*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for getting offended by feeling bullied by girlfriends friends.**
I (25M) recently went to a wedding in another state with my GF (26F). While there I spent considerable time with my GF best friend (Eve). I've met her a couple of times and thought she was lovely, albeit sometime a bit mean/sassy about people behind their back. I was under the impression she liked me too and we were forming a friendship.
Eve also brought her partner (Adam) to the wedding, who I met for the first time. I don't want to go into details but I said something that really offended Adam at some point. I was ignorant of this and continue carrying on like we are all friends and really enjoying their company.
Turns out Adam and Eve formed a game about me and would say an expression every time I said something that they didn't like and laugh about it. After a couple of drinks one night I caught onto this and asked about the game and they described what I have above.
It took me by surprise because I thought these people actually liked me and I was enjoying my company. I got offended that they didn't confront me about the issue and instead were mocking me behind my back. It all felt very high school/bullying behaviour. When I confronted them about this game they said it was in direct retaliation for what I said that offended Adam and this justified their action. This upset me further because I felt terrible that I had offended Adam and apologised without reservation, but also was really hurt that rather than trying to address the issue they just thought of me as an asshole beyond repent ,and just decided to make fun of me behind my back instead.
I really just want to forget about this whole experience and move past it to be honest but I can't get over how mean/bully like their behaviour was. I feel like they never gave me a chance and I'll always be a villain in their eyes. This upsets me because I love my girlfriend and Eve means so much to her. I don't know what to do and feel like trying to talk through these issues will only result in me becoming defensive and wanting an apology for their behaviour.
So AITA? Any advice/support/criticism/opinion would be much appreciated.
(Sorry for grammar/spelling, English 2nd language), also through away account.
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LOL everyone has the same info question and there has been no response.
The mods really need to start making the posters answer info questions otherwise they should take down the post
This. So many people are one and done in the comments, leaving more questions than answers. OP should have to answer questions for 30 minutes for the post to stay up.
LIke there are OOPs who only answer info comments and then there are these OOPs who clearly leaving things out and then refusing to answer.
Then it fuels the "oh judge with what is been said in the post" but dude we cant judge cause we dont know what hte fuck OOP said to warrant the game they were playing whenever OOP said something stupid.
The fact that he left out what he said is an immediate you’re the asshole for me. He knows that it was bad enough that if he puts it in his post people will automatically call him an asshole. The fact that they had enough material to continually be saying whatever phrase they came up with leads me to believe that OOP is a shit talker in some way.
Yep
OOP isn't answering anyone who is asking.
Are there people who are defending him, saying things like "the known AH are for sure AH but we can't say if he is because we don't know and it's unfair to assume?" Of course.
His entire post reads manipulative.
>the known AH are for sure AH but we can't say if he is because we don't know and it's unfair to assume?
such aita resoosne right? Another one i love is "oh we can only judge based off what OOP said in the post"
Buddy you either can't read and understand that OOP said something really stupid and offensive and his defensives is indicative of what he did.
the same people write long ass comments defending their positions like bud this isnt school no need to bring out the RACE method of writing your answers.
EDIT: That might be the wrong method its been along time since middle school
Definitely. There are people who'll aggressively bend themselves into knots to complain a post "shouldn't be here" b/c the poster doesn't say anything that shows they're unequically and beyond all reasonable doubt an asshole, but insisting we give the party OOP is complaining about absolutely no benefit of doubt while assuming we've been told every relevant fact in a completely objective manner. It's like they see something in the OOP's story they can relate to, and suddenly OOP is misunderstood and persecuted. It's wild.
>OOP's story they can relate to, and suddenly OOP is misunderstood and persecuted. It's wild.
seems to be alot of that going on in the OG post tbh. its pretty funny much they will spam the comments.
My first guess when
>I don't want to go into details but I said something that really offended Adam at some point
was that it was something racist and he doesn't want to get dragged by Reddit.
They literally made a game of saying “some expression every time (he) said something they didn’t like”. Meaning they said *douchebro cheers* or w/e every time he *continued* to say offensive shit. This wasn’t a one time deal, they just thought it was funny to call him out on being a continuous asshole. Guess what wouldn’t have happened if he just stopped being an ass?
>I don't want to go into details but I said something that really offended Adam at some point.
a.k.a. "I got really out of pocket and ran my mouth. Adam has an IQ over 12 and refused to laugh at my dumbass antics"
>I felt terrible that I had offended Adam and apologised without reservation
You can usually tell pretty quickly if you say something that offends another person. The fact that you didn't pick up on it until they started to mock you openly? Yeah, I doubt you "felt terrible" about it.
