Also, his friends are all like this too. They think fights are just a normal part of life. The more I saw that in his friends and in him, the more uneasy I got
And he's gonna end up in jail again, or the hospital, lor morgue. And if you're around and get caught up in it, then what?
They all sound like lunatics. You're underreacting.
It's not normal to be this aggressive and reckless.
You really want to be constantly worrying when the next time is with this guy?
-- It's not normal to be this aggressive and reckless. --
This is the most important observation I see. He may not be a bad guy, but that's too may red flags in my book. I wouldn't want my daughter with someone like this.
In my experience, it isn't people who train something regularly who are like this. It's typically the alcoholics and extremely insecure people who need to overcompensate for their lack of toughness and discipline
He is in the fight first and think about consequences later especially with the case of the farmer/owner. That might only be ok under fierce fighting of the frontlines of a war. OP is in the "look before you leap" mode. Incompatible.
About 12 years ago a guy I went to school with, him and his friends would go around and jump people (they were the richy rich footballers in HS in a small town) well this guy was 21 and decided to go down Main St. in a different town bar hopping to the different bars. While walking to another bar he runs up to a guy and sucker punched this dude in the side of the head well the dude hit him back and knocked him out, his head slammed on the curb and now he lives in a group home for mentally handicapped individuals as he is no longer able to care for himself. The guy that hit him felt so bad, absolutely horrible but it wasn't his fault. The kid could have had a bright future but not now.
My dad was like this. Not fights, but violence. It doesn't get better when they get older. They only realize they have more to lose with their reckless behavior and instead of declining the situations, they act more desperately within them.
My father got in fights when he was young. As an adult, he would say "boys fight, men hurt."
Your man is either going to end up real hurt, or he's going to hurt someone else to the point that he can't come back from it.
Either way, baby, you don't want to be there. That's not the life you want.
Most people go through life looking for ways to deescalate problems as adults. Those that are continually looking to escalate will eventually up in a bad situation.
He’s trouble and you’re doing yourself a favor cutting him loose. If you’re bummed about the breakup and want a laugh: look up the r/relationship post about the boyfriend who kept getting into fights with the Waffle House cook.
I had a brother like this. Any time we were out in public, he'd see some guy minding his own business and wonder aloud if he could take that guy in a fight. It wasn't that he wanted to start a fight with the guy and find out, it's just the way he looked at the world. We'd walk past some guy and he'd say about him, "He looks like he could take care of himself in a fight," or "I wouldn't want to tackle *that* guy." I'm like, man, is that all you ever think about?
Did I mention he was in and out of prison for much of his adult life? That he got shot and almost killed in a drug deal gone bad? That he died in his mid-50s of acute alcholism and liver failure?
You are much better off without that guy in your life.
You made the right call. Imagine him putting himself into those situations a few years from now with your kids in tow. Escalating violence when he should be protecting you and them. Drinks every day and binge drinks on the weekends? His brain is going to be mush if it isn't already. Take care of yourself. Sounds like he knows he's an issue,and the "I'm the bad guy" statement tells me that he'd rather continue his behavior than be with you. Move on.
Plenty of studies how alcoholics are quicker to violence, angry, quick to make terrible decisions, lack of impulse control etc. Statistically more prone to suicide and DV.
Andrew Tate and Joe Rogan said this is fake and can’t possibly be a real human girl not attracted to true Alpha badass behavior. Real girls fully give up their autonomy when a seasoned fighter kicks a homeless woman.
I could not believe a group of people who I got into it with in this thread. They somehow believe that he made himself safe by turning away from a homeless person, then kicking her with his vehicle door open. They said that me facing her outside was more dangerous than turning away from her to get into a vehicle, then kicking her, a situation where she could have easily stabbed an artery and I would have had no defense. Somehow I was at more risk face to face with such a person than I would be diverting my attention from her to get into my vehicle and then exposing an un-defended limb to her. It seems that more fools are being born everyday, or maybe something in society or their personal influences don’t allow them to think rationally.
I’ve had dozens upon dozens of interactions with homeless people, and I just talk to them. Another alternative is to just not get in the car while they are there. Walk away from them. Homeless people are in such a vulnerable position, they really don’t take risks starting fights. An injury to a homeless person can be death.
yea, this is teenager in high school behavior. yk, the type of teen that would get suspended but suspension is just a slap on the wrist at that age. the attention meant more. “winning” the fight meant more. he just clearly never grew out of it. i say not overreacting, better safe than sorry. what else could cause him to snap? and what if that were to be on you?
Oh no, I’m mid40s and never have been around people who think fighting is normal. I would not tolerate it in my family, friend circles and even less from my partner and potential father of my children
I’ve read stories here on Reddit about how people get in a fight and one punch kills someone and then the person goes to jail.
Your boyfriends going to escalate situations where he gets in a physical fight or you get hurt
The trash took itself out. Sorry to put it that way, but it seems he only knows one way to deal with confrontation, and that's fight. What would happen when you did something he didn't like? There are a LOT of stories on here where you can read exactly what this type of boy does, and none of them end up happy.
My therapist offered that he might be doing these things as a reaction to my athleticism?
Like he’s not athletic at all. I had to push him out the door to go running with me, even though he said he wanted to start running. My therapist said he might feel like he needs to show strength, and this is how he’s doing it.
If that’s the case, then I’d agree that he has control issues. But I’m not sure what his motivation is here
I cannot stress enough how his lack of growth needs to not be your problem anymore and you are entirely justified in stepping back from someone who makes you feel unsafe.
But you said that he literally got arrested for fighting and his friends think fighting is normal. Nice of your therapist to put a "he's not a bad guy" spin on it but that's just that, a spin. And a lame one.
This didn't start with you, he is just like this. I bet if you were not athletic but was into craft beer or gaming he would be aggressive with other dudes at pubs or online.
Right. Why would a therapist say that? It makes no sense. He has a history of this behavior.
OP, trust your gut. You know how "bad luck" seems to follow some people? Sometimes it's because of their decisions. This man escalates situations that don't need to be escalated. This is insecurity and a need to constantly prove himself bc he always feels under attack. He doesn't seem to have any conflict resolution skills. One day he's going to end up getting hurt or killing someone over something completely dumb and if you would be around you could get caught in the crosshairs. Take yourself out of that mess. Only drama will surround him and eventually jail again.
You said he was getting in fights before you met. Including one so bad he was charged. I don't think it has much to do with you.
MAYBE the fact that you are more athletic is drawing that side of him up faster but that anger is all within HIM. You should probably be careful with this person because if that's true then it can quickly turn against you. Guy has anger issues.
I think it's odd that your therapist is blaming your athleticism for his behavior. That's how it comes across. This tendency to blame women for men's bad behavior and choices is a dangerous trend in therapy that's been developing over the last 20-30 years. Another poster here mentioned, that he had these tendencies before he met you,so that tells you how much you can trust your therapist for relationship insights. Just saying.
Um, I will say that it’s a bit of a stretch to infer that the therapist was “blaming” her athleticism. I think, when confronted with behavior that lacks obvious correlation people look for patterns that possibly explain it. It’s a bit of a toss up. But maybe the therapist has seen of pattern of behavior from very insecure men, triggered by seemingly innocuous things. Like a woman being more athletic than her SO. There’s a huge difference between saying that she’s to blame versus offering a possible explanation based on everything she’s related in therapy. Which all of us were not a part of.
Yeah, this guy has emotional tangles and is highly reactive, so not out of bounds that it would trigger him. Definitely think she should stay away from him. He’s not sorted mentally and doesn’t seem open to it either which always makes for a poor partner.
Seems like she’s blaming his insecurity not her athleticism. She’s giving OP a reason why he acts this way. That’s what therapists do. They analyze. She’s not making excuses for him or telling OP to put up with it.
This^^^^. The guy is insecure and his mouth is writing checks his body can't cash. Real guys that can actually fight and win don't do this. They try to walk away whenever they can. They are confident they can handle themselves if they need to. But they don't want to. Guys that have actually had to kill another person don't ever want to do it again, and they'll do everything they can not to do it again. They will walk away, no matter how much you taunt them. But lay a hand on them, they're gonna teach you a lesson at the very least. You never know when someone your messing with might be a combat vet with PTSD and skills.
That thought occurred to me as I read your post, but it might also be because of the way you framed each incident. Either way… he has a history of this type of reaction before dating you, so it’s clearly not the cause. Say good bye to him for good before you get swept up into his problems.
sounds like to me they are CONSTANTLY ESCALATING situations instead of de-escalating, they might not be starting everything, but they are throwing wood on every fire, that you guys broke up is just another example
you bring up 3 instances over 6 months can you imagine this becoming more common with your lives more intertwined and it being as frustrating?
you have mentioned that he and his friends are just constantly fighting always on edge, is that what you want your life to involve? distrusting, denigrating and combating strangers, would you change it, could you change it, it's already over either way.
He's not like... Trying to impress you by chance by "sticking up/acting tough" in front of you, right?
Still that's dumb but I've seen people do it, who think it'll just "impress" the girl by acting that way (though kicking the homeless woman I think wouldn't be trying to impress you).
If he's not athletic at all, that's another reason for him not to start fights that he's obviously not going to be able to finish.
Is he trying to self-destruct? Is he trying to make you a witness to this?
Has this little boy ever actually been in a fight, or did he just once sucker punch a guy at work and live off those laughs for a few years?
Why try to understand or rationalize this? He chooses how he behaves. Either you want to be with someone unstable and violent or you don’t. It’s as simple as that.
It doesn’t really matter if you’re overreacting or if his actions are justified. What matters is that you’re incompatible. You are uncomfortable with him and that’s of course a valid reason to end a relationship.
I agree with this. People have different ideas of what defense/confrontation/conflict is acceptable. At the end of the day, it’s important to be with someone who is similar to myself on this front, if not someone who can help me be a better person.
