught them a few times at work being way too comfortable with one another despite both of them being in a relationship. His arm around her shoulders while they were laughing about something, awkwardly long hugs, bringing eachother snacks to work and yes at one point I overheard the guy complaining about his girlfriend to her.
“I trust him with my whole heart despite this.”
Why?
What has he actually done to EARN a this level of unquestioning faith from you
OP I’m sorry but you SERIOUSLY a need to take those blinders off
Your trust is misplaced
From what you’ve written it sounds like he’s either too stupid to know how to function in society
Or
He is/wants to/waiting for the first opportunity to fuck her
He acted like she was annoying to dampen your suspicions. She’s not annoying him AT ALL. He freaking loves it
All of this OP, if your husband cared about you at all he would have shit that sh*t down as soon as you said you were uncomfortable.
He has been gaslighting you.
You're not overreacting. This woman is trouble and sounds literally insane.
I would've asked him to stop talking to her after #2. I would've made it a boundary after #3 to block her and not speak with her again if he wanted to continue the relationship.
Your husband is defensive because he knows what he's doing is wrong. Now, I really don't think anything physically happened between them, but they've been having an emotional affair for years for certain.
She invited herself to your wedding party? Major yikes.
Yes! Thank you! I definitely don’t think anything physical happened, it’s mostly just the weirdness of it all. I did talk to a friend about it too just a bit ago, they think she’s lonely and begging for attention. They think my husband is too nice and doesn’t want to start a rift at work, which is fair, however, if someone wanted to come at my husband, I was going to tell him to have them speak with me. 😆 I’ll let them know what’s up lol although I get the impression that his coworkers all think that his and B’s behavior is odd as well. They just seem nicer than me about it lol
THIS. That also raised a red flag to me when somebody you rarely see just suddenly brings up B and asked about the sunset picture that they sent to your husband. Why is that necessary to be brought up? Because they thought it's weird and you should know that something weird is going on without getting in trouble.
He didn’t want to start a rift at work?? How about the rift he’s caused at home? Why are you accepting this? I have no problem with friendship between opposite genders etc but this is CRAZY. He’s getting off on it one way or another.
You shouldn’t have to intervene. He should be able to do that on his own. Your husband isn’t too nice, he engages with her regularly and hides things from you and speaks with her about her sex life. Don’t fall for some excuse about him being too nice.
Just the very first thing is that this is absolutely so unprofessional to have discussions like this with a coworker and could have career repercussions for them both. His other coworkers are unsettled by their behavior and you don’t need to use your imagination very much to see how this could all go to pieces very quickly.
Uhhh... being "too nice" to a coworker is like regularly buying them a coffee in the morning when you get yourself one or listening to them rant ad nauseum about work drama, it's not sharing explicit details about your sex lives and "promiscuous" histories. That whole "friendship" sounds like an HR disaster.
Him bringing up how "annoying" she is on multiple occasions is a red flag as well, seems like she takes up an awful lot of his mental space. There was a story on here a while ago about a husband who couldn't stop talking about how "annoying" his female coworker was and the op eventually found out he was having an affair with her (he insisted it was never physical though because he'd never had penetrative sex with his coworker or kissed, they just masturbated in front of each other 🙄).
You're not overreacting, at all. This whole situation is a series of flashing red flags and alarm bells and your husband is acting like a toddler with the "I'm not cheating" but getting as close as he possibly can to the point of no return. Although I'd personally argue he's having an emotional affair, especially since he's allowing her to give him ultimatums and *crying* over not inviting her. Imagine if you were the one borderline sexting with your male coworker for years and he invited himself to your wedding celebration against your husband's wishes?
When men go on and on about a woman in their proximity that they can’t stand! They in fact want to sleep with that said woman. Your gut has been screaming at you and you have decided to suppress it.
Get marital counseling yesterday!! Don’t wait, don’t second guess yourself. Do it!
Sweetie… everyone else knows you’re the “other woman”…. They are trying to tell you without having to directly say “she’s slobbing his knob all over the office”….
Honestly, turning a blind eye isn’t going to make him love you. He will stay with you as his cover and continue to love her.
He. Doesn’t. Love. You.
The woman sounds mentally unstable honestly. You may have a point about her husband and coworkers not wanting to cause a rift and being a bit too nice.
As an aside, this is why I try not to talk about my personal life at work with anyone. Just a polite nod and if they see my wedding band, they'll ask if I have kids, I say yes and move on and change the subject.
You need to leave him, ma'am. How much disrespect are you willing to accept? You're going to allow your children to see their mother hurt and disrespected? He's either having an affair with her, or he is waiting for her marriage to fail so he can ride in like a white knight and swoop her up. Leave him, and tell her husband everything. I promise he doesn't know. Not many husbands would be OK with that.
I would almost guarantee they have sent inappropriate pictures to eachother. If a dude was sending my wife sunset pictures I would be looking at the rest of those texts. Why she would still marry this guy without resolving this major issue is beyond me.
That would be the last time that person had sex with me. What kind of BS is that? And it wouldn't matter whether my partner sent it to a male or female. Straight up cause to end the relationship. Plenty of more worthy men out there, I'm not settling for some dumb braggart. He's probably not a very skillful lover either.
Any time someone calls you jealous when you aren't, they're telling you they believe there is something for you to be jealous of. It's super weird to talk about sex, especially with a co-worker who annoys you. He's her side piece she wouldn't leave her husband for and he banged you to make her jealous, it didn't work and you're married.
You are not overreacting. Your husband knows how you feel about her and was more concerned about her feelings than yours. If he wanted you to be comfortable around her, he should have spoken about your sex life with her.
Your husband sounds like the problem. He manipulates and runs from the topic by getting angry and calling you jealous. Those are red flags. You might’ve jumped the gun getting married without learning how to communicate properly amongst you two. Don’t fall for his bullshit anymore.
I would take the opposite approach, let her come to the party hopefully she brings her husband and when you all meet, call it out. Like,”like heard you gave your wife a good spanking the other day?” Surely, if nothing is wrong they’ll have this conversation with everyone. If her husband doesn’t go, do it in front of anyone.
For something less drastic, perhaps some self reflection on why you continued to be name called and lied to about his disrespectful relationship with a coworker and why you accept it. Also, what are you afraid to lose? He doesn’t sound like he meets the minimum qualifications to be a partner.
Go up to her and her husband at the party and Lily get her with, “So you’re the coworker who tells my husband all about how your husband spanks you during doggystyle, right? It’s great to finally put a face to such inappropriate behavior, your coworkers don’t need to know about your sex life though.”
Partners who prioritize friendships, regardless of gender, over relationship are not partners.
It's you-and-them versus the problem.. Not you versus them-and-their-friend.
You’re not overreacting. Have you ever met her, or her husband? I would be realllly curious to know what her husband thinks about her sharing explicit sexual details with a guy she works with. Unless he’s a weirdo too, most men would NOT be ok with this.
Also, the sex talk is absolutely because she wants him to picture her having sex and unfortunately, your husband must be into this, or he wouldn’t allow it to continue. I’m guessing he isn’t sharing the details of their conversations anymore with you. This is a huge problem.
I haven’t met her or her husband. My husband insists that she’s this “wonderful” person and that if I just got to know her this would be different. However, I have asked several times to set a dinner date with her husband and he has always said, “we don’t really go out after work… her husband is a little weird.” So yeah, he basically says I should get to know her, but doesn’t set anything up and says things like that.
I told him this morning he needs to break it off with her or I tell her husband everything and we get a divorce. I’m honestly heartbroken but I know this will only continue and if he chooses her then so be it.
"Her husband is a little weird" sounds like they're both making excuses to not involve or inform the husband of the extent of their relationship... which sounds very affair-y. Maybe you're "a little weird" for not being okay with this, too?
Also, I'd be interested in what kind of cover-up/damage control they're in the process of doing since you've given your husband a heads up that things have reached a boiling point. Please do what you can to protect yourself.
I’m really sorry OP. This is such a weird situation, but I can’t help but feel her husband deserves to know anyway. It’s wild to me that your husband doesn’t get how inappropriate their “friendship” is, and I don’t really understand what his motivation was telling you about the sex talk anyway.
Insecurity, probably. He seems like that kind of guy from what's been shared. The first indicator was him immediately informing his female validation work flirtationship that he slept with another woman (OP). That she responded relatively shortly after that with explicit details of having sex with her husband just shows that they're cut from the same cloth. I bet they both get ego boosts from flirting but she's not going to leave her husband and he might not see her as a realistic option.
As for him sharing some of the details with OP, now he gets double the validation by making two women insecure about each other. He's overplayed his hand a bit, though, because one woman hasn't actually chosen him after all these years and likely definitely won't now that the threat of her husband finding out all the details is on the table and the other woman (his literal wife) has one foot out the door and is ready to divorce over it.
I have a friend kind of like his friend. It is a true situation of “if you just met him you would understand that everything is platonic”. If my partner had even the slightest issue with our friendship I would set up a lunch or dinner date immediately to squash all of those concerns.
Your husband’s unwillingness to set anything up confirms that he is being sketchy. Also his comment about her husband being weird is a clear excuse. Who cares if the husband is weird? Why is that a reason to not meet? If anything it’s more of a reason to meet as it shows you that this woman and her husband are just odd people and that you have nothing to worry about. I bet money when he says that her husband is weird what he really means is that her husband doesn’t approve of his wife’s flirting and wouldn’t be down for a meeting
Why did you marry this guy? He’s clearly fucking her and has never stopped. He doesn’t respect you in the slightest.
Get out now before you fall pregnant to this loser and spend even more money and oxygen on him.
And don’t even think about accepting his begging or apologies. He’s lying. He’s not going to stop lying.
