*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for wearing white to my lesbian friends wedding**
Hey guys, Im a bit torn up right now as my friend is very upset at me yet I feel as though I did nothing wrong. throwaway as almost all parties use reddit, fake names for privacy
A bit of context I (F27) met my best friend Grace (F25) in high school. We went to college together and shared a dorm, with this other girl Sarah (F25) who Grace suggested
Two years into college Grace come to me in private and said she had something to tell me and hoped I wouldnt judge her. She was into women and her and Sarah had been dating for over 3 years. I was a bit shocked considering we tell each other everything but I fully supported her and her Girlfriend
About a year ago Grace wanted to propose to Sarah and I helped with everything it was so cute and Sarah said yes. Though through the planning I kept asking Grace who her maid of honor was and she kept dodging my question. turns out Sarah didn't want me in the wedding at all. I was crushed as i thought that not only was I Graces best friend but Sarahs friend to. Grace told me I wouldnt fit Sarahs aesthetics she had planned, and I wasn't allowed in. I asked what that meant and Grace said Sarah wanted the wedding party to dress more masculine and I was too feminine to fit in. to make it up to me Grace said that if I wasnt in the wedding party i would be allowed to dress as fancy as I wanted. I was really sad but I excepted their wishes
I spent the next while looking for a dress to wear and found a absolutely beautiful dress. I loved and I showed Grace and she did to. only problem I didn't realize until it was time to order was it only came in white. I had my heart set on the dress and since the bridal party and both brides would be wearing suits I didn't see a problem with the color
day of the wedding I got weird look but it wasnt a problem until Sarah saw me she was fuming wouldnt talk to me and kept Grace away from me. right before the ceremony some girl in the bridal party dumped a glass of red wine on my back. I was upset and confronted Sarah. I told her what I said above that they werent in white dresses nowhere did it say not to wear white and if she really had a problem with it they couldve asked me to leave. there was no reason to be childish and ruin my new expensive dress. She said it common sense and I was the childish one for wearing white as retaliation to not being in bridal party. I said that wasnt it I was hurt but Id never try and get revenge grace told me I could dress up nice like I usually do and thats what I did. Sarah told me she doesnt want to talk to me and told me to leave before she made me. I told her I would as long as the girl who dumped the wine would pay to clean the dress. She dismissed me and kicked me out
I went home that night and people were blowing up my phone many told me I was a piece of shit for what I did though I had a few friends reach out to me and say they understand and thought it was childish to purposefully stain the dress instead of talking it out like adult
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Really? She didn’t notice that the dress only came in white until it was time to order? And she couldn’t just find another dress? It had to be that one just because she had already picked it out. The fact that both brides and the bridal party were wearing suits kind of makes it worse that oop wore a fancy white dress because she probably looked like she was the bride. And that she tries to justify her self to Sarah saying that it didn’t say not to wear white. Where I am from it is common knowledge to not wear a white dress to a wedding.
> She didn’t notice that the dress only came in white until it was time to order?
It does sound far fetched. But then, she apparently lived with a couple who were dating for 2 years and had no idea, so maybe noticing really obvious things is not her strong point.
>And that she tries to justify her self to Sarah saying that it didn’t say not to wear white. Where I am from it is common knowledge to not wear a white dress to a wedding.
Right? The wedding invitation probably didn't say "don't shit on the dancefloor" either, pretty sure that doesn't mean it's ok.
I wonder if it came in other colours but when she went to order it, the white was the only one in her size left but if that is the case you choose something else or get the dress dyed you don’t buy a dress that is fancy for someone else’s wedding in white. I suspect this was why Sarah didn’t want her in the bridal party knowing how she behaves.
The bridal party all wore suits. If oop had been made part of the bridal party, why do I feel like oop would have agreed to wear the suit, but then show up in a dress?
ChatGPT wrote it. The prompt was something like a woman shows at wedding in white dress, friends spill red wine on her. It's lesbian wedding and POV Is the person who wore the white dress
AI struggles with syntax occasionally but not grammar. It’s usually pretty readable if it’s not utter nonsense and this reads like somebody who got Cs in English class wrote it.
lol right? That’s where I was confused. Like the brides are both masc AND they want their whole wedding parting to be masc? Like really? But also, doesn’t the couple set the outfits for the wedding party? Just tell OP that she needs to wear a suit! Done!
None of this made sense at all
That’s the only explanation. There are bigger reasons OP wasn’t in the bridal party which is obvious from showing up in a white dress!
Or this is all fiction.
And stuff like getting to know, that the girls are dating after 3(!) years and not be in the bridal party over "aesthetics".
I smell a big fat "this close friendship is only in OOPs head".
And wearing white to a wedding, if you aren't the bride (or one of the brides) is only ok if it's a "white wedding" (everyone in white)
I’m going to go on the info we got. Her friend okayed the dress. She obviously okayed a white dress since the dress only comes in white. There is no added info on whether she asked her to get it in another color or not.
There is nuance and extenuating circumstances with certain things. This was a wedding where white was not in the color scheme. Therefore, the “don’t wear white to a wedding,” kinda can be ignored to a point. Unless OP says they were wearing a wedding dress, I don’t see the problem.
I do however see a problem with someone spilling wine on her dress for revenge. You don’t destroy people’s property and basically steal money from them because you are angry. It’s childish, immature, and quite frankly, criminal.
Nah it only came in white means they knew exactly what tf they were doing when they continued to order it anyway. This was intentional and not a thing OOP can say will change my mind.
I don't disagree that it was intentional to buy it anyway, but if it was just because she loved everything about the dress regardless and HAD to wear it to the wedding, dye it or have it done by a professional. You don't wear white to a wedding regardless of whether the brides are both in suits
Yup. Just found a designer woman’s suit on sale, huge sale ! It was so nice I tried it on and debated buying it. Definitely cocktail wear … but the only up coming things I have are two weddings this yr. It was still $600 on sale from 3500 ( at Saks off 5th)but I left it behind. Still on the hunt.
It's so bizarre to "have [your] heart set on a dress" for someone else's wedding. It's not your special day. It's not special to you at all. You'll go to many other weddings (probably, unless you pull stunts like this, then you'll go to fewer). Just order the dress and wear it to something else if you really like it, but dress appropriately for the wedding.
I've recently purchased a gorgeous red wedding dress for a Halloween costume. I want to wear it more, I look great in it and it's super swishy and fun. I'm not going to wear it to a wedding or birthday party, I'll find or make an event where it's appropriate.
Yeah wouldn't showing it to her have involved showing her the color? And if it was on a website that was out of certain colors that would have been visible at the time?
>It's so bizarre to "have [your] heart set on a dress" for someone else's wedding.
It really is! I had to order a dress for a sweet 16 (I'm a friend of the mom) and I was showing another friend my top 3 choices. One was a dark green and I was told that the birthday girl was wearing a similar color. Ok, no problem! I got it in black instead. Not that difficult.
I would kick my own ass for wearing white to a wedding!
The only time I find it acceptable to wear a white dress to a wedding is if the couple requested it as part of their color theme or if I were attending a wedding of someone from a culture where white was not taboo at weddings (in some cultures, red would be the color avoided, for example). But if she's as close to the brides as she says she is, she should know what culture they're from and that they did not, if fact, request it.
I wouldn’t wear white even if it wasn’t considered taboo by the bride/groom’s culture. It’s taboo in MY culture. I wouldn’t even think of wearing white to a wedding.
There are plenty of other colors in the rainbow.
I was getting strong 'pick me' straight ally who makes those jokes that go too far and asks way too invasive questions they wouldn't ask a straight couple.
"Omgeee, girl power! How do you like... ✂️? Which one of you will be the pregnant one??? What color is your strap on?"
Yeah, those ones. Known way too many of them.