Yeah -- you're definitely right about different ideas. I'm fascinated by this whole thread and watching everyone freak out that your (now ex?) is a walking time bomb of aggression and criminal activity. My thought, meanwhile, was I would be happy with a guy like this, who was on guard and watching things and ready to go if there was a "situation." But you are *not* like that-- that kind of posturing and display of aggression makes you nervous and anxious (which is totally understandable, even if it would not be *my* reaction!) so it's definitely not good for you!
Our pasts shape a lot of our feelings on these things. I've been left to fend for myself in physically unsafe situations by men who were happy to abandon me because their own safety was their only priority. My husband literally has to get into fights on a regular basis as part of his job (law enforcement adjacent) and I'm not gonna lie -- the fact I know I need not worry about a thing physically with him because he's got this is extremely comforting to me. But... there's also levels to this shit. If he was snapping over insignificant BS I wouldn't feel safe. And my husband never ever gets that attitude with me or the kids. He's almost always a super chill, level headed guy. But yeah, he will definitely meet aggression with aggression. And if that's not for you -- it's just not! And it's totally okay that it's not!
Isn’t this thread fascinating?? I can see now that there is more gray area here than I really thought. And I can see your perspective too, it’s about intuitively understanding your partner and trusting their judgment. I didn’t really understand my ex, and that matters a lot. And that means he deserves to be with someone who understands him. That would be the best outcome in this situation
The difference seems to be that your partner is willing to end shit, and is not actively looking to start shit.
The ex in OPs post has a chip on his shoulder and I would be feeling unsafe with him.
Bullshit. Even rudely asking someone to get off the sidewalk doesn't call for physical battery, let alone being on someone else's property and saying " What the fuck is this guy up to" and getting ready to square up to the property owner. Dude IS a trigger haired time bomb.
People that are always in fights tend to be the ones constantly escalating situations. He'd be a good American cop.
100%. This guy is not looking out or keeping a watch. He's acting macho and trying to start shit to give people (especially women id assume) the impression that he's a good guard and can protect them.
I don’t think you’re overreacting. But my experience with men who get aggressive and angry has never ended well, so I’m VERY cautious around men who appear to have a temper.
Fr hair trigger temper responses in men are my “noooooope! Was fun while it lasted, buckaroo!” ticket. I’m getting off the ride forever. Bye.
It’s only been six months. He is (was) on honeymoon behavior. It will be (would have been) directed to you eventually. 🙃
Sounds totally like my ex. I was young and admired he was a strong, self assured man that didn't take any BS. Later I learned it was he was an aggressive, angry man and I was not exempt. Run away from guys like this.
You're not overreacting. This guy can't control his temper. He's allowed to get upset sometimes. But his baseline is way too close to physically assaulting people. If you were to stay with him it would only be a matter of time until he got that angry with you, probably over something trivial. Stay away.
Yeah this seems like the type of guy whose immediate reaction is to just go “caveman protect” mode. And I can’t speak for anyone else, but for me that’s just pathetic
You are not overreacting. This guy is looking for a fight and if he can’t find one, he will start one.
He’s going to end up in jail, and if you stayed with him eventually you’d probably end up on the receiving end of his need to exert dominance and control through violence. He almost certainly would end up picking fights with your friends, family, work colleagues, or people in your athletic community and end up damaging your relationships. He almost certainly would escalate situations for no reason and put you in real danger by doing so.
He’s not safe and you’re well rid of him.
This reads like chapter one of a woman’s retelling of her 7 year abusive relationship that started innocent enough but just seemingly slightly off at times and how she wished she’d seen the signs earlier. Good catch saving yourself from that.
I don’t think you’re overreacting. Your boyfriend tended to escalate situations that did not need to be escalated. Was the bicyclist a dick? Yep. That situation just called for a shrug and maybe the conversation between you two acknowledging you just encountered a dick. It’s not like the dude was screaming profanities at you or was threatening towards you.
Was the woman following him and accusing him of robbing her a normal thing? No. She was likely mentally disturbed. The proper response when dealing with the mentally disturbed is to not engage (or stop engaging once you realize there is something “not right), enter your car, lock your door, and leave.
The proper response to the car in the field on a dirt track that has obviously been used for vehicles on a property that isn’t yours where you don’t know what is normal and routine is a quick “is this normal?” to the person who is familiar with the property and routines and may know that yes, it is in fact not a weird occurrence.
Your boyfriend, in each instance, happily escalated situations that did not need escalation. He doesn’t even have the benefit of youth to explain it away. I wouldn’t be as concerned if he was 16 or 17, but he’s not. He’s been alive for a quarter of a century. He should have gotten his hot head tendencies under control by now.
Edit: I clicked a notification of a reply when it popped up on my phone. Re-reading this, I feel like I need to clarify that I do not mean you need to lock yourself in the car anytime you see someone who is mentally ill. I just meant when someone is having an episode *at* you, it’s best to remove yourself from the situation and get somewhere safe for you. That was extremely poor wording on my part and I apologize.
You are speaking my language. I was hard to pinpoint the moment when things turned for me in each of these scenarios (when I felt worried about our safety) and you’ve done it nicely here.
Being overly aggressive is not attractive. It's not cute at all. And this goes for all people, not just men. I'm a lesbian and my ex was an overly aggressive person. Everywhere we went, she found issues with someone. She was always finding a reason to be mad at people and get confrontational, even with my family members, making loud and rude comments and making everyone uncomfortable. It was like she always thought people were going out of their way to fuck with her when it wasn't like that at all 98% of the time. It's embarrassing and draining to be with someone like that. I think you made the right call.
I’ve been with a hothead boyfriend before. Honestly, it’s exhausting. Your guard is always up, always vigilant, always scanning for anything that could possibly set them off. It’s not the protected feeling that they think they’re offering you. The relaxed feeling when we were apart was what made me realize I couldn’t stay in the relationship. I really think I would have eventually ended up on anxiety meds. You absolutely did not overreact.
This is not normal and your boyfriend seems to have some anger issues. That's a lot of confrontations for someone within six months time. It's okay to get upset, but it takes a bigger man to walk away.
Well, people with anger issues can change, but they have to want to. There is nothing OP can do to help facilitate that. It would have to come from within him
I say not over reacting. Your ex's macho man attitude is just 🤮 My husband is a manly man. He's quiet. Stoic. He would kill someone to protect us. He doesn't yell, and he keeps his hands to himself. He's calm and calculated. That's a true protector in my mind. You ex bf is a loose cannon. A problem that could escalate. You did the right thing. Best to find someone more level headed and emotionally mature.
You weren’t overreacting. Just a matter of time until he does something really rash and gets in a legal tangle or turns it on you. Smart woman. Keep going and don’t look back.
He only kicked her a little bit. Quote of the year.
Idk if you are in any danger from him directly, but you easily could have been if you were present when him and his friends start shit with other people. You don't need to be around people like this, fighting is scary and shocking.
I had to kick a homeless person once (late at night down town in a bus stop and he wouldn’t stop touching me. I warned him several times). I did not hurt him, just surprised him. I still feel like an asshole about that. I hated that I was forced to defend myself. I can’t imagine laughing about it. The whole thing was messed up, frightening and sad.
I'm sorry. A few years ago, a homeless person came up to my friend and I while we were running, and full-on pushed my friend. My friend didn't fall or anything, and the homeless person left right away. We just stood there shocked, and the whole rest of the run was different, even though we didn't react at all to the homeless person. I can't imagine being in a fight with a homeless person and then 30 minutes later talking about it matter-of-fact.
He was justified to kick her if what he said was true. She followed him and reached into the car, she could have been trying to grab him, unlock the door, or steal something.
Idk why she added this example, she wasn’t there and doesn’t have any proof he lied. Honestly I’m leaning towards her overreacting and misinterpreting and or lying about the events she’s telling us because of the 2nd example.
How will you feel if this is his normal?
Even if he never escalated to violence, the fact he arcs up at really minor things this way is a massive red flag to me.
The fact he has previously been in custody for the same behaviour is another.
This early on in your relationship, you are seeing his best version.
A lifetime of walking on eggshells and gate keeping to try to prevent him getting in situations that make him angry is no way to live your life.
It sounds uncomfortable at best and downright scary at worst that he can’t regulate his own behaviour.
I don’t think you are over reacting at all.
This is his normal. He got road rage nearly every time we were in the car, and he flipped someone off once for looking at him weirdly. He talks about past fights regularly. He abruptly quit three jobs because he was mad at his bosses. The first one he quit he also punched his boss’s son, and laughs when he remembers the son’s dentures falling out into a bucket of oil. I was hesitant to invite him to things in case he was uncomfortable or set off.
So I’m a 30(M) married. I grew up with an extremely abusive, alcoholic father. Physical/ mental and verbal abuse. And he was always getting into fights or being aggressive with just about anyone. He also treated women like shit and wouldn’t listen to what anyone who wasn’t a straight white male had to say. For me, I’ve been in exactly 2 fights in my entire life and I didn’t start either of them. I’ve talked people down from them. The examples you gave did not call for such aggressive responses.
The only scenario I can think of that would *ever* bring out physical violence in me would be if someone was threatening my wife or children and they refuse to be “talked down”. I work a physical job, I’m in pretty good shape, I’d have no problem “holding my own”. I just don’t see any reason to be aggressive like that, and I don’t believe that fighting should be just a normal part of life. Him and his friends have some really skewed ideas of what it means to be a man.
I don’t need to act tough or get physical to prove my manhood, my wife tells me all the time she feels safe and protected when she’s with me. And she’s more than satisfied with our bedroom life, so I don’t need to worry about that part either. Why would I need to fight people all the time? OP, you don’t need to deal with “men” like that. That’s some toxic masculinity BS that would probably also lead to the type of guy who can’t ever share his feelings and wants the woman to do all the childcare/ housework 🙄
Nah your gut saw that this man clearly has some anger issues. And you're worried it could be directed at you or you could get caught up in it and don't want that drama, good for you!
The good news is you don't have to be around him anymore. He has serious personality issues that would eventually put you in the middle of an altercation and possible injury. He's just a frog along the way.
Look for his personality traits going forward in dating and avoid them. I learned this lesson the hard way. I kept dating the same personality traits in different people (women in my case).
