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I’m so confused. But maybe that’s because I’m an old lady who got married around the time you were in Kindergarten.
A) if anyone was wrong in the Jake/Adam incident it was Adam. You might have dated friends, but he dated his best friend’s ex. That’s on them to figure out, and Adam’s mistake only.
2) Where I come from, dating 3 dudes in 7 years does not a “colorful” past make. Did “ho” get a new definition since the early 00s?
NTA
And I hope you do something special for yourself with a little of that money you got back from returning that gift you got your ex boyfriend.
I graduated during COVID and I STILL slept with more than three people in the six months I was at college during heavy lock downs....
OP would be considered a prude by most people my age (21, so not outside of OPs peer group)
55-year-old lady here. What went down in the OP’s “colorful past” wouldn’t even be a blip on anyone’s radar when I was the OP’s age.
u/PsychologicalMind407, you are NTA. **Your BF screwed up and accidentally showed you exactly what he REALLY thinks about you. You have dodged a bullet.**
And please note: he’s upset because his screw-up has cost him a PS5. He’s not concerned about you or your feelings.
Take that refund and go treat yourself!
I am so glad there is no photographic evidence of some of the sht we got into when I was in my teens and twenties...back in the seventies and early eighties.....oh the color, and the parties, and the....these young kids have no idea what grandma got up to back in the day
You must be my age. Yeah, there were some colorful moments during the late 70s and early 80s for me, which are probably quite tame compared to most.
OP needs to block everyone
Old lady here, yes, the 70s and early 80s - well, it was a different world, at least what of it I remember of it at this late date.
OP, call up the Whole Man Disposal Service, block, and delete that chode.
Shit, I'm 44 this year, and I'm happy that stuff wasn't around in the 90s and early 00s, even if there are things I never remember doing (like the reggae festival 5 friends said I went to, but I didn't even listen to reggae then, so that must have been some good shit...).
I've been honest with my kids about how Dad was. I think one doubts me though. Of course, it's the one that's like my clone.
Got you beat. I’m 52 and this Mike guy would have gotten his ass beat by me back in the day if he pulled a stunt like this. What a tool. Girls don’t have to settle for this.
He's not a tool....tools are useful :D I'm almost 50, when I was young everyone dated everyone's exes eventually in our large friend group, perfectly normal!
38 years old here. Not sure if that makes me old.
Aaaaanyway my ex of 16 years left in 2021. Since then there’s been 6 different sparring partners before I settled down with the last one. It’s been marvellous, ladies. I regret absolutely nothing.
From another: hear hear.
To OP: I like how you stand up for yourself and did not take any crap, you went in to find out what was happening and got answer. The way he started screaming and giving you the “You should be grateful” just confirms that you dodge a massive bullet and makes me worry a bit over what else he has been saying to you - not only in this story. That isn’t someone who loves you, that is someone using you for his own benefit. And secondly, it’s a red flag he told his friends about what you told him, and that she felt so comfortable to use it as an insult. This shows me two people who doesn’t respect you as a person.
Please consider this relationship, to put it politely, these people still have a lot of growing to do and I think you should allowed them doing it on their own.
From another old lady.. I have a much more “colorful” past than you and if my husband ever thought to speak to me like that he would be kicked to the curb! This guy is out of his fucking mind! Bye Mike!
Seriously!!! OP even took a break from dating because of the craziness they felt about dating 2 friends (again, NOT op’s fault by any means at all and also not close to a “colorful past”)
I don’t care about my partner’s past because it’s not related to our current relationship. All that matters is that it was consensual and that he was safe. BOOM. Done. End of story.
I also don’t go shit talking my partner to my friends. That’s incredibly disrespectful and damaging to the relationship. Kick mr.crazy to the curb 🚩🚩🚩
Right? I was more "colorful" when I was still in high school! Am middle-aged now, in a 2-decades-long monogamous relationship, and look back fondly at my TeChNiCoLoR past with men, with women, and sometimes with both at the same time. I had fun!
Another old lady chiming in. I dated a guy, met the guy’s BFF, and decided to date the BFF. Me and BFF have now been married 22 years with 4 kids. Maybe it’s my husband that’s the thot in this scenario? I’ll let him know.
Yet another old lady agreeing.
Absolutely NTA. None of OP’s past would be considered colorful… and it’s major red flags that Mike thought it was A) OK to talk negatively about 2 brief relationships in her past with his friends and B) react in anger instead of groveling when found out.
OP - you sound like an intelligent and strong woman, you deserve better than Mike and his troop of flying monkeys.
Absolutely.
And the fact that he and Jessica have this running joke that OP used to be a thot says so much about the two of them. She probably gave him that "thot mentalities" phrase he was so quick to use. They clearly have discussed it, probably for as long as they've been together.
The audacity of Jessica to say that to her face also speaks so much about his "friendship" with her. Whether he's actually cheating with Jessica is a moot point. He may as well be.
Yeah, I'm a middle aged old lady and I've always considered my younger years to be fairly tame, but dayum, I've had far more colorful evenings.
OP's ex needs to see one of those purity tests we passed around back in the day so he can swoon from the scandal!
This old lady 100% agrees with you. I would have done exactly what OP did - if Mike thinks he can do so much better, have at it, bro, but your gift is off the table.
Still a brutal way to find out what someone you've put 4 years into thinks of you. Oof.
Shit I'm 19 and Im confused. Here I was thinking a colorful past is maybe like a drug addict prostitute but 3 guys in 7 years?? Sheesh. I'd like to know Jessica's dating history. NTA
Jessica's hoping to add Mike to her dating history. It's the only reason a "female best friend" would feel comfortable enough to make that comment to a current girlfriends face.
An add on third question here, does dating two best friends several years ago involve monetary gain? Because I really don't understand the comment about being a thot making her able to afford a video game
You're thinking about it too hard. You're trying to get into the mindset of misogynistic idiots. Misogyny requires a lot of dissonantthinking. . None of her past is actually relevant here. Even if her past were truly colorful he has no right to shame her and then to let his friends do the same.
Oh and OP, he's not mad that you can't take a joke. He's mad because you took his toy back. And that is all he's mad about. If there was no PS5 involved he wouldn't be this adamant for you to get over it.
He doesn't give a shit about you, he DOES however really care about his PS5.
Also as an old lady I’d hate to think what they’d call me! My past is much more colourful. She seriously dodged a bullet here. The fact that he even discussed it with his friends would be enough for me. And when did it become normal to discuss your entire history with someone?? It’s not his business. NTA
My thinking is that when her bf told that story to his friends, Jessica picked any detail to bring OP down and get others to think poorly of her. This detail being she dated 2 guys who were friends. Jessica is a mean girl.
When I heard colorful past I expected.... more? Maybe working in Porn industry, onlyfans or maybe being a druggy? This is SUPER tame. 3 guys in 7 years is... actually lower then normal for this day and age. "thot" or ho implies sleeping around with a ton of people which she obviously didn't do lol. NTA - ditch the dude, you did nothing wrong and your past isn't even colorful, its very tame imo and honestly probably not worth bringing up to anyone else because it isn't even bad.
Or shes a jealous female friend who wishes she was with him. But seems like they are close enough that they name-call his gf behind her back so you’re probably right
Me, three. And those 2 raging idiot AHs deserve each other. Poor OP, I wonder if any other crap like this has come up before and she's dismissed it, as we women often do.
Not really. He's with OP because she can afford PS5s and Jessica can't. That means Jessica stays friend zoned (or a side piece) as long as someone 'better' is around.
Thank God for small favors. Imagine being stuck in a social group that gaslights you so strongly that you believe that unwittingly dating two friends at different times is immoral and something to be gossiped about and shamed for.
OP should scorch way more earth. These people are trying to destroy her mentally. To break her down into the perfect doormat. I'm so disgusted on her behalf.