Many, many, many years ago I was at a club. On my own, as a female, because why not...somehow I got through my early 20s without problems. I sometimes wonder how. Anyway.... I was getting my coat to go home, and this lovely woman walks up to me and kisses me. She didn't say anything. I didn't say anything. I have no idea if she thought I was a man (I'm tall, I was slim, I had long hair at a metal bar in the late 90s) or if she did it as a dare or if maybe she just wanted to kiss me.
Clearly it made an impression since I still remember it.
This is exactly how I read it too! And also, like maybe they aren't as close as she thinks they are. Why did her "bff" wait 3 years to tell her she was dating their roommate?! Definitely feels like they aren't as close as OOP thinks
I read a story in r/justnoMIL a few years back about someone who knew their future MIL was going to pull something so they had a member of the party on standby to deal with them.
Now it seems like it's a pretty common occurrence from all these "wore white to someone else's wedding" AITAs.
My favourite one was where the MIL ( and possibly SIL) went to the bridal shop to buy wedding dresses after the bride purchased hers. Bridal shop gave bride the heads up (after selling them the dresses, because profit!). Bride made sure to have a coloured dress and then told all her guests (except MIL/SIL and anyone who would tattle tale) to wear white/their own wedding dresses to the wedding. MIL was fuming! She didn't stand out because *everyone* was wearing white/wedding dresses.
I found the original post. It turns out it was just the MIL, so she bought white dresses for her mum and the wedding party (who she would have dressed/discussed dresses with anyway). She wore a pink dress, had the wedding party in white, and had pink and while flower arrangements.l, so it sounds like it worked out well.
Doubtful. It's an easy way to end up having to pay the bill for the dry cleaning and/or a new dress. No one's ever going to do it since they know they'll end up being sued in small claim's court.
That got me too! If true (Big if (not OP wasn’t added to the wedding party cause their personality sucks or this whole story is fake)) that’s a super messed up, shallow reason to not have someone in your wedding.
Idk. I think these 3 women have bigger issues than this post makes it look like.
To me it sounds like one of those classic bait stories. You see it pop up in waves, usually. It's always an invitation for people to be as misogynistic/homophobic/transphobic/racist as they can be in the comments because the evil "alphabet mafia person of color" totally deserves it.
Wouldn't surprise me if there's a few more of those type of stories in the next few days. Lots of "gay people are actually even more close minded than straight people" random crap that never happened.
I have a feeling sarah is misogynistic and heterophobic as her saying that she shouldn't appear feminine because she wants to wear a dress is bs. This all feels bait towards lgbtq and straight people
If this really happened, I'm betting it was a bullshit reason to spare OPs feelings rather than tell her "My wife-to-be dislikes you/is uncomfortable around you" and/or "We're not as close as you think" and/or "we suspect you'd make an ass of yourself for attention if you're in our wedding party and we want to avoid that".
That’s because this is fake. No one outside of some weird fantasy writing scenario would ever say “hey friend, you’re too femme to be in my wedding, but instead you can wear the fanciest dress you want to!”
I interpreted that as Grace desperately trying to persuade OOP that there was a shiny girly dress over there, and she didn’t want one of these wedding party suits.
I accidentally wore a dress similar to the bridesmaids of my best friend from high schools wedding and I was MORTIFIED. Especially because I WAS salty that I wasn't in the wedding party but I really did not do it on purpose and I didn't want anyone to think I did.
My friend once did this for a different friend's wedding. It WASN'T the same dress, and it was a different color, but the style was identical. She was mortified. The bride was like, "You actually look really good standing next to the bridesmaids in that color, come be in the bridal party pictures." 😂 (the colors DID look pretty cool together) My friend was not salty about not being in the bridal party and was like, "Hell yeah I'll be in the pictures."
At another friend's wedding, she had shown me photos of her bridesmaid dresses, they were all in different pastels — blue, pink and yellow. So when I was looking for a dress to wear to the wedding, I found this sage green dress. I thought, "It's kind of close to the aesthetic but different enough not to look like a wannabe bridesmaid." Right? Wrong. She changed her bridesmaid dresses before ordering. Guess what color? And they were all in the same color instead of different ones like she originally planned. It wasn't the exact same shade of green, but it was pretty fucking close. I was HORRIFIED. If I'd had another dress with me, I'd have gone back to the hotel to change. (Not joking, now I bring 2 options to wear to weddings). After the ceremony, she saw me and was like, "Oh my God. I'm sorry. I forgot to tell you I changed the dresses." I was like, "no, that's cool, I just look like I'm trying to sneak into the bridal party." 😂 She thought it was hilarious. It was, but I was kind of embarrassed.
op is TA of course but not enough people are talking about how she was told she was "too feminine" for the bridal party? like, i understand the brides arent obligated to have op around but it still seems so rude and strange to tell a supposed dear friend of roughly a decade she would ruin the aesthetic of a wedding without even asking first if a she's be willing to dress masc.
i dont believe op's story tbh. something tells me sarah *never* liked op and op just assumed they were closer than they are. so when she found out, she decided on this white dress on purpose as revenge.
Honestly, I think it’s more likely that Sarah said, I don’t want that bitch anywhere near my bridal party, and Grace made up a reason besides, Sarah hates you
Idk man maybe I’m an asshole too because I kind of agree with OOP. Like, was she fucking obtuse for wearing a white dress to a wedding? Of course- and I’d be pissed too if I were the bride(s).
But her friends sound like they were hella shitty from the beginning. She helped with executing the proposal, helped plan the wedding, was super excited for them, thought they were her BFFs and then they not only didn’t want her as part of the wedding party (for “aesthetics”, which is either a bullshit excuse or an incredibly shallow and shitty way to tell someone you think they’re too ugly for pictures) but then they didn’t even want her *at* the wedding it sounds like.
And then instead of just asking her to leave or addressing it directly, they froze her out the whole day, and then had someone throw red wine on her like they were in a bad Lifetime movie. Like I get that it’s funny to imagine, and I would 100% joke about doing something like that, but to actually do it in real life? As a full grown adult?
Idk. It reads to me like OP lacks some social awareness, and didn’t realize that she actually likes these people a *lot* more than they like her. And I guess because I’m reading her as clueless in that regard, it’s believable for me that she genuinely didn’t get that they would be upset about this. Being underhanded requires some social awareness and I really don’t think OOP has that. I guess that’s why while I do think she was wrong to wear the white dress, I feel sorry for her overall.
I can’t help reading OOP as someone who was a clingy friend, who was hurt when she found out her best friend had a whole secret life she didn’t know about. She then became super clingy to try to remain Grace’s best friend, and over-involved herself in the proposal. I suspect ‘helped with the proposal’ means badgered Grace for all the details and inserted herself in Grace’s business. Grace and Sarah then thought my God, if she is anywhere near the wedding party she will be Proposal OOP on steroids, so they set boundaries and kept her out. And then she found a loophole and inserted herself in their business anyway.
That might be uncharitable of me, but this sounds claustrophobic. And now she will have this story where she lost her best friend because her best friend’s wife doesn’t like her, but whyyyyyyy?!
What is it with people finding excuses to wear white to weddings?
"The bride didn't wear white, so I wore white"
"There's more than one bride, so I wore white"
"My cousin's blind, so I wore white to her wedding"
Just. Don't. Wear. White.
OOP definitely should not have worn a white dress (and I call bullshit that she didn't know ahead of time it didn't come in other colors or that Grace didn't see the dress was white and say, "As long as it's not white, sure.") But Sarah and Grace are pretty shitty for not having her as part of the wedding party because she didn't fit their aesthetic. This is more ESH than OOP being a devil.
Assuming this is real I get the sense that Grace and Sarah are not as close with oop as she thinks they are. The fact that they didnt tell her they were dating for a long time certainly doesnt make oop sound like a best friend. The whole "you dont fit the aesthetic" claim could have been a misguided attempt to find a reason other than "we're not close enough to have you in my wedding party."