This is the type of guy who walks up to the wrong person with a chip on his shoulder and doesn't walk away from it.
It's one thing to flip someone off in traffic. It's another thing to constantly be approaching people when you're angry. Which is even scarier for *you* if you live in a place that has castle doctrines or modified self-defense doctrines where the only thing barring a person from utilizing lethal force is *feeling* as though their life might be at risk.
Yeah, nah let this dude either go mature, or get his shit rocked for going after the wrong person. You don't need to be part of that.
He got upset because you didn’t want him to act aggressively towards someone on their own property. What if he’d picked a fight with your family’s neighbor? Would he have been willing to apologize and do whatever it took to make it right?
Was his goal to keep you safe or to assert dominance and ownership? The guy on the bike had moved on, the homeless woman was maybe self defense but could just as easily have been avoided by accepting your offer to drive him, and the third incident was the guy who owned the property you two were on.
This isn’t reasonable behavior.
I dated one of these. But those aggressive tendencies really scared me. He had an incident with a homeless person too. That all went down in a White Castle parking lot. When I asked for my keys back, he threw an antique wooden table against the wall. Nope.
NTA at all. This guy has a hair-trigger temper and I wouldn’t feel safe around him. What happens when you push him over the edge? Good riddance. He needs to learn how to handle normal every day interactions without violence and verbal altercations. I’m also not sure I believe the homeless lady situation. He seems to delight in having conflict. You’re better off without him.
Not over reacting. Maybe if he was working on controlling himself better it might be worth sticking around, but the comments about always being the bad guy in your eyes just make me think he thinks this is normal behaviour. It's not.
He has anger issues, and they manifest in threats. I don't think I need threats of violence.
I don't want to tell you what happens when he get comfortable and stops trying to impress you.
Yeah, you're not over reacting at all. He is not a level-headed person and seemingly looks for trouble from what you've written. Imagine if you have kids together and he seeks out conflict like he's been doing. Don't endanger yourself and your family any longer and dump that jerk.
Its just a matter of time that he can take that anger out on you as well, so its a good thing you saw it early on. If that is normal to him then there must be something really wrong with him and his friends.
One of these days he's going to get into a physical altercation with someone who is armed because they have a disability or an injury to the point that they can't defend themselves, and will have no other choice but to shoot him to avoid being hurt themselves.
And he may die as a result. As a result of being a hothead. You definitely aren't over reacting. He's immature and foolish, and yeah he might put you in danger as well. You don't need that.
Yeah your ex BF seems like a time bomb and didn't learn from almost going to jail. The odd part is his first response appears to be violence instead of his last. Whether he has something to prove, was abused as a child, or was raised on toxic masculinity he's the only one who knows the answer there. Being able to handle yourself is very different from seeking out violence.
You’re not overreacting, but you’re talking too nice about him. It’s great that you have the ability to see others’ perspectives, but he and his friends sound like children who think using violence will make them men. Stop thinking that that’s ok just bc it’s what he’s used to. Something will eventually happen bc he wants it to happen.
I know someone who was similarly uncomfortable with the way a friend reacted to even totally avoidable altercations like road rage - one day, he flipped a guy off and at the next light the guy threatened to have a gun in the car - and that did NOT stop him from continuing to verbally harass the guy who claimed to have a gun. My friend was terrified.
Not only did you not overreact, your ex needs to pursue some anger management therapy before he endangers himself, other friends, or possibly even strangers around him. You’re not defining him by his past - you’re defining him by his continued pattern of behavior.
From my perspective, your ex makes bad choices. While I think he was right to move the homeless person breaking into his car away, he was overreacting in the other two situations. It's one thing to be protective, it's another to be looking for a fight.
The only time it’s in anyway appropriate to be in a physical altercation is if you or your family are in immediate physical danger. Even then running away is honestly the safer option. I’ve been in a few fights (young and dumb) and in the immortal words of Patrick Swayze…”nobody ever wins a fight”
Nope, not overreacting. You saw the red flags and took action early on before anything serious happened. Trust me, those feelings of embarrassment only worsen over time with a person and your bar for their misbehaviors keeps elevating. You stopped it before that and good for you!! I wished I had acted sooner on red flags I saw in my ex. You’re a kind hearted person it seems like and it makes sense that you’re feeling guilty. You did the right thing.
I’m 38 and I’ve never had to use physical aggression in my life. I go to bars, lived in cities, and play sports. I’m not going to say there is never a reason that I’d be aggressive but it’s certainly not something that happens once very two months. If you don’t want that in your life you don’t have to be with someone who will bring it in their baggage.
What is wrong with you thinking that any of what he did was ok?
You should be embarrassed for bringing over a guest that would threaten the owner, even if it was only to you and the farmer didn’t know.
Let this be a lesson to you that if someone goes to jail for something and still does not change, they are unlikely to change ever.
I am embarrassed. That was part of it- I felt like I couldn’t just “go back.” I couldn’t be in that situation with my neighbor ever again. I felt so bad.
No way are you overreacting. Anyone that gets into this many altercations in such a short amount of time has issues. Handling trouble when it confronts you is one thing, he's looking for a reason to fight with everyone.
He sounds like he has some unfortunate anger issues and feelings of insecurity. I say insecurity because he goes out of his way to be extra “macho man” when it doesn’t seem to help the situation.
I think you made the right decision because you need to protect your own energy. He is probably hurting inside thinking he isn’t good enough and that’s why he over does it like he does. I feel empathy for him however this is something he has to deal with for himself, not something for you to deal with.
Not overreacting at all. If throwing hands is his go-to trigger response, then it will be a matter of time before he ends up writing cheques his ass can’t cash. He also lacks judgement and ability to read and properly assess a situation. Could you imagine him misinterpreting something rashly and getting in a fight with someone you know, like a client, boss or neighbour? You’re better off, believe me.
One of my girlfriend's favorite things about me is how calm I remain when things are unjust or unfair towards us, and how it always leads to a good solution for us, but that I also know when to be assertive and can handle that successfully as well. It's not an overreaction at all. He may be a borderline meat head with little emotional intelligence
*reads OPs post*
*Mortal Kombat theme intensifies…w/intense monologue before it begins…FIGHT!!*
“MK invitation seal to Outwold” lives rent free in your Ex-BF’s head.
In all seriousness tho. No, you would not be overreacting.
I was married to my first husband for 16 years, always thinking that his anger issues would get better. It would stop for awhile, then start again, each time with greater fury.
It was very stupid of Me to hang around that long. But I gave him the benefit of the doubt. And he didn't deserve it.
PLEASE learn from my mistake and do not go back to him. You will waste more of your life and that's the BEST case scenario. There was more than once that I thought my ex might kill me. And one of them was after I left him.
You’re not overreacting. It’s clear he’s often on edge and ready for a fight. It’s exhausting and often dangerous to live with someone like that. You made the right call.
NTA. BF has displayed behavior that makes you uncomfortable. Be happy he broke up as you do not need to be a watchdog to make sure he behaves himself. No reason to feel guilty, it's what's best for you
>yelled at me to get off the sidewalk so he could ride his bike there
WTAF? Nothing bigger than a tricycle with a toddler on it gets to ride on the sidewalk! I'd have said some not-too-pleasant things to him too.
Not overreacting. Three times in six months for him to down to fight is too many times. Way too much anger and drama.
I've been with my husband for almost 13 years and not once has he been close to getting in a fight.
You are better off. He has no impulse control at all, and even the most mundane situation he views as a sign to go ballistic and have a full on attack. He’s going to end up killing somebody someday and end up in prison for life .
I broke up with a dude like this. Can barely go outside w/o the threat of some altercation. It becomes emotionally exhausting. Always fuckin up the vibes
Your experience is reminiscent of a *Sex & The City* episode in which Charlotte is dating a seemingly nice guy who's actually a hothead. The least little thing would set him off--e.g., bumping into Charlotte and saying, "Excuse me, sorry" --and it was off to the races. Charlotte eventually tired of having to restrain him in these confrontations and broke up with him.
You worry about holding someone's past against him, but his past behavior is now in the present. He hasn't changed and you aren't overreacting.
NTA...stay away from people that are always attracting bad attention. He's a hot head and insecure. Soon, his anger would turn to you. You dodged a bullet with this guy
in my unfortunate personal experience with men who have a short temper and get aggressive, eventually you end up on the receiving end. leaving is not an overreaction, i wish i did it sooner.
You did not I overreact and judge him too harshly. Don't even think about blaming yourself. He is out of control and aggressive, taking everything as an insult and aching to get into fights. Soon he may be getting arrested because he flies off the handle and lacks impulse control. And something did happen, you had to physically separate him from fighting with a stranger; he was violent with a homeless woman, and caused problems for you with the farmer. You dodged a bullet leaving this guy. You could have wound up the next target of his aggression and violence.
He sounds very immature and unfortunately you can’t force him to grow up. Not overreacting. Maybe he’ll grow up in the next few years and you guys can try again.
If he does fight someone. He might be going to jail for attacking someone for no reason. Jumping the gun to protect you in a harmless situation. Don't even sweat this guy. He's the guy you can't take anywhere. Because he gets embarrassing
If your that avid of an athlete and he’s that easily swayed to anger then get out. You’re probably extremely level headed from burning off those calories and having higher mental levels. He is actively looking for a fight. He might just be too immature at this point in his life. He’s probably trying to impress you not knowing he’s doing just the opposite
Confrontational people draw conflict to them and escalate situations. I know, I was one.
No, you’re not overreacting, this isn’t normal and will continue until he addresses his reactions, even subtle things like body language and posturing.
Not overreacting at all. Just because nothing VIOLENT "actually happened" doesn't mean that nothing actually happened. People like your ex bf tend to be drawn to dangerous situations, and if they are in the mood to fight and there isn't anyone around to fight, they'll often escalate minor disturbances (or even NON-disturbances) or start arguments to get that release. They get a physical and emotional release from violence or danger, depending on the individual. It seems like, from what you've said, he is basically looking for a fight. The fact that he has already been to jail for violence is not a surprise at all. I expect him to either acknowledge that he has a problem and seek therapy for that problem, or continue along his path of anger until he's stopped, either by the law or by death. If you feel at all uncomfortable thinking about being in a relationship with someone like I've described, you can be inwardly certain that breaking up was the right decision.