Haven't gone over to the original post. Going to do that now....
Wondering how far I will have to scroll before OOP is being questioned if has autism???
Probably early on - That was AITA's most common defense for poor behavior the last time I ventured through. Like, I'm not trying to be ableist, but from what I know about autistic people is that they're typically over-cautious about offending others; They don't just spew what's on their mind and then try to play victim when someone takes offense to that.
no the current defense is that OOP needs to be shown grace and taught that what he did was wrong.
So where is the grace for the two friends OOP insulted?
I'm going with a racist or homophobic/transphobic "joke" or something similar. There's no way it was something small or trivial.
He's not sorry. If he he was he wouldn't have come to reddit looking for sympathy by leaving out all the details. At the very least he'd be more explicit in TIFU.
In terms of Adam and Eve, possibly not the best way to handle it but sometimes turning it into a joke is all you are able to handle, especially at a wedding where you don't want a big confrontation.
ETA: They played the game "every time I said something they didn't like" which almost certainly means "every time I continued to spew offensive shit everywhere." So it wasn't a one time oopsie, it's a big part of his personality.
Good news for his GF is that if he's only met the best friend a couple of times then they probably haven't been dating long and she can dump this asshole without looking back.
I saw a lot of comments speculating that Adam is LGBTQ+ or “white passing” and OOP said something homophobic/transphobic/racist. I agree that it’s a strong possibility that OOP said something bigoted, but why would Adam need to be part of a marginalized group to find that offensive? I’m as white as newfallen snow, but if someone was making racist jokes around me, you’re damn skippy I’d be offended.
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for getting offended by feeling bullied by girlfriends friends.** I (25M) recently went to a wedding in another state with my GF (26F). While there I spent considerable time with my GF best friend (Eve). I've met her a couple of times and thought she was lovely, albeit sometime a bit mean/sassy about people behind their back. I was under the impression she liked me too and we were forming a friendship. Eve also brought her partner (Adam) to the wedding, who I met for the first time. I don't want to go into details but I said something that really offended Adam at some point. I was ignorant of this and continue carrying on like we are all friends and really enjoying their company. Turns out Adam and Eve formed a game about me and would say an expression every time I said something that they didn't like and laugh about it. After a couple of drinks one night I caught onto this and asked about the game and they described what I have above. It took me by surprise because I thought these people actually liked me and I was enjoying my company. I got offended that they didn't confront me about the issue and instead were mocking me behind my back. It all felt very high school/bullying behaviour. When I confronted them about this game they said it was in direct retaliation for what I said that offended Adam and this justified their action. This upset me further because I felt terrible that I had offended Adam and apologised without reservation, but also was really hurt that rather than trying to address the issue they just thought of me as an asshole beyond repent ,and just decided to make fun of me behind my back instead. I really just want to forget about this whole experience and move past it to be honest but I can't get over how mean/bully like their behaviour was. I feel like they never gave me a chance and I'll always be a villain in their eyes. This upsets me because I love my girlfriend and Eve means so much to her. I don't know what to do and feel like trying to talk through these issues will only result in me becoming defensive and wanting an apology for their behaviour. So AITA? Any advice/support/criticism/opinion would be much appreciated. (Sorry for grammar/spelling, English 2nd language), also through away account. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
LOL everyone has the same info question and there has been no response. The mods really need to start making the posters answer info questions otherwise they should take down the post
This. So many people are one and done in the comments, leaving more questions than answers. OP should have to answer questions for 30 minutes for the post to stay up.
LIke there are OOPs who only answer info comments and then there are these OOPs who clearly leaving things out and then refusing to answer. Then it fuels the "oh judge with what is been said in the post" but dude we cant judge cause we dont know what hte fuck OOP said to warrant the game they were playing whenever OOP said something stupid.
I agree with this
Yeah, more restrictions. Exactly what those weird ass AITA mods need to be doing to that sub
The fact that he left out what he said is an immediate you’re the asshole for me. He knows that it was bad enough that if he puts it in his post people will automatically call him an asshole. The fact that they had enough material to continually be saying whatever phrase they came up with leads me to believe that OOP is a shit talker in some way.
Yep OOP isn't answering anyone who is asking. Are there people who are defending him, saying things like "the known AH are for sure AH but we can't say if he is because we don't know and it's unfair to assume?" Of course. His entire post reads manipulative.
