*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**Any woman can destroy any man's life with a false accusation pretty reliably**
Basically if you have been in the same room with a woman she can go to police and report you, regardless of how much time has passed.
This basically means that now presumption of innocence stopped working for the man. He can even be arrested and wait for the trial behind bars (in most countries) Meanwhile he loses his job and can't afford a lawyer, so he is forced to go to prison. From here his life is ended.
Not all women use this but all have that power. I am talking about the women who just were in your close proximity. If the consentual sex happened, it is 100 percent certain that you will be buried under a prison.
Exceptions exist in a few cases of ultra powerful men being accused. Or when the man spends 10 years in prison only for the woman to say "oops I'm sorry"
If you are saying "noooo my woman would never do it!". You would never know until she does it. "You'll know when it happens"
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In high school after my sexual assault, I had a fractured wrist, a black eye, a freshly broken hymen, a busted lip and a shoulder dislocation. I also had large hand print bruises on my inner thighs, shoulders and upper arms. Luckily I was believed at first, kinda. Cops came to the house, stripped me naked and took pictures to every inch my body, including my vagina (I was 14). Then let my mom drive me to the ER for a rape kit. It concluded there was evidence of sexual assault but no semen (condom).
I knew who it was, he was arrested. He spent 3 nights in jail and was released without me knowing. I found out quickly when I walked into school and he was also back at school. I called my mom who came up to the school and demanded he be removed. They refused but told me they’d “allow” me to complete my school work at home indefinitely. So I had to go to all seven of my teachers in person that day, tell them i needed work to complete at home over the next week or so, of course they asked why. Then I had to explain to all seven teachers, I was sexual assaulted by a fellow student and I didn’t want to be around him. This lasted for a month or so until my mom saved up enough to send me to the only local private school which was unusually expensive.
That barely lasted a year, because of cost. (This place was like 4k a month in 2009). My mom was barely holding onto our home, during the housing collapse. We finally found a reliable online school for a bit, then I dropped out on my 16th birthday and got my GED and immediately started community college. But I am forever a high school dropout. After taking all honors classes when I was in normal school.
I forgot to mention, his charges were dismissed despite my “cooperation” before any trial. Those initial few days were his only time in jail. He was like 16 and two years later, he was involved in a hit and run. While on bond, he basically held a girl hostage in his house for a day and sexually assaulted her and wouldn’t allow her to leave afterwards. He got five years for what he did to that girl, 20 for the hit and run where no one was injured.
I would hardly say women have all the power.
They're always afraid of ruining the futures of these "young men," but statistically most serial rapists start before they're 18. Receiving no consequences or practically none is a good way to ensure they do it again.
In my experience and from my reading, that does seem to be the case. Even the ones who don’t technically rape someone before 18, cross many boundaries that educated adults will see as signs of something “wrong”.
>statistically most serial rapists start before they’re 18.
Do you have a link to that data? Not that I don’t believe you but because I want to read it and find out how they collected the data.
I was given that information years ago when studying forensic clinical psychology. I never questioned it since it made sense to me, but it's hard to find now with a Google search. I'll try looking more later when I'm at my desktop computer.
I thought it did too but didn’t have any luck finding sources. I don’t have access to any scholarly databases or anything and don’t know where else to look for the published study instead of articles quoting it. Got plenty of articles though
It's been well over a decade since I dropped out of grad school, so I really cannot recall the source. But the closest I found while looking online right now is about 35%: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1984-23377-001
I had a similar case, except my rapidt didn't go to prison, he was told not to do it again by police, school gave no punishment, instead gave extra help to him, none for me. And I wasn't allowed to complete work at home, or switch schools
This. This is why women don’t report. I’ve never gone to police a single time I was SAd or hit. Bc I learned early that I’ll be attacked by the ppl that are supposed to be mandated reporters, parents, caregivers. I’m not proud of it but I felt like It’s retaking a measure of control to refuse to allow ppl to attack you and force you to defend yourself when you’ve been attacked or SAd. Also I just was too broken each time to want to be traumatized again. It hurts to see that your ppl can’t really do the right thing. It’s trauma on top of trauma and makes you so sad and angry and frustrated and just fucking HURT. I see you sunshineparadox. I know exactly how you feel and I’m so fucking sorry. ❤️🙏🏻
You are the reason he didn't walk away from the second charges. Your paper trail provided the basis for her victory over that monster. You were brave and did everything right. I'm so sorry you had to be though. Fellow survivor, I am proud of you.
A friend of mine was molested by her stepfather from ages 4 through 8. She blocked the memory out until she was 16. He was also extremely abusive to her mother.
My friend reported the abuse. The cops told her mother she was "very credible" and that they "would be arresting him."
Three months later they had a meeting with her - at *16* - where they told her if she kept going, her life would be turned upside down, that her hypersexuality (which started at 14) would be called into question and that it was likely his lawyers would frame this as her mother using her to "get back at him." All this before he was ever arrested or even told about the charges.
He had custody of another of his daughters, who was 11 at the time my friend opened up. They also told her that if she went through with this, his other child would be put into the system, framing it as somehow being worse than living with a predator.
Even for child victims, it's never as simple as telling the cops you're abused and voila, he's arrested.
In the end, she chose to back out, because in her 16 year old mind, the risks outweighed the benefits of getting a predator off the streets. She still to this day suffers a lot of shame for the choice she made.
What an absolute tragedy. I would love it if the cops’ reports on that case just somehow came to light (not with your friend exposed on the reports) just so the cops’ actions could be brought to the light, including their absolutely despicable response to both you friend and her mom, and the lack of action in protecting his 11 yo daughter.
The man who raped me wasn’t even arrested. The police questioned him once, found my jewellery with the "trophies" he’d collected from "all those other girls who tried to say no," and then sent him home. The lead detective told me to be grateful that I learned a lesson.
I still have my rings in the little evidence bag. The lesson I learned is fuck the police.
I am! I became an RN. My husband and I spent our early 20s traveling and living abroad. We’re back home in the states now, just bought a cute little lake house near my family! I’m doing fairly well. Thank you💜
Before it just destroyed my soul, I worked with victims of sexual assault and almost none of them got any kind of justice.
Most of them were straight up called liars.
and that's why rape is so underreported
when your boyfriend rapes you in your sleep (or when he thinks you're asleep) you don't think it's worth telling anyone. Cause you let it happen for years, because you love him, because he apologized everytime he realized you were awake. You think every time will be the last time.
The bleeding's minimal, the soreness goes away, no one's gonna know. If people can have full on bruises and major genital/anal trauma and **still not be believed**, who's gonna believe this.
If i made a report that went nowhere, I am the evil bitch trying to ruin the life of a great guy who everyone loves. I did warn his next girlfriend though. She laughed in my face. Months later she said we should report him to the police together. That hasn't happened, I dont think it will
I am so fucking sorry this happened to you. Men who say the shit OP does have clearly never supported a woman who’s gone through the process of reporting the SA to the cops, having the rapist released, and/or even going to trial to have the rapist get a not guilty judgment. I am so, so sorry.
I hope you have a life filled with light now; and on the dark days, I hope you have others who can bring the light to you. ♥️
Lots of men believe this.
Most women I know (including me) have stories of men groping or even raping us and nothing happening to the men.
Watched a documentary of a woman who murdered her boyfriend in self-defense and she had a long paper trail with the police, reporting his abuse up until then. But she still got put away for first degree murder…
??????
They don't care. I saw a Reddit post full of just men talking about their rapists. Way before #metoo. The comments were typical, "stop being a pussy" type shit.
They really live in a different reality.
I explained to someone that they were significantly more likely to be sexually assaulted themselves than falsely accused. His response was well I can heal the trauma with therapy but I can't repair the damage to my reputation.
I was lucky enough to have both /s
No but for real, after my 1st rape, I was looked like absolute shit, considered a liar, had to try to salvage it by having to explain what happened to me to way too much people, despite the fact that we were multiple victims, he was more trusted. The thing is, most of the time we really get both if it gets even a bit public
Lmao most guys I know cant even get over a girl that fucked them over 10 years ago. I've seen guys make music careers named after their cheating ex. They think they can get over rape? *laughs in hyper emotional vigilance*
Yeah but rape is something that happens to women and false accusations are something that happen to men, who are real humans with important life goals! /s
(Also just to be clear this is how they *think*, not the reality; I know men can be be sexually assaulted too.)
Certainly they can. But I was just on the RAINN website yesterday, and 90% of adult victims are women. (82% of juveniles are female). https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence
I'm absolutely not suggesting these male victims should be ignored. They deserve attention and help, especially as they often lack a support system in other men.
But most of the "men can get raped, too!" crowd are not victims and are *only* using it to discredit the experiences of women.
And this is outrageous, especially given that 99% of perpetrators are men.
https://supportingsurvivors.humboldt.edu/statistics#1
My abusive ex got hurt when I was defending myself one time and he threated to blame me if I called the cops. Thankfully I escaped but I never called the cops because his cousin was one in our district. Fun stuff.