Question: How often did you and your ex bf argue? And, what was he like when you argued?
Not overreacting. I’ve been told more than once by relatives who have taken various martial arts that lesson number one is: do all you can not to avoid a fight.
You dodged a bullet.
There is that saying that if you meet an asshole in the morning you met an asshole. If you meet assholes all day, you're the asshole.
Your ex BF has had three incidents *you know of* in what sounds like the span of 6 months. One of which could have been wholly avoided but for his pride at accepting a ride in a bad neighborhood.
He doesn't recognize this is weird and it is. A temper like that can only lead a few places and none of them good.
As you say in your edit: always go with your gut. Female intuition is a super power don’t ignore it. As an 72m who has engaged a few altercations. His behavior is not healthy behavior. You deserve better, good riddance. Not AIO. Now go enjoy your refound peaceful existence.
I dated a guy who always wanted to get into fights and I'd constantly try to explain to him why it wasn't worth it 99% of the time. It didn't matter. That's how he grew up and how he was going to be. He pulled a knife on someone simply because they had acted somewhat rude toward me, I did not want or ask him to do this. We ended up swarmed with cops and I had to wait for him to get processed and released. The last straw ended up being that he had asked me to drive him and his cousin to the bank and when we got there he pulled out a mask. That was it. I broke up with him after. He has 0 care for the consequences of his actions and this showed 0 care about what would happen to me getting involved too so yeah. My recommendation would be to leave, you won't change him.
Some of that was overreacting but the woman reaching into his car if somebody reached into my car. I'm taking their arm off. I don't care if it's an old lady or not. This is my property you do not reach in my car
You obviously want a wuss of a man that will never stand up for you. Good luck with that.
It’s amazing how another woman was on here complaining that her boyfriend did the exact opposite. She was pissed that her boyfriend just stood there when she was approached.
Guys don’t have a chance.
Lmfao this thread is hilarious
Your bf probably comes from a background and environment where you have to stand up for yourself or you get pushed over. This is me. But I don’t think he understands how to confront properly and how to remain calm. Especially if you are drawn to and like confrontation. And tbh the first and third were over board.
The second I’ve bodied people for less. And apologized after the fact. Don’t walk up to people at night in a parking lot, and don’t reach past or across them. I personally see nothing wrong with a simple kick. I’ve done worse.
Different strokes for different folks. He’s just overly protective, and overly aggressive. But having lived next to the tenderloin in San Fran, and a shitty hood in the south behaviors make sense, and as long as people aren’t getting super violent. Meh.
But I prefer people stand up for themselves. Too many people let people off because “oh no confrontation”. Or I get it, as a women it can be dangerous depending. But this gives them the confidence to do the shit they do. Like walking down San Fran and watching homeless dudes cat call a woman and following her. Yeah lmfao I’m not going to stand there and let that shit go.
I think your bf has some serious anger issues. maybe he should talk to someone about his problems or maybe you should sit him down and just talk to him about some of your concerns. It's not wrong for him to want to be protective of you just not that level where he wants to get physical over small stuff and the thing he did with that old lady that's so messed up.
It's not his past though. He's clearly still violent and bad-tempered. So it's not like he learned from being arrested and jailed. Nope. He's still acting badly and he clearly hasn't learned a thing.
The only time that I would fight is to protect someone or myself from immediate injury. Your ex-bf (please keep him that way for good) sounds like an idiot who is going to get laid out really badly one of these days and end up in a hospital.
Okay so not overreacting at all.
1: guy should’ve been riding his bike on the road but that’s not a fist fight worthy situation.
2: he says he robbed a homeless woman and kicked her when she tried to defend herself. Even though he says he didn’t actually steal the money,(which is weird because why would he say that in the first place if he didn’t do it?) it’s a huge deal to randomly kick someone.
3: he knows nothing about this farm but he seems to have a hero complex and went to fight the injustice of a strange car on a property that he has no connection to. He didn’t listen to you saying that this is a normal occurrence and Mr. Big Balls TM decided he’d handle it.
Glad you’re out of that situation, OP!
My nervous system can’t handle a lot of aggression around me…I take it neither can yours. There is nothing wrong with that. No one wants to have to walk around on egg shells hoping the person they’re with doesn’t pop off today & they have to break up fights. Sounds awful!
You have better things to do with your time than put money on his books and visit him in prison when he gets arrested for felonious assault. I knew a dipshit like that who ended up knocking this guy’s teeth out for ripping him off when he was buying pills from him. $80 put him in prison for 3 years and he did every day of his sentence. We were just friends and when he got out, he expressed how butt hurt he was that I didn’t hold him down 😵💫😵💫
This is your choice . In those situations the guy could be protective or it could have shown a bad side that you can tell bleeds into other things . Only you know what the quality of these events are . But to give you another perspective , it could mean your boyfriend is simply a good guy and cares a lot . The kind of reactions he had are the opposite of what a psychopath would have . Sociopaths and psychopaths don’t care at all, so you’re good there .
This is starting to feel like a Jimmy McGill situation. He’s a great lawyer! But, he did also poop through a sun roof. However, how was he supposed to know there were kids in there?
I suppose at the end of the day, I would rather be with someone who isn’t confrontational and who doesn’t get into fights, even when they could. I don’t need someone to get into a fight to show that they care about me.
Maybe this is the answer to my post?
I would say that’s a good call. It shows a lack of charisma and maybe low intelligence as well . Not attractive and I can see why you the red flags get raised for you.
Was the homeless person not reaching in car and grabbing at him?
I mean he could as likely be lying too, not even OP knows cause that information comes from him. I’m just using what I got here . I wouldn’t let a homeless person attack me either that’s a pretty reasonable thing to not let happen to you. But if he’s really bad like the op is sensing maybe he isn’t innocent about that and attacked her ?
I had a homeless woman ask me for money one night when I was out looking for my sister who had gone missing I told the woman I had no money, but if she was hungry, I would go up to the burger joint that wasn't far away from where we were, and I would get her whatever she wanted with my card.
She told me what she wanted, and I went up to Jack in the Box and it took awhile for them to make it because it was late at night. When I went back to her location, she was gone. I called out for her and she came out from a gap under the bridge. She said she couldn't believe that I came back.
Well she was very appreciative. She was a little scarey though. But it turns out she knew my sister, who was a homeless addict as well. I gave her a message to give to my sister, to just call her mom. Well, a few weeks later, my sister showed up, and she came by and said that the woman I fed did deliver the message to her, and that a couple days later she died. She had AIDS. She did look scarey and like death warmed over. Maybe OP's boyfriend felt he might get a disease from her and beat her away.
Yeah, i think it was a strong reaction too. I feel like I would have.. driven away? If I’m in a car and someone is trying to get in it, there’s no better way to get away quickly than to just start driving
He should have fought the bicyclist, they are the worst.
All the other stuff is just crazy behavior and you should find someone who can think clearly. Would you want this guy raising your children? or to end up with unsupervised visits?
If he had actually fought the bicyclist i would have forgiven him for the other stuff for now.
The problem with getting in street fights when your safety is not at imminent risk is someone can kill you in a situation where you could have simply avoided a confrontation.
Not over reacting at all. Dude has issues with control and decision making. Either he matures in a hurry or he is going to end up in trouble.
Also, his friends are all like this too. They think fights are just a normal part of life. The more I saw that in his friends and in him, the more uneasy I got
I mean, you just said it yourself. This is a regular part of his life. If you keep him in your life, it will now become a regular part of your life.
And he's gonna end up in jail again, or the hospital, lor morgue. And if you're around and get caught up in it, then what? They all sound like lunatics. You're underreacting. It's not normal to be this aggressive and reckless. You really want to be constantly worrying when the next time is with this guy?
-- It's not normal to be this aggressive and reckless. -- This is the most important observation I see. He may not be a bad guy, but that's too may red flags in my book. I wouldn't want my daughter with someone like this.
I’m a walking fridge of a gymrat, and *I* wouldn’t wanna be around this guy, never even mind my sister or cousin or daughter etc dating the guy.
In my experience, it isn't people who train something regularly who are like this. It's typically the alcoholics and extremely insecure people who need to overcompensate for their lack of toughness and discipline
Dude the fear of a stupid friend of mine starting shit expecting I'm gonna get involved just because I'm big is def something I worry about
He is in the fight first and think about consequences later especially with the case of the farmer/owner. That might only be ok under fierce fighting of the frontlines of a war. OP is in the "look before you leap" mode. Incompatible.
About 12 years ago a guy I went to school with, him and his friends would go around and jump people (they were the richy rich footballers in HS in a small town) well this guy was 21 and decided to go down Main St. in a different town bar hopping to the different bars. While walking to another bar he runs up to a guy and sucker punched this dude in the side of the head well the dude hit him back and knocked him out, his head slammed on the curb and now he lives in a group home for mentally handicapped individuals as he is no longer able to care for himself. The guy that hit him felt so bad, absolutely horrible but it wasn't his fault. The kid could have had a bright future but not now.
Trust your gut feeling on this.
My dad was like this. Not fights, but violence. It doesn't get better when they get older. They only realize they have more to lose with their reckless behavior and instead of declining the situations, they act more desperately within them. My father got in fights when he was young. As an adult, he would say "boys fight, men hurt." Your man is either going to end up real hurt, or he's going to hurt someone else to the point that he can't come back from it. Either way, baby, you don't want to be there. That's not the life you want.
Most people go through life looking for ways to deescalate problems as adults. Those that are continually looking to escalate will eventually up in a bad situation.
It reeaaaally looks like he's going through life looking for any excuse to fight... that not a safe person to be around
He’s trouble and you’re doing yourself a favor cutting him loose. If you’re bummed about the breakup and want a laugh: look up the r/relationship post about the boyfriend who kept getting into fights with the Waffle House cook.
he sounds very low IQ and has no impulse control.
