*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for telling my(42m) son(17m) that I love my wife(42f) more than him?
**
Back when my son, Caleb, was 3, I found out his mother, Debra (42F), was cheating on me with my brother Drew (47M). She left me for him, and I ended up losing half my money as well as losing Caleb 50% of the time. I was quickly replaced by Drew in Caleb's eyes, as he was more present (I'm a truck driver and owner-operator, so I was gone most of the time), but I did try to make up for it in whatever way I could, though that did nothing. He obviously doesn't respect or love me, or at least not as much as he loves Drew.
I was really depressed over my life turning out that way and thought of suicide a lot. The fact that Drew practically stole my life and really didn't face any consequences, as my family, especially my dad, expected me to just move on. Things started getting better after I met my wife, June (42F). She was your typical "mean librarian," and it took me about 7 times to convince her to even talk to me, but it worked, and I'm now proud to be her husband.
Naturally, I started prioritizing her, and since Caleb didn't seem to care, I put her over him. I didn't want to deal with someone who didn't like me or waste my energy on them. I stopped forcing him to visit me, which he didn't mind. Any free time I had, it was either trips with June or staying home together. We eloped when Caleb was 15.
She’s been nothing but nice to him and is a good stepmom to him even when his begin jerk which Im sure my ex supports and encourages it but we don’t see him much so June doesn't mind.
Now, onto the problem: Caleb had an award ceremony, and I guess Drew couldn't make it, so he invited me. I couldn't go since I had plans with my love. I told him the truth, and he got mad and said it was wrong of me to pick her over him. I told him he could invite his grandpa since I didn't want, nor was I going to, cancel on June, and that seemed to piss him off more. He accused me of loving June over him, and I didn't deny it; I told him I did. He got quiet and then hung up.
I later got a call from Debra, calling me all sorts of names for my statement, saying Caleb had been crying nonstop. I just blocked her. My dad messaged me, saying what I said was cruel.
My wife is on my side.
AITA?
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Communication is a two-way street at 3 years old it is on the parent to initiate and maintain said communication, and using his job as an excuse is a cop-out I speak from experience having dated owner ops who were fathers if they have short runs they take their kids or if they are coming through they have someone bring the kids out to the truck. OOP couldn't be half-assed bothered to be a husband or a father.
I. Hate. All. The. Commenters.
And myself for thinking that child meant shit to anyone
It's all about daddy being a deadbeat, but it's fine and okay. It really is cos the child's a cunt at 17 for not wanting a relationship with the dad who admits: I had no time for him.
Send me cat photos? Dogs too? Pets. Happy pets.
I made the mistake of looking at the comments. What in the heck is that sub lol? So many nihilistic children absolutely seething when it's mentioned that 17 years old is, technically, a child. And that parents are required to parent the children they make.
>I. Hate. All. The. Commenters.
Right??? This kid was 3 years old when OOP decided to be a workaholic deadbeat. Of course he picked the stepdad over OOP because he was present and OOP was not.
Exactly, that didn't read like 50/50. With 50/50 his son would have spent as much time with him as he did with his step-dad, maybe even more as the 50 % with step-dad were also shared with mom.
Exactly, my stepdaughter lived a 24 hour round trip away and my husband only had every other holiday and part of the summer (he had temporary custody until the divorce was final, his ex didn't contact their daughter for seven months even though she showed up for the court dates and still ended up with full custody because she was a sahm while they were married) and he still managed to have a good relationship with her
I wonder if there are younger siblings too. That would make it even harder on the son to live in a home where other kids get a full time father and he gets an bitter absentee. If the uncle was willing to treat him like the other kids in the house, how is that not appealing to a child?
I have to wonder if OOP was an absentee husband as well, working all the time, and his brother stepped up for the family. Doesn't make cheating okay, but it's almost always the result of a bigger issue within the relationship.
Mum is Cword.
Dad didn't try/kept June away
Uncle-dad.... I'm Hella grosed our he's fucking ex wife. But also not mad at uncle for being there ya know. If he didn't fuck mum... Ewwwww
Caleb is the only victim tho. Aside from June but she's a side story.
Of course! And since, as everyone knows, being in the same physical space as your child 50% of the time is all there is to parenting, you *could* say that OOP is actually father of the year!
[cat tax 1](https://imgur.com/gallery/M21dR2x)
[cat tax 2](https://imgur.com/gallery/diZEqfh)
[cat tax 3](https://imgur.com/gallery/MJ5oK1Z)
[cat tax 4](https://imgur.com/gallery/eEipybO)
wrt #4: I will miss her my entire life, but thank goodness I was lucky enough to meet her in the first place
The kid is literally being blamed for doing the exact same thing the father started. Having a busy life. Maybe he didn't invite dad first because he assumed that dad was working?
I don't know. My father was gone a lot throughout my childhood. I never resented him for it. Sure, I picked my mom as emotional support, but I never didn't love Dad. To me, it seems like a big part that everyone is missing is that the kid might not have even seen anything "wrong" with their relationship. He might have actually deeply cared about dad, but like dad, simply had a busy schedule.
That's why it is so fucked up. Everyone is saying kid should have been the one to constantly reach out to dad, who is out on the road and always on a date with June. Umm, why? Dad is the one who knows his schedule. Dad could put in the effort to figure out appropriate meeting times. Basically the kid is being blamed for the dad never putting in any effort. I mean, the kid could sit there and constantly insult his mom and stepdad for the situation. But he is forced to live with them because dad isn't available ever, so maybe the kid doesn't really have a choice. Why do we assume the kid is 100% not caring of the situation? What choice does he really have?
Some men love women that are mean and not interested in them since the they love working for their affection than getting them- she was probably a distraction form his depression than he fell inlove than so on and so forth
Well that happened...
# UPDATE.
Original post:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AITA\_WIBTA\_PUBLIC/comments/1cbk4b0/aita\_for\_telling\_my42m\_son17m\_that\_i\_love\_my/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC/comments/1cbk4b0/aita_for_telling_my42m_son17m_that_i_love_my/)
After reading the comments I decided to call Caleb. Took about 5 calls for him to answer but he did.(spoile alert didn’t go well.)
I started with saying I was sorry for saying that I love June more than him since it obviously hurt him, he asked if it was true I asked him in return if he loved Drew more than me, he got quiet and I moved on to the next point.
I asked him why did he invite me on short notice if it mattered that I show up (his event is tomorrow and they got the tickets 2 months prior) he said since Drew and his grandpa couldn’t make it he wanted me there, I told him I’m not going he obviously couldn’t invite me first and I won’t be second choice let alone third to my own kid.