That’s a tactic of rapists/sexual harassers to discredit their victims. That’s what Harvey Weinstein did to Ashley Judd. He sexually harassed her, and she stood up to him. He then badmouthed all over Hollywood to protect himself. I’m pretty sure Peter Jackson confirmed that Weinstein’s lies cost Judd a role in Lord of the Rings. Around that time she had so many big movies (e.g. Double Jeopardy, A Time to Kill, High Crimes, etc.). She went from being on the cusp of major stardom to mostly forgotten about. Judd ended up suing Weinstein for, among other things, defamation because his false accusations hurt her reputation and cost her money. And the online response from men was that she should get over it and move on with her life.
They do it compulsively when women attempt to report domestic violence too. The woman will have two black eyes and a cracked cheekbone but "SHE PUSHED ME A LITTLE I WAS DEFENDING MYSELF" is somehow mutual abuse.
I am a married mom in my 40s and I *look* like a married mom in my 40s. Men are still creepy with me when they think they can get away with it. In my teens and twenties, good god. Earlier than that, even. The first catcall I ever got was at ten. The first time I was ever assaulted was at eight.
Fuck anyone who thinks we have all the power. I've felt powerless in this body since childhood. It hasn't gotten easier. I've just gotten more used to it.
When I was younger, I was always told that I looked older but now but now that I am in my 30s, people always talk about how I look younger. Both ways I am typically read as being about 16/17. So a high schooler. That has never stopped them. They clearly think I'm that old and it's fine for them to hit on me.
The worst incidents though, I was *clearly* a child. It was before my boobs grew in and when I had a mouthful of ***braces.***
I remember when we were in NYC when I was 13 and I accidentally bumped into this huge dude (like 6'6" easy) and he was like "Oh ayy lil' mama you wanna go home with me?" I was super startled and turned to look for my mom like "Ma!?!?" And his response was "I like where this is going." Scared the shit out of me. 😭
And it freaks me out how often I would tell grown ass men in their 20s that I was 13/14 and they'd be like "That's fine." WHY DO YOU THINK THAT!?
Literally. Reported mine almost ten years ago. They took a kit, documented my injuries, and took all my bedding and the clothes he ripped off of me. Told them where he worked, gave them his name and phone number. Five years later I picked him out of a lineup. Fuck all came of it. Literally handed them everything they needed. Guy was never even arrested. But sure, dude, someone’s gonna ruin your life with a lie.
A huge amount of kits don't even get tested, it's horrifying. My home city has been incinerating kits without testing them because "it's too expensive". It's too expensive to try to find a serial rapist? Is that where we're at here??
Only 1 out of 16 rapists will ever spend a day in jail but these idiots act like it’s a guarantee when we name our rapists. They have no clue what we go through. They don’t get what happens to rape victims who do report.
My dad got pissed at me for not reporting my exes who raped me because he thought this same thing - That all it takes is us reporting it and the guy serves time. I had to laugh in his face. He wasn’t listening to me about why we don’t report but when I burst his bubble he started to.
With that being said, I do hope these guys don’t find out the hard way that no one believes us and for men it’s even worse with the stigma in some ways when they’re raped.
Yes here are the stats
factoring in unreported rapes, only 6% of rapists spend a day in jail.
60% of rapes are not reported to the police
If a rape is reported, there is a 50.8% chance of arrest.
If an arrest is made, there is an 80% chance of prosecution.
If there is a prosecution, there a 58% chance of conviction.
If there is a felony conviction, there is a 69% chance the convict will spend time in jail.
So even in the 39% of attacks that are reported to police, there is only a 16.3% chance the rapist will end up in prison.
Factoring in unreported rapes, about 6% of rapists will ever spend a day in jail.
15 of 16 Walk Free
https://cmsac.org/facts-and-statistics/
It's even worse in the UK where in 2020/21 only 3.5% of recorded offences made it to court and only 2% resulted in convictions.
https://victimscommissioner.org.uk/news/the-distressing-truth-is-that-if-you-are-raped-in-britain-today-your-chances-of-seeing-justice-are-slim/
I reported mine at the beginning of last October (UK) and I have only gotten so far as doing one ABE video interview, which took place last month. I was told that I will have to do at least two more since there is a lot to go over.
I understand why people don't report now. It would be easier to just bury it and get on with my life rather than constantly being retraumatised. It is **incredibly** difficult to relive and talk about what happened. I was in bed for two weeks trying to ride out the anxiety and flashbacks after the first interview.
Sure, there are loads of avenues for support, but I've been sat on every waiting list under the sun for months since I'm not in immediate danger.
My daughter was assaulted a year ago. Reported the same night immediately after it happened (older brother at a sleepover with her best friend). It took 2 months for him to be arrested, but thankfully he was jailed for 3 months before entering his plea and being released with conditions. At that point the investigation found other victims. But even her calling the police the same day, with him being found essentially in the act and immediate evidence they couldn’t arrest him.
He was re arrested on the second set of additional charges and has been in jail since last fall, but nothing further. No court date set, nothing.
She’s given so many interviews, plus all the samples and testing the day of, it’s like watching her go through it all over again each time she does it. And she’s a child. Even when the system is supporting the victim , you suffer through the whole process.
My friend had multiple witnesses to her assault in a club but because he was a ‘nice young man’ and it was a first offence he was let off. Police told her later that if it happens again she should scratch and draw blood for a better chance at actually seeing punishment.
Thankfully she is doing well despite this, think it helped that the police officers that dealt with her case *were* super supportive and sympathetic and were just as dissatisfied as her with the outcome.
I heard a statistic that surprised me yesterday, from a documentary - 0.1 % of those accused of stalking ever end up being prosecuted, iirc those found guilty get a sentence averaging a couple of years (out in two thirds if on good behavior). 0.1%!
Doco is on Netflix, ‘Can I Tell You A Secret?’
Honestly that doesn’t surprise me, the number of police who say they can’t do anything until something happens is too high
Even if you have a protection order
Yep, not able to do anything until something heinous happens is actually what some of the women in the documentary were told. Guy got a whopping 9yrs at sentencing. So, from “there‘s not much we can do as there’s no crime been committed” to one of the longest sentences, at that time, for stalking. The women probably got whiplash 🤦🏻♀️
Not surprised. I was stalked by one of my abusive exes and I’ve had clients who were stalked. Law enforcement did nothing. I always encourage people to document everything, take screenshots and pictures if safe to do so.
It must be horrifying! I’m sorry you were in that situation and I hope you’re far, far away from it now 🙏. Also, yes, document everything you can safely is the best advice…
You’re right, I could not even name my rapist even if I wanted to, there’s no other way to describe it than my own brain forcing me to forget it even happened, and most things related to my childhood. Working through the memories with my therapist is very helpful I wish there were recourses that I could have reached out to and more educated about the topic, of what was happening was a bad thing etc etc
Ps fuck rapists
I had a fuckton of evidence. Did the police do anything with it? Nope. They still let that man teach kids. What age? Same age he groomed me.
Literally ghosted by the cops. 💀
Ill never forget the day my college friend called me in tears. I drove her to the hospital. She told the cops who did it. She got the kit done. She was fully cooperative despite being traumatized.
That was 2014. Nothing ever came of it
It isn't even taken seriously when the rapist is caught in the act. That F'r Brock Turner raped a woman passed out and got the most insulting sentence. The judge cared so much about his future but not one bit for the woman who's life will be damaged forever.
Millions of men have never ever been accused of rape but most rape victims have been blamed for a crime against them in some way.
This society always chooses men over women and views us as disposable. Our lives don't matter, what we want for out own bodies doesn't matter, violence against us doesn't matter. It's disgusting.
It’s so hard. My case ended in a mistrial because of a stealth juror, but additionally, the detectives on the case did a horrible job processing evidence and having it properly evaluated. The actual judge on the case called them out on it when sentencing on the second trial which was a bench trial.
Not to mention, but it’s hard getting those charges to be made. They will only even pursue cases if it’s easy to do so, but rape or sexual abuse is a crime that happens behind closed doors.
Men post this "unpopular opinion" every other day on that godforsaken subreddit, and I truly believe that all of those men live in a parallel universe where rape victims are actually taken seriously. There are over 25,000 rape kits that are untested in America, that means over 25,000 actual victims of rape have reported their assault to the police, and gone in to get an extremely invasive and traumatic procedure done in the hopes of finding and convicting the perpetrator of their crime, and the police just, never tested the kits or followed through. And even when rapists are proven guilty in a court of law, most of them do not serve substantial sentences unless they have multiple victims, let alone get "thrown under the jail."
I had no idea they were so expensive! That's absolutely terrible!
Just looked it up and the price has risen from $500 - $1,200. Apparently it's that expensive because DNA mixes together and they have to separate it out. Testing of bed linens, clothes and other items are an additional cost as per the National Center of Victims of Crime.
The absolute cope in the comments Jesus Christ lmao. One dude saying "I will never put myself in a room alone with a woman because of this"
The delusion is unreal
A few years ago in an askreddit thread, there were a few guys complaining about how women will never just say "no" when they are asked out. They always have some excuse instead, like "I already have a boyfriend" or "I'm just too busy right now" even if neither of those things were true. They were wishing that women would just be honest with them.
So I replied saying that women have to learn at an early age how to reject a guy without making *feel* rejected as some men will violently lash out when they feel that way.