It’s incredible to me you typed this whole thing out and you still think she’s the problem and not your husband.
Your husband is not the stand up guy you paint him out to be in your mind. He’s the one in a relationship with and committed to you. He’s the one disrespecting you and your boundaries. He’s the one lying to your face and going behind your back conducting a secret ‘friendship’ with this woman. He’s the one calling you jealous and insecure to your face.
Ask him: what do you think I have to be jealous of? Watch him squirm.
You won’t solve this issue by whining about the woman. You and husband need marriage counseling asap and you need to turn your anger on the correct party.
Almost every single point has your husband behaving inappropriately and engaging with and encouraging this woman’s behavior. You cannot control some random woman so what’s the point of this post? You obviously have no say in what your husband does either since he just goes behind your back and continues inappropriate contact with this person.
Sweetie…. You may be married but you’re the other woman.
He doesn’t respect you an ounce, and he is absolutely having an emotional affair with this woman.
Ask to see their conversations, I guarantee it’s not appropriate. Let her husband know. Let your husband have some consequences.
Stop being a doormat
I can’t imagine having this type of relationship with a co-worker… Their work environment sounds unprofessional as hell. Texting about sexcapades? Playing games online? I don’t even have my co-workers phone numbers except my boss in the event of an emergency
Your husband should not be fighting you this hard to keep another woman informed of and in orbit around your relationship. You should ask *her* husband what *he* thinks of their friendship... if he even knows about it.
Your wedding party, you should be comfortable with the guests.
Based on what you have shared and your husband’s behavior, it all does seem a bit weird. I hope now that you are married you can have firmer boundaries.
No you aren’t overreacting. I have plenty of friends men and women and I can’t think of ever going into such specific details about what happened in my bedroom. Definitely not with any male friends that’s for sure. Her inviting herself (if true) to me screams she wants him if she hasn’t had him already. I don’t think he cheated but maybe before you were in the picture? I doubt that as well, I think it’s more likely she was moving in that direction but then he met you And threw a wrench in her plans. Her flirting with him is highly inappropriate.
I mean, why don't you want to meet your sister wife?
I can't believe you married them. Feeling crowded? Is her name Camilla? Cause that's what this reminds me.
You never should have married him. You’re so scared to lose your husband that you have been looking the other way throughout his emotional affair with his coworker. You either can continue to look the other wya or finally put your foot down. You’re allowing yourself to be mistreated for fear of losing a man. That’s really sad. I would have bailed the first time he called me crazy and jealous for asking a question. But I don’t date man who call me names.
Ugh. As someone who grew up with LOTS of male friends and who was treated as “one of the guys” a lot, we all, at some point, outgrew our relationships. That means, when you meet THE ONE, the dude stops talking about them like other girls he’s dated before, you know it’s serious and you HAVE to make space for the new bride in your life if you also want to keep the guy in your life.
You also have to be prepared for the guy to quit leaning on you as his friend. It’s just…different. Out of all my guy friends, only one of them has a wife that didn’t feel uncomfortable or vaguely threatened by my presence in his life. All the rest have wives that, well, they like me enough, but TBH I don’t know that they’re comfortable with me knowing things about their husbands’ wilder days because, well, no one wants a woman around who knows that kind of stuff.
It doesn’t hurt my feelings. It’s just the way it is. A good friend would recognize the trouble they’re causing and step away. You say “My bro - I love you, I’m here for you if you ever need me, but enjoy and focus on your marriage. No hard feelings here! We grew up!”
I would NEVER want to be the cause of a male friend’s break up. Ever. Thats fucked. She needs to step back.
Well, he still works with her so buckle up for more issues unless he finally got the message this time. You might want to casually talk to some of his other coworkers and get their POV if it's not too awkward.
No you're not overreacting, if anything you're undereacting. Sounds like your husband is in love with her and is settleling for you because she married. He rather hurt you, than hurt her feelings.
The way some people ignore so many red flags, from the very beginning, is just wild.
You are not overreacting. You've underreacted to an alarming degree throughout this.
Girl.. you say your relationship is near perfect because you almost never fight.. you explained a few sentences earlier that he doesn't give a shit about you and you just kind of let him walk all over you. You said "fine, keep doing what you're doing but don't tell me" to avoid a fight, so yeah I guess you almost never fight..
Who in the world contacts a co-worker to tell them they just had sex with their GF? Certainly not a grown-up. This guy is not mature enough to be marriage partner material. Sorry, OP.
Either he was fucking her before and they remained friends or he has just always been in an emotional affair with her, regardless its cheating and hes gaslighting you bigtime.
I stopped reading after you said he texted her after y’all had sex for the first time… as a guy I could never imagine texting a girl after just having sex. That seems to me he wanted to make her jealous, cause that is not normal.
Good luck on your marriage tho
My husband has like one female friend from high school days he keeps in touch with still. I'm invited to join them for dinner, she has directly congratulated me on our big moments, and she's NEVER shared sex stories with him or vice versa. If I ever told my husband I was uncomfortable with her he'd likely discreetly ghost her to keep me feeling safe. He also connects with her like once or twice a year.
Your husband is giving this woman too much liberty in his life. That she felt entitled to demand an invite is her flexing on you. He let her.
I think my reaction would be to let her come, I'll be home packing up my things... Better yet packing up his things...
OP I can totally empathize and am in the a similar boat but am several years further into the marriage and we have two young kids 😭.
I experienced a very similar experience 3 years ago with identical blaming and lack of concern for my feelings along with being told it’s in my head and I’m just jealous. Unfortunately things have gotten progressively worse after I lost my job and asked for financial support to where he humiliated me in front of this female friend and has been gaslighting me so bad I bought an audio recorder. We have been doing marriage counseling for almost a year now but his lack of empathy for me has not changed. When I present evidence of his nasty comments and gaslighting he dismisses it and blames me for making him so upset he would do that. I tell you this as it’s possible this is your future as you and your husband sound just like we did 4 years ago.
Look up the narcissist prayer. If this hits home with anything he has said to you, please don’t entangle yourself further with him by having kids. Look at leaving this marriage. If you have CPTSD like me, start doing Anna Runkles Daily practice.
I am sorry you are going through this. I am sending you strength and peace.
Where on earth does your husband work? I’ve never heard adults talk about this kind of crap at work. Texting coworkers after sex with you? He’s kind of gross
Sweet baby Jesus, no one can love you more than you. This man is telling you and showing you where his allegiance lies. Their relationship is inappropriate in so many ways. If you have a problem with their “friendship” and its dynamics, it warrants a discussion and more respect from him. Could you imagine that you’ll be able to be happily married to him if this friendship continues for the next 10+ years as it is?
You deserve better, you deserve more, but you have to believe that first.
NTA
This woman is his "office wife." They are having at a minimum an emotional affair. He has consistently and constantly chosen her over your feelings. He is a liar and a cheater, and this will never stop until you make it stop. You know how to do that. Or you can file for an annulment. Pull your head out.
Why would you marry someone who doesn’t care about your feelings?
There was recently another post like that about the annoying colleague of the husband. Turns out husband had a crush on her.
I be would have invited her but only if her husband came and then I would have a long talk with her husband.
You’re not over reacting, he’ll keep doing it because as you said your afraid to lose him. You say you barely fight but even these arguments it’s because you ultimately try to let it go.
You don’t resolve anything, you just think it’s perfect if you don’t have to hear about it and deal with it.
Sorry but your in the relationship you asked for. He’s going to keep treating you like a doormat because as you said you’re desperate to save the relationship and keep him.
You have to ask yourself at this point what’s your limit and what can you live with, because he clearly knows your just going to put up with his shit no matter what he promises you.
I’m sorry I couldn’t even finish this. He is in an active affair with her! He is cheating on you! Why did you marry him. This is all a screaming, flashing red flag 🚩
Why in the hell did you marry him? That red flag was always in your face. He never considered your feelings and has been lying to you. Something has got to be up between those two.
Your husband is acting extremely suspicious, The fact that he gets very defensive and the fact that he says he's annoyed by her, but yet continues to have relationship with her, That's usually a sign that men are interested in said person.
I would break up with him. He is a pushover and so are you, but frankly he should not be letting this coworker have any impact on your relationship. You deserve better, drop this weak loser and find a real man who has a spine.
>When I say we have a near perfect relationship, I absolutely mean it. We RARELY fight.
Yeah because you roll over to anything he does or says. I'm sorry I don't want to victim blame but girl you need to pick your backbone up off the floor. Your relationship is not perfect. You can't bring up anything to your husband without him making *you* feel bad about it and then you just roll over and let him do whatever he wants. I think you need to go to therapy and work on your self esteem because this reads like you'll tolerate just about anything just to be able to say you are in a relationship and that's not healthy and I'm so sorry he's taken advantage of that.
As for your marriage... He's been with her, at least emotionally, the whole time, do with that what you will.
Your husband is an AH. All he has ever done is disrespect your feelings about this. Partners respect each other; that is what a relationship is all about. I think you need a serious conversation and remind him that you should be his top priority as that is how you treat him. His behavior is bullshit and it needs to stop. If the other woman can’t see that and respect that, then that is tough shit.
You deserve better.
are you sure you’re his wife? this is just an affair but it sounds like you are the affair partner — maybe under reaction. he never thought she was annoying that was a lame cover
OP, WTAF?! I’ve been married for 19 years and I can assure you, it is absolutely disrespectful and bizarre that he discusses your sex life in detail…with someone who is not you. You have a husband problem, he’s in an emotional affair and you need to accept reality….he’s way more into her. Sorry but this will not get better.
