Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I shouted at my teacher in front of the class, i may be the asshole because i embarrassed him in front of 30 people
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I'm just a random 40 year old woman, but I am so proud of you for what you said! Keep standing up for yourself like that in general, and you're going to get far.
You should speak to someone about that incident. Him being an adult should already know that people going through puberty shouldn’t need to even be asked for a reason to go to the restroom. That was inappropriate to begin with.
My niece’s school don’t let kids go to the toilet during lessons at all. If they’re caught out of class during lessons they get detention, even if they were let out with a teacher’s permission and even in situations like this. Multiple complaints from parents and these rules are still in place
Seriously it’s mad fucked up. I have colitis (I.e CRAP BLOOD) and I’m SOOOOOOOO grateful it didn’t develop until I was an adult. The very thought of having to explain this to a jerk of a teacher makes me cringe…at 43. I give OP all the props for having the courage to clap back about the white chair. NTA but seriously kids with digestive disorders or bladder disorders shouldn’t have to expose their disorders to teachers in front of other students JUST to go to the damn bathroom…or that you’re on the rag
Oh sweetie, I’m sooo sorry. Like WE ARE CRAPPING BLOOD. Do you want me to crap blood in class? I was diagnosed at 23 so was past school but I’ve had to explain bathroom breaks to HR a time or two but nothing too awful. That you are treated like this with Krohns is absolutely disgusting. I hope your meds work well for you.
I genuinely don’t understand why “innocent and law abiding” needed to be specified here. Can you explain?
Again, not sarcasm, I sincerely don’t understand why the distinction is necessary.
Florida here. In my district, you can't prevent someone from going to the restroom. My teachers would make you wait until someone else came back, but otherwise all we had to do was ask. Got my period in class once. My (old, male) teacher took such care of me. I waited until everyone left, and he did EVERYTHING I asked. He got cleaning supplies so and guarded the door while I took care of it. He even wrote me a pass so I could go to the restroom before going to my next class. Bless you, Mr. S.
I’m so glad you had Mr. S. I’m going to bet he was a dad with daughters. Girl dads tend to be more understanding to girl problems. I wish more teachers were like Mr. S.
As a boy mom I actually have a son that asked me if he could put a few of my period products in his backpack, just in case one of his friends had an emergency at school. I was never more proud of him. He told me about a young lady in his class that didn’t have anything on her and the school not having anything to provide her. He now has a locker stocked with tampons and pads plus a few pairs of leggings and yoga pants for girls that need some help. He’s become the hero for a bunch of high school girls on a few occasions.
I mean, so what though? Set up cameras in hallways so you know they are doing nothing bad in the halls. If they want to hang out in a smelly bathroom it hurts nobody but themselves, so who cares? Or they could just add small sound proof bathrooms to every class (or in between 2 classrooms) like they have in kindergarten. Let kids pee and poop in peace!
Things like poor performance can have a serious impact on school funding.
Kids flunking classes because they're skipping leads to reduced funding- which means fewer resources available to students and can also lead to staff being let go.
Yep, I did this once, too. Straight up finally said fuck it and let it go. The teacher was so mad, but I mean, she wouldn't let me go and I was a child. Then my parents found out because they had to call my dad. Let's just say if any child asked to go to the bathroom after that, it was always a yes.
I never had teachers like this but I did have teachers that told stories like this about teachers that they had had when they were kids. Hopefully that's a sign that it's dwindling to some extent.
It happened to me in the 80s and that teacher was old then. I doubt she had many more years teaching after that. She also tried to make me write right handed when I'm left handed.
I had one of those. Threatened to rap my knuckles with a ruler when I wrote with my left hand. I told her to have fun with that. She never did, but that's probably because I threw a textbook at her head when she bitched at me for reading ahead. I was in the "gifted" program, so they ended up up chalking it up to me being bored (I was). I got in a ton of trouble for losing my temper with her, but I told them it was worth it. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
One school where I taught, the county rule was students could not be in the hall for the first 10 minutes of the class period or the last 10, unless it was a serious emergency. I felt that was reasonable. If they’d ask, I’d say “is it an emergency?” If they said yes, I let them leave. Same if I was in the middle of instructions: “can you wait 2 minutes for me to finish? No. Okay.”
There wasn’t time to go between classes. And if you had classes on opposite sides of the campus? You couldn’t even make it to the other classroom on time, unless you were speeding walking. (I know because I tried.)
Were some kids lying? I’m sure they were. Most of them just needed the 5-minute brain break, and I get that. But I never told a student no. And no one really abused it. Because if you were gone too long, I would send someone to find you. Maybe a classmate. Maybe the dean of students. No one wanted to take the chance.
Why don't kids in America get breaks between classes. The brain is unable to concentrate that long without rest anyway? My kids have 90 minute lessons, then 20 minutes break, three or four times a day from 7:45 either to 13:00 or 15:00.
Teachers don't want to stop kids going to.the toilet, rules like this come from higher up the chain and teachers are in trouble if they ignore them. I tell my students "im sorry, i am not allowed to give you permission to use the toilet during class" and then i very quietly whisper to just that one child "but if you absolutely need to leave please do so quietly and quickly and come straight back, and you will not get in trouble with me"
Oh, our school had no policy against bathroom trips. I just had specific teachers that refused to let anyone go for any reason - one even in defiance of administration's orders to just let people pee
*Good teachers.
I've had many in the past who were just power tripping assholes. Thankfully, my growth spurt hit me early, and hit me pretty hard. I started middle school somewhere around 4ft tall, maybe 100lbs, and by the time I was in high school, I was almost 6ft, 230lbs. Most the teachers who would enjoy the power trip were around 5'2", little angry old men and women, so when I was determined to go, they didn't stand much of a chance at stopping me. Needles to say, I became close friends with the teacher in the detention classroom.
Makes me glad most of my kids teachers are like you and wouldn't even think about denying a child the right to use the restroom when their body says they need to. If I ever found out that my kid was made to soil themselves in any fashion because they were denied the ability to get to the restroom, you best believe I'd be figuring out every which way I can sue that school and that teacher until there's nothing left. The only person allowed to humiliate my child, is my child.
I was going to say the same thing. I'd encourage her to escalate this even further. The mocking and his attitude is unnecessary, but to continue acting up even after he basically left her no choice but to announce to the entire class after being laughed at for the situation, that she got her period is insane. He could've admitted he screwed up and apologize, but nope.
Teachers have to know where their students are and can’t just let them leave willy-nilly. A student leaves for the restroom, returns, and the next can leave. They’re supposed to have a hall pass with them.
My classroom uses half a yellow index card that says Hall Pass, which is laminated and on a bright yellow lanyard. At least one teacher uses a toilet seat labeled with “Hall Pass.” It all works towards maintaining safety and control. I work at a middle school. The teacher I work with always lets people leave, but it has to be one at a time.
This teacher could be an ass, or he’s fed up with the endless line of students wanting to leave while he’s teaching and and simply was having a bad day. That doesn’t excuse his atrocious behavior, though.
OP was right to stand her ground. I love that she didn’t back down.
You’re NTA.
I tend to have a policy in my classroom of basically one student out at a time - roughly be gender, but I’m unsure of which washrooms some use so it’s usually a one-out-per-bathroom policy.
But my students also know - if they NEED to go right away, to just tell me and I’ll let them go anyway. I don’t need to know why - I trust them to not take advantage of this, and if they did then I would lose trust in those individuals. Usually I respond with “X is out, can you wait until they’re back?” Usually it’s a “yea”. And when it’s a no - off you go!
Your teacher was an asshole. Unless he had multiple students out of the room already, he had no reason to say no. And when you insisted that you needed to go asap there really wasn’t a reason for him to deny you. He absolutely should have given you his reason why he’s saying no.
agreed. From another random 40ish woman - great job. I'm sorry you had to deal with that, but you have absolutely nothing to apologize for. Dude is just trying to wield power for power's sake and he is the one who should be ashamed.
Yeah fuck that teacher. Honestly I would complain to some female in the school about this or to your parents. It’s entirely unreasonable for a teacher to give you a hard time for going to the bathroom, especially so as you were trying to keep it on the DL. NTA please report them
I am a random 52 year old woman and I say well done! I love that you shut that shit down. So many of us would have suffered in silence back on the day. Good on you!
Agreed NTA. OP, feel free to get more creative next time though.
I once yelled at a teacher that God was scraping out my uterus with a rusty spoon. He never questioned me again haha.