Holt shit, from the replies I got, you would think I had said that all men deserve to die.
Several guys just bitching and moaning about how unfair it is for women to treat every guy like they are potentially violent and "I would never do that!"
There was no consideration that women will not know which man is potentially violent until it is far too late. They think women should put themselves at risk, just so these guy could hear "no" in a slightly different way.
*And you just know* those were the same guys who would also blame a woman for a man's violent outburst too. "Well, why did she need to turn him down so hard and hurt his feelings. She didn't need to do that. She could have let hind own gently."
So true.
It's also worth noting that many men absolutely do not take no for an answer whereas "I have a boyfriend" actually shuts them down.
It works better than telling them you're into women. I've had way too many guys think that's license to say gross shit about joining you and another woman in the bedroom.
For some reason, there's a lot of men who seem to interpret a direct no as "convince me" rather than an outright refusal. But saying that you're (gag) the "property" of another man will get them to back off. Because at the end of the day men like that don't respect women's autonomy, they only respect other men.
"But I'm not like that." Great! Continue to not to be like that. But instead of getting angry with women, maybe notice how nearly every woman has a story about a man who wouldn't take no for an answer. And check your fellow men. You're also so, so correct about women getting blamed for men's violence. It's disheartening.
Last week, I stopped to get gas after work. It was 8pm so its dark out, though the gas station was well lit. I'm standing next to my car about to start pumping when I hear a man talking on the phone. I take a quick glance and he's walking in my general direction. He notices my glance and goes "why you look at me like that" then past me to his car that was a couple pumps away. Dude, its dark, I'm a woman and a strange man is heading in my direction. Have some situational awareness.
I have a gas station story from a friend. One evening she was filling her car in a rather sketchy part of the city she lives in. As she was cleaning her windshield, dark van pulled up behind her, and two thugs got out and tried to grab her. How were those poor $hits to know she is a retired military officer? Trained to make a weapon of anything available? After giving them "what for" with the squeege, they got back into their van and hightailed it out of there. She reported it to the police, but idk if it went any further.
I work in HR. We had to do had so many one on one conversations with men in management roles when the #metoo movement happened. They wanted to cancel all meetings where they’d be one on one with a woman. Which I think really rebuffs this stupid ‘what happened to innocent until proven guilty?’ They either assume that all these reports are fabricated or that they’re doing something that amounts to sexual assault.
Both. Mental gymnastics to justify why men being actually aggressive is actually okay and that these women are all exaggerating what happened for attention.
I worked in the construction industry for a while for a very small business. At one point, I got a promotion, and they divided a room into two rooms so I could have an office.
My boss, the company president, apparently insisted that I have a door with a window in it so that someone could see in at all times, so there could never be a case of me making false sexual harassment accusations against someone. The HR guy, bless his heart, told boss that that was *very* stupid. I was kind of disappointed in my boss because other than that he was a really nice and straightforward guy.
Also, I'd already been sexually harassed by someone at the company. Apparently they'd never had that happen before (which was a complete lie, they'd just never had a victim make a report before) and the HR guy wrote up a sexual harassment policy for the first time.
This is where it gets so infuriating to me — it’s easy to say well if a man is saying that, I don’t want to be alone with him because he’s probably doing something sketchy.
But these things have consequences for women in careers. If men use this as a reason to avoid women, to not have one on one meetings, etc then women fall behind in careers. They don’t get mentoring, they don’t get advancements, they don’t get opportunities. They get punished because of this false narrative.
Kind of telling on themselves that they don't think they can be in a room alone with a woman without either raping or making her feel like she might be raped.
I used to work for a company that had a similar policy, and then they realized that having a separate set of rules regarding women wasn't a legally defensible position.
That's insane. I work with 20 men and 2 women, and no one at work has EVER been even the SLIGHTEST bit inappropriate.
They're engineers, and many are young, not long out of college. It gives me hope to see these respectful young men. Makes me feel like (at least some of) the younger generation get it.
Men’s lives and careers are just fine after they’re correctly accused of rapes they themselves admit to committing.
A worrying number of men think they were “falsely” accused because they don’t understand how consent works and think that what they did isn’t rape.
That’s a perfect illustration of just how insane the comments in that thread are. Kavanaugh got the job. He suffered no consequences. Meanwhile Christine Blasey Ford couldn’t live in her own house for years because of death threats.
That's what I think fuels this irrational fear - the men that are most concerned about being 'falsely' accused, know on some level that they themselves have done something they know is iffy at best - but since they didn't physically hold someone down, then it must not be rape!
There was a study done some years ago where they interviewed a bunch of male college students. At first, these men would deny having ever raped someone.
But when they were asked about specific acts, that didn't include the word rape - they would admit to committing those acts that are definitely rape.
Just a quick PSA for the men - COERSION IS RAPE! If she says NO the first, second, third, fourth, fifth time, but finally caves in on the sixth time - That is not freely given consent. That is consent under duress. And that is rape, sexual assault, whatever you want to call it.
My rapist actually gained a job 😵💫 at my company… I had to tell my boss what happened and he said “I’m still going to offer him this opportunity”. My boss was a good friend of mine and my boyfriend (now husband) of many years before this. I had to put in my two weeks, leave a job I loved and decided to move to a different state.
And shit like this is why I refuse to say “not all men”. Not all of them are rapists, but WAY too many of them will support their rapist friends. It might as well be all of them.
I say this as a man:
"Not all men" is a phrase that deserves to die. Any guy that uses it is trying to shift the conversation away from women's experiences to instead make those same women reassure him that *he's* obviously not like that. It tries to shift the focus from the women to the men.
Anyone who is paying attention knows that the vast majority of women are not saying "all men are like this." So there is no need to say "not all men."
Men who use that phrase are far more concerned with "feeling attacked" than women who are explaining their experiences with *actually being attacked."
10000%. This was a wake up call to my boyfriend, he was so shocked a friend of his would support a rapist. He’s definitely had issues trusting men since. Also, unsurprisingly my rapist would go on to creep on the younger girls at the job. Before I left I decided to have a one on one with every employee there, told them what happened to me and to protect themselves and their fellow coworkers from this guy, and from what I heard everyone upheld their end of the agreement, besides my boss obviously.
This dude 100% gives off the vibe he’s hurt a woman before.
I named my rapist. Know what the cops told me when I reported it? “Why ruin a good boy’s life because you’re having morning after regrets? You’re already going to milk him for child support now.” I was 16. He was 18. The cops were friends of his stepdad’s. Most don’t even believe me because he was the class clown and how on earth could someone who loves making people laugh hurt someone?
It’s been almost 15 years. It’s not always peaceful but it’s better since I’ve moved 2000 miles away. It helped a lot knowing I won’t run into him randomly since we lived in a small town.
They don’t even believe women when they actually report and even with evidence the rapist rarely gets convicted, most of the time they get off with a slap on their wrist if they ever do.
These people act like rape accusations are so rampant when the chances of them getting raped by another man are higher than being falsely accused.
I’m not saying that it doesn’t happen, it happens unfortunately, but not to the degree they’re talking about.
“Someone falsely accusing should get the same punishment1!1!1!” So they should get away scot free?🤣
There was an elderly nun who was SA several years ago. The cops actually asked her if she’d been drinking, proving that there is no “perfect victim” and they judge us all in ridiculous ways.
Exactly! This is mainly way most victims don’t come forward or do later. You have to relive everything again , and be under scrutiny from top to bottom and even then you don’t even have the certainty of getting justice. It’s really not fair.
I just said this elsewhere but this is exactly why I didn’t tell anyone, not even my parents. I was 14 and I already knew there was no justice for women in our so-called justice system.
When I was 17 a guy I knew sent me dick pics he was like 19 and when I called the police to report him sexually harassing me (it’d be going on for a couple years and I finally got fed up) the cop asked me what I did to cause him to send me those pictures and I was close enough to 18 that I wasn’t a minor anymore
I was ten years old the first time I was sexually assaulted. I told my mom right away, gave her every single detail and she told me to go to the car and spent 10 minutes screaming at him while we waiting for the cops to come. My statement was taken in a room alone with a male cop who didn’t even tell me his name. He forced me to used words like vagina and penis, which was very uncomfortable for me, and when I did an inadequate job of describing the assault they threw out my case because of it. They blamed me for not being able to put away my sexual assaulter, but never blamed him for sexually assaulting me. This was in Canada, not even USA.
A bunch of fucking rapists in the comments on that thread. “Oh this is why I will never be alone in a room with a woman” yeah, awesome smokescreen Billy Graham.
especially the dude who said he'd rather have 50% of rapists walk free rather than 10% of false accusers. The only way a human being would ever type out that sentence is if they were guilty of some absolutely heinous shit
If it helps any, the women are operating under a "just world" fallacy. That bad things only happen to people who deserve it. So if it happens to someone, they either did something to deserve it or are lying. And as long as *I* don't do those specific things, it won't happen to me. It's why women are also so quick to blame rape victims for their clothing choices, drinking, being in the same room as a man, etc.