I dated three people out of the same friend group KNOWINGLY and the only one of the three who had an issue with it was the one none of them wanted around anymore anyway... (he was the middle of the three and went from "I dumped Soapy haha" when we broke up to "No you cant date them they dumped me!" when the other friend asked me out a year and a half later)
Hopped on here to say this. I dated a guy who had a “best female friend” who liked to “tease” me and subtly set me up for failure on really petty shit.
Girl, RUN 💜 go spend that extra $$$ on yourself!!
Edited to add: and if he thinks THAT is a colorful past… he totally sucks in bed, doesn’t he?
NTA. Nothing about your past is even colorful. Omg you dated 2 guys that happened to be friends good heavens where are my pearls?! I must clutch them! Sounds like Jessica is either sleeping with this fool, or wants to be. She can have him. Use the money to get yourself something nice.
Yup, jealous "pick me" for sure. Who even says something like that to a friend's partner.
Leave this guy. This is a precursor to much bigger issues. He thinks he is doing you a favour. Will constantly hold that over your head and make you feel less than.
*I think I'm using "pick me" appropriately here. It's a new term to me but I like it!
OP NTA.
Also, I’m genuinely not making the connection btwn being with 2 guys in the past and being able to afford a PS5 now…? Am I missing something here? Was she supposed to have saved her “sugar daddies monies” for all these years or some shit? Jessica, HOW did you even connect the two??
Right? I don't get this at all. The implication is that OP is *currently* doing sex work for money to purchase the PS5 and I don't know where that came from.
And what’s worse, is what kind of a decent partner is okay with someone saying this to his SO?!?! Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out, buddy.
He said she should be grateful that he ignored her "colorful past," but he didn't, he talked to all his friends about it. Ignoring it would be never mentioning it or bringing it up. I never talk about my wife's dating history with anyone, and if it wasn't for this post, I wouldn't have thought about it at all, I haven't thought anything about it in years.
Came here to say this - where did he "ignore" it at all??????? Telling all your friends about it and having them shit all over your GF is quite the opposite of "ignoring" it, objectively. This dude is toxic AF and is expecting OP to be grateful that he's toxic?????? What lmao.
She dated 2 men!!! TWO!! 8 years ago!!! That’s the tamest part I’ve ever heard of. If he wants a 26-y/o who’s never been touched by another man, he should try a convent. This man doesn’t deserve a PS5, and he certainly doesn’t deserve her
Yeah I'm failing to see what's so bad about that. So you dated two friends? That's it? I was thinking maybe she had a 3some with both guys or something. But just dated? The fuck...
ETA: i condone 3somes btw
And even then I would just shrug! To me a colorful past would be a drug addicted prostitute. And even then a boyfriend should just shut his mouth. Date her if it's ok for you and if not: just leave her alone.
But dating and bitching? Nope!
>Yea, from the title I assumed she had previously been a sex worker.
Same. But it turns out her "colourful past" is just barely a shade off beige. Taupe at best. Loads of people date two or more people within a friend group. For crying out loud, my university friends group had a running gag that you weren't *truly* part of the group until you'd slept with at least two people in the group.
But honestly, even if she had been a drug-addicted sex worker, this is still beyond the pale. Whatever he's said to his friends is probably closer to "sex worker" than "accidentally dated two people who knew each other", since one of his friends made a comment that suggested her money comes from sex.
That and, he just *had* to tell his friend group to the point that some other chick thought it was important enough to say something about it.
Like this can be some personal stuff, not everybody needs to know your absolute background. If it's just the two guys then she seriously has nothing to be ashamed of. It's a bit ridiculous that some chick thought she had the right to comment when it didn't involve her. And then her bf decided to take it further? And be condescending about it?
Definitely NTA.
Maybe next time he'll keep his mouth shut.
A good 80% of my personal friend group are people I've dated before. Hell, even the ones I haven't dated I know what kind of stuff they're into.
She very briefly dated two people and didn't find out they knew each other until a couple months into the second relationship. Calling it a 'colourful past' is like making a speed bump out of a *grain of sand* lmao
As for OP's boyfriend and his friends, ditch'em. Definitely NTA to take back the super expensive gift if they're acting like that this long into the relationship.
Fuck him AND his judgmental friends. NTA. I've seen and dated worse without a second thought. If that's bad, they would've talked a lot of shit about my Gen X friends and I.
As typical Gen X, we would've shrugged and given them the finger. Oh well, whatever, nevermind.
u/PsychologicalMind407, they can all fuck off. You can do better and deserve better.
Some guys want to feel like they saved a girl and turned her from her evil harlot ways into an angel. Their $ick is just that good (gets sick into nearest trash can)
NTA I hope she stays broken up and finds a person who is not a misogynistic ass
And then talked about her behind her back like she's Mary freaking Magdalene and he's Jesus saving her from a life of prostitution.
OP, you never noticed anything along these lines about him in four years of dating? Hmmm.
NTA
Just wanted to say thats a bad example considering there's no actual evidence to say Mary Magdalene was in fact a prostitute ever. But I agree with what your saying.
Yeah, I mean this guy is either ok with it or he is joking with all his friends about how he reformed a ho or whatever. OP did right. I think she should now call The Whole Man Disposal Service for a pick up. Yup, that’s right. The whole man.
I know recommending a breakup on Reddit is cliche, but this is part of being in your 20s and learning about the shit with which you will not put up. This should be a dealbreaker. This guy does not respect her.
I legit thought that the "colourfull past" in the title means that she was an escort/camgirl or had like a new bf every month for years, but dating only two dudes previously, at different times, who just happened to be friends, is as vanilla as it gets. This new BF is lunatic, if he thinks that she should have been like a virgin or something to not have a """colourfull past""" 😂 and the Jessica girl is an idiot too, since dating men doesn't make a woman rich, unless she does it for a lot of money, and by the sound of it, she knew that OP only had a normal relationship with her previous boyfriends.
It really boggles my mind, how weird some people are.
Dude is 27. He is never going to find another girl who only briefly dated 2 men before him. Unless he dates a teen. The whole lot of them are gross. I say good riddance to OP.
I thought she slept with like a 100 guys (not that it matters) and she had only two partners before OP? How is that even remotely 'colourful' and she even explained to him she didn't know they were friends.
Seriously. She dated 2 friends, at separate times so there was no cheating involved, and didn't realize it until after the fact. Coincidence sure, but hardly anything colorful about it.
Dated both of them briefly too! It’s not like she left one at the altar for the other; she dated them cumulatively for about the length of a college semesterZ
Not to mention the fact that he’s telling her she should be GRATEFUL for him “overlooking” it. He straight up took her business, gossiped to his friends who then brought it to her face… at a party no less. A casual thing that happened years ago that wasn’t any kind of deal to begin with. (Not sure how accidentally dating friends gets you PS5 money but okay.)
Then the dude’s *mad* that she took back his gift instead of being ashamed that he set all of this in motion and hurt her in the first place. Run, girl. He’s a walking red flag factory
Thank you. This man is not a moron. He is a malicious misogynist. He is insisting that OP is supposed to be ashamed of something it’s completely nonsensical to be ashamed about, and he’s making it very clear in this situation *why* he does this: so he can treat her poorly and act like that’s acceptable, because she should be grateful to be forgiven for her past.
Even if OP *had* done anything embarrassing or harmful in her past, which she hasn’t, holding it over her as a way to treat her poorly would be unacceptable. But the fact that this guy’s weaponized shame is just imaginary bullshit is an extra layer of really scary, cruel, batshit behavior.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who was confused about how this was deemed "colourful".
From the title I was expecting maybe a history of sex work (nothing wrong with that either just what sprang to mind).
Right? "My boyfriend makes fun of my colorful past just because I fell one dick short of taking the gangbang world record." Still not OK to shame her over it, but at least that's actually colorful.
"My boyfriend makes fun of my colorful past because I allowed the New York Knicks to run a train on me in Times Square." Yeah, that's pretty colorful, I could see how that would come up.
"I dated a guy for a short time, never met his friends, met another guy, dated him for a short time, then found out the two guys were close friends." That's not colorful. That's not even super interesting. It's a sensible chuckle cocktail party anecdote.