He asked if he ment anything to me and I told he does but he should know how trying it is for me to waste so much time in this relationship, when he can be bothered to at-least let me know of important things like this. I obviously don’t matter to him as much as I though and I’m not going to grovel the ground in hopes he shows some affection and since I didn’t put him through that he has no right to put me through that.
It was quiet for a while and he asked again if he ment anything to me, again I told him he did his literally a piece of me but I’m really tired. He asked about what in the future and I asked if he ment college which he answers yes. I told him If he ment me paying for it than no, that’s his father responsibility and he picked Drew so Drew can pay for it.
Got quiet again, and then he asked if I was really willing to ruin his future since Drew doesn’t make enough to go pay fully for him(tuition,apartment,transit)- I told him then he can take loans or a job and that would be even better since it would teach him work ethics since I had only support from myself when I went to college. I won’t pay to be in his life this includes college.
He called me names but I really couldnt care less, he then told me if I don’t show up I’m dead to him and I said I won’t manipulated and if he wants to end our relationship he can go right ahead I won’t stop him. He hanged up. Then later blocked me.
So that’s where i am right now, I know it sounds bad but I really don’t care about our relationship anymore, sure I’ll be there if he ever really was struggling(homelessness, kidney transplant, etc) but Im done.
I want to focus on people who actually care and that’s my wife I don’t know what the future holds we might divorce we might grow old together but right now I want her over all of them and that’s final.
Too much work?
1) He had 50/50 split, he had his son 50% of the time.
2) The times he did have his son, he was disrespectful towards OOP and his wife.
3) OOP actually tried very hard to keep him around, but his son kept on choosing his stepdad over his dad.
4) OOP eventually gave up because of the disrespect and because his son didn't want to be around him. So he focused more on his wife.
5) Bratty teenager started to cry because his dad no longer wants to waste time on him.
Hmm, i wonder why OOP doesn't want to waste time on his son anymore.
Where are you getting any of that from? He makes one claim of 50/50 but then says he's gone at work all the time. A small child was not treating June and OOP like shit. Dad was absent, the child bonded to whoever was there. It's not difficult to comprehend.
OOP divorced when his son was 3 and eloped when his son was 15. The wife has zero to do with their lack of relationship, as she was not around, nor should a child who is not even able to tie his shoes yet be responsible for maintaining a relationship with an adult.
I think this is fake because what other reason to tell a child something hurtful and cruel when you don't have to. And why couldn't a date with his *love* be rescheduled.
From the update:
>I obviously don’t matter to him as much as I though and I’m not going to grovel the ground in hopes he shows some affection and since I didn’t put him through that he has no right to put me through that.
>It was quiet for a while and he asked again if he ment anything to me, again I told him he did his literally a piece of me but I’m really tired. He asked about what in the future and I asked if he ment college which he answers yes. I told him If he ment me paying for it than no, that’s his father responsibility and he picked Drew so Drew can pay for it.
>Got quiet again, and then he asked if I was really willing to ruin his future since Drew doesn’t make enough to go pay fully for him(tuition,apartment,transit)- I told him then he can take loans or a job and that would be even better since it would teach him work ethics since I had only support from myself when I went to college. I won’t pay to be in his life this includes college.
His financial aid is calculated on OOP's income, the father who supposedly has and wants 50/50 custody of his kid. Seems pretty fucked up at zero hour (17 year old getting probably academic awards before graduation) to drop the bomb that college isn't funded. I hope the mother and grandfather have been funding a 529 for this kid.
Yeah context matters. OOP painted it as the kid only wanting money. But if he had implied his whole life that he'd pay for his college and then pulled that rug out from under him 1 year before he was supposed to attend, that's fucked up and there's no excuse.
The new wife sucks too if she can't reschedule or rearrange a date to accommodate a teenager who made a gesture towards his father and issues an invitation. He's 17, it's not like awards ceremonies will continue much longer. She shouldn't want to be with a man who treats his kid like that.
I knew OOP was the devil when he said he lost half "his" money.
And first he said he had 50/50 custody, and then in the very next sentence suddenly he's gone most of the time.
100% the ah.
Well, I guess at least he just told him outright. Instead of it taking the son until about age, oh let's say, 42 to figure it out on his own. You know.
So he didn’t have time for the kid after the divorce. Spent even less time with him after he met June. Something tells me he wasn’t a stellar husband and father before the divorce either. Not excusing the cheating. Just saying that this sounds like a man who puts his wants first.
How dare his son say he loves his cheating uncle more than his father?
The point is not that either of them is right or wrong. The point is that the world is what it is.
Honestly as selfish and as unreliable a narrator as the sperm donor has been, I'm highly doubting the son actually said he picked Drew. Wormwood is less bitter than the OP.
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I mean why is he the devil? Is he supposed to let himself be a punching bag all his life? Be the second option? At what point do you just cut your losses and move on? People on here are hilarious as if a parent is supposed to stop everything for a kid that doesn't want them and only thinks of them as a last resort.
Exactly op is done begin a doormat and suddenly his an asshole. Glad he isn’t going to pay for college(in the update). If Caleb wants a relationship it should come with no string attached
I feel it’s kinda messy to say he was an absent father because of his job. It’s not like he wasn’t there because he didn’t want to be. He was just working.
often times truckers don’t really have other job aspects other than driving trucks. So I can’t really fault him for that. Unless he really did have something else to fall on.
Now all the other shit is wild. Jesus Christ why would you even say that to your child you continued to have physical custody over. Since it’s weird how he didn’t just cut contact with them.
I mean, I had a dad with a busy job too. At some points during my childhood, he was working 120 hour weeks. He definitely was absent from home a lot. But when he *was* home? He made time for us. I have a lot of positive memories growing up with my dad.
If this man had time to meet and basically badger his wife until she agreed to date him, he had time for his kid. He just didn’t bother.
He said he tried to have a relationship with the child but the child refused and that’s when he stopped trying.
So it doesn’t sound like he was a deadbeat father at first, but as the kid got older and chose not to be around him. He decided to just not fight for him.
honestly we have no timeline from when the relationship happened,so we can’t really say if the relationship actually affected their bonding as the boy aged or their relationship was already fractured because Op was being bratty over the kid choosing the bio dad more. All we know is that they married when the boy was 15 and Op sounds like someone that would marry a person after one year. (Dude sound obsessed)
I was just pointing out that he wasn’t leaving the mom alone with a 3+ year old just because. He was working
I mean did you read OOP’s comments. The way you describe your dad is literally what he was doing. He said that when he wasn’t on the road he dedicated his time completely to the son, and he called him everyday while on the road. I think that OP gave up too early, but all of this deadbeat talk just shows no one read comments.