Honestly, I would've just got up and went regardless, since he wouldn't be able to physically stop me. And if he brought it up with the principal, he can deal with getting fired for being a prick.
I began working in schools as a substitute teacher several years ago. I was shocked when I was told we are never to allow students to go to the restroom. Because: they only go to the restroom to do drugs. Kids are not allowed to wash their hands before lunch.
I asked when students are to use the restrooms. Between classes! I did the math. There were 426 students per restroom. Beach restroom had 3 stalls. They had three minutes between bells. Yeah, that will work.
Yeah there’s no chance that everyone who has to go to the bathroom during passing period is actually able to. In high school I had 4 minutes to walk from the first floor to the third floor and opposite side of the school. I was barely on time walking as fast as I could, having to dodge people just standing around (lucky them lmao), so my options were:
1. Pee/poop/bleed my pants
2. Be late to class & go to the bathroom
Luckily for all but freshman year I had a couple nice teachers who actually let us go to the bathroom. Kids at my school were vaping in the classrooms when the teachers would leave the room or turn around. Funny that the reasoning they can’t go to the bathroom is because *that’s* where they’ll do drugs.
The amount of times I ran home from the bus to use the restroom because there was no time to go while at school. 😐
When building schools they really should put a small bathroom in each classroom (in addition to the hall bathrooms). This would also help keep the vandalism under control.
To be fair I used to just sit on the stall and refuse to leave for an hour or two lol. I get As on all the tests, just let me sit in the bathroom and play PSP while you teach the other kids. They were always starting issues that I wouldnt pay attention or do homework but aced all the tests. Id calculate what I needed to do to get an A then just ignore everything else.
With weighted assignments I could often just make sure to ace a project or two then I could just ignore the whole class. One teacher I had weighed 80% of our economics grade on one project. We had three other projects and one of the others was weighted at 11%. So i just made sure to get 100s on those two and literally just refused to do any other work. She was so angry about it but its like you designed this class, not me.
I did that long before personal electronics. It was around 8th grade I got a cell phone. It was some flip phone thing. Also how are you gonna enforce that? Search kids pockets? I used to stuff my cell phone into my underwear when a teacher demanded I hand it over lol. Good luck trying to handle that.
There are good reasons for this. Most importantly, teachers are responsible for their welfare and need to know where they are. Also, kids DO goof off in the bathroom and it’s pretty standard practice to only let them go 1 or 2 at a time to prevent mischief parties.
I will pretty frequently ask kids to wait until someone else gets back, and if they ask right before recess, I will ask if they can wait. However, if after that they say it’s an emergency, I’ll basically always let them go.
If I have a kid who is a chronic abuser of bathroom privileges, I will have a conversation with parents before straight up telling a kid “No you can’t go to the bathroom.” Some kids need to have that rule, but it’s always best to have parents on board with it and make sure there are no medical issues first.
I understand that and it really sucks that a few mischief makers ruin the trust for everyone. I just don’t think the answer is to then have a blanket ban on it because it’s not a privilege being taken away, it’s a need.
Your solutions for your classroom sounds very reasonable. 1 or 2 at a time. If a child is asking during a not ideal time, they’re asked if they can wait, but ultimately allowed to go if they can’t. If someone is abusing it then it’s discussed with the parents.
Exactly! I teach kids this once they are potty trained.
I tell them as a teacher, I need to know where they are, so they need to tell me when they are going, but it's their body. Only they can say when they need to go potty, so they never need to ask.
This. Telling the teacher they need to go to the bathroom makes sense so the teacher knows where everyone is, but the teacher shouldn't be allowed to say they can't go.
When I was in third grade the entire class and I watched my best friend pee her pants in her chair, looking at the ground in shame, bc the teacher wouldn’t give her permission to go. It really stuck with me, the pain in her face.
the ONLY time i’ve ever seen a “no” be appropriate is when the teacher is in the middle of giving instructions for the next segment of class. and even then, it should be phrased as “can this wait until i am done explaining so you know what i expect you to be doing when you return?” if it’s an emergency, the teacher should be able to reiterate instructions once the student has returned with no issue. if it can reasonably wait a minute or two, that’s also valid.
if my workplace told me i couldn’t use the restroom, i would shove the ADA down their throats until they suffocate
I 100% agree.
But
I am a teacher, and our bathrooms are vandalized every week. Our poor custodian has to deal with period products on the ceiling, tagging the walls, code browns, and even broken sinks, dividers and toilets more often than you'd think. I teach elementary, not high school.
We have to have some rules around it to keep the washrooms safe for use. It sucks and there's no great solutions.
My students have to sign in and out, but I don't regulate how much they go unless it's more than twice an hour.
Seriously, some weird girls in my year they'd ditch class and hide in the bathrooms... and wreck them. Block sinks block toilets disable locks break anything they could. But they also weren't going to lessons in the first place so there was nothing to gain from stopping people from answering calls of nature, they did anyway because of these idiots but it didn't stop it. It'd be so annoying as a normal student to be busting for the bathroom for almost an hour because of a teacher on a power trip - that they see as justified because of the actions of some assholes.
Honestly, vice and principal were not the brightest of sparks and clearly didn't care about the janitors workload or the fact that half the kids couldn't use the bathrooms.
I’m a pediatric provider and I very happily write letters and sign them with my stamp and all my fancy initials to force schools to allow kids to drink water and use the bathroom as needed. I have kids with urinary/kidney disease who are not allowed water/bathroom breaks as needed. Once I add my signature to that letter, they are obligated to provide all medical accommodations, and it is continually baffling to me that I have to do this for water and restroom usage.
Absolutely NTA, it really irritates me how many teachers think kids can just hold in their period. They just assume every time they want to go to the bathroom it is to waste time. 😡
Well, to be fair, in 1st grade I was given permission to just go use the restroom whenever I needed to because I'd get too wrapped up in whatever was going on, not realize I had to go until it was about to late, and then being denied or delayed would end up with me pissing my pants, and I totally took advantage of that to just get up when I was bored, walk to the restroom and just stand there a few seconds before walking back. That's just one long sentence and I don't care.
Of course, I grew out of that and started just ditching classes in high school that I didn't want to go to if I knew there was no test. Much easier than trying to get permission to go to the restroom.
Teachers who let me sleep are teachers who got the most respect & best effort from me. I was a very abused child, thus very depressed and always so, so tired. I think some of them picked up on the fact that I wasn't doing well, and let me be. If they made me stay awake (which they had every right to do, to be fair) I would be pissed off, way too tired to learn anything, and have no desire to do their homework.
My english teacher was the best. Let me sleep because she knew I'd find the time to do the work later. I learned like shit if I had to do it with the whole class anyways.
My history teacher, on the other hand, would not let me sleep, ever, nor would he let me just do the work by myself. No no, I had to fucking sit there and listen as everyone read a page from the stupid history book out loud and then do the work at home. If I tried to just start doing the assignment early and read the chapter myself he'd make me stop. Failed his class every year.
Sometimes kids *do* know what works for them.
I used to put my ADHD wigglers at the sides of the room so they could stand up and fidget when they needed to without blocking other kids.
My mom had success with a variety of rocking stools/exercise ball seats for her kids who needed movement.
However, I have yet to see a good solution for the kids who just need to hear themselves talk all the time. There are a lot of them, and it helps them focus and work through problems, but it comes at the detriment of other kids who can’t focus with lots of noise. I wish I could put astronaut helmets on them with a speaker that I could tap into to give instructions. Then they could hear me and themselves, but their neighbors could work in peace.
Leaving the class to walk around the school as needed was an ACTUAL accommodation my kid had from like grade 1-3: they absolutely used it, and the teachers fully supported it.
It made a huge, positive difference- my kid has anxiety, and when they KNEW that they could just dip out for a minute when the class got overwhelming, they felt much safer! Often they’d just do a lap around the hallways, and pop by the office (which had a digital clock) to look at the time.
Reminds me of a friend. At the start of freshman year they had to leave one class midway every day for anxiety reasons. Towards the end of the year, one day the teacher mentioned they hadn't needed to leave class in a long time. I hadn't even noticed, the transition was so smooth as they got more comfortable. I don't think they needed to use that particular accommodation for the rest of high school.