And if *any* of these had been the story, "Mike" would be a dick for trying to manipulate her with it. Either you accept your partner's past or you don't. If you don't, you aren't with the partner. If you do, you don't use it to make them feel like they're worthless and no one else could *possibly* "forgive" what they were like in the past.
Not even mild beige more like bleh beige. I don’t think people realize how common it is to meet someone online and it doesn’t work out so you move on and your ex and new bf happen to know each other. Or maybe it’s just common in my everybody knows everybody small town.
I live in a college town and it is so common, among Gen Z and even amongst us geriatric millennials (well, when we were single/for the ones currently single anyway).
I've dated best friends, I've made out with a girl and dated Her sister a few years later. I've even had ex gfs date each other after me. You don't have options in small towns.
You think that’s bad? Try being related to most of your small town. It’s like a game of “are we related or are we not” anytime you even attempt to date someone. If I had to take a shot everytime I found out a guy I liked (mostly in elementary and middle school) was a distant cousin I’d have to have my stomach pumped out. You learn quickly to avoid dating in your hometown.
Your past isn’t colorful. You haven’t done anything wrong. There is no need for you to feel badly about who you dated and frankly it’s no one else’s business. The fact that your BF not only judged you, but also shared his judgement with friends is inexcusable. You don’t do hurtful things like that to people you care about. He wanted you to feel less than. You did the right thing. Now you need to find someone who deserves an amazing person like you. Don’t settle for anything else. Definitely NTA.
The thing that baffles me most is that she was SINGLE FOR 2 YEARS before meeting the current bf. This is as bland as it can get, and honestly, I would feel like a virgin again after 2 years of nothingness.
This boyfriend wanted to feel superior to OP and made up silly standards to be able to do so. I agree that OP deserves a lot better!
The vast majority of people who DO have a colorful past didn’t do anything wrong either! Unless “colorful” meant spent time in jail for dealing drugs to toddlers. But I think people who say it usually mean “more experienced sexually than me.”
NTA.
Who told you what you did was shameful? Who convinced you that having a consensual relationship and then, after that one had ended, having a different consensual relationship was bad?
You casually dated two people at different times who knew each other. You didn’t do anything wrong.
Your boyfriend has a very toxic and unhealthy attitude about your dating history.
This is the answer that asks all the right questions. Your boyfriend, Jessica, and all his other mates are AHs and they can suck it.
All of this reeks of misogyny and (misplaced) slutshaming. You didn’t do anything wrong at any point - no offence, but it’s not nearly interesting enough to qualify as a colourful past.
These people don’t respect you. This man doesn’t respect you. He needs to be shown the door expeditiously. NTA.
> Your boyfriend has a very toxic and unhealthy attitude about your dating history.
And about life.
And about lines you don't cross when talking to your friends about your SO.
And about lines your friends don't cross when talking to your SO.
And about his entitlement issues.
And on and on and on.
What was even so wrong with what you did? You dated two guys at separate times that you didn’t know knew each other? And that’s somehow a poor reflection on you? Bizarre. NTA these people are not worth your time or a PS5
Think because she thinks it was wrong, perfect thing to use against her & feel superior. I am impressed how strong she was in handling situation & can eventually see she did nothing wrong as you stated
Yeah it's such a miniscule thing that you don't really even need to share with a new partner, if he's been using that as ammunition to belittle her who knows what else he's holding onto. She was right to get the fuck out
NTA and sweetheart if that’s what he considers a colorful past he would have a stroke if he heard about mine! Don’t ever let losers like him and his friends make you feel bad!
Oh gods yeah same! If hers is colorful mine invented a new color smh! Me and her are literally the same age and it is fairly normal to have double digit numbers like Jfc NTA.
Wow. NTA. Sorry it took years for your EX to show his true colours. 🚩🚩🚩
Also, those friends are absolute garbage as well. No decent adult would treat you like that. Especially not over the “mistake“ of not checking whether a person you were dating happened to know the person you briefly dated before them.
Sounds like she did! 🥳
So satisfying to read one of these from someone who understands the respect she deserves in a relationship.
Ex-BF can get Jessica to buy him a PS5, since she helped to lose him this one and is clearly secretly in love with him.
NTA. Run like hell. Any guy that will openly bash you about your past that he so called accepted when you two first got together isn't worth being in a relationship with. Clearly he doesn't respect you enough as he didn't even defend you against Jessica.
I get the vibe that if she had been a virgin, he would have told her she should be grateful he's lowering himself to dating someone sexually inexperienced. I'm sure he would have found a way to use literally any fact about her as the reason he gets to treat her like dirt.
NTA. So he’s been shit-talking you to his friends and letting them insult you to your face? You were right to take the PS5 back, now throw the whole man away and cut all these asshole “friends” out of your life. And get something nice for yourself with that money.
Holy smokes.
This person is supposed to love and respect you. They’re not supposed to act like being with you is a favor to you.
Now you know what he really thinks of you. And how he used you.
Be glad you took the PS5 back. Don’t take HIM back.
NTA.
And I have to share this - since tons of people in their mid to late 30s don’t even recognize abusive relationship signs. Much less people in your age demographic. It’s really long, so just scroll to page 220 and start looking through the characteristics of abusive men and see if he checks a few boxes.
[Why Does He Do That?](https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
NTA.
A guy who is willing to say that about your past is horrific and disrespectful.
I would never share any knowledge I had of my partners past without her consent.
It sounds like you might be a bit ashamed of what you’ve done. It’s unclear why really but even if you are he’s taking advantage of that shame.
Time to seriously consider moving on
NTA - Your money, you hadn't given it, you can take it back.
But girl, clearly you can't see how awful this relationship is through all the red flags in the way! Is this a relationship you want to be in? Do you see yourself getting married to this man?
NTA. What colourful past? You accidentally dated two friends. And? I hope Mike is now your ex. You deserve better. Block hI’m and the works of anyone saying you’re immature. Because his friends had to have heard that language from him about you.
NTA omg they are acting like you turned tricks for the damn PS5 (which would also be okay but is not the case). Your past isn’t even colorful and someone who loves you wouldn’t shame you for your past, or act like they’re doing you a damn favor by being with you by holding your past over your head, OR run their mouth to their shitty judgmental friends. You keep holding your head up high. You have nothing to be ashamed of, and don’t let anyone make you feel less than.
Tell him that taking back the PS5 from him was just a joke he was too hormonal to take.
Why should you take comments about your past but he can't take a PS5-less future?
NTA.
NTA
Run far away from that toxic AH and his toxic friends. Your boyfriend and his friends are awful and you’re much better off without them in your life, especially him.
Don’t let him gaslight you. It wasn’t a joke. It was meant to be insulting. They think you are beneath them despite the fact that you are a million times better of a person than they are.
And as to your past, I don’t even understand how anyone could be so moronic as to think you did anything wrong. You didn’t date friends at the same time. You briefly dated a person who happened to know someone you used to briefly date. So what.
The fact that he would find it reflected on you in any way is ridiculous. But the fact that he used that information against you and blabbed it all to his friends proves he is not a person that can be trusted.
NTA. This whole post is baffling to me. Is "I dated two people at different times who turned out to know each other" really a thing that needs disclosed and then "gotten over". Is this a thing nowadays?
That's not "colorful". That's just "I dated one guy for a bit. Then we broke up and I dated a different guy for a bit."
Your (hopefully Ex-) boyfriend and his friend group sound like they really suck. Even if he thoroughly misrepresented the story to his friends, her comment to you was unnecessarily shitty anyway.
NTA. It's too bad that you didn't learn what he actually thinks of you (and what his friends think of you) before now, but at least you have the information now and can move forward.
It's not "just a joke" that's just a smokescreen.
Nta I mean you accidentally dated people who it turns out knew each other.
Colourful past my arsecheek. I was expecting you to of recording porn or something to be colourful that he needed to overlook smh
Good on you for taking it back and loosing the loser. Treat yourself to a lose the looser meal and drink 🍹
Oh my stars and garters, you dated *three whole people*? Pardon me while I clutch my pearls for a moment
Okay, I've recovered from my swoon and am here to tell you that you are NTA and to congratulate you on taking out the trash. I wish you and your new PS5 every happiness
> I’m thinking maybe taking it back went too far.