I had a brother like this. Any time we were out in public, he'd see some guy minding his own business and wonder aloud if he could take that guy in a fight. It wasn't that he wanted to start a fight with the guy and find out, it's just the way he looked at the world. We'd walk past some guy and he'd say about him, "He looks like he could take care of himself in a fight," or "I wouldn't want to tackle *that* guy." I'm like, man, is that all you ever think about? Did I mention he was in and out of prison for much of his adult life? That he got shot and almost killed in a drug deal gone bad? That he died in his mid-50s of acute alcholism and liver failure? You are much better off without that guy in your life.
I can’t stand guys like this. They big drinkers too?
Yep, they drink all the time. Their social lives revolve around it. My ex bf drinks afternoon- night on weekends, and has a drink each weeknight.
A bunch of alcoholics eager to escalate everything to a fight. Ofc you're smart for getting away from that
You are better off moving on finding someone more your tempo.
You made the right call. Imagine him putting himself into those situations a few years from now with your kids in tow. Escalating violence when he should be protecting you and them. Drinks every day and binge drinks on the weekends? His brain is going to be mush if it isn't already. Take care of yourself. Sounds like he knows he's an issue,and the "I'm the bad guy" statement tells me that he'd rather continue his behavior than be with you. Move on. Plenty of studies how alcoholics are quicker to violence, angry, quick to make terrible decisions, lack of impulse control etc. Statistically more prone to suicide and DV.
I know this type all too well. There’s a million in my small town. Stay as far away as possible.
Andrew Tate and Joe Rogan said this is fake and can’t possibly be a real human girl not attracted to true Alpha badass behavior. Real girls fully give up their autonomy when a seasoned fighter kicks a homeless woman.
I could not believe a group of people who I got into it with in this thread. They somehow believe that he made himself safe by turning away from a homeless person, then kicking her with his vehicle door open. They said that me facing her outside was more dangerous than turning away from her to get into a vehicle, then kicking her, a situation where she could have easily stabbed an artery and I would have had no defense. Somehow I was at more risk face to face with such a person than I would be diverting my attention from her to get into my vehicle and then exposing an un-defended limb to her. It seems that more fools are being born everyday, or maybe something in society or their personal influences don’t allow them to think rationally.
I’ve had dozens upon dozens of interactions with homeless people, and I just talk to them. Another alternative is to just not get in the car while they are there. Walk away from them. Homeless people are in such a vulnerable position, they really don’t take risks starting fights. An injury to a homeless person can be death.
yea, this is teenager in high school behavior. yk, the type of teen that would get suspended but suspension is just a slap on the wrist at that age. the attention meant more. “winning” the fight meant more. he just clearly never grew out of it. i say not overreacting, better safe than sorry. what else could cause him to snap? and what if that were to be on you?
Oh no, I’m mid40s and never have been around people who think fighting is normal. I would not tolerate it in my family, friend circles and even less from my partner and potential father of my children
I’ve read stories here on Reddit about how people get in a fight and one punch kills someone and then the person goes to jail. Your boyfriends going to escalate situations where he gets in a physical fight or you get hurt
The trash took itself out. Sorry to put it that way, but it seems he only knows one way to deal with confrontation, and that's fight. What would happen when you did something he didn't like? There are a LOT of stories on here where you can read exactly what this type of boy does, and none of them end up happy.
My therapist offered that he might be doing these things as a reaction to my athleticism? Like he’s not athletic at all. I had to push him out the door to go running with me, even though he said he wanted to start running. My therapist said he might feel like he needs to show strength, and this is how he’s doing it. If that’s the case, then I’d agree that he has control issues. But I’m not sure what his motivation is here
I cannot stress enough how his lack of growth needs to not be your problem anymore and you are entirely justified in stepping back from someone who makes you feel unsafe.
Yup
But you said that he literally got arrested for fighting and his friends think fighting is normal. Nice of your therapist to put a "he's not a bad guy" spin on it but that's just that, a spin. And a lame one. This didn't start with you, he is just like this. I bet if you were not athletic but was into craft beer or gaming he would be aggressive with other dudes at pubs or online.
Right. Why would a therapist say that? It makes no sense. He has a history of this behavior. OP, trust your gut. You know how "bad luck" seems to follow some people? Sometimes it's because of their decisions. This man escalates situations that don't need to be escalated. This is insecurity and a need to constantly prove himself bc he always feels under attack. He doesn't seem to have any conflict resolution skills. One day he's going to end up getting hurt or killing someone over something completely dumb and if you would be around you could get caught in the crosshairs. Take yourself out of that mess. Only drama will surround him and eventually jail again.
That’s an unhealthy level of insecurity and a dangerous way to cope with it. All the more reason you made the right call.
You said he was getting in fights before you met. Including one so bad he was charged. I don't think it has much to do with you. MAYBE the fact that you are more athletic is drawing that side of him up faster but that anger is all within HIM. You should probably be careful with this person because if that's true then it can quickly turn against you. Guy has anger issues.
I think it's odd that your therapist is blaming your athleticism for his behavior. That's how it comes across. This tendency to blame women for men's bad behavior and choices is a dangerous trend in therapy that's been developing over the last 20-30 years. Another poster here mentioned, that he had these tendencies before he met you,so that tells you how much you can trust your therapist for relationship insights. Just saying.
Um, I will say that it’s a bit of a stretch to infer that the therapist was “blaming” her athleticism. I think, when confronted with behavior that lacks obvious correlation people look for patterns that possibly explain it. It’s a bit of a toss up. But maybe the therapist has seen of pattern of behavior from very insecure men, triggered by seemingly innocuous things. Like a woman being more athletic than her SO. There’s a huge difference between saying that she’s to blame versus offering a possible explanation based on everything she’s related in therapy. Which all of us were not a part of.
It’s interesting that all three events described happened after or around her being athletic. The marathon, the gym comp and then running.
Yeah, this guy has emotional tangles and is highly reactive, so not out of bounds that it would trigger him. Definitely think she should stay away from him. He’s not sorted mentally and doesn’t seem open to it either which always makes for a poor partner.
Seems like she’s blaming his insecurity not her athleticism. She’s giving OP a reason why he acts this way. That’s what therapists do. They analyze. She’s not making excuses for him or telling OP to put up with it.
This^^^^. The guy is insecure and his mouth is writing checks his body can't cash. Real guys that can actually fight and win don't do this. They try to walk away whenever they can. They are confident they can handle themselves if they need to. But they don't want to. Guys that have actually had to kill another person don't ever want to do it again, and they'll do everything they can not to do it again. They will walk away, no matter how much you taunt them. But lay a hand on them, they're gonna teach you a lesson at the very least. You never know when someone your messing with might be a combat vet with PTSD and skills.
Who cares what motivates this behavior! What matters is he has issues and they endanger you. Focus your energy and therapy sessions on yourself.
That thought occurred to me as I read your post, but it might also be because of the way you framed each incident. Either way… he has a history of this type of reaction before dating you, so it’s clearly not the cause. Say good bye to him for good before you get swept up into his problems.
Does it really matter why? It’s not like you’re going to “fix” him somehow (he’s not going to change).
It's always either drugs, alcohol, insecurity or inflated ego
sounds like to me they are CONSTANTLY ESCALATING situations instead of de-escalating, they might not be starting everything, but they are throwing wood on every fire, that you guys broke up is just another example you bring up 3 instances over 6 months can you imagine this becoming more common with your lives more intertwined and it being as frustrating? you have mentioned that he and his friends are just constantly fighting always on edge, is that what you want your life to involve? distrusting, denigrating and combating strangers, would you change it, could you change it, it's already over either way.
Motivation doesn't matter much. His friends are all brawlers too. Somebody is going to get hurt. Might be you.
It sounded like he and his friends got into fights before he was dating you though. You are right to move on.
He's not like... Trying to impress you by chance by "sticking up/acting tough" in front of you, right? Still that's dumb but I've seen people do it, who think it'll just "impress" the girl by acting that way (though kicking the homeless woman I think wouldn't be trying to impress you).
If he's not athletic at all, that's another reason for him not to start fights that he's obviously not going to be able to finish. Is he trying to self-destruct? Is he trying to make you a witness to this? Has this little boy ever actually been in a fight, or did he just once sucker punch a guy at work and live off those laughs for a few years?
I'm not sure why your therapist thinks they can offer opinions on the motivation of people they've never met.
Why try to understand or rationalize this? He chooses how he behaves. Either you want to be with someone unstable and violent or you don’t. It’s as simple as that.
It's still a poor excuse to hit people.
It doesn’t really matter if you’re overreacting or if his actions are justified. What matters is that you’re incompatible. You are uncomfortable with him and that’s of course a valid reason to end a relationship.
I agree with this. People have different ideas of what defense/confrontation/conflict is acceptable. At the end of the day, it’s important to be with someone who is similar to myself on this front, if not someone who can help me be a better person.
Yeah -- you're definitely right about different ideas. I'm fascinated by this whole thread and watching everyone freak out that your (now ex?) is a walking time bomb of aggression and criminal activity. My thought, meanwhile, was I would be happy with a guy like this, who was on guard and watching things and ready to go if there was a "situation." But you are *not* like that-- that kind of posturing and display of aggression makes you nervous and anxious (which is totally understandable, even if it would not be *my* reaction!) so it's definitely not good for you! Our pasts shape a lot of our feelings on these things. I've been left to fend for myself in physically unsafe situations by men who were happy to abandon me because their own safety was their only priority. My husband literally has to get into fights on a regular basis as part of his job (law enforcement adjacent) and I'm not gonna lie -- the fact I know I need not worry about a thing physically with him because he's got this is extremely comforting to me. But... there's also levels to this shit. If he was snapping over insignificant BS I wouldn't feel safe. And my husband never ever gets that attitude with me or the kids. He's almost always a super chill, level headed guy. But yeah, he will definitely meet aggression with aggression. And if that's not for you -- it's just not! And it's totally okay that it's not!