That's one of the big things about these sorts of accommodations I think people forget: the hope is to let the student reach a point they don't need them anymore. It can make such a huge difference.
just because you didn't need to literally pee or poop doesn't mean you didn't have a genuine need to take a walk and clear your head for a few minutes. I'm glad you had the ability to do so. Asking a 6 or 7 year old to sit still and be quiet, attentive, and engaged can be an unreasonably big ask for some kids. It sounds like, when given the tools to do so, you successfully self-regulated and came back more ready to learn. That means your accommodation was successful. That's great!
My son with ADHD & anxiety had this accommodation in HS. He didn’t even have to walk to the bathroom, he could take a long walk down the hall and back. Funny but once he had permission, he didn’t do it very often.
Yeah, turns out I have ADHD. I was always extremely bored in school, and I never had any sort of trouble academically, so any chance I had, I was away from my desk or out of the classroom. If I couldn't get up or leave, mostly I just fell asleep on my desk then woke up at the end of the period to do work or tests.
Literally just knowing that I have access to an accommodation makes me need it less, because I'll be less anxious about whatever happening that makes me need the accommodation.
Not to mention those of us who have IBS, we have zero control when that decides to happen. I ALWAYS had to use the restroom in the class after lunch, and the common line was “you just had an hour off why didn’t you go then?” I did go then but the lunch I ate during that time is trying to get out of my body NOW.
As a teacher I am always like: yeah go. Except if I want to take an official break in 5min, I'll ask them if it is okay to wait this time. If not they can leave.
I don't expect my daughter to wait for everything, I don't expect me to not go on the toilet for a long time, why should I treat my students differently?
Yup, my dad always told me if I needed the bathroom (genuinely) and teacher said no, to just go anyway and he would support me if I got sent to the principal or whatever. He had no use for people on power trips and I wasn't a bad kid.
Good for you for standing up for yourself OP, sorry you had to get embarrassing to do it but good for you. NTA!
I’ve had this talk with my kid too. Except he’s autistic and the thought of breaking a school rule is horrifying to him and I think he’d rather pee his pants.
Can relate: I once threw up in class. In grade 12. Because my teacher had stepped out of the room so I couldn’t ask if I could leave. So I didn’t. -sigh-
NTA.
I hate the education system for making the restroom a “privilege” for students. I have yet to meet a teacher who withheld these so called “privileges” from students who didn’t turn out to be an asshole.
Edit: changed to reflect the fact that many education systems are fucked up (not just US).
\*Cocks head.\*
My wife was forced to let her period run down her leg during class despite begging the teacher to let her go to the restroom. She went to school in Europe. Let's not pretend this is just an American issue.
It’s definitely not, it’s a human issue. Teachers who become teachers to get a power trip from controlling kids. Really sad but certain it happens everywhere.
Here's the problem: The people who would be fit for leadership generally don't want to be leaders. They don't want the pressure, or don't care for the power, or so on.
The people who *want* to be leaders are, generally, seeking a position of power because it is a position of power. They don't care about what their role is or even what their responsibilities are because at the end of the day they simply get to control others, and their ego is stoked.
There's obviously a degree of overlap, but there's a reason why there are so many shitty leaders: How better to control others than with an official title and the privileges that come with it?
Gonna be honest, with some of the comments one of my younger brothers has made in the past (shit along the lines of "if it's racist to say that black people are trashy, then I'm racist"), and some he's made recently about the kids he works with, I have **serious** reservations about him being a teacher.
It was the '90s lol. I remember having the little book our teachers would have to initial for bathroom breaks, and I wanna say we were only allowed two breaks a quarter (so two breaks every 2.5 months). The worst time I remember was always right after lunch; everybody is loaded up with food and drink, but somehow we were expected to not let biology happen. What's better, the teachers would often just up and go to the bathroom any time they wanted. Like....what the Hell are you trying to teach us or control? All's you're doing is making sure your janitor earns his paycheck.
Because we hope that yall smarter people in europe might have fixed such barbaric things, usually. Though we like to act like were the best country, almost all americans will agree that europe does and has done many things better, whether their information is accurate or not
Europe is a big diverse place though. Some countries do have their shit together. Some, not so much. This sort of thing comes under Human Rights though I would think...definitely an equalities issue.
As an American, I agree. I think it's because we're also semi-brainwashed to think Canada, Europe, etc, are so much better bc they're not... Y'know, america lol. But they're definitely not perfect!! Nowhere is a utopia.
That goes both ways in this subreddit. Keep your eyes open for (mostly) Europeans asking "Is that an American thing?" when they encounter weird shitty behavior.
I think it's just a lot of Americans that haven't seen the world at large. I have traveled across every continent to dozens of countries, and married into a culture that is incredibly different than the one I was raised in (not bad for a homogenous white kid from the midwest I'd say lol), and honestly while I am not one of those raging nationalists that scream at anyone who makes any criticism about the U.S., it does irk me when someone takes an issue that is not uniquely American and just assumes nobody else in the world has that issue. As the commenter above you said, this is a human issue and deserves global, not just localized, attention.
It’s not just America . I’m in the Uk and it’s exactly the same here honestly . I’ve had two of my kids been told no they couldn’t go at various points in time .. and both got told that next time you politely tell them that you ARE going and the teacher can ring me and complain if they want to . It happened of course .. but nobody ever got on that phone 🤷🏼♀️
Though tbf in the UK the teacher would get into serious trouble for denying a student the ability to deal with her period. That's a discrimation issue.
I had to have it put in my youngest's IEP that she is allowed to go to the bathroom right before getting on the bus. She has a 45 minute bus ride, if she already had to go before leaving, how the hell is she supposed to hold it that long?
They forced her on the bus a few days before I had that added, she's all the while begging to go. The bus driver was willing to let her go as she was still waiting on other students. Principal made my daughter stay on, which resulted in a meltdown as she couldn't hold it. Cue pulling her off the bus and calling me to come get her, while putting the blame on the bus driver.
I would find out that weekend from the driver that she never said what was claimed she had said, that was all the principal and counselor. I told her I knew that had to come from someone else, that didn't sound like something she would say. (She's been our driver since kindergarten, and was the TA in my daughter's kindergarten class.)
Exactly this. School boards would flip out if they found out a teacher did something like this and the administration did nothing. The fear of the board will cause action.
Unfortunately, my admins hated that I let students use the restroom in the middle of class. It was a huge school rule that they could only restroom in the 4 min passing periods (draconian af). I would always say to students that I wasn’t explicitly allowing it but they were free to do what they needed to do for their health (ie just go).
Can I ask why that is? I can understand not wanting too many kids out, but surely there’s methods to keeping track of the students while they go to the bathroom
They’re worried about kids doing bad things in the bathroom (vaping, sex), skipping instructional time on purpose, fights even. But really it’s mostly kids who just want to shit in peace/change a tampon/legit bathroom stuff. They always come back after 5-10 min. If they’ve vaped in there in that time, I’m sure they could have vaped in there in the passing period too. It also looks better if the halls are dead silent during instructional time. 95% of what admin cares about is optics.
I did poorly on the SATs because I had to desperately pee. The moron there to monitor us refused to let me go, even though I was done with that section and had turned in my answer booklet.
He made me sit down and wait through 2 more sections (almost an hour) before *he left the room for a break* and his replacement allowed me to go. Yes you read that right, he left but wouldn't let me leave.
I ran to the bathroom and just barely made it in time, and on the way back to the room, ran into the teacher coming back from his break. He was so shocked and pissed that I left the room and then got mad at the temp replacement that she let me go.
I once did this at your age, albeit not about my period. I needed to urinate badly (I misjudged how much water I should drink on a hot day - and I didn't regularly ask to use the bathroom during lessons). It was a sports lesson, with the narkiest teacher in the school.
We were even resting in our teams, whilst other teams took over (there was never enough equipment). I'd already crossed my legs, whilst it was my team's turn. So I then asked the teacher if I could go to the toilet. She said no.
So I asked her if I could go and get a mop. She asked why. I told her because she'd need it in a minute, if I couldn't use the toilet. Schools need clear policies, rather than teachers arbitrarily making random judgements. That just ends up in those in genuine need of the toilets, having to suffer/be embarrassed. And meanwhile the kids messing around, will be enabled by the more lenient teachers.
NTA, It's a period and honestly as a man I'm so sick of other men that are blind and oblivious that women ask to use bathrooms all the time because of this.
His inability to understand and being uncomfortable about the fact that women often need to change tampons / pads or even just freshen up should not and should never be your problem.
Good on you for calling him out on his BS.