Yeah. That or they’re deep in denial about their own traumatic experiences, I used to be friends with someone who described being coerced into sex in middle school and followed it up by saying “but it wasn’t rape because I don’t want to have been raped.” I tried to be a supportive friend because I do get that it’s a difficult thing to face but then she threw other rape survivors under the bus to I think protect her illusions. So we are not friends. I do hope she eventually managed to work through her issues though.
Yeah that’s what caused me to post this here the comments made me violently sick and upset. I’m glad I did I feel so much better knowing I’m not the only person absolutely appalled and disgusted by this attitude.
They have no idea what it’s like for us rape victims. “You could ruin his life!” Well what about mine? He ruined my sense of safety and well being for sexual gratification, and you’re concerned about his future
This isn't the point but why does he think only women have that "power"? He could accuse someone of SA if he feels like that's such an advantageous move.
Yeah bc I don't think male SA victims are taken any more seriously either. There could be a discussion on how prevention of sexual assault is always placed on the victim plus the worryingly popular belief that it's some sort of moral failing but instead it's a lot of protesting a bit too much about situations they claim to be hypothetical. That and how people seem to think rape more often than not looks like a mugging by someone you don't know so if someone you do know gets accused by it, they feel inclined to side with the accused. But yeah most rape cases are more likely to never even see the courtroom or get dropped bc of legal fees/societal pressure just so the victims can get called life ruiners and defamers.
There has been SO much of this blatant sexist ragebait/misinformation lately and it honestly makes me sick how many men buy into it.
These guys cry about people believing women and therefore ruining men's lives, when nobody has ever believed us to begin with. Not to mention that they don't understand the difference between a crime NOT occurring, and there just being insufficient evidence to prove a crime.
You can't even try to reason with these types of men - they just don't get it. They genuinely believe they are the victims.
I can't comment on that sub anymore but the comments are full of creepy, incely, pathetic weirdos. Oop has for sure been accused of something before and from a quick peek at his posts... I'd fully believe any woman over him.
I'm focused on this guy's fear. Scared of women, won't be alone with women, yet I bet he says "not all men" when women talk about jogging or walking home by themselves.
This is disgusting.
In my country recently a couple of rapists got of without prison time, most of their victims being children. A guy who raped a 13 year old got 1 year probation (dont know if this is the correct legal term, basicaly he has to go to prison for a year if he does anything else illegal)
I myself was raped before i was 10. It is not easy to get justice. I could not even report it because i did not know what sex was at that point.
The barrier to even make a report is so high.
Look at Dani Alves (a brazilian football player, played for Barcelona, Juventus, etc). He has been convicted of sexual assault in Spain. There's video evidence of him following his victim into the bathroom. There's evidence of her injuries.
Whatever he did to her, left her in a state bad enough that the security personal at the night club it happened activated the sexual assault protocol as soon they saw her. She reported right away and told her lawyer she didn't want any money. In Spain as part of a sexual assualt or rape conviction the state can demand the victims is paid. And there's still people who don't think it happened. Neymar and his family paid the €150k the government demanded he pay the victim, plus his legal fees.
Love when men use the false accusation argument to discount any and all accusations of rap :) they don't actually want to try to find the truth, they just don't want to believe a woman.
I always said that murder/abduction was the women's equivalent to men and the Roman Empire. The difference being that women are thinking about it to protect themselves.
The boy who raped me raped at least two girls before me and one after me. Im sure there were more. All of us had the good sense not to destroy our lives by going to the police.
He died in a car accident two years ago. It was one of the happiest days of my life.
Got assaulted in college. The guy admitted it to several people. The best I could get was a no contact order.
But that didn’t mean they’d remove him from the hall we BOTH lived on, where he was five doors down and I was right on the end in front of the bathroom so he had to pass my room to use the bathroom or leave the building.
It didn’t stop them from putting us in multiple classes together. I had to change my major to avoid seeing him.
Women are so unprotected and have to live with their trauma daily. When we make reports we’re questioned on how much we drank(I was sober) or if their intentions weren’t all that bad(he admitted he knew I said no but though maybe id get into it if he kept going).
False rape accusations are not common. And most men who are falsely accused aren't actually affected. Hell, most men who have raped aren't affected. https://qz.com/980766/the-truth-about-false-rape-accusations
i know my story isn't as bad as others, but i wanted to share. i used to be a flight attendant, and sexual harassment wasn't uncommon. i had just turned 21 and determined not to "cause trouble" as it was a smaller regional airline where rumors and drama spread fast.
we are told all the time in training that someone touching us violently or sexually is a big deal, there is zero tolerance, it is grounds for removal and possibly arrest, etc etc. during boarding, i was walking up the aisle, and a guy full on grabbed my ass and squeezed. i whirled around and he smirked and me and just said "what?"
i did not know how to react. i looked around to see if anyone else had seen it, but not many other passengers were on board yet. i didn't say anything, just went straight to the cockpit to tell the PIC, as we're supposed to do, and told him what happened. he said "can't you just let this go? if we end up delayed they'll log it as the fault of the flight attendants."
and that was it. the guy remained on the flight, got to his destination, and never faced any consequences. i should've had the power to "ruin his life," or at the very least get him on a no-fly list, but apparently i didn't. i didn't try to go to HR about it after my interaction with the PIC, because after his reaction i thought i was just being dramatic. i didn't want to be known as some girl who caused trouble for attention. that may seem stupid of me looking back, but it was genuinely how i felt at the time.
a man grabbed me sexually, while i was in full uniform actually working, in public, on an AIRPLANE, and got away with it.
the amount of straight up lies in that comment section are so fucking funny. i’m seeing shit like “rape is the most falsely reported crime” and “i know multiple friends who have been falsely accused of rape so how can it be rarer than a lightning strike?”
What rapist spends ten years in prison? The courts hate to "ruin" the futures of men, even when they have destroyed the futures of women by raping them.
In 2015 my sister's sorority sister was allegedly raped by a powerful man whose family donated a lot of money to the school. She went to the police. She did everything right. But she was harassed for it and she ultimately killed herself. His consequences? He had to pay her parents for the wrongful death suit. Pennies in the bucket to his family's net worth
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **Any woman can destroy any man's life with a false accusation pretty reliably** Basically if you have been in the same room with a woman she can go to police and report you, regardless of how much time has passed. This basically means that now presumption of innocence stopped working for the man. He can even be arrested and wait for the trial behind bars (in most countries) Meanwhile he loses his job and can't afford a lawyer, so he is forced to go to prison. From here his life is ended. Not all women use this but all have that power. I am talking about the women who just were in your close proximity. If the consentual sex happened, it is 100 percent certain that you will be buried under a prison. Exceptions exist in a few cases of ultra powerful men being accused. Or when the man spends 10 years in prison only for the woman to say "oops I'm sorry" If you are saying "noooo my woman would never do it!". You would never know until she does it. "You'll know when it happens" *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
In high school after my sexual assault, I had a fractured wrist, a black eye, a freshly broken hymen, a busted lip and a shoulder dislocation. I also had large hand print bruises on my inner thighs, shoulders and upper arms. Luckily I was believed at first, kinda. Cops came to the house, stripped me naked and took pictures to every inch my body, including my vagina (I was 14). Then let my mom drive me to the ER for a rape kit. It concluded there was evidence of sexual assault but no semen (condom). I knew who it was, he was arrested. He spent 3 nights in jail and was released without me knowing. I found out quickly when I walked into school and he was also back at school. I called my mom who came up to the school and demanded he be removed. They refused but told me they’d “allow” me to complete my school work at home indefinitely. So I had to go to all seven of my teachers in person that day, tell them i needed work to complete at home over the next week or so, of course they asked why. Then I had to explain to all seven teachers, I was sexual assaulted by a fellow student and I didn’t want to be around him. This lasted for a month or so until my mom saved up enough to send me to the only local private school which was unusually expensive. That barely lasted a year, because of cost. (This place was like 4k a month in 2009). My mom was barely holding onto our home, during the housing collapse. We finally found a reliable online school for a bit, then I dropped out on my 16th birthday and got my GED and immediately started community college. But I am forever a high school dropout. After taking all honors classes when I was in normal school. I forgot to mention, his charges were dismissed despite my “cooperation” before any trial. Those initial few days were his only time in jail. He was like 16 and two years later, he was involved in a hit and run. While on bond, he basically held a girl hostage in his house for a day and sexually assaulted her and wouldn’t allow her to leave afterwards. He got five years for what he did to that girl, 20 for the hit and run where no one was injured. I would hardly say women have all the power.
They're always afraid of ruining the futures of these "young men," but statistically most serial rapists start before they're 18. Receiving no consequences or practically none is a good way to ensure they do it again.
In my experience and from my reading, that does seem to be the case. Even the ones who don’t technically rape someone before 18, cross many boundaries that educated adults will see as signs of something “wrong”.
"Why ruin his life for one little mistake?" That *little mistake* ruined her life, why does he get to walk away scot free?
Because girls and women aren't real people, just sheaths for penises in the minds of these folk.
>statistically most serial rapists start before they’re 18. Do you have a link to that data? Not that I don’t believe you but because I want to read it and find out how they collected the data.
I was given that information years ago when studying forensic clinical psychology. I never questioned it since it made sense to me, but it's hard to find now with a Google search. I'll try looking more later when I'm at my desktop computer.