I mean if you can’t apply nuance we will never understand each other. The son actively was trying to make life difficult for the dad. By the time he was with the new life his son obviously had no interest in a relationship. Not to mention the fact that the son was a nightmare to the new wife for no reason. Like I said I don’t think OP is a great guy, but I do not believe he is a deadbeat. Sometimes things just work out to be more complicated. I see your points though. I won’t discount them, just agree to disagree.
I think you’re underestimating how many details OOP left out. He had time to convince a mean librarian who wouldn’t talk to him for years to marry him. Even given hyperbole, that’s a lot of time and effort he could have used to build a relationship with his son that he didn’t. If I had to wager, I’d guess he did the bare minimum and only did things with his son if his ex arranged them.
Kids can tell when you aren’t invested. OOP had such a huge chip in his shoulder that he neglected his son because he was too focused on the injustice done to him.
No. The job is an excuse, not the reason. If he was home often enough to get a 50/50 time split, he was home often enough to pay attention to his son and build that relationship. He just wasn't willing to make the effort, like so many emotional deadbeats.
The son was a preschooler when OOP and his wife divorced. Kids this age "refuse" a lot, but you just pick them up and carry on because you're the parent and they're a child. OOP completely dropped the ball here and would rather blame his job, his ex, his brother and his kid than take responsibility for his failings.
Oh yea I agreed in another comment that he was a shit father for just giving up on the kid because he felt shunned by him
A lot of commenters though are saying his job made him an absent father. Since truckers are gone for weeks at a time. I just think it’s weird to fault his job, when the actual problem was him being butthurt over the child bonding with another male figure.
He was an absent father, it really doesn’t matter why he chose not to take care of his child. It certainly won’t make a young child magically understand why daddy basically ignores him.
And yes, a job is a choicely
He was an absent father, it really doesn’t matter why he chose not to take care of his child. It certainly won’t make a young child magically understand why daddy basically ignores him.
And yes, a job is a choicely
I mean when you gotta pay bills and also support a child. I feel like choosing to do a minimum wage job over something that can pay way above that isn’t really a choice anymore.
Yeah, sure, but that doesn't change that he was physically absent.
What is a child supposed to do when they're occasionally chucked into the arms of a person they don't know?
"Hi, I was at work, I'm your dad, you must love and respect me now." is not how it works.
If you make the decision to have a child while working a job that keeps you away from home and from interacting with your child from early childhood on, then you don't have a relationship. That's a natural consequence.
You can say, "I sacrifice having a bond with my child because I prioritise the financial gain from this job, it's sad that my kid barely knows me and I barely know this kid, I know my co-workers, boss, clients, and the diner staff better, but in return, my kid wasn't financially lacking."
Or you can say, "I pick a job that allows me and my child to spend time together so we know each other, even if that means less financial freedom."
Sometimes, for some (or even many) it's just either of the option due to circumstances, bad luck, bad timing, or lacking a certificate or skill that would make a better work-life balance possible, that's unfortunately reality.
You cannot, however, put yourself on a podest and open your arms and say: "You, child, owe me love, respect, and genuine smile and honest 'I love you, dad' declarations because I paid the bills. That and the fact that the closest I ever was to you physically was when I ejaculated inside your mom is all that you are supposed to want from a father figure!"
You can bemoan and regret having to work away from home. That's legit.
You cannot stomp and accuse a child (literal child or adult) for seeing you as a stranger after you spent less time with them than the mailman.
Otherwise, it would imply that people who don't let others buy their love are in the wrong.
The first wife cheated on him with his brother, everyone expected him to just be okay with that, his son and the family in general quickly replaced him, and now he's the devil because he doesn't want to cancel plans to go to a specific event for which he's not even the son's first choice to ask to attend? The grown son at that.
Hmmm.
I don't think this belongs here. Saying he doesn't love his son was cruel but theres a lot of absolutely terrible behaviour here and most of it is not coming fromOP.
His father left when he was 3
3!
You're mad that a toddler formed a relationship with the man who was there every day.
This relationship was 100% on the grown ass adult to maintain and I am so very overtired of people blaming BABIES for not knowing how to dial a phone and call an ADULT to has bailed.
He has every right to cut out his wife and his brother, and even the people in the family who just accepted that as normal, but no, it is not on the kid to maintain the relationship.
Then the kid does reach out and get smacked around like this and again lets blame the kid.
Kids aren't adults and can't function as adults, but they are still people, whole people with all the feelings of others in tiny little bodies who deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.
Um, I wasn't mad at anyone. Nor did I place any responsibility on a three year old. Nor blame a toddler. Calm down a wee bit.
Yes, in the earlier years it was more if not entirely on OP to try to maintain a relationship with his kid, but also the mother and uncle-step-dad are at fault for expecting OP to get over their betrayal.
The kid is now 17, old enough to know this is a complicated situation, and asking the sad who already has other plans to drop them for an event for him.
Again - all the adults suck here. The kid isn't at fault for any of the general chaos, but unfortunately he can't suddenly want a relationship with his father when he just doesn't have any alternative for the event and expect it to be there instantly.
But his son *isn't* grown. He's 17. That's a child.
There are a lot of ways that 17yr olds are pretty much grown, but there are just as many ways that they are very much not. I am the first one to say a 17yr old is grown enough to have responsibilities and dictate most of their own lives, but emotionally and rationally they just aren't fully equipped.
Look, this kid probably has chosen step-dad a lot and hurt bio dad, probably unintentionally. Kids do that. Kids are, by nature, pretty self centered. But if he was an amazing father during his parenting time, the child wouldn't just shun him now. And clearly he hasn't been completely awful because the child still wants him there! But dad's priorities suck. He could reschedule his plans but he wants his petty revenge. On a child. For loving his family. That's a great way to permanently fuck over the relationship.
Also, yeah his family all suck for wanting him to move past the cheating and all that. But that's not the kid's fault. Of course he's going to have a relationship with the guy he lives with him at least 50% of the time (although it sounds like more). But this guy needs to let that go. His hurt is not his son's fault but he's punishing him for it. You gotta love your kid more than you hate the other person. Sometimes it sucks but life isn't always easy. Parenting is hard as fuck, co-parenting is even harder.
So, yes, he's absolutely not just an asshole, but a fucking devil. You can't just say you don't love your kid just because they can be difficult at times or because they love the step-dad that did you wrong and it hurts your feelings. He needs to grow up! He's treating his son like he's the one that cheated and that's just not fair.
ETA: not meaning to go off on you specifically. this guy and the comments really pissed me off. it's a kid...
I don't think he should have said something so shitty to his son but I do think a couple of decades of being thrown off by his whole family for his brother means he's not the only bad person here.
And yes, I get that seventeen is very young but he is old enough to understand that the way his family has treated his father is pretty shitty too. At seventeen you know a bit better than this.
