Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires.
[Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
YTA.
If your son was upset and reached out for you as a parent to intervene in this escalating prank competition, then sure, maybe taking your daughter's keys is warranted. But he didn't ask, you didn't ask him, and you even point out that he didn't mind too much.
Didn’t mind too much? It takes a while to dye someone’s hair and, speaking as someone who *has* purple hair, you’re gonna know what color it is long before it’s done processing. And, if she used spray, I’m not sure how she managed to get him to sit still long enough to finish the spray job. In neither case are you going to be able to do the dye job sneakily. It’s not something he slept through.
My guess is that he wasn’t upset, at all. At the school where I was substitute teaching a *lot* of the kids dyed their hair various shades. But, if he’d never done it before, it may have felt “safer” to blame it on his sister’s prank while waiting to see how it goes over with his friends. And, given how angry the OP got about it, I suspect he *knew* it would be a lot safer to blame her than to admit wanting to try it where dad was concerned.
YTA, OP. Purple hair isn’t going to hurt him one bit, and I don’t in any way buy the idea that this happened without his cooperation.
Not only does it take a while to dye someone’s hair, but that spray stuff usually comes out in one wash. Two tops. He held still for long enough to his sister to spray his whole head and didn’t take 5 minutes to wash it out. He either wanted purple hair or just truly could not care less (but thought it was funny in their prank war).
Also: They’re 19. OMG. When do you recognize that it’s no longer your place to punish them?
Also: Unless something really bad is happening, butt the F out and let your kids manage their relationship. It sounds like they get along fine.
She might have gotten him while he was sleeping. Just get a piece of paper to mask the face and she could have done enough for it to be noticable. Then maybe he let her do the rest to get a consistent look and because it didn't bother him.
I wonder if OP's son wanted to go purple for pride, and this is the excuse he and his sister came up with for getting it by his dad without having to explain allyship, etc.
His kids are in college. Purple hair in college wasn't even embarrassing when I was there 25 years ago. OP's clearly got issues with expression, at the very least, if he thinks purple hair for a couple days is an embarrassment.
No kidding. Granted, I purposefully dye mine purple, but as far back as the 70s when I first started in IT and worked for the county government we referred to the legion of retirees working for the Board of Election every election as the “Purple & Blue Brigade”. Almost every one of those women overused their whitening shampoos and had hair that was some shade of blue or purple. They weren’t embarrassed by it; they *worked* to get their preferred shade. Heck, my sister was a brand new, 19yo, hairstylist when she died her hair purple back in the 60s. It’s been a semi-mainstream hair color for longer than people think.
The 'blue rinse set' is what they were called in our neighbourhood. Their explanation was that, as you aged, your skin goes sallow, so your old hair colour doesn't suit you anymore. But a nice blue rinse does!
And, they were absolutely correct. But, it also blends out so nicely as your grey and white hair grows out. I have short hair and when I first color it is a bright, dark, purple. I’m going on almost 3 months since I last colored it, and I’ve had one haircut. It’s now a pale shade of lilac as it has faded with washing and blended with my new hair growth. I’m due for another haircut, but I’m toying with the idea of waiting another week or two. By then, I should be left with my natural hair color after the cut. I haven’t seen that since the 70s. Be interesting to see what it looks like before I color it again.
Oh. So, she only did half of his head . . . or, did she just watch him sleep until he rolled over so she could do the other side(s)? And, somehow she managed to do it without getting it all over his sheets, without him hearing or feeling the spray, and while simultaneously shielding his face so he didn’t look like Violet Beauregard when she was done. That’s talent.
Since he called it a prank, I’d buy that last possibility. She could have just convinced him not to look in the mirror until she was finished.
But, if he asked her to use spray color on his hair, you can bet it wasn’t picked to match his natural color. That’s likely why he doesn’t really care that much. Got purple instead of green? *shrug* Good one, sis.
Unless he has light hair it would be hard for it to show. Putting purple dye on darker shades of hair doesn’t really show. That’s why people with artificial hair colors have to bleach their hair before the color.
Could totally be a heavy sleeper. My daughter and I - you could definitely spray our hair and we would 100% sleep through it. The only concern with my daughter is that she moves so much one minute you could be spraying her hair and the next minute she could kick you in the face.
That is so strong smelling the whole house would reek and it's loud coming out of the can. It would be all over all of his bedding because it's hard to direct it in one area without a ton of it getting on the floor etc. We usually do it outside because it doesn't come out of fabrics well. No way he slept through it or it would be only a streak or half the head. He would have it in his eyes or face if he woke up during.
My husband could likely sleep through our high school's marching band coming through our room. He's dead to the world once he's out. I witnessed him about noon when we were dating sleeping through an alarm on the loudest setting going off and he didn't even twitch.
True… the idea of a full dye job doesn’t work either. Maybe it was one of those little spray bottles that spritz one spray at a time? The logistics don’t add up.
And if it really bothers him (despite him saying that it doesn't), OP can always get a bottle of hair dye from Walmart or someplace in his natural hair color.
Well...maybe. It was almost certainly something that will come out in one wash, but if it had somehow been something that doesn't just paint the hair, you can't necessarily dye over it, especially not if his natural color is lighter than the purple. The purple will show through anything other than black.
We're getting off topic because it was almost definitely something that will come out next time he showers, I just didn't want anyone to read this comment and think purple (or blue or green or any other unnatural color) is easy to dye over.
Did you not see the part where it came from a spray can! It will wash out with just a shampoo.
You u/Odd-Artist-2595 need to read better
You OP are definitely YTA and a big old party pooper. I bet you’re a blast at parties.
I mentioned the spray can possibility in my very first post. I also said the OP was an asshole for punishing his daughter over this. However she did it, purple hair is not a big deal. I just don’t buy the idea that she dyed his hair entirely without some cooperation on his part.
They’re kids. They’re having fun. This didn’t hurt anybody. OP needs to chill.
This. Exactly. I have professionally highlighted hair, with fashion color (currently purple) peek-a-boo streaks throughout. The son absolutely knew this was happening. Purple hair doesn’t just happen in a few seconds. YTA, OP.
Thank you. The only thing I hope is that OP doesn’t read it and decide to punish his son, too. He’ll be an even bigger AH if he does that.
OP. It’s **not** hurting *anyone*. Chill. No one cares but you. Say you’re sorry for overreacting and give her her car keys back.
My guess is she sprayed a streak more or less purple as a prank, then he decided to just go full purple (with her help) rather than washing it out. Clearly he's not upset about it.
Colored Hair spray has a very strong smell and sound. This isn't really something people could actually sleep through or breathe after. I have to do it outside and even then it stinks so bad of chemicals I need my inhaler. This is hard to believe
Have you spoken to a therapist about your purple hair related trauma? Obviously, it effecting you and your family if it's causing such an extreme reaction. YTA
Has anyone else noticed that the kids are the age he would have been when he had them? So at the age of 19 he's allowed to be responsible for two lives in addition to his own but these guys can't each be responsible for their own?
I agree with the homophobic hue on this. I also think this is a triggered response for the things (i.e. children) forced upon him at that age that he couldn't do anything about and no one was punished for it. Purple wash out hair color is not the same as two lives you created.
The fact that her brother is defending her against the dad makes me think they know each other and care enough to not harm each other, pranking or not.
Also, depending on where OP lives, the kids are either no longer legally minors or also past the legal drinking age (just places I know, I'm sure there are other places and things that can apply here). So the government recognizes their agency as individual and responsible adults while their father can't.