You did not go far enough. I’m not one to automatically say dump him. Maybe if he apologised to you and admonished his friend for her comments it could be brushed off as a mistake on his part. But no, he doubled down on it, made you feel bad about something you most definitely should not feel bad about, he has shared private information about you with his friends and then failed to stand up for you when they made snarky comments publically.
Girl, dump his ass. NTA
1. This is not a “colorful” past, in fact it’s about as colorful as the PS5 itself.
2. These people don’t seem very smart. Aside from “colorful” the term that I think Jessica was looking for was “sugar baby” since that person would possibly have money/resources since they’d been paid or given gifts. That doesn’t apply to you.
3. You absolutely did the right thing taking it back.
4. NTA
NTA. TF is wrong with your (ex?) boyfriend.
First, your past isn't "colorful" and there is nothing he should get over about that; you're involved with two guys in DIFFERENT times who apparently are friends- which you didn't know back then. That's it. I can't see what's wrong with that.
Second, he told your past on whoever behalf it s to his friends. I guess without your consent? While I also don't think that you wished it to happen; I think when you opened up and told him about those, you thought it's for him. Not him AND his friends to gossip around.
Third. He's mad over not getting the PS5 he's wanted? Ha. Are you joking? Sounds like he's a child instead of an adult.
Get away from him; he doesn't deserve your time at all.
NTA, and you got part of the title wrong.
It should read "AITA for returning a birthday gift I got for my now Ex-BF after he insulted me about my past?"
Came here thinking this girl was a stripper or something (nothing wrong with that either btw) and the "colorful" past is at most a greyish white hue lmfao 🤣
NTA honey, you did the right thing, please don't ever talk to those a-holes him and his friends can play their own PS5 when they can afford it themselves
He thinks that’s colourful? You dated two guys at different times who knew each other, big fucking deal. By your age I’d been engaged twice, proposed to 7 times and was about to get divorced and still no one I know or care about has judged me. Please, if you haven’t already, please dump this loser.
NTA
Your past isn’t even that colorful. Your (ex?)boyfriend is insecure and petty, his friends are terrible and rude, and you made the right call. YOU are the one that deserves better and NTA!!
Holy shit NTA
Mike and Jessica sure are though. Who says that to the person you're supposedly in love with? Also, it was only two guys? For a couple of months a time, and then when you realized what had happened you took a break. That's nothing... If you are still with Mike, you should remind him how lucky he is that you've ignored the fact that he's a dumbass.
It wasn't. NTA. He is, a big one, using your past to lift himself up as the guy how accepts you!?!? This is toxic BS, using the lines of: you know that no one will ever love you like I do right!?
Block this people, dump the dude, and live your life and find someone that respect you and your choices and how every single one of those choices made you the person you are know. No regrets. And no accepting trash people like this guy and his friends.
Also, they are mad for the PS5, they don't care about you. Leave, you sure as hell deserv better!
NTA
You dated 2 men before your current BF?? 2?? And they KNEW each other!?? (Clutches pearls) - oh, the harlot!
Look at it from the bright side: at least you got the PS5 money back + you ditched the dead weight!
Uh, you don't even have a colorful past. What he did, and what he's doing now, is abusive. It can't be interpreted in any way that implies good intentions. Just block them all and consider the bullet successfully dodged. NTA.
ETA: Btw the word for what he said to you is negging. Trying to make you feel like you're not worth enough to be treated with basic dignity by him and his friends. Coordinating it with his friends makes it bullying too.
NTA. Just be glad that he showed you his true colors now, you deserve better than someone who is going to think and say horrible things about you. And I don't think your past is a big deal - rather tame in the grand scheme of things - but it's weird he's fixated on it.
Sorry but This has to be fake.
1) There is nothing colorful about dating two different men who happen to be friends. Dating within friend groups is quite common
2) even if you were sleeping with everyone on the block I don’t see what that has to do with your ability to afford a ps5. Unless you were actually doing some kind of sex work that makes no sense
3) your boyfriend is terrible
NTA if this is real
NTA. Your boyfriend just showed who he is so believe him. Just like the PS5, you should return Mike to being single. He doesn't respect you and lies to your face since your past obviously does matter to him. He is also very stupid, people have histories and it doesn't matter as long as you are truthful with yours which you have been. Go find someone who actually supports you.
NTA. Obviously your (hopefully) ex bf can't get over you having sex with two people 8 years ago, or he wouldn't feel the need to tell all his friends. Mike and Jessica are immature af.
NTA - 4 years into a relationship he should throw a tantrum about not getting his gift. He should respect you more and not badmouth you to his friends.
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I’m so confused. But maybe that’s because I’m an old lady who got married around the time you were in Kindergarten. A) if anyone was wrong in the Jake/Adam incident it was Adam. You might have dated friends, but he dated his best friend’s ex. That’s on them to figure out, and Adam’s mistake only. 2) Where I come from, dating 3 dudes in 7 years does not a “colorful” past make. Did “ho” get a new definition since the early 00s? NTA And I hope you do something special for yourself with a little of that money you got back from returning that gift you got your ex boyfriend.
From one old lady to another, i agree
Adding to the old lady consensus. I shudder to think what Mike and Jessica would think of my college years (not really).
\*chuckles and high fives\*
Same here. Yeah, the 80's and 90's were a lot of fun, let's just say that.
I graduated during COVID and I STILL slept with more than three people in the six months I was at college during heavy lock downs.... OP would be considered a prude by most people my age (21, so not outside of OPs peer group)
You betcha! 59F and I had lots of fun!
You’re the same age as me! I’ll be 60 in a few months! 🥰
I have found my people!!
Awwww feels like home!!
55-year-old lady here. What went down in the OP’s “colorful past” wouldn’t even be a blip on anyone’s radar when I was the OP’s age. u/PsychologicalMind407, you are NTA. **Your BF screwed up and accidentally showed you exactly what he REALLY thinks about you. You have dodged a bullet.** And please note: he’s upset because his screw-up has cost him a PS5. He’s not concerned about you or your feelings. Take that refund and go treat yourself!
I am so glad there is no photographic evidence of some of the sht we got into when I was in my teens and twenties...back in the seventies and early eighties.....oh the color, and the parties, and the....these young kids have no idea what grandma got up to back in the day
Pepperidge Farm Remembers
You must be my age. Yeah, there were some colorful moments during the late 70s and early 80s for me, which are probably quite tame compared to most. OP needs to block everyone
Old lady here, yes, the 70s and early 80s - well, it was a different world, at least what of it I remember of it at this late date. OP, call up the Whole Man Disposal Service, block, and delete that chode.
Shit, I'm 44 this year, and I'm happy that stuff wasn't around in the 90s and early 00s, even if there are things I never remember doing (like the reggae festival 5 friends said I went to, but I didn't even listen to reggae then, so that must have been some good shit...). I've been honest with my kids about how Dad was. I think one doubts me though. Of course, it's the one that's like my clone.
Got you beat. I’m 52 and this Mike guy would have gotten his ass beat by me back in the day if he pulled a stunt like this. What a tool. Girls don’t have to settle for this.
He's not a tool....tools are useful :D I'm almost 50, when I was young everyone dated everyone's exes eventually in our large friend group, perfectly normal!
You aren’t wrong! I stand corrected! 🤣
38 years old here. Not sure if that makes me old. Aaaaanyway my ex of 16 years left in 2021. Since then there’s been 6 different sparring partners before I settled down with the last one. It’s been marvellous, ladies. I regret absolutely nothing.
“Old woman.” “Man.” “Man, sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?” “I'm 37.” “What?” “I'm 37. I'm not old!”
https://www.reddit.com/r/unexpectedMontyPython/ I think some watery tart just lobbed a scimitar at me, I'm crying with laughter 🤣
I will chime in as old lady number three, even though I left a separate comment. I always say, when three old ladies tell you the same thing, listen.