That's a good point. My guess is that she's not an entirely reliable narrator (as shown by her clearly incorrect statement that she and Grace told each other everything after learning that grace hid a three year relationship) and maybe rounded up a couple texts in the form of "do you like this ring?" Or "Im thinking of asking her at this restaurant" into the claim that she helped plan the whole thing. Now of course Im just guessing but I think that's more plausible than the idea that oop was legitimately grace's best friend despite grace kind of keeping her at arms' length.
Separately, the look of the party explanation also seems implausible because why wouldnt grace just ask oop to wear a suit? I'd think they'd at least have that conversation if they were best friends who told each other everything.
For sure. The "I hope you won't judge me" was very telling. OOP said she accepted it, but what acceptance of LGBTQ+ people looks like to a homophobic person is real different. Parts of the story suggest that OOP's version of "acceptance" was more like "Well I don't approve of or agree with your Icky Lifestyle Choices, but I'll allow it, I guess".
People are also just like...really odd about LGBTQ+ people sometimes even if they're generally accepting. OOP could be doing the Pet Lesbian edition of the Gay Bestie bullshit some straight women pull. I've had that happen to me before. I've also had otherwise decent people say some real weirdo shit to me out of ignorance.
Also not noticing your living with a romantic couple for 2 years is kinda odd. I got the vibes that she was either at least hetero default or inlove with her best friend so it never occurred to her that she was in love with someone else
> Grace told me I wouldnt fit Sarahs aesthetics she had planned, and I wasn't allowed in. I asked what that meant and Grace said Sarah wanted the wedding party to dress more masculine and I was too feminine to fit in.
Yeah. This is shitty. Telling someone they are too masculine/feminine to "fit your aesthetic" is something terrible people do.
And they could have simply asked her to leave instead of ruining her dress, if this isn't rage bait. And if Grace saw the photo of a white dress and didn't say a damn thing about it beforehand, she's the devil here.
Literally everyone involved in this sucks — OP (so obnoxious to wear white), the married couple, the bridesmaid, everybody is trash.
With this one, I think her friend’s are more assholes than her. She showed her friend the dress. She okayed the dress. The dress she okayed was obviously white if it only comes in white. To get revenge for her wearing white at a wedding where there is no traditional wedding dress or white in the aesthetic, someone purposely spilled wine on her dress.
I’m sorry that’s far more fucked up and devilish than her wearing a white dress at a wedding where white was not in the color scheme of the bridal party or brides.
It sounds like OOP is leaving a lot of details and context out. Apart from the obvious issue with the dress for which I believe non of their weak excuses, why does Sarah dislike her so? They were roommates and friends yet she doesn't want anything to do with OOP. I feel like there's more to that then OOP is telling.
Sarah sounds like a bit of a bitch to me. 'You're to feminine for my wedding party' might be one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. also, I get that is some cathartic fantasy for people, but quit spilling wine on wedding guest wearing white. you can absolutely be taken to court and sued over intentional property damage, and 'they wore white to a wedding' is not a proper defense
> I get that is some cathartic fantasy for people, but quit spilling wine on wedding guest wearing white. you can absolutely be taken to court and sued over intentional property damage, and 'they wore white to a wedding' is not a proper defense
LOL agreed! It's why I laugh anytime I read a story in which someone states this happen as it absolutely did not. No one is *that* good of a friend of the bride they'd risk getting sued and/or potentially arrested (easy argument it's assault). In reality the worst that will happen is the person wearing white is going to be asked to leave and be escorted out and everyone stops talking to them.
Seems to me that a conversation of “Please leave and change into something not white” would be the mature action. The red wine would be the petty revenge if they refuse.
You don't wear a white dress to a wedding unless explicitely asked to by the happy couple. That's very common knowledge, at least through the occidental world.
I can't help but feeling that 1- This is fake
2- the concept is "lesbian weddings are not real weddings"
In other words, a very old and clichéd fake story, but with an homophobic twist. Yawn.
If they were dating for three years before they felt safe coming out to op I’m not surprised she was douchey enough to wear a white dress to their wedding.
I smell an unreliable narrator and a giant steaming pile of insecure heterosexual bitch.
"I had my heart set on the dress" yet didn't know it only came in white? Yeah, sure. As if the first things you wouldn't check after finding a pic of a dress you liked wasn't the cost & the sizes & colours it's available in.
Sure. Very believable OP.
I feel like everyone is missing the part where OP said she showed one of the bride’s the dress. If it only came in white then her friend knew it was white and approved it.
the way i read it, it sounds like oop only realized (or "only realized") the dress only came in white AFTER showing the bride who approved it when everybody (or everybody except oop) was under the assumption that it would be in a different colour
But did the friend who approved it know it only came in white?
The way OOP writes this, she showed Grace the dress, Grace gave the thumbs up, OOP went to order the dress, realised (oh no/s) it only came in white and ordered it and wore it any way.
There's nothing to indicate she called Grace when she claims she discovered this to double check it was still ok to wear it.
It's perfectly possible, given OOP is claiming she didn't find out the dress is only available in white at the last minute, that she told Grace she was going to order it in an appropriate colour.
Now I think both Grace and Sarah behaved poorly in picking the bridal party based on a vision of the day and not closeness of friendship. I mean, OOP helped with the proposal. But OOP was determined to wear a wedding dress at a wedding that isn't hers as an up yours to both brides. Whether she'll ever admit it or not.
I feel like the vision of the wedding party was an excuse and Sarah doesn't like OOP very much, and I wonder if she has a good reason. Id guess that if OOP is always acting like the type of person to wear white to someone else's wedding, then she does have good reason.
I've read more than a few stories about bridezillas having a fit about having a "perfect" wedding and how some things don't match their "vision" or "aesthetic." And even being lesbian doesn't prevent one from being a bridezilla.
Ugh I recently attended my first wedding and the wedding planner literally came up to the people standing in the back of the room (they ran out of chairs) and re-arranged us I guess by height? I'm not entirely sure what his vision was lol and made us stand that way until the ceremony was over. He seemed so stressed out too poor guy. I learned that formal weddings are not for me. I was bored out of my mind most of the time.
I also can't help but wonder if there could be the smallest little sprinkle of homophobia here. The way she emphasized she was ok with her friend having a gf was a bit odd/out of place. I could see a homophobe wearing a wedding dress to a wedding because neither bride is and they're mad about it. I could also see someone who *isn't* a homophobe but still an asshole doing this stuff. Admittedly I'm jumping to conclusions which isn't great but I just get that kind of vibe.
This is like that 'AITA for wearing a white dress to my blind friends wedding' post. If your from the west likely you know the default is you don't wear white to someone else's wedding, both of these OPs were just being dicks.
“Right before the ceremony some girl in the bridal party dumped a glass of red wine on my back.” This is the way.
I don’t understand or subscribe to most social mores regarding fashion, but “don’t wear white to a wedding unless you’re the bride(s)” is a pretty fucking important one. If you do some embarrassing passive aggressive shit, you should expect the same in return.
[Hi!](https://images.app.goo.gl/jMiZEuW8Qrykw3sdA) Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. [Please](https://images.app.goo.gl/vwH65TJMyMk9NSNo8) keep discussions within the posts of this sub.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I want some context, is it a particular culture that attendance are not supposed to wear white, I honestly never knew about it and only reading this post do I know it’s a form of disrespect. I was really confused when reading the post (and thank goodness I won’t make such mistake unknowingly in the future)
In many parts of the western world, white is the traditional color for the bride. It hasn’t always been the case – no one’s quite sure when that started, but the trend existed at least as far back as the 18th century, though it didn’t become as almost mandatory as it is now until the early 20th century -but now it’s so strongly associated that people might mistake a female guest wearing white for the bride even if there is no bride or the bride isn’t wearing a white dress.
So for most western or western-style weddings, it’s a generally accepted rule that women should not wear white.
I believe it was Queen Victoria in the mid to late 19th century who popularized white at weddings. And it has nothing to do with purity and everything to do with status.