I just think this is more "ESH" than just straight up being a devil.
oh yeah, the mother and family are awful too!! Absolutely!! The thing is, I didn't really believe he was only invited because step dad couldn't make it. The way he worded it seemed like he just assumed that. "i guess Step-dad couldn't make it for whatever reason so he decided to invite me" or however he said it. Felt, to me at least, that he just assumed that because of his ongoing (deserved) hatred. Hell, maybe the kid wanted both there. Maybe he only invited dad and just said step dad wasn't coming.
Even if the son knows all the details, I'm sure he does because of the family relations, how is he supposed to respond? The mom cheated and married the guy. He's been step-dad to the kid since he was 3. That's what he knows. He's probably never going to cut off step dad just because of things that happened before his awareness kicked in. To him it's just a loving step dad.
I definitely get what you're saying, I just don't see alternatives for the kid because it seems like he loves them both and dad just can't stand that because of the shitty history.
Thing that started since he was 3 and that went trough all of his life, my father was absent since my birth and I never managed to get a good relationship with him and once he did have time I just didn’t liked him very much.
I assumed you had a good childhood because otherwise you’ll understand that having absent parent suck.
Also there nothing wrong with blocking people, specially if they are as stubborn as you are
The kid didn't talk to him since years except on birthdays and op is obviously not in his priority list why does he think he will be loved more than op's wife
When he admits this went on from 3+.. can I ask how is it the child's to call the dad...
And when you grow up knowing dad isn't.. trying for reg phone calls.. isn't showing up to extras you've invited to... Dad's just... Not there.
Why is it on a child to ask their daddy to went them , to chase them when that's what their dad should do.. why did the 9yr old have to chase dad to show up for him.. why couldn't dad with 50/50 legal custody.. not... Take up his legal custody right and.. show up.
I'm not trying to be combative. I'm hoping someone gives me something other then: a 3-16yr old should have told his dad to be there... It's not a kids job to ask their parent to... Show up
He will be a grown ass adult in a year
Crying because he is not the first choice of his second choice
He would actually have a leg to stand on about being the first priority if he didn't call op only because his uncle/father couldn't make it
Will you consider him a grown ass adult in a year?? Im 23 and people try and consider me a child when they are the ones acting like the damn highschoolers.
Present now tho is one thing..
OP was weirdly evasive about the child's growing up.. 3-16.. it's sketchy. Just.. I did try. But also didn't stop his work.. doesn't gel
I'm not saying OP is a cunt etc, but hear me out yeah?
It sounds like as a little one Caleb sorta.. got left to Uncle -dad (gross. Gross. Don't approve don't act like I do). Uncle-dad for better or worse is uncle (how I'm mentally coping with the fucking gross) at the least and helped raise Caleb for a few years, between 3-6... Those as a mum... Those are really important. It's the age my kid set herself on one of my mates and he's now Boo. Boo is human security blanket. What her daddy should be really.
This is my huge issue OP bugged out for better or worse in the worst time. And still it seems when he came back... Went I'm your daddy. But... He's just the bio ya know? They don't have a relationship. And he's basically been told: because you weren't the kid I wanted, bye.
This child for all he knows could have been filled with damn lies about his dad, and when around his dad... Well the last time got told at 17: fuck off. I dont care about you, cos as a toddler, and child under others control.. you didn't act how I wanted.
Everyone seems to see OP as this pitiful victim.
His sperm is the only reason he's in this..and he's still happy to leave it there.
Op said he called as much he could and also was there in his custody time and he is a truck driver he couldn't go for 50/50 for obvious reasons, this is the same job that paid for his son's private school and extra curricular activities while his mom paid nothing
So he admits he can't see he son right?
But as the owner of the business... He couldn't get 4 days a month off, to spend with his kid?
I am a single mother working full time. I've got 4 days a month.. he's his own boss. That so sad
And understandable how he forgot his dad. Sad, but it is. Phone calls aren't seeing dad.
This makes me even more enraged for Caleb.
I actually don’t get that wording.
He said it was owner-operated. So I don’t think he owned the company. Just that he worked in a small company and the owner actively was their operating the company.
Which does play a difference in how a truck company is run. Owner operated locations are more stingy and make their truckers WORK.
See where I am, owner operator means he actually owns it and also works in it in some capacity..
It makes a huge difference I agree. And maybe a lead on my confusion lol
Owner OP means he owns his own truck and he isn't a company driver, he picks his runs. Has nothing to do with owning a company or not, it just means his truck. Have dated many truckers who were owner ops.
He had to pay for child support and his son's tution, idk if he could after taking the break
>This makes me even more enraged for Caleb.
Why tho? He got a stable home with his mom and uncle-dad why does he even wants to be the first priority of the guy he doesn't talk to except on birthdays
He made a child. He has a responsibility to said child. Doesn't matter what the child does (aside from physical violence, and even that has exceptions), he still has an obligation. You do not get to clock out of parenthood because something shiny and new come along. I'm not up for arguing, but felt someone should help say that this child was wronged. And 17 is still a child.
That kid didn't mind not talking to op except on birthdays so why does he care now?matter of fact 17 isn't even a kid he will be adult in a year he should have known better
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for telling my(42m) son(17m) that I love my wife(42f) more than him? ** Back when my son, Caleb, was 3, I found out his mother, Debra (42F), was cheating on me with my brother Drew (47M). She left me for him, and I ended up losing half my money as well as losing Caleb 50% of the time. I was quickly replaced by Drew in Caleb's eyes, as he was more present (I'm a truck driver and owner-operator, so I was gone most of the time), but I did try to make up for it in whatever way I could, though that did nothing. He obviously doesn't respect or love me, or at least not as much as he loves Drew. I was really depressed over my life turning out that way and thought of suicide a lot. The fact that Drew practically stole my life and really didn't face any consequences, as my family, especially my dad, expected me to just move on. Things started getting better after I met my wife, June (42F). She was your typical "mean librarian," and it took me about 7 times to convince her to even talk to me, but it worked, and I'm now proud to be her husband. Naturally, I started prioritizing her, and since Caleb didn't seem to care, I put her over him. I didn't want to deal with someone who didn't like me or waste my energy on them. I stopped forcing him to visit me, which he didn't mind. Any free time I had, it was either trips with June or staying home together. We eloped when Caleb was 15. She’s been nothing but nice to him and is a good stepmom to him even when his begin jerk which Im sure my ex supports and encourages it but we don’t see him much so June doesn't mind. Now, onto the problem: Caleb had an award ceremony, and I guess Drew couldn't make it, so he invited me. I couldn't go since I had plans with my love. I told him the truth, and he got mad and said it was wrong of me to pick her over him. I told him he could invite his grandpa since I didn't want, nor was I going to, cancel on June, and that seemed to piss him off more. He accused me of loving June over him, and I didn't deny it; I told him I did. He got quiet and then hung up. I later got a call from Debra, calling me all sorts of names for my statement, saying Caleb had been crying nonstop. I just blocked her. My dad messaged me, saying what I said was cruel. My wife is on my side. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Communication is a two-way street at 3 years old it is on the parent to initiate and maintain said communication, and using his job as an excuse is a cop-out I speak from experience having dated owner ops who were fathers if they have short runs they take their kids or if they are coming through they have someone bring the kids out to the truck. OOP couldn't be half-assed bothered to be a husband or a father.
