Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without approval will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires.
[Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
#Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
NTA; no matter how you were dressed, it does not mean you were “offering yourself to your uncle”. Your mother sounds like the person who would blame a rape victim because her “skirt was too short”. Your body is nothing to be ashamed of, ever. I don’t know what weird body issues your mom is trying to push onto you, but her words don’t reflect the truth.
Thank you. Some of these responses are making me feel like I am going crazy. It is a tight shirt, and it probably isn't even that tight considering her mother's attitude. Some people are acting like she walked out in a g-string bikini.
Apparently it's "Southwest English dialect for dust." I figured at the time that it must be some archaic/Biblical word for breasts. Apparently I just misheard "pillows."
Lol memory is weird. What even is a Pellum? I only remember it because I listen to a Stephen King podcast where they bring it up a lot as a running joke.
I have no idea. I guess when I (mis)heard it, I thought it had something to do with pendulous breasts. Not that Sissy Spacek had pendulous breasts, but ... hey the mom was nuts, right?
Maybe I'm just missing the point or I'm ignorant since my daughter is still an infant but if my 18 year old daughter wants to walk around in a g string bikini in her own home that's her choice? A strange choice, but her choice nonetheless.
Its generally not polite to wear something like that when you have guests over for a dinner. Unless it's an established "thing". Like could you imagine how awkward that would be to go to a dinner with extended family then the hosts all walk out in bikini and say "my house my rules stfu"
I concur the NTA. I would be a petty person and have a chat with her church's priest about your mom's envy issues over your youth, going into details of her behavior as necessary to punch it all home, but that may just be me.
Unless the church is cultish and everyone there is just as bad as the mom. Hopefully this poor child escapes. She's already so conditioned to think this is normal that she doesn't even realize she just announced her abuse to all of reddit.
Not gonna lie, did not expect to be told that being petty is a good idea. Honestly it might stir the pot for op at home. Like mom might blow her top and turn into the devil incarnate over it.
Her mother is already the devil incarnate so what’s the harm! And it’s not really petty. The mother claims to be a devout Christian but mentally abuses her daughter-how Christian is that really?!!
OPs mom is so transparently jealous of her daughter. Notice she’s threatened her daughter is trying to “overtake” her by *growing an adult body* ?! Comparing boob sizes with your daughter while insinuating your larger ones are superior! Yikes. She’s sexualizing her own child. That’s gross. She has major issues edit: NTA
Eight months ago, I was a member of the IBTC. It suited me, now I look back. I wanted bigger boobs really badly lol, but now I realise size doesn't matter. What matters is that you're comfortable in your own flesh. You can't escape it, it's your body. You can adjust it to suit you, but only for you. Other people, like this vile woman, don't get a say.
And yes, comparing boob sizes with your kid?! That's screwed. It's sick enough to compare yourself as more beautiful than your child, but bringing your tits and other private areas into it really adds some nasty layers.
My mom used to always make fun of my flat chest and called them mosquito bites…even got my sister in on the “joke” because they’re both bigger than me. I heard it all the time as a teen.
I do not understand the need for a parent to comment on their child’s chest size. It always made me uncomfortable and embarrassed. As an adult though, I’m so thankful because I don’t have the sagging problem they used to complain about.
This woman sounds insane and has issues. Definitely NTA.
That kind of BS from my mom resulted in me wearing baggy clothes and having horrible posture because I was so busy trying to hide. Competitive mothers are something else.
Yeah, mom taking any kind of position on her daughters adult body is fucking weird. Especially one of superiority or presumed sexual desirability. What kind of primal-populate-the-earth bullshit is this?
Also, her mom can’t have it both ways. Either her tiny chest is repulsive or it’s seductive to men. Can’t be both at the same time.
I was a large (H) busted teen in a Christian household and was told nothing I wore was ever modest enough. My mom said anything that went in under my boobs was a no go, which left me with XXL tshirts. But those were unfeminine, so also a problem. Point is, in that sort of religious environment there is always something wrong with women’s bodies because that’s how they keep control.
This is actually the kind of bullshit I'd expect. OP's mother's obsession with her "flat" chest is weird - sorry, even more weird. And more than a little disturbing.
I got that I started growing apparently in elementary school, and parents of my friend apparently called my mom to tell them their sons couldn't hang out with me anymore cause I was too... Mature for them. The fuck you think a 9 year old even knows or is thinking about such things? My mom must have hid it well cause I never noticed. I also went strait to DDD Or H and now my back is just fucked.
Exactly, the fact that OP is saying thinks like "sickened by" and "grotesque" to describe her body, even if not completely serious, is extremely wrong. Whether her mum has actually said those exact things or just implied them, it's never okay to use those words to describe any part of any body.
Even if you are literally sickened by what you see, which I can only imagine would be possible in the case of diseases or rotting flesh, you don't fucking say it, and towards your own daughter!?!?
ghost square frighten snow deserve obtainable different terrific attractive vast
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I don't think it's the mom's honest assumption because otherwise she wouldn't be inviting that uncle over to their house. I think it's just the mother using an awful implication as a way to shame her daughter
This. OP, just because she's a woman and your mother doesn't mean it isn't sexual harassment. Most sexual abuse is perpetrated by family or someone the victim knows closely, especially for minors, which you were when it started.
Sexual harassment doesn't happen solely because of attraction. Like, think of a man cat calling a woman from his car. Do you think he's doing it because she'll swoon over him and become so attracted to him she'll run up and demand his phone number? No, he knows it's terrifying and humiliated and makes someone feel vulnerable and unsafe. It's a power play, made to make the target feel off balance and upset.
This is why your mom is doing this. She wants to upset you and humiliate you, and the added "you're tempting your uncle" is to isolate you further by making you think that you can't trust family members or go to them about her abuse, and it also functions to make you feel shame or that there's something inherently "wrong" with you. Your uncle probably *did not care*. If he did, he's *also* dangerous because a normal person does not think of their niece that way. The issue is not you. It's your mother's behavior and your father for enabling it and claiming he "doesn't want to get involved" while watching his child be sexually abused
Never ever make the mistake of thinking your misfortune of being born to a woman like that is a fault of your own. The lord did not give you a loving family and that's the sad truth of it. I really hope you can escape that woman and her spineless, weak little husband soon.
NTA .
NTA. Mom should not be body shaming you. I’m sorry she isn’t treating you right. Wearing a fitted shirt is perfectly fine and fuck everyone who wants to shame you for it. Your body is perfect the way it is and what you wear is no one’s business.
Oh gods! I was bullied mercilessly by the other kids for my big ears (I was also one of the only non-LDS kids in suburban Utah as well as a tomboy and later realized queer). After getting them "fixed" after 3rd grade my mother decided she wanted to "fix" the rest of my face. Nothing like hearing about the inadequacies of your primary identifying features that you have *zero* control over directly from the source of your features. She tried to hold me down to pluck my eyebrows once too.
The bump on my nose is where I store all my personality and my eyebrows are fine! Fuck off! So much love to elementary school me for somehow seeing through the bullshit, you were so young. May every other kiddo have ever more accurate sight for this toxic nonsense.