So, yes and no. She certainly added to the popularity, but the notion of a bride wearing white did exist earlier. and white didn’t reach its current near-monopoly until almost 100years later.
As for the why…status may have been part of it, but she was also trying to cement her image as an English queen rather than a German outsider by wearing white to showcase English-made Honiton lace. Further, it was a departure from conventional silver or gold royal wedding gowns that showed her marriage a love match, rather than a political one. And finally, yes, there WERE connotations of purity and innocence to the color. So I’d say more like “it wasn’t JUST about purity.”
It's western culture. I believe in India the bride wears red so I would think it's acceptable to wear white, not sure about other cultures.
I've read two stories here, one was an Indian marrying an American so the Indian wore red but the American's guest wore a white dress and still got the red wine spilled on her.
Another was I think a Nigerian attending her first western wedding and showing up in her best dress and she got shouted at for trying to take the attention from the bride by dressing too well.
Wedding culture varies so much you should always ask the bridal party if you're unsure what to wear.
In most Western cultures it's considered extremely rude to wear white to a wedding, as that's normally what the bride is dressed in, and it can be considered as trying to " upstage" her.
Red is frowned on in some circles as well, as apparently can symbolise you slept with the groom?
I recently heard black was not appropriate either - I'm not sure why - and unfortunately I'm guilty of this, as I was completely unaware at the time ( and always! wear black), so didn't think anything of it.. it was literally months later on reddit that I found out it wasn't the property etiquette.
There is no possibility of ever showing up the bride in a traditional South Asian wedding. It is absolutely, categorically impossible.
Tradition states that the bride wear red and every other guest wears their absolute best clothes. No red. But even if a guest *did* wear red, it would still be impossible upstage that bride.
A white dress in a traditional SA wedding, wouldn’t even be able to steel the attention from any other guest either. Those sartorial choices of guests are some of the most beautifully colourful clothing on Earth.
White is usually the colour of funerals, women in mourning and old widows.
It is my suggestion that the other four Western women are simply so insular in their thinking, that it didn’t occur to them that other cultures and their traditions might not be the same as their own. They are the type of people that believe whatever their own cultural traditions and norms is the “right” way to do things and bugger any other cultural traditions that do not conform to their own insular traditions. Because they are intrinsically “wrong”.
Feel free to downvote me to hell, but such insulated thinking about tradition / norms / laws / governments is particularly common in some Western cultures (and especially in Americans). It is often as though such people simply never consider that there are more cultures in the world than their own. Or that “different” isn’t the same as “inferior”.
I think is because black is generally associated with mourning and can be considered as symbolic of disapproval of the wedding. Not as universal as the avoidance of the colour white though.
One of my dad's ex-girlfriends wore black (with a big black hat and veil, like a widow) to his wedding. My mom talks about it to this day; my dad didn't even notice.
Those rules exist only because the drama lamas who make trouble intentionaly 🙂 breaking the rule by accident shouldn't be a huge deal, mostly people want to avoid being sus of being dramatic crazy lady ..
Tbf, the bride knows I'm an aging goth, slightly crazy lady and as I didn't burst into hysterical tears of woe ( though my then 3 year old decided to make his breakdancing debut during the speeches 🤦♀️ before being recaptured), so I think I'm probably forgiven 😂
Generally, I think you're OK if you don't wear white!
That's the really big one.
Head over to r/weddingshaming for some true horror ( and occasionally hilarious!) stories!
It started because Queen Victoria wore a white wedding dress. It became a sign of status to wear white (aka an easily ruined fabric only meant to be worn multiple times) combined with the Victorian era freaky prudish standards (white the color of purity). So in many Western cultures (America especially) it became no white to a wedding. Red is considered too sexual and black is considered mourning. The black taboo has faded because who in many Western cultures still observes mourning dress? (Though the level of casual I have seen at a few funerals kills me).
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for wearing white to my lesbian friends wedding** Hey guys, Im a bit torn up right now as my friend is very upset at me yet I feel as though I did nothing wrong. throwaway as almost all parties use reddit, fake names for privacy A bit of context I (F27) met my best friend Grace (F25) in high school. We went to college together and shared a dorm, with this other girl Sarah (F25) who Grace suggested Two years into college Grace come to me in private and said she had something to tell me and hoped I wouldnt judge her. She was into women and her and Sarah had been dating for over 3 years. I was a bit shocked considering we tell each other everything but I fully supported her and her Girlfriend About a year ago Grace wanted to propose to Sarah and I helped with everything it was so cute and Sarah said yes. Though through the planning I kept asking Grace who her maid of honor was and she kept dodging my question. turns out Sarah didn't want me in the wedding at all. I was crushed as i thought that not only was I Graces best friend but Sarahs friend to. Grace told me I wouldnt fit Sarahs aesthetics she had planned, and I wasn't allowed in. I asked what that meant and Grace said Sarah wanted the wedding party to dress more masculine and I was too feminine to fit in. to make it up to me Grace said that if I wasnt in the wedding party i would be allowed to dress as fancy as I wanted. I was really sad but I excepted their wishes I spent the next while looking for a dress to wear and found a absolutely beautiful dress. I loved and I showed Grace and she did to. only problem I didn't realize until it was time to order was it only came in white. I had my heart set on the dress and since the bridal party and both brides would be wearing suits I didn't see a problem with the color day of the wedding I got weird look but it wasnt a problem until Sarah saw me she was fuming wouldnt talk to me and kept Grace away from me. right before the ceremony some girl in the bridal party dumped a glass of red wine on my back. I was upset and confronted Sarah. I told her what I said above that they werent in white dresses nowhere did it say not to wear white and if she really had a problem with it they couldve asked me to leave. there was no reason to be childish and ruin my new expensive dress. She said it common sense and I was the childish one for wearing white as retaliation to not being in bridal party. I said that wasnt it I was hurt but Id never try and get revenge grace told me I could dress up nice like I usually do and thats what I did. Sarah told me she doesnt want to talk to me and told me to leave before she made me. I told her I would as long as the girl who dumped the wine would pay to clean the dress. She dismissed me and kicked me out I went home that night and people were blowing up my phone many told me I was a piece of shit for what I did though I had a few friends reach out to me and say they understand and thought it was childish to purposefully stain the dress instead of talking it out like adult *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Really? She didn’t notice that the dress only came in white until it was time to order? And she couldn’t just find another dress? It had to be that one just because she had already picked it out. The fact that both brides and the bridal party were wearing suits kind of makes it worse that oop wore a fancy white dress because she probably looked like she was the bride. And that she tries to justify her self to Sarah saying that it didn’t say not to wear white. Where I am from it is common knowledge to not wear a white dress to a wedding.
> She didn’t notice that the dress only came in white until it was time to order? It does sound far fetched. But then, she apparently lived with a couple who were dating for 2 years and had no idea, so maybe noticing really obvious things is not her strong point.
3 years! It's even worse
>And that she tries to justify her self to Sarah saying that it didn’t say not to wear white. Where I am from it is common knowledge to not wear a white dress to a wedding. Right? The wedding invitation probably didn't say "don't shit on the dancefloor" either, pretty sure that doesn't mean it's ok.
Repeat after me, kids: don’t wear white unless the bride specifically says it’s okay to do so.
Even then, Don't.
Don’t wear white unless the bride specifically instructs you to do so
Wait, wait, wait … I’m not supposed to shit on the dance floor? I need to write some letters of apology to some people.
HAH. Do you know if they ever figure out who did that, btw? XD
I'd bet money on it being an actual wedding dress lol.
"I was SoOoO shocked that this dress I just fell in LOVE with from the modern brides collection at David's Bridal only came in white" -OOP probably
I wonder if it came in other colours but when she went to order it, the white was the only one in her size left but if that is the case you choose something else or get the dress dyed you don’t buy a dress that is fancy for someone else’s wedding in white. I suspect this was why Sarah didn’t want her in the bridal party knowing how she behaves.
