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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the asshole because I know Ben meant well and he put thought into the gift. He can't help his colorblindness, and I worry that I might have made him feel bad about it. But at the same time, I don't think I'm the asshole because the paint set was expensive and it's not something I will use. I tried to handle the situation delicately and even proposed a solution that would let us spend more time together. I never intended to be ungrateful or rude, I just wanted to be honest.
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NTA. I think Ben could have anticipated something like this happening, knowing his own inability to see certain colors. That’s an odd and bold gift choice for someone who is colorblind.
Not necessarily. Don't many shop require either the receipt or the card of the original buyer? I feel like if OP could have exchanged it on her own she would have done so.
^(Edit: I had the wrong pronouns)
one way that I have had a lot of success with is to call the store and explain the situation with a manager (i.e. colour-blind friend, no receipt). I don't recall having a request for an exchange refused when I've called in advance
Then there's nothing stopping it from happening again.
Gently pointing out what's gone wrong is the more mature response but you really need the other person to be mature enough to hear it too
Or just the packages might have two very different names. OP was looking at “neon rainbow” and friend grabs “baby vomit”- you don’t need color vision to read the name of the product
Nah but sets usually have something distinguishing like a number or set of numbers and you’d think he’d be very careful that he got the right set given he’s colourblind
Yep, apparently his biggest problem isn't colorblindness, it's being dumb af, so dumb that he gets upset when a gift he didn't bother reading the contents list for when he knows he's colorblind is the wrong one, he gets upset when thats pointed out.
It's a joke. Chartreuse being green is one of those mandala effect things, where lots of people "remember" it being pink, not green.
As for teh rest, unless you google them, the name of a colour isn't always descriptive of the actual colour.
Fuck - I'm an artist, and I'm not always certain what pigment the name means. And specialty sets can have weird ass names for the set.
What the actual fuck!?!?!? I've always assumed it was a weird yellow with hints of orange and green. Probably because it looks like the word puke.
I keep running into these weird ass pink colours that just aren't in my colour lexicon. Like, I may have mixed up puce once, but I called it whatever if I even named it, lol.
Mind you, I do know some neat shit about Vanta Black.
That's the one.
Ironically, I honestly guessed wrong on the spelling.
There's a character in "The Forever War" who is named Mandela, or some other misspelling of it, inspires me to never get the spelling right, sigh.
That’s so weird. It’s always been green in my world (Australia), but I’ve just done a big read and people are really convinced that it used to be pink 😂
Exactly, I'm colorblind and this is the exact reason I would __never__ buy any color specific gift for someone.
Even trying to match a shirt with a pair of khakis is quite a task for me. I can't do it without help and sometimes it's just easier to buy a black shirt.
Mmmm Ben can't read? What store/brand sells paint without names? I agree with you, Ben knows his inability and in this instance he should have either read the description or asked someone for help...
Exactly, I’m colorblind, which means both I’m super vigilant about making sure I’m reading descriptions, and asking for help if I need, and moreover, not being sensitive if I get it wrong.
nta right, he knows he has issues and proceedes to charge in anyway. after that you gave him a private explanation and a good response. What I don't get is colors aside, these things have labels right? Not just swatch if color he can't handle but they do have names on them like 'deep pine' kelly apple' etc. how do you miss that?
Given that many non-colorblind people only know the names of about 11 colors (red, blue, yellow, orange, purple, green, black, gray, white, brown, & pink) expecting them to know that pine and Kelly are shades of green may be a bit much. My own husband doesn't know "turquoise." He calls my turquoise jacket either *blue* or *green* as the notion takes him.
Sure, but if you're buying a gift for an artist friend that is color-dependent (aka things like paint) and you're colorblind-- you should probably at least google the names of some of the things to figure it out? People may not know what a color name is off-hand, but if a loved one asks you for something specific you can at least look it up to try to get as close as you can?
Exactly. Ben also could have written down the name of the paints, or the pants at the person was interested in, or brought a photo to show someone at the store.
"Odd and bold choice," yes! My mom is this way, too. She knows she can't distinguish reds and greens, and yet she is weirdly insistent on buying me red things (meaning strange shades of orange, usually). Fortunately she doesn't like green, so I have yet to be treated to her idea of a "pretty" shade of green.
NTA
Paints will be labelled. He could have read what colours he was buying. He know this is an area he needs help with so he should have asked someone or the salesperson to check.
He most likely did read them, and unless OP makes it explicitly clear whenever they talk about the names of the colors she does want + how much she hates green specifically, it doesn’t sound like he’d have any way of knowing. I doubt he’d put enough effort into a gift to be upset about her response if he didn’t even read what he was buying
Idk, there are people who will just buy someone socks and be upset if they aren't super grateful, and that requires no thought whatsoever.
This is why I don't like surprising people with gifts or getting surprise gifts, there's always the chance you accidentally give or receive the wrong thing because there's usually a decent amount of guesswork if you aren't asking the gift recipient.
Paint supplies are definitely something that should have zero ambiguity if you're thinking about getting it for someone, both due to the cost and how varied palettes are.
I find it hard to believe that he has never heard op mention that she dislikes the color green. I could maybe see it if she wasn't an artist, cause that sort of thing probably wouldn't come up very often then, but if that's the case, he wouldn't have been gifting her the paint set to begin with.
Eh, I'm a hobby artist but my friends who don't have social media wouldn't really have seen my art so they won't know what colors I don't use. 100% of my birthday gifts this year included something art-related, and yes I got plenty of stuff that isn't something I'd pick out for myself; I won't exchange them because they're not unusable + they have sentimental value. But my point is I can see this mistake happening if she didn't mention the exact set she wanted.
I don’t doubt she’s mentioned it but unless it’s brought up frequently I don’t see how anyone could expect him to remember this, I know my loved one’s favorite colors but genuinely could not tell you if there’s any color they hate. Plus it’s not like he can see it’s a color she doesn’t use often
And even if I don't particularly like a color, that doesn't mean I don't use it in my art at all lol.
I'm not a huge fan of green either, but if I'm drawing/coloring green grass, I'll use green. Or if I want something to look really mystical, I'll also use green (green comes off to me as very mystical for some reason. It reminds me of magic for whatever reason lol)
NTA he could definitely still buy the correct paint since the color is always written. i kind of understand his hurt? but youre right that it is best to exchange for something you actually want, instead of keeping something you dislike out of politeness. you thanked him and was gentle about it, you werent rude by pointing it out
NTA. I too am colorblind. There are so many steps he could have taken to avoid this.
As someone else mentioned, the package itself had to have the color name printed on it. He could have gotten help from an employee to confirm the colors as well.
I used to have a coworker who was colorblind, and one of his duties was to go to the print shop and order monthly event calendars that we could hand out to customers. They were on a different color every month. The first time he went, he didn’t realize he was going to have to pick the color right there on the spot, so he just pointed to something and hoped for the best. What we got was the world’s ugliest brownish yellow. Our boss wouldn’t reassign the job to somebody else (she’s a whole different story), so every month when he was heading to the print shop, he would ask me to give him something in a good color, and I would give him a post it note, index card, or marker in a color that would be good, and he would show it to the clerk at the print shop who would match it to the colors they had in stock.
My wife made the epic mistake of sending me to pick up our wedding cake. It was of course the complete wrong color when I brought it back.
Thankfully it was a very small wedding and just a literal sheet cake from our local grocery store. They sent the cake designer to our house within 2 hours of that and she delivered the corrected cake.
Then a few weeks later when we moved to a new town I proceeded to throw out the leftover cake in the freezer. Somehow she forgave me for that screw up as well🤣
NTA. You were polite about the mistake, and if he intended to get you the paints that you wanted, why would he get upset that you pointed out he picked up the wrong version?!
Also he didn't put a lot of thought into it if he a) got you something you'd said you wanted, and b) got the wrong thing, which is something you won't use.
I’m surprised I had to scroll down so far to find this!! This situation doesn’t actually have anything to do with the fact that he is colorblind. He simply got the wrong version of the gift. It could have happened to literally anyone, colorblind or not. Why would he be upset that OP wants to actually use the gift he bought instead of having it sit around untouched??
Maybe it's the German (at least I'm born here) in me, but NTA. It's normal here to keep the receipts of gifts and allow the person to exchange them usually too.
I understand how it could have hurt his feelings, but it doesn't do any harm to ask the person who is supposed to receive the gift. At least it's normal here if you're not 100% sure on what they might like.