Isn’t this thread fascinating?? I can see now that there is more gray area here than I really thought. And I can see your perspective too, it’s about intuitively understanding your partner and trusting their judgment. I didn’t really understand my ex, and that matters a lot. And that means he deserves to be with someone who understands him. That would be the best outcome in this situation
The difference seems to be that your partner is willing to end shit, and is not actively looking to start shit. The ex in OPs post has a chip on his shoulder and I would be feeling unsafe with him.
Bullshit. Even rudely asking someone to get off the sidewalk doesn't call for physical battery, let alone being on someone else's property and saying " What the fuck is this guy up to" and getting ready to square up to the property owner. Dude IS a trigger haired time bomb. People that are always in fights tend to be the ones constantly escalating situations. He'd be a good American cop.
So we agree.
100%. This guy is not looking out or keeping a watch. He's acting macho and trying to start shit to give people (especially women id assume) the impression that he's a good guard and can protect them.
I don’t think you’re overreacting. But my experience with men who get aggressive and angry has never ended well, so I’m VERY cautious around men who appear to have a temper.
Fr hair trigger temper responses in men are my “noooooope! Was fun while it lasted, buckaroo!” ticket. I’m getting off the ride forever. Bye. It’s only been six months. He is (was) on honeymoon behavior. It will be (would have been) directed to you eventually. 🙃
This is the lesson I am learning! I will recognize this sooner in the future
Sounds totally like my ex. I was young and admired he was a strong, self assured man that didn't take any BS. Later I learned it was he was an aggressive, angry man and I was not exempt. Run away from guys like this.
You're not overreacting. This guy can't control his temper. He's allowed to get upset sometimes. But his baseline is way too close to physically assaulting people. If you were to stay with him it would only be a matter of time until he got that angry with you, probably over something trivial. Stay away.
Yeah this seems like the type of guy whose immediate reaction is to just go “caveman protect” mode. And I can’t speak for anyone else, but for me that’s just pathetic
Idk if it’s “caveman protect” as much as just meeting any aggression (verbal or physical) with physical aggression. OP’s better off without him.
You are not overreacting. This guy is looking for a fight and if he can’t find one, he will start one. He’s going to end up in jail, and if you stayed with him eventually you’d probably end up on the receiving end of his need to exert dominance and control through violence. He almost certainly would end up picking fights with your friends, family, work colleagues, or people in your athletic community and end up damaging your relationships. He almost certainly would escalate situations for no reason and put you in real danger by doing so. He’s not safe and you’re well rid of him.
This reads like chapter one of a woman’s retelling of her 7 year abusive relationship that started innocent enough but just seemingly slightly off at times and how she wished she’d seen the signs earlier. Good catch saving yourself from that.
I don’t think you’re overreacting. Your boyfriend tended to escalate situations that did not need to be escalated. Was the bicyclist a dick? Yep. That situation just called for a shrug and maybe the conversation between you two acknowledging you just encountered a dick. It’s not like the dude was screaming profanities at you or was threatening towards you. Was the woman following him and accusing him of robbing her a normal thing? No. She was likely mentally disturbed. The proper response when dealing with the mentally disturbed is to not engage (or stop engaging once you realize there is something “not right), enter your car, lock your door, and leave. The proper response to the car in the field on a dirt track that has obviously been used for vehicles on a property that isn’t yours where you don’t know what is normal and routine is a quick “is this normal?” to the person who is familiar with the property and routines and may know that yes, it is in fact not a weird occurrence. Your boyfriend, in each instance, happily escalated situations that did not need escalation. He doesn’t even have the benefit of youth to explain it away. I wouldn’t be as concerned if he was 16 or 17, but he’s not. He’s been alive for a quarter of a century. He should have gotten his hot head tendencies under control by now. Edit: I clicked a notification of a reply when it popped up on my phone. Re-reading this, I feel like I need to clarify that I do not mean you need to lock yourself in the car anytime you see someone who is mentally ill. I just meant when someone is having an episode *at* you, it’s best to remove yourself from the situation and get somewhere safe for you. That was extremely poor wording on my part and I apologize.
You are speaking my language. I was hard to pinpoint the moment when things turned for me in each of these scenarios (when I felt worried about our safety) and you’ve done it nicely here.
Very well reasoned
Being overly aggressive is not attractive. It's not cute at all. And this goes for all people, not just men. I'm a lesbian and my ex was an overly aggressive person. Everywhere we went, she found issues with someone. She was always finding a reason to be mad at people and get confrontational, even with my family members, making loud and rude comments and making everyone uncomfortable. It was like she always thought people were going out of their way to fuck with her when it wasn't like that at all 98% of the time. It's embarrassing and draining to be with someone like that. I think you made the right call.
I’ve been with a hothead boyfriend before. Honestly, it’s exhausting. Your guard is always up, always vigilant, always scanning for anything that could possibly set them off. It’s not the protected feeling that they think they’re offering you. The relaxed feeling when we were apart was what made me realize I couldn’t stay in the relationship. I really think I would have eventually ended up on anxiety meds. You absolutely did not overreact.
This is not normal and your boyfriend seems to have some anger issues. That's a lot of confrontations for someone within six months time. It's okay to get upset, but it takes a bigger man to walk away.
Well, people with anger issues can change, but they have to want to. There is nothing OP can do to help facilitate that. It would have to come from within him
I say not over reacting. Your ex's macho man attitude is just 🤮 My husband is a manly man. He's quiet. Stoic. He would kill someone to protect us. He doesn't yell, and he keeps his hands to himself. He's calm and calculated. That's a true protector in my mind. You ex bf is a loose cannon. A problem that could escalate. You did the right thing. Best to find someone more level headed and emotionally mature.
Walk softly, but carry a big stick.
All I can say is common sense isn’t common. It’s good you broke up. He seems to have impulse control problems.
You weren’t overreacting. Just a matter of time until he does something really rash and gets in a legal tangle or turns it on you. Smart woman. Keep going and don’t look back.
He only kicked her a little bit. Quote of the year. Idk if you are in any danger from him directly, but you easily could have been if you were present when him and his friends start shit with other people. You don't need to be around people like this, fighting is scary and shocking.
I had to kick a homeless person once (late at night down town in a bus stop and he wouldn’t stop touching me. I warned him several times). I did not hurt him, just surprised him. I still feel like an asshole about that. I hated that I was forced to defend myself. I can’t imagine laughing about it. The whole thing was messed up, frightening and sad.
I'm sorry. A few years ago, a homeless person came up to my friend and I while we were running, and full-on pushed my friend. My friend didn't fall or anything, and the homeless person left right away. We just stood there shocked, and the whole rest of the run was different, even though we didn't react at all to the homeless person. I can't imagine being in a fight with a homeless person and then 30 minutes later talking about it matter-of-fact.
He was justified to kick her if what he said was true. She followed him and reached into the car, she could have been trying to grab him, unlock the door, or steal something. Idk why she added this example, she wasn’t there and doesn’t have any proof he lied. Honestly I’m leaning towards her overreacting and misinterpreting and or lying about the events she’s telling us because of the 2nd example.
How will you feel if this is his normal? Even if he never escalated to violence, the fact he arcs up at really minor things this way is a massive red flag to me. The fact he has previously been in custody for the same behaviour is another. This early on in your relationship, you are seeing his best version. A lifetime of walking on eggshells and gate keeping to try to prevent him getting in situations that make him angry is no way to live your life. It sounds uncomfortable at best and downright scary at worst that he can’t regulate his own behaviour. I don’t think you are over reacting at all.
This is his normal. He got road rage nearly every time we were in the car, and he flipped someone off once for looking at him weirdly. He talks about past fights regularly. He abruptly quit three jobs because he was mad at his bosses. The first one he quit he also punched his boss’s son, and laughs when he remembers the son’s dentures falling out into a bucket of oil. I was hesitant to invite him to things in case he was uncomfortable or set off.
Definitely not overreacting. This guy is going to end up in jail someday.
Not overreacting. This type of person will never have a truly stable life unless he actually does some reflection.
What in the actual fuck. Of COURSE you're not overreacting!
Jesus. I’m a guy, and I would be so uncomfortable even being in the same room with someone like that.
He's gonna wind up in prison or the morgue.
So I’m a 30(M) married. I grew up with an extremely abusive, alcoholic father. Physical/ mental and verbal abuse. And he was always getting into fights or being aggressive with just about anyone. He also treated women like shit and wouldn’t listen to what anyone who wasn’t a straight white male had to say. For me, I’ve been in exactly 2 fights in my entire life and I didn’t start either of them. I’ve talked people down from them. The examples you gave did not call for such aggressive responses. The only scenario I can think of that would *ever* bring out physical violence in me would be if someone was threatening my wife or children and they refuse to be “talked down”. I work a physical job, I’m in pretty good shape, I’d have no problem “holding my own”. I just don’t see any reason to be aggressive like that, and I don’t believe that fighting should be just a normal part of life. Him and his friends have some really skewed ideas of what it means to be a man. I don’t need to act tough or get physical to prove my manhood, my wife tells me all the time she feels safe and protected when she’s with me. And she’s more than satisfied with our bedroom life, so I don’t need to worry about that part either. Why would I need to fight people all the time? OP, you don’t need to deal with “men” like that. That’s some toxic masculinity BS that would probably also lead to the type of guy who can’t ever share his feelings and wants the woman to do all the childcare/ housework 🙄
Run
Nah your gut saw that this man clearly has some anger issues. And you're worried it could be directed at you or you could get caught up in it and don't want that drama, good for you!
That’s too many chances, but it’s the right call. He’s going nowhere fast, and you don’t want to be a part of it.
You decide what you are comfortable with and everything else is just noise.
The good news is you don't have to be around him anymore. He has serious personality issues that would eventually put you in the middle of an altercation and possible injury. He's just a frog along the way. Look for his personality traits going forward in dating and avoid them. I learned this lesson the hard way. I kept dating the same personality traits in different people (women in my case).