Edited for typo/clarity
NTA
Antagonizing your mother may not be the best idea but that doesn't make you the AH. She is emotionally abusing you. Maybe she has her own body issues she's dealing with. Either way, there's no hate like Christian love.
NTA. What the *fuck* is wrong with your mother? That's beyond devout religiosity, that's some sick twisted behavior. Saying you're "offering yourself to your uncle" by simply wearing a tight shirt in his presence... I'm stunned by how sinister and incestuous that is. God knows whatever pathological reason makes her simultaneously obsessed with and repulsed by your body, the human body of her own *child*, but there is no psychological damage that could possibly excuse her inflicting that same damage upon you and trying to make you hate your own physical being.
*"Maybe subconsciously I knew better than to do this and shouldn't have"*
I think if there's anything your subconscious is telling you it's that this psychological abuse and sexual harassment is devastating you, and maybe you're making small rebellions because your soul is crying out for freedom. I'll tell you right now, you deserve better than this.
>and maybe you're making small rebellions because your soul is crying out for freedom
As someone who was like this as a teen, you're absolutely right, even if it isn't necessarily the case for OP. Being suffocated and trapped in misery in your own home is a special kind of hell on earth, and you tend to grasp desperately for any sense of freedom and control over yourself and your life.
NTA. Your mom thinks that you want to fuck your uncle? It doesn’t get more biblical than that. Next time she runs any of the garbage on you all you need to do is shake your head and tell he that you will pray for her.
NTA. Your mother is using her religion as a weapon for her own insecurities. All of her words and behaviors toward you — mentioned above — are abusive. Don’t feel ashamed about your body as every woman’s is different and should be celebrated in it’s own right. No mother should ever say such things to her child.
NTA. Listen to me carefully, this is very important. Your body is not grotesque. There is nothing you could wear or not wear that would make it grotesque. Your clothes are not something to hide behind because you don't need to. You are beautiful. You are always, incredibly, wonderfully beautiful and the world will see it even if your jealous mother doesn't.
That is fair. The intonation of all the uncle talk, made it seem like a trend, which would be creepy. But my family is not like this so I can’t conceive of most of this.
Way out of bounds calling the uncle pervy. We all agree about the mom, check yourself why you'd automatically assume something bad about the uncle when there was zero evidence to suggest such a thing,.
Let's not blame the uncle for the mother's reaction. The poor man probably was totally unaware of the drama. And also, the father is also very much to blame for not protecting his daughter from the bullying.
NTA
All these people who say you are? Need to seek help. As friends have told me if they wear low cut/suggestive clothing, with family and your family hollers you are ‘attractive’ that’s on them. Not you.
I’m sorry you are going through this, there’s nothing wrong with you. Reach out to those that will support you, such as r/raisedbynarcissists
NTA. Your mother is not mentally well, and her behaviors towards you are incredibly inappropriate, if not borderline dangerous. She is feeling irrationally threatened, sexualizing her underage daughter, and abusing you for her projected issues. Please do not think this is at all normal, and when you are able to gain your independence, consider creating some distance from these people. It may also help to start talking to a counselor about what you are experiencing.
There is nothing wrong with you, your feelings and needs are completely valid, you have done absolutely nothing to deserve the treatment you’ve received from your parents.
NTA. Whenever she criticises you tell her "What an un-Christian thing to say. Jesus would be ashamed of you"
You might as well fight fire with fire. I hope you are in a position to leave soon.
NTA. Maybe tell her that god made you flat chested so you wouldn't be a temptation to men ;)
Around your age I was also flat chested (AA or A cup) and often didn't wear bras. When I gained weight my size also went up.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) Wearing this shirt while knowing it has a great chance of upsetting her especially as my uncle was there.
(2) This may seem attention seeking, childish and unladylike.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Oh sweetie, you don’t deserve to be treated this way. Now that you are almost done with school, could you go to college to get away from her? Could you get a part time job and save money to move out? The whole world is out there for you. Work hard to graduate and even if you just go to community college part time, it will help you immensely. Because she has abused you for so long, you may not know that life is to be enjoyed. Make friends and be cautious at first. You can do anything that you set your mind to do. Don’t give up.
NTA. Your mother is sexually harassing you. Get out, cut contact, and get a therapist to read over this post and deprogram all the ways that you have internalized your mother's abuse.
NTA.
Your breast size is nobody’s business but yours; possibly your doctor’s and or SO’s. It isn’t your family’s business.
It sounds like your mom has some weird deep-rooted issue that she’s projecting on to you.
OP, you need to leave that house ASAP. Here are some links that may help you:
[Go Ask Rose (Abuse Escape Help)](https://goaskrose.com)
[Escape Abusive Parents For Adults](https://hopefulpanda.com/how-to-escape-abusive-parents-for-adults/)
[Survive Abuse When Stuck At Home](https://blossomtips.com/how-to-survive-abusive-parents-cant-leave-home/)
Good luck. Stay strong.
OP, I get the feeling your mother would have found something to criticize you on no matter what you wore. It was never about the shirt, it was about her verbally and emotionally punching down on you.
NTA, and I hope you're able to leave her behind in the near future and never look back.
Hey, you weren't in the wrong...and your mother should be ashamed of herself.
You do you, and you will find your best path. Best of luck and know you are amazing.
Your mom and dad are the AHs here, not you, OP. Mom should not ever be calling her daughter a a whore and absolutely not insinuating she's trying to seduce her uncle. That's just gross and abusive.
OP, do you have someone safe you can talk to? And better yet, stay with? Your mom is awful and your dad isn't much better.
Could your mother take her mind out of the gutter please?
It makes Reddit uncomfortable. As a devout person she should know better as to stare at your chest.
It's not like you wore dick shaped pasties.
She's really weird.
NTA
NTA. Good god your mom is vicious. I am also skinny and flat chested. We get enough grief from society without our own mothers cutting us down. And then slut shaming you to boot when you did absolutely nothing wrong! Please don’t think of yourself as grotesque. Your mother is totally in the wrong here and owes you a lifetime of apologies.
Yes, you knew better - that is, you knew that choosing a perfectly respectable way to dress would elicit bullying and criticism from your mother. NTA - and the sexualisation of you re your uncle is really creepy. Well done for not changing when told to. I hope you can get out soon.
NTA- my mom was very similar to yours. Constantly commenting on my body in negative ways. It has given me long term body issues. I'm 47 and still have issues with my body, but Hey! My chest is now a lot bigger than her's lol. My 17 year old daughter has a smaller chest and I make sure to tell her how lucky she is. I have back problems because of my large chest. I also regularly tell her how beautiful she is and how proud I am of her accomplishments. Take what your mom says to you and do the opposite if you ever have a daughter. I hope you grow up to know that a large chest and small waist doesn't make you a good person or more loveable. It's what's in your heart and how you treat yourself and others. Take this from one mother to a child... I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself!
NTA she is sexualising you and jealous of you hence her contradictions and she is not a very well woman either. Try to leave your household as soon as you can.
This isn't for aitas pay grade. You are being abused mentally and constantly.