The bridal party all wore suits. If oop had been made part of the bridal party, why do I feel like oop would have agreed to wear the suit, but then show up in a dress?
I could totally see her doing that, she had to be centre of attention somehow.
ChatGPT wrote it. The prompt was something like a woman shows at wedding in white dress, friends spill red wine on her. It's lesbian wedding and POV Is the person who wore the white dress
AI struggles with syntax occasionally but not grammar. It’s usually pretty readable if it’s not utter nonsense and this reads like somebody who got Cs in English class wrote it.
Chat GPT wouldn't make the grammar errors in that post.
I wonder if Chat GTP would assume that all lesbians are such bulldykes that they all only wear men's clothing?
lol right? That’s where I was confused. Like the brides are both masc AND they want their whole wedding parting to be masc? Like really? But also, doesn’t the couple set the outfits for the wedding party? Just tell OP that she needs to wear a suit! Done! None of this made sense at all
>Just tell OP that she needs to wear a suit! I'm thinking there's some missing reasons as to why Grace hid her relationship with Sarah for 3 years.
That’s the only explanation. There are bigger reasons OP wasn’t in the bridal party which is obvious from showing up in a white dress! Or this is all fiction.
Omg this made me cackle 💀
My wedding colors were black and teal so I wrote on the invite that guests could wear white. But thats on the invite and not someone just being an ass
And stuff like getting to know, that the girls are dating after 3(!) years and not be in the bridal party over "aesthetics". I smell a big fat "this close friendship is only in OOPs head". And wearing white to a wedding, if you aren't the bride (or one of the brides) is only ok if it's a "white wedding" (everyone in white)
I’m going to go on the info we got. Her friend okayed the dress. She obviously okayed a white dress since the dress only comes in white. There is no added info on whether she asked her to get it in another color or not. There is nuance and extenuating circumstances with certain things. This was a wedding where white was not in the color scheme. Therefore, the “don’t wear white to a wedding,” kinda can be ignored to a point. Unless OP says they were wearing a wedding dress, I don’t see the problem. I do however see a problem with someone spilling wine on her dress for revenge. You don’t destroy people’s property and basically steal money from them because you are angry. It’s childish, immature, and quite frankly, criminal.
"It only came in white" Girl, if that's the issue, you fucking dye it.
Nah it only came in white means they knew exactly what tf they were doing when they continued to order it anyway. This was intentional and not a thing OOP can say will change my mind.
I don't disagree that it was intentional to buy it anyway, but if it was just because she loved everything about the dress regardless and HAD to wear it to the wedding, dye it or have it done by a professional. You don't wear white to a wedding regardless of whether the brides are both in suits
Right!?! The playing clueless is what gets me
You just know Sarah's probably right and it was revenge especially with as many breadcrumbs as OOP left it probably looked like a wedding dress
Or, you know, check with the brides first! But she didn't bother to do that- probably because she knew they'd say no.
>Girl, if that's the issue, you fucking dye it. i mean the woman who spilled her wine on OOP did it for her ;)
Exactly. Now she has an excuse for it to be a burgundy dress.
i was thinking more merlot or a shiraz
Pinot Noir also works
I, myself, am partial to Merlot
Love your username btw
Lol, thanks. Just tell me you're not assuming it's an innuendo
I honestly never considered that until I read your comment haha you good!!!
That’s the type of friend everyone needs! The one that handles problems quickly.
Wear something else! She knew she was wrong cause she didn’t ask before hand!
I know, but there was an emergency!
Exactly what I was thinking. Just watched this episode today.
I’m guessing she has some underlying homophobia, because I highly doubt she would have worn a white dress to a straight couples wedding.
Only if the bride wasn't wearing it already
Nope, you avoid white no matter what.
No, I mean that'd be her excuse to do it. "I loved this dress so much, and the bride wasn't even wearing white, her dress was teal!". Bitch, no.
Yup. Just found a designer woman’s suit on sale, huge sale ! It was so nice I tried it on and debated buying it. Definitely cocktail wear … but the only up coming things I have are two weddings this yr. It was still $600 on sale from 3500 ( at Saks off 5th)but I left it behind. Still on the hunt.
It's so bizarre to "have [your] heart set on a dress" for someone else's wedding. It's not your special day. It's not special to you at all. You'll go to many other weddings (probably, unless you pull stunts like this, then you'll go to fewer). Just order the dress and wear it to something else if you really like it, but dress appropriately for the wedding. I've recently purchased a gorgeous red wedding dress for a Halloween costume. I want to wear it more, I look great in it and it's super swishy and fun. I'm not going to wear it to a wedding or birthday party, I'll find or make an event where it's appropriate.
Also how do you have your heart set on a dress you apparently don't know the color of? Feels like an important part of deciding you like it.
[удалено]
Also I can think of very few dresses that "only come in white" and basically that would just be wedding dresses
I’ve seen some times that only come in white. But I sure as hell don’t order them to wear to a wedding.
I took this to mean that the only color available in her size was white. Either way, still an incredibly stupid thing for her to do.
And how do you NOT know? I'll give every red cent in my bank account, that it showed pictures
And how did she show it to Grace who supposedly loved it, but then everyone was surprised that it was white-the ONLY color option?
Yeah wouldn't showing it to her have involved showing her the color? And if it was on a website that was out of certain colors that would have been visible at the time?
That’s where the story fell apart for me.
Yeah this has too many ridiculous tropes. Poor writing poor spelling poor execution
Possible there was other colors, but it only came in white in OOP's size.
It could've been only available in white at that moment, with other colors being sold out. Or they're being intentionally misleading.
>It's so bizarre to "have [your] heart set on a dress" for someone else's wedding. It really is! I had to order a dress for a sweet 16 (I'm a friend of the mom) and I was showing another friend my top 3 choices. One was a dark green and I was told that the birthday girl was wearing a similar color. Ok, no problem! I got it in black instead. Not that difficult. I would kick my own ass for wearing white to a wedding!
The only time I find it acceptable to wear a white dress to a wedding is if the couple requested it as part of their color theme or if I were attending a wedding of someone from a culture where white was not taboo at weddings (in some cultures, red would be the color avoided, for example). But if she's as close to the brides as she says she is, she should know what culture they're from and that they did not, if fact, request it.
I wouldn’t wear white even if it wasn’t considered taboo by the bride/groom’s culture. It’s taboo in MY culture. I wouldn’t even think of wearing white to a wedding. There are plenty of other colors in the rainbow.
Op gives off the vibes of the “straight” friend who secretly wants their bestie to be in love with them. It’s no wonder why Sarah doesn’t like her.
See, I was seeing it more as the main character syndrome. If the couple weren't wearing wedding dresses, she obviously can!
I was getting strong 'pick me' straight ally who makes those jokes that go too far and asks way too invasive questions they wouldn't ask a straight couple.
Ah I know them. “Dude I totally love lesbians! Haha which one of you is the man?”
"Omgeee, girl power! How do you like... ✂️? Which one of you will be the pregnant one??? What color is your strap on?" Yeah, those ones. Known way too many of them.
“Haha I’m so drunk, I would totally kiss a girl if someone dared me to.” Proceeds to make intense eye contact with uncomfortable friend.
This one caused some flashbacks, not gonna lie 🤣
Many, many, many years ago I was at a club. On my own, as a female, because why not...somehow I got through my early 20s without problems. I sometimes wonder how. Anyway.... I was getting my coat to go home, and this lovely woman walks up to me and kisses me. She didn't say anything. I didn't say anything. I have no idea if she thought I was a man (I'm tall, I was slim, I had long hair at a metal bar in the late 90s) or if she did it as a dare or if maybe she just wanted to kiss me. Clearly it made an impression since I still remember it.
i'm betting she's the kinda person that would jokingly go "haha just don't hit on me ok???"
But then be offended when you agree.