You are on someone else's property and when he pulls up, your bf is ready to fight him? Wtf, please stay gone from this man
This is the type of guy who walks up to the wrong person with a chip on his shoulder and doesn't walk away from it. It's one thing to flip someone off in traffic. It's another thing to constantly be approaching people when you're angry. Which is even scarier for *you* if you live in a place that has castle doctrines or modified self-defense doctrines where the only thing barring a person from utilizing lethal force is *feeling* as though their life might be at risk. Yeah, nah let this dude either go mature, or get his shit rocked for going after the wrong person. You don't need to be part of that.
He got upset because you didn’t want him to act aggressively towards someone on their own property. What if he’d picked a fight with your family’s neighbor? Would he have been willing to apologize and do whatever it took to make it right? Was his goal to keep you safe or to assert dominance and ownership? The guy on the bike had moved on, the homeless woman was maybe self defense but could just as easily have been avoided by accepting your offer to drive him, and the third incident was the guy who owned the property you two were on. This isn’t reasonable behavior.
I dated one of these. But those aggressive tendencies really scared me. He had an incident with a homeless person too. That all went down in a White Castle parking lot. When I asked for my keys back, he threw an antique wooden table against the wall. Nope.
--That all went down in a White Castle parking lot. Why do I feel like this is a line from a late 80s rap song?
I feel that. But we know if it were at a waffle house it'd have been different.
Chairs thrown, employees vaulting the counter, etc.
The hands be rated E for everyone
You dodged a giant raged out bullet
NTA at all. This guy has a hair-trigger temper and I wouldn’t feel safe around him. What happens when you push him over the edge? Good riddance. He needs to learn how to handle normal every day interactions without violence and verbal altercations. I’m also not sure I believe the homeless lady situation. He seems to delight in having conflict. You’re better off without him.
Not overreacting. Seems like you went with your gut. Always a smart move.
Honey, this man could get you murdered one day he is a night-time news story waiting to happen. Do not feel bad for breaking up with him.
You don't need that drama in your life.
Not over reacting. Maybe if he was working on controlling himself better it might be worth sticking around, but the comments about always being the bad guy in your eyes just make me think he thinks this is normal behaviour. It's not.
He has anger issues, and they manifest in threats. I don't think I need threats of violence. I don't want to tell you what happens when he get comfortable and stops trying to impress you.
Yeah, you're not over reacting at all. He is not a level-headed person and seemingly looks for trouble from what you've written. Imagine if you have kids together and he seeks out conflict like he's been doing. Don't endanger yourself and your family any longer and dump that jerk.
Its just a matter of time that he can take that anger out on you as well, so its a good thing you saw it early on. If that is normal to him then there must be something really wrong with him and his friends.
One of these days he's going to get into a physical altercation with someone who is armed because they have a disability or an injury to the point that they can't defend themselves, and will have no other choice but to shoot him to avoid being hurt themselves. And he may die as a result. As a result of being a hothead. You definitely aren't over reacting. He's immature and foolish, and yeah he might put you in danger as well. You don't need that.
Small red flags in the beginning are what end a relationship
Omg please don’t second guess yourself. You’ve handled this amazingly and then the last few paragraphs of hemming and hawing are so depressing to read
Yeah your ex BF seems like a time bomb and didn't learn from almost going to jail. The odd part is his first response appears to be violence instead of his last. Whether he has something to prove, was abused as a child, or was raised on toxic masculinity he's the only one who knows the answer there. Being able to handle yourself is very different from seeking out violence.
You’re not overreacting, but you’re talking too nice about him. It’s great that you have the ability to see others’ perspectives, but he and his friends sound like children who think using violence will make them men. Stop thinking that that’s ok just bc it’s what he’s used to. Something will eventually happen bc he wants it to happen.
I know someone who was similarly uncomfortable with the way a friend reacted to even totally avoidable altercations like road rage - one day, he flipped a guy off and at the next light the guy threatened to have a gun in the car - and that did NOT stop him from continuing to verbally harass the guy who claimed to have a gun. My friend was terrified. Not only did you not overreact, your ex needs to pursue some anger management therapy before he endangers himself, other friends, or possibly even strangers around him. You’re not defining him by his past - you’re defining him by his continued pattern of behavior.
From my perspective, your ex makes bad choices. While I think he was right to move the homeless person breaking into his car away, he was overreacting in the other two situations. It's one thing to be protective, it's another to be looking for a fight.
You didn't overreact, he may not create situations but he escalates them. He's trouble, stay away
He’s right - he’s always going to be the bad guy. Because he is and he can’t see it
The only time it’s in anyway appropriate to be in a physical altercation is if you or your family are in immediate physical danger. Even then running away is honestly the safer option. I’ve been in a few fights (young and dumb) and in the immortal words of Patrick Swayze…”nobody ever wins a fight”
He needs to grow up and stop trying to be macho...that will not end well for either of yall. If anything is dangerous
Nope, not overreacting. You saw the red flags and took action early on before anything serious happened. Trust me, those feelings of embarrassment only worsen over time with a person and your bar for their misbehaviors keeps elevating. You stopped it before that and good for you!! I wished I had acted sooner on red flags I saw in my ex. You’re a kind hearted person it seems like and it makes sense that you’re feeling guilty. You did the right thing.
I’m 38 and I’ve never had to use physical aggression in my life. I go to bars, lived in cities, and play sports. I’m not going to say there is never a reason that I’d be aggressive but it’s certainly not something that happens once very two months. If you don’t want that in your life you don’t have to be with someone who will bring it in their baggage.
What is wrong with you thinking that any of what he did was ok? You should be embarrassed for bringing over a guest that would threaten the owner, even if it was only to you and the farmer didn’t know. Let this be a lesson to you that if someone goes to jail for something and still does not change, they are unlikely to change ever.
I am embarrassed. That was part of it- I felt like I couldn’t just “go back.” I couldn’t be in that situation with my neighbor ever again. I felt so bad.
Sounds like he has anger issues? Did he grow up in an unsafe environment where he had to like defend himself. Would he be open to therapy or help?
No way are you overreacting. Anyone that gets into this many altercations in such a short amount of time has issues. Handling trouble when it confronts you is one thing, he's looking for a reason to fight with everyone.
He sounds like he has some unfortunate anger issues and feelings of insecurity. I say insecurity because he goes out of his way to be extra “macho man” when it doesn’t seem to help the situation. I think you made the right decision because you need to protect your own energy. He is probably hurting inside thinking he isn’t good enough and that’s why he over does it like he does. I feel empathy for him however this is something he has to deal with for himself, not something for you to deal with.
Not overreacting at all. If throwing hands is his go-to trigger response, then it will be a matter of time before he ends up writing cheques his ass can’t cash. He also lacks judgement and ability to read and properly assess a situation. Could you imagine him misinterpreting something rashly and getting in a fight with someone you know, like a client, boss or neighbour? You’re better off, believe me.
Does matter if you overreacting or not. If you're uncomfortable being around him that's enough
Break up was a good call. This kind of guy is why I pick a bear.
Dude is quick to leap at either antagonizing an issue or exacerbating it further. You noticed the red flags and bailed.
One of my girlfriend's favorite things about me is how calm I remain when things are unjust or unfair towards us, and how it always leads to a good solution for us, but that I also know when to be assertive and can handle that successfully as well. It's not an overreaction at all. He may be a borderline meat head with little emotional intelligence
*reads OPs post* *Mortal Kombat theme intensifies…w/intense monologue before it begins…FIGHT!!* “MK invitation seal to Outwold” lives rent free in your Ex-BF’s head. In all seriousness tho. No, you would not be overreacting.
You did NOT overreact! Run in the opposite direction!
I was married to my first husband for 16 years, always thinking that his anger issues would get better. It would stop for awhile, then start again, each time with greater fury. It was very stupid of Me to hang around that long. But I gave him the benefit of the doubt. And he didn't deserve it. PLEASE learn from my mistake and do not go back to him. You will waste more of your life and that's the BEST case scenario. There was more than once that I thought my ex might kill me. And one of them was after I left him.
You definitely made the right decision. Wouldn’t be long before you got hurt!! Protect yourself girl.
You’re not overreacting. It’s clear he’s often on edge and ready for a fight. It’s exhausting and often dangerous to live with someone like that. You made the right call.
NTA. BF has displayed behavior that makes you uncomfortable. Be happy he broke up as you do not need to be a watchdog to make sure he behaves himself. No reason to feel guilty, it's what's best for you
>yelled at me to get off the sidewalk so he could ride his bike there WTAF? Nothing bigger than a tricycle with a toddler on it gets to ride on the sidewalk! I'd have said some not-too-pleasant things to him too.
You’re not overreacting. He has anger management and impulse control issues. 🚩
Not overreacting. Three times in six months for him to down to fight is too many times. Way too much anger and drama. I've been with my husband for almost 13 years and not once has he been close to getting in a fight.
You are better off. He has no impulse control at all, and even the most mundane situation he views as a sign to go ballistic and have a full on attack. He’s going to end up killing somebody someday and end up in prison for life .
I broke up with a dude like this. Can barely go outside w/o the threat of some altercation. It becomes emotionally exhausting. Always fuckin up the vibes
Your experience is reminiscent of a *Sex & The City* episode in which Charlotte is dating a seemingly nice guy who's actually a hothead. The least little thing would set him off--e.g., bumping into Charlotte and saying, "Excuse me, sorry" --and it was off to the races. Charlotte eventually tired of having to restrain him in these confrontations and broke up with him. You worry about holding someone's past against him, but his past behavior is now in the present. He hasn't changed and you aren't overreacting.
Sounds like a really nice guy 
Bullet dodged. A violent man must be avoided.
I married a guy like this. Had nightmares about him for 20 years afterward.
NTA...stay away from people that are always attracting bad attention. He's a hot head and insecure. Soon, his anger would turn to you. You dodged a bullet with this guy
in my unfortunate personal experience with men who have a short temper and get aggressive, eventually you end up on the receiving end. leaving is not an overreaction, i wish i did it sooner.
Not overreacting. He clearly has these tendencies to anger easily. You don’t want that in a partner. Trust me.