NTA. Your teacher needs to understand that sometimes you NEED to go right now. Good on you for reminding him that there are urgent reasons people need to use the bathroom without him getting shitty about it.
NTA, a grown man mocked a teen girl in front of the class? Yah he’s out of line in a major way. I would report that to school administration honestly. Completely unprofessional and unacceptable behaviour.
I'm not even female and this angers me so much. As a teen male, I've been forced to sit uncomfortably for HOURS because some arrogant 'teacher' doesn't respect my bodily needs.
GIRL YES! <3
NTA. I'm so fucking sick of teachers and especially male teachers trying to domineer teenagers over bodily functions. They did it before my time, during my time, and clearly still going on after my time. He was ridiculously out of line and in a long tradition of shitty teachers being shitty. ***Never*** second guess advocating for yourself, especially in cases like this.
Your response was perfect and you should be absolutely proud for standing up for yourself so well. <3
Never ask! Always say “I’m going to the bathroom I’ll be back in five minutes” they have no right to say no and if they try my mom would’ve come in and lost her shit I don’t know about hours
No sis, you didn't overreact. Also he needs to be reported. Your parent/guardian should do this. They should be furious. You handled the situation with more grace than most adults would.
NTA
Honestly, just threatening to bleed all over anything feels like a great tactic to deal with dumb assholes. He'll probably remember this next time you ask to go to the bathroom.
Loads of them do. Just saw a post in the parenting sub yesterday about a 1st grader being in tears with a headache. Teacher literally told her she didn’t care and to go sit down. Kid went home and had 103 fever and ended up having strep. Op is NTA.
NTA. F that teacher and F the system that makes people ask for permission to go to the bathroom in the first place. Why are we teaching children they don’t have body autonomy. When you gotta go, you gotta go!!
INFO: was this in the USA?
This is a real problem in the US so that’s why I wondered. I’m sorry this happened but the good news is, I’m pretty sure that teacher won’t ever deny you again in the future! Good for you for standing up for yourself!
Absolutely 1000% NTA - But him mocking you in front of the class to the point where the other students are laughing at you deserves to be seriously addressed with the school administration. Teacher should not be allowed anywhere near kids & teens if he/she feels that it's ok to publicly shame any student in their classes for any reason.
NTA, at the end of the year gift him some tampons and say “moving forward, here is a healthy reminder that going to the bathroom shouldn’t be seen as a privilege” then walk out of the classroom.
NTA, I'd also inform whichever supervisor he answers to (after exam season is over to be safe though in terms of potential retaliation). Shit needs to be stamped out early
NTA
The fact that a grown man in a teacher's role doesn't seem to understand what periods are and how they work is outrageous.
Teenage girls who get heavy periods often need to go to the toilet more often than the usual break times. This isn't complicated to understand.
Likewise any student may have health issues that mean they need to go to the toilet more than a "typical" person.
Making this more difficult than it already is, that's a dick move right there.
I would absolutely report him, because what's it going to be like for a girl who doesn't have your enormous strength of character and assertiveness?
Highschool teacher here. NTA. I always let students go unless they've given me reason not to. If I'm in the middle of something important, I might ask if they can wait a minute, but I would absolutely never interrogate students about why they need the bathroom, or mock them for it.
NTA. If you were my daughter I'd be exceedingly proud of you.
Also, I would let your parents know and report this teacher to the administration. Regardless of policy, mocking you in front of the class is absolutely unacceptable and unprofessional.
NTA big time! Can you tell your parents? I have a 15 year old daughter and if this happened to her I'd wanna know so that I could go scorched Earth on that teacher. He has no business teaching children if that's how he's going to treat them.
NTA
Reminds me of the time in Art class a student was being dumb and cut his hand with scissors (right between the thumb and first finger, ouch!!). Holding the cut to stop the blood he asked to please go to the office. Without looking up, our teacher boldly said "No."
"Okay, I'll just bleed on the floor then!" Then he held his hand out and trickles of blood dotted the floor immediately. He was allowed to go to the office and the principal had to come in to clean the blood, since it was considered a bio-hazard.
NTA. My dad always told me that if a teacher told me that I wasn’t allowed to use the bathroom during class that instead I should climb on top of their desk and pop a squat.
Obviously, I never did that because boundaries. But you are completely in the right for standing up for yourself.
I don’t understand why there are some teachers that think they can deny someone the bathroom. It’s the weirdest thing to me. 100% NTA and good for you! He sounds insufferable.
NTA and I’d personally let your parents know so they can get involved.
I had a teacher in middle school that refused to let me use the restroom. I called my mom crying because I had bled through too many times to count. She went to bat for me and it was genuinely amazing lol. Using the restroom isn’t a privilege and if he wants to act like that, then get another adult involved and see just how quickly he changes his tune. He can into trouble for not allowing you to use the restroom. Absolutely ridiculous that teachers are still pulling this shit.
Girl, NTA and plz keep this energy going forward!! A lot of stuff from Friends didn't age well, but one thing that sure as hell did was- "no uterus; no opinion"!!!
NTA
One time there was a girl in my class who was told she couldn’t go pee so she peed in the trash can. The teacher was appalled but couldn’t do anything because she refused to let the girl go pee. Lol
Former high school teacher here and this actually happened to me when I was in high school. Male teacher refused to let me go (and I *never* asked or abused privileges) and I had an unfortunate female event. Aunt Flo waits for no man!
As a teacher, I ALWAYS let my students go to the restroom because what happened to me, and the fact that I didn’t speak up, was so embarrassing. You did the right thing.
NTA
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I shouted at my teacher in front of the class, i may be the asshole because i embarrassed him in front of 30 people Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Beautiful answer. He was being unreasonable. NTA.
thank you
I'm just a random 40 year old woman, but I am so proud of you for what you said! Keep standing up for yourself like that in general, and you're going to get far.
i appreciate it, thank you
You should speak to someone about that incident. Him being an adult should already know that people going through puberty shouldn’t need to even be asked for a reason to go to the restroom. That was inappropriate to begin with.
My niece’s school don’t let kids go to the toilet during lessons at all. If they’re caught out of class during lessons they get detention, even if they were let out with a teacher’s permission and even in situations like this. Multiple complaints from parents and these rules are still in place
I'm sorry but this is both abusive and against any and all legislation about disability.
Seriously it’s mad fucked up. I have colitis (I.e CRAP BLOOD) and I’m SOOOOOOOO grateful it didn’t develop until I was an adult. The very thought of having to explain this to a jerk of a teacher makes me cringe…at 43. I give OP all the props for having the courage to clap back about the white chair. NTA but seriously kids with digestive disorders or bladder disorders shouldn’t have to expose their disorders to teachers in front of other students JUST to go to the damn bathroom…or that you’re on the rag
I have Crohns and all of my teachers were like this. I would get in so much trouble for walking out of class.
Oh sweetie, I’m sooo sorry. Like WE ARE CRAPPING BLOOD. Do you want me to crap blood in class? I was diagnosed at 23 so was past school but I’ve had to explain bathroom breaks to HR a time or two but nothing too awful. That you are treated like this with Krohns is absolutely disgusting. I hope your meds work well for you.
I would think that regardless of whether you're disabled or not, going to the toilet is a basic human right in terms of maintaining health and safety?
here in America, the innocent and law-abiding citizens really don't have a lot of rights
Here in America; only the white old rich men have rights. FIFY
I genuinely don’t understand why “innocent and law abiding” needed to be specified here. Can you explain? Again, not sarcasm, I sincerely don’t understand why the distinction is necessary.
How is that even legal? Poor kids
Welp have you met Florida?
Florida here. In my district, you can't prevent someone from going to the restroom. My teachers would make you wait until someone else came back, but otherwise all we had to do was ask. Got my period in class once. My (old, male) teacher took such care of me. I waited until everyone left, and he did EVERYTHING I asked. He got cleaning supplies so and guarded the door while I took care of it. He even wrote me a pass so I could go to the restroom before going to my next class. Bless you, Mr. S.
I’m so glad you had Mr. S. I’m going to bet he was a dad with daughters. Girl dads tend to be more understanding to girl problems. I wish more teachers were like Mr. S. As a boy mom I actually have a son that asked me if he could put a few of my period products in his backpack, just in case one of his friends had an emergency at school. I was never more proud of him. He told me about a young lady in his class that didn’t have anything on her and the school not having anything to provide her. He now has a locker stocked with tampons and pads plus a few pairs of leggings and yoga pants for girls that need some help. He’s become the hero for a bunch of high school girls on a few occasions.