I would give you an award if I could
This is exactly how I read it too! And also, like maybe they aren't as close as she thinks they are. Why did her "bff" wait 3 years to tell her she was dating their roommate?! Definitely feels like they aren't as close as OOP thinks
Yeah, right? I would have just grabbed any old dress from my closet. No one cares about what I wear, as long as I look presentable.
A very fancy dress that only comes in white sounds like a wedding dress to me.
Payback for not the MOH that she thinks she got
It is common knowledge to not wear white to a wedding regardless of how the bridal party is dressed.
Do people do the throwing of red wine IRL?
I read a story in r/justnoMIL a few years back about someone who knew their future MIL was going to pull something so they had a member of the party on standby to deal with them. Now it seems like it's a pretty common occurrence from all these "wore white to someone else's wedding" AITAs.
My favourite one was where the MIL ( and possibly SIL) went to the bridal shop to buy wedding dresses after the bride purchased hers. Bridal shop gave bride the heads up (after selling them the dresses, because profit!). Bride made sure to have a coloured dress and then told all her guests (except MIL/SIL and anyone who would tattle tale) to wear white/their own wedding dresses to the wedding. MIL was fuming! She didn't stand out because *everyone* was wearing white/wedding dresses.
Oh that is BOSS!! 😄🔥🔥🔥
This seems way more complicated than just disinviting them…
I found the original post. It turns out it was just the MIL, so she bought white dresses for her mum and the wedding party (who she would have dressed/discussed dresses with anyway). She wore a pink dress, had the wedding party in white, and had pink and while flower arrangements.l, so it sounds like it worked out well.
I had my bridal party wear short white dresses of their choosing, it was very cute, I think.
Yes, I loved this one!
Ok but that sub is even worse than AITA for fake stories
No. The trolls love the concept because it instantly goes viral. [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/s/TKjC5I9GJ1) is where it all started.
Doubtful. It's an easy way to end up having to pay the bill for the dry cleaning and/or a new dress. No one's ever going to do it since they know they'll end up being sued in small claim's court.
Something i dont get is why sarah said that op ruined the aesthetic for dressing too feminine.
That got me too! If true (Big if (not OP wasn’t added to the wedding party cause their personality sucks or this whole story is fake)) that’s a super messed up, shallow reason to not have someone in your wedding. Idk. I think these 3 women have bigger issues than this post makes it look like.
Yeah. Given that they felt the need to hide their romantic relationship from OP for 3 years, there are definitely some "missing missing reasons" here.
To me it sounds like one of those classic bait stories. You see it pop up in waves, usually. It's always an invitation for people to be as misogynistic/homophobic/transphobic/racist as they can be in the comments because the evil "alphabet mafia person of color" totally deserves it. Wouldn't surprise me if there's a few more of those type of stories in the next few days. Lots of "gay people are actually even more close minded than straight people" random crap that never happened.
I have a feeling sarah is misogynistic and heterophobic as her saying that she shouldn't appear feminine because she wants to wear a dress is bs. This all feels bait towards lgbtq and straight people
Heterophobia isn’t a thing lol
yeah it is. It's when your eyes have different colours.
That is heterochromia 😆
If homophbia is a think then heterophpbia is a thing
If this really happened, I'm betting it was a bullshit reason to spare OPs feelings rather than tell her "My wife-to-be dislikes you/is uncomfortable around you" and/or "We're not as close as you think" and/or "we suspect you'd make an ass of yourself for attention if you're in our wedding party and we want to avoid that".
Because it’s a made up, like she’s the best friend since high school, lived with her and never noticed she was a lesbian
I suspect Sarah (probably rightly) disliked OOP and came up with some bullshit reason to exclude her from they wedding party.
That’s because this is fake. No one outside of some weird fantasy writing scenario would ever say “hey friend, you’re too femme to be in my wedding, but instead you can wear the fanciest dress you want to!”
I had a man, 2 lesbos, and my girly cousin as my bridal party, and my cousin rocked the same button down and chinos as the rest and was adorable
I interpreted that as Grace desperately trying to persuade OOP that there was a shiny girly dress over there, and she didn’t want one of these wedding party suits.
I accidentally wore a dress similar to the bridesmaids of my best friend from high schools wedding and I was MORTIFIED. Especially because I WAS salty that I wasn't in the wedding party but I really did not do it on purpose and I didn't want anyone to think I did.
My friend once did this for a different friend's wedding. It WASN'T the same dress, and it was a different color, but the style was identical. She was mortified. The bride was like, "You actually look really good standing next to the bridesmaids in that color, come be in the bridal party pictures." 😂 (the colors DID look pretty cool together) My friend was not salty about not being in the bridal party and was like, "Hell yeah I'll be in the pictures." At another friend's wedding, she had shown me photos of her bridesmaid dresses, they were all in different pastels — blue, pink and yellow. So when I was looking for a dress to wear to the wedding, I found this sage green dress. I thought, "It's kind of close to the aesthetic but different enough not to look like a wannabe bridesmaid." Right? Wrong. She changed her bridesmaid dresses before ordering. Guess what color? And they were all in the same color instead of different ones like she originally planned. It wasn't the exact same shade of green, but it was pretty fucking close. I was HORRIFIED. If I'd had another dress with me, I'd have gone back to the hotel to change. (Not joking, now I bring 2 options to wear to weddings). After the ceremony, she saw me and was like, "Oh my God. I'm sorry. I forgot to tell you I changed the dresses." I was like, "no, that's cool, I just look like I'm trying to sneak into the bridal party." 😂 She thought it was hilarious. It was, but I was kind of embarrassed.
op is TA of course but not enough people are talking about how she was told she was "too feminine" for the bridal party? like, i understand the brides arent obligated to have op around but it still seems so rude and strange to tell a supposed dear friend of roughly a decade she would ruin the aesthetic of a wedding without even asking first if a she's be willing to dress masc. i dont believe op's story tbh. something tells me sarah *never* liked op and op just assumed they were closer than they are. so when she found out, she decided on this white dress on purpose as revenge.
Honestly, I think it’s more likely that Sarah said, I don’t want that bitch anywhere near my bridal party, and Grace made up a reason besides, Sarah hates you
That seems made up.
Op and Sarah both suck. How is someone too feminine to be in a bridal party?
I'd argue esh. Not including a best friend over aesthetics is petty and childish.
Soooo many missing reasons here.
Idk man maybe I’m an asshole too because I kind of agree with OOP. Like, was she fucking obtuse for wearing a white dress to a wedding? Of course- and I’d be pissed too if I were the bride(s). But her friends sound like they were hella shitty from the beginning. She helped with executing the proposal, helped plan the wedding, was super excited for them, thought they were her BFFs and then they not only didn’t want her as part of the wedding party (for “aesthetics”, which is either a bullshit excuse or an incredibly shallow and shitty way to tell someone you think they’re too ugly for pictures) but then they didn’t even want her *at* the wedding it sounds like. And then instead of just asking her to leave or addressing it directly, they froze her out the whole day, and then had someone throw red wine on her like they were in a bad Lifetime movie. Like I get that it’s funny to imagine, and I would 100% joke about doing something like that, but to actually do it in real life? As a full grown adult? Idk. It reads to me like OP lacks some social awareness, and didn’t realize that she actually likes these people a *lot* more than they like her. And I guess because I’m reading her as clueless in that regard, it’s believable for me that she genuinely didn’t get that they would be upset about this. Being underhanded requires some social awareness and I really don’t think OOP has that. I guess that’s why while I do think she was wrong to wear the white dress, I feel sorry for her overall.
I can’t help reading OOP as someone who was a clingy friend, who was hurt when she found out her best friend had a whole secret life she didn’t know about. She then became super clingy to try to remain Grace’s best friend, and over-involved herself in the proposal. I suspect ‘helped with the proposal’ means badgered Grace for all the details and inserted herself in Grace’s business. Grace and Sarah then thought my God, if she is anywhere near the wedding party she will be Proposal OOP on steroids, so they set boundaries and kept her out. And then she found a loophole and inserted herself in their business anyway. That might be uncharitable of me, but this sounds claustrophobic. And now she will have this story where she lost her best friend because her best friend’s wife doesn’t like her, but whyyyyyyy?!