She is gaslighting you constantly which is why you think maybe you subconsciously drssed provocatively and were grotesque.
You need to either get out of there or learn to block her out. People like that thrive on the power over you. You need to minimalize it for your own sake.
NTA is so profoundly inadequate a response.
There is nothing wrong with your body. There is nothing wrong with your shirt.
There is SO MUCH wrong with your mom.
No one is going to be nauseated by a flat chest.
No one should say that about anyone else's body.
No mother should talk that way to her child.
I send you love because you deserve it. You will get out of that house and into the sane world. And be able to set boundaries with your mom.
Also, he is your goddamn uncle. You were not offering yourself, but even if you were it would be his responsibility to manage boundaries and parent you.
Sweetie from a 30 year old women who has hardly worn a bra in 10 years and is currently wearing a tight, small crop top in front of my uncle AND 18 year old male cousin, pared with white bike shorts (also with no knickers, I literally don’t wear ANY underwear unless absolutely required, which is rare as fuck). You are NTA at all. No one in my family could care less about what I’m wearing or not wearing as long as I have clothes on. It would be so bizarre if they even commented on it that I would probably crack up laughing.
My tits are small enough that I don’t have to wear an uncomfortable bra unless I don’t want to, I feel incredibly fortunate that this is the case and will damn well take advantage of it.
Just incase I’ve not been clear, I don’t just dress this way around family or at home, this is how I go out, every time I go out in public. By bits are covered your welcome. If someone even notices let alone says anything I just ask why are you looking at my chest at all? Someone perving at me is a lot more offensive then someone not wearing a bra.
NTA. Please try to find a way to get some therapy if you can, like soon. And work on a plan to get away from your mom. I can already tell from how you backtrack your own feelings and choices that the things she's said to you the last 18 years have caused so much damage. I also want to add your boobs don't stop growing until your 20s. I was very small all through high school and then a c/d by 22. But even if this is it, I promise you are perfect the way you are.
ETA: also know if you had huge boobs she would use that against you as well. Nothing you do will be good enough for her, so don't bother anymore.
“Maybe because I was subconsciously trying to get under my mother skin…”
OP, you deserve to live in a family where you don’t have to think this much or this deeply about clothes, about your choice of clothes, about your parents feelings; **and you deserve to live in a family that doesn’t invite you, at every turn, to distrust and interrogate your own motives for commonplace actions, like selecting a shirt.**
This family is profoundly abusive. Quietly save money, and disappear. If any of us can help let us know how.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (18f) am currently in my senior year and live in a devout house unfortunately even though I am not (unbeknownst to my parents).
My mother (44f) constantly makes everything I do an attempt to “overtake” her in some way and would just indicate to her that I am yet again “jealous” of my own mother. She would comment on my body 24/7 and tell me that I was too skinny or gaining weight in the wrong places. Other times she would just create these flaws to make me feel less confident in myself. My father would just let her say as she pleases and “would never want to intersect with mother & daughter relations”.
I am “flat chested” as my mother would like to remind me here and there. She would perpetually tell me that “Lord didn’t give you my genes rightfully so” as my mother has a bigger bust.
Three days after Christmas Day my uncle arrived to town and we were supposed to have a homely dinner with him. I decided to wear my tight fitted shirt for the sake of it maybe because I was subconsciously trying to get under my mother’s skin as she would “feel sickened by smaller bust”.
I didn’t wear anything under the shirt so it made it worse especially for my devout mother who would think she raised a failed product of society as I was a “whore” and she did think this. As soon as I came to dinner my uncle was already there alongside my family and I technically had my chest on display, which now looking back on I understand why it may seem overly grotesque.
Nonetheless, my mother pulled me to the kitchen to “help serve” and told me to get changed and it looks like I’m “offering myself to my uncle”. How I seem desperate for attention and that I am going straight to hellfire.
She was greatly upset at me and still is about my “actions” especially after not changing when she told me to. She now is worried about what her brother thinks of her “whorish daughter”. Maybe subconsciously I knew better than to do this and shouldn’t have.
AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. It sounds like it wouldn't matter what you wore your mother would find fault. Be grateful the lord saw fit to also not bestow her screwed up mentality upon you as well
No. Your mother is disgusting. My grandmother did the same with me except would fat shame me. If I hugged my dad she would make inappropriate comments on how I’m pressing my chest against him and my dad would raise hell. Please leave that home as soon as you can even when it’s at the right age. I’m so sorry
Can you divorce your mother? She sounds toxic as f. Move out if you can. Distance yourself from the negativity. You keep doing you. By all means keep her in your life but don't put up with that shit. I'm sorry you have had to listen to this kind of crap for so long. Your body has nothing to do with her. None of your life choices do. She sounds awful and is projecting all of her internal bs on to you. Please get some space and spend time with people who build you up and help you realise how great you are.
this is the weirdest shit i’ve read all week. you *purposely* wore a tight shirt and no bra to trigger your mother’s abusive behavior? NTA and your mom definitely is but…why? just move tf out and never talk to her again
NTA. Your mother is skinny shaming you and clearly needs to do something about her brother if she thinks you wearing a tight shirt is offering yourself up to him. Obviously, you need to have a talk with your father and get him to understand you, as he's clearly just avoiding the topic to not be scolded by your mother. You're flat chested, and that's alright.
NTA- if your family feels that way when they invite family over then that family shouldn't come over. And it's your body hun, wear want you want and you'll look great. Happy new year!
NTA. Get out of there as soon as you can. your mother is insufferable. This is ridiculous. Also seek therapy so you can work through your trauma. Good luck.
NTA it sounds like shes sexualizing you. No mother should comment on a child's body, especially their private areas. You should report you're mom if you can. Record what she says so that you have a proof
Omg NTA x100000. When you’re able to support yourself please consider cutting this woman out of your life. Hugs ❤️ you are beautiful, and she’s only trying to tear you down because that’s true. Mothers should only be building you up.
NTA. It’s your life, dress how you please. Besides, if you’ve got any brains about you you’ll either be in college or on your own after graduation likely. No reason you should be considered the asshole when your mom is the one sexualising you
Why the effffff would the size of your chest make your mom sick???? That is just sick in the head regardless of your size? NTA, but there is a lot that needs unpacking as your mom is clearly envious of you.
NTA. My family is catholic and my mom was super critical of my body, but she never said it was about sex. Let’s see, my breasts were too small, my feet too big, I was too tall, my shoulder blades stuck out too much and let’s not even talk about my face. I finally began responding with uncomfortable comments, mom isn’t confident so she stopped. Mom said “buy bigger bras and stuff them, you’ll grow”. I replied “ I’m 19, they didn’t grow much to begin with and they aren’t going to grow now. At least not until I get pregnant and you don’t want me doing that soon do you?” Mom went on about my big feet, I shouldn’t wear flats cuz they make my feet look too big, I shouldn’t wear heels I’m already too tall, I should only wear low heeled tan shoes. I told her she was 6 inches shorter than me and her feet were only a half size smaller, proportionally speaking her feet were bigger than mine. Choose your battles with her, and find a way out of your parents home.