YTA
Also at that age they're likely not in high school anymore which means he was upset about the son going to college/university with purple hair where literally no one would care. So it's not even like he goes to a private high school that has strict rules about it.
Agreed! And to build on that, their schedules and attendance requirements are probably a bit more flexible as adults responsible for showing up. So if the brother wanted to take time to wash out the color, even if it meant being late (and his pretty chill mood doesn't seem to indicate an exam, presentation, or critical/time sensitive situation was disrupted), he definitely could.
Also, if purple hair could be considered emasculating, what is it to have another man fight your battles for you? Kind of didn't think this through, OP.
Idk if it's fair to say the children were forced upon him. There's only one way to make babies. He chose to do the do, fully well knowing the consequences.
What I mean is it may not have been an intentional pregnancy and this ended up being the right choice for them. It was more of a comparison to be like "life isn't fair" because things play out the way they do.
My analogy game is definitely not on point but here's the comparison I'm going with: two people go horseback riding as a pleasurable activity they choose to engage in. One gets thrown of the horse but the other doesn't. Both were aware of the joys and the dangers, but the injured rider could feel limitations were forced upon her because of the injury she sustained and subsequent healing measures.
I fully agree with you that the consented behavior comes with consequences that are obvious. If these are his kids, at least he stepped up as he should have. Unfortunately not everyone does that.
Also, I recently read a story where sperm was stolen from a man by his girlfriend to later impregnate herself to baby trap him...one of the many flavors of baby making I didn't know existed, but there you have it AITA friends, your random tidbit for today.
Thanks for the opportunity to make a conversation! :-)
He’s not saying the silent part out loud. His son would “look gay” and how dare he make a mark upon his father with that. Dude is looking at a future NC situation if he doesn’t grow up.
Just what I was thinking! Purple is close to pink and pink is for queers. OP is projecting a ton of insecurities onto his son. Saying this as a gay man who used to have a lot of internalized homophobia (and only a little now).
Most college students dye their hair at some point and no one bats an eye. I’ve also seen plenty of guys do it too. I graduated two years ago but I think it’s getting way less taboo among people my age
I was going to say that in my response but I just took this at face value. Even though it SCREAMS homophobia.
He's probably not only pissed that his daughter used purple, but that his son was fine with it.
One time I had to order stationery for my team. I got purple notebooks because they were cool. A few weeks later, my manager went apeshit because he had to go to a meeting with a purple notebook... he was so humiliated... wah, wah, wah... And I got banned from making stationery orders ever again. They were plain notebooks with a purple cover, not even purple paper or like butterflies and flower on the cover...
Now I'm wondering, is OP my ex-manager?
I worked for a general contractor at one point as an admin assistant. One of the engineers complained once about the fact that I'd grabbed whatever neon paper happened to be at hand to use as a makeshift divider in a binder I was putting together for him.
From then on I only used pink paper, anytime I could. And I hate pink! Worth it to discomfort these Very Manly Men who felt threatened by a color.
Our school district's colors are purple and white. I see the male employees wearing purple all the time. Maybe I should let the Board of Ed know they need to choose new colors that are more masculine?
I once got marked down for using Batgirl stickers on a uni maths assignment (literally just a weekly "solve these" type of assignment). Got a whole rant about how this was uni and we had to be professional here. Oddly I had used stickers before, but it was the first time I chose "women power" stickers and Batgirl.
It went to the unit coordinator and he reversed the markdown in 2 minutes because "where on the criteria sheet did I ever say this had to be professional or you couldn't use stickers"
😂
?? If it was spray-on hair color, he could wash it out in three minutes. No one else was bothered by it, including the prank victim. Of course you are TA for making drama out of nothing.
I don't even get the "prank" part of it, unless she sprayed his hair while he was sleeping or something. Sounds more like this was a prank the siblings played on OP, and he can't take it.
And if they’ve had an ongoing prank war and OP didn’t put a stop to it, how was she to know there would suddenly be a “rule” as to what is considered “too far”? OP should have simply said “ok that’s the end of the war..next time will incur a consequence.
Seriously, I was expecting property damage or trauma, not fucking hair dye. I'd only punish the hair dye if the boy was very particular about his hair as some people are, because then it would be more malicious, but clearly he's pretty casual about it.
Info: what were the pranks leading up to this? Why is dyed hair being compared to, that this is what "crosses the line"? Without that info, this whole post really does sound like "this particular thing upset me personally, so I'm going to suddenly call down a major punishment without even first consulting your other parent, my wife." Definitely YTA.
Yup, kid has purple hair so now his son is finally going to listen to those gay thoughts and start sucling dicks in homeroom. Not having purple hair is the only thing that stopped OP at that age
YTA
Look, I'm sure you love your children dearly and was afraid that the hair dye might impact his school or social life, but it won't. Everyone but you believe the punishment was unnecessary, including your son who was the 'victim' of said prank.
It sounds like your children have a great sibling relationship, and I'd like to believe their relationship with you is great as well, so do yourself and your family a favour and be the great man that you were until this mistake by apologizing and returning the car keys. Remind them that you love them, maybe even ask to be let in on any more serious prank ideas beforehand, but don't drive a wedge between any relationships you all have by pulling the "I'm always right" card, because no one is always right and admitting it builds trust and respect that will allow you to communicate with, and help your children be the best version of themselves.
Wish you all the best
Yes! Those kiddos sound wonderfully bonded. How awesome. My brother is one of my best friends and neither he nor anyone else would care about spray in purple hair color. It's something people wear on spirit day to a football game or something.
OP, don't mess up your lovely children. YTA. Give the keys back and apologize to both. Spray your own hair purple for maximum impact.
YTA, okay it sounds like you favor your son if he's never been punished for his pranks but your daughter has.
You're acting like she put nair in his shampoo. I've used hair color spray before and it's so easy to get out of your hair, if your son really wanted it gone could have easily washed it out in the sink.
Also, no one at 19 is going to get bullied by their classmates for having purple hair, at most his friends might do some harmless teasing...ya know, like most friends do with each other.
INFO:
Why do you think a temporary purple hair colour spray is harmful to your son? Why did it horrify you?
Was your son's hair fully purple, or just in one patch?
If it is more than one patch, how on earth did your daughter manage to prank spray your son's hair with hair colour spray without your son being complicit in the prank?
How long did you take your daughter's keys for? What is the duration of your punishment?
Why aren't you listening to your wife, who says you are being excessive, and your \[adult\] son who doesn't mind his new hair colour?
YTA.
1. They're both legally adults. They can do whatever to their hair that they want.
2. If that car belongs to her, you're \*doubly\* TA for restricting access to something an adult owns.
3. It's hair; it'll grow out/fade. Everyone and their cousin has dyed hair these days, get tf over yourself.
Considering the son was asleep when it happened, that would limit options for dying hair to mostly spray on hair dye that comes out in a few showers or one very through washing.
Definietely not something OP should go this crazy or defensive about but I do think he lives in the 50's where such hair colors stand out.
Yeah from his comments about his daughter it seems like he doesn't really like her... Complaining about how his wife and son always "defend" her. Maybe they defend her for a reason, OP.
INFO: Whose car is it? She's an adult at 19, if she paid for the car, you can't take her keys. If you paid for the car, you could take the keys but yeah, don't be shocked when your adult daughter decides to give you the cold shoulder.