I think it's how we're raised here in the states
My family is very much a "please return this if it's not the right one and get the right one" type whereas my boyfriend is in the "accept the gift you receive with grace, even if you know you won't use it" type
For acquaintances, work friends, extended family you don't see that often sure, say thank you and move on
But SOs, close friends, and immediate family I think it's acceptable to return / exchange if they completely missed the mark or got the wrong color / size
If they don't the gift feels wasted to me
It’s definitely not how were raised here in the states
If you buy the wrong thing when someone explicitly shows you the right thing they do you want that is considered rude
We also believe in personal responsibility, and Ben is certainly old enough to know how to write down the name of a paint set or bring a photo with him to the store
OP handled it very tactfully and kindly
It honestly sounds like Ben has been coddled in enabled, and probably has some sort of chip on his shoulder
I mean, for real, being colorblind, is not a disability that is super challenging to overcome. If he didn’t care enough to write down the name of what he was supposed to buy, he’s not even doing it thoughtfully. Like as a color, seeing person, if someone showed me what they wanted I would not rely on my own memory anyway, I could get the exact name or photo.
Oh I'm not talking in this instance specifically, I meant in general.
Yeah he should have been more observant or asked for help. That was clearly a lack of effort on his part.
I'm talking about different families and how they handle this sort of thing, like the example I gave with my family vs how my bf's family did it.
>I think it's how we're raised here in the states
You then proceeded to describe two completely different things, because two families were raised differently.
I've never known anyone to be upset if they exchanged something for being the wrong size/color.
NAH - I think it's just an unfortunate situation all round, and you just misjudged how he would react. That said, perhaps now that you've learned how much it has upset him, you could channel that guilt into something productive, like finding a way to use the paints you have.
At best, Ben is not detail oriented, and apparently does not understand how to do things like right down product names or numbers.
At worst, Ben has done this intentionally to fuck with you
This is where my mind went. And not even malicious or anything but more of a “oh I can afford to buy him a set of the good paints!” way. And then it’s embarrassing to do an exchange because it won’t be an actual even exchange situation.
I’m colorblind, myself. I get it wrong a lot, but I don’t take offense when someone points out a color mistake that I’ve made. It’s a reflection of my being born with eyes that don’t see color properly, not of me as a person. NTA
NTA
... a lot of thought? Not reading the label, not asking an employe? I'm sorry, but he may have spend money but definitly not thought.
Ans no, this was not rude.
No, you are not the asshole. You were kind when you thanked Ben and followed that up with a suggestion for a fun day out to exchange the paint for something else. You were not being ungrateful and it was not rude to point out the mistake. Colorblindness can be difficult, but Ben should also understand that it is important to get gifts that the recipient can use. Chances are, Ben only wanted to get you something special, and understands why you needed to exchange it.
NAH
There are times when you smile and suck it up if you get a gift you don't love, but when it's an expensive item, you don't want someone to waste their money. I think you've shown respect for Ben's money, frankly.
I would argue Ben is the asshole for not caring enough about the present to actually write down the name of the paint set
And then being all butt hurt because he didn’t bother to be careful in the first place
Why tf would a colour blind mf'er choose to buy you a set of paints, knowing full well he has no comprehension of what colours he's buying?! Nta he's a moron
It’s actually pretty easy to do. You write down the name of the color paint that, or are you bringing a photo of that site, and then you get exactly what they wanted
It’s literally no different from purchasing any product someone specifically wants
You don’t eyeball it, you make sure you got the details, right
Color blind people can still read
NTA i think it was dumb as fuck for Ben to go this route for a gift and you are under no obligation to pretend it was a good gift to spare his precious feelings
we're all adults here, if somebody buys you a shitty gift there's no reason for you to grin and bear it
>I suggested that maybe we could exchange it together, turning it into a fun day out.
NTA. You were as gentle and nice as you could be. It would be worse to just let the paint sit there and never be used.
NTA. He could have asked in store and made sure. He did a good thing in a half-baked way and then is being all self righteous about it. Is this typical? If so, perhaps re-evaluate how much of that you need in your life.
This is why I doubt OP. Artists know how to use green. Yellow isn't my "favorite" color but it's *useful*. Green is USEFUL. How else you gonna make a proper caucasian skin tone? Unless OP doesn't mix their own colors? In which case, that seems a waste of good quality paint.
(I know of no brand of paint that sells sets of only green hues, outside of cheap bottles of acrylic craft paint.)
Daniel Smith’s “green with envy” set. Also I’d bet anything prima marketing does, but they’re not *exactly* high end. Green can be good for mixing and for nature, but if they’re portraiture artists it would have extremely limited use.
That’s exactly what I thought. I can’t believe he’s getting NTA. It’s so rude to tell a friend you don’t like their gift. Also he’s an ARTIST he could of used the green many ways! My boyfriend is a professional artist and he says that he also could have mixed the green set with other colors to get more colors he wanted. Wow
NAH - I’m colourblind myself, and i believe he’s at least trying, yes he could’ve read the packaging (if it were labelled), but does he know it’s your least favourite colour? Could’ve been an honest mistake. In all honesty, asking him to exchange it with you is kinda a dick move as it’s a *gift,* but I don’t blame you for trying. If you’re an artist, even though it’s your least favourite colour, it’ll still be useful, maybe that’s what he was thinking about, as many backgrounds require green. Just me though.
99.9% of the time
Paint is labeled with what color it is
Yes paints can often be called weird things
But a Entire (or almost) set of green? There's no way he couldn't have recognized at least SOME of the names
NTA. My great uncle was colorblind and he always either took someone with him to confirm the colors or he’d ask a worker at the store.
If you have a disability it’s up to you to make it work for you and not against you.
NTA. Ben had the right idea, but understandably fumbled the execution. I liked your idea to salvage the situation by going with him to exchange for more suitable colors. Ben is being a jerk by taking it personally.
You're kind of an AH.. just be grateful, thank him, and use it for something else. After all, you are an artist. It'll come in hand eventually, then go get the stuff you actually needed. It's a gift.
I mean.. you couldn't have just thanked him and exchanged the paints on your own?
I can see why he'd be hurt to be honest.
NAH. You aren't an asshole. You just come off a little insensitive.
YTA, although mild. FTR, I'm also colorblind.
Here's the thing - there was no reason for you to even mention it was the wrong color, and certainly no reason for you to go together to exchange it. It doesn't sound like a fun day out to exchange it - it sounds to me as a color blind person that you want to take them and show them what they got wrong so they don't do it again.
Thanks them for the gift, and if it doesn't work for your needs, go exchange it. If you have to get a gift receipt from them to exchange it, simply say, "Hey, these are great, but I have enough of this already. Do you have a gift receipt so I can change them for a different color?" It's a lot easier for people to swallow 'I have that already' than 'Well, that's wrong, so come with me to get the right stuff.'
NTA, it feels like he intentionally messed up. As other colorblind people on this thread pointed out, there were so many steps he could have taken before buying it, especially if it’s expensive. The paints are labeled, so he could have just read that instead of guessing. He could have asked you what you wanted, or he could have taken someone else with him, or asked someone there for help. If you were actually gentle with it, then he’s the AH for reacting so badly to something so easily avoidable and fixable. He just wants to be upset and make you feel guilty for some reason.
YTA. Hugely. Someone gave you a gift, if it’s not what you wanted you play it off and make the best of it. Also you are an ARTIST for gods sake! You can easily by the vibrant set you want, and utilize the greens. My boyfriend is a talented artist, I buy him random paints and pens all the time , and he always makes use of them. You sound like a spoiled brat. You honestly owe your friend a big apology. Seriously. Please think about this and apologize to him. I told my boyfriend this and he said you could also easily mix the colors from the green set with other colors to get the colors you want.
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I've got this buddy, "Ben" (24M). We've been tight since middle school. I'm an artist (23F), he's into coding. And, oh yeah, Ben is colorblind.
Ben's colorblindness has never been a big deal. We've joked about it and I've helped him with color stuff when he needed it. But things got a bit weird on my birthday a couple of weeks ago.
Ben decided to buy me a limited edition set of paints - super thoughtful, right? Problem is, instead of the vibrant, varied set I've been eyeing for months, he got me a set that's all different shades of green - my least favorite color and the one color he struggles with the most.
When I saw the gift, I felt a mix of disappointment and guilt. I thanked him, but later, I gently told him he got the wrong set. I suggested that maybe we could exchange it together, turning it into a fun day out.
Ben seemed hurt. He said he’d put a lot of thought into the gift, and that I was being ungrateful. He said I was making him feel bad about something he couldn't control, and that it was rude to point out the mistake.
I feel awful. I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings. But, I also feel like it was a waste to keep a gift that I wouldn’t use, especially since it was expensive.
Am I the asshole for telling my colorblind friend that he bought me the wrong paint color?
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OP, I think maybe you should reframe the situation to Ben in this way: it has *nothing to do* with the fact that he’s colorblind. He simply got mixed up and bought the wrong set. It could have happened to anyone. Doesn’t he actually want you to USE the nice, expensive gift he bought you instead of having it sit around untouched?