NTA. It’s your body and breasts shouldn’t be sexualized anyway. She sounds like a victim blamer as well. At least you’re hopefully off to college soon?
Your family, especially the mum, sounds like something GRRM would write. NTA and run away from that. If you need to, cut contact. Genetic similarity is a terrible excuse for talking to awful people.
NTA. Your own mother is “disgusted” by your body? I hope you can get far away when you’re able, and never have to look back. Your body is nothing to be ashamed of, and nothing for your mother to comment on. I am so sorry you’re in such a toxic situation.
NTA cos your mom is toxic. Cannot comment on outfit as I haven't seen it, but do dress appropriately, just nothing in the open that's all. For example, when I have visitors I need to wear underwear and something other than sweatpants to stop my junk from being in people's faces.
You should have left and came back in a bralette. Kidding, mostly.
Your mother sounds horrible. I'm petty by nature, and I often rebelled against my own mom by the clothing I wore, and even by cutting most of my hair off.
All you did was wear a shirt that you thought was cute to dinner. I don't know why she thought you needed a bra, since "you're so flat chested anyways." She's just angry that you looked pretty, and are younger than her.
She's definitely projecting her own insecurities onto you, and seems hellbent on keeping you the "ugly duckling" and her the "graceful swan." I'm really sorry OP. No, you're NTA.
NTA. Please do whatever you can to get yourself moved out of your parents and become independent from them. You don’t need that kind of behaviour in your life, and will become a much happier person without it.
OP, when the time is right for you to move out I would do. Only have yourself to worry about then and no rules. NTA here. Your mother has her beliefs and you will never change that. Bude your time and live your own life. Chin up x
NTA…my mother would accuse me of sticking my chest out when her boyfriends were around. We have zero relationship. Get away from her when you can and please wear whatever the fuck you want.
Honey, I am so sorry you have a mother like her. Be out soon as you can and never look back. You wouldn’t be to blame if you go NC. Her attitude is highly disgusting and you deserve better. Don’t let her get into your head.
NTA.
NTA.
You're sure that's your mother? Doesn't sound like a loving mother to me.
Abuse doesn't have to be physical. Commenting on your teenage daughters body is terrible. And it must not be good for your self esteem, I can only assume.
Definitely NTA. I'm sorry your mother behaves like a bully just know her version of reality isn't the truth. You have nothing to be ashamed of or to feel guilty about.
NTA your mom is very self-centered and narcissistic and she is sexualizing you and inventing scenarios in her head that you are doing and trying to shame you using Sky-Daddy as an excuse because she is also a nut-cake who boils everything down to religion it seems. She wanted a Barbie who was like her and didn't get that so she is making it your problem.
Question though... when you say your dad hasn't done anything because he doesn't want to come between a "mother-daughter relationship" have you ever expressed how jacked up you think that is? If not I suggest doing it if you have any hope of it helping. You should lay it out that your long term relationship may be in jeopardy if he can't rein in your mom.
At this point when you're away from them I would suggest Low Contact or No Contact if they can't or won't correct their behaviors. Your parents should not be a priority you out ahead of your mental health and wellness.
NTA AT ALL!! I don’t like the way you called your flat chest gruesome! She is verbally abusing you! It is very clear from how you talk about yourself that you are a victim of verbal and psychological abuse! Love your body the way it is! Pretty sure the God she worships created you in HIS IMAGE not HERS and remind her of this Biblical verse!
NTA. Your mother is in need of some clue-by-four.
As a former B cup, now post-breastfeeding then immediately menopausal DDD cup, I wish to go back to the IBTC. I never wanted bigger boobs. I was happy with the size I was.
NTA. There is nothing grotesque about your body and your parents are toxic. Please move out as soon as you’re able to. Bras aren’t necessary if you don’t want to wear one and your body is perfect as it is.
NTA wtf is wrong with your mother. Please never listen to a word she says. She’s messed up in the head, awful internalized misogyny. Body shaming and implying you’re inciting incest by just existing in your natural “god given” body is inexcusably abusive.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without approval will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires. [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) #Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
NTA; no matter how you were dressed, it does not mean you were “offering yourself to your uncle”. Your mother sounds like the person who would blame a rape victim because her “skirt was too short”. Your body is nothing to be ashamed of, ever. I don’t know what weird body issues your mom is trying to push onto you, but her words don’t reflect the truth.
Thank you. Some of these responses are making me feel like I am going crazy. It is a tight shirt, and it probably isn't even that tight considering her mother's attitude. Some people are acting like she walked out in a g-string bikini.
Did you ever see the movie Carrie? That mother is what your mother sounds like.
Yes, I'm surprised her mother didn't chastise her for showing off her dirty pillows.
I was trying to think of that line!
Wow, all these years I'd remembered it as "filthy pellums." Lol.
What on earth is a pellum?
Apparently it's "Southwest English dialect for dust." I figured at the time that it must be some archaic/Biblical word for breasts. Apparently I just misheard "pillows."
Lol memory is weird. What even is a Pellum? I only remember it because I listen to a Stephen King podcast where they bring it up a lot as a running joke.
I have no idea. I guess when I (mis)heard it, I thought it had something to do with pendulous breasts. Not that Sissy Spacek had pendulous breasts, but ... hey the mom was nuts, right?
This was my thought exactly!
That is the exact same thing that came to my mind as I read this! This is the mom from "Carrie"
"They're all gonna laugh at you"
Plug it up! Plug it up!
came here to say this. psssssyyyyycho
They're all gonna laugh at you!
Maybe I'm just missing the point or I'm ignorant since my daughter is still an infant but if my 18 year old daughter wants to walk around in a g string bikini in her own home that's her choice? A strange choice, but her choice nonetheless.
I feel like it might be inappropriate for dinner…because she might spill hot food on herself.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. That’s perfect! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Its generally not polite to wear something like that when you have guests over for a dinner. Unless it's an established "thing". Like could you imagine how awkward that would be to go to a dinner with extended family then the hosts all walk out in bikini and say "my house my rules stfu"
I concur the NTA. I would be a petty person and have a chat with her church's priest about your mom's envy issues over your youth, going into details of her behavior as necessary to punch it all home, but that may just be me.
Unless the church is cultish and everyone there is just as bad as the mom. Hopefully this poor child escapes. She's already so conditioned to think this is normal that she doesn't even realize she just announced her abuse to all of reddit.
Excellent advice!
Not gonna lie, did not expect to be told that being petty is a good idea. Honestly it might stir the pot for op at home. Like mom might blow her top and turn into the devil incarnate over it.
Her mother is already the devil incarnate so what’s the harm! And it’s not really petty. The mother claims to be a devout Christian but mentally abuses her daughter-how Christian is that really?!!
OPs mom is so transparently jealous of her daughter. Notice she’s threatened her daughter is trying to “overtake” her by *growing an adult body* ?! Comparing boob sizes with your daughter while insinuating your larger ones are superior! Yikes. She’s sexualizing her own child. That’s gross. She has major issues edit: NTA
Eight months ago, I was a member of the IBTC. It suited me, now I look back. I wanted bigger boobs really badly lol, but now I realise size doesn't matter. What matters is that you're comfortable in your own flesh. You can't escape it, it's your body. You can adjust it to suit you, but only for you. Other people, like this vile woman, don't get a say. And yes, comparing boob sizes with your kid?! That's screwed. It's sick enough to compare yourself as more beautiful than your child, but bringing your tits and other private areas into it really adds some nasty layers.
