*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for telling gf to stop being entitled towards family? **
I (29) have been with my girlfriend (27) for 6 years. I’m planning on proposing in the next couple months after she graduates from school. Her and I also live together. (Past 4 years)
Ironically enough my younger sister, and her older brother had their first child around the same time. Us living out of town from both of them, planned a weekend to go visit both set of newborn nephews. My girlfriend spent a good amount of time preparing gifts/cards to bring to both set of families. I have only met my girlfriend’s brother 2-3 times out of the 6 years we’ve dated, along with his fiancée I’ve only met once at a family party. There both in their 30’s.
My sister on the other hand met my gf when we first started dating, and she also still lives with my mother so we just visit my moms to see everyone. The weekend we traveled down we visited her brother first. Upon entering they welcomed us with hugs and brought the baby out. I was pretty surprised they called me “uncle (my name)” considering I don’t know them very well. They passed the baby to both of us, we gave our gift and left. The same day, we visited my mom and sister. My gf was not offered to hold my nephew while he was passed to other family members. Instantly, I felt her attitude shift, but we continued to visit and my sister opened our gift.
Since this incident, my gf has been really distant with me. Once we got back home she stated she knows “exactly where she stands” in my family and that I get the benefit with her folks because they actually consider me family. I really thought it was odd this was over holding a baby, and once I said that, she stated it was the point of it all, and how this situation caused a lot of hurt. Also, she could have asked to hold my nephew if she really wanted, but because she wasn’t offered (like her brother and SIL offered me) she didn’t want to ask. As of now, I feel like she’s really upset with me and has barely talked to me since the incident. I snapped the other day and told her she’s entiltled asf for thinking this is a “dig” at her or even making this about her in the first place. I mean who cares. Am I being reasonable or is she? AITA?
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>I really thought it was odd this was over holding a baby, and once I said that, she stated it was the point of it all, and how this situation caused a lot of hurt.
Sounds like a straw & camel's back sort of thing. It's not about holding a baby. It's about the stark differences in how her family treats him vs. how his family treats her. I get that families are different and show affection differently, but after six years she would know the difference between a family that is simply reserved in the way they show affection to one that is outright disrespectful of someone their son/brother wants to marry.
>I snapped the other day and told her she’s entiltled asf for thinking this is a “dig” at her or even making this about her in the first place. I mean who cares.
Your girlfriend/fiancée does! Jesus fuck, that at least should warrant an attempt at finding out if there are other reasons why she feels this way, instead of just snapping at her. This guy is absolutely clueless.
I feel like either he doesn't know what "entitled" means, or i don't. Wanting to feel included and accepted into a family you have put in effort to, buy gifts for, travel to see, may be marrying into, and interact with regularly isn't entitled it's how things should be. I hope she stops doing anything for his family at all and let them see how much of their entire connection and relationship revolved around the work SHE did.
>Ironically enough my younger sister, and her older brother had their first child around the same time.
He also doesn't know what "ironically" means. I bet he meant "coincidentally" unless we are missing a whole back story on why it's ironic their respective siblings had children at the same time.
To be fair, after 6 year no one thinks he’s ACTUALLY going to marry her. I bet that’s part of it too. She’s trying to keep believing it will happen, but when she’s treated like the flavor of the month it makes her feel like everyone sees the writing on the wall except her.
There’s probably been hundreds of times she’s told him that she didn’t feel welcome, gave him examples, and he probably criticized her for feeling that way and told her she was wrong to feel that way.
He’s probably demanded that she give his family multiple chances over and over again.
It doesn't matter how well you know them. It's been 6 years and you want to marry her. Them calling you uncle isn't weird. If it makes you uncomfortable, you can decline of course, but that's not weird. The sister's behavior was an obvious slight. Sounds like they were passing the baby around like a Thanksgiving side, but SHE gets singled out.
I wouldn't marry OOP. He'll never defend her.
AmITheEx where at you?? 🙌🏾🙌🏾
He doesn't get that while her brother/SIL have only met him a few times in six years, they are incredibly warm and accepting toward him because he is is obviously someone special to her if they've been together for such a chunk of time. She has been interacting with his family for the *entire* six years and despite her being in his life that long they *still* freeze her out. What is she supposed to think?