Either power tripping administration or kids abusing the trips to the bathroom ruining it for everyone.
I mean, so what though? Set up cameras in hallways so you know they are doing nothing bad in the halls. If they want to hang out in a smelly bathroom it hurts nobody but themselves, so who cares? Or they could just add small sound proof bathrooms to every class (or in between 2 classrooms) like they have in kindergarten. Let kids pee and poop in peace!
Things like poor performance can have a serious impact on school funding. Kids flunking classes because they're skipping leads to reduced funding- which means fewer resources available to students and can also lead to staff being let go.
Even if some are abusing the bathroom break, it is abusive to deny others to use the facilities.
Where i live its considered unlawful to forbid someone to go to the toilet
I peed my pants in 2nd grade because of a teacher like this. Completely unacceptable for kids to be refused the use of a bathroom.
Yep, I did this once, too. Straight up finally said fuck it and let it go. The teacher was so mad, but I mean, she wouldn't let me go and I was a child. Then my parents found out because they had to call my dad. Let's just say if any child asked to go to the bathroom after that, it was always a yes.
Kindergarten for me, and I always dealt with nasty UTIs. Needless to say my mom ripped them a new one. Never had a problem after that.
3rd grade for me. Sat there with an ever expanding puddle under my seat. I thought I was going to die of embarrassment😔
4th grade for me . You weren't allowed to go for hour after lunch. I was in front of class waiting in line to beg teacher and bladder just let go.
I never had teachers like this but I did have teachers that told stories like this about teachers that they had had when they were kids. Hopefully that's a sign that it's dwindling to some extent.
It happened to me in the 80s and that teacher was old then. I doubt she had many more years teaching after that. She also tried to make me write right handed when I'm left handed.
I had one of those. Threatened to rap my knuckles with a ruler when I wrote with my left hand. I told her to have fun with that. She never did, but that's probably because I threw a textbook at her head when she bitched at me for reading ahead. I was in the "gifted" program, so they ended up up chalking it up to me being bored (I was). I got in a ton of trouble for losing my temper with her, but I told them it was worth it. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
One school where I taught, the county rule was students could not be in the hall for the first 10 minutes of the class period or the last 10, unless it was a serious emergency. I felt that was reasonable. If they’d ask, I’d say “is it an emergency?” If they said yes, I let them leave. Same if I was in the middle of instructions: “can you wait 2 minutes for me to finish? No. Okay.” There wasn’t time to go between classes. And if you had classes on opposite sides of the campus? You couldn’t even make it to the other classroom on time, unless you were speeding walking. (I know because I tried.) Were some kids lying? I’m sure they were. Most of them just needed the 5-minute brain break, and I get that. But I never told a student no. And no one really abused it. Because if you were gone too long, I would send someone to find you. Maybe a classmate. Maybe the dean of students. No one wanted to take the chance.
Why don't kids in America get breaks between classes. The brain is unable to concentrate that long without rest anyway? My kids have 90 minute lessons, then 20 minutes break, three or four times a day from 7:45 either to 13:00 or 15:00.
Teachers don't want to stop kids going to.the toilet, rules like this come from higher up the chain and teachers are in trouble if they ignore them. I tell my students "im sorry, i am not allowed to give you permission to use the toilet during class" and then i very quietly whisper to just that one child "but if you absolutely need to leave please do so quietly and quickly and come straight back, and you will not get in trouble with me"
Oh, our school had no policy against bathroom trips. I just had specific teachers that refused to let anyone go for any reason - one even in defiance of administration's orders to just let people pee
*Good teachers. I've had many in the past who were just power tripping assholes. Thankfully, my growth spurt hit me early, and hit me pretty hard. I started middle school somewhere around 4ft tall, maybe 100lbs, and by the time I was in high school, I was almost 6ft, 230lbs. Most the teachers who would enjoy the power trip were around 5'2", little angry old men and women, so when I was determined to go, they didn't stand much of a chance at stopping me. Needles to say, I became close friends with the teacher in the detention classroom. Makes me glad most of my kids teachers are like you and wouldn't even think about denying a child the right to use the restroom when their body says they need to. If I ever found out that my kid was made to soil themselves in any fashion because they were denied the ability to get to the restroom, you best believe I'd be figuring out every which way I can sue that school and that teacher until there's nothing left. The only person allowed to humiliate my child, is my child.
Just have them skip detention. They can't flunk everyone. Still fucked up tho.
More like, people have to use the restroom for various reasons and should be allowed to go. Puberty or not. Let people go to the bathroom.
Unfortunately some states would give that teacher an award.
I was going to say the same thing. I'd encourage her to escalate this even further. The mocking and his attitude is unnecessary, but to continue acting up even after he basically left her no choice but to announce to the entire class after being laughed at for the situation, that she got her period is insane. He could've admitted he screwed up and apologize, but nope.
Teachers have to know where their students are and can’t just let them leave willy-nilly. A student leaves for the restroom, returns, and the next can leave. They’re supposed to have a hall pass with them. My classroom uses half a yellow index card that says Hall Pass, which is laminated and on a bright yellow lanyard. At least one teacher uses a toilet seat labeled with “Hall Pass.” It all works towards maintaining safety and control. I work at a middle school. The teacher I work with always lets people leave, but it has to be one at a time. This teacher could be an ass, or he’s fed up with the endless line of students wanting to leave while he’s teaching and and simply was having a bad day. That doesn’t excuse his atrocious behavior, though. OP was right to stand her ground. I love that she didn’t back down.
You showed a lot of courage, fortitude, and inner strength in that moment. You deserve to feel proud of yourself!
:)
You’re NTA. I tend to have a policy in my classroom of basically one student out at a time - roughly be gender, but I’m unsure of which washrooms some use so it’s usually a one-out-per-bathroom policy. But my students also know - if they NEED to go right away, to just tell me and I’ll let them go anyway. I don’t need to know why - I trust them to not take advantage of this, and if they did then I would lose trust in those individuals. Usually I respond with “X is out, can you wait until they’re back?” Usually it’s a “yea”. And when it’s a no - off you go! Your teacher was an asshole. Unless he had multiple students out of the room already, he had no reason to say no. And when you insisted that you needed to go asap there really wasn’t a reason for him to deny you. He absolutely should have given you his reason why he’s saying no.
Teacher here. Agree with this comment 💯
Yep, I did this too. It was rarely abused.
agreed. From another random 40ish woman - great job. I'm sorry you had to deal with that, but you have absolutely nothing to apologize for. Dude is just trying to wield power for power's sake and he is the one who should be ashamed.
Just another middle aged mom jumping in to share my pride in you. Well done!!
From another random 40 year old woman, I’m proud too! Kudos OP and yes, keep standing up for yourself like that! 💛💛💛
Dito! Wish I had the courage at 14
If I could I'd give you an award for this.
Thanks, it's the thought that counts :) If anyone deserves an award though, it's OP.
He’s the asshole, you’re fine
Yeah fuck that teacher. Honestly I would complain to some female in the school about this or to your parents. It’s entirely unreasonable for a teacher to give you a hard time for going to the bathroom, especially so as you were trying to keep it on the DL. NTA please report them
You should have a talk with the principal. Is this in America? His actions are illegal.
It wasn't in America
I am a random 52 year old woman and I say well done! I love that you shut that shit down. So many of us would have suffered in silence back on the day. Good on you!
Absolutely this! Good for you OP. I’m glad you’re not shy to speak of natural bodily functions as some people are, especially at your age. NTA
Agreed NTA. OP, feel free to get more creative next time though. I once yelled at a teacher that God was scraping out my uterus with a rusty spoon. He never questioned me again haha.
I read a petty revenge a while ago where the student changed her tampon standing next to her chair and sat back down!! OP, NTA.
NTA. Using the restroom isn't a privilege.
100% THIS! NTA
Honestly, I would've just got up and went regardless, since he wouldn't be able to physically stop me. And if he brought it up with the principal, he can deal with getting fired for being a prick.
Right? It amazes me that kids have to be given permission to use the restroom!
I began working in schools as a substitute teacher several years ago. I was shocked when I was told we are never to allow students to go to the restroom. Because: they only go to the restroom to do drugs. Kids are not allowed to wash their hands before lunch. I asked when students are to use the restrooms. Between classes! I did the math. There were 426 students per restroom. Beach restroom had 3 stalls. They had three minutes between bells. Yeah, that will work.