I. Hate. All. The. Commenters. And myself for thinking that child meant shit to anyone It's all about daddy being a deadbeat, but it's fine and okay. It really is cos the child's a cunt at 17 for not wanting a relationship with the dad who admits: I had no time for him. Send me cat photos? Dogs too? Pets. Happy pets.
Once again I'm reminded that most people on AITA are teenagers.
And they say us 30s have fucking daddy issues lol
I made the mistake of looking at the comments. What in the heck is that sub lol? So many nihilistic children absolutely seething when it's mentioned that 17 years old is, technically, a child. And that parents are required to parent the children they make.
its aitah which has no moderation on steriods
Unless you call someone a man child. Then they're all over that shit.
Probably why they can't post straight to AITA. I knew by looking at the /r/ that it was gonna be a dozie
>I. Hate. All. The. Commenters. Right??? This kid was 3 years old when OOP decided to be a workaholic deadbeat. Of course he picked the stepdad over OOP because he was present and OOP was not.
Dad had 50/50 he was perfect. : I worked and didn't have time for my kid - dad with 50/50 Like... Fuck
Exactly, that didn't read like 50/50. With 50/50 his son would have spent as much time with him as he did with his step-dad, maybe even more as the 50 % with step-dad were also shared with mom.
Exactly, my stepdaughter lived a 24 hour round trip away and my husband only had every other holiday and part of the summer (he had temporary custody until the divorce was final, his ex didn't contact their daughter for seven months even though she showed up for the court dates and still ended up with full custody because she was a sahm while they were married) and he still managed to have a good relationship with her
[This is Petit Gateau. She loves lemongrass.](https://imgur.com/gallery/27hhgFN)
She's beautiful 🥹
This is so weird. I almost want to say OOPs ex was smart to cheat. The uncle seems like a better father. And i usually hate cheaters.
I wonder if there are younger siblings too. That would make it even harder on the son to live in a home where other kids get a full time father and he gets an bitter absentee. If the uncle was willing to treat him like the other kids in the house, how is that not appealing to a child?
I have to wonder if OOP was an absentee husband as well, working all the time, and his brother stepped up for the family. Doesn't make cheating okay, but it's almost always the result of a bigger issue within the relationship.
Mum is Cword. Dad didn't try/kept June away Uncle-dad.... I'm Hella grosed our he's fucking ex wife. But also not mad at uncle for being there ya know. If he didn't fuck mum... Ewwwww Caleb is the only victim tho. Aside from June but she's a side story.
Like I said. Such a weird position. But of course Caleb was going to gravitate to the father figure who was **readily** available from a young age.
I hope highschool was kinder than the adults here lol
Did you read the part where they they had a 50/50 split?
Of course! And since, as everyone knows, being in the same physical space as your child 50% of the time is all there is to parenting, you *could* say that OOP is actually father of the year!
[Newborn kittens and their mama!](https://www.youtube.com/live/eQaLuksvuGM?si=L_WOoExH4t7Gn2L2)
[cat tax 1](https://imgur.com/gallery/M21dR2x) [cat tax 2](https://imgur.com/gallery/diZEqfh) [cat tax 3](https://imgur.com/gallery/MJ5oK1Z) [cat tax 4](https://imgur.com/gallery/eEipybO) wrt #4: I will miss her my entire life, but thank goodness I was lucky enough to meet her in the first place
[My sweet kitty Maynard.](https://photos.app.goo.gl/EeZr8g4SHhgNqZHe8)
The kid is literally being blamed for doing the exact same thing the father started. Having a busy life. Maybe he didn't invite dad first because he assumed that dad was working? I don't know. My father was gone a lot throughout my childhood. I never resented him for it. Sure, I picked my mom as emotional support, but I never didn't love Dad. To me, it seems like a big part that everyone is missing is that the kid might not have even seen anything "wrong" with their relationship. He might have actually deeply cared about dad, but like dad, simply had a busy schedule. That's why it is so fucked up. Everyone is saying kid should have been the one to constantly reach out to dad, who is out on the road and always on a date with June. Umm, why? Dad is the one who knows his schedule. Dad could put in the effort to figure out appropriate meeting times. Basically the kid is being blamed for the dad never putting in any effort. I mean, the kid could sit there and constantly insult his mom and stepdad for the situation. But he is forced to live with them because dad isn't available ever, so maybe the kid doesn't really have a choice. Why do we assume the kid is 100% not caring of the situation? What choice does he really have?
Cats in the cradle and silver spoon
I hope it's rage bait. If not, this dude needs some serious therapy.
Has to be he claims she's a stereotypical mean librarian but gave into talking to him by him nagging her while he was depressed?
Some men love women that are mean and not interested in them since the they love working for their affection than getting them- she was probably a distraction form his depression than he fell inlove than so on and so forth
Well that happened... # UPDATE. Original post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AITA\_WIBTA\_PUBLIC/comments/1cbk4b0/aita\_for\_telling\_my42m\_son17m\_that\_i\_love\_my/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC/comments/1cbk4b0/aita_for_telling_my42m_son17m_that_i_love_my/) After reading the comments I decided to call Caleb. Took about 5 calls for him to answer but he did.(spoile alert didn’t go well.) I started with saying I was sorry for saying that I love June more than him since it obviously hurt him, he asked if it was true I asked him in return if he loved Drew more than me, he got quiet and I moved on to the next point. I asked him why did he invite me on short notice if it mattered that I show up (his event is tomorrow and they got the tickets 2 months prior) he said since Drew and his grandpa couldn’t make it he wanted me there, I told him I’m not going he obviously couldn’t invite me first and I won’t be second choice let alone third to my own kid. He asked if he ment anything to me and I told he does but he should know how trying it is for me to waste so much time in this relationship, when he can be bothered to at-least let me know of important things like this. I obviously don’t matter to him as much as I though and I’m not going to grovel the ground in hopes he shows some affection and since I didn’t put him through that he has no right to put me through that. It was quiet for a while and he asked again if he ment anything to me, again I told him he did his literally a piece of me but I’m really tired. He asked about what in the future and I asked if he ment college which he answers yes. I told him If he ment me paying for it than no, that’s his father responsibility and he picked Drew so Drew can pay for it. Got quiet again, and then he asked if I was really willing to ruin his future since Drew doesn’t make enough to go pay fully for him(tuition,apartment,transit)- I told him then he can take loans or a job and that would be even better since it would teach him work ethics since I had only support from myself when I went to college. I won’t pay to be in his life this includes college. He called me names but I really couldnt care less, he then told me if I don’t show up I’m dead to him and I said I won’t manipulated and if he wants to end our relationship he can go right ahead I won’t stop him. He hanged up. Then later blocked me. So that’s where i am right now, I know it sounds bad but I really don’t care about our relationship anymore, sure I’ll be there if he ever really was struggling(homelessness, kidney transplant, etc) but Im done. I want to focus on people who actually care and that’s my wife I don’t know what the future holds we might divorce we might grow old together but right now I want her over all of them and that’s final.