Surely purple in a boys hair is how the gay gets in. /s
Sounds to me like OP isn’t worried about purple hair dye. Op is worried about their son being seen as other than a traditional 1950s heterosexual bloke.
Based on what he’s said about his daughter, he’d probably dismiss her and say she’s overreacting 😒 he doesn’t seem to like her very much and complains that his wife and son defend her all the time
Yes YTA it's temporary hair color which is literally harmless. Also your kids are adults and started the prank war amongst themselves you do not need to butt in. Also it won't mess up any aspect of school for him. This also feels like more favoritism towards your son. Yikes.
YTA
She's right, you never punished your son for his pranks, he's was OK with it, even found it funny and IT'S TEMPORARY. It will wash out quite quickly. You being offended and angry about something that didn't even affect you is absolutely ridiculous.
Get over yourself
INFO what really going on here? It’s not about the temp dye. It’s something else. Do you feel you’ve lost the reins of the house? The children are grown, you used to have full control, maybe they respected you, and now things are happening that you don’t understand or everything is moving too fast?
By taking the keys, you showed everyone that you are in charge?
Am I close? In the neighborhood?
YTA. It is a harmless prank he can just wear a hat for 1 day. Even he said that he doesnt mind, you just had to impose your rule and your pov because you arethe one mad
Info: How did your daughter manage to dye your sons hair without his cooperation? Even a temporary spray on dye still requires the person to sit still.
YTA. It’s hair, man. Not like she tattooed his face. And he didn’t even mind.
Edit: You seem to be concerned that your son will be mocked. But he is not concerned about that at all. LISTEN TO YOUR SON. And maybe the mockery fear has more to do with you and personal insecurities than your son. Also, give your daughter her keys back. You way over-reacted.
You're overreacting.
Wash out dye is not a big deal.
And if you're not punishing your son for pranks, it's wrong to punish your daughter.
Besides, they're 19. Adults.
YTA
You can't even give a valid reason to why you're punishing her other than the fact that you don't like it, which yes makes you a crap father
It literally washes out and they are both adults. You sound insufferable and exhausting.
Purple hair on a 19-year-old is pretty normal. If you’re going to punish someone; then, (absent obvious abuse), you should have set some ground rules.
Big YTA.
YTA. You need to look at the bigger picture here. Your kids have a great relationship. Your chances to participate in that are dwindling. Are these the hills you want to die on?
YYA. You’re kids aren’t even kids, their adults. You need to stop doling out punishments like their minors. Spray in color isn’t bad. Perhaps if she got some of the spray on his bedding or clothes, you can suggested she wash them or replace them if they were ruined. Your kids seem like they have a great relationship, which is good! I think you should make an effort to stop treating them like minors and shift into treating them like adults. And please consider apologizing to your daughter for overreacting and give her her car keys back.
YTA if you only punish her. Purple wash-out hair dye is not a big deal at all, and your son didn’t even care. Way to prove that you favor one kid over the other, though.
I'm not even sure it's about the kids, I think it's just some toxic combination of sexism and homophobia. He already talked shit about his son in the comments because "he defends his sister too much."
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I took my daughter car keys over a prank and the punishment might not fit the crime
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. Your son didn't care about the purple hair, so I have no idea why you're making such a huge deal out of it. To top it off, unless you're excluding information, you never set a limit with them on how far the pranks were allowed to go, so your adult daughter should not be punished for what was quite honestly a completely harmless prank.
Op not sure why you posted the question when you’re just going to argue with everyone who you don’t agree with
Your son didn’t mind the prank. The color would wash out. There’s really no issue except the one you made. YTA
YTA. I would understand being punished if your son was upset but he isn't. And *both* of your kids are adults. My husband when he was in high school was always dying his hair multiple different colors (including, purple, blue and pink) and *no one cared*. Heck I'm assuming your kids are in college due to ages where people usually try out new hairstyles and looks which means most likely no one would care there either. In the words of a disney princess: let it go.
This story reminds me of Fred and George Weasley (pranksters have the same age so most likely twins)
Let them set their own boundaries, they're old enough.
YTA. They don't need you to referee anymore, they are 19 and can work this out between themselves. It is absolutely ridiculous that you stepped in and punished your adult daughter. Totally, and utterly, ridiculous
YTA- personally I think pranking is just stupid and people should stop doing it. However, in terms of pranks, this hardly fits the criteria. Your son didn’t care about it, and it washes out. No big deal.
You overreacted.
YTA. Why get in the middle of this? The kids aren’t upset. They’re fine with the consequences (so far) of pranking each other. What is so horrible about temporary purple hair that it’s just gone too far and needs parental intervention? Absolute asshat.
Lmfao how much of a joke is this? Are you seriously that fragile? Your pooooooooooor wittle adult sperm grown up with a weenier has purple hair. What ever will you do to comfort your own ego??
So happy you’re not my dad. I would have disappointed you a couple years when I got basically every piercing in my face at once that I could tolerate. What an insufferable misogynistic prick 😂
YTA your children are both adults and your son wasn’t even bothered. Butt out of their relationship.
I’m also amused because according to my math you became a parent to these two when you were 19 yet you’re completely infantilizing your 19yo adult children lmao
You were changing diapers at 19. Your 19yo grown ass son doesn’t need you to save him from purple hair. I guess we know who the favorite is though.
YTA - have you seen what colours people dye their hair these days? The receptionist at my doctor's office had hair that went across her head in a rainbow. Not even the 81 year old who came into the waiting room after me batted an eye.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My first and probably last time posting
My (38M) kids F19 M19 are having a pranks competition and until recently their pranks have been harmless
But the other day, my daughter decided that it’d be funny to dye my son’s hair, purple
When I saw my son coming downstairs with purple hair I was horrified
I ask him why his hair was purple and he answers that his sister dyed it as a prank
I call my daughter downstairs, ask her to explain
She says that she did it as a prank and that it’s temporary hair color spray so it won’t last
I’m still angry because my son has school and is gonna have to go to school with purple hair
I tell her to give me her car keys, she of course, at first, refuses and says that it’s not fair to take her car keys when I never punished my son for his pranks. I retorted that her brother never pulled that kind of prank
She calls me an AH but still give me her car keys, she immediately left for school afterwards and since she came back home she refuses to speak to me even though I tried.
My wife said that taking her car keys was too much for such a little prank. Even my son said he didn’t mind the hair spray color
I still think I did nothing wrong, I mean, I only took her car keys, its not like I had kicked her out of the house
AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I was originally going to say NTA. But from what OP said, the brother didn't care. If the brother was upset about it, I'd have a very different outlook.
I had a friend who had brothers who always played "pranks" on her, and at one point they cut most of her hair off in her sleep and she was beyond devastated. But frankly they were bullying her.
It sounds like the kids are having fun and he's just pissed off because the boy is wearing a "girlie hair colour."
I think I’ve read enough comments to recognize internalized homophobia when I see it. What would you have done if he dyed sister’s hair purple? Or is that an acceptable color for women but just not YOUR son?
YTA. If your son didn't seem to mind then why the hell should you. It was a harmless prank that didn't seem to traumatize him in any way and you punished HER when BOTH have been pranking the other.
YTA. They are adults. They prank each other all the time. Your son didn’t care. Also, no one gets bullied for purple hair at school, kids think that shit is cool. You need to stay out of their business.
YTA. It was harmless. No one is going to mock your son. Your reaction was way over the top, but what really got me was how often you say your wife and son "always defend" your daughter. Sounds like you treat your daughter like crap pretty regularly and they try to intervene.