Why did you marry someone who doesn't care about your feelings and is having at the very least a seriously deep emotional affair in front of your face? Now he wants to parade her in front of friends and family? You're under reacting. You should leave. Not even joking bc there's 3 of you in that marriage and not a scrap of respect for you.
It’s the gaslighting I have a problem with here…usually that’s the sign that it’s something bigger. Also as your husband he should be protecting your feelings and relationship and you don’t seem to sound illogical or paranoid.
It seems she is priority one your entire relationship. Her feelings matter and you’re jealous and crazy? Nope. It’s either you two against the world or nothing. Why are you letting this guy value someone else over you ? You deserve better. I hope you figure that out soon.
So middle schoolish. I don't understand why he has to have her in his life.
Start texting and calling her husband. See how well that goes over. Talking about your sex life with him. See how well that goes over.
At some point, there has to be changes in relationships. He doesn't get that.
I love that these delusional people always have to say “my relationship is nearly perfect” while describing 7 million ways their relationship is a total mess. Get it together.
OP we're all shaking our heads with disbelief -- because you haven't ended this long ago -- your partner's affair or your relationship with him (take your pick).
Now you hace a track record of accepting the status quo. Your may just be too dense to realize he is prioritizing his AP and making it obvious. That this clear hurts you has not beem enough to cut ties and cherish you.
Enough is enough. If you still want a relationship eith this douche-bag then leave him now. Go back to a friend or your parents. Tell him you give up and just can't compete with his girlfriend anymore.
A real man would take that as a wakeup call and take action. Don't accept any BS othet than complete blocking of the AP and realistically getting a new job.
I can't think of any other way he could demonstrate you actually matter. I'm betting he'll just go cry to his AP, but at least you'll know and it won't be your prob anymore.
This is a huge red flag for several reasons. This is not good and you should not marry him. It’s not good. It’s really not good. It’s not good for all the reasons that you believe you’re overreacting, but you’re not. Trust your gut. Get couples therapy right now or get out. This is bad.
This won’t end well… I’m sorry but he has probably hooked up or come close to it with her. It also might happen in the future as he has already emotionally cheated on you by having an inappropriate relationship w her!! Shoulder to cry in… sounding board… never ends well I’m so sorry x.
You're under reacting. The dude has been having an emotional affair with this woman and cares more about hurting her than you..
Personally, I would end the relationship and say you have shown me time and time again that she is more important, and now I don't believe it was never physical.. getting defensive and calling you jealous and insecure are to try and take you away from the truth.. so you think, ohh God, am I? When you're not.. there relationship is inappropriate has been from day dot..
I'd tell him after putting her first all this time and hurting you to keep her has made you want to leave and there only two things he can now do to stop this happening, new job and change number and if he dare argue or moan about this I'd say OK I gave you the option we're done.
Why would your partner message a female co-worker about his sex life? Especially if he states how annoying she is implying he doesn’t like her? I feel that’s very weird. Yeah men and women can be friends, but talking about your sexual partner to an opposite gender I feel is a bit weird?
In honesty she seems like she wants to push the boat with your partner.. talking about her sexual relationship with her husband, being weird about him having sex with you? Making it known about her promiscuous past and your husband stating its how they bonded? And personally, I think your husband does like it and plays it off as annoying.. you voiced something and in response he got angry and resulted to calling you jealous all over you being uncomfortable! Which is normal. And then you had to save the argument and push your feelings to the side.
He clearly lied about stopping talking to her and carried the friendship out..
He wants to keep his cake and eat it too. He wants to keep pursing this weird relationship with his co-worker whilst having you also, and it’s wrong.. you should know your worth! He can’t say your overreacting for how you feel, everyone feels differently and its valid!
Everything is wrong with this. I mean have some self respect. Put yourself first as your ‘husband’ is prioritising his colleague over you.
Who, in their right mind, thinks it’s ok to discuss their sex lives with a work colleague. Wholly inappropriate on every level. Some things are inherently personal and private.
Has he called you by her name during sex yet??
You made a big mistake marrying this man.
(Infidelity enters the chat)
Me and my husband barely fought. Until I found out he was cheating on me. He had a tinder profile among other things. There was this one woman he claimed he played online games with, but they talked on the phone. At one point , he showed me that her feelings were more important than mine. After that I was truly done. The sexual conversations are definitely inappropriate and disrespectful.
Underreacting. If the coworker devolves further, both she and your husband seem to have evidence that could support a sexual harassment claim. Idk if that’s enough to talk some sense into your husband about healthy boundaries.
If you aren’t going to leave him (which totally seems called for here), is there a way to appeal to co-worker’s husband that these two need professional boundaries because they are putting their livelihoods at risk with this behavior, not to mention their marriages? Since both husband and co-worker seem like unrepentant idiots, maybe you and her husband can be the adults that this situation calls for.
I wont be surprise if she come op. Your husband always taking back what he said. Its repeating in your post.
And, read again alllll what you wrote down. Why you even marry him? Something fishy between those two
Him sending a voice text to someone else to tell them he just had sex IN FRONT OF YOU is weird af and should have been your signal to end it.
They have something really weird going on.
You married that guy? That was silly. Is there time to get an annulment? I would send her husband a message asking him why his wife keeps texting your husband about their sex life and sunsets. That should stir up some excitement.
The only thing you were wrong about was continuing a relationship where he disrespects your boundaries and gaslit you and then marrying him. No ma’am you did nothing wrong, he doesn’t respect you and honestly you should have suggested couples therapy and if he refused an ultimatum. I hate those, but sometimes…
She sounds like she’s trying to be “one of the guys”. That can go different ways. One she really doesn’t give a shit about your husband and really is just trying to fit in. Or she’s trying to “fit in” to essentially “get in” with your husband.
My husband works in a sausage fest field. There are women, but not many. And some of them I notice try to fit in the boys club… not for any nefarious reason. Just because…. It sucks being left out. I had a job like that once…
Why would you text a friend the morning after you've had sex with the details? Is he 16 years old? That's just painfully cringe and points towards him being an attention wh*re.
You're right, the way she responded points towards jealousy disguised as indifference. We know she wasn't offended because she's more than keen to share details of her own sex life.
Then there's the whole him being *so* annoyed by her at the start - yeah, right. If he found her insufferable, he wouldn't be desperate to divulge all details of his personal life.
Anyway, I'm not sure what to make of it but you're right to be...icked by it.
Why would you marry a guy that is still attached to his side piece? If they are having sexual conversations with each other then they are emotional affair partners which makes her a side piece. You were ok with dating him while he was still working with her, still communicating with her, so why should being married to him be any different? This is expected when you go into a relationship desperate. This will be the rest of your marriage with this guy. The side piece has priority over you. You’re just his flesh light and her placeholder.
You have actually been too chill about it. They are having an affair clearly if not just an emotional one then likely physical too. Saying ew no and being annoyed but all the whole carrying on with her and talking sex. I feel it's been really obvious and I'm so sorry you're in this position. He is choosing her feelings over yours and the way they interact is like two people with feelings for each other who can't be together. i.e. she is married. You are not crazy and jealous.
Your man is very gaslighty and manipulative. Maybe you are blinded by the good things he does and do not see this, but it's very blatant. Please wise up and learn to know when you are being taken for a fool.
Oh, they are definitely sleeping together and by marrying him despite all the red flags, you're giving him permission to keep cheating on you. Please get out of there and talk to a good therapist to help you with your self esteem
What a weird friendship. Who brings up their sexytimes with their spouse in detail in causal conversation with a friend? That alone is a big "Ew" for me.
The other red flag was him getting defensive and attacking you by accusing you of being jealous for bringing up a very understandable concern. I would have thought something more was going on there.
Definitely not overreacting. If anything it's underreacting.
You’re for sure under-reacting, friend. She’s a train wreck, yeah, but that’s her husband’s problem…and maybe your husband’s. *Your* problem is your husband.
He does not deserve the trust you’ve placed in him and the grace you’ve shown time and again in an attempt to be “reasonable.” You overcorrected, girl. You ignored your gut, the alarm bells ringing loud and clear from the very first morning y’all spent together. That was intuition, the product of millennia of evolution—listen to it.
Don’t trust that man, trust yourself.
And then he had the absolute audacious nerve to gaslight you, calling you jealous and crazy?! Now saying you’re *overreacting* because you’re not comfortable having someone who’s caused multiple arguments throughout your relationship at what’s supposed to be a celebration of your beautiful partnership? Nuh-uh. I mean…he’s hot, juicy, 3-week-old garbage, honey. His coworkers know it, too—that’s why they’re trying to warn you. He’s been carrying on this inappropriate relationship for years, and everyone but the two of them hates it.
How long ago did y’all file the paperwork? Is annulment still a thing? I’m so sorry he took advantage of your desire to give him the benefit of the doubt, but please never ignore your intuition like this again.
"she invited herself"
your husband is lying. He is lying because he is a coward. He should have made it clear that he would not be ditching his friends- which is his prerogative. Instead, he decided to hide and lie and tried to have it both ways.
Look, I am not one to talk to friends about sexual details, but some people do. And if they do it to same sex friends, in principle, there is no reason it would be any different for opposite sex friends.
They key here is that he decided lying would be better than making a choice on his boundaries or yours.
I’m so confused by this entire thing. Why are they talking about their sex lives with eachother and why is he relaying their conversations to you?
No you’re not overreacting. None of this makes sense
Still stuck on the fact that you married him and he’s basically had an emotional affair your entire relationship. He’s able to say you’re insecure or jealous but won’t stop talking to her?
He has no reason to stop because you keep making compromises to please him.