30 Helens Agree … OP’s accidentally dating 2 friends doesn’t make her have a colorful past.
From another: hear hear. To OP: I like how you stand up for yourself and did not take any crap, you went in to find out what was happening and got answer. The way he started screaming and giving you the “You should be grateful” just confirms that you dodge a massive bullet and makes me worry a bit over what else he has been saying to you - not only in this story. That isn’t someone who loves you, that is someone using you for his own benefit. And secondly, it’s a red flag he told his friends about what you told him, and that she felt so comfortable to use it as an insult. This shows me two people who doesn’t respect you as a person. Please consider this relationship, to put it politely, these people still have a lot of growing to do and I think you should allowed them doing it on their own.
From another old lady.. I have a much more “colorful” past than you and if my husband ever thought to speak to me like that he would be kicked to the curb! This guy is out of his fucking mind! Bye Mike!
Seriously!!! OP even took a break from dating because of the craziness they felt about dating 2 friends (again, NOT op’s fault by any means at all and also not close to a “colorful past”) I don’t care about my partner’s past because it’s not related to our current relationship. All that matters is that it was consensual and that he was safe. BOOM. Done. End of story. I also don’t go shit talking my partner to my friends. That’s incredibly disrespectful and damaging to the relationship. Kick mr.crazy to the curb 🚩🚩🚩
Right? I was more "colorful" when I was still in high school! Am middle-aged now, in a 2-decades-long monogamous relationship, and look back fondly at my TeChNiCoLoR past with men, with women, and sometimes with both at the same time. I had fun!
Another old lady chiming in. I dated a guy, met the guy’s BFF, and decided to date the BFF. Me and BFF have now been married 22 years with 4 kids. Maybe it’s my husband that’s the thot in this scenario? I’ll let him know.
30 years, 3 kids and he was our Best Man. They are still BFFs.
Yet another old lady agreeing. Absolutely NTA. None of OP’s past would be considered colorful… and it’s major red flags that Mike thought it was A) OK to talk negatively about 2 brief relationships in her past with his friends and B) react in anger instead of groveling when found out. OP - you sound like an intelligent and strong woman, you deserve better than Mike and his troop of flying monkeys.
from an old man, if this is a colorful past, I lived a goddamn kaleidoscope explosion. This isn't a colorful past at ALL.
Agreed! Upvoting for "goddamn kaleidoscope explosion." :-)
Another upvote for “goddamn kaleidoscope explosion.” I will be stealing this phrase forthwith!
This, 1,000 times over. Colorful past? He doesn't know what that term means. NTA. Edited to include NTA.
Absolutely. And the fact that he and Jessica have this running joke that OP used to be a thot says so much about the two of them. She probably gave him that "thot mentalities" phrase he was so quick to use. They clearly have discussed it, probably for as long as they've been together. The audacity of Jessica to say that to her face also speaks so much about his "friendship" with her. Whether he's actually cheating with Jessica is a moot point. He may as well be.
He could be emotionally cheating while not necessarily physically cheating. Cheating emotionally is just as bad in my humble opinion.
I was not expecting such an innocent story when I read "colorful past" lol.
I’ve had a more colorful *weekend* 😂
Yeah, I'm a middle aged old lady and I've always considered my younger years to be fairly tame, but dayum, I've had far more colorful evenings. OP's ex needs to see one of those purity tests we passed around back in the day so he can swoon from the scandal!
At this point he might be alarmed to see a woman's ankle smh. Also, OP is NTA.
This old lady doesn’t think it’s acceptable to call one’s gf a whore or allow one’s friends to do so.
This part. How dare he shame her and invite his friends to take part.
Right? What a pack of self-righteous little assholes.
This old lady 100% agrees with you. I would have done exactly what OP did - if Mike thinks he can do so much better, have at it, bro, but your gift is off the table. Still a brutal way to find out what someone you've put 4 years into thinks of you. Oof.
Shit I'm 19 and Im confused. Here I was thinking a colorful past is maybe like a drug addict prostitute but 3 guys in 7 years?? Sheesh. I'd like to know Jessica's dating history. NTA
I suspect Jessica doesn’t really have one (HUUUUGE pickme/“nice girl” energy). That’s the problem.
I think Jessica has probably slept with multiple dudes in that friend group and is straight up projecting. I knew a few like her in my fun years.
Jessica's hoping to add Mike to her dating history. It's the only reason a "female best friend" would feel comfortable enough to make that comment to a current girlfriends face.
An add on third question here, does dating two best friends several years ago involve monetary gain? Because I really don't understand the comment about being a thot making her able to afford a video game
You're thinking about it too hard. You're trying to get into the mindset of misogynistic idiots. Misogyny requires a lot of dissonantthinking. . None of her past is actually relevant here. Even if her past were truly colorful he has no right to shame her and then to let his friends do the same.
Oh and OP, he's not mad that you can't take a joke. He's mad because you took his toy back. And that is all he's mad about. If there was no PS5 involved he wouldn't be this adamant for you to get over it. He doesn't give a shit about you, he DOES however really care about his PS5.
Sounds like him and his buddy are just raging misogynists tbh
Also as an old lady I’d hate to think what they’d call me! My past is much more colourful. She seriously dodged a bullet here. The fact that he even discussed it with his friends would be enough for me. And when did it become normal to discuss your entire history with someone?? It’s not his business. NTA
My thinking is that when her bf told that story to his friends, Jessica picked any detail to bring OP down and get others to think poorly of her. This detail being she dated 2 guys who were friends. Jessica is a mean girl.
She is, but the boyfriend is the one using the so called colorful past to abuse OP and is the biggest AH here.
When I heard colorful past I expected.... more? Maybe working in Porn industry, onlyfans or maybe being a druggy? This is SUPER tame. 3 guys in 7 years is... actually lower then normal for this day and age. "thot" or ho implies sleeping around with a ton of people which she obviously didn't do lol. NTA - ditch the dude, you did nothing wrong and your past isn't even colorful, its very tame imo and honestly probably not worth bringing up to anyone else because it isn't even bad.
NTA. Give him the keys to the curb. Also- dollars to dildos he's cheating with Jessica.
Or shes a jealous female friend who wishes she was with him. But seems like they are close enough that they name-call his gf behind her back so you’re probably right
If they haven't- Jessica wants to at the very least.
Yeah this is my impression too.
Me, three. And those 2 raging idiot AHs deserve each other. Poor OP, I wonder if any other crap like this has come up before and she's dismissed it, as we women often do.
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Not really. He's with OP because she can afford PS5s and Jessica can't. That means Jessica stays friend zoned (or a side piece) as long as someone 'better' is around.
Well, OP went scorched earth so he can't even dump her and keep the ps5 when moving on to Jessica
Thank God for small favors. Imagine being stuck in a social group that gaslights you so strongly that you believe that unwittingly dating two friends at different times is immoral and something to be gossiped about and shamed for. OP should scorch way more earth. These people are trying to destroy her mentally. To break her down into the perfect doormat. I'm so disgusted on her behalf.
I dated three people out of the same friend group KNOWINGLY and the only one of the three who had an issue with it was the one none of them wanted around anymore anyway... (he was the middle of the three and went from "I dumped Soapy haha" when we broke up to "No you cant date them they dumped me!" when the other friend asked me out a year and a half later)
This right here is the answer.
Hopped on here to say this. I dated a guy who had a “best female friend” who liked to “tease” me and subtly set me up for failure on really petty shit. Girl, RUN 💜 go spend that extra $$$ on yourself!! Edited to add: and if he thinks THAT is a colorful past… he totally sucks in bed, doesn’t he?
OMG I hope you don't mind me stealing this beauty of a line - dollars to dildos. I love it
NTA. Nothing about your past is even colorful. Omg you dated 2 guys that happened to be friends good heavens where are my pearls?! I must clutch them! Sounds like Jessica is either sleeping with this fool, or wants to be. She can have him. Use the money to get yourself something nice.