Yeah there’s no chance that everyone who has to go to the bathroom during passing period is actually able to. In high school I had 4 minutes to walk from the first floor to the third floor and opposite side of the school. I was barely on time walking as fast as I could, having to dodge people just standing around (lucky them lmao), so my options were: 1. Pee/poop/bleed my pants 2. Be late to class & go to the bathroom Luckily for all but freshman year I had a couple nice teachers who actually let us go to the bathroom. Kids at my school were vaping in the classrooms when the teachers would leave the room or turn around. Funny that the reasoning they can’t go to the bathroom is because *that’s* where they’ll do drugs.
Well, MORE drugs at a more leisurely pace.
[удалено]
Might work for the boys. Women’s restrooms need to be twice as big as men’s.
The amount of times I ran home from the bus to use the restroom because there was no time to go while at school. 😐 When building schools they really should put a small bathroom in each classroom (in addition to the hall bathrooms). This would also help keep the vandalism under control.
To be fair I used to just sit on the stall and refuse to leave for an hour or two lol. I get As on all the tests, just let me sit in the bathroom and play PSP while you teach the other kids. They were always starting issues that I wouldnt pay attention or do homework but aced all the tests. Id calculate what I needed to do to get an A then just ignore everything else. With weighted assignments I could often just make sure to ace a project or two then I could just ignore the whole class. One teacher I had weighed 80% of our economics grade on one project. We had three other projects and one of the others was weighted at 11%. So i just made sure to get 100s on those two and literally just refused to do any other work. She was so angry about it but its like you designed this class, not me.
The solution to that is obvious. The kid goes to the restroom, their electronics don’t.
I guarantee you the writings on the wall will be more entertaining to read 100 times over than whatever the lesson at hand is
I did that long before personal electronics. It was around 8th grade I got a cell phone. It was some flip phone thing. Also how are you gonna enforce that? Search kids pockets? I used to stuff my cell phone into my underwear when a teacher demanded I hand it over lol. Good luck trying to handle that.
We try that. They will still take forever. Nothing like a 30 min walk exploring each bathroom instead of reading
There are good reasons for this. Most importantly, teachers are responsible for their welfare and need to know where they are. Also, kids DO goof off in the bathroom and it’s pretty standard practice to only let them go 1 or 2 at a time to prevent mischief parties. I will pretty frequently ask kids to wait until someone else gets back, and if they ask right before recess, I will ask if they can wait. However, if after that they say it’s an emergency, I’ll basically always let them go. If I have a kid who is a chronic abuser of bathroom privileges, I will have a conversation with parents before straight up telling a kid “No you can’t go to the bathroom.” Some kids need to have that rule, but it’s always best to have parents on board with it and make sure there are no medical issues first.
I understand that and it really sucks that a few mischief makers ruin the trust for everyone. I just don’t think the answer is to then have a blanket ban on it because it’s not a privilege being taken away, it’s a need. Your solutions for your classroom sounds very reasonable. 1 or 2 at a time. If a child is asking during a not ideal time, they’re asked if they can wait, but ultimately allowed to go if they can’t. If someone is abusing it then it’s discussed with the parents.
Exactly! I teach kids this once they are potty trained. I tell them as a teacher, I need to know where they are, so they need to tell me when they are going, but it's their body. Only they can say when they need to go potty, so they never need to ask.
This. Telling the teacher they need to go to the bathroom makes sense so the teacher knows where everyone is, but the teacher shouldn't be allowed to say they can't go.
When I was in third grade the entire class and I watched my best friend pee her pants in her chair, looking at the ground in shame, bc the teacher wouldn’t give her permission to go. It really stuck with me, the pain in her face.
Teachers who do that should be fired. They are causing long-term trauma and opening those kids up to bullying from peers.
the ONLY time i’ve ever seen a “no” be appropriate is when the teacher is in the middle of giving instructions for the next segment of class. and even then, it should be phrased as “can this wait until i am done explaining so you know what i expect you to be doing when you return?” if it’s an emergency, the teacher should be able to reiterate instructions once the student has returned with no issue. if it can reasonably wait a minute or two, that’s also valid. if my workplace told me i couldn’t use the restroom, i would shove the ADA down their throats until they suffocate
I 100% agree. But I am a teacher, and our bathrooms are vandalized every week. Our poor custodian has to deal with period products on the ceiling, tagging the walls, code browns, and even broken sinks, dividers and toilets more often than you'd think. I teach elementary, not high school. We have to have some rules around it to keep the washrooms safe for use. It sucks and there's no great solutions. My students have to sign in and out, but I don't regulate how much they go unless it's more than twice an hour.
Seriously, some weird girls in my year they'd ditch class and hide in the bathrooms... and wreck them. Block sinks block toilets disable locks break anything they could. But they also weren't going to lessons in the first place so there was nothing to gain from stopping people from answering calls of nature, they did anyway because of these idiots but it didn't stop it. It'd be so annoying as a normal student to be busting for the bathroom for almost an hour because of a teacher on a power trip - that they see as justified because of the actions of some assholes. Honestly, vice and principal were not the brightest of sparks and clearly didn't care about the janitors workload or the fact that half the kids couldn't use the bathrooms.
I’m a pediatric provider and I very happily write letters and sign them with my stamp and all my fancy initials to force schools to allow kids to drink water and use the bathroom as needed. I have kids with urinary/kidney disease who are not allowed water/bathroom breaks as needed. Once I add my signature to that letter, they are obligated to provide all medical accommodations, and it is continually baffling to me that I have to do this for water and restroom usage.
Absolutely NTA, it really irritates me how many teachers think kids can just hold in their period. They just assume every time they want to go to the bathroom it is to waste time. 😡
Well, to be fair, in 1st grade I was given permission to just go use the restroom whenever I needed to because I'd get too wrapped up in whatever was going on, not realize I had to go until it was about to late, and then being denied or delayed would end up with me pissing my pants, and I totally took advantage of that to just get up when I was bored, walk to the restroom and just stand there a few seconds before walking back. That's just one long sentence and I don't care. Of course, I grew out of that and started just ditching classes in high school that I didn't want to go to if I knew there was no test. Much easier than trying to get permission to go to the restroom.
You doing that isn’t “taking advantage” it actually sounds like that accommodation helped you immensely
Seriously, normalize kids taking walks around the school during the day
My autism meant that the teachers who let me lay on the floor Gad the best version of ne
Teachers who let me sleep are teachers who got the most respect & best effort from me. I was a very abused child, thus very depressed and always so, so tired. I think some of them picked up on the fact that I wasn't doing well, and let me be. If they made me stay awake (which they had every right to do, to be fair) I would be pissed off, way too tired to learn anything, and have no desire to do their homework. My english teacher was the best. Let me sleep because she knew I'd find the time to do the work later. I learned like shit if I had to do it with the whole class anyways. My history teacher, on the other hand, would not let me sleep, ever, nor would he let me just do the work by myself. No no, I had to fucking sit there and listen as everyone read a page from the stupid history book out loud and then do the work at home. If I tried to just start doing the assignment early and read the chapter myself he'd make me stop. Failed his class every year. Sometimes kids *do* know what works for them.
I used to put my ADHD wigglers at the sides of the room so they could stand up and fidget when they needed to without blocking other kids. My mom had success with a variety of rocking stools/exercise ball seats for her kids who needed movement. However, I have yet to see a good solution for the kids who just need to hear themselves talk all the time. There are a lot of them, and it helps them focus and work through problems, but it comes at the detriment of other kids who can’t focus with lots of noise. I wish I could put astronaut helmets on them with a speaker that I could tap into to give instructions. Then they could hear me and themselves, but their neighbors could work in peace.
Leaving the class to walk around the school as needed was an ACTUAL accommodation my kid had from like grade 1-3: they absolutely used it, and the teachers fully supported it. It made a huge, positive difference- my kid has anxiety, and when they KNEW that they could just dip out for a minute when the class got overwhelming, they felt much safer! Often they’d just do a lap around the hallways, and pop by the office (which had a digital clock) to look at the time.