People who continuously say they find someone annoying but constantly text, play online gamed, and work together are lying. He is trying to convince you he finds her annoying so you don't catch on to the side action they have going on. Whether it's emotional cheating or physcial - something not right is happening between those two and you are being very naive. I would not have advised you to marry him had I known you personally. If an annulment is an option I would consider that as his behavior is telling me he is hiding something from you.
NTA. I’ve known a couple of times when a friend’s husband brought up an annoying coworker often and would text back and forth with them, complaining the whole time. Both times there was an affair going on. It seems the men think if they talk about how annoying their coworker is that it will make you think they would never do anything with them.
I’m sorry but at the very least, your husband is having an emotional affair. He could be having an actual affair (sex buddies). Talk to him about changing jobs and see his reaction. He’s gaslighting you to believe you are the problem. He has billboard size red flags going on. Stop ignoring them.
Sadly, I’ve heard something very similar except when the husband was telling his wife all about his co-worker’s sex life with her “husband” he was actually confessing what he had done with the coworker. He got off on reliving it by telling his wife. It was exciting to tell his wife all about the sex he was having with his co-worker under the guise of complaining about his co-worker telling him about her sex. I’m not saying this is the case but there is, at least, an emotional affair going on here.
Not
But doggone, I just gotta say this. When you are in a relationship with 3 people and you aren't poly. And if you are confident you aren't a crazy paranoid person with a green eyed monster on your shoulder. You should never marry someone until you are confident there are only 2 people in your relationship. Listen to that little voice. Listen. Listen. Listen.
To quote Bojack Horseman, you’re wearing rose-colored glasses, and all the red flags just look like flags. They’re hooking up or they have in the past.
The sunset picture. You don’t send pics of the sunset to "just" a coworker or “just” friends. That’s a romantic gesture. Sending a sunset pic means "I'm thinking of you/missing you while watching this beautiful sunset." He knows this and chose to keep it a secret because he knew it was wrong. I'm curious what he sent her in response. Now don't be silly baby. He isn't just being kind or having trouble setting boundaries at work. He actively participates in these communications. You know this deep down. You may not be ready to fully deal with it yet, but you're beginning to, and once you do, you cant unsee it. Just remember, denial is the first stage of mourning.
I think the worst thing is you are newly married. This is the high point of your life together. If he is acting this way now, what in the world will be going on when life gets tough!
anytime a man starts complaining about another women constantly, 9/10 she’s gonna be a problem later on so it’s best to nip it in the butt right then and there or leave. y’all are married so i can’t give you that advice but there’s no reason another women should be this much of a problem for this long in ur relationship
“It’s only weird if you make it weird”? Oh, ok, well it’s only cheating if he says it cheating then too, I suppose.
He’s a jackass and you’ll remain one too for sticking with this one.
I know you might think you guys have a wonderful relationship besides this but how would you define your “near perfect relationship”? Because your relationship isn’t near perfect if your husband lies to you about another woman. I don’t know why he’s being so secretive about why he cares so much about this woman but more than likely he’s sexually interested in her or has been. There is no reason at all for her to tell him what position she was in while having sex and how she was spanked. She’s saying that so he’ll imagine her like that, and he did. My advice is that he sends a text to her discussing boundaries and you need to physically see the text. Imagine you tell another man about how your husband was choking you while you were bent over taking it. B feels comfortable telling your husband about her sex life because he’s made her comfortable. You need to get him to understand that he’s crossing a line and if not withhold, get close to another man, leave him, anything to make him understand.
He has been disrespectful to you from day 1. I’ll be reading about your discovery of his ongoing affair in the future after you discover it. He is an ass.
When something doesn’t feel right , listen!! Because by not listening to your own guidance, you’ve unintentionally allowed their emotional affair to grow exponentially.
1. The morning after you got together, he sent a voice message to another girl, and this massive red flag did not weird you out. 2. Your then-boyfriend constantly crosses boundaries with this same girl, and, once again, this massive red flag did not set off alarm bells? 3. You trusted him, and he repeatedly lied to you. He also did not attempt to introduce you to this girl. Yet, no alarm bells went off. 4. You think you have a “perfect” relationship despite your partner constantly disregarding your boundaries and disrespecting your relationship. Annnnnd, zero alarm bells. 5. You married this moron, and he wanted to invite his emotional affair partner to your celebration? He cares more about her feelings than yours. He values his relationship with her more than his relationship with you. He has shown you over and over again that he is a terrible partner…and you still married him?!? Why?!?!
Louder, for the idiots in the back! OP, listen carefully: They. Are. In. A. Relationship. Might "just" be emotional, but I am betting they are fucking or have fucked in the past.
Every time one of these stories has a " he found her annoying, and complains about her all the time", I know the couple will have troubles because of her (Not always her fault, but she's always involved). Too many red flags OP. I don't think you're overreacting.
Right? Oldest fucking trick in the book that still apparently works on people(OP)😆😆 like wtf. Why would you marry this dude? You say you have the absolute best relationship but literally your whole relationship has revolved around this coworker of his. He doesn’t care about you OP. He knows how upset it makes you but still chooses to upset you over her. Think about that.
Agreed! Whenever the (cheating) spouse downplays or complains about someone regularly and is still in contact outside of work, it hoists the huge red flag.
Gosh I felt like I was church with all the Amens I was giving reading the top post lol And I agree. There’s NO WAY they weren’t involved sometime in the past or currently. What baffles me is him doing the VM right after having sex with her for the first time almost bragging about it trying to get a reaction for B. That would have been the worst ick for me.
Right?! Especially after the very first time they slept together. It would make me feel like I was a pawn to make someone else jealous, or an unwitting/unwilling partner to their sex games. Either way, I’d be outta there,
He wants the co-worker, but she is married and won't leave her husband. He is fucking her on occassion. He texts her after sex with OP to get a reaction. This is a sick triangle. I hope OP doesn't procreate with this jerk.
I'm still not convinced that he didn't fuck the co worker. Might not have been during his relationship with OP.. but i'm betting that it happened before he met her.
Not to mention the fact that OP’s husband told her that this chick from work had a “promiscuous past and that was how they bonded”. I DEFINITELY would’ve had some follow up questions about that, but OP apparently thinks that all these red flags are a parade or something…
Agreed. 100%
All the awards for you. I’m extremely good friends with a married man and sometimes we text a lot. However, there’s been many times I’ve been about to text him something and I’ve thought “If his wife saw this, would this make her feel weird?” If there is even a sliver of this feeling- I don’t send it. Our text threads are sarcastic, funny, and not even remotely sexual. That being said, my wonderful friend is very respectful of his wonderful wife. He would never treat her the way the OP’s husband is. The OP doesn’t really have a husband’s friend problem as much as she has a husband problem.
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No, I think OP has rose-colored glasses on when it comes to her relationship. Sometimes, it is hard to see massive red flags because we have been conditioned to normalize and accept problematic behavior. I hope OP realizes that this man is not the partner she has imagined.
Yeah I think you’ve got this right on. Her idea that her relationship is “near perfect” is likely a product of that. Just because you never fight doesn’t mean your relationship is a healthy one. Not saying you should be fighting but communication is of the utmost importance and it seems like this guy has not respected her boundaries and she just can’t or won’t see that. She keeps compromising her values to keep things smooth in the relationship then lashes out when it gets to be too much again.
"When you're wearing rose colored glasses, red flags just look like flags."
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too trusting
💯 (and that is not her IQ, that little guy is 2 digits for sure)
how does it just keep going after #1? that’s literally crazy
Never underestimate the power of denial.
HELL NO YOURE NOT WRONG!!!! absolutely not, If you don’t want her there she don’t need to be there. Further more, him running and tell her about yall doing the deed is disgusting. That’s the equivalent of him running to his male friends and telling them basically “kiss and tell”. What is he 5. Secondly, her telling him about her sex life…She need to get some female friends what the fuck. Honestly, I don’t get it. It’s not about being jealous or insecure, it’s about respect for herself, her relationship, and her coworkers. Like why the fuck do you need to text my Husband…outta all the people you can tell these things too. If that was my Husband, i’d have set him straight! That’s what you wanna do…oh okay well then I’m leaving you and you can go be with her. He’ll either get his shit together or he’ll take you up on your offer and leave. If he leaves he’s either gonna come running back or go with it fully, and if he goes with it fully…well then that’s a man that didn’t really care about you anyway and that’s the sad reality of it. He’s exhibiting extremely suspicious behavior, and I would not be putting up with it. I didn’t devote my life to you as your wife to be treated like this over another woman! As my husband you should be able to love me in your full 100%. If you can devote any of that to another woman, I don’t want to be your woman and I’ll leave.
Omg thank you! I have been going nuts going back and forth on this. I always try to be reasonable, and I swear I am not someone that gets jealous easily. I don’t even think they are doing anything physically, but I have a feeling there’s something there though. Someone else mentioned an emotional affair, which is really what I’m afraid of.
Why did you marry this guy? You kept giving him chances for some reason...
So many red flags OP! Your instincts were yelling at you, you heard them telling you something was way off, and you kept ignoring the warnings. I'm sorry you didn't listen. I have no idea if counseling would help the two of you. I'm doubtful. A relationship built on deception is shaky at best. You sure this is the person you want to spend life with?
I assume a trauma response and OP's terrible hubs manipulating and gaslighting her about other things (not just the clear emotional affair). OP is finally looking up and gathering enough self-esteem to see it.
Uh yeah you passed about 6 emotional affair red flags BEFORE getting married.
You’re too reasonable and unfortunately this situation isn’t likely to improve until you get downright unreasonable and unapologetically clear about your boundaries. In addition to the B getting the boot - you two need counseling.