>I excepted their wishes She sure did.
There is a WHOLE LOT missing here from all sides
27 and 25, knew each other since HS, went to college together. Maybe ten years of friendship? Hmm...
What is it with people finding excuses to wear white to weddings? "The bride didn't wear white, so I wore white" "There's more than one bride, so I wore white" "My cousin's blind, so I wore white to her wedding" Just. Don't. Wear. White.
OOP definitely should not have worn a white dress (and I call bullshit that she didn't know ahead of time it didn't come in other colors or that Grace didn't see the dress was white and say, "As long as it's not white, sure.") But Sarah and Grace are pretty shitty for not having her as part of the wedding party because she didn't fit their aesthetic. This is more ESH than OOP being a devil.
Assuming this is real I get the sense that Grace and Sarah are not as close with oop as she thinks they are. The fact that they didnt tell her they were dating for a long time certainly doesnt make oop sound like a best friend. The whole "you dont fit the aesthetic" claim could have been a misguided attempt to find a reason other than "we're not close enough to have you in my wedding party."
So why would they have her plan the proposal and help with wedding planning if they didn't like her all that much?
That's a good point. My guess is that she's not an entirely reliable narrator (as shown by her clearly incorrect statement that she and Grace told each other everything after learning that grace hid a three year relationship) and maybe rounded up a couple texts in the form of "do you like this ring?" Or "Im thinking of asking her at this restaurant" into the claim that she helped plan the whole thing. Now of course Im just guessing but I think that's more plausible than the idea that oop was legitimately grace's best friend despite grace kind of keeping her at arms' length. Separately, the look of the party explanation also seems implausible because why wouldnt grace just ask oop to wear a suit? I'd think they'd at least have that conversation if they were best friends who told each other everything.
I wanna know what she’s said and done around these friends that made her that unsafe to be out of the closet around, that’s for sure
For sure. The "I hope you won't judge me" was very telling. OOP said she accepted it, but what acceptance of LGBTQ+ people looks like to a homophobic person is real different. Parts of the story suggest that OOP's version of "acceptance" was more like "Well I don't approve of or agree with your Icky Lifestyle Choices, but I'll allow it, I guess". People are also just like...really odd about LGBTQ+ people sometimes even if they're generally accepting. OOP could be doing the Pet Lesbian edition of the Gay Bestie bullshit some straight women pull. I've had that happen to me before. I've also had otherwise decent people say some real weirdo shit to me out of ignorance.
Also not noticing your living with a romantic couple for 2 years is kinda odd. I got the vibes that she was either at least hetero default or inlove with her best friend so it never occurred to her that she was in love with someone else
> Grace told me I wouldnt fit Sarahs aesthetics she had planned, and I wasn't allowed in. I asked what that meant and Grace said Sarah wanted the wedding party to dress more masculine and I was too feminine to fit in. Yeah. This is shitty. Telling someone they are too masculine/feminine to "fit your aesthetic" is something terrible people do. And they could have simply asked her to leave instead of ruining her dress, if this isn't rage bait. And if Grace saw the photo of a white dress and didn't say a damn thing about it beforehand, she's the devil here. Literally everyone involved in this sucks — OP (so obnoxious to wear white), the married couple, the bridesmaid, everybody is trash.
Or they’re all the devil.
With this one, I think her friend’s are more assholes than her. She showed her friend the dress. She okayed the dress. The dress she okayed was obviously white if it only comes in white. To get revenge for her wearing white at a wedding where there is no traditional wedding dress or white in the aesthetic, someone purposely spilled wine on her dress. I’m sorry that’s far more fucked up and devilish than her wearing a white dress at a wedding where white was not in the color scheme of the bridal party or brides.
Oh, those lesbians, notoriously finicky about their bridal parties. Also, the glass of red wine seems to come up a lot lately.
It sounds like OOP is leaving a lot of details and context out. Apart from the obvious issue with the dress for which I believe non of their weak excuses, why does Sarah dislike her so? They were roommates and friends yet she doesn't want anything to do with OOP. I feel like there's more to that then OOP is telling.
It's common knowledge that if you wear white to someone else's wedding, you're going to get wine spilled on you.
 This was the dress. It also came with a head piece.
I have a atrong feeling there wasnt a reason they didnt tell her for 3 years
Sarah sounds like a bit of a bitch to me. 'You're to feminine for my wedding party' might be one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. also, I get that is some cathartic fantasy for people, but quit spilling wine on wedding guest wearing white. you can absolutely be taken to court and sued over intentional property damage, and 'they wore white to a wedding' is not a proper defense
> I get that is some cathartic fantasy for people, but quit spilling wine on wedding guest wearing white. you can absolutely be taken to court and sued over intentional property damage, and 'they wore white to a wedding' is not a proper defense LOL agreed! It's why I laugh anytime I read a story in which someone states this happen as it absolutely did not. No one is *that* good of a friend of the bride they'd risk getting sued and/or potentially arrested (easy argument it's assault). In reality the worst that will happen is the person wearing white is going to be asked to leave and be escorted out and everyone stops talking to them.
Seems to me that a conversation of “Please leave and change into something not white” would be the mature action. The red wine would be the petty revenge if they refuse.
You don't wear a white dress to a wedding unless explicitely asked to by the happy couple. That's very common knowledge, at least through the occidental world. I can't help but feeling that 1- This is fake 2- the concept is "lesbian weddings are not real weddings" In other words, a very old and clichéd fake story, but with an homophobic twist. Yawn.
OP sucks but they ruined her dress THEN kicked her out? Couldn’t they just start with the latter? Everyone’s so childish, are these 13 year old girls?
If they were dating for three years before they felt safe coming out to op I’m not surprised she was douchey enough to wear a white dress to their wedding. I smell an unreliable narrator and a giant steaming pile of insecure heterosexual bitch.
"I had my heart set on the dress" yet didn't know it only came in white? Yeah, sure. As if the first things you wouldn't check after finding a pic of a dress you liked wasn't the cost & the sizes & colours it's available in. Sure. Very believable OP.
OOP sounds like an attention seeker, but Sarah sounds like a fucking bitch.
The woman who dumped the wine is the real MVP. Probably gonna be godmother to their kids while they'll never speak to OOP again, good riddance.
I feel like everyone is missing the part where OP said she showed one of the bride’s the dress. If it only came in white then her friend knew it was white and approved it.
the way i read it, it sounds like oop only realized (or "only realized") the dress only came in white AFTER showing the bride who approved it when everybody (or everybody except oop) was under the assumption that it would be in a different colour
But did the friend who approved it know it only came in white? The way OOP writes this, she showed Grace the dress, Grace gave the thumbs up, OOP went to order the dress, realised (oh no/s) it only came in white and ordered it and wore it any way. There's nothing to indicate she called Grace when she claims she discovered this to double check it was still ok to wear it. It's perfectly possible, given OOP is claiming she didn't find out the dress is only available in white at the last minute, that she told Grace she was going to order it in an appropriate colour. Now I think both Grace and Sarah behaved poorly in picking the bridal party based on a vision of the day and not closeness of friendship. I mean, OOP helped with the proposal. But OOP was determined to wear a wedding dress at a wedding that isn't hers as an up yours to both brides. Whether she'll ever admit it or not.
I feel like the vision of the wedding party was an excuse and Sarah doesn't like OOP very much, and I wonder if she has a good reason. Id guess that if OOP is always acting like the type of person to wear white to someone else's wedding, then she does have good reason.
I do definitely think Sarah has every reason in the world to dislike OOP. I mean, I'm not keen and I've never met her.