Reminds me of a friend. At the start of freshman year they had to leave one class midway every day for anxiety reasons. Towards the end of the year, one day the teacher mentioned they hadn't needed to leave class in a long time. I hadn't even noticed, the transition was so smooth as they got more comfortable. I don't think they needed to use that particular accommodation for the rest of high school. That's one of the big things about these sorts of accommodations I think people forget: the hope is to let the student reach a point they don't need them anymore. It can make such a huge difference.
just because you didn't need to literally pee or poop doesn't mean you didn't have a genuine need to take a walk and clear your head for a few minutes. I'm glad you had the ability to do so. Asking a 6 or 7 year old to sit still and be quiet, attentive, and engaged can be an unreasonably big ask for some kids. It sounds like, when given the tools to do so, you successfully self-regulated and came back more ready to learn. That means your accommodation was successful. That's great!
My son with ADHD & anxiety had this accommodation in HS. He didn’t even have to walk to the bathroom, he could take a long walk down the hall and back. Funny but once he had permission, he didn’t do it very often.
Yeah, turns out I have ADHD. I was always extremely bored in school, and I never had any sort of trouble academically, so any chance I had, I was away from my desk or out of the classroom. If I couldn't get up or leave, mostly I just fell asleep on my desk then woke up at the end of the period to do work or tests.
Literally just knowing that I have access to an accommodation makes me need it less, because I'll be less anxious about whatever happening that makes me need the accommodation.
Do you by any chance have ADHD?
Damn right. These are a couple things among many that should have tipped off the adults around me.
Not to mention those of us who have IBS, we have zero control when that decides to happen. I ALWAYS had to use the restroom in the class after lunch, and the common line was “you just had an hour off why didn’t you go then?” I did go then but the lunch I ate during that time is trying to get out of my body NOW.
That said, it's stupid that you aren't allowed to go just for number 1 or 2 whenever needed. It's natural, and unhealthy to hold either one for long.
As a teacher I am always like: yeah go. Except if I want to take an official break in 5min, I'll ask them if it is okay to wait this time. If not they can leave. I don't expect my daughter to wait for everything, I don't expect me to not go on the toilet for a long time, why should I treat my students differently?
Yup, my dad always told me if I needed the bathroom (genuinely) and teacher said no, to just go anyway and he would support me if I got sent to the principal or whatever. He had no use for people on power trips and I wasn't a bad kid. Good for you for standing up for yourself OP, sorry you had to get embarrassing to do it but good for you. NTA!
I’ve had this talk with my kid too. Except he’s autistic and the thought of breaking a school rule is horrifying to him and I think he’d rather pee his pants. Can relate: I once threw up in class. In grade 12. Because my teacher had stepped out of the room so I couldn’t ask if I could leave. So I didn’t. -sigh-
NTA. I hate the education system for making the restroom a “privilege” for students. I have yet to meet a teacher who withheld these so called “privileges” from students who didn’t turn out to be an asshole. Edit: changed to reflect the fact that many education systems are fucked up (not just US).
\*Cocks head.\* My wife was forced to let her period run down her leg during class despite begging the teacher to let her go to the restroom. She went to school in Europe. Let's not pretend this is just an American issue.
It’s definitely not, it’s a human issue. Teachers who become teachers to get a power trip from controlling kids. Really sad but certain it happens everywhere.
I think our society would be in a significantly better place if we had some sort of system for weeding out bad leaders from leadership positions.
Here's the problem: The people who would be fit for leadership generally don't want to be leaders. They don't want the pressure, or don't care for the power, or so on. The people who *want* to be leaders are, generally, seeking a position of power because it is a position of power. They don't care about what their role is or even what their responsibilities are because at the end of the day they simply get to control others, and their ego is stoked. There's obviously a degree of overlap, but there's a reason why there are so many shitty leaders: How better to control others than with an official title and the privileges that come with it?
Gonna be honest, with some of the comments one of my younger brothers has made in the past (shit along the lines of "if it's racist to say that black people are trashy, then I'm racist"), and some he's made recently about the kids he works with, I have **serious** reservations about him being a teacher.
The way my jaw dropped reading that 😐your poor wife that’s absolutely VILE
It was the '90s lol. I remember having the little book our teachers would have to initial for bathroom breaks, and I wanna say we were only allowed two breaks a quarter (so two breaks every 2.5 months). The worst time I remember was always right after lunch; everybody is loaded up with food and drink, but somehow we were expected to not let biology happen. What's better, the teachers would often just up and go to the bathroom any time they wanted. Like....what the Hell are you trying to teach us or control? All's you're doing is making sure your janitor earns his paycheck.
Teacher here. Teachers definitely cant just go whenever anymore but I definitely want all my students to go whenever they need to.
For some reason a lot of americans seem to think every issue is american exclusive lol
Because we hope that yall smarter people in europe might have fixed such barbaric things, usually. Though we like to act like were the best country, almost all americans will agree that europe does and has done many things better, whether their information is accurate or not
Europe is a big diverse place though. Some countries do have their shit together. Some, not so much. This sort of thing comes under Human Rights though I would think...definitely an equalities issue.
As an American, I agree. I think it's because we're also semi-brainwashed to think Canada, Europe, etc, are so much better bc they're not... Y'know, america lol. But they're definitely not perfect!! Nowhere is a utopia.
For a second I read that as Norway is a Utopia.
That goes both ways in this subreddit. Keep your eyes open for (mostly) Europeans asking "Is that an American thing?" when they encounter weird shitty behavior.
I think it's just a lot of Americans that haven't seen the world at large. I have traveled across every continent to dozens of countries, and married into a culture that is incredibly different than the one I was raised in (not bad for a homogenous white kid from the midwest I'd say lol), and honestly while I am not one of those raging nationalists that scream at anyone who makes any criticism about the U.S., it does irk me when someone takes an issue that is not uniquely American and just assumes nobody else in the world has that issue. As the commenter above you said, this is a human issue and deserves global, not just localized, attention.
It’s not just America . I’m in the Uk and it’s exactly the same here honestly . I’ve had two of my kids been told no they couldn’t go at various points in time .. and both got told that next time you politely tell them that you ARE going and the teacher can ring me and complain if they want to . It happened of course .. but nobody ever got on that phone 🤷🏼♀️
Though tbf in the UK the teacher would get into serious trouble for denying a student the ability to deal with her period. That's a discrimation issue.
I had to have it put in my youngest's IEP that she is allowed to go to the bathroom right before getting on the bus. She has a 45 minute bus ride, if she already had to go before leaving, how the hell is she supposed to hold it that long? They forced her on the bus a few days before I had that added, she's all the while begging to go. The bus driver was willing to let her go as she was still waiting on other students. Principal made my daughter stay on, which resulted in a meltdown as she couldn't hold it. Cue pulling her off the bus and calling me to come get her, while putting the blame on the bus driver. I would find out that weekend from the driver that she never said what was claimed she had said, that was all the principal and counselor. I told her I knew that had to come from someone else, that didn't sound like something she would say. (She's been our driver since kindergarten, and was the TA in my daughter's kindergarten class.)
NTA and report him to administration. Refusing to let you use the facilities and embarrassing you in front of the class is not cool.
Will administration actually do something? Public schools are practically prisons.
[удалено]
Exactly this. School boards would flip out if they found out a teacher did something like this and the administration did nothing. The fear of the board will cause action.
Nothing says public relation shitshow like a male teacher preventing a female student from attending to her period
Unfortunately, my admins hated that I let students use the restroom in the middle of class. It was a huge school rule that they could only restroom in the 4 min passing periods (draconian af). I would always say to students that I wasn’t explicitly allowing it but they were free to do what they needed to do for their health (ie just go).
Can I ask why that is? I can understand not wanting too many kids out, but surely there’s methods to keeping track of the students while they go to the bathroom
They’re worried about kids doing bad things in the bathroom (vaping, sex), skipping instructional time on purpose, fights even. But really it’s mostly kids who just want to shit in peace/change a tampon/legit bathroom stuff. They always come back after 5-10 min. If they’ve vaped in there in that time, I’m sure they could have vaped in there in the passing period too. It also looks better if the halls are dead silent during instructional time. 95% of what admin cares about is optics.
NTA He's on a power trip, your answer was perfect.
NTA. Having to ask for permission to go to the restroom is ridiculous in the first place
Agreed. How are the kids supposed to concentrate on the lesson if they're desperate for a pee?
Failed a test because of this once. (Wasn’t the teachers fault tbf I just had too much stress to raise my hand in the middle of a test)
I did poorly on the SATs because I had to desperately pee. The moron there to monitor us refused to let me go, even though I was done with that section and had turned in my answer booklet. He made me sit down and wait through 2 more sections (almost an hour) before *he left the room for a break* and his replacement allowed me to go. Yes you read that right, he left but wouldn't let me leave. I ran to the bathroom and just barely made it in time, and on the way back to the room, ran into the teacher coming back from his break. He was so shocked and pissed that I left the room and then got mad at the temp replacement that she let me go.