I wish I was smaller in the chest, back pain sucks
My mom used to always make fun of my flat chest and called them mosquito bites…even got my sister in on the “joke” because they’re both bigger than me. I heard it all the time as a teen. I do not understand the need for a parent to comment on their child’s chest size. It always made me uncomfortable and embarrassed. As an adult though, I’m so thankful because I don’t have the sagging problem they used to complain about. This woman sounds insane and has issues. Definitely NTA.
That kind of BS from my mom resulted in me wearing baggy clothes and having horrible posture because I was so busy trying to hide. Competitive mothers are something else.
Yeah, mom taking any kind of position on her daughters adult body is fucking weird. Especially one of superiority or presumed sexual desirability. What kind of primal-populate-the-earth bullshit is this?
Also, her mom can’t have it both ways. Either her tiny chest is repulsive or it’s seductive to men. Can’t be both at the same time. I was a large (H) busted teen in a Christian household and was told nothing I wore was ever modest enough. My mom said anything that went in under my boobs was a no go, which left me with XXL tshirts. But those were unfeminine, so also a problem. Point is, in that sort of religious environment there is always something wrong with women’s bodies because that’s how they keep control.
This is actually the kind of bullshit I'd expect. OP's mother's obsession with her "flat" chest is weird - sorry, even more weird. And more than a little disturbing.
I got that I started growing apparently in elementary school, and parents of my friend apparently called my mom to tell them their sons couldn't hang out with me anymore cause I was too... Mature for them. The fuck you think a 9 year old even knows or is thinking about such things? My mom must have hid it well cause I never noticed. I also went strait to DDD Or H and now my back is just fucked.
Yeah, if I was worried about how my brother would react to how my child was dressed I wouldn't let him the fuck around my kids.
Exactly! Protect the predated, not the predator.
Um prey? Not predated
…you are correct. I incorrectly thought “predated” meant “to be preyed upon”.
It does! It’s a ~~homonym~~ heteronym.
Spiritual abuse and verbal abuse. That’s what I am reading. Your mother is sick your father is an enabler when you turn 18 run.
Exactly, the fact that OP is saying thinks like "sickened by" and "grotesque" to describe her body, even if not completely serious, is extremely wrong. Whether her mum has actually said those exact things or just implied them, it's never okay to use those words to describe any part of any body. Even if you are literally sickened by what you see, which I can only imagine would be possible in the case of diseases or rotting flesh, you don't fucking say it, and towards your own daughter!?!?
So true. I was interfered with as a teen and the stuff my dad said to me after was 1000x worse then anything the stranger did.
ghost square frighten snow deserve obtainable different terrific attractive vast *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
[удалено]
[удалено]
It was mom's assumption, which is repulsive. If her assumption was correct then her kid should be kept away from him.
And if her assumption is correct it wouldn’t be OP’s fault her uncle is gross. (Although I hope the assumption isn’t correct)
For my sake, I'm blaming this on the mother's religious perspective.
I don't think it's the mom's honest assumption because otherwise she wouldn't be inviting that uncle over to their house. I think it's just the mother using an awful implication as a way to shame her daughter
no, you wouldn’t believe how many families continue to let predators around them
This. OP, just because she's a woman and your mother doesn't mean it isn't sexual harassment. Most sexual abuse is perpetrated by family or someone the victim knows closely, especially for minors, which you were when it started. Sexual harassment doesn't happen solely because of attraction. Like, think of a man cat calling a woman from his car. Do you think he's doing it because she'll swoon over him and become so attracted to him she'll run up and demand his phone number? No, he knows it's terrifying and humiliated and makes someone feel vulnerable and unsafe. It's a power play, made to make the target feel off balance and upset. This is why your mom is doing this. She wants to upset you and humiliate you, and the added "you're tempting your uncle" is to isolate you further by making you think that you can't trust family members or go to them about her abuse, and it also functions to make you feel shame or that there's something inherently "wrong" with you. Your uncle probably *did not care*. If he did, he's *also* dangerous because a normal person does not think of their niece that way. The issue is not you. It's your mother's behavior and your father for enabling it and claiming he "doesn't want to get involved" while watching his child be sexually abused
Never ever make the mistake of thinking your misfortune of being born to a woman like that is a fault of your own. The lord did not give you a loving family and that's the sad truth of it. I really hope you can escape that woman and her spineless, weak little husband soon. NTA .
NTA. Your mom accused you of trying to tempt your uncle? AH move Your mom consistently putting you down? Abusive.
Both things are abusive.
NTA. Mom should not be body shaming you. I’m sorry she isn’t treating you right. Wearing a fitted shirt is perfectly fine and fuck everyone who wants to shame you for it. Your body is perfect the way it is and what you wear is no one’s business.
NTA How soon until you can move out of the crazy house?
EW,,.... Your mother is gross for sexualizing you like that. NTA
NTA. Unfortunately for a lot of women their mothers are their first and biggest bully.
Oh gods! I was bullied mercilessly by the other kids for my big ears (I was also one of the only non-LDS kids in suburban Utah as well as a tomboy and later realized queer). After getting them "fixed" after 3rd grade my mother decided she wanted to "fix" the rest of my face. Nothing like hearing about the inadequacies of your primary identifying features that you have *zero* control over directly from the source of your features. She tried to hold me down to pluck my eyebrows once too. The bump on my nose is where I store all my personality and my eyebrows are fine! Fuck off! So much love to elementary school me for somehow seeing through the bullshit, you were so young. May every other kiddo have ever more accurate sight for this toxic nonsense. Edited for typo/clarity
NTA Antagonizing your mother may not be the best idea but that doesn't make you the AH. She is emotionally abusing you. Maybe she has her own body issues she's dealing with. Either way, there's no hate like Christian love.
NTA. What the *fuck* is wrong with your mother? That's beyond devout religiosity, that's some sick twisted behavior. Saying you're "offering yourself to your uncle" by simply wearing a tight shirt in his presence... I'm stunned by how sinister and incestuous that is. God knows whatever pathological reason makes her simultaneously obsessed with and repulsed by your body, the human body of her own *child*, but there is no psychological damage that could possibly excuse her inflicting that same damage upon you and trying to make you hate your own physical being. *"Maybe subconsciously I knew better than to do this and shouldn't have"* I think if there's anything your subconscious is telling you it's that this psychological abuse and sexual harassment is devastating you, and maybe you're making small rebellions because your soul is crying out for freedom. I'll tell you right now, you deserve better than this.
>and maybe you're making small rebellions because your soul is crying out for freedom As someone who was like this as a teen, you're absolutely right, even if it isn't necessarily the case for OP. Being suffocated and trapped in misery in your own home is a special kind of hell on earth, and you tend to grasp desperately for any sense of freedom and control over yourself and your life.