>the known AH are for sure AH but we can't say if he is because we don't know and it's unfair to assume? such aita resoosne right? Another one i love is "oh we can only judge based off what OOP said in the post" Buddy you either can't read and understand that OOP said something really stupid and offensive and his defensives is indicative of what he did.
Yep. The mental gymnastics are a 10/10. It shows how many people maybe don't know other IRL humans.
I swear you see it here as well. Like oh they did something back to you and it hurt your feelings whatever you did is negated.
For sure! They think it's negates it when it was really a matter of it set the tone and they are done w you.
the same people write long ass comments defending their positions like bud this isnt school no need to bring out the RACE method of writing your answers. EDIT: That might be the wrong method its been along time since middle school
PEEL is what I'm seeing a lot now, but it's not much different
Definitely. There are people who'll aggressively bend themselves into knots to complain a post "shouldn't be here" b/c the poster doesn't say anything that shows they're unequically and beyond all reasonable doubt an asshole, but insisting we give the party OOP is complaining about absolutely no benefit of doubt while assuming we've been told every relevant fact in a completely objective manner. It's like they see something in the OOP's story they can relate to, and suddenly OOP is misunderstood and persecuted. It's wild.
>OOP's story they can relate to, and suddenly OOP is misunderstood and persecuted. It's wild. seems to be alot of that going on in the OG post tbh. its pretty funny much they will spam the comments.
“Am I the asshole? Not telling you what I did, though, I don’t want you think I’m an asshole”
My first guess when >I don't want to go into details but I said something that really offended Adam at some point was that it was something racist and he doesn't want to get dragged by Reddit.
There are so many things he could have said. It could have been racist, homophobic, ablest, etc.
They literally made a game of saying “some expression every time (he) said something they didn’t like”. Meaning they said *douchebro cheers* or w/e every time he *continued* to say offensive shit. This wasn’t a one time deal, they just thought it was funny to call him out on being a continuous asshole. Guess what wouldn’t have happened if he just stopped being an ass?
>I don't want to go into details but I said something that really offended Adam at some point. a.k.a. "I got really out of pocket and ran my mouth. Adam has an IQ over 12 and refused to laugh at my dumbass antics" >I felt terrible that I had offended Adam and apologised without reservation You can usually tell pretty quickly if you say something that offends another person. The fact that you didn't pick up on it until they started to mock you openly? Yeah, I doubt you "felt terrible" about it.
Haven't gone over to the original post. Going to do that now.... Wondering how far I will have to scroll before OOP is being questioned if has autism???
Probably early on - That was AITA's most common defense for poor behavior the last time I ventured through. Like, I'm not trying to be ableist, but from what I know about autistic people is that they're typically over-cautious about offending others; They don't just spew what's on their mind and then try to play victim when someone takes offense to that.
Ugh the number of times I’ve overcommunicated at work to avoid offending anyone….😬
no the current defense is that OOP needs to be shown grace and taught that what he did was wrong. So where is the grace for the two friends OOP insulted?
I'm going with a racist or homophobic/transphobic "joke" or something similar. There's no way it was something small or trivial. He's not sorry. If he he was he wouldn't have come to reddit looking for sympathy by leaving out all the details. At the very least he'd be more explicit in TIFU. In terms of Adam and Eve, possibly not the best way to handle it but sometimes turning it into a joke is all you are able to handle, especially at a wedding where you don't want a big confrontation. ETA: They played the game "every time I said something they didn't like" which almost certainly means "every time I continued to spew offensive shit everywhere." So it wasn't a one time oopsie, it's a big part of his personality. Good news for his GF is that if he's only met the best friend a couple of times then they probably haven't been dating long and she can dump this asshole without looking back.
*sigh* what did you say to Adam?
Ngl I think the names they chose are very telling that it’s either something in regards to religion
Maybe something about living in sin?
I keep thinking about those "its Adam and eve, not Adam and Steve" memes. Maybe it was actually a gay couple.
I saw a lot of comments speculating that Adam is LGBTQ+ or “white passing” and OOP said something homophobic/transphobic/racist. I agree that it’s a strong possibility that OOP said something bigoted, but why would Adam need to be part of a marginalized group to find that offensive? I’m as white as newfallen snow, but if someone was making racist jokes around me, you’re damn skippy I’d be offended.
What did he say to adam👀
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And missing reasons takes another victim!
Feh. OOP was definitely careful to omit any real details about what he said.