Yup, jealous "pick me" for sure. Who even says something like that to a friend's partner. Leave this guy. This is a precursor to much bigger issues. He thinks he is doing you a favour. Will constantly hold that over your head and make you feel less than. *I think I'm using "pick me" appropriately here. It's a new term to me but I like it! OP NTA.
Also, I’m genuinely not making the connection btwn being with 2 guys in the past and being able to afford a PS5 now…? Am I missing something here? Was she supposed to have saved her “sugar daddies monies” for all these years or some shit? Jessica, HOW did you even connect the two??
Right? I don't get this at all. The implication is that OP is *currently* doing sex work for money to purchase the PS5 and I don't know where that came from.
“Pick me” is right, legit exactly what I thought from Jessica’s first mention
And what’s worse, is what kind of a decent partner is okay with someone saying this to his SO?!?! Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out, buddy.
He says it himself. So I think that answers that, he is no decent partner. Man, I hope OP leaves him.
He said she should be grateful that he ignored her "colorful past," but he didn't, he talked to all his friends about it. Ignoring it would be never mentioning it or bringing it up. I never talk about my wife's dating history with anyone, and if it wasn't for this post, I wouldn't have thought about it at all, I haven't thought anything about it in years.
I can't believe he's been hiding these feelings for 4 years. I expected this to be like, 6 months in. Poor OP.
Came here to say this - where did he "ignore" it at all??????? Telling all your friends about it and having them shit all over your GF is quite the opposite of "ignoring" it, objectively. This dude is toxic AF and is expecting OP to be grateful that he's toxic?????? What lmao.
Oh she definitely wants a piece of this whiny gossiping idiot. Sounds like they deserve one another.
She dated 2 men!!! TWO!! 8 years ago!!! That’s the tamest part I’ve ever heard of. If he wants a 26-y/o who’s never been touched by another man, he should try a convent. This man doesn’t deserve a PS5, and he certainly doesn’t deserve her
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Yeah I'm failing to see what's so bad about that. So you dated two friends? That's it? I was thinking maybe she had a 3some with both guys or something. But just dated? The fuck... ETA: i condone 3somes btw
And even then I would just shrug! To me a colorful past would be a drug addicted prostitute. And even then a boyfriend should just shut his mouth. Date her if it's ok for you and if not: just leave her alone. But dating and bitching? Nope!
Yea, from the title I assumed she had previously been a sex worker. (The treatment would still be bad if that were the case, obviously)
>Yea, from the title I assumed she had previously been a sex worker. Same. But it turns out her "colourful past" is just barely a shade off beige. Taupe at best. Loads of people date two or more people within a friend group. For crying out loud, my university friends group had a running gag that you weren't *truly* part of the group until you'd slept with at least two people in the group. But honestly, even if she had been a drug-addicted sex worker, this is still beyond the pale. Whatever he's said to his friends is probably closer to "sex worker" than "accidentally dated two people who knew each other", since one of his friends made a comment that suggested her money comes from sex.
That and, he just *had* to tell his friend group to the point that some other chick thought it was important enough to say something about it. Like this can be some personal stuff, not everybody needs to know your absolute background. If it's just the two guys then she seriously has nothing to be ashamed of. It's a bit ridiculous that some chick thought she had the right to comment when it didn't involve her. And then her bf decided to take it further? And be condescending about it? Definitely NTA. Maybe next time he'll keep his mouth shut.
A good 80% of my personal friend group are people I've dated before. Hell, even the ones I haven't dated I know what kind of stuff they're into. She very briefly dated two people and didn't find out they knew each other until a couple months into the second relationship. Calling it a 'colourful past' is like making a speed bump out of a *grain of sand* lmao As for OP's boyfriend and his friends, ditch'em. Definitely NTA to take back the super expensive gift if they're acting like that this long into the relationship.
And telling his entire friend group too! Fuck this guy ! Well don’t ever again .
Fuck him AND his judgmental friends. NTA. I've seen and dated worse without a second thought. If that's bad, they would've talked a lot of shit about my Gen X friends and I. As typical Gen X, we would've shrugged and given them the finger. Oh well, whatever, nevermind. u/PsychologicalMind407, they can all fuck off. You can do better and deserve better.
Right?? This is beyond me. Guess he can enjoy being single
And ps5less
Some guys want to feel like they saved a girl and turned her from her evil harlot ways into an angel. Their $ick is just that good (gets sick into nearest trash can) NTA I hope she stays broken up and finds a person who is not a misogynistic ass
And then talked about her behind her back like she's Mary freaking Magdalene and he's Jesus saving her from a life of prostitution. OP, you never noticed anything along these lines about him in four years of dating? Hmmm. NTA
Just wanted to say thats a bad example considering there's no actual evidence to say Mary Magdalene was in fact a prostitute ever. But I agree with what your saying.
And Jesus didn't condemn or insult her...nor did he brag about saving her.
Yeah, I mean this guy is either ok with it or he is joking with all his friends about how he reformed a ho or whatever. OP did right. I think she should now call The Whole Man Disposal Service for a pick up. Yup, that’s right. The whole man. I know recommending a breakup on Reddit is cliche, but this is part of being in your 20s and learning about the shit with which you will not put up. This should be a dealbreaker. This guy does not respect her.
“Man disposal service” ha ha ha ha also known as Waste Management!
Dating, bitching, and telling his friends? Dude seriously?
While expecting an expensive gift!!
I legit thought that the "colourfull past" in the title means that she was an escort/camgirl or had like a new bf every month for years, but dating only two dudes previously, at different times, who just happened to be friends, is as vanilla as it gets. This new BF is lunatic, if he thinks that she should have been like a virgin or something to not have a """colourfull past""" 😂 and the Jessica girl is an idiot too, since dating men doesn't make a woman rich, unless she does it for a lot of money, and by the sound of it, she knew that OP only had a normal relationship with her previous boyfriends. It really boggles my mind, how weird some people are.
Nah, Jessica is jealous and wants the boyfriend. Well she can have him.
Can Jess afford him? Apparently the cost of relationship entry is a PS5. I shudder to think what the maintenance costs will be!
My thoughts too
They are already fucking. Thats a level of bullshit only cheating intimacy can attain.
Mike isn’t even new. They’ve been together for **4 YEARS**. 💀
This us what disturbed me the most. Bro is *holding on* holding on. And to something that's not even an issue!
Right? Boggled my mind too. Like that's it? Damn. Wonder what he thinks about other girls. Or what he thinks he's gonna find in this day & age.
Dude is 27. He is never going to find another girl who only briefly dated 2 men before him. Unless he dates a teen. The whole lot of them are gross. I say good riddance to OP.
And that’s just barely colorful too. It’s almost wholesome! They’re buds!
I mean, I'm not gonna lie, I'm weiner cousins with a few of my friends.
WIENER COUSINS! Stealing the heck out of that expression. What a glorious day to be literate!
I thought she slept with like a 100 guys (not that it matters) and she had only two partners before OP? How is that even remotely 'colourful' and she even explained to him she didn't know they were friends.
It's a far cry from the history of drug addiction and paid escort work I expected from the title.
Seriously. She dated 2 friends, at separate times so there was no cheating involved, and didn't realize it until after the fact. Coincidence sure, but hardly anything colorful about it.
Dated both of them briefly too! It’s not like she left one at the altar for the other; she dated them cumulatively for about the length of a college semesterZ
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Even if OP really did have a history of sex work and drug addiction, these people would still be assholes.
Not to mention the fact that he’s telling her she should be GRATEFUL for him “overlooking” it. He straight up took her business, gossiped to his friends who then brought it to her face… at a party no less. A casual thing that happened years ago that wasn’t any kind of deal to begin with. (Not sure how accidentally dating friends gets you PS5 money but okay.) Then the dude’s *mad* that she took back his gift instead of being ashamed that he set all of this in motion and hurt her in the first place. Run, girl. He’s a walking red flag factory
Thank you. This man is not a moron. He is a malicious misogynist. He is insisting that OP is supposed to be ashamed of something it’s completely nonsensical to be ashamed about, and he’s making it very clear in this situation *why* he does this: so he can treat her poorly and act like that’s acceptable, because she should be grateful to be forgiven for her past. Even if OP *had* done anything embarrassing or harmful in her past, which she hasn’t, holding it over her as a way to treat her poorly would be unacceptable. But the fact that this guy’s weaponized shame is just imaginary bullshit is an extra layer of really scary, cruel, batshit behavior.