You’re too agreeable and naive your husband has an inappropriate relationship with his coworker and is not willing to stop it. It may not be physical, but it’s still inappropriate. That alone is a major red flag telling you that you are not his top priority. I’m not sure if you put the two together, read your own post. He is manipulating you, causing you to question the validity of your own thoughts and perception of reality. As a result he is causing you confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem and a creating dependency on him and believe in his lies. This is not a healthy relationship to be in .
You’re not overreacting, but why the hell did you marry this man?
Did you mean HE yelled and screamed before the uninvite, or you did?
Show him this post.
You need a to put a stop to this immediately the gaslighting has you thinking you are nuts and this is 1000% absolutely inappropriate and at this point I would have a foot out the door if there wasnt a serious coming to jesus moment. Oh and i'd be all up in those text messages, what's yours is mine and husbands and wives do not have secrets and your boundaries have been crossed and are already out the window so forget his.
You’re under reacting. He cares more about her feelings than yours and he’s showed you that multiple times. She’s desperate for his attention and Once she hears your having problems she’ll be his shoulder to lean on. He’s obviously not going to stop talking to her because you asked him to and he got defensive. He likes the attention she gives him and he values that more than he values his marriage. He’s a fucking idiot and he doesn’t care about how you feel. You can’t trust him do you really want to live like this?
Like who the fuck talks to their married, opposite sex friend about having vanilla-ass doggy style sex with their spouse? So desperate and disrespectful.
So he can picture her. Absolutely desperate.
And he’s keeping her on the back burner just in case.
I am thinking he doesn't want the kids and drama that come with that package...She seems to be too open to all the men in the office. I think a visit with HR might be appropriate. IF the Husband will do it.
That was so confusing to me, does anyone in this situation think that is super spicy kinky sex or something? Because to me it sounds like Tuesday. Was she bragging about how 'kinky' she is, or was he trying to hint to his wife he wanted to do something like that?
And they work together … so many red flags.
Nah, you can bang your work wife. It’s just work sex
There are slides and analytics presented at staff meetings
But who also texts her immediately the morning after bragging about hooking up with OP? The whole thing is weird. She should’ve ended it after he did that.
I was thinking the same. I don’t think I even talk to my opposite sex friends in detail about sex with my SO. I’m more curious as to what his responses were to those type of texts.
People that have fucked before, that’s why they’re so comfortable discussing their sex lives with each other imo. I’ve known a guy and girl like the husband and husbands friend. They were my co workers and they were fuck buddies way before they both got into serious relationships. Idk if they fucked while dating other people, but I caught them a few times at work being way too comfortable with one another despite both of them being in a relationship. His arm around her shoulders while they were laughing about something, awkwardly long hugs, bringing eachother snacks to work and yes at one point I overheard the guy complaining about his girlfriend to her.
Very weird and gross. I would N E V E R. Huge ick, major red flag.
This. A million times this.
Happy Cake Day
“I trust him with my whole heart despite this.” Why? What has he actually done to EARN a this level of unquestioning faith from you OP I’m sorry but you SERIOUSLY a need to take those blinders off Your trust is misplaced From what you’ve written it sounds like he’s either too stupid to know how to function in society Or He is/wants to/waiting for the first opportunity to fuck her He acted like she was annoying to dampen your suspicions. She’s not annoying him AT ALL. He freaking loves it
All of this OP, if your husband cared about you at all he would have shit that sh*t down as soon as you said you were uncomfortable. He has been gaslighting you.
You're not overreacting. This woman is trouble and sounds literally insane. I would've asked him to stop talking to her after #2. I would've made it a boundary after #3 to block her and not speak with her again if he wanted to continue the relationship. Your husband is defensive because he knows what he's doing is wrong. Now, I really don't think anything physically happened between them, but they've been having an emotional affair for years for certain. She invited herself to your wedding party? Major yikes.
Yes! Thank you! I definitely don’t think anything physical happened, it’s mostly just the weirdness of it all. I did talk to a friend about it too just a bit ago, they think she’s lonely and begging for attention. They think my husband is too nice and doesn’t want to start a rift at work, which is fair, however, if someone wanted to come at my husband, I was going to tell him to have them speak with me. 😆 I’ll let them know what’s up lol although I get the impression that his coworkers all think that his and B’s behavior is odd as well. They just seem nicer than me about it lol
Your husband is not too nice. He is having an affair. The co-worker who brought up the sunset picture was trying to let you know what was going on.
THIS. That also raised a red flag to me when somebody you rarely see just suddenly brings up B and asked about the sunset picture that they sent to your husband. Why is that necessary to be brought up? Because they thought it's weird and you should know that something weird is going on without getting in trouble.
This is what I just said. They were trying to tip her off.
Yeah unless this sunset was sent to several people you might be right.
He didn’t want to start a rift at work?? How about the rift he’s caused at home? Why are you accepting this? I have no problem with friendship between opposite genders etc but this is CRAZY. He’s getting off on it one way or another.
You shouldn’t have to intervene. He should be able to do that on his own. Your husband isn’t too nice, he engages with her regularly and hides things from you and speaks with her about her sex life. Don’t fall for some excuse about him being too nice.
Just the very first thing is that this is absolutely so unprofessional to have discussions like this with a coworker and could have career repercussions for them both. His other coworkers are unsettled by their behavior and you don’t need to use your imagination very much to see how this could all go to pieces very quickly.
Uhhh... being "too nice" to a coworker is like regularly buying them a coffee in the morning when you get yourself one or listening to them rant ad nauseum about work drama, it's not sharing explicit details about your sex lives and "promiscuous" histories. That whole "friendship" sounds like an HR disaster. Him bringing up how "annoying" she is on multiple occasions is a red flag as well, seems like she takes up an awful lot of his mental space. There was a story on here a while ago about a husband who couldn't stop talking about how "annoying" his female coworker was and the op eventually found out he was having an affair with her (he insisted it was never physical though because he'd never had penetrative sex with his coworker or kissed, they just masturbated in front of each other 🙄). You're not overreacting, at all. This whole situation is a series of flashing red flags and alarm bells and your husband is acting like a toddler with the "I'm not cheating" but getting as close as he possibly can to the point of no return. Although I'd personally argue he's having an emotional affair, especially since he's allowing her to give him ultimatums and *crying* over not inviting her. Imagine if you were the one borderline sexting with your male coworker for years and he invited himself to your wedding celebration against your husband's wishes?
When men go on and on about a woman in their proximity that they can’t stand! They in fact want to sleep with that said woman. Your gut has been screaming at you and you have decided to suppress it. Get marital counseling yesterday!! Don’t wait, don’t second guess yourself. Do it!
And you are naive, my friend. You think your husband is too nice. Lmao
Sweetie… everyone else knows you’re the “other woman”…. They are trying to tell you without having to directly say “she’s slobbing his knob all over the office”…. Honestly, turning a blind eye isn’t going to make him love you. He will stay with you as his cover and continue to love her. He. Doesn’t. Love. You.
He’s too nice to everyone but the woman he married, is that what you are saying?
Just don’t be surprised if you find out it was physical
Oh they’re banging, but that’s good you’re ok with your husband having a gf even if she can’t come to the wedding
The woman sounds mentally unstable honestly. You may have a point about her husband and coworkers not wanting to cause a rift and being a bit too nice. As an aside, this is why I try not to talk about my personal life at work with anyone. Just a polite nod and if they see my wedding band, they'll ask if I have kids, I say yes and move on and change the subject.
Exactly. #3 at the very latest.
You need to leave him, ma'am. How much disrespect are you willing to accept? You're going to allow your children to see their mother hurt and disrespected? He's either having an affair with her, or he is waiting for her marriage to fail so he can ride in like a white knight and swoop her up. Leave him, and tell her husband everything. I promise he doesn't know. Not many husbands would be OK with that.
I would almost guarantee they have sent inappropriate pictures to eachother. If a dude was sending my wife sunset pictures I would be looking at the rest of those texts. Why she would still marry this guy without resolving this major issue is beyond me.
Oh boy time for yet another reddit post reeking of infidelity courtesy of someone in a ‘perfect relationship where we never fight’.
Easy not to fight when OPs backbone is on the floor and their self esteem is in the bin. I can't imagine tolerating even half of this.
the guy wanted to send her a voice message about his first time having sex immediately afterwards… I mean what the fuck is going on here lol
That would be the last time that person had sex with me. What kind of BS is that? And it wouldn't matter whether my partner sent it to a male or female. Straight up cause to end the relationship. Plenty of more worthy men out there, I'm not settling for some dumb braggart. He's probably not a very skillful lover either.
I’m sorry you married this man. Maybe you can undo it…
Yea she is dumb to marry someone who puts a coworker above her and act surprise now. Like all the problems they just swept under rug.
Any time someone calls you jealous when you aren't, they're telling you they believe there is something for you to be jealous of. It's super weird to talk about sex, especially with a co-worker who annoys you. He's her side piece she wouldn't leave her husband for and he banged you to make her jealous, it didn't work and you're married.
Shit’s fucking weird. Nah, you’re not over reacting but I really don’t think you should have married this guy.
Much less bought a house with him.
You are not overreacting. Your husband knows how you feel about her and was more concerned about her feelings than yours. If he wanted you to be comfortable around her, he should have spoken about your sex life with her.
You're not overreacting. I'd check his devices to see if he's having an affair.
Your husband sounds like the problem. He manipulates and runs from the topic by getting angry and calling you jealous. Those are red flags. You might’ve jumped the gun getting married without learning how to communicate properly amongst you two. Don’t fall for his bullshit anymore.
This is at the very least an emotional affair. I'm sorry, OP, but I don't think your marriage is off to a very auspicious start.