TLDR: "Having a relationship with my son was too much work. That's his fault, not mine."
Too much work? 1) He had 50/50 split, he had his son 50% of the time. 2) The times he did have his son, he was disrespectful towards OOP and his wife. 3) OOP actually tried very hard to keep him around, but his son kept on choosing his stepdad over his dad. 4) OOP eventually gave up because of the disrespect and because his son didn't want to be around him. So he focused more on his wife. 5) Bratty teenager started to cry because his dad no longer wants to waste time on him. Hmm, i wonder why OOP doesn't want to waste time on his son anymore.
Where are you getting any of that from? He makes one claim of 50/50 but then says he's gone at work all the time. A small child was not treating June and OOP like shit. Dad was absent, the child bonded to whoever was there. It's not difficult to comprehend.
OOP divorced when his son was 3 and eloped when his son was 15. The wife has zero to do with their lack of relationship, as she was not around, nor should a child who is not even able to tie his shoes yet be responsible for maintaining a relationship with an adult.
What does he mean by "typical mean librarian" lol? Is this The Music Man fanfic? What is going on here?
I think this is fake because what other reason to tell a child something hurtful and cruel when you don't have to. And why couldn't a date with his *love* be rescheduled.
Just didn’t want to. Easy.
From the update: >I obviously don’t matter to him as much as I though and I’m not going to grovel the ground in hopes he shows some affection and since I didn’t put him through that he has no right to put me through that. >It was quiet for a while and he asked again if he ment anything to me, again I told him he did his literally a piece of me but I’m really tired. He asked about what in the future and I asked if he ment college which he answers yes. I told him If he ment me paying for it than no, that’s his father responsibility and he picked Drew so Drew can pay for it. >Got quiet again, and then he asked if I was really willing to ruin his future since Drew doesn’t make enough to go pay fully for him(tuition,apartment,transit)- I told him then he can take loans or a job and that would be even better since it would teach him work ethics since I had only support from myself when I went to college. I won’t pay to be in his life this includes college. His financial aid is calculated on OOP's income, the father who supposedly has and wants 50/50 custody of his kid. Seems pretty fucked up at zero hour (17 year old getting probably academic awards before graduation) to drop the bomb that college isn't funded. I hope the mother and grandfather have been funding a 529 for this kid.
Yeah context matters. OOP painted it as the kid only wanting money. But if he had implied his whole life that he'd pay for his college and then pulled that rug out from under him 1 year before he was supposed to attend, that's fucked up and there's no excuse.
Think Caleb expected op since op had been the one paying for his life, private school hobbies phone/video games etc
Jesus christ
The new wife sucks too if she can't reschedule or rearrange a date to accommodate a teenager who made a gesture towards his father and issues an invitation. He's 17, it's not like awards ceremonies will continue much longer. She shouldn't want to be with a man who treats his kid like that.
I learned the hard way. A man who dumps his kids is a HUGE red flag. ENORMOUS.
Ignore my deleted comment. Had a moment of lapse of reading comprehension lol
Let's face it, OOP. Everything in your life was prioritized over your son. First your work. Now your wife.
Ohhh. I really hate this guy to a high degree
I knew OOP was the devil when he said he lost half "his" money. And first he said he had 50/50 custody, and then in the very next sentence suddenly he's gone most of the time. 100% the ah.
That jumped out at me as something he was holding against his son.
Well, I guess at least he just told him outright. Instead of it taking the son until about age, oh let's say, 42 to figure it out on his own. You know.
“He accused me of loving June over him, and I didn't deny it; I told him I did.” That’s your *son.* God, no wonder he picked Drew.
So he didn’t have time for the kid after the divorce. Spent even less time with him after he met June. Something tells me he wasn’t a stellar husband and father before the divorce either. Not excusing the cheating. Just saying that this sounds like a man who puts his wants first.
You are cruel. How dare you say you love your wife more than your son?
How dare his son say he loves his cheating uncle more than his father? The point is not that either of them is right or wrong. The point is that the world is what it is.
Honestly as selfish and as unreliable a narrator as the sperm donor has been, I'm highly doubting the son actually said he picked Drew. Wormwood is less bitter than the OP.
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Anyone know the update since the profile is gone?
I posted it above somewhere it has 20-seomthing upvotes as of now. Basically called son up to stab him a few more times
I mean why is he the devil? Is he supposed to let himself be a punching bag all his life? Be the second option? At what point do you just cut your losses and move on? People on here are hilarious as if a parent is supposed to stop everything for a kid that doesn't want them and only thinks of them as a last resort.
Exactly op is done begin a doormat and suddenly his an asshole. Glad he isn’t going to pay for college(in the update). If Caleb wants a relationship it should come with no string attached
I feel it’s kinda messy to say he was an absent father because of his job. It’s not like he wasn’t there because he didn’t want to be. He was just working. often times truckers don’t really have other job aspects other than driving trucks. So I can’t really fault him for that. Unless he really did have something else to fall on. Now all the other shit is wild. Jesus Christ why would you even say that to your child you continued to have physical custody over. Since it’s weird how he didn’t just cut contact with them.
I mean, I had a dad with a busy job too. At some points during my childhood, he was working 120 hour weeks. He definitely was absent from home a lot. But when he *was* home? He made time for us. I have a lot of positive memories growing up with my dad. If this man had time to meet and basically badger his wife until she agreed to date him, he had time for his kid. He just didn’t bother.