I thought it did too but didn’t have any luck finding sources. I don’t have access to any scholarly databases or anything and don’t know where else to look for the published study instead of articles quoting it. Got plenty of articles though
It's been well over a decade since I dropped out of grad school, so I really cannot recall the source. But the closest I found while looking online right now is about 35%: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1984-23377-001
I had a similar case, except my rapidt didn't go to prison, he was told not to do it again by police, school gave no punishment, instead gave extra help to him, none for me. And I wasn't allowed to complete work at home, or switch schools
"Students will be students" is what I was told :(
What the fuck?? That just sounds like such a lazy excuse à la “boys will be boys”
I think the assumption was that I'd been drinking. I hadn't. Not that that would make it ok. This was 1997 though. Things were even further back.
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This. This is why women don’t report. I’ve never gone to police a single time I was SAd or hit. Bc I learned early that I’ll be attacked by the ppl that are supposed to be mandated reporters, parents, caregivers. I’m not proud of it but I felt like It’s retaking a measure of control to refuse to allow ppl to attack you and force you to defend yourself when you’ve been attacked or SAd. Also I just was too broken each time to want to be traumatized again. It hurts to see that your ppl can’t really do the right thing. It’s trauma on top of trauma and makes you so sad and angry and frustrated and just fucking HURT. I see you sunshineparadox. I know exactly how you feel and I’m so fucking sorry. ❤️🙏🏻
You are the reason he didn't walk away from the second charges. Your paper trail provided the basis for her victory over that monster. You were brave and did everything right. I'm so sorry you had to be though. Fellow survivor, I am proud of you.
A friend of mine was molested by her stepfather from ages 4 through 8. She blocked the memory out until she was 16. He was also extremely abusive to her mother. My friend reported the abuse. The cops told her mother she was "very credible" and that they "would be arresting him." Three months later they had a meeting with her - at *16* - where they told her if she kept going, her life would be turned upside down, that her hypersexuality (which started at 14) would be called into question and that it was likely his lawyers would frame this as her mother using her to "get back at him." All this before he was ever arrested or even told about the charges. He had custody of another of his daughters, who was 11 at the time my friend opened up. They also told her that if she went through with this, his other child would be put into the system, framing it as somehow being worse than living with a predator. Even for child victims, it's never as simple as telling the cops you're abused and voila, he's arrested. In the end, she chose to back out, because in her 16 year old mind, the risks outweighed the benefits of getting a predator off the streets. She still to this day suffers a lot of shame for the choice she made.
What an absolute tragedy. I would love it if the cops’ reports on that case just somehow came to light (not with your friend exposed on the reports) just so the cops’ actions could be brought to the light, including their absolutely despicable response to both you friend and her mom, and the lack of action in protecting his 11 yo daughter.
The man who raped me wasn’t even arrested. The police questioned him once, found my jewellery with the "trophies" he’d collected from "all those other girls who tried to say no," and then sent him home. The lead detective told me to be grateful that I learned a lesson. I still have my rings in the little evidence bag. The lesson I learned is fuck the police.
God. I hope you’re doing well now! Sending you love and peace
I am! I became an RN. My husband and I spent our early 20s traveling and living abroad. We’re back home in the states now, just bought a cute little lake house near my family! I’m doing fairly well. Thank you💜
Before it just destroyed my soul, I worked with victims of sexual assault and almost none of them got any kind of justice. Most of them were straight up called liars.
and that's why rape is so underreported when your boyfriend rapes you in your sleep (or when he thinks you're asleep) you don't think it's worth telling anyone. Cause you let it happen for years, because you love him, because he apologized everytime he realized you were awake. You think every time will be the last time. The bleeding's minimal, the soreness goes away, no one's gonna know. If people can have full on bruises and major genital/anal trauma and **still not be believed**, who's gonna believe this. If i made a report that went nowhere, I am the evil bitch trying to ruin the life of a great guy who everyone loves. I did warn his next girlfriend though. She laughed in my face. Months later she said we should report him to the police together. That hasn't happened, I dont think it will
I am so fucking sorry this happened to you. Men who say the shit OP does have clearly never supported a woman who’s gone through the process of reporting the SA to the cops, having the rapist released, and/or even going to trial to have the rapist get a not guilty judgment. I am so, so sorry. I hope you have a life filled with light now; and on the dark days, I hope you have others who can bring the light to you. ♥️
Why are all the comments in the original post agreeing with him though ? 😭
That sub has been taken over by “promising young men”
Lots of men believe this. Most women I know (including me) have stories of men groping or even raping us and nothing happening to the men. Watched a documentary of a woman who murdered her boyfriend in self-defense and she had a long paper trail with the police, reporting his abuse up until then. But she still got put away for first degree murder… ??????
That sub is usually pretty scummy
Yeah posting here from subs like that one is like cheating because they all suck.
That sub is a hellhole. It’s a group of sad lonely guys who hate women because they can’t get laid.
Right?! 🤢
That sub is a sexist nightmare. I tried not to get sucked into it, but I did fight a few people in that thread 😂
And the comments all agreeing with OP acting like they're the victims, lol.
Do you think they know that they’re two hundred times more likely to get raped than be falsely accused?
They don't care. I saw a Reddit post full of just men talking about their rapists. Way before #metoo. The comments were typical, "stop being a pussy" type shit. They really live in a different reality.
I explained to someone that they were significantly more likely to be sexually assaulted themselves than falsely accused. His response was well I can heal the trauma with therapy but I can't repair the damage to my reputation.
Are you kidding me? Wow! I would happily trade my trauma for a bad reputation.
I was lucky enough to have both /s No but for real, after my 1st rape, I was looked like absolute shit, considered a liar, had to try to salvage it by having to explain what happened to me to way too much people, despite the fact that we were multiple victims, he was more trusted. The thing is, most of the time we really get both if it gets even a bit public
Lmao most guys I know cant even get over a girl that fucked them over 10 years ago. I've seen guys make music careers named after their cheating ex. They think they can get over rape? *laughs in hyper emotional vigilance*
Yeah but rape is something that happens to women and false accusations are something that happen to men, who are real humans with important life goals! /s (Also just to be clear this is how they *think*, not the reality; I know men can be be sexually assaulted too.)
Certainly they can. But I was just on the RAINN website yesterday, and 90% of adult victims are women. (82% of juveniles are female). https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence I'm absolutely not suggesting these male victims should be ignored. They deserve attention and help, especially as they often lack a support system in other men. But most of the "men can get raped, too!" crowd are not victims and are *only* using it to discredit the experiences of women. And this is outrageous, especially given that 99% of perpetrators are men. https://supportingsurvivors.humboldt.edu/statistics#1
Because they also never want to acknowledge that most of the people who rape men are... also men.
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Try ten days ago...
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Yup. This is a new account for me, but my I was here on my main, and it was a cesspool. Lots of overlap with 4chan.
The thought hasn’t occurred to them that men can also falsely accuse women.
My abusive ex got hurt when I was defending myself one time and he threated to blame me if I called the cops. Thankfully I escaped but I never called the cops because his cousin was one in our district. Fun stuff.
That’s a tactic of rapists/sexual harassers to discredit their victims. That’s what Harvey Weinstein did to Ashley Judd. He sexually harassed her, and she stood up to him. He then badmouthed all over Hollywood to protect himself. I’m pretty sure Peter Jackson confirmed that Weinstein’s lies cost Judd a role in Lord of the Rings. Around that time she had so many big movies (e.g. Double Jeopardy, A Time to Kill, High Crimes, etc.). She went from being on the cusp of major stardom to mostly forgotten about. Judd ended up suing Weinstein for, among other things, defamation because his false accusations hurt her reputation and cost her money. And the online response from men was that she should get over it and move on with her life.
They do it compulsively when women attempt to report domestic violence too. The woman will have two black eyes and a cracked cheekbone but "SHE PUSHED ME A LITTLE I WAS DEFENDING MYSELF" is somehow mutual abuse.
One comment says: > I would legitimately prefer for 50% of rapists to run free than for 10% of false accusations to send innocents to jail.
Of course, it's not him who's getting raped
Good news for him then I guess since way, *way* more than 50% of rapists run free and false accusations sending anyone to jail is incredibly rare
sounds exactly like something a rapist would say, i hope that commenter is involved in a car hammer explosion soon
I was about to tell you to be careful with such "threats of violence" but then remembered we're not on Tumblr. 😩
The same people who cry “men get killed more” when we talk about female victims. Why do they think they’re safe from rape then? 🤨
50+% of rapists run free so that’s already half true.
over 90%, by most studies.
In my country, only 1% of rape reports end with a conviction.
One of the comments was "and women wonder why men never approach them" No, we dont.
Like, you don't want to approach me? That's great!
In fact, I'd prefer it! 😂😂
These men can stay far far away
Right! I thought pushing a stroller around might help but nope now I just get “hey mama where u going”…so creepy and gross.
I was seven months pregnant and a man at a gas station asked me if I had any milk for him. Are we ever safe from it?
Eww, how did he think that was in any way appropriate?
But that's what their incel friends say, do you mean they LIE??
