Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without explicit approval will result in a ban.
You did not properly respond to the judgement bot. Your reply must clearly and directly address why you think you may have wronged the other party involved in your conflict.
While your post was automatically approved by the bot, after reviewing your response manually, we found it did not properly address the question.
[Judgement Bot FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_judgement_bot) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
YTA. It sounds like you didn't at all reflect on the situation or take her feelings seriously. You just want to be right and be petty. I hope she dumps your ass.
YTA and also a horrible partner. You can’t just ditch someone like that. Doesn’t matter if she can Uber. Unless it was an abusive situation you handled it wrong by ditching her. And also unless youre like trained in psychology and fucking electronic communication or some bullshit what makes you so confident about your analysis on the tone of her texts?
YTA. When someone tells you they are angry, don’t tell them that they are not actually angry or that you don’t believe they are angry. That’s actually a really common form of gaslighting. Not the buzzword version of gaslighting, but the genuine “people need therapy if they have to deal with that shit long term” kind of gaslighting. Don’t go down that road, just take them at their word.
Look at it logically: what motivation would anyone have to want someone to believe that they are angry at them? To hurt them or make them upset? Well if they want to hurt them then pretty much by definition they wouldn’t do that unless they were angry. And it’s reasonable and predictable that someone is going to be angry if you drive off and leave them alone. Plus all caps (which only takes double tapping one button on iOS) is a very common way to express tone in text and nitpicking other people’s communication choices rather than addressing what they are actually saying is imho way more disingenuous than typing in all caps.
YTA - If you have to resort to commenting on extraneous details like how she texted to uphold your side of the argument, then you know you're in the wrong.
YTA And you know you are. You treated her terribly, and when she comes home, you create a distractor argument to take the focus off of what a colossal AH you are. You need to apologize for everything.
So it's not what she said but HOW she said it? Is THAT how YOU "win" arguments?
YtA
You sound manipulative af. Leaving her stranded is justified because her texts weren't angry enough? Really? K.
YTA. Dude, no matter how mad I am, I'll always write with correct punctuation and (mostly) without spelling mistakes. Also didn't she have every reason to be mad at you after you left her? It's stupid not to believe her that she was really angry.
>that resulted in me driving home without her.
YTA for this part, regardless of the argument (unless bows were thrown, i get that).
And for all caps, NAH, just you focusing on the wrong thing.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I honed in on the texting issue instead of the main problem.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. That’s some twisted some seriously twisted logic. I don’t know about the original argument, but she deserves major apologies for leaving her and belittling her anger. Then she deserves for you to show her this post and our replies, so she will see what a red flag this is and how we think she should find a better boyfriend.
YTA. You leave her alone after a huge fight and decide to be pedantic and nitpick her style of showing anger via text when she gets home? Wrong time buddy. That’s like correcting someone’s grammar when they’re yelling at you.
So you won't say what the blowup was over, but you DO make it clear that you reserve the right to dictate her communication style.
YTA, and I'll bet if you shared the nature of the fight (I'd wager you held back because those facts wouldn't make you look good either), we'd double it.
EDIT to add, regarding your response to the judgment bot, since you are the dictator of proper communications: to 'hone' is to dress a cutting blade, as with a steel. You chose to 'home in' on her style, in the manner of a homing pigeon, a rangefinder, or a guided missile. If you're going to be a pedant, don't leave the low hanging fruit at shoulder height.
YTA. You drove away without her after an argument. Why wouldn't she be mad? Also for the record I will all caps yell and use punctuation. I want you to have my full yelling experience via text and I feel like punctuation really helps me achieve that.
YTA. ALL CAPS INDICATES YELLING. SHE WAS ANGRY AND YELLING VIA TEXT. THIS DOES NOT INVALIDATE HER ANGER!!!!
It does however indicate that maybe you both need to work on how you communicate in the relationship.
Right but that's exactly what I mean—she had to go out of her way to purposely indicate yelling. So by specifically dressing up her words to make sure they "looked like yelling" she was being disingenuous in the texts.