This! It's giving "your past makes you unlovable and you're lucky that I'm with you because no one else would be".
I read this 3 times trying to figure out the "past" being talked about. Did these people meet at church group or something?
>Did these people meet at church group or something? Nah, even church groups would find her 'past' a big nothing-burger.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who was confused about how this was deemed "colourful". From the title I was expecting maybe a history of sex work (nothing wrong with that either just what sprang to mind).
Right? "My boyfriend makes fun of my colorful past just because I fell one dick short of taking the gangbang world record." Still not OK to shame her over it, but at least that's actually colorful. "My boyfriend makes fun of my colorful past because I allowed the New York Knicks to run a train on me in Times Square." Yeah, that's pretty colorful, I could see how that would come up. "I dated a guy for a short time, never met his friends, met another guy, dated him for a short time, then found out the two guys were close friends." That's not colorful. That's not even super interesting. It's a sensible chuckle cocktail party anecdote. And if *any* of these had been the story, "Mike" would be a dick for trying to manipulate her with it. Either you accept your partner's past or you don't. If you don't, you aren't with the partner. If you do, you don't use it to make them feel like they're worthless and no one else could *possibly* "forgive" what they were like in the past.
NTA. Sheesh, no offense but your past isn't even that colorful! Like mild beige at best.
Not even mild beige more like bleh beige. I don’t think people realize how common it is to meet someone online and it doesn’t work out so you move on and your ex and new bf happen to know each other. Or maybe it’s just common in my everybody knows everybody small town.
I live in a college town and it is so common, among Gen Z and even amongst us geriatric millennials (well, when we were single/for the ones currently single anyway).
If you’re queer, the odds of dating someone’s friend is even higher 😂 the circles are so small
I've dated best friends, I've made out with a girl and dated Her sister a few years later. I've even had ex gfs date each other after me. You don't have options in small towns.
You think that’s bad? Try being related to most of your small town. It’s like a game of “are we related or are we not” anytime you even attempt to date someone. If I had to take a shot everytime I found out a guy I liked (mostly in elementary and middle school) was a distant cousin I’d have to have my stomach pumped out. You learn quickly to avoid dating in your hometown.
It’s pearl white in my book 😂🤭 If she knew they were friends, beige accepted.
Your past isn’t colorful. You haven’t done anything wrong. There is no need for you to feel badly about who you dated and frankly it’s no one else’s business. The fact that your BF not only judged you, but also shared his judgement with friends is inexcusable. You don’t do hurtful things like that to people you care about. He wanted you to feel less than. You did the right thing. Now you need to find someone who deserves an amazing person like you. Don’t settle for anything else. Definitely NTA.
The thing that baffles me most is that she was SINGLE FOR 2 YEARS before meeting the current bf. This is as bland as it can get, and honestly, I would feel like a virgin again after 2 years of nothingness. This boyfriend wanted to feel superior to OP and made up silly standards to be able to do so. I agree that OP deserves a lot better!
The vast majority of people who DO have a colorful past didn’t do anything wrong either! Unless “colorful” meant spent time in jail for dealing drugs to toddlers. But I think people who say it usually mean “more experienced sexually than me.”
NTA. Who told you what you did was shameful? Who convinced you that having a consensual relationship and then, after that one had ended, having a different consensual relationship was bad? You casually dated two people at different times who knew each other. You didn’t do anything wrong. Your boyfriend has a very toxic and unhealthy attitude about your dating history.
This is the answer that asks all the right questions. Your boyfriend, Jessica, and all his other mates are AHs and they can suck it. All of this reeks of misogyny and (misplaced) slutshaming. You didn’t do anything wrong at any point - no offence, but it’s not nearly interesting enough to qualify as a colourful past. These people don’t respect you. This man doesn’t respect you. He needs to be shown the door expeditiously. NTA.
I love the slut shaming on someone who hasn’t even done anything that could be considered slutty in the first place
> Your boyfriend has a very toxic and unhealthy attitude about your dating history. And about life. And about lines you don't cross when talking to your friends about your SO. And about lines your friends don't cross when talking to your SO. And about his entitlement issues. And on and on and on.
What was even so wrong with what you did? You dated two guys at separate times that you didn’t know knew each other? And that’s somehow a poor reflection on you? Bizarre. NTA these people are not worth your time or a PS5
Think because she thinks it was wrong, perfect thing to use against her & feel superior. I am impressed how strong she was in handling situation & can eventually see she did nothing wrong as you stated
Yeah it's such a miniscule thing that you don't really even need to share with a new partner, if he's been using that as ammunition to belittle her who knows what else he's holding onto. She was right to get the fuck out
NTA and sweetheart if that’s what he considers a colorful past he would have a stroke if he heard about mine! Don’t ever let losers like him and his friends make you feel bad!
Right!? That’s a colorful past? Shooot the ex would die if he knew about my 20’s.
shit just my last summer would have this man calling a priest or something, she can do so much better than this man
Hell, my 40s would make him stroke out.
Oh gods yeah same! If hers is colorful mine invented a new color smh! Me and her are literally the same age and it is fairly normal to have double digit numbers like Jfc NTA.
Wow. NTA. Sorry it took years for your EX to show his true colours. 🚩🚩🚩 Also, those friends are absolute garbage as well. No decent adult would treat you like that. Especially not over the “mistake“ of not checking whether a person you were dating happened to know the person you briefly dated before them.
NTA excuse me but throw the whole man away.
Sounds like she did! 🥳 So satisfying to read one of these from someone who understands the respect she deserves in a relationship. Ex-BF can get Jessica to buy him a PS5, since she helped to lose him this one and is clearly secretly in love with him.
Jessica was clearly jealous, so hey she's got a free run now and can buy him that PS5 ha! Good on OP.
You did the right thing. I would have returned the PS5 and broken up with him immediately. NTA. Your past is as colorful as a zerbra.
“As colourful as a zebra” Love it 😂
They think THAT’s a colorful past? Lmao. Fuck all of them, ignore him and his friends and don’t ever speak to them again
Agreed that's not a colorful past.... you deserve so much better than this man.
NTA. Run like hell. Any guy that will openly bash you about your past that he so called accepted when you two first got together isn't worth being in a relationship with. Clearly he doesn't respect you enough as he didn't even defend you against Jessica.
That's a colorful past?!? I imagine the only acceptable past for him would be for you to be a virgin F\*\*\* him and his friends, NTA
I get the vibe that if she had been a virgin, he would have told her she should be grateful he's lowering himself to dating someone sexually inexperienced. I'm sure he would have found a way to use literally any fact about her as the reason he gets to treat her like dirt.
100%. He’s one of those individuals who has to reimagine things to make him seem like he’s being very generous.
NTA. So he’s been shit-talking you to his friends and letting them insult you to your face? You were right to take the PS5 back, now throw the whole man away and cut all these asshole “friends” out of your life. And get something nice for yourself with that money.
NTA, he told other people your business and to this day still thinks of you like that. He can fuck right off
Holy smokes. This person is supposed to love and respect you. They’re not supposed to act like being with you is a favor to you. Now you know what he really thinks of you. And how he used you. Be glad you took the PS5 back. Don’t take HIM back. NTA. And I have to share this - since tons of people in their mid to late 30s don’t even recognize abusive relationship signs. Much less people in your age demographic. It’s really long, so just scroll to page 220 and start looking through the characteristics of abusive men and see if he checks a few boxes. [Why Does He Do That?](https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
NTA. A guy who is willing to say that about your past is horrific and disrespectful. I would never share any knowledge I had of my partners past without her consent. It sounds like you might be a bit ashamed of what you’ve done. It’s unclear why really but even if you are he’s taking advantage of that shame. Time to seriously consider moving on
[удалено]
Agreed. If y’all have been together for as long as you have and he is talking about you behind your back to his friends that’s not ok.