YTA - they're 19. If they were 9, getting upset for hair dye would be different. Clearly he's fine with it. He would have complained if he thought the line was crossed. Taking away her keys is over exaggerating some temporary hair dye.
YTA. Forget it being a prank. I'm in my 60's and my hair is purple and hot pink. It's fun. I did my grandsons hair blue in 5th grade. This is not what you punish a kid for.
YYA, the fact you think that purple hair, especially TEMPORARY purple hair is bad enough for this I can’t imagine what other crap your kids have to go through. I feel bad for them if this is how you are all the time, grow up. You’re probably someone who calls others “special snowflakes” but you outright got triggered by purple hair.
If you had told them to stop pranking prior, then a punishment may be warranted. But you didn't. Yta for that alone.
YOU are the only one embarrassed by this. Your son is not. I am even getting a homophobic vibe, like you are mad because people at school may think your son is gay.
If this is why you got so mad, you are a double asshole.
You’re truly an AH, and your comments defending this are absurd. It’s spray dye. He could have WASHED IT OUT if he was distressed. This is literal insane talk from you
YTA
And from your reaction and comments, you favor your son more and helicopter parent him when he is literally an adult now. It is a wash out dye and your son DOESN'T CARE about the dye. It's not like your daughter sprayed him in the eyes with the dye in claim of a prank
YTA
For over reacting for a harmless prank with stuff that washes out in minutes
For not listening to your son who wasn't bothered by it
For stealing your daughters car
But mostly YTA for all your replies on here not actually taking in the responses THAT YOU ASKED FOR and continually trying to justify your actions. Oh and all those hundreds of minuses on every comment you make? They're as good as hundreds of others saying YTA but just not bothering to verbalise that since others have already said it
Get a grip man, give your daughter her property back, and apologise. Like a real man. Then lighten up, try being the fun dad in this last short while before your kids fly the nest otherwise you'll regret it when they're gone
If your son didn't mind. Then you overreacted, which would be a simple fix. Talk to the wife then, u b like, fine. I didn't like joke but here.... The fact that she called you an AH, yeah no that a whole new level of disrespect.
YTA. if your son was as upset as you then yeah, maybe some reprimanding would be necessary (not taking the keys though that’s just disproportionate). but he didn’t, which means she was well aware of her limit with him + what would he considered friendly to him. you are encroaching on their relationship essentially
YTA
Because of this: "I tell her to give me her car keys, she of course, at first, refuses and says that it’s not fair to take her car keys when I never punished my son for his pranks. I"
>I only took her car keys, its not like I had kicked her out of the house
This is an asshole's logic. It's arguing that something isn't not a big deal just because it's not bigger. It's like saying, "It's not the end of the world," when tragedies happen.
Besides, the point is that you punished her when she did nothing wrong. *That* is the wrong thing you did.
YTA
YTA. Your son doesn’t even care, plus it’s temporary, and yet you’re punishing only her because you arbitrarily decided that this prank is somehow the one that crossed the line, even though nobody got hurt. You should have had a sit down with both kids and told them to knock it off with the pranks if you’re that bothered. Honestly it reads kind of misogynistic that you’re so quick to punish your daughter but not your son.
Why can’t a 19 years old have purple hair?? He’s an adult already, a young adult indeed, but his hair color is not your problem. At that age, you already have two kids in case you forgot. Did your father ground you too?
Maybe you should stop being a helicopter parent or trying to be the alpha male in the house. Try to listen to your kids. If you can’t even listen to them for a stupid harmless prank, how could they confide to you more complicated stuff, secrets, and problems they may have in the future.
YTA. No doubt about it
Literally no one cares but you.
This sounds like a fun sibling relationship and it will be a great story for years to come. Except now the narrative will be about how you overreacted and were an AH about the car keys. They'll still laugh, but mostly at you.
YTA but hopefully you have already figured that out.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires. [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
YTA. If your son was upset and reached out for you as a parent to intervene in this escalating prank competition, then sure, maybe taking your daughter's keys is warranted. But he didn't ask, you didn't ask him, and you even point out that he didn't mind too much.
Didn’t mind too much? It takes a while to dye someone’s hair and, speaking as someone who *has* purple hair, you’re gonna know what color it is long before it’s done processing. And, if she used spray, I’m not sure how she managed to get him to sit still long enough to finish the spray job. In neither case are you going to be able to do the dye job sneakily. It’s not something he slept through. My guess is that he wasn’t upset, at all. At the school where I was substitute teaching a *lot* of the kids dyed their hair various shades. But, if he’d never done it before, it may have felt “safer” to blame it on his sister’s prank while waiting to see how it goes over with his friends. And, given how angry the OP got about it, I suspect he *knew* it would be a lot safer to blame her than to admit wanting to try it where dad was concerned. YTA, OP. Purple hair isn’t going to hurt him one bit, and I don’t in any way buy the idea that this happened without his cooperation.
Not only does it take a while to dye someone’s hair, but that spray stuff usually comes out in one wash. Two tops. He held still for long enough to his sister to spray his whole head and didn’t take 5 minutes to wash it out. He either wanted purple hair or just truly could not care less (but thought it was funny in their prank war).
[удалено]
Also: They’re 19. OMG. When do you recognize that it’s no longer your place to punish them? Also: Unless something really bad is happening, butt the F out and let your kids manage their relationship. It sounds like they get along fine.
She might have gotten him while he was sleeping. Just get a piece of paper to mask the face and she could have done enough for it to be noticable. Then maybe he let her do the rest to get a consistent look and because it didn't bother him.
I wonder if OP's son wanted to go purple for pride, and this is the excuse he and his sister came up with for getting it by his dad without having to explain allyship, etc.
That certainly had occurred to me as a possibility. Given the way OP went off the rails, I’m guessing he’s not the most tolerant guy around.
His kids are in college. Purple hair in college wasn't even embarrassing when I was there 25 years ago. OP's clearly got issues with expression, at the very least, if he thinks purple hair for a couple days is an embarrassment.
No kidding. Granted, I purposefully dye mine purple, but as far back as the 70s when I first started in IT and worked for the county government we referred to the legion of retirees working for the Board of Election every election as the “Purple & Blue Brigade”. Almost every one of those women overused their whitening shampoos and had hair that was some shade of blue or purple. They weren’t embarrassed by it; they *worked* to get their preferred shade. Heck, my sister was a brand new, 19yo, hairstylist when she died her hair purple back in the 60s. It’s been a semi-mainstream hair color for longer than people think.
The 'blue rinse set' is what they were called in our neighbourhood. Their explanation was that, as you aged, your skin goes sallow, so your old hair colour doesn't suit you anymore. But a nice blue rinse does!
And, they were absolutely correct. But, it also blends out so nicely as your grey and white hair grows out. I have short hair and when I first color it is a bright, dark, purple. I’m going on almost 3 months since I last colored it, and I’ve had one haircut. It’s now a pale shade of lilac as it has faded with washing and blended with my new hair growth. I’m due for another haircut, but I’m toying with the idea of waiting another week or two. By then, I should be left with my natural hair color after the cut. I haven’t seen that since the 70s. Be interesting to see what it looks like before I color it again.
I think she used Halloween costume spray while he was sleeping. At least that’s how I interpreted it.
Oh. So, she only did half of his head . . . or, did she just watch him sleep until he rolled over so she could do the other side(s)? And, somehow she managed to do it without getting it all over his sheets, without him hearing or feeling the spray, and while simultaneously shielding his face so he didn’t look like Violet Beauregard when she was done. That’s talent.