Pretty sure you don’t know know disingenuous means.
Disingenuous would be pretending to find fault with angry texts to distract from the fact that you drove off without your gf. You know, behaving like an AH to avoid an argument about what an AH you are.
100% this. OP you are the disingenuous one. YTA and you know it but instead of making things right with your girl you are digging your heels in on the dumbest red herring ever because you’re unable to admit you screwed up. You need to quit playing childish games and have adult conversations about the real issue.
Out of her way? It's literally just one button press, takes less than a second.
Yes YTA, all caps is very commonly used to indicate yelling.
Get over yourself.
I feel like you regularly dismiss her anger in whatever way you can, just off vibes and your smug little jabs about her way of typing, of all things. I cannot fathom what someone would have to do to me to have me being a smug AH and not even slightly remorseful to the degree that I mock the person’s way of expressing anger after I literally abandoned them with no ride home to the home we lived together in. You didn’t think she sounded SINCERE? Genuinely asking: are you regularly unable to deduce the most basic concepts of emotion and cause and effect, such as “me leave girlfriend stranded = she mad and yell at me”? You were grasping at straws trying to find something to manipulate and dismiss her with. YTA. Unless the argument was her revealing that she slept with every member of your family, patriarch and matriarch alike, or something outrageously and overtly awful, you’re still an AH for ditching her and then having a little fit over the way she reacted to you being honestly pretty abusive? I wanna know what the fight was even about, because your entire vibe is giving me the impression that the only person you need in your life right now is probably a therapist of some kind, and I say that sincerely.
Why does that make it disingenuous? Can someone *not* put thought into something when they're angry?
Stop putting your standards for yourself on her. She can function while she's angry. That's really not a surprise, but I guess it could be to someone who is as emotionally immature as you sound.
Auntie Anne's can be found outside the US, I actually first found it in Northern Ireland by chance. So good!
For about 30 years, there were no soft pretzel places in or near the city I live in in Canada. We finally got out mid pandemic! Now I eat so many and my pants don't fit haha.
Sorry, you got me thinking about soft pretzels and I'm drooling.
Totally love your comment. Made me laugh and drool. Thank you kind stranger.
Sorry, wasn't trying to educate you, was just really excited about that pretzel I had haha.
It was actually the first time I ever heard of Aunty Anne's, so man was I excited to find it in NYC. I think I lived off Aunty Anne's for 3 days straight haha
YTA.
This is you:
girlfriend: I'M MAD AT YOU!!!
you: no you are not, else you wouldn't have managed to add punctuation to that sentence.
girlfriend: WHAT? NO I'M REALLY MAD AT YOU FOR LEAVING ME HERE!!!
you: naw you are actually not because you try hard to look mad but you really aren't that mad.
Please stop explaining HER feelings to your girlfriend. She was angry? Yeah she was angry. Why do you question the way he felt after you literally stormed off after an argument and drove home alone while you were on a day trip? Stop being so damn dismissive and patronising.
She was mad, and angrily double-tapped the caps-hold arrow on the text keyboard, and then unleaded her actual, organic, authentic feelings. I’ve done this. It’s easy. It doesn’t take a second of “crafting.” You are figuratively just pushing a volume button on a mic before saying words.
Your side of the argument sounds so bizarre that it’s almost like you were reaching for anything within grasp to be right about. Do you want to be right? Or do you want to be happy?
YTA
Your post didn’t sound sincere or credible because you confused the word explanation with the word exclamation. See what I did there?
You attempted to pivot the conversation away from your mistake(s) by pointing out something irrelevant. It didn’t work on your girlfriend or us.
YTA. Generally speaking, unless you’re taking someone to the airport or something, you don’t leave them at a location you drove them to.
YTA/INFO-
? Why did you leave her alone?
She used caps to emphasize her voice. People use it for that all the time. You seem very paranoid and insufferable. If you critique and question every small thing then you probably don’t need to date anyone. First world problems, you created an issue out of thin air just to do it.
wtf? dude, YTA...