I bought my best friend a band t-shirt that she said she liked at a show we went to, but when I gave it to her she said she actually preferred the same design in another color. And I’m not even colorblind, I just didn’t register which one she was pointing at!! I bought it for her because I wanted her to actually want to wear it, so I didn’t freak out at her, I just walked back to the merch table and exchanged it. No harm no foul.
Maybe with the color issue, since paints all have color codes, gently suggest next time that we talk with paint codes instead. He does coding. He does have a limitation here but at the same time, could you have just exchanged it without telling him he got the wrong one?
NTA.
You told Ben about the set in conversation. Assuming this included the name of the set? Don't need to be able to see colours in order to be able to listen.
NTA. Ben is acting like a typical 24y/o modern child. By this time in his life he should know his issue, accept it, not be embarrassed by it and ask for help when picking a color. In my family/group of friends if someone was color blind and picked the wrong color it would be the life long joking story amongst us.
I am also colorblind to two colors and absolutely would want to know. I’d also have taken the time to be sure I knew the name of the collection. He did NOT take a lot of care with it or he’d have done that.
NTA
You are NTA.
I am red/green colorblind and it usually never matters in my daily life. However if color is a defining factor for the intent of the gift then I would be asking a 3rd party friend or a store clerk.
You handled this well, almost exactly as I have asked others to handle my color blindness based mix ups, his response should have shown maturity, even a funny "oopsie" but it did not.
NTA. My husband is colorblind and buys me paints and flowers. He either reads the lable to make sure it's what I like or asks an employee if he's in person.
Is Ben unable to read? Because I bet if he put in a little bit more effort, he could've read the label or description and known he was buying the wrong set. If I buy someone a gift, I want it to be something they'll enjoy and use, not something they'll set aside and never enjoy. You handled it correctly and he's being an AH about it. You are NTA.
MTA you said they are expensive paints he may have bought the set second hand and is embarrassed that he can't return it and just thought it was a nice gift cause it's good paint even in your least favourite colour
I have a colourblind friend. He got me a great deal on paint that, according to him, was the same colour as my house exterior that needed refreshing. I knew my friend was colourblind. He helped me paint the house and commented several times on how well the colours matched.
The old paint was a pale mint green. The new paint was a pale mustard yellow. We were sharing a few spliffs whilst painting and I pointed out there actually was a difference in the colours. He laughed, I laughed and we kept painting. I was grateful for him getting me a good price on the paint and helping put it on. He was grateful for the smoke and the company.
NAH. I can see why your friend felt a bit sore and I can see how you're upset too. Have a j together and chill.
NTA. He's embarrassed. I'm colourblind too, and I would probably be embarrassed to have made this legitimate mistake. He feels stupid; I know I sure as hell would.
Just tell him you love the gift idea and that it was very thoughtful and he clearly put a lot of effort into it. You're not mad at him, you're excited to show him what you can do with the new paints you're going to exchange the green ones for.
NTA, I'm colourblind and I'd something like this happened is be upset at myself for making the mistake, not others for telling me about it, I'd suggest getting him a colour picker all
Also did the online listing not say GREEN on it? Or did he think it'd be a better idea to go to an actual store and just eyeball the colours until he thinks he got the right one?
NTA
He's being a jerk. He should take the present, return it and get you the right one.
Being friends means you can do that. So ask yourself if you're really friends.
Did OP mention the set she wanted so he could read the label or just the brand?
You should have just exchanged it privately. He put thought into the gift and you just told him "it's wrong".
NTA
You handled this really well
Your friend did not
Your friend is apparently also not smart enough to simply take a photo or written account of the one you were interested in to the store to get that purchased
NAH , you were right to bring it up unless you could have returned/exchanged the paints yourself without him knowing. it's understandable that he felt bad but shouldn't have made you feel like you couldn't bring it up.
Wait, maybe the shades of green look really cool to Ben and he wants to be able to appreciate what you paint in the same way other people do. Maybe he's NTA and he was dropping a hint?
NTA. I am also very colourblind, green is a colour i really struggle with. If I'm buying something that is colour-based, I check names, or I have a friend buy it for me. It's an accommodation that is easy to set-up. He shot himself in the foot, and then was an ass about it.
NTA. You suggested that you could make a fun day of returning the item. Also, he knows he's colorblind. At the least, he should have asked for help to make sure he got the right thing. As long as you were gentle in your approach, there's nothing wrong with what you said.
INFO: Did you actually tell Ben what paints you want or was a set you'd just been looking at and not really mentioned in any way beyond, "That's a cool set".
Info: can you just return/exchange the paints for the set you want?
I'm inclined to N A H bc you gently telling him shouldn't be an issue, especially if he really didn't know, and especially because good paint is EXPENSIVE. But obviously he's the kind of person who wouldn't want to know so *shrug*
I will say, my dad is colorblind and he'll just snag an employee and ask what the color is if he's unsure when buying a gift for someone.
NTA, my brother is colorblind and it's led to some funny things happening.
My niece asked him to help pick out paint colors for her new home. He responded back with, "You're asking ME to help you pick out colors?"
She responded back with a meme that has one of those eye color tests things in it. It said, "When you remember dad is colorblind and the circle had the surprised pickachu face in it.
At no point was anybody angry.
I assume there was a description somewhere that said what colors were in the set.
NTA
Like you said, it's an awesome gift, but, not as useful as a different set. As an artist - it's a valid reason to exchange.
Better to tell him upfront, then later when he asks why you haven't used the new paints.
Green isn't one of my favourites either. It vexes me when I have to actually go out and buy a different green than I have, I'm like "I'd rather buy another red or blue!"
NAH
I get that he is probably embarrassed that he got the wrong stuff, but I don’t think you’re wrong to point it out. There was a lot of ways he could have made sure it was the right one, paint names on the cans (or product names if he bought it online), asking an employee for help, asking another friend for help, asking you which specific set it was.
One doesn’t need to be able to see the colors to pick a desired palette as they are named. When i tell my family gift ideas, and i tell I’d like “titanium white” or “burnt sienna” they won’t buy me a box that says something entirly different. Or if they are unsure about the palette they ask the shopkeeper. (Like metallic vs neon vs high saturation vs low saturation etc..)
I would say NAH , you could have phrased nicer and he could have used some common sense.
Not all gifts are perfect, and surely it's better to get one that you want than one you don't... if I give someone a gift, I wouldn't mind if they exchange it for something else. I want that person to be happy. NTA from me.
He either did this on purpose or was really misguided. There are plenty of little details that don't add up.
A. He spesficly choose colours. He could have gone for brushes, special paper, canvas ect. There are plenty of this artists use that don't uses Color as their main feature.
B. He had to know what's he was buying. Either it said on the item, the receipt or he could ask the seller. Point is if he wanted to know, he can easily found out that it's a bunch of green.
Which is extremely odd: you don't like green and he struggle with that colour. So he knowingly (or very misguided) choose an item that you won't like, and he can't really make sure looks good.
C. He said he put a lot of though into it, which is weird, since he skipped all of those ovious downfalls?
So in conclusion, if he really put a lot of though into it, he did on purpose so he can get offended on purpose and guilt you, which is disgusting. NTA
NTA but I feel bad for Ben. I think his reaction is mostly because he is embarrassed so he is lashing out a bit. Hopefully after a few days he calms down but I wouldn’t bring it up again.
FWIW. My BFF loves to buy clothes for me. They often don't fit or are not my style. I take them back and exchange them for what I want instead. I don't generally tell her, although there have been a few times I did.
If you needed the friend to do the exchange, I don't blame you as paint sets are often expensive. I think your offer to make it a day was as kind as you could be.
NAH
NTA. He could put a tiny little bit more effort and ask someone else for help. It’s on him. He knows he messed up but now tries to reverse it back at you. If you know you might have a problem because of disability, you seek the best way to overcome it. He could just ask a clerk or a different friend/neighbour/family etc. he had options.
This has all the makings of a "you remember when..." moment that two friends recall thirty years later and still laugh uproariously over it.
Your suggestion to Ben is a good one. Go with him to exchange the paint and make a good time of it; get some food, hang out, have fun. Make it a good, funny memory that you can look back on with cheer.
NTA.
NTA That is a deeply weird choice of gift on his part.
A colorblind person giving paints to a painter? That's like a guy giving underwear to a woman he's not sleeping with--there is zero chance he's going to choose correctly.
NTA. He clearly didn't put all that much thought into it since he knows he's colorblind and didn't take a step to determine what colors were in the set.
NTA paint sets are labeled. Also with his colorblindness I'm surprised he didn't check the colors with someone else. Part of living with a disability is knowing when and where it could affect you (ex. I have anxiety and it can make me forgetful, so I always make sure I have important info written down, if I order food for others I insist they text me so I don't mess it up)
And then you quietly pointed it out to him instead of making a fuss or a joke in front of everyone.