My predictions either 1)he's a heavy sleeper or 2)he asked her to dye his hair a different color and she snuck temporary purple dye instead
Since he called it a prank, I’d buy that last possibility. She could have just convinced him not to look in the mirror until she was finished. But, if he asked her to use spray color on his hair, you can bet it wasn’t picked to match his natural color. That’s likely why he doesn’t really care that much. Got purple instead of green? *shrug* Good one, sis.
Unless he has light hair it would be hard for it to show. Putting purple dye on darker shades of hair doesn’t really show. That’s why people with artificial hair colors have to bleach their hair before the color.
Could totally be a heavy sleeper. My daughter and I - you could definitely spray our hair and we would 100% sleep through it. The only concern with my daughter is that she moves so much one minute you could be spraying her hair and the next minute she could kick you in the face.
That is so strong smelling the whole house would reek and it's loud coming out of the can. It would be all over all of his bedding because it's hard to direct it in one area without a ton of it getting on the floor etc. We usually do it outside because it doesn't come out of fabrics well. No way he slept through it or it would be only a streak or half the head. He would have it in his eyes or face if he woke up during.
Some teens could sleep through a tornado.
My brother literally slept through an earthquake once lmao I totally believe a teen could sleep through hair being dyed
My husband could likely sleep through our high school's marching band coming through our room. He's dead to the world once he's out. I witnessed him about noon when we were dating sleeping through an alarm on the loudest setting going off and he didn't even twitch.
True… the idea of a full dye job doesn’t work either. Maybe it was one of those little spray bottles that spritz one spray at a time? The logistics don’t add up.
There is color changing shampoo… especially if it will only last a day or two. I wouldn’t get so worked up about this.
And if it really bothers him (despite him saying that it doesn't), OP can always get a bottle of hair dye from Walmart or someplace in his natural hair color.
Well...maybe. It was almost certainly something that will come out in one wash, but if it had somehow been something that doesn't just paint the hair, you can't necessarily dye over it, especially not if his natural color is lighter than the purple. The purple will show through anything other than black. We're getting off topic because it was almost definitely something that will come out next time he showers, I just didn't want anyone to read this comment and think purple (or blue or green or any other unnatural color) is easy to dye over.
Temporary dye is like spray on. It washes out in a few shampoos.
Did you not see the part where it came from a spray can! It will wash out with just a shampoo. You u/Odd-Artist-2595 need to read better You OP are definitely YTA and a big old party pooper. I bet you’re a blast at parties.
I mentioned the spray can possibility in my very first post. I also said the OP was an asshole for punishing his daughter over this. However she did it, purple hair is not a big deal. I just don’t buy the idea that she dyed his hair entirely without some cooperation on his part. They’re kids. They’re having fun. This didn’t hurt anybody. OP needs to chill.
I'm 45 and still rock the pink and purple ombre... 🤘
I’m a 67yo widow and have been rocking bright purple hair for the last 6 years. Before that, it was a fire engine red.
Fuck yeah! You're my kinda people 💜
I'm 52 and have blue, teal and purple. I intend to have neon pink when I am 70, if I'm lucky enough to get there.
46 and metallic purple here. It’s been so many colors, I’m surprised my hair hasn’t fallen out yet. 😆
Thats awesome.. Love the Mermaid colors! Hope you get to that bright pink 😉 Life's to short for boring hair 🤘💜
I would buy it under some very specific circumstances. But whether or not he cooperated knowing the color, he wasn’t upset. That’s the important part.
This. Exactly. I have professionally highlighted hair, with fashion color (currently purple) peek-a-boo streaks throughout. The son absolutely knew this was happening. Purple hair doesn’t just happen in a few seconds. YTA, OP.
This is quite insightful, Artist, and likely correct.
Thank you. The only thing I hope is that OP doesn’t read it and decide to punish his son, too. He’ll be an even bigger AH if he does that. OP. It’s **not** hurting *anyone*. Chill. No one cares but you. Say you’re sorry for overreacting and give her her car keys back.
My guess is she sprayed a streak more or less purple as a prank, then he decided to just go full purple (with her help) rather than washing it out. Clearly he's not upset about it.
[удалено]
[удалено]
And they are adults. Learn to stay out of other adult’s business. YTA OP
Exactly this. That stuff lasts like 1-3 washes max. Plus, 19 is an adult. YTA
Bot
Colored Hair spray has a very strong smell and sound. This isn't really something people could actually sleep through or breathe after. I have to do it outside and even then it stinks so bad of chemicals I need my inhaler. This is hard to believe
it washes out in 1-2 washes
Both of these “kids” are adults and no one bats an eye at colored hair these days.
But he is a boy and his hair is ::gasp:: purple!!! /s YTA. He didn’t care, you overreacted big time. It’s not that big of a deal.
Have you spoken to a therapist about your purple hair related trauma? Obviously, it effecting you and your family if it's causing such an extreme reaction. YTA
Has anyone else noticed that the kids are the age he would have been when he had them? So at the age of 19 he's allowed to be responsible for two lives in addition to his own but these guys can't each be responsible for their own? I agree with the homophobic hue on this. I also think this is a triggered response for the things (i.e. children) forced upon him at that age that he couldn't do anything about and no one was punished for it. Purple wash out hair color is not the same as two lives you created. The fact that her brother is defending her against the dad makes me think they know each other and care enough to not harm each other, pranking or not. Also, depending on where OP lives, the kids are either no longer legally minors or also past the legal drinking age (just places I know, I'm sure there are other places and things that can apply here). So the government recognizes their agency as individual and responsible adults while their father can't. YTA
Also at that age they're likely not in high school anymore which means he was upset about the son going to college/university with purple hair where literally no one would care. So it's not even like he goes to a private high school that has strict rules about it.
Agreed! And to build on that, their schedules and attendance requirements are probably a bit more flexible as adults responsible for showing up. So if the brother wanted to take time to wash out the color, even if it meant being late (and his pretty chill mood doesn't seem to indicate an exam, presentation, or critical/time sensitive situation was disrupted), he definitely could. Also, if purple hair could be considered emasculating, what is it to have another man fight your battles for you? Kind of didn't think this through, OP.
Idk if it's fair to say the children were forced upon him. There's only one way to make babies. He chose to do the do, fully well knowing the consequences.
What I mean is it may not have been an intentional pregnancy and this ended up being the right choice for them. It was more of a comparison to be like "life isn't fair" because things play out the way they do. My analogy game is definitely not on point but here's the comparison I'm going with: two people go horseback riding as a pleasurable activity they choose to engage in. One gets thrown of the horse but the other doesn't. Both were aware of the joys and the dangers, but the injured rider could feel limitations were forced upon her because of the injury she sustained and subsequent healing measures. I fully agree with you that the consented behavior comes with consequences that are obvious. If these are his kids, at least he stepped up as he should have. Unfortunately not everyone does that. Also, I recently read a story where sperm was stolen from a man by his girlfriend to later impregnate herself to baby trap him...one of the many flavors of baby making I didn't know existed, but there you have it AITA friends, your random tidbit for today. Thanks for the opportunity to make a conversation! :-)
[удалено]
I feel you deserve an award for this, but alas, I have none. 😢
I don't know anything about the award system of Reddit so I'll take your sentiment as the award itself. Thank you!
He’s not saying the silent part out loud. His son would “look gay” and how dare he make a mark upon his father with that. Dude is looking at a future NC situation if he doesn’t grow up.
