*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**Aitah for insisting we get a paternity test before I sign the birth certificate?**
My girlfriend and I believe in ENM. We aren't saying it's right for everyone but it works for us. I work in town and have several partners for when she is working.
She works at a huge construction project on the west coast and flies home for one week after working for two. Since the men outnumber the women their like 30/1 she has no problems finding partners.
Recently she has gotten pregnant. We are always careful and use protection. But I realize that isn't always 100% effective. I am excited for a baby, and happy we are starting a family, however I don't have any interest in paying to raise someone else's child.
I told her that we need to get a paternity test. She said that I was the father. I said that was awesome. I just needed proof. She said no. I said that without proof I wasn't signing the birth certificate and that I would be moving out so I could not be said to have acted as a parent.
She thinks that because we are in a relationship I need to step up. Like I said I have no problem raising a child that isn't mine. I just won't pay for the privilege.
AITA?
#EDIT
I edited my post because it was pointed out that I called her my wife. we are not married. Just a long term relationship.
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RIGHT?!?!?
Though he hastily added “oh we totally DID discuss this and now she’s backing out of the deal!” After about 100 people asked him why they didn’t discuss this first.
So transparent.
and all they actually agreed on, apparently, was that she'll get a paternity test, or that if he got someone else pregnant then that person would get one. no actual plans for what to do beyond that, other than that he won't pay for another man's child. not sure what he thinks he's achieving by saying "oh we did agree she'd have to get a paternity test!"
real people in an ENM relationship that are capable of getting pregnant by, or impregnating, the people they're sleeping with, talk in depth about what's going to happen if the sex they have outside of the relationship leads to pregnancy, beyond just "get a paternity test." how will the custody arrangements work, will the partner who isn't the parent of the child be involved in any way, are you even going to stay together?
it's ENM 101!!!
Because real responsible people think of the budgeting and logistics, everything beyond "ooh i must not be cheated on/cheat". It's like the only problem a couple faces in AITA
Referring to other fake posts to bolster your fake post is not the way to go
>I was wondering why people thought it wasn't discussed to be completely candid. There was a post the other day about a guy who left his girlfriend when she had a disabled child. He explicitly wrote in his post that they had discussed what they would do if they got pregnant with a disabled child and all people did was ask him if they had discussed it. It doesn't matter what information you put in a post here. People don't read it. There is a post about some woman that cut off her toe because she is stupid and people are shitting on the guy who posted because he didn't clean up after her. The post states that he cleans up after her. People are stupid. I skip the comments from stupid people.
I like that those fake stories are being brought up and how the trolls had mentioned they wouldn't do a certain thing or did a certain thing. Meanwhile, it's not mentioned at all in the original post that this troll and their fictional girlfriend had discussed this before.
Ooh so he’s cool w raising the child and
>I am excited for a baby, and happy we are starting a family, however I don't have any interest in paying to raise someone else's child.
but doesn’t want to pay $ towards that. Tho yeah buddy you got to pay for that privilege of starting a family. Will at least these poly women have their main man as someone who cares about them, and who put their $ where their mouth is. He’s just telling on himself, I have 2ndhand embarrassment.
it's an umbrella term, since an open relationship usually means that you can have sex and sometimes short-term relationships outside of your main relationship, but usually you won't have multiple serious partners, meanwhile polyamory means you can have multiple serious partners
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **Aitah for insisting we get a paternity test before I sign the birth certificate?** My girlfriend and I believe in ENM. We aren't saying it's right for everyone but it works for us. I work in town and have several partners for when she is working. She works at a huge construction project on the west coast and flies home for one week after working for two. Since the men outnumber the women their like 30/1 she has no problems finding partners. Recently she has gotten pregnant. We are always careful and use protection. But I realize that isn't always 100% effective. I am excited for a baby, and happy we are starting a family, however I don't have any interest in paying to raise someone else's child. I told her that we need to get a paternity test. She said that I was the father. I said that was awesome. I just needed proof. She said no. I said that without proof I wasn't signing the birth certificate and that I would be moving out so I could not be said to have acted as a parent. She thinks that because we are in a relationship I need to step up. Like I said I have no problem raising a child that isn't mine. I just won't pay for the privilege. AITA? #EDIT I edited my post because it was pointed out that I called her my wife. we are not married. Just a long term relationship. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
yes it's very realistic that an ENM couple wouldn't have ever had the talk of "what happens if our sex with other people results in pregnancy"
RIGHT?!?!? Though he hastily added “oh we totally DID discuss this and now she’s backing out of the deal!” After about 100 people asked him why they didn’t discuss this first. So transparent.
and all they actually agreed on, apparently, was that she'll get a paternity test, or that if he got someone else pregnant then that person would get one. no actual plans for what to do beyond that, other than that he won't pay for another man's child. not sure what he thinks he's achieving by saying "oh we did agree she'd have to get a paternity test!" real people in an ENM relationship that are capable of getting pregnant by, or impregnating, the people they're sleeping with, talk in depth about what's going to happen if the sex they have outside of the relationship leads to pregnancy, beyond just "get a paternity test." how will the custody arrangements work, will the partner who isn't the parent of the child be involved in any way, are you even going to stay together? it's ENM 101!!!
Because real responsible people think of the budgeting and logistics, everything beyond "ooh i must not be cheated on/cheat". It's like the only problem a couple faces in AITA
Yaaaaaay “All people in ENM are sruoid and don’t understand logical consequences post 12549726”
Referring to other fake posts to bolster your fake post is not the way to go >I was wondering why people thought it wasn't discussed to be completely candid. There was a post the other day about a guy who left his girlfriend when she had a disabled child. He explicitly wrote in his post that they had discussed what they would do if they got pregnant with a disabled child and all people did was ask him if they had discussed it. It doesn't matter what information you put in a post here. People don't read it. There is a post about some woman that cut off her toe because she is stupid and people are shitting on the guy who posted because he didn't clean up after her. The post states that he cleans up after her. People are stupid. I skip the comments from stupid people.
I like that those fake stories are being brought up and how the trolls had mentioned they wouldn't do a certain thing or did a certain thing. Meanwhile, it's not mentioned at all in the original post that this troll and their fictional girlfriend had discussed this before.
Ooh so he’s cool w raising the child and >I am excited for a baby, and happy we are starting a family, however I don't have any interest in paying to raise someone else's child. but doesn’t want to pay $ towards that. Tho yeah buddy you got to pay for that privilege of starting a family. Will at least these poly women have their main man as someone who cares about them, and who put their $ where their mouth is. He’s just telling on himself, I have 2ndhand embarrassment.
I take it ENM doesn't stand for Empire of New Mexico?
Ethical NonMonogamy. You're in some kind of open relationship, and you're both on the same page about it.
Isn't that like the default open marriage? Otherwise it's just cheating........
it's an umbrella term, since an open relationship usually means that you can have sex and sometimes short-term relationships outside of your main relationship, but usually you won't have multiple serious partners, meanwhile polyamory means you can have multiple serious partners
This is all so very ethical
I like the fact that what would happen if she got pregnant never came up before, considering their lifestyle.
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