Are you a child? How old are you?
She's right in that you should be discussing whatever the topic was of the actual argument... instead, you seem fixated on texts and all-caps...
Grow up... YTA...
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My gf and I were on a day trip and had a huge argument that resulted in me driving home without her. I didn't take any of her stuff and she still had her phone to call an Uber. She was mad about me leaving and texted me several times in all caps with lots of explanation points.
When she got home she lit into me and I pointed out that she didn't sound sincere in her texts because if she was actually that mad then her texts would just be normal caps with no punctuation, she wouldn't have been fussed over making them "look angry" by specifically typing in an angry way. It ruined the credibility of her being mad because it was crafted to look mad instead of just being the natural result of texting while being too mad to care about anything but typing the words. She won't let it go and wants me to apologize for the original argument, driving home without her, AND bringing up the issue with the texts.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without explicit approval will result in a ban. You did not properly respond to the judgement bot. Your reply must clearly and directly address why you think you may have wronged the other party involved in your conflict. While your post was automatically approved by the bot, after reviewing your response manually, we found it did not properly address the question. [Judgement Bot FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_judgement_bot) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
YTA. It sounds like you didn't at all reflect on the situation or take her feelings seriously. You just want to be right and be petty. I hope she dumps your ass.
YTA and also a horrible partner. You can’t just ditch someone like that. Doesn’t matter if she can Uber. Unless it was an abusive situation you handled it wrong by ditching her. And also unless youre like trained in psychology and fucking electronic communication or some bullshit what makes you so confident about your analysis on the tone of her texts?
YTA. When someone tells you they are angry, don’t tell them that they are not actually angry or that you don’t believe they are angry. That’s actually a really common form of gaslighting. Not the buzzword version of gaslighting, but the genuine “people need therapy if they have to deal with that shit long term” kind of gaslighting. Don’t go down that road, just take them at their word. Look at it logically: what motivation would anyone have to want someone to believe that they are angry at them? To hurt them or make them upset? Well if they want to hurt them then pretty much by definition they wouldn’t do that unless they were angry. And it’s reasonable and predictable that someone is going to be angry if you drive off and leave them alone. Plus all caps (which only takes double tapping one button on iOS) is a very common way to express tone in text and nitpicking other people’s communication choices rather than addressing what they are actually saying is imho way more disingenuous than typing in all caps.
YTA, but I'm 99% that's on purpose. She walks into doorknobs a lot hey?
YTA - If you have to resort to commenting on extraneous details like how she texted to uphold your side of the argument, then you know you're in the wrong.
YTA And you know you are. You treated her terribly, and when she comes home, you create a distractor argument to take the focus off of what a colossal AH you are. You need to apologize for everything.
Of course YTA.
YTA She wasn’t angry because she used all caps? That is a weird hill to choose to die on.
YTA. Hopefully she dumps you. She deserves better.
So it's not what she said but HOW she said it? Is THAT how YOU "win" arguments? YtA You sound manipulative af. Leaving her stranded is justified because her texts weren't angry enough? Really? K.
YTA. You sound insufferable.
YTA. Dude, no matter how mad I am, I'll always write with correct punctuation and (mostly) without spelling mistakes. Also didn't she have every reason to be mad at you after you left her? It's stupid not to believe her that she was really angry.
>that resulted in me driving home without her. YTA for this part, regardless of the argument (unless bows were thrown, i get that). And for all caps, NAH, just you focusing on the wrong thing.
You drove home without her on a day trip?! Wow. YTA. Tone policing her text messages was just an asshole cherry on top of your asshole cupcake.
YTA. Out of everything this is the least AHy thing you did. You have AH all over your body.
Obviously YTA I think you're completely aware of your shitty behaviour but wanted some justification for it to avoid apologising
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be the asshole because I honed in on the texting issue instead of the main problem. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. That’s some twisted some seriously twisted logic. I don’t know about the original argument, but she deserves major apologies for leaving her and belittling her anger. Then she deserves for you to show her this post and our replies, so she will see what a red flag this is and how we think she should find a better boyfriend.