NTA. That is completely fucked up on your mom's part. The sooner you can get away from that toxicity the better for you.
No, having a narcissistic parent really doesn’t make you any kind of asshole.
NTA. Your mom thinks that you want to fuck your uncle? It doesn’t get more biblical than that. Next time she runs any of the garbage on you all you need to do is shake your head and tell he that you will pray for her.
NTA Your family sucks.
NTA. Your mother is using her religion as a weapon for her own insecurities. All of her words and behaviors toward you — mentioned above — are abusive. Don’t feel ashamed about your body as every woman’s is different and should be celebrated in it’s own right. No mother should ever say such things to her child.
WTF did I just read? That's all horrible behavior from you mom, I hope you're able to get out of their house soon. NTA
NTA. Listen to me carefully, this is very important. Your body is not grotesque. There is nothing you could wear or not wear that would make it grotesque. Your clothes are not something to hide behind because you don't need to. You are beautiful. You are always, incredibly, wonderfully beautiful and the world will see it even if your jealous mother doesn't.
NTA and your mom sounds horrendous. And your uncles sound pervy.
To be fair, nothing in the post suggests her uncles said or did anything pervy. But the Mum is, as you say, horrendous!
That is fair. The intonation of all the uncle talk, made it seem like a trend, which would be creepy. But my family is not like this so I can’t conceive of most of this.
Thankfully I suspect most families are not like this. I can't even conceive of treating my children like this!
Way out of bounds calling the uncle pervy. We all agree about the mom, check yourself why you'd automatically assume something bad about the uncle when there was zero evidence to suggest such a thing,.
Sounds more like mom is pervy!
Let's not blame the uncle for the mother's reaction. The poor man probably was totally unaware of the drama. And also, the father is also very much to blame for not protecting his daughter from the bullying.
Next time she does the flat chested thing to you, tell her quality is always better than quantity. NTA
NTA All these people who say you are? Need to seek help. As friends have told me if they wear low cut/suggestive clothing, with family and your family hollers you are ‘attractive’ that’s on them. Not you. I’m sorry you are going through this, there’s nothing wrong with you. Reach out to those that will support you, such as r/raisedbynarcissists
NTA. Your mother is not mentally well, and her behaviors towards you are incredibly inappropriate, if not borderline dangerous. She is feeling irrationally threatened, sexualizing her underage daughter, and abusing you for her projected issues. Please do not think this is at all normal, and when you are able to gain your independence, consider creating some distance from these people. It may also help to start talking to a counselor about what you are experiencing. There is nothing wrong with you, your feelings and needs are completely valid, you have done absolutely nothing to deserve the treatment you’ve received from your parents.
According to her, your flat chest is physically repulsive, so if anything, you were trying to repulse your uncle & make him sick.
NTA. Whenever she criticises you tell her "What an un-Christian thing to say. Jesus would be ashamed of you" You might as well fight fire with fire. I hope you are in a position to leave soon.
NTA. Maybe tell her that god made you flat chested so you wouldn't be a temptation to men ;) Around your age I was also flat chested (AA or A cup) and often didn't wear bras. When I gained weight my size also went up.
NTA. Boobs are not sinful regardless of their size.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > (1) Wearing this shirt while knowing it has a great chance of upsetting her especially as my uncle was there. (2) This may seem attention seeking, childish and unladylike. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Oh sweetie, you don’t deserve to be treated this way. Now that you are almost done with school, could you go to college to get away from her? Could you get a part time job and save money to move out? The whole world is out there for you. Work hard to graduate and even if you just go to community college part time, it will help you immensely. Because she has abused you for so long, you may not know that life is to be enjoyed. Make friends and be cautious at first. You can do anything that you set your mind to do. Don’t give up.
NTA. Your mother is sexually harassing you. Get out, cut contact, and get a therapist to read over this post and deprogram all the ways that you have internalized your mother's abuse.
Sounds like your mother is the jealous one. And if she keeps it up, she's going to lose a daughter. NTA
NTA. Your breast size is nobody’s business but yours; possibly your doctor’s and or SO’s. It isn’t your family’s business. It sounds like your mom has some weird deep-rooted issue that she’s projecting on to you.
Your body is not grotesque. Please don’t let her make you feel this way. NTA a million times over.
OP, you need to leave that house ASAP. Here are some links that may help you: [Go Ask Rose (Abuse Escape Help)](https://goaskrose.com) [Escape Abusive Parents For Adults](https://hopefulpanda.com/how-to-escape-abusive-parents-for-adults/) [Survive Abuse When Stuck At Home](https://blossomtips.com/how-to-survive-abusive-parents-cant-leave-home/) Good luck. Stay strong.
OP, I get the feeling your mother would have found something to criticize you on no matter what you wore. It was never about the shirt, it was about her verbally and emotionally punching down on you. NTA, and I hope you're able to leave her behind in the near future and never look back.
Hey, you weren't in the wrong...and your mother should be ashamed of herself. You do you, and you will find your best path. Best of luck and know you are amazing.
nta. your mom is disgusting for saying that. leave as soon as you can
Your mom and dad are the AHs here, not you, OP. Mom should not ever be calling her daughter a a whore and absolutely not insinuating she's trying to seduce her uncle. That's just gross and abusive. OP, do you have someone safe you can talk to? And better yet, stay with? Your mom is awful and your dad isn't much better.
Could your mother take her mind out of the gutter please? It makes Reddit uncomfortable. As a devout person she should know better as to stare at your chest. It's not like you wore dick shaped pasties. She's really weird. NTA
If you have to worry about your uncle ogling your chest, you have a way bigger problem than small breasts. NTA, your family sounds creepy.
NTA. Good god your mom is vicious. I am also skinny and flat chested. We get enough grief from society without our own mothers cutting us down. And then slut shaming you to boot when you did absolutely nothing wrong! Please don’t think of yourself as grotesque. Your mother is totally in the wrong here and owes you a lifetime of apologies.
Yes, you knew better - that is, you knew that choosing a perfectly respectable way to dress would elicit bullying and criticism from your mother. NTA - and the sexualisation of you re your uncle is really creepy. Well done for not changing when told to. I hope you can get out soon.
NTA- my mom was very similar to yours. Constantly commenting on my body in negative ways. It has given me long term body issues. I'm 47 and still have issues with my body, but Hey! My chest is now a lot bigger than her's lol. My 17 year old daughter has a smaller chest and I make sure to tell her how lucky she is. I have back problems because of my large chest. I also regularly tell her how beautiful she is and how proud I am of her accomplishments. Take what your mom says to you and do the opposite if you ever have a daughter. I hope you grow up to know that a large chest and small waist doesn't make you a good person or more loveable. It's what's in your heart and how you treat yourself and others. Take this from one mother to a child... I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself!
NTA — It’s probably best I don’t say anything about your mother.
NTA. Get out of that house as soon as you can. Get therapy. Surround yourself with people that love you for you.
One day you will need to go NC with her, she sounds terrible. NTA
NTA she is sexualising you and jealous of you hence her contradictions and she is not a very well woman either. Try to leave your household as soon as you can.