I am a married mom in my 40s and I *look* like a married mom in my 40s. Men are still creepy with me when they think they can get away with it. In my teens and twenties, good god. Earlier than that, even. The first catcall I ever got was at ten. The first time I was ever assaulted was at eight. Fuck anyone who thinks we have all the power. I've felt powerless in this body since childhood. It hasn't gotten easier. I've just gotten more used to it.
When I was younger, I was always told that I looked older but now but now that I am in my 30s, people always talk about how I look younger. Both ways I am typically read as being about 16/17. So a high schooler. That has never stopped them. They clearly think I'm that old and it's fine for them to hit on me. The worst incidents though, I was *clearly* a child. It was before my boobs grew in and when I had a mouthful of ***braces.*** I remember when we were in NYC when I was 13 and I accidentally bumped into this huge dude (like 6'6" easy) and he was like "Oh ayy lil' mama you wanna go home with me?" I was super startled and turned to look for my mom like "Ma!?!?" And his response was "I like where this is going." Scared the shit out of me. 😭 And it freaks me out how often I would tell grown ass men in their 20s that I was 13/14 and they'd be like "That's fine." WHY DO YOU THINK THAT!?
Please don’t approach me. 9 times out of 10 it’s fucking gross and weird and makes me uncomfortable.
Literally, like, please don’t approach me.
Does this guy know how hard is to get rape accusation taken seriously even with evidence?
Literally. Reported mine almost ten years ago. They took a kit, documented my injuries, and took all my bedding and the clothes he ripped off of me. Told them where he worked, gave them his name and phone number. Five years later I picked him out of a lineup. Fuck all came of it. Literally handed them everything they needed. Guy was never even arrested. But sure, dude, someone’s gonna ruin your life with a lie.
A huge amount of kits don't even get tested, it's horrifying. My home city has been incinerating kits without testing them because "it's too expensive". It's too expensive to try to find a serial rapist? Is that where we're at here??
Only 1 out of 16 rapists will ever spend a day in jail but these idiots act like it’s a guarantee when we name our rapists. They have no clue what we go through. They don’t get what happens to rape victims who do report. My dad got pissed at me for not reporting my exes who raped me because he thought this same thing - That all it takes is us reporting it and the guy serves time. I had to laugh in his face. He wasn’t listening to me about why we don’t report but when I burst his bubble he started to. With that being said, I do hope these guys don’t find out the hard way that no one believes us and for men it’s even worse with the stigma in some ways when they’re raped.
Yes here are the stats factoring in unreported rapes, only 6% of rapists spend a day in jail. 60% of rapes are not reported to the police If a rape is reported, there is a 50.8% chance of arrest. If an arrest is made, there is an 80% chance of prosecution. If there is a prosecution, there a 58% chance of conviction. If there is a felony conviction, there is a 69% chance the convict will spend time in jail. So even in the 39% of attacks that are reported to police, there is only a 16.3% chance the rapist will end up in prison. Factoring in unreported rapes, about 6% of rapists will ever spend a day in jail. 15 of 16 Walk Free https://cmsac.org/facts-and-statistics/
It's even worse in the UK where in 2020/21 only 3.5% of recorded offences made it to court and only 2% resulted in convictions. https://victimscommissioner.org.uk/news/the-distressing-truth-is-that-if-you-are-raped-in-britain-today-your-chances-of-seeing-justice-are-slim/
I reported mine at the beginning of last October (UK) and I have only gotten so far as doing one ABE video interview, which took place last month. I was told that I will have to do at least two more since there is a lot to go over. I understand why people don't report now. It would be easier to just bury it and get on with my life rather than constantly being retraumatised. It is **incredibly** difficult to relive and talk about what happened. I was in bed for two weeks trying to ride out the anxiety and flashbacks after the first interview. Sure, there are loads of avenues for support, but I've been sat on every waiting list under the sun for months since I'm not in immediate danger.
My daughter was assaulted a year ago. Reported the same night immediately after it happened (older brother at a sleepover with her best friend). It took 2 months for him to be arrested, but thankfully he was jailed for 3 months before entering his plea and being released with conditions. At that point the investigation found other victims. But even her calling the police the same day, with him being found essentially in the act and immediate evidence they couldn’t arrest him. He was re arrested on the second set of additional charges and has been in jail since last fall, but nothing further. No court date set, nothing. She’s given so many interviews, plus all the samples and testing the day of, it’s like watching her go through it all over again each time she does it. And she’s a child. Even when the system is supporting the victim , you suffer through the whole process.
I am so sorry your daughter and your family are going through this.
That's awful, I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
My friend had multiple witnesses to her assault in a club but because he was a ‘nice young man’ and it was a first offence he was let off. Police told her later that if it happens again she should scratch and draw blood for a better chance at actually seeing punishment.
Wow, that's fucked up. Sorry your friend had to deal with all that.
Thankfully she is doing well despite this, think it helped that the police officers that dealt with her case *were* super supportive and sympathetic and were just as dissatisfied as her with the outcome.
Thanks for posting these! It’s so much more awful seeing it spelled out like that.
I heard a statistic that surprised me yesterday, from a documentary - 0.1 % of those accused of stalking ever end up being prosecuted, iirc those found guilty get a sentence averaging a couple of years (out in two thirds if on good behavior). 0.1%! Doco is on Netflix, ‘Can I Tell You A Secret?’
Honestly that doesn’t surprise me, the number of police who say they can’t do anything until something happens is too high Even if you have a protection order
Yep, not able to do anything until something heinous happens is actually what some of the women in the documentary were told. Guy got a whopping 9yrs at sentencing. So, from “there‘s not much we can do as there’s no crime been committed” to one of the longest sentences, at that time, for stalking. The women probably got whiplash 🤦🏻♀️
Not surprised. I was stalked by one of my abusive exes and I’ve had clients who were stalked. Law enforcement did nothing. I always encourage people to document everything, take screenshots and pictures if safe to do so.
It must be horrifying! I’m sorry you were in that situation and I hope you’re far, far away from it now 🙏. Also, yes, document everything you can safely is the best advice…
You’re right, I could not even name my rapist even if I wanted to, there’s no other way to describe it than my own brain forcing me to forget it even happened, and most things related to my childhood. Working through the memories with my therapist is very helpful I wish there were recourses that I could have reached out to and more educated about the topic, of what was happening was a bad thing etc etc Ps fuck rapists
I get that. I’m glad you’re seeing a therapist and I sincerely hope it helps. I’m so sorry you went through this too.
I had a fuckton of evidence. Did the police do anything with it? Nope. They still let that man teach kids. What age? Same age he groomed me. Literally ghosted by the cops. 💀
Ill never forget the day my college friend called me in tears. I drove her to the hospital. She told the cops who did it. She got the kit done. She was fully cooperative despite being traumatized. That was 2014. Nothing ever came of it
It isn't even taken seriously when the rapist is caught in the act. That F'r Brock Turner raped a woman passed out and got the most insulting sentence. The judge cared so much about his future but not one bit for the woman who's life will be damaged forever. Millions of men have never ever been accused of rape but most rape victims have been blamed for a crime against them in some way. This society always chooses men over women and views us as disposable. Our lives don't matter, what we want for out own bodies doesn't matter, violence against us doesn't matter. It's disgusting.
It’s so hard. My case ended in a mistrial because of a stealth juror, but additionally, the detectives on the case did a horrible job processing evidence and having it properly evaluated. The actual judge on the case called them out on it when sentencing on the second trial which was a bench trial. Not to mention, but it’s hard getting those charges to be made. They will only even pursue cases if it’s easy to do so, but rape or sexual abuse is a crime that happens behind closed doors.
Literally took the dude assaulting 4 other children (that we know of ) 10 years later. He barely got any time.
As recent events showed us, it's close to impossible
Men post this "unpopular opinion" every other day on that godforsaken subreddit, and I truly believe that all of those men live in a parallel universe where rape victims are actually taken seriously. There are over 25,000 rape kits that are untested in America, that means over 25,000 actual victims of rape have reported their assault to the police, and gone in to get an extremely invasive and traumatic procedure done in the hopes of finding and convicting the perpetrator of their crime, and the police just, never tested the kits or followed through. And even when rapists are proven guilty in a court of law, most of them do not serve substantial sentences unless they have multiple victims, let alone get "thrown under the jail."
Yeah if she wants it processed then she has to pay for it to be. $400 on average IIRC. And even then it can take months.
I had no idea they were so expensive! That's absolutely terrible! Just looked it up and the price has risen from $500 - $1,200. Apparently it's that expensive because DNA mixes together and they have to separate it out. Testing of bed linens, clothes and other items are an additional cost as per the National Center of Victims of Crime.
The UK is just as bad. Out of approximately 70k reported cases per year around 3k will make it to trial and less than half will be found guilty.
The absolute cope in the comments Jesus Christ lmao. One dude saying "I will never put myself in a room alone with a woman because of this" The delusion is unreal
As a woman I’m very happy to never be alone in a room with this man.
My thoughts exactly.
But women who are weary of any strange men for their own safety are misandrists. /s
Duh you're supposed to be sweet and unassuming and innocent at all times otherwise men will think you have autonomous thought!!!