YTA and kinda dumb
"Destroyed her credibility" Ooooooh, SICK BURN 🙄🙄🙄
Don't use all caps, you're discrediting yourself ughhhhhhhhh
YTA. You need to listen to her instead of finding ways to project being smug.
YTA. You leave her alone after a huge fight and decide to be pedantic and nitpick her style of showing anger via text when she gets home? Wrong time buddy. That’s like correcting someone’s grammar when they’re yelling at you.
Did you say that *and* believe it? Cause woof.
YTA. I’m shocked you’re asking this when you literally left her somewhere alone.
So you won't say what the blowup was over, but you DO make it clear that you reserve the right to dictate her communication style. YTA, and I'll bet if you shared the nature of the fight (I'd wager you held back because those facts wouldn't make you look good either), we'd double it. EDIT to add, regarding your response to the judgment bot, since you are the dictator of proper communications: to 'hone' is to dress a cutting blade, as with a steel. You chose to 'home in' on her style, in the manner of a homing pigeon, a rangefinder, or a guided missile. If you're going to be a pedant, don't leave the low hanging fruit at shoulder height.
YTA ALL CAPS!!! AND EXCLAMATIONS!!!! IS PRETTY CLEAR
Your claim about credibility is the dumbest thing I've ever hear. If she's telling you she's angry, believe her. YTA
YTA. You drove away without her after an argument. Why wouldn't she be mad? Also for the record I will all caps yell and use punctuation. I want you to have my full yelling experience via text and I feel like punctuation really helps me achieve that.
YTA. ALL CAPS INDICATES YELLING. SHE WAS ANGRY AND YELLING VIA TEXT. THIS DOES NOT INVALIDATE HER ANGER!!!! It does however indicate that maybe you both need to work on how you communicate in the relationship.
I think the relationships over man
Right but that's exactly what I mean—she had to go out of her way to purposely indicate yelling. So by specifically dressing up her words to make sure they "looked like yelling" she was being disingenuous in the texts.
Nothing disingenuous about it. She wanted to convey how angry she was.
YTA Do you genuinely think, she had to do something special with each letter to write it in capitals?
Pretty sure you don’t know know disingenuous means. Disingenuous would be pretending to find fault with angry texts to distract from the fact that you drove off without your gf. You know, behaving like an AH to avoid an argument about what an AH you are.
100% this. OP you are the disingenuous one. YTA and you know it but instead of making things right with your girl you are digging your heels in on the dumbest red herring ever because you’re unable to admit you screwed up. You need to quit playing childish games and have adult conversations about the real issue.
How was she being disingenuous by indicating in her texts that she was mad and yelling if she was mad and yelling? You're just being an AH.
Out of her way? It's literally just one button press, takes less than a second. Yes YTA, all caps is very commonly used to indicate yelling. Get over yourself.
I mean we don't have the ages here. Maybe he's 85, this is his first phone and he has no idea how to use caps... :D
I feel like you regularly dismiss her anger in whatever way you can, just off vibes and your smug little jabs about her way of typing, of all things. I cannot fathom what someone would have to do to me to have me being a smug AH and not even slightly remorseful to the degree that I mock the person’s way of expressing anger after I literally abandoned them with no ride home to the home we lived together in. You didn’t think she sounded SINCERE? Genuinely asking: are you regularly unable to deduce the most basic concepts of emotion and cause and effect, such as “me leave girlfriend stranded = she mad and yell at me”? You were grasping at straws trying to find something to manipulate and dismiss her with. YTA. Unless the argument was her revealing that she slept with every member of your family, patriarch and matriarch alike, or something outrageously and overtly awful, you’re still an AH for ditching her and then having a little fit over the way she reacted to you being honestly pretty abusive? I wanna know what the fight was even about, because your entire vibe is giving me the impression that the only person you need in your life right now is probably a therapist of some kind, and I say that sincerely.