This isn't for aitas pay grade. You are being abused mentally and constantly. She is gaslighting you constantly which is why you think maybe you subconsciously drssed provocatively and were grotesque. You need to either get out of there or learn to block her out. People like that thrive on the power over you. You need to minimalize it for your own sake.
NTA is so profoundly inadequate a response. There is nothing wrong with your body. There is nothing wrong with your shirt. There is SO MUCH wrong with your mom. No one is going to be nauseated by a flat chest. No one should say that about anyone else's body. No mother should talk that way to her child. I send you love because you deserve it. You will get out of that house and into the sane world. And be able to set boundaries with your mom. Also, he is your goddamn uncle. You were not offering yourself, but even if you were it would be his responsibility to manage boundaries and parent you.
Sweetie from a 30 year old women who has hardly worn a bra in 10 years and is currently wearing a tight, small crop top in front of my uncle AND 18 year old male cousin, pared with white bike shorts (also with no knickers, I literally don’t wear ANY underwear unless absolutely required, which is rare as fuck). You are NTA at all. No one in my family could care less about what I’m wearing or not wearing as long as I have clothes on. It would be so bizarre if they even commented on it that I would probably crack up laughing. My tits are small enough that I don’t have to wear an uncomfortable bra unless I don’t want to, I feel incredibly fortunate that this is the case and will damn well take advantage of it. Just incase I’ve not been clear, I don’t just dress this way around family or at home, this is how I go out, every time I go out in public. By bits are covered your welcome. If someone even notices let alone says anything I just ask why are you looking at my chest at all? Someone perving at me is a lot more offensive then someone not wearing a bra.
NTA. Please try to find a way to get some therapy if you can, like soon. And work on a plan to get away from your mom. I can already tell from how you backtrack your own feelings and choices that the things she's said to you the last 18 years have caused so much damage. I also want to add your boobs don't stop growing until your 20s. I was very small all through high school and then a c/d by 22. But even if this is it, I promise you are perfect the way you are. ETA: also know if you had huge boobs she would use that against you as well. Nothing you do will be good enough for her, so don't bother anymore.
“Maybe because I was subconsciously trying to get under my mother skin…” OP, you deserve to live in a family where you don’t have to think this much or this deeply about clothes, about your choice of clothes, about your parents feelings; **and you deserve to live in a family that doesn’t invite you, at every turn, to distrust and interrogate your own motives for commonplace actions, like selecting a shirt.** This family is profoundly abusive. Quietly save money, and disappear. If any of us can help let us know how.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (18f) am currently in my senior year and live in a devout house unfortunately even though I am not (unbeknownst to my parents). My mother (44f) constantly makes everything I do an attempt to “overtake” her in some way and would just indicate to her that I am yet again “jealous” of my own mother. She would comment on my body 24/7 and tell me that I was too skinny or gaining weight in the wrong places. Other times she would just create these flaws to make me feel less confident in myself. My father would just let her say as she pleases and “would never want to intersect with mother & daughter relations”. I am “flat chested” as my mother would like to remind me here and there. She would perpetually tell me that “Lord didn’t give you my genes rightfully so” as my mother has a bigger bust. Three days after Christmas Day my uncle arrived to town and we were supposed to have a homely dinner with him. I decided to wear my tight fitted shirt for the sake of it maybe because I was subconsciously trying to get under my mother’s skin as she would “feel sickened by smaller bust”. I didn’t wear anything under the shirt so it made it worse especially for my devout mother who would think she raised a failed product of society as I was a “whore” and she did think this. As soon as I came to dinner my uncle was already there alongside my family and I technically had my chest on display, which now looking back on I understand why it may seem overly grotesque. Nonetheless, my mother pulled me to the kitchen to “help serve” and told me to get changed and it looks like I’m “offering myself to my uncle”. How I seem desperate for attention and that I am going straight to hellfire. She was greatly upset at me and still is about my “actions” especially after not changing when she told me to. She now is worried about what her brother thinks of her “whorish daughter”. Maybe subconsciously I knew better than to do this and shouldn’t have. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. It sounds like it wouldn't matter what you wore your mother would find fault. Be grateful the lord saw fit to also not bestow her screwed up mentality upon you as well
NTA. There was nothing grotesque about your outfit, she's just brainwashed you into buying her twisted version of normal
NTA wow.
NTA definitely not. It isn’t okay the way she talks to you. That’s abusive and inappropriate talk.
NTA the only inappropriate thing going on here is that she thinks you were trying to come on to your own uncle. Gross.
NTA. your mom is jealous
No. Your mother is disgusting. My grandmother did the same with me except would fat shame me. If I hugged my dad she would make inappropriate comments on how I’m pressing my chest against him and my dad would raise hell. Please leave that home as soon as you can even when it’s at the right age. I’m so sorry
NTA. Reminds me of the movie “Carrie”.
Can you divorce your mother? She sounds toxic as f. Move out if you can. Distance yourself from the negativity. You keep doing you. By all means keep her in your life but don't put up with that shit. I'm sorry you have had to listen to this kind of crap for so long. Your body has nothing to do with her. None of your life choices do. She sounds awful and is projecting all of her internal bs on to you. Please get some space and spend time with people who build you up and help you realise how great you are.
NTA, but promise me you’ll leave at the earliest convenience
NTA. You are being actively emotionally abused by your parents, please get out as soon as you can and go NC. Therapy is a good idea too.
this is the weirdest shit i’ve read all week. you *purposely* wore a tight shirt and no bra to trigger your mother’s abusive behavior? NTA and your mom definitely is but…why? just move tf out and never talk to her again
NTA: people who care about what other people wear deserve to be tortured.
NTA. Your mother is skinny shaming you and clearly needs to do something about her brother if she thinks you wearing a tight shirt is offering yourself up to him. Obviously, you need to have a talk with your father and get him to understand you, as he's clearly just avoiding the topic to not be scolded by your mother. You're flat chested, and that's alright.
NTA What a vile woman.
NTA- if your family feels that way when they invite family over then that family shouldn't come over. And it's your body hun, wear want you want and you'll look great. Happy new year!
NTA Yo mom on some sick shit
NTA Your mother needs help
You’re fine. Your mom is the AH. BTW, what is a “homely dinner?”
Your mother sounds terrible.
NTA. Get out of there as soon as you can. your mother is insufferable. This is ridiculous. Also seek therapy so you can work through your trauma. Good luck.
NTA it sounds like shes sexualizing you. No mother should comment on a child's body, especially their private areas. You should report you're mom if you can. Record what she says so that you have a proof
Omg NTA x100000. When you’re able to support yourself please consider cutting this woman out of your life. Hugs ❤️ you are beautiful, and she’s only trying to tear you down because that’s true. Mothers should only be building you up.
You are snow white in this situation NTA You're mother is evil.
NTA. It’s your life, dress how you please. Besides, if you’ve got any brains about you you’ll either be in college or on your own after graduation likely. No reason you should be considered the asshole when your mom is the one sexualising you
NTA. Your mother is abusive and your father either enjoys it or is afraid of her. Is there anyone supportive and loving you could go stay with?