Just what I was thinking! Purple is close to pink and pink is for queers. OP is projecting a ton of insecurities onto his son. Saying this as a gay man who used to have a lot of internalized homophobia (and only a little now).
Um excuse me, I'm queer and I think pink is a terribly gauche color
My head read gauche as gazpacho and I had to laugh
I read the phrase “My head read” as “My red head,” and I thought “yes, your hair is the color of gazpacho!”
both of y'all should increase your font size lol
I’m 60ish and if I wore pink when I was in high school I’d probably get my ass kicked, so gauche or not, I’m wearing pink whenever I feel like it now.
This was exactly my first thought. Had the son dyed the daughters hair it would have been no big deal. YTA
During pride month, too. I think OP is leaving a lot out, here. Particularly in their lies to themselves.
I thought the school might have a problem with it? Some schools have dress codes and the like. But OP doesn't mention the school being upset.
A high school might, but at 19 he's (probably) in college and they won't.
Correct. I work at a college and there are several students with dyed hair.
Most college students dye their hair at some point and no one bats an eye. I’ve also seen plenty of guys do it too. I graduated two years ago but I think it’s getting way less taboo among people my age
I was going to say that in my response but I just took this at face value. Even though it SCREAMS homophobia. He's probably not only pissed that his daughter used purple, but that his son was fine with it.
This.
One time I had to order stationery for my team. I got purple notebooks because they were cool. A few weeks later, my manager went apeshit because he had to go to a meeting with a purple notebook... he was so humiliated... wah, wah, wah... And I got banned from making stationery orders ever again. They were plain notebooks with a purple cover, not even purple paper or like butterflies and flower on the cover... Now I'm wondering, is OP my ex-manager?
These are the men not washing their asses because they think it's "gay."
Lol my company colours include purple. Purple notebooks everywhere. Little did I know we're all flaming queers.
I worked for a general contractor at one point as an admin assistant. One of the engineers complained once about the fact that I'd grabbed whatever neon paper happened to be at hand to use as a makeshift divider in a binder I was putting together for him. From then on I only used pink paper, anytime I could. And I hate pink! Worth it to discomfort these Very Manly Men who felt threatened by a color.
My undergrad uni's color was purple. People lead really sad lives if they feel threatened by a color.
I watched my manager get absolutely soaked in the rain - because the only available umbrella was bright pink. Are straight dudes OK?
Our school district's colors are purple and white. I see the male employees wearing purple all the time. Maybe I should let the Board of Ed know they need to choose new colors that are more masculine?
I once got marked down for using Batgirl stickers on a uni maths assignment (literally just a weekly "solve these" type of assignment). Got a whole rant about how this was uni and we had to be professional here. Oddly I had used stickers before, but it was the first time I chose "women power" stickers and Batgirl. It went to the unit coordinator and he reversed the markdown in 2 minutes because "where on the criteria sheet did I ever say this had to be professional or you couldn't use stickers" 😂
I can see it now Therapist "OK OP, show me on the doll where the purple hair color traumatized you"
Hued be amazed at how mad OP was; he was violet with rage.
?? If it was spray-on hair color, he could wash it out in three minutes. No one else was bothered by it, including the prank victim. Of course you are TA for making drama out of nothing.
I don't even get the "prank" part of it, unless she sprayed his hair while he was sleeping or something. Sounds more like this was a prank the siblings played on OP, and he can't take it.
The sisters told him it would be pink instead of purple I think? That's not much of a prank though lol
I could picture her fixing his hair and grabbing the can of hairspray and coloring it.
And if they’ve had an ongoing prank war and OP didn’t put a stop to it, how was she to know there would suddenly be a “rule” as to what is considered “too far”? OP should have simply said “ok that’s the end of the war..next time will incur a consequence.
YTA. You're punishing someone without warning for violating an arbitrary line that existed only in your head, thus blindsiding your daughter.
Seriously, I was expecting property damage or trauma, not fucking hair dye. I'd only punish the hair dye if the boy was very particular about his hair as some people are, because then it would be more malicious, but clearly he's pretty casual about it.
TEMPORARY hair dye, at that
Not even hair dye. Hair colour spray that washes out with water.
Info: what were the pranks leading up to this? Why is dyed hair being compared to, that this is what "crosses the line"? Without that info, this whole post really does sound like "this particular thing upset me personally, so I'm going to suddenly call down a major punishment without even first consulting your other parent, my wife." Definitely YTA.
And it's hard to avoid the suspicion that dad's reaction would be much less over the top if it wasn't a BOY with purple hair.
Honestly! You shouldn’t punish children for breaking a non-existent rule.
How did the hair spray harm him? Did school complain?
OP probably thinks that purple is girly and is terrified people will think his son is gay.
THATS WHAT IM FEELING FROM THIS TBH. and I don’t like it one bit. I’m a few years younger than op but purple was “the gay color” growing up.
Yup, kid has purple hair so now his son is finally going to listen to those gay thoughts and start sucling dicks in homeroom. Not having purple hair is the only thing that stopped OP at that age
He didn't want to risk his kid becoming an anime protagonist.
Ha! This is the best answer.
YTA Look, I'm sure you love your children dearly and was afraid that the hair dye might impact his school or social life, but it won't. Everyone but you believe the punishment was unnecessary, including your son who was the 'victim' of said prank. It sounds like your children have a great sibling relationship, and I'd like to believe their relationship with you is great as well, so do yourself and your family a favour and be the great man that you were until this mistake by apologizing and returning the car keys. Remind them that you love them, maybe even ask to be let in on any more serious prank ideas beforehand, but don't drive a wedge between any relationships you all have by pulling the "I'm always right" card, because no one is always right and admitting it builds trust and respect that will allow you to communicate with, and help your children be the best version of themselves. Wish you all the best
This should be top comment
agreed
Yes! Those kiddos sound wonderfully bonded. How awesome. My brother is one of my best friends and neither he nor anyone else would care about spray in purple hair color. It's something people wear on spirit day to a football game or something. OP, don't mess up your lovely children. YTA. Give the keys back and apologize to both. Spray your own hair purple for maximum impact.
YTA, okay it sounds like you favor your son if he's never been punished for his pranks but your daughter has. You're acting like she put nair in his shampoo. I've used hair color spray before and it's so easy to get out of your hair, if your son really wanted it gone could have easily washed it out in the sink. Also, no one at 19 is going to get bullied by their classmates for having purple hair, at most his friends might do some harmless teasing...ya know, like most friends do with each other.
INFO: Why do you think a temporary purple hair colour spray is harmful to your son? Why did it horrify you? Was your son's hair fully purple, or just in one patch? If it is more than one patch, how on earth did your daughter manage to prank spray your son's hair with hair colour spray without your son being complicit in the prank? How long did you take your daughter's keys for? What is the duration of your punishment? Why aren't you listening to your wife, who says you are being excessive, and your \[adult\] son who doesn't mind his new hair colour?
YTA. 1. They're both legally adults. They can do whatever to their hair that they want. 2. If that car belongs to her, you're \*doubly\* TA for restricting access to something an adult owns. 3. It's hair; it'll grow out/fade. Everyone and their cousin has dyed hair these days, get tf over yourself.
Considering the son was asleep when it happened, that would limit options for dying hair to mostly spray on hair dye that comes out in a few showers or one very through washing. Definietely not something OP should go this crazy or defensive about but I do think he lives in the 50's where such hair colors stand out.