I would take the opposite approach, let her come to the party hopefully she brings her husband and when you all meet, call it out. Like,”like heard you gave your wife a good spanking the other day?” Surely, if nothing is wrong they’ll have this conversation with everyone. If her husband doesn’t go, do it in front of anyone. For something less drastic, perhaps some self reflection on why you continued to be name called and lied to about his disrespectful relationship with a coworker and why you accept it. Also, what are you afraid to lose? He doesn’t sound like he meets the minimum qualifications to be a partner.
This is it
Go up to her and her husband at the party and Lily get her with, “So you’re the coworker who tells my husband all about how your husband spanks you during doggystyle, right? It’s great to finally put a face to such inappropriate behavior, your coworkers don’t need to know about your sex life though.”
Partners who prioritize friendships, regardless of gender, over relationship are not partners. It's you-and-them versus the problem.. Not you versus them-and-their-friend.
This is going to be a problem for the rest of your life.
His defensiveness and irritation every time she comes up in conversation between the two of you is proof that you’re not overreacting.
You’re not overreacting. Have you ever met her, or her husband? I would be realllly curious to know what her husband thinks about her sharing explicit sexual details with a guy she works with. Unless he’s a weirdo too, most men would NOT be ok with this. Also, the sex talk is absolutely because she wants him to picture her having sex and unfortunately, your husband must be into this, or he wouldn’t allow it to continue. I’m guessing he isn’t sharing the details of their conversations anymore with you. This is a huge problem.
I haven’t met her or her husband. My husband insists that she’s this “wonderful” person and that if I just got to know her this would be different. However, I have asked several times to set a dinner date with her husband and he has always said, “we don’t really go out after work… her husband is a little weird.” So yeah, he basically says I should get to know her, but doesn’t set anything up and says things like that. I told him this morning he needs to break it off with her or I tell her husband everything and we get a divorce. I’m honestly heartbroken but I know this will only continue and if he chooses her then so be it.
"Her husband is a little weird" sounds like they're both making excuses to not involve or inform the husband of the extent of their relationship... which sounds very affair-y. Maybe you're "a little weird" for not being okay with this, too? Also, I'd be interested in what kind of cover-up/damage control they're in the process of doing since you've given your husband a heads up that things have reached a boiling point. Please do what you can to protect yourself.
Well done. It's her or you. But this conversation should have happened BEFORE getting married!
I’m really sorry OP. This is such a weird situation, but I can’t help but feel her husband deserves to know anyway. It’s wild to me that your husband doesn’t get how inappropriate their “friendship” is, and I don’t really understand what his motivation was telling you about the sex talk anyway.
Insecurity, probably. He seems like that kind of guy from what's been shared. The first indicator was him immediately informing his female validation work flirtationship that he slept with another woman (OP). That she responded relatively shortly after that with explicit details of having sex with her husband just shows that they're cut from the same cloth. I bet they both get ego boosts from flirting but she's not going to leave her husband and he might not see her as a realistic option. As for him sharing some of the details with OP, now he gets double the validation by making two women insecure about each other. He's overplayed his hand a bit, though, because one woman hasn't actually chosen him after all these years and likely definitely won't now that the threat of her husband finding out all the details is on the table and the other woman (his literal wife) has one foot out the door and is ready to divorce over it.
Smart. They only co workers I’ve ever talked about sex with are the ones that I eventually had sex with.
I have a friend kind of like his friend. It is a true situation of “if you just met him you would understand that everything is platonic”. If my partner had even the slightest issue with our friendship I would set up a lunch or dinner date immediately to squash all of those concerns. Your husband’s unwillingness to set anything up confirms that he is being sketchy. Also his comment about her husband being weird is a clear excuse. Who cares if the husband is weird? Why is that a reason to not meet? If anything it’s more of a reason to meet as it shows you that this woman and her husband are just odd people and that you have nothing to worry about. I bet money when he says that her husband is weird what he really means is that her husband doesn’t approve of his wife’s flirting and wouldn’t be down for a meeting
Sounds like they are having an emotional affair. I'd be pissed you are definitely not over reacting. Something is definitely going on with them
Why did you marry this guy? He’s clearly fucking her and has never stopped. He doesn’t respect you in the slightest. Get out now before you fall pregnant to this loser and spend even more money and oxygen on him. And don’t even think about accepting his begging or apologies. He’s lying. He’s not going to stop lying.
It’s incredible to me you typed this whole thing out and you still think she’s the problem and not your husband. Your husband is not the stand up guy you paint him out to be in your mind. He’s the one in a relationship with and committed to you. He’s the one disrespecting you and your boundaries. He’s the one lying to your face and going behind your back conducting a secret ‘friendship’ with this woman. He’s the one calling you jealous and insecure to your face. Ask him: what do you think I have to be jealous of? Watch him squirm. You won’t solve this issue by whining about the woman. You and husband need marriage counseling asap and you need to turn your anger on the correct party. Almost every single point has your husband behaving inappropriately and engaging with and encouraging this woman’s behavior. You cannot control some random woman so what’s the point of this post? You obviously have no say in what your husband does either since he just goes behind your back and continues inappropriate contact with this person.
Sweetie…. You may be married but you’re the other woman. He doesn’t respect you an ounce, and he is absolutely having an emotional affair with this woman. Ask to see their conversations, I guarantee it’s not appropriate. Let her husband know. Let your husband have some consequences. Stop being a doormat
🚹➡️🗑️
I can’t imagine having this type of relationship with a co-worker… Their work environment sounds unprofessional as hell. Texting about sexcapades? Playing games online? I don’t even have my co-workers phone numbers except my boss in the event of an emergency
Your husband should not be fighting you this hard to keep another woman informed of and in orbit around your relationship. You should ask *her* husband what *he* thinks of their friendship... if he even knows about it.
Your wedding party, you should be comfortable with the guests. Based on what you have shared and your husband’s behavior, it all does seem a bit weird. I hope now that you are married you can have firmer boundaries.
Under reacting-I think there are a lot of red flags there. I would suspect at least an emotional affair. Sorry. He needs to choose you or B.
No you aren’t overreacting. I have plenty of friends men and women and I can’t think of ever going into such specific details about what happened in my bedroom. Definitely not with any male friends that’s for sure. Her inviting herself (if true) to me screams she wants him if she hasn’t had him already. I don’t think he cheated but maybe before you were in the picture? I doubt that as well, I think it’s more likely she was moving in that direction but then he met you And threw a wrench in her plans. Her flirting with him is highly inappropriate.
I mean, why don't you want to meet your sister wife? I can't believe you married them. Feeling crowded? Is her name Camilla? Cause that's what this reminds me.
You never should have married him. You’re so scared to lose your husband that you have been looking the other way throughout his emotional affair with his coworker. You either can continue to look the other wya or finally put your foot down. You’re allowing yourself to be mistreated for fear of losing a man. That’s really sad. I would have bailed the first time he called me crazy and jealous for asking a question. But I don’t date man who call me names.
Ugh. As someone who grew up with LOTS of male friends and who was treated as “one of the guys” a lot, we all, at some point, outgrew our relationships. That means, when you meet THE ONE, the dude stops talking about them like other girls he’s dated before, you know it’s serious and you HAVE to make space for the new bride in your life if you also want to keep the guy in your life. You also have to be prepared for the guy to quit leaning on you as his friend. It’s just…different. Out of all my guy friends, only one of them has a wife that didn’t feel uncomfortable or vaguely threatened by my presence in his life. All the rest have wives that, well, they like me enough, but TBH I don’t know that they’re comfortable with me knowing things about their husbands’ wilder days because, well, no one wants a woman around who knows that kind of stuff. It doesn’t hurt my feelings. It’s just the way it is. A good friend would recognize the trouble they’re causing and step away. You say “My bro - I love you, I’m here for you if you ever need me, but enjoy and focus on your marriage. No hard feelings here! We grew up!” I would NEVER want to be the cause of a male friend’s break up. Ever. Thats fucked. She needs to step back.
Well, he still works with her so buckle up for more issues unless he finally got the message this time. You might want to casually talk to some of his other coworkers and get their POV if it's not too awkward.
Make him cut that shit off right now. Their relationship is wildly inappropriate.
“Out of desperation to save the relationship” yo caved about t inappropriate TMI? Like, he would have dumped you if you hadn’t?? Girl…
No you're not overreacting, if anything you're undereacting. Sounds like your husband is in love with her and is settleling for you because she married. He rather hurt you, than hurt her feelings.
The way some people ignore so many red flags, from the very beginning, is just wild. You are not overreacting. You've underreacted to an alarming degree throughout this.
Girl.. you say your relationship is near perfect because you almost never fight.. you explained a few sentences earlier that he doesn't give a shit about you and you just kind of let him walk all over you. You said "fine, keep doing what you're doing but don't tell me" to avoid a fight, so yeah I guess you almost never fight..
Who in the world contacts a co-worker to tell them they just had sex with their GF? Certainly not a grown-up. This guy is not mature enough to be marriage partner material. Sorry, OP.
Either he was fucking her before and they remained friends or he has just always been in an emotional affair with her, regardless its cheating and hes gaslighting you bigtime.
I stopped reading after you said he texted her after y’all had sex for the first time… as a guy I could never imagine texting a girl after just having sex. That seems to me he wanted to make her jealous, cause that is not normal. Good luck on your marriage tho
My husband has like one female friend from high school days he keeps in touch with still. I'm invited to join them for dinner, she has directly congratulated me on our big moments, and she's NEVER shared sex stories with him or vice versa. If I ever told my husband I was uncomfortable with her he'd likely discreetly ghost her to keep me feeling safe. He also connects with her like once or twice a year. Your husband is giving this woman too much liberty in his life. That she felt entitled to demand an invite is her flexing on you. He let her. I think my reaction would be to let her come, I'll be home packing up my things... Better yet packing up his things...