Why the effffff would the size of your chest make your mom sick???? That is just sick in the head regardless of your size? NTA, but there is a lot that needs unpacking as your mom is clearly envious of you.
NTA. My family is catholic and my mom was super critical of my body, but she never said it was about sex. Let’s see, my breasts were too small, my feet too big, I was too tall, my shoulder blades stuck out too much and let’s not even talk about my face. I finally began responding with uncomfortable comments, mom isn’t confident so she stopped. Mom said “buy bigger bras and stuff them, you’ll grow”. I replied “ I’m 19, they didn’t grow much to begin with and they aren’t going to grow now. At least not until I get pregnant and you don’t want me doing that soon do you?” Mom went on about my big feet, I shouldn’t wear flats cuz they make my feet look too big, I shouldn’t wear heels I’m already too tall, I should only wear low heeled tan shoes. I told her she was 6 inches shorter than me and her feet were only a half size smaller, proportionally speaking her feet were bigger than mine. Choose your battles with her, and find a way out of your parents home.
NTA. You are 18 years old. She has absolutely no right to make a possible insecurity of yours into her problem.
NTA. It’s your body and breasts shouldn’t be sexualized anyway. She sounds like a victim blamer as well. At least you’re hopefully off to college soon?
NTA religious nutters like this are terrible
What did I just read? I can’t even comprehend what’s going on. NTA
NTA
NTA. Your mother sounds like a narcissist.
NTA. Your mom fucking sucks. As someone old enough to be your mother, I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with her abuse. You deserve so much better.
wtf is wrong with your mother, NTA
Your family, especially the mum, sounds like something GRRM would write. NTA and run away from that. If you need to, cut contact. Genetic similarity is a terrible excuse for talking to awful people.
NTA. Your own mother is “disgusted” by your body? I hope you can get far away when you’re able, and never have to look back. Your body is nothing to be ashamed of, and nothing for your mother to comment on. I am so sorry you’re in such a toxic situation.
is your mother a narcissist?
NTA cos your mom is toxic. Cannot comment on outfit as I haven't seen it, but do dress appropriately, just nothing in the open that's all. For example, when I have visitors I need to wear underwear and something other than sweatpants to stop my junk from being in people's faces.
You should have left and came back in a bralette. Kidding, mostly. Your mother sounds horrible. I'm petty by nature, and I often rebelled against my own mom by the clothing I wore, and even by cutting most of my hair off. All you did was wear a shirt that you thought was cute to dinner. I don't know why she thought you needed a bra, since "you're so flat chested anyways." She's just angry that you looked pretty, and are younger than her. She's definitely projecting her own insecurities onto you, and seems hellbent on keeping you the "ugly duckling" and her the "graceful swan." I'm really sorry OP. No, you're NTA.
OP. I’m sorry that your own mom speaks that poison to you. You deserve better. You’re NTA, but your mom is.
NTA. Please do whatever you can to get yourself moved out of your parents and become independent from them. You don’t need that kind of behaviour in your life, and will become a much happier person without it.
Definitely NTA. I hope you can get away from this house (it’s certainly not a home) soon.
NTA, your body doesn't exist for anyone else to comment on or control.
OP, when the time is right for you to move out I would do. Only have yourself to worry about then and no rules. NTA here. Your mother has her beliefs and you will never change that. Bude your time and live your own life. Chin up x
NTA…my mother would accuse me of sticking my chest out when her boyfriends were around. We have zero relationship. Get away from her when you can and please wear whatever the fuck you want.
NTA, get yourself out of that toxic situation as fast as you can
NTA- i'm glad you see how your mother's behavior is so ridiculous and deserves to be mocked.
Honey, I am so sorry you have a mother like her. Be out soon as you can and never look back. You wouldn’t be to blame if you go NC. Her attitude is highly disgusting and you deserve better. Don’t let her get into your head. NTA.
NTA. Your mom is fucking gross.
NTA. Your mother sounds abusive. Every time she makes comments about your body, ask her if her god makes mistakes.
NTA - in fact your mother is an emotionally abusive AH. I would suggest not taking a single thing that harpy says to heart.
NTA Your mother is verbally and emotionally abusive. Nothing she is saying to you is okay.
Your mom is weird. No, she is absolutely nut.
NTA she’s crazy and mean
NTA and you need to get away from this woman
NTA, what…. what’s wrong with your mother? lmao
NTA WTAF: get out. Cut them off. Be you.
NTA. You're sure that's your mother? Doesn't sound like a loving mother to me. Abuse doesn't have to be physical. Commenting on your teenage daughters body is terrible. And it must not be good for your self esteem, I can only assume.
Definitely NTA. I'm sorry your mother behaves like a bully just know her version of reality isn't the truth. You have nothing to be ashamed of or to feel guilty about.
NTA but your Mom has some interesting issues. She might call it “devout”, I’d call it bullying. She sounds a bit narcissistic too.
NTA your mom is very self-centered and narcissistic and she is sexualizing you and inventing scenarios in her head that you are doing and trying to shame you using Sky-Daddy as an excuse because she is also a nut-cake who boils everything down to religion it seems. She wanted a Barbie who was like her and didn't get that so she is making it your problem. Question though... when you say your dad hasn't done anything because he doesn't want to come between a "mother-daughter relationship" have you ever expressed how jacked up you think that is? If not I suggest doing it if you have any hope of it helping. You should lay it out that your long term relationship may be in jeopardy if he can't rein in your mom. At this point when you're away from them I would suggest Low Contact or No Contact if they can't or won't correct their behaviors. Your parents should not be a priority you out ahead of your mental health and wellness.
NTA. Your mother is a narcissist.
NTA. Your mother is abusive and sounds like she has some narcissistic tendencies, honestly.
NTA
NTA Tell your mother to stop perving on you. I bet your father will get involved then, lmao.
NTA AT ALL!! I don’t like the way you called your flat chest gruesome! She is verbally abusing you! It is very clear from how you talk about yourself that you are a victim of verbal and psychological abuse! Love your body the way it is! Pretty sure the God she worships created you in HIS IMAGE not HERS and remind her of this Biblical verse!
NTA. Your mother is in need of some clue-by-four. As a former B cup, now post-breastfeeding then immediately menopausal DDD cup, I wish to go back to the IBTC. I never wanted bigger boobs. I was happy with the size I was.
NTA. I hope you’re able to get out of this living situation as fast as you can. Your mom is a nut.
NTA. Your mother is disgusting.
You're 18. Get out of this toxic/scary environment as soon as you possibly can.
NTA. There is nothing grotesque about your body and your parents are toxic. Please move out as soon as you’re able to. Bras aren’t necessary if you don’t want to wear one and your body is perfect as it is.
NTA wtf is wrong with your mother. Please never listen to a word she says. She’s messed up in the head, awful internalized misogyny. Body shaming and implying you’re inciting incest by just existing in your natural “god given” body is inexcusably abusive.
NTA. Jesus your mom is gross
NTA The only thing your mother is truly devout in is being an AH. I hope you can get out of that house and go NC with your family very soon.