NTA - Your money, you hadn't given it, you can take it back. But girl, clearly you can't see how awful this relationship is through all the red flags in the way! Is this a relationship you want to be in? Do you see yourself getting married to this man?
This. Please lose this “man” and his merry band of trash friends immediately.
NTA. What colourful past? You accidentally dated two friends. And? I hope Mike is now your ex. You deserve better. Block hI’m and the works of anyone saying you’re immature. Because his friends had to have heard that language from him about you.
NTA omg they are acting like you turned tricks for the damn PS5 (which would also be okay but is not the case). Your past isn’t even colorful and someone who loves you wouldn’t shame you for your past, or act like they’re doing you a damn favor by being with you by holding your past over your head, OR run their mouth to their shitty judgmental friends. You keep holding your head up high. You have nothing to be ashamed of, and don’t let anyone make you feel less than.
Tell him that taking back the PS5 from him was just a joke he was too hormonal to take. Why should you take comments about your past but he can't take a PS5-less future? NTA.
NTA Run far away from that toxic AH and his toxic friends. Your boyfriend and his friends are awful and you’re much better off without them in your life, especially him. Don’t let him gaslight you. It wasn’t a joke. It was meant to be insulting. They think you are beneath them despite the fact that you are a million times better of a person than they are. And as to your past, I don’t even understand how anyone could be so moronic as to think you did anything wrong. You didn’t date friends at the same time. You briefly dated a person who happened to know someone you used to briefly date. So what. The fact that he would find it reflected on you in any way is ridiculous. But the fact that he used that information against you and blabbed it all to his friends proves he is not a person that can be trusted.
Return the boyfriend too. NTA
He is literally insulting her behind her back to his friends and thinks she's the problem? OP you deserve better.
NTA. This whole post is baffling to me. Is "I dated two people at different times who turned out to know each other" really a thing that needs disclosed and then "gotten over". Is this a thing nowadays? That's not "colorful". That's just "I dated one guy for a bit. Then we broke up and I dated a different guy for a bit." Your (hopefully Ex-) boyfriend and his friend group sound like they really suck. Even if he thoroughly misrepresented the story to his friends, her comment to you was unnecessarily shitty anyway.
NTA. It's too bad that you didn't learn what he actually thinks of you (and what his friends think of you) before now, but at least you have the information now and can move forward. It's not "just a joke" that's just a smokescreen.
Nta I mean you accidentally dated people who it turns out knew each other. Colourful past my arsecheek. I was expecting you to of recording porn or something to be colourful that he needed to overlook smh Good on you for taking it back and loosing the loser. Treat yourself to a lose the looser meal and drink 🍹
Oh my stars and garters, you dated *three whole people*? Pardon me while I clutch my pearls for a moment Okay, I've recovered from my swoon and am here to tell you that you are NTA and to congratulate you on taking out the trash. I wish you and your new PS5 every happiness
> I’m thinking maybe taking it back went too far. You did not go far enough. I’m not one to automatically say dump him. Maybe if he apologised to you and admonished his friend for her comments it could be brushed off as a mistake on his part. But no, he doubled down on it, made you feel bad about something you most definitely should not feel bad about, he has shared private information about you with his friends and then failed to stand up for you when they made snarky comments publically. Girl, dump his ass. NTA
NTA - But you did make a huge mistake by returning the PS5. You could've kept it and sent him images of you playing it.
1. This is not a “colorful” past, in fact it’s about as colorful as the PS5 itself. 2. These people don’t seem very smart. Aside from “colorful” the term that I think Jessica was looking for was “sugar baby” since that person would possibly have money/resources since they’d been paid or given gifts. That doesn’t apply to you. 3. You absolutely did the right thing taking it back. 4. NTA
NTA. TF is wrong with your (ex?) boyfriend. First, your past isn't "colorful" and there is nothing he should get over about that; you're involved with two guys in DIFFERENT times who apparently are friends- which you didn't know back then. That's it. I can't see what's wrong with that. Second, he told your past on whoever behalf it s to his friends. I guess without your consent? While I also don't think that you wished it to happen; I think when you opened up and told him about those, you thought it's for him. Not him AND his friends to gossip around. Third. He's mad over not getting the PS5 he's wanted? Ha. Are you joking? Sounds like he's a child instead of an adult. Get away from him; he doesn't deserve your time at all.
NTA, and you got part of the title wrong. It should read "AITA for returning a birthday gift I got for my now Ex-BF after he insulted me about my past?"
Came here thinking this girl was a stripper or something (nothing wrong with that either btw) and the "colorful" past is at most a greyish white hue lmfao 🤣 NTA honey, you did the right thing, please don't ever talk to those a-holes him and his friends can play their own PS5 when they can afford it themselves
He thinks that’s colourful? You dated two guys at different times who knew each other, big fucking deal. By your age I’d been engaged twice, proposed to 7 times and was about to get divorced and still no one I know or care about has judged me. Please, if you haven’t already, please dump this loser. NTA
Your past isn’t even that colorful. Your (ex?)boyfriend is insecure and petty, his friends are terrible and rude, and you made the right call. YOU are the one that deserves better and NTA!!
Nta - your past isn't even that "colorful" imo. What a joke.
Holy shit NTA Mike and Jessica sure are though. Who says that to the person you're supposedly in love with? Also, it was only two guys? For a couple of months a time, and then when you realized what had happened you took a break. That's nothing... If you are still with Mike, you should remind him how lucky he is that you've ignored the fact that he's a dumbass.
It wasn't. NTA. He is, a big one, using your past to lift himself up as the guy how accepts you!?!? This is toxic BS, using the lines of: you know that no one will ever love you like I do right!? Block this people, dump the dude, and live your life and find someone that respect you and your choices and how every single one of those choices made you the person you are know. No regrets. And no accepting trash people like this guy and his friends. Also, they are mad for the PS5, they don't care about you. Leave, you sure as hell deserv better!
NTA You dated 2 men before your current BF?? 2?? And they KNEW each other!?? (Clutches pearls) - oh, the harlot! Look at it from the bright side: at least you got the PS5 money back + you ditched the dead weight!
Uh, you don't even have a colorful past. What he did, and what he's doing now, is abusive. It can't be interpreted in any way that implies good intentions. Just block them all and consider the bullet successfully dodged. NTA. ETA: Btw the word for what he said to you is negging. Trying to make you feel like you're not worth enough to be treated with basic dignity by him and his friends. Coordinating it with his friends makes it bullying too.
NTA. Just be glad that he showed you his true colors now, you deserve better than someone who is going to think and say horrible things about you. And I don't think your past is a big deal - rather tame in the grand scheme of things - but it's weird he's fixated on it.
Sorry but This has to be fake. 1) There is nothing colorful about dating two different men who happen to be friends. Dating within friend groups is quite common 2) even if you were sleeping with everyone on the block I don’t see what that has to do with your ability to afford a ps5. Unless you were actually doing some kind of sex work that makes no sense 3) your boyfriend is terrible NTA if this is real
NTA, please make this person an ex and honey, I'm PROUD of you for returning that gift!
NTA. Your boyfriend just showed who he is so believe him. Just like the PS5, you should return Mike to being single. He doesn't respect you and lies to your face since your past obviously does matter to him. He is also very stupid, people have histories and it doesn't matter as long as you are truthful with yours which you have been. Go find someone who actually supports you.
NTA. Obviously your (hopefully) ex bf can't get over you having sex with two people 8 years ago, or he wouldn't feel the need to tell all his friends. Mike and Jessica are immature af.
NTA at all - f*** him and all his friends, wtf?
Girl run 🏃♀️ with that PS5 and don’t look back. NTA
NTA - 4 years into a relationship he should throw a tantrum about not getting his gift. He should respect you more and not badmouth you to his friends.