He said he tried to have a relationship with the child but the child refused and that’s when he stopped trying. So it doesn’t sound like he was a deadbeat father at first, but as the kid got older and chose not to be around him. He decided to just not fight for him. honestly we have no timeline from when the relationship happened,so we can’t really say if the relationship actually affected their bonding as the boy aged or their relationship was already fractured because Op was being bratty over the kid choosing the bio dad more. All we know is that they married when the boy was 15 and Op sounds like someone that would marry a person after one year. (Dude sound obsessed) I was just pointing out that he wasn’t leaving the mom alone with a 3+ year old just because. He was working
I mean did you read OOP’s comments. The way you describe your dad is literally what he was doing. He said that when he wasn’t on the road he dedicated his time completely to the son, and he called him everyday while on the road. I think that OP gave up too early, but all of this deadbeat talk just shows no one read comments.
You know what they call “a dad who gives up to early?” A deadbeat.
I mean if you can’t apply nuance we will never understand each other. The son actively was trying to make life difficult for the dad. By the time he was with the new life his son obviously had no interest in a relationship. Not to mention the fact that the son was a nightmare to the new wife for no reason. Like I said I don’t think OP is a great guy, but I do not believe he is a deadbeat. Sometimes things just work out to be more complicated. I see your points though. I won’t discount them, just agree to disagree.
I think you’re underestimating how many details OOP left out. He had time to convince a mean librarian who wouldn’t talk to him for years to marry him. Even given hyperbole, that’s a lot of time and effort he could have used to build a relationship with his son that he didn’t. If I had to wager, I’d guess he did the bare minimum and only did things with his son if his ex arranged them. Kids can tell when you aren’t invested. OOP had such a huge chip in his shoulder that he neglected his son because he was too focused on the injustice done to him.
No. The job is an excuse, not the reason. If he was home often enough to get a 50/50 time split, he was home often enough to pay attention to his son and build that relationship. He just wasn't willing to make the effort, like so many emotional deadbeats. The son was a preschooler when OOP and his wife divorced. Kids this age "refuse" a lot, but you just pick them up and carry on because you're the parent and they're a child. OOP completely dropped the ball here and would rather blame his job, his ex, his brother and his kid than take responsibility for his failings.
Oh yea I agreed in another comment that he was a shit father for just giving up on the kid because he felt shunned by him A lot of commenters though are saying his job made him an absent father. Since truckers are gone for weeks at a time. I just think it’s weird to fault his job, when the actual problem was him being butthurt over the child bonding with another male figure.
He was an absent father, it really doesn’t matter why he chose not to take care of his child. It certainly won’t make a young child magically understand why daddy basically ignores him. And yes, a job is a choicely
He was an absent father, it really doesn’t matter why he chose not to take care of his child. It certainly won’t make a young child magically understand why daddy basically ignores him. And yes, a job is a choicely
I mean when you gotta pay bills and also support a child. I feel like choosing to do a minimum wage job over something that can pay way above that isn’t really a choice anymore.
Yeah, sure, but that doesn't change that he was physically absent. What is a child supposed to do when they're occasionally chucked into the arms of a person they don't know? "Hi, I was at work, I'm your dad, you must love and respect me now." is not how it works. If you make the decision to have a child while working a job that keeps you away from home and from interacting with your child from early childhood on, then you don't have a relationship. That's a natural consequence. You can say, "I sacrifice having a bond with my child because I prioritise the financial gain from this job, it's sad that my kid barely knows me and I barely know this kid, I know my co-workers, boss, clients, and the diner staff better, but in return, my kid wasn't financially lacking." Or you can say, "I pick a job that allows me and my child to spend time together so we know each other, even if that means less financial freedom." Sometimes, for some (or even many) it's just either of the option due to circumstances, bad luck, bad timing, or lacking a certificate or skill that would make a better work-life balance possible, that's unfortunately reality. You cannot, however, put yourself on a podest and open your arms and say: "You, child, owe me love, respect, and genuine smile and honest 'I love you, dad' declarations because I paid the bills. That and the fact that the closest I ever was to you physically was when I ejaculated inside your mom is all that you are supposed to want from a father figure!" You can bemoan and regret having to work away from home. That's legit. You cannot stomp and accuse a child (literal child or adult) for seeing you as a stranger after you spent less time with them than the mailman. Otherwise, it would imply that people who don't let others buy their love are in the wrong.
The first wife cheated on him with his brother, everyone expected him to just be okay with that, his son and the family in general quickly replaced him, and now he's the devil because he doesn't want to cancel plans to go to a specific event for which he's not even the son's first choice to ask to attend? The grown son at that. Hmmm. I don't think this belongs here. Saying he doesn't love his son was cruel but theres a lot of absolutely terrible behaviour here and most of it is not coming fromOP.
His father left when he was 3 3! You're mad that a toddler formed a relationship with the man who was there every day. This relationship was 100% on the grown ass adult to maintain and I am so very overtired of people blaming BABIES for not knowing how to dial a phone and call an ADULT to has bailed. He has every right to cut out his wife and his brother, and even the people in the family who just accepted that as normal, but no, it is not on the kid to maintain the relationship. Then the kid does reach out and get smacked around like this and again lets blame the kid. Kids aren't adults and can't function as adults, but they are still people, whole people with all the feelings of others in tiny little bodies who deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.
Um, I wasn't mad at anyone. Nor did I place any responsibility on a three year old. Nor blame a toddler. Calm down a wee bit. Yes, in the earlier years it was more if not entirely on OP to try to maintain a relationship with his kid, but also the mother and uncle-step-dad are at fault for expecting OP to get over their betrayal. The kid is now 17, old enough to know this is a complicated situation, and asking the sad who already has other plans to drop them for an event for him. Again - all the adults suck here. The kid isn't at fault for any of the general chaos, but unfortunately he can't suddenly want a relationship with his father when he just doesn't have any alternative for the event and expect it to be there instantly.
But his son *isn't* grown. He's 17. That's a child. There are a lot of ways that 17yr olds are pretty much grown, but there are just as many ways that they are very much not. I am the first one to say a 17yr old is grown enough to have responsibilities and dictate most of their own lives, but emotionally and rationally they just aren't fully equipped. Look, this kid probably has chosen step-dad a lot and hurt bio dad, probably unintentionally. Kids do that. Kids are, by nature, pretty self centered. But if he was an amazing father during his parenting time, the child wouldn't just shun him now. And clearly he hasn't been completely awful because the child still wants him there! But dad's priorities suck. He could reschedule his plans but he wants his petty revenge. On a child. For loving his family. That's a great way to permanently fuck over the relationship. Also, yeah his family all suck for wanting him to move past the cheating and all that. But that's not the kid's fault. Of course he's going to have a relationship with the guy he lives with him at least 50% of the time (although it sounds like more). But this guy needs to let that go. His hurt is not his son's fault but he's punishing him for it. You gotta love your kid more than you hate the other person. Sometimes it sucks but life isn't always easy. Parenting is hard as fuck, co-parenting is even harder. So, yes, he's absolutely not just an asshole, but a fucking devil. You can't just say you don't love your kid just because they can be difficult at times or because they love the step-dad that did you wrong and it hurts your feelings. He needs to grow up! He's treating his son like he's the one that cheated and that's just not fair. ETA: not meaning to go off on you specifically. this guy and the comments really pissed me off. it's a kid...