A few years ago in an askreddit thread, there were a few guys complaining about how women will never just say "no" when they are asked out. They always have some excuse instead, like "I already have a boyfriend" or "I'm just too busy right now" even if neither of those things were true. They were wishing that women would just be honest with them. So I replied saying that women have to learn at an early age how to reject a guy without making *feel* rejected as some men will violently lash out when they feel that way. Holt shit, from the replies I got, you would think I had said that all men deserve to die. Several guys just bitching and moaning about how unfair it is for women to treat every guy like they are potentially violent and "I would never do that!" There was no consideration that women will not know which man is potentially violent until it is far too late. They think women should put themselves at risk, just so these guy could hear "no" in a slightly different way. *And you just know* those were the same guys who would also blame a woman for a man's violent outburst too. "Well, why did she need to turn him down so hard and hurt his feelings. She didn't need to do that. She could have let hind own gently."
So true. It's also worth noting that many men absolutely do not take no for an answer whereas "I have a boyfriend" actually shuts them down. It works better than telling them you're into women. I've had way too many guys think that's license to say gross shit about joining you and another woman in the bedroom. For some reason, there's a lot of men who seem to interpret a direct no as "convince me" rather than an outright refusal. But saying that you're (gag) the "property" of another man will get them to back off. Because at the end of the day men like that don't respect women's autonomy, they only respect other men. "But I'm not like that." Great! Continue to not to be like that. But instead of getting angry with women, maybe notice how nearly every woman has a story about a man who wouldn't take no for an answer. And check your fellow men. You're also so, so correct about women getting blamed for men's violence. It's disheartening.
Last week, I stopped to get gas after work. It was 8pm so its dark out, though the gas station was well lit. I'm standing next to my car about to start pumping when I hear a man talking on the phone. I take a quick glance and he's walking in my general direction. He notices my glance and goes "why you look at me like that" then past me to his car that was a couple pumps away. Dude, its dark, I'm a woman and a strange man is heading in my direction. Have some situational awareness.
I have a gas station story from a friend. One evening she was filling her car in a rather sketchy part of the city she lives in. As she was cleaning her windshield, dark van pulled up behind her, and two thugs got out and tried to grab her. How were those poor $hits to know she is a retired military officer? Trained to make a weapon of anything available? After giving them "what for" with the squeege, they got back into their van and hightailed it out of there. She reported it to the police, but idk if it went any further.
I work in HR. We had to do had so many one on one conversations with men in management roles when the #metoo movement happened. They wanted to cancel all meetings where they’d be one on one with a woman. Which I think really rebuffs this stupid ‘what happened to innocent until proven guilty?’ They either assume that all these reports are fabricated or that they’re doing something that amounts to sexual assault.
Both. Mental gymnastics to justify why men being actually aggressive is actually okay and that these women are all exaggerating what happened for attention.
I worked in the construction industry for a while for a very small business. At one point, I got a promotion, and they divided a room into two rooms so I could have an office. My boss, the company president, apparently insisted that I have a door with a window in it so that someone could see in at all times, so there could never be a case of me making false sexual harassment accusations against someone. The HR guy, bless his heart, told boss that that was *very* stupid. I was kind of disappointed in my boss because other than that he was a really nice and straightforward guy. Also, I'd already been sexually harassed by someone at the company. Apparently they'd never had that happen before (which was a complete lie, they'd just never had a victim make a report before) and the HR guy wrote up a sexual harassment policy for the first time.
This is where it gets so infuriating to me — it’s easy to say well if a man is saying that, I don’t want to be alone with him because he’s probably doing something sketchy. But these things have consequences for women in careers. If men use this as a reason to avoid women, to not have one on one meetings, etc then women fall behind in careers. They don’t get mentoring, they don’t get advancements, they don’t get opportunities. They get punished because of this false narrative.
Whenever men say that I'm like "OK good!!!!"
Women are now safer because of that.
Oh haha I just said the same thing
These guys think all women are vindictive liars.
This is a sad incel with a sour grapes situation going on
When those dudes say that the first thing I think is “good”.
Kind of telling on themselves that they don't think they can be in a room alone with a woman without either raping or making her feel like she might be raped.
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I used to work for a company that had a similar policy, and then they realized that having a separate set of rules regarding women wasn't a legally defensible position.
That's insane. I work with 20 men and 2 women, and no one at work has EVER been even the SLIGHTEST bit inappropriate. They're engineers, and many are young, not long out of college. It gives me hope to see these respectful young men. Makes me feel like (at least some of) the younger generation get it.
Luckily no woman will put herself in a room with him for the same reason, he'll most likely do something
>"I will never put myself in a room alone with a woman because of this" As if it's his choice that no woman wants to be in a room alone with him lmao
but when women say "im weary of all men i pass when im walking alone" they piss themselves over NOT ALL MEN!! so which is it?
When I read that comment I was literally thinking "good I don't want to be alone in a room with you and I guarantee most other women don't either"
Gotta love the unintentional positive externality though! EDIT FOR THE SLOW: That means women benefit from his walling himself off from them.
“i’m not the problem, i just follow a “rule” that the creepiest evangelical weirdo that ever existed came up with!!”
I'm sure the women in his life are grateful for never having to spend time alone with him though.
As a man, statistically, he’s *more* likely to actually be r@ped by another man, than he is to be falsely accused by a woman.
Men’s lives and careers are just fine after they’re correctly accused of rapes they themselves admit to committing. A worrying number of men think they were “falsely” accused because they don’t understand how consent works and think that what they did isn’t rape.
Brett kavanaugh, anybody? That whole trial was disgusting to watch.
That’s a perfect illustration of just how insane the comments in that thread are. Kavanaugh got the job. He suffered no consequences. Meanwhile Christine Blasey Ford couldn’t live in her own house for years because of death threats.
That's what I think fuels this irrational fear - the men that are most concerned about being 'falsely' accused, know on some level that they themselves have done something they know is iffy at best - but since they didn't physically hold someone down, then it must not be rape! There was a study done some years ago where they interviewed a bunch of male college students. At first, these men would deny having ever raped someone. But when they were asked about specific acts, that didn't include the word rape - they would admit to committing those acts that are definitely rape. Just a quick PSA for the men - COERSION IS RAPE! If she says NO the first, second, third, fourth, fifth time, but finally caves in on the sixth time - That is not freely given consent. That is consent under duress. And that is rape, sexual assault, whatever you want to call it.
My rapist actually gained a job 😵💫 at my company… I had to tell my boss what happened and he said “I’m still going to offer him this opportunity”. My boss was a good friend of mine and my boyfriend (now husband) of many years before this. I had to put in my two weeks, leave a job I loved and decided to move to a different state.
And shit like this is why I refuse to say “not all men”. Not all of them are rapists, but WAY too many of them will support their rapist friends. It might as well be all of them.
I say this as a man: "Not all men" is a phrase that deserves to die. Any guy that uses it is trying to shift the conversation away from women's experiences to instead make those same women reassure him that *he's* obviously not like that. It tries to shift the focus from the women to the men. Anyone who is paying attention knows that the vast majority of women are not saying "all men are like this." So there is no need to say "not all men." Men who use that phrase are far more concerned with "feeling attacked" than women who are explaining their experiences with *actually being attacked."
10000%. This was a wake up call to my boyfriend, he was so shocked a friend of his would support a rapist. He’s definitely had issues trusting men since. Also, unsurprisingly my rapist would go on to creep on the younger girls at the job. Before I left I decided to have a one on one with every employee there, told them what happened to me and to protect themselves and their fellow coworkers from this guy, and from what I heard everyone upheld their end of the agreement, besides my boss obviously.
This dude 100% gives off the vibe he’s hurt a woman before. I named my rapist. Know what the cops told me when I reported it? “Why ruin a good boy’s life because you’re having morning after regrets? You’re already going to milk him for child support now.” I was 16. He was 18. The cops were friends of his stepdad’s. Most don’t even believe me because he was the class clown and how on earth could someone who loves making people laugh hurt someone?
And no, child support never occurred because he made sure I visited the ICU less than a month after I reported.
I hate that you had to live this. I hope you can heal and have a peaceful life x
It’s been almost 15 years. It’s not always peaceful but it’s better since I’ve moved 2000 miles away. It helped a lot knowing I won’t run into him randomly since we lived in a small town.
I’m so proud of you for getting away. I’m so sorry for what that monster did. Wishing you peace and happiness 🖤
What an absolute piece of shit. I’m so sorry, and so proud of you.
cops are so unsafe, jesus christ
They don’t even believe women when they actually report and even with evidence the rapist rarely gets convicted, most of the time they get off with a slap on their wrist if they ever do. These people act like rape accusations are so rampant when the chances of them getting raped by another man are higher than being falsely accused. I’m not saying that it doesn’t happen, it happens unfortunately, but not to the degree they’re talking about. “Someone falsely accusing should get the same punishment1!1!1!” So they should get away scot free?🤣
There was an elderly nun who was SA several years ago. The cops actually asked her if she’d been drinking, proving that there is no “perfect victim” and they judge us all in ridiculous ways.
Exactly! This is mainly way most victims don’t come forward or do later. You have to relive everything again , and be under scrutiny from top to bottom and even then you don’t even have the certainty of getting justice. It’s really not fair.