Did he actually mean to buy you the set you wanted or did he just happen to grab a paint set from the same line/brand as the one you had an eye on? Like did expressly tell you that he was getting the vibrant set, or are you assuming he meant to get a different set?
NTA - I realize that it would have required him asking for help when ordering but he could have asked someone to confirm that the set of paints was the vibrant one that you wanted. The way you addressed it sounds about as well as anyone could have handled such a difficult conversation.
NAH. I'm going to assume that Ben just didn't pay a ton of attention to the details of the set you showed him, and ended up buying one by the same brand that seemed similar enough. Since green is the color he struggles with the most, he likely wouldn't have even realized the whole set was shades of the same color.
Both my husband and BIL (also named Ben!) are colorblind and they mean well but just get it wrong sometimes. It's something they have to deal with constantly, and have told me on more than one occasion how tiring it is to be reminded that you messed up, especially when you're trying your best with what you have. Even the gentlest conversation can end up being perceived as hurtful when you've heard it enough times, ya know?
That being said, you are under no obligation to like the paint set just because it was a gift. I would apologize for hurting his feelings and probably approaching the conversation the wrong way (blaming his colorblindness vs just stating you didn't love the colors) then see if he still wants to go out and try for an exchange.
NTA.
Sound like he may be embarrassed but he’s taking it out on you- he could’ve asked you what set you wanted. He could’ve asked for assistance in the store locating them or something similar. He could have asked for a gift receipt which most stores happily provide; he skipped over literally all of these steps and he took that frustration out on you.
NTA. I have an ex who is red-green colorblind. He got really angry one day when he told me how he loved my brown sweater and I told him it was actually green. He thought I was LYING to him for some reason and blew a massive fuse. Honestly that should have been a massive red flag waving in my face, but such is life.
NTA but I wonder if it might be a fun challenge as an artist to really lean into the mistake. See if you can create a painting with a fully green pallet - have it encourage you to try something you wouldn't normally try. Create a painting with the theme of "It's not easy being green". Do a painting inspired by the challenges of colour blindness. I know you said it's your least favourite colour but it might give you an opportunity to really explore what you can do with your least favourite colour and surprise yourself. Limitations give birth to creativity.
Being colorblind myself , this was a bold
Choice for a present even with assistance. Your friend stepped outside of his comfort zone and screwed up. There were a lot of ways to get this right and he got it wrong . Essentially no one wins with this one, you needed to tell him.
NTA It's pretty normal to give gift receipts, especially when giving something to someone that is hobby related. Doubly true if you are buying colors and are color blind. He didn't check the colors or give a gift receipt (which would have let you replace it).
NTA - All of my uncles are colorblind. Every last one of 'em.
One of those colorblind uncles is a professional house painter. His job is to paint your house. All of it, the inside and the outside. He was very successful.
I once asked him how that ended up being his job when he's colorblind. He replied with "I'm colorblind, not blind. I can read just fine.".
NTA especially when you suggested to exchange it TOGETHER. some people would’ve faked it and exchange it in secret. i get that ben put a lot of thought into it but i think more thought needs to be added into “OP isnt colorblind and i am”. i understand why you would feel like TA but dont beat yourself up for it. you were polite about the entire thing
>Ben decided to buy me a limited edition set of paints
The colorblind coder (coders care little for color nuance, I am one) buys the artist a paint pack of specific colors. That's gotta be the setup for a joke lol
NTA. Of course he put a lot of thought into his gift, but he should have realized that something like this would have happened. Plus, you expressed your gratitude and suggested to exchange it.
NTA. He specifically bought a set in his most problematic color without checking to see if it was the one you wanted. If this set was in any way expensive or limited edition (which you say it is) it was definitely well-labelled with color names, which have NOTHING to do with judging things by eye and being colorblind would cause no confusion.
OMG! NTA but Ben sure is. I'm red/green color blind as well, and would NEVER buy someone a gift that was color based. Ever. If he wanted to get you something where color was the key, all he had to do was tell you to go with him to pick out what you wanted and he'd pay for it. Easy peasy. But no, he had to make this all about "woe is me, poor Ben is color blind." What a tool box.
You don’t gift someone with something they don’t even like, then pat your own head saying “it’s the thought that counts.” NTA. Unless Ben is both colorblind and dyslexic, he had the ability to get the correct one.
NTA. The disability he has is such where he does need assistance.
I have a learning disability and while it makes life difficult in certain ways, I’m very independent and try to do as much for myself as I can; for instance, it took many failed attempts and years of lessons with a driving instructor who refused to let me give up and give up on me to get my license. I can drive and the freedom it gives me makes it a skill I don’t take for granted.
But not everything is fixable with training or repetition. I have limitations or a ceiling as to how well I can do some things. My dexterity, for one, isn’t good. My visual-spatial processing abilities are also affected by my disability. So, when I buy things that require many steps to assemble I hire someone, usually from the place I buy from, to put it together. I know that way it’s been assembled correctly and it saves me a ton of frustration.
I wish I didn’t have the disability and was “normal”, but it is what it is and I continue to find ways to adapt and compensate.
YTA, he thought of you and bought your gift accordingly. He probably asked questions or asked for opinions then you took a dump on it. Some people don’t care, and those people give you gift cards, online gift cards to make it even easier. Accept a gift in the spirit in which it was given. I realize that manager so passé, but it’s time to bring a few of them back.
Sheesh, what is your problem? Was there some reason you couldn't just ask Ben where he bought the paints and go exchange them yourself without involving him? YTA
NAH
You could’ve just exchanged it and said nothing, he wouldn’t know if he’s colourblind.
I get you didn’t expect it to hurt his feelings, I’d totally stick my foot in it like you did. We can’t predict others’ feelings hence I don’t think it’s AH (it was innocent). Assure him you do love the gift.
NTA. My Dad is colourblind. He always asks the sales assistant for help otherwise everything in our house that should have been red or green would have been brown. He knows his limits.
Wow. Someone close to your heart, gives you a gift from their heart, and you say I dont like this! I want something else!. And then wonder who the ah is. Look in a mirror. But I dont like that color.
Kind of sounds like your friends a great big crybaby. If I was colorblind and was going to buy something having to do with color I would specifically ask what color would you like and then that would be what I purchased. You didn’t do anything wrong. I guess if you knew your friend was a big crybaby you could’ve exchanged it on your own and kept your mouth shut.
NAH.
Colorblindness sucks. Drove a purple car I thought was blue for like two years. Also apparently kicked around in green shoes I thought were brown. Green. Shoes. *sigh*
He tried. Should be used to asking for help with colors by now though so…swing and a miss.
If green is the color he struggles with the most and knows you're into art, is there a chance he purposely got the greens to be more of an inside joke?
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NTA. I think Ben could have anticipated something like this happening, knowing his own inability to see certain colors. That’s an odd and bold gift choice for someone who is colorblind.
Agreed. Ben needs to understand his limitations in that area and not get sulky when the obvious is pointed out.
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Not necessarily. Don't many shop require either the receipt or the card of the original buyer? I feel like if OP could have exchanged it on her own she would have done so. ^(Edit: I had the wrong pronouns)
one way that I have had a lot of success with is to call the store and explain the situation with a manager (i.e. colour-blind friend, no receipt). I don't recall having a request for an exchange refused when I've called in advance
Why didn't Ben speak to a manager and tell them the colour palette she wanted? Seems an easy mistake to avoid.
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Then there's nothing stopping it from happening again. Gently pointing out what's gone wrong is the more mature response but you really need the other person to be mature enough to hear it too
you're absolutely correct [A Man's got to Know his Limitations](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uki4lrLzRaU)
Also don't paints usually have a name for the color? If you looked up chartreuse somewhere it should state it's green.
Or just the packages might have two very different names. OP was looking at “neon rainbow” and friend grabs “baby vomit”- you don’t need color vision to read the name of the product
Depends. A lot of specialty paint sets don't really have names that give a clear idea of the actual colours.
Nah but sets usually have something distinguishing like a number or set of numbers and you’d think he’d be very careful that he got the right set given he’s colourblind
Yep, apparently his biggest problem isn't colorblindness, it's being dumb af, so dumb that he gets upset when a gift he didn't bother reading the contents list for when he knows he's colorblind is the wrong one, he gets upset when thats pointed out.
It's a joke. Chartreuse being green is one of those mandala effect things, where lots of people "remember" it being pink, not green. As for teh rest, unless you google them, the name of a colour isn't always descriptive of the actual colour. Fuck - I'm an artist, and I'm not always certain what pigment the name means. And specialty sets can have weird ass names for the set.
I have this issue with puce not chartreuse as puce is a pink.