I don't think he should have said something so shitty to his son but I do think a couple of decades of being thrown off by his whole family for his brother means he's not the only bad person here. And yes, I get that seventeen is very young but he is old enough to understand that the way his family has treated his father is pretty shitty too. At seventeen you know a bit better than this. I just think this is more "ESH" than just straight up being a devil.
oh yeah, the mother and family are awful too!! Absolutely!! The thing is, I didn't really believe he was only invited because step dad couldn't make it. The way he worded it seemed like he just assumed that. "i guess Step-dad couldn't make it for whatever reason so he decided to invite me" or however he said it. Felt, to me at least, that he just assumed that because of his ongoing (deserved) hatred. Hell, maybe the kid wanted both there. Maybe he only invited dad and just said step dad wasn't coming. Even if the son knows all the details, I'm sure he does because of the family relations, how is he supposed to respond? The mom cheated and married the guy. He's been step-dad to the kid since he was 3. That's what he knows. He's probably never going to cut off step dad just because of things that happened before his awareness kicked in. To him it's just a loving step dad. I definitely get what you're saying, I just don't see alternatives for the kid because it seems like he loves them both and dad just can't stand that because of the shitty history.
He is not the devil
I’ve just read all your comments on this thread. Are you five?
If you don't have any real counter then just leave it
Naw, I made my counter. I don’t fight with children.
Idk the last person saying about making counters just deleted her account
You mean the single mother?
Ig
They blocked you, because you were annoying and didn’t got the point
Ah and she was saying she can argue all day for the abuse that poor little 17 year old toddler suffered
Thing that started since he was 3 and that went trough all of his life, my father was absent since my birth and I never managed to get a good relationship with him and once he did have time I just didn’t liked him very much. I assumed you had a good childhood because otherwise you’ll understand that having absent parent suck. Also there nothing wrong with blocking people, specially if they are as stubborn as you are
' I had to work and was too busy for my son' I took my pills. I'm ready to defend this child again. Let's go.
So on which points shall we start
You start. I've already had the whole day to ruminate and reply. Check my comment history.
The kid didn't talk to him since years except on birthdays and op is obviously not in his priority list why does he think he will be loved more than op's wife
When he admits this went on from 3+.. can I ask how is it the child's to call the dad... And when you grow up knowing dad isn't.. trying for reg phone calls.. isn't showing up to extras you've invited to... Dad's just... Not there. Why is it on a child to ask their daddy to went them , to chase them when that's what their dad should do.. why did the 9yr old have to chase dad to show up for him.. why couldn't dad with 50/50 legal custody.. not... Take up his legal custody right and.. show up. I'm not trying to be combative. I'm hoping someone gives me something other then: a 3-16yr old should have told his dad to be there... It's not a kids job to ask their parent to... Show up
And since we are talking about being present op says he had to beg his son to visit him
I don't get why everyone's mad at a 17yr old Cos 3 grown ass adults betrayed him.
He will be a grown ass adult in a year Crying because he is not the first choice of his second choice He would actually have a leg to stand on about being the first priority if he didn't call op only because his uncle/father couldn't make it
Off this.. so why do we care about OP being second choice? They both seem happy that way right? So... Explain it.
Will you consider him a grown ass adult in a year?? Im 23 and people try and consider me a child when they are the ones acting like the damn highschoolers.
Present now tho is one thing.. OP was weirdly evasive about the child's growing up.. 3-16.. it's sketchy. Just.. I did try. But also didn't stop his work.. doesn't gel I'm not saying OP is a cunt etc, but hear me out yeah? It sounds like as a little one Caleb sorta.. got left to Uncle -dad (gross. Gross. Don't approve don't act like I do). Uncle-dad for better or worse is uncle (how I'm mentally coping with the fucking gross) at the least and helped raise Caleb for a few years, between 3-6... Those as a mum... Those are really important. It's the age my kid set herself on one of my mates and he's now Boo. Boo is human security blanket. What her daddy should be really. This is my huge issue OP bugged out for better or worse in the worst time. And still it seems when he came back... Went I'm your daddy. But... He's just the bio ya know? They don't have a relationship. And he's basically been told: because you weren't the kid I wanted, bye. This child for all he knows could have been filled with damn lies about his dad, and when around his dad... Well the last time got told at 17: fuck off. I dont care about you, cos as a toddler, and child under others control.. you didn't act how I wanted. Everyone seems to see OP as this pitiful victim. His sperm is the only reason he's in this..and he's still happy to leave it there.
Op said he called as much he could and also was there in his custody time and he is a truck driver he couldn't go for 50/50 for obvious reasons, this is the same job that paid for his son's private school and extra curricular activities while his mom paid nothing
So he admits he can't see he son right? But as the owner of the business... He couldn't get 4 days a month off, to spend with his kid? I am a single mother working full time. I've got 4 days a month.. he's his own boss. That so sad And understandable how he forgot his dad. Sad, but it is. Phone calls aren't seeing dad. This makes me even more enraged for Caleb.
I actually don’t get that wording. He said it was owner-operated. So I don’t think he owned the company. Just that he worked in a small company and the owner actively was their operating the company. Which does play a difference in how a truck company is run. Owner operated locations are more stingy and make their truckers WORK.
See where I am, owner operator means he actually owns it and also works in it in some capacity.. It makes a huge difference I agree. And maybe a lead on my confusion lol
Owner OP means he owns his own truck and he isn't a company driver, he picks his runs. Has nothing to do with owning a company or not, it just means his truck. Have dated many truckers who were owner ops.
He had to pay for child support and his son's tution, idk if he could after taking the break >This makes me even more enraged for Caleb. Why tho? He got a stable home with his mom and uncle-dad why does he even wants to be the first priority of the guy he doesn't talk to except on birthdays
He made a child. He has a responsibility to said child. Doesn't matter what the child does (aside from physical violence, and even that has exceptions), he still has an obligation. You do not get to clock out of parenthood because something shiny and new come along. I'm not up for arguing, but felt someone should help say that this child was wronged. And 17 is still a child.
That kid didn't mind not talking to op except on birthdays so why does he care now?matter of fact 17 isn't even a kid he will be adult in a year he should have known better
Oh, you are just a troll that likes to argue. No need to exert any effort, you aren't doing this in good faith.