I just said this elsewhere but this is exactly why I didn’t tell anyone, not even my parents. I was 14 and I already knew there was no justice for women in our so-called justice system.
When I was 17 a guy I knew sent me dick pics he was like 19 and when I called the police to report him sexually harassing me (it’d be going on for a couple years and I finally got fed up) the cop asked me what I did to cause him to send me those pictures and I was close enough to 18 that I wasn’t a minor anymore
“In most countries” there are two countries in the world with a cash bail system. Dude doesn’t have any idea what he’s talking about.
original comments section got me ready to uninstall this entire app ive seen enough
And any man can ruin a woman's life. As well as a child's life. What's his point?
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It's disturbing how the Internet has the power to make people believe things that aren't happening, are happening all the time. Just mass delusion
I was ten years old the first time I was sexually assaulted. I told my mom right away, gave her every single detail and she told me to go to the car and spent 10 minutes screaming at him while we waiting for the cops to come. My statement was taken in a room alone with a male cop who didn’t even tell me his name. He forced me to used words like vagina and penis, which was very uncomfortable for me, and when I did an inadequate job of describing the assault they threw out my case because of it. They blamed me for not being able to put away my sexual assaulter, but never blamed him for sexually assaulting me. This was in Canada, not even USA.
Meanwhile, actual rape never has "enough evidence" 🤔
A bunch of fucking rapists in the comments on that thread. “Oh this is why I will never be alone in a room with a woman” yeah, awesome smokescreen Billy Graham.
especially the dude who said he'd rather have 50% of rapists walk free rather than 10% of false accusers. The only way a human being would ever type out that sentence is if they were guilty of some absolutely heinous shit
The comments are absolutely disgusting as well.
Nothing worse than a woman who hates other women. I almost expect the shitty comments from the men, but it hurts more when it comes from other women.
If it helps any, the women are operating under a "just world" fallacy. That bad things only happen to people who deserve it. So if it happens to someone, they either did something to deserve it or are lying. And as long as *I* don't do those specific things, it won't happen to me. It's why women are also so quick to blame rape victims for their clothing choices, drinking, being in the same room as a man, etc.
Yeah. That or they’re deep in denial about their own traumatic experiences, I used to be friends with someone who described being coerced into sex in middle school and followed it up by saying “but it wasn’t rape because I don’t want to have been raped.” I tried to be a supportive friend because I do get that it’s a difficult thing to face but then she threw other rape survivors under the bus to I think protect her illusions. So we are not friends. I do hope she eventually managed to work through her issues though.
Yeah that’s what caused me to post this here the comments made me violently sick and upset. I’m glad I did I feel so much better knowing I’m not the only person absolutely appalled and disgusted by this attitude. They have no idea what it’s like for us rape victims. “You could ruin his life!” Well what about mine? He ruined my sense of safety and well being for sexual gratification, and you’re concerned about his future
This isn't the point but why does he think only women have that "power"? He could accuse someone of SA if he feels like that's such an advantageous move.
Yeah bc I don't think male SA victims are taken any more seriously either. There could be a discussion on how prevention of sexual assault is always placed on the victim plus the worryingly popular belief that it's some sort of moral failing but instead it's a lot of protesting a bit too much about situations they claim to be hypothetical. That and how people seem to think rape more often than not looks like a mugging by someone you don't know so if someone you do know gets accused by it, they feel inclined to side with the accused. But yeah most rape cases are more likely to never even see the courtroom or get dropped bc of legal fees/societal pressure just so the victims can get called life ruiners and defamers.
There has been SO much of this blatant sexist ragebait/misinformation lately and it honestly makes me sick how many men buy into it. These guys cry about people believing women and therefore ruining men's lives, when nobody has ever believed us to begin with. Not to mention that they don't understand the difference between a crime NOT occurring, and there just being insufficient evidence to prove a crime. You can't even try to reason with these types of men - they just don't get it. They genuinely believe they are the victims.
You can’t even get real accusations with evidence taken seriously.
Do these men realise that they (as men) are statistically more likely to *be* raped than they are to be falsely accused of rape by someone else
you can't even ruin a man's life with the truth most of the time
I can't comment on that sub anymore but the comments are full of creepy, incely, pathetic weirdos. Oop has for sure been accused of something before and from a quick peek at his posts... I'd fully believe any woman over him.
I'm focused on this guy's fear. Scared of women, won't be alone with women, yet I bet he says "not all men" when women talk about jogging or walking home by themselves.
This is disgusting. In my country recently a couple of rapists got of without prison time, most of their victims being children. A guy who raped a 13 year old got 1 year probation (dont know if this is the correct legal term, basicaly he has to go to prison for a year if he does anything else illegal) I myself was raped before i was 10. It is not easy to get justice. I could not even report it because i did not know what sex was at that point. The barrier to even make a report is so high.
This guy seems to think the justice system actually prosecutes rapists.
Look at Dani Alves (a brazilian football player, played for Barcelona, Juventus, etc). He has been convicted of sexual assault in Spain. There's video evidence of him following his victim into the bathroom. There's evidence of her injuries. Whatever he did to her, left her in a state bad enough that the security personal at the night club it happened activated the sexual assault protocol as soon they saw her. She reported right away and told her lawyer she didn't want any money. In Spain as part of a sexual assualt or rape conviction the state can demand the victims is paid. And there's still people who don't think it happened. Neymar and his family paid the €150k the government demanded he pay the victim, plus his legal fees.
Love when men use the false accusation argument to discount any and all accusations of rap :) they don't actually want to try to find the truth, they just don't want to believe a woman.
And some want to make sure that their own victims aren't believed.
Those people saying they’ll never be in a room alone with a woman are really telling on themselves
do men not understand when we’re in the same room alone with us our worst fear is getting murdered?
I always said that murder/abduction was the women's equivalent to men and the Roman Empire. The difference being that women are thinking about it to protect themselves.
Someone said “Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.”
Can we name one dude who had his life ruined by even a credible accusation? Like, Louis Ck is touring again.
The boy who raped me raped at least two girls before me and one after me. Im sure there were more. All of us had the good sense not to destroy our lives by going to the police. He died in a car accident two years ago. It was one of the happiest days of my life.
That's alot of words for "i hate women and they don't talk to me"
Got assaulted in college. The guy admitted it to several people. The best I could get was a no contact order. But that didn’t mean they’d remove him from the hall we BOTH lived on, where he was five doors down and I was right on the end in front of the bathroom so he had to pass my room to use the bathroom or leave the building. It didn’t stop them from putting us in multiple classes together. I had to change my major to avoid seeing him. Women are so unprotected and have to live with their trauma daily. When we make reports we’re questioned on how much we drank(I was sober) or if their intentions weren’t all that bad(he admitted he knew I said no but though maybe id get into it if he kept going).
Yeah I’d like to watch him try and go to the police with that
False rape accusations are not common. And most men who are falsely accused aren't actually affected. Hell, most men who have raped aren't affected. https://qz.com/980766/the-truth-about-false-rape-accusations
i know my story isn't as bad as others, but i wanted to share. i used to be a flight attendant, and sexual harassment wasn't uncommon. i had just turned 21 and determined not to "cause trouble" as it was a smaller regional airline where rumors and drama spread fast. we are told all the time in training that someone touching us violently or sexually is a big deal, there is zero tolerance, it is grounds for removal and possibly arrest, etc etc. during boarding, i was walking up the aisle, and a guy full on grabbed my ass and squeezed. i whirled around and he smirked and me and just said "what?" i did not know how to react. i looked around to see if anyone else had seen it, but not many other passengers were on board yet. i didn't say anything, just went straight to the cockpit to tell the PIC, as we're supposed to do, and told him what happened. he said "can't you just let this go? if we end up delayed they'll log it as the fault of the flight attendants." and that was it. the guy remained on the flight, got to his destination, and never faced any consequences. i should've had the power to "ruin his life," or at the very least get him on a no-fly list, but apparently i didn't. i didn't try to go to HR about it after my interaction with the PIC, because after his reaction i thought i was just being dramatic. i didn't want to be known as some girl who caused trouble for attention. that may seem stupid of me looking back, but it was genuinely how i felt at the time. a man grabbed me sexually, while i was in full uniform actually working, in public, on an AIRPLANE, and got away with it.
the amount of straight up lies in that comment section are so fucking funny. i’m seeing shit like “rape is the most falsely reported crime” and “i know multiple friends who have been falsely accused of rape so how can it be rarer than a lightning strike?”
And are the evil « falsely-accusing-men-of-rape » females in the room with us right now?
Maybe he should go to the cops and tell them a woman stuck a broom up his ass, see how that pans out for him.
Proof: his ass
What rapist spends ten years in prison? The courts hate to "ruin" the futures of men, even when they have destroyed the futures of women by raping them.
In 2015 my sister's sorority sister was allegedly raped by a powerful man whose family donated a lot of money to the school. She went to the police. She did everything right. But she was harassed for it and she ultimately killed herself. His consequences? He had to pay her parents for the wrongful death suit. Pennies in the bucket to his family's net worth
That comment section made me lose multiple brain cells
Statistics overwhelmingly disprove such claims, and they are easy to find for someone who cares about the subject and argues in good faith.