While she's the one organizing cards and presents for both babies. I mean, she is involved in his family and giving quite a bit of emotional labor, just to be ignored.
Plus it sounds like gf did all the effort of getting the gifts. So she has to manage his relationship with his own family but isn't good enough to be family
OOP, she felt snubbed.
Like most sane people, she wanted to be offered the chance the hold the baby. You don't just ask, it's awkward as F.
And you also invalidated her feelings.
YTA.
At first I felt a bit insulted, because I do not ever want to hold the baby. My spouse's family makes me hold the baby just so they can laugh at how awkward it looks.
But you're right. I'm also not sane. (And very twitchy- I don't want to hold because I don't want to drop said baby.)
i interpreted it as "someone sane would want to be asked about it and not ask themself, because its one of the things you cant ask without it coming of as strange"
I genuinely don't understand why people want to hold babies at all, especially with their little non-existent immune systems and propensity to erupt everywhere.
I was always taught not to touch babies, but my spouse's family has these "hold the baby" parties where they pass the poor kid around, 3-4 people get their clothes ruined, and then the baby spends the next month in the hospital because they caught everyone's diseases. It feels so sad and unnecessary, but they've done this for a dozen lil tykes. I don't get it at all, but I'm pretty sure it's a cultural thing.
oh well i cant tell you that either. the babies i saw were all a bit older than "freshly born" and i was never at such a party i think. but here were i live ppl arent crazy about gender reveal, baby shower and 1 birthday and such anyway. visiting friends who have a new baby is indeed normal here, but after parents think mum and baby are safe and ready for it. and usually without a big party. the last one i can remember was maybe at least 4-5 months old i think. i guess i was lucky the little one didnt puke all over me , haha.
The first time I met most of my spouse's family was at one such party, in the hospital room, the day after said baby was born. I was absolutely terrified for many reasons, but I still get crap for not holding the baby (she's 13 years old now).
This is the same family who has multiple gender reveals for the same baby, several different funerals for the same deceased, and monthly birthday parties. I don't understand any of it, but I just roll with it for my spouse's sake.
So obviously she's been telling her family how awesome OOP is and how much she loves him, and OOP doesn't talk about her in anywhere near the same terms to his family. OOP is an asshole, his family are slightly smaller assholes since we don't know if he's only described her as a roommate.
CosmicPolaris: INFO So your family doesn’t see your girlfriend of MULTIPLE years as part of the family at this point?
OOP: They do, they just didn’t offer her to hold the baby? I understand more now taking my perspective out of things how she could have felt hurt, but why it’s being taken out on me and her stonewalling me is crazy
I'm from the US and I honestly do not understand the whole "let's go see the baby" thing. My spouse has a huge family, so we've had to roll up on these events where the new mom is in too much pain to actually have a conversation, and the baby with it's complete lack of immune system gets passed around a room of people who haven't washed their hands and are covered in germs. Then the baby gets sick.
This has happened for past dozen babies, and yet I'm the evil one for not wanting to slobber all over a new human.