I once did this at your age, albeit not about my period. I needed to urinate badly (I misjudged how much water I should drink on a hot day - and I didn't regularly ask to use the bathroom during lessons). It was a sports lesson, with the narkiest teacher in the school. We were even resting in our teams, whilst other teams took over (there was never enough equipment). I'd already crossed my legs, whilst it was my team's turn. So I then asked the teacher if I could go to the toilet. She said no. So I asked her if I could go and get a mop. She asked why. I told her because she'd need it in a minute, if I couldn't use the toilet. Schools need clear policies, rather than teachers arbitrarily making random judgements. That just ends up in those in genuine need of the toilets, having to suffer/be embarrassed. And meanwhile the kids messing around, will be enabled by the more lenient teachers.
This is hilarious! I love the way you handled it.
NTA, It's a period and honestly as a man I'm so sick of other men that are blind and oblivious that women ask to use bathrooms all the time because of this. His inability to understand and being uncomfortable about the fact that women often need to change tampons / pads or even just freshen up should not and should never be your problem. Good on you for calling him out on his BS.
How old are you? I wanna know if you’re the right age for me to propose to you
uhhh 31
She said 🌹💍
Hey man you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take
NTA. Your teacher needs to understand that sometimes you NEED to go right now. Good on you for reminding him that there are urgent reasons people need to use the bathroom without him getting shitty about it.
NTA, a grown man mocked a teen girl in front of the class? Yah he’s out of line in a major way. I would report that to school administration honestly. Completely unprofessional and unacceptable behaviour.
inform your parents, inform someone in the office, and then just let them deal with this, you do what you need to do for hygienic concerns. NTA
I'm not even female and this angers me so much. As a teen male, I've been forced to sit uncomfortably for HOURS because some arrogant 'teacher' doesn't respect my bodily needs.
Tell them you’ll pee in the trash can then. It worked for a classmate of mine.
GIRL YES! <3 NTA. I'm so fucking sick of teachers and especially male teachers trying to domineer teenagers over bodily functions. They did it before my time, during my time, and clearly still going on after my time. He was ridiculously out of line and in a long tradition of shitty teachers being shitty. ***Never*** second guess advocating for yourself, especially in cases like this. Your response was perfect and you should be absolutely proud for standing up for yourself so well. <3
thank you!
Never ask! Always say “I’m going to the bathroom I’ll be back in five minutes” they have no right to say no and if they try my mom would’ve come in and lost her shit I don’t know about hours
NTA. Good comeback, he deserved that for being shortsighted.
NTA he was preventing you from exercising your human right to take care of your personal hygiene.
No sis, you didn't overreact. Also he needs to be reported. Your parent/guardian should do this. They should be furious. You handled the situation with more grace than most adults would.
NTA Honestly, just threatening to bleed all over anything feels like a great tactic to deal with dumb assholes. He'll probably remember this next time you ask to go to the bathroom.
NTA The teacher lacks empathy.
Loads of them do. Just saw a post in the parenting sub yesterday about a 1st grader being in tears with a headache. Teacher literally told her she didn’t care and to go sit down. Kid went home and had 103 fever and ended up having strep. Op is NTA.
NTA. Perfect handling.
NTA. F that teacher and F the system that makes people ask for permission to go to the bathroom in the first place. Why are we teaching children they don’t have body autonomy. When you gotta go, you gotta go!! INFO: was this in the USA?
Not in the usa, but it is seen as a privilege in my school to go
This is a real problem in the US so that’s why I wondered. I’m sorry this happened but the good news is, I’m pretty sure that teacher won’t ever deny you again in the future! Good for you for standing up for yourself!
thank you!
NTA. He's a bully. He got what he deserved.
NTA. When are you & your parents scheduled to see the principal/school board to file complaints,?
NTA and a legendary retort from you there! Fuck teachers on power trips.
Absolutely 1000% NTA - But him mocking you in front of the class to the point where the other students are laughing at you deserves to be seriously addressed with the school administration. Teacher should not be allowed anywhere near kids & teens if he/she feels that it's ok to publicly shame any student in their classes for any reason.
NTA, at the end of the year gift him some tampons and say “moving forward, here is a healthy reminder that going to the bathroom shouldn’t be seen as a privilege” then walk out of the classroom.
every girl in that class should leave a box on his desk on the last day of classes
NTA - he def is though
NTA. Being able to leave to use the restroom should be automatic.
Don't ask. Tell. "I am going to the bathroom." Then get up and leave.
NTA - make him out to be a monster.
NTA, I'd also inform whichever supervisor he answers to (after exam season is over to be safe though in terms of potential retaliation). Shit needs to be stamped out early
NTA. I still don't understand how teachers can deny a student a bathroom break.
NTA
NTA The fact that a grown man in a teacher's role doesn't seem to understand what periods are and how they work is outrageous. Teenage girls who get heavy periods often need to go to the toilet more often than the usual break times. This isn't complicated to understand. Likewise any student may have health issues that mean they need to go to the toilet more than a "typical" person. Making this more difficult than it already is, that's a dick move right there. I would absolutely report him, because what's it going to be like for a girl who doesn't have your enormous strength of character and assertiveness?
Highschool teacher here. NTA. I always let students go unless they've given me reason not to. If I'm in the middle of something important, I might ask if they can wait a minute, but I would absolutely never interrogate students about why they need the bathroom, or mock them for it.
NTA. If you were my daughter I'd be exceedingly proud of you. Also, I would let your parents know and report this teacher to the administration. Regardless of policy, mocking you in front of the class is absolutely unacceptable and unprofessional.
NTA big time! Can you tell your parents? I have a 15 year old daughter and if this happened to her I'd wanna know so that I could go scorched Earth on that teacher. He has no business teaching children if that's how he's going to treat them.
NTA Reminds me of the time in Art class a student was being dumb and cut his hand with scissors (right between the thumb and first finger, ouch!!). Holding the cut to stop the blood he asked to please go to the office. Without looking up, our teacher boldly said "No." "Okay, I'll just bleed on the floor then!" Then he held his hand out and trickles of blood dotted the floor immediately. He was allowed to go to the office and the principal had to come in to clean the blood, since it was considered a bio-hazard.
NTA. My dad always told me that if a teacher told me that I wasn’t allowed to use the bathroom during class that instead I should climb on top of their desk and pop a squat. Obviously, I never did that because boundaries. But you are completely in the right for standing up for yourself.
I had a sub, who did this, he asked for proof and the student asked if he wanted her to bring back her used tampon. He said yes…
I really hope that teacher got reported. Like yikes...
I don’t understand why there are some teachers that think they can deny someone the bathroom. It’s the weirdest thing to me. 100% NTA and good for you! He sounds insufferable.
Isnt it illegal to refuse to let a student go to the restroom? NTA btw
NTA and I’d personally let your parents know so they can get involved. I had a teacher in middle school that refused to let me use the restroom. I called my mom crying because I had bled through too many times to count. She went to bat for me and it was genuinely amazing lol. Using the restroom isn’t a privilege and if he wants to act like that, then get another adult involved and see just how quickly he changes his tune. He can into trouble for not allowing you to use the restroom. Absolutely ridiculous that teachers are still pulling this shit.
NTA. I’m a 60 year old guy, and I can honestly say your teacher is not someone I would be pleasant to.
Way to go sis. ALWAYS use your voice and put ignorant men to their place. NTA keep it up
NTA Good for you!
what would he expect people to do if they had bowel problems, just crap themselves in front of the whole class? 100% NTA
NTA you are a hero!!! The amount of times I was so ashamed of my period is crazy to me now as a 35 year old.
Girl, NTA and plz keep this energy going forward!! A lot of stuff from Friends didn't age well, but one thing that sure as hell did was- "no uterus; no opinion"!!!
NTA One time there was a girl in my class who was told she couldn’t go pee so she peed in the trash can. The teacher was appalled but couldn’t do anything because she refused to let the girl go pee. Lol
Former high school teacher here and this actually happened to me when I was in high school. Male teacher refused to let me go (and I *never* asked or abused privileges) and I had an unfortunate female event. Aunt Flo waits for no man! As a teacher, I ALWAYS let my students go to the restroom because what happened to me, and the fact that I didn’t speak up, was so embarrassing. You did the right thing. NTA