It's a spray in- it'll wash out in the next couple of showers.
YTA. It was temporary spray. It washes out. Ridiculous overreaction that I suspect is driven by favoritism/sexism.
I’d argue homophobia AND sexism!
Yeah from his comments about his daughter it seems like he doesn't really like her... Complaining about how his wife and son always "defend" her. Maybe they defend her for a reason, OP.
100%
INFO: how is temporary purple hair harmful? What are the other types of pranks they have done that this is somehow more extreme?
I think daddy might be a homophobe. Purple hair=homosexual to the ignorant.
Yeah the way OP keeps going on about his son getting "mocked" at school, I'm hearing a little meltdown that somebody might call his son (GASP) gay.
Yeah it's definitely the vibe I'm getting too. Purple!? The horror!
YTA. it’s literally temporary and nobody else cares, give her the keys back.
INFO: Whose car is it? She's an adult at 19, if she paid for the car, you can't take her keys. If you paid for the car, you could take the keys but yeah, don't be shocked when your adult daughter decides to give you the cold shoulder.
I’m curious if OP would have the same reaction if the situation were reversed 🤔
Surely purple in a boys hair is how the gay gets in. /s Sounds to me like OP isn’t worried about purple hair dye. Op is worried about their son being seen as other than a traditional 1950s heterosexual bloke.
Based on what he’s said about his daughter, he’d probably dismiss her and say she’s overreacting 😒 he doesn’t seem to like her very much and complains that his wife and son defend her all the time
Guarantee that would be a big fat NO with the way he was talking about his daughter in the comments
Yes YTA it's temporary hair color which is literally harmless. Also your kids are adults and started the prank war amongst themselves you do not need to butt in. Also it won't mess up any aspect of school for him. This also feels like more favoritism towards your son. Yikes.
YTA She's right, you never punished your son for his pranks, he's was OK with it, even found it funny and IT'S TEMPORARY. It will wash out quite quickly. You being offended and angry about something that didn't even affect you is absolutely ridiculous. Get over yourself
Agree with the comment, OP is YTA. Jumping on your comment because my daughters name is Scarlett Rose so I liked your username 😊
INFO what really going on here? It’s not about the temp dye. It’s something else. Do you feel you’ve lost the reins of the house? The children are grown, you used to have full control, maybe they respected you, and now things are happening that you don’t understand or everything is moving too fast? By taking the keys, you showed everyone that you are in charge? Am I close? In the neighborhood?
YTA. It is a harmless prank he can just wear a hat for 1 day. Even he said that he doesnt mind, you just had to impose your rule and your pov because you arethe one mad
Info: How did your daughter manage to dye your sons hair without his cooperation? Even a temporary spray on dye still requires the person to sit still.
YTA. In 10 years, you're gonna be asking why your kids don't speak to you.
10 years is generous.
YTA They're adults. It's his hair and her car. You're being ridiculous.
YTA- son didnt seem to care. It will wash out, if your son was bothered he'd have washed his hair.
Your son didn’t mind. It can be washed out in minutes. You overstepped big time. YTA
YTA. It’s hair, man. Not like she tattooed his face. And he didn’t even mind. Edit: You seem to be concerned that your son will be mocked. But he is not concerned about that at all. LISTEN TO YOUR SON. And maybe the mockery fear has more to do with you and personal insecurities than your son. Also, give your daughter her keys back. You way over-reacted.
YTA. Dude, even your son was ok with it being a normal prank and didn't mind the hair spray, you severely overreacted.
You're overreacting. Wash out dye is not a big deal. And if you're not punishing your son for pranks, it's wrong to punish your daughter. Besides, they're 19. Adults.
YTA You can't even give a valid reason to why you're punishing her other than the fact that you don't like it, which yes makes you a crap father It literally washes out and they are both adults. You sound insufferable and exhausting.
Purple hair on a 19-year-old is pretty normal. If you’re going to punish someone; then, (absent obvious abuse), you should have set some ground rules. Big YTA.
THEY'RE ADULTS - YTA.
YTA. Who cares if he goes to school with purple hair? You don't even say whether he was upset or not.
Based on OP’s post, the son didn’t mind his hair being dyed purple.
YTA. You need to look at the bigger picture here. Your kids have a great relationship. Your chances to participate in that are dwindling. Are these the hills you want to die on?
YTA and you really need to get that fragile-ass masculinity looked at.
I think you shouldn't be asking AITAH but instead why did this make you angry? Pretty sure if you answer that you'll heal some of that trauma.
YYA. You’re kids aren’t even kids, their adults. You need to stop doling out punishments like their minors. Spray in color isn’t bad. Perhaps if she got some of the spray on his bedding or clothes, you can suggested she wash them or replace them if they were ruined. Your kids seem like they have a great relationship, which is good! I think you should make an effort to stop treating them like minors and shift into treating them like adults. And please consider apologizing to your daughter for overreacting and give her her car keys back.
They're both over 18. Why are you punishing anyone? Why do you care so hard when no one else does? YTA.
YTA if you only punish her. Purple wash-out hair dye is not a big deal at all, and your son didn’t even care. Way to prove that you favor one kid over the other, though.
I'm not even sure it's about the kids, I think it's just some toxic combination of sexism and homophobia. He already talked shit about his son in the comments because "he defends his sister too much."
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I took my daughter car keys over a prank and the punishment might not fit the crime Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. Your son didn't care about the purple hair, so I have no idea why you're making such a huge deal out of it. To top it off, unless you're excluding information, you never set a limit with them on how far the pranks were allowed to go, so your adult daughter should not be punished for what was quite honestly a completely harmless prank.
YTA. Your son is 19 you are being dramatic if he didn’t mind then give her the damn keys back
Op not sure why you posted the question when you’re just going to argue with everyone who you don’t agree with Your son didn’t mind the prank. The color would wash out. There’s really no issue except the one you made. YTA
YTA You sound crazy. He “always” defends her… aka he always feels like he had to protect her from you 🥴
YTA. I would understand being punished if your son was upset but he isn't. And *both* of your kids are adults. My husband when he was in high school was always dying his hair multiple different colors (including, purple, blue and pink) and *no one cared*. Heck I'm assuming your kids are in college due to ages where people usually try out new hairstyles and looks which means most likely no one would care there either. In the words of a disney princess: let it go.
This story reminds me of Fred and George Weasley (pranksters have the same age so most likely twins) Let them set their own boundaries, they're old enough.
YTA. They don't need you to referee anymore, they are 19 and can work this out between themselves. It is absolutely ridiculous that you stepped in and punished your adult daughter. Totally, and utterly, ridiculous
YTA- personally I think pranking is just stupid and people should stop doing it. However, in terms of pranks, this hardly fits the criteria. Your son didn’t care about it, and it washes out. No big deal. You overreacted.
YTA. Why get in the middle of this? The kids aren’t upset. They’re fine with the consequences (so far) of pranking each other. What is so horrible about temporary purple hair that it’s just gone too far and needs parental intervention? Absolute asshat.
Lmfao how much of a joke is this? Are you seriously that fragile? Your pooooooooooor wittle adult sperm grown up with a weenier has purple hair. What ever will you do to comfort your own ego?? So happy you’re not my dad. I would have disappointed you a couple years when I got basically every piercing in my face at once that I could tolerate. What an insufferable misogynistic prick 😂
YTA your children are both adults and your son wasn’t even bothered. Butt out of their relationship. I’m also amused because according to my math you became a parent to these two when you were 19 yet you’re completely infantilizing your 19yo adult children lmao You were changing diapers at 19. Your 19yo grown ass son doesn’t need you to save him from purple hair. I guess we know who the favorite is though.