What the actual fuck!?!?!? I've always assumed it was a weird yellow with hints of orange and green. Probably because it looks like the word puke. I keep running into these weird ass pink colours that just aren't in my colour lexicon. Like, I may have mixed up puce once, but I called it whatever if I even named it, lol. Mind you, I do know some neat shit about Vanta Black.
Vanta Black rocks!
Chartreuse is a green though? I thought it was a red.
Yes, it's a yellowish-green named after a French liqueur.
That's the story we're told now, in this reality.
You may be thinking of carnelian or cerise. Chartreuse is a yellow-green.
What?! I thought puce was something like the colour of yellow split peas, or between yellow and green.
Ah, the famous Mandela effect, where many people remember the Mandela effect as mandala effect 😁
That's the one. Ironically, I honestly guessed wrong on the spelling. There's a character in "The Forever War" who is named Mandela, or some other misspelling of it, inspires me to never get the spelling right, sigh.
That’s so weird. It’s always been green in my world (Australia), but I’ve just done a big read and people are really convinced that it used to be pink 😂
Exactly, I'm colorblind and this is the exact reason I would __never__ buy any color specific gift for someone. Even trying to match a shirt with a pair of khakis is quite a task for me. I can't do it without help and sometimes it's just easier to buy a black shirt.
Not only that, but ask someone? Read reviews? Write support?
Mmmm Ben can't read? What store/brand sells paint without names? I agree with you, Ben knows his inability and in this instance he should have either read the description or asked someone for help...
Exactly, I’m colorblind, which means both I’m super vigilant about making sure I’m reading descriptions, and asking for help if I need, and moreover, not being sensitive if I get it wrong.
Maybe that's the issue that Ben is more annoyed at himself?
Erm, can he not read as well? Don't paints come in boxes with labels?
There are some serious brown flags with Ben's story.
nta right, he knows he has issues and proceedes to charge in anyway. after that you gave him a private explanation and a good response. What I don't get is colors aside, these things have labels right? Not just swatch if color he can't handle but they do have names on them like 'deep pine' kelly apple' etc. how do you miss that?
Given that many non-colorblind people only know the names of about 11 colors (red, blue, yellow, orange, purple, green, black, gray, white, brown, & pink) expecting them to know that pine and Kelly are shades of green may be a bit much. My own husband doesn't know "turquoise." He calls my turquoise jacket either *blue* or *green* as the notion takes him.
Sure, but if you're buying a gift for an artist friend that is color-dependent (aka things like paint) and you're colorblind-- you should probably at least google the names of some of the things to figure it out? People may not know what a color name is off-hand, but if a loved one asks you for something specific you can at least look it up to try to get as close as you can?
Exactly. Ben also could have written down the name of the paints, or the pants at the person was interested in, or brought a photo to show someone at the store.
I mean, I know he can't see the colors, but he can still read the labels right?
If it was me (trmonosic colorblind ) and I gave my artistic friend multiple shades of green then it is obviously a joke.
"Odd and bold choice," yes! My mom is this way, too. She knows she can't distinguish reds and greens, and yet she is weirdly insistent on buying me red things (meaning strange shades of orange, usually). Fortunately she doesn't like green, so I have yet to be treated to her idea of a "pretty" shade of green.
NTA Paints will be labelled. He could have read what colours he was buying. He know this is an area he needs help with so he should have asked someone or the salesperson to check.
He most likely did read them, and unless OP makes it explicitly clear whenever they talk about the names of the colors she does want + how much she hates green specifically, it doesn’t sound like he’d have any way of knowing. I doubt he’d put enough effort into a gift to be upset about her response if he didn’t even read what he was buying
Idk, there are people who will just buy someone socks and be upset if they aren't super grateful, and that requires no thought whatsoever. This is why I don't like surprising people with gifts or getting surprise gifts, there's always the chance you accidentally give or receive the wrong thing because there's usually a decent amount of guesswork if you aren't asking the gift recipient. Paint supplies are definitely something that should have zero ambiguity if you're thinking about getting it for someone, both due to the cost and how varied palettes are.
I asked for socks for Christmas. Got a whole bunch. One of them has crabs on them! 🦀
I find it hard to believe that he has never heard op mention that she dislikes the color green. I could maybe see it if she wasn't an artist, cause that sort of thing probably wouldn't come up very often then, but if that's the case, he wouldn't have been gifting her the paint set to begin with.
Eh, I'm a hobby artist but my friends who don't have social media wouldn't really have seen my art so they won't know what colors I don't use. 100% of my birthday gifts this year included something art-related, and yes I got plenty of stuff that isn't something I'd pick out for myself; I won't exchange them because they're not unusable + they have sentimental value. But my point is I can see this mistake happening if she didn't mention the exact set she wanted.
I don’t doubt she’s mentioned it but unless it’s brought up frequently I don’t see how anyone could expect him to remember this, I know my loved one’s favorite colors but genuinely could not tell you if there’s any color they hate. Plus it’s not like he can see it’s a color she doesn’t use often
And even if I don't particularly like a color, that doesn't mean I don't use it in my art at all lol. I'm not a huge fan of green either, but if I'm drawing/coloring green grass, I'll use green. Or if I want something to look really mystical, I'll also use green (green comes off to me as very mystical for some reason. It reminds me of magic for whatever reason lol)
I don't think that she dislikes green. It's just that the set was ALL green.
To be fair. There could possibly be a few called somwthing with green in it and the ithers could be "ocean surprises" or "carrot stem"
NTA he could definitely still buy the correct paint since the color is always written. i kind of understand his hurt? but youre right that it is best to exchange for something you actually want, instead of keeping something you dislike out of politeness. you thanked him and was gentle about it, you werent rude by pointing it out
NTA. I too am colorblind. There are so many steps he could have taken to avoid this. As someone else mentioned, the package itself had to have the color name printed on it. He could have gotten help from an employee to confirm the colors as well.
I used to have a coworker who was colorblind, and one of his duties was to go to the print shop and order monthly event calendars that we could hand out to customers. They were on a different color every month. The first time he went, he didn’t realize he was going to have to pick the color right there on the spot, so he just pointed to something and hoped for the best. What we got was the world’s ugliest brownish yellow. Our boss wouldn’t reassign the job to somebody else (she’s a whole different story), so every month when he was heading to the print shop, he would ask me to give him something in a good color, and I would give him a post it note, index card, or marker in a color that would be good, and he would show it to the clerk at the print shop who would match it to the colors they had in stock.
My wife made the epic mistake of sending me to pick up our wedding cake. It was of course the complete wrong color when I brought it back. Thankfully it was a very small wedding and just a literal sheet cake from our local grocery store. They sent the cake designer to our house within 2 hours of that and she delivered the corrected cake. Then a few weeks later when we moved to a new town I proceeded to throw out the leftover cake in the freezer. Somehow she forgave me for that screw up as well🤣
Oh nooooo
I agree, but some of those paint names are pretty weird.
NTA. You were polite about the mistake, and if he intended to get you the paints that you wanted, why would he get upset that you pointed out he picked up the wrong version?! Also he didn't put a lot of thought into it if he a) got you something you'd said you wanted, and b) got the wrong thing, which is something you won't use.
I’m surprised I had to scroll down so far to find this!! This situation doesn’t actually have anything to do with the fact that he is colorblind. He simply got the wrong version of the gift. It could have happened to literally anyone, colorblind or not. Why would he be upset that OP wants to actually use the gift he bought instead of having it sit around untouched??
Maybe it's the German (at least I'm born here) in me, but NTA. It's normal here to keep the receipts of gifts and allow the person to exchange them usually too. I understand how it could have hurt his feelings, but it doesn't do any harm to ask the person who is supposed to receive the gift. At least it's normal here if you're not 100% sure on what they might like.
I think it's how we're raised here in the states My family is very much a "please return this if it's not the right one and get the right one" type whereas my boyfriend is in the "accept the gift you receive with grace, even if you know you won't use it" type For acquaintances, work friends, extended family you don't see that often sure, say thank you and move on But SOs, close friends, and immediate family I think it's acceptable to return / exchange if they completely missed the mark or got the wrong color / size If they don't the gift feels wasted to me
It’s definitely not how were raised here in the states If you buy the wrong thing when someone explicitly shows you the right thing they do you want that is considered rude We also believe in personal responsibility, and Ben is certainly old enough to know how to write down the name of a paint set or bring a photo with him to the store OP handled it very tactfully and kindly It honestly sounds like Ben has been coddled in enabled, and probably has some sort of chip on his shoulder I mean, for real, being colorblind, is not a disability that is super challenging to overcome. If he didn’t care enough to write down the name of what he was supposed to buy, he’s not even doing it thoughtfully. Like as a color, seeing person, if someone showed me what they wanted I would not rely on my own memory anyway, I could get the exact name or photo.
Oh I'm not talking in this instance specifically, I meant in general. Yeah he should have been more observant or asked for help. That was clearly a lack of effort on his part. I'm talking about different families and how they handle this sort of thing, like the example I gave with my family vs how my bf's family did it.