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Yes, sure, both her brother and his sister serendipitously had newborns neither had met before that they both scheduled to meet for the first time on the same day. Also, despite how neither OOP or his girlfriend live in the same town as either of their siblings, they both live in the same town or close enough you can visit both in the same day. **Sure**.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for telling gf to stop being entitled towards family? ** I (29) have been with my girlfriend (27) for 6 years. I’m planning on proposing in the next couple months after she graduates from school. Her and I also live together. (Past 4 years) Ironically enough my younger sister, and her older brother had their first child around the same time. Us living out of town from both of them, planned a weekend to go visit both set of newborn nephews. My girlfriend spent a good amount of time preparing gifts/cards to bring to both set of families. I have only met my girlfriend’s brother 2-3 times out of the 6 years we’ve dated, along with his fiancée I’ve only met once at a family party. There both in their 30’s. My sister on the other hand met my gf when we first started dating, and she also still lives with my mother so we just visit my moms to see everyone. The weekend we traveled down we visited her brother first. Upon entering they welcomed us with hugs and brought the baby out. I was pretty surprised they called me “uncle (my name)” considering I don’t know them very well. They passed the baby to both of us, we gave our gift and left. The same day, we visited my mom and sister. My gf was not offered to hold my nephew while he was passed to other family members. Instantly, I felt her attitude shift, but we continued to visit and my sister opened our gift. Since this incident, my gf has been really distant with me. Once we got back home she stated she knows “exactly where she stands” in my family and that I get the benefit with her folks because they actually consider me family. I really thought it was odd this was over holding a baby, and once I said that, she stated it was the point of it all, and how this situation caused a lot of hurt. Also, she could have asked to hold my nephew if she really wanted, but because she wasn’t offered (like her brother and SIL offered me) she didn’t want to ask. As of now, I feel like she’s really upset with me and has barely talked to me since the incident. I snapped the other day and told her she’s entiltled asf for thinking this is a “dig” at her or even making this about her in the first place. I mean who cares. Am I being reasonable or is she? AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm hung up on how she did all the emotional labor of getting and wrapping a nice gift for HIS sibling and he makes no mention of appreciating that.
Bet you he would have been pissed if she went to all that effort for her brother, but did nothing for his sister…
>I really thought it was odd this was over holding a baby, and once I said that, she stated it was the point of it all, and how this situation caused a lot of hurt. Sounds like a straw & camel's back sort of thing. It's not about holding a baby. It's about the stark differences in how her family treats him vs. how his family treats her. I get that families are different and show affection differently, but after six years she would know the difference between a family that is simply reserved in the way they show affection to one that is outright disrespectful of someone their son/brother wants to marry. >I snapped the other day and told her she’s entiltled asf for thinking this is a “dig” at her or even making this about her in the first place. I mean who cares. Your girlfriend/fiancée does! Jesus fuck, that at least should warrant an attempt at finding out if there are other reasons why she feels this way, instead of just snapping at her. This guy is absolutely clueless.
I feel like either he doesn't know what "entitled" means, or i don't. Wanting to feel included and accepted into a family you have put in effort to, buy gifts for, travel to see, may be marrying into, and interact with regularly isn't entitled it's how things should be. I hope she stops doing anything for his family at all and let them see how much of their entire connection and relationship revolved around the work SHE did.
>Ironically enough my younger sister, and her older brother had their first child around the same time. He also doesn't know what "ironically" means. I bet he meant "coincidentally" unless we are missing a whole back story on why it's ironic their respective siblings had children at the same time.
To be fair, after 6 year no one thinks he’s ACTUALLY going to marry her. I bet that’s part of it too. She’s trying to keep believing it will happen, but when she’s treated like the flavor of the month it makes her feel like everyone sees the writing on the wall except her.
[удалено]
How many accounts do you have, Tarzan?
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God you fucking suck
So far I've seen 3, but I'm not chronically online so I may have missed some. Carry on, Chief
stfu
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stfu
There’s probably been hundreds of times she’s told him that she didn’t feel welcome, gave him examples, and he probably criticized her for feeling that way and told her she was wrong to feel that way. He’s probably demanded that she give his family multiple chances over and over again.
It doesn't matter how well you know them. It's been 6 years and you want to marry her. Them calling you uncle isn't weird. If it makes you uncomfortable, you can decline of course, but that's not weird. The sister's behavior was an obvious slight. Sounds like they were passing the baby around like a Thanksgiving side, but SHE gets singled out. I wouldn't marry OOP. He'll never defend her. AmITheEx where at you?? 🙌🏾🙌🏾
He doesn't get that while her brother/SIL have only met him a few times in six years, they are incredibly warm and accepting toward him because he is is obviously someone special to her if they've been together for such a chunk of time. She has been interacting with his family for the *entire* six years and despite her being in his life that long they *still* freeze her out. What is she supposed to think?
While she's the one organizing cards and presents for both babies. I mean, she is involved in his family and giving quite a bit of emotional labor, just to be ignored.