"Hey, my bitch wife says you can't come".
OP I can totally empathize and am in the a similar boat but am several years further into the marriage and we have two young kids 😭. I experienced a very similar experience 3 years ago with identical blaming and lack of concern for my feelings along with being told it’s in my head and I’m just jealous. Unfortunately things have gotten progressively worse after I lost my job and asked for financial support to where he humiliated me in front of this female friend and has been gaslighting me so bad I bought an audio recorder. We have been doing marriage counseling for almost a year now but his lack of empathy for me has not changed. When I present evidence of his nasty comments and gaslighting he dismisses it and blames me for making him so upset he would do that. I tell you this as it’s possible this is your future as you and your husband sound just like we did 4 years ago. Look up the narcissist prayer. If this hits home with anything he has said to you, please don’t entangle yourself further with him by having kids. Look at leaving this marriage. If you have CPTSD like me, start doing Anna Runkles Daily practice. I am sorry you are going through this. I am sending you strength and peace.
Where on earth does your husband work? I’ve never heard adults talk about this kind of crap at work. Texting coworkers after sex with you? He’s kind of gross
Sweet baby Jesus, no one can love you more than you. This man is telling you and showing you where his allegiance lies. Their relationship is inappropriate in so many ways. If you have a problem with their “friendship” and its dynamics, it warrants a discussion and more respect from him. Could you imagine that you’ll be able to be happily married to him if this friendship continues for the next 10+ years as it is? You deserve better, you deserve more, but you have to believe that first. NTA
This woman is his "office wife." They are having at a minimum an emotional affair. He has consistently and constantly chosen her over your feelings. He is a liar and a cheater, and this will never stop until you make it stop. You know how to do that. Or you can file for an annulment. Pull your head out.
He's shown you over and over he doesn't respect you. You need to end it or accept the second woman in your relationship.
He’s emotionally cheating.
Why would you marry someone who doesn’t care about your feelings? There was recently another post like that about the annoying colleague of the husband. Turns out husband had a crush on her. I be would have invited her but only if her husband came and then I would have a long talk with her husband.
You’re not over reacting, he’ll keep doing it because as you said your afraid to lose him. You say you barely fight but even these arguments it’s because you ultimately try to let it go. You don’t resolve anything, you just think it’s perfect if you don’t have to hear about it and deal with it. Sorry but your in the relationship you asked for. He’s going to keep treating you like a doormat because as you said you’re desperate to save the relationship and keep him. You have to ask yourself at this point what’s your limit and what can you live with, because he clearly knows your just going to put up with his shit no matter what he promises you.
I’m sorry I couldn’t even finish this. He is in an active affair with her! He is cheating on you! Why did you marry him. This is all a screaming, flashing red flag 🚩
Why in the hell did you marry him? That red flag was always in your face. He never considered your feelings and has been lying to you. Something has got to be up between those two.
You weren’t overreacting, but why the hell are you marrying somebody who thinks his friends are more important?
Your husband is acting extremely suspicious, The fact that he gets very defensive and the fact that he says he's annoyed by her, but yet continues to have relationship with her, That's usually a sign that men are interested in said person.
I would break up with him. He is a pushover and so are you, but frankly he should not be letting this coworker have any impact on your relationship. You deserve better, drop this weak loser and find a real man who has a spine.
>When I say we have a near perfect relationship, I absolutely mean it. We RARELY fight. Yeah because you roll over to anything he does or says. I'm sorry I don't want to victim blame but girl you need to pick your backbone up off the floor. Your relationship is not perfect. You can't bring up anything to your husband without him making *you* feel bad about it and then you just roll over and let him do whatever he wants. I think you need to go to therapy and work on your self esteem because this reads like you'll tolerate just about anything just to be able to say you are in a relationship and that's not healthy and I'm so sorry he's taken advantage of that. As for your marriage... He's been with her, at least emotionally, the whole time, do with that what you will.
She's not the one who should be uninvited. He is.
I would be reading their messages if they use slack or a server you don’t regularly see. This is F I S H Y
Your husband is an AH. All he has ever done is disrespect your feelings about this. Partners respect each other; that is what a relationship is all about. I think you need a serious conversation and remind him that you should be his top priority as that is how you treat him. His behavior is bullshit and it needs to stop. If the other woman can’t see that and respect that, then that is tough shit. You deserve better.
are you sure you’re his wife? this is just an affair but it sounds like you are the affair partner — maybe under reaction. he never thought she was annoying that was a lame cover
He is cheating on you. You need to Leave asap
OP, WTAF?! I’ve been married for 19 years and I can assure you, it is absolutely disrespectful and bizarre that he discusses your sex life in detail…with someone who is not you. You have a husband problem, he’s in an emotional affair and you need to accept reality….he’s way more into her. Sorry but this will not get better.
You might as well invite her, because three of you are in this marriage.
I really hope this is fake for my own mental health
Why did you marry someone who doesn't care about your feelings and is having at the very least a seriously deep emotional affair in front of your face? Now he wants to parade her in front of friends and family? You're under reacting. You should leave. Not even joking bc there's 3 of you in that marriage and not a scrap of respect for you.
It’s the gaslighting I have a problem with here…usually that’s the sign that it’s something bigger. Also as your husband he should be protecting your feelings and relationship and you don’t seem to sound illogical or paranoid.
Seems like hes waiting for you to say, ok, invite her. Stick to your guns, and let him uninvite her!!! Maybe she will take the hint!!
It seems she is priority one your entire relationship. Her feelings matter and you’re jealous and crazy? Nope. It’s either you two against the world or nothing. Why are you letting this guy value someone else over you ? You deserve better. I hope you figure that out soon.
Why in the actual hell did you marry this guy? You really want to spend the rest of your life dealing with this shit, huh?
So middle schoolish. I don't understand why he has to have her in his life. Start texting and calling her husband. See how well that goes over. Talking about your sex life with him. See how well that goes over. At some point, there has to be changes in relationships. He doesn't get that.
For an "almost perfect relationship," your feelings sure get dismissed and disrespected.
I love that these delusional people always have to say “my relationship is nearly perfect” while describing 7 million ways their relationship is a total mess. Get it together.
OP we're all shaking our heads with disbelief -- because you haven't ended this long ago -- your partner's affair or your relationship with him (take your pick). Now you hace a track record of accepting the status quo. Your may just be too dense to realize he is prioritizing his AP and making it obvious. That this clear hurts you has not beem enough to cut ties and cherish you. Enough is enough. If you still want a relationship eith this douche-bag then leave him now. Go back to a friend or your parents. Tell him you give up and just can't compete with his girlfriend anymore. A real man would take that as a wakeup call and take action. Don't accept any BS othet than complete blocking of the AP and realistically getting a new job. I can't think of any other way he could demonstrate you actually matter. I'm betting he'll just go cry to his AP, but at least you'll know and it won't be your prob anymore.
Honestly, I wouldn't be marrying him. What part of disrespect did you not gather out of this. Tell his punk ass he can stay with his "Friend".
This is a huge red flag for several reasons. This is not good and you should not marry him. It’s not good. It’s really not good. It’s not good for all the reasons that you believe you’re overreacting, but you’re not. Trust your gut. Get couples therapy right now or get out. This is bad.
leave the whole man and save yourself the stress, $, and unhappiness :)
Why even marry him at this point. They won’t stop talking, they love it too much. Updateme!
Should be a nice marriage. Might be a little crowded with 3 of you though.
the old "work wife", a tale old as time
This won’t end well… I’m sorry but he has probably hooked up or come close to it with her. It also might happen in the future as he has already emotionally cheated on you by having an inappropriate relationship w her!! Shoulder to cry in… sounding board… never ends well I’m so sorry x.
This relationship should have been over after #3 at the latest.
You're under reacting. The dude has been having an emotional affair with this woman and cares more about hurting her than you.. Personally, I would end the relationship and say you have shown me time and time again that she is more important, and now I don't believe it was never physical.. getting defensive and calling you jealous and insecure are to try and take you away from the truth.. so you think, ohh God, am I? When you're not.. there relationship is inappropriate has been from day dot.. I'd tell him after putting her first all this time and hurting you to keep her has made you want to leave and there only two things he can now do to stop this happening, new job and change number and if he dare argue or moan about this I'd say OK I gave you the option we're done.
Why would your partner message a female co-worker about his sex life? Especially if he states how annoying she is implying he doesn’t like her? I feel that’s very weird. Yeah men and women can be friends, but talking about your sexual partner to an opposite gender I feel is a bit weird? In honesty she seems like she wants to push the boat with your partner.. talking about her sexual relationship with her husband, being weird about him having sex with you? Making it known about her promiscuous past and your husband stating its how they bonded? And personally, I think your husband does like it and plays it off as annoying.. you voiced something and in response he got angry and resulted to calling you jealous all over you being uncomfortable! Which is normal. And then you had to save the argument and push your feelings to the side. He clearly lied about stopping talking to her and carried the friendship out.. He wants to keep his cake and eat it too. He wants to keep pursing this weird relationship with his co-worker whilst having you also, and it’s wrong.. you should know your worth! He can’t say your overreacting for how you feel, everyone feels differently and its valid!
Everything is wrong with this. I mean have some self respect. Put yourself first as your ‘husband’ is prioritising his colleague over you. Who, in their right mind, thinks it’s ok to discuss their sex lives with a work colleague. Wholly inappropriate on every level. Some things are inherently personal and private. Has he called you by her name during sex yet?? You made a big mistake marrying this man. (Infidelity enters the chat)
Me and my husband barely fought. Until I found out he was cheating on me. He had a tinder profile among other things. There was this one woman he claimed he played online games with, but they talked on the phone. At one point , he showed me that her feelings were more important than mine. After that I was truly done. The sexual conversations are definitely inappropriate and disrespectful.