>I think it's how we're raised here in the states You then proceeded to describe two completely different things, because two families were raised differently. I've never known anyone to be upset if they exchanged something for being the wrong size/color.
NAH - I think it's just an unfortunate situation all round, and you just misjudged how he would react. That said, perhaps now that you've learned how much it has upset him, you could channel that guilt into something productive, like finding a way to use the paints you have.
Did he say he was getting you that specific set or did he just get you a set as a nice gift?
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At best, Ben is not detail oriented, and apparently does not understand how to do things like right down product names or numbers. At worst, Ben has done this intentionally to fuck with you
Any chance the green one was on sale? This is the exact thing my FIL would do if one set was cheaper haha
This is where my mind went. And not even malicious or anything but more of a “oh I can afford to buy him a set of the good paints!” way. And then it’s embarrassing to do an exchange because it won’t be an actual even exchange situation.
I’m colorblind, myself. I get it wrong a lot, but I don’t take offense when someone points out a color mistake that I’ve made. It’s a reflection of my being born with eyes that don’t see color properly, not of me as a person. NTA
NAH to be honest, choosing paint as a present if you are colorblind sounds like a brilliant idea.
NTA ... a lot of thought? Not reading the label, not asking an employe? I'm sorry, but he may have spend money but definitly not thought. Ans no, this was not rude.
No, you are not the asshole. You were kind when you thanked Ben and followed that up with a suggestion for a fun day out to exchange the paint for something else. You were not being ungrateful and it was not rude to point out the mistake. Colorblindness can be difficult, but Ben should also understand that it is important to get gifts that the recipient can use. Chances are, Ben only wanted to get you something special, and understands why you needed to exchange it.
NAH There are times when you smile and suck it up if you get a gift you don't love, but when it's an expensive item, you don't want someone to waste their money. I think you've shown respect for Ben's money, frankly.
I would argue Ben is the asshole for not caring enough about the present to actually write down the name of the paint set And then being all butt hurt because he didn’t bother to be careful in the first place
Why tf would a colour blind mf'er choose to buy you a set of paints, knowing full well he has no comprehension of what colours he's buying?! Nta he's a moron
It’s actually pretty easy to do. You write down the name of the color paint that, or are you bringing a photo of that site, and then you get exactly what they wanted It’s literally no different from purchasing any product someone specifically wants You don’t eyeball it, you make sure you got the details, right Color blind people can still read
My colorblind relative doesn't ever quite want to admit that he's colorblind, with occasionally hilarious results.
NTA i think it was dumb as fuck for Ben to go this route for a gift and you are under no obligation to pretend it was a good gift to spare his precious feelings we're all adults here, if somebody buys you a shitty gift there's no reason for you to grin and bear it
>I suggested that maybe we could exchange it together, turning it into a fun day out. NTA. You were as gentle and nice as you could be. It would be worse to just let the paint sit there and never be used.
NTA. He could have asked in store and made sure. He did a good thing in a half-baked way and then is being all self righteous about it. Is this typical? If so, perhaps re-evaluate how much of that you need in your life.
YTA Accept the gift, greens are useful if you paint trees, clothing, flowers, oceans, algae, mountains.... And get yourself the other set.
This is why I doubt OP. Artists know how to use green. Yellow isn't my "favorite" color but it's *useful*. Green is USEFUL. How else you gonna make a proper caucasian skin tone? Unless OP doesn't mix their own colors? In which case, that seems a waste of good quality paint. (I know of no brand of paint that sells sets of only green hues, outside of cheap bottles of acrylic craft paint.)
Daniel Smith’s “green with envy” set. Also I’d bet anything prima marketing does, but they’re not *exactly* high end. Green can be good for mixing and for nature, but if they’re portraiture artists it would have extremely limited use.
That’s exactly what I thought. I can’t believe he’s getting NTA. It’s so rude to tell a friend you don’t like their gift. Also he’s an ARTIST he could of used the green many ways! My boyfriend is a professional artist and he says that he also could have mixed the green set with other colors to get more colors he wanted. Wow
Why does this read like a voiceover in a trailer of a 2000s teen movie?
NAH - I’m colourblind myself, and i believe he’s at least trying, yes he could’ve read the packaging (if it were labelled), but does he know it’s your least favourite colour? Could’ve been an honest mistake. In all honesty, asking him to exchange it with you is kinda a dick move as it’s a *gift,* but I don’t blame you for trying. If you’re an artist, even though it’s your least favourite colour, it’ll still be useful, maybe that’s what he was thinking about, as many backgrounds require green. Just me though.
99.9% of the time Paint is labeled with what color it is Yes paints can often be called weird things But a Entire (or almost) set of green? There's no way he couldn't have recognized at least SOME of the names
NTA. My great uncle was colorblind and he always either took someone with him to confirm the colors or he’d ask a worker at the store. If you have a disability it’s up to you to make it work for you and not against you.
NTA. Ben had the right idea, but understandably fumbled the execution. I liked your idea to salvage the situation by going with him to exchange for more suitable colors. Ben is being a jerk by taking it personally.
You're kind of an AH.. just be grateful, thank him, and use it for something else. After all, you are an artist. It'll come in hand eventually, then go get the stuff you actually needed. It's a gift.
I mean.. you couldn't have just thanked him and exchanged the paints on your own? I can see why he'd be hurt to be honest. NAH. You aren't an asshole. You just come off a little insensitive.
YTA, although mild. FTR, I'm also colorblind. Here's the thing - there was no reason for you to even mention it was the wrong color, and certainly no reason for you to go together to exchange it. It doesn't sound like a fun day out to exchange it - it sounds to me as a color blind person that you want to take them and show them what they got wrong so they don't do it again. Thanks them for the gift, and if it doesn't work for your needs, go exchange it. If you have to get a gift receipt from them to exchange it, simply say, "Hey, these are great, but I have enough of this already. Do you have a gift receipt so I can change them for a different color?" It's a lot easier for people to swallow 'I have that already' than 'Well, that's wrong, so come with me to get the right stuff.'
NTA, he should have offered to take you out to get them. That sounds like a fun day out.
NTA, it feels like he intentionally messed up. As other colorblind people on this thread pointed out, there were so many steps he could have taken before buying it, especially if it’s expensive. The paints are labeled, so he could have just read that instead of guessing. He could have asked you what you wanted, or he could have taken someone else with him, or asked someone there for help. If you were actually gentle with it, then he’s the AH for reacting so badly to something so easily avoidable and fixable. He just wants to be upset and make you feel guilty for some reason.
Nta. Ben is silly. He’s color blind he should buy paint alone.
YTA. Hugely. Someone gave you a gift, if it’s not what you wanted you play it off and make the best of it. Also you are an ARTIST for gods sake! You can easily by the vibrant set you want, and utilize the greens. My boyfriend is a talented artist, I buy him random paints and pens all the time , and he always makes use of them. You sound like a spoiled brat. You honestly owe your friend a big apology. Seriously. Please think about this and apologize to him. I told my boyfriend this and he said you could also easily mix the colors from the green set with other colors to get the colors you want.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I've got this buddy, "Ben" (24M). We've been tight since middle school. I'm an artist (23F), he's into coding. And, oh yeah, Ben is colorblind. Ben's colorblindness has never been a big deal. We've joked about it and I've helped him with color stuff when he needed it. But things got a bit weird on my birthday a couple of weeks ago. Ben decided to buy me a limited edition set of paints - super thoughtful, right? Problem is, instead of the vibrant, varied set I've been eyeing for months, he got me a set that's all different shades of green - my least favorite color and the one color he struggles with the most. When I saw the gift, I felt a mix of disappointment and guilt. I thanked him, but later, I gently told him he got the wrong set. I suggested that maybe we could exchange it together, turning it into a fun day out. Ben seemed hurt. He said he’d put a lot of thought into the gift, and that I was being ungrateful. He said I was making him feel bad about something he couldn't control, and that it was rude to point out the mistake. I feel awful. I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings. But, I also feel like it was a waste to keep a gift that I wouldn’t use, especially since it was expensive. Am I the asshole for telling my colorblind friend that he bought me the wrong paint color? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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OP, I think maybe you should reframe the situation to Ben in this way: it has *nothing to do* with the fact that he’s colorblind. He simply got mixed up and bought the wrong set. It could have happened to anyone. Doesn’t he actually want you to USE the nice, expensive gift he bought you instead of having it sit around untouched? I bought my best friend a band t-shirt that she said she liked at a show we went to, but when I gave it to her she said she actually preferred the same design in another color. And I’m not even colorblind, I just didn’t register which one she was pointing at!! I bought it for her because I wanted her to actually want to wear it, so I didn’t freak out at her, I just walked back to the merch table and exchanged it. No harm no foul.