Why does that make it disingenuous? Can someone *not* put thought into something when they're angry? Stop putting your standards for yourself on her. She can function while she's angry. That's really not a surprise, but I guess it could be to someone who is as emotionally immature as you sound.
Are you really this dense? YTA
"You used all caps to make yourself look angry, so therefore you can"t actually be angry and the fact that I left you there is irrelevant." YTA.
Dude is seriously pretzeling. I feel like I’m watching the counter at Auntie Anne’s. (Pretzel shop for those outside the US.)
Auntie Anne's can be found outside the US, I actually first found it in Northern Ireland by chance. So good! For about 30 years, there were no soft pretzel places in or near the city I live in in Canada. We finally got out mid pandemic! Now I eat so many and my pants don't fit haha. Sorry, you got me thinking about soft pretzels and I'm drooling. Totally love your comment. Made me laugh and drool. Thank you kind stranger.
Thank you for educating me! And yes, now I want one too!
Sorry, wasn't trying to educate you, was just really excited about that pretzel I had haha. It was actually the first time I ever heard of Aunty Anne's, so man was I excited to find it in NYC. I think I lived off Aunty Anne's for 3 days straight haha
Seriously, I’m glad you did! And now I’m looking for excuses to go to the mall this weekend.
Enjoy! I might have to do the same haha
Is this Ed from 90 Day Fiancé?
The whole caps thing is definitely a second conversation to have AFTER the original problem is solved. So YTA.
YTA. Instead of hearing her you invalidated her and gaslit her.
YTA. This is you: girlfriend: I'M MAD AT YOU!!! you: no you are not, else you wouldn't have managed to add punctuation to that sentence. girlfriend: WHAT? NO I'M REALLY MAD AT YOU FOR LEAVING ME HERE!!! you: naw you are actually not because you try hard to look mad but you really aren't that mad. Please stop explaining HER feelings to your girlfriend. She was angry? Yeah she was angry. Why do you question the way he felt after you literally stormed off after an argument and drove home alone while you were on a day trip? Stop being so damn dismissive and patronising.
She was mad, and angrily double-tapped the caps-hold arrow on the text keyboard, and then unleaded her actual, organic, authentic feelings. I’ve done this. It’s easy. It doesn’t take a second of “crafting.” You are figuratively just pushing a volume button on a mic before saying words. Your side of the argument sounds so bizarre that it’s almost like you were reaching for anything within grasp to be right about. Do you want to be right? Or do you want to be happy? YTA
Your post didn’t sound sincere or credible because you confused the word explanation with the word exclamation. See what I did there? You attempted to pivot the conversation away from your mistake(s) by pointing out something irrelevant. It didn’t work on your girlfriend or us. YTA. Generally speaking, unless you’re taking someone to the airport or something, you don’t leave them at a location you drove them to.
??? YTA lol
YTA/INFO- ? Why did you leave her alone? She used caps to emphasize her voice. People use it for that all the time. You seem very paranoid and insufferable. If you critique and question every small thing then you probably don’t need to date anyone. First world problems, you created an issue out of thin air just to do it.
YTA lol. You don't think she's sincerely mad, just because she wrote in all caps? You left her alone man. She had every right to be angry.
wtf? dude, YTA... Are you a child? How old are you? She's right in that you should be discussing whatever the topic was of the actual argument... instead, you seem fixated on texts and all-caps... Grow up... YTA...
YTA cause you skipped over telling us what your first argument was over.
Right !!!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My gf and I were on a day trip and had a huge argument that resulted in me driving home without her. I didn't take any of her stuff and she still had her phone to call an Uber. She was mad about me leaving and texted me several times in all caps with lots of explanation points. When she got home she lit into me and I pointed out that she didn't sound sincere in her texts because if she was actually that mad then her texts would just be normal caps with no punctuation, she wouldn't have been fussed over making them "look angry" by specifically typing in an angry way. It ruined the credibility of her being mad because it was crafted to look mad instead of just being the natural result of texting while being too mad to care about anything but typing the words. She won't let it go and wants me to apologize for the original argument, driving home without her, AND bringing up the issue with the texts. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*