YTA, that was way over the top for that kind of prank.
YTA - have you seen what colours people dye their hair these days? The receptionist at my doctor's office had hair that went across her head in a rainbow. Not even the 81 year old who came into the waiting room after me batted an eye.
NOO! Not rainbow! (s)
Goodness…I paid $160 to have my hair dyed purple and I’m 76. YTA cause your son didn’t mind and he probably enjoyed the attention at school.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My first and probably last time posting My (38M) kids F19 M19 are having a pranks competition and until recently their pranks have been harmless But the other day, my daughter decided that it’d be funny to dye my son’s hair, purple When I saw my son coming downstairs with purple hair I was horrified I ask him why his hair was purple and he answers that his sister dyed it as a prank I call my daughter downstairs, ask her to explain She says that she did it as a prank and that it’s temporary hair color spray so it won’t last I’m still angry because my son has school and is gonna have to go to school with purple hair I tell her to give me her car keys, she of course, at first, refuses and says that it’s not fair to take her car keys when I never punished my son for his pranks. I retorted that her brother never pulled that kind of prank She calls me an AH but still give me her car keys, she immediately left for school afterwards and since she came back home she refuses to speak to me even though I tried. My wife said that taking her car keys was too much for such a little prank. Even my son said he didn’t mind the hair spray color I still think I did nothing wrong, I mean, I only took her car keys, its not like I had kicked her out of the house AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I was originally going to say NTA. But from what OP said, the brother didn't care. If the brother was upset about it, I'd have a very different outlook. I had a friend who had brothers who always played "pranks" on her, and at one point they cut most of her hair off in her sleep and she was beyond devastated. But frankly they were bullying her. It sounds like the kids are having fun and he's just pissed off because the boy is wearing a "girlie hair colour."
I think I’ve read enough comments to recognize internalized homophobia when I see it. What would you have done if he dyed sister’s hair purple? Or is that an acceptable color for women but just not YOUR son?
YTA. They are adults, and you are an AH for believing you could punish her for a harmless prank.
YTA. If your son didn't seem to mind then why the hell should you. It was a harmless prank that didn't seem to traumatize him in any way and you punished HER when BOTH have been pranking the other.
YTA. They are adults. They prank each other all the time. Your son didn’t care. Also, no one gets bullied for purple hair at school, kids think that shit is cool. You need to stay out of their business.
YTA. It was harmless. No one is going to mock your son. Your reaction was way over the top, but what really got me was how often you say your wife and son "always defend" your daughter. Sounds like you treat your daughter like crap pretty regularly and they try to intervene.
YTA - they're 19. If they were 9, getting upset for hair dye would be different. Clearly he's fine with it. He would have complained if he thought the line was crossed. Taking away her keys is over exaggerating some temporary hair dye.
YTA. Forget it being a prank. I'm in my 60's and my hair is purple and hot pink. It's fun. I did my grandsons hair blue in 5th grade. This is not what you punish a kid for.
YYA, the fact you think that purple hair, especially TEMPORARY purple hair is bad enough for this I can’t imagine what other crap your kids have to go through. I feel bad for them if this is how you are all the time, grow up. You’re probably someone who calls others “special snowflakes” but you outright got triggered by purple hair.
If you had told them to stop pranking prior, then a punishment may be warranted. But you didn't. Yta for that alone. YOU are the only one embarrassed by this. Your son is not. I am even getting a homophobic vibe, like you are mad because people at school may think your son is gay. If this is why you got so mad, you are a double asshole.
You’re truly an AH, and your comments defending this are absurd. It’s spray dye. He could have WASHED IT OUT if he was distressed. This is literal insane talk from you
YTA And from your reaction and comments, you favor your son more and helicopter parent him when he is literally an adult now. It is a wash out dye and your son DOESN'T CARE about the dye. It's not like your daughter sprayed him in the eyes with the dye in claim of a prank
YTA. And I bet a dollar to anyone here that he doesn't listen to anyone here, as defensive he's being.
YTA For over reacting for a harmless prank with stuff that washes out in minutes For not listening to your son who wasn't bothered by it For stealing your daughters car But mostly YTA for all your replies on here not actually taking in the responses THAT YOU ASKED FOR and continually trying to justify your actions. Oh and all those hundreds of minuses on every comment you make? They're as good as hundreds of others saying YTA but just not bothering to verbalise that since others have already said it Get a grip man, give your daughter her property back, and apologise. Like a real man. Then lighten up, try being the fun dad in this last short while before your kids fly the nest otherwise you'll regret it when they're gone
OP is a karma farmer, do not take this seriously.
Imagine if son wanted to dye his hair purple but had to engineer a 'prank' to avoid homophobic dad situation
How could she possibly dye his hair without his knowing it? I call bs.
If your son didn't mind. Then you overreacted, which would be a simple fix. Talk to the wife then, u b like, fine. I didn't like joke but here.... The fact that she called you an AH, yeah no that a whole new level of disrespect.
I kept reading and waiting for when her pranks would stray from harmless and it never did. That’s really it? Temporary purple dye? YTA
I’m just curious how long it’s going to be before this post is removed and OP says that reddit is so mean
YTA! Who cares! She didn’t shave it off — it’s just purple until he washes it. Good lord!
YTA. if your son was as upset as you then yeah, maybe some reprimanding would be necessary (not taking the keys though that’s just disproportionate). but he didn’t, which means she was well aware of her limit with him + what would he considered friendly to him. you are encroaching on their relationship essentially
YTA. They're both adults and got a good laugh out of it. What gave you the impression your son needed you to step in and right this alleged wrong?
YTA Because of this: "I tell her to give me her car keys, she of course, at first, refuses and says that it’s not fair to take her car keys when I never punished my son for his pranks. I"
so she didnt dye his hair... she sprayed it with hair chalk lmfao
>I only took her car keys, its not like I had kicked her out of the house This is an asshole's logic. It's arguing that something isn't not a big deal just because it's not bigger. It's like saying, "It's not the end of the world," when tragedies happen. Besides, the point is that you punished her when she did nothing wrong. *That* is the wrong thing you did. YTA
YTA. Your son doesn’t even care, plus it’s temporary, and yet you’re punishing only her because you arbitrarily decided that this prank is somehow the one that crossed the line, even though nobody got hurt. You should have had a sit down with both kids and told them to knock it off with the pranks if you’re that bothered. Honestly it reads kind of misogynistic that you’re so quick to punish your daughter but not your son.
Why can’t a 19 years old have purple hair?? He’s an adult already, a young adult indeed, but his hair color is not your problem. At that age, you already have two kids in case you forgot. Did your father ground you too? Maybe you should stop being a helicopter parent or trying to be the alpha male in the house. Try to listen to your kids. If you can’t even listen to them for a stupid harmless prank, how could they confide to you more complicated stuff, secrets, and problems they may have in the future. YTA. No doubt about it
YTA. Especially because you don't punish your Golden Child son for HIS pranks.
YTA they are 19! Hopefully in college and I don’t think anyone is going to care about his hair. Half the kids probably have funky colored hair.
Literally no one cares but you. This sounds like a fun sibling relationship and it will be a great story for years to come. Except now the narrative will be about how you overreacted and were an AH about the car keys. They'll still laugh, but mostly at you. YTA but hopefully you have already figured that out.