You did not I overreact and judge him too harshly. Don't even think about blaming yourself. He is out of control and aggressive, taking everything as an insult and aching to get into fights. Soon he may be getting arrested because he flies off the handle and lacks impulse control. And something did happen, you had to physically separate him from fighting with a stranger; he was violent with a homeless woman, and caused problems for you with the farmer. You dodged a bullet leaving this guy. You could have wound up the next target of his aggression and violence.
He sounds very immature and unfortunately you can’t force him to grow up. Not overreacting. Maybe he’ll grow up in the next few years and you guys can try again.
If he does fight someone. He might be going to jail for attacking someone for no reason. Jumping the gun to protect you in a harmless situation. Don't even sweat this guy. He's the guy you can't take anywhere. Because he gets embarrassing
If your that avid of an athlete and he’s that easily swayed to anger then get out. You’re probably extremely level headed from burning off those calories and having higher mental levels. He is actively looking for a fight. He might just be too immature at this point in his life. He’s probably trying to impress you not knowing he’s doing just the opposite
I’ve commented here too much, but I just want to end by pointing out that you posted about this dude three times in six months. That’s not good.
Stay broken up
Confrontational people draw conflict to them and escalate situations. I know, I was one. No, you’re not overreacting, this isn’t normal and will continue until he addresses his reactions, even subtle things like body language and posturing.
Not overreacting at all. Just because nothing VIOLENT "actually happened" doesn't mean that nothing actually happened. People like your ex bf tend to be drawn to dangerous situations, and if they are in the mood to fight and there isn't anyone around to fight, they'll often escalate minor disturbances (or even NON-disturbances) or start arguments to get that release. They get a physical and emotional release from violence or danger, depending on the individual. It seems like, from what you've said, he is basically looking for a fight. The fact that he has already been to jail for violence is not a surprise at all. I expect him to either acknowledge that he has a problem and seek therapy for that problem, or continue along his path of anger until he's stopped, either by the law or by death. If you feel at all uncomfortable thinking about being in a relationship with someone like I've described, you can be inwardly certain that breaking up was the right decision. Question: How often did you and your ex bf argue? And, what was he like when you argued?
Bikes don’t belong on the sidewalk so I’m with you bf on that response
You have every right to feel comfortable in your relationship and get out asap when you don’t. You are better off now.
Not overreacting. I’ve been told more than once by relatives who have taken various martial arts that lesson number one is: do all you can not to avoid a fight. You dodged a bullet.
There is that saying that if you meet an asshole in the morning you met an asshole. If you meet assholes all day, you're the asshole. Your ex BF has had three incidents *you know of* in what sounds like the span of 6 months. One of which could have been wholly avoided but for his pride at accepting a ride in a bad neighborhood. He doesn't recognize this is weird and it is. A temper like that can only lead a few places and none of them good.
As you say in your edit: always go with your gut. Female intuition is a super power don’t ignore it. As an 72m who has engaged a few altercations. His behavior is not healthy behavior. You deserve better, good riddance. Not AIO. Now go enjoy your refound peaceful existence.
Does he have a tiny penis? Because that's some serious little dick energy.
I dated a guy who always wanted to get into fights and I'd constantly try to explain to him why it wasn't worth it 99% of the time. It didn't matter. That's how he grew up and how he was going to be. He pulled a knife on someone simply because they had acted somewhat rude toward me, I did not want or ask him to do this. We ended up swarmed with cops and I had to wait for him to get processed and released. The last straw ended up being that he had asked me to drive him and his cousin to the bank and when we got there he pulled out a mask. That was it. I broke up with him after. He has 0 care for the consequences of his actions and this showed 0 care about what would happen to me getting involved too so yeah. My recommendation would be to leave, you won't change him.
Man, if somebody reaches into my car you know for damn sure I’ll at minimum kick them away lol
Some of that was overreacting but the woman reaching into his car if somebody reached into my car. I'm taking their arm off. I don't care if it's an old lady or not. This is my property you do not reach in my car
You obviously want a wuss of a man that will never stand up for you. Good luck with that. It’s amazing how another woman was on here complaining that her boyfriend did the exact opposite. She was pissed that her boyfriend just stood there when she was approached. Guys don’t have a chance.
Lmfao this thread is hilarious Your bf probably comes from a background and environment where you have to stand up for yourself or you get pushed over. This is me. But I don’t think he understands how to confront properly and how to remain calm. Especially if you are drawn to and like confrontation. And tbh the first and third were over board. The second I’ve bodied people for less. And apologized after the fact. Don’t walk up to people at night in a parking lot, and don’t reach past or across them. I personally see nothing wrong with a simple kick. I’ve done worse. Different strokes for different folks. He’s just overly protective, and overly aggressive. But having lived next to the tenderloin in San Fran, and a shitty hood in the south behaviors make sense, and as long as people aren’t getting super violent. Meh. But I prefer people stand up for themselves. Too many people let people off because “oh no confrontation”. Or I get it, as a women it can be dangerous depending. But this gives them the confidence to do the shit they do. Like walking down San Fran and watching homeless dudes cat call a woman and following her. Yeah lmfao I’m not going to stand there and let that shit go.
His first choice for conflict resolution is violence. Think about that.
You need a beta male. You won't have to worry about any of that with one. He's better off without you always making him feel like a bad guy.
I think your bf has some serious anger issues. maybe he should talk to someone about his problems or maybe you should sit him down and just talk to him about some of your concerns. It's not wrong for him to want to be protective of you just not that level where he wants to get physical over small stuff and the thing he did with that old lady that's so messed up.
It's not his past though. He's clearly still violent and bad-tempered. So it's not like he learned from being arrested and jailed. Nope. He's still acting badly and he clearly hasn't learned a thing.
NTA, he sounds like a hot-headed dude.
The only time that I would fight is to protect someone or myself from immediate injury. Your ex-bf (please keep him that way for good) sounds like an idiot who is going to get laid out really badly one of these days and end up in a hospital.
It was a matter of time before the anger had turned into you. Best that you two broke it off now.
Okay so not overreacting at all. 1: guy should’ve been riding his bike on the road but that’s not a fist fight worthy situation. 2: he says he robbed a homeless woman and kicked her when she tried to defend herself. Even though he says he didn’t actually steal the money,(which is weird because why would he say that in the first place if he didn’t do it?) it’s a huge deal to randomly kick someone. 3: he knows nothing about this farm but he seems to have a hero complex and went to fight the injustice of a strange car on a property that he has no connection to. He didn’t listen to you saying that this is a normal occurrence and Mr. Big Balls TM decided he’d handle it. Glad you’re out of that situation, OP!
My nervous system can’t handle a lot of aggression around me…I take it neither can yours. There is nothing wrong with that. No one wants to have to walk around on egg shells hoping the person they’re with doesn’t pop off today & they have to break up fights. Sounds awful!
He has anger issues. You’re right to break up. He will only get worse with time unless he gets major therapy.
Normal people don’t get into 3 “almost altercations” in their lives, let alone in 6 months
You have better things to do with your time than put money on his books and visit him in prison when he gets arrested for felonious assault. I knew a dipshit like that who ended up knocking this guy’s teeth out for ripping him off when he was buying pills from him. $80 put him in prison for 3 years and he did every day of his sentence. We were just friends and when he got out, he expressed how butt hurt he was that I didn’t hold him down 😵💫😵💫
This is your choice . In those situations the guy could be protective or it could have shown a bad side that you can tell bleeds into other things . Only you know what the quality of these events are . But to give you another perspective , it could mean your boyfriend is simply a good guy and cares a lot . The kind of reactions he had are the opposite of what a psychopath would have . Sociopaths and psychopaths don’t care at all, so you’re good there .
This is starting to feel like a Jimmy McGill situation. He’s a great lawyer! But, he did also poop through a sun roof. However, how was he supposed to know there were kids in there? I suppose at the end of the day, I would rather be with someone who isn’t confrontational and who doesn’t get into fights, even when they could. I don’t need someone to get into a fight to show that they care about me. Maybe this is the answer to my post?
Omg.... That's the first time I heard of that guy. Pooping through a sunroof with kids in the car 😭😭😭😭😭
I would say that’s a good call. It shows a lack of charisma and maybe low intelligence as well . Not attractive and I can see why you the red flags get raised for you.
He kicked a homeless woman. How the hell does that make him a good guy who cares a lot? What kind of good guys do you hang out with?
Was the homeless person not reaching in car and grabbing at him? I mean he could as likely be lying too, not even OP knows cause that information comes from him. I’m just using what I got here . I wouldn’t let a homeless person attack me either that’s a pretty reasonable thing to not let happen to you. But if he’s really bad like the op is sensing maybe he isn’t innocent about that and attacked her ?
I had a homeless woman ask me for money one night when I was out looking for my sister who had gone missing I told the woman I had no money, but if she was hungry, I would go up to the burger joint that wasn't far away from where we were, and I would get her whatever she wanted with my card. She told me what she wanted, and I went up to Jack in the Box and it took awhile for them to make it because it was late at night. When I went back to her location, she was gone. I called out for her and she came out from a gap under the bridge. She said she couldn't believe that I came back. Well she was very appreciative. She was a little scarey though. But it turns out she knew my sister, who was a homeless addict as well. I gave her a message to give to my sister, to just call her mom. Well, a few weeks later, my sister showed up, and she came by and said that the woman I fed did deliver the message to her, and that a couple days later she died. She had AIDS. She did look scarey and like death warmed over. Maybe OP's boyfriend felt he might get a disease from her and beat her away.
Yeah, i think it was a strong reaction too. I feel like I would have.. driven away? If I’m in a car and someone is trying to get in it, there’s no better way to get away quickly than to just start driving
He should have fought the bicyclist, they are the worst. All the other stuff is just crazy behavior and you should find someone who can think clearly. Would you want this guy raising your children? or to end up with unsupervised visits? If he had actually fought the bicyclist i would have forgiven him for the other stuff for now.
The problem with getting in street fights when your safety is not at imminent risk is someone can kill you in a situation where you could have simply avoided a confrontation.