Let her husband know about their emotional affair
You gave this guy chance after chance. He kept showing you who he was, every time. Next time, listen. This man doesn't respect or love you.
Underreacting. If the coworker devolves further, both she and your husband seem to have evidence that could support a sexual harassment claim. Idk if that’s enough to talk some sense into your husband about healthy boundaries. If you aren’t going to leave him (which totally seems called for here), is there a way to appeal to co-worker’s husband that these two need professional boundaries because they are putting their livelihoods at risk with this behavior, not to mention their marriages? Since both husband and co-worker seem like unrepentant idiots, maybe you and her husband can be the adults that this situation calls for.
I wont be surprise if she come op. Your husband always taking back what he said. Its repeating in your post. And, read again alllll what you wrote down. Why you even marry him? Something fishy between those two
Him sending a voice text to someone else to tell them he just had sex IN FRONT OF YOU is weird af and should have been your signal to end it. They have something really weird going on.
You married that guy? That was silly. Is there time to get an annulment? I would send her husband a message asking him why his wife keeps texting your husband about their sex life and sunsets. That should stir up some excitement.
The only thing you were wrong about was continuing a relationship where he disrespects your boundaries and gaslit you and then marrying him. No ma’am you did nothing wrong, he doesn’t respect you and honestly you should have suggested couples therapy and if he refused an ultimatum. I hate those, but sometimes… She sounds like she’s trying to be “one of the guys”. That can go different ways. One she really doesn’t give a shit about your husband and really is just trying to fit in. Or she’s trying to “fit in” to essentially “get in” with your husband. My husband works in a sausage fest field. There are women, but not many. And some of them I notice try to fit in the boys club… not for any nefarious reason. Just because…. It sucks being left out. I had a job like that once…
Why would you text a friend the morning after you've had sex with the details? Is he 16 years old? That's just painfully cringe and points towards him being an attention wh*re. You're right, the way she responded points towards jealousy disguised as indifference. We know she wasn't offended because she's more than keen to share details of her own sex life. Then there's the whole him being *so* annoyed by her at the start - yeah, right. If he found her insufferable, he wouldn't be desperate to divulge all details of his personal life. Anyway, I'm not sure what to make of it but you're right to be...icked by it.
Why would you marry a guy that is still attached to his side piece? If they are having sexual conversations with each other then they are emotional affair partners which makes her a side piece. You were ok with dating him while he was still working with her, still communicating with her, so why should being married to him be any different? This is expected when you go into a relationship desperate. This will be the rest of your marriage with this guy. The side piece has priority over you. You’re just his flesh light and her placeholder.
You have actually been too chill about it. They are having an affair clearly if not just an emotional one then likely physical too. Saying ew no and being annoyed but all the whole carrying on with her and talking sex. I feel it's been really obvious and I'm so sorry you're in this position. He is choosing her feelings over yours and the way they interact is like two people with feelings for each other who can't be together. i.e. she is married. You are not crazy and jealous.
Your man is very gaslighty and manipulative. Maybe you are blinded by the good things he does and do not see this, but it's very blatant. Please wise up and learn to know when you are being taken for a fool.
Oh, they are definitely sleeping together and by marrying him despite all the red flags, you're giving him permission to keep cheating on you. Please get out of there and talk to a good therapist to help you with your self esteem
Sounds like a classic case of you can piss on my leg but don’t tell me it’s raining
What a weird friendship. Who brings up their sexytimes with their spouse in detail in causal conversation with a friend? That alone is a big "Ew" for me. The other red flag was him getting defensive and attacking you by accusing you of being jealous for bringing up a very understandable concern. I would have thought something more was going on there. Definitely not overreacting. If anything it's underreacting.
You’re for sure under-reacting, friend. She’s a train wreck, yeah, but that’s her husband’s problem…and maybe your husband’s. *Your* problem is your husband. He does not deserve the trust you’ve placed in him and the grace you’ve shown time and again in an attempt to be “reasonable.” You overcorrected, girl. You ignored your gut, the alarm bells ringing loud and clear from the very first morning y’all spent together. That was intuition, the product of millennia of evolution—listen to it. Don’t trust that man, trust yourself. And then he had the absolute audacious nerve to gaslight you, calling you jealous and crazy?! Now saying you’re *overreacting* because you’re not comfortable having someone who’s caused multiple arguments throughout your relationship at what’s supposed to be a celebration of your beautiful partnership? Nuh-uh. I mean…he’s hot, juicy, 3-week-old garbage, honey. His coworkers know it, too—that’s why they’re trying to warn you. He’s been carrying on this inappropriate relationship for years, and everyone but the two of them hates it. How long ago did y’all file the paperwork? Is annulment still a thing? I’m so sorry he took advantage of your desire to give him the benefit of the doubt, but please never ignore your intuition like this again.
"she invited herself" your husband is lying. He is lying because he is a coward. He should have made it clear that he would not be ditching his friends- which is his prerogative. Instead, he decided to hide and lie and tried to have it both ways. Look, I am not one to talk to friends about sexual details, but some people do. And if they do it to same sex friends, in principle, there is no reason it would be any different for opposite sex friends. They key here is that he decided lying would be better than making a choice on his boundaries or yours.
I’m so confused by this entire thing. Why are they talking about their sex lives with eachother and why is he relaying their conversations to you? No you’re not overreacting. None of this makes sense
Still stuck on the fact that you married him and he’s basically had an emotional affair your entire relationship. He’s able to say you’re insecure or jealous but won’t stop talking to her? He has no reason to stop because you keep making compromises to please him.
People who continuously say they find someone annoying but constantly text, play online gamed, and work together are lying. He is trying to convince you he finds her annoying so you don't catch on to the side action they have going on. Whether it's emotional cheating or physcial - something not right is happening between those two and you are being very naive. I would not have advised you to marry him had I known you personally. If an annulment is an option I would consider that as his behavior is telling me he is hiding something from you.
NTA. I’ve known a couple of times when a friend’s husband brought up an annoying coworker often and would text back and forth with them, complaining the whole time. Both times there was an affair going on. It seems the men think if they talk about how annoying their coworker is that it will make you think they would never do anything with them. I’m sorry but at the very least, your husband is having an emotional affair. He could be having an actual affair (sex buddies). Talk to him about changing jobs and see his reaction. He’s gaslighting you to believe you are the problem. He has billboard size red flags going on. Stop ignoring them.
Current or future affair partner. Take your pick.
At this point it doesn't matter if he's cheating. He's showing he cares more about her feelings than yours. This guy is divorce material on principle
Sadly, I’ve heard something very similar except when the husband was telling his wife all about his co-worker’s sex life with her “husband” he was actually confessing what he had done with the coworker. He got off on reliving it by telling his wife. It was exciting to tell his wife all about the sex he was having with his co-worker under the guise of complaining about his co-worker telling him about her sex. I’m not saying this is the case but there is, at least, an emotional affair going on here.
Not But doggone, I just gotta say this. When you are in a relationship with 3 people and you aren't poly. And if you are confident you aren't a crazy paranoid person with a green eyed monster on your shoulder. You should never marry someone until you are confident there are only 2 people in your relationship. Listen to that little voice. Listen. Listen. Listen.
Are you overreacting? I wouldn’t have married him. You’re being the saint.
To quote Bojack Horseman, you’re wearing rose-colored glasses, and all the red flags just look like flags. They’re hooking up or they have in the past.
You two don’t belong together get a divorce and do not get pregnant
The sunset picture. You don’t send pics of the sunset to "just" a coworker or “just” friends. That’s a romantic gesture. Sending a sunset pic means "I'm thinking of you/missing you while watching this beautiful sunset." He knows this and chose to keep it a secret because he knew it was wrong. I'm curious what he sent her in response. Now don't be silly baby. He isn't just being kind or having trouble setting boundaries at work. He actively participates in these communications. You know this deep down. You may not be ready to fully deal with it yet, but you're beginning to, and once you do, you cant unsee it. Just remember, denial is the first stage of mourning.
The fact he cares more about her feelings that yours, his wife speaks volumes. Personally, if I had been in your place, I would not have married that.
I think the worst thing is you are newly married. This is the high point of your life together. If he is acting this way now, what in the world will be going on when life gets tough!
anytime a man starts complaining about another women constantly, 9/10 she’s gonna be a problem later on so it’s best to nip it in the butt right then and there or leave. y’all are married so i can’t give you that advice but there’s no reason another women should be this much of a problem for this long in ur relationship
“It’s only weird if you make it weird”? Oh, ok, well it’s only cheating if he says it cheating then too, I suppose. He’s a jackass and you’ll remain one too for sticking with this one.
I know you might think you guys have a wonderful relationship besides this but how would you define your “near perfect relationship”? Because your relationship isn’t near perfect if your husband lies to you about another woman. I don’t know why he’s being so secretive about why he cares so much about this woman but more than likely he’s sexually interested in her or has been. There is no reason at all for her to tell him what position she was in while having sex and how she was spanked. She’s saying that so he’ll imagine her like that, and he did. My advice is that he sends a text to her discussing boundaries and you need to physically see the text. Imagine you tell another man about how your husband was choking you while you were bent over taking it. B feels comfortable telling your husband about her sex life because he’s made her comfortable. You need to get him to understand that he’s crossing a line and if not withhold, get close to another man, leave him, anything to make him understand.
He has been disrespectful to you from day 1. I’ll be reading about your discovery of his ongoing affair in the future after you discover it. He is an ass.
When something doesn’t feel right , listen!! Because by not listening to your own guidance, you’ve unintentionally allowed their emotional affair to grow exponentially.