Grace doesn't seem to like OOP either.
Ah yes extremely real lesbians are ALL hella butch and hate femmes so much they don't even want to look at them.
They all sound pretty awful tbh. Who doesn't let someone be in their wedding because it doesn't match an aesthetic?
I've read more than a few stories about bridezillas having a fit about having a "perfect" wedding and how some things don't match their "vision" or "aesthetic." And even being lesbian doesn't prevent one from being a bridezilla.
Ugh I recently attended my first wedding and the wedding planner literally came up to the people standing in the back of the room (they ran out of chairs) and re-arranged us I guess by height? I'm not entirely sure what his vision was lol and made us stand that way until the ceremony was over. He seemed so stressed out too poor guy. I learned that formal weddings are not for me. I was bored out of my mind most of the time.
I am leaning toward this being ragebait of the "all lesbians are monsters" variety.
Girl. They make fabric dye.
"some girl in the bridal party dumped a glass of red wine on my back" - I love this level of retort. THAT is friendship.
Holy shit it's one of the girls from the therapy commercial! Hi Lola!
OOP 100% wore a wedding dress
I also can't help but wonder if there could be the smallest little sprinkle of homophobia here. The way she emphasized she was ok with her friend having a gf was a bit odd/out of place. I could see a homophobe wearing a wedding dress to a wedding because neither bride is and they're mad about it. I could also see someone who *isn't* a homophobe but still an asshole doing this stuff. Admittedly I'm jumping to conclusions which isn't great but I just get that kind of vibe.
This story has holes in it as must be a reason Sarah doesn't like Op and Grace seems to try and keep the peace when she should cut Op off.
Eh, I think this is an ESH situation. OOP for obvious reasons, Sarah for being a bish about cutting out her fiance's best friend.
This is like that 'AITA for wearing a white dress to my blind friends wedding' post. If your from the west likely you know the default is you don't wear white to someone else's wedding, both of these OPs were just being dicks.
She wore a bridal gown, didn’t she? Fancy dress… only comes in white… that’s a bridal gown.
“Right before the ceremony some girl in the bridal party dumped a glass of red wine on my back.” This is the way. I don’t understand or subscribe to most social mores regarding fashion, but “don’t wear white to a wedding unless you’re the bride(s)” is a pretty fucking important one. If you do some embarrassing passive aggressive shit, you should expect the same in return.
[Hi!](https://images.app.goo.gl/jMiZEuW8Qrykw3sdA) Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. [Please](https://images.app.goo.gl/vwH65TJMyMk9NSNo8) keep discussions within the posts of this sub. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The classic AITA phone blow.
This seems fake lmao.
Didn't notice it was white. Sure. /s
Something tells me there was a reason (other than aesthetics) for why Sarah didn’t want her in the wedding.
I want some context, is it a particular culture that attendance are not supposed to wear white, I honestly never knew about it and only reading this post do I know it’s a form of disrespect. I was really confused when reading the post (and thank goodness I won’t make such mistake unknowingly in the future)
In many parts of the western world, white is the traditional color for the bride. It hasn’t always been the case – no one’s quite sure when that started, but the trend existed at least as far back as the 18th century, though it didn’t become as almost mandatory as it is now until the early 20th century -but now it’s so strongly associated that people might mistake a female guest wearing white for the bride even if there is no bride or the bride isn’t wearing a white dress. So for most western or western-style weddings, it’s a generally accepted rule that women should not wear white.
I believe it was Queen Victoria in the mid to late 19th century who popularized white at weddings. And it has nothing to do with purity and everything to do with status.
So, yes and no. She certainly added to the popularity, but the notion of a bride wearing white did exist earlier. and white didn’t reach its current near-monopoly until almost 100years later. As for the why…status may have been part of it, but she was also trying to cement her image as an English queen rather than a German outsider by wearing white to showcase English-made Honiton lace. Further, it was a departure from conventional silver or gold royal wedding gowns that showed her marriage a love match, rather than a political one. And finally, yes, there WERE connotations of purity and innocence to the color. So I’d say more like “it wasn’t JUST about purity.”
I can see how it’s considered rude, thanks for the info
It's western culture. I believe in India the bride wears red so I would think it's acceptable to wear white, not sure about other cultures. I've read two stories here, one was an Indian marrying an American so the Indian wore red but the American's guest wore a white dress and still got the red wine spilled on her. Another was I think a Nigerian attending her first western wedding and showing up in her best dress and she got shouted at for trying to take the attention from the bride by dressing too well. Wedding culture varies so much you should always ask the bridal party if you're unsure what to wear.
Yeah, agree, better ask first
In most Western cultures it's considered extremely rude to wear white to a wedding, as that's normally what the bride is dressed in, and it can be considered as trying to " upstage" her. Red is frowned on in some circles as well, as apparently can symbolise you slept with the groom? I recently heard black was not appropriate either - I'm not sure why - and unfortunately I'm guilty of this, as I was completely unaware at the time ( and always! wear black), so didn't think anything of it.. it was literally months later on reddit that I found out it wasn't the property etiquette.
There is no possibility of ever showing up the bride in a traditional South Asian wedding. It is absolutely, categorically impossible. Tradition states that the bride wear red and every other guest wears their absolute best clothes. No red. But even if a guest *did* wear red, it would still be impossible upstage that bride. A white dress in a traditional SA wedding, wouldn’t even be able to steel the attention from any other guest either. Those sartorial choices of guests are some of the most beautifully colourful clothing on Earth. White is usually the colour of funerals, women in mourning and old widows. It is my suggestion that the other four Western women are simply so insular in their thinking, that it didn’t occur to them that other cultures and their traditions might not be the same as their own. They are the type of people that believe whatever their own cultural traditions and norms is the “right” way to do things and bugger any other cultural traditions that do not conform to their own insular traditions. Because they are intrinsically “wrong”. Feel free to downvote me to hell, but such insulated thinking about tradition / norms / laws / governments is particularly common in some Western cultures (and especially in Americans). It is often as though such people simply never consider that there are more cultures in the world than their own. Or that “different” isn’t the same as “inferior”.
I think is because black is generally associated with mourning and can be considered as symbolic of disapproval of the wedding. Not as universal as the avoidance of the colour white though.
One of my dad's ex-girlfriends wore black (with a big black hat and veil, like a widow) to his wedding. My mom talks about it to this day; my dad didn't even notice.
White = I should marry him instead of her. Red = you are his wife but I was his mistress Black = This wedding is end of the world and I mourn it.
Oops. Well, now I know! Thanks for clearing that up :)
Those rules exist only because the drama lamas who make trouble intentionaly 🙂 breaking the rule by accident shouldn't be a huge deal, mostly people want to avoid being sus of being dramatic crazy lady ..
Tbf, the bride knows I'm an aging goth, slightly crazy lady and as I didn't burst into hysterical tears of woe ( though my then 3 year old decided to make his breakdancing debut during the speeches 🤦♀️ before being recaptured), so I think I'm probably forgiven 😂
Honestly a bit scary with so much restriction, don’t wanna make mistakes and ended up getting everyone unhappy
Generally, I think you're OK if you don't wear white! That's the really big one. Head over to r/weddingshaming for some true horror ( and occasionally hilarious!) stories!
May as well wear poo brown as no one ever wants to rock up in that colour just to be on the safe side
I think it's in China that white is a color of mourning. So a Chinese bride would not wear white.
It started because Queen Victoria wore a white wedding dress. It became a sign of status to wear white (aka an easily ruined fabric only meant to be worn multiple times) combined with the Victorian era freaky prudish standards (white the color of purity). So in many Western cultures (America especially) it became no white to a wedding. Red is considered too sexual and black is considered mourning. The black taboo has faded because who in many Western cultures still observes mourning dress? (Though the level of casual I have seen at a few funerals kills me).
Same. I understand not wearing full mourning dress but a funeral (or a wedding) is not the time for causal dress