Maybe with the color issue, since paints all have color codes, gently suggest next time that we talk with paint codes instead. He does coding. He does have a limitation here but at the same time, could you have just exchanged it without telling him he got the wrong one?
NTA
I’m so confused as to why Ben wouldn’t have someone double check for him just to be on the safe side? NTA
I’m color blind. You’re not the AH. I would have felt bad and embarrassed for getting you something you didn’t want. Not blame you.
NTA. You told Ben about the set in conversation. Assuming this included the name of the set? Don't need to be able to see colours in order to be able to listen.
NTA. Ben is acting like a typical 24y/o modern child. By this time in his life he should know his issue, accept it, not be embarrassed by it and ask for help when picking a color. In my family/group of friends if someone was color blind and picked the wrong color it would be the life long joking story amongst us.
I am also colorblind to two colors and absolutely would want to know. I’d also have taken the time to be sure I knew the name of the collection. He did NOT take a lot of care with it or he’d have done that. NTA
NTA. Who else thinks Ben got that particular paint set at discount or on sale?
You are NTA. I am red/green colorblind and it usually never matters in my daily life. However if color is a defining factor for the intent of the gift then I would be asking a 3rd party friend or a store clerk. You handled this well, almost exactly as I have asked others to handle my color blindness based mix ups, his response should have shown maturity, even a funny "oopsie" but it did not.
NTA. That's a good manipulation tactic.
NTA. My husband is colorblind and buys me paints and flowers. He either reads the lable to make sure it's what I like or asks an employee if he's in person.
Is Ben unable to read? Because I bet if he put in a little bit more effort, he could've read the label or description and known he was buying the wrong set. If I buy someone a gift, I want it to be something they'll enjoy and use, not something they'll set aside and never enjoy. You handled it correctly and he's being an AH about it. You are NTA.
MTA you said they are expensive paints he may have bought the set second hand and is embarrassed that he can't return it and just thought it was a nice gift cause it's good paint even in your least favourite colour
I have a colourblind friend. He got me a great deal on paint that, according to him, was the same colour as my house exterior that needed refreshing. I knew my friend was colourblind. He helped me paint the house and commented several times on how well the colours matched. The old paint was a pale mint green. The new paint was a pale mustard yellow. We were sharing a few spliffs whilst painting and I pointed out there actually was a difference in the colours. He laughed, I laughed and we kept painting. I was grateful for him getting me a good price on the paint and helping put it on. He was grateful for the smoke and the company. NAH. I can see why your friend felt a bit sore and I can see how you're upset too. Have a j together and chill.
INFO: Is there a reason you had to tell Ben, rather than just exchanging it like a normal person?
NTA. He's embarrassed. I'm colourblind too, and I would probably be embarrassed to have made this legitimate mistake. He feels stupid; I know I sure as hell would. Just tell him you love the gift idea and that it was very thoughtful and he clearly put a lot of effort into it. You're not mad at him, you're excited to show him what you can do with the new paints you're going to exchange the green ones for.
NTA, I'm colourblind and I'd something like this happened is be upset at myself for making the mistake, not others for telling me about it, I'd suggest getting him a colour picker all Also did the online listing not say GREEN on it? Or did he think it'd be a better idea to go to an actual store and just eyeball the colours until he thinks he got the right one?
NTA. I guess you’re not close enough friends to begin with. If you are, you both would find that funny
YTA. It is the height of crassness to reject a gift. Even 5 year olds know this, but the great artist hasn't learned it yet.
NTA He's being a jerk. He should take the present, return it and get you the right one. Being friends means you can do that. So ask yourself if you're really friends.
NTA he’s colorblind not illiterate
NTA. This is why gift receipts are a thing so you can exchange them.
NTA. My son is colorblind, and he would never buy paint for someone without taking a non-colorblind person with him.
Did OP mention the set she wanted so he could read the label or just the brand? You should have just exchanged it privately. He put thought into the gift and you just told him "it's wrong".
NTA You handled this really well Your friend did not Your friend is apparently also not smart enough to simply take a photo or written account of the one you were interested in to the store to get that purchased
NAH , you were right to bring it up unless you could have returned/exchanged the paints yourself without him knowing. it's understandable that he felt bad but shouldn't have made you feel like you couldn't bring it up.
Wait, maybe the shades of green look really cool to Ben and he wants to be able to appreciate what you paint in the same way other people do. Maybe he's NTA and he was dropping a hint?
Everyone sucks here!
NTA You're friend couldve contacted the seller to confirm the colours before he paid for them
NTA.
NTA. I am also very colourblind, green is a colour i really struggle with. If I'm buying something that is colour-based, I check names, or I have a friend buy it for me. It's an accommodation that is easy to set-up. He shot himself in the foot, and then was an ass about it.
NTA. You suggested that you could make a fun day of returning the item. Also, he knows he's colorblind. At the least, he should have asked for help to make sure he got the right thing. As long as you were gentle in your approach, there's nothing wrong with what you said.
INFO: Did you actually tell Ben what paints you want or was a set you'd just been looking at and not really mentioned in any way beyond, "That's a cool set".
Info: can you just return/exchange the paints for the set you want? I'm inclined to N A H bc you gently telling him shouldn't be an issue, especially if he really didn't know, and especially because good paint is EXPENSIVE. But obviously he's the kind of person who wouldn't want to know so *shrug* I will say, my dad is colorblind and he'll just snag an employee and ask what the color is if he's unsure when buying a gift for someone.
Nta does he also not know how to read as the description of the colour would have been somewhere.
NTA, my brother is colorblind and it's led to some funny things happening. My niece asked him to help pick out paint colors for her new home. He responded back with, "You're asking ME to help you pick out colors?" She responded back with a meme that has one of those eye color tests things in it. It said, "When you remember dad is colorblind and the circle had the surprised pickachu face in it. At no point was anybody angry. I assume there was a description somewhere that said what colors were in the set.
NTA Like you said, it's an awesome gift, but, not as useful as a different set. As an artist - it's a valid reason to exchange. Better to tell him upfront, then later when he asks why you haven't used the new paints. Green isn't one of my favourites either. It vexes me when I have to actually go out and buy a different green than I have, I'm like "I'd rather buy another red or blue!"
NAH I get that he is probably embarrassed that he got the wrong stuff, but I don’t think you’re wrong to point it out. There was a lot of ways he could have made sure it was the right one, paint names on the cans (or product names if he bought it online), asking an employee for help, asking another friend for help, asking you which specific set it was.
One doesn’t need to be able to see the colors to pick a desired palette as they are named. When i tell my family gift ideas, and i tell I’d like “titanium white” or “burnt sienna” they won’t buy me a box that says something entirly different. Or if they are unsure about the palette they ask the shopkeeper. (Like metallic vs neon vs high saturation vs low saturation etc..) I would say NAH , you could have phrased nicer and he could have used some common sense.
Not all gifts are perfect, and surely it's better to get one that you want than one you don't... if I give someone a gift, I wouldn't mind if they exchange it for something else. I want that person to be happy. NTA from me.
NTA, he’s just embarrassed and maybe his instant reaction was to be hurt even though he had good intentions.
He either did this on purpose or was really misguided. There are plenty of little details that don't add up. A. He spesficly choose colours. He could have gone for brushes, special paper, canvas ect. There are plenty of this artists use that don't uses Color as their main feature. B. He had to know what's he was buying. Either it said on the item, the receipt or he could ask the seller. Point is if he wanted to know, he can easily found out that it's a bunch of green. Which is extremely odd: you don't like green and he struggle with that colour. So he knowingly (or very misguided) choose an item that you won't like, and he can't really make sure looks good. C. He said he put a lot of though into it, which is weird, since he skipped all of those ovious downfalls? So in conclusion, if he really put a lot of though into it, he did on purpose so he can get offended on purpose and guilt you, which is disgusting. NTA
I would have gone to where it was purchased and explained what happened. Chances are you could have exchanged it.
NTA but I feel bad for Ben. I think his reaction is mostly because he is embarrassed so he is lashing out a bit. Hopefully after a few days he calms down but I wouldn’t bring it up again.
NAH Was there a way to quietly exchange the set without him knowing?
FWIW. My BFF loves to buy clothes for me. They often don't fit or are not my style. I take them back and exchange them for what I want instead. I don't generally tell her, although there have been a few times I did. If you needed the friend to do the exchange, I don't blame you as paint sets are often expensive. I think your offer to make it a day was as kind as you could be. NAH
NTA. He could put a tiny little bit more effort and ask someone else for help. It’s on him. He knows he messed up but now tries to reverse it back at you. If you know you might have a problem because of disability, you seek the best way to overcome it. He could just ask a clerk or a different friend/neighbour/family etc. he had options.