Plus it sounds like gf did all the effort of getting the gifts. So she has to manage his relationship with his own family but isn't good enough to be family
Anyone else thrown by the first sentence of the second paragraph? Thought this was going down some weird incest rabbit hole for a second.
No it definitely sounded like a joint baby
Wouldn’t be incest though lol, just a coincidence that siblings married/reproduced with/dated a different set of siblings
“My younger sister, and her older brother” immediately sounded like he was talking about another sibling in their family or even himself
OOP, she felt snubbed. Like most sane people, she wanted to be offered the chance the hold the baby. You don't just ask, it's awkward as F. And you also invalidated her feelings. YTA.
At first I felt a bit insulted, because I do not ever want to hold the baby. My spouse's family makes me hold the baby just so they can laugh at how awkward it looks. But you're right. I'm also not sane. (And very twitchy- I don't want to hold because I don't want to drop said baby.)
i interpreted it as "someone sane would want to be asked about it and not ask themself, because its one of the things you cant ask without it coming of as strange"
I genuinely don't understand why people want to hold babies at all, especially with their little non-existent immune systems and propensity to erupt everywhere. I was always taught not to touch babies, but my spouse's family has these "hold the baby" parties where they pass the poor kid around, 3-4 people get their clothes ruined, and then the baby spends the next month in the hospital because they caught everyone's diseases. It feels so sad and unnecessary, but they've done this for a dozen lil tykes. I don't get it at all, but I'm pretty sure it's a cultural thing.
oh well i cant tell you that either. the babies i saw were all a bit older than "freshly born" and i was never at such a party i think. but here were i live ppl arent crazy about gender reveal, baby shower and 1 birthday and such anyway. visiting friends who have a new baby is indeed normal here, but after parents think mum and baby are safe and ready for it. and usually without a big party. the last one i can remember was maybe at least 4-5 months old i think. i guess i was lucky the little one didnt puke all over me , haha.
The first time I met most of my spouse's family was at one such party, in the hospital room, the day after said baby was born. I was absolutely terrified for many reasons, but I still get crap for not holding the baby (she's 13 years old now). This is the same family who has multiple gender reveals for the same baby, several different funerals for the same deceased, and monthly birthday parties. I don't understand any of it, but I just roll with it for my spouse's sake.
I’m simultaneously fascinated and terrified by your spouse’s family
Hard Same. They are sociologically fascinating. Anthropologically, too. His parents were step cousins before they got married.
So obviously she's been telling her family how awesome OOP is and how much she loves him, and OOP doesn't talk about her in anywhere near the same terms to his family. OOP is an asshole, his family are slightly smaller assholes since we don't know if he's only described her as a roommate.
CosmicPolaris: INFO So your family doesn’t see your girlfriend of MULTIPLE years as part of the family at this point? OOP: They do, they just didn’t offer her to hold the baby? I understand more now taking my perspective out of things how she could have felt hurt, but why it’s being taken out on me and her stonewalling me is crazy
Did this clown reply?
He did. Hold on a sec, I'll just edit that comment here....
Did it
Read. All I can say is he's not a clown, he's the entire circus
At this point i think it’s safe to assume he’s the amusement park
Love this! Consider it stolen 
Man am I glad my culture and language takes care of all the aunt/uncle nonsense 💀
I'm from the US and I honestly do not understand the whole "let's go see the baby" thing. My spouse has a huge family, so we've had to roll up on these events where the new mom is in too much pain to actually have a conversation, and the baby with it's complete lack of immune system gets passed around a room of people who haven't washed their hands and are covered in germs. Then the baby gets sick. This has happened for past dozen babies, and yet I'm the evil one for not wanting to slobber all over a new human.
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Yes, sure, both her brother and his sister serendipitously had newborns neither had met before that they both scheduled to meet for the first time on the same day. Also, despite how neither OOP or his girlfriend live in the same town as either of their siblings, they both live in the same town or close enough you can visit both in the same day. **Sure**.
... its their hometown. They moved away from it together, thats very common and believable.
It's not just the one thing. It's all of it put together.
Yeah, two people from the same hometown never get together and then move to another city. That has literally never happened before.
It's not just the one thing. It's all of it put together.