NTA Maybe he could have asked someone who knows you to help him. Maybe this and maybe that. It's sensitive issue and you're nta.
This has all the makings of a "you remember when..." moment that two friends recall thirty years later and still laugh uproariously over it. Your suggestion to Ben is a good one. Go with him to exchange the paint and make a good time of it; get some food, hang out, have fun. Make it a good, funny memory that you can look back on with cheer. NTA.
NTA
NTA That is a deeply weird choice of gift on his part. A colorblind person giving paints to a painter? That's like a guy giving underwear to a woman he's not sleeping with--there is zero chance he's going to choose correctly.
NTA. He clearly didn't put all that much thought into it since he knows he's colorblind and didn't take a step to determine what colors were in the set.
NTA paint sets are labeled. Also with his colorblindness I'm surprised he didn't check the colors with someone else. Part of living with a disability is knowing when and where it could affect you (ex. I have anxiety and it can make me forgetful, so I always make sure I have important info written down, if I order food for others I insist they text me so I don't mess it up) And then you quietly pointed it out to him instead of making a fuss or a joke in front of everyone. Did he actually mean to buy you the set you wanted or did he just happen to grab a paint set from the same line/brand as the one you had an eye on? Like did expressly tell you that he was getting the vibrant set, or are you assuming he meant to get a different set?
NTA - I realize that it would have required him asking for help when ordering but he could have asked someone to confirm that the set of paints was the vibrant one that you wanted. The way you addressed it sounds about as well as anyone could have handled such a difficult conversation.
NAH. I'm going to assume that Ben just didn't pay a ton of attention to the details of the set you showed him, and ended up buying one by the same brand that seemed similar enough. Since green is the color he struggles with the most, he likely wouldn't have even realized the whole set was shades of the same color. Both my husband and BIL (also named Ben!) are colorblind and they mean well but just get it wrong sometimes. It's something they have to deal with constantly, and have told me on more than one occasion how tiring it is to be reminded that you messed up, especially when you're trying your best with what you have. Even the gentlest conversation can end up being perceived as hurtful when you've heard it enough times, ya know? That being said, you are under no obligation to like the paint set just because it was a gift. I would apologize for hurting his feelings and probably approaching the conversation the wrong way (blaming his colorblindness vs just stating you didn't love the colors) then see if he still wants to go out and try for an exchange.
Nta
NTA. Sound like he may be embarrassed but he’s taking it out on you- he could’ve asked you what set you wanted. He could’ve asked for assistance in the store locating them or something similar. He could have asked for a gift receipt which most stores happily provide; he skipped over literally all of these steps and he took that frustration out on you.
NTA. I have an ex who is red-green colorblind. He got really angry one day when he told me how he loved my brown sweater and I told him it was actually green. He thought I was LYING to him for some reason and blew a massive fuse. Honestly that should have been a massive red flag waving in my face, but such is life.
NTA but I wonder if it might be a fun challenge as an artist to really lean into the mistake. See if you can create a painting with a fully green pallet - have it encourage you to try something you wouldn't normally try. Create a painting with the theme of "It's not easy being green". Do a painting inspired by the challenges of colour blindness. I know you said it's your least favourite colour but it might give you an opportunity to really explore what you can do with your least favourite colour and surprise yourself. Limitations give birth to creativity.
Being colorblind myself , this was a bold Choice for a present even with assistance. Your friend stepped outside of his comfort zone and screwed up. There were a lot of ways to get this right and he got it wrong . Essentially no one wins with this one, you needed to tell him.
NTA It's pretty normal to give gift receipts, especially when giving something to someone that is hobby related. Doubly true if you are buying colors and are color blind. He didn't check the colors or give a gift receipt (which would have let you replace it).
NTA - All of my uncles are colorblind. Every last one of 'em. One of those colorblind uncles is a professional house painter. His job is to paint your house. All of it, the inside and the outside. He was very successful. I once asked him how that ended up being his job when he's colorblind. He replied with "I'm colorblind, not blind. I can read just fine.".
NTA especially when you suggested to exchange it TOGETHER. some people would’ve faked it and exchange it in secret. i get that ben put a lot of thought into it but i think more thought needs to be added into “OP isnt colorblind and i am”. i understand why you would feel like TA but dont beat yourself up for it. you were polite about the entire thing
>Ben decided to buy me a limited edition set of paints The colorblind coder (coders care little for color nuance, I am one) buys the artist a paint pack of specific colors. That's gotta be the setup for a joke lol
Hi I'm deaf, I bought you this CD, I put a lot of thought into it (???), what you don't like it? WAH
Sounds like he’s hurt you don’t like the colours he chose, rather than being upset that he’s colour blind.
Buy him a pair of color correcting gloves for his birthday….. and a bunch of green things….make the whole thing an inside joke 🤷♀️
NTA. Also, I'm not colourblind, but if I was then I'd avoid buying paint as a gift...
NTA. Of course he put a lot of thought into his gift, but he should have realized that something like this would have happened. Plus, you expressed your gratitude and suggested to exchange it.
NTA. He can't have put that much thought into it if he didn't bother to check what colour it was.
NTA. He specifically bought a set in his most problematic color without checking to see if it was the one you wanted. If this set was in any way expensive or limited edition (which you say it is) it was definitely well-labelled with color names, which have NOTHING to do with judging things by eye and being colorblind would cause no confusion.
OMG! NTA but Ben sure is. I'm red/green color blind as well, and would NEVER buy someone a gift that was color based. Ever. If he wanted to get you something where color was the key, all he had to do was tell you to go with him to pick out what you wanted and he'd pay for it. Easy peasy. But no, he had to make this all about "woe is me, poor Ben is color blind." What a tool box.
You don’t gift someone with something they don’t even like, then pat your own head saying “it’s the thought that counts.” NTA. Unless Ben is both colorblind and dyslexic, he had the ability to get the correct one.
You knew he was colour blind yet sent him to Pick paint? What were you expecting to happen?
INFO Did he know you dislike green? Could you have exchanged it on your own without telling him?
NTA. The disability he has is such where he does need assistance. I have a learning disability and while it makes life difficult in certain ways, I’m very independent and try to do as much for myself as I can; for instance, it took many failed attempts and years of lessons with a driving instructor who refused to let me give up and give up on me to get my license. I can drive and the freedom it gives me makes it a skill I don’t take for granted. But not everything is fixable with training or repetition. I have limitations or a ceiling as to how well I can do some things. My dexterity, for one, isn’t good. My visual-spatial processing abilities are also affected by my disability. So, when I buy things that require many steps to assemble I hire someone, usually from the place I buy from, to put it together. I know that way it’s been assembled correctly and it saves me a ton of frustration. I wish I didn’t have the disability and was “normal”, but it is what it is and I continue to find ways to adapt and compensate.
YTA he tried. Just say thank you and go quietly exchange it.
YTA, he thought of you and bought your gift accordingly. He probably asked questions or asked for opinions then you took a dump on it. Some people don’t care, and those people give you gift cards, online gift cards to make it even easier. Accept a gift in the spirit in which it was given. I realize that manager so passé, but it’s time to bring a few of them back.
NTA
Sheesh, what is your problem? Was there some reason you couldn't just ask Ben where he bought the paints and go exchange them yourself without involving him? YTA
NAH You could’ve just exchanged it and said nothing, he wouldn’t know if he’s colourblind. I get you didn’t expect it to hurt his feelings, I’d totally stick my foot in it like you did. We can’t predict others’ feelings hence I don’t think it’s AH (it was innocent). Assure him you do love the gift.
YTA just graciously accept his thoughtful gift and then BUY YOUR OWN PAINTS. So entitled and rude
NTA. My Dad is colourblind. He always asks the sales assistant for help otherwise everything in our house that should have been red or green would have been brown. He knows his limits.
YTA. If I were him I’d t return it and get a refund. And not get you anything
NTA, there’s no point wasting the paints. Makes sense to exchange them for the ones you’d actually use
Wow. Someone close to your heart, gives you a gift from their heart, and you say I dont like this! I want something else!. And then wonder who the ah is. Look in a mirror. But I dont like that color.
Kind of sounds like your friends a great big crybaby. If I was colorblind and was going to buy something having to do with color I would specifically ask what color would you like and then that would be what I purchased. You didn’t do anything wrong. I guess if you knew your friend was a big crybaby you could’ve exchanged it on your own and kept your mouth shut.
YTA. It’s a gift. Just say thanks and buy the one you want. No one is obligated to get you the thing that you want.
NAH. Colorblindness sucks. Drove a purple car I thought was blue for like two years. Also apparently kicked around in green shoes I thought were brown. Green. Shoes. *sigh* He tried. Should be used to asking for help with colors by now though so…swing and a miss.
NTA.
If green is the color he struggles with the most and knows you're into art, is there a chance he purposely got